Anna Freud - About Losing and Being Lost
Anna Freud - About Losing and Being Lost
Anna Freud - About Losing and Being Lost
Based on a paper that was read at the 18th Congress of the International Psycho-
Analytical Association, London, 1953. This version was written in 1966 and is simul-
taneously published in German as "Ober Verlicren und Verlorengehen." In: Hoojd-
stukken uit de hedendaagse psychoanalyse. Arnhem: Van Loghum Slaterus, 1967.
9
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10 ANNA FREUD
the mother's breast, the bottle, the child's own fingers, etc., are peri-
odically searched for, found, lost, recaptured, etc.
On the other hand, it depends on the individual author's theo-
retical orientation whether the dawning differentiation between the
self and the object world is conceived of as happening very early or
comparatively late in infancy; and whether inanimate objects (such
as the bottle) and body parts (such as fingers) are seen as objects in
their own right or merely as derivatives of and substitutes for the
mother. It seems to me that any decision in this respect (or the con-
tinuing indecision) needs to be based on the fact that we deal here
with undifferentiated and unstructured human beings; that this is a
period of life when there are no whole objects, only part objects;
when there are only anaclitic, i.e., need-satisfying, object relation-
ships; and when even external objects are included in the child's
internal, narcissistic milieu.'
We are greatly helped in our dilemma by the concept of the
"transitional object" as it was introduced by D. W. Winnicott
(1953). Winnicott traced the line which connects the mother's breast
as a source of pleasure with the thumb which is sucked and the
blanket, pillow, or soft, cuddly toy which is played with. He showed
convincingly that all these early objects are cathected doubly, narcis-
sistically and with object love, and that this enables the child to
transfer his attachments gradually from the cathected figure of the
mother to the external world in general.
Thus, human beings are flexible where their attachments are
concerned. Narcissistically colored ties alternate with object ties
proper; libidinal with aggressive cathexis; animate with inanimate
objects. This creates multiple possibilities for discharge, which re-
main important far beyond childhood. Children who are frustrated,
dissatisfied, jealous, etc., but unable for internal or external reasons
to react aggressively to their parents, may turn this same aggression
toward material things and become destructive of their toys, their
clothing, the furniture, etc. In a temper or rage individuals of all
ages may choose as their point of attack either their own bodies, or
other people, or any objects within their reach. Children in separa-
tion distress may cling to any of their possessions which they invest,
for the time being, with cathexis displaced from their human objects.
1 According to a term introduced by W. Hoffer (1952).
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12 ANNA FREUD
ism in which the individual withdraws cathexis not only from ma-
terial possessions but also from his body, which as a consequence is
utterly neglected (dirty, unkempt, starved, etc.), We are familiar,
further, with the concept of voluntary poverty, an attitude which is
practiced by many religious, political, and social bodies where it is
meant to assure that their members will cathect only ideals and not
waste cathexis on material matters. Also, we expect poets, writers,
members of the medical profession, and others to be "high-minded,'
i.e., at least to be partially uninterested in material reward.
14 ANNA FREUD
allegedly belong to the lost object. Here, projection has led to per-
sonification, which in its turn is followed by identification."
I remember in this connection an early observation of my own
which left me with a lasting impression of the processes concerned.
The central figure of the incident was a young girl, an ardent moun-
taineer, whose walking trip had taken her high into the Alps. Rest-
ing near a waterfall, she had forgotten her cap in the camping area.
The loss was insignificant in itself and did not seem to concern her
much in the beginning. But this changed during the night which
followed the excursion. Lying sleepless in her bed, she was suddenly
compelled to imagine the lost cap, exposed and deserted in the dark
solitude of the mountain scenery. The misery created by this picture
became extreme and intolerable until she sobbed herself to sleep.
Identification of the loser with the lost object, as demonstrated
by the above example, can be confirmed by us on the basis of nu-
merous other observations. In child analysis we are struck by the fact
that certain children-especially those with increased ambivalence
and strong defenses against aggression-cling to their possessions,
not only to collect and amass them, but because they fear to hurt the
imagined feelings of the toys if they consent to their being given
away or thrown away. There are many dolls and teddy bears which
are preserved in this manner until adolescence or even adulthood,
not because their owners have remained "childish" in this respect,
but because they have remained too identified with these former
transitional objects to withdraw feeling from them altogether.
Such displacements of affect from the loser to the lost become
still more obvious when the lost object is a human one. In our work
with separated children during wartime, we had many occasions to
observe those who experienced not their own, very real separation
distress but the imagined distress, loneliness, and longing of the
mother whom they had left behind. "I have to telephone my Mum-
my, she will feel so lonely," was a frequent wish, expressed especially
in the evening. Children who went home on short holidays from the
residential institution used to try and diminish the imagined distress
of their nurses by promising to "send them parcels," as their mothers
did to comfort them when they left home. Nursery school children
often ask their teacher after a weekend or holiday what she has done
2 "Projective identification," a concept introduced by Melanie Klein (1932).
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"all alone," whether she has "missed" them. Patients in analysis con-
firm this attitude in the transference when they experience the
imagined distress of the analyst in place of their own during a break
in treatment.
It is not difficult in analysis to understand and interpret such
displacements of feeling. When traced back to their source, they
reveal themselves as based on early childhood events when the loser
was himself "lost," that is, felt deserted, rejected, alone, and experi-
enced in full force as his own all the painful emotions which he later
ascribes to the objects lost by him.
16 ANNA FREUD
18 ANNA FREUD
edged as his own feelings, but displaced onto the dream image of
the dead, where they are experienced in identification with the dead.
As above, it can be shown here, when the dream is submitted to
interpretation, that identification with the "lost object," the deserted
person, is derived from specific infantile experiences when the
dreamer, as a child, felt unloved, rejected, and neglected.
There is no doubt about the dream wish here, of course, since its
fulfillment is brought about openly by the reappearance of the dead
and accompanied by the positive emotions which characterized the
lost relationship. The painful accusations, regrets, etc., in the mani-
fest content correspond to the dreamer's realization that he is on the
point of becoming disloyal to the dead and his guilt about this. The
anxiety which interrupts the dream corresponds to the defense
against the opposite wish: to yield to the dream image's invitation,
turn away from life altogether, and follow the lost object into death.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
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