Title

Mating in Captivity
Mating in Captivity (audiobook)
TED Talk: The Secret to Desire In Long Term Relationships
The Guardian - Fix the Sex and Your Relationship Will Transform
Why Oh Why - Stage a Fight with Esther Perel
Esther Perel - Sex & Infidelity - PART 1/2 | London Real
The State of Affairs
The State of Affairs (audiobook)
TED Talk: Rethinking Infidelity
The School of Greatness - The Truth about Intimacy, Infidelity and Love
Esther Perel with Chris Cuomo discussing Rethinking Infidelity
Terry Gross interviews Esther Perel on “Rethinking Infidelity”
Dear Sugar: The Infidelity Episodes, Part 3 - Esther Perel
The Atlantic - Why Happy People Cheat
A Salon on Masculinity - Esther Perel Facebook Livestream
The Gender Knot - What’s Next for Men and How Women Can Help

South by Southwest 2018 Keynote

Radiant Intimacy 2018 - The Future of Love
DLD New York Conference 2018 - The Future of Love
Esther Perel at ING in Romania
FIAF Talk: Esther Perel in conversation with Anand Giridharadas
Dan Savage & Esther Perel: "Love, Marriage & Monogamy" | Talks at Google
Where Should We Begin? Season 1
Where Should We Begin? Season 2
Where Should We Begin? Season 3 - The Arc of Love
Esther Perel YouTube Channel
Esther Perel Blog
Esther Perel - The Atlantic Festival
Esther Perel and Mary Pender Greene
Recode: Tinder and Instagram are “Crippling” Relationships
Heroine - On Masculinity, Power and Relationships at Work
Terrible, Thanks for Asking - Esther Perel Live at Now Hear This Festival
Lewis Howes - Esther Perel on Sexual Desire and Successful Relationships in the Modern World

Infidelity and the Future of Relationships

Love, Lust & Commitment In The Digital Age | Esther Perel, Dan Savage, Marisa Peer & Vishen La
How To Find The Sweet Spot Between Love & Desire | MindValley w/ Esther Perel
The Pitfalls of Modern Intimacy: Your Challenges and Choices
Esther Perel Interview | The Tim Ferriss Show
Conversation with Esther Perel on the 'State of Relationships'
Keynote Speaker: Esther Perel • Presented by SpeakInc • The Future of Love, Lust and Listening
In Search Of Erotic Intelligence - Mindvalley Talks
Erotic Intelligence: The paradox of Intimacy and Sexuality - Esther Perel
Esther Perel Talks Infidelity and Modern Relationships - IDO Podcast
Tony Robbins & Esther Perel Discuss Why People Cheat - Affairs Part 1
https://www.facebook.com/thatmomentwhenshow/videos/2166139043628508/
Zestology with Tony Wrighton featuring Esther Perel on relationships and monogamy
The Girls' Lounge @ Cannes 2016: A Conversation with Esther Perel
Tony Robbins & Esther Perel Discuss Why People Cheat - Affairs Part 2

*92Y in NY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58V23o2otJA
*JCC in SF https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5fedgKF_hQ
*Oshman Family JCC https://youtu.be/xAA_IrFFLpY
Esther Perel on Sex, Power, & Desire - an interview with Nikos Marinos
Product Hunt - Episode 83: Esther Perel
What is Polyamory? Esther Perel & Margie Nichols
The Paradox of Masculinity on the Therapist Uncensored Podcast
https://www.therapistuncensored.com/tu82/
https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/1445/the-myths-about-male-sexuality
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSktbyfz_1Q
https://blog.bulletproof.com/sex-marriage-and-business-relationship-therapy-with-esther-perel-456
https://ideas.ted.com/ending-a-marriage-with-grace-and-respect/
Medium Summary

book "Examines the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and

audiobook sexual desire
"Examines theand explains what
paradoxical it takesbetween
relationship to bring lust home." and
domesticity
talk sexual
"In desire and
long-term explains what
relationships, it takes
we often to bring
expect our lust home."
beloved to be
article both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues,
podcast appearance Explores the differences and similiarities between being single,
video interview dating, in a relationship.
Esther talks Dating
about her family advice - looking
background and how forthat
"theinforms
one" vs.
book her work -examining
"Through also good illicit
discussions of modern
love from multiplemasculinity
angles, Perel invites
audiobook readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining
"Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel exploration
invites
talk readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining
"Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why exploration
video interview affairs are so
Discussion traumatic:
about because
the nuances of they threaten
infidelity, our emotional
including great advice
video interview on how to talk to a friend dealing with infidelity
podcast appearance
podcast appearance
article
salon Esther asks a group of men to sit down with her and talk through
podcast appearance their
Estherdefinitions/experiences
talks to the hosts of this ofpodcast
masculinity
about- originally
untangling a
definitions of masculinity and femininity, how to approach these
conversations, and the role that it might behoove women to play
in guiding men towards better emotional intelligence
talk Esther gives an overview of the historical way relationships were
talk structured,
"Esther Perel and summarizes
offers the way
fresh insights intothat the breakdown
expectations, of
negotiations,
talk intimacy,
20-minutemotherhood, turn-ons
version of Esther's and turn-offs,
"Future of Love" and
talk -the coming
breakdown
talk ofversion
A the shape of modern
of Esther’s talksrelationships in society.
on the history of relationships and
video interview modern
Discussions of results of #MeToo, consent,parts
relationship dynamics with some broadhoned
contextto of
the
video interview infidelity in the context
Dan and Esther of larger
talk about whethersocial changes,
marriage andmasculinity,
monogamy is
podcast important, whether women cheat less or have less desire than
podcast
podcast
video Links to talks, plus short videos giving relationship advice in
article response to questions
Short articles from fans
on relationships (romantic and otherwise) and
video interview news about Esther
Commentary on The Perel
Arc of Love Season, specific reflection on
video interview the couple
Esther that had
interviews a betterMary
therapist relationship after their
Pender Greene divorce
about
podcast appearance relationship therapy techniques, why relationships are so
podcast appearance
podcast appearance
podcast appearance

video interview
video interview
video interview
video interview
podcast appearance
video interview
talk
talk
talk
podcast appearance
podcast appearance
TV appearance
podcast appearance
video interview Relates a lot of learnings about romantic relationships - balance
podcast appearance between stability and adventure - to branding. Plus insights

video interview
video interview
video interview
interview transcript In this candid and provocative interview, Esther Perel talks about the
audio interview relationship between
In this episode Esther sex
talksand power,
about whydesire
desireand arousal,
wanes and what we
in relationships,
video interview how she would devise her own sex-education
This clip is a part of a longer conversation with Margie Nichols for
audio interview Sessions,
Can men be theBOTH
onlineRelational
community andfor therapists,Itclinicians,
Masculine? couldn’t beanda
Written interview more
Women important
have hadtime for50
about thoughtful, honest,
years in this andto
country provocative
rethink their
Aspen Ideas Fest place in the world,
Let's Talk About Sex to organize, to expand the definitions of
Bulletproof Radio Sex, Marriage, and Business: Relationship Therapy with Esther Perel – #456
TED Ideas Ending a Marriage Consciously
Topics:
Couples + Eroticism
Dating advice
Esther Perel's background
Infidelity
Relationship advice, general
Modern relationships + society
Masculinity
Technology + relationships
Workplace dynamics
Topic

Couples + Eroticism
Couples + Eroticism
Couples + Eroticism
Couples + Eroticism
Dating advice
Esther Perel's background
Infidelity
Infidelity
Infidelity
Infidelity
Infidelity
Infidelity
Infidelity
Infidelity
Masculinity
Masculinity

Modern relationships + society

Modern relationships + society
Modern relationships + society
Modern relationships + society
Modern relationships + society
Modern relationships + society
Relationship advice, general
Relationship advice, general
Relationship advice, general
Relationship advice, general
Relationship advice, general
Relationship advice, general
Relationship advice, general
Technology + relationships
Workplace dynamics

Couples + Eroticism
Couples + Eroticism
Infidelity
Infidelity

Couples + Eroticism

Polyamory
Masculinity
Masculinity
Sex
Infidelity
Divorce
Quote
“When I work on sex with couples, I'm much more interested in the eroticism than
how
People people
seek experience
very different theexperiences
act of sex. Erotica throughissex a lifebut force-
oftennot don’t justdiscuss
in its narrow
these with
sexual
their definition
partner- some but in
people the energy
want and
tenderness vitality and you bring
connection to all aspects
while others of your
want life. For
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centuries, are
people the best have theater
had sex inand
town. felt What
nothing. you see I'm is never what
interested in it is.
the There are in
experience,
aggression,
forces thatthe dominance,
shape thepoetics and risk-taking.
dynamics, Inrhythms...
relationships, you're often picked for a role
the
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that meaning,
relish
you didn't in the
freedom
audition of
for. of it. patterns,
choice Sex
in isn't just
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of wenotperson
go."
does
knowing to the if the other person that we makes pick them
is theitreact
right and
one. doIs the
there exactsomeoneopposite of what
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there?
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original centralperson paradox wanted. of love It's is that
like pool-- longs
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need to know while
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for and it'sisThis
question
fueled plagues
by partner
distance. us and
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rarely
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love my the the one more that's but I'm wants
going
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having the toan know
hole.
FOMO affair everything
That's
setsand in.the
I finally
People
about
essence are of
feel you;
too
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relationships."
alive. afraid to by beit.
mystery.
alone,
Intimacy
Perel grows through familiarity and proximity; eroticism is numbed Love but is
unwilling
(Paraphrased) to put two
Once feet
we in.
strayed The result
because
about having; desire is about wanting. Love wants to shrink the distance between is “stable
marriage ambiguity”,
was not a holding
designed pattern
around love that
andyou
keeps
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it relationship
was purely is energized undefined
economic by it.and and
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social. lingering
Today
thrives onwe the uncertainty
stray becausewhere
mysterious, marriage
the neither
novel, fails
and to the
person
deliver
unexpected, feels
the love truly
love loved
& needs
passion or chosen.”
we
safety, hoped
security, it would.
and Not to mention
predictability. As that
couples we commodify
settle into love
the
Loved
with thethis conversation
omnipresent with Esther Perelsomebody
& Andrea Silenzi: "What you experience in a
comforts
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question
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inverse
has 10x
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more value
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intimacy
“Love
coming restsand
from on the
talk two lessening
pillars:
starvation. of desire?"
surrender
Same and
with autonomy.
sex. Value is Our need
predicated for ontogetherness
context."
unexpected.”
alongside our So
need how for do we commit toOne
separateness. onedoes another notneedswithout
exist losing ourselves
without as we try
Love
to meet enjoysthese knowing
grand everything
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the distance is aexists
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and you, while This is the essential
desire is energized paradox by it.ofIf
Esther
intimacy at and
SxSW sex. 2018
intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It
"There
thrives is onno the 'the one'. There
mysterious, the is novel,
no perfect and the person. People often
unexpected. Lovethink is aboutof lovehaving;as a
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feel lonely desire butrequires
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from passionate
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to "theit can
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want too often,
tofreedom as
be with someone couples settle
just into
enough thethat comforts
they of
don’t love, they cease to fan the
"We
flame relish
of the
desire. They forgetof choicethat in dating
fire needs apps
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into the
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do I
crevicesknow ofif this
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human the right
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freedom we have to choose, the more self-doubt and FOMO sets in. People are too People feel exhausted and it’s not just
because
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from but
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neither become.
person We're
feels truly not looking
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relationships
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just
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qualities the of biggest
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~Esther the
enough so that they don't feel lonely but not too much so that they give up theirto
in Captivity: "Why good so often fade for couples who continue
shop
love is closed.
eachThese other as Nothing's
much going
as ever? to happen.
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do people turns
who her on
love each is to be
other the turn
immensely on, and
lose
freedom.
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you, our
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power "to" versus stable
power ambiguity
"over." to "the
There's one".
no ”
greater power
that's
the erotic
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sustains secret of
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to sustain? narcissistic.
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at theaheart the
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sustaining for surrender."
others,
guarantee of feeling responsible
good sex?relationship,
in a committed Wanted to share for others.
thereiniscase If she can think
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for adventure. So we
come to one person,
"Transgression feels like andthe we ultimate
basicallyfreedom. are asking You them
rarely to feel
givethat us what you're once
doing an more
entire
village
of what used
you to provide:
want than when you're doing what you're not supposed to. That's the
What makes a relationship last? "Novelty. Not novel sex positions but new experiences
Give me belonging,
ultimate give me identity, give me continuity, but give me excitement and
together,freedom" outside your ~Esther comfort Perel zones. Novelty breeds testosterone." ~Esther Perel
*In relationships,
mystery and adventure you're all oftenin one. picked for a role that you didn't audition for.
with Tim Ferris on #TheTimFerrissShow
Give
"A man mecan comfort,
have tremendousgive me edge. desire for a woman but she'll never understand why he
Give me
wants her novelty,
if she give me
doesn't lovefamiliarity.
herself. Men get turned
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reinvent itself woman is turned
continuously or on.
Give
Women
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couples,but oneon whengive
person me
she
is of surprise.
is
afraid the turn-on."
of losing ~Esther
the other Perel
and the other is afraid of is
else fossilizes the notion flexibility, fluidity, & adaptability in relationships
And we
losing think it'sOne
themself. a given
person and isthat
afraid sex oftoys and lingerie
abandonment and arethe goingother to issave
afraidus.” of
more unusual.”
suffocation.
One partner is often afraid to lose the other. The other's afraid to lose themself.
Still digesting all of the magic from @EstherPerel #sessionslive2018
Sex is the sanctioned language for men to talk about their feelings. Feelings are the
#masculinityparadox In many ways, it's hard to know what it means to be a man
sanctioned language for women to talk about sex.
today and even harder to feel good about being one. You'll never hear someone say,
You
"Be can't always
a woman" or,create
"Woman your conditions
up." Femininitybutdoesn't
you canneed
always choose
to be your
earned. attitude to
Masculinity
the
must conditions
be proven that
and are
canimposed
be on
instantly
What makes for thriving relationships: you. That's
stripped the
away. ultimate freedom- choosing how
we
our will dealtowith
ability takea responsibility
situation eventoif own
we can't
what's control
ours. it.
Every time you come home and
Touch is essential in relationships. We can survive without sex but relationships can't
say
exist to your partner, “I’m sorry for missing that. I had an important meeting. I
In thewithout
couldn'tpast, touch.
be intimacy
there for meant
the gamewe share the vicissitudes
or for dinner," of daily life:
you’re basically we milk
saying, "I'm the
damn cows +
feed the children. Today, intimacy is into-me-see. That means when
important. I'm so important that I couldn't be here.” The truth is the only reason youI talk to you, my
beloved,
could you better look at me, into my eyes, and no checking your phone. I’m going
to share
stay latewith you
or do themy most
thing youprized possessions
needed & they’re
to do is because nothad
you myacamels
partner&who my herds,
was
they’re my feelings, my worries, my fears, my aspirations, & my
covering for you so instead of being apologetic and saying I'm sorry I’m sorry, dreams. I will say
open
myself up to you & as you see me, you will validate me & help me
Thank you. I couldn’t do it without you. That changes the entire equation. Apologizemomentarily
transcend
less and me my existential
grateful aloneness. Welcome to modern love.
more."
 Many of us are drawn to partners whose proclivities match our vulnerabilities. The
attraction stems from the fantasy that they can bring us the parts of themself that we
"There is no, “the one.” There is “a one” who you choose at a moment in time when
want
For moreofof.
much And yet,youoften the very thingAtthat we chose them for thewill be what leads
you’re ready history,
for this thing couldn’t
called the divorce.
journey best,
of life.you hoped
There are for
many blessing
more of dying
people we
young. Then, we finally to conflict
could and
divorce ends the relationship."
can love than people we can make a life but
with. weLife
didstories
so onlyandif we were
love veryare
stories unhappy.
not the
same." Today, we divorce because we could be happier.
What is initially
Fake news isn't attractive because
just for politics. it isapplies
It also different often becomes
acutely the source
to the curated of conflict
Instagram lives
where we craft and filter later,
romanticbecause
storiesit is
thatdifferent.
are perfect
"When I see couples, there are some who are not dead and there are some that are and fictitious. So we
privatize ouralive.
problems when we feel pain, longing, and frustration rather than
Animals have sex- it There's
is a primarya world
urge ofand
difference between
it is procreative. the two." have
Humans an erotic
knowing that we are part of a collective yearning. Nobody really knows what truly
life. We transform sexuality through our imagination, through our creativity and our
goes on in the lives of other couples.
ability to anticipate and envision it without actually having it. Eroticism is a place we
The ourself
go inside new ritual
withofanother.
commitment:The focusFor you
is notmy beloved
the I will
sex itself butdelete
rather mytheapps
meaning
we give it.
"When I try to write an article about couples and ask people, "Can you give me a few
examples
"Sexually of those that
powerful meninspire you?", the
don't harass, theymajority
seduce.ofIt's the people
the can men
insecure maybe whoname
needone
to
use power in order to leverage the insecurity and the inaccessibility
Perel insists, "If you have the feeling of contempt in your relationship, you need to end or the
unavailability
it. You can fight, you of can
the bewomen. Women
critical, you can fear rape, and[and]
complain, menyou fearcan humiliation."
be volatile yet
Article on the Four Horsemen- Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling
still be able to repair your relationship. Contempt is the "kiss of death."
Video on the Four Horsemen- Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling
Article/Interview Source Notes
Title https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO0xgj3kEuI

https://www.apmpodcasts.org/ttfa/2017/10/esther-perel-live-at-now-hear-this-festival/
https://www.jwtintelligence.com/2017/06/esther-perel-author-relationship-expert/
https://youtu.be/Iepv0NpdSOM
22:39 highlight the core q's
Esther Perel Talks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuHXYoHVnxQ
13:39-15:30 (infidelity) and
Infidelity, Monogamy, 20:45 (open relationships)
https://estherperel.com/blog/why-modern-love-is-so-damn-hard
and Open
Inside The Jewish
Relationships with https://youtu.be/7gEBKxS67oI
13:20
Family:
Chase
Why Oh Esther
and
Why Perel on
Sarah
podcast http://www.whyohwhyradio.com/stage-a-fight-esther-perel/
Family Relations
Heroine with Majo http://majomolfino.com/blog/2018/10/4/esther-perel
Molfino https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/10/13/mating-in-captivity-esther-perel/
https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/10/13/mating-in-captivity-esther-perel/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iu9_8Vsmtk&t=124s
Behind the scenes at https://www.facebook.com/SXSWFestival/videos/10155381412078994/
SxSW
Esther Perel on The https://youtu.be/Kzq9nitEaN0
Challenges
Esther Perelof onModern
The https://youtu.be/Kzq9nitEaN0
Dating in
Challenges a Tech
of Modern
FIAF Talk:
Culture Esther Perel
(Paraphrased https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TO97dxYoqXo
Dating
in in a Techwith
conversation
from
The her 2018
State
Culture SxSW
of Affairs: https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583
Anand
interviewGiridharadas
Rethinking with Kara
Infidelity
This
Dan is how
Savage you stop by
& Esther https://youtu.be/s7E9ASb3LfE?t=2216
Men vs. women's turn-ons
(near
Swisher)
Esther the end)
Perel
your
Perel: partner from
Esther"Love,
Perel on Marriage
Love, Women's turn-ons
https://youtu.be/s7E9ASb3LfE?t=2216
cheating
& Monogamy"| Esther Perel
| Talks
Marriage & Monogamy
with
at Skavlan
Google (38:00- https://youtu.be/RmiKAoAmYSg
| Talks at Google
The Art
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