LOVE AND SEXUALITY (6): DOES GOD KNOW ABOUT THIS?

(Ephesians 5:3-6)

Some of you may have noticed an interesting phenomenon the past few
weeks. We’re in the “walk in love” section of Ephesians – verses 1-6 of
chapter 5. But outside of verses 1-2, we’ve mostly talked in negative terms
-- a reflection of the fact that these verses mostly deal with the abuse and
misuse of sexuality. But the coin has another wonderful side that is our
topic today.

Christians get a bad rap where sex is concerned. We are thought to be

against it. A satanically inspired world has burdened Christians with a
legacy of “sex is sin.” The charge is not entirely without merit. Sex has
been so vulgarized by pagan society (especially our own) that much of what
the Bible and Christians say on the subject has necessarily been negative.
But we’re not negative on sex – only on its abuse! In the context of
marriage, we treasure its beauty.

I. What is Prohibited
Our outline for this section has been What is prohibited? Why is it
prohibited? And today, What is prescribed? What is prohibited is wrong
actions (any sexual activity outside marriage), wrong atmosphere (sexual
exploitation of any kind), wrong attitude (covetousness – a desire for that
which is not mine), and wrong articulation (where Paul discussed the need
to eliminate innuendo, off-color stories and so on from our lives).

II. Why is it Prohibited?

Why is all this prohibited? We saw last week that a lifestyle or even
internal mindset devoted to the abuse of our sexuality is incompatible with
being part of the kingdom of God. At its worst, it is actually an evidence of
an unregenerate life. So – we’ve covered a lot of negative ground.

III. What is Prescribed?

But today on the positive side – What is prescribed? Have you found it,
hidden away in verse 4? Let’s start in verse 3: “3) But sexual immorality and
all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is
proper among saints. 4) Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude
joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” Let
there be thanksgiving. Isn’t that an interesting phrase to throw out in the
middle of describing the various ways in which human beings abuse their
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God-given gift of sexuality in immoral actions and words? Let there be
thanksgiving! You would have thought he would have said something like
“Don’t be immoral; keep sex within marriage.” Wouldn’t that have been
more expected? But instead he says, “Don’t abuse your sexuality; instead,
let there be thanksgiving?” Isn’t that a beautiful way to say it? If you get it
right, there will be a lot to be thankful for.

Instead of urging changed actions by supplying a list of “don’t’s” and

“do’s”, he is urging a changed heart that will accomplish the same purpose.
He is envisioning changed actions as a result of a changed heart. He is
well aware that one might live a completely outwardly moral existence –
absolutely faithful to one’s spouse and never a dirty story – and yet be
doing it with an attitude of legalism, or bitterness or out of fear of
retribution rather than with a true appreciation for what God has given.
Our heart is not in it. So – Paul simply says in place of the abuse and misuse
of our sexuality, let there be celebration – let there be thanksgiving. He’s
inviting us from the gutter to the mountaintop with no stops in between.

Paul makes an interesting play on words here. The last thing mentioned in
verse 4 as being “out of place” is crude joking – Greek word, εὐτραπελία.
Instead, Paul counsels thanksgiving – Greek word, εὐχαριστία. We get our
English word eucharist from that. Charis in the middle means grace. Paul
is saying instead of crudity, grace. Instead of eutrapelia, eucharistia. By
implication, to live a dirty-minded, sexually immoral lifestyle is to fail to be
thankful for this great gift. It is as though someone made you the gift of a
beautiful new Ferrari which you then proceed to drive through the mud and
muck, run it through obstacles and potholes, never service it, never wash it,
never polish it and finally enter in the local Demolition Derby – getting all
you can out of it without ever appreciating its beauty or craftsmanship or
elegance. That is us when we misuse the gift of sexuality. Can you see
why Paul says let there be thanksgiving? Do it right. Appreciate God’s gift
in all its wonder. Now for what specifically should we be thankful? Let me
suggest three things this morning.

A. For the Gift of Sex

Contrary to popular opinion, God is not the ultimate prude or killjoy or

advocate of celibacy. It reminds me of a writer’s conference whose theme
was “Writing: For the Sell of It.” The organizer called a widely
published author to ask him to be the keynote speaker but was surprised to
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be met with a long silence. The author finally said, “I don’t know what I
would say to that audience.” The organizer said, “You’re just being
modest. You’re extremely qualified to speak on the subject of writing
something that will sell.” Whereupon the author broke into a fit of laughter
and said, “I’m sorry. You said “Writing: for the sell of it,” but “I thought
you said, ‘Writing for the Celibate.’”

Similarly, God gets accused of a lot of things for which He is not

responsible. He is not at all antagonistic toward human sexuality – in fact,
let me let you in on a secret. He imagined it in the first place! It wasn’t
any of these modern day Johnny-come-lately’s who act like they’ve
discovered something no one ever knew before. Sex didn’t originate with
them. It originated with God. Outside of physical and spiritual life, it is His
greatest gift to mankind. We owe Him a deep debt of gratitude, do we not?

God elaborately delivered this gift, did you know that? It’s all right there in
Gen 2. Turn there with me. We’re in the Garden of Eden. Surrounded by
perfection. Combinations of mineral formations and plant life dazzle the
eye in every direction. The world has never seen anything like it and never
will again until God recreates the earth. Here is Adam in the middle of all
this perfection, but something is missing. Let’s pick up with verse 18, “18)
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will
make him a helper fit for him.” (What is missing? Why it is
companionship, intimacy, someone with whom to share the joys of this
awe-inspiring beauty. Man needs a fit helper. But watch the creativity and
pleasure in the Lord’s preparation for what is coming. He sets it all up.
Verse 19) “19) Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast
of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to
see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living
creature, that was its name. 20) The man gave names to all livestock and to
the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there
was not found a helper fit for him.” (Do you see how the Lord is building
up to this? It was a wonderful thing that He invited man to share in His
creation by naming the animals, but you see, that was not really the point.
What was the point? The point was discovery to create anticipation. In
naming the animals, Adam came to know them in a sense, and the point of
this process of discovery was to create in Adam a sense of his own need – a
recognition that in all the rest of creation, spectacular as it was, there was
not a single living entity that filled his need for intimacy. He had
cataloged them all, and a true companion was missing. From God’s
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perspective, it is all just setting the stage for what comes next. Verse 21)
“21) So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he
slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.” 22) And the rib
that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and
brought her to the man.” (Here is God, joyfully making his gift – And note
the pleasure implied in His delivering this marvelous gift after carefully
preparing man to receive it. Christmas is here! Beautiful. Verse 23) “23)
Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (The
Hebrew here conveys a very heightened sense of joy that is not readily
apparent in the English. What Adam is saying is, “Yee haw! At last –
after going through all those animals – at last, here is someone that is like
me. Here is a companion I can relate to. I find myself strangely attracted to
her.” Do you think he was thankful? He was delirious! He went on, “I’m
going to call her Woman (Hebrew Ishah), for she was taken out of man
(Hebrew Ish). In essence, she is going to be Mrs. Man.” This is the first
marriage and the first sexual relationship – commissioned by God Himself.)
“24) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his
wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25) And the man and his wife were
both naked and were not ashamed.” I guarantee you one thing. He
understood the value of the gift he had been given and his response was
through the roof gratitude!

I think it is amazing that God Himself not only made us sexual creatures,
but He took delight in giving it as a gift to mankind. Yes, He gave it for
more than one purpose. He gave it for the purpose of procreation, but if you
think the joy of companionship wasn’t also on His mind, you need only
read the Song of Solomon. In the most discrete terms, he celebrates the
wonder of this gift completely apart from any procreative intent. And so
thanksgiving for this gift is an appropriate response.

B. For the Gift of Marriage

The second thing we should be thankful for is that the one who gave the gift
also gave us the boundaries for its use. It’s like the gift of the Ferrari; to get
maximum satisfaction, I must use it as intended – care for it, service it,
treasure it. Sure, I can get pleasure for awhile -- running it into the ground,
but if I cherish and maintain it, play by the rules, I’ll get so much more.
Don’t make God’s gift common. You’ll never regret waiting.

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And so, along with giving us sexual natures, God gave us the boundaries for
achieving maximum lifelong satisfaction. Go outside of them & it’s our
loss. When sex is outside God’s boundaries someone always gets hurt –
always. And sooner or later, it will be you. God’s rules are intended to
help us get the maximum out of his great gift. Our sexuality is meant to be
expressed through a committed marriage relationship. We see it right away
in the first relationship. Along with the gift of sex came the gift of marriage
– performed by God personally. Look again at Genesis 2:24, “24) Therefore a
man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they
shall become one flesh.” The phrase “one flesh” speaks of a sexual union,
but that sexual union expresses the commitment of two people to become
one, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as they leave father
and mother in favor of each other. The intent of the Creator is a sexual
union that is one on one, one flesh with one other person -- not with two or
three or 25 or 100 or the 20,000 that Wilt Chamberlain claimed. When that
happens, rather than establishing a one-flesh identity, one loses his or her
identity altogether.

Paul makes this very point in I Corinthians 6:16 when he talks about how
devastating sexual immorality is by referring to this Genesis 2. Paul says
beginning I Corinthians 6:16, “16) Or do you not know that he who is joined
to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two
will become one flesh.” (So, how many people can you become one body
with before you lose you don’t know who you are?) 17) But he who is joined
to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. 18) Flee from sexual immorality.
Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually
immoral person sins against his own body. 19) Or do you not know that your
body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?
You are not your own, 20) for you were bought with a price. So glorify God
in your body. The Bible teaches us that we were made for the ultimate
purpose of glorifying God. And we can do so through the right use of our
sexual nature? God is gracious, is He not?

Listen the boundaries as expressed by Solomon in Proverbs 5:15-20, “15)

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well (that
is, within marriage). 16) Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of
water in the streets? (an immoral lifestyle). 17) Let them be for yourself
alone, and not for strangers with you. 18) Let your fountain be blessed, and
rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19) a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her
breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
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20)
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and
embrace the bosom of an adulteress?” God loves the gift of sex that He has
given mankind, but He knows that it can only be treasured within a
marriage relationship. He says in Hebrews 13:4, “4) Let marriage be held in
honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge
the sexually immoral and adulterous.” It speaks for itself.

There is a wonderful instruction given by Paul to young Timothy in I

Timothy 4:3-5 where he warns against legalists who will come along and
“3) who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that (literally
“what things” meaning both marriage and foods) God created to be
received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. 4) For
everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is
received with thanksgiving. 5) for it is made holy by the word of God and
prayer.” God is not an ascetic. He’s not a monk. He loves the world He
created apart from its fallenness, and so marriage is one of the things that
we are to receive with thanksgiving as the proper and appropriate
expression of love and sexuality – made holy by what? By the Word and by
prayer. By obeying the instructions and thanking the Creator.

A minister was explaining the facts of life to his daughter. The youngster
listened attentively as her father told her about the birds and bees, then
asked a perceptive question: “Does God know about this?” And, of course,
the answer is, He surely does. He does, and He loves it. He not only
approves but is glorified when the gift is treasured. It’s like cherishing the
Ferrari, treating it with respect, maintaining it properly so we can maximize
the joy. So we are – thankful for marriage where God’s gift of sexuality is
sanctified and glorified.

C. For the Gift of Jesus

Now, this will sound a little strange perhaps, but the final thing that we
should be thankful for is the gift of Jesus. The reason I say that is very
simple. As wonderful as it is, God never intended sexual union to be an
end in itself. Even at its rapturous best, practiced within the confines of a
committed marriage relationship between two people who love each other
as much as humanly possible, still, when seen as an end in itself, when
practiced only for the personal gratification of the couple involved, it can
become an idol. And in the end, idols never satisfy; they only destroy.
Even in marriage, sex isn’t meant to have first place. Christ is. When our
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focus on that relationship takes away from our service and ministry and
devotion, it has become an idol.

When sexual union is the end-all, what happens when disease or accident
disfigures or renders one partner disabled? What happens when fatigue and
the pressures of life in general or the passing of time wear away at desire?
What happens when it becomes obvious that this gift, like all gifts in this
life, is temporal? What happens when it becomes obvious that it cannot
fend off death, cannot last forever, cannot, in the end, fully and completely
satisfy the inner longing of the soul? What happens when boredom reigns?
It all falls apart -- unless there is a personal God giving meaning to it all.
He is the one who restores its glory.

John Piper in his book, Desiring God, reminds us that the world has an
inconsolable longing. It tries to satisfy longing with scenic vacations,
accomplishments of creativity, stunning cinematic productions, sexual
exploits, sports extravaganzas, hallucinogenic drugs, ascetic rigors,
managerial excellence, etc. But the longing remains. What does it mean?
CS Lewis said, "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this
world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for
another world. It was when I was happiest that I longed most. . . . The
sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing... to find the place where
all the beauty came from."

The tragedy of the world is that the echo is always mistaken for the
Original Shout – nowhere more so than in our sexual natures. In this life,
even that which is most beautiful is a mere shadow of some reality in
God’s presence. A mere shadow. But because we only see the shadow, our
bent is to fall in love with the shadow instead of the unseen reality that
caused it. The problem is, in the end, shadows do not satisfy. Quoting again
from CS Lewis: "The books or the music in which we thought the beauty
was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only
came through them, and what came through them was longing. These
things -- the beauty, the memory of our own past -- are good images of
what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they
turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers. For they
are not the thing itself; they are only the son of a flower we have not
found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we
have never yet visited." These statement apply to our sexuality as well. It

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cannot be the end all. It, too, is the echo of something greater. It must be
secondary; it cannot be primary.

That is why I say that we must ultimately be thankful for Jesus for it is He
alone who can take the longing heart and give it peace. It is He who leads
to that world where longing is quenched, where eternal questions are
answered and where all things are restored. Ultimately, everything in life is
intended to lead us to Him and that includes our sexuality. He gives it
real meaning. I mentioned that it has multiple purposes and it does. It is
intended for procreation; it is intended for the joy of the participants and for
their communion, but it is also intended to demonstrate the union between
Christ and His church – His believers. It is the highest possible earthly
expression of the love of God for His people. When He is in His rightful
place as God, all things regain their meaning, their joy and their purpose.
Without Him, everything will ultimately be a disappointment. So – we
thank Him for the gift of Jesus.

Conclusion

Now, I am fully aware that many of us here today will have fallen short of
this standard the Lord has set – in fact, when Jesus’ standards about lust are
factored in – we have all fallen miserably short. But that is the great thing
about Christianity. We can start anew at any point in the process. God
loves to make new creatures of broken parts. In fact He specializes in it.
By the simple act of confessing our sin and opening our hearts to Him, we
can start life anew – life with an eternal perspective that renders all the gifts
that God has given us holy through the Word and prayer. If you’ve been
living in your past or repeating it. – whether you are single or married, it’s
long past time to move on – leave the past once and for all by confessing
your sin and accepting once for all the forgiveness of God. Remember the
verse we go back to so often in Romans 5:20, “Where sin increased, grace
abounded all the more.” Emblazen it upon your heart. Write it on your
soul!

I’m not sure where the concept got started – it may have been through Josh
McDowell who spends a lot of time on college campuses. But the concept
of a young single girl or guy with a past committing themselves to the Lord
and becoming once again a virgin caught on. A lot of people in the non-
evangelical world laughed at the idea that a person could wake up one
morning and declare themselves a renewed virgin. But Katelyn Beaty,
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associate editor at Christianity Today says, “it’s not widely advocated
enough: people who spend a lot of time reflecting on their sexual
experience, repairing their relationship with God, doing so with a mentor,
and then getting themselves in a place where they’re not denying they
were sexually active, but they’re owning it. They’re saying, “I’m
spiritually pure again, and I’m going to be confident about it.”

This is what is prescribed. Whatever the past, confess and leave it behind
forever. Be made new – once and for all time. Then thank God for the gift
of sex, for the gift of marriage and for the gift of Jesus. Let’s pray.