Activating Happiness (Hershenberg, 2017)
Activating Happiness (Hershenberg, 2017)
Activating Happiness (Hershenberg, 2017)
ents the best techniques for moving toward a life we love. For years I’ve
been writing about these principles and using them in my clinical prac-
tice, and still I learned a tremendous amount from Activating Happiness
about the best ways to help people get unstuck. I also benefited person-
ally from this powerful and practical book, as countless readers no doubt
will, too.”
—Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, author of Retrain Your Brain:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks
A Jump-Start Guide
to
Overcoming
Low Motivation,
Depression, or Just
Feeling Stuck
This book is dedicated to the Veterans of the
Be-Active and Be-Active Alumni groups. You brought
these principles to life and touched my heart.
Contents
Foreword vii
Introduction1
Conclusion157
Acknowledgments163
Notes167
Foreword
viii
ix
Introduction
• Procrastinating less
• Eating healthier
• And so on?
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Introduction
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Introduction
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Introduction
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Introduction
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Principle 1
Approach Rather
Than Avoid
Approach–Avoidance Conflict
In this situation, you are considering whether to approach,
or avoid, an activity because there are both appealing and
not-so-appealing qualities. In the case of the improvisation
class, you want to show up but you’re also terrified. If you
value challenging yourself, learning a new skill, or increasing
opportunities to socialize, then you might want to show up
despite the fear.
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Approach–Approach Conflict
When there are two attractive situations happening at the
same time, or you can’t do both for some reason, which good
option do you choose? While going to dinner would be socially
enjoyable, choosing the yoga class would help you sleep better
that night. Looking to your values can aid the decision. If
increasing intimacy in your friendships is a top value, you may
choose the social option. If promoting your physical health is a
top value, you might prefer to stick with the yoga class.
Avoidance–Avoidance Conflict
This situation feels like being caught between a rock and a
hard place when you are trying to identify which is the least-
bad option. Sticking to your values can help you prioritize
which path to take. If you feel ill, but despise doctors, are you
going to pick up the phone to make an appointment? On one
hand, you will feel sick and the illness may become worse if
untreated. On the other hand, you will need to endure the
awkwardness of the visit and perhaps some tests. You value
your well-being and having the energy to keep up with life, so
you decide to call the doctor.
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Identifying Values
To identify your values, consider the next 6 to 12 months.
In a journal or on the downloadable form, write down your
answer to each of these questions. Skip any that feel irrelevant.
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High Arousal
• Jittery
Positive
Low Arousal Low Arousal
Negative Valence Positive Valence
• Sad • Content
• Empty • Relaxed
• Lethargic • Peaceful
Low Arousal
Affect Grid
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and not avoid. You also have a language for observing how your
daily choices impact your emotions. With this foundation you
can start to experiment in a small, but still important, way.
Is there an activity you are dreading because it feels like a
lot of effort—even if it’s consistent with your values and intel-
lectually makes sense to do? What’s coming up on your sched-
ule tomorrow or later this week that you suspect you’ll procras-
tinate doing? For this first practice, pick something pretty
minor. The point is simply to begin gaining insight into these
processes.
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Self-Care Generates
More Energy to
Engage in Activities
You Value
exercise like a walk around the block might directly move you
into an LP or HP emotional state.
If you have a history of depression and are using this book
to stay well, I want to stress the importance of building these
healthy habits because they are crucial to reducing depression
relapse. When you have a bad day, a sad day, a What is happen-
ing to my life? kind of day, these habits provide sources of struc-
ture that keep you on a road to wellness. Continuing to adhere
to your routine times for self-care helps a bump in the road
remain just a bump in the road. Halting your routines is what
makes you vulnerable to feeling LN or HN, which in turn
makes you more vulnerable to viewing the situation as a bigger
stressor than it already is. This leads to engaging in behaviors
that might shoot you in the foot down the road, like getting in
an argument because you’re feeling irritable or avoiding things
that need your attention because you’re feeling too over-
whelmed. In this way, a structured weekly routine is a prophy-
lactic measure you can take to get through hard times without
letting them get the best of you—and minimize the likelihood
of triggering a depressive episode.
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person—an owl. If you are a lark, you perform your best in the
morning and so go to sleep on the early side. If you are an owl,
you prefer to sleep in, perform your best later in the day, and
prefer to go to bed pretty late. Lark or owl, you will serve your-
self well to choose consistent times for your routines that also
match the hours when your body is hitting that groove. For
example, my family comes from a long line of night owls.
Despite sporadic phases of morning exercise, I don’t think a
single one of us has ever successfully built an exercise habit
before work. But when I call a family member at 9 p.m., I’m
never surprised to hear the whir of a treadmill in the back-
ground. In stark contrast, my husband and his family go to
swim or Jazzercise at wee hours of the morning that feel like
nighttime to me.
Keep this basic preference in mind as you read the follow-
ing sections and think about forming your own healthy habits.
It’s always best to honor your unique circadian tendencies
because that will better set you up for success.
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make this transition, set your time for falling asleep to 11:45
p.m., then after a few nights shift it another fifteen minutes to
11:30 p.m., and so on.
Duration: The idea that we need eight hours of sleep has been
worked into our psyches. But it’s not a magical number—there
is actually a lot of variability. Go with what works for your body.
If you’re not sure, you can monitor how you feel during the day.
How sleepy are you? Are you too drowsy to concentrate? Are
you especially irritable? These may be signs that you need more
sleep. It’s true that sleeping too much can also contribute to
daytime fatigue, so be mindful of oversleeping.
Naps: When you nap for longer than thirty minutes, you will
feel less “hungry” for sleep at night. Long naps can mess up
your routine, as they lead to falling asleep later, which might
make you feel overtired in the morning or even oversleep—and
so the cycle continues. Some people do nap without any prob-
lems, so learn about your own body. Generally speaking, naps
lasting longer than thirty minutes might not be helpful.
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When You Can’t Fall Asleep: Staying in bed and trying to fall
asleep for a long period of time is not effective. If you can’t sleep
and you’ve been laying there for thirty minutes, it is typically
better to get up and do something relaxing out of bed like
stretching, reading, or folding laundry. Return to the bed when
you think you will be able to nod off.
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larks, it may be easier to skip hitting the snooze button and hop
right out of bed. Perhaps opening the blinds, making your bed,
or showering cues you to become alert. You could also set up
your morning so that waking up is a cue to put on your exercise
clothes and head right to the treadmill, as morning is a great
time for larks to fit this in. So your cues might begin with the
alarm, which leads to grabbing your exercise clothes and
putting on your sneakers. Then off you go to exercise.
For the owls, the phrase “difficulty getting out of bed” may
ring true. Just remember, the pain is temporary. Sleeping in,
and even sleeping too much, can be tempting but will create
more stress once you finally get out of bed. There goes time to
make breakfast. It could be tempting to drive a little too fast in
your rush to get to work on time. Woops! If you want to set
yourself up for success with the cognitive, emotional, and phys-
ical energy to meet your goals, I strongly encourage you to
make it a top priority and point of initial focus to get up at your
set time without majorly snoozing—plus or minus one hour.
You might resist: “What? You want me to be rested, but you’re
telling me to wake up early, like, all the time?” While your
preference may be to sleep until 9 or 10 a.m. or later, remember
that the more consistently you go to sleep and wake up at the
same times, the easier it’ll be for your body to get going when
the alarm buzzes. Waking at 7:30 a.m. might start to feel just a
touch easier if you were able to get yourself to sleep at 11:30
p.m. the night before.
But it’s still hard. Here are some additional strategies to
help you get out of bed on time.
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button. You can also download phone apps that make you solve
math problems before the alarm will turn off. That way, you
can’t hit snooze and not remember doing so. And waking up to
an energizing music playlist, rather than the dreaded “Beep…
Beep…Beep” sound, can change the tone of waking up from
dread-filled to inspirational or playful.
Ask for Help: You may want to ask for help from trusted
people in your world. Young children wanting or needing help
with their own morning rituals are sometimes all the assis-
tance you need, since you’re already accountable to them.
Alternatively, you could ask someone to soothe your transition,
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Find Your Niche: Craig tends to get lost in his thoughts when
he exercises alone, which puts him in a very HN state. But he
discovered that when he plays basketball, he feels like a care-
free kid. To develop and strengthen your exercise habit, find
activities that suit you. Remember, “exercise” is an open term.
I always struggle with distance running and want to cry during
classes that are styled after boot camp. But I enjoy more medi-
tative exercise, so I look forward to Pilates and yoga. Don’t do
the exercise you think you should do—find the exercise that
matches your style. Here are some additional suggestions,
which are among many options.
• Dance classes
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• High-intensity training
• Kickball
• Tennis
• Walking in nature
• Water aerobics
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Cues to Exercise
When establishing an exercise habit—especially if you
struggle with it at first—it’s best to match your efforts with the
times when you’re in peak mode to perform. Are you better off
exercising in the morning or night?
If you’re considering setting a morning workout, do note: a
crucial determinant in successfully waking up and working out
is whether you went to bed at a reasonable hour. If your sleep
habits are off-kilter and you’ve been going to bed later than
your norm, you may need to make sleep your keystone habit.
Clearing up your sleep will naturally influence your ability to
wake up in the morning and exercise. But if you are going to
bed later than usual because you are awake worrying or feeling
too keyed up to sleep, exercise might be the keystone habit that
cascades into feeling tired at night, which will improve your
sleep.
For larks who do better early in the day, a morning workout
might help establish an exercise habit. Your wake-up ritual
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might follow this order: get out of bed, make your bed, open the
blinds, change into workout clothes, head into the kitchen for
water and a snack, and then head to wherever you go for exer-
cise, be it the gym, your at-home treadmill, or your yoga mat in
the living room. Maybe to pep up this routine you read an
inspiring quote of the day or something spiritual that energizes
you right before you get dressed. Maybe you create a “wake up
and get moving” playlist that you listen to while suiting up in
your exercise clothes. Some people even sleep in their gym
clothes—they’re comfortable and the process of getting ready
becomes automatic when they are already geared up for success.
For owls, if it makes sense to exercise in the morning, try it.
Then gauge how successful you are. You may or may not strug-
gle to establish this new habit. If you find yourself scheduling
an early morning workout, hitting snooze, saying “I’ll do better
tomorrow,” and then tomorrow comes and you do the same
thing—don’t be hard on yourself. Owls are notorious for hitting
the snooze button through a planned morning run. If this
happens, match your goal with the time you are in peak mode
to perform and work out in the afternoon or evening. Those
times may feel a little more natural.
Your exercise ritual may begin after work when you walk in
the door to your home, which is your cue to change into
workout clothes and head to the spot where you exercise. If you
get too tempted by the sight of your couch, you could head
straight from work to your exercise facility. When you pair
leaving your workplace with going to exercise, you establish a
powerful cue, particularly because going home instead would
be a big deviation from your habit. You can streamline the
process of going from point A to point B by packing your
workout clothes in the morning so you have them with you
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Avoid an Eating Spiral: Try not to fall into the classic trap: “I
ate something I shouldn’t have, now it’s a bad day, so I might as
well binge since I already strayed.” You’ll be tempted to be more
restrictive the next day, which starts the yo-yo of being “good,”
followed by being “bad,” followed by being “good” again. At
best this is problematic eating, at worst you start to get yourself
into disordered eating habits. Best advice? Resume your normal
eating habits right away, because one aberrant data point won’t
destroy you. You ate birthday cake at work when you weren’t
planning for it? C’est la vie. Revert to your regularly scheduled
eating plans and try to learn from the experience. If you don’t
want to fall prey to cake the next time you’re tempted, what
will help you resist?
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Try out different options and see what works best for you.
Whenever you choose, choose consistently, and work with your
level of energy. Overall, the way to establish healthy eating
habits is to follow these four tips:
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and medicine, which I’ll refer to with the catch-all term “medi-
cation,” can have physical, cognitive, and emotional side
effects—and may even be dangerous. Most medication is
meant to be taken at the same time each day, at routine inter-
vals such as every 12 hours. Timing may also be based on when
you eat, as the medication might work best with or without an
empty stomach and some may cause you to feel ill otherwise.
Some people are reluctant or ambivalent about their medi-
cation because they don’t want to have to be on it for the rest
of their lives or they don’t fully agree with the doctor’s recom-
mendation. It is good to be a critical thinker, and it is good to
advocate for yourself. But taking medication inconsistently is
likely not helping you. If you want to evaluate the consequences
of taking it to see if you want to continue with the medication,
then you need to collect data to share with your doctor. I
encourage you to take it consistently, write down notes on what
happens when you do, and then use that information to col-
laborate and problem-solve with your health-care provider to
refine your medication strategy. You can use the monitoring
form I provide at the end of this chapter, which offers space to
note the consequences of each habit area. Then share it with
your provider.
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Keep the Container Visible: Have the cue be seeing the pill
bottle itself. Make it visible. I finally got my husband in the
habit of taking his morning antacid by leaving the bottle out
on the kitchen counter. He sees it and takes it before he walks
out the door for work. When we’re on vacation, the physical
setup is different so there’s no visual cue. This is when we use
another strategy, which I’ll cover below.
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you can take your medications out of the containers, set them
on the counter, put away the containers, and then take them
all. You can also say to yourself, out loud, “Okay, I’m taking my
medicine now,” which will help you remember and ease the
doubting thought you have 5 minutes later.
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drugs and alcohol can feel great, the effects a few hours later
can be negative and problematic. Even in their most innocuous
forms, drugs and alcohol may lead you to take a step away
from—rather than toward—your sleep, health, and fitness
goals. For example, they may make you more likely to eat a late-
night cheesesteak, wake up repeatedly during the night, sleep
in late, or skip the run you planned with a friend. You may also
notice that the next day you feel more emotionally vulnerable,
which is especially problematic if you are vulnerable to depres-
sion. And when you wake up feeling HN or LN, it is easier to
succumb to the urge to procrastinate. Therefore, to the extent
possible, I strongly encourage you to limit drinking, smoking,
and taking recreational drugs as you work to improve depres-
sion and motivation, and to activate happiness. If you’re think-
ing, “But drinking and smoking relax me,” know I’m totally
with your desire to relax, and that it’s completely valid to want
routine habits that evoke it. Here are healthy ways to go about
relaxing.
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So when can you find the time? And how can you relax?
Here are some suggestions. I know it may seem counterintui-
tive, but commuting can provide a great cue to relax. Perhaps
as you get in your car, the subway, or set out on your walk, you
turn on enjoyable music, sing your heart out, download an
intellectually stimulating podcast, or make phone calls to
people you actually want to talk to. Brainstorm for a creative
dinner you’ll cook, reflect on a spiritually meaningful passage,
or contemplate fellow commuters. Basically, rather than letting
your mind run rampant with thoughts that rehash earlier events
or plan for challenges ahead, give yourself permission to tune
into the present moment or even have playful fantasies about
the future. A sample cue: you swipe your transit card, tap play
on your phone, and away to Fresh Air with Terry Gross you go.
Another routine opportunity for relaxation might be to
play double duty with your exercise habit. Cues for relaxation
could include entering the yoga studio, hitting the pavement in
your sneaks, putting on your helmet for a bike ride, diving into
warm and refreshing water. Initiate these activities and away
you go to the land of self-efficacy and calm, present-focused
attention.
Now let’s focus on what happens when you walk in the
door from a long day at work and, perhaps, you might have
been habitually triggered to pour yourself that glass of wine or
pull out the pot.
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that in mind, what types of cues do you need that will com-
municate to your body that it’s time to unwind? Just as a sym-
bolic glass of wine says, “Aaah, I did it,” look for other special
rituals to mark that time of day. What else can set the stage for
you to demarcate the end of working time and the beginning
of sober chill-out time? Like all new habits, repeating these
behaviors helps you form associations between specific aspects
of your environment and internal feelings of relaxation. Here
are some suggestions.
Enjoy Your Meal: Oh, the joys of food. Maybe savoring your
dinner can become the reward for a hard day’s work. If this
sounds like it might satiate your desire for a little celebration,
make balanced eating your keystone habit.
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instead make a beeline for the bedroom, tossing out his plan
along the way.
The next chapter is about identifying and breaking down a
moment like this one so you can successfully meet your self-
care goals. How can you still meet a goal when you experience
a strong, seemingly inevitable urge to avoid it? How can you
not fall prey to excuses? The understanding you’ll gain along
the way will also set you up for the rest of your journey through
this book, as you identify and then schedule a host of other
values-driven behaviors that bridge the gap between what you
want and what you actually do.
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Procrastination Is an
Emotional Decision to
Avoid Discomfort
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• Trigger
• Action Pattern
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Trigger: It’s the end of the day and I’m tired. I need to
decide if I’m going to go to spinning or if I’m going to cancel
before I get charged.
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What Do I Monitor?
You react to triggering situations throughout your day.
Observing one per day can be a good way to ease into it. The
ultimate goal is to catch all behaviors that take you away from,
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Action Pattern: You can also pick one instance when you
acted in a way that you now feel guilty about or regret because
you lost sight of your goal. After identifying that action, you
can work backward, writing out the trigger and response that
led up to that choice. Then you can describe the consequence,
which includes those feelings of regret.
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• Isolate?
• Get in a fight?
• Feel hopeless?
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monitoring, maybe it’s not until 11 a.m. the next day that you
realize watching a second episode of Mad Men had been a
TRAP because you feel exhausted. As soon as you realize your
TRAP, get your form and record it. As you continue tracking,
you may even start to notice a TRAP as it’s unfolding. You
could be twenty minutes into the second episode when you
realize you were just trapped. Good for you—it can be a great
feeling to catch yourself in autopilot and gain the opportunity
to view your behavior from this refined perspective. To foster
this growing ability, I encourage you to pause whatever you’re
doing and fill out the form as soon as you recognize you got
trapped. You don’t have to rush to change the behavior if you’re
not ready. In the example, you could pause the episode for two
minutes to write down the TRAP and then resume watching
it. Even taking a few minutes to record will help you start to
catch yourself earlier and earlier in the sequence.
If you find yourself totally forgetting to monitor, then
schedule a regular time for a check-in. You could dedicate a
period of time in the early evening when you can reflect back
on your day. To get in the spirit of checking in more regularly
than that, you might set times to routinely check in right after
meals or bathroom breaks at work, which can be great cues to
establish a monitoring habit.
You’ll likely find that you want to adapt your level of inter-
action with TRAP monitoring as the weeks go on, based on
your observations. Are there vulnerable times of day when you
need to monitor more frequently than others? Are there certain
days of the week when you get trapped all over the place,
whereas other days they have less pull? I encourage you to
experiment to make monitoring as useful for your needs as it
can be.
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Belly Breathing: Inhale so that your belly rises and fills. Exhale
so that your belly falls and empties, reaching the full extent of
your exhalation. The hand on your abdomen will rise and fall,
but the hand on your chest will remain still and even. This will
mean that you are deeply breathing from the diaphragm rather
than taking shallow breaths from the chest.
Pace: Breathe slowly. Keep your exhale as slow as, and perhaps
slower than, your inhale. It may help to keep count of your
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Practice: Breathe in, slowly, feel the belly rising. Breathe out,
slowly, feel the belly falling. Two. Breathe in, slowly, belly rise.
Breathe out, slowly, belly fall. Three. Breathe in, slowly, belly
rise. Breathe out, slowly, belly fall. Four. Breathing in, belly
rising. Breathing out, belly falling. When you’re ready take your
fifth breath, make this your deepest inhale yet. And then
release, slowly, exhaling and feeling your belly fall. Exhale the
air all the way out. When you’re ready, flutter your eyes open.
How was that exercise? What did you notice? My patients often
say, “That was relaxing,” which is a great starting point. But
more specifically, look at what that means. When you say you
feel relaxed, what do you notice happening? Some notice that
their thoughts slow down or even disappear. Some notice that
they feel less tense in the areas where they carry the most stress,
maybe in their temples or shoulders. Some notice that they feel
sleepy and some notice that they have a little bit more energy.
Some notice that it was really hard to slow down their thoughts
enough to pay attention, and that they want to take a few more
breaths! Now, consider these applications.
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You have opened your eyes. You are still sitting up in bed.
The truth is, you still want to watch the show—breathing
didn’t magically change what you want to do. But you find you
can delay a few more minutes to talk out the TRAP, or even
type it out on the nearby laptop. This is what it might look like:
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Can you validate that need and also make a choice that
supports your best interests, goals, and values? Here are
a few ideas for a balanced solution that takes into account
both short and long term needs.
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Put it all together, and now you have a six-step process that
you can follow.
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Drinking alcohol
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Binge-watch TV
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later that day or the day after. I want you to nurture yourself in
a truly loving and compassionate way so that you can give
yourself the space you need, and still be prepared to transition
back to your goals. This offers you the opportunity to move
into LP or HP in due time. Here are some of the thoughts that
may go through your mind, and suggestions for how to work
with them.
“Sitting still with all these feelings just does not feel like an
option.” But what would happen if you did? Could you go to a
safe place and just breathe? Could you do a cycle of five dia-
phragmatic breaths, check in with how you’re feeling, and then
do another cycle?
“But I don’t want to calm down. I’m right!” It’s okay to let go
of being so angry or upset right now. Your point may be per-
fectly valid. Can you resume the topic later and, for right now,
make it your only objective to decrease your heart rate and
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“How can I stop feeling this way?” Your go-to strategy may be
to distract yourself by engaging in a potentially unhelpful
behavior like drinking, shopping excessively, or partying. Try to
consider how that strategy—though helpful at first—will
impact your ability to get the next five things done on your
to-do list. Will your choice create more stress when you wake
up tomorrow morning, making you feel even more vulnerable
to HN or LN feelings? Will that stress increase your potential
to procrastinate? I encourage you to nurture your desire for dis-
traction in a different way.
Try to set your focus on external things so that you can get the
emotional part of your brain to give way to the controlled,
thinking part. There are alternative ways of distracting yourself
that won’t set you up for more stress further down the road.
Here’s a list. It’s not exhaustive but can offer food for thought.
Keep in mind that for many of these distractions, it will be
crucial to set a timer. This is because when you allow yourself
to calm down with a game or movie, you can still get yourself
in trouble if you get lost in the game or movie for hours on end.
Set a timer—maybe for 60 minutes if you have that luxury or
smaller brackets of time if you don’t—and when the timer goes
off, reevaluate how you feel.
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“No way, talking is just too much.” Could you email a trusted
friend? If you’re afraid of pressing “Send,” save it as a draft and
decide later. Whether you delete it, keep it as a draft, or send it,
writing will be helpful, particularly if you write it as if that
person will read it. I wonder what types of apologies and self-
judgments you could catch, like “I know you’re going to think
I’m…”
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moments when you feel LP and HP. You can do this by creating
a daily schedule and exploring what else you’d like to accom-
plish. I’ll help you use your values to create a meaningful daily
schedule and to navigate the micromoments in ways that
ensure you show up for what matters.
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Principle 4
When Your Schedule
Is Full, You Do More
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Principle 4
• Planned activity
• Actual activity
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Principle 4
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Principle 4
more moments of LP and HP, and a full day will lead to much
more productivity than an unplanned day.
Now is a great time to put down the book and start gather-
ing data by using the daily schedule. Once you have tracked for
about a week, you can start to learn from your patterns, see
what’s serving you well, and identify where you can strategi-
cally set new goals.
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Principle 4
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Principle 4
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Principle 4
will happen in the future, when are you absorbed in the task at
hand? List the activities that bring you into the present moment
this way.
As you think about activities to cultivate that bring you
into the present moment, refer to your daily monitoring to take
note of any times when the opposite happens and you fall prey
to distraction, rumination, or avoidance. For example, during
your commute home from work are you:
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anticipate that things will go well in the future. Here are some
tips that may help.
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Principle 4
how happy the eighth-grade me would feel if she knew that I’d
end up where I am today, enjoying my job and married to
someone who makes me crack up and feel cared for. That’s
when it hit me that I had been doing gratitude wrong!
Consider your own memories as you cultivate gratitude.
What parts of your life would an earlier version of yourself be
excited to see? You can tap into that mindset by looking at old
photos, rereading letters and cards, or creating a music playlist
that takes you back.
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Principle 4
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Principle 4
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Principle 4
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Principle 4
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aware of the tastiness you are eating. Notice the flavor dancing
on your tongue, the texture, the magical sensation that pulses
through your body (especially if it’s chocolate). Whatever you
notice, just luxuriate in the taste.
Then once again set the timer for 30 seconds and keep
eating. This time, as you eat think about what you’re going to
wear tomorrow, who has birthdays coming up, or when you
need to make your credit-card payment. When the second
timer goes off, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “Which
situation tasted better?”
This is a great way to get a taste of your own medicine (pun
intended). By only partially attending to your present experi-
ence, you only give yourself a partial opportunity to emotionally
benefit from it. Your active mind keeps you away from in-the-
moment pleasures. To counter this tendency, you could keep a
notebook on you, have sticky notes on your desk, or use a notes
app on your phone. When you have a distracting thought, urge,
or idea, write it down. Then intentionally return your attention
to your current activity. Plan a time to look at that thought,
urge, or idea later when you can give it your full attention.
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Principle 4
The goal is to take the edge off the intensity of your current
emotion so you have a better chance at focusing on, and
perhaps getting some enjoyment from, your surroundings. As
you take another look at Principle 3, pay close attention to
strategies that might be unobtrusive and therefore realistically
helpful when you’re in public.
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attention to how you can gauge for yourself whether all this
hard work is worth doing. First, consider your well-being. You
can think of well-being as:
• A healthy ratio of positive emotional experiences
to negative emotional experiences—about three
experiences of HP or LP for every experience of
HN or LN
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Principle 4
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grill. But then you start talking to someone who just moved to
town, and you find yourself chuckling as you share the quirks
of the place. Then, one of the neighborhood adolescents does
something surprisingly sweet for his parents and you keep
smiling about it. By the time you leave, you feel a little more
connected socially and a little less alone, and you consider the
possibility that the world may not be entirely full of a genera-
tion of kids who don’t respect their elders. When you get home,
you’re feeling a little more open to new social connections and
even a bit hopeful about the next generation. This example
shows how it can be helpful to notice that an activity makes
you feel more connected (versus isolated) and more hopeful
(versus hopeless, pessimistic) about the world at large.
This question can also be applied to behavior in close rela-
tionships. Let’s say you are feeling vulnerable and want to with-
draw into yourself. When your cell phone rings, you pick it up
despite your urge to hit “Ignore” and talk to a friend, family
member, or romantic partner about what’s troubling you. You
feel sad while discussing what is making you sad. Maybe you
still can’t shake feeling bad about your life. Yet maybe the
sharing does make you feel close and connected to that other
person. That could be a very valuable outcome in and of itself,
as it intensifies your bond and teaches you that when you are in
distress in a future moment, you have a safe place to turn.
You can also think about your connection with others and
the world more broadly. For example, one of the reasons I like
watching outlandish comedic movies and stand-up routines is
because they make me feel less alone in the universe, in an
existential sense. When someone does something outrageous,
and I find it funny, I realize that I can’t be the only one who
finds it funny. Someone else created the movie or routine for
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Principle 4
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Principle 4
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Principle 5
Stay On Track by
Sharing Momentary
Victories
Positive emotions are elicited when you feel accepted and cared
for by other members of your group.
Because relationship events have such a strong influence
on your emotions and behavior, in Principle 4 I encouraged you
to identify social contexts that you experience as uplifting and
social contexts you experience as depleting. The more uplifting
interpersonal moments you have, the greater the likelihood is
that you:
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Principle 5
chapter, I teach you to get the most out of your activation goals
by celebrating your momentary success experiences with others.
These conversations have a host of implications for your mood,
sense of self, and feelings of closeness in your relationships—all
experiences that can keep you feeling HP and LP and staying
on track as you progress on your path of behavior change.
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Principle 5
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Principle 5
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Principle 5
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Principle 5
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Principle 5
Go for it. Have your first interaction and then jot down
some notes in your journal, or on the downloadable form, about
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how it went. What felt awkward? What felt terrific? What did
you learn about yourself? What type of response did you get?
What do you want to try next time?
I suspect you will find that the conversation is truly the
easy part. The trick is that you need to keep paying attention
to what you’re doing, those micromoments that match your
goals. You want to capitalize on those moments when your
present self is looking out for your future self, when you are
tapping into your own wisdom as a guide for your behavior.
It is my hope that building a routine of healthy habits in
Principle 2, catching and identifying your TRAPs in Principle
3, and creating a full schedule of meaningful activities in
Principle 4 will give you lots of opportunities for capitalizing.
Keep in mind that your capacity to capitalize on your personal
goals may provide much-needed encouragement and motiva-
tion. Plus, the interaction itself may help you intensify your
connection with your capitalization buddy. Remember, you’re
not calling to boast—you’re calling to share your experiences
as you cope with life’s challenges and build a life of meaning
and purpose that activates happiness.
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Conclusion
158
Conclusion
If you take away just a few lessons from this book, I hope at
the top of your list will be your recognition—from your own
experimentation—that putting yourself on a sleep schedule,
exercising, eating nourishing meals, taking medication as pre-
scribed, limiting other substances, and cultivating relaxation
are the backbones of a healthy life. No matter how far your
mood drops, keep these behaviors going. No matter how fre-
quently you are crying, how much you’re dreading parts of your
life, or whether you feel like you’re in a crisis, engage in these
behaviors like clockwork. The more these behaviors become
part of your habitual routine, the easier it becomes to follow
through—no matter that you feel extremely lousy and that
your thoughts are compelling you to stay lying down, on the
couch, watching Netflix.
I also hope you took away a language to describe your
painful, intense, and loud emotions that make you act quickly
and that often create more stress in the long run. When you
put words to emotions, you activate frontal parts of your brain
that shake up the limbic hold the emotional experience has on
you. Your ability to write out your trigger and emotional
response, in and of itself, is therapeutic. With the added skills,
especially diaphragmatic breathing, you have the ability to
extend the length of time between your urge and what you
actually choose to do. You have a language that can help you
make a choice that doesn’t exclusively value your comfort in
the moment at the expense of your future self.
Understanding your triggers doesn’t just help you navigate
a moment differently. It might also teach you that making a
big-scale change might decrease the likelihood that certain
triggers happen in the first place. If specific situations con-
stantly get you riled, is this communicating something about
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160
Conclusion
someone who has the grit to persevere and the hope to keep
trying?
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The spirit of this book has been to help you navigate your
moment-to-moment choice points in daily life. These choice
points are the moments that accumulate throughout your days
and build into a life of purpose and meaning. I hope you have
started to tap into your own wisdom as a guide for navigating
the choice points of your ever-evolving daily life as you con-
tinually work to activate your personal sense of happiness.
162
Acknowledgments
worked. Not only did these groups open this door, profession-
ally I also grew as a clinician in innumerable ways with the
feedback, challenges, and successes I saw the Veterans experi-
encing. Perhaps most importantly, the personal impact of my
work with this group of Veterans was profound. The connec-
tions they fostered with one another, and with me, deeply
impacted my quality of life and belief in this profession. That’s
why this book is dedicated to each and every one of you.
I’d also like to thank other key mentors that shaped my
conceptual lens, intellectual curiosity, and growth as a
researcher and clinician. Of course, a significant thank you to
my Stony Brook University mentors and supervisors, including
Joanne Davila, Dina Vivian, and Marvin Goldfried. The drive
to bridge research with practice was valued and encouraged
and launched me to where I am today. The innumerable con-
ceptualization and clinical skills I learned while completing a
predoctoral externship at CBT DBT Associates is clear with
every chapter of this book. As a predoctoral intern, the research
support from Daniel Gros helped me connect to behavioral
activation as a researcher, and the clinical support from Julian
and Alice Libet fostered trust in my developing expertise as a
clinician. As a fellow, I am thankful for such generous and
benevolent mentorship from Michael Thase, Steven Sayers,
Shahrzad Mavandadi, and Hank Kranzler, as well as incredible
companionship and collaboration from Elaine Boland and
Rachel Smith. Thanks also to Elaine for teaching me about the
importance of sleep in the treatment of depression—Principle
2 reflects your influence! I am also thankful for one of my all-
time favorite collaborators, Lisa Starr, who is helping me study
the principles of behavioral activation as they are enacted in
our participants’ daily lives.
164
Acknowledgments
165
Notes
168
Rachel Hershenberg, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist
specializing in the research and treatment of depression. She is
assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at
Emory University, and director of psychotherapy in Emory’s
Treatment Resistant Depression program. She has published
over twenty-five peer-reviewed publications and has appeared
as a guest specialist on local radio.
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•
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1.
2.
3.
SELF-HELP
It’s time to
Activating Happiness
jump-start your joy
If you have depression, lack motivation, or just feel
down in the dumps, you know that something in your life
Activating
Happiness
needs to change. And while change can seem hard or
overwhelming, there are simple actions you can take every
day to improve your mood and jump-start your joy. Whether
it’s going for a walk instead of watching TV or simply
talking with a friend, over time, these seemingly small
activities will actually change your brain and shape the
way you live and see the world.
Low Motivation,
HERS HEN B ER G
the American Psychological Association
newharbingerpublications
w w w. n e w h a r b i n g e r . c o m RACHEL HERSHENBERG, PhD
FOREWORD BY MARVIN R. GOLDFRIED, PhD