Night Jack Reprint A Survival Guide For Decent Folk PDF
Night Jack Reprint A Survival Guide For Decent Folk PDF
Night Jack Reprint A Survival Guide For Decent Folk PDF
2008 July 24
by nightjack**04/08/08 Moderate Sarcasm Warning **
Paul has posted a number of lengthy replies on the “Modest Proposal” thread. In these days of us
increasingly having to deal with law abiding folk who have fallen foul of the “entitled poor” and
those who have learned how to use us to score points and exact revenge, I thought it would be a
good idea to give out a bit of general guidance for those law abiding types who find themselves
under suspicion or under arrest. It works for the bad guys so make it work for you.
Complain First
Always get your complaint in first, even if it is you who started it and you who were in the wrong. If
things have gone awry and you suspect the cops are going to be called, get your retaliation in first.
Ring the cops right away and allege for all you are worth. If you can work a racist or homophobic
slant into it so much the better.
Regardless of the facts, never let the other side be blameless. If they beat you to the phone, ring
anyway and make a counter allegation against them. Again racism or homophobia are your friends.
If you are not from a visible minority ethnic culture, may I suggest that that the phrase “You gay
bastard” or similar is always useful. In extremis allege sexual assault. It gives us something to
bargain with when getting the other person to drop their complaint on a quid-pro-quo basis. This is
particularly good where there are no independent witnesses. When it boils down to one word
against another and nobody is ‘fessing up, CPS run a mile and you, my friend, are definitely on a
walk out
Admit Nothing
To do anything more than lock you up for a few hours we need to prove a case. The easiest route to
that is your admission. Without it, our case may be a lot weaker, maybe not enough to charge you
with. In any case, it is always worth finding out exactly how damning the evidence is before you fall
on your sword. So don’t do the decent and honourable thing and admit what you have done. Don’t
even deny it or try to give your side of the story. Just say nothing. No confession and CPS are on the
back foot already. They forsee a trial. They fear a trial. They are looking for any excuse to send you
home free.
Say as little as possible to us. At the custody office desk a Sergeant will ask you some questions. It is
safe to answer these. For the rest of the time, say nothing.
A debatable one this. Claiming to be thinking about topping yourself has several benefits. If you can
keep it up, it might just bump up any compensation payable later. On the other hand you may find
yourself in a paper suit with someone watching your every move.
Duh. No brainer this one. Unless you know 100% for sure that your mate the solicitor does criminal
law and is good at it, ask for the Duty Solicitor. They certainly do criminal law and they are good at
it. Then listen to what the solicitor says and do it. Their job is to get you off without the Cops or CPS
laying a glove on you if at all possible. It is what they get paid for. They are free to you. There is no
down side. Now decent folks think it makes them look like they have something to hide if they ask
for a solicitor. Irrelevant. Going into an interview without a solicitor is like taking a walk in
Tottenham with a big gold Rolex. Bad things are very likely to happen to you. I wouldn’t do it and I
interview people for a living.
Did they cuff you when they brought you in? Were they rude to you? Did they racially or
homophobically abuse you? Didn’t get fed? Cell too cold? You are decent folk who don’t want to
make a fuss but trust me, it pays to whinge and no matter how trivial and / or poorly founded your
complaint there are people who will uncritically listen to you and try and prove the complaint on
your behalf. Some of them are even police officers. Nothing like a complaint to muddy the waters
and suggest that you are only in court because the vindictive Cops have a grudge against you. Far
fetched? Wait until your solicitor spins it in court and you come over as Ghandi.
You think that if you are a difficult, unpleasant, sneering, unco-operative and rude things will go
badly for you and you will be in more trouble. No sirree Bob. It seems that in fact the worse you are,
the easier things will go for you if, horror of horrors, you do end up convicted. Remember to fake a
drink problem if you haven’t developed one as a result of dealing with us already. Magistrates and
Judges do seem to like the idea that you are basically good but the naughty alcohol made you do it.
They treat you better. Crazy I know but true.
So there you go, basically anything you try and do because you are decent and staightforward hurts
you badly. Act like an habitual, professional, lifestyle criminal and chances are you will walk away
relatively unscathed. Copy the bad guys, its what they do for a living.