Personality and Personality Development - An Overview

What is Personality Development?

In most advertisements for job vacancies, the following phrase is written:

Many companies have lost millions, a lot of customers and potential sales because of front liners
who happen to traumatize and disappoint their clients or patrons. Customers are insulted, taken for
granted or simply turned off by rude and indifferent treatment from front liners who attend to
them. Many of these staff are technically proficient, efficient and even excelled in their academic
performance. However, they possess a personality that turns people off. And such personality is
projected in their language, facial expression and disposition.

Companies have realized that competence is not enough for employees to succeed and produce
positive results. Equally important is a personality that is pleasing.

Main difference between Pleasing Physical Appearance and Pleasing Personality is that: Pleasing
Physical Appearance is just due to the cloths, accessories or make up that you wear. But Pleasing
Personality is Combination of both Physical appearance and Internal Personality Traits which
brighten your looks, makes you enthusiastic and helps you portray a more confident picture of
yours. The way you carry yourself, communication skills, cheerfulness, sense of humor etc.

Personality development is defined as a process of developing and enhancing one’s personality.

Personality development helps an individual to gain confidence and high self esteem.
Personality development also is said to have a positive impact on one’s communication skills and the
way he sees the world. Individuals tend to develop a positive attitude as a result of personality
development.

Every individual has his own characteristic way of behaving, responding to emotions, perceiving
things and looking at the world. No two individuals are similar.

You might like going out for parties but your friend might prefer staying back at home reading
his/her favorite book. It is really not necessary that if you like partying around, your friend will also
like the same. Here comes the role of personality.

What an individual sees in his childhood days and most importantly his/her growing days form his
personality. How an individual is raised plays an important role in shaping his/her personality.

Personality is nothing but the aggregate conglomeration of memories and incidents in an

individual’s entire life span. Environmental factors, family background, financial conditions, genetic
factors, situations and circumstances also contribute to an individual’s personality.

In a layman’s language, how we behave in our day to day lives reflects our personality. How an
individual behaves depends on his family background, upbringing, and social status and so on. An
individual with a troubled childhood would not open up easily. He/she would always hesitate to
open his heart in front of others. Some kind of fear would always be there within him. An individual
who never had any major problems in life would be an extrovert and would never have issues
interacting and socializing with others. You really can’t blame an individual for not being an
extrovert. It is essential to check his/her background or past life. It is quite possible that as a child,
he was not allowed to go out of his home, play and freak out with friends. These individuals start
believing that their home is their only world and they are not safe outside. Such a mindset soon
becomes their personality.

Personality also influences what we think, our beliefs, values and expectations. What we think
about others depends on our personality.

In a layman’s language personality is defined as the personal qualities and characteristics of an

individual. Personality is how we interact with others. Personality is a sum of characteristics of an
individual which makes him different from the others. It is our personality which makes us unique
and helps us stand apart from the crowd.

An individual’s appearance, character, intelligence, attractiveness, efficiency, style determine

his/her personality.

Definitions of Personality

While there are many different theories of personality, the first step is to understand exactly what is
meant by the term personality. The word personality itself stems from the Latin word persona,
which referred to a theatrical mask work by performers in order to either project different roles or
disguise their identities.
A brief definition would be that personality is made up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts,
feelings and behaviors that make a person unique. In addition to this, personality arises from within
the individual and remains fairly consistent throughout life.

Some other definitions of personality:

 "Personality refers to individuals' characteristic patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior, together
with the psychological mechanisms -- hidden or not -- behind those patterns. This definition means
that among their colleagues in other subfields of psychology, those psychologists who study
personality have a unique mandate: to explain whole persons."
(Funder, D. C., 1997)

 "Although no single definition is acceptable to all personality theorists, we can say that personality is
a pattern of relatively permanent traits and unique characteristics that give both consistency and
individuality to a person's behavior."

Components of Personality
So what exactly makes up a personality? As described in the definitions above, you would expect
that traits and patterns of thought and emotion make up an important part. Some of the other
fundamental characteristics of personality include:
 Consistency - There is generally a recognizable order and regularity to behaviors. Essentially, people
act in the same ways or similar ways in a variety of situations.

 Psychological and physiological - Personality is a psychological construct, but research suggests that
it is also influenced by biological processes and needs.

 It impacts behaviors and actions - Personality does not just influence how we move and respond in
our environment; it also causes us to act in certain ways.

 Multiple expressions - Personality is displayed in more than just behavior. It can also be seen in our
thoughts, feelings, close relationships and other social interactions.

Personality vs. Traits and Character

"Having closed in on a sense of what personality is, it may be helpful to compare the concept to others
with related meanings. Two concepts that quickly come to mind are 'temperament' and 'character.' In
everyday language these terms are sometimes used more or less interchangeably with 'personality,' and
historically they have often been used in contexts where, in more recent times, 'personality' would be
employed. Within psychology, however, they have somewhat distinct meanings. Temperament usually
refers to those aspects of psychological individuality that are present at birth or at least very early on in
child development, are related to emotional expression, and are presumed to have a biological basis...
Character, on the other hand, usually refers to those personal attributes that are relevant to moral
conduct, self-mastery, will-power, and integrity."
DETERMINANTS / FACTORS AFFECTING PERSONALITY

Personality is the wide term, which is the result or net effect of different circumstances and factors.
There are many factors which affect personality or which determine the personality. Few among
them are as follows:

Following are the factors which help in shaping one’s personality:

1. Heredity - Heredity refers to factors that are determined once an individual is born. An individual’s
physique, attractiveness, body type, complexion, body weight depend on his/her parents biological
makeup.
2. Environment - The environment to which an individual is subjected to during his growing years plays
an important role in determining his/her personality. The varied cultures in which we are brought up
and our family backgrounds have a crucial role in shaping our personalities.
3. Situation - An individual’s personality also changes with current circumstances and situations. An
individual would behave in a different way when he has enough savings with him and his behavior
would automatically change when he is bankrupt.

Or in Other References Here are the Determinants of Personality

 Heredity
 Brain
 Family Background
 Social group (where we interact)
 Situation
 Cultural Factor
 Physical Features

(1) Heredity:

Heredity is the transmission of qualities from generation to generation. This can happen due to
chromosomes of the germ cell. Heredity predisposes to certain physical, mental, emotional states. It
has been established through research on animals that physical and psychological factor may be
transmitted through heredity. It has been concluded from various researches that heredity plays an
important part in determining an individual’s personality.
(2) Brain:

It is the second biological factor that affects the personality of a person. The role of brain in
personality formation is very important. If a person’s brain is sharp, he can understand the situation
better and take prompt decision. This improves his personality.

(3) Family Background (Members):

Parents and other family members have strong influence on the personality development of the
child. Parents have more influence on the personality development of a child as compared to other
members of the family.

Family influences the behavior of a person especially in early stages. The nature of such influence
will depend upon the following factors:-

 Family Size 
 Birth Order
 Race
 Religion
 Geographic location
 Parent’s educational level
 Socio- economic level of family

For Instance: -

The study made by Newcomb showed that there is higher co-relation between attitude of parents
and children than that between the children and their teachers.

(4) Social Groups:

Besides a person’s home environment and family members, there are other influences arising from
the social placement of the family as the person is exposed to agencies outside the home (i.e. social
groups) these social groups includes school mates, friends, colleagues at work place or any other
group to which an individual belongs because “A man is known by the company he keeps.” Similarly,
socio-economic factors also affect personality development.

(5) Situation:

Situational factors may also play an important role in determination of human personality. Many a
times, the behavior of a person is determined not by how that man is but by what the situation is in
which he is places. An employee who is hard working and always gets ahead may prove lazy and
trouble maker if he is put under unfavorable situation. This aspect is very important because it can
be kept in control by the management.

(6) Culture:
According to Hoebel

“Culture is the sum total learned behavior trait which manifested and shared by the member of the
society”

In other words “ It is a unique system of perception, belief, values, norms, pattern of behaviour of
individual in a given society”

Culture is the factor which determines the decision making power of an individual. It includes
independence, competition, artistic talent, and aggression, Co-operation etc.

Each culture expects that the person should behave in a way, which is accepted by the group.
Personal belonging to different cultural groups has different attitudes. Every culture has their own
sub-culture also.

However, a direct relationship cannot be established between personality and given culture.

(7) Physical Features:

The physical features of the individual also have a great impact on personality of an individual.
Physical features include height, weight and such other physical aspect of an individual.

Importance of Personality Development

An individual’s personality refers to his/her appearance, characteristics, attitude, mindset and
behavior with others.
Let us go through the importance of personality development.
Personality development grooms an individual and helps him make a mark of his/her own.
Individuals need to have a style of their own for others to follow them. Do not blindly copy others.
You need to set an example for people around. Personality development not only makes you look
good and presentable but also helps you face the world with a smile.
Personality development goes a long way in reducing stress and conflicts. It encourages individuals
to look at the brighter sides of life. Face even the worst situations with a smile. Trust me, flashing
your trillion dollar smile will not only melt half of your problems but also evaporate your stress and
worries. There is no point cribbing over minor issues and problems.
Personality development helps you develop a positive attitude in life. An individual with a negative
attitude finds a problem in every situation. Rather than cribbing and criticizing people around,
analyze the whole situation and try to find an appropriate solution for the same. Remember, if there
is a problem, there has to be a solution as well. Never lose your cool. It would make the situation
worse.
It is essential for individuals to behave well with people around. Being polite with others will not
only make you popular among other people but also earn you respect and pride. You can’t demand
respect by being rude with people around. Personality development plays an important role in
developing not only your outer but also inner self. Human being is a social animal. One needs people
around. An individual needs to have that magnetic power which attracts people towards him. You
need to have that charisma of yours. Personality development helps you gain recognition and
acceptance from the society as well as people around.
Personality development plays an essential role not only in an individual’s professional but also
personal lives. It makes an individual disciplined, punctual and an asset for his/her organization. An
in-disciplined individual finds it difficult to survive in the long run. Personality development teaches
you to respect not only your Boss and fellow workers but also family members, friends, neighbors,
relatives and so on. Never make fun of anyone at the workplace. Avoid criticizing and making fun of
your fellow workers.
One should never carry his/her attitude or personal grudges to work. Office is not a place where you
can be rude to others just because you had a fight with your friend last night. Personality
development sessions help you differentiate between your personal as well as professional life. It is
really essential to keep a balance between both the lives to lead a peaceful and stress free life.
Personality development helps an individual to inculcate positive qualities like punctuality,
flexible attitude, willingness to learn, friendly nature, eagerness to help others and so on. Never
hesitate to share information with others. Always reach office on time. Some people have a
tendency to work till late. Late sittings not only increase your stress levels but also spoil your
personal life. Sitting till late at the office indicates that an individual is extremely poor in time
management skills.
Personality development helps you develop an impressive personality and makes you stand apart
from the rest. Personality development also plays an essential role in improving one’s
communication skills. Individuals ought to master the art of expressing their thoughts and feelings in
the most desired way. Personality development makes you a confident individual who is
appreciated and respected wherever he goes.

Freud’s Psychoanalytic Theory of Personality Development

Personality development refers to enhancing an individual’s personality for him to stand apart from
the rest and make a mark of own. An individual with a pleasing personality is respected and
appreciated by all.
According to Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality development, there are two basic factors
which drive an individual and help in shaping his/her personality. These two basic drivers are love
and aggression which have a direct impact on what an individual does and thinks. According to
Freud, love and aggression have a direct control on our minds and thoughts.
Freud referred to Love and Aggression as “Eros” and “Thanatos” respectively.
“Eros” refers to intimate and passionate love between two partners. It is often defined as a kind of
madness which one experiences for his/her partner.
“Thanatos” was a figure in Greek mythology, though he never really existed as a person. Thanatos
symbolizes death.
Freud believed that Eros represents an individual’s instinct to survive. Eros refers to an individual’s
determination to live, where sex is the major driving force.
Thanatos on the other hand represents aggression which ultimately leads to death.
Structure of Personality

According to Freud, an individual’s mind has a fixed amount of desire towards sexual activity,
often called as libido. No two individuals would have similar desire for sexual activity and the same
would vary as per an individual’s situation, circumstance at the moment.

An adult personality generally has three determinants: Id, Ego and Super Ego
The outcome of the combination of all the three determinants shapes an adult personality. Freud
believed than an individual’s personality has three parts and thus is often called as tripartite
personality.

 Id
 Ego
 Superego

Id - refers to irrational needs and demands, something which has nothing to do with the reality of
the situation. Freud believed that Individuals seek immediate pleasure in order to satisfy their
biological and physiological needs without taking into consideration the reality. Id gives immediate
pleasure to individuals and is often irrational.

Ego - Ego develops when individuals start interacting with people around. Ego helps in the
fulfillment of id, taking into consideration the reality of the situation.

Super Ego - Super ego is often the third stage which includes the moral constraints imposed on an
individual by his parents or family.

Defense Mechanisms

According to Freud’s theory, Repression is one of the most powerful defense mechanisms which
push irrational impulses into unconscious mind. Defense mechanisms play an important role in
pushing unrealistic thoughts out of awareness. Stressful thoughts which are threatening to an
individual’s survival should be pushed into unconscious mind to reduce anxiety through repression.

Psychosexual Stages

Freud believed that a single organ or body part is more sensitive to sexual stimulation at a
particular stage in a child’s complete development cycle. These organs often referred to as
erogenous zones include mouth, genital regions and anus. An individual’s sexual desires depend on
erogenous zone for a particular age. Sometimes a child finds himself/herself overindulged in sexual
pleasures of a particular age and is reluctant to grow beyond that stage. Frustration arises when
sexual needs are not fulfilled. Overindulgence and Frustration sometimes lead to fixation. Fixation
refers to a state where an individual is reluctant to progress beyond a particular stage and is often
obsessed with a sexual attachment.

Importance of Character in Personality Development

Let us first understand what does character mean?

Character refers to the sum of an individual’s qualities and characteristics which differentiate
him/her from others. An individual’s character is actually an amalgamation of his/her qualities which
makes him unique and helps him stand apart from the rest.

Character plays an essential role in Personality Development

Remember personality development is not only about looking good and wearing expensive brands.
It is also about developing one’s inner self and being a good human being. More than anyone else,
you are answerable to yourself. Do not do anything which you yourself are not convinced of. An
individual is nervous only when he is ashamed of what he is doing. Character is something which an
individual is born with and seldom changes with time as against behavior. Honesty is an individual’s
inherent character which would never change irrespective of his/her situation or circumstance.
Would you steal or cheat others just because you do have enough savings with you at the moment?
Absolutely NOT — It is just NOT there in your blood.

A person with a good character finds acceptance wherever he goes and respected by all. Character
includes traits such as:

 Honesty
 Leadership
 Trust
 Courage
 Patience

You can’t force an individual to be loyal towards his organization or for that matter his family
members. Character is something which comes from within and is often long lived. A good character
helps you develop a winning personality. In other words, a good character is the backbone of a
magnetic personality which attracts other people.

One needs to be honest at work. You need to develop a sense of loyalty and attachment towards
your organization. Commitment has to come from within. Don’t just work for money. Don’t attend
office just to fulfill your job responsibilities. Yes, you will definitely receive your pay check but what
about your own satisfaction? There is no one who can measure your loyalty or commitment levels.
You need to ask yourself “Are you really happy with your performance?” “How much are you
contributing towards the success of your organization?”Analyze your inner self. People who are not
loyal towards their organization often find work monotonous and as a mere source of burden. The
moment you start enjoying your work, your performance will automatically go up. If you waste half
of your day, chatting with friends or playing games on the internet no one would come to know
except you. Do not lie to yourself. If your lunch time is for an hour, make sure you do not waste two
hours in gossiping or loitering around.

Not everyone can be a good leader. You need to have leadership qualities to be able to lead your
team well. If we take the example of Indian cricket, Sachin Tendulkar is an outstanding cricketer but
records prove that he was not a very successful captain. You need to be cool-headed to be a good
leader. Remember, your team members might come up with any query which may be logical, may
not be logical or relevant. You can’t shout on them, else they will never open up.

An individual with a good character would in turn have a good personality. If you are extremely
good looking but do not know how to behave, don’t be surprised if you are ignored by others.
Nothing is more important than your character and moral values. Never cheat others. Remember,
life is nothing without ethics and values.

Personality Types - Different Types of Personality

Let us go through the following personality types:
1. The Duty Fulfiller - Such individuals take their roles and responsibilities seriously and
perform whatever tasks are assigned to them. Duty fulfillers are serious individuals and
believe in honesty and a peaceful living. They never do anything which is not good for
themselves, their job, families or for the society. Such individuals are actually good and
responsible citizens who abide by the legal system and can’t even dream of breaking the law.
People with such a personality type are extremely hard working and often find it difficult to
say NO to others, eventually becoming overburdened at the end of the day. Such individuals
adopt an organized approach towards work and are extremely loyal and faithful. They also
show a strong inclination towards creativity and aesthetics.
2. The Mechanic - As the name suggests such individuals are inclined towards machinery like
airplane, motorcycling, cars, races and so on. They are interested to know why and how
certain things function. Theories do not interest them. You would not be able to convince
them unless and until they see the practical application themselves. Such individuals are
extremely adventurous and have a strong power of logical reasoning.
3. The Nurturer - Nurturers are individuals with a large heart. For them, the happiness of
others is more important than their own interests. Such individuals actually live for others.
They do not look at the darker sides of life and believe in extracting the best out of people
around. They have a positive approach in life and want to believe only the best of people.
4. The Artist - Artists have an eye for natural beauty and creativity. Rather than worrying
about future, they believe in living for the moment. Such individuals are extremely cool
headed and do not get into unnecessary fights and troubles. They do not blindly copy others
and aspire to create a style of their own.
5. The Protector - You would find such a personality type in very few people, making it a very
rare personality type. Protectors are systematic individuals who want the best system to get
things done. They often think irrationally. They are pessimists who find a problem in every
situation. Such individuals do not trust others and only believe in themselves.
6. The Idealist - Such people have strong set of values and ethics. They find happiness in
helping others. They consider themselves lucky if they get an opportunity to help others.
7. The Scientist - Such individuals believe in careful and strategic planning. They are good
observers who believe in constantly gathering information and upgrade their existing
knowledge. Scientists are extremely intelligent people who have a very sharp analytical
mind.
8. The Doer - Individuals with such a personality type are the ones who believe in quick actions
and immediate results. They enjoy taking risks in life and fulfill tasks assigned to them in the
shortest span possible.
9. The Guardian - Such individuals are perfectionists who ensure that everything everywhere is
going on smoothly. They are mature individuals who have a clear set of standards.
10. The Performer - Performers strive hard to grab attention of others and love being the centre
of attention. They are fun loving individuals who enjoy fun and excitement in life.
11. The Inspirer - Inspirers are talented individuals and often act as a role model for others. They
have great people skills.
12. The Giver - Individuals with “The Giver” personality type enjoy the company of others and do
not prefer staying alone.
13. The Executive - Such individuals are born to lead and make very good leaders. They love
taking charge and are good decision makers.
Personality Traits - Meaning and Different Types of Traits
An individual’s behavior towards others, attitude, characteristics, mindset make his personality.
Personality development is defined as a process of enhancing one’s personality. Personality
development sessions guide an individual as to how he/she can develop his/her personality.

Broadly there are five parameters which describe an individual’s personality. These five
dimensions are also called as “Big Five” Factors, and the model is referred to as Five Factor Model
also abbreviated as FFM.

The Five Factor Model was initially proposed by Costa & McCrae in the year 1992 and often
describes the relation between an individual’s personality and various behaviors.

Following are five personality traits of an individual:

It is important to be aware that the personality tests used in the recruitment and selection process
are the intellectual property of the companies that produce them. As a result, they may use
different terminology to describe the aspects of personality that they set out to measure. This
usually for reasons of copyright and to differentiate themselves in a market in which there are a
large number of products that do more or less the same thing in more or less the same way.

To avoid any bias and to steer clear of any copyright issues, we will use the definitions placed in the
public domain by the noted psychologist Dr. John A. Johnson of Pennsylvania State University.

The personality traits used in the 5 factor model are Extraversion, Agreeableness,
Conscientiousness, Neuroticism and Openness to experience.

It is important to ignore the positive or negative associations that these words have in everyday
language. For example, Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for achieving and maintaining
popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand,
agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or totally objective decisions.

Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers. Remember, none of the five
traits is in themselves positive or negative; they are simply characteristics that individuals exhibit to
a greater or lesser extent.

Each of these 5 personality traits describes, relative to other people, the frequency or intensity of a
person's feelings, thoughts, or behaviors. Everyone possesses all 5 of these traits to a greater or
lesser degree. For example, two individuals could be described as ‘agreeable’ (agreeable people
value getting along with others). But there could be significant variation in the degree to which they
are both agreeable. In other words, all 5 personality traits exist on a continuum (see diagram) rather
than as attributes that a person does or does not have.

Extraversion
Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being
with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be
enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities
for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.

Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-
key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be
interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert
and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as
unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension
will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.

Agreeableness
Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony.
Agreeable individual’s value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly,
generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also
have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and
trustworthy.

Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally
unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other
people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly,
and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people
are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in
situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make
excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.

Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses.
Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on
our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting
spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful,
fun-to-be-with, and zany.

Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are
antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result
in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is
that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples
include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the
breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's
health.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in
significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of
which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during
projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive
person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the
ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves
contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting
toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence
involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the
Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the
Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and
achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively
regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive
perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded
as stuffy and boring. Unconscientiously people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of
ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures
and they will never be called stuffy.

Neuroticism
Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress,
emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He
suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering
and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience
negative feelings.

Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as
anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in
neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect
most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to
interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their
negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they
are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to
think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are
less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent
negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot
of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.

Openness to experience.
Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative,
creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious,
appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more
aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways.
Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been
called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of
openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of
education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and
abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific
intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or
geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance,
or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience
tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over
the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion,
regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over
novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often
themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different
environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has
shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a
number of service occupations.

Subordinate Personality Traits or Facets

Each of the big 5 personality traits is made up of 6 facets or sub traits. These can be assessed
independently of the trait that they belong to.

Extraversion Facets

 Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate
positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form
close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and
hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved.
  Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating
and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel
overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily
dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is
much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale.
 Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the
activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much
and let others control the activities of groups.
 Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly,
energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score
low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace.
 Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of
stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and
seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to
thrill-seeking.
 Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions
(which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale
typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm,
optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits.

Agreeableness Facets

 Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good
intentions. Persons low in trust may see others as selfish, devious, and potentially
dangerous.
 Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretence or manipulation when
dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that
a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively
easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it
more difficult to relate to the low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low
scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to
openly reveal the whole truth.
 Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently,
they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that
doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers
on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an
imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment.
 Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are
perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with
others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their
way.
 Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other
people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem.
Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who
are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant
by other people.
  Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tender-hearted and compassionate.
They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not
affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective
judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice
than with mercy.

 Conscientiousness Facets

 Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High

scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control
necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense
that they are not in control of their lives.
 Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live
according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to
be disorganized and scattered.
 Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation.
Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers
find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as
unreliable or even irresponsible.
 Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve
excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their
lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores
may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get
by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy.
 Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to
persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high
self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite
distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through,
often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete.
 Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before
acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions.
Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating
alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives.

 Neuroticism Facets

 Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and
too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something
dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just
generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are
generally calm and fearless.
 Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way.
They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel
they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not
the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on
Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily.
  Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged.
High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free
from these depressive feelings.
 Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of
them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and
uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed.
Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic,
but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is
watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations.
 Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have
difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards
rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible
cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge.
 Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness
when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-
thinking when stressed.

Openness Facets

 Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary.
High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting
world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy.
 Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They
become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not
necessarily artistically trained or talented, although many will be. The defining features
of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers
lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts.
 Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their
own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their
emotions openly.
 Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel
to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring,
and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel
uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines.
 Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of
openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-
minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy
riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with people or
things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect
should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an
intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-
Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests.
 Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority,
convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can
even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of
ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and
 stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism
are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain
political parties.

It is possible, although unusual, to score high in one or more facets of a personality trait and low in
other facets of the same trait. For example, you could score highly in Imagination, Artistic Interests,
Emotionality and Adventurousness, but score low in Intellect and Liberalism.

Personality Disorders - Meaning and Different Types of Disorders

Personality refers to an individual’s way of interacting with people around; his behavior towards
others, attitude, thought process and way of perceiving things. It is the personality of an individual
which makes him/her unique and stand apart from the rest.

Let us now understand the meaning of Personality disorders

Personality disorders refer to certain abnormalities in the behavior of individuals. Any form of
disability in an individual which inhibits him from doing certain tasks which a normal person can
easily do refers to a disorder. Personality disorders lead to some form of abnormality or disturbance
in an individual’s personality. Personality disorders are conditions where an individual fails to behave
in the desired manner and his thought process and mindset are not in lines with the society’s norms
and expectations. Individuals with some kind of personality disorder fail miserably in relationships,
personal as well as professional lives.

Personality disorders can arise due to genetic factors (hereditary factors), environmental
problems, and cultural issues and so on. Individuals with a troubled childhood are more prone to
personality disorders. Individuals with a history of physical or sexual abuse often show signs of
personality disorders. An individual can show signs of personality disorders from childhood which
might become critical as he grows. Signs and symptoms of personality disorders vary from individual
to individual.

Types of Personality Disorders

1. Paranoid Personality Disorder - Individuals with a paranoid personality disorder mistrust others for
no reason. They adopt a suspicious attitude towards almost every individual around them. They
consider themselves unsafe wherever they go and always look for signs of danger or threats. They
consider every single person as their enemy. Such individuals tend to find a problem in almost every
situation.
2. Schizoid personality disorder - Individuals with a schizoid personality disorder find socializing with
others irrelevant and a mere waste of time and energy. Such individuals do not believe in social
relationships and prefer isolation. They almost detach themselves from the outside world and are
lost in their own small world only.
3. Schizotypal Personality Disorder - Schizotypal personality disorder refers to a condition where
individuals generally think what is practically not possible. Such individuals have an odd behavior and
often get nervous in social gatherings, hence prefer staying alone.
4. Antisocial personality Disorder - As the name suggests individuals suffering from antisocial
personality disorder do not value the rights of other individuals. They often disrespect people around
and have absolutely no feelings or sentiments for others. Such individuals tend to develop a feeling of
hatred and jealousy towards others.
 5. Borderline Personality Disorder - Individuals with Borderline Personality disorder often suffer from
extreme mood fluctuations. Such individuals always think in extremes and there is never a middle
way for them. Such thinking is often called as “Black and white thinking” and individuals with such a
personality disorder tend to be extremely violent in personal relationships.
6. Histrionic Personality Disorder - Histrionic personality disorder refers to a condition where
individuals can actually go to any limit to seek attention of people around. They do not mind even
adopting wrong ways like flirting, seductive ways to make themselves popular among others. Such
individuals strive hard to grab eyeballs.
7. Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Such individuals are only concerned about their own image, pride,
social status and are often self obsessed. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder think that
they are the most special people on earth and no one else really exists.
8. Avoidant Personality Disorder - Such individuals feel ignored by others and fear being ridiculed by
the society. Individuals with this disorder fear interacting with others and feel that the other
individual is making fun of him/her.
9. Dependent Personality Disorder - Such individuals are extremely dependent on others and often lack
self confidence. They are often dependent on others for their emotional needs.
10. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder - Individuals with obsessive compulsive personality
disorder are obsessed with discipline, perfectionism, and orderliness and so on.

Personality Development at Workplace

Personality development plays a crucial role in enhancing one’s personality. It helps an individual to
develop a positive attitude and look at the brighter sides of life.

Personality development plays an imperative role at workplace as it decides the way an individual
interacts with his fellow workers and responds to various situations. How an individual behaves at
the workplace depends on his/her personality. Personality development helps in polishing and
grooming individuals and makes them better and efficient resources for the organization.
Personality development also reduces stress levels and teaches an individual to face even the
worst situations with a smile. Personality reflects how one conducts himself/herself in the
professional environment. Never carry your personal problems to work. Personality development
helps an individual to keep his personal life separate from his professional life.

Differences in opinions and views often lead to conflicts and arguments among employees.
Employees with different attitudes and mindsets find it extremely difficult to adjust with each other
and work in unison. Personality development sessions motivate an individual to think positively and
eventually reduce stress at the workplace. Individuals as a result of personality development tend to
behave in a mature way; making the organization a much better place to work. Personality
development is essential to bring a change in an individual’s attitude, thinking, behavior and
mindsets. It also strengthens the relationship among co workers.

Personality development classes at the workplace extract the best out of individuals and
encourage them to deliver their level best. Stress sometimes makes us forget ourselves. Individuals
after a tiring day at work sometimes even forget to smile. Personality development classes bring
that smile back to an individual’s life. It encourages one to put his/her best foot forward and strive
hard to perform beyond expectations. Remember your organization is paying you for your hard
work. You really need to prove yourself and perform well if you wish to climb the success ladder
quickly. Personality development encourages an individual to use his skills and abilities to the
maximum. An individual with a pleasing personality is liked and respected by all.
Marketing and sales professionals need to have an impressive personality to make a mark of their
own. You really need to look presentable and smart at the workplace. No one would take you
seriously if you are shabbily dressed. Avoid being a makeup box at work. Dress smartly at work. Do
not wear tight fitting /body hugging and gaudy clothes to office. Make sure your clothes are clean
and properly ironed.

It pays to exude confidence and positive attitude at workplace. Never clutter your mind with
negative thoughts. You will feel frustrated and eventually lose interest in work. Accept challenges
with a smile.

Never ever underestimate anyone. Backstabbing, criticizing, dishonesty are negative traits which
make you an unwanted member in the organization. Be very honest and transparent with your
seniors and fellow workers.

You really need to respect others to expect the same in return. Personality development, in simpler
words makes you a good human being.

Personality development teaches you to stay calm and composed even at stressful situations. Never
over react. Avoid finding faults in others. Learn to be a little flexible and broad minded. Personality
development differentiates you from others who come to office, fight with fellow workers, are often
under stress and find work monotonous.

Personality Traits of a Successful Manager

Remember being a manager does not mean sitting in a closed cabin and passing on instructions to
your team members. Do not forget that respect is something which is always earned, never
demanded. Adopting a “Hitler approach” will not only make you unpopular among your team
members but also an unwanted member within the organization. No one will tolerate your Bossy
nature for a long time. One of the most important roles of a manager is to take his team along and
motivate team members to deliver their level best. Your role is to extract the best out of employees
and also help them hone their skills and abilities.

Make your team members feel that you are there with them always. Extend your support
whenever required. A good manager is one who smiles even at the times of stress. A manager ought
to be like a protective cushion that absorbs all the stress and tension and never passes on to his
team members. Encourage your team members to smile quite often as it not only reduces stress
among team members but also leads to a positive ambience at the workplace. Remember, you have
to be a role model for your team members. A manager is successful only when he is a strong source
of inspiration for his team members.

A manager needs to carry himself well. Whatever you wear daily to work, your team members
would automatically start following your style. Make sure you dress sensibly; after all you have to
set an example for your team members. Avoid wearing casuals and loud colors to work. Wear
clothes which make you feel confident and look good.

As a manager, one needs to be honest and fully committed towards the organization to expect
loyalty from team members in return. Do not treat your organization as a mere source of earning
money. Discourage your team members to backstab each other and spread unnecessary rumors
about fellow workers.

Never be rude to any of your team members. Do not treat your employees as slaves. Appreciate
employees who perform exceptionally well. A pat on their back will go a long way in motivating
them to perform even better the next time. Put their names on notice boards to acknowledge their
hard work.

Reach office on time. Being punctual is a great personality trait which makes you successful in a
short span of time. Ask your team members to reach office on time to avoid unnecessary late
sittings. Late sittings do not indicate that an employee is hard working but reflect his/her poor time
management skills.

Leave your ego behind the moment you enter office. There is no place for ego and personal
problems at workplace. Do not hold personal grudges against anyone in your team. Avoid criticizing
and making fun of others.

As a manager, you need to be flexible in your approach. Be realistic. Don’t be surprised if your
team member asks for a half day or a full day leave on his/her birthday. After all it is a special day for
him. Do not stop him unless and until there is something really urgent at work.

Respect your team members. Every employee in the organization ought to be treated as one
irrespective of his/her designation or level in the hierarchy.

Be a patient listener. Lend a sympathetic ear to your team members in case of queries. Give them
correct feedbacks and timely monitor their performance.

Dressing and Personality Development

Personality development helps in the overall development of an individual. An individual’s style of
dressing plays an important role in enhancing his/her personality. It is rightly said that “ a man is
known by his dress and address”. An individual’s dressing sense speaks volumes of his character
and personality.

You really need to know what you are wearing. Do not wear something just because everyone else is
wearing the same. Find out whether the dress would look good on you or not? One needs to be
extremely careful of his/her body type, built, weight, complexion and even family background,
nature of work, climate while selecting clothes.

Dress according to the occasion. One needs to look good for an impressive personality. Clothes
reflect who you are, how you feel at the moment and sometimes even what you want to achieve in
life?

Always remember whatever you wear should reflect the real you. Your dressing sense reflects your
personality, character, mood, style and what actually you are as an individual. People wearing gaudy
clothes with loud make up are generally extroverts and love partying. You really can make out what
sort of person an individual is by his/her dressing. Dull colors indicate that an individual is sad or
upset whereas bright colors not only reflect your happy state of mind but also make the other
person happy.

Team a simple white shirt with black trousers to get that extremely professional and elegant look at
the workplace. On the other hand your little black dress if worn in evenings would make you the
centre of attention at a party. It all depends when you are wearing a particular outfit.

Let me ask you a question:

I will give some clues on how a person dresses and you have to judge an individual’s personality type
for me.

Tom prefers wearing ripped jeans with sleeveless t-shirt and sneakers. He loves flaunting his
necklaces, earrings, bracelets and often sports a ponytail.

Jack on the other hand wears a simple linen shirt and trouser. His formal shoes are nicely polished
and clothes ironed. He does not love wearing accessories and prefer just a simple chain around his
neck.

I am sure you must have guessed it right.

Tom is an extrovert and a party animal. He is most likely a college going student who loves being the
life of parties.

Jack on the other hand, is a mature and reserved professional.

If you have guessed it right, do not forget to give a pat on your back….

Yes, the way you dress reflects your personality. Remember, right dressing has nothing to do with
price. An expensive dress might not look good on you. Before stepping out, ask yourself “Is the dress
looking good on me?”, “Am I dressed as per the occasion?” and so on.

Never wear tight fitting or body hugging clothes. Be very particular about the fit of the dress. A
person on the heavier side of normal weight would look slim in a black long outfit whereas a lean
individual would look good in puff sleeves and flair dresses.

Make sure whatever you are wearing is neat and tidy. Do not just pull out clothes from your
wardrobe and wear them. Clothes must be properly ironed. Polish your shoes before stepping out.

Communication Skills and Personality Development

Personality refers to an individual’s characteristics, style, behavior, mindset, attitude, his own unique
way of perceiving things and seeing the world. Genetic factors, family backgrounds, varied cultures,
environment, current situations play an imperative role in shaping one’s personality. The way you
behave with others reflects your personality. An individual with a pleasing personality is appreciated
and respected by all.

Effective Communication skills play a crucial role in honing one’s personality. Communication helps
individuals to express themselves in the most convincing way. Your thoughts, feelings and
knowledge should be passed on in the most desirable manner and effective communication skills
help you in the same.

A person should speak really well to make a mark of his/her own. Remember, no one would take
you seriously if you do not master the art of expressing yourself clearly and in the most convincing
manner.

Not all people are blessed with excellent communication skills; they acquire the same with time and
practice. People with great communication skills tend to have a better and impressive personality
than those who have problems in communicating as interacting with others is not a challenge for
them. Individuals with effective communication skills can easily converse with other people around
be it their fellow workers, peers, family and so on.

Effective communication skills strengthen the bond among individuals. It is also said to improve
the interpersonal relationships with other people.

Careful selection of words is essential for effective communication skills. You really need to know
what you are speaking. You never know what might hurt the other person. Never even think of
being rude to anyone.

Speak convincingly so that the other person understands what you intend to communicate . Your
style of speaking has a tremendous impact on your personality. Speaking slowly always helps as it
allows you to find appropriate words and also reflects thoughtfulness. Emphasize important and
relevant words for the other person to realize the importance.

Speaking confidently is the key to an impressive and great personality. Do not show signs of
nervousness while interacting with others. There is no point of being nervous unless and until you
yourself are not sure of what you are speaking. Develop proper eye contact with the other person.
Do not look around while interacting with the other person.

Take care of your body language. Correct body language exudes confidence which further hones an
individual’s personality. Do not fiddle with things around while speaking.

Be very particular about the pronunciation of words. If you are not very sure of how to pronounce
a particular word, avoid the same in your speech. Pronouncing words wrongly creates a bad
impression on others.

You really do not need to speak with a fake accent to prove that you have excellent communication
skills. Avoid copying others. An individual should have his/her own style to stand apart from the
rest. Speaking articulately enhances one’s personality and makes him/her different from others.

Do not play with words. Never try to fool anyone as you might fall in the trap later on. One should
always say things straight to the point.
It is important to be a good and patient listener for effective communication skills. Observe
whether the other person is listening to you or not. Allow the other person to speak as well in case
of queries or confusions.

Role of Personality Development in Reducing Stress and Conflicts

The process of enhancing one’s personality refers to personality development. An impressive
personality helps an individual to make a mark of his/her own and also stand apart from the crowd.

Personality development plays an essential role in reducing stress and conflicts not only at the
workplace but also at homes and our personal lives. Personality development teaches an individual
to smile even at the times of crisis or unwanted circumstances.

Flashing your trillion dollar smile not only makes you look good but also makes you popular among
other people. A negative statement, if delivered with a smile does not hurt much. Individuals who
spend maximum part of the day striving hard to accomplish goals and objectives of organization
sometimes even forget to smile. No organization pays you for free. Every manager expects his team
members to deliver their level best.

Individuals who have to work really hard to earn their bread and butter are often under stress. They
seldom enjoy their lives and eventually lose interest in whatever they do. People respond to stress
differently. Personality development sessions help individuals deal with stress in a mature way.
Never adopt a negative attitude in life. Trust me, it will lead you nowhere. There is absolutely no
point crying over spilt milk. Remember “after every dark night comes a bright morning.”

Never crib over petty issues, rather learn to fight tough times with courage and a smile. Negative
people always have a negative answer for every question. Try to look at the brighter sides of life.
Personality development trainings help you see life from a broader perspective. A positive attitude
goes a long way in reducing stress and making the world a better place to live. Personality
development prepares an individual for even the worst situations and helps him deal with adverse
situations sensibly. Every problem has a solution. You just need to be patient enough to find an
appropriate solution to the problem. Never lose your cool as it will land you in deeper troubles later
on.

Do not spread unnecessary rumors about anyone, be it your manager, fellow workers or anyone
else within the system. Conflicts arise when people backstab each other and spread baseless
stories. One should learn to mind his/her own business. Do not interfere much into anyone else’s
personal life. How would you feel if someone else shows too much interest in your personal life?
Obviously one would feel bad and irritated. Avoid criticizing others. Personality development plays
an imperative role in strengthening the relationship among individuals. Be polite to everyone.
Respect your fellow workers at workplace. You have no rights to hurt or make fun of any individual
irrespective of his/her income, family background, designation or level in the hierarchy. Readily help
others. This way people will speak high of you even in your absence. You need to respect others to
gain respect in return. Be a little flexible and broad minded.
Conflicts also arise when individuals carry their ego and personal grudges to work. There is
absolutely no place for ego at workplaces. You just can’t afford to be rude with your team members
just because you had a fight with your girlfriend previous night.

Learn to be a good human being. Personality development not only develops and enhances your
outer self but also inner self. Do not try to create problems unnecessarily. You need to be a little
adjusting to reduce stress and avoid conflicts.

Role of Personality Development in Success of an Organization

Personality development plays a crucial role in success of an organization. Employees are truly the
lifeline of an organization. It is rightly said that the success and failure of an organization depend on
its employees. It is essential for employees to develop a sense of loyalty and attachment towards
their organization. Employees ought to learn to face challenges and adverse situations with a smile.
One needs to deal with problems and obstacles at the workplace in a sensible and mature way.
Never panic as it would not only aggravate the problems but also demotivate other employees as
well. Be a role model for others. As a manager, your job is to take your team along and smile
through tough times. Management must organize personality development sessions from time to
time to prepare employees for unforeseen circumstances.

Personality development sessions go a long way in grooming individuals for them to deliver their
level best and eventually contribute towards the success of an organization.

Employees need to have a positive attitude in life. Remember there is no age for learning. An
individual needs to upgrade his/her existing skills and knowledge with time to survive fierce
competition. An individual with a negative attitude cribs in almost every situation and finds it
difficult to cope with the changing times.

Employees need to work in unison for their organization to grow and yield higher profits. Every
employee should work for the organization leaving their selfish motives behind. Some people find it
difficult to work in teams. A team has individuals from different backgrounds and varied cultures
who eventually have different mindsets and attitudes. One needs to have an adjusting nature to be
successful at the workplace. Do not be too rigid. Never always find faults in others Conflicts lead to a
negative ambience at the workplace where employees find it difficult to perform and deliver as per
expectations. Personality development trainings should be organized at workplaces from time to
time which teach employees to be patient, confident and efficient resources for the organization.

Employees are the face of their organization. They need to be presentable and should know how to
converse with other fellow workers as well as external clients. You need to be extremely polite with
your clients not only to expect business in return but also to maintain healthy relationship with
them in future as well. One need to have excellent communication skills to make a mark of his/her
own at the workplace. Personality development teaches you to communicate effectively. Choose
the right words and be extremely careful about the content of your speech. You just can’t afford to
be rude with your clients. If you do not know how to behave with your clients, you would be thrown
out of the office in no time.
An individual who fights with his fellow workers is often treated as an unwanted member and
someone who is hated by all. Remember as an employee, it is you who decides the culture of the
organization.

Personality development enhances one’s personality and makes an individual a mature

professional who can contribute effectively towards the success of an organization. Personality
development helps in extracting the best out of employees, yielding higher profits for the
organization.

BASIC ASPECTS OF PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

Personality is the overall impression that a person creates on others. It is the integrated image of all
the psychological, intellectual, emotional and physical characteristics of an individual as they are
presented to other people. A good personality is vital for success in the professional as well as
personal life. It depends on a number of qualities but few of the important ones are given below.
Awareness of these qualities along with self-appraisal and efforts for improvement of shortcomings
can greatly help in the development of a good personality.

 1)      Physical appearance

2)      Communication skills

3)      Knowledge

4)      Skills – Professional and Personal

5)      Self- confidence

6)      Personal qualities

7)      Health

8)      Activities and Interests

9)      Achievement and success

 A brief insight to the above qualities is given in the following paragraphs:

 1) PHYSICAL APPEARANCE 

Visual impact is the first impression that you make on others. Factors which help are cleanliness,
proper clothing, smartness and cheerfulness. Try to be at your visual best always.

Physical characteristics can include a variety of things. Hairstyles and facial features play a big role,
but aren’t the main ones. Physical characteristics are what you see with the naked eye. They
encompass anything you can describe about a person or group of people, just on sight.
Physical Characteristics: What You Notice First

Physical characteristics are defining traits or features about your body.

The first thing you see when you look at someone could be their hair, clothes, nose, or figure. These
are all examples of physical characteristics.

To get good examples of physical characteristics you should look at a person's face, how tall they
are, and what they are wearing.

For example:

Build Characteristics

 Plump
 Stocky
 Overweight
 Fat
 Slim
 Trim
 Skinny
 Buff
 Well built

Height Characteristics

 Short
 Tall
 Petite
 Average height

Complexion Characteristics

 Dark
 Light
 Fair
 Olive
 Pale
 Tan
 Pimply
 Freckles
 Spots
 Pimples

Hair Characteristics

 Blond
 Fair
 Red
 Brown
  Black
 Grey
 White
 Long
 Short
 Curly
 Frizzy
 Straight
 Bald
 Receding

Improving Your Physical Characteristics

Your physical characteristics can play a role in defining how you are treated. While many physical
characteristics can't be changed, you can improve your physical characteristics to ensure a more
positive outlook.

Small things that you can do can change a person’s thought about you entirely:

 By making sure you’ve washed and put on clean clothes, you can show others you’re a little bit
classier.
 Even just a smile can show you’re friendly.

Not all characteristics can or should be improved. There are certain physical characteristics that you
are born with.

While you can dye your hair, get contact lenses, get a tan, or get plastic surgery, ultimately, you
should embrace the unique physical characteristics you have, since they make you who you are.

Remember when you’re trying to improve yourself, think about how you view others as well. If a
man is wearing an old dirty shirt, instead of judging him, it could be that his washing machine is
broken. Judgment is never the way to go.

What is Self-Image?
Self-Image - The idea, conception, or mental image one has of oneself. Self-Esteem - Respect or
favorable image of oneself (Random House Dictionary)

Self-image is how you perceive yourself. It is a number of self-impressions that have built up over
time: What are your hopes and dreams? What do you think and feel? What have you done
throughout your life and what did you want to do? These self-images can be very positive, giving a
person confidence in their thoughts and actions, or negative, making a person doubtful of their
capabilities and ideas.

Surprisingly, your self-image can be very different from how the world sees you. Some people who
outwardly seem to have it all (intelligence, looks, personal and financial success) may have a bad
self-image. Conversely, others who have had a very difficult life and multiple hardships may also
have a very positive self-image.
Some believe that a person's self-image is defined by events that affect him or her (doing well or not
in school, work, or relationships.) Others believe that a person's self-image can help shape those
events. There is probably some truth to both schools of thought: failing at something can certainly
cause one to feel bad about oneself, just as feeling good about oneself can lead to better
performance on a project. But it cannot be denied that your self-image has a very strong impact on
your happiness, and your outlook on life can affect those around you. If you project a positive self-
image, people will be more likely to see you as a positive, capable person.

However, it's important that your self-image be both positive and realistic. Having a self-image that
is unrealistic can be a drawback, whether that self-image is negative OR positive. Sometimes having
an occasional negative thought or criticism about oneself can encourage change, hard work, growth
and success. Sometimes having too positive an image of oneself can encourage complacency,
underachievement, and arrogance. Finding the balance between feeling positive about oneself and
having realistic goals is important.

Define Your Self-Image: What's Your Internal Voice Saying?

It's surprising how often, and how natural, it is to judge oneself. Have you ever asked yourself "what
was I thinking?" or thought to you "that was stupid" when doing something? That was your internal
voice judging you. In some people that internal voice can be too critical and harsh, leading to low
self-esteem. In others, it may be so weak that they don't notice when they are mean or insensitive
to others.

Listening to your internal voice and judgments of you is the first step to changing your self-image
and esteem. Being aware of self-criticisms (or lack of criticisms) can help you determine your current
self-image and decide if it needs to be improved and how.

One way to gain a better understanding of your current self-image is to imagine your reaction to
certain situations. For example, if you start a beautiful morning thinking, "I can't wait to get outside
and do things!" instead of chiding yourself for not getting out of bed, "don't be such a lazy slob; start
moving", you are exhibiting a more positive internal voice.

But sometimes it's hard not to listen to an internal voice, even when that voice is critical. Sometimes
a person passes internal judgments to protect him or herself from potentially awkward or
uncomfortable situations. For example, telling yourself you aren't able to do something or
convincing yourself that others won't like you is a way of avoiding potential failure or rejection.
Because of this, people often put up with internal criticisms, even though they lead to low self-
esteem.

But it is possible to protect yourself without limiting yourself. For example, you could place less
importance on other's opinions of you ("so what if they don't like me?"), or emphasize the positive
("at least I wasn't afraid to try"), or you can practice silencing your internal voice or correct it when
it exaggerates your negative traits. It's important that when you make internal judgments you also
listen to the more rational part of yourself that can adjust for any unreasonable criticism.

Tips for projecting a positive image

You have the education and experience, but you can’t land the job you want or move to the next
level. It could be because of the image you are projecting. Your image is reflected not only by your
appearance but through your attitude and behavior. Whether your image is positive or negative, it is
controlled by you. To keep from sabotaging your positive image here are a few tips:

• Maintain good eye contact. Increased eye contact signals interest and honesty. Looking at people
and meeting their eyes are the first steps toward striking up friendships and making positive
impressions.

• Smile and maintain pleasant facial expressions. It is a proven fact that people react positively to
smiles, even babies! Smiles are disarming and make you appear approachable and friendly.

• Good dental hygiene. Have your teeth cleaned every four-six months.

• Proper handshake. If you can stand, stand and shake hands firmly without squeezing. Give a
medium-firm grip to convey confidence. A bone-crusher will convey aggression and lack of
consideration, and a limp handshake will convey insecurity, or disinterest. A proper handshake lasts
about three seconds with two or three pumps; palm-to-palm, with your hand in a vertical position.

• Develop good conversation skills. Speak clearly, use good diction and listen attentively.

• Body language speaks louder than words. Be aware of your body language; non-verbal
communication is very powerful. In fact, the majority of our messages are communicated non-
verbally and through facial expressions. Dr. Albert Mehrabian, a noted researcher, found the total
impact of a message is about 7 percent verbal, 38 percent tone and inflection, and 55 percent
nonverbal expressions.

• Eliminate nervous habits. Avoid knee jerking, chewing and popping gum, biting your fingernails,
tugging at your hair or clothing, tapping fingers or jiggling your keys.

• Be well-groomed at all times and dress appropriately for the position you want according to the
company culture. Remember, an expensive suit or outfit will not compensate for dirty fingernails,
chipped nail polish, messy hair, wrinkled, soiled clothing or scuffed shoes.

• Be on time, be dependable and don’t forget to say thank-you. Keep your word and show respect,
kindness and consideration to others.

With a few simple steps you can project a positive image and improve the way you are perceived by
others.
You can't control your genes or your basic physical traits, but you can control how you use what
you've got. Being attractive is a combination of several different factors, including grooming,
personality and style. Here's how to stand out and be your best self.

Grooming

The easiest and most basic thing you can do to be more appealing is practicing good hygiene.
Looking clean and smelling good will make people subconsciously want to be nearer to you. Use
these steps to develop a daily routine.

1. 1

Wear deodorant. Find a scent and strength that works for you, and put it on first thing after you get
out of the shower. If you find that you get sweaty or smelly during the day, carry deodorant in your
backpack or briefcase and reapply.

o If you forget to put on deodorant before you leave the house, find some hand sanitizer and
wipe it on your armpits — it'll kill the bacteria that produces body odor. You might have to
reapply a few times during the day.
2. 2
 Shower every day. Wash your hair thoroughly, and use a body wash or soap that has a fresh and
clean scent.

o If you usually shower in the morning, consider getting a fogless mirror for your shower so you
can wash your face and shave while you're in there.
3. 3

Wear cologne or body spray. How you smell throughout the day can make or break your
attractiveness — if you get it right, people will be automatically drawn closer to you. If you get it
wrong, though, it can have the opposite effect and actually repel people. Here are some basic
guidelines to follow:

o Don't wear too much. This is the most important thing about smelling good — it can't be too
strong, because it's possible to have too much of a good thing. Even roses can smell
nauseating if you take a big whiff of concentrated rose oil. Do two or three pumps of cologne
maximum and only three pumps of body spray. Your nose will get used to the scent and stop
"smelling" it after a few minutes, but other people can still smell you.
o Find a scent that works with your natural smell. Everyone's body chemistry is slightly
different, and as a result not every scent fits every person. There are smells that "work" on
some people and start to smell terrible on others. If you can, sample a cologne or body spray
before you buy it. Wear it around for a day, and ask a friend to tell you how it smells a few
hours later.
o Try to match up your body wash and your cologne. They don't have to be the same scent, but
they should be similar so that they don't produce a clashing smell.
o Put cologne over pulse points. The parts of your body where large amounts of blood are
flowing close to the surface, will be a little bit warmer throughout the day, which will heat up
the cologne slightly and make it smell stronger. Common areas include the wrists, throat, and
back of the neck.
4. 4

Wash your face every morning and night. Men naturally have more testosterone than women, which
is linked to an increase in pimples and outbreaks. Counteract this by taking care to keep your face
clean.

o Find products that are appropriate for your skin type. Here are the most common kinds:
  Sensitive/dry skin: If your skin tends to be flaky and dry, or gets red and irritated
easily, use an extremely gentle cleanser. Skip toner, and use a light moisturizer.
 Combination/T-zone skin: If your forehead, nose and chin (or "T-zone") tend to be
oily but your cheeks are dry, you have "combination" skin. Most people have this skin
type, so look for a cleanser that's marketed for normal or combination skin. Use a
gentle toner on your T-zone, and finish up with a moisturizer.
 Oily skin: If your skin tends to be uniformly oily, find a clay-based or drying cleanser.
Use a gentle toner everywhere on your face, and finish with a light moisturizer. If
your skin feels oily during the day, pick up some face-blotting tissues from the skin-
care section of the drug store and pat them on your skin in the afternoon.
o If you have acne, use a salicylic acid face wash and put benzoyl peroxide cream on pimples. If
this doesn't help, see a dermatologist.
5. 5

Shave or trim your facial hair. Whether you choose to be bare-faced or have a beard, the key is
taking care to groom your facial hair every day.

o For a clean-shaven look, shave every morning before you leave for work or school. Wet your
skin first, and use a sharp razor and shaving cream. Shaving against the grain (that is, in the
opposite direction of hair growth, from your jaw to your cheek) provides a closer shave, but
results in more irritation. If you struggle with ingrown hairs, try shaving with the grain.
o Manage your beard, mustache or goatee. Make sure the edges are neat and clean, and trim
any hair so that it's uniformly long. When you're cleansing your face, pay special attention to
scrubbing the skin beneath any facial hair.
6. 6

Groom your eyebrows (optional). You don't have to pluck your eyebrows, but it might help you look
a little more well-groomed overall. Here are some basic pointers:
 o Find a good pair of tweezers. The two prongs should meet completely — this will make
plucking less painful and more efficient.
o Use the rest of your face as a guideline. Find a pencil and hold it up to the edge of one nostril,
so that the pencil crosses your eyebrow. Hair that runs past the pencil and into the "unibrow"
zone over your nose should be plucked. Do this for the other side as well.
o Clean up your arches. If your brows still look a bit bushy after you've plucked out the middle,
you can try plucking a bit from beneath your arches. Remember, though, to only pluck
beneath your eyebrows — don't pluck the hair above the brow.
7. 7

Clean and trim your nails. Every two or three days, when you get out of the shower, take a minute to
quickly trim up all 20 of your nails and clean out any dirt from beneath them. They'll be softer and
easier to manage after you've been in the water for a few minutes. Both your fingernails and toenails
should be trimmed short, so there's just a thin line of white above the quick.

8. 8

Brush and floss your teeth. Combat bad breath and maintain a pearly-white smile by taking good
care of your teeth.

o Update your toothbrush. Your toothbrush should be replaced once every 3 months, or after
you've recovered from a cold or other infectious illness. If the bristles are starting to splay
out, you need a new one.
o Floss every night. Not only does flossing get plaque and food out of your mouth, it's also
thought to prevent heart disease.
o Brush your tongue. Your teeth might be sparkling white, but you'll still be saddled with bad
breath if your tongue is dirty. Using your toothbrush, make a few light strokes over your
tongue whenever you brush. (Don't push too hard, or you'll damage the tissue).
o Finish with mouthwash. Swish thoroughly for 20 seconds, and spit.

Styling Hair

1. 1
 Have your hair trimmed regularly. Even if you're trying to grow it out, it needs regular cuts to stave
off split ends. You can visit a professional stylist, or cut it yourself. Either way, consider these
schedules:

o If you prefer to keep your hair short, aim to have it trimmed every 2 to 3 weeks. Make sure
that you or your stylist shaves the hair that grows down the back of your neck.
o If you're growing out your hair, have the ends trimmed every 4 to 6 weeks. Even if it's going
to be covered, take care to shave the hair that grows down the back of your neck.

2. 2

Wash your hair often. Washing hair every day works for most guys, but you could stretch it to every
other day if your hair is particularly dry. Find a shampoo and conditioner that seems to work for your
hair type. (If you struggle with having dry hair or split ends, look for a sulfate-free shampoo, without
sodium laureth sulfate or sodium lauryl sulfate.)

3. 3

Use hair products (optional). You don't have to use product to style your hair, but most people do. It
can help your hair look shinier and healthier, as well as providing more hold and control. Here are
some common products used to style men's hair:
 o Serums or creams. These can help you tame fly-aways or de-frizz curls without making your
hair stiff and immovable.
o Mousse. Use hair mousse to add volume and shine to your hair, with minimal hold. For best
results, apply to wet hair and allow to dry.
o Pomade, hair wax or hair clay. Use these products to mold your hair in to difficult-to-achieve
shapes, such as pompadours or curls (for naturally straight hair). Be aware that it can take
several washes to remove these products, so apply them lightly. A pea-sized amount should
be plenty if you have short, medium or thin hair. Use pomade or hair wax for a shiny, wet
look; use hair clay for a matte, natural tone.
o Gel. Unlike pomade, gel contains alcohol that dries out hair and makes for a stiffer hold. For
the strongest hold, apply gel to wet hair.
o Hair glue. Ever wonder how some people get their mohawks to stand straight up? They're
probably using some variation of hair glue, which provides the strongest possible hold. Be
wary of product build-up, and wash hair thoroughly.
4. 4

Comb your hair into a style that works for you. You might have to experiment a bit to find out what
hairstyle best suits your face and your style, but eventually you'll settle into a look that works for you
on a daily basis. Consider these options:

o Part your hair. You can part your hair down the middle, to the side, or not at all. Try it a few
different ways and see what you like.
o Comb your hair in one direction, instead of parting, you can try combing the top of your hair
in one way. If it's particularly short, try combing it forward; if its longer, you could comb it
back or spike it up. Again, try out some different styles.
o If you have longer hair, you can try pulling it back in a ponytail, styling it so that it hands in
front of your face, or combing back and tying up just the top section.
5. 5

Deal with balding (optional). If you're balding, it might be best to cut or shave your hair short, so that
the difference between the two areas is less noticeable. Be sure to wash your hair right after
exercising, as failing to do so is said to accelerate balding, and give yourself a nice scalp massage
every time you shower.
Clothing

As they say, the clothes make the man! You don't have to wear expensive items to be attractive, but
your clothing can communicate a lot about you. Consider building your wardrobe around these
steps.

1. 1

Wear clothing that fits. You could be wearing the most expensive suit in the world and still look
awkward if it's too small or too large on you. Your clothes should fit you as well as possible, which in
general means that the bottom of your pants should hit or cover your ankles, long-sleeved shirts
should hit or cover your wrists, and the bottom your shirts should hit your hips.

o Don't try to hide your body. Whether you're embarrassed about being too large or too
skinny, trying to cover it up with baggy clothing only makes you look worse. You don't have to
wear clothing that's completely form-fitting, but it shouldn't sag or leave too much space.
o If you can't wear sizes off the rack, find an inexpensive seamstress or tailor. Maybe you have
thin hips but long legs, and you can't find a pair of jeans that accommodates both. Buy
clothing that's slightly larger than you need, and find someone to take it in so that it fits your
measurements. Most dry cleaning businesses will do alterations for a fair price.
o Throw out or donate clothes that no longer fit. You might love that old T-shirt from high
school, but you shouldn't be wearing it if it doesn't fit.
2. 2

Know how to highlight your best features. Here's a basic rule of getting dressed: light colors
highlight, and dark colors obscure. For instance, if you like your shoulders but you're not as fond of
your legs, you might try wearing dark-wash jeans and a light-colored T-shirt.

3. 3

Figure out which colors look good on you. The right color will make your skin look awesome, while
the wrong one can make it look washed out and sallow. Here are some basic tests to try:
 o Determine whether you look better in white or off-white. Try holding a stark white shirt up to
your face, then an off-white shirt. If you're like most people, you'll look notably better next to
one or the other. Once you figure it out, stick to what works.
o Determine whether you look better in black or brown. This one isn't as clear-cut as white, but
some people look notably better in black over brown, and vice versa. When you settle on
one, don't mix the colors — for instance, don't wear brown shoes and a brown belt with
black dress trousers. Wear black shoes, black pants, and a black belt, or all brown.
o Try to figure out if you prefer "warm" or "cool" colors. Cool colors are generally based on
blues, purples, dark greens, and blue-based reds, while warm colors are based on yellows,
oranges, browns, and yellow-based reds. An easy way to figure this out is to find something
that's blue-red, and something that's yellow-red, and hold them up to your face. Which one
looks better with your skin tone? (If you need more help determining warm and cool colors,
search online for a color wheel that demonstrates this.)
4. 4

Stock your wardrobe with timeless basics. These pieces shouldn't fall out of style too quickly, and
they should be made of quality materials that will last a few years. Pick up items such as solid-color
polo shirts, solid or plaid button-up shirts, dark blue jeans, plain white and black T-shirts (without
advertisements or graphic designs), a solid-color blazer, dark dress trousers, a dark and well-fitting
jacket, lace-up dress shoes, and white sneakers. You'll always be able to put together a presentable
outfit from these pieces.
 5. 5

Do laundry regularly. Some items of clothing can stand to go through several wears before they're
dirty (such as jeans or jackets), but shirts, underwear and socks can only stand one wear before they
need to be washed. Set up a regular schedule for doing laundry so that you don't spend the morning
scrambling for something clean.

Having an Attractive Presence

1. 1

Practice good posture. It might seem irrelevant, but standing up straight makes you seem confident
and in control, which people do find attractive. Keep your shoulders squared, your spine straight, and
try to center your hips over your feet. Walk with confidence and don't drag your feet or shuffle. Also
don't stare at the ground.

2. 2

Smile. Offering someone a genuine smile is one of the easiest things you can do to seem instantly
appealing. Practice smiling often, and try to get into a frame of mind where your grin is easy to
trigger.

o Develop a warm sense of humor. Find joy and laughter in the ridiculous aspects of life, and
don't be afraid to point this out to other people. Try to keep your jokes free of references to
bodily functions, sex acts, or disparaging other groups of people.
3. 3

Make eye contact. When you're talking to someone (especially someone you like), demonstrate that
you're interested and paying attention by making consistent eye contact.
 o Use eye contact to flirt. Throw several glances at someone sitting near you or across the
room until he or she catches you. Maintain eye contact for a second, smile and look away.
4. 4

Be a gentleman. You don't have to be a stuffed shirt to show basic care and consideration for other
people. Say "please," "thank you," and "excuse me," and show courtesy by holding doors open for
people walking behind you.

o Be respectful of other people. Don't tear down other people's beliefs, and don't be
unnecessarily rude to them. If someone tries to start a confrontation with you, walk away
calmly — this illustrates that you won't sink to the other person's level.
o Don't swear or make crude comments in public. It's fine to let your hair down a little bit
around your guy friends or your family, but avoid talking this way around people you don't
know well.
5. 5

Know how to carry a conversation. Being a competent conversationalist can help people feel more
at-ease and relaxed around you. Know how to casually inquire about how someone is doing, and let
that lead into other topics of conversation. Ask open-ended questions (for example, instead of saying
"Do you have any plans this weekend?", which can be answered with a simple yes or no, ask "What
are you up to this weekend?"), and stay away from contentious topics such as politics and religion.
 o To sharpen your conversational skills, try striking up a chat with a stranger next time you're
waiting around in public, such as at a bus stop or in line at the grocery store. If you can get a
genuine smile and a few lines of conversation out of the other person, you're doing well.
6. 6

Speak clearly and carefully. When you talk to other people, try not to mumble or rush your words.
Form full sentences, and avoid opening your mouth before you've really thought about what you're
going to say — it will save you a lot of potential embarrassment.

Taking Care of Your Body

1. 1

Eat well. Sticking to a healthy diet can help you avoid bad breath and pungent body odor, as well as
keeping you healthy and trim. Try incorporating some of these guidelines into your diet:

o Avoid junk food and items that are high in sugar. These treats are fine every once in a while,
but they shouldn't be an everyday thing. Try to limit modest amounts of soda, beer, candy
bars, potato chips and other junky items to one "cheat" day per week.
o Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. You've heard it a hundred times, but eating plenty of raw
fruits and vegetables is vital to a healthy diet. Consider trying to eat fresh fruit (such as
apples, oranges and pears) as a snack, and try to eat at least one vegetable at both lunch and
dinner.
o Learn to prepare food. Start with simple things - boil eggs, make sandwiches and salads, cook
burgers and steaks, heat frozen veggies, boil rice & pasta. It will save you money, improve
your health and impress people!
2. 2

Exercise. Consistent physical activity can not only help your body look more attractive, but it also lifts
your mood and keeps you from getting sick as often. Set up a plan that works for you, and stick to it.
Here are some suggestions to get you started:

o Do basic stretches, sit-ups, push-ups, and other exercises every other day. Stay consistent
with the number of repetitions. Then, as your muscles improve, increase the number of
repetitions you do and you will see results.
o Try different weight lifting plans. Try to do as much as you can, but don't over extend
yourself, and give your muscles rest days to heal and build muscle. Working out every day
may actually be bad for you! However, don't be afraid about becoming way too buff. Body-
builders in magazines look that huge because lifting weights is the only thing they do for a
living. It won't happen to you.
 The primary core lifts are Bench Press, Squat, Military Press, Deadlift, and Curls. If
you need more chest work, consider doing Incline Press. If you would rather do more
explosive workouts, consider Power Clean, Push-press. If this still isn't enough,
consider doing bar snatch, workouts w/jerk, hang clean w/front squat, or other
dumbbell lifts. If you have a membership, great, use the bar primarily, and use
machines such as lat pull downs to supplement.
o Walk, jog, ride your bicycle, or run for 30 minutes or for a mile or two as well (if you ride a
bike, run, jog, or walk to school or work, then you can get well-exercised just walking,
jogging, running, or riding your bike; this works on your stomach, legs, and back). It will help
your body system to be more flexible and more upcoming to objectives.
 o Consider morning exercise. It can bring out your skin and make it look nicer throughout the
day. Just make sure to take a shower after as well. Sometimes as you work out through-out
the day you sweat. All that sweat would not smell nice. Taking a shower after a period of
sweating to get fully clean would stop the odor.

Edit Tips

 Don't pay an over-the-top amount of attention to your crush. This can come off as "stalker-like". Talk
to them. If they don't like you, deal with it. Why waste your valuable time wanting what you can't
have? If you act dignified and leave them alone, and develop interests in other people, they may like
you later.
 Never be rude or intend to belittle others in public, it can send out a negative message about you so
be nice.
 Act brave around women. They love it when they are scared and you are able to stay strong and
protect them.
 While trying to impress your crush, never, under any circumstances, point out your flaws if they
haven't said anything. They most likely haven't noticed, and you are lowering their opinion of you if
you do so.
 Always take into account how others feel, if you talk about yourself all the time it's more likely you
won't have anyone to turn to but yourself.
 Do not spit on the ground while walking.
 Blow your nose. No one like guys sniffing, and most people will get disgusted if they see a booger up
a guy's nose. So to avoid this, take a handkerchief with you and make sure you use it.
 If you get one or a couple of pimples, don't obsess about it. Everyone gets at least a few during their
development, as long as you don't act like it's a big deal, people won't notice them. For the
occasional pimple(s), it's best just to forgo "Anti-Pimple" medication and limit yourself to simply
applying a hot cloth to the pimples every few hours. Most pimples should only last a few days, unless
the skin becomes irritated or infection sets in.
 Don't make your change to cool clothing sudden, as this will make you look like a poser. Make a
gradual change over a period of a month and be sure you have the friends and the attitude to match.
 Don't be afraid to be cocky! It's not necessarily a bad thing. But, make sure you don't over do it of
course.

Being a tad cocky can influence your confidence and make yourself more attractive to girls around
you!

 Play a sport such as football or basketball to meet new people and to experience something new.
 If you have a big nose or big ears, growing long hair makes these less noticeable.
 Don't try to be someone you're not. It's fine to explore different aspects of your personality, but don't
try to force yourself to be the exact opposite of how you really feel. Being genuine is attractive, and
people can tell when you're not being real. If someone can't respect who you are, then they aren't
worth the time.
o If you don't think your personality is all that attractive, think about the parts of your
personality you find unattractive. Be aware of any tendencies you or others might find
annoying. Obscure them or be aware when and as they are about to come up and eliminate
them. Before long you will succeed, and have no personality left. As long as you look good,
girls will love this
How to Look Attractive (Girls)
For teenage girls, looking your best and attracting admirers is easy when you put your mind to it.
Whether you're reading this to make new friends, catch your crushes eye or simply to feel better
about yourself, these steps will help in any situation!

Part One: Easy Ways to Look Your Best

1. 1

Spend five minutes every morning and evening on your skin. Consistency is the key to maintaining
beautiful skin, so commit to setting aside a few minutes a day for it. Here's how to make it easy:

o Wash your face in the shower. Save time in the morning by combining your skincare routine
with your shower. Do a few quick swipes and rinse while you're getting your hair wet.
o If you're too tired to do a full skincare routine before you hit the hay, keep a stack of makeup
removal wipes on your nightstand.
o Try to moisturize day and night. Don't forget the common areas where wrinkles tend to pop
up: the outer edges of your eyes and around your mouth.
2. 2

Shower every day. A quick rinse-off before you start your day will make you look, smell and feel a
little prettier, no matter what else is going on. Try to get it down to a routine that you can easily get
through in five or 10 minutes.

o Wash your hair on a regular schedule. You don't need to wash your hair every time you
shower — and, in fact; people with coarser hair should stick to every other day, or even every
three days. Whatever works best for you, be consistent. Your scalp gets into a routine when
 it comes to releasing oils into your hair, so make your life easier by maintaining the same
schedule.
o Trim and clean your nails once or twice a week. Your nails will be softest and most workable
when you first get out of the shower, so it's a good opportunity to do a quick trim. You'll have
clean, presentable fingers and toes without having to do a full-on mani-pedi.
o Manage body hair. Address any shaving in the shower, and take care of plucking as soon as
you get out. As a general rule of thumb, try to shave armpits every day and legs every other
day, and clean up your brows once a week.
o Put on deodorant as soon as you get out. It's also a good time to put on fragrance, whether
it's perfume or a light body sprays. (Just go easy and make sure you don't use too much!)
3. 3

Present a beautiful smile. No matter what else happens, your smile is one of your best assets. Here's
how to make sure it stays sparkling:

o Brush twice a day, and floss at least every night. Don't forget to gently brush your tongue,
while you're at it — a lot of bacteria that cause bad breath can hang out there.
o Use mouthwash at night, and keep gum or mints on-hand to make sure your mouth stays
sweet and appealing.
o Fight off chapped lips. If your lips tend to get flaky and dry, you're probably dehydrated —
drink water more regularly, and you'll notice a difference. If that doesn't help, keep a small
tube of chapstick to use throughout the day.
4. 4

Keep your body fit. You don't have to be stick-skinny to be attractive, but it's worth the time and
effort to keep your body fit and healthy. Not only will it pay off as you get older, the endorphins
released during exercise will help you feel more confident and pretty.
 o Play a sport. Exercise doesn't have to be monotonous. If you find yourself bored to tears by
the thought of going to the gym, consider taking up a sport or physically-oriented hobby.
Basketball, tennis, volleyball and swimming are all great choices.
o Work out with a friend. Stay committed to fitness by making it a social appointment. You're
less likely to bail out on running if it means standing up your friend. Plus, you'll have someone
to bond and commiserate with while you exercise.
o Try to stay generally active. Take the stairs instead of the elevator, or park a little farther
away from the entrance of the grocery store. It might not seem like much, but even small
increases in how much you move will eventually show in your figure.

Part Two: More Detailed Help

1. 1

Enhance your natural beauty with makeup. Women across several cultures use makeup to play up
their features. But remember, you don't have to wear makeup to be attractive — it's just a tool you
can use if you'd like. You can also wear different levels of makeup, depending on your situation and
your comfort level.

o Try a natural look. You can wear just enough makeup to cover any little flaws and look like
the best version of your usual self. Use a clear or slightly tinted lip gloss or chapstick, and a
light powder to even out your skin tone.
o Wear an everyday look. You can wear a full face of makeup without using a heavy hand, or
you can skip the whole routine and just use a bright lipstick or a smoky eye. If you tend to
wear makeup on a daily basis, consider settling into a basic look that you can alter up or
down depending on your needs.
o Does a glam evening look. For going out or special events, try setting aside 15 or 20 minutes
to do a full face of makeup. Use concealer, base, finishing powder, blush, eye makeup, and a
lipstick or lips stain. Just remember the lips-or-eyes rule: pick one or the other to highlight.
Doing both will look too garish and over-done.
2. 2

Style your hair. Like most people, you probably have a few fallback hairstyles you rely on for your
everyday look. That doesn't mean you can't try something new every now and then, though! Putting
a little extra effort into your hair can boost your beauty and make you feel like a supermodel.
 o Change it up. If you usually wear your hair back in a ponytail, try leaving it loose in a half
ponytail or curl it with a flat iron. Alternatively, if loose and long is your preference, try a
textured ponytail or a trendy fishtail braid.
o Consider a new haircut. If your hair just isn't working for you or you're in a rut, maybe a new
cut or color is what you need. Browse around online or thumb through magazines for styles
you like, and make an appointment at a salon. Remember, it's your stylist's job to make
people feel good about how they look, and he or she will be delighted to offer advice if
you're not sure what to do.
o Trim split ends and touch up color. Even if you're totally content with your current look,
make sure you keep up on maintenance. Get split ends trimmed every six to eight weeks, and
cover up any mis-colored roots at the same time.
3. 3

Dress in clothes that flatter your body. What looks amazing on your best friend might not suit you as
well, and it has nothing to do with how attractive you are. Knowing how choose clothes that fit you
well will make you appear more beautiful (even though you yourself haven't changed!).

o Be aware of your body shape. You can take your measurements, or you can just look in the
mirror and try to eyeball it. The most common types are:
 Pear: larger hips, smaller waist and bust. Highlight your small waist and shoulders.
 Apple: larger bust and waist, smaller legs. Draw attention to your slim legs and hips.
 Hourglass: larger bust and hips, smaller waist. Play up your classic curves and small
waist.
  Banana: Thin through bust, waist and hips. Play up your slender figure, using belts or
cropped jackets to draw a line across your waist.
o Remember: light colors highlight, dark colors hide. For instance, if you like your waist but
don't like your hips, wear dark pants and a light shirt.
4. 4

Take extra care of your skin. A daily cleansing routine is a strong foundation for having beautiful skin,
but you can do a few special processes now and then to make sure your complexion stays clear.

o Exfoliate. Once a week, mix a gentle exfoliant with your cleanser and gently massage it over
your face. Rinse off as usual.
o Remove blackheads. Buy a few blackhead removal strips at the drugstore, or visit an
esthetician for a professional extraction.
o Treat yourself to a mini facial. You can pick up face masks at the drug store, or make your
own out of peaches and oatmeal.

Part Three: Radiating Confidence

1. 1

Practice good posture. The way you carry yourself tells other people a lot about how you feel, so
make sure you're communicating confidence.

o Hold your head high. Don't look down at the ground.

o Keep your shoulders back and relaxed.
o Stand with feet hips-width apart.
 o Balance your weight evenly on both feet.
2. 2

Walk with poise. Did you know that beauty queens spend hours re-learning how to walk? Sounds
silly, but they're practicing walking in a way that appears graceful and floaty. Follow these quick tips
instead of spending so much time on pageant training:

o Don't drag your feet. Avoid shuffling or only lifting your feet to the minimum possible height
that allows you to walk.
o Let your hips swivel slightly. An exaggerated swivel can cause back pain, but so can trying to
maintain an unnaturally pelvis while you walk. Instead, allow your hips to swing with the
motion of your walking.
o Try not to bounce up and down too much. Practice walking in a way that keeps your head at
the same height, even as the rest of your body is moving.
3. 3

Smile! You already possess the one thing that can make you more attractive than any other help:
your pearly whites. Keep your smile within easy reach, and try to find reasons to grin. Not only will it
make you feel happier [1], you'll brighten the moods of everyone around you.

o If you have a hard time smiling regularly, try to think of a favorite joke or something that
makes you happy, like a pet or sibling. Muse on it whenever you need to flash a quick grin.
o Keep it appropriate. Smiling when someone says hello to you is great; smiling when your
friend talks about losing his grandma is not as great. Gauge the situation before you
automatically grin.
Edit Tips

 Don't rush it. Instead of setting astronomical expectations for yourself and expecting to look
completely different overnight, ease into changing your appearance.
 Get advice. If you have a close friend or family member who really knows how to look good and take
care of herself, ask what her secret is. She'll probably be more than happy to tell you.

How to Improve Your Posture

Good posture is an easy and very important way to maintain a healthy mind and body. When you
practice correct posture, your body is in alignment with itself. This can alleviate common problems
such as back or neck pain, headaches, and fatigue. Being in good general health and standing (or
sitting) tall will also boost your bearing and self confidence. This article will show you several ways to
develop and maintain good posture.

General Posture

1. 1

Identify good posture. Good posture is nothing more than keeping your body in alignment. What
good posture looks like when a person is standing : a straight back, squared shoulders, chin up, chest
out, stomach in. If you can draw a straight line from your earlobe through your shoulder, hip, knee, to
the middle of your ankle—–you've got it. To find yours:

o Using a mirror, align your ears, shoulders, and hips. Proper alignment places your ears loosely
above your shoulders and above your hips. Again, these points make a straight line, but the
spine itself curves in a slight 'S'. You'll find that this doesn't hurt at all. If you do experience
pain, look at your side view in a mirror to see if you're forcing your back into an unnatural
position.
o The spine has two natural curves that you need to maintain called the 'double C' or 'S' curves.
These are the curves found from the base of your head to your shoulders and the curve from
the upper back to the base of the spine. When standing straight up, make sure that your
weight is evenly distributed on your feet. You might feel like you are leaning forward, and
you may even feel you look odd, but you don't.
2. 2

Train your muscles to do the work. Exercises that strengthen the muscles across your upper back
and shoulders will help you to maintain good posture. You don't need to develop a body builder
physique—–it's more important to build "muscle memory" so that you unconsciously and naturally
maintain correct posture without fatigue. Try the following, with or without hand weights:

o Exercise One
 Square your posture, head upright, so that your ears are aligned over your shoulders.
 Raise both arms straight out, alongside your ears, palms up.
 Bend forearms in and back, toward shoulders, in an effort to touch your shoulder
blades with your fingertips.
 Do ten repetitions with both arms, then alternate ten reps for each arm singularly.
o Exercise Two
 Align ears with shoulders as in Exercise One.
 Raise both arms out to sides at shoulder height, and hold for a slow count of ten.
 Slowly lower arms to sides, counting ten as you lower.
 Slowly raise arms back to shoulder height, counting to ten as you raise arms.
 Do ten reps, constantly checking your alignment with each rep. If ten reps are too
many to start, do as many as you can. You should at least feel a slight fatigue in the
shoulder muscles.
3. 3

Be a penguin. While you wait for a web page to load or the bread to toast, place your elbows at your
side, and touch your shoulders with your hands.

o Keeping your hands on your shoulders and your ears aligned, raise both elbows (count one,
two) and lower them back down (count one, two). Do as many reps as your wait allows. You'll
be surprised how much exercise fits into 30 seconds.
4. 4

Do stretches. This can greatly help if you find that you have a sore back or neck. It's also good to do
during the day, if your job requires you to sit for long periods.
 o Tilt or stretch your head in all four directions over your shoulders (forward, back, left, right),
and gently massage your neck. Avoid rolling in a circle, as it may cause further strain.
o On your hands and knees, curl your back upwards, like a cat, and then do the opposite. Think
about being able to place a bowl in the hollow of your back.
o Repeat the exercises a few times each day. Doing them in the morning helps your body
stretch out the muscle lethargy of sleep. Done periodically throughout the day, it will help to
raise your energy level without a heavy workout.
5. 5

Practice yoga. Yoga is excellent for posture, and for your health in general. It can also improve your
balance. Yoga works your core muscles, making them stronger and helping you to keep a proper body
alignment.

o Yoga will also help by teaching you on how to hold an erect posture while sitting, standing,
and walking. Look for classes in your area, or scout YouTube for instructional videos.

Standing Posture

1. 1

Find your center. Proper standing posture is about alignment and balance. It also lends an air of
confidence. Here are some tips for achieving the correct upright posture:

o Place your feet about shoulder width apart, the same stance you would use for working out
or many other physical activities.
 o Stand up straight. This is, of course, the key to good standing posture, and bears repeating.
As you develop good posture habits, this will become second nature.
o Keep your weight on the balls of your feet. When you rest on your heels, your natural
tendency will be to slouch. Instead, stand up, and make an effort to stand on the balls of your
feet. Notice how the rest of your body follows. Now rock back so that your weight is on your
heels. Notice the way your entire body shifts into a "slouchy" posture with this single motion.
o Keep your shoulders squared. It may feel unnatural at first, if you have not developed good
posture habits. Like standing up straight, however, this will become second nature.
o Pull your head back and up. Picture yourself reaching for the ceiling with the top of your
head. Keep your head square on top of the neck and spine as you do this. Not only will this
improve your posture, you will look taller and leaner, too. Try it!
2. 2

Teach your body what it feels like. Stand with your back against a door or wall, with the back of your
head, your shoulders, and your butt just touching it. If it feels awkward and uncomfortable, don't
worry—–as you develop good posture habits and train your body, it will feel uncomfortable to not
stand this way.

Walking Posture

1. 1

Start with good standing posture. Walking with good posture is simply an extension of standing with
good posture. Keep your head up, shoulders back, chest out, and eyes looking straight ahead.

o Avoid pushing your head forward.

Sitting Posture

1. 1

Sit up straight! How often did your mother tell you that? For many people, this suggestion got filed
right next to "eat your peas," or "your eyes will stick that way." Mom was right, though–—at least
about your posture. Now, especially, when so many of us sit at a desk all day, it's important to follow
these basic guidelines, both for your posture and for your health.

o If you work long hours at a desk and have the option, use a chair that's ergonomically
designed for proper support and designed for your height and weight. If this is not an option,
try using a small pillow for lumbar support.
o Align your back with the back of the office chair. This will help you avoid slouching or leaning
forward, which you may find yourself doing after sitting too long at your desk.
o As with standing posture, keep your shoulders straight and squared, your head is upright, and
your neck, back, and heels are all aligned.
o Keep both feet on the ground or footrest (if your legs don't reach all the way to the ground).
o Adjust your chair and your position so that your arms are flexed, not straight out. Aim for
roughly a 75- to 90-degree angle at the elbows. If they are too straight, you're too far back,
and if they are more than 90 degrees, you're either sitting too close, or you're slouching.
2. 2
 Take standing breaks. Even if you're using perfect posture while sitting in the best chair in the world
(and it's debatable whether there is such a thing [1]), you need to stand up and stretch, walk around,
do a little exercise, or just stand there for a few minutes. Your body was not designed to sit all day,
and recent studies from the University of Sydney have found that "[p]rolonged sitting is a risk factor
for all-cause mortality, independent of physical activity." Keep moving!

Driving Posture

1. 1

Start with good sitting posture. Not only is good posture recommended simply for good posture's
sake, it's also important for more practical safety concerns. Your car's seating and protective systems
were designed for people sitting in the seat properly, and can actually have an impact on safety in the
event of a collision.

o Keep your back against the seat and head rest.

o Adjust your seat to maintain a proper distance from the pedals and steering wheel. If you're
leaning forward, pointing your toes, or reaching for the wheel, you're too far away. If you are
bunched up with your chin on top of the steering wheel, you're too close.
2. 2

Adjust the head rest. The head rest should be adjusted so that the middle of your head rests against
it. Tilt the head rest as needed, to maintain a distance of no more than four inches (10cm) between
the back of your head and the head rest.

Carry That Weight

1. 1

Avoid unintentional back injury. Lifting and carrying presents extra loads and balance problems that
are not part of your normal, everyday physical structure. Lifting or carrying objects without regard to
your physiology can cause discomfort, pain, or in some cases, real injury. Here are some guidelines
for proper load-bearing posture:

o When you're lifting something off the ground any heavier than your cat, always bend at the
knees, not the waist. Your back muscles are not designed for taking the weight, but your
large leg and stomach muscles are. Use them well.
o If you do a lot of heavy lifting, either as part of weight training or as part of your job, consider
wearing a supportive belt. This can help you maintain good posture while lifting.
o Keep it tight. The closer you keep large or heavy objects to your chest, the less you use your
lower back when carrying them. Instead, the work is done with your arms, chest, and upper
back.
 Try holding a five pound (2.26kg) sack of flour, and hold it far out in front of you.
Now, slowly pull it closer and closer to your chest and feel the different muscle
groups come into play as you do this.
o Balance your load to prevent stress and fatigue. If you're carrying a heavy suitcase, for
example, change arms frequently. You'll know when.
Sleeping

1. 1

Sleep soundly. While you will not be able to consciously maintain a particular posture while sleeping,
how you sleep can have an effect on your waking posture.

o Using a firmer mattress will help by maintaining proper back support.

o Sleeping on your back will help keep your shoulders straight, and it is usually more
comfortable for the back than sleeping on the stomach.
o If you prefer sleeping on your side, try slipping a small, flat pillow between your knees to help
keep your spine aligned and straight.
o Use a pillow to provide proper support and alignment for the head and shoulders. Don't
overdo the pillows—–too many, and your head can be bent in an unnatural position; this will
hurt your posture and you'll wake up feeling stiff, sore, and groggy.

Train Your Core Muscles

1. 1

Stay in shape. To keep your entire musculoskeletal system in tune to support your posture, it's
important to keep yourself in shape. Try these tips:

o Lie on your back, with your legs bent to about 90 degrees at the knee, and your feet on the
floor.
o Pull your belly-button towards your spine and holding it at the end. This is a different type of
contraction than crunches (crunches feel like they are more at the front of your stomach,
while this feels like it is more inwards and towards your back).
o Hold for ten seconds, repeat eight times. Repeat it daily.
o Maintain the proper posture even if you are getting tired and are not using other muscles like
your back or butt muscles.
o Breathe normally during this exercise, as you are training your core to be able to maintain
this position during normal activities in daily life.

Other Helpful Ways to Improve Posture

1. 1

Think string. Always imagine that a string coming from the top of your head is pulling you gently up
towards the ceiling. Visualization techniques like this one can guide your sense of proper position and
height effectively.

2. 2

Have someone tape a giant X on your back from one shoulder to the opposite hip. Then put a
straight line of tape across your shoulders closing the top of the X. Wear this during the day, to help
retrain your back. This works really well if you hold shoulders back before taping, use wide non
stretch tape and ideally change tape each day.
 3. 3

Avoid the slouch when walking. Be sure to try to walk as if you had a book balancing on your head.

4. 4

Use color. If you need help remembering to keep your posture, think of a unique object or color.
Every time you think of that object, check your posture.

5. 5

Focus on your calves. Let your posture and balance rely more on your calves. Try to feel an at ease
attitude, and put a bounce in your step. You'll find that it will free up the rest of your upper body to
relax and assume a more upright posture that takes pressure from your back, shoulders and neck,
and works on your ab muscles. This is awesome, since strong calves and abs rock!

Edit Tips

 Try these steps to get in alignment: push your shoulders forward, then bring them straight up, then
bring them straight back, then bring them straight down. Feel good? If your shoulders feel slightly
stiff or tense you may have unnecessary muscle tension.
 Don't tighten up your muscles when you are assuming a straight posture. It will only stress the joints
and muscles themselves and this affects the skeleton, therefore your posture and even the way you
move and breathe. Try to relax into it, but if you experience back pains, stop it! You are probably
causing unnecessary muscle tension. It is important to differentiate between back pains, and muscle
exhaustion. Since the correct posture is foreign, the muscles needed to maintain that posture might
not be strong enough yet. A guideline for this is that if it strains you to breath, realign your posture.
Let the breath guide you, it needs to feel good! It can take weeks to strengthen the muscle
imbalances and this is very tough work, but worth it in the end.
 If your head is hanging, you can't be properly aligned. Keep your head at the level that allows you to
look directly ahead without having to turn your eyes up. If you cannot do this without feeling tension
in your neck, this means you are causing unnecessary muscle tension.
 Be patient with yourself. Correcting poor posture can take a long time, especially if you've had bad
posture for years.
 A great side benefit of keeping your head straight, and your ears/shoulders/hips aligned is an
improvement in your self-esteem and attitude. If you walk with your head up, you appear more
confident, and feel more confident, which improves your attitude and mood, making it easier to walk
with your head up.
 Also playing sports greatly affects your posture. Especially ice hockey or something else, where you
are constantly moving.
 There is also a specific type of brace that is designed to pull the shoulders back and allow support for
the person to help aid in postural problems.
 Consider wearing a special shirt designed to aid posture; such a shirt is a training aid that strengthens
your back muscles and makes your shoulders work to maintain proper posture throughout the day.
 Some people are born with one of two embryological foot structures (Rothbarts Foot or the
Preclinical Clubfoot Deformity) that results in bad posture. This can be corrected using an innovative,
non-surgical, non-drug intervention referred to as Rothbarts Proprioceptive Therapy.
Edit Warnings

 It is important to note that whenever a person begins trying to correct their posture that they will
most likely experience soreness and pain after exercising and being self-conscious of their posture.
The reason for this is because their body has been like this for some time and is now trying to adjust
to something new.
 When committing to a course of posture improvement, checking references of the advice you are
following is advised. The peers of a particular field will recommend a practitioner who has been
properly trained and licensed. Gaining a personal reference of effectiveness is also recommended,
even when referred to a certain area of treatment or study by your doctor.
 Anyone with current or previous back, neck, knee or pelvic injuries should not attempt to correct
their posture themselves. This could further damage the body. Contact your doctor or other
movement education professional before trying to tamper with your alignment.
 There are many points concerning the proprioceptive sense that are difficult to describe in words and
even more difficult to understand and translate into motion. If exercises on this page do not have the
result of easier movement, including an increased range of motion that you can immediately sense,
stop and seek professional help from properly trained practitioners and teachers to improve your
posture rather than indefinitely repeating the directions here.
 Do not keep doing exercises if you feel pain, clicking joints, pulled muscles or more than a slight
fatigue. This will not get you there faster. Instead it will frustrate you and make you less likely to
continue the exercises, as well as risking serious injury. If you can only do three reps, do three reps
when you get up, and three after breakfast, and three just before you leave the house. Tomorrow or
the next day, you'll be able to do four. Then seven, then ten.
 Recommended by doctors and covered by insurance in some jurisdictions are the fields of physical
therapy and osteopathy. Other established fields which may be covered by insurance though are
unverified by scientific trials include chiropractic, acupuncture and the Alexander Technique (which
specializes in posture improvement). In addition, there are many alternative fields designed with the
intention of improving posture and fitness that are unverified by scientific trials and not yet
recognized by insurance companies.

Your Body Language

In the previous lessons on body language, you learned how to understand the body language signals
of others. If you detect a body language that signals someone is uncomfortable, you know to look
for the cause of their discomfort and then try to remove it. If someone signals that they are feeling
comfortable, you know that you can relax and enjoy the interaction.

But how do people interpret the body language signals that you give? It’s true that only a few
people have trained themselves to consciously analyze body language. But even if your conversation
partner never consciously thinks about your body language, they will still subconsciously react to it.

For instance, if your body language exhibits warmth and friendliness, your partner is likely to sense
that and relax. If your body language demonstrates disinterest or boredom, your partner will think
twice before sharing something personal with you.
When Your Body Language and Your Words Don’t Agree

Unfortunately, most people don’t think about their own body language. They might spend a lot of
time thinking of the perfect words to say, but never realize that their body language and their words
are sending very different messages.

For example, say you have had a long, hard day, but your friend wants to talk with you about
something that they are struggling with. You obviously care about your friend, so you tell them that
you want to talk.

But if during the conversation you are yawning, looking at the clock, and leaning back in your chair
with your arms crossed, your friend might conclude that you don’t really want to talk with them
after all. They storm off, and you are left wondering what you said wrong. (Of course, you didn’t say
anything wrong—that’s the point!)

That’s just one example; it’s easy to think of other ways your own body language can create
misunderstandings. When your words and your body are sending different messages, people will
tend to go with the message that your body is sending. If you didn’t mean to send that message,
trouble ensues.

The Power of Self-Awareness

Fortunately, that trouble is entirely avoidable. Just be aware of the messages your body is sending.
Your body is going to communicate—that’s just part of being human. Take the time to notice what it
is communicating, and you can make sure that your body and your words are sending the same
message.

Let me be clear. I’m not talking about changing your body language to mask deception—if your
words are communicating something untrue, then you should change your words instead of your
body language. Relationships built on deception will never give you the long-term satisfaction and
intimacy that you need.

Instead, focus on presenting a cohesive, genuine message of the thing that is both true and most
important. If you are tired but you care about your friend, the message that is most important is “I
care about you” not “I’m tired” (even though both messages are true.) If you are excited to meet
someone new but also nervous, the message that is most important is “I am excited to meet you”
not “I am nervous.”

The message of “I care about you” is more important than the message of “I am very tired”, because
your commitment to your friend runs deeper than your physical fatigue. The message of “I am
excited to meet you” is more important than the message of “I’m feeling nervous” because your
desire to make a new friend is greater than your nervousness.

It’s ok to make sure your body language communicates the message that is most important. That’s
not deception, just making sure the most important message is communicated well. When you are
aware of your own body language, it allows you to be sure that both your words and your body
language reflect the message that is most true.
So take the time to be aware of your own body language. The lists of comfort and discomfort signals
are just as useful when you are using them to understand your own body language. Be aware of
what your body is communicating, and make the effort to mute discomfort signals and broadcast
comfort signals. You’ll find that as you match your body language to your words, you will have much
greater success in your interactions.

18 Ways to Improve Your Body Language

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in
several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your
body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re
interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective
ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you
stand, how you use your hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will
give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before
going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and
relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it
out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body
language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using
what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to
learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel
happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements
you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will
dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously
far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you
think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to
find a comfortable balance.

And if you want more in-depth training then join us in my 12-week, step-by-step Smart Social Skills
Course where I share the very best things I have learned in the past 8 years about improving social skills and
relationship habits.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might
make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye
contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep
people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact
it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs
apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might
move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back
slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and
peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch; sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean
toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit.
But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too
much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone
says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person.
But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are
introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the
people in the conversation.

10. Keep your head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost.
Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and
confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap your neck in their
direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget and try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking
your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a
distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try
to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them
to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point
you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands
flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink. Don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your
heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a
straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and
therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head.
Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by
a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will
start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit.
To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean
forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t
mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will
come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself
feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you
head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try
and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should
have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until
it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

10 ways to change how you feel

Being able to manage and change your feelings is one of the most important things in personal
development.

You might have all the logical and rational reasons in the world to do something, but then your
emotions can just sweep in and pull everything to a grinding halt. Having your feelings for work you
instead of against you can have a massive effect on your life.

There are many ways to change how you feel. Here are 10 ways that don’t include chocolate, pain or
alcohol and that actually work.

All of them might not work right away, it’s a bit like learning to ride a bike. You don’t learn it by
reading about it and the first times you try you might fall. But remember when you were a kid
learning to ride a bike. You just got up of the ground, brushed yourself of and got on that bike again
and again and again.

1. Relax
This one is easy but just remembering that you can relax when you feel all tensed up can work
wonders. You might realise that much of that tension was something you just built up in your own
mind.

In “A guide to the the Huna way – mastering your hidden self” King Serge Kahili writes this about
effort and relaxation:
”When people are trying to change a habit of thought or behaviour, they often complain that it
takes too much effort. Others may criticize them for not having a strong enough will. What actually
happens is that such people are trying to force a habit to change by using their muscles against it,
and this is true whether the habit is physical or mental.

This kind of forceful attempt creates tension that locks up the body’s energy and makes people feel
worn out. They end up literally fighting themselves, which is rarely effective. All you really have to
do is make your decision by your will, relax your muscles, and direct your attention in the way you
want to go, until the new habit is established. If you ever feel that using your will is an effort relax
and Start over.”

2. Ask different questions

We are always asking ourselves questions, but they might be questions that aren’t really that good.
Instead of asking yourself: “why must I do this?”, ask yourself “how can I make this more fun for
me?” or “how can this help me?”. Don’t ask yourself “will I be able to do this?”, instead ask “how
will I do this?”.

Ask better questions that empowers you.

Questions that presupposes that you have the power over your own life.

Questions that directs your focus to solutions and opens your mind to new possibilities instead of
questions that just makes you feel trapped and lousy.

3. Smile
Smiling gives you a boost of happiness. Try forcing yourself to smile for thirty seconds right now. The
great feelings that make you smile works in reverse too. By making yourself smile, no matter how
you feel, your body will start releasing all those wonderful chemicals that makes you feel happy. Try
it right now and feel the difference.

4. Appreciate things
This is one of the most simple and effective ways to just feel so much better. Just look around
yourself. Appreciate the good food you’re eating, the hot woman or man walking past you, the kids
playing and just having fun in the mud puddles, all the possibilities in your life, all the great things
about your friends and your family, the birds singing… Ok, so perhaps it sounds a bit corny.

But it really works. And it’s great to try to change your mindset to one where you appreciate the
things in your everyday life instead of taking them for granted.

5. Interrupt your thought pattern

You might be feeling down or you are procrastinating. Maybe nothing is working out for you today.
You just want to go home and go to bed. Here’s where you might want to interrupt your thought
pattern. And you do that simply by doing something unexpected and totally different from what you
are doing now.

Some suggestions; take a glass of water, throw it in own your face. Or jump up and down ten times
singing the chorus from “We are the champions” by Queen at the top of you lungs. Or imagine your
negative inner voice sounding like Goofy. Do something that totally breaks your thought pattern.
Something humours is nice because it’s often the opposite to a depressed or anxious state that you
would like to break out of. And laughter and smiles breaks tension too.

When you have done that you might not be able to able to find your way back to that previous train
of thought. Much like when you have a conversation, someone comes up to you and asks a question
and then when you turn around again back to you friend you can’t remember what the two of you
were talking about. You feel confused and your state has changed. Make up five things to do that
really breaks your pattern and try them out. You may also want to try and find a couple that you can
do among other people too without being labelled as crazy.

6. Use an external stateboost

On one of his audiotapes Tony Robbins mentions that before one of his guest-speakers or coaches
goes up on stage they watch videos with Eddie Murphy. It puts them in a great state before
performing. As you might have guessed, that tape wasn’t recorded this year or even this century.
Eddie’s been in a slump for a while.

This is a great idea and you probably already using it to some degree. Anyways, here are some
suggestions. Change and boost your emotional state with some of your favourite music, maybe a
couple of YouTube-clips, an episode of the Simpsons (or your favourite sitcom), personal
development-cds, -books or –websites. Or perhaps Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious” or “Raw”. That’s
some side-splittingly funny stand-up.

7. Eat. But not too much. Or too little

If you feel tired and frustrated maybe you just need to eat to get your energy back and your blood
sugar up to a more healthy level. But don’t eat too much or you’ll feel tired and lazy. Don’t eat to
little either or pretty soon you’ll feel just as bad as you did before you ate. Also, it you’re sitting most
of the day, take it a bit easy on the carbs and the size of your portions. You may have been raised to
eat large and healthy meals, but maybe your father and mother had more physical jobs…

8. Create a physical anchor

Ok, this one might take a while but it seems to work for many people. Basically you stand up, close
your eyes and imagine an emotional state that you want to able to snap into on command. As an
example I imagined a time when I felt really powerful and confident. I stood, I breathed and I moved
the way I did that one time. Then while I was back in that state both physically and mentally I
snapped the fingers of my right hand. Over and over. Over and over and over again. The theory is
that you link up that emotion with the physical act of snapping your fingers.

Did it work? Yeah, actually it kinda does. When I snap my fingers I get an emotional boost and go
into that state again. However, the effect is not 100%. It doesn’t feel as good as it did that one time.
But it’s my first anchor and by practicing more, I think especially by trying to visualize and feel that
state even more intensely, the anchors are likely to become more and more accurate.

Anchoring is based on Ivan Pavlov and his experiments with dogs and bells but has been developed
by people in the field of NLP (neurolinguistic programming).

9. Open yourself up to other possibilities that are more beneficial to you

Have some faith that the way you view work, relationships, money, exercise, life and those other
things are not the only way to see them. Having the feeling that you are right about something and
“know how things work” can feel really good. It’s instant gratification and gives you security and
comfort.

But it also limits you by closing your mind to other avenues of thought and personal development.
Seek out a couple of experts’ advice in the area that you are having problems with. Use google and
amazon, just dive in to the subject for a while to get a basic understanding. Most likely there are
things you can do both to remedy the problem and to change you perspective on this trouble area.
There are often more solutions than one or two to a problem.

10. Recall your positive experiences and memories

It’s easy to be overcome by negative internal chatter. “I can´t do this, what if they think I´m
incompetent, God I´m gonna fail, I´m gonna fail and this why did I take this shirt, it’s so ugly”. And
so on.

When preparing for a meeting, a job interview, a presentation, asking someone for a date or
anything that makes you really nervous recall your positive memories from similar experiences.
Think back to when you were funny and charming in the bar. Remember the times when you were
confident and relaxed during previous meetings and interviews. Let a few of your best memories
wash over you. Let them drown out your negative thoughts.

This will make you remember the positive and wonderful sides of yourself. The qualities and your
inner possibilities that are always there but we often forget about them when we get caught up in a
cloud of negative thoughts and feelings. Focusing on these positive experiences instead of those
negative ones that always seem to be closer at hand can make a big difference.

Learning to direct you feelings more and more have implications beyond feeling better. By feeling
better you will more constantly start to see the world in another way and you will start to see other,
more beneficial options. And your feelings will start to work for you instead of stopping you when
you want to take action.

And try to use these suggestions from the perspective of yourself when you were a kid trying to
learn to ride that bike. If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself of and try again.

Gestures and Their Interpretation in Distinct International locations

Globalization of nowadays helps make recognition of various gestures and their interpretation
essential to enterprise folks and visitors. Browsing regions of the planet in which non-verbal
conversation meanings vary, implies that vacationers want to understand what kind of gestures are
appropriate in a certain region and what gestures are deemed rude or impolite. In truth, carrying
out a particular gesture could even result in lawful problems for a person who has not completed
their research just before going to yet another nation.

Nonverbal conversation worries the need to communicate a experiencing or imagined without

having making use of language. Gestures can contain every little thing from winking or eye rolling to
intentionally trying to keep the soles of the ft from becoming noticed by other people. Gesturing can
also be haptic in naturel, which indicates the gesture entails touching somebody else to create
meaning. Shaking fingers, slapping a person on the back again or patting a person on the head are
all haptic types of gesturing.

Saudi Arabian Gestures and Their Interpretation

Some typical gestures that have a meaning in Saudi Arabia that is Various from the United States
and Europe consist of:

 Crossing your legs in entrance of other individuals is regarded as disrespectful.

 By no means display the soles of your footwear or toes, as this is an very dirty and debased
body part, which means contempt for these viewing it.
 In Saudi Arabia, in contrast to the West, shaking your head aspect to facet implies “sure”, not
“no.”
 Saudis also express “no” by creating a clicking sound with the tongue whilst tipping the head
backward.
 More mature folks will greet an additional by stating “Salaam”. Youthful males greet every
other with a kiss on the cheek and a hug
 In no way seem to be in a hurry in Saudi Arabia by continuously checking your view or acting
as although you do not have time to communicate. It is deemed extremely offensive and
impolite.
 Saudis will really feel threatened if you position at them with a pencil or a finger when
talking.

Chinese Gestures and Their Interpretation

Chinese gestures have distinctive meanings from Western tradition, which contain:

 Standing near when talking to each and every other is a gesture of respect in China. It is
disrespectful to stand significantly apart as practiced in the West.
 Convey shock by inhaling loudly and rapidly.
 Silence is deemed a type of gesturing in Asian Nations. When silence falls more than a team
of individuals, it is revered and not regarded as unpleasant as it is in most Western
International locations.
 A minor bow and nod is all that is needed for a greeting. Nevertheless, some Chinese
applaud as part of a greeting. When this occurs, you ought to react by applauding as nicely.

Other Fascinating Gestures and Their Interpretation

China and Saudi Arabia are not the only cultures with unique gestures that have meanings Distinct
from United States or Europe. Other International locations contain:

 In Iran, executing the “thumbs up” gesture is deemed very vulgar.

 In Japan, creating an “Okay” sign with your thumb and forefinger implies cash. In Brazil, it is
an obscene gesture.
 In India, grabbing your earlobe implies you are sensation remorseful or that you are getting
truthful.
 In locations of Tibet, folks adhere out their tongues as a greeting.
  In Australia, usually get into the entrance seat of a cab rather of the again. A cabbie will be
insulted and feel you are getting snobby, if you get a again seat.
 Patting a kid who is Buddhist on the head will distress him since Buddhists feel that the soul
lies in the head. As a outcome, they stay away from touching the head in buy to steer clear
of upsetting the soul.

Understanding Body Language

Body language refers to the nonverbal signals that we use to communicate. According to experts,
these nonverbal signals make up a huge part of daily communication. From our facial expressions to
our body movements, the things we don't say can still convey volumes of information.

According to various researchers, body language is thought to account for between 50 to 70 percent
of all communication. Understanding body language is important, but it is also essential to
remember to note other cues such as context and to look at signals as a group rather than focusing
on a single action. Learn more about some of the things to look for when you are trying to interpret
body language.

Facial Expressions

Think for a moment about how much a person is able to convey with just a facial expression. A smile
can indicate approval or happiness, while a frown can signal disapproval or unhappiness. In some
cases, our facial expressions may reveal our true feelings about a particular situation. While you may
say that you are feeling fine, the look on your face may tell people otherwise.

Emotions Expressed Through Facial Expressions

Just a few examples of emotions that can be expressed via facial expressions include:

 Happiness
 Sadness
 Anger
 Surprise
 Disgust
 Fear
 Confusion
 Excitement
 Desire
 Contempt

Universal Facial Expressions

Facial expressions are also among the most universal forms of body language. The expressions used
to convey fear, anger, sadness, and happiness are similar throughout the world. Researcher Paul
Ekman has found support for the universality of a variety of facial expressions tied to particular
emotions including joy, anger, fear, surprise, and sadness.

The Eyes

The eyes are sometimes called the "windows to the soul" because they can reveal so much about
what a person is thinking or feeling.

The eyes are frequently referred to as the "windows to the soul" since they are capable of revealing
a great deal about what a person if feeling or thinking. As you engage in conversation with another
person, taking note of eye movements is a natural and important part of the communication
process. Some common things you may note is whether people are making direct eye contact or
averting their gaze, how much they are blinking, or if their pupils are dilated.

When evaluating body language, pay attention to the follow eye signals:

 Eye gaze
When a person looks directly into your eyes when having a conversion, it indicates that they are
interested and paying attention. However, prolonged eye contact can feel threatening. On the other
hand, breaking eye contact and frequently looking away may indicate that the person is distracted,
uncomfortable, or trying to conceal his or her real feelings.
  Blinking
Blinking is natural, but you should also pay attention to whether a person is blinking too much or too
little. People often blink more rapidly when they are feeling distressed or uncomfortable. Infrequent
blinking may indicate that a person is intentionally trying to control his or her eye movements. For
example, a poker player might blink less frequently because he is purposely trying to appear
unexcited about the hand he was dealt.

 Pupil size
One of the most subtle cues that eyes provide is through the size of the pupils. While light levels in
the environment control pupil dilation, sometimes emotions can also cause small changes in pupil
size. For example, you may have heard the phase "bedroom eyes" used to describe the look someone
gives when they are attracted to another person.

The Mouth

The mouth and lips can convey a great deal of nonverbal information.

Mouth expressions and movements can also be essential in reading body language. For example,
chewing on the bottom lip may indicate that the individual is experiencing worry, fear, or insecurity.

Covering the mouth may be an effort to be polite if the person is yawning or coughing, but it may
also be an attempt to cover up a frown of disapproval. Smiling is perhaps one of the greatest body
language signals, but smiles can also be interpreted in many ways. A smile may be genuine, or it may
be used to express false happiness, sarcasm, or even cynicism.

When evaluating body language, pay attention to the following mouth and lip signals:

 Pursed lips
Pursed lips might be an indicator of distaste, disapproval, or distrust.

 Lip biting
People sometimes bite their lips when they are worried, anxious, or stressed.

 Covering the mouth

When people want to hide an emotional reaction, they might cover their mouths in order to avoid
displaying a smile or smirk.

 Turned up or down
Slight changes in the mouth can also be subtle indicators of what a person is feeling. When the
mouth is slightly turned up, it might mean that the person is feeling happy or optimistic. On the other
 hand, a slightly downturned mouth can be an indicator of sadness, disapproval, or even an outright
grimace.

Gestures

Gestures are often easily understood, but their meaning can differ based on the culture.

Gestures can be some of the most direct and obvious body language signals. Waving, pointing, and
using the fingers to indicate numerical amounts are all very common and easy to understand
gestures. Some gestures may be cultural, however, so giving a thumbs-up or a peace sign might
have a completely different meaning than it might in the United States.

The following examples are just a few common gestures and their possible meanings:
 A clenched fist can indicate anger or solidarity.

 A thumbs up and thumbs down are often used as gestures of approval and disapproval.

 The "Okay" gesture, made by touching together the thumb and index finger in a circle while
extending the other three fingers can be used to mean okay. In some parts of Europe, however, the
same signal is used to imply you are nothing. In some South American countries, the symbol is
actually a vulgar gesture.

 The V sign, created by lifting the index and middle finger and separating them to create a V-shape,
means peace or victory in some countries. In the United Kingdom and Australia, the symbol takes on
an offensive meaning when the back of the hand is facing outward.

The Arms and Legs

The movements and positions of the arms and legs can also convey a great deal of body language
information.

The arms and legs can also be useful in conveying nonverbal information. Crossing the arms can
indicate defensiveness. Crossing legs away from another person may indicate dislike or discomfort
with that individual. Other subtle signals such as expanding the arms widely may be an attempt to
seem larger or more commanding, while keeping the arms close to the body may be an effort to
minimize oneself or withdraw from attention.

When you are evaluating body language, pay attention to some of the following signals that the
arms and legs may convey:
 Crossed arms might indicate that a person is feel defensive, self-protective, or closed-off.

 Standing with hands placed on the hips can be an indication that a person is ready and in control, or
it can also possibly be a sign of aggressiveness.

 Clasping the hands behind the back might indicate that a person is feeling bored, anxious, or even
angry.

 Rapidly tapping fingers or fidgeting can be a sign that a person is bored, impatient, or frustrated.

 Crossed legs can indicate that a person is feeling closed off or in need of privacy.

Posture

Posture can tell a lot about how a person might be feeling.

How we hold our bodies can also serve as an important part of body language. The term posture
refers to how we hold our bodies as well as overall physical form of an individual. Posture can
convey a wealth of information about how a person is feeling as well as hints about personality
characteristics, such as whether a person is confident, open, or submissive.

Sitting up straight, for example, may indicate that a person is focused and paying attention to what's
going on. Sitting with the body hunched forward, on the other hand, can imply that the person is
bored or indifferent.

When you are trying to read body language, try to notice some of the signals that a person's posture
can send.

 Open posture involves keeping the trunk of the body open and exposed. This type of posture
indicates friendliness, openness, and willingness.
  Closed posture involves keeping the obscured or hidden often by hunching forward and keeping the
arms and legs crossed. This type of posture can be an indicator of hostility, unfriendliness, and
anxiety.

Personal Space

The image above illustrates Edward T. Hall's personal reaction bubbles, revealing how much space
people typically need in various social situations.

Have you ever heard someone refer to their need for "personal space"? Have you ever started to
feel uncomfortable when someone stands just a little too close to you? The term proxemics refers to
the distance between people as they interact. Just as body movements and facial expressions can
communicate a great deal of nonverbal information, so can this physical space between individuals.

Anthropologist Edward T. Hall described four levels of social distance that occur in different
situations:
 Intimate distance - 6 to 18 inches
This level of physical distance often indicates a closer relationship or greater comfort between
individuals. It often occurs during intimate contact such as hugging, whispering, or touching.

 Personal distance - 1.5 to 4 feet

Physical distance at this level usually occurs between people who are family members or close
friends. The closer the people can comfortably stand while interacting can be an indicator of the
intimacy of the relationship.
  Social distance - 4 to 12 feet
This level of physical distance is often used with individuals who are acquaintances. With someone
you know fairly well, such as a co-worker you see several times a week, you might feel more
comfortable interacting at a closer distance. In cases where you do not know the other person well,
such as a postal delivery driver you only see once a month, a distance of 10 to 12 feet may feel more
comfortable.

 Public distance - 12 to 25 feet

Physical distance at this level is often used in public speaking situations. Talking in front of a class full
of students or giving a presentation at work are good examples of such situations.

It is also important to note that the level of personal distance that individuals need to feel
comfortable can vary from culture to culture. One oft-cited example is the different between people
from Latin cultures and those from North America. People from Latin countries tend to feel more
comfortable standing closer to one another as they interact, while those from North America need
more personal distance.

Social Grace
Definition: Social grace refers to the general behavior and attitude of being polite and welcoming to people.
This means putting other's needs before your own in some cases, like offering a chair to an elderly person
rather than sitting down on it first. It also means paying attention to your own behavior to make sure you
aren't offending others.

Social grace is extremely important when meeting new friends. Relationships can develop at a faster
rate if you show courtesy toward someone else. As a friendship goes on and friends get more
comfortable with each other, social graces are relaxed. For example, when you're new friends with
someone you'll probably make a point to interrupt them less during conversation. As time goes on,
you'll each learn when your friend is being rude and when they are just excited or bored. You won't
get offended as much when they interrupt you because you'll understand the intent behind it.

Social grace(s) include things like:

 Making proper introductions to people.

 Listening and not interrupting in conversation.
 Using good table manners.
 Maintaining good cell phone etiquette.
 Being careful not to put your foot in your mouth.

Developing Social Grace

Some of the basic rules of society that our parents taught us ("Don't interrupt," "wait your turn") are
key components of social grace. While you can pick up books on etiquette, developing social grace
often takes time and the ability to pay attention. Rather than focusing on how good a time you're
having or if you are able to talk about your latest success story, hang back and watch the others in
the room. Do they seem to frown when you start talking? If they do, it's a good chance you're boring
them or you interrupted them.
In each new event or environment you are in, pay attention to the goings on around you. Does
someone need a chair? Is a person fanning their face and therefore warm? Is there someone sitting
in a corner who hasn't joined the conversation? See if you can help in any of these situations.

You can also learn social grace by taking note of what you find rude in others. If you hate it when
someone fails to introduce you or takes every cell phone call they get while standing before you,
those are behaviors to make sure never to duplicate yourself.

Social Grace and Friendship

Social grace is extremely important when it comes to friendship. When finding a friend, you want
someone sincere who will support you and who you can also have fun with. If a person pays
attention to your comfort level and has good manners, you're more apt to get to know them better
than someone that makes you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to be around.

While social grace tends to be loosened a bit for good friends (much like you would for family), the
principles behind them are still a good idea to remember. You don't need to be formal or stuffy to
have social grace, you simply need to make sure your behavior is not offensive and that you are
making other people feel special. That alone will go far in friendship.

Examples:

"Bob is always putting his foot in his mouth. A little social grace would go far with him."

"Jack has the social grace of a bull in a china shop. He just walked into the room and plopped down
in a chair, even when Mrs. Smith clearly needed the seat."

The Golden Rule

Definition:

The Golden Rule is generally defined as treating others as you would like to be treated. Many
religions have a version of this life philosophy, which provides a basic approach on how to interact
with others. Specifically, the Bible says that "as you wish that others would do to you, do so to
them" (Luke 6:31).

Why Don't More People Practice the Golden Rule?

In terms of friendship, the Golden Rule provides a guide on how to be a friend. If you want someone
to laugh with, care about, and be there for you, then you need to do this for other people. Why
then, is this so difficult for people to grasp? After all, if everyone lived by this rule, there would be
no conflict or hurt feelings between friends.

One possible reason is that people don't always know how to treat themselves, and as a result treat
others poorly as well. Perhaps they had a hard time with self-esteem or did not receive the
unconditional love that every child should have. Learning the Golden Rule as an adult may take
some time in that case, and a friendship or two may end because of poor behavior. When the
person realizes what it takes to be a true friend, his or her behavior changes and strong friendships
can be built.
Another reason people ignore the golden rule is that they don't see the benefit in "giving" to
someone else. They view generosity of spirit as an emotional cost that they don't feel will ever be
returned. Folks like these often want to be on the receiving end of the Golden Rule but don't
reciprocate.

The Golden Rule and Social Grace

While the Golden Rule is the guide for kindness toward others, social grace expands on that to
include manners and etiquette in society. Things like making proper introductions and maintaining
good cell phone etiquette fall under the heading of social grace, while listening and being
empathetic falls under the Golden Rule. The difference is that social grace is the outward behavior
toward a stranger, and the Golden Rule is what happens with your heart.

For example, you might introduce someone properly and make small talk with them at a party,
which is perfectly acceptable in terms of social grace. But to take that same scenario further and
relate it to the Golden Rule, you would give that same person the benefit of the doubt, refrain from
gossip, and treat them well not because someone at the party expects you to, but because you
genuinely want to.

The Golden Rule and Arguments

When you look at arguments from the perspective of the Golden Rule, it means you treat your
friend with respect even when you're angry. You don't send off a nasty email to them or call them
out in front of other friends, but you wait until the two of you are alone and can discuss things
calmly (or at least, privately.)

Sometimes people try and manipulate others not involved in the argument to get "on their side"
when they have an argument with a friend. They might tell their side of things to as many people as
they can in an effort to get sympathy, and they pull others in before their friend can even respond.
Behaving in this way can add a sticking point to whatever the original argument was about, and may
serve as a catalyst to end the friendship. When a friend cannot apply the Golden Rule to arguments,
the other friend may just step back from the relationship because there is no respect there.

How to Use the Golden Rule as a Guide in Your Friendship

One of the best things about the Golden Rule is that it can change your relationships for the better,
with a simple change in perspective. To use this rule as a guide for your friendship:

 Stop before you "blow up" to a friend, and think about what you'd like to have happen if the sides
were reversed. Would you like your friend to yell and scream at you online, in an email, or in person?
Take a moment to consider that, and it may mean that your response is tempered just enough to
allow you both to work through your issues.
 The same holds true with making appointments, or choosing activities. Would you like to wait for a
friend who is late all the time? Who can't meet you halfway? Or who insists on always choosing the
activity?
 When a friend is having a hard time, do you genuinely pray for them and want things to work out? Or
do you secretly take pleasure in the fact that they are struggling?
 Think about the times you're careless with your words or actions when it comes to friendship. Would
you like to be treated that way?

Using the Golden Rule will help you have better friendships, but it must start with you. Change your
approach and attitude, and your actions will follow.
Examples:

"Claire just went off on Judy in front of everyone. I doubt she would have appreciated that if Judy
had done that to her. Time for a little lesson on the Golden Rule."

"I just got a lesson in the Golden Rule when Jane stood me up for our lunch date. I've done that to
her about five times in the past. Now I know what it feels like."

Foot in Mouth Quotes

So you're at a party and doing well with making small talk, and then -- oops -- you say something
stupid. We've all put our foot in our mouth sometimes. You can recover from a social etiquette
mistake, and to prove it, here are some quotes that will remind you that you aren't alone.

Winston Churchill
“In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always
found it a wholesome diet."

Can you just picture rotund Winston Churchill eating his words? Churchill is known for his witty
quotes, and this one tells me he knew how to move on quickly from a social gaffe. If one of Britain's
Prime Ministers can move on from a conversation "oops," the rest of us can learn to do it gracefully
as well.

Ann Landers
"The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet."

As an introvert myself, I often marvel at how much (and how fast) other people can talk. Sometimes,
when I'm in a meeting or in a big group, I don't speak up as quickly as I should. As I'm formulating
my thoughts, someone else chimes in over me. It's frustrating. Most of the time I think extroverts
have the advantage in meetings or during group conversations for that very reason, they speak
more quickly than introverts.

However, this quote talks about the other side of fast talk, which is blurting out something that you
haven't give much (if any) thought to. The lesson here? Slow down and think before you speak.

Benjamin Franklin
"Better slip with foot than tongue."

Ben Franklin's wisdom usually makes me laugh and then cringe. This quote is no different. Franklin is
spot on with the visual of someone falling down on their behind, and yet having that be much better
(and less embarrassing) than a slip of the tongue. When you physically fall, you can laugh about it
and get up, and chances are you might get a bruise but at least you haven't hurt anyone's feelings.
But if you blurt out something stupid? You'll have a harder time healing the "wound" your words
caused someone else.

Thomas Edison
"You will have many opportunities in life to keep your mouth shut: You should take advantage of
every one of them."
Edison was a brilliant man, so his advice about talking less and listening more should be a good
lesson for all of us.

Thomas Neiel
"Of those who say nothing, few are silent."

Have you ever spent time with someone who just blabbed on and on and after you sat and listened
to them, you wondered what on earth they were even talking about? That's what this quote applies
to. I picture this advice coming in very handy with cocktail parties and small talk. Some people feel
that small talk is chatting a lot to several different people. In reality, if you can focus on one or two
people and transform small talk into meaningful conversation, you'll be much farther ahead in
developing a new friend than if you'd just talked randomly with many different people.

Small talk is important in conversation, but that doesn't mean it is filled up with meaningless words.

Cell Phone Etiquette

Be considerate of others while using your cell phone.

One of the most revered inventions of the last century, the cell phone, is also one of the most
controversial. There’s no question that everyone needs one. However, the way many people use
them has gotten out of control. Remember that the cell phone is not the problem; it’s the user’s lack
of respect for others. Rather than come across as one of those people, follow a few simple rules of
cell phone etiquette.

Public Chatter

You may forget that everyone around you can hear every single word you say. Not only can what
you say be misconstrued, a steady stream of one-sided chatter will likely be annoying.

Places where you should limit your cell phone use:

1. Restaurants: Put your phone on vibrate to prevent creating unnecessary noise if your cell phone
rings. Only make outgoing calls if necessary and keep them brief. When people call you, let them
know that you are eating, and unless it’s an emergency, tell them you’ll call back later. Keep your
voice as low as possible.
2. Movies, Theaters, and Plays: Turn your phone off before you enter the venue. If you are concerned
about your children who are home with the babysitter, you may have your phone on vibrate, but
make sure it doesn’t make a sound when someone calls. Don’t answer it in the theater. Step out into
the lobby and call the person back.
 3. Work: If you have a private office, it’s probably fine to leave your cell phone on. However, if you are a
cubicle dweller, do your neighbor a favor and put it on vibrate. Resist the urge to conduct private
business in your cubicle. The people around you don’t need to know everything you do after hours.
4. Churches, Synagogues, and Other Places of Worship: Turn your phone off or leave it in the car. You
and everyone around you should be able to worship in peace.
5. Flying: Before your plane takes off, turn your phone completely off. Most airlines don’t allow cell
phone use because it may be a safety issue. There is some concern that electronic gadgets, including
cell phones, may interfere with navigation equipment.
6. Bus, Train, and Other Public Transportation: Turn your phone off or have it on vibrate. Limit your
calls to emergencies. Once again, it is rude to chatter on a phone in public.
7. In the Checkout Line: If you are standing in the checkout line, talking on a cell phone is rude to
everyone around you—from the other customers in line to the cashier. You can wait a few minutes to
talk on the phone. Don’t initiate a call while standing in line. If the phone rings and you feel that you
must answer it, let the person know you’ll call right back and hang up.

Private Talk

When you’re hanging out with friends and family, don’t be rude and chat with someone else on your
cell phone. Be both physically and mentally present for the people you care about. If your phone
rings, let the person know you’ll call back later, when you are alone. Doing otherwise gives the
person you’re with the impression that he or she isn’t important to you.

Texting

Avoid text messaging while you are engaged in an activity or meal with someone else. Text
messaging in front of others is the equivalent of whispering behind someone’s back. Even though
it’s a typed message, it’s just as bad as chatting with someone who isn’t there.

Table Etiquette
Why Do We Learn Table Manners?

Kids ask us this question all the time. They think that a bunch of “stuffy old rules” just make it more difficult
to enjoy a good meal. We like to tell them that table manners really aren’t just “stuffy old rules” which have
no reason behind them. Every table manner in the book is designed to do one of two things:

1. Avoid grossness.

Meals are social events. The idea is not only

to eat but to enjoy other’s company. If your friend comes to the table with grease from fixing his
bicycle chain all over his hands, he chews with his mouth wide open so you can see all his chewed
food while you’re trying to eat, and, finally, he coughs all over the table, what do you think? He has
missed on at least three manners that would help avoid grossness and by doing so has left you
gagging.
 2. Keep us from embarrassing ourselves.

Manners help us know what is expected of us and what we can expect from others. If we know that
our bread and butter plate is the one on the left of our table setting, we won’t eat our neighbor’s
roll by mistake. If we know to wait until everyone is served or the hostess says to start eating, we
are less likely to be the only one half ways through our dinner when everyone else says grace.

Table manners help us know how to eat tricky foods, what to do when we need to sneeze, what
direction to pass the food, where to put our used napkin and a zillion other things.

Table Manners Tips

There is no getting away from the need for good table manners, and knowing how to act at a dinner
table is going to make your job of being a guest or gracious host a lot easier and more enjoyable –
not to mention the favorable impression you’ll make on others.

Read through the following 100 table manner tips to brush up on your dining etiquette skills. For a
comprehensive table manners guide, read our step-by-step table manners section.

Table Manners Tip #1 - Tasting

Accepting another person's offer to taste a morsel of her dish - or offering a bite of yours – are
acceptable table manners as it's handled unobtrusively. Either hand your fork to the person, who
can spear a bite-sized piece from her plate and hand the fork back to you, or (if the person is sitting
close by) hold your plate toward her so that she can put a morsel on the edge. Don't be tempted to
hold a forkful of food to somebody's mouth or reach over and spear something off someone else's
plate.

Table Manners Tip #2 - Excusing Yourself

When you need to get up to go to the restroom, it isn't necessary to say where you're going-a
simple "Excuse me, please; I'll be right back" is sufficient. At other times, a brief explanation is in
order: "Please excuse me while I check with the babysitter." Leaving without a word is rude.

Table Manners Tip #3 - Posture

You needn't sit stiff as a rail at the dinner table, but hunching your shoulders over the plate (a
posture often associated with using a fork like a shovel) is a definite "do not." Likewise, slouching
back in your chair (which makes it look as if you're not interested in the meal) is bad table manners
when eating with others.

Table Manners Tip #4 - Elbows

As for not putting your elbows on the table, this drummed-into-us taboo applies only when you are
actually eating. It's a different story when no utensils are being used; in fact, putting your elbows on
the table while leaning forward a bit during a mealtime conversation shows that you're listening
intently.
Table Manners Tip #5 - Fidgeting
When waiting for the food to arrive or after the meal, you may want to keep your hands in your lap,
if only to resist the temptation of fiddling with the utensils or other items. Refrain from drumming
your fingers, jiggling your knee, or other fidgety habits, and always keep your hands away from your
hair.

Table Manners Tip #6 - Cutting Food

Cut your food into only one or two bite-sized pieces at a time. Doing this makes sense, since a
plateful of cut-up food is not only unattractive but cools and dries out more quickly than food that is
mostly intact. (The exception to the rule is when you help a young child cut his food.)

Table Manners Tip #7 - Seasoning Food

When at a dinner party or restaurant, proper table manners dictate that you taste your food before
seasoning it. Hastily covering a dish with salt or drowning it in ketchup implies that you think the
cook's creation needs improving on.

Table Manners Tip #8 - Chewing Food

Once you start to eat, don't literally bite off more than you can chew: Take a manageable bite, chew
it well, and swallow it before taking another. Also remember that smacking, slurping, and collecting
food in a ball in one cheek are major faux pas. When you have a mouthful of food, it is bad table
manners to do two more things: taking a drink and talking. If you have more than a few words to
say, swallow your food, rest your fork on your plate, and speak before you resume eating.

Table Manners Tip #9 - Reaching

Just how close does something on the table have to be before you reach out and get it yourself?
That's simple: within easy reach of your arm when you're leaning only slightly forward. Don't lean
past the person sitting next to you or lunge to perform what's known as the boardinghouse reach. A
request to "please pass the [item]" is required for everything beyond that invisible boundary, as is a
thank-you to whoever does the passing.

Table Manners Tip #10 - Asking for a Second Helping

The circumstances determine whether or not it is acceptable to ask for a second helping. It is not
proper table manners at a formal dinner but is permissible at an informal one. If there are no
helpers and the host has served the entree from a sideboard, he or the hostess will usually urge
guests to pass their plates for a second helping. To do this, leave the silver on the plate, making sure
it is securely positioned. Never hold your silver in your hand or put it on the tablecloth when you
pass your plate. As a courtesy, when only one person takes a second helping a considerate hostess
will take a little too - that way, her guest won't feel self-conscious or that he is holding everyone else
up.

Table Manners Tip #11 - Unfamiliar Food

You're faced with unfamiliar foods. If a food you're not sure how to eat comes on a platter of
appetizers - a type of sushi, perhaps, or crab in the shell - you, as a polite diner, have three choices
of how to proceed: (1) Wait until someone else starts to eat and follow suit. (2) Ask how the food
should be eaten (fingers or fork, for example). (3) Avoid the food altogether.
Table Manners Tip #12 - Using a Finger Bowl
If you encounter a finger bowl (used either after eating a hands-on meal such as lobster or at a more
formal meal when dessert is served), dip your fingers into the water and then dry them with your
napkin.

Table Manners Tip #13 - Hot Towels

In some upscale restaurants, steamed hand towels are brought to diners at the end of the meal. Use
the towel to wipe your hands and, if necessary, the area around your mouth. (Wiping the back of
your neck or behind your ears is best not done in a restaurant.) Most waiters will take the towel
away as soon as you've finished, If not, leave the towel at the left of your plate, on top of your
loosely folded napkin.

Table Manners Tip #14 - Eating Quietly

The essence of good table manners is unobtrusiveness, a courtesy that includes eating quietly. Noise
impedes conversation. Scraping a plate or loudly chewing ice is unpleasant to listen to and
considered impolite.

Table Manners Tip #15 - Make Good Use of Your Napkin

Remember to make good use of your napkin, wiping your fingers as necessary. Also use a small area
of the napkin to blot your lips fairly often.

Table Manners Tip #16 - Wayward Food

If a piece of food keeps eluding your fork, don't push it onto the tines with your finger. Instead, use
a piece of bread or your knife as a pusher.

Table Manners Tip #17 - Sopping with Bread

Sop up extra gravy or sauce only with a piece of bread on the end of a fork; the soaked bread is then
brought to the mouth with the fork.

Table Manners Tip #18 - Take Small Bites

Take only enough food to chew and swallow in one easy bite. Moreover, it makes conversation
easier.

Table Manners Tip #19 - Don't Drink with a Full Mouth

To avoid leaving food on the rim of the vessel, make sure the mouth is free of food and blot the lips
with a napkin before taking a sip of beverage.

Table Manners Tip #20 - Hot Beverages

To test the temperature of a hot beverage, take a single sip from the side of the spoon. When the
sip proves too hot, give the beverage time to cool before lifting the cup to the mouth. When an
extremely hot beverage is sipped, take a quick sip of water to decrease the effect of the burn

Table Manners Tip #21 - Removing Unwanted Food from your Mouth
Food is removed from the mouth in the manner in which it is put into the mouth. Food put into the
mouth with a utensil is removed with a utensil. When fingers are used to eat food, for example,
plums or chicken wings, the pit or bone is removed with fingers. The exception is fish eaten with a
fork: because tiny bones fall between fork tines, they are removed with fingers.

To remove spoiled food, cover the mouth with one hand, remove the morsel with the other hand,
place it on the plate, and cover it with another portion of food (if possible). In a private residence,
rather than embarrass the hostess by telling her that a particular dish contains foreign matter or is
tainted, eat from the unspoiled portion. But if this is not possible, move the portion around on the
plate so it looks as if you are eating, and leave the tainted part alone. In a restaurant, tell the server
so he or she may make a replacement.

Table Manners Tip #22 - Something Caught in your Teeth

A toothpick is an offensive sight in operation. When food is caught between the tooth that is
annoying or uncomfortable, wait to remove it privately.

Table Manners Tip #23 - Sneezing, Coughing, Blowing your Nose

When sneezing or coughing at the table is unavoidable, cover your nose or mouth with a napkin and
proceed as quietly as possible. Except in an emergency, don't use a napkin to blow your nose. Use a
handkerchief instead and turn your head to the side.

Table Manners Tip #24 - Burps

When a burp is coming on, cover the mouth with a napkin, quietly burp, and softly say, "Excuse me."
For an attack of hiccups, excuse yourself from the table until they have passed. Rather than draw
attention to the condition on return (and interrupt conversation) do not apologize in a public way.
Instead, say "Sorry" quietly to the hostess and let it go at that.

Table Manners Tip #25 - Yawns

In some cultures the breath is associated with man's spirit. To prevent the soul from escaping or an
evil spirit from entering the body, the mouth is covered when a yawn cannot be suppressed. This
custom prevails in our society today.

Table Manners Tip #26 - Finger Food

When finger food is taken from a tray, place it on the plate (to do otherwise defeats the purpose of
the plate). Don't lick your fingers; use a napkin (that's what it's for).

When in doubt about whether to use fingers or a utensil to eat a particular food, watch those about
you and proceed accordingly. If you're still in doubt, follow common sense and use a utensil, usually
a fork, which is the most versatile implement.

Table Manners Tip #27 - Dunking Food

Dunked food leaves crumbs on the rim of a cup or glass, and is frowned on at a private party or in a
public place.

Table Manners Tip #28 - Using Two Utensils

Food served on a plate is eaten with a fork, and food served in a bowl is taken with a spoon. When
two eating utensils or two serving utensils are presented together, such as a fork and spoon, the
fork is used to steady the portion, and the spoon to cut and convey the bite to the mouth.
Table Manners Tip #29 - Using the Wrong Utensil
At one time or another everyone uses the wrong utensil, and it is not a cause of concern. Rather,
remedy the situation, quietly, without apology or calling attention to the error, and forget it!

Table Manners Tip #30 - Using a Utensil to Push Food

In formal dining the knife is used to push food against the fork. At informal meals, a knife or a piece
of bread is used as a pusher, for example, to push salad onto a fork.

Table Manners Tip #31 - Missing Utensils

In a private residence, when a place setting is laid without a necessary utensil, such as a knife, tell
the hostess so she may correct it. When a serving utensil is missing, rather than use one's eating
utensil, inform the hostess so she may remedy the situation for the benefit of all the guests.

Table Manners Tip #32 - Soiled Utensils

In a private residence, the table setting is a reflection of the hosts' ability. Rather than embarrass the
hostess by wiping a soiled utensil clean, suffer in silence. But a restaurant table setting is an
impersonal expression that does not reflect on the host; if a soiled utensil is laid on the table, ask
the waiter for a clean one.

Table Manners Tip #33 - Dropped Utensils

At a formal affair when a utensil is dropped on the floor, leave it for the butler to retrieve -it is part
of his job. He will make a replacement for you. At an informal meal, quietly retrieve a dropped
utensil yourself: and if it may have caused stains or damage of any kind, offer to make a
replacement or a repair.

Table Manners Tip #34 - One Thing at a Time

Do one thing at a time at the table. If you want to sip your wine, temporarily rest your fork or knife
on the plate.

Table Manners Tip #35 - An Improperly Set Table

What to do if the table is improperly set. Don't rearrange an improperly arranged place setting and
offend the hostess - that is would not be a display of good table manners. In a restaurant, where an
improperly set table does not reflect on the skills of the host, quietly rearrange the ware for
comfort.

Table Manners Tip #36 - What to do with your Hands

Where to place the hand when eating. To avoid creating an obstruction to your dinner partner,
when holding a utensil, rest your other hand in your lap. When not holding any utensils, both hands
remain in the lap.

Table Manners Tip #37 - Spilled Food

Spilled food. When a guest spills food at a formal affair, a butler takes the appropriate action. But at
an informal meal, the diner quietly and quickly lifts the food with a utensil and places it on the side
of his plate. However, if food is spilled on another guest, the diner apologizes and offers to pay for
cleaning (but lets the other person wipe up the debris)
Table Manners Tip #38 - Garnish on a Platter
When a platter contains a combination of foods, such as meat, potatoes, vegetable, and garnish,
take a moderate serving of each, including the garnish. However, if the removal of garnish will
overly disturb the appearance of the platter, leave it. If a course is presented that contains another
food underneath, such as toast or lettuce, take the entire portion.

Table Manners tip #39 - Servings from a Platter

When a platter of pre-sliced food is presented, and each slice is an ample size, take one serving. But
if the slices are small, and it looks as if there are enough servings for each guest to have two, take
two for yourself. As a courtesy to the last guest, make sure to leave enough food on the platter so
he or she has a choice from several portions.

Rather than rummage through a platter and disturb the look of the presentation, take the portion
nearest to you.

Table Manners Tip #40 - How Many Pieces of Food to Eat

How many pieces of food to eat at one time. To avoid a messy plate, cut one bite at a time, and not
more than two pieces.

Table Manners Tip #41 - Assisting with Service

Assisting with service at the table. At a formal affair domestic help is provided and guests do not
assist with service, except to move the shoulders slightly make service easier. At an informal meal,
help generally is not provided and the guests assist with service by passing the dishes nearest to
them. To avoid congestion, serveware is passed to the right and the guests do not delay service by
helping themselves along the way (unless it is suggested that they do so).

Table Manners Tip #42 - Thanking for Service

Thanking for service. Each time service is provided at a multi-course meal, verbal acceptance is not
necessary because it distracts from the conversation. Acceptance of the course is in itself thanks.
But to refuse service, a verbal rejection of "No, thank you," is given. At a simple meal when a serving
bowl is passed upon request, it is courteous for the receiver to say, "Thank you." It is not necessary
for those who receive a dish in passage to say thank you.

Table Manners Tip #43 - Greeting a Butler or Maid

Greeting a butler or a maid at the table. When a guest knows a maid or a butler, rather than draw
attention to the fact and interrupt conversation, give a brief greeting, such as "Nice to see you."

Table Manners Tip #44 - Complimenting the Food

Complimenting the hostess on the food. In the early twentieth century, even modest homes had
help. Meals were prepared by a cook and it was impolite to compliment the hostess on the cuisine
because it was inappropriate. Today, few people have help, hostesses delight in food preparation,
and a compliment on the cuisine is appreciated. However, there are those who still hold that the
conversation is more important than the food and a compliment on the menu or a particular course
distracts from the discourse and is inappropriate at a party. The decision, therefore, is individual.
Table Manners Tip #45 - Holding Dinner for a Late Guest
Rather than delay dinner for everyone to accommodate the arrival of a late guest, dinner is held no
longer than 15 to 20 minutes

At a formal occasion, when a guest arrives late to a dinner or luncheon, a butler or maid answers the
door (so as not to interrupt the table conversation), and the hostess remains seated. The latecomer
goes to the hostess immediately, offers a brief explanation, and is served the course in progress. If
the latecomer arrives during dessert, as a courtesy the hostess sees that a dinner plate is made up
for him or her.

At an informal meal, the host answers the door and greets the latecomer, who makes a brief
explanation to the hostess. When the latecomer is a gentleman, the other men at the table remain
seated. But, if the latecomer is a lady, as a courtesy, all the gentlemen rise and the man on her left
helps her into her seat.

Table Manners Tip #46 - Cocktail Glasses at the Dinner Table

A cocktail glass is not brought to the dinner table because water and several wines are served with
the multi-course meal. The extra glass crowds the place setting and disturbs the symmetry of the
table. Moreover, the taste of grain-based spirits nullifies the flavor of wine served with the meal.
Simply leave the cocktail glass in the room where cocktails are taken.

Table Manners Tip #47 - Escorting Ladies to the Dinner Table

At a formal dinner generally the host escorts the lady of honor into the dining room first. The
remaining guests enter the dining room in whatever order they choose. The hostess enters the
dining room last, accompanied by the man of honor. There are a few exceptions to this custom.

At a formal meal the hostess is the last to enter the dining room, and the ladies sit down without
waiting for her. At an informal meal, the ladies sit before or after the hostess is seated, whichever is
convenient.

Table Manners Tip #48 - Dignitaries Entering the Dining Room

If the guest of honor is a high-ranking male dignitary, such as the president of a country, he enters
the dining room first with the hostess. The host enters the dining room second with the dignitary's
wife.

When the guest of honor is a high-ranking female dignitary, such as the prime minister of a country,
she enters the dining room first with the host. The dignitary's husband follows with the hostess.

Table Manners Tip #49 - Guests Entering the Dining Room at an Informal Dinner
At an informal dinner, the guests enter the dining room in whatever order is convenient. When
seating arrangements are not designated by place cards, usually the hostess enters the dining room
first to tell everyone where to sit.

Table Manners Tip #50 - Place Cards

Place cards identify the places people are to sit; they are used to eliminate confusion when more
than six people dine together. At formal affairs, which usually involve a large group, individual places
are always designated by place cards. But an informal dinner is a less structured occasion; when
place cards are not provided, the hostess tells the guests where to sit or asks them to find their own
places (although this is not always a good practice because mix-ups can occur as guests try to seat
themselves in alternate male-female positions).

Table Manners Tip #51 - Place of Honor

History accords the place of honor to the right side because most people are right-handed. A
gentleman draws out the chair for the lady seated on his right, pushes her chair into place, and seats
himself. The host seats the lady on his right. The hostess is helped by the gentleman seated on her
left. To avoid congestion, it is easier if ladies approach their chairs from the right.

Table Manners Tip #52 - When to Sit

When all the women are seated, the men sit down.

Table Manners Tip #53 - A Purse at the Dinner Table

Because a purse on the table crowds and disturbs the symmetry of the table setting, in a private
residence it is left wherever the hostess suggests, such as in a bedroom or on a chair. In a restaurant
or public place, to avoid having a purse stolen, it is held on the lap or placed close at hand on a
banquette. For the brave at heart, it is laid on the floor by one's chair or hung from the back of the
chair (if this does not inhibit service or tempt theft).

Table Manners Tip #54 - Lipstick at the Dinner Table

A lady should refrain from replenishing lipstick before coming to the table in order to prevent an
imprint of lipstick on the rim of a glass or a napkin. To avoid leaving a soiled crumply napkin on the
table for others to see, when you leave the table temporarily, place the napkin on the seat of the
chair. If the chair seat is upholstered, to avoid staining the fabric, the napkin is laid soiled side up.

Table Manners Tip #55 - When to Begin Eating at a Banquet

At a banquet, where throngs of people are served, in the interest of enjoying the hot courses at the
right temperature, eating commences as soon as those on either side are served.

Table Manners Tip #56 - When to Begin Eating at a Buffet

At a meal served buffet style, eating commences when one is ready.

Table Manners Tip #57 - Eat Slowly

Savor the meal and eat slowly; it encourages conversation and conviviality.

Table Manners Tip #58 - Smoking

Smoking at the table. A lighted cigarette is never taken to the table. Smoking is offensive to
nonsmokers and dulls the palate. A table laid without ashtrays indicates that the hostess does not
wish her guests to smoke. But if ashtrays are provided, before proceeding to smoke and as a
courtesy to others, ask the hostess for permission. Because some people are allergic to smoke, wait
until the table is cleared for dessert or hold off until dessert is finished. Never use a dessert plate or
a saucer as an ashtray.
Table Manners Tip #59 - Electronic Devices
Turn off or silence all electronic devices before entering the restaurant. If you forgot to turn off your
cell phone, and it rings, immediately turn it off. Do not answer the call. Do not text, and if you have a
Blackberry or iphone, do not browse the Internet at the table

Table Manners Tip #60 - Hats and Caps

Assuming that you are asking about casual hats such as baseball caps, then the following applies:
Although commonly seen in casual restaurants, it's really not proper etiquette to keep a hat on
when eating. Some etiquette experts may advise taking off a hat when eating outdoors, too.
However, wearing any type hat is becoming more acceptable in fast food restaurants.

Table Manners Tip #61 - Doggy Bags

It is fine to take leftover food home from a restaurant, except if on a date or business lunch or
dinner.

Table Manners Tip #62 - Courtesy

Always say thank you when served something.

Table Manners Tip #63 - Food on Your Partner's Face

Your dining partner has food on his face? If you notice a speck of food on someone's face (or, in the
case of a man, on his beard), you're doing them a favor by subtly calling attention to it. You might
signal silently by cocking an eyebrow while using your index finger to lightly tap your chin or
whatever part of the face is affected. As prevention for yourself, the occasional dab with your
napkin will help ensure no wayward hits of food stay put for long.

Table Manners Tip #64 - Family Style Meals

Often, "family style" means that the host or hostess serves the meat, but the other dishes are
passed around with each diner helping himself. These dishes, too, are passed counterclockwise.
Men do not offer the dish to the women on their right first, but help themselves when the dish
reaches them. A man may then, if he wishes, hold the dish while the woman next to him serves
herself.

At a family meal, plates may be served in the kitchen and brought out to the table. It is better not to
do this when guests are present, however. Guests should have the prerogative of serving
themselves. Exceptions: individually arranged dishes, such as eggs Benedict, that must be put
together in the kitchen.

Table Manners Tip #65 - Be at Ease

Being at ease at the table-whether for dinner, breakfast, or lunch-means being able to thoroughly
enjoy the company and the cuisine. If you spend your minutes at the table being anxious about
doing the right thing at the right time, the pleasure that communal meals can bring is dissipated. A
review of the following will help make any host or guest at any table comfortable, relaxed, and
proficient at gracious dining.

Table Manners Tip #66 - Chewing Food Well and Slowly

Do chew your food well, putting your utensils down between bites.
Table Manners Tip #67 - Guarding Your Food
Don't encircle your plate with your arm.

Table Manners Tip #68 - Your Pinky

Don't crook your finger when picking up a cup or glass. It's an affected mannerism.

Table Manners Tip #69 - Leaving a Soup in Your Cup or Bowl

Don't leave your spoon in your cup, soup bowl, or stemmed glass.

Table Manners Tip #70 - Cutting Food Into Many Bites

Don't cut up your entire meal before you start to eat. Cut only one or two bites at a time.

Table Manners Tip #71 - Restaurant Buffets

When you are dining at a restaurant buffet, never go back to the buffet for a refill with a dirty plate.
Leave it for the waitperson to pick up and start afresh with a clean plate.

Table Manners Tip #72 - Sugar, Cracker, or Cream Packets

If sugar, crackers, cream, or other accompaniments to meals are served with paper wrappers or in
plastic or cardboard containers, the wrappers should be crumpled up tightly and either tucked
under the rim of your plate or placed on the edge of the saucer or butter plate. Don't put them in
the ashtray if smokers are present, since their lighted cigarettes could easily set the paper on fire.

Table Manners Tip #73 - Serving Coffee and Tea in a Restaurant

If coffee or tea is placed on the table without first having been poured by the waiter, the person
nearest the pot should offer to pour, filling his or her own cup last.

Table Manners Tip #74 - Selecting Wine in a Restaurant

Memorizing the different characteristics of each variety, region, and country can be daunting. If you
don’t have the time or inclination to study, just remember that the following food-friendly wines will
pair well with almost anything and are generally available in several prices:

 If you’d like to order a red wine, choose a Pinot Noir. The Burgundy region of France and California
produce quality Pinot Noirs. Pinots from Washington and Oregon are also good choices.
 If you’d like a white wine, select a Riesling from Germany or the Alsace region of France.  Drier
Rieslings pair especially well with most foods.

If you have the time and want to expand your horizons, you can obtain a copy of the restaurant’s
wine list and review it beforehand. The lists are commonly available on the Internet, can be received
by fax, or you can stop by the restaurant and obtain one in person. This will give you time to study
the varieties, wineries, and vintages on the list. You can also learn how to correctly pronounce the
names of the wines.

Table Manners Tip #75 -Ordering Wine by the Glass

Most restaurants offer a smaller selection of wines by the glass, so that you don’t have to purchase
an entire bottle. This gives you a chance to experiment with a few different wines. When ordering
wine by the glass, you should be aware that you may be getting wine from a previously opened
bottle. You should ask the server when the bottle was opened. If it has been open for one or more
days, you may want to make another selection.

Table Manners Tip #76 - Decanting Wine

Stand the bottle upright. Let it stand that way as long as possible so the sediment falls to the bottom
of the bottle. A couple of days is ideal, but even thirty minutes is helpful. Remove the cork without
disturbing the sediment.

Table Manners Tip #77 - Prayers

It is well to remember that you are in another person's house and their customs should hold. If your
hostess asks you to join hands or bow your head is not asking too much for you to accomodate her
in this regard. Conversely, if you feel strongly about your religious tradition and are in the home of a
person who pointedly does not pray before meal time, do not be ostentatious in your ritual. Be
meek and humble, say your prayer silently and reverently to yourself and proceed with the meal.

Table Manners Tip #78 - Hot Soup

If soup is too hot, stir it, don’t blow.

Table Manners Tip #79 - Nakin in Your Lap

The meal begins when the host starts to unfold her napkin. This is the signal for you to do the same. 
Typically, you want to put your napkin on your lap within the first 10 seconds after sitting down.

Table Manners Tip #80 - Napkin as a Signal at Meal's End

The host will signal the end of the meal by placing her napkin on the table.

Table Manners Tip #81 -Orthodontic Appliances

Keep braces clean. Watch what you eat. Bring brush and floss.

Table Manners Tip #82 - Ready to Order

To show you are ready to order, close your menu and place it on the table.

Table Manners Tip #83 - Asking Questions

Cheeseburgers, French fries, and soft drinks are easy for most people to pronounce, and you know
what you’re getting. French, Italian, Chinese and other foreign restaurants may be another
story. Unless you are fluent in these languages or have eaten at these types of restaurants before,
you’ll probably need to ask questions about items on the menu or about service.

Table Manners Tip #84 - Restaurant Ordering Sequence

How to order will depend upon whether you’re the host or guest, what type of meal you’re going to
be eating, how many people are at the table, and whether the guests are male or female. The host is
the person that will be paying the check. His order is generally taken last. In a group, the server may
decide how the ordering will proceed. Normally, women’s are taken first.
Table Manners Tip #85 - Time a Meal in a Restaurant
If attending diner before another engagement or are on a schedule, its okay to speed up the pace of the
meal.

 Let your server know you are on a schedule and ask him to recommend something that can be
prepared in a short amount of time.
 If you want to length a meal, let your server know you’d like to finish drinks before you order your
first course and that there is no need to rush between courses.

Table Manners Tip #86 - Ordering Cheese in a Restaurant

If having cheese, as the waiter if the cheese is currently in the refrigerator. If so, ask this staffer to
remove it at the onset of the meal so that the cheese will be at room temperature by the time you
are ready to eat it.

Table Manners Tip #87 - Arriving at a Restaurant

As the host, you should always try to arrive at the restaurant before your guests.  You may wait for
your guests in the foyer of the restaurant or at your table, but if you choose to wait at your table,
give the maitre d’ a description of your guests and ask him to direct them to your table.

If one or more guests are ten minutes late, ask the maitre d’ to seat the group and show the other
guests to the table upon their arrival. Once seated, the punctual guests can order drinks and
examine the menu. After waiting 15 or 20 minutes, the group should order their meals.

Table Manners Tip #88 - Approaching the Table in a Restaurant

When being seated, if the maitre d’ leads the group to the table, the guests should follow the maitre
d’ and the host should follow the guests. If the maitre d’ does not lead the group, the host should
lead.

Table Manners Tip #89 - Being Serviced in a Restaurant

 the waiter serves food from you left and beverages from your right side.
 when the waiter offers you a platter, help yourself with the serving fork in your left hand and the
serving spoon in your right.
 foods and beverages are passed around the table clockwise.

Table Manners Tip #90 - When to Begin Eating

At tables with eight people or fewer, begin eating only after all the other guests are served and the
host or guest of honor has started to eat. If there is no guest of honor or host, begin eating after
everyone has been served. At large events begin eating only when the guests on each side of you
have been served.

Table Manners Tip #91 - Handling Bread

If you find that the bread basket has been set close to your place setting, offer it to the table by
passing it to your right. If the loaf is uncut, cut a few slices and return the loaf and slices to the
basket. When slicing the bread, use the cloth in the basket to cover one end of the loaf before you
grasp it. As the basket is passed, guests should slice it for themselves as needed. When the basket is
returned to you, take a piece and place it on your bread plate. Use your butter knife to retrieve a
healthy portion of butter and place it on the edge of your bread plate. It is customary to leave the
last piece of bread in the basket. Ask the waiter for more if you like.

When eating your piece of bread, break off a small piece with your hands, butter it, and eat it. Do
not tear off more than one piece at a time.

Table Manners Tip #92 - Sorbet

At some formal dinners, sorbet will be served after the first course or after the entrée. This is not
dessert. It is a palate cleanser. Eat it before eating the next course.

Table Manners Tip #93 - Cheese in a Restaurant

If a cheese course is ordered, a fromager or fromagere may bring the cheese tray or cart to your
table prior to dessert. The fromager should help make cheese selections and suggest cheese and
wine pairings.

Table Manners Tip #94 - Paying the Check in a Restaurant

If you are the host, inform the waiter or maitre d’ that you are to receive the check. Once the meal
is finished, ask the waiter, not the busboy, for the check. The host should also pay for any coatroom
charges or gratuities as guests retrieve their coats.

If there is no established host at a business lunch or dinner, the most senior professional is generally
responsible for the check.

You may also eliminate the need for the check to be brought to the table at all. Upon arriving, ask
the maitre d’ if you can charge the meal to your credit card and instruct them to add their standard
service charge.

Table Manners Tip #95 - Tipping

Even if you receive a complimentary meal or wine, you should tip the staff. Base gratuities on the
estimated dollar value of the complimentary meal or wine you receive.

There is no need to tip the owner or proprietor of the restaurant, even if he or she serves you. You
also do not need to tip the maitre d’ unless they have done a special favor or arranged a special
meal for you.

In general there is no need to tip the busboy or the doormen, unless they perform a service other
than opening the door. If this is the case, tip the doormen one dollar.

Table Manners Tip #96 - Sending a Dish Back

If you need to send a dish back, don’t feel awkward. This is entirely appropriate if your dish is not
what you ordered, if it isn’t cooked to order, if it tastes spoiled, or if you discover a hair or a pest in
the dish. You should discreetly inform the waiter of the situation and ask for a replacement.

Table Manners Tip #97 - Dropping Your Napkin

If you drop your napkin, retrieve it yourself if you can. If retrieval of the napkin would disrupt the
meal, ask the waiter for a replacement.
Table Manners Tip #98 - Dropping a Utensil
If you drop a utensil, pick it up yourself if you can and let the waiter know you need a new one.  If
you cannot reach it, inform the waiter and ask for a replacement.

Table Manners Tip #99 - Problems with the Bill

If there is a problem with the bill, quietly discuss it with the waiter. If the waiter is uncooperative,
excuse yourself from the table and ask to speak to the manager.

Table Manners Tip #100 - Dropped Food

If you drop food on the tablecloth or floor, discreetly use your napkin to retrieve it and ask the
waiter for a new napkin. If you spill a glass of wine or water, use your napkin to clean up the mess.

Table Manners Tip #101 - Job Interview Tip

On a job interview, follow the host’s lead when ordering food or drink and avoid sloppy or difficult-
to-eat dishes. Do not participate in unpleasant or controversial topics of conversation as you never
know when something you say might come back to haunt you. Of course, monitor your alcohol
intake.

Table Manners Tip #102 - How Much Wine to Order in a Restaurant

A good rule of thumb to determine how many bottles to order is to start with a half bottle per
person. If the group includes at least three people, you may try ordering a bottle of red and a bottle
of white.

Table Manners Tip #103 - Ordering Wine at the Right Price

A good wine list should have a wide selection of wines priced at the same level as an entrée or
slightly more. To discreetly inform the sommelier how much you would like to spend without
announcing it to the table, start by selecting a wine in the category you are interested in and find a
wine at the price point you are comfortable with. Show the sommelier your selection and ask for his
opinion, but place your finger on the price, rather than the name, when pointing the wine out. This
communicates to the sommelier the price range you are comfortable with.

Table Manners Tip #104 - Reservations

 Call a day or two ahead or a week or two ahead if the restaurant and day are popular.
 Reconfirm the reservation by calling on the day of your visit.
 Call the restaurant during meal hours to speak to the official reservationist.

Table Manners Tip #105 - Lemons

To keep from squirting your dinner companion in the eye when squeezing a lemon wedge, follow
this method.  First, impale the pulp of the lemon wedge on the fork tines. Next, cup your free hand
over the lemon and gently squeeze the fruit.

Table Manners Tip #106 - Half a Duck

When served a half duck or chicken, use your knife and fork to cut the wing and leg away from the
breast before you start eating any of the meat.
Table Manners Tip #107 - Holding a Wineglass
Wineglasses are held by the stem, not the bowl.

Table Manners Tip #108 - Declined Credit Card

 Do not call attention to the situation, or get defensive
 If card continues to be declined, and do not have enough ready cash to pay, ask to pay by check, visit
the nearest ATM, or return the next day with cash.
 If the restaurant declines these suggestions, the gentleman has no option but to return to the table
and throw self on the mercy of companions.
 Repay there kindness within 24 hours, repaying them in cash. Do not let such debts linger.

The online series Creating and presenting your personal brand

Four components of your personal brand:

 Appearance:
Your body language, clothing attire and overall posture.
 Personality:
Your behavior, communication skills and attitudes toward people.
 Competencies:
Your special skills fulfilling task requirements.
 Differentiation:
What separates you from others and leaves a lasting memory in the minds of others.

Make good use of your first impression, whether in the real or digital world.
Decide what works best for you and then go out and do it. Prepare, know the path, enjoy it and be
yourself. 1

In person:
In just a few seconds, with a brief glance, a person unfamiliar with you will evaluate who you are
based upon your appearance and personality. This first impression is critical, not only with
employment, but also in your social life. Think of yourself as a delivery mechanism. When you begin
to identify, enhance and integrate/increase the importance of these positive elements into your
personal brand, you can think of it as packaging who you are, what you have to contribute, and how
you interact with others. By strengthening these elements, you also strengthen your confidence
level in operating from the vantage point of what is familiar and true to yourself.

With groups
Your public image is critical when you are addressing your class or a larger group. People generally
retain or remember 4% of the content of any presentation, speech or talk, but they always
remember 100% of how they felt about it.1
Integrate these elements in order to build your core personal message, unique to you.

 Be well-prepared, then write out or outline what you have to say.

Recognize the importance of writing to the sequence of what you have to say. Sort out the
main ideas, then prioritize them so your audience can follow your train of thought.
  Practice what you have to say in front of a mirror. You make think you make beautiful music,
but others may just hear noise.
You will feel a bit strange at first, but eventually you will see and hear yourself as others, and
so work out the stumbles.
 Work out what type of “guide” you need in presenting,
whether a script, note cards or projected outlines, whether with illustrations or images.
 Develop supplemental materials: a business card, hand-out with references and resources,
contact information, etc.

Online/networking
When you package yourself online, whether in a personal or community Web site, consider this your
public image and remember that you are not there to interpret what others see, and read.
Remember that your presence on the Internet is archived (www.archive.org) and will always be
available to anyone, employer or social group, who search for it.

 Pay attention to how you present yourself.

Keep your personal life private, especially on the Internet and Social networking sites.
 Develop a personal/professional logo and use it consistently on your business card,
presentations, and digital profiles
 Develop a Web page that you control, whether professional or personal, as your portfolio.
A personal Web site will also enable you to have a related personalized email address!
Keep the URL/address simple, content up-to-date. Include work history, accomplishments,
interests, etc.
 Coordinate what you put online, whether in social Web sites (i.e. Facebook), or your
personal Web site.
Be aggressive in projecting your strengths and a positive image.
Research do's and don'ts!
Social Web sites include MySpace, Facebook , Nexopia, Bebo, Hi5, Tagged, Skyrock, Orkut,
Friendster, Xiaonei and Cyworld. Frequently review Wikipedia for the latest.
Professional Web sites include LinkedIn, Xing, careerbuilder.com, Jobfox, and organizational
and professional Web sites that may enable you to list yourself.

When these assets are integrated, they become your core personal message, unique to you.
In order to impact those around you, use your personal brand to differentiate yourself and make a
positive impression. You will also strengthen your confidence level since you will be presenting from
your position of strength.

As you develop or cultivate your brand, you become in charge of how you present yourself and act.
Begin with an honest assessment of where you are at, then determine where you need to go.
A brand is not static, but constantly in development, altered by situations and accomplishments.

Beware:
In the era of the social Web and social media,
everything we create and share online is open to discovery, interpretation, and feedback –
positive, neutral and negative. Remember that you are not there to interpret what others view and
read.
2) COMMUNICATION SKILLS
    Communication skills play a very important role in your personality rating. Communication Skills
comprises of speaking ability, comprehension, and voice culture as well as writing skills. Also, if you
are a good conversationalist as well as a good listener and genuinely interested in other people, you
can win many friends and make a good impression on others.

Improving Communication Skills in Business and Relationships

Effective communication helps us better understand a person or situation and enables us to resolve
differences, build trust and respect, and create environments where creative ideas, problem solving,
affection, and caring can flourish. As simple as communication seems, much of what we try to
communicate to others—and what others try to communicate to us—gets misunderstood, which
can cause conflict and frustration in personal and professional relationships. By learning these
effective communication skills, you can better connect with your spouse, kids, friends, and
coworkers.

What is effective communication?

In the information age, we have to send, receive, and process huge numbers of messages every day.
But effective communication is about more than just exchanging information; it also about
understands the emotion behind the information. Effective communication can improve
relationships at home, work, and in social situations by deepening your connections to others and
improving teamwork, decision-making, and problem solving. It enables you to communicate even
negative or difficult messages without creating conflict or destroying trust. Effective communication
combines a set of skills including nonverbal communication, attentive listening, the ability to
manage stress in the moment, and the capacity to recognize and understand your own emotions
and those of the person you’re communicating with.

While effective communication is a learned skill, it is more effective when it’s spontaneous rather
than formulaic. A speech that is read, for example, rarely has the same impact as a speech that’s
delivered (or appears to be delivered) spontaneously. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop
these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the
more instinctive and spontaneous your communication skills will become.
Effective communication skills #1: Listening

Listening is one of the most important aspects of effective communication. Successful listening
means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also
understanding how the speaker feels about what they’re communicating.

Effective listening can:

 Make the speaker feel heard and understood which can help build a stronger, deeper connection
between you.
 Create an environment where everyone feels safe to express ideas, opinions, and feelings, or plan
and problem solve in creative ways.
 Save time by helping clarify information, avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.
 Relieve negative emotions. When emotions are running high, if the speaker feels that he or she has
been truly heard, it can help to calm them down, relieve negative feelings, and allow for real
understanding or problem solving to begin.

Tips for effective listening

If your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person, listening effectively will often
come naturally. If it doesn’t, you can remember the following tips. The more you practice them, the
more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with others will become.

 Focus fully on the speaker, his or her body language, and other nonverbal cues. If you’re
daydreaming, checking text messages, or doodling, you’re almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in
the conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over
in your head—it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.
 Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns, by saying something like,
“If you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.” Listening is not the same as waiting
for your turn to talk. You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re
going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s
elsewhere.
 Avoid seeming judgmental. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to
like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your
judgment and withhold blame and criticism in order to fully understand a person. The most difficult
communication, when successfully executed, can lead to the most unlikely and profound connection
with someone.
 Show your interest in what’s being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your
posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like
“yes” or “uh huh.”

Effective communication skills #2: Nonverbal communication

When we communicate things that we care about, we do so mainly using nonverbal signals.
Wordless communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and
gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even your muscle tension and breathing.
The way you look, listen, move, and react to another person tells them more about how you’re
feeling than words alone ever can.
Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you connect with
others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships
at home and work.

 You can enhance effective communication by using open body language—arms uncrossed, standing
with an open stance or sitting on the edge of your seat, and maintaining eye contact with the person
you’re talking to.
 You can also use body language to emphasize or enhance your verbal message—patting a friend on
the back while complimenting him on his success, for example, or pounding your fists to underline
your message.

Tips for improving how you read nonverbal communication

 Practice observing people in public places, such as a shopping mall, bus, train, café, restaurant, or
even on a television talk show with the sound muted. Observing how others use body language can
teach you how to better receive and use nonverbal signals when conversing with others. Notice how
people act and react to each other. Try to guess what their relationship is, what they’re talking about,
and how each feels about what is being said.
 Be aware of individual differences. People from different countries and cultures tend to use different
nonverbal communication gestures, so it’s important to take age, culture, religion, gender, and
emotional state into account when reading body language signals. An American teen, a grieving
widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, are likely to use nonverbal signals differently.
 Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or
nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you receive, from eye contact to tone of voice to
body language. Anyone can slip up occasionally and let eye contact slip, for example, or briefly cross
their arms without meaning to. Consider the signals as a whole to get a better “read” on a person.

Tips for improving how to deliver nonverbal communication

 Use nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Nonverbal communication should reinforce
what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else,
your listener will likely feel you’re being dishonest. For example, you can’t say “yes” while shaking
your head no.
 Adjust your nonverbal signals according to the context. The tone of your voice, for example, should
be different when you’re addressing a child than when you’re addressing a group of adults. Similarly,
take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you’re interacting with.
 Use body language to convey positive feelings even when you're not actually experiencing them. If
you’re nervous about a situation—a job interview, important presentation, or first date, for example
—you can use positive body language to signal confidence, even though you’re not feeling it. Instead
of tentatively entering a room with your head down, eyes averted, and sliding into a chair, try
standing tall with your shoulders back, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and delivering a firm
handshake. It will make you feel more self-confident and help to put the other person at ease.

Effective communication skills #3: Managing stress

Learn to recognize & reduce hidden stress

In small doses, stress can help you perform under pressure. However, when stress becomes
constant and overwhelming, it can hamper effective communication by disrupting your capacity to
think clearly and creatively, and act appropriately. When you’re stressed, you’re more likely to
misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy
knee-jerk patterns of behavior.

How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement with your spouse, kids, boss, friends,
or coworkers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly relieve stress
and return to a calm state, you’ll not only avoid such regrets, but in many cases you’ll also help to
calm the other person as well. It’s only when you’re in a calm, relaxed state that you'll be able to
know whether the situation requires a response, or whether the other person’s signals indicate it
would be better to remain silent.

Quick stress relief for effective communication

When stress strikes, you can’t always temper it by taking time out to meditate or go for a run,
especially if you’re in the middle of a meeting with your boss or an argument with your spouse, for
example. By learning to quickly reduce stress in the moment, though, you can safely face any strong
emotions you’re experiencing, regulate your feelings, and behave appropriately. When you know
how to maintain a relaxed, energized state of awareness—even when something upsetting happens
—you can remain emotionally available and engaged.

To deal with stress during communication:

 Recognize when you’re becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if you’re stressed as you
communicate. Are your muscles or your stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your
breath shallow? Are you "forgetting" to breathe?
 Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue a conversation or postpone it.
 Bring your senses to the rescue and quickly manage stress by taking a few deep breaths, clenching
and relaxing muscles, or recalling a soothing, sensory-rich image, for example. The best way to
rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each
person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.
 Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to relieve stress
when communicating. When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find a way to
lighten the mood by sharing a joke or amusing story.
 Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you’ll be able to find a happy
middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If you realize that the other
person cares much more about something than you do, compromise may be easier for you and a
good investment in the future of the relationship.
 Agree to disagree, if necessary, and take time away from the situation so everyone can calm down.
Take a quick break and move away from the situation. Go for a stroll outside if possible, or spend a
few minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to regain your balance can
quickly reduce stress.

Effective communication skills #4: Emotional awareness

Learn to recognize & accept your emotions

Emotions play an important role in the way we communicate at home and work. It’s the way you
feel, more than the way you think, that motivates you to communicate or to make decisions. The
way you react to emotionally driven, nonverbal cues affects both how you understand other people
and how they understand you. If you are out of touch with your feelings, and don’t understand how
you feel or why you feel that way, you’ll have a hard time communicating your feelings and needs to
others. This can result in frustration, misunderstandings, and conflict. When you don’t address
what’s really bothering you, you often become embroiled in petty squabbles instead—arguing with
your spouse about how the towels should be hung, for example, or with a coworker about whose
turn it is to restock the copier.

Emotional awareness provides you the tools needed for understanding both yourself and other
people, and the real messages they are communicating to you. Although knowing your own feelings
may seem simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and
fear. But your ability to communicate depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid
of strong emotions or if you insist on communicating only on a rational level, it will impair your
ability to fully understand others, creatively problem solve, resolve conflicts, or build an affectionate
connection with someone.

How emotional awareness can improve effective communication

Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your moment-to-moment emotional experience—and

the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately is the basis for effective communication.

Emotional awareness helps you:

 Understand and empathize with what is really troubling other people

 Understand yourself, including what’s really troubling you and what you really want
 Stay motivated to understand and empathize with the person you’re interacting with, even if you
don’t like them or their message
 Communicate clearly and effectively, even when delivering negative messages
 Build strong, trusting, and rewarding relationships, think creatively, solve problems, and resolve
conflicts

Effective communication requires both thinking and feeling

When emotional awareness is strongly developed, you’ll know what you’re feeling without having to
think about it—and you’ll be able to use these emotional cues to understand what someone is really
communicating to you and act accordingly. The goal of effective communication is to find a healthy
balance between your intellect and your emotions, between thinking and feeling.

Emotional awareness is a skill you can learn

Emotional awareness is a skill that, with patience and practice, can be learned at any time of life.
You can develop emotional awareness by learning how to get in touch with difficult emotions and
manage uncomfortable feelings, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and joy. When you
know how to do this, you can remain in control of your emotions and behavior, even in very
challenging situations, and communicate more clearly and effectively.

Communication Skills: The Importance of Eye Contact

An old Yiddish proverb says, "The eyes are the mirror of the soul", and they are. Eyes can captivate an
audience and express what words may not be able to deliver. A word is a word, but a word expressed upon
the sincerity of the eyes will allow the words spoken to reach the minds of those they are spoken to. This is
why eye contact is important.

Eye contact is a non-verbal ability to communicate, and it often equals to our ability to verbally
express a thought. Interestingly, we are least aware of our non-verbal communication skills like
body language and especially eye contact, yet these non-verbal skills often speak louder than our
words.

When you maintain eye contact, you present an air of confidence in yourself and what you are
communicating. People who are listening to what you are saying will take you more seriously, and
will take what you say as important. If you lose eye contact or focus on everything else but the
person you are speaking to, you may not be taken seriously and the truth in your points may be lost.

Failing to maintain eye contact during a conversation can send mixed signals to the person you are
speaking with. It is often construed as a tell-tale-sign that you might not be forthcoming or truthful
in what you are saying---liars tend to not keep eye contact. If the lack of eye contact is not construed
as a lie the person may be trying to conceal, it is often perceived as lack of interest or an indication
of a short attention span.

Eye contact can relay our inner most intimate thoughts and desires. It can let the person we are
speaking with know our emotional connection and interest in what we are conversing about. A
longing stare or the ability to smile with your eyes like a super model can often deliver the subtle
message of interest. On the flip side, anger, disgust, and dissatisfaction can also be easily delivered
with through our eye contact.

The way we use our eye contact can also enhance an intimidating conversation, making the message
of the words more resounding. We have often heard stories that recount horrific circumstances
where the person describes their attacker or intimidator as having pure evil in their eyes. Many
criminals have been described as having empty and blank stares, which is said to indicate their lack
of remorse or lack of understanding of what they took part in.

We are equipped with a powerful tool in eye contact. It can be used in positive ways to effectively
express confidence, intellect, honesty, love and desire, friendship, compassion and sympathy, and
more. While negatively, eye contact can reflect lies, anger, lack of remorse, and a callous non-
genuine attitude. Our eyes can enhance a conversation and deliver our words more effectively.
5 Reasons Why Eye Contact Is Important

Have you ever realized how much one moment of locking eyes can mean? Try looking a stranger in
the eye or even someone you know pretty well. Eyes are one of the best attributes of human
expression because they can be direct and elusive, as well as show a million different emotions in
just one look. Even one glance can tell you a lot about a person’s character, especially if a smile or
smirk is thrown in. One thing that shy people have as a disadvantage is that they have trouble
holding eye contact. It’s well known that in Western countries like the United States, giving those in
power eye contact is revered. However, in Eastern countries, eye contact to those in power is
viewed as rude and a sign of disrespect. It’s important to recognize these differences, since eye
contact can mean many different things depending on the setting and the people locking eyes. Why
is it good to practice strong eye contact in your every day life?

1. Respect – As I said above, in Western countries like the United States, eye contact in order to
show and earn respect. From talking to your boss at work to thanking your grandmother for a
birthday gift, eye contact shows that you see the person as equal or someone you view as
important. Of course there are other ways to show respect, such as staying eye-level with the
person and positioning yourself as leaning into them when you’re talking, but eye contact shows
that you’re on the same page in the most straight-forward way. As they say, “eyes are the window
to the soul.” Sincerity can be felt through eye contact, therefore, genuine respect will be received if
you pay strong attention through your eyes.

2. Interest – If you like someone in any way, shape, or form, why not look them in the eye when
you’re talking to them? Looking down or away from them can come off as aloof, especially if the
person is telling you about something important or trying to get your attention. In order to put the
most effort into showing interest, look the person in the eye and smile. This can be taken different
ways depending on what you and the other person are intending - interest could mean familial,
friendship, a respectful authoritarian interest, love interest, or even just a strong bond that you and
the other person have. Eye contact can say so much, yet leave so much to assumptions and
analyzing body language.

For more on body language and the interplay of interest, check this other article I wrote: Is It Really
In The Eyes? Body Language Decoded.

3. Appreciation - You can convey appreciation quite easily with the eyes - just give a meaningful look
into their eyes while you’re thanking them and the other person is able to recognize how you feel.
Showing emotions like appreciation is quite important in terms of friends and family members if
they do something nice or helpful for you, so eye contact is vital in these situations. It’s a socially
constructed way to keep up a positive image with people in your life, yet also an extremely good
way to show your thanks with sincerity.

4. Understanding – A locking of eyes can be all you need to have some understand something you
mean. If you’re trying to get a point across or just want some reassurance, eye contact can be an
important asset in communicating your thoughts. Eye contact is one of the most intimate forms of
communication because sight has the ability to pick up so much that people convey. It’s possible to
guess what someone’s thinking based on their eyes and how they look at you. Eye contact, or lack
thereof, is invaluable for learning to trust someone and having that same respect given in return.

I Knew It In My Gut: 6 Ways To Learn To Trust People

5. Eye contact can be the difference between seeming aloof and a new friendship. If you’re giving
someone eye contact, this could be the start of friendly, warm communication with a new person.
By keeping yourself open to locking eyes with a stranger, you’re inviting them to look at you and
perhaps start a conversation. You’re leaving yourself open to people if you’re willing to make eye
contact and keep up a friendly face. While there’s a clear difference between good eye contact and
glaring, it’s important that you know when it’s appropriate to use either. Warm, friendly eyes could
be the deciding factor in whether you make a possible friend or scare someone away! While there
are exceptions to leaving yourself open with your eyes (ie. when you’re somewhere new and you feel
rather sketched out), it’s important to not let opportunities where eye contact could help you to
pass you by. Surprising things could happen if you just open your eyes!

In general, eye contact is something people don’t think enough about. It’s important to teach
children from a young age to look people in the eye when they’re talking to them or they could
develop a habit of seeming aloof or disinterested in communicating with other people. Locking eyes
and knowing when to look away is a good people skill to possess. Use your eyes to project a positive
image and one look could be the catalyst for change in your life. Open your eyes, sister – you never
know who might be watching.

6 Ways to improve your eye contact skills

1. Talking to a group – When talking to a group of people it is great to have direct contact with your
listeners. Don’t make the mistake of maintaining eye contact with just one person as this will stop the
other members of the group from listening. To get past this, focus on a different member of the
group with every new sentence. This way you are talking to all of the group and keeping them all
interested.
2. Talking to an individual – It is great to maintain eye contact when talking to a person however it can
become a bit creepy and uncomfortable if you stare intensely at them. To combat this, break eye
contact every 5 seconds or so. When breaking the eye contact don’t look down as this might indicate
the ending of your part of the conversation. Instead, look up or to the side as if your are
remembering something. Try it just now: don’t move your head, and think about the first time you
started school. You will notice your eyes might move up or to the side as you try to remember this. So
when your listener sees this they will think you are trying to remember something and keep on
listening to you.
3. Listening to someone – When you are listening to someone it can be off putting for the talker if you
stare at them too hard. The technique I use when I am counseling someone is to use what I call ‘The
 triangle’. This is when I look at one eye for about 5 seconds, look at the other eye for 5 seconds and
then look at the mouth for 5 seconds and keep on rotating in this way. This technique coupled with
other listening skills such as nodding, occasional agreement words such as ‘yes’, ‘Uh –huh’ ‘mm’ etc is
a great way to keep the talker talking and to show them you are interested in what they are saying.
4. Arguing – Arguing with someone is a skill in itself and if you want to compete in an argument holding
the gaze shows strength. If you look away when arguing with someone you have all but lost the
argument. Obviously this depends on who you are arguing with but in general it is better to hold the
gaze whilst you are making your point and also when you are listening to the other person. We have
all come across the person who is great at arguing and making you feel small, you will notice that
everyone who is like this try to stare you out. Stare back, it will surprise them, piss them off and put
them off what they are trying to say. Staying silent and staring at someone who is trying to rile you is
also an effective way to win an argument without saying a word.
5. Attracting someone – When you are trying to attract someone and show them you are interested
you can talk and listen with your eyes. When a person you like is speaking use the whole face as your
focal point. Look at their eyes, listen to what they are saying, smile in the appropriate places, raise
your eyebrows in the appropriate places. If you feel you are staring at them move to their other
features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to their eyes. Smiling when listening
to someone is a great way to show you are interested in them, obviously don’t smile when they have
just told you their pet died last night. You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your
eyes (yes I did mean listening with your eyes, you listen to someone’s body language with your eyes).
6. Loving someone – My wife and I often share a prolonged gaze into each others eyes and it is a very
special thing to just stare without talking. My wife’s pupils will dilate and she can my pupils dilating. It
creates a strong bond between us. To make your pupils dilate even more you can try this: as you are
staring at your partner imagine yourself going inside their body and your two souls making love. You
are trying to touch their very soul. This will release adrenalin and make your pupils dilate even more

3) KNOWLEDGE
    A wide and prospective knowledge in addition to depth in your own field of study greatly helps in
the building up of your personality. This needs wide reading and assimilation, observation and
inquisitiveness to learn and also interaction with learned experienced people.

4) SKILLS- (PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL)

    Development o pertinent skills needed for your professional work and personal life greatly
enhances your personality. Some of the important ones are leadership skills, organizations skills,
practical skills in your field, human management skills, entertainment skills including some basic
skills like first-aid, cooking, driving etc.

5) SELF-CONFIDENCE
    It is the confidence in one’s own abilities which helps in taking up responsibilities and initiative
things. Self-confidence can greatly perk up your image and help you in giving a dynamic personality.

The Importance of Self Confidence

What is Self Confidence?
To be able to achieve a goal you need skills, discipline, determination, capability and self confidence. Self
confidence comes from having the right kind of skills and clarity of goals to be achieved. The clearer the goal,
the better the focus of mind and self confidence. Nothing great was ever achieved by people who lacked
confidence.

A capable body and mind will not function to their greatest potential if not backed by self confidence. Self
confidence, hence, is the pivot on which all the creative and analytical abilities of the mind rest on. Low self
confidence can impair the functioning of both the body and mind, resulting in failure. Self confidence is the
measure of one’s collective ability to march right ahead to achieve a said goal.

The visibility factor

Self confidence has a way of being visible. You can tell by observing the very manner of a person walking,
communicating, working, socializing, as to whether he is confident or not. The very first handshake with a
person will tell her level of self confidence. A self-confident person truly stands apart. Drooping shoulders,
falling jaws, undecided steps are not the characteristics of a confident person.

Confidence is infectious; the very presence of a self-confident person tends to charge up the air around him.
Everything automatically falls in place for a confident person, and the world stands apart for the man who
walks with sure, confident steps. A confident person commands respect as well.

Self Confidence – the basis of all achievement!

Great things are seldom achieved without necessary confidence. All the skills and efforts possible are useless
if confidence is lacking. Low confidence halts your steps and you cannot take initiative. Low self confidence
paralyzes both the body and mind at the time of making decision. It leaves you undecided and the undecided
are swept away. There is no place for the undecided in this world where success is worshipped, and success
seldom comes to someone who is undecided. As the old saying goes, you must stand for something or you
will fall for anything – and it’s your confidence that holds you together or breaks you apart.

Confidence isn’t genetic nor is it hereditary. Nobody is born confident. Confidence is acquired. Confidence is
learned. Confidence is improved. Confidence is practiced. And confidence can be generated. You need to first
realize the importance of confidence before you can make any efforts to get better with it. It’s very much in
your hands to develop a self-confident behavior.

Confidence brings out the fighter in you

It is said that one has to take risks to achieve something. There’s no gain without pain, as we’ve all heard. So
what is it that enables one person to go ahead and take risks while another is held back? Yes, it’s the level of
confidence that makes people come out and lead from the front without caring for failure. It’s this belief in
oneself that differentiates achievement from failure. It’s sometimes the bald guy who takes the girl because
he has something more than the handsome guys around – yes, you guessed it right, he oozes self confidence
that makes the lady weak in her knees!

Confidence in them was behind scores of people who broke the shackles of a well- paying, “secure” job to
pursue their dream of creating something, being something and ended up building great businesses. Surely
what turned these seemingly ordinary men and women who were stuck in the nine-to-five ordeal into
successful entrepreneurs were nothing but a belief in their dreams and immense self-confidence!

Be Confident

In today’s world of competition, confidence isn’t just an asset. It forms the very basis of your survival. Getting
a good job means you need to be confident in the interview. Getting a raise, again, needs you to be confident
at work. The confident ones are the ones who get attention. Attention brings acceptance and acceptance
brings love, peace and energy that make you efficient. Efficiency makes you an achiever and achievement
makes you even more confident.

And when you are confident, can happiness and riches be far behind? Make sure that you are never out of
this magical spiral. Believe in yourself; get going; tell yourself that you have it in you. Because ultimately the
one who wins is the one who thinks he can!

The Importance of Building Self-confidence

Everyone knows that self-confidence is very important but what is not known to everyone is the
degree of its importance. Self-confidence is more important than you can imagine.

Self confidence can change your whole life to the better while lack of confidence will definitely have
a negative effect on your social relations, career, achievements and even your mood. The following
list will give you a better idea of the importance of self-confidence:

 The more confident you are the less disappointed you will feel upon being rejected. Whether it was a
rejection letter, relationship rejection or personal rejection. What makes many people feel down
when they get rejected is their own lack of confidence in their abilities and not the rejection itself.
 The more self-confident you become the more risks you will be willing to take and so the more
opportunities you will encounter
 The more confidence you have the less will criticism affect you. Instead of feeling bad when being
criticized you will just ignore it and laugh
 The more Self-confidence you have the less anxious you will be. One of the major reasons for
experiencing anxiety is that we doubt our ability to handle a situation. If we were confident that we
can handle it correctly we wouldn’t have felt anxious.
 When being lonely you won't feel that bad compared to someone who is not confident. Confident
people have a better power of solitude which is the ability to feel good even when you are alone.
 If you are a confident person, you will feel that you are worthy, regardless of your social or economic
status. Even if you currently don't have someone who loves you or even if you aren't rich you will still
feel adequate.
 People will love you: people love confident ones and look up to them. By being self-confident you will
be a role model for many other people.
 One of the fundamental factors that can help in developing depression is a low self esteem. In my
book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how lack of self confidence can be
one of the main factors that triggers depression. This doesn't mean that depression affects people
who lack self confidence but it means that building self confidence will make you less likely to get
depressed.
 The less confident you are the easier you will experience jealousy.
 The more confident you are the less likely you will feel insecure about a relationship or about your
job.
  The more confident you become the more convincing you will become and the more likely you will
win debates.

Self confidence and happiness

Self confidence and happiness are strongly connected. Self confidence is all about knowing that you
are good, worthy and capable of facing life problems.

Now why would a person who feels that way experience bad emotions? Actually the moments when
we feel bad the most are the moments when our self confidence is at its lowest point.

In other words, the more confident you will become the happier you will be.

Positive Self Image and Self Esteem

Improving Your Self Image

Improving your self-image, like improving any skill, takes time and practice. Developing good self-
esteem involves encouraging a positive (but realistic) attitude toward yourself and the world around
you and appreciating your worth, while at the same time behaving responsibly towards others. Self-
esteem isn't self-absorption; it's self-respect.

By working from the inside out (focusing on changing your own way of thinking before changing the
circumstances around you), you can build your self-esteem. The goal of this positive thinking is to
give yourself a more positive self-concept, while seeing yourself honestly and accepting yourself,
and removing the internal barriers that can keep you from doing your best.

Positive Thinking

There are many ways a person can change negative thoughts and self-criticism to more realistic and
positive thoughts. Focusing on all of them at once may be overwhelming, but focusing on a few at a
time and reminding yourself of these positive approaches regularly can change your self-esteem.

Read the positive thought strategies below and choose several that would help you most. Write
them down and remind yourself to pause and change your way of thinking each time you are being
critical of yourself. As you become more comfortable with each new way of thinking (for example,
learning not to apologize or accept blame for other's anger) try adding a new positive thought
strategy to your list.

Positive Thought Strategies

 Avoid exaggerations.
Correct your internal voice when it exaggerates, especially when it exaggerates the negative. Try to
avoid thinking in extreme terms ("I always make that mistake" or "I'll never get that promotion.")
 Nip negative thoughts in the bud.
Sometimes putting a stop on negative thinking is as easy as that. The next time you start giving
yourself an internal browbeating, tell yourself to "stop it!" If you saw a person yelling insults at
 another person, you would probably tell them to stop. Why do you accept that behavior from
yourself?
 Accentuate the positive.
Instead of focusing on what you think are your negative qualities, accentuate your strengths and
assets. Maybe you didn't ace the test you were studying for, but maybe your hard work and
perseverance led to a better grade than you would have had. Maybe you felt nervous and self-
conscious when giving a presentation at work, but maybe your boss and coworkers respected you for
getting up and trying.
 Accept flaws and being human.
Maybe you did get nervous and blow that presentation at work - so what? Talk to your boss about
what went wrong, try to address the error in the future, and move on. All people have flaws and
make mistakes. Your boss, coworkers, friends, family, postman, congressman, and favorite movie star
have all made mistakes. They've forgiven themselves; so can you.
 Accept imperfections.
Perfection is a high goal to aim for -- you don't need to start there or even end there. Make doing
your best your ideal -- what more can you realistically do? Focus on what you've gained from the
process and how you can use it in the future. Avoid focusing on what wasn't done or 'should have'
been done differently. Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself. Try laughing
instead of criticizing.
 Don't bully yourself!
"Should have, could have, would have ... " Try not to constantly second guess yourself, criticize
yourself for what you "should" have done better, or expect too much from yourself. Don't put
standards on yourself that you wouldn't expect from others. It's great to want to do well, but
expecting yourself to be perfect (which is impossible) and then punishing yourself when you fail is a
vicious cycle. Using expressions like "I should have" is just a way of punishing yourself after the fact.
 Replace criticism with encouragement.
Instead of nagging or focusing on the negative (in yourself and others), replace your criticism with
encouragement. Give constructive criticism instead of being critical ("maybe if I tried to do ____ next
time, it would be even better" instead of "I didn't do that right.") Compliment yourself and those
around you on what you have achieved ("well, we may not have done it all, but we did a pretty great
job with what we did".)
 Don't feel guilty about things beyond your control.
You are not to blame every time something goes wrong or someone has a problem. Apologizing for
things and accepting blame can be a positive quality, if you are in the wrong and if you learn and
move on. But you shouldn't feel responsible for all problems or assume you are to blame whenever
someone is upset.
 Don't feel responsible for everything.
Just as everything is not your fault, not everything is your responsibility. It's okay to be helpful, but
don't feel the need to be all things (and do all things) for all people. This is taking too much of a
burden on yourself AND limiting those around you. Let others be responsible for themselves and
their actions -- you shouldn't feel responsible for their happiness.
 Do feel responsible for your feelings.
Just as you can't "make" other people happy, don't expect others to "make" you feel happy or good
about yourself. In the same way, they shouldn't make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. You
create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events may have an affect on
your emotions, but they can't dictate them.
 Treat yourself kindly.
People often feel more comfortable treating themselves in ways they wouldn't consider treating
others. Do you criticize yourself with terms like "stupid" "ugly" or "loser"? Would you use those terms
to describe a friend? Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. Do
something nice for yourself sometimes -- either in thought (give yourself a compliment) or action
(treat yourself to a nice dinner or new book.)
  Give yourself a break.
You don't need to be all things to all people or please everyone. Give yourself permission to decide
you're doing the best you can. Remind yourself when you're doing things well -- don't wait to hear it
from someone else.
 Choose the brighter side of things.
You can choose how to interpret comments and events, so try for the more positive interpretations.
If someone says, "You look good today," don't ask yourself "What was wrong with the way I looked
yesterday?" Accept compliments graciously (don't ask yourself why you haven't been complemented
on something else or why you haven't complemented you before.) Look at temporary setbacks as
opportunities for growth.
 Forgive and forget.
Try not to hang on to painful memories and bad feelings - this is a surefire way to encourage negative
thoughts and bad moods. Your past can control you if you don't control it. If you can, forgive past
wrongs and move on. (Don't forget that forgiving yourself is an important part of this process, too!) If
you have a hard time forgiving or forgetting, consider talking through your emotions with a good
friend or counselor, but try not to dwell. It's important to work through things, but you can't let the
past determine your future.
 Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't.
Avoid "can't" thinking or other negative language. If you say something often enough, you may start
to believe it, so keep your statements positive, not negative. Don't be afraid to seek help in
accomplishing things, but remind yourself that you don't need approval from others to recognize
your accomplishments. Focus on what you're able to do. Remind yourself of all your capabilities and
positive qualities.

Using just one or two of the above strategies on a regular basis can greatly increase your positive
self-image and self-esteem. Making these internal changes will increase your confidence in yourself
and your willingness and ability to make external changes and improve your life.

Courage, logical analysis and successful experiences greatly help in boosting up your self-confidence.

6) PERSONAL QUALITIES

     To a great extent, it is the personal qualities which constitute and give shape to your personality.
Some of the important qualities which help towards a good personality build-up are the following:
character and morality; etiquette and manners; discipline; work ethics; time management;
friendliness and love: humor; optimism and cheerful attitude: helpful nature: humidity; maturity and
emotional stability.
Important Personal Traits of Effective Leaders

"traits plus motivation equals leadership"

Successful leaders come in a wide variety of personal characteristics such as their ability to make
speeches in public or to relate to people in groups or individually. We have all met successful
leaders that we wondered what enabled them to be effective. Some are smooth and some are
rough. Some are charming and some….. It is impossible to find any one characteristic that all of
them have and many non-leaders do not have.

Motivation is the most important characteristic (yes, it can be called a trait) of any leader. Even the
shyest person may become a hard charger if something near and dear to them is threatened. I have
seen numerous quiet people suddenly find their public voices when NIMBY (not-in-my-backyard)
became real to them as some type of development became threatened their back yards. Talk to
parents of school age children and many will step out of the quiet shells. After the threat or need
passes, some of these people return to their non-public roles, but others find that they have some
previously unknown or newly developed skills that can be used in other leadership activities. These
will become the community and organizational leaders of the future.

Communications skills are the second most important. If you cannot communicate effectively, you
cannot be an effective leader. But as I discuss below, communications is much more than being a
good speaker.

Despite the great diversity among leaders, there are some characteristics or traits which most
successful leaders have. These are the "Traits" listed here. Very few leaders have all of them to the
limit, but the most effective leaders will have most of them well developed. A few leaders will have
only a few of these traits such persistence or the ability to get people to work together, but they are
likely to have those few very well developed.

The fourteen traits described here are the "tools of the trade." Not all of them will be used in every
leadership situation, but like other tools, they are available if needed. All of these characteristics can
be developed or attained. None are genetic, although some of the traits may be the gifts of wise
parents to some very fortunate young people. For many of us, they are the results of hard work over
years of time (very slowly developed habits in most cases). I have talked to many successful
politicians, bankers, judges and leaders of many other types, almost to a person they have said that
they have worked over the years to further improve their skills. Some have done it through formal
classes or sessions with professionals, other through observation and practice; but all have worked
at honing their abilities. After looking back over my own struggles to obtain more of these, I have
come to strongly believe that almost any person can with sufficient motivation and work develop to
a considerable degree all fourteen of the traits. I quickly not that today, I am not a skilled speaker or
writer, but I can get my message across. One of favorite activities is selling - of ideas. Turn me lose
with a small group and a good idea and I am in close to heaven.

The equation for success as a leader is very simple: the more of these traits (tools) you
have successfully developed the greater the probability of your success in most
types of leadership and, indeed, in most careers.
These traits plus motivation equals leadership!

personality
1. An outgoing style - the ability and enjoyment of "working the crowd" is a very useful skill both for
leadership and many other parts of life. I have a friend who whenever he is in a meeting or a party,
makes sure that he shakes every hand and greets every person.

Charisma is often thought of as a trait of many leaders. We are not quite sure what charisma is. It is
probably the ability of a person to gain very quickly the attention, respect and trust of others.
Famous leaders like Martin Luther King and John Kennedy is said to have had charisma. No question,
it is an effective tool for leaders in certain situations, but it is difficult to learn.

Humor and warmth are effective in most leadership (and non-leadership) situations. If we are not
fortunate enough to have them now, we can develop them. Start by developing a good smile and
laugh. This will be hard for many males in our culture who have been acculturated to be stoic with a
stone face. Women have a distinct advantage in being encouraged to smile and to show emotions.
This will take a long period of consistent self-conscious efforts. My father was a wonderful, but stoic
Missouri farmer who smiled little. I, of course, modeled myself after him. Thus, I have worked on my
smile for years (still do).

The ability to deliver one-liners and tell a few jokes helps also. Joke telling must be done with
considerable care. The most effective humor concerns your self. Forgetful jokes work well for me.
After all, professors are supposed to be forgetful. Don't tell jokes that put down any group - no
ethnic, no mother-in-law jokes, etc. You will lose more than you will win with such jokes.

Another useful characteristic is the ability to remember personal characteristics such as names,
items about the family, how many children they have, etc. People like to hear their names. It
recognizes them as a unique individual.

I suggest taking one or more courses in "acting" for helping to add traits to your personality. We all
"play" many different roles every day. Every young person knows the "child" roles as well as parents
know the "parenting" role. Learning acting helps us to focus on characteristics of our own
personalities by learning to more formally play roles. Some people think of acting as "faking it." The
line between "faking" it and real behavior is thin and hard to define. We must always be sincere;
people do not like "acting" in real life.

The time to start the change in your personal skills is today.

persuasive
2. Communications skills - you must be able to speak effectively in public and in most cases, you
must have good writing skills also. You must be able to communicate in the style or jargon of the
group or organization. Your message must fit your audience. For example, large words and complex
sentences will not work with people of limited formal education. Writing in technical terms may
help in a few instances, but writing in clear simple terms helps in almost all cases. Well-educated
people can understand simple clear information; but those with limited education cannot go the
other way. The old KISS principle (keep it simple - stupid) has much utility.

Words are often not enough. Most people today get most of their information from TV and the
most widely read newspaper is USA Today. TV news programs and USA Today both use simple
styles with lots of color, pictures and graphs. Pictures and other visual aids are especially useful in
helping people understand abstract ideas.

I strongly encourage you to take every opportunity through courses or informal opportunities to
improve your communications skills. These traits, truly, are the bottom line of leadership - with
them, successful leadership (and many other types of success) is an open door - without them,
success will be a struggle.

persistence
3. Keep trying - most social changes, large and small, is and should be slow. Major changes in values
and beliefs often occur between generations. It is unusual for major social changes to occur in less
than a few years or even decades. Changes in the educational system often take several decades. If
change occurs too fast, people become uncertain about what is "right," good or appropriate. They
lose their sense of security. Something as simple as a small change in curriculum of the local school
system may take years. But if the idea is good, the results may last decades and effect many people.
Also realize that in historical perspective, the changes you are working toward are small and
incremental.

Be prepared for an effort of several years when you start the process of bringing about change in
your organization or community. A university employs me and universities are very slow to change.
For example, we are still teaching using nineteenth century methods even though we are almost in
the twenty-first century. The major change has been in some cases, the chairs. Most, but not all,
have been changed, but the professor still uses a chalkboard and basically, lectures. Obviously,
many people with excellent leadership skills have tried to change the teaching methods, but the rate
of change is very slow. It takes about fifty years for a significant change to occur in education.

Leadership in major projects will require a large among of stamina and perseverance.

patience
4. There are times when you will need to relax and wait for events or time to pass. Many new ideas
will become accepted after people have had time to think about them. Most people who are angry
or excited about a proposed change will cool down with time. Patience is a hard attribute for many
young and not so young to learn. Most things, especially if they are worthwhile, do not happen
quickly. Self-discipline is an essential trait for leadership.

Patience and persistence are essential twins for getting things done. Always remember it takes
time, time for leadership, and time for change. Patience and persistence are very difficult traits
for the young. The American culture wants it now - not tomorrow. But the real world does not work
that way.

perceptive
5. You must be sensitive to other people's wants and needs and to changes in these wants and
needs. Genuine interest in another person will often develop a sense of trust by that person. A
gifted politician is one who can carefully always perceive the current mood of his constituents. The
ability to listen is an essential skill of a good leader. You must stay in touch with your supporters. If
the group is large or unorganized, this is very difficult to do because of the lack of accurate
feedback.

As a public leader, I find it difficult to differentiate between isolated concerns about issues which
effect only one or a few people and more general concerns. Most people will not take the time to
make contact and discuss issues unless the issue becomes important to them. Public leaders also
have to aware of organized campaigns by relatively small special interest groups. How large a group
or how important an issue do these people really represent? They often have the intent of
benefiting only themselves.

probity
6. Honesty and trustworthy, you need to be honest both now and in the future. Most people will
believe and follow someone they trust. Openness and candor are characteristics that most people
appreciate. There are a few people who will take advantage of such traits, but the vast majority
will appreciate them.

The age-old Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is a good standard
to follow both today and tomorrow.

Leaders of today are under very careful public scrutiny from the press and the people. Formerly
private actions and records are now public. Several potential political appointments have been
turned down because of past "sins." You may not plan to be a leader in the future, but events and
plans change and you may find yourself unexpectedly in a leadership position. Suddenly, all of your
current qualifications and past actions are under scrutiny. How will your college activities or other
youthful escapades look in the future when you are seeking the office of _____? President Clinton's
problems of trying to explain his youthful marihuana smoking with his famous "but I didn't inhale"
statement illustrates the difficulty of justifying past actions. It is very difficult to reclaim a reputation
that has been tarnished with charges of dishonesty or other questionable behavior.

I cannot leave this topic without noting that honesty along with some other traits is often more
admired than practiced. Indeed, a question can be raised here. People want honesty, but do they
also want in the same measure of candor? My observation is that people will say they want to know,
but actually prefer not to have details, especially if they may be somewhat disagreeable.
praise giving
7. "Strokes" - almost all people like praise and compliments. Almost everyone likes to be recognized
especially if they have worked hard on the project. It may be possible to give too many kind words,
but it is very difficult to do so especially if they are given in a sincere manner. If you, a leader, are
working with a committee or other team, make absolutely sure that everyone is given full public
recognition. If you don't, your support the next time is likely to be much less.

The folk saying: "praise in public and criticize in private" is very effective. But the praise should be
deserved; a person can quickly develop a reputation as overly "smoothie."

Mistakes and errors must be dealt with as quickly as possible. If the errors are part of the public
record, then your responses should be public also. However, you should take the public blame. Do
not point to some supporter or employee and say: "it was all their fault." If you do, your career as a
leader will be short!

Another folk saying that comes to mind: "honey attracts more flies than vinegar." People are more
attracted by praise than by criticism and will be willing to work on change if their contributions are
acknowledged.

I can not say it to strongly, it is very important that people be given recognition for their
contributions. A self-effacing leader who gives the credit to his/her supporters will attract many
more followers than one who brags on "my" accomplishments.

A simple thank you is very effective especially when sincerely given and meant!

Note: you should also be gracious in accepting compliments.

positive orientation
8. The future should always be seen as bright and optimistic. Tomorrow will be better than today.
Norman Vincent Peale in his best selling book of fifty years ago, The Power of Positive Thinking,
contributed to a deeply held American belief about what the future will be like. We as a culture
have an aversion to the negative except, paradoxically, in the mass media where the only "news" is
defined to be negative stories - what went wrong today - crimes, injures, death and destruction. We
prefer the positive in our personal and everyday lives. We want to think that the future will be
better than today, that things can and will improve. Problems can be solved by our actions. And we
want our leaders to portray a positive optimistic attitude. Problems are not "problems", but
opportunities. Simultaneously, we want our leaders to be honest and realistic. So in dismal
situations, the statements of optimism must be tempered. If there are no easy answers, say so. You
must be open and honest.

W. I. Thomas wrote many years ago about self-fulfilling prophecies. If a person or group believes a
thing to be true and operates, as though it were true, often it becomes true. This has been proven
often in education and other fields. If a leader takes a positive stance, it will be more popular and
the desired action is more likely to occur.
Always assume that someone will closely examine your stance on almost anything you say or do.

A motto you might want to try: "Pessimism breeds negativity. Optimism breeds opportunity."

people based
9. Leadership must be of, by and for the people. The only reason for leadership should be for the
benefit of the people. The current tendency is to look for the benefits to an individual and not to the
larger group. One reason why many so-called leaders are distrusted today is that they are seen as
self-serving - primarily interested in their own benefits. Congress is seen as a "good old boys' club"
with high salaries and super plush benefits; not at all like the citizen-legislators which the founding
fathers had in mind. The rapidly passing term limits on politicians are an attempt to reduce the
number of professional politicians. Professional leaders of any type are likely to be seen as suspect.

possible
10. A leader must be realistic to determine the art of the possible. How much can realistically be
accomplished in the time and resources available? How strong is the desire for change? Are the
people willing to pay the price either in reduced services or higher taxes - what ever it takes? Very
often people call for changes, but when they find out how difficult or expensive it will be to solve the
problems, they will not support the proposed solutions. Determining which ideas in any organization
or setting are politically and economically feasible and which are not is a vital asset for any leader.
Do not jump into "solving" a problem until you have given very careful consideration to the process
of solution. Will the other people support the proposed solution? A little caution is a good asset for
a leader. Bold and swift action by the knight on the white horse occurs primarily in the movies. An
old folk saying has considerable wisdom for leadership: "fools rush in where angels fear to tread."

practical
11. A leader must realize that pleasing all of the people all of the time is not possible. A leader must
be practical in decisions made catering to the majority, perceptive enough to realize when the
majority is right and strong enough to take action without the support of the majority when the
majority is wrong. At the same time you must be strong enough to stand by your convictions and
accept the criticisms - valid and invalid - which are sure to come.

Again, practical and possible are twins that have considerable interrelationships.

progressive
12. An effective leader will move the group forward. Incorporating new strategies in leadership and
communications is important. Sometimes progress may mean maintaining the current situation. It
depends upon the group's needs and desires.
And you must be progressive in other things such as media usage. A person cannot be a successful
candidate for president or most other public offices if he/she cannot make full use of the media. The
Kennedy - Nixon debates proved that many years ago. Similarly, many CEOs of businesses have
found themselves suddenly facing the media to answer questions about their organization.

prepared
13. A leader must be knowledgeable about his or her goals, the variety of means for reaching the
goals, the needs necessary to meet the goals and about the people in the group. An effective leader
must be both organized and prepared. Many leaders have opened their mouths and inserted their
foot and suddenly found that they were no longer regarded as leaders.

A more modern folk saying is that "you should not have your mouth in gear while your mind is in
neutral."

power-building
14. Even the best leaders can not tackle most leadership jobs alone. They need to have and to
motivate followers to become involved in getting the job done. They must trust other people to get
a job done and they must be able to delegate. A similar trait is the ability to network - to build
linkages of friends and acquaintances that may be able to provide needed assistance at some future
time. A classic study by James Coleman many years ago showed that who you knew was one of the
most important things that influenced life successes.

Close examination of all fourteen of these traits show that all are learned. Some are learned early in
childhood and some later. However, the average person such as you or I can make major changes in
any of these. I know that many of my characteristics have changed greatly from my early years. If I
were the same person as then, I could not begin to do what I do today. Changes in personality are
very possible, but for you, only you can do it. The first step is to want to do it.

 
A good sense of humor and laugh can be a wonderful tool in leadership!

7) HEALTH
     Good and robust health is an essential and necessary quality for a good personality. Without
good health you become ineffective even if you possess all other qualities and achievements.

Physical Health

“The Lord has commanded members to take care of their minds and bodies. They should obey the
Word of Wisdom, eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, control their weight, and get adequate
sleep. They should shun substances or practices that abuse their bodies or minds and that could
lead to addiction. They should practice good sanitation and hygiene and obtain adequate medical
and dental care. They should also strive to cultivate good relationships with family members and
others.” (Handbook 2: Administering the Church)
Maintaining the best possible physical health has been a gospel ideal throughout the ages—from
the strict dietary laws of ancient Israel, with the example of Daniel and his associates, to the Word
of Wisdom in this dispensation and the counsel of today's prophets and apostles. By maintaining
good physical health, we become more self-reliant and are better prepared to progress personally,
strengthen the family, and serve in the Church and community.

The following links provide information that can help maintain and improve physical health.

Word of Wisdom and Physical Health

“Know you not that ye are the temple of God, and that
the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for
the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).

The Word of Wisdom recorded in section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants is a law of health
revealed by the Lord for the physical and spiritual benefit of His children. It includes prudent counsel
on foods that provide healthy nutrition and emphasizes moderation, which can help prevent obesity
and eating disorders.

The Word of Wisdom also indicates substances that are not good for the human body. Avoiding
coffee, tea, alcohol, tobacco, and dangerous or illegal drugs has been accepted as an essential
commandment for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Abuse of prescription drugs
should also be avoided to ensure good health. While some substances such as caffeine and guarana
are not specifically included in the commandment, they can nevertheless inflict much harm to a
person, often in subtle ways.

Following the Word of Wisdom shows respect for your body. Other ways to show respect include
following the counsel of latter-day prophets to avoid body piercing (except pierced ears for women)
and to avoid tattoos. Such practices may defile the body by placing foreign substances like inks and
metals into and through the skin. They also increase other health risks since they are often
performed in uncontrolled conditions where serious diseases can be easily transmitted.

“And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the
commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;
”And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
“And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
”And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the
children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen“ (Doctrine and Covenants 89:18-21).
Nutrition and Diet

The Word of Wisdom contains the Lord’s outline of

the kinds of food that provide good nutrition.

Balanced nutrition includes drinking plenty of clean water and regularly eating foods from each of
six food groups: grains, vegetables, fruits, milk products, meat and beans, and oils. These foods
contain six kinds of nutrients: proteins, carbohydrates, fats, minerals, vitamins, and water. A person
should regularly eat or drink enough of all of these nutrients to grow and remain healthy. (See
Nutrition Calculations.) For infant nutrition, mother’s milk itself provides an ideal balance of
nutrients, with the gradual introduction of solid foods after four to six months of age.

If a variety from all food groups is eaten regularly, it is not usually necessary to take supplements.
Even carefully chosen vegetarian diets that include dairy products or eggs can be quite sufficient.
But if little or no animal products are eaten, then grains must be eaten with legumes (beans, peas,
peanuts, and lentils), nuts, and seeds to provide balanced protein.

Food and drink must also be clean and free from disease-causing germs (bacteria, viruses, and
parasites) to be healthy. Purified water (potable water) is prepared by removing dirt from the water
and treating the water to remove or kill germs. In some areas, the government purifies water that is
delivered through secured plumbing; this water is safe to use directly from the faucet for food and
drink. In most of the world, however, water should be purified before use. Foods should be washed
free of dirt and then peeled, cooked, boiled, or sanitized before eating.

Food must be eaten in proper amounts to maintain good health. Eating disorders are serious,
negative eating behaviors that can be fatal if untreated. Generally, obesity results from eating more,
while malnutrition results from eating less food than needed for growth, maintenance, and daily
activity. Daily energy needs can be estimated based on age, height, weight, and level of activity. The
body mass index (BMI) can be a useful measure of the degree of under-nutrition or over-nutrition.
Exercise and Fitness

Exercising physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual

abilities is required to not only maintain but also improve these abilities. Without exercise, these
abilities diminish. Furthermore, fitness in one area can strongly influence fitness in another. For
example, improving physical fitness enhances mental, emotional, and even spiritual acuity.

Specific exercises are designed to improve strength, flexibility, balance, and aerobic capacity. But
every exercise must be tailored to meet a person’s individual requirements, such as age. Where
weight bearing is a problem, water exercises are helpful. Chair and desk exercises are useful for
those who spend long hours in a sitting position. There are many exercises and activities like these
that are inexpensive and can fit the budget of almost anyone.

Sleep and Rest

“Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer
than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and
your minds may be invigorated” (D&C 88:124).

“Do not run

faster or labor more than you have strength” (D&C 10:4).

Lack of adequate rest has become a significant health problem for many people. The brain and body
need sufficient, regular sleep to recover from the stresses of each day and to bring order to mind
and body functions.

In a normal sleep pattern, the brain cycles through various stages of wakefulness and deep slumber.
Some conditions may disturb the progression of these stages. Insomnia disturbs the sleep pattern by
interfering with the plunge into deep sleep. Sleep apnea causes breathing to repeatedly stop for one
or more breaths, resulting in periodic low blood oxygen.
There are also conditions that make it difficult for people to fall asleep. In teenagers, a problem
getting to sleep is often related to delayed sleep phase syndrome. Commonly, problems falling
asleep may be related to anxiety, and problems staying asleep may be related to clinical depression;
both conditions may require treatment.

All of these conditions that disturb a normal sleep pattern deprive the body and mind of needed
recovery from daily stress and leave the person tired, functioning poorly, and susceptible to disease.
However, there are things that can be done to improve the quality of sleep and rest.

Mental Health
Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think,
feel and act as we cope with life. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and
make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence
through adulthood.

Mental illnesses are serious disorders which can affect your thinking, mood, and behavior. There are
many causes of mental disorders. Your genes and family history may play a role. Your life
experiences, such as stress or a history of abuse, may also matter. Biological factors can also be part
of the cause. Mental disorders are common, but treatments are available.

Emotional Health Definition:

Emotional health is defined by the degree to which you feel emotionally secure and relaxed in
everyday life. An emotionally healthy person has a relaxed body, an open mind and an open heart.

The more emotional health you have, the more self esteem you have. This means you do not
frequently react with knee jerk responses, anxiety or panic to the events that occur in your life.

Instead, you are usually calm and patient with yourself and others. You are an emotionally safe
person to be around because you feel emotionally secure.

Emotionally safe people do not judge or criticize others. This is because they have learned not to
judge and criticize themselves.

Emotionally healthy people feel safe and secure with their own emotions and feelings.  They feel
their feelings and emotions instead of avoiding them or trying to control them. 

To be emotionally healthy you must express your emotions in healthy, assertive ways. If you inhibit
your emotions and feelings you cannot achieve emotional health.

Emotional Wellness Definition:

Emotional health is on a continuum and fluctuates moment by moment.  Emotional wellness is at

the peak of this continuum.
Emotionally wellness is when you has such a high degree of emotional health that you radiate joy
often and feel high on life.

Emotional wellness refers to a state where you can have so much healthy, flowing vital energy in
your body that you have vibrant moments, peak experiences and peak performances.

Emotional wellness is the state you enjoy as you move closer and closer to being self-actualized.

Emotional Intelligence Definition:

Unfortunately, Emotional Intelligence frequently becomes a catch all for many behaviors and
feelings that have nothing to do with emotional health and wellness.

For example, a popular one day Emotional Intelligence seminar offered by Fred Prior says you will
"Learn to keep your emotions in check, and help coworkers do the same." 

This definition of Emotional Intelligence is the opposite of emotional health. Emotionally healthy
people would never keep their emotions in check or inhibit someone else's emotions!

Therefore, there is a great deal of misinformation about Emotional Intelligence online, in the
seminars, workshops and courses that are available to you. So be careful who you choose to learn
from and where you spend your time and money.

Emotions are not knee jerk reactions!

Unfortunately, even some psychologists and researchers confuse emotions with irrational thoughts
and conditioned responses.   Knee jerk responses to situations are conditioned responses based on
irrational thinking and past negative life experiences.

Emotional Intelligence is an academic, intellectual way of looking at emotional health. Two male
researchers in 1990, Peter Salve and John D. Mayer gave the name Emotional Intelligence to the
qualities they noticed in people during an experiment.

They found that some people had healthy relationship skills and they labeled these people as having
EI.  Healthy relationship skills are the same qualities that anyone has when they are open, relaxed
and receptive.

Therefore, anyone can be emotionally healthy and have a high degree of Emotionally Intelligence
when they are open, trusting and relaxed.

When you are anxious, closed and defensive you lose your Emotional Intelligence quickly. Anxiety
keeps you from being smart and effective with others.

Therefore, the more you relax and overcome your anxiety, the more effective you will be in
relationships at work or home. This means the more you relax and open your heart, the more
emotional health and wellness you possess.
Most People are Not Emotionally Healthy.

Most people are not comfortable with their feelings and emotions.  Most people judge, humiliate,
make fun of and criticize their emotions and feelings.

However, if you want to have better relationships, you must become emotionally healthy. This
means you must open you heart and feel your emotions.

If you want to improve your physical and mental health you must first achieve emotional health. A
lack of emotional health is often the cause of physical disease and mental illness.

9 Strategies to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Avoid a Breakdown

1. Be an Optimist

Looking on the bright side increases your ability to experience happiness in your day-to-day life
while helping you cope more effectively with stress.

2. Have Hope

Having hope allows you to see the light at the end of the tunnel, helping you push through even
dark, challenging times. Accomplishing goals, even small ones, can help you to build your level of
hope.

3. Accept Yourself

Self-deprecating remarks and thoughts will shroud your mind with negativity and foster increased
levels of stress. Seek out and embrace the positive traits of yourself and your life, and avoid
measuring your own worth by comparing yourself to those around you.

4. Stay Connected

Having loving and supportive relationships helps you feel connected and accepted, and promote a
more positive mood. Intimate relationships help meet your emotional needs, so make it a point to
reach out to others to develop and nurture these relationships in your life.

5. Express Gratitude

People who are thankful for what they have are better able to cope with stress, have more positive
emotions, and are better able to reach their goals. The best way to harness the positive power of
gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal or list, where you actively write down exactly what you’re
grateful for each day. Doing so has been linked to happier moods, greater optimism and even better
physical health.

6. Find Your Purpose and Meaning

When you have a purpose or goal that you’re striving for, your life will take on a new meaning that
supports your mental well-being. If you’re not sure what your purpose is, explore your natural
talents and interests to help find it, and also consider your role in intimate relationships and ability
to grow spiritually.

7. Master Your Environment

When you have mastery over your environment, you’ve learned how to best modify your unique
circumstances for the most emotional balance, which leads to feelings of pride and success. Mastery
entails using skills such as time management and prioritization along with believing in your ability to
handle whatever life throws your way.

8. Exercise Regularly

Exercise boosts levels of health-promoting neuro chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and
norepinephrine, which may help buffer some of the effects of stress and also relieve some
symptoms of depression. Rather than viewing exercise as a medical tool to lose weight, prevent
disease, and live longer – all benefits that occur in the future – try viewing exercise as a daily tool to
immediately enhance your frame of mind, reduce stress and feel happier.

9. Practice Mindfulness

Practicing “mindfulness” means that you’re actively paying attention to the moment you’re in right
now. Rather than letting your mind wander, when you’re mindful you’re living in the moment and
letting distracting or negative thoughts pass through your mind without getting caught up in their
emotional implications. Mindfulness can help you reduce stress for increased well-being as well as
achieve undistracted focus.

Are You in the Midst of an Emotional Breakdown?

If difficult life circumstances and the negative emotions they create are making happiness hard to
come by, I urge you to try the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

EFT is a powerful self-help method based on research showing that emotional trauma contributes
greatly to disease. Clinical trials have shown that EFT is able to rapidly reduce the emotional impact
of memories and incidents that trigger emotional distress. Once the distress is reduced or removed,
your body can often rebalance itself and accelerate healing.

I've seen its effectiveness first-hand for a number of years, which is why EFT is the healing technique
I most highly recommend to optimize your emotional health.

Specifically, EFT is a form of psychological acupressure, based on the same energy meridians used in
traditional acupuncture to treat physical and emotional ailments for over five thousand years, but
without the invasiveness of needles. Instead, simple tapping with your fingertips is used to input
kinetic energy onto specific meridians on your head and chest while you think about your specific
problem -- whether it is a traumatic event, an addiction, pain, etc. - and voice positive affirmations.

This combination of tapping the energy meridians and voicing positive affirmation works to clear the
"short-circuit" — the emotional block — from your body's bioenergy system, thus restoring your
mind and body's balance, which is essential for optimal emotional health and the healing of physical
disease.

Healthy Habits are Happy Habits

Embracing healthy habits will help keep your mood elevated naturally even in the midst of stress.
Happy people tend to be healthy people, and vice versa, so in addition to the tips above, the
following lifestyle strategies can also help to support emotional wellness:

 Eat well: What you eat directly impacts your mood and energy levels in both the short and long term.
Whereas eating right can prime your body and brain to be in a focused, happy state, eating processed
junk foods will leave you sluggish and prone to chronic disease. My free nutrition plan is an excellent
tool to help you choose the best foods for both physical and emotional wellness.
 Proper sleep: Sleep deprivation is linked to psychiatric disorders such as anxiety and bipolar
depression, while getting the right amount of sleep has been linked to positive personality
characteristics such as optimism and greater self-esteem, as well as a greater ability to solve difficult
problems. 2

 Animal-based omega-3 fats: Low concentrations of the omega-3 fats EPA and DHA are known to
increase your risk for mood swings and mood disorders. Those suffering from depression have been
found to have lower levels of omega-3 in their blood, compared to non-depressed individuals. Krill oil
is my preferred source of omega-3 fats.
 Regular sun exposure: This is essential for vitamin D production, low levels of which are linked to
depression. But even beyond vitamin D, regular safe sun exposure is known to enhance mood and
energy through the release of endorphins.

8) ACTIVITIES AND INTERSTS

    An active interest in a wide variety of things like sports, cultural activities, social  activities, as well
as interest in some hobbies go a long way in giving an all round personality to an individual.

 9) ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUCCESS

Finally, achievements and success are factors which enhance your personality and image. They in
turn bring popularity and more opportunities. They are great motivating factors which will give a
boost to your personality.

How Your Personality Affects the Success in Your Life

Principles of Personal Achievement

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve”.

Lesson1: Definiteness of Purpose

Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement. Without a purpose and a plan,
people drift aimlessly through life.

Lesson 2: Mastermind Alliance

The Mastermind principle consists of an alliance of two or more minds working in perfect harmony
for the attainment of a common definite objective. Success does not come without the cooperation
of others.

Lesson 3: Applied Faith

Faith is a state of mind through which your aims, desires, plans and purposes may be translated into
their physical or financial equivalent.

Lesson 4: Going the Extra Mile

Going the extra mile is the action of rendering more and better service than that for which you are
presently paid. When you go the extra mile, the Law of Compensation comes into play.

Lesson 5: Pleasing Personality

Personality is the sum total of one’s mental, spiritual and physical traits and habits that distinguish
one from all others. It is the factor that determines whether one is liked or disliked by others.

Lesson 6: Personal Initiative

Personal initiative is the power that inspires the completion of that which one begins. It is the power
that starts all action. No person is free until he learns to do his own thinking and gains the courage
to act on his own.

Lesson 7: Positive Mental Attitude

Positive mental attitude is the right mental attitude in all circumstances. Success attracts more
success while failure attracts more failure.

Lesson 8: Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is faith in action. It is the intense emotion known as burning desire. It comes from
within, although it radiates outwardly in the expression of one’s voice and countenance.

Lesson 9: Self-Discipline
Self-discipline begins with the mastery of thought. If you do not control your thoughts, you cannot
control your needs. Self-discipline calls for a balancing of the emotions of your heart with the
reasoning faculty of your head.

Lesson 10: Accurate Thinking

The power of thought is the most dangerous or the most beneficial power available to man,
depending on how it is used.

Lesson 11: Controlled Attention

Controlled attention leads to mastery in any type of human endeavor, because it enables one to
focus the powers of his mind upon the attainment of a definite objective and to keep it so directed
at will.

Lesson 12: Teamwork

Teamwork is harmonious cooperation that is willing, voluntary and free. Whenever the spirit of
teamwork is the dominating influence in business or industry, success is inevitable. Harmonious
cooperation is a priceless asset that you can acquire in proportion to your giving.
Lesson 13: Adversity & Defeat
Individual success usually is in exact proportion of the scope of the defeat the individual has
experienced and mastered. Many so-called failures represent only a temporary defeat that may
prove to be a blessing in disguise.

Lesson 14: Creative Vision

Creative vision is developed by the free and fearless use of one’s imagination. It is not a miraculous
quality with which one is gifted or is not gifted at birth.

Lesson 15: Health

Sound health begins with a sound health consciousness, just as financial success begins with a
prosperity consciousness.

Lesson 16: Budgeting Time & Money

Time and money are precious resources, and few people striving for successes ever believe they
possess either one in excess.

Lesson 17: Habits

Developing and establishing positive habits leads to peace of mind, health and financial security. You
are where you are because of your established habits and thoughts and deeds.

Generally, your personality is considered to be the totality of character attributes and behavioral traits that
you possess. Your personality will differentiate you from another person, such as your spouse, personal
friend, neighbor, associate at work, and others. The type of personality you develop through the stages of life
can adversely or positively affect your current life situation or future plans. Factors such as individual
attributes, social attributes, how what you don't know can affect you, the keys to success from developing
your personality, among others, will be of interest to you.

We are often seen as separate or different from another person base on our own thinking, feeling,
sensation, and intuition. Thinking enables us to recognize meaning, feeling helps us to evaluate, and
sensation provides us with perception and intuition points to possibilities available to us. Some
consider feeling and thinking to be rational functions, but sensation and intuition as non-rational
because they give rise to knowledge that cannot be reduced to any other mode of understanding.
See Personality Compatibility Analysis at www.scientificpsychic.com. But we often demonstrate
positive and negative individual attributes in our lives that can easily determine the success or
failure in our personal relationships, academic pursuits, work goals, and daily general interactions
with people.

Some of the Personal Individual Attributes that we need to observe and control include our
Achievement Attitude, Emotional Temperament, Energy Level, Intellectual Factors, Material Traits,
Maturity Level, Philosophical Attitudes, Physical Features, Risks Actions, and Task Performance. The
Positive Characteristics of some of those Individual Attributes include, ambition, confidence,
energetic, intelligence, thrifty, wise, optimistic, healthy, cautious, and organized. These are
considered important to us because normally we need to demonstrate many of these in our daily
lives for success. If we do not, then the negative features of our individual characteristic can hinder
us in a manner not acceptable to family and friends. See Personality Compatibility Analysis:
Individual Attributes at www.scientificpsychic.com.
Negative Individual Characteristics include being unmotivated, insecure, passive, inattentive,
wasteful, immature, pessimistic, weak, impulsive, and disorganized. Our Attributes will often give us
a better perspective about what we know about ourselves and others. But there are some social
attributes that are also relevant in this perspective. Social Attributes such as Aggression, Control
Behavior, Dependability, Egocentrism, Emotional Expression, Fairness, Leadership, Physical
Appearance, Regard for Rules, and Team Attitude will certainly matter. Success or failure on the job,
in college, high school, on the sports field, in community relations, neighborly living, marriage,
dating and such alike, can depend on these social features and whether or not we consistently
demonstrate them with success, or not in unfortunate distress.

We are admonished to learn, know, understand and actively demonstrate such positive social
characteristics as thoughtfulness, gentleness, trust, forgiveness, congeniality, tolerance,
independence, attractiveness, ethics, and patriotism. These are certainly better than the adverse
social distressful traits such as, aggression, stubborn, dishonesty, greed, introverted, ungratefulness,
fear, untidy, unethical, and antisocial. If our aim is for success in life, then companion with these and
other similar negative social attributes will not help us.
Now if you can demonstrate the positive social and individual attributes and you are logical, factual,
and organized, the experts say these traits make management, accounting, electrician, computer
programmer or technical writing careers a good fit. Sensitive, intuitive, hands on people are advised
to look for counseling, ministry, nursing, or teaching for successful careers. Personalities with
optimistic, inquisitive, and energetic characteristics make good dynamic career of interest in such
fields as tour guiding or sales that have extensive travel attached. Those of us with attributes related
to being precise, detailed oriented, analytical, and neat are more suited to research, statistic, or
investigation to keep the mind active. Gregarious and independent individuals are suited for power
positions such as editorial, government, or a CEO. Psychology, drama, painting, or music will attract
the imaginative, dramatic, and philosophical person. While, social work, philanthropy, or a judicial
career that emphasize fostering the need to help others is best for the nurturing, humanitarian,
progressive individual. See Does Your Personality Hold the Key to the Perfect Job…at
http://careerbuilder.com.

People who are really successful in life will undoubtedly have different personality characteristics,
but they are neither too introvert or extrovert. In many cases, normal people (those without
medical, psychological or psychiatric personality disorder problems requiring professional
treatment) will tend to display tendencies that are both introvert and extrovert at times. But the
positive attributes above (and others) are still necessary for their real substantial success. Some
professionals want us to know that successful people certainly share a set of common personality
characteristics.

If we are interested in our own success, then some of the success features of other people include
to Always Dream Big: We are to believe that what we dream of (or plan in life) will come through
and is possible, so we must work to achieve them, see and reap the results of our effort. Must we
must first dream big, not small. Have a Passion: Successful people are passionate about all that they
do, so do likewise. Do not do things by halves, go all the way in style and do what you love. Have a
Clear Vision and Focus: Always keep in mind what you want every day of your life and achieve it
with joy and fun. Positive Beliefs: This is essential because cultivating positive beliefs will help to
bring success. Do not give in to opposing beliefs that will hinder you from your success. Bounce Back
from Failures: This can be a learning experience that will bring you closer to your goals. Some other
successful characteristics of successful people include, being a quick decision-maker, a risk taker,
and an inspiration to others. See 11 Key Personality Characteristics of Successful People - Do You
Have What it Takes…at http://articlealley.com/

Therefore, our personality can positively or adversely affect our lives and success. Good positive
attributes can only help us achieve our goals in life. The negative factors in our personality will
hinder us from a better relationship and life's success.