THE WIZARD OF OZ

Songs by E. Y. HARBURG and Harold Arlen

1.MAIN TITLESDIALOGUES 2.DIALOGUES 3.OVER THE RAINBOW 4.DIALOGUES (TWIST) 5.MUNCHKIN

LAND 6.DING DONG! THE WITCH IS DEAD 7.LULLABY LEAGUE/LOLLYPOP GUILD 8.FOLLOW THE
YELLOW BRICK ROAD 9.IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN 10.WERE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD 11.IF I ONLY HAD A
HEART 12.WERE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD (REPRISE #1) 13.IF I ONLY HAD A NERVE 14.WERE OFF TO SEE
THE WIZARD (REPRISE #2) 15.IF I WERE THE KING OF THE FOREST 16.COURAGE 17.DIALOGUES
(WIZARD) 18.DING DONG! THE WITCH IS DEAD (REPRISE) 19.FINAL DIALOGUES (HOME SWEET HOME)

1.MAIN TITLESDIALOGUES [ Top ]

OCHESTRA

2.DIALOGUES [ Top ]
Dorothy
Aunt Em! Aunt Em! Aunt Em!
Aunt Em
Fifty-seven, fifty-eight.
Dorothy
Just listen to what Miss Gulch did to Toto! She -
Aunt Em
Dorothy, please! We're trying to count: Fifty - eith -
Dorothy
Zeke, what am I going to do about Miss Gulch? Just because Toto chases her old cat -
Zeke
Listen honey, I got them hogs to get in.
Hunk
Now lookit, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch.
You'd think you didn't have any brains at all.
Dorothy
I have so got brains!
Hunk
Well, why don't you use them?
Dorothy
Auntie Em, really - do you know what Miss Gulch said she was going to do to Toto?
She said she was going to -
Aunt Em
Now, Dorothy, dear, stop imagining things. You always get yourself into a fret over nothing.
Dorothy
Well -
Aunt Em
Now, you just help us out today and find yourself a place where you won't get into any trouble.
Dorothy
Some place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto?
There must be. Not a place you can get to by a boat or a train.
It's far, far away - behind the moon - beyond the rain -

3.OVER THE RAINBOW [ Top ]

Dorothy
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?

4.DIALOGUES (TWIST) [ Top ]

Miss Gulch
Mr Gale,
Uncle Henry
Howdy, Miss Gulch.
Miss Gulch
I want to see you and your wife right away, about Dorothy.
Uncle Henry
Dorothy? Well, what has Dorothy done?
Miss Gulch
What's she done? I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg!
Uncle Henry
You mean she bit you?
Miss Gulch
No, her dog!
Uncle Henry
Oh, she bit her dog, eh?
Miss Gulch
No!
Miss Gulch
That dog's a menace to the community.
I'm taking him to the Sheriff and make sure he's destroyed.
Dorothy
Destroyed? Toto? Oh, you can't! You mustn't! Auntie Em! Uncle Henry!
You won't let her, will you?
Uncle Henry
Of course, we won't. Will will Em?
Miss Gulch
Well, that's for the Sheriff to decide.
Miss Gulch
Here's what I'm taking him in - so he can't attack me again.
Dorothy
No, no, no! I won't let you take him! You go away! Ooooh, I'll bite you myself!
Aunt Em
Dorothy!
Dorothy
Oh, you wicked old witch! Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, don't let 'em take Toto!
Don't let her take him - please!
Miss Gulch
I've got an order! Let me have him!
Dorothy
Stop her!
Aunt Em
Put him in the basket, Henry.
Miss Gulch
The idea!
Dorothy
Don't, Uncle Henry. Oh, Toto!
Toto
(Barking)
Dorothy
Toto, Darling. Oh, I got you back, you came back! Oh, I'm so glad...
We've got to get away. We've got to run away.
Zeke
It's a twister! It's a twister!!
Aunt Em
Dorothy! Dorothy!
Dorothy
Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore! We must be over the rainbow!
Glinda
Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
Dorothy
Who, me! I - I'm not a witch at all. I'm Dorothy Gale, from Kansas.
Glinda
Oh!
Dorothy
What was that?
Glinda
The Munchkins. They're laughing because I am a witch. I'm Glinda, the Witch of the North.
Dorothyare! I beg your pardon! But I've never heard of a beautiful witch before.
Oh. But - if you please, what are Munchkins?
Glinda
The little people who live in this land. It's Munchkinland, and you are their national heroine,
my dear. It's all right - you may all come out and thank her.

5.MUNCHKIN LAND [ Top ]

Glinda
Come out, come out, wherever you are and meet the young lady, who fell from a star.
She fell from the sky, she fell very far and Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.
Munchkins
Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.
Glinda
She brings you good news. Or haven't you heard?
When she fell out of Kansas
A miracle occurred.
Dorothy
It really was no miracle. What happened was just this.
The wind began to switch - the house to pitch and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.
Just then the Witch - to satisfy an itch went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.
Munchkins
And oh, what happened then was rich.
*The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch.
It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch,
Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.
*The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch.
It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch,
Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.
... Who began to twitch and was reduced to just a stitch of what was once the Wicked Witch.
Munchkin #1
We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.
Munchkin #2
You've killed her so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.
Glinda
Let the joyous news be spread, The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!

6.DING DONG! THE WITCH IS DEAD [ Top ]

Munchkins
Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!
Mayor
As Mayor of the Munchkin City, In the County of the Land of Oz, I welcome you most regally.
Barrister
But we've got to verify it legally, to see
Mayor
To see?
Barrister
If she
Mayor
If she?
Barrister
Is morally, ethic'lly
Father No.1
Spiritually, physically
Father No. 2
Positively, absolutely
Munchkins
Undeniably and reliably Dead
Coroner
As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her.
And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.
Mayor
Then this is a day of Independence For all the Munchkins and their descendants
Barrister
If any.
Mayor
Yes, let the joyous news be spread The wicked Old Witch at last id dead!

7.DING DONG! THE WITCH IS DEAD [ Top ]

Munchkins
Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!

8.LULLABY LEAGUE/LOLLYPOP GUILD [ Top ]

Munchkins
We represent the Lullaby League, The Lullaby League, The Lullaby League
And in the name of the Lullaby League,
We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland.
We represent the Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,
We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland.
We welcome you to Munchkinland, Tra la la la la la la
From now on you'll be history.
You'll be history, you'll be history, you'll be history.
And we will glorify your name.
You will be a bust, be a bust, be a bust
In the Hall of Fame!
Dorothy
I thought you said she was dead.
Glinda
That was her sister - the Wicked Witch of the East. This is the Wicked Witch of the West.
And she's worse than the other one was.
Wicked Witch
Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?
Dorothy
No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody.
Wicked Witch
Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents too!
Glinda
Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Be gone before somebody drops a house on you, too!
Wicked Witch
Very well, I'll bide my time - but just try to stay out of my way - just try! I'll get you,
my pretty, and your little dog, too!
Glinda
Pooh - what a smell of sulphur! I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the
Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll
sleep, my dear.
Dorothy
Oh, I'd give anything to get of Oz altogether, but - which is the way back to Kansas?
I can't go the way I came.
Glinda
No, that's true. The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful
Wizard of Oz himself.
Dorothy
The Wizard of Oz? Is he good or is he wicked?
Glinda
Oh, very good, but very mysterious. He lives in the Emerald City and that's a long
journey from here.
Did you bring your broomstick with you?
Dorothy
No, I'm afraid I didn't.
Glinda
Well, then, you'll have to walk. The Munchkins will see you safely to the border of Munchkinland.
Dorothy
But - how do I start for the Emerald City?

9.FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD [ Top ]

Glinda
It's always best to start a the beginning - and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Dorothy
Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Munchkins
Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
You're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
You're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
Follow the Yellow Brick Road? Follow the Yellow Brick...? Well, now which way do we go
Dorothy
Follow the Yellow Brick Road? Follow the Yellow Brick...? Well, now which way do we go?
Scarecrow
Pardon me. That was is a very nice way.
Dorothy
Who said that?......
Dorothy
That's funny. Wasn't he pointing the other way?
Scarecrow
Of course, people do go both ways!
Dorothy
Are you doing that on purpose, or can't you make up your mind?
Scarecrow
That's the trouble. I can't make up my mind. I haven't got a brain, only straw.
Scarecrow
Oh, I'm a failure, because I haven't got a brain!
Dorothy
Well, what would you do with a brain if you had one?
Scarecrow
Do? Why, if I had a brain, I could -

10.IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN [ Top ]

Scarecrow
I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
I'd unravel every riddle for any individ'le,
In trouble or in pain.
Dorothy
With the thoughts you'll be thinkin' you could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain.
Scarecrow
Oh, I could tell you why The ocean's near the shore.
I could think of things I never thunk before.
And then I'd sit, and think some more.
I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,
If I only had a brain.
Dorothy
Ohh! Wonderful!
Why, if our scarecrow back in Kansas could do that, the crows'd be scared to pieces!
Scarecrow
They would?
Dorothy
Yes
Scarecrow
Where's Kansas?
Dorothy
That's where I live. And I want to get back there so badly, I'm going all the way to the
Emeralk City to get the Wizard of Oz to help me.
Scarecrow
Do you think if I went wtih you this Wizard would give me some brains?
Dorothy
I couldn't say. But even if he didn't you'd be no worse off than you are now.
Scarecrow
Yes, that's true.
Scarecrow
Look - I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat a thing, and I won't try to manage things,
because I can't think. Won't you take me with you?
Dorothy
Of course, I will.
Scarecrow
Hooray! We're off to see a Wizard!
Dorothy
Oh - well, you're not starting out very well.
Scarecrow
Oh, I'll try! Really, I will.
Dorothy
To Oz?
Dorothy
To Oz!

11.WERE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD [ Top ]

Dorothy and Scarecrow
We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
Why, it's a man! A man made out of tin!
Scarecrow
What?
Dorothy
Yes.
Tin Man
Oil can!
Dorothy
Did you say something?
Tin Man
Oil can!
Dorothy
He said Oil can.
Tin Man
Me - e, me - e-, My- mmm-my, my, my, my goodness. I can talk again!
Dorothy
Well, you're perfect now.
Tin Man
Perfect? Oh - bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect. Go ahead - bang on it!
It's empty. The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart. All hollow.

12.IF I ONLY HAD A HEART [ Top ]

Tin Man
When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle,
And yet I'm torn apart.
Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind-a-human,
If I only had heart.
I'd be tender - I'd be gentle and awful sentimental
Regarding Love and Art.
I'd be friends with the sparrows ... and the boys who shoots the arrows
If I only had a heart.
Picture me - a balcony. Above a voice sings low.
Dorothy
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Tin Man
I hear a beat....How sweet.
Just to register emotion, jealousy - devotion,
And really feel the part.
I could stay young and chipper and I'd lock it with a zipper, If I only had a heart.
Dorothy
That was wonderful! You know, we were just wondering why you couldn't come with us to
the Emerald City to ask the Wizard of Oz for a heart.
Tin Man
Well, suppose the Wizard wouldn't give me one when we got there?
Dorothy
Oh, but he will! He must! We've come such a long way already.
Scarecrow
To Oz?
Tin Man
To Oz!
Dorothy, Scarecrow and Tin Man

13.WERE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD (REPRISE #1) [ Top ]

We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
I don't like this forest! It's - it's dark and creepy!
Do - do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
Tin Man
Mmmm - we might.
Dorothy
Oh -
Lion
Sneakin' up on me, eh?
Tin Man
Go away and let us alone.
Lion
Oh, scared, huh? Afraid, huh?
Hah! Well, I'll get you anyway, Pee Wee.
Dorothy
Oh! Shame on you!
Lion
What did you do that for? I didn't bite him.
Dorothy
No, but you tried to.
It's bad enough picking on a straw man, but when you go around picking on poor little dogs.
Lion
Well, you didn't have to go and hit me, did you? Is my nose bleedin'?
Dorothy
Well, of course not. My goodness, what a fuss you're making!
Well, naturally when you go around picking on things weaker than you are - why,
you're nothing but a great big coward!
Lion
You're right, I a a coward! Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks.
Tin Man
Why don't you try counting sheep?
Lion
That doesn't do any good - I'm afraid of 'em.
Scarecrow
Oh, that's too bad. Don't you think the Wizard could help him, too?
Dorothy
I don't see why not. Why don't you come along with us?
We're on our way to see the Wizard now. To get him a heart.
Tin Man
And him a brain.
Dorothy
I'm sure he could give you some courage.
Lion
Well, wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a cowardly lion? I would.
Dorothy
No, of course not!
Lion
Gee, that - that's awfully nice of you. My life has been simply unbearable.

14.IF I ONLY HAD A NERVE [ Top ]

Lion
Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy, When you're born to be a sissy
Without the vim and verve.
But I could show my prowess, be a lion not a mou-ess
If I only had the nerve.
I'm afraid there's no denyin' I'm just a dandelion,
A fate I don't deserve.
I'd be brave as a blizzard....
Tin Man
I'd be gentle as a lizard....
Scarecrow
I'd be clever as a gizzard....
Dorothy
If the Wizard is a Wizard who will serve.
Scarecrow
Then I'm sure to get a brain,
Tin Man
a heart,
Dorothy
a home,
Lion
the nerve!

15.WERE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD (REPRISE #2) [ Top ]

All
We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
Look - Emerald City is closer and prettier than ever!
Doorman
Who rang that bell?
All Four
We did! We want to see the Wizard.
Dorothy
Oh - Oh, please. Please, sir. I've got to see the Wizard. The Good Witch of the North sent me.
Doorman
Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different colour! Come on in!
Wait here - I'll announce you at once!
Scarecrow
Did you hear that? He'll announce us at once! I've as good as got my brain!
Tin Man
I can fairly hear my heart beating!
Dorothy
I'll be home in time for super!
Lion
In another hour I'll be King of the Forest. Long live the King!

16.IF I WERE THE KING OF THE FOREST [ Top ]

Lion
If I were King of the Forest, Not queen, not duke, not prince.
My regal robes of the forest, would be satin, not cotton, not chintz.
I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl.
With a woof and a woof and a royal growl - woof.
As I'd click my heel, all the trees would kneel.
And the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow.
And the sparrow would take wing - If I - If I - were King!
Each rabbit would show respect to me. The chipmunks genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash, I would show compash
For every underling!
If I - If I - were King!
Just King!
Monarch of all I survey -- Mo--na-a-a--a-arch Of all I survey!

17.COURAGE [ Top ]
Dorothy
Your Majesty, If you were King, you wouldn't be afraid of anything?
Lion
Not nobody, not nohow!
Tin Man
Not even a rhinocerous?
Lion
Imposserous!
Dorothy
How about a hippopotamus?
Lion
Why, I'd trash him from top to bottomamus!
Dorothy
Supposin' you met an elephant?
Lion
I'd wrap him up in cellophant!
Scarecrow
What if it were a brontosaurus?
Lion
I'd show him who was King of the Forest!
All Four
How?
Lion
How?
Courage! What makes a King out of a slave?
Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave?
Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk, in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot?
What have they got that I ain't got?
All Four
Courage!
Lion
Then you can say that again!

18.DIALOGUES (WIZARD) [ Top ]

Wizard
I am Oz, the Great and Powerful Oz knows why you have come. Step forward, Tin Man!
Tin Man
Ohhhhh!
Wizard
You dare to come to me for a heart, do you?
And you, Scarecrow, have the affrontery to ask for a brain! And you - Lion!!
Well, the beneficient Oz has every intention of granting your requests!
But first, bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West.
Dorothy
It's the witch. She's followed us here!
Wicked Witch
...And bring me that girl and her dog. Do as you like with the others,
but I want her alive and unharmed!
Wicked Witch
What a nice little dog. And you, my dear. What an unexpected pleasure.
It's so kind of you to visit me in my loneliness.
Dorothy
What are you going to do with my dog! Give him back to me!
Wicked Witch
All in good time, my little pretty - all in good time.
Dorothy
Run, Toto - run!
Wicked Witch
Catch him, you fool!
Dorothy
Run, Toto, run! Run, Toto, run! He got away! He got away!
Wicked Witch
Ohhh! Which is more than you will! Drat you and your dog!
You've been more trouble to me than you're worth, one way and another -
but it'll soon be over now!
Dorothy
I'm frightened, I'm frightened!
Tin Man
Look! There's Toto! Where'd he come from?
Scarecrow
Why, don't you see? He's come to take us to Dorothy.
Tin Man
Oh -
Scarecrow
Come on, fellows!
Lion
What's that! What's that?
Scarecrow
That's the castle of the Wicked Witch. Dorothy's in that awful place!
Tin Man
Oh, I hate to think of her in there. We've got to get her out! Who's them? Who's them?
Winkies
Ooo - eeeee - hoo! Yooo - ho! Ooo - eeeee - hoo! Yooo - ho!
Scarecrow
I've got a plan how to get in there. And you're going to lead us.
Lion
All right. I'll go in there for Dorothy - Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch -
guards or no guards - I'll tear 'em apart.
Ohhh! I may not come out alive but I'm going in there.
There's only one thing I want you fellas to do.
Tin Man and Scarecrow
What's that?
Lion
Talk me out of it.
Winkies
Ooo - eeeee - hoo! Yooo - ho! Ooo - eeeee - hoo! Yooo - ho!
Scarecrow
Dorothy, are you in there?
Lion
It's us!
Dorothy
Yes, it's me! She's locked me in!
Lion
Listen, fellas. It's her. We gotta get her out! Open this door!
Dorothy
Hurry, please, hurry!
Scarecrow
Hurry, we've got no time to lose!
Wicked Witch
Ha, ha, ha! Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why, my little party's just beginning.
Ha, ha, ha, eh, eh!Ring around the Rosey! A pocket full of spears! Well,
the last to go will see the first three go before her! And your mangy little dog, too!
How about a little fire, Scarecrow? Huh?
Scarecrow
No! No! No! No! Help! I'm burning! I'm burning! I'm burning!
Wicked Witch
No, don't throw that water! Ohhhhh! You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting!
Melting!
Leader of Winkies
She's - she's dead. You've killed her. Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!
Winkies
Hail! Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!
Dorothy
Now we can go back to the Wizard and tell him the Wicked Witch is dead!
Winkies
The Wicked Witch is dead!

19.DING DONG! THE WITCH IS DEAD (REPRISE) [ Top ]

Wizard
Why have you come back?
Dorothy
Please, sir. We've done what you told us.
We've brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
Wizard
Oh - you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!
Dorothy
Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promise to us - if you please, sir.
Wizard
Not so fast! Not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought!
Go away and come back tomorrow!
Dorothy
Tomorrow! Oh, but I want to go home now!
Wizard
Do not arouse the wrath of the Great and Powerful Oz! I said come back tomorrow! Oh!
The Great Oz has spoken!
Oh! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The Great, Powerful -- has spoken --
Dorothy
Who are you?
Wizard
Well, I - I - I am the Great and Powerful - Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
You are?
Wizard
Uh -
Dorothy
I don't believe you!
Wizard
No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Dorothy
Oh - you're a very bad man!
Wizard
Oh, no, my dear. I - I'm a very good man. I'm just a very bad Wizard.
Scarecrow
What about the heart that you promised the Tin Man?
Wizard
Well, I -
Scarecrow
And the courage you promised Cowardly Lion?
Wizard
Well, I -
Tin Man and Lion
And Scarecrow's brain?
Wizard
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity.
Back where I come from we have universities - seats of great learning -
where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out,
they think deep thoughts, and with no more brains than you have. But -
they have one thing you haven't got - a diploma! Therefore, by virtue
of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum,
I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Scarecrow
Th.D.?
Wizard
Yeah - that - that's Dr. of Thinkology
Scarecrow
How can I ever thank you enough?
Wizard
Well, you can't! As for you my fine friend, you are a victim or disorganized thinking.
You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger you
have no courage! You are confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come fro mwe have
men who are called heroes. Once a year they take their fortitude out of mothballs and
parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have.
But - they have one thing that you haven't got! A medal!! Therefore, for meritorious conduct,
extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross.
You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!
Lion
Oh - oh, shucks, folks - I'm speechless!
Wizard
As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart!
You don't know how lucky you are not to have one.
Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tin Man
But I - I still want one.
Wizard
Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds.
They are called phil....er.....phil...er...er....good-deed-doers
and their hearts are no bigger than yours, but they have one thing you haven't got!
A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure
at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection.
And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love,
but by how much you are loved by others.
Tin Man
Oh, Oh, it ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks!
Lion
Read - read what my medal says. Courage! Ain't it the truth!
Dorothy
Oh - oh they're all wonderful.
Scarecrow
Hey, what about Dorothy?
Dorothy
Oh, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
Wizard
Well - you force me into a cataclysmic decision.
The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Dorothy
Oh! Oh, will you? Could you? Oh! Oh, but are you a clever enough wizard to manage it?
Wizard
Child, you cut me to the quick! I'm an old Kansas man myself, born and bred -
in the heart of the western wilderness, premier Baloonist, highest class.
And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the Land of E Pluribus Unum!
This is positivey the finest exhibition ever to be shown.....well, be that as it may.
I, your Wizard, par adua outer, am about to embark on a hazardous and technically
unexplainable journey into the outer stratosphere. To confer, converse and otherwise
hob-nob with my brother wizards. And I hereby decree that until what time, if any,
that I return, the Scarecrow by virtue of his highly superior brains, shall rule in my stead,
assisted by the Tin Man, by virtue of his magnificent heart, and the Lion by virtue of his
courage! Obey them as you would me.
Dorothy
Oh, Toto - come back! Toto! Toto! Oh, don't go without me! I'll be right back! Toto!
Tin Man
Stop that dog!
Dorothy
Oh, come back, come back, don't go without me! Please, come back!
Wizard
I can't come back! I don't know how it works! Goodbye, folks! People of Oz
Peope of OZ
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
Dorothy
Oh, now I'll never get home!
Lion
Stay with us, then, Dorothy. We all love you. We don't want you to go.
Dorothy
Oh, that's very kind of you, but this could never be like Kansas.
Auntie Em must have stopped wondering what
happened to me by now. Oh, Scarecrow, what am I going to do?
Scarecrow
Look! Here's someone who can help you.
Dorothy
Oh - will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda
You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy
I have?
Scarecrow
Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda
Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
Tin Man
What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy
Well, I - I think that it - that it wasn't enough just to want to see
Uncle Henry and Auntie Em. And that it's that - if I ever go looking
for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard,
because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?
Glinda
That's all it is!
Glinda
Are you ready now?
Dorothy
Yes. Say goodbye, Toto. Yes, I'm ready now.
Glinda
Then close your eyes and think to yourself 'There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.'
Dorothy and Glinda
'There's no place like home. There's no place like home.'

20.FINAL DIALOGUES (HOME SWEET HOME) [ Top ]

Dorothy
'There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.'
Waking up in Kansas
Dorothy returns to the Farm!
Dorothy
'There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place....'
Aunt Em
Wake up, honey.
Dorothy
There's no place like home. There's no place like home. No place.....
Dorothy
Oh, Auntie Em, it's you!
Aunt Em
There, there, lie quiet now. You just had a bad dream.
Hunk
Sure.
Dorothy
But it wasn't a dream. This was a real, truly live place.
And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice - but most of it was beautiful.
But just the same, all I kept saying to everybody was, 'I want to go home!'
And they sent me home.
(All Laugh)
Doesn't anybody believe me?
Uncle Henry
Of course we believe you, Dorothy.
Dorothy
Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home! Home! And this is my room - and you're all here!
And I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all! And -
Oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home!!