It Was Significant That It Was Also Crucial That Were Through The Time

The pie chart
(That is incorrect. There are two pie charts.) illustrates (That is not a good
word choice) the percentage of numerous methods (Not a good expression) that
people prefer (Not a good word choice. It does not show preferences, but actual data.) to
travel to work and come back home in European countries (That is incorrect. Only people
in one city are in these charts.) from different periods (wrong word. There are two
different years, fifty years apart.) 1959 and 2009. (Your first paragraph is incomplete. You
did not tell the reader the kinds of transportation and you did not mention the other
information below the chart.)
Here is an opening paragraph that describes this infographic correctly and completely.
The two pie charts, one titled 1959 and the other 2009, give the percentage of people
using various means of transportation to commute to work in one European city. There
are four specific categories of transportation: walking, bus, car, and train. There is a fifth
category labeled "other." In addition, below each chart is information on the average
distance of the trip and average time to commute.
Overall, it was significant that the majority proportion of people’s travelling methods

was (very awkward and unnatural) on foot in 1959 and (Incorrect, majority is more than
50%) by car in 1959. (incorrect) Moreover, it was also crucial that the average distance
and average duration were (wrong verb form) increased through the time.
Here is a better way to write this information:
Overall, in 1959, the majority of people walked, but in 2009 the largest proportion
traveled by car. Moreover, the average distance increased by more than a factor of five,
and the average commute time more than doubled.
If you want to use "majority" for both pie charts, you must combine categories for 2009.
In 1959, the majority (55%) walked.
In 2009, the proportion of those walking and driving was 25%+35% = 60%. That is a
majority. You can also combine walking + public transportation. The total is 53%. That is
also a majority.
Your essay is very verbose. That means that you write a lot of words that give no
information to the reader. You also make errors in reading the topic. Your essay is too
long. Write only three paragraphs.
Paragraph #1: Describe the figure. Do not write about the data.
Paragraph #2: "Overall" - Write about two or three main features.
Paragraph #3: Write about some interesting details. Focus on comparisons.
According to the proportion of European people’s transportation, it was clearly be

seen (This is very very awkward and unnatural) that residents in Europe (Wrong. It is not
all Europeans) had various way (wrong form) Your first sentence is completely redundant.
You described this in the first paragraph) of travel. First of all, it is clearly be seen
that (Do not write this kind of clause. It is not what a native speaker would write The
words are unnecessary) individuals who went to work on foot and came back to hoe by
the same methods made up the highest percentage from all sections, which was
approximately 55%, more than half of given statistic but then it was slightly decreased
to 25% in 2009. Second, it was pointed up from the pie chart that there was
a rapidly (wrong word) increase in the percentage of car using in Europe, (Poor
English) from 10% in 1959 to 35% in 2009, which was nearly as three times higher
percentage as the previous one. Other sections which were related in the pie chart
accounted for the minor proportion and created a huge gap between the top and the
bottom features. (That sentence makes no sense.)
On the other sides,(incorrect usage) it was surprising that (Do not write opinions or
conclusions in Task 1. Just describe the information, not your reaction to it.) the average
duration and average distance were increased after the period. The time that people
had to spend on commuting travelling was 17 minutes on in average in 1959 while in
2009 it was 42 minutes. Another striking feature was considerable to be mentioned
was the average distance that European people was travelling. It was almost as six times
higher (Distances are in km, not percentage) percentage as itself in 50 years previously,
which was respectively 3.5 km and 19 km.
Sample essay (195 words)
The two pie charts, one titled 1959 and the other 2009, give the percentage of people
using various means of transportation to commute to work in one European city. There
are four specific categories of transportation: walking, bus, car, and train. There is a fifth
category labeled "other." In addition, below each chart is information on the average
distance of the trip and average time to commute.
Overall, in 1959, the majority of people walked to and from their office, but in 2009 they
either walked or drove, the largest proportion being those who commuted by car.
Moreover, the average distance increased by more than a factor of five, and the average
commute time more than doubled.
In detail, in 1959, 30% commuted by public transportation and 55% walked to work. Only
one in ten used a car. This contrasts with 2009, where the percentage of those going by
car was 35%, the largest category. About the same percentage (28%) used public
transportation, but only a quarter walked. The commute distance had grown from 3.5 km
in 1959 to 19 km in 2009, and the commute time had also increased from 17 to 42
minutes.

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It Was Significant That It Was Also Crucial That Were Through The Time

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The pie chart

Overall, it was significant that the majority proportion of people’s travelling methods

Here is a better way to write this information:

According to the proportion of European people’s transportation, it was clearly be

Sample essay (195 words)

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