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VERBAL SKILLS 101:

Ten Ways To Supercharge Your Verbal Abilities

by Min Liu

http://www.artofverbalwar.com

© 2017 Art of Verbal War. All Rights Reserved.

 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 3

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Introduction

Introduction
How To Use This Book

Chapter 2: Ten Ways To Supercharge Your Verbal Abilities

Skill #1: Pathos

Skill #2: Value Giving
Skill #3: Frames, Framing, & Frame Control
Skill #4: It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It
Skill #5: Openness / Authenticity
Skill #6: Indirectness
Skill #7: Show, Not Tell
Skill #8: Pre-Framing
Skill #9: Targeting
Skill #10: Figurative / Metaphoric Speech

Chapter 3: Conclusion

Conclusion
About Min Liu
Also By Min Liu
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 4

CHAPTER ONE
Introduction

"Having knowledge but lacking the ability to express it clearly is no better than
never having no ideas at all".

-Pericles

INTRODUCTION

Inside this book, Verbal Skills 101, you will learn ten ways you can immediately
start using to become a more verbally skilled person. By "verbally skilled", I
mean being more persuasive, influential, captivating, charming, and likable than
the average person.

What is becoming verbally skilled worth to you? 

I can't speak for you, but for me, focusing on developing my verbal skills has
been priceless from both a tangible (finances/career/business) and intangible
(confidence/charm/social life) perspective. As a corporate lawyer, it was
essential for me to develop outstanding verbal skills, but even then I had no idea
how much these skills extend into your career and into other things in life.

For those people who are truly verbally skilled in this world, I suspect their skills
are worth millions of dollars (or even much more) to them. People such as great
salesmen or scintillating presenters, entertainers, and other personalities rely on
their superior verbal skills every single day to project their best selves to the
world. Without these verbal skills, they would be unable to do what they do.

Even if you don’t aspire to become wealthy, exceptional verbal skills will benefit
you in all other aspects of life, especially in your social life and love life.

But, the truth is:

While everybody knows how to speak, very few know how to speak so well
their verbal skills become a valuable asset. Very few people are verbally skilled,
especially to an extent where they can consistently persuade, influence, and
charm other people.

On the flip side, if you are not verbally skilled and have verbal skills that are
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 5

subpar or below average, then this deficiency will undoubtedly become a

liability for you in life. Subpar verbal skills, subpar life.

You may have the world’s best ideas, products, or services, or you may have so
much value to offer to the world and people in general, but if you do not have
adequate verbal skills to convey yourself properly, no one will ever know, as
Pericles himself has pointed out.

Some, but very few, people are born verbally skilled, but that’s okay. 

No matter where you are right now in your verbal abilities, it is my belief that
the rest of us can learn to become more verbally skilled than we are now. By
adopting the right habits and learning the right skills, we can become verbally
skilled.

Unfortunately, we never learned these particular skills in high school (or

college) English class. Even if you paid attention in English class, which I
admittedly never did, and even if you loved your English teachers, I promise that
you will not have learned the things you will now learn in this book. I have
taken classes in public speaking, debate, and communication skills in my many
years of school that never taught the skills you are about to learn.

I find it surprising (or maybe I shouldn’t anymore) that these formal education
classes do not focus on the things that matter most.

This is completely unacceptable.

This book is all about giving you an introduction to the high leverage verbal
skills that make a difference.

If you’re reading this right now, I want to applaud you for your ambition, desire,
self-love, and your foresight to invest in yourself. Most people’s education ends
right after high school or college, and yet they wonder why their careers
become stale and their personal development non-existent.
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As the founder of The Art of Verbal War, where people learn to excel in verbal
skills, my raison d'etre (and obsession) is to teach people how to become
verbally skilled, so with no further ado about nothing, here are ten (but certainly
not the only) ways to supercharge your verbal skills.

To winning,
Min

———————————————

SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel, The Art of Verbal War, where people learn
to EXCEL at verbal skills at www.youtube.com/artofverbalwar

CONNECT with me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/artofverbalwar or on

Twitter at www.twitter.com/artofverbalwar

READ MORE about verbal skills, power, persuasion, and influence at my blog at
www.artofverbalwar.com/blog

CHECK OUT my other books at www.artofverbalwar.com/books and my

courses at www.artofverbalwar.com/courses

VIEW my resources page where I recommend some other verbal skills

resources at www.artofverbalwar.com/resources

SEND ME A MESSAGE at [email protected]

———————————————
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How To Use This Book

Just a quick note about how to use this book.

Verbal Skills 101 is just an introduction to ten verbal skills that I believe every
person must develop on their journey towards excelling in verbal skills and
becoming a verbal god (or verbal goddess).

Think of the ten skills in this book as a ten-course tasting menu at a Michelin
starred restaurant, and think of me as your waiter talking you through each of
these ten bite-sized plates.

You won’t be getting full portions of any of these ten dishes, but merely a taste.
Each taste will leave an impression on you, but it won’t fill you up. After
enjoying this tasting menu of verbal skills, you will know which courses you
want to order more of.

You may already be strong in certain areas, and that’s fantastic. Sometimes,
when I eat one of those ten-course Michelin meals they are surprisingly too big,
and so I have to ask to skip a course or two. You can go ahead and do that with
this book if you think there are areas you don’t need to learn about.

However, you may not be as strong in other areas, so after you finish reading
this book, you will know which of those areas you will need further study and
development in. And, even if you’re strong in any particular skill, there may still
be things that you do not know about that skill and/or you want to become
stronger in. As such, you are welcome to back to my “restaurant” and order “a
la carte”. Click these links to check out my books and courses on verbal skills.

And, just like sometimes when I go to a fancy restaurant and don’t get enough
food to eat and I end up having to grab a cheeseburger afterwards, don’t forget
to check out my resources page for other recommended resources to help
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bolster those of your verbal skills that you want to learn more about.

It is my hope that this ten-course tasting meal whets your appetite to become
even more verbally skilled than you are already. Unlike a Michelin star dinner
which only stays with you on your belly, the benefits and rewards to improving
your verbal skills are truly endless and enduring.
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CHAPTER TWO
Ten Ways To Supercharge Your Verbal Skills

#1: Pathos

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of
logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice and
motivated by pride and vanity."

-Dale Carnegie

Let’s start with one of the most crucial levers in the field of persuasion,
influence, and charm.

Believe it or not, the verbally skilled do not converse in a logical manner as

much as you think when speaking with or persuading others. They are not, as
you would think, creatures of logic, overflowing with reason and analytical
powers.

They are not robotic and lawyer-like in the way they think, persuade, and
influence.

In conversation, nothing is as boring and mood killing to other people as stone

cold logical conversations.  

And in a persuasive attempt, sheer logic is almost never enough. Not even close
to enough.

The most verbally skilled people know that they have to evoke emotions when
they attempt to connect with or persuade others. Have you ever had a
conversation with someone who was stone cold logical and didn’t you feel like
you would rather poke your eyeballs out than to continue that painful
conversation?

So, in a conversation (especially social ones), try to focus on topics that elicit
some kind of emotion, instead of boring, rote, and logical topics.

Even if you are on a mundane topic, you can infuse a conversation with energy
and evoke emotions.  Three emotions that always work well are excitement,
laughter, and intrigue. Here is a list of emotions that the philosopher Aristotle
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suggested as emotional triggers people respond to:

• anger and calmness;

• friendship and enmity;
• fear and confidence;
• shame and shamelessness;
• kindness and unkindness;
• pity and indignation;
• envy and emulation.

In persuasion, your aim is to find and use something (in addition to logic) that
will move the other person emotionally. 

You want to gain an understanding of the emotions that the people you are
trying to persuade are pre-disposed to. To help you do that you need to know
the answers to three questions:

1. What is the other person’s state of mind?

2. To whom is their emotion directed?
3. Why do they feel the way they do?

Once you know the answer to these questions, then it becomes easier to know
how to persuade them emotionally.

Now, this is not to say that logic is never necessary in conversations or

persuasive attempts.  You can think of logic as a powerful gun, but emotion is
the trigger that makes that powerful gun fire. You need logic as a setup, but in
order to truly sway or move people, you must engage their emotions first.

Even in the field of flirting, guys who think they can convince a woman to like
them by telling them why they should like them are sorely misguided and
mistaken. Trust me: Only when you engage and even play with a woman’s
emotions can you be successful.

This is definitely no revolutionary idea. I certainly did not come up with this
idea, but I am here to remind you not to overestimate logic, and do not
underestimate the power of emotion.

Aristotle was the first to write about the three means to persuade: logos, ethos,
and pathos.

This is what Aristotle wrote about these three means: “Of the modes of
persuasion furnished by the spoken word, there are three kinds. Persuasion is
achieved by the speaker’s personal character when the speech was so spoken as
to make us think him credible. Secondly, persuasion may come through the
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 11

hearers, when the speech stirs their emotions. Thirdly, persuasion is effected
through the speech itself when we have proved a truth or an apparent truth by
means of the persuasive arguments suitable to the case in question.”

Stirring emotions, as Aristotle wrote, is called “pathos”. Make sure you take full
advantage of and use pathos!
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#2: Value Giving

“The value of a man should be seen in what he gives.”

-Albert Einstein

When you are interacting with someone else (whether for the first time or for the
hundredth time) always focus on “giving value”.

By this, I mean taking the lead in conversations with others.  Have something
interesting to say, and bring fun and energy to conversations.

Don't be someone who just "seeks value", i.e. ask the other person endless (and
mostly directionless) questions or seek information from them. There are too
many of these types of people in the world, and I don’t want you to be one of
them. There is nothing worse than having to be around a value leech detraction
from every social interaction or conversation you are a part of.

One my friends from my childhood had this very bad habit, and when he
became an adult and wanted me to introduce my friends, especially my lady
friends, to him, I had to think many times before doing that because I knew he
would engage them in this manner and drive them away (or turn them off).
Guess if I ended up doing as he asked? 

Worse yet, don’t be a wallflower with nothing to say and no value to give
others.

Offer information, fun, something of interest, your opinion, or anything before

you try to seek information from others. By developing your verbal skills,
especially conversational skills, you will be always have the skills to offer value
to others in conversation.

As a start, check out my free report "Conversation 101" if you want to take the
first step on this journey
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 13

#3: Frames, Framing, & Frame Control

“Cinema is a matter of what’s in the frame and what’s out.”

-Martin Scorsese

A “frame” is a perspective through which the world or a certain thing is viewed.

Framing is using frames to control a given narrative, conversation, discussion,

argument, or even verbal confrontation.

Learning how to use frames to your advantage, i.e. what I call “frame control”, is
a very important verbal skill that many people are not even aware of, let alone
something they learn to use.

Let me give you an example of how important frames are to controlling a

discussion:

When George W. Bush was President, a Republican Party strategist wrote a

memo (which was subsequently leaked) that advised President Bush to frame the
issue of global warming as “climate change” instead of “global warming”.

The reason behind this subtle shift was because the phrase “climate change”
sounds a lot less scary than the phrase “global warming”, and therefore, makes
the entire issue seem less urgent, less dramatic, and much more innocuous.

This is an example of skillfully framing an issue, and to a large extent, the phrase
“climate change” has stuck in the minds of the general public and organizations
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 14

advocating positions on both sides, and so rightly or wrongly, it was a successful

campaign and frame control exercise.

Here’s another example:

A few years back, the late Steve Jobs faced a crisis at Apple when the word
came out that the then-current iPhone had serious antenna problems. Steve Jobs
controlled the frame when he gave an emergency press conference and shifted
the frame from a problem specific to his company’s phone to all mobile phones.

"We didn't think it would be a big problem because EVERY phone has this
issue," Jobs declared.

The moral of the story here is that you need to start becoming very aware of the
frames that people may be using against you without you realizing, and you also
need to start taking advantage of using frames and frame control to achieve your
persuasion and influence goals.

How you frame a particular issue or confrontation will make all the difference.

One quick tip about frame control for you before I close this section:

A basic principle for frame control is to never use the other person’s (or side’s)
language. During the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon proclaimed “I am not a
crook”. This was exactly the wrong thing to do, as everybody else had already
viewed him in the “crook” frame. By refuting this assertion directly, he ended up
letting the frame swallow him alive, and we all know what happened after that.

If you want to learn how to master frame control, my course Verbal Domination
may be of interest to you.
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#4: It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It
“Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look
forward to the trip.”
-Anonymous
In my book “Vocal Superstar: How To Develop A High Status Voice”, I wrote
about the many times as a corporate lawyer I’ve been approached by lawyers
and law firms who wanted me to hire them to help with various projects or
litigation for my company, a Fortune 500 company.
And 110 times out of 100 (yes, that is no typo), their credentials, experience,
and skills were impeccable, yet indistinguishable.
This gave me quite the headache as it always felt like a Herculea3n task to
separate the wheat from the chaff, so to say. Not one of my favorite activities to
do as a corporate lawyer.
However, every once in a while, there would be some lawyer who I interviewed
that also had impeccable, yet indistinguishable credentials, but who had that
extra something special.
What was that something special?
That special thing was a speaking voice and vocal presentation style that stood
out like a leather jacket wearing rockstar in a sea of grey suits. Guess who
would get hired?

Of course, at the end of the day, it is hard to say if these lawyers who got hired
were really any better lawyers than the others, but they sure knew how to stand
out and project an undeniable aura of competence.
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 17

What I’m trying to say is that often times, it is not WHAT you say but HOW you
say it that makes all the difference. It is malpractice for me to talk about verbal
skills without talking about the non-content part of having outstanding verbal
skills, I.e. non-verbal communications and vocal tonality.
The speaking voice and vocal presentation style of the lawyers who stood out
from the crowd were immediately captivating and persuasive. Again, it wasn’t
WHAT they were saying, but HOW they were saying it that grabbed my
attention, and which I am sure grabs the jury and judge’s attention every single
time.
I’m not going into detail about this idea in this book, but at a high level, if you
want to captivate others in the way you speak, and if you want to stand out from
the crowd, then one of the most important things you must learn is to speak with
VARIETY in your tone, speed, pitch, and delivery.
Furthermore, you also want to train your speaking voice to maximize its natural
tonality so that it naturally sounds more persuasive and captivating. The way
you do this is by finding your most natural pitch range. Surprisingly, it is not by
making your voice lower, especially if it is unnaturally lower. This is how you
maximize your natural vocal tonality.
A monotone delivery using an unnatural vocal tonality will fail you to deliver
you to the promised land in the field of verbal skills, persuasion, influence, and
charm. If you want to learn more about vocal tonality, vocal presentation, and
maximizing your speaking voice, and therefore, stand out from the crowd,
check out my book, Vocal Superstar.
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 18

#5: Openness / Authenticity

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed
to be and embracing who we are.”
- Brene Brown
This is one of the most underrated verbal skills, and a difficult thing to do for
some people (including myself).
I struggle with it constantly.

What I mean by openness, is the habit of talking to others in a way that reveals
oneself, sharing details about your inner thoughts. It may even involve
disclosing intimate details (in a socially intelligent way of course) about yourself.

It's been shown in many studies that people who are more open are judged as
being more charismatic.

In the business world, being open, candid, and honest about your weaknesses or
things you have done incorrectly can build trust with potential customers,
business partners, and others. Being honest and open can make others more
open to receiving your message, and as a result, it helps make you more
persuasive.
Warren Buffett, the greatest investor in history, is well known for being open,
candid, and honest in his shareholder letters and meetings about the mistakes he
has made. None of this has hurt in, and in fact, has helped him gain the trust of
his shareholders.
I know that hiding your flaws or weaknesses is a human instinct and being open
about them can feel very unnatural. You don’t have to volunteer all of your
flaws and weaknesses from the very beginning, but try your best to fight that
instinct to cover them up.
Reveal slight vulnerabilities or slightly embarrassing things naturally over time
with other people when they make sense, and you will find that other people
will come to trust you more than they already do. By you doing this, they will
also see your self-confidence shine through since someone who lacks self-
confidence could never do this, and instead, spends all their time trying to make
themselves look “cool”.
When revealing things about yourself, try to characterize them in a way that
almost make them “cool”, i.e. cool vulnerabilities.
For example, you may find out that another person that you respect was
previously a juvenile delinquent. When you find that out, at the right time of
course, it doesn’t actually turn you off about them, it actually makes them more
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 19

interesting. It ends up giving them more dimension as a person.

I’m not suggesting you go shoplifting at a candy store or anything like that, but
what I am saying is reveal your flaws and weaknesses strategically with others
and learn how to reframe them in a way that turns a weakness into a strength.
Again, if you want to take the first step towards improving your conversation
skills, including learning how to make use of “cool vulnerabilities”, click HERE
to check out my free “Conversation 101” report.
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#6: Indirectness
“In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect
methods will be needed in order to secure victory.”
-Sun Tzu
I talk extensively about the concept of indirectness in many of my courses
because it is THAT important. Indirectness is not only important in actual war
and verbal war, but it is one of the main pillars of having superior verbal skills.
Indirectness is not an optional technique; it is a foundation pillar upon which
exceptional verbal skills is built. Without it, you cannot hope to excel.
Let me say it again: Indirect speech is extremely important.
Here are some examples of indirect speech to show you why:

"We count on you to show leadership in our campaign.” -> Translation: “We
want your money.”
"Come up and check out my record collection.” -> Translation: Sexual come-on.

These are examples of an "indirect speech act”.  Socially intelligent know not to
say what they mean to say directly when there are high stakes. Instead, they
"veil" their meaning when necessary, and hope the other person will read
between the lines. Socially intelligent people also know to read between the
lines and look for indirect speech being used.

By using "indirect speech" instead of explicit/direct speech, the other person can
"reject" the proposition and still maintain the relationship. If instead, these things
were said directly, then there is no way for the person speaking to "save face" or
the the listener to turn down a request without potentially damaging the
relationship. 

If you want to be socially intelligent, it's very important to learn how to be

indirect both as a speaker and as a recipient (by always being aware of indirect
speech acts that others may be using).

There are other types of indirectness that are extremely important and powerful
in verbal skills, such as in metaphoric or figurative speech. If you want to learn
more about indirect metaphors, one of the top three most important types of
metaphors and arguably, the most important type, check out my course Master
of Metaphor. For a free preview of Master of Metaphor, click HERE.
There is also one other type of indirectness that lends itself to something that
many people aspire to, which is wit. A lot of people are confused about what
“wit” is, even though they know they want to have it.
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 21

Wit is the ability to say, in any given moment, that which is unexpected yet also
within the context of a particular conversation or discussion.
That was a lot of words, but what I mean by that is the wittiest people rarely say
what you expect them to say in any given moment, and that is why we perceive
them to be witty. This is what I also call “indirectness”. Witty people do not
respond to what other people say directly. Instead, they respond to other people
indirectly.
Let me give you a simple example of wit:
When people see each other, they tend to say “Hi, how are you doing?”
This conversation happens a billion times a day around the world. No wit. No
interest. No connection. Just extremely mundane.
Someone who is witty doesn’t say hello in the same way other people do.
Instead of saying “hi”, a person who uses indirectness, i.e. wit, would say “Well,
if it isn’t the entire Ya Ya Sisterhood” when encountered with a group of
women. You are saying the same thing as “hi”, but you are saying it indirectly,
and you are saying something nobody expects.
Here’s another example:
If somebody asked you about a traumatizing event: “How are you feeling about
that?” Instead of responding “I’m doing okay”, you could respond by saying:
“I’m finding out that they’re doing some amazing things with therapy these
days”. Do you see how that’s indirect and witty?
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 22

#7: Show, Not Tell

“Guns and politeness are much more effective than politeness alone.”
–Vladimir Putin
The Putin quote above is a bit absurd, but if there is nothing else you remember
from this book, I want you to remember these two sayings:
“Show, Not Tell.” or “Don’t Tell Me, Show Me.”
You may have heard these two phrases before.  No, I'm not talking about the
"show and tell" everyone had to do in elementary school. I am talking about the
formula to persuading and influencing others.
What "Show, Not Tell" means is that whenever you are trying to persuade
someone of something or merely communicating information, you don't want to
just TELL them.
Instead, you need to SHOW them.

Telling people what you want them to believe is not enough.  The most verbally
skilled people know to "show" as an ingrained habit. Words are not enough,
actionable proof is much better. Just like in Putin’s world, politeness is not
enough. If you want someone to do something, you need to bring out the big
guns.
In the world of persuasion and influence, showing is bringing out the big guns.

So, what do I mean by "showing"?  Here's an example:

Say you're trying to convince someone that smoking is bad for their health.
You can tell them that "Smoking kills 500 people a month". That's fine, but it’s
not particularly attention grabbing.

Or, you can show them by saying "Smoking kills over two jumbo jets full of
people a month".
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 23

The former is telling, the latter is showing. In this particular example, I used the
technique of providing a specific, interesting, and vivid detail to show what it is
I was trying to tell.

There are other great ways to SHOW as well, such as using metaphor, among
others.  Metaphoric speech is a “big gun” all to itself. If you want to learn how
to master metaphoric speaking, check out my course Master of Metaphor, and
also check out Tip #10 later in this book.

Implementing this one very crucial verbal skill is most one of the most important
and necessary steps that you must take if you want to become a verbal god (or
verbal goddess).
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 24

#8: Pre-Framing

“What we present first changes the way people experience what we present to
them next.”

“The main purpose of speech is to direct listeners’ attention to a selected sector

of reality.”

-Robert Cialdini

In a prior section, I wrote about “frames” and “framing”. This section is about
yet a different kind of framing, called pre-framing.

Pre-framing is an advanced verbal skill that I was not aware of until I started
paying attention to verbally skilled people around me and in this world.

Pre-framing is a powerful and simple tool that can influence the results in get in
every situation and experience you have. Most recently, a bestselling book
called “Pre-suasion” by Robert Cialdini was released which was virtually all
about this tool!

In a nutshell, before you try to persuade or influence others, you will be much
more effective if you create the ideal conditions for the other person to be
persuaded. There are many ways to create these ideal conditions, but pre-
framing is one method to create such conditions.

Specifically, pre-framing is where you create in your own and others’ minds
how a particular situation, interaction, experience, meeting, interview, and so
on will be, through the use of short and concise throwaway lines called “pre-
frames”.

For example, if you are trying to influence someone to come to a particular

conclusion, you want to word your pre-frames in a way that indicates the
conclusion is a fait accompli before you attempt to convince them of the
conclusion you are trying to reach.

Here are some examples of pre-framing statements/pre-frames:

“Let’s meet all of our objectives by the end of the meeting.”

“I know that we will all listen to each other here today.”

“I know that by the end of the workday, you will have achieved all of your
objectives.”
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 25

“As we all listen closely to each other, we will all learn from each other.”

“As we all focus on the goals of the business, we will have a very successful
month.”

“Just by us choosing to work together today makes we want to take action.”

“Because we have listened to each other, we will stay focused and all of our
needs will be met.”

“Everyone here has something to contribute to the interaction.”

“Because we all pitch in to meet the deadline, it will be easy to meet.”

There is no right or wrong way to pre-frame.

You just want to call attention to your desired outcome or desired behavior
using your pre-frame statement before you try to achieve an outcome or
behavior.

By putting others’ attention to the desired outcome or behavior, you maximize

your chances of achieving the outcome you want.

There are also other ways to use pre-framing such as in discussing difficult or
sensitive topics. For example, it is socially intelligent to announce to others (by
pre-framing) when you are about to tell them something they may not want to
hear.

Here's an example of how you could pre-frame a sensitive topic: ”I'll get off my
soapbox right after this, but ...[insert sensitive topic].”

This pre-frame puts someone into the frame of mind to receive the discussion.

There is also a verbal technique called the "sandwich technique" which is used
when delivering bad news. The way it works is that you deliver a piece of good
news first, then you deliver the bad news, and then you close by delivering
another piece of good news. The two "slices" of good news ends up wrapping
the piece of bad news and lessening it's impact. The first piece of good news
is...yes, you guessed it, a way to pre-frame.

There are many ways to use pre-framing and if you want to learn more about
this powerful technique, check out my course Verbal Domination.
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 26

#9 Targeting
By my twenties, I would relish the challenge of chaste maids and the search
for the correct combination of words required to decode their moral resistance.”

-Russell Brand

“Targeting” means simply to know at all times who you are talking to or dealing
with. You can learn all the verbal skills in the world, but if you don’t tailor your
approach to the person, then you are not maximizing your skills or your ability
to persuade and influence others.
Just like the “chaste maids” that Russell Brand tried to court, every single person
has a certain way they like or need to be persuaded, influenced, or charmed.
And, if you aspire to become a verbal god (or verbal goddess), you need to be
aware of and take advantage of this very important fact.
For example, my best friend from law school is somebody who must be
persuaded using stone, cold logic (a “thinker”). In arguing with him over a
million things, I have learned that he doesn’t fall prey to or use cognitive biases
in his decision making that other people tend to use, so if I want to persuade
him of something, I have to painstakingly find evidence and then make a logical
argument in order to convince him.
Ironically, what I have found out is that he’s more susceptible to believing news,
whether it’s real or not, as long as he believes there is some objective source out
there reporting certain “information”.
My mom, on the other hand, is a completely emotional decision maker (a
“feeler”). If I want to convince her of something, I know I need to stoke a little
bit of fear, especially fear or loss, or mention that one of her friends or someone
she respects has done something. If she hears that, she’ll immediately be
triggered to do what that other person does.
My point here is that you always need to understand who you are dealing with.
While I don’t condone manipulating other people, I do believe that if you want
to help others do what’s best for them, you have to know how to push their
buttons (and what buttons to push) in a way that that helps you achieve the
result that helps them the most.
In dealing with other people, you need to understand whether they are
“thinkers” or “feelers”. Some people are a combination of both, but my point is
that you need to know who you are dealing with. I will say that in my
experience, most people though value emotion over rationality.
Of course, the dimensions of people are not as simplistic as “thinkers” versus
“feelers”. There are many other dimensions of people that we should seek to
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 27

understand.
Now, there are a lot of personality type systems out there that can help you
learn how to type people. Here are a few prominent ones that you can learn
more about on your own time:
• MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)
• Big Five
• Enneagram / Enneagram of Personality
• DISC

As you can see there are many personality typing systems. And believe it or not,
there are quite a few others than the ones listed here!

Having said that, the system you use or learn isn’t what’s important here.
What’s important is that become acutely aware of the people you interact with
and their own specific personalities, and that you remember to always tailor and
target your approach towards each of them.
I promise that learning to type the people you interact with and tailoring your
persuasion and influence approaches to them specifically will pay massive
dividends. When it feels like you are just bashing your head in repeatedly when
trying to persuade or influence someone, it probably means you have not hit on
the right triggers or pushed the correct buttons for that person. Take a step back
and figure out what kind of person they are, and how they would prefer to be
persuaded or influenced.
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 28

#10: Figurative / Metaphoric Speech

“Metaphors are much more tenacious than facts.”

-Paul De Man

“Metaphors have a way of holding the most truth in the least space.”
-Orson Scott Card

In a previous section, I wrote about the essential concept of “showing, not

telling” and I strongly emphasized that this skill was a “must learn”. You won’t
go far in this world if you don’t learn to show people and not tell people.

In the realm of “showing, not telling”, while there are many ways to “show”,
metaphoric or figurative speech is the showiest of them all. Literal speech is
literally telling, and metaphoric speech is the best way to avoid telling, and
instead be showing.

Most people try to persuade and influence others using literal speech, and they
have no idea why their persuasive attempts fall flat. I too have been frustrated
too many times by my forays into literal language, and it was not until I
discovered the true power of metaphoric speech when my own verbal skills,
especially persuasion skills, became supercharged. There really is no way to
truly become great at persuasion and influence if you are not also great at
metaphoric speech.

It is said that “If you want to change the world, then change the metaphor”.
Here’s an example:

At the start of the “Space Race”, President John F. Kennedy announced that the
United States was going to be at the front of the movement by famously saying:
“America has tossed its cap over the wall of space!”

This metaphor of “tossing its cap” was Kennedy’s declaration that the US was
going all in order to make the world’s first successful trip to the moon, and this
metaphoric declaration allowed him to gain the support he needed to spend US
taxpayer money on the space program that he did not have prior to the speech.
And, the rest is history.

There are also many examples of history altering metaphors.

Now, you may not have grand aspirations to make history, but on a smaller
scale, becoming masterful at metaphoric speech will immediately make you
more persuasive and influential with the people around you.

This is not a course on metaphors, but let me share with you a three-step
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 29

process from my course on metaphoric speech, Master of Metaphor, to

immediately make your own mundane metaphors more masterful:

Let's say you are trying to come up with a metaphor for someone is cheap. What
is the first mundane metaphor you can think of to describe someone like that?

Let's go with "He's a regular old Scrooge", which is a reference to one of the
most famous cheapasses in literature.

At this point, this is just a mundane metaphor. It gets the point across, but it’s
nothing special, and it certainly makes little impact.

So, how do we make this mundane metaphor better? Here are the three steps:

Step 1: Make More Vivid/Detailed

The first step in rehabilitating a tired metaphor is to give it the metaphoric

equivalent of a Red Bull energy drink, which is to make the metaphor more
vivid and detailed. People just tend to stop much too early when developing a
metaphor and they settle for mediocrity far too often.

So, in this first step, “He's a regular old Scrooge" becomes "He's such a cranky,
penny-pinching, miserly Scrooge". Okay, this is slightly better.

Step 2: Make It Even More Vivid/Exaggerated

Now, in this second step, you are going to make the already better metaphor
even better by adding even more detail and maybe even some exaggeration:

”He's such cranky, a penny-pinching, miserly Scrooge" becomes "He's so

cranky, penny-pinching, and miserly even Scrooge can't stand him/it".

Step 3: Make It Active

In this third step, you are going to change the metaphor from one where the
character is static to one where the character is in action. Just like what you
learned in English class, active voice is better than passive voice, an active
metaphor is always better than a static metaphor.

So, ”He's so cranky and penny pinching even Scrooge can't stand him/it"
becomes "Even Scrooge detests him so much, Scrooge is going to arrange for the
Ghost of Christmas Past to pay him a visit."

Now, this mundane metaphor is already much better, but there are other ways
you can take it from here that you can learn in my course Master of Metaphor.
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 30

For a free preview of Master of Metaphor, click HERE.

 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 31

CHAPTER THREE
Conclusion

CONCLUSION

Thank you for reading Verbal Self Defense 101! I hope you enjoyed the “tasting
meal” I just served you.

More importantly, I hope you start working on these ten skills and making them
habits for yourself. I promise you that the deliberate practice and use of these
skills will pay massive dividends over time.

Now, don’t think that your education in verbal skills ends today.

Again, this is just an introduction, an appetizer of sorts, to developing and

excelling in verbal skills. In order to truly excel in verbal skills, you will need to
deepen your knowledge of each of tthe areas laid out in this book, and also
acquire other verbal skills, such as wit, storytelling, verbal fluency, and others.

For further study, check out my books and courses (also listed at the end of this
book) and also check out my Resources page where I list out some other
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 32

resources on various verbal skills topics that I recommend. I will be constantly

updating this page with resources as I discover them.

Best wishes to you on your journey towards becoming a verbal god (or verbal
goddess)!

To winning,
Min Liu

NEXT STEPS

———————————————

SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel, The Art of Verbal War, where people learn
to EXCEL at verbal skills at www.youtube.com/artofverbalwar

CONNECT with me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/artofverbalwar or on

Twitter at www.twitter.com/artofverbalwar

READ MORE about verbal skills, power, persuasion, and influence at my blog at
www.artofverbalwar.com/blog

CHECK OUT my other books at www.artofverbalwar.com/books and my

courses at www.artofverbalwar.com/courses

VIEW my resources page where I recommend some other verbal skills

resources at www.artofverbalwar.com/resources

SEND ME A MESSAGE at [email protected]

———————————————
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 33

ABOUT MIN LIU

Min Liu is a corporate lawyer, Amazon #1 bestselling author, and the founder of
The Art of Verbal War, where people learn to EXCEL in verbal skills.

Based in San Francisco, CA, Min's burning ambition is to teach like-minded

people how to give their gifts and value to the world by helping them become
EXCEPTIONAL in verbal skills, persuasion, influence and power.

In the words of his readers, he's the "older brother you've never had", and as a

real-life big brother himself, his mission is to show you the ropes in all the things
school never taught you.

He's especially aroused by basketball, meditation, reading books on psychology

and inspirational people, people who are value givers, and most of all,
constantly breaking out of his comfort zone and helping others break out of
theirs.  On the other hand, he despises value suckers, mediocre mindsets, and
most of all, wearing sweaters.

Media, speaking, one-to-one coaching requests, or other inquiries can be sent to

[email protected].
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 34

ALSO BY MIN LIU

BOOKS

PEOPLE GAMES AT WORK

The definitive guide to dealing with workplace bullying and power games at
work

THE KING’S MINDSET: TWENTY MINDSETS TO TRANSFORM ORDINARY

MEN INTO KINGS
The ambitious man’s “roadmap” to extraordinary success in life

VERBAL SELF DEFENSE 101

An introduction to verbal self-defense and dealing with verbal attacks and
insults

THE NEW ART OF BEING RIGHT: 38 WAYS TO WIN AN ARGUMENT IN

TODAY’S WORLD
A reimagined version of Arthur Schopenhauer’s “Art of Being Right”, a playbook
of strategies and tactics to help you win arguments and debates in today’s
complicated society

VOCAL SUPERSTAR: HOW TO DEVELOP A HIGH STATUS VOICE

Learn ten steps to develop a high status voice that will increase your influence
and authority

PEOPLE GAMES: THE TEN MOST COMMON POWER PLAYS AND MIND
GAMES THAT PEOPLE PLAY
Learn how to defend yourself from mind games and power plays

THE HIGH VALUE MAN: PRINCIPLES OF POSITIVE MASCULINITY

Learn how to become a “man in demand”

To learn more about the books and other books:

www.artofverbalwar.com/books

COURSES
 Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 35

VERBAL SELF DEFENSE FOR THE SOCIALLY INTELLIGENT

An online course about defending yourself from verbal bullying, attacks, and
insults with wit and social intelligence

VERBAL DOMINATION
An online course about dominating and winning verbal confrontations

THE HARVEY SPECTER GUIDE

An online course about how to win big in life and business, inspired by the
main character of the TV show “Suits”

THE HANK MOODY GUIDE TO WIT

An online course about how to ignite your wit and charm, inspired by the most
charming man on TV, Hank Moody of “Californication”

MASTER OF METAPHOR
An online course about mastering the verbal superpower of figurative speech

To learn more about these courses and other courses:

www.artofverbalwar.com/courses