Priyanka Erripothu

Pearl Diving: Let’s Get Engaged

Do I have a best friend? Do I have a best friend at work? Is my best friend in my personal life and
professional life the same person? The answer is “Yes”. I have a best friend and my best friend in
both personal and professional life is the same. What is the secret of a successful career? Purpose?
Job Satisfaction? Income? All these are true but only to some extent. Investing more in
relationships is important to stay happy at work (Cross, 2019). Relationships also increase
employee retention, engagement, reduce burnouts, reduce stress, and improve the overall
performance (Cross, 2019). Employee engagement does not mean employee happiness or employee
satisfaction. Employee engagement refers to the emotional commitment an employee has towards
the organization and its goals (Kruse, 2012). As humans, our demand for social connections is
natural. According to Gallup Organization, a person with a best friend at work is 7 times more
likely to be engaged at work (Davis J. S., 2022). We spend nearly one-third of our time and one-
third of our lives at work, good relationships at work will make our job more enjoying and engaging
(Building Good Work Relationships, Making Work Enjoyable and Productive, n.d.). One doesn’t
need to have a BFF at work, but it’s good and important to have a best friend (Davis J. S., 2022).

1. Study the various best friend at work roles listed there and identify who currently fills that role
for you.  

Who does this for Who do you do this

Type Description
you? for?
Kishore Kishore
Builder Pushes you to perform

Kishore Kishore
Champion Stands up for you

Nirmal Nirmal
Collaborator Has similar interests

Adersh Kishore, Adersh

Companion Shares good and bad

Introduces you to useful - -

Connector
people
Siva Kumar, Nirmal Maheshwari, Nirmal
Energizer Gives you a boost

Encourages you to try - -

Mind opener
new things
Keeps you headed in the - -
Navigator
right direction
Priyanka Erripothu

I am a graduate student pursuing a master’s in Civil and Environmental Engineering, majoring in

Project Management. After my undergraduate studies in 2018, I was enthralled to work at the
Engineering Design and Research Centre (EDRC) of Larsen & Toubro (L&T) Construction.
Working at L&T for 3 years, I can say that life there was arduous yet satisfying and engaging as I
always wanted experience in the construction industry. Can I say I was completed engaged in my
work or is it just because of me being satisfied with my job? I am an INFJ by Myers Briggs
Personality Type. I was always an introvert. When I joined L&T in 2018, 8 other undergraduate and
graduate students joined the company. I was so excited about my work. As an engineer, I always
focused on increasing my technical knowledge. This continued for 6 months. I had minimal
interaction with people at work. Until finally, one day I went to the sports ground to play cricket. I
always liked playing outdoor games. But being an introvert, I never approached anyone to
accompany me. I met Maheshwari and Nirmal at the sports ground. They joined the company with
me. Through Maheshwari, I got to know Kishore. Till then, I always used to have coffee and lunch
alone at my desk. The 1st 9 months at L&T were just for technical training. I was asked to work on
an ongoing project after my 1st 9 months. Siva Kumar was my manager on various projects, and I
was working under him. Mr. Siva Kumar was so skeptical to consider me to work under him. I did
have very good technical knowledge; however, I have been a bad team player.

I have best friends at work. Out of all the Gallup Q 12 statements, “I have a best friend at work” has
always been a controversial and skeptical statement in minds of many people (Gallup, n.d.). Many
companies support office bonding through free or team lunches and corporate retreats (Seppala &
King, 2017). Gallup says Managers should not try to build relationships or force team members to
be friends. Managers should create situations and organize events where team members can know
each other and bond. My grandfather was a diehard fan of cricket and I developed an interest in it
too. My manager asked me why I like going out with people, hanging out with friends, or playing
sports. I told him I like cricket and he organized a cricket event where all the team members could
meet. I interacted with my team members and made good friends. I have 7 close friends and 3 out of
7 are my coworkers from my previous company. If truth be told, out of 3 best friends I made at
work, one is my significant other. In 2019, I was recognized as the “Top Performing Candidate”.
From being an introvert who worked because she was satisfied changed to a top-performing
candidate. I was enjoying my work, but I was not able to find that connection or a larger purpose to
my work. During short deadlines, I used to have anxiety issues and emotional breakdowns. Kishore
always supported me like a pillar and pushed me to go beyond my reach and perform well. He
always appreciated me and stood by my side to encourage me. Initially, I was not experienced with
STAAD Pro and Auto CAD. The other team members had quite a bit of knowledge of this
software. Siva Kumar (Manager) and Nirmal (Coworker) always supported and boosted me to learn
more. I was afraid to take up responsibility in a team, but they guided me and energized me to learn
and work. I love civil engineering and I always try to go out of my comfort zone to learn and
explore the field. Nirmal and I share a lot of common interests in this field. We always used to work
together and share our ideas on new projects. He always appreciated my work. He always
challenged me, built up my ideas, and supported me.

Friends help each other in different ways (Davis J. S., 2022). Everyone brings in something
different to a relationship. When I was filling in this role, I shared it with my best friends at work
and asked them to fill it for me. Kishore was not a companion for me. However, I was a companion
for him. I always accompanied him through his good and bad. I helped him when he had stressful
work at the office. I helped him with his structure designs when he was trying to figure out the
design issues. I congratulated him when he was successful in getting the tender project.
Priyanka Erripothu

2. Analyze gaps in your best friends at work portfolio and make a specific action plan to fill in
those gaps. 

Who does this for

Type Description
you?
Kishore
Builder Pushes you to perform

Kishore
Champion Stands up for you

Nirmal
Collaborator Has similar interests

Adersh
Companion Shares good and bad

Introduces you to useful

Connector
people
Siva Kumar, Nirmal
Energizer Gives you a boost

Encourages you to try

Mind opener
new things
Keeps you headed in the
Navigator
right direction

Our well-being depends on others, and we may not like it (Lee, 2020). But it’s a fact. I had best
friends at work. They were responsible for me to be engaged at work, be happy, and be satisfied
with my job. I was fortunate to find best friends at work, however, they could not fill in all the roles
for me. I did not find anyone to date, who could be my connector, mind opener, and navigator. As
mentioned above, the best friends who filled in other roles may also fill in these roles or tried to fill
them too. My circle was always confined to the people of our group, the people who joined L&T
with me. My best friends do have the credibility to be my mind opener and navigator, but I never
felt like they could be my connector.
Priyanka Erripothu

1. I always thought I was quite self-aware, but My PAMS results (2nd quartile with a score of
23/30 in self-awareness) contradicted my beliefs. My self-awareness assessment shows that
I stand in the 4th quartile (Score 29/35) for self-disclosure and 3rd quartile (Score 32/35) for
self-understanding. During my job as an engineer, critical feedback would offend me often
instead of me taking it as a way for improvement. I attribute this to the absence of my self-
disclosure in trusting conversations at work. I always used to be afraid of taking up new and
challenging projects, as I will blame myself if anything goes wrong. I always feared external
feedback and external influence. For this reason, I could not consider anyone filling the
navigator role for me. I am a person with low self-disclosure, which might be the same issue
with my best friends. To fill in the role of navigator, I should make the conversations safe.
My friend should be able to trust that I respect his/her opinion and I know that they care for
me and want me to head in the right direction. It is important that I develop a mutual
purpose. The fact is I do not have a navigator and I was not a navigator for any.
My action to fill in the navigator role is that I will call one coworker every weekend
that I consider my best friends and share my story. Self-disclosure is a two-way street (Bro,
2016). When we see someone sharing their personal story with us we feel special, we feel
we are important to them and we trust them. In this way, we start sharing our stories. A
mutual purpose must be developed to create a safe environment (Patterson, Gerry, &
McMillan, 2002, pp. 83-110). Once a mutual purpose is developed, we maintain mutual
respect, which allows us to consider them credible and take feedback in the right way.
Mutual Purpose can be established by following CRIB, Commit, Recognize, Invent, and
Brainstorm (Patterson, Gerry, & McMillan, 2002, pp. 83-110). By sharing my story with
them, I can build trust, and let them know about my dreams, goals, and situations. In this
way, they will state their story and ask for my feedback. To fill the role of navigator, we
should be able to take external feedback, evaluate it, and implement it to move on the right
track. This small action of my self-disclosing and sharing my story will help me to develop
a mutual purpose and in return help me find my navigator.

2. I am an INFJ by Myers Briggs Personality Type. I was always an introvert. I don’t prefer
attending social gatherings and events. I don’t like interacting with new people. I fear
change and challenges. I stand in the 3rd quartile with 2.8/5 for tolerance to ambiguity. I
always spend time with people whom I share similar interests with. This hinders me from
interacting with new people. Mind openers expand your horizon by raising and challenging
your opinions. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as this helps us see new perspectives,
broaden our mind and thinking. It also helps us be more receptive to others’ ideas. Having
such a friend is essential as we can share anything that pops in our mind without being
afraid that it may offend or sound stupid to this friend. There is safety for you in this person
allowing one to think out loud. Even if a topic is controversial, we can talk about it to this
friend to know their perspective and understand (PromiseKeepers, 2018).

The easiest way one can find or locate a mind opener friend is by sharing your ideas
with them. This can be considered like putting a toe in water to test. With that, we can get a
better estimate of how a friend is going to react. If the friend reacts in a positive way, i.e.
raising challenging questions respectfully, offers their perspective and encourages us to
think broadly, it means that person can be a mind-opener. At work, we can employ this to
locate a mind opener friend is during brainstorming sessions. My specific action is to attend
every brainstorming session or project meeting that I am involved in and suggest/propose a
Priyanka Erripothu

new idea. Then I would look out for colleagues who challenge my ideas, and offer their
perspective on this topic, all the while being respectful to my opinions. In such a setting,
mind openers arise which make the team effective and discussions fruitful (Rath, 2006).

3. After completing my undergraduate study in 2018, I was providential to land a job at the
Engineering Design and Research Centre (EDRC) division of Larsen and Toubro (L&T)
Ltd. I did my undergraduate study at Visveswaraya National Institute of Technology
(VNIT), India. At VNIT, I was in the top 40 students in the Civil Engineering Department.
Back in India, various organizations and companies come to the university to hire students.
Back then I never knew the importance of networking and making connections. Till I join
L&T I never had a LinkedIn profile. I was inactive on social media. All the contacts I had
were my team at L&T. I never actually organized my contacts and tried to know the
progress of the people in my network. This is the reason, why I could not fill in the
Connector role. Connectors help us to expand our network and get access to various new
resources (Rath, 2006). My small step to fill in the role of the connector will have a very big
impact on my professional life.

My specific action plan to fill in the connector role is to be active on social media
and organize by contacts every weekend. The two main audiences of social media are
individuals and organizations. Social Media is a platform for instant interactive
communications and mass collaboration (Faulkner & Nierenberg, 2017). By being on social
media and organizing the contacts in my organization, I will be able to follow up with my
connections. I will be well aware of whom to approach to share my interests and goals with
others to increase my network. A small action like being active on social media and
organizing my contacts from my network is the biggest impact with a small effort. This
action will set a foundation to find my connector.

3. Conclude with what the expected benefits are likely to be to you personally and professionally
and to your team or your organization if you increase your best friends at work.

How should a workplace be? Make one get more involved or make one want to go home? For
me, my workplace should help me get more involved. I should be emotionally attached to my
organization, job role, colleagues, and place of work. Engagement is the emotional attachment
of an employee towards their work, their colleagues, and their organization (Davis J. , Let's Get
Engaged: Dedication, Absorption and Flow, 2022). Higher Engagement improves the Key
Performance Index (KPI) (Davis J. , Let's Get Engaged: Dedication, Absorption and Flow,
2022). One element of human nature that cannot be separated from our lives and work is our
requirement for social connection. The main part of a human being is to attain social well-being
(Gallup, n.d.). We spend a great deal of time at work, we should build strong relationships with
the people we work with. Many managers consider having best friends at work is a
controversial point (Gallup, n.d.). But, it’s all worth it. Having a best friend at work benefits a
person both personally and professionally.

Many managers disapprove of best friends and close relationships at work (Davis J. S., 2022).
Best Managers don’t force or try to build friendships at work (Gallup, n.d.). Managers provide
and create opportunities for teams and team members to interact and connect with each other.
These opportunities will glue the team, let them know each other on emotional points, and share
information. A person with a best friend at work has a chance of being 7 times engaged at work
(Davis J. S., 2022) (Lighthouse, n.d.). Having a best friend at work will help me to improve and
Priyanka Erripothu

produce higher quality work. They share a lot of information and help to maintain higher well-
being. Having a best friend at work helps me to establish mutual purpose and respect for each
other. The conflict resolving and decision making will be more accurate, as we can sit and
discuss without fear or favor. These relationships will establish trust, ethics, and integrity
among coworkers. By having a best friend, I can experience more positive emotions and fewer
negative emotions. I will enjoy what I do, show more progress, and also appreciate each other
for success. Age group 18-24 improve happiness, be motivated and be more productive by
having best friends at work (Lighthouse, n.d.). As we spend a lot of time at work, the
development of good and strong bonds increases employee morale (McFarlin, 2019). Teams in
which the members are glued together, show better teamwork, collaboration and productivity.
Having a best friend at work, boosts and energizes me to get to work, I look forward to work
and growing, they look forward to meeting their best friends. Work friendship improves job
satisfaction. Having a best friend will promote friendly challenges to improve (Kaado, 2022).
These relationships reduce burnouts and improve the mental and emotional well-being of
employees (Kaado, 2022). I stand in the 3rd quartile (Score – 27) for stress management skill in
the PAMS assessment. This was unsurprising to me as I had realized I always lacked effective
methods to manage stress. I am always more concerned about my results than the process.
Having a best friend, who always appreciate my work, help me in a stressful situation, and share
skills and knowledge will help me to manage stress and produce good results. According to my
PAMS results, I stand in 3rd quartile with 57/72 in solving problems creatively. By having a
best friend I will not just focus on my progress, interact with the team, feel relaxed to share my
thoughts, and show complete acceptance and appreciation for their thoughts. This will help me
to be more creative and help me to reach my PAMS SMART Goal. I might have good ideas and
thoughts, but having a best friend will help me to analyze my thought and also get external
feedback. By considering this feedback I can improve and grow. Having best friends and strong
relationships at work will improve performance, trust, and loyalty towards the company
(Gallup, n.d.). Employees will be more engaged and have an emotional commitment towards
the company, job, and their job. It improves the individual's happiness at work and job
satisfaction. As a whole, having a best friend at work will help me grow, be engaged, be
satisfied with my job, improve my mental and emotional stability, build a strong network, build
trust, focus more on work and be a better employee. It helps my team to glue together, work
better, share information, bring innovative ideas, collaborate, better decisions making, boost
productivity and reduce burnouts in the team. The organization will have better productivity,
inculcate culture, ethics, and integrity, increase profits, reduce employee turnover and improve
the overall business.

I have 3 best friends at work and having these best friends benefited me a lot in my personal
life. Having positive and strong relationships at work will improve our health (Team, 2021). I
always suffered from severe migraines at work. My best friends at work took very good care of
me. I was staying away from my family and home. It was these 3 friends who helped me when
suffering from health issues. They used to accompany me to meditation and yoga classes. They
always supported me not just in my professional life but personal life too. When I decided to
pursue higher education in the USA, my family was against it initially. These best friends who
filled the roles of a builder, companion, and energizer were there with me supporting,
motivating, and boosting me. I have very few friends in my life and I am an introvert. I am not
active on social media, interact less with new people, and am scared of change. My self-
awareness assessment shows that I stand in the 4th quartile (Score 29/35) for self-disclosure and
3rd quartile (Score 32/35) for self-understanding. In PAMS results I stand in 2nd quartile with a
score of 23/30 in self-awareness. I have moderate levels of core self-evaluation with 3.9/5
Priyanka Erripothu

standing in 3rd quartile. I have a low level of tolerance to ambiguity with 2.8/5 standing in 3 rd
quartile. Being an introvert with fewer friends, it is these friends who always gave me critical
feedback by making a safe environment for discussion. Having best friends at work, by taking
constructive feedback, I can improve my self-understanding. They always encourage me to
share my story by sharing their story. This helped me to improve my self-disclosure. By going
to social events outside work with these people, I always interacted with people from different
cultures and backgrounds. I expanded my horizon and went out of my comfort zone to interact
with people. Everyone has a baggage of stories in personal life, and many people go to the
office because they get to see their best friends and increase their positive emotions, the same
was with me. I had a lot going on in my personal life when at L&T. My negative emotions
dominated my positive emotions, I was going through stress and mental health issues. It is these
friends who helped me to improve my well-being and overall positive emotions. There is a lot
of controversy on the “water cooler effect”. It is these water cooler and coffee break chit-chats
that help people to form personal and emotional bonds. They get to know in-depth about each-
others personal life.

To conclude, having best friends at work has enormous benefits both in personal and
professional life. However, having quality friends- “best friends” is important over the quantity
of friends (Today, 2019). People are fortunate If they have best friends at work. It helps an
individual to improve self-awareness, increase tolerance to ambiguity, improve both mental and
physical health, take constructive feedback, and work for improvement. On the professional
level, it helps an individual to grow, engage, improve, and have an emotional commitment
towards the company. Teams that encourage best friends at work grow and improve
productivity at the same time increase productivity, lower employee turnover, and improve the
overall business of the organization.
Priyanka Erripothu

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