ATYD Book Three
ATYD Book Three
ATYD Book Three
Book 3
BOOK THREE
Table of Contents
Book Three ......................................................................................5
CHAPTER
ONE HUNDRED & THIRTY-
FOUR
VALENTINE'S DAY
You think I'm a lame duck
But I don't give a blue fuck
So you leave me like crazy
Drive me to be lazy.
I love you, you big dummy!
I love you you big dummy!
11
134 • Valentine’s Day
12
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
13
134 • Valentine’s Day
14
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
15
134 • Valentine’s Day
16
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
17
134 • Valentine’s Day
18
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
19
134 • Valentine’s Day
20
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
21
134 • Valentine’s Day
22
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
23
135 • The Marauder’s Inter-house Prank Planning Co-operative
24
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
25
135 • The Marauder’s Inter-house Prank Planning Co-operative
26
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
27
135 • The Marauder’s Inter-house Prank Planning Co-operative
28
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
29
135 • The Marauder’s Inter-house Prank Planning Co-operative
30
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
31
135 • The Marauder’s Inter-house Prank Planning Co-operative
32
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
MIND GAMES
Chapter Warning - really negative internal thoughts.
33
136 • Mind Games
34
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
35
136 • Mind Games
36
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
37
136 • Mind Games
38
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
39
136 • Mind Games
40
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
41
136 • Mind Games
42
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
43
137 • Remus the Martyr
44
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
45
137 • Remus the Martyr
46
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
47
137 • Remus the Martyr
48
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
49
137 • Remus the Martyr
50
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
51
137 • Remus the Martyr
52
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
HOPE
Chapter Warning - quite sad, and deals with family things as well as illness
54
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
Dear Remus,
have been unwell, and I have not been at home to receive post.
my darling, but I would love to hear how you are getting on.
Love Mum.
55
138 • Hope
56
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
57
138 • Hope
58
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
59
138 • Hope
60
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
61
138 • Hope
62
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
63
138 • Hope
64
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
65
138 • Hope
66
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
DRUNKARDS
67
139 • Drunkards
68
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
69
139 • Drunkards
70
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
71
139 • Drunkards
72
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
73
139 • Drunkards
74
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
75
139 • Drunkards
76
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
BRILLIANT IDEAS
77
140 • Brilliant Ideas
78
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
79
140 • Brilliant Ideas
80
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
81
140 • Brilliant Ideas
82
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
83
140 • Brilliant Ideas
84
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
STAR STAR
85
141 • Star Star
86
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
87
141 • Star Star
88
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
89
141 • Star Star
90
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
91
141 • Star Star
92
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
93
141 • Star Star
94
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
HOSPITAL VISITS
95
142 • Hospital Visits
96
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
97
142 • Hospital Visits
98
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
99
142 • Hospital Visits
100
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
101
142 • Hospital Visits
102
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
BREAKDOWN
103
143 • Breakdown
104
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
105
143 • Breakdown
106
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
107
143 • Breakdown
108
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
109
143 • Breakdown
110
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
111
143 • Breakdown
112
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
CHOICES
113
144 • Choices
114
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
115
144 • Choices
116
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
117
144 • Choices
118
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
119
144 • Choices
120
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
121
144 • Choices
122
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
123
144 • Choices
124
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
WHAT WE LACK
Later - after the war was over and everything else was over too -
Remus would wonder whether things might have gone
differently if he and Sirius had left school then. Perhaps
they could have kept each other closer, or by removing
themselves they could have kept other people safer.
For years and years afterwards, once the agony of all those
funerals and obituaries and memorials and speeches had
faded, Remus would be left with memories of his last
months at Hogwarts, when they had been stupid and
naive and indescribably happy without even knowing it.
125
145 • What We Lack
126
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
127
145 • What We Lack
128
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
129
145 • What We Lack
130
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
131
145 • What We Lack
132
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
SUPEREGO
133
146 • Super Ego
134
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
135
146 • Super Ego
136
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
137
146 • Super Ego
138
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
139
146 • Super Ego
140
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
141
146 • Super Ego
142
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
143
147 • Night and Day
144
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
145
147 • Night and Day
146
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
147
147 • Night and Day
148
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
149
147 • Night and Day
150
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
151
147 • Night and Day
152
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
THE FINAL
153
148 • The Final
154
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
155
148 • The Final
156
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
157
148 • The Final
158
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
159
148 • The Final
160
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
161
148 • The Final
162
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
163
148 • The Final
164
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
165
148 • The Final
166
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
167
148 • The Final
168
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
169
148 • The Final
170
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
171
149 • Legacy – Part One
172
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
173
149 • Legacy – Part One
174
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
175
149 • Legacy – Part One
176
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
177
149 • Legacy – Part One
178
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
179
149 • Legacy – Part One
180
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
CHAPTER
So here we are...
With freedom within our sweaty, greedy, grasps.
So remember this, boys and girls,
When your freedom comes along...
Don't
Pish
in the water supply,
Just because... school is out for the summer…
181
150 • Legacy – Part Two
182
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
183
150 • Legacy – Part Two
184
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
185
150 • Legacy – Part Two
186
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
187
150 • Legacy – Part Two
188
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
189
150 • Legacy – Part Two
190
Seventh Year, 1977 – 1978
191
150 • Legacy – Part Two
192
The War
1978 – 1981
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
JULY 1978
195
151 • July 1978
196
The War, 1978 – 1981
197
151 • July 1978
198
The War, 1978 – 1981
199
151 • July 1978
200
The War, 1978 – 1981
201
151 • July 1978
202
The War, 1978 – 1981
203
151 • July 1978
204
The War, 1978 – 1981
205
151 • July 1978
206
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
INFILTRATION
Chapter Warning: Big tone shift - there's a war on, after all.
Whatever happened to
All of the heroes?
All the Shakespeare-os?
They watched their Rome burn.
Whatever happened to the heroes?
Whatever happened to the heroes?
No more heroes any more
No more heroes any more
207
152 • Infiltration
208
The War, 1978 – 1981
209
152 • Infiltration
210
The War, 1978 – 1981
211
152 • Infiltration
212
The War, 1978 – 1981
213
152 • Infiltration
214
The War, 1978 – 1981
215
152 • Infiltration
216
The War, 1978 – 1981
217
152 • Infiltration
218
The War, 1978 – 1981
219
152 • Infiltration
220
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
HOME FRONT
221
153 • Home Front
222
The War, 1978 – 1981
223
153 • Home Front
224
The War, 1978 – 1981
225
153 • Home Front
226
The War, 1978 – 1981
227
153 • Home Front
228
The War, 1978 – 1981
229
153 • Home Front
230
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
AUTUMN 1978
231
154 • Autumn 1978
232
The War, 1978 – 1981
233
154 • Autumn 1978
234
The War, 1978 – 1981
235
154 • Autumn 1978
236
The War, 1978 – 1981
237
154 • Autumn 1978
238
The War, 1978 – 1981
239
154 • Autumn 1978
240
The War, 1978 – 1981
241
154 • Autumn 1978
242
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
WINTER 1978-1979
and a funeral.
243
155 • Winter 1978-1979
244
The War, 1978 – 1981
245
155 • Winter 1978-1979
246
The War, 1978 – 1981
247
155 • Winter 1978-1979
248
The War, 1978 – 1981
249
155 • Winter 1978-1979
250
The War, 1978 – 1981
251
155 • Winter 1978-1979
252
The War, 1978 – 1981
253
155 • Winter 1978-1979
254
The War, 1978 – 1981
255
155 • Winter 1978-1979
256
The War, 1978 – 1981
257
155 • Winter 1978-1979
258
The War, 1978 – 1981
259
155 • Winter 1978-1979
260
The War, 1978 – 1981
261
155 • Winter 1978-1979
Remus.
My condolences.
Please meet me at the Auror’s Office at 9am on Monday.
A. Moody.
262
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
AUROR HEADQUARTERS
263
156 • Auror Headquarters
264
The War, 1978 – 1981
265
156 • Auror Headquarters
266
The War, 1978 – 1981
267
156 • Auror Headquarters
268
The War, 1978 – 1981
269
156 • Auror Headquarters
270
The War, 1978 – 1981
271
156 • Auror Headquarters
272
The War, 1978 – 1981
273
156 • Auror Headquarters
274
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
THE PACK
275
157 • The Pack
276
The War, 1978 – 1981
277
157 • The Pack
278
The War, 1978 – 1981
279
157 • The Pack
280
The War, 1978 – 1981
281
157 • The Pack
282
The War, 1978 – 1981
283
157 • The Pack
284
The War, 1978 – 1981
285
157 • The Pack
286
The War, 1978 – 1981
287
157 • The Pack
288
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
CAPTIVE
289
158 • Captive
290
The War, 1978 – 1981
291
158 • Captive
292
The War, 1978 – 1981
293
158 • Captive
294
The War, 1978 – 1981
295
158 • Captive
296
The War, 1978 – 1981
297
158 • Captive
298
The War, 1978 – 1981
299
158 • Captive
300
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
SUBMISSION
Chapter Warning – Lots of nasty stuff in here; Remus is imprisoned and alone,
he has some very dark/depressive thoughts. Also some negative body image stuff,
301
159 • Submission
302
The War, 1978 – 1981
303
159 • Submission
304
The War, 1978 – 1981
305
159 • Submission
306
The War, 1978 – 1981
307
159 • Submission
308
The War, 1978 – 1981
309
159 • Submission
310
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
FOOT SOLDIERS
Chapter Warning – References to sex, violence and animal death in this chapter..
311
160 • Foot Soldiers
312
The War, 1978 – 1981
313
160 • Foot Soldiers
314
The War, 1978 – 1981
315
160 • Foot Soldiers
316
The War, 1978 – 1981
317
160 • Foot Soldiers
318
The War, 1978 – 1981
319
160 • Foot Soldiers
320
The War, 1978 – 1981
321
160 • Foot Soldiers
322
The War, 1978 – 1981
323
160 • Foot Soldiers
324
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
BLOOD MOON
325
161 • Blood Moon
326
The War, 1978 – 1981
327
161 • Blood Moon
328
The War, 1978 – 1981
329
161 • Blood Moon
330
The War, 1978 – 1981
331
161 • Blood Moon
332
The War, 1978 – 1981
333
161 • Blood Moon
334
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
MOONY'S STORY
335
162 • Moony’s Story
336
The War, 1978 – 1981
337
162 • Moony’s Story
338
The War, 1978 – 1981
339
162 • Moony’s Story
340
The War, 1978 – 1981
341
162 • Moony’s Story
342
The War, 1978 – 1981
343
162 • Moony’s Story
344
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
chapter, as well as a mention of cancer and the death of close family members..
345
163 • Late Spring 1979
346
The War, 1978 – 1981
347
163 • Late Spring 1979
348
The War, 1978 – 1981
349
163 • Late Spring 1979
350
The War, 1978 – 1981
351
163 • Late Spring 1979
352
The War, 1978 – 1981
353
163 • Late Spring 1979
354
The War, 1978 – 1981
355
163 • Late Spring 1979
356
The War, 1978 – 1981
357
163 • Late Spring 1979
358
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
SUMMER 1979
359
164 • Summer 1979
360
The War, 1978 – 1981
361
164 • Summer 1979
362
The War, 1978 – 1981
363
164 • Summer 1979
364
The War, 1978 – 1981
365
164 • Summer 1979
366
The War, 1978 – 1981
367
164 • Summer 1979
368
The War, 1978 – 1981
369
164 • Summer 1979
370
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
Chapter Warning – Grief is a big theme in this chapter, so read with care.
371
165 • Dulce et Decorum est
372
The War, 1978 – 1981
373
165 • Dulce et Decorum est
374
The War, 1978 – 1981
375
165 • Dulce et Decorum est
376
The War, 1978 – 1981
377
165 • Dulce et Decorum est
378
The War, 1978 – 1981
379
165 • Dulce et Decorum est
380
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
AUTUMN 1979
381
166 • Autumn 1979
382
The War, 1978 – 1981
383
166 • Autumn 1979
384
The War, 1978 – 1981
385
166 • Autumn 1979
386
The War, 1978 – 1981
387
166 • Autumn 1979
388
The War, 1978 – 1981
389
166 • Autumn 1979
390
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
WINTER 1979
Chapter Warning –
- Drinking - there's been a lot of drinking in the fic so far, but in this chapter
deliberate, and part of his characterisation - from 1980 onwards it will only get
391
167 • Winter 1979
I'm learning to hate all the things that were great when I used to be... bent!
392
The War, 1978 – 1981
393
167 • Winter 1979
394
The War, 1978 – 1981
395
167 • Winter 1979
396
The War, 1978 – 1981
397
167 • Winter 1979
398
The War, 1978 – 1981
399
167 • Winter 1979
400
The War, 1978 – 1981
401
167 • Winter 1979
402
The War, 1978 – 1981
403
167 • Winter 1979
404
The War, 1978 – 1981
405
167 • Winter 1979
406
The War, 1978 – 1981
407
167 • Winter 1979
408
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
Sirius had cried, the day the found out. They both had, but
the pain was more raw for Sirius,
411
168 • Spring & Summer 1980
“It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” He repeated over and over,
eyes wild and desperate.
It was very cold still, the frost hung around for weeks that
February, and spring took a lifetime to arrive. Remus was
grateful to be able to simply step through the fireplace in their
flat and instantly appear in the Potters’ living room without
having to go outside. He hoped Sirius was wrapped up
properly; wind chill was no joke at the speeds he drove.
412
The War, 1978 – 1981
413
168 • Spring & Summer 1980
“It’s good!” Lily said, quickly, seeing the look on his face,
“I promise! It’s just that, er… we thought it might be best,
James thought it might be best, if he told Sirius on his own,
you know, one on one… after what happened last time…”
She stood up, clearing her books from the table. Remus
took a good look at her. She was a bit thicker around the hips -
not that he’d ever say such a thing to one of his oldest and best
friends. And anyway, it suited her, she was still uncommonly
pretty, in his opinion. But she smelled slightly different, too.
“You’re pregnant!”
Remus stepped back to give her room, and wiped his eyes.
414
The War, 1978 – 1981
Remus laughed, still wiping his eyes, and went to lay the
table. No sooner had he set down the last plate, than a
rumbling roar could be heard in the distance, getting closer.
Lily looked up at him and bit her lip. He just smiled at her,
“It’ll be fine.”
Sirius had been parking his bike on the back patio. Remus
often wondered what Euphemia might make of that - but of
course she could never refuse her blue eyed boy anything, and
would have forgiven the muddy tire marks in her lawn with
motherly indulgence.
The patio doors rattled open, and Sirius strode in, hair still
windswept from flying, nose and cheeks pink from the cold.
He was smiling, smiling so wide that Remus’s heart skipped a
beat, and he felt that old schoolboy crush resurface in him.
“Sit down!” Sirius pulled out a chair for Lily, ushering her
into it, “Merlin, Moony, what sort of gentleman are you,
letting Lily do all the work in her condition?!”
“James!” Lily slapped his arm lightly with the back of her
hand, “No need for detail, I‘m sure Moony doesn’t want to
hear all that.”
416
The War, 1978 – 1981
They all burst out laughing, and Sirius patted him on the
shoulder affectionately,
“I’ll drink to that,” Remus raised his glass sand drained it.
It was his third, but he didn’t think anyone had noticed, and
besides, they were celebrating.
417
168 • Spring & Summer 1980
***
And so, as per usual, it was James and Lily who managed to
bring everyone out of that gloomy winter slog, just in time for
spring. The marauders and their friends faced the rest of their
year with fresh eyes and renewed purpose. Because fighting a
war was one thing - but fighting for the Potters’ future child
made every challenge seem more worthwhile.
418
The War, 1978 – 1981
***
In June, after the full moon, Remus was invited for another
meeting with Moody and Ferox. A year older and wiser, he
requested not to meet them at the Auror’s office this time.
They agreed - they didn’t have much choice. Remus had
grown very flippant about his role as unofficial werewolf
liaison officer, and it probably showed. At least Moody didn’t
boss him around much any more.
419
168 • Spring & Summer 1980
“Nah, on duty.”
want to help people, obviously, but I’m not sure if… people
don’t want someone like me in their homes.”
“Chin up, lad,” Ferox said, kindly, “It’s not all doom and
gloom.”
“Where?”
421
168 • Spring & Summer 1980
“The good news is,” Ferox said, learning in, “He hasn’t
been recruiting - all sources seem to say that most of his pack
have left him.”
422
The War, 1978 – 1981
Remus nodded.
“What happened?”
424
The War, 1978 – 1981
“I know you lot don’t, but… ugh. They just don’t listen to
me. I know more about the werewolves than anyone in the
Order. I’m Greyback’s prodigal son, for god’s sake!”
***
426
The War, 1978 – 1981
In the kitchen, they found that Gully had already laid out
the things for tea, and set some water to boil in the big copper
kettle on the hob, so Remus and Sirius only needed to bother
427
168 • Spring & Summer 1980
with the coffee. They did this quietly, though Remus caught
Sirius’s eye once or twice and couldn't help but smile at the
boyish excitement he saw there.
“It’s a boy!”
428
The War, 1978 – 1981
They all said goodbye. Once he’d gone, Sirius went to the
stairs again to look up.
429
168 • Spring & Summer 1980
430
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me
Now you're married with a son when you should be having fun with me
Whooosh - splash.
431
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
Remus was in a very bad mood, and wet feet were the least
of it. Still, he was in Hogsmeade for a reason, and he knew he
just had to pull his (metaphorical) socks up and get on with it.
He wished he wasn’t alone, but even if someone had been
available to come with him (James had the baby, Lily and
Sirius were in Broadstairs on reconnaissance, Marlene, Peter
and Mary were all working), he’d been told to come alone. As
usual.
432
The War, 1978 – 1981
Remus shook his head, and went to take a seat near the
hearth, so he could at least try to dry out his shoes.
433
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
434
The War, 1978 – 1981
“Understood.”
435
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
“Yes?”
***
Sirius was utterly besotted with his godson. The child was
barely ever out of his arms when they were visiting (a relief
for Lily and James, who were only just bearing up under the
pressure of parenthood combined with their duties for the
Order).
“Let’s go then.”
438
The War, 1978 – 1981
***
439
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
***
442
The War, 1978 – 1981
He really did feel fine about it all. When the moon was
waxing he often felt stronger than usual, and usually didn’t get
bouts of nausea until a few hours before sunset.
The sea crashed and raged miles below, and the long grass
whipped around his ankles. Remus breathed in, deeply,
inhaling the salt, the soil, the sharp cold scent of the clouds.
The wolf inside licked its lips, ears pricking to attention. Yes.
Greyback had been here.
“All right lad, all right, I see what you’re saying. It’s just
that there isn’t always time to follow umpteen leads on a prick
like Greyback. Got to move fast.”
The scent had grown very strong, now, and as they crested
the next hill, Remus could make out a large grey-black
structure in the distance. The ruins of an old castle - Scotland
was littered with them of course. This one was a tower house,
and looked like a big square prison squatting ominously over
the remains of a boggy moat.
***
“You didn’t lose me last time, you big drama queen, it was
a mission,” Remus countered, “Anyway, I can’t put you in that
sort of danger.”
446
The War, 1978 – 1981
They went to the Lake District for the full moon; a place
the marauders had enjoyed themselves before, a place with
happy memories. James and Peter didn’t go. James hadn’t
joined them for a full moon since Harry was born, and Remus
understood that he didn’t want to be away from his family too
often. Peter said something vague about working late, and
honestly Remus was too busy worrying about the upcoming
battle with Greyback to question it.
The wolf probably had a good time that night, but Remus
didn’t remember much about it. It all got lost in the blood red
haze of transformation, the choking and clawing and groaning
as he twisted back into his human form.
447
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
“Urrrgh!”
448
The War, 1978 – 1981
Remus felt sick, the sweat on his back turned cold. Sirius
reached for his hand in the dark and gave it a squeeze, then
tossed his head and said sharply,
When they were up against the castle wall, Remus felt it.
Greyback was waiting. The scent changed, and his head was
filled with that dreadful growling voice,
449
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
Remus was only a split second behind Ferox, and saw the
rock come down. He stiffened, then crumpled to the ground,
blood oozing from the a cut at the crown of his head.
And with a flash of purple light, Livia was silent. Her eyes
went wide, a great black slash had cut her throat. She clutched
451
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
She could have ripped each of their throats out the night
before without stopping for breath. She was a force of nature;
452
The War, 1978 – 1981
queen of the night; she was one of the strongest people he had
ever met. She was one of the only people in the world who
truly understood what it meant to be a wolf.
Her eyes were still open, staring blindly at the broad grey
sky. Remus knelt beside her, and gently closed them.
453
169 • Autumn & Winter 1980
454
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
But WOO!
455
170 • Winter 1980 & Spring 1981
Marlene came over the flat on her way to work to sort out
his broken arm.
“I know.”
Sirius came through from the living room, eyes wide with
concern,
“What?”
“Moony, it’s all taken care of,” Sirius said, placing cool
hands on Remus’s shoulders, smoothing down his arms in a
comforting gesture, “Ferox is going to move to a safe house,
he’ll up his security and be extra vigilant, don’t worry .”
456
The War, 1978 – 1981
“Exactly!”
“I know,” Sirius bit his lip, “But you’re a wizard too, and
you’re on our side. It just might be a good idea to focus on
something else, you don’t want anyone in the order to get the
wrong end of the stick…”
458
The War, 1978 – 1981
“No, it’s not… it’s… well, after you spent all that time
with them, people have raised concerns, that’s all. You can
understand that, can’t you?”
“Of course I do! It’s just…” His eyes fell again, another
swish of hair, “You’ve always been good at keeping secrets,
Moony…”
Remus knew how that felt. A lot of the time it was the
reason he drank. In the end, he decided he was too angry to be
around anyone else, and went to hide in the park like a proper
old waster. He ought to have gone to Grant’s, he thought, once
he was properly drunk; that would serve Sirius right.
***
In fact, he did not see any of his friends, or Sirius, from the
full moon, which fell on 21st December, until January. He
spent it hiding in Moody’s cellar, with Danny McKinnon.
461
170 • Winter 1980 & Spring 1981
462
The War, 1978 – 1981
was just glad he’d had the foresight to bring a few books. Not
to mention the bottle of firewhisky he’d stashed just in case.
“Yeah.” Remus went over and set his suitcase beside his
bed, then sat on it. It sagged heavily, and squeaked. A faint
smell of mildew rose from it, which put him in mind of the
Shrieking Shack.
463
170 • Winter 1980 & Spring 1981
“You can say that again.” Danny said. “Oh, Marls says
hello. You should’ve seen her when Moody came for me, she
was all set to come along too.”
“Yeah, she said to give you a hug and a kiss, so tell her I
did, ok?”
464
The War, 1978 – 1981
They had a little bit to eat - just some bread and cheese.
Remus hadn’t eaten any meat since hearing about Ferox.
Things got even more awkward when it came time for bed.
They were both yawning, and agreed it was quite late, and that
465
170 • Winter 1980 & Spring 1981
they were tired. Remus began to take his socks off, and stood
up to unbutton his trousers, when he realised Danny had not
moved. He couldn’t see why he was so shy; didn’t quidditch
players get undressed in front of each other all the time? James
had been a borderline exhibitionist in the dorm room at
Hogwarts. And surely Danny couldn’t be shy about scars;
Remus had heaps more than him.
“Er… Just so you know, it’s not like I’ve got a problem
with it… with you. But I don’t swing that way.” Danny eyed
him warily.
He climbed into bed and rolled onto his side, facing the
wall, to prove that he couldn’t care less which way Danny
‘swung’. Have you seen my boyfriend?! He wanted to say. As
if I’d be interested in you, you big lump.
466
The War, 1978 – 1981
That echoed something Ferox had said, and Remus felt the
sadness return. He rolled onto his back, and spoke to the
ceiling,
“Yeah.”
Things got a bit easier between them, after the first night,
but they kept each other at a distance anyway. Remus did a lot
of reading. Danny sometimes exercised, doing press ups or
jogging on the spot. It was annoying, but Remus couldn’t
blame him.
467
170 • Winter 1980 & Spring 1981
Remus sighed.
468
The War, 1978 – 1981
They were a week into the new year by the time Mad Eye
finally came for them. They both caught his scent at once, and
sat up, keenly staring at the door. They’d almost run out of
food by then, and Remus prayed this wasn’t just a grocery
delivery. He felt the charms being slowly undone, each layer
peeling back. Finally, the door swung open, and the clunk of
Moody’s wooden leg on the first stair.
***
Coming out of that cellar was like coming up for air. Remus
felt as though all of his senses had been muted for weeks, and
now everything was a riot of colour and noise and scent.
469
170 • Winter 1980 & Spring 1981
most of whom Remus knew, and they all turned as soon as the
door opened, fifty pairs of eyes, all wide with mistrust and
worry.
“Remus?” Sirius had stood up, and was crossing the room
anxiously, climbing over chairs and squeezing past people
who had to bend and twist out of the way, snatching back
mugs of hot tea. He had to look down as he approached, so he
didn’t trip, and his hair fell in front of his face, swaths of black
silk.
“Hi.”
***
Spring 1981
“It's bliss, over here,” she smiled, sinking into the couch
and closing her eyes. “If you had a telly I’d never leave.”
Mary gave him one of her long, gentle looks, tilting her
head.
“No, Remus,” she touched his knee, “It's never a good idea
to drink when you feel like this. It doesn’t make things better,
does it?”
472
The War, 1978 – 1981
Remus just shrugged. He didn’t see what the big deal was.
Mary just smiled again, and took a sip of her tea, and
continued as if nothing had happened.
“Yeah. That's all it can be, right now. He's a muggle, I’m
in the Order… I’m already putting my family at so much risk,
I couldn't bear if…”
She still didn’t want to drink after that, but they had a nice
long chat anyway. In hindsight, Remus would be glad that
Mary was there that night, and that she stopped him getting
drunk. Because that was the night James got hurt.
473
170 • Winter 1980 & Spring 1981
474
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
TRIAGE
475
171 • Triage
476
The War, 1978 – 1981
477
171 • Triage
478
The War, 1978 – 1981
479
171 • Triage
480
The War, 1978 – 1981
481
171 • Triage
482
The War, 1978 – 1981
483
171 • Triage
484
The War, 1978 – 1981
485
171 • Triage
486
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
SUMMER 1981
487
172 • Summer 1981
488
The War, 1978 – 1981
489
172 • Summer 1981
490
The War, 1978 – 1981
491
172 • Summer 1981
492
The War, 1978 – 1981
493
172 • Summer 1981
494
The War, 1978 – 1981
495
172 • Summer 1981
496
The War, 1978 – 1981
497
172 • Summer 1981
498
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
AUTUMN 1981
499
173 • Autumn 1981
500
The War, 1978 – 1981
501
173 • Autumn 1981
502
The War, 1978 – 1981
503
173 • Autumn 1981
504
The War, 1978 – 1981
505
173 • Autumn 1981
506
The War, 1978 – 1981
507
173 • Autumn 1981
508
The War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
ARMISTICE
509
174 • Armistice
510
The War, 1978 – 1981
511
174 • Armistice
512
Post War
1982 – 1995
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
1982
Chapter Warning – depression, grief, alcoholism/alcohol abuse.
Times at a distance, times without touch,
Greed forms the habit of asking to much,
Followed at bedtime by builders and bells,
Wait 'til the doldrums which nothing dispels.
515
175 • 1982
516
Post War, 1978 – 1981
517
175 • 1982
518
Post War, 1978 – 1981
519
175 • 1982
520
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
1983
521
176 • 1983
522
Post War, 1978 – 1981
523
176 • 1983
524
Post War, 1978 – 1981
525
176 • 1983
526
Post War, 1978 – 1981
527
176 • 1983
528
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
1985
529
177 • 1985
530
Post War, 1978 – 1981
531
177 • 1985
532
Post War, 1978 – 1981
533
177 • 1985
534
Post War, 1978 – 1981
535
177 • 1985
536
Post War, 1978 – 1981
537
177 • 1985
538
Post War, 1978 – 1981
539
177 • 1985
540
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
1986
Time up and time out for all the liberties you've taken
Time up and time out for all the friends that you've forsaken
And if you choose to waste away like death is back in fashion
You're an accident waiting to happen
541
178 • 1986
542
Post War, 1978 – 1981
543
178 • 1986
544
Post War, 1978 – 1981
545
178 • 1986
546
Post War, 1978 – 1981
547
178 • 1986
548
Post War, 1978 – 1981
549
178 • 1986
550
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
1987
551
179 • 1987
552
Post War, 1978 – 1981
553
179 • 1987
554
Post War, 1978 – 1981
555
179 • 1987
556
Post War, 1978 – 1981
557
179 • 1987
558
Post War, 1978 – 1981
559
179 • 1987
560
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
1989
561
180 • 1989
562
Post War, 1978 – 1981
563
180 • 1989
564
Post War, 1978 – 1981
565
180 • 1989
566
Post War, 1978 – 1981
567
180 • 1989
568
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
1990
569
181 • 1990
570
Post War, 1978 – 1981
571
181 • 1990
572
Post War, 1978 – 1981
573
181 • 1990
574
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
SUMMER 1991
Sexuality!
Young and warm and wild and free!
Sexuality
Your laws do not apply to me!
Sexuality
Don’t threaten me with misery!
Sexuality
I demand equality!
575
182 • Summer 1991
576
Post War, 1978 – 1981
577
182 • Summer 1991
578
Post War, 1978 – 1981
579
182 • Summer 1991
580
Post War, 1978 – 1981
581
182 • Summer 1991
582
Post War, 1978 – 1981
583
182 • Summer 1991
584
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
SUMMER 1993
I smoked a cigarette
Mr R. J. Lupin,
585
183 • Summer 1993
time. He apologises for the short notice given, and hopes that
586
Post War, 1978 – 1981
587
183 • Summer 1993
588
Post War, 1978 – 1981
589
183 • Summer 1993
590
Post War, 1978 – 1981
591
183 • Summer 1993
592
Post War, 1978 – 1981
593
183 • Summer 1993
594
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
SUMMER 1994
595
184 • Summer 1994
596
Post War, 1978 – 1981
597
184 • Summer 1994
598
Post War, 1978 – 1981
599
184 • Summer 1994
600
Post War, 1978 – 1981
601
184 • Summer 1994
602
Post War, 1978 – 1981
603
184 • Summer 1994
604
Post War, 1978 – 1981
605
184 • Summer 1994
606
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
Chapter Warning – ptsd stuff in it. Also passing mention of child abuse..
607
185 • Summer 1995
608
Post War, 1978 – 1981
609
185 • Summer 1995
610
Post War, 1978 – 1981
611
185 • Summer 1995
612
Post War, 1978 – 1981
613
185 • Summer 1995
614
Post War, 1978 – 1981
615
185 • Summer 1995
616
Post War, 1978 – 1981
617
185 • Summer 1995
618
Post War, 1978 – 1981
619
185 • Summer 1995
620
Post War, 1978 – 1981
621
185 • Summer 1995
622
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
Mr Chapman,
We are very pleased to extend the following offer of employment to you
on behalf of Brighton & Hove City Council:
Social Worker - Child and Youth Welfare
Please see the attached brochure for details on your salary and working
hours. You have thirty working days to respond to this offer, by either
post or telephone.
We look forward to hearing from you.
A.P. Green
Head of Social Services, Brighton & Hove.
623
186 • Summer 1995: Grant
624
Post War, 1978 – 1981
625
186 • Summer 1995: Grant
626
Post War, 1978 – 1981
627
186 • Summer 1995: Grant
628
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
629
187 • Summer 1995: Sirius
630
Post War, 1978 – 1981
631
187 • Summer 1995: Sirius
632
Post War, 1978 – 1981
633
187 • Summer 1995: Sirius
634
Post War, 1978 – 1981
635
187 • Summer 1995: Sirius
636
Post War, 1978 – 1981
CHAPTER
ONE HUNDRED & EIGHTY-EIGHT
'TIL THE END
I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can't escape
I love you 'till the end
637
188 • ‘til the End
638
Post War, 1978 – 1981
639
188 • ‘til the End
640
Post War, 1978 – 1981
641
188 • ‘til the End
642
Post War, 1978 – 1981
643
188 • ‘til the End
644
Post War, 1978 – 1981
645
188 • ‘til the End
646
Post War, 1978 – 1981
647
188 • ‘til the End
648
Post War, 1978 – 1981
649
188 • ‘til the End
650
Post War, 1978 – 1981
651
188 • ‘til the End
652
Post War, 1978 – 1981
653
188 • ‘til the End
The End.
654
Out of the Blue
2016
Out of the Blue, 2016
CHAPTER
657
Grant: Part One
658
Out of the Blue, 2016
659
Grant: Part One
660
Out of the Blue, 2016
661
Grant: Part One
662
Out of the Blue, 2016
663
Grant: Part One
664
Out of the Blue, 2016
665
Grant: Part One
666
Out of the Blue, 2016
667
Grant: Part One
668
Out of the Blue, 2016
Grant,
I hope you are well. It feels silly writing that, but it's true. I
really, really hope you are well. Better than well.
Things are busy here. I can't say very much, as you know, but
I am ok, and Sirius too. We've spent more time with
Harry, which has been great. We had to move,
temporarily, so if you want to visit the flat, feel free, I
know you have the key. Just so you know, I put your
name on the deed. Call it insurance, or a gift, if you like.
Do you have a nice flat? How's the job? I miss talking to
you.
Love,
669
Grant: Part One
Remus.
670
Out of the Blue, 2016
671
Grant: Part One
672
Out of the Blue, 2016
CHAPTER
673
Grant: Part Two
674
Out of the Blue, 2016
675
Grant: Part Two
676
Out of the Blue, 2016
677
Grant: Part Two
678
Out of the Blue, 2016
679
Grant: Part Two
680
Out of the Blue, 2016
681
Grant: Part Two
682
Out of the Blue, 2016
683
Grant: Part Two
Grant -
I found these at the flat, there were a few I thought
you’d like. There are records, too - Dad had good
taste!
You were right, he had a lot of happy memories here.
It looks like you did, too, and it felt unfair to
keep everything.
Best wishes,
Teddy Remus Lupin.
684
Out of the Blue, 2016
685
Grant: Part Two
686