Chapter Twenty Five

Keeping Oul of Trollble

215

PENNYWISE A N D POUND FOOLISH

by Uncle Fester

There once was a man named Jack who had the normally virtuous trait of thriftiness. When Jack was
able to save a few cents on a small purchase, he felt that he had won a victory and held his head up high
as he walked out the store. A penny saved is a penny earned, after all. Jack shopped sales, and Jack cut
coupons, but above all Jack loved his "store card".
Jack's fondness for his collection of "store cards" would have done him little harm except for one little
detail.. . .Jack liked to cook some crank once in a while too! He picked up his packages of Sudafed as part
of his weekly shopping runs and just tossed them in with all the other sruff he was buying. Jack thought
that this would cause less suspicion towards him than if he just showed up at various stores and simply
loaded up at the cold medicine counter. On this point Jack was right, but his penury was setting a trap for
him because at each checkout he flashed his "store card" to get his few penny discounts.
One day, Jack's girlfriend had all of his stinginess that she could take. The final straw was the
anniversary gift he brought home from the rummage sale. She stormed out of the house, and vowed to
make Jack's lite a living hell.
Jack's former girlfriend knew all about Jack's meth hobby, and she ran to the police. After she told her
talc, the police did some checking to gather evidence for a search and bust. When they checked Jack's
garbage, it was simply pristine, as he rarely threw anything out. Watching and tailing Jack yielded them
nothing either. He wasn't a "dealer" and lived a frugal and spartan life.
Finally the narco swine stumbled upon Jack's Achille's Heel...his addiction to "store cards". You see,
whenever that little card is flashed at the checkout, the entire purchase is recorded in the files of the
central scrutinizers with your name attached. Once there, it could linger for centuries ...
When Jack's "store card" records were checked, what a gold mine they stumbled into! Box after box of
"cold medicines" , bottles of ephedrine pills at the gas station, along with cans of solvents at the hardware
store. acids and drain openers at other stores. It was a gold mine for them, and the shaft for Jack!
Now Jack is whiling away some time at a place where he doesn't have to pay for his meals or housing.
Thanks to those "store card" records, they were able to string together years of cooking and claim that he
made outrageous amounts of go-go powder. They were proud to give h i m more time than his cellmate
Bubba who stabbed three guys because he didn't like the way they had their hats screwed on. Welcome to
the War on Drugs.
The End
Secrets of Methamphetamine Manufacture
Eighth Edition

216

Chapter Twenty Six

Legitimate Uses of Some Chemicals

Acetic Anhydride - commonly used in the chemical industry, especially for making dyes. * * *

Benzene and ether - common solvents, but they are sometimes used for tree basing coke. * *

Fomlic acid - used for taxidermy and tanning leather. *

Hydrochloric acid and sulfuric acid - the two most common mineral acids, with too many uses to list.

When buying them, underground chemists say they want them for electroplating. *

You can pick up these two at the hardware store. Hydrochloric will often be labeled as muriatic acid,
and will generally be 30% HC\. This is good enough for most uses. I found an industrial grade
concentrated sulfuric at my local hardware store in the plumbing section. It was a product called Liquid
Fire by Amazing Products. It sells for around $6 a pint, and is used as drain opener. This is plenty good
enough for dripping on salt to make HCI gas.

Methylamine - used in photography, as an additive to racing fuels, and as an ingredient in rocket fuel
and tanning solutions. * * * *

Phenylacetic aci d - used in perfume to produce the smell of honey, and added to the nutrient broth of
penicillin mold to increase the yield of penicillin. * * * *

Platinum and Raney nickel - catalysts used in all hydrogenations. * *

Pyridine - a common but expensive solvent and reagent. * *

All other List I chemicals * * * *

All other List I I chemicals * * *

One should obtain toluene and acetone at the hardware store in the paint section. There they carry
zero stars, so long as you don't buy so much at one place that you get them wondering.

* Least suspicious to purchase

* * * * Most suspicious to purchase
 Chapter Twenty Seven
Web Sites

117

Chapter Twenty Seven

Web Sites

Learning about clandestine chemistry is a lot of fun, as you well know after finishing this book. It's
also a lot of fun to follow along with conversations and "posts" that people put on the Internet. There are
a few web sites exclusively devoted to such conversations and postings. They are great places to drop in
on and spend hours keeping up with the latest news or reading about clandestine processes and
equipment.
Before you eagerly dive into the Internet, let me give you a few necessary caveats. To start with, go
ahead and read, but keep your mouth shut. If you are doing any cooking, you certainly don't want to draw
attention to yourself by posting questions or mentioning any results you are getting. These bulletin
boards require registration before you are allowed to post. The heat trolls on these web sites, either by
asking questions that giving an answer to would involve you in their "conspiracy," or by checking out the
e-mail addresses of posters who seem like they are actively cooking. By keeping quiet and just reading,
no one will know you are there.
Caveat number two is a corollary to the first one. Since no one who is actively cooking would be
stupid enough to wave around their e-mail address for everyone to see, the people doing the posting will
fa ll in to two classes: retired cookers who s ti l l love to talk about the excitement of their glory days and
relate war stories, and simple students of the field, ranging from rank amateurs to the fairly advanced.
The problem is to discern the two classes, and separate the wheat tram the chaff in the huge amount of
material posted on these boards.
Making this differentiation is a difficult task for the beginner. The second class tends to be skilled at
sophistry, and in the process they give birth to misconceptions that carry onward in time with the tenacity
of urban legends. Let me give you some help in this sifting process; a good source posting on the net will
cite references I,)r the readers to follow up on rather than just making claims. This is the same style your
Uncle uses in this book and all my other ones. It is the only legitimate style to use when making posts as
well. Suspect sophi stry and underlying agendas when references aren't mentioned during chemical
discussions.
Now that you have been suflicientiy warned, Jet me pass along two web sites where one can read about
the world of clandestine chemistry at great length. Site number one is a site I like to visit and pass along
cooking tips when I ' m not busy writing books, raising my kids, working my day job, or running a
publishing company. The site is commonly referred to as The Zonez, and is run by Android, or Andrew .

depending upon how well you know him. This site has relatively low tranic with postings by old retired
c.:{)uks.
I\. much more active and current board is wetdreams.ws. It is moderated by old cooks, and most BS
postings are removed by them. It also has a search engine and quite an archive of pill extraction methods.
It is a great place to kcep current on the news which effects clandestine cooking.
I\.nother site with a long history and a really extensive archive which could be accessed through their
search engine was called The Hive. This site is now defunct after its founder got himself into trouble by
going into the chemical sales tield. Enjoy the websites, and keep your mouth shut if you are cooking!
 YOU WILL ALSO WANT TO READ:

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0 85241 PRACTICAL LSD MANUFACTURE, Revised and Expanded, 3'd Edition, by

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management, cautionary notes and more. Sold/or informational purposes only. 2007, 5/12 x
8/12, 135 pp, illustrated, soft cover. $20.00
 SECRETS OF
METHAMPHETAMINE MANUFACTURE
Revised and Expanded
Eighth Edition

The classic text on clandestine chemistry just got even better. The Eighth Edition of Secrets of
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• A new way to turn over-the-counter pills into meth

• The innovative balloon technique
• How to make your own ephedrine, so you'll never scrounge for pills again
• How to make crank and other psychedelics from cinnamon oil and other common
flavorings
• The besl chemicals to use to avoid sales scrutiny
• Why the government can never win the "War on Drugs"

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