The Last Word 9/2022
The Last Word 9/2022
The Last Word 9/2022
I still haven’t regained my health, so I’ve wosted another month by doing pretty much nothing
except continuing my 15-year-long task of sorting my record collection and playing with FreeBASIC.
Some days are for listening to music, and some days are for computer programming. I decide
which days are which. The latter requires much more concentration than the former—if you’re serious
about it. Some of my BASIC programming is so deep that I can’t be distracted by music—let alone
gratuitous noise. It’s not like it was when I was 12 when I could program while mimicking the
Countdown America music bed.
In recent weeks, Bellevue has announced yet another major gentrification project. I seem to
recall a push in the last decade to put apartments there that would have been far less expensive than
the luxury housing being planned now, but a few classist loudmouths screeched that it would attract
the “wrong kind” of people. Some folks also feared those apartments would bring too much traffic—
which admittedly is a valid concern—but these worries are being completely brushed aside now that
luxury homes are planned.
The new project was of course rubber-stamped—and most of the public didn’t even know about
it until after it was approved, so they could not provide input.
Meanwhile, my immediate vicinity has been plagued by someone authorized by gentrification
moguls to run a loud leaf blower almost nonstop. It started late last year, and there have been periods
of months when the blower runs for hours on end every single day. There are never leaves on the
ground, because it’s where there are no trees. For hours, the man paces back and forth on the sidewalk
in front of some buildings with the blower—blowing at nothing. It’s like Joe Biden shaking hands with
the air.
There was also one evening recently when it sounded like somebody outside kept blasting
diarrhea out their ass.
Noise has been an ongoing problem in the neighborhood for decades now—much of it caused
by pile drivers and squeaky truck brakes serving past gentrification land grabs. You could say I could
just drown it out with music, but it often happens when I’m concentrating on my BASIC programs.
We’re working on programming today. We’re not sorting music today. Why? Because BASIC is what
we’re working on. I have to treat the gentry like kindergartners: No, we’re not listening to “This Is A
Song About Colors” right now. It’s computer time, kids.
Unlike the marauding gentry, some of us have things we have to do. Got places to go, my
homies and me. And wherever we are will be the place to chew gee.
Gentrification tycoons intentionally create nuisances such as noise and odors just to drive down
property values. Then they can buy up property cheaply. Then they cease the smells and noise, and
cash in on the property values going back up again. Residents are priced out.
I wish the people of Bellevue could band together and hire a smart lawyer who can sue over
gentrification, which is an illegal manipulation of the market. Like when a comic book shop announced
it would destroy copies of a rare Batman comic just to drive up the value of its remaining copies,
gentrification creates scarcity through intentional manipulation. This is basic economics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT4-MLxnKdY
That slick 13-minute clip from 2021 is titled “THE TRUTH: Chewing Gum IS NOT Banned in
Singapore. Here Are 10 Facts About Chewing Gum in Singapore!” The narrator insists—insists, I tell
you!—that beegee is not banned in the island city-state. She says it’s not really a ban, because it applies
only to the sale and import of chewing gum.
That sounds like a ban to me. If you can’t buy or bring in gum, where can you get gum?
Other videos confirm that beegee is banned. Some clips were posted by people younger than 30
who say they’ve heard about the days before the ban, but that the ban has kept them from being able to
chomp the stuff themselves. Some websites about the ban say folks may only bring in a “reasonable”
amount (defined as only 2 packs) and that it may only be used for private consumption.
The video featured here says that after the ban was enacted, stores all over Singapore were
ordered to stop selling gum. Over 5 million packs of gum were confiscated, and 5 store owners faced
criminal charges. How is that not a ban?
The narrator also says it’s not a really a ban because Singapore later began to permit several
brands of gum as long as they were prescribed for health reasons. You have to register to buy these
brands, and they are available only from pharmacies.
This clip spent 13 minutes trying to explain that gum isn’t illegal in Singapore—only to prove
that it is!
This video must have been filmed with special authorization, because a very strange thing
happens near the end. Somehow—someday, someway—the narrator is seen walking down the street,
and she whips out a small, green container of...
Are you ready for it?
Gum!
She grabs a morsel of the zesty goo and stuffs it into her mouth. She smiles and strolls away.
But she didn’t bubble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoQ1xejfTpI
That video was made by a couple who loves the ‘80s and Dallas. They had just buyed 5
unopened packs of Dallas cards from 1981 off eBay. Guess what was included with the cards? Here’s a
hint: You can blow bubbles with it.
They open the packs of cards! One of the cards was ruined by the stale stick of gum sticking to
the back of it. Later, the man shovels a piece of 40-year-old gum into his mouth. We hear the gum
loudly crunch. He quickly discards the beegee and likens it to “eating a book.”
Needless to say, he didn’t bubble.
At the end of the clip, they show off a J.R. Ewing holiday ornament that plays the Dallas theme.