The Five Love Languages

Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on
your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality
time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate
dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves

sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted
context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure
their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their
problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to

communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions.
It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be
able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most
loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to
do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come,
will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing
together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many.
Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”  Verbal
appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is
“Words of Affirmation.”  Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,”
or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are
sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of

Affirmation” is to offer encouragement.  Here are some examples: reinforcing a
difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project;
acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved
one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or
her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love
language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and
devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts
represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the
easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to
change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have
no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing
and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of
spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you
are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your
mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is
for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing
the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need
to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to
the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling
happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of
love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form
of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he
washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful
expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language.
However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most
appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house,
couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each
other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing
the cars and walking the dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are
a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many
other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and
work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate
who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will
inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s
important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts
of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and
services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little
sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.
Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their
partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can
make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage.
However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are
extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner
not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some
touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the
touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or
lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder.
It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will
make the most of this love language.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very
important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of
love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch
would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone.

What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your
partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can
make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.