Self Esteem
Self Esteem
Self Esteem
DANIEL PATRA
Disclaimer Notice:
Introduction
INTRODUCTION TO SELF-ESTEEM
But, when your self-esteem is high, you may well find that
you will experience more success in various areas of your
life, not only your personal life and personal relationships,
but also in your place of employment.
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You will experience a general feeling of joy, happiness
and an overall feeling of wellbeing. You will have zest for life,
a desire to do things and to succeed at all that you wish to
accomplish. You will have a general positive outlook on life.
• Physical Appearance
• Perception
• Emotional Wellbeing
PERCEPTION
DANIEL PATRA 15
This relates to how you perceive yourself as a person.
This does not only relate to the way you view the “physical”
you, but how you see yourself as a whole. It includes your
perception of your personal and professional life.
EMOTIONAL WELLBEING
This relates to how you feel at any given time in your life,
about your appearance, your personal and professional
relationships, your personal and professional life (your job)
and your surroundings. Basically in a nutshell, how you
experience life in general.
Not everyone will give up hope that easily, but the fact
remains is that many people do become despondent after
such experiences.
DANIEL PATRA 23
Therefore, you can see once again, how all these aspects
are intertwined and a lack in any of these aspect of our lives
creates havoc and results in low self-esteem.
The trick is to set realistic goals for yourself and once you
have achieved them, to reward yourself. Then you may
decide on the next goal and so forth.
Goals are like tiny seeds which give our hearts hope…
• Lack of confidence
• Fearful behavior
• Inability to be assertive
• Pretentiousness
• Anti-social behavior
• Indecisiveness
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• Rebelliousness
• Materialism
LACK OF CONFIDENCE
FEARFUL BEHAVIOR
INABILITY TO BE ASSERTIVE
PRETENTIOUSNESS
ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR
INDECISIVENESS
REBELLIOUS BEHAVIOR
MATERIALISM
Symptoms from an
Emotional Perspective
• Depression
• Mixed emotions
• Hypersensitivity
• Emotional disconnectedness
• A sense of shyness
• Feelings of discouragement
DEPRESSION
MIXED EMOTIONS
HYPERSENSITIVITY
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This also affects many people. People generally become
hypersensitive when they receive mostly criticism, instead of
the occasional praise.
EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTEDNESS
A SENSE OF SHYNESS
• Fatigue
Chapter 5
Although there are many people around the globe, who suffer
from low self-esteem, there are also people who do possess
high self-esteem.
These are generally the “movers and the shakers”, the positive
people, the go-getters, who appear to have a high level of zest
for life.
Just as much as one’s body language can give away the fact
that one has low self-esteem, it can also be an indication of high
self-esteem.
The following are indications of high self-esteem:
• Good communication
• Open posture
DANIEL PATRA 59
GOOD COMMUNICATION
This person will speak clearly and normally and will maintain
constant eye contact with whomever they are talking to. They
appear attentive and engaged in the conversation. Their body
language will be indicative that they are relaxed and at ease.
OPEN POSTURE
They say that the “eyes are the windows to the soul”
Chapter 7
• Feeling lonely
• Being unemployed
• Feeling neglected
• Feeling unloved
• Being abused
The best way to deal with this, would be to write down all
those negative beliefs about yourself and then consciously
and actively gather evidence which contradicts those
negative beliefs. In other words, counteract them with
positive beliefs. (Write down those positive beliefs too).
Find five things that you feel you are good at or which
you know are true about you (this may be things that people
have complimented you on).
LIVE IN GRATITUDE
Live in gratitude – be grateful for the things that you
have, as gratitude creates more abundance, as you will
notice more things in your life, which you have to be grateful
for. Gratitude creates happiness and happiness means
emotional wellbeing.
• Be kind to yourself
• Learn to be assertive
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
In other words, be gentle with yourself. Set time aside
daily for yourself to read a nice book, watch a nice movie,
spend time in nature or do something that you really enjoy.
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When you are being critical on yourself, think instead
what you would say to your best friend and you will find that
you would probably never be that harsh.
LEARN TO BE ASSERTIVE
By being assertive does not mean that we are in any way
disrespectful of other’s opinions. Learn to be yourself and to
speak your mind in a gentle manner (without offending
others).
If you are reading this book, it means that you are already
searching for help or answers; which means that you have
come to the realization that there is something lacking in
your life, or that something is not quite what it should be.
This is a good sign!
Thus, the fact that you are reading this, is a sign that you
realize that something in your life has to change and it is
never too late for change!
This book can be used by anyone who wishes to increase
their level of self-esteem, who wishes to hone a more
positive outlook on life or who wishes to increase their
overall sense of happiness and general wellbeing.
So, here’s to unlocking an increased level of positivity and
an increased level of inner joy and happiness.
By the time your 30 days are up, you will reap the rewards
and you may even consider maintaining this challenge in
your daily life.
“Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs
and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the
key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for
yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the
power to change your own mind-set so that all the
negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche
are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.” –
Ellen DeGeneres
day. The day you are waiting for is the day you want to
give up, that is when you must keep going. That's the
barrier between normal and greatness.” - Jackson Kiddard
30 Day Challenge
DAY ONE
AFFIRMATION
I am worthy
Who I am makes a difference
I touch people in a positive way
I exude happiness, confidence and inner beauty
I see the beauty in others and
They see the beauty within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
Today you need to take a look in the mirror and find just
one specific facial feature which you like or love. Focus on
that feature. You may use a journal if you wish.
Find that one thing which makes you unique and never
sell yourself short and never forget your worth…
DAY TWO
AFFIRMATION
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I am important
I have a strong sense of self
I add value to the lives of others
I exude joy, happiness and inner peace
I see the joy and inner peace in others and
They see the peace within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
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QUOTE
Margaret Mead
Once again, do not “write this off” and forget about this
feature after a day. The ideal is to create positive habits and
to improve your self-esteem.
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You comprise of more than just one aspect or attribute.
You consist not only of the physical, but also the mental,
emotional and the spiritual. You are an intricate being.
DAY THREE
AFFIRMATION
I am unique
I love and value myself
I have positive attributes
What I do makes a difference
I exude love and compassion
I see the love and compassion in others and
They see love and compassion within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
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Aberjhani
You may not even have realized it at the time, but it may
well come to the surface again today. You see, we never
know how we touch those who cross our path.
DAY FOUR
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AFFIRMATION
I can do it
I can achieve anything I set my mind to
I can motivate others
I exude positivity and determination
I see the positivity in others and
They see the positivity within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
Elizabeth Gilbert
But not all habits are bad habits. We do also have some
good habits and these habits can be quite unique to us as a
person.
Today you need to take stock of all the habits you have
and pick one good habit that stands out from the rest. This
has to be something which can be considered as positive.
DAY FIVE
AFFIRMATION
QUOTE
Napoleon Hill
But, you are five days into your challenge and should be
fairly used to firmly placing your focus on only positive
thoughts and aspects by now.
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Today you are required to firmly place your focus on your
thoughts. You need to spend some quite time within and
select your best and most positive way of thinking.
DAY SIX
AFFIRMATION
I am creative
I am unique
I am blessed abundantly
I exude creativity
I see the creativity in others and
They see the creativity within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
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You have come so far and you have managed to find the
positive; so you may compliment yourself on the fact that
you have made good progress!
So, you have just picked one thing about yourself, which
makes you authentically you. Not any one other person on
this planet can be you, better than you!
Others may have this same trait in common with you, but
this still remains unique to you and you alone. We are all the
same in certain ways, but yet we are so very different and so
unique.
Just picture a world where we were all the same. Can you
imagine how boring that would be? It would be like having
all the same color crayons in one box.
You fill the lives of those around you with lots of color…
without you the world would be dull and incomplete…
DAY SEVEN
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AFFIRMATION
QUOTE
DAY EIGHT
AFFIRMATION
I am happy
I deserve this happiness
I trust my intuition
I exude confidence in my abilities
I see the confidence in others and
They see the confidence within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
Leo Buscaglia
Now that you have been reminded of it… you should not
forget it too easily again. Write it on a piece of paper and put
it in your wallet or your purse… remind yourself of it all the
time!
DAY NINE
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AFFIRMATION
QUOTE
Japanese Wisdom
Once you have given this some thought and you have
found that one particular thing, focus on it and write it your
journal.
Now think of this for a short while and make a list of ten
things (or as many as you possibly can) about why you now
view this in a positive way and how this contributes to you as
a person.
Yes, you can make yourself smile, you have that ability
you know! You may never have realized it before, but this is
another hidden talent, you know.
Keep smiling!
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Never underestimate the power of a single smile…
It can take off and travel around the globe in no time!
No air miles needed here!
DAY TEN
AFFIRMATION
I am enough
I am positive
I am moving forward in life, in a positive way
I exude a sense of happiness and balance
I see the happiness and balance in others and
They see the happiness and balance within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
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J.K. Rowling
Today you need to journey back into your life and find
what it is that makes you unique. What made you, you?
Ask yourself how your past; your present and even your
view of the future has sculpted you. Ask yourself how you
used to view yourself in the past.
You add value to the lives you touch and you are strong, a
survivor if you will. Blessed are those, who have been
touched by you. So, marvel in your uniqueness, as no-one
else can fill your shoes!
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But before your sprint… don’t you ever forget that…
journal, journal, journal!
DAY ELEVEN
AFFIRMATION
I am at peace
I accept my life’s journey
I like the person that I have become
I exude a sense love and a sense of self
I see the sense of self in others and
They see the sense of self within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
Lao Tzu
Can you write that novel yet? We can bet that it would be
a best seller!
You need to find your inner beauty, your talents and your
gift. Then use it to the best of your ability to bring out that
inner beauty, which has been within you all along and
embrace it, fully!
DAY TWELVE
Affirmation
I love my life
I am content
I can have trust in myself and my life
I accept that everything happens at the right time
I see the inner beauty in others and
They see the inner beauty within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
“To end the misery that has afflicted the human condition
for thousands of years, you have to start with yourself and
take responsibility for your inner state at any given
moment. That means now.”
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Eckhart Tolle
Ask yourself why you would like to change this? Then ask
yourself how you used to perceive this aspect of yourself in
the past and why?
128Self Esteem
The truth about change is that if you wish for the world
around you to change… you need to start with yourself!
DAY THIRTEEN
130Self Esteem
Affirmation
I love my life
I see myself in a positive way
I find joy in the things I have
I exude inner peace and self-love
I see the self-love in others and
They see the self-love within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
Gerard Way
Then ask yourself how you can change this. What can you
say to yourself, which is kinder and more loving instead? Also
write this down in your journal.
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Make a list of ten kind and loving things, which you can
say to yourself every day. Also write this down in your
journal. Then write this down on a separate sheet of paper
and put it where you can see this every day!
DAY FOURTEEN
Affirmation
I love my life
I do not compete with others
I do not compare myself with others
I am enough – just as I am
I see best in others and
They see the best in me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
Eckhart Tolle
DANIEL PATRA135
But this is certain, no-one person can fill your shoes, can
play your part, walk your path or ever replace you for that
matter. Only one person can be you… and that is you!
Affirmation
I am strong
I am valuable
I am worthy
I exude confidence, love and joy and
I see these qualities in others and
They see these qualities in me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
DANIEL PATRA139
Quote
Why did you take on this task? Was your focus placed on
improvement, or perfection instead? How did this make you
feel? Did you feel as if you did not succeed? If yes, why? Write
your answers down.
DAY SIXTEEN
Affirmation
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I am powerful
I am strong
I am worth my weight in gold
I have unlimited potential
I use this potential to the best of my abilities
I trust my instincts
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
Mother Teresa
Have you learned from this mistake and what did you do
to rectify the mistake? Also ask yourself whether you learned
a positive or negative lesson from this mistake? And why?
Write all your answers down.
In the long run, you will thank yourself for going a little
easier on yourself! You deserve it!
DAY SEVENTEEN
Affirmation
DANIEL PATRA147
I am healthy
I am strong
I am worthy
I am in charge of my life
I love and respect myself and others and
Others respect me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
“The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.”
Sidney J. Harris
So, think about this and write your answer in your journal.
This may be one only thing; but if you can think of a few…
why not list them too?
Then ask yourself since when you have enjoyed doing this
and if you still continue to do this today? If you answer is no,
ask yourself why not?
So, the next time you feel that you do not have time to
relax… just take a step back and claim some precious and
well deserved quiet time for yourself!
Affirmation
I am focused
I am confident
I can achieve my goals
I am in charge of my life
I enjoy my sense of happiness
I see the joys in life
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
All too often we place our focus firmly on all the big
things in our lives. From the promotion which you have
received to buying a new home, or driving a new car.
Think back to when last you have enjoyed this; when last
have you witnessed a beautiful sunrise or sunset? When last
have you really stopped to “smell the roses?”
Then make a list of ten ways in which this has brought joy
into your life. You need to acknowledge how once again, by
placing your focus firmly on the small stuff, which you have
missed; can bring that same joy back again!
DAY NINETEEN
Affirmation
I am loved
I draw positivity into my life
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I place my focus on that which is positive in my life
I have beautiful relationships
I love my family and friends and
My family and friends love me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
Think about this for a short while and make a list of how
you feel when you do something for others. Write down at
least ten things (or as many as you possibly can). The
monitor your feelings, as you will soon find that this gives
you a definitive boost!
158Self Esteem
But, before you hurry off to go help someone again… do
not forget that you should refer back to todays’ challenge
again… anytime and every time you need a boost…
DAY TWENTY
Affirmation
I am loving
I am forgiving
I love and forgive myself
I love and forgive other
I love my family and friends and
My family and friends love me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
Aesop
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These may seem like some harsh questions and you may
be facing some difficult decisions. But, your focus should be
to surround yourself with positive people – people who love
you and really care about you.
We have the ability to look past the flaws and place our
focus on the inner beauty that urged us to make someone
our best friend!
DAY TWENTY-ONE
Affirmation
Quote
Aesop
Ask yourself when last you have been assertive and why?
Also ask yourself how you felt at that time? Did you hurt
anyone’s feelings? Ask yourself why you have not been
assertive since then? What changed?
Keep your answers close by. You can copy this list and
keep this close by, as a constant reminder that you can do
this – you can be assertive and kind at the same time!
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those
who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Dr. Seuss
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DAY TWENTY-TWO
Affirmation
I am gifted
I am talented
I use my gift to the best of my ability
My life is on track
I love the journey that I am on
My life is fulfilled
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
Quote
“You are never given a wish without also being given the
power to make it come true. You may have to work for it,
however.”
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Richard Bach
Also ask yourself how you felt when you were able to use
your strengths. If you are no longer using your strengths, ask
yourself what changed?
DAY TWENTY-THREE
Affirmation
Quote
“The more you know yourself, the more clarity there is.
Self-knowledge has no end - you don't come to an
achievement; you don't come to a conclusion. It is an
endless river.”
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Jiddu Krishnamurti
You now need to place you focus on the things you wish
to change in your life. But, you need to choose only that
which is within your power to change. Write your answer in
your journal.
Ask yourself why you feel the need to change this? What
effect has this had on your life to date? Also ask yourself if
your life will be any better if you do make this change?
DAY TWENTY-FOUR
Affirmation
Quote
Gandhi
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So, do not feel bad if you feel the need to say “no”. You
will be surprised at some people’s reactions… they will
actually respect you more, for taking a stand.
Today’s challenge is all about one short little word…
“no.”
If this word has not been part of you vocabulary, then
today will be a good time to take note. So, keep your journal
handy.
Ask yourself when last you have said “no” to anyone who
has asked some sort of favor from you. Be honest in your
answer (and write it down). Then ask yourself who you have
said “no” to and when?
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If you have not said “no” to anyone in a very long time,
ask yourself why? What is the reason for this? What has been
preventing you from saying “no” to people?
Also ask yourself whether you are able and willing to start
saying “no” to people now?
You can say “no” without offending others, you just need
to gather your thoughts before you actually say it. Have you
not had people say “no” to you before? Was it really all that
bad?
Remember, that this does not mean that you care for
anyone, any less. But, you too need caring for and who
better than to offer that to you, than you yourself!
“Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself.
When you are carried away with your worries, fears,
cravings, anger and desire, you run away from yourself and
182Self Esteem
you lose yourself. The practice is always to go back to
oneself.”
Thich Nhat Hahn
DAY TWENTY-FIVE
Affirmation
Quote
Carl Sandburg
Then ask yourself what dreams you had in the past and
why? When last have you focused on your dreams and why?
Also ask yourself how you felt when you had all of your
dreams? Have you given up on your dreams? If yes, why?
Then ask yourself if you would pursue your dreams again?
What steps would you need to take to fulfil your dreams?
So, find your special dream and find your inner courage to
make your dreams come true!
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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Discover.”
Mark Twain
DAY TWENTY-SIX
Affirmation
Quote
DANIEL PATRA187
Steven R. Covey
Yet, this is not only the best relationship, but also the
longest relationship that you will ever have – invest time in
yourself!
Today is all about you… what you like, what you need,
how you feel about your life and how you wish to continue
on this journey. Once again, use your journal to write all your
answers down.
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So, take some quiet time… kick up your feet and spend
some time with your actual best friend… you!
190Self Esteem
“Sometimes we live our lives like puzzle pieces turned
upside down - only showing the world our grey sides. Then
along comes life, and it starts flipping them over, showing to
us and the world more than just the outline of who we are -
it shows us the colors. If we can start to turn more over and
put them together, we can see the picture of who we really
are emerge.”
Manifest
DAY TWENTY-SEVEN
Quote
DANIEL PATRA191
Steven R. Covey
This is all okay, if it lasts only for one day. But, if this
continues, we should notice the danger of an underlying
problem.
“When you reach for the stars, you are reaching for the
farthest thing out there. When you reach deep into yourself,
it is the same thing, but in the opposite direction. If you
reach in both directions, you will have spanned the
universe.”
Vera Nazarian
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT
Affirmation
Quote
Steve Maraboli
Keep your thoughts in check and the rest of your life will
all fall into place…
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Today’s challenge is all about positive thinking. So you
will need to focus on your thoughts and your feelings.
Now duplicate this list and keep the copy close by – paste
it onto your motivation board, think of you own positive
DANIEL PATRA197
quotes or make use of the quotes that we have used in this
book. Once again the choice is yours!
DAY TWENTY-NINE
Affirmation
Who I am is important
What I do makes a difference
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I add value to my life and the lives of others
I exude love, joy and inner peace
I see the love, joy and inner peace in others and
They see the love, joy and inner peace within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
Chris Moore
Also ask yourself whether you felt this way in the past
and if you did not – why not? What changed your perception
of yourself?
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DAY THIRTY
Affirmation
I am happy
I am worthy
I am important
I am valuable
Who I am makes a difference
I add value to the lives of all who cross my path
I am a child of the universe
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All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
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QUOTE
“The greatest thing you will ever give to the world is your
commitment to leave what you find in better condition
than the way you found it. Leave a single light in a place
where there was once darkness so those coming behind
you may see further and begin where you left.”
Tonny K. Brown
Today is you your last day! So, today you need to focus on
your journey ahead. Today you need to do some serious
thinking – you need to decide on a future goal!
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Also ask yourself how you feel about setting this goal –
are you excited or are you afraid and ask yourself why?
“When you find a dream inside your heart, never let it go,
for dreams are the seeds from which beautiful tomorrow’s
grow.”
Final Thoughts
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