Unit III: Building and Maintaining Relationships

MODULE 9: Personal Relationships

Objectives: At the end of this module, you will be able to:
1. discuss an understanding of teen-age relationships, including the acceptable and unacceptable
expressions of attractions,
2. express your ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment; and
3. identify ways to become responsible in a relationship
I- WHAT DO WE MEAN BY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS?
Family
Friends
Partnerships
II- WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT
Research shows that healthy relationships can help you:
• Live longer
• Deal with stress
• Be healthier
• Feel richer
On the other hand, low social support is linked to a number of health consequences, such as:
• Depression
• Decreased immune function
• Higher blood pressure
Activity: STATEMENTS ON RELATIONSHIPS
III- 25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
Here is the list of the most common relationship problems most often encountered by couples:
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships
(including ‘sexting’), long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity.
2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and including questions around your gender, or your partner's
gender.
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs.
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or have ‘changed’ significantly for whatever reason.
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-Related Stress, long-term illness, mental health
issues, Financial Problems, problems with the children, infertility and many more.
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
8. Dealing with a jealous partner
9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as physical abuse: THE most serious relationship problem
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children, health and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your partner / spouse is the princess / knight and not seeing the
'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and tasks. It is not always women who
complain about this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness: feeling the relationship is one-sided is a
big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a change in relationship dynamics
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one partner or both.
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline / deal with the children.
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing something positive to address the
cause, or about learning to handle it if it cannot be changed.
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant problems after the birth of your baby.
 Unit III: Building and Maintaining Relationships

Portfolio Output No. 5: Reflections on Personal Relationships

Write a reflection paper on your relationships, why they are important, and how you intend to keep the good
relationships strong and healthy.
Activity: LETTER FROM MOM
Activity: GROUP DISCUSSION ON LETTER FROM MOM
Portfolio Output No. 6: Response to Mom’s Letter Put yourself in the shoes of Shane and write a letter in
response to Mom. Explain your thoughts, feelings, and actions as a child who is now almost an adult. Bring your
letter during the next class session.
IV- NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Connect with your family
Practice gratitude
Learn to forgive
Be compassionate
Accept others
Create rituals together
Spend the right amount of time together
V- TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING LONG-LASTING AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS
YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
- Your relationship with yourself is the central template from which all others are formed. Loving yourself is
a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with another.
PARTNERING IS A CHOICE MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE
- The choice to be in a relationship is up to you. You have the ability to attract your beloved and cause the
relationship you desire to happen.
CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS
- Moving from “I” to “we” requires a shift in perspective and energy. Being an authentic couple is an evolution.
RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW
- Your relationship will serve as an unofficial “life shop” in which you will learn about yourself and how you
can grow on your personal path.
COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL
- The open exchange of thoughts and feelings is the lifeblood of your relationship.
NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED
- There will be times when you and your partner must work through impasses. If you do this consciously and
with respect, you will learn to create win-win outcomes.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY CHANGE
- Life will present turns in the road. How you maneuver those twists and turns determines the success of
your relationship.
YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE
- Treasure your beloved and your relationship will flourish.
RENEWAL IS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY
- Happily, ever after means the ability to keep the relationship fresh and vital.
YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU FALL IN LOVE
- You know all these rules inherently. The challenge is to remember them when you fall under the enchanting
spell of love.
Activity: HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ITEMS SET
Activity: I KNOW THE SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
VI- KEEPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Good relationships are fun and make you feel good about yourself. The relationships that you make in your
youth years will be a special part of your life and will teach you some of the most important lessons about who you
are. Truly good relationships take time and energy to develop. All relationships should be based on respect and
honesty, and this is especially important when you decide to date someone.
In a healthy relationship, both partners:
• Are treated with kindness and respect
• Are honest with each other
• Like to spend time together
• Take an interest in things that are important to each other
• Respect one another’s emotional, physical and sexual limits
• Can speak honestly about their feelings
 Unit III: Building and Maintaining Relationships

Love should never hurt

Dating relationships can be wonderful! But while it’s important that dating partners care for each other, it’s
just as important that you take care of yourself! About 10% of high school students say they have suffered
violence from someone they date. This includes physical abuse where someone causes physical pain or injury to
another person. This can involve hitting, slapping, or kicking.
Sexual abuse is also a type of violence, and involves any kind of unwanted sexual advance. It can include
everything from unwelcome sexual comments to kissing to intercourse. But abuse doesn’t always mean that
someone hits or hurts your body.
Emotional abuse is anything that harms your self-esteem or causes shame. This includes saying things that
hurt your feelings, make you feel that you aren’t worthwhile, or trying to control who you see or where you go.
Remember, you deserve healthy, happy relationships. Abuse of any type is never okay.
Break the Silence: Stop the Violence It may shock you to know that one out of every eleven teens reports being
hit or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past twelve months. But why is that, and how can we
change it? In "Break the Silence: Stop the Violence," parents talk with teens about developing healthy, respectful
relationships before they start dating.
HOW TO COMMUNICATE
Talking openly makes relationships more fun and satisfying; especially when you both talk about each
other’s needs for physical, emotional, mental and sexual health. You can’t expect a partner to know what you want
and need unless you tell them. The simple fact is that none of us are a mind reader--so it's important to be open
about your needs and expectations.
MAKING THE DECISION: DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO HAVE SEX
The decision of whether or not to have sex is up to you, and you alone. Therefore, don’t be afraid to say
"no" if that’s how you feel. Having sex for the first time can be a huge emotional event. There are many questions
and feelings that you may want to sort out before you actually get "in the heat of the moment." Ask yourself:
• Am I really ready to have sex?
• How am I going to feel after I have sex?
• Am I doing this for the right reasons?
• How do I plan to protect myself/my partner from sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy?
• How am I going to feel about my partner afterwards?
TALKING TO YOUR PARENTS
You probably think that talking to your parents about sex is impossible. You're not alone; 83 percent of kids
your age is afraid to ask their parents about sex. Yet 51 percent of teens actually do. So... kids are not only talking
to their parents about sex, they're also benefiting from conversations they were afraid to have in the first place!
Lucky them, right? The truth is that most parents want to help their kids make smart decisions about sex. They
know it's vital for teens to have accurate information and sound advice to aid the decision-making process.
But remember: Not every person your age is having sex. Even if sometimes it feels like everyone is "doing it," it
is important to realize that this is not true. People often talk about sex in a casual manner, but this doesn't mean
they are actually having sex.
VII- BASIC RIGHTS IN A RELATIONSHIP
• The right to emotional support
• The right to be heard by the other and to respond
• The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your partner's
• The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
• The right to live free from accusation and blame
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
• The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered
In addition to these basic relationship’s rights, consider how you can develop patience, honesty, kindness, and
respect.
Activity: POSTER ON BASIC RIGHTS IN RELATIONSHIPS
On a piece of ¼ illustration board, sketch, draw, or design a poster which shows one’s basic rights in a
relationship.