Introduction

Hi Everyone,

My name is Refiloe Mokoena, I’m 25 Years of age

I am employed as a financial advisor, and I have a Bcom that I obtained from Wits

I am the only daughter last born from my Mother Matshidiso and My father Kabelo

I’ve been single now for about a year and two months.

Please take this heartfelt Journey with me, I hope you enjoy it.

Love Lots FIFI

I woke up on Monday Morning trying to figure out what to wear for Work.

I opted for a black two piece dress suit, and my black Christian Louboutin heels

I did a quick 360 turnaround and I must say I look damn hot😋 and headed out the door, quickly
remembering to put my alarm code on.

As I got in the car (white Audi, A4 sedan) I made mental note to get breakfast on my way to work. You
can't start your day of with out the most important meal of the day. So says my mother. I quickly
popped into a Engen (Woolworths food) garage and grabbed Muslie and yogurt. Then got back into my
car and headed to work.

Once I got to work I parked my car at my designated Parking and took a lift to the fist floor. When the lift
opened the first person I saw was our receptionist Anna. She is not only the most efficient person I
know, but also the most caring. I greeted her with a smile and had a two minute conversation about the
weekend.

Her: so Fifi, how was your weekend

Me: pretty dull, and yours😓?

She smiled and said, maybe it's time you got a boyfriend, a pretty girl like you shouldn't have to spend
her weekends alone.😳

I just smiled as she told me about her weekend that she spent with her husband and daughter.

I left Anna and headed to my office. First things first, I put my laptop on and went to the kitchen to get a
spoon so I could eat breakfast. While in the kitchen I bumped into Sizwe, our company's in house lawyer
and to me a friend and colleague. Most of the girls here are infatuated by his charms and good looks.
But me all I see is my friend, well my gorgeous friend lol. Sizwe is 31, light skin, tall ,well built and a
serial cheater.

Him: mmm look at you, looking all sorts of sophisticated

Me: Haai man Sizwe, it's too early for your nonsense today, lol

Him: Nxa, wapapa hle

I just laughed, you guys will come too see that Sizwe is a natural flirt

Me: so, how was your weekend

Him: wouldn't you like to know😃 just kidding I was mostly out clubbing and met a new chick, her name
is Luyanda.

Me: and,what happened to Phindile ?

Him, chuckels, she became to clingy for my liking.

Me: mmm you know Sizwe one of these days you will need to settle down bro, u not getting any
younger.

Him: shame look who's talking, miss overly independent

Me: hey, it's not my fault that most men are threatened by women like me

Him: no man, you are just too picky.

Me: anyway got to run, I've got a meeting with one our directors today and still need to print out my
presentation for one of my clients

Him: cool, see you at lunch

Me: sharp

As I headed back to my office,I thought about what Sizwe said. Maybe I am just to picky.

You know I've been single for over a year and still can't seem to find a nice decent man. Any way, I don't
have time to think about it, I had too much on my plate.
2

When I got to my desk, I found a note from our Anna, informing me that the company director Mr
Jonathan Gray would like to see me in his office ASAP.

I automatically thought something might be wrong, I mean I know I had a progress report meeting with
him at 11:00, but it was only 9 And he was already looking for me.

I quickly grabbed my notepad and headed for Mr Grays office.

Knock knock

Him (Mr Gray), come in Refiloe

Me: Hi Mr Gray, Anne says you would like to see me

Him: yes, please take a seat,

Him, I know this is short notice, but I need your assistance with something. I've got a potential client
coming in at 10:00am, he might be one of our biggest clients we sign this year I’m going to need you to
sit in the meeting, since I'm going to be in the UK, from next couple of weeks. You might need to handle
his portfolio while I'm away. Are you up for it?

Wow, I couldn't believe that Mr Gray, would choose me out of everyone to assist him in securing a
client😄

Me: yes of course, I'd be happy to assist.

Him: good, here's, what you need to know about him. You have approximately an hour to familiarize
yourself with who and what Mr Ndhlovu does.

I took the company brochure and headed to my office.

Once I got to my office I typed Ndhlovu corporations inc into the search engine and started my research.
I specifically went into the "our teams" tab to take a look at this so called Mr Ndhlovu, I mean if he's
meeting with my Boss then he must be quite a big deal. mr Gray only deals with the "top dogs" as
people would say.

The moment I laid eyes on Siyabonga Chad Ndhlovu, I could believe my eyes, Not only was Mr Ndhlovu
the Founder and CEO of Ndhlovu corporations, he was one of the most good looking men I'd ever seen. I
chuckled a bit and thought, na, he can't look like that in real life. Im sure it's an old picture or the lighting
is really good., anyway I quickly exited that tab and started reading up about his company.

At 10:00am on the dot my office line rang, it was Anne, informing me that Mr Ndhlovu had arrived, I
thought well, it's now or never.

I took my laptop and notepad and headed for the boardroom.

When I arrived, Mr Gray was shacking Mr Ndhlovu's hand, I walked towards them and made a short
prayer for not to make a fool of myself. As I got closer, Mr Ndhlovu turned towards me and our eyes
met. I swear for that moment it felt like there was only the two of us in that room, he looked absolutely
breathtaking. He truly did look as good looking as he did in his company profile. His caramel brown skin
looked like it had been kissed by the sun and he had bright white teeth and dark brown eyes. He wore a
dark navy blue form fitted cut suit, a white shirt with silver cufflinks, navy tie and black formal shoes. I
thought to myself get your act together Fifi, this is an opportunity for you to finally prove yourself, I
reluctantly removed my eyes from his gaze as I greeted Mr Gray again.

Him: (mr g) oh, hi Rifiloe, I would like you to meet, Siyabonga Ndhlovu. Mr Ndhlovu this is Rifiloe
mokoena , she will be my second hand in assisting you with your portfolio

I held out my hand to shake mr Ndhlovu's hand, and tried my best not to stare into his dreamy eyes.

I think I felt some sort of a spark when his hands met with mine, it felt like there was some sort of
electricity pulling between us, I wish I could explain it😉

Me: Mr Ndhlovu, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Him: the pleasure is all mine miss or is it Mrs Mokoena

Me: just Miss Mokena will do,

If there is one thing you all should know about me is that I don't mix business with pleasure. I'm not
much of a dater, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up because I was too committed to my job. I've always
believed that I don't need a man to take care of me. I work hard so that I can provide for myself. But that
doesn't mean I don't feel lonely sometimes. Some of my friends say I'll never find a man because I'm too
picky, but I just believe that somewhere out there is a man who will understand me. Anyway, let’s get
back to the story.
We all sat at the boardroom table, and Anne walked in to offer us something to drink.

I opted for a rooibos, while Mr Gray and Mr Ndhlovu both opted for a cappuccino.

Once we all had something to drink we started our meeting.

So all in all Mr Ndhlovu had over R 200 000 000.00 that he need us to manage for him.

He owned 4 properties, 3 in South Africa and 1 in the USA, 5 cars, 1 private jet and 1 boat.

(Look, we are used to dealing with wealthy people in my line of work, but this was at another level)

So we concluded our meeting and Mr Gray informed Mr Ndhlovu that I would be in touch sometime
during the week to set up an appointment.

We stood up shook hands again, and Mr NDHLOVU left.

Me: well, that went well,

Him: (mr gray), yes, it sure did. Come we've only got a few days to come up with killer presentation.

Him: I'm trusting you with this client Refiloe, please don't screw it up. Let me know if you need my help.

Me: thank you sir, I'll do my best

Him: good, that’s what I like to hear.

I walked away to my office with a huge grin on my lips and started working on Mr Ndhlovu’s
presentation.

After a while of drowning myself in work, I started feeling hungry.

I was so busy working on this presentation that I had forgotten to eat my breakfast, so I figured I would
go out and get myself something to eat. I took my car keys and purse and left.

Me: Anne, I'm quickly going to go get lunch, please take messages for me, I should see back in an hour.
Her: sure Fifi, no problem.

I drove to one of my favourite restaurants and ordered a chicken Cesar salad to go.

I was busy on my phone responding to emails while waiting and when I looked up and saw MR Ndhlovu.
I swear my heart skipped a beat. He was sitting and at a table with four other male figures, Damn, you
could tell that these guys weren't just ordinary business men, these were the kind of men that would
make woman from wet, just by looking at them.😁

He spotted me from across the room and smiled. I smiled back and continued on my phone. I wasn't
going to walk over to him and make a fool of myself in front of all those guys.

When I looked up again he was walking towards me. My Heart started racing, my palms started
sweating. All I could think was get yourself together Fifi. .

Him: Miss Mokoena, we meet again,

Me: Mr Ndhlovu, how Are you?

Him: good thanks. Would you like to join us for lunch?

Me: oh no thank you, I'm just grabbing a takeaway, I'll eat at the office.

Him: mmm, I see, maybe next time,

Me: maybe (blushing)

Him: so have you set up an appointment with my PA for the end of the week?

Me: no, not as yet, I'll give her a call once I get back to the office.

Him: good

Him: you know it's unfair, you know so much about me, and yet I only know a few details about you.

Me; (blushing like an idiot) well, what would you like to know?

Him: mmm, I'm pretty sure if I told you, you would run out of here.

Me: (smiling) well, then I guess you will never know😜

Him: (chuckles) oh Miss Mokoena, if I want to know something, I always find a way.

I just stood there like an idiot not knowing what to say. I mean if someone says that what am I supposed
to say in return?

Thank the goodness my order arrived.

Me: it was nice seeing you again Mr Ndhlovu

Him: always a pleasure.

I held out my hand to shake his, and he leaned in to kiss my hand instead. And walked away.

To say I was blushing was an understatement.

I got in my car and drove back to the office with the biggest grin on my face.

The rest of the day was really dull in comparison to the morning.

I left at 4:00pm and hedged to the gym. Needed to work off some steam, and try get this man out my
mind. Even if it was just for an hour.

Both Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty much uneventful, I spent most of my day working Mr
Ndhlovus Portfolio.

I had to work late on Wednesday, because I had a meeting with Mr Ndhlovu on Thursday at his offices at
09:00am. His PA advised that it would have to be an early appointment, since Mr Ndhlovu would be
returning to CT

On Thursday I woke up, nervous as hell, hoping my presentation for Mr Ndholvu would go well.

I really hoped I wouldn’t screw up, or say something dumb.

Anyway I woke up, had a shower and wore black pantsuit, with black studded heels, and a baby blue
shirt.

I wanted to look, sophisticated but also feminine.

Since I had some time on my hands I decided to give my mom a call, I hadn’t spoken to her in over a
week.
Her: Fifi

Me: Hi ma, how are you,

Her; ke hantle hle ngwanaka wena?

Me; im fine ma, just miss you guys.

Her; le runa re ya hohopola. O tlo tlaneneg haye?

Me; eish, ha ke tsebe mme, work is keeping me really busy so, maybe next month

Her: oho. Wena he, o dula u le busy.

Me; I know ma, oh, and I wont be able to come home for easter holidays.

Her; hobaneng jwale fifi? Watseba ntate wahao o tlo kwata jwang. He was planning on going to church
with you.

Me; I know hle ma, but he, ke tlabe ke le CT,

Her; ok fifi. Ke yah o rata ne nana

Me; me too ma, give my love Papa.

Her: will do

Once I had spoken to my mom, I left my key under the mat for my Helper, (ausi mavis) and left for Mr
Ndhlovus offices.

While in the car I noticed my heart started beating at a not so steady pace, my palms started sweating
and I felt like I had some sort of butterflies in my stomach.

I laughed at myself and thought’’ you really are an idiot’’ this guy is probably married or in a
relationship, and anyway, GOLDEN RULE NO 1. Never, ever mix business with pleasure.

I put on my radio, and listened to Metro. I knew that between Glen and Unathi, one of them would
make me forget about my stupid girl crush. Even if it was just for a moment.

Upon arrival at Ndhlovu Corporations Inc. I was shown to Mr Ndhlovu’s office/boardroom.

I must say was very impressed, his office/boardroom in one was the size some peoples flats.

It had a boardroom table that could fit 6 people. A 4 seater couch and Desk whre he worked off.
Everything was mainly white. Very sterile, except for this one painting of some sort of map. I didn’t
really understand the painting, but at lease it brought some colour into the office.
I set up my presentation and waited for Mr Ndhlovu. I waited, and waited and waited, and then sensed
him, before he even said anything. I just knew he was behind me standing at the door. I could smell his
cologne and those damn butterflies started roaming around in my stomach.

Í knew he was staring at me from the door, but I refused to turnaround. I just carried on pretending that
I was typing something on my laptop.

He must have given up, cause then he finally walked in.

Him; Miss Mokoena, my apologies for keeping you waiting. My last meeting ran over.

Me; No problem, I was just catching up on some work.

Thought he would take a seat opposite me, but NO, he sat right next to me. I made a silent prayer asking
God, to help me not passout

Him: have you been offered something to drink?

ME; Yes thank you’ve already had a cup of coffee.

Him; good. Shall we begin?

Me; yes, of course.

An hour later, I was done with my presentation. I had answered all his questions. And had emailed him
some documents that he would need to sign. Everything was full steam ahead. I was finally able to relax.

Him; Well, now that that’s over, how about you tell me something more about yourself

Me; Well, im not really nearly as interesting as you.

Him: don’t underestimate yourself. Im sure there is more than meets the eye, when it comes to you.

Me; (Sigh) ok so, What would you like to know?

Him; everything

Me; there is no time for me to tell you everything. But in a nutshell, I’m 25, Have BCOM through Wits
University, I live alone in fourways, I’m the only child and my life is my career.

Him; so, there’s no boyfriend in the picture?

Me; No, not at the moment. I’ve been single for just over a year

Him; why would a woman like you be single for so long?

Me; I don’t know. My friends say I’m too picky

Him; well are you?

Me: I don’t think so. I just know what I want. And most men don’t measure up.

Him; what about me? Would I measure up?

I looked at him blankly. There was no way I was going to answer him.

This meeting had just become too personal. I had to get out of here ASAP, but I also didn’t want to seem
rude.

Him: so you’re just going to sit there smiling and not answer my question?

Me: I prefer not to answer that question

Him; ok, I’ll take that as a yes

Me: I didn’t say that

Him; you don’t have to. I can tell by how you’re blushing

Me: okay, I’ve got to get going

Him; but you haven’t asked me about my life

Me; I know everything I need to know about you

Him; what exactly do you think you know, except for the finances of course.

Me; Well, your 34 this year, you have a Business degree from UJ, you have Son by the name of Olwetho,
and you are a mama’s boy of note

He laughed

Him; and how do you know all of the

ME: google

Him; so google, told you I’m a mama’s boy

Me: No; I read one of the articles they wrote about you at jozi magazine, and you spoke a lot about your
mother. I could just tell from there that you were a mams boy.

Him; Well, your right about everything, except for the fact that you missed the part where I’m single

I looked at him again, and started blushing.

Me; so why are you single

Him; well, it’s difficult finding someone who loves you for you and not for your money.

Me; I can only imagine. So what happen with the mother of your child? If you don’t mind me asking?

Him; she wanted to settle down and build a family. And I wanted to build an empire. So she moved on.

Me; I see
I was kind of disappointed by his answer, because that meant that they didn’t fight or hate each other. It
just meant they grew apart and wanted different things.

Me; I should really get going, I’m sure you’ve got far more important things to do, than chit chat all day

Him; I’m not complaining, it’s actually quite interesting speaking with you.

Me; well in that case, tell me about your son

When he told me about his son, you could see his eyes light up. You could tell that he loved him dearly I
smiled. He told me how he was good at soccer, and how he spoke to him every day. We spoke some
more about life and hobbies and our parents. It felt like we were old friends catching up.

I was even ok with him sitting next to me. I didn’t feel as nervous as I did when I first arrived.

When I looked at the time it was 12; 00, I had been here for over 3 hours.

I stood up and started packing my stuff. I needed to get back to the office. I had a million things to do,
for Mr Ndhlovu and my other clients.

Being the gentleman that he is, he also stood and helped me with my stuff.

When I turned to look at him to say goodbye. He was standing next to me with a smile on his face.

He took my hand in his and looked me in the eyes, I immediately looked away, and I knew that if I
looked at him I would get lost in the moment. He moved closer then he lifted my chin up with his finger,
I didn’t realise how close our faces were until that very moment. I held my breath, because I knew what
he wanted to do and I knew I also wanted it. I could smell his cologne, and his minty freshness from his
mouth. The intensity of that moment was killing me. He leaned in closer, and was about to kiss me, until
someone barged into his office.

Shit. It was his PA

We bothed looked at her, and she left.

I immediately came back to my senses. What the hell was I thinking? I needed to get out of here.

I tried releasing my had from his, but he held on tighter

Me; I’ve got to go, I’m sorry, this is a mistake, I should have never allowed that to happen.

Him: Why are you fighting this?

Me; I’m not fighting anything.

Him; we both know you are.

Me; please let go of my hand

Him; only of you promise to have lunch with me

Me: I can’t, I’ve got too much to do today

Him; then well have dinner. I’m not taking no for an answer

ME; aren’t you supposed be going to CT

Him; yes, but I can postpone it to later, or even tomorrow

Me; that won’t be necessary. I’ll meet you for quick drinks . Let’s say 4pm

Him; that’s perfect. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable

Me; Its fine, you didn’t, I should really get going,

Him; ok, I’ll walk you out

He let go of my hand and walked with me to reception.

I looked straight ahead, I didn’t want to have to look at his PA. I was beyond embarrassed.

When we got to reception, I held out my hand to shake his, but he kissed it instead.

I just laughed, this man doesn’t know when to stop.

Him; you’ll let me know where we’ll be meeting?

Me; yes, ill sms you you. But I also need to set up another appointment with your PA. I think Sizwe,
might need to be there in order to assist with opening of the trust for your Son.

Him; ill hear from you then

Me; Ok, Bye

Him; Bye

He kissed my cheek, the turned around and walked away.

His receptionist was looking at me like she had seen a ghost. I just smiled, and walked out of there.

I left his office, feeling very confused, I didn't understand why I was behaving the way I was. I’m usually
pretty good with keeping things professional and keeping most men at arm’s length. But this guy. There
was just something about him.

When I got to the office, I greeted Anne, and went straight to my office.

I laid my head on the table and let out a huge sigh.

When I looked up my boss was standing at my door, with a quizzical look on his face
Me: oh, hi, sorry, I didn't see you come in

Him: no worries, how did your presentation go?

Me: I think it went well, all that's left now is for him to send me the contracts and we can begin. Then I
need to set up an appointment with Mr Ndhlovu and Sizwe, so that they can set up a trust for his son.

Him: that's good to hear. Make sure you are in that meeting, I need you to handle everything

Me: will do

Him: are you ok? You seem a bit off

Me: yes, I'm fine, just got a bit of a headache

Him ok: take the rest of the day off

Me; thank you, but I’ve got far too much to do

Him; suit yourself

He left me to my own misery or should I say dreaded excitement. I wanted to tell him I was meeting Siya
for drinks at 4pm, but I was too scared he’d take it the wrong way.

While I was busy contemplating on whether I should have told MR Gray or not, Sizwe walked into my
office with a huge bouquet of pink and white roses, I looked at him quizzically as he put them on my
desk.

Me; and now?

Him; they are for you, a delivery guy just dropped them off. So are you going to open the card?

Me: no

Him; why

Me; because I know who they’re from

Him; do tell

Me; close the door

Sizwe being the mamgobis that he is rushed to close the door

Me; they’re from Siyabonga

Him; who’s Siyabonga

Me; a client

Him; wait, do you meant Siyabonga, as in Mr Ndhlovu

Me; yep, that’s the one

Him; no

Me; yes

Him; so vela, you to have something going on

Me; no.

Him; you like him don’t you?

I just looked at him.

Him; oh my gosh,

Me; you can’t say anything to anyone

Him; I won’t need to. That smile of yours does all the talking

I just laughed at him, because I think somehow Sizwe was right.

Him; so you know as your friend, I say go ahead and have fun. Plus you haven’t had some loving in a long
ass time. But as you lawyer, I have to tell you to be careful. If you pursue this you might have to give him
up as a client. It would be considered a conflict of interest if you remained his Advisor then started
dating him.

I sighed, I knew Sizwe was right, but is it such a bad thing to want both?

After Sizwe left, I dived headfirst into my work. I needed a distraction from the whole Siyabonga saga.

Luckily I manged to get quite a lot done, until I was distracted by my office line ringing.

Me: Rifiloe hello

Him: Rifiloe, Hi, it's Siyabonga

Me: Hi, what’s up?

Him: you haven’t sent me a location for drinks

Me: Shit, sorry, I totally forgot. Aahmm, what about Southern Sun, at Hyde park? They’ve got a lovely
rooftop bar, and it’s also very private

Him; so you don’t want to be seen with me

Me; that’s not what I meant, I just thought it would be better if we didn’t give people the wrong
impression

Him; and what kind of impression would that be?

Me; that there is more to us than just our professional relationship

Him; I see. You do know I don’t plan on just having a “professional” relationship with you right

Me; (clears throat) well, in life you can’t always have what you want

Him; Im not the type of guy who takes no for an answer.

Me; we will just have to see about that.

Him; indeed.

Me; ive got to go, ill see you at 4

Him; ok, don’t miss me too much

I just hung up. I wasn’t going to answer that. Plus I couldn't understand what this man wanted from me.
I mean, a man of his calibre must have woman throwing themselves at him, and yet he wants to be
"friends" with me? haai, some things just don't make sense

As I was busy thinking about this, Sizwe, walked into my office

By the time I looked at my watch it was already 15:30pm,

Shit, I was going to be late, I packed my laptop and left for Hyde Park

Luckily traffic wasn’t too bad, I made it just in time.

When I spotted Siya, he was seated at the corner. I walked towards him, he stood up. He gave me a hug
and pulled out my chair for me.
I must say, he was making it difficult, to remain friends.

Him; thank you for joining

Me; it’s a pleasure

Him; you look nervous

Me; I am a bit, I’m not sure if this such a good idea

Him; relax, it’s just drinks. What can I order you?

Me; a glass of Anthonij Rupert optima?

Him; Sure. I didn’t think you’d be the red wine kinda girl

Me; it helps calm the nervous

Him; in that case, we’ll order a bottle

Me; Are you trying to get me drunk?

Him; would that be wrong of me?

Me; most certainly would

Him; ok, a glass it is

He called the waiter and ordered our drinks.

Me; Oh, I also wanted to say thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful

Him; Im glad you liked them

Me; did you pick them, or did you get your PA to pick them?

Him; I picked them, I just told her to make sure they were delivered before our date today.

Me; Date?

Him; Yes. Date

Me; I’m just going to keep quite

He laughed at me, and we sat chatting away, as if we had known each other for years.

We moved from having drinks, to ordering dinner, then ordering more drinks.

I had even forgotten to that he was a client. I felt more like we were on a date.
After much laughter and butterflies, it was time I headed home.

It was already 9pm, and I had work tomorrow.

Me; Thank you for Dinner.

Him; it’s my pleasure. Hopefully it will be the first of many

ME; we’ll see.

I stood up, and he stood too. He paid the bill and walked me to my car.

I got to my car and opened the boot to put my handbag in, then turned around to shake his hand.

As I held out my hand, he laughed at me

Him; you can’t be serious?

Me; What?

Him; I think we’re way past the formalities

Me; Really. Ok, so what do you suggest?

Him; I’ll take a hug,

Me; I guess that won’t hurt

He came close, and gave me a hug. You could tell that he worked out, his biceps were strong and he
smelled delicious. We broke our hug and he kissed me on my cheek.

HIM; call me and let me know that you arrived home safely

Me; Ok

I didn’t know what to else to say. It’s not like he was asking me. Instead he was telling me.

I don’t usually respond well, to being told what to do, but in his case, I found it kind of sexy ;)

6
(BONUS NYANA FOR TODAY> HOPE YOU ENJOY)

Friday is normally a very chilled day at the office. It's a day where we don't see clients but rather catch
up on admin and prepare for the following week.

After taking shower I wore my black ripped jeans, a white Nike golf shirt, black leather jacket and my
White Nike wedge sneakers. And decided to leave my hair down for the day.

On my way to make breakfast I got an sms from Siya, wishing me a good day. I replied with a smiley face
and wished him the same.

I went to work in a pretty good mood. I was even listening to Nicki Minaj, because I was also feeling
myself mos ;)

When I got to the office, I went to Sizwes office. I wanted us to go for drinks after work. He was on the
phone, so I told him to come see me when he’s done.

When I got to my desk I started on the admin. I dreaded every minute of it. But hey, it had to get done.
Luckily Sizwe came to save me.

Him; Sweety mama

Me; Hey . I wanted to know if you wanted to do drinks after work today

Him; ok, as long as you don’t mind some of my friends joining us?

Me; which friends?

Him; abo Themba, no Xolile

Me; ok, as long as your there.

Him; ok, im in

Me; so where are we going? Please don’t say news cafe

Him; mxm, hana wena o miss princess. Well van dag, you are coming wherever I’m taking you. Finish an
klaar

I gave up. All I was looking for was a good time anyway, and I know as long as Sizwe is there. Things will
be moja
The rest of the day was pretty boring, but at least I had something to look forward to.

At around 4:30pm , Sizwe and I left. We decided to take his car and leave mine at the office. I made him
promise he would take me home. There was no way I was sleeping at his crib. Never!

When we were driving, I already knew he was taking me to chaf-pozi. I didn’t mind though, because it
had been a while since I had braai vleis. By the time we arrived it was already 6pm. Traffic on a Friday on
the M1 south is a real bitch. I couldn’t believe we sat for 2 hours. None the less I was excited.

We sat at a table, and his friends started to arrive. I already knew them, so I was kind of ok being the
only girl.

The music was pumping, the drinks were coming one after the other and most importantly I was
enjoying myself. The best thing about going out with only guys is that they really protective of you. And
knowing Siya, I could get drunk as I wanted and he would keep an eye on me.

While I was busy grooving my butt off, Siya called. At this stage I was not drunk, but I was alos not sober.
I walled outside to the parking, because I could hear him

Me; Siya

Him hi, how are you

Me; im good, and you?

Him; im good. Where are you?

Me; at Chaf-Poszi with some friends

Him; oh. How you getting home?

Me; Sizwe is dropping me off

Him; and you trust this Sizwe guy

He banna, and now whats with the interrogation

Me; yes, I trust Sizwe with my life.

Him; I see

Me; you sound jealous

Him; maybe I am

Me; well, shame, cause you can’t fetch me since you’re in CT

Him; don’t count you lucky stars just yet.

Me; what’s that supposed to mean?

Him; nothing

Me; ok. So ill speak to you later

Him; ok. Behave

Me; yes daddy

I hung up immediately. I mean who does he thinks he is telling me to behave. I always behave. Plus it’s
not like I get too drunk.

I walked back to where the guys were and carried on having fun. Sizwe had lost a bet and he was made
to drink 5 drinking shooters, one after the other. So much for my transport guy being sober. Anyway I
just figured I might have to uber home. As the night went on, the drunker Sizwe got, and the more I
drank water. Then my song came on and I was about to stand up to dance when I saw Siya and his
friends walking in. I immediately sat my ass down, and thanked my luck Stars I wasn’t too Drunk.

Siya walked straight past me. Didn’t even have the decency to say hello :) they sat at a table right behind
us and immediately ordered drinks. I on the other hand had just become as sober as a judge.

Sizwe looked at quizzically then came to sit next to me. he put his arm around my neck in a playful way.
But deep down I wanted him to get that dam arm away from me, cause I knew Siya was watching.

Sizwe; and now. Why do you look like you’ve just seen a ghost

ME; you’re an idiot sometimes you know.

Sizwe; what did I do?

Me; nothing. Siya just walked in. he’s sitting right behind us. Don’t look
Sizwe; OHH ok, now I see. So why don’t you go and say HI

Me; no, are you mad. He walked right past me and didn’t even look my way. Theres no way I’m going to
embarrass my self .

Sizw; Well, if your both going to ignore each other. Mina anagaz

I gave Sizwe a bottle of water. I needed him sober, since he was going to be my ride home.

Me; Sizwe

Him; Yaah.

Me; I need to go to the ladies. Please come with me

Him; Hai hai Rifiloe. Just go to the bathroom and come back. Why you acting like Miss Princess now. You
do know im not one of your girlfriends right

I looked at him and pouted. I know that usually get me what I want.

Him: nxa, lets go. Mara wena you abuse me. Straight

I smiled and stood up. There was no way I was gonna walk past Siya’s table alone.

As we walked past Siyas table, I held on to Sizwes hand so I wouldn’t get lost in the crowd.

Luckily when we got to the ladies there wasn’t a long cue, so Sizwe stood outside waiting for me.

I did my business, then went to freshen up a bit. I put on some deodorant, used my mouth wash and
tied my hair up.

When I was done Sizwe was still waiting for me.

See why I love him so much. He’s like the big brother I never had.

We walked back hand in hand to our table. When we arrived some of Sizwes other friends from
Mamelodi had arrived and taken our seats. I gave them all a hug because I knew them and ended up
sitting on Sizwes lap. The drinks started flowing again, and I knew that I was still in for a hell of a night. I
stuck to my water, because I didn’t really feel like drinking. Plus I was enjoying the conversation with
these guys. They were having a debate about who makes more money between lawyers and doctors. I
just laughed because they were being ridiculous.

When I looked at the corner of my eye, I saw Siya headed to our table. I looked away and continued
listening to the male testosterone talking at our table.

When he arrived he greeted everyone. I had to move off of Sizwe’s lap, because he stood to greet Siya.
Nxa.

Then Siya looked at me. I just smiled at him

Him; Can I have a word with you?

Me; I’m listening

Him; not here

Me; where

Him; outside

Me; Ok.

I gave Sizwe my handbag, and I walked out with Siya. When we were outside. He led me to a secluded
area. Im guessing he didn’t want people to hear us. I started getting nervous.

Me; and now? Why did we have to come all the way out here to talk?

Him; because, I needed talk to you privately

Me; ok. Were here, what’s up?

Him; I’m taking you home

Me; nope. Sizwe can take me home

Him; you expect me to let you get into a car with Sizwe. In case you hadn’t noticed. He is drunk

Me; then ill drive. In case you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t been drinking as much

Him; Are you always this stubborn

Me; yes. Especially when I’m pissed

Him; Well pissed or not im taking you home.

Me; are you always this bossy

Him; yes. Especially when I know I’m right.

Me; well I guess we’ve got a problem, because I’m not leaving here without Sizwe

Him; what is it with you and this Sizwe guy

Me; he’s my China.

He laughed at me. Like really laughed.

Him; Those martinis are getting to your head. Look the way I see it you’ve got TWO options. 1 you go
say goodbye to your friends and you come with me willingly. Or 2 I haul you over my shoulder and take
you to my car and we leave without saying goodbye

Me; you wouldn’t dare

Him; try me

I tried taking one step back but my back was against a wall. Shit. He looked at me and gave me one of
those mischievous smiles. Then held out his hand.

Him; Im guessing your going with option 1

Me;; Nxa. Lets go

When we arrived back inside Siya, walked to his table to fetch his keys. I took my bag from Sizwe then
pulled him to the side

Me; Bro, I'm heading home

Him; how you getting home?

Me; Siaya’s taking me

Him; are you sure about this

Me; yaah, I’ll be fine. But I need you to do me a favor

Him; anything

Me; I need you to let Themba drive you home. You’ve had way too much to drink.
Him; don’t worry about me. I’m a big boy. Plus you know with Themba being here there is no way he
would let me drive anyway

Me; OK. ill see you on Monday

I gave him a hug, then went to say goodbye to all the others.

Siya was eyeing me like a hawk, as I gave them all hugs. When I was finally done, I walked to Siyas table,
to tell him I was ready to go.

He got up, said goodbye to his friends and we left hand in hand.

When we got to his car, he opened for me, and I got in. then he went around and got in.

He started the car, but he didn’t reverse. Instead he just looked at me

Me; what?

Him; you’re going to be a handful aren’t you?

Me; well if you’re the kind of guy who isn’t used to being challenged, then yes. I’m going to be a hell of a
handful

Him; (chuckles) well, I’m up for the challenge

Me; we’ll see

Him; so, tell me about you and Sizwe

Me; what about us

Him; you were sitting on his lap

Me; well, I had nowhere else to sit. So I sat on Sizwe

Him; I See

Me; your Jealous

Him; Maybe I am

Me; I think it’s kind of sexy

Him; do you now

Me; yah, just little

I leaned in closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then moved back to my seat;

Me; you don’t need to be Jealous. Sizwe is like the brother I never had. We’ve never had anything
between us, and we never will.

Him; Good to know. i thought for a second there, i would have to break hisknees

Me; Shame on you.

Him; Now that thats over, how about another kiss

Me; in your dreams buddy

He laughed and we drove away. We spoke a lot on our way home. He was charming, funny and made
me wish I could take this further, but in reality, we couldn’t. It just wouldn’t be right

When we got to my place. Siya parked outside my garage and walked me to my door. I suddenly felt a
bit sad. I didn’t want him to go. I just wanted to pretend that everything was ok, and that we were living
in a Cinderella world where we could be together without any consequences.

Me; thank you for bringing me home

Him; it’s my pleasure

Me; do you want to come in?

Him; you don’t want me to go?

Me; no. not really

Him; ok, I’ll stay for a bit.

I smiled and we walked in. I showed him around then we went to the kitchen. I needed some Coffee.

Me; would you like a cup?

Him; sure. But you sit. I’ll make

Me; ok.
I sat on the counter while he boiled the water. It was so weird, I had only known this man for about a
week and I already felt so comfortable about him. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. But the fear
of taking that risk was stopping me. But what if he was the one and I was pushing him away. Mhhm
some things are truly unfair.

When he was done making coffee, we moved to the lounge and sat next to each other.

We drank our coffee, while we chatted. I took out one of my albums and he went through my childhood
photos of me. He kept laughing at all my poses. Then he got up and took our cups to the kitchen. When
he sat down again I leaned my head on his shoulder and let out a sigh.

Him; a penny for your thoughts

Me; don’t worry about it

Him; that bad ha

Me; I just don’t know what to do

Him; regarding us?

Me; yes

Him; well, why don’t you stop thinking about it and just decide to do follow your heart

Me; but if I did that then, what about my career

Him; we can cross that bridge when we get to it

I didn’t answer him, I just didn’t know what to do.

He shifted and faced me. I looked into his eyes and I saw a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life
with. He leaned in closer, and put his lips on mine

We stayed like that for a while, I think he was trying to see if I wanted to take it further. I couldn’t take
it any longer so I kissed him. I kissed him like I had been longing to from the moment I laid eyes on him.
He kissed me back with as much intensity and need. We kissed for so long, neither of us wanted to break
it because we knew that reality would kick in, and we weren’t ready for that.

When we finally broke the kissed, we were both panting for air.
Then reality started sneaking back in and i stood up. I needed to put some distance between us. I
shouldn’t have let him come in. what the fuck was I thinking. I could lose my job for this, not to mention
my reputation would be tainted.

Siya looked at me and he knew exactly what I was thinking

Him; don’t

Me; don’t want

Him; don’t try making this wrong

Me; it is wrong

Him; how

Me; Siya, I could lose everything

Him; I would never let it come to that

Me; you can’t control everything. This is my life were talking about

Him; I know that, but it doesn’t make me love you any less

Me; your putting me in an impossible situation

Him; Rifiloe, there is absolutely nothing impossible about this. I’m sure we could find a solution, if you
just for once let your guard down and let me in.

Me; I want to, I really do. But I just cant

Him; stop making excuses

He walked to where I was standing. He put his arms around me from behind, and kissed my neck.

Him; Just let me in. I promise you, I will take care of everything. Just stop fighting it.

Me; I need time

Him; I can give you that

Me; Thank you.

8
Siya stayed for a while longer. Then left to go home. To be totally honest I didn’t want him to go, but it
was too early for us to be having sleepovers. I still wasn’t sure what to do, so I didn’t want to confuse
him anymore than I already had.

Him; So will I see you tomorrow?

Me; I don’t think so. Siya, I need to take a step back, and think about things.

Him; ok, but just bear in mind, that I love you

Me; I will

He gave me a kiss on the cheek, then left.

I got back inside and went straight to bed. I needed sleep.

I woke up on Saturday morning at around 11; 00am.

I opened my windows and went to make breakfast. I was famished. I think it was because of all the
alcohol. But I’m grateful I didn’t wake up with a hangover.

I didn’t have any plans for the day, so I figured I’d catch up on some work. Anyway it’s not like I could go
anywhere since I had left my car at the office the previous day.

After breakfast I went to take a bath. I was also thinking I should call Siya. I kinnda missed him, so I took
my phone with me and I figured I’d call him while I was in the bath. I poured some bath oils and got in.
I’m telling you, nothing feels as good as hot water, especially when you can take your time.

I sat there thinking about the whole situation with Siya. He really seemed like my knight in shining
Armor. He made me feel like I could truly trust him. But at the same time he was the forbidden fruit that
I had to stay away from. I don’t know, but maybe if I spent more time with him, I could finally come to a
decision. But first things first. Let me call him

His phone rang about 5 times, I was about to put down when someone, a female answered.

Her; hello

I looked at the screen of my phone to make sure that I had dialled the right number

Her; is anybody there

Me; yes, sorry, hi, can I speak to Siya please

Her; you mean Siyabonga

Me; yes.

Her; he’s busy

Me; okay. Will you tell him I called?

Her; I’m not his PA. If he wants to call you he will. Wait are you the bitch that kept him out all night?
Don’t you know Siyabonga has a child ye.

Me; okay im really confused now, who am I speaking to?

Her; the mother of his child that’s who, and do yourself a favour, stay away from Siyabonga. He can
never truly make you happy, His loyalty will always be with me and his son. Unless you are ok with
always being second.

I immediately hung up. Didn’t Siya say that she lives in Cape Town? What is she doing here? Gosh, she is
so damn rude, I hope she’s not staying with him, what if she wants him back?

As all these thoughts went through my head I became more and more angry. What if he never broke up
with her? What if it was all a lie? Dammit man, I knew I should never have trusted a man again. Not after
what happened with my ex. Nxa

I got out the bath, and I was spitting fire. I needed to get dressed and go for a jog. That was the only way
I would be able to calm down.

As I was putting on my running gear, Siya phoned. I just ignored him and carried on getting dressed.
When I was done, I took my house keys and I left. I hadn’t been jogging in a while, so I started with brisk
walking for about 5km, then jogged back for the rest of the 5km .

When I got home, I had 5 missed calls from Siya and an sms. I didn’t read it because I wanted to have a
shower first. So I went upstairs and showered. When I was done I put on my shorts and a bikini top. I
wanted to go sit outside by my pool, put some music on and do some work. As I about to go outside, my
doorbell rang. I just knew it was Siya. I put my laptop down, and went to open for him.

I opened for him and he came in. you know even though I was angry at him. I was glad to see him. Plus
he looked so damn good. He greeted me and I and I greeted back. He sat down and I sat opposite him

Him; why aren’t you taking my calls

Me; I was out

Him; Babe, its not what you think

Me; so now you know what I think

Him; Rifiloe Please

Me; What?

Him; I can feel how distant you are. Look, Linda wasn’t supposed to answer my phone, I don’t know
what she was thinking.

Me; isn’t she supposed to be in CT

Him; Yes, she arrived last night

ME; is she staying with you?

Him; babe

Me; Answer me

Him; Yes, but only because she had nowhere else to go. By the time she arrived it was too late to go
looking for a hotel, so she stayed in my guest house.

Me; did she bring your son with?

Him; no, he’s spending the weekend with my mother

Me; you should have told me

Him; I know, but I only found out when I got home last night. I was going to tell you this morning, but
then you called before I had had a chance to call you.

I kind of felt bad, because he looked like he was telling the truth, and here I was assuming the worst.

He stood, sat next to me and pulled me up so I could sit on his lap facing him

Him; babe, I’m really sorry.

Me; its cool. I think I over reacted a little

Him; just a little ha?you know I could smell the jealousy all the way from Sandton

I hit him playfully on the leg

Me; would you like something to drink?

Me; no, I’d prefer a kiss first

I learned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Him; you can’t be serious

Me; what. You said a kiss mos. So I gave you a kiss

Him; I wanted one on the lips.

Me; well sorry for you. You should have been clearer.

He moved his hands and started tickling me. I jumped off him and tried running away, unfortunately for
me he was too fast. He grabbed me pulled me closer to him.

Him; you’ve got 2 more seconds, to give me my kiss or else I start tickling you again

Me; Siya don’t

Him; 1

I kissed him before he could even get to 2. There was no way I was going to endure being tickled, plus I
had missed his lips far too much. I broke of our kiss, because he had his hand all over my tummy, plus
remember I was wearing a bikini top. So, because I don’t want things to go any further. It’s better if we
behave ;)

Him; So are we going for a swim?

Me; did you bring shorts

Him; no,

Me; you could use one of my bikinis

Him; nxa, your insane shame

Me; so your just gonna watch me?

Him; no, I’ll go to the mall quickly.

Me; ok. But take my house keys with you.

Him; is there anything you need.

Me; nope

Him; have you had lunch?

Me; not yet. I can make a salad for you if you want

Him; cha, ngeke. Ngifuna inyama mina

Me; Ok, buy meat and you can use the gas braai

Him; that sounds more like it. Come here

I laughed and went to give him a kiss.Then he left to go to the mall, and I went to the kitchen to make
pap, gravy, chackalaka and Greek Salad.

By the time Siya came back, I was done with my pots. He had so many plastic bags with him, it looked
like he had bought the whole mall. He put the bags on the counter. And I started going through them.

He bought, 2swimming shorts.2 plain T-Shirts, An electric toothbrush, face wash, body wash, body
cream, Slippers, Pyjamas, boxer shorts. I opened the other packet, and there was enough meat to feed a
nation, plus whine and beers for him. Brother even bought me 4 different kinds of chocolates.

Me; Siya. And Now

Him; What?

Me; what’s with all the stuff

Him; Well I figured if we’re spending so much time together, I might as well keep some stuff here.

Me; and the chocolates? Are you trying to make me fat

Him; Id still love you even if you were fat

I just smiled at him. I thought it was actually quite cute. I took his things upstairs and placed them in the
spare room. Then came down to help him with the meat. Luckily he had bought meat that had already
been marinated. So all we had to was put it on the braai.

Siya went upstairs to change, then came to join me by the pool. We sat with our feet in, then eventually
got in. We didn’t really swim. We just kept chatting and Siya kept splashing me with water. Which isn’t
very funny because I knew it would take me forever to dry my hair. He finally stopped when I told him I
was going to get out .So he pulled me to him and started kissing me. I don’t know about you, but there’s
something very sexy about kissing in water. He lifted me up and I put my legs around his waist. I wanted
to be with him so bad. He was really doing a good job at breaking down the walls that I had put up
around my heart.

When we stopped kissing me, he looked me in the eyes as if I there was no one else in this world but
me.

Him; so do you still want to get out

Me; no, but I think we need to start braaing the meat. It’s getting late

Him; ok, one more kiss and I’ll get started.

I gave him a kiss and we got out the pool. I went to put on some music while he was busy with meat,
and I went set up the dining room table. I dimmed the lights and lit my vanilla candles.

When Siya came in the dining room, he looked around and smiled, and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
We sat down, had dinner, and then I went to put the dishes in the washer.

Siya was still sitting in the dining room. I was feeling a little naughty so I took the phone out his hand and
sat on his lap. He looked at me and knew just what I wanted. We started making out, slowly and
tenderly, but with a sense of urgency. He picked me up to take me upstairs, but then my damn doorbell
rang.

Him; do you wanna get that

Me; no

Him; babe, it could be urgent.

Me; mcm

He put me down and I went to my door. I was so annoyed, I even forgot to look to see who it was. I just
unlocked the door and opened it. Oh my gosh, It was my mother standing there with a suit case.

I think I nearly peed in my pants when I saw my mother standing at my door.

I didn’t know whether to smile or cry. I mean how I was going to explain a half-naked man in my house
at this time.

Me; ma

Her; Refiloe. O tlo emma fela? Help me with my bags

Me; ahhm, ok

I took my mother’s bag as we walked in side. The first thing I did when we got inside was put out my
candles, while my mother went to sit in the lounge.

Meanwhile there was no sign of Siya.

I thought maybe he must have seen my mom and left through the garage.

Me; So Ma, what brings you to JHB

Her; Ive got a church conference tomorrow in Soweto. So I thought I would kill 2 birds with one stone.

Me; I see

Her; why do you seem disappointed.

Me; Haw ma. You know I love having you here. You should have called me, I would have fetched you
from the bus stop.

Her; I tried calling nana, but your phone was off

Me; Sorry, I’m sure the battery died. I’ve been a bit too preoccupied to check.

Her; that’s ok, plus I wanted to speak to you about something important.

Me; ok, ke eng mma

Her; It’s about lehlohonolo

Me; Ma please, we’ve been through this before. Lehlohono left me. That’s that.

Her; Rifiloe for once in your life will you just keep quiet and let me finish.

I was about to argue with her, when I heard Siya coming down the stairs shouting “baby who was at the
door’’

I looked at my mother and she looked like she was about to faint. Thank the lord Siya had put on a T-
shirt.

He came to a complete halt, when he realized I wasn’t alone.

Him; (clears throat) Ohh, sanibonani Ma. Xolo, I didn’t realize you had guests.

I looked at him and my mother looked at me, as if she was expecting an explanation.

Me; aahh Ma, this is Siyabonga Ndhlovu. Siya this is my mother Matshidiso Mokoens

Siya went to my mother and shook her hand. My Mother just looked at him and didn’t bother to say
anything. I think she was mentally putting 1+1 together. Luckily Siya interrupted our thoughts

Him; Rifiloe, I should get going

Me; Ohkay, Ill walk you out.

I stood up to walk Siya out, when my mother spoke up

Her; Moshenyana, where do you think you are going?

Him; ahm, ma it’s gotten late. I was actually about to leave right before you arrived.

Her; If you were leaving then why aren’t you wearing shoes? And where are your car Keys? Or vela were
you going to walk home with no shoes on?

Him; cha ma

Her; So sit down and come have some tea with me. Rifiloe, go put on the kettle, I bought some scones,
in the blue Tupperware

I stood up reluctantly, because I just knew that my mother was going to Grill Siya like crazy.

Her; so tell me something here young man. Do you make it a habit sleeping with people daughters
without marrying them first?

I dropped the plate I had in my hand. I just couldn’t believe my mother would ask Siya such a question.

Him; cha ma

Her; So why haven’t you sent your uncles to her home.

Him; The thing is ma, Rifiloe and I haven’t known each other for that long. So we haven’t really planned
that far ahead as yet.

Her; so then why are you here at this time of night?

Him; well Ma; I was actually going to be going home. I was just helping Rifiloe with tidying up before I
left.

Her; Let me tell you something. Rifiloe, is not the kind of girl who you just taste and pass. If you are
going to be walking around her house at this time. The decent thing would be for you to marry her

Him; Yes ma

I was finished making tea, so I went to the lounge and placed the tray on my Coffee Table.

Her; so what do you do for a living

Him; I’m a business man

Her; I hope for your sake your doing well. And wena Rifiloe, how can you have a man at your house at
this time. and have you told him about Lehlohonolo ?

Me; Mama please. Siya and I haven’t even been dating for that long. We're still trying to get to know
each other
Her; Well mamela he meiskind. There will not be any other man that you will bring into my house, are
we clear. i cant have people coming and going like its in hillbrow

Me; yes ma.

We sat there with my mother going on and on about how sex before marriage is wrong, blah blah blah.
Siya on the other hand was busy joining in the conversation as if he were John the Baptist.

About an hour later my mother asked Siya to take her bags upstairs. She was tired and needed a bath.
Siya did as he was told and I went to the kitchen to wash the cups we had used for tea.

When Siya returned he was dressed in the clothes that he arrived in. He bid my mother goodbye and
came to join me in the kitchen. Luckily my mom had gone upstairs. So I was able to finally let out a sigh.

Him; Wow

Me; Yep

Him; So I guess I won’t be seeing you tomorrow

Me; I don’t think so. I might have to take her to church

Him; well at least I got to meet her. I think im kind of glad that she arrived when she did. I think were
caught up in the moment. I want to take this slow with you. I love you and I want to get to know you
first, before we get to that

Me; your probraly right.

Him; and who is this Lehlohonolo guy?

ME; Ill explain later

Him; should i be worried

Me; No. but there are things you have to know

Him; Ok, now give me a kiss before magogo comes back.

I laughed at him and gave him a kiss goodbye and he left.

I washed the cups, packed them away, then I went upstairs to charge my phone.

My mother was finished bathing and had her bible in her hands. She called me into her room.

I went on to the bed and cuddled with the same way I used to as a child.
Her; Fifi, you know I love you right?

Me; yes ma. I love you too

Her; but I worry about you

Me; I know ma.

Her; So how long have you known this Siyabonga boy for?

Me; about a week

Her; and already he’s spending nights with you

Me; Ma, he wasn’t going to spend the night. He just came over and we lost track of time

Her; Rifiloe, mamela. When I met your father, we dated for only 3 months before he married me. I was
20 at the time. He didn’t make excuses. He knew he had found a wife when he met me, because I was
different. You must do the same. If this Siya boy loves you, then he must Marry you. Even before you
sleep with him. I know you young people think I’m crazy, but I'm telling you now. Giving a man your
body, is giving him a part of your soul.

Me; yes ma.

I drifted asleep with my mom playing with my hair and her reading her bible to me. I thought a lot
about what she said. Maybe I was moving a bit too quick with Siya.

When we woke up on Sunday morning, I was cuddled with my mommy .I went downstairs to make
breakfast while my mother went to get ready for Church.

When she was done eating, I went to bath and I accompanied her to church. I hadn’t spoken to Siya
because I had fallen asleep, and this morning my mom and I were rushing because I didn’t want her to
be late.

When we finally arrived at church, the sermon hadn’t started. So my mother being who she is went
around introducing me to her friends, then the pastors, then the pastor’s wife. My feet were starting to
hurt, because I was in hills mos, so i excused myself and went to sit down. As I was about to sit down,
someone tapped my shoulder. As I turned around I nearly died on the spot.

It was my ex Lehlohonolo

Him; Hey, I thought it was you

Me; Hlokes. What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Saudi?
Him; I came back about a week ago. Didn’t your mom tell you?

Me; ahhm, no

Him; well, you’re looking good

Me; thank you

Him; so can we maybe meet up for lunch after church.

Me; I’m sorry I can’t. I’ve got plans

Him; How about during the week. We need to talk

Me; Hlokes, I can’t. and we have nothing to talk about

Him; Look, Rifiloe, I know you and i werent on agood note on a good note when i left. But im hoping we
can look past that and move on.

Me; Hlokes, that’s all in the past now. Ive moved on from all that. You should too.

Him; what do you mean moved on? Maybe you may have forgotten. you and i are technically married,
since I didnt take back my lobola.

I just looked at him and wished we weren’t in church, because I would have slapped the shit out of him.

Me; what do you mean you didn’t Take back your money. I specifically told my parents to give it back to
you.

Him; Well, nna I didn’t want it back. And I still don’t. You’re my wife and that’s final.

10

There is nothing more annoying than a man who wants to control every aspect of your life.

Here I was again with Hlokes thinking he can come and go as he pleases in my life and I would be ok with
it

I stood up and walked away. There was no way I was going to stay here and listen to his nonsense
I quickly rushed outside and called a cab. Luckily the guy arrived within 10mins. I was about to get into
the car when Hlokes blocked my way.

HIM: where u going?

Me: none of your business

Him: look, Rifiloe I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. Its just the thought of you with
another man kills me.

ME: Please move out my way. I need to go.

Him: not before we've spoken

Me: there is nothing to talk about. Now please move, I'd like to go home.

Him; Rifiloe, please, I know I messed up. All I’m asking for is a chance to make things right.

Me; You had plenty chances and you messed them all up.

Him; but im trying to make things right

Me; after a year? You must think I’m an idiot

Him; Please baby, just hear me out

Me; Hlokes. Im not hearing anything out. All I want is for you to get the hell out of my way so I can go.

He moved out my but held the door when I tried closing it.

Him: Just know I won’t be giving up on you. I've done that before. I'm not willing to do it again.

He closed my door before I could answer him nxa. I asked the driver to drop me off at my offices. I
wanted to fetch my car.

Once arrived at my offices he dropped me off and I paid him then he left.

I really missed Siya, but my conscience wouldn't let me call him. How was I going to explain to him that
my ex is back and is claiming that I’m his wife?

I got in my car and drove home. I needed a bottle of wine.

When I got home Siya called.

Me: Siya

Him: Hi Babe. I just thought I'd take a chance by calling you. I thought you would be at church

ME: I just dropped my mom off and came back home

Him: are u OK. U sound a bit off

Me: im fine,

HIM: Rifiloe

Me; Siya

Him; what’s going on?

Me; Nothing. I just need to sort out a few things.

Him; Ok, let me know if you need anything

Silence

Jim; Babe. Talk to me

Me; Well, maybe you could do something for me

Him; anything

Me; come over

Him; I’m on my way

Siya didn’t even wait for me to say goodbye. He just hung up. That’s why I think I’m falling in love with
him. He just makes me feel so loved. But now Hlokes was back and I just don’t know how I’m meant to
handle him being back.

When he left me over a year ago I was devastated. Hlokes had been my first love and when he told me
that he wanted to marry me I was beyond ecstatic, I didn’t even think twice about giving him my
virginity. He was that guy who was loved by everybody. He was the first guy in our community to
become a doctor. I felt at the time that I was really lucky to have him. But then things changed right
after he paid Lobola. He started treating me like I was beneath him. Like he was doing me a favour by
marrying me. The last straw was when he told me 3 days after paying Lobola that we were moving to
Saudi Arabia because he wanted to practice medicine there. I told him that I didn’t want to move, my
career was finally flourishing and there was no way I was just going to up and leave. So he told me that if
I don’t come with him, He will find somebody who will. I told him to go ahead, and he did. He left me
and never looked back. I was left to pick up all the puzzles. SO I firstly had my father report he matter to
his parents. They all told me it was my own doing. So I told my father to pay back the Lobola so that I
could move on with my life. And now here I was, finally ready to love again, and now my past was about
to mess that up for me.

As I was busy thinking about my situation, Siya arrived. I let him in and didn’t even need to say anything.
He just took me in his arms and said “I’m here”.

I’d never felt so connected to anybody like I did at that moment. He just had a way of making things
seem so less complicated.

When we finally broke our hug, we went to sit in the lounge.

Him; so are you going to tell me what’s bugging you?

Me; I’m not sure I’m ready to tell you

Him; why?

Me; because I don’t know how you’ll take it

Him; I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think it is

Me; What if it is

Him; Then we’ll face it together

Me; you say that now, but I’m not sure you’ll feel that way once you know.

Him; Try me

Me; Can I offer you something to drink

Him; No, not till you tell me what’s going on

Me; Siya, please just drop it. I’m not ready. I just need to figure it out first

Him; Ok, I just hope it doesn’t involve another man. I’m a patient man, but I don’t like to share.

When he said that I nearly died. It felt like he was looking into my soul and could see what was
happening.

I stood up and went to pour him some Juice, then came back and lay my head on his lap.
We stayed there watching TV and chatting about useless things. I had already forgotten about the
Hlokes saga. Siya, just had a way of making forget about my worries and just be in the moment.

At around 1, I stared feeling hungry and I’m sure Siya was also hungry.

Me; babe

Him; yes.

Me; do you want do order something to eat

Him; sure. What do you want to eat?

Me; I think, Pizza

Him; ok. Pizza sounds great.

I went to the kitchen ordered 3 boxes, because Siya couldn’t decide on what he wanted. So we just got
one of everything. Then I went upstairs to change, I needed to get into something more comfortable,
than my Sunday dress. SO I just wore my Leggings and a T Shirt and my slippers, when I came down
stairs

Siya had a huge grin on his face, and i didnt understand why. I looked at him quizzically.

Him; come here

Me; Why

Him; Just come sit on my lap

I sat on his lap, wondering what’s going on

Me; what’s got you so happy

Him; You

Me; Me? What did I do?

Him; It’s not what you did, it’s what you said
ME; what did I Say?

Him; you called me Babe

Me; I did not

Him; you did. You know what that means right?

ME; Nothing. Jus must have been a slip of the tongue

Him; Nope. I think you said that because deep down, you’ve finally admitted that there’s more to us
than just “friendship”. I think your falling for me.

Me; Maybe

Him; Maybe. Please, you were all over me the other night. You and I both know you don’t kiss your
friends the way you kissed me.

Me; Maybe I need a bit of a reminder of what you’re talking about. I can’t quite seem to remember how
your lips feel on mine

Him; Well, I’m sure I can do something about that.

He put his lips on mine, and there was no doubt that this was the man for me. He was so tender and
loving. His needs matched my very own. He carried on kissing me. Slowly and tenderly. Like he was not
rushing anywhere. I wanted to be with him so badly, but I just knew that the timing wasn’t right.

We finally broke the kiss, when my intercom rang.

Me; I should go get that

Him; mmhh

I stood up and went to go open for the delivery guy. Only to find my mother and lehlohonolo standing at
my gate.

My heart started racing, I should have told Siya when he arrived. What the hell was my mother thinking,
the least she could’ve done was call me to let me know she was coming with that idiot.

Lehlohonolo isn’t really a calm kind of guy. I just knew that he seeing Siya was going to cause havoc.

I opened the garage instead of the gate because I didn’t want to walk outside.
I quickly went to Siya. I needed to try and explain before they walked in

Me; babe

Him; hmm,

Me; I need to explain something to you

He wasn’t really paying attention to me. His attention was on the soccer match that he was watching. I
moved around looking for the remote so I could switch it off. I needed him to concentrate.

Too late though, cause my mother and Hlokes walked in.

Siya could sense my anxiety, so he looked up and saw my mother and Hlokes.

He stood up. Greeted my mother, then tried shaking Hlokes hand, but obviously that moron pulled his
hand away.

Hlokes; Rifiloe, who is this man and what is he doing here

Me; Ma; why did you bring him here?

Her; He said he needed to talk to you.

Siya; babe, what’s going on?

Me; Siya, I can explain

Hlokes; Let me do the honours.

Me; Lehlohonolo, just shut up. What the hell do you think you’re doing here?

Him; Do I need an excused to see my wife

Siya; Wife

Me; Babe I can explain. It’s not what it looks like

Hlokes; There’s nothing to explain to him. You and I are married and that’s that.

Me; Lehlohonolo, for the love of God, just shut up.

Siya; Rifiloe. I’m waiting

Me; Siya, babe, I was going to tell you. I just thought I had more time to try figure out what i was going
to do.
Siya; so you’re married.

Me; no, well yes but not really

Siya; I’m lost

Me; can we go speak upstairs

Hlokes; no. This man should be leaving.

Me; No, you should be the one leaving. Ma, please get him out of here

Her; Rifiloe. I can’t. Lehlohonolo is you husband. There’s nothing I can do about that

Me; you’ve got to be kidding me. You were busy going on and on about Siya marrying me and now all of
a sudden Hlokes is my Husband. Are you trying to whore me out the highest bidder?

My mother slapped me across the face so fast, I saw stars

Her; If there’s one thing you need to remember, it’s that I am your mother. You will not speak to me the
way you just did. Are we clear?

I stood there. Shocked, embarrassed, angry and every other emotion that I didn’t quite understand.

Siya looked at me and then my mother. Then he took his Keys and phone.

Him; are you ok?

I just nodded.

Him; I’ve got to go

Me; Please don’t. It’s not what you think

Him; It looks pretty clear from where I’m standing.

Me; Siya, Please. I can explain.

Him; there’s no need.

Siya walked away from me and left. I wanted to run after him, but my mother stood in my way.

Me; I’m sure your happy now

Her; Rifiloe. You can’t move on before you’ve at least tried working things out with Lehlohonolo first

Me; how many times must I say this. There is nothing to work out. I want this man out of my house. Out
of my Life. I have been ok without him for over a year now.

Him; I’m not going anywhere

Me; what do you want from me? Ye. You left me. Not the other way around. Now that I find happiness
again you want to ruin it. Just go back to wherever you came from and leave me the hell alone

Him; Fifi, Im sorry. I know i hurt you. That wasn’t my intention. I just want us to have the life we planned
together. I know I messed up, but I promise you I never stopped loving you. Not even for a second.

The intercom rang, and I went to it. I thought maybe Siya had come back. Unfortunately it was the
delivery guy. I paid him then walked back inside with the Pizza. I didn’t even bother opening them. I had
totally lost my appetite. I just took a bottle of wine from the fridge and walked upstairs to my room.

I wasn’t going to entertain my back stabbing mother and that man whore. I was done fighting. I just
wanted to Siya

When i got to my room, I tried calling Siya a million times. I left voice messages and texts but nothing. I
finally gave up and succumbed to my tears. I couldn't believe that i was losing him this way.
The only thing I could do now, was drink myself to sleep and Hope for a better tomorrow.

11

I woke up on Monday morning with a moorse headache. My mouth was dry as hell. Not to mention the
bags under my eyes. I looked and felt like a walking Zombie.

I got out of bed and the first thing I did was check my phone to see if Siya called. Nothing.

I think my heart broke once more. I just needed him to let me explain.
Anyway, no use me crying my eyes out. I had to get ready for work. I took a quick shower, and got
dressed.

I wasn’t really feeling very joyous, so I stuck to my Black pant suit, white shirt and black hills.

I left my hair down, hoping it will somehow distract people from looking at the bugs underneath my
eyes. Once I was ready, I took my stuff and went down stairs.

I found my mother in my kitchen cooking up a storm. To be totally honest I had hoped she would have
left with Hlokes, but as fate would have it, she was still here. I wished I could ask her when she was
leaving, but I felt bad.

Me; Morning

Her; Morning Nana

Me; I’ll see you later

Her; aren’t you going to have breakfast?

Me; No thank you, I’ll just grab and apple for the road.

Her; you can’t start your day off without breakfast.

Me; Ma, Im not hungry. Ill get something later

Her; Ok. But avoiding me isn’t going to change anything

Me; Im not, I just don’t want to be late for work. I’ve got a 9:00am meeting

Her; Ok

Me; Oh, and ausy Mavis is coming in today. Please ask her to change my sheets. I spilled some wine on
them last night. And tell her take all that Pizza home with her. I’ve also put up a list of things that I’ll
need for CT,

Her; mhhm

Me; Bye

I left her there pouting and headed to work. I may be feeling like shit, but there aint no way I aint
making my coins.

When I arrived at work Anne was at reception speaking on the phone. I waved at her then went straight
to my desk. I immediately dug my head into my work. I needed to be on top of things for my meetings.

By the time it was 13; 00pm, I had met with 3 three clients, and had written a lot of business. I went to
Sizwe to give him my files before submitting them to our admin team.
Me; china

Him; Hey sweet cheeks

Me; I’ve been so busy today, I didn’t even get a chance to see you. What time did you get home on
Friday?

Him; Tjo, Dude. I didn’t even go to my crib. I ended up sleeping at Themba’s place. I only got home
yesterday

Me; no ways.

Him; serious, man, I’m exhausted. I’m even thinking of giving up alcohol.

Me; Haai, You give up alcohol. This I’ve got to see

Him; I’m telling you man.one day is one day. So what about you?

Me; ohh no, I don’t even want to talk about it

Him; that bad?

Me; started out great, but ended on a bad note

Him; shame

Me; mxm. Anyway, I need you to go through the these files for me.

Him; sure put them there. Oh and when am I seeing your boyfriend?

Me; Boyfriend?

Him; yes, don’t tell me you’ve broken up already

Me; we haven’t even started, and already he’s run for the hills

Him; haai, mara wena

Me; let’s not go there.

Him; yaah, but I need to see him regarding the trust for his son

Me; shit, I totally forgot. Don’t you want to phone his office and set it up?

Him; Nope, never. He’s your client. You set it up

Me; mxm sharp

I went back to my office. I hadn’t thought about Siya the whole day, and now here he was back in head.
But none the less. Business is business. I had to make that appointment.

I called his PA
Her; Ndhlovu Corporation’s good afternoon

Me; Andrea, Hi Its Rifiloe Mokoena Speaking, how are you?

Her; Miss Mokoena, I’m good, how are you?

Me; Good thanks. I need to set up an appointment with Siya, I mean Mr Ndhlovu, Please check for me
when he has availability.

Her; Ahhm Please hold on, while I check

Me; sure

Her; He’s got an opening tomorrow at 9;00am

Me; that soon. Anything later in the week?

Her; No mam, He’s In Durban from Wednesday to Friday Morning. Then He flies to CT for the weekend.

Me; I see. Ok, I’ll take the opening for tomorrow.

Her; great, we’ll see you tomorrow.

Me; thank you

I put the phone down, and sighed. I knew I would have to see Siya, but I didn’t think it would be so
soon. I thought I would at least have time to speak him. Anyway, we’ll just have to see what happens. I
carried on working for the rest of the day, then left at 4pm, to go to the gym. I needed to let off some
steam, and what better way to do that than to work out.

After gym, I went straight home. I was so exhausted, I needed a bath and a nice glass of wine.

When I arrived home my mother was watching 7de laan. I greeted her and went to my room.

I really needed her to go back home now. I want my house back to myself. So I called my dad. He would
be able to help me.

Him; Nana

Me; Hi daddy

Him; you don’t love me anymore ne. You don’t even Phone me to see how your old man is doing.

Me; I’m sorry daddy, I’ve been so busy with work

Him; its ok. So tell me how’s your mother?

Me; well that’s kind of why I’m calling

Him; I’m listening

Me; Daddy please come and fetch her

Him; Rifiloe.

Me; Daddy.

Him; what happened?

Me; She’s over stayed her welcome

Him; haai man, that you mother. How can you say such things?

Me; daddy, did you know she’s been scheming with Hlokes behind my back

Him; nxa, I just knew she was up to something when she left here with him

Me; so daddy why didn’t you warn me

Him; Nana, I wasn’t sure, I just thought maybe it wasn’t what I though.

Me; well, it’s worse. Far worse.

Him; ok, I’ll speak to her. She should be on the first bus back to QwaQwa tomorrow

Me; Thanks daddy

Him; Ok, but I need you to do me a favour

Me; anything

Him; I need you to come home soon. We need to call a family meeting between us and Lehlohonolo’s
family

Me; but why do I have to be there. I asked you guys to give them back their money over a year ago. If
you had, I wouldn’t be in this mess

Him; Rifiloe. O Se ke wa lebala hore o bua le mang

Me; I’m sorry daddy

Him; and what mess are you referring to?

Me; forget I said anything

My dad put the phone down and didn’t bother to even say goodbye. I didn’t care thought, because if
they had done as I asked, I wouldn’t have to see lehlohonolo again.

I went to take a bath, then went downstairs to have dinner, my mother was still watching TV.

Her; Rifiloe
Me; ma

Her; Your father called. He needs me to come home tomorrow.

Me; Ok. Do you want me to get someone to drive you?

Her; No, no worries. Lehlohonolo will be taking me

I didn’t bother answering her. Nxa. I dished up for both of us, then went to sit with her in the lounge.

We ate in silence while she watched generations.

After dinner we both went to bed. I think we weren’t in the mood argue, so we just avoided the issue.

Tuesday morning, I woke up with my stomach in knots. I just knew it was because I would be seeing Siya.
Plus our meeting is in 2 hours. Shit I was nervous.

I got up and went to take a bath, then looked at what to wear. I didn’t want anything sexy, I needed to
look as professional as possible

I settled on a navy mini dress suit, with my navy Pumps.

When I went downstairs, Hlokes was helping my mother with her bags. Mxm

Me; Dumelang

Him; Hi babe. How are you

Me; Good.

Me; ma, can I speak to you for a moment

We went to the kitchen and I gave her money for the road.

Her; Rifiloe, I don’t need money

Me; It’s just something for the road

Her; Ok. Thank you

Me; Have a safe trip. And call me when you get home

Her; I will. Aren’t you going to say anything to Lehlohonolo?

Me; No, I’m running late for a meeting. Please don’t forget to leave the key for Ausy mavis.

Her; Ok
I kissed my mom’s cheeks, and left. I wasn’t going to say anything to Hlokes. He must just stay away
from me.

When I got in the car I dialled Sizwe.

Me; Si

Him; Sweetie

Me; I’m not going to come into the office. I’m running late. Let’s rather meet at Siyas offices.

Him; Ok, I’ll meet you there

Me; don’t forget to bring the documents he needs to sign’

Him; Sharp

Luckily traffic wasn’t too bad, because I arrived at Siyas offices at exactly 08:50am. Meaning I had
enough time to settle down and before the meeting started. Andrea showed me through to Siya’s office.
Luckily he wasn’t there yet so I sat down and started working from my laptop. I was beginning to get
worried, because Sizwe was going to be late.

I felt Siya’s presence behind me before I even saw him. I closed my eyes, counted to 5 then, continued
typing. I wasn’t going to be the first one to say anything.

He walked in and went to his desk to put down his laptop. I just continued with what I was doing.

Finally he came to sit where I was sitting. But this time he sat opposite me.

Him; how are you

Me; good you?

Him; Good. Is Sizwe coming?

Me; Yes he should be here any minute.

Just as I said that Sizwe walked in. He apologised for being late and they shook hands and our meeting
commenced.

Sizwe did most of the talking when coming to setting up the trust, I mainly stepped in when it came to
the financials.

Siya signed all the paperwork, and an hour and a half later we were done. Siya had avoided eye contact
with me throughout the meeting.

I stood up first to pack up all the all the documents, and my laptop, and so did Sizwe.

We said our goodbyes and left.

12

When Sizwe and I left Siya’s offices we went straight to the office. There was no time to ponder about
my personal life. I had way too much work that needed to be done, before my girlfriends and I leave for
CT on Friday.

Wednesday and Thursday were pretty much the same. Work, Gym, Home. Nothing more. I hadn’t heard
anything from Siya, so I figured we were done. Hlokes on the other hand was phoning me left right and
centre. I wasn’t even interested in hearing what he had to say though. All I needed was to be away from
JHB. And what better way to mend my broken heart, than for me to turn up with my girls.

On Friday I worked half day because I was flying to CT.

I was beyond excited, I hadn't seen them in so long, and was looking forward to letting my hair loose.

At noon I left the office to go the salon. I needed my hair &nails done. I also needed to wax.

When I got home after the trip to the salon, I took a quick shower and changed into black leggings, a
Gucci top, Nike jacket and my Nike airmaxes . I'm not really a fan of flying, so I like to be comfortable.

My phone beeped at 16:00 it was a message from Thandeka confirming they were on their way to pick
me up

I quickly switched off all the lights in the house, locked up and went to wait for them at the security
boom gates.

When my girls arrived you could tell, that this was going to be a good weekend.

Cleo screamed when she saw me, and thandeka had the music pumping.

Thandeka had her rented a Hyundai H1, because as woman, we tend to have quite a lot of luggage. Take
me for instance. I knew that we would be coming back on Monday, but I had fully packed both my Louis
Vuitton suitcase and my luggage bag.

When the car stopped, The girls got out to give me hugs and help with my luggage.

Nwabisa was busy dancing to the music while thandeka kept telling us to hurry up or we'll miss our
flight. Lol

I got in and off we went to OR Tambo.

Along the way the girls had opened a bottle of Moët and I joined them. You guys know by now that I’m a
lover of liquor

We made a toast
Me: here's to a great stress free, children free, husband free weekend

The girls all laughed and said cheers.

Both Nwabisa and Thandeka were both married and had children, Cleo on the other hand has been
engaged for the past 3 years.

Nwabisa: so my friend, namanje you haven’t found a man?

Me: I just knew that would be the first question you ask me.

Me: and to answer your question, no chommy, nothing so far.

Cle: so friend you mean to tell me, that le now, o sale busy ka self-service?

We all just burst out , Cleo was that one friend you cannot take anywhere. She literally has no filter

Thandi: Haai, man Nina, leave Fifi, alone, ska worry wena my friend. You will find someone soon.

Me: I just kept smiling nje, I didn't want to tell them about Siya, since it was clear he didn’t want
anything to do with me.

When we arrived at u the airport we returned the rented car, took our luggage and headed for the
departure terminal.

✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️

A two hours or so later, we arrived in the mother city. I don't know if it's just me, but every time I arrive
in Cape Town the first thing I do after checking in, is go to the beach.

I think it's because I'm my whole life is based in Jhb, so when I'm here, I feel like I'm really on vacation.

We left the airport and headed to the beach house that Cleo had rented for our stay.

When we arrived at the beach house, I was the first one to run upstairs to choose a room, I wanted to
make sure I got a beautiful view of the beach.

The girls chased after me once they realized what I was doing, but sorry for them I had already called
dibs on the main bedroom.

After selecting our rooms we all changed into our shorts and head to the beach, I just wanted to feel the
sand between my toes have the waters up to my knees.
We watched the sundown together, on the beach, then headed back to the house. To get ready for
dinner. I wasn’t really in the mood to dress up, so I settled on a boobtube maxi dress, sandals and no
makeup. When I got downstairs the girls were ready and we left.

Cleo took us to some restaurant at waterfront. She kept going on and on about how much she loved the
steak from there. The first thing I did when we arrived was order a bottle of wine. Knowing my friends, I
would need more than just a bottle.

When dinner arrived, Thandeka said grace, then we dug in. I must say, Cleo was right the steak was
delish. We were all having a good time, until I told them about Hlokes being back. Cleo chocked on her
food, while Thandeka and Nwabisa shook their heads. Mind you these girls know Hlokes very well. We
all went to Varsity together, so they know the shit I went through with him.

I was busy giving them a rundown of what happened with my mom and Hlokes, when my phone rang. I
didn’t bother looking at who it was, because I just figured it was Hlokes, so I let it go to voicemail. When
it rang again for the second time, I looked at the caller. Shucks, it wasn’t Hlokes, It was Siya.

I stood up and went to the balcony of the restaurant, to answer.

Me; Hello

Him; Hi

Me; mmm, what can I do for you?

Him; how are you enjoying CT?

Me; Fine… wait, how did you know?

Him; I have my ways

Me; Okay, that’s just creepy

Him; Well, someone’s got to make sure you’re taken care of.

Me; Siya, what can I do for you

Him; Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice

Me; Ok, well I’ve got to go

Him; When can I see you?

Me; I’m not sure that’s such a good Idea

Him; Why?

Me; because Siya, you made it clear we were done. So why would I want to see you?

Him; who said anything about being done? I most certainly didn’t?

Me; Siya, I’ve got to go

Him; ok, I’ll see you tomorrow night then

He put down the phone before I could even answer him. I just shook my head and went back to my
friends. We finished dinner then headed back to the beach house. I was quite down after speaking to
Siya, and the girls all wanted to go to sleep, I tried getting some shut eye, but nada. I kept rehashing the
conversation I had with Siya in my head. After tossing and turning, I decided to go cuddle up with Cleo.
I knew that crazy one would be able to get my mind off of Siya.

When I got to Cleo’s room her door was closed. I knocked and she didn’t answer. I knocked again and
she told me to go away. I took that as an invitation to come in.

HER; what do you want

ME; a cuddle buddy

HER: you really need to get yourself a man

ME; move over

HER: mxm

She didn’t even ask me why, she just moved over and switched on her lamp. I got into bed with her and
she hugged me.

HER; so are you going to tell me who he is?

ME; No

HER; so there is someone

ME; something like that

HER; what has he done

ME: it’s more like what has Hlokes done

HER: I’m lost

ME: it’s a long story. Just shut up and cuddle me while I fall asleep

Cloe didn’t push the issue any further. She just switched off her lamp, and let me be.
In the morning we were woken up by Thandeka jumping on the bed, telling us to wake up. I through my
pillow at her but she dodged it. I looked at the time and it was only 6; 00am. I wanted to murder her. I
was really looking forward to sleeping in today.

ME; go away

Her; NO ways, we didn’t leave JHB jut to sleep in CT. Get up we’re going for a jog on the beach

Cleo; nnooooo

Thandeka just opened the curtains and pretended not to hear our moan. She walked out the room and
told us to be ready in 5. Mxm

Me; I guess we have no choice

Cleo; Nxa,

We got up. I went to my room to get ready. When Cleo and I went downstairs, Nwabisa and Thandeka
were stretching. Some people just have all the energy in the world. I mean who wakes up that early just
to go jogging on the beach? Haai ma. To be honest the only reason I go to the gym is because I come
from a very thickim family. So I have to make sure I exercise to keep my size 32 body the way it is,
Otherwise I would blow up like a balloon. Thandeka on the other hand is one of those people who work
out because they enjoy it. Like really she is a Gym maniac. Thus why she’s making us go jogging in the
wee hours of the mornings

Me; what are you guys so happy about?

Thandeka; haw Mzala, the trees are green, the sun is shining, the birds are singing

Me; what trees? Were on the beach

Her; come, lets go, plus you need to work off all that wine you like to drink

Cleo and Nwabisa laughed. They all knew how much I hated being woken up.

We left for a jog and I must say Thandeka was right. It felt so good to be out on the beach working off
the carbs from my wine.

When we got back to the house we made breakfast and decided to go to Table Mountain for the day.

We spent most of the on table mountain. We rode on the cable car, had lunch, took tons of selfies and
just enjoyed each other’s company.

By the time we got back to the house it was already 5pm. We only had about 3 hours before we had to
leave for the club. I ordered Pizza for us, because I didn’t want to be drinking on an empty stomach.
After dinner, we all went upstairs to get ready. Thank goodness that we all had in-suit bathrooms,
because we all know how long girls take ahen it comes to getting ready.

I had a quick shower, I decided to wear my sissy boy off the shoulder denim jumpsuit, with my Luis
Vuitton nightfall hilled sandal. I blow dried my hair, to get some volume, and applied a bit of makeup.
Nothing too extreme.

I was the last one to head down stairs. Thandeka was already screaming for me to come down.

Shoo, my girls were looking Hot shame. We all had denim on, as if we had planned it. I couldn’t stop
complementing them. It’s no wonder their husbands, wifed em up

At 21; 30 our driver arrived.

When we got to the club it was packed. (Thank God for air-conditioning) there was even a line outside.

Luckily for us Cleo works for the media company that was hosting the event at the club. When we
arrived we were shown to our table. The VIP lounge was upstairs which was nice could you could see
everything from up here, without having to be with the crowd down stairs. I noticed when we got to
our table, that there was a Table next to ours that was reserved

We sat down and immediately ordered drinks. When our drinks arrived we made a toast and took
pictures. Then the DJ started playing my song, we all stood up and started. The more drinks we had the
more stress free I became, the more fun I had

About an hour later we were seated and just chatting, while the DJ had switched from hip -hop to House
music. I was busy singing along to DJ Zinhle, While Cleo was twerking for us, lol, we all just laughed. I
was finally at the border of Drunk vs Sober, and I was truly enjoying myself.

The Dj changed from House to R&B, The last time I checked Cleo was dancing with me and had her
hands around my waist from the back, while we were slow dancing and goofing around.

So you guys can only imagine the fright I got when I saw Siya sitting at our Table with Thandeka and
Nwabisa.

I noticed that the table next to us had been occupied, by the same guys I saw at Chaf-Phozi

I swallowed as Cleo and I went back to our table.

I was going to sit next to Thandeka , but she moved over and made me sit next to Siya.

Him; Hi
Me; Hi

Him; You look good

Me; Thank you

Him; Can we talk

Me; I thought that’s what we’re doing?

Him; I mean privately

Me; Siya, I don’t want to fight.

Him; who said anything about fighting?

He stood up and held out his hand. I just looked at him. I wasn’t going to be told what to do when he
was the one that walked away from me.

Him; don’t make me pick you up

Me; You wouldn’t

Him; we both know I would

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Stop it

Him; Stop what

Me; bossing me around

He just stood there waiting for me to stand up. Like he hadn’t heard what I just said, Nxa. I stood up and
we walked towards the other end of the club. I thought we were going outside, but he led me to an
office instead.

Me; you don’t fight fair

Him; Nothings ever fair when it comes to love.

I sat on the couch and he sat next me.

Him; I’ve missed you

Me; what do you want me to say?

Him; Nothing

Me; Siya. Why am I here?

Him; because I want us to work through things,

Me; so you walk out on me, not speak to me, and basically ignore me at your offices. And then you
expect me to be all jolly because now, a week later you want to patch things up?

Him; its not like that

Me; yes it is. You and Hlokes are the same. The minute you don’t get your way you run for the hills. And
then expect me to sit around waiting for you.

Him; Rifiloe, I know your upset. You have every right to be, but please refrain from comparing me to
your ex.

Me; I tried. Ok. I tried so hard to explain to you, but you shut me out completely. What happens the next
time we argue? Are you going to shut me out again? Because if that’s how you’re going to deal with
things, then we might as well quit while we’re ahead.

Him; God I missed your smart mouth

Me; don’t make me laugh when I’m mad at you

Him; I could put your mouth to better use. That frown doesn’t suit you

I know I was mad at him, but at that moment I didn’t care. I wanted him and he wanted me. Isnt that all
that mattered. He leaned in closer

Me; Siya don’t

Him; why

Me; because

Him; that’s not a reason

Me; we haven’t spoken about us and I have told you about this thing with Hlokes

Him; I don’t care

ME; But

Him; Shhh
I swallowed and looked at his lips. I knew I wasn’t going to protest if he kissed me.

He put his lips on mine, and that’s all I needed. He kissed me with so much intensity, I couldn’t breathe.
It felt like he was trying to make up for lost time. Neither one of us wanted to stop, but our lungs
needed air.

When I pulled back he pulled me in for more. And when he pulled back I pulled him in for more. It’s like
we were too afraid to let go.

When we finally stopped I knew there was no way I would be able to live without him.

13

(please note that this chapter is for people over the age of 18, If your younger please refrain from
reading)

;)

Siya and I may have made up, but I still had my concerns.

It felt like we were just getting to know each other and already we were facing challenges. I just hope
that moving forward we could enjoy the time we have together.

Me: so now that we've made up. Do you want to talk about what happened?

Him : can we rather do that at my place? This isn't really the place to be having this conversation

Me: ok, promise you'll drive me back to the beach house one we're Done talking.

Him:or you could stay over

Me: no ways. I came to CT for a girls weekend, not to shack up with you

Him: but I've missed you

Me: well that's your problem not mine. Your the one who didn't want to pick up my calls

Him: I know babe. I just needed time, but we can talk about all that at my place. And since its 02:30 am
technically it's already morning.

Me: you've got a point there

Him: so can we go
Me:yeah, but my flight leaves at 15:00pm, so I need to be back at the beach house no later than 12:00

Him: I can work with that

I went to fetch my clutch, said goodbye to the girls Thandeka being the mother bear that she is looked
concerned. I gave her a hug and told her I'd be back by the time we leave for the airport.

Siya and I left hand in hand. It's strange how I walked in the club with my girls and now I was walking
out with my man.

When we got to Siya's car he opened the door for me, then went around and in the other side.

Him: thanks for agreeing to come

Me: doing thank me just yet. We've still got a lot yo talk about.

Him: I'm sure we can work it out

Me: I hope so

We driven in silence. I was deep in thought. I didn't even realize when we drove into his house.

Wow, his house was amazing. It was very modern, but also very homey. It has 5 bedrooms, 7
bathrooms, 2 lounges, 2 dining rooms, a kitchen and 2 cottages.

Me: this is a beautiful home

Him:thanks babe, but I don't usually get to enjoy it. Too busy travelling

Me: who stays here

Him: my houses keeper. But she's away for the weekend

Me: so it's just us here

Him: yes. Come let me show you around

He firstly showed me around the gound floor, then we went upstairs to where the bedrooms were.

I liked pretty much everything, until we walked to the third floor. Which he refers to as olwethos space.
it's basically an upstairs cottage, that linda uses when they visit Siya. I dint exactly understand that
since she also lives in CT. But I decided not to say anything to him because we had enough to deal with.

I didn't feel like adding more to our plate. So I just figured I would leave it for now, but i was definitely
going to deal with it.
We went back downstairs to the lounge on the first floor.

We sat down facing each other.

Him: can I offer you something to drink?

Me: no thank you.

Him: ok, so let a start from the beginning. What happened between you and this hlokes guy.

Me: he's my ex

Him: so what happened?

Me: in a nutshell he paid Loyola then we broke up 3 days after that. Then he left with some chick. And
now he's back

Him: ok, so legally your not married

Me: no

Him: and what happened to his lobola

Me: I was under the impression that my parents had given the money back to his family. But apparently
they rejected then money and insisted that the wait for him to come back from Saudi

Him: I see. So what now

Me: there's a meeting between the two families in a couple of weeks. Hopefully we can give them their
money back and i can move on with my life.

Him: do your parents still have the money

Me: I think so. If not then I'll pay it myself

Him: do you still have feelings for him

Me: no, I've been over him for a while now

Him: so why didn't you tell me about him

Me: babe, we had just started dating. I only found out about the lobola issue a few hours before you.

Him: so basically I overreacted

Me: I guess so

Him: so can we move on from this

Me: yes, I'm so over it

Him: ok, now let's get you to bed

Me: what time is it?

Him: 4am
Me: I'm too tired to walk up those stairs

Him: so how are you going to get up stairs

Me: your going to carry me

Him; haai, u ya tefa man

Me: please babe. My feet are sore. Walking in these heels all night is no joke

Him: ok, come

He lifted me and walked up the stairs. I didn't know why he was complaining. He carried me up as if I
didn't weigh anything at all.

When we got to his room he threw me on the bed.

Him: so now that I carried you up a ton of stairs. What do I get.

Me: how about a kiss

I stood up and out my arms a round his neck and then kissed his lips.

Him: you shouldn't do that

Me: do what?

Him: kiss me like that. Especially since your in my bedroom

Me: well, what if I want to

Him: I can't stop you. But I also won't be able to take responsibility for what happens after

Me: in that case. I need your help with something

Him: anything

Me; unzip my jumpsuit. I'd like to take a shower

Him:(clears throat) with pleasure

He unzipped my jumpsuits, slowly.

Him :There you go.All done

I took, off my jumpsuit slowly. Siya couldn't keep his eyes off me.

Me: You see anything you like

Him: yes

Me: what exactly do you like

Him : everything

Me: well you're not done yet. I need help taking off my bar

Siya looked like he wa about to faint. By none the less he stood up and unclipped my bra and thew on
the floor.

Then started planting kisses on the back of my neck, then from one shoulder, then to the other.

I turned around. And he carried on kissing me from the top of my neck all the way to my belly button.
Then came all the way up again. Siya was teasing me. I went from being in charge to being dominated.

Me: babe

Him : hmmm

Me: the shower

Him: what about it

Me: where is it

Him: on your left

He stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes. I'd seen a lot of things in Siya, but right now at this very
moment all I could see was the love we have for each other

Me: I need one last favour

Him: anything

Me: I need you to wash my back

He didn't even answe me. He just got undressed and followed me into the shower. When we were both
in He put the way the water on.

Him. So where were we

Me: I think you were kissin me right here. On my nipple

Him: yes of course. Shall I continue

Me: please

Siya immediately complied. I had to lean back so I could have something to lean onto. Siya just kept
working his tounge all over my upper body. Then out of no where stopped. I opened my eyes.

Me: what's wrong

Him: nothing.

Me: so why did u stop

Him: because I wanted to take those off

He went onto his knees, and slowly started taking my thong off. His mouth moved from my belly button
to my thighs.

Then anticipation was killing him. I had had his mouth all over me, but now i wanted to feel his mouth
down there.

Siya knew that and that's why he kept teasing, kissing and even slightly biting my inner thighs. Then
finally he lifted my one leg over his shoulder. And stated kissing, then licking my p***y . He went on and
on until I couldn't take it anymore

Me: babe

Him:mhmm

Me: if you don't stop, I think I'm going to explode all over you

He didn't stop, he just carried on as if I hadn't said anything. Instead he started licking me a bit harder,
and faster. And that's all I needed to throw me over the edge. I came so hard I started trembling and had
to hold onto his shoulders.
When I finally came back to earth Siya, was back on his feet with his mouth on my neck. He started
kissing me, and I got a taste of me.

Me: let's get out of here

He held my hand and we went on his bed. He carried on kissing me until I became wet again. Then took
out a condom from night strand and asked me to put utnon for him. I obviously complied. Once it was
on, I lay down and he but put one of my legs over his shoulder. He started by putting in the tip first.
Then slowly put in the rest of him. He stilled for a moment to make sure I was adjusting. Then he really
started moving. He started slow and then picked up the pase. I knew then that ut wasnt going to be long
before I explded again. This time though we came together, calling out each other's names.

Reality kept in when I couldn't breathe anymore, because Siya had collapsed on top of me

14

Me: babe, your killing me. you're too heavy

He moved off me, and went to throw away the condom, Then came back to bed. I lay In his arms, and
drifted off to sleep as the happiest woman in the world

When I woke up on Sunday with Siya fast asleep next to me. I was so pressed, so I put on Siyas robe and
went to the bathroom, to freshen up.

When I was done, Siya was still asleep. I looked at the time and it was 10:30am, at least I still had time to
get ready

Me: Siya wake up

Him: mhmm

Me: Siya

Him; babe come back to bed

Me: no can do, I'm going to take a bath. I was hoping you could

I didn't even get to finish my sentence. Siya pulled the belt of the robe off and pulled onto the bed with
him playfully

Me: babe

Him: what

Me: if we don't get up Now I'm going to miss my flight

Him: that's kind of what I'm hoping for

Me:why
Him: I want you to stay another day

Me:but babe that will mean i have to book another flight and you know that will be nearly impossible
since it's the end of the Easter weekend

Him: we can use my jet

Me: I don't know

Him: I was hoping you could meet olwetho

I looked at him shocked

Me: but babe isn't it too soon for that

Him: I don't think so. You are one of the most important people in my life, and if I'm going to be
spending my life with you, then you two should get to know each other

Me: wait... what do you mean by the rest of your life?

Him: look babe, I love you and want to be with you. I’m at a stage where I need to settle down. I can't be
a bachelor all my life.

I looked at Siya and didn't answer him. I mean isn't it too soon to know that. We've literally known each
other for less than a month, and already he speaking about the future. Siya interrupted my thoughts

Him: I know you must think I'm nuts, but we'll take things slowly but eventually I'm hoping if God
permits, I'll make you Mrs Ndhlovu

I smiled at him

Me: ok, but promise me we will take things really slowly. I think we both need to get to know each other
better.

Him: I promise

Me: in that case, I’d love to meet your son. But first I need to fetch my stuff from the beach house

Him : there's no need. I asked my driver to fetch them

Me: without asking me

Him: I didn't think you would mind

Me: I wanted to say goodbye to my girls

Him: but you'll see them in JHB

Me: Siya

Him :babe

Me: you can't do that

Him: do what?
Me: do things without asking me

Him: I just wanted to make things easier for you. We had a long night and I wanted to make sure you
didn’t have to worry about all the logistics

Me: I know you meant well. I'm just not used to having someone else in my life who makes decisions for
me

Him: I get it

Me: good, now pass me my phone so I can call them

I called Nwabisa’s phone and she answered on the first ring

Her: Mzala

Me: hey, Zalas, have you left yet?

Her: no, not yet. But in hear you’re staying in Cape Town for another day

Me; yes, but I miss you guys. So much for a girls weekend

Her: Mzala, listen. You've finally found yourself a man who you want to be with, don’t feel bad for
wanting to be with him. We still have many girls’ weekends to come. But for now all you need to do is
concentrate on your relationship.

Me: I guess you’re right. Tell the rest of the girls I love them. I’ll see you guys soon.

Her; Sharp Zalas

Me; Sharp

We hung up and I looked at Siya.

Me; so I guess, I’m staying.

Him; Thak you

Me; So what time is Olwetho coming?

Him; At around 15:00pm

Me; Ok, so what do we do till then?

Him; I could think of a couple of things

Me; such as?

He moved closer, and started kissing me. We mad love again.

Him; I don’t know if I’m ever going to get enough of you

Me; you better not.

Him; (chuckels) come, let’s get us breakfast. I think we’ve worked up an appetite.

Me; I need to get dressed first. Him, just use my robe

We went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Well actually he made breakfast while I sat on the counter

Him; so babe, I was thinking

Me; I’m listening

Him; I’ve got hectic couple of weeks coming up work wise. I’ll be in Dubai this coming week. Then I have
to be in Paris. Is there any way you could come with me for a week or something?

Me; I’d love to. But I’ve got work

Him; yaah, but that means I won’t be seeing you for over a month

Me; Get Andrea to send me your schedule, and I’ll come visit you on one of the weekends.

Him; But babe, just a weekend

Me; Yes, that’s the best I can do for now

Him; It’s better than nothing I guess

He carried on cooking with the cutest pout on his lips. I just smiled. What did he think I was going to?
Drop everything just for him. I had a feeling I was going to be a big baby at times. Lord help me

Me; you look cute when you pout

He didn’t answer, he just smiled and continued pouting.

When breakfast was ready, we went to eat in lounge. I must say, Siya is quite a good cook.

We sat eating, and watching the news. We were interrupted by the intercom. He went to answer then
came back.

Him; Its Linda and Olwetho

Me; Didn’t you say he was coming at 3

Him; That’s what we discussed, I guess she decided to bring him earlier

Me; Did you tell her I was here

Him; not in so many words

Me; what do you mean

Him; Well firstly, it’s none of her business. And secondly, the driver was supposed to fetch him

Me; ahhm I should go get dressed

Him; Ok, I’ll come up now.

I went upstairs, and decided to have a quick shower first, before meeting Olwetho.

I was really annoyed though, that Siya hadn’t told Linda about me meeting their son. I mean the last
time I spoke to Linda, she was so damn rude. It would have been nice to prepare myself before actually
meeting her.

When I was done, I took a deep breath in and out, then went downstairs.

On my way down I could hear Siya and Linda arguing. I couldn’t really make out what they were saying.
But I could tell Siya was annoyed.

When I came closer, Siya spotted me and they stopped talking. I thought that was odd, but didn’t take it
seriously. I just figured they were discussing something about Olwetho.

Him; Hi babe

Me; Hi.

Him; Linda this is Rifiloe, Babe this is Linda. Olwetho’s, other

I held out my hand to shake hers and she just looked at me.

Her; So you seriously expect me to be ok with you introducing this thing to my son

I looked at her and felt like slapping her. But then looked at her and thought, she’s actually not worth it.

Him; Linda please. I’m not in the mood to argue with you.

Her; well, maybe you should have told me about this before asking me to bring my son here.

Me; Okay... I’m going to go upstairs. Call me when the adults arrive

Olwetho looked at me and smiled

Him; I’m coming with you aunty

I held out my hand and we left. I must say, He is a spitting image of Siya. You can tell his very clever. Plus
the glasses just make him even cuter.

Instead of going upstairs, Olwetho pulled me into the kitchen

Me; I thought we were going upstairs

Him; Can we get a snack first?

ME; ok, but im not sure where everything stays

Him; Come, I’ll show you. But first, you must tell me who you are

Me; Ok. What did your dad say?

Him; He said I’m going to meet his lady friend.

Me; Ok, my name is Rifiloe. But you can call me fifi

Him; My dad will say I have to call you aunty. Is that ok

Me; yes. That’s fine boy.

Him; ok. Let me show you where all the sweets stay

He held my hand and took me to the pantry. He took out sweets, chips, juice and some fruit from the
fruit bowl.

Him; this is everything aunty. Let’s go upstairs

Me; Ok. What would you like to do?

Him; can we watch a movie?

Me; yes. Come

We went upstairs. And we put on the jungle book. We sat on the couch and he sat next to me

When Siya finally came up, we were halfway through the movie. He sat on the couch opposite us and
looked at me with a smile. I could tell that he had something on his mind. But I didn’t want to say
anything in front of Olwetho.

By the time the movie finished. Olwetho was fast asleep. Siya took him to the bedroom then came back
to sit with me. He put his head on my lap and looked at me.

Me; what’s wrong

Him; Linda is just annoying me

Me; what’s going on with you too

Him; don’t worry yourself about it. She just needs time to come around

Me; I don’t get why its so difficult though. I mean you guys haven’t been together for years now

Him; it’s a little complicated. But don’t worry, ill take care of it
Me; Ok. Want some snacks.

Him; you can be my snack

ME; Siya. Olwetho’s in the other room

Him; its not like he’ll hear us

Me; No ways. Not happening

Him; Well in that case. I’ll have some grapes.

We stayed there watching TV. I wanted to ask Siya more about Linda, because I felt like there was a lot
that I didn’t know. But he just seemed a bit irritated and I didn’t want to make things worse

Olwetho eventually woke up, and we all went to have dinner at wimpy. Siya wanted something more
Juj, But Olwetho was adamant he wanted Wimpy.

After dinner, we went to take Olwetho home. I must say, Linda had a beautiful home. It wasn’t as big as
Siyas but it was nice, and you could see it was in a good neighbourhood.

Siya walked in and I stayed in the car.. I wasn’t really in the mood to see Linda.

When Siya came back we headed back to his house. He was really quite most of the way. I didn’t bother
asking, cause I knew he would tell me not to worry.

When we got home, I went to take a shower, while Siya, took a call in his study.

When Siya came up. I was already in my PJ’s. He also took a shower and we went to bed.

When I woke up, Siya wasn’t in bed with me. I went to the bathroom, then went downstairs to look for
him. Im telling you I looked everywhere and he was nowhere to be found. I went back to the bedroom
and tried calling him. He answered on the 3rd ring

Him; Babe

Me; Hey, where are you

Him; I went to the gym. You were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t want to wake you. I’m on my way back

Me; Ok, see you now.

I immediately felt better, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast.

By the time I finished, Siya was back, but something didn’t seem right. His forehead had a cut and was
blooding. I walked up to him
Me; babe what happened’

Him; Its nothing

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe, its nothing. I was just doing some boxing at the gym and I hit my head on something. It’s
really nothing

Me; Ok. Where’s your first aid kit?

Him; In the bathroom cabinet

Me; Ok, sit down, ill go fetch it

I went to fetch the first aid kit, then went to sort Siya out.

Me; sit still, I’m going to need to disinfect this first, before covering it.

I disinfected his wound and went to put everything away. When I came back Siya was dishing up

Him; thanks for breakfast

Me; pleasure. Siya I

Him; babe please. You’re leaving today, I don’t want you worried about anything. I’m fine. It’s just a little
cut

I sighed and walked over to him and gave him a kiss.

Me; Promise me you won’t be doing any more of this boxing thing.

Him; but babe, how am I supposed to stay in shape

Me; Run, Cardio, hell even weights. But no more boxing

Him; Ok, I’ll try. I promise

We had breakfast, then I went to take a shower. I could hear my phone ringing off the hook. So I got out
and went to answer it. When I looked at the caller ID, It was Hlokes. I didn’t want to answer, but
something in me told me to.

Me; Hlokes

Him; fifi

Me; what can I do for you

Him; help me
Me; where are you

Him; Mhmm

ME; Hlokes, whats going on

Him; Help me. Please

His phone went dead. I started sweating. Something wasn’t right.

When I turned around Siya was looking at me.

15

I looked at Siya, and he looked at me. I knew he had overheard everything

Him; so what did he want

Me; I’m not sure, but something doesn’t seem right

Him; why do you say

Me; He sounded off. Like something was wrong. He asked me to help him

Him; I’m sure he just wanted to get your attention

Me; I don’t know. It’s just something doesn’t really seem right

Him; you should finish up, or you’ll be late for your flight

Me; your right.

Siya walked out, and I carried on getting dressed. I tried Hlokes again, but his phone just kept on ringing.
I was really starting to get worried. I know Hlokes and I weren’t on the best terms. But that didn’t mean I
wished him bad.

I finished up, then went downstairs to Siya. I could tell he was a bit annoyed about the whole Hlokes
thing. I wanted to make things right before I left, because I didn’t know when I’d be seeing him again.

I went to his study and he was busy on the phone. I went over onto his side of the desk and sat on his
lap, and put my arms around him. I just wanted to feel close to him.
He told whoever he was speaking to that he would call him back.

Him; babe

Me; mmmhm

Him; whats wrong

Me; nothing

Him; you sure

Me; yes. Just felt like being in your arms.

We sat like that for a while, Until Siya broke the silence

Him; we should get going, or else you’re going to be late

Me; can’t you move my flight to a bit later

Him; no love. I need them to refuel and service the jet, before I leave for Dubai on Wednesday.

Me; ok, I guess I don’t have much of a choice

Him; so you’ll come to see me in Dubai?

Me; I’m not sure. I’ll let you know

Him; ok. Let’s get going

I got in the car and Siya followed. I was glad he was driving me instead of getting his driver to.

When we got to the airport, I started feeling a bit sad. I was leaving Siya here, and then he was going to
Dubai for two weeks, then Paris. How was I going to manage being without him for that long?

When we got to his Jet, he walked me in and sat next to me.

Me; don’t leave

Him; babe, you know I have to

Me; I know, but. Nevermind

He lifted my chin. So I could look at him

Him; I’ll be back before you know it

Me; I guess your right

Him; but I need you to do me a favour

Me; anything

Him; behave

Me; I’m confused, why would you ask me that

Him; just saying

Me; Just kiss me and stop talking nonsense

He laughed, and kissed me. His pilot interrupted us. It was time.

Him; I should go

Me; ok. Ill see you soon

Him; I hope so.

Me; remember to get Andrea to send me your schedule for Dubai and Paris.

Him; Will do

He kissed me again, then left. I buckled up and we left for JHB.

I tried napping, all the way back to JHB, but sleep had deserted me. To be honest was really starting to
get worried about Hlokes.

When I arrived home, it felt different. I used to feel so content with everything, but now that I was with
Siya, it felt weird being alone. My house felt somewhat empty without him.

I tried calling Hlokes again, but his phone just rang.

I decided to leave it, and called Siya instead. He answered almost immediately

Him; babe

Me; hi

Him; how was your flight

Me; not as bad as I thought it would be

Him; glad your home safely. Can I call you back? I’m on another call with the people from Dubai

Me; ok. Speak to you later

Him; love u

Me; love you too

He put the phone down and I went to upstairs to unpack, I still felt a little uneasy with the whole Hlokes
thing. But hey, I guess Siya was right. He probably just wanted to get attention.

I unpacked, and decided to make something to eat. My fridge was empty. I think ausi mavis must have
cleaned it out. So I just had fruit. I didn’t feel like going out to get anything.

While I was sitting in the lounge watching TV, my intercom rang. I went to see who it was, and it was the
cops.

I opened for them and went to meet them halfway. They greeted me and asked that we talk inside.

I started getting worried. What if something was wrong with Siya.

I offered the police officer something to drink, but they declined my offer. I lead them to the dining
room and sat down.

Him; Ms Mokoena. This is sergeant Khumalo, and I am Constable ledwabo. We need to speak to you
regarding lehlohonolo Motloung

Me; what about him

Him; when was the last time you spoke to him

Me; about a week ago. He was here to pick up my mother.

Him; I believe you are his wife

Me; not exactly

Him; please elaborate, because he listed you as your next of kin

Me; he and I were married traditionally, not legally. But we separated soon afterwards.

Him; so technically you are his wife

Me; what does it matter

Him; because he was found barely conscious this morning. It looked like a hijacking, but nothing was
taken.

ME; is he ok

Him; he’s in a coma.

Me; what hospital is he in?

Him; he was in Cape Town when this happened. But his been transferred to Morningside

Me; Please excuse me, I need to go and see him

Him; no problem. Just tell me one thing. Do you know who might have done this?

I looked at the officers blankly. Of course I have no idea who did this. Why was he in Cape Town
anyway?

Then suddenly It hit me. No no no no ways Siya was involved. Never.

Me; no, I have no clue.

Him; well, if you happen to remember anything, please give either of us a call

Me; Will do

They gave me their cards and left. I stood there shocked.

What was happening? Why was Hlokes even in Cape Town? Things aren’t adding up.

I didn’t really have time to ponder on my thoughts. I had to get to the hospital.

I took my bag and headed to my car.

I put my phone on Bluetooth, because I needed to make a few calls.

I was about to dial, my mom when Siya called

Me; Babe

Him; Hi babe. I was just returning your call

Me; oh, I just wanted to let you know I got home safely

Him; I’m glad. Where are you, you sound like you’re driving?

Me; I’m just getting something to eat

Him; ok love. Ill speak to you tonight

Me; ok

Him; love u
Me; me too.

I hung up and instantly felt guilty for not telling him I was on my way to see Hlokes. But how was I
supposed to tell him, when deep inside I suspected that he might have something to with what
happened.

When I arrived at Morningside Hospital I was shown to Hlokes room.

When I walked in, tears started rolling down my cheeks. He looked like he had been beaten to an inch of
his life. His face was so swollen. He had stitches everywhere. I couldn’t count how many machines were
all around him. My heart really broke for him.

I know Hlokes and I weren’t on the best terms, but I would never wish things like these on him.

I sat on a chair next him, and held his hand. I wish I could stop the tears from falling, but they just kept
coming. I must have fallen asleep with my hands crossed on the side of his bed. Because I was woken up,
by Lehlohonolo’s mother.

Her; Rifiloe

Me; Dumela Ma

Her; dumela Ausy. I didn’t realise you would be here

Me; I just came to check up on him. I should get going

Her; No. don’t leave on my account. You’re his wife. It’s your duty to stick by him. I’m sure he would be
happy to see you here

I didn’t answer her. I didn’t want to seem disrespectful, because she knew that Hlokes and I weren’t
together.

Me; Ma, I should get going. I’ve got work tomorrow. It was nice seeing you again

Her; ok, but we have a few things we need to discuss regarding Lehlohonolo’s affairs.

ME; Ma, I don’t mean to be rude, but

Her; Rifiloe. I know you and he have had your problems, but at the end of the day he still loved you.

I stood up, gave Hlokes Mother a hug, and left.

I didn’t want to have her playing with my emotions. I may care about him, but it doesn’t mean I’m in
love with him. We’ve been through too much to even bother trying again.
When I got in the car I had 5 missed calls from Siya. I decided not to call him back. I wasn’t sure what to
think, regarding him and Hlokes. I felt guilty for thinking Siya had something to do with this Hlokes thing.
But at the same time I was wondering whether this could really be a coincidence.

When I got home, I put my phone on silence and charge it, while i soaked in the bath. I wanted relax and
get ready for tomorrow.

By the time I got out the bath the water was freezing cold, I got dressed and went straight to bed.

I woke up on Tuesday and got ready for work. I wasn’t really in the mood to get dressed up, so I just
went with a grey pencil skirt, white shirt and place sandal heels. I tied my hair in a bun, then headed to
downstairs. When I looked at my phone I had 10 missed calls from Siya, and 5 from my mom.

I called neither and headed to work.

Work was pretty boring because Sizwe had taken the rest of the week off, because of the holidays. . I
had a couple of meetings. Then went to HR, to let them know I would only be back the following
Monday. I didn’t have any meetings for the rest of the week and the office was basically dead. So why
bother coming in.

I went to the gym first before going to see Hlokes. I needed to burn off some steam.

When I was done, I had a shower at the gym, then changed into clean clothes and went to the hospital.

When I arrived Hlokes was still on life support. I know I only saw him the previous day, but I was hoping
there would be some sort of difference. I sat next to him and decided to read the latest news to him.

I had read somewhere that patients who are in a coma, can sometimes hear you.

After reading to him. I said a prayer for him. I was about to leave when his mother walked in.

Me; Dumela Ma

Her; Fifi, ho jwang

Me; Good ma, and you

Her; Good. Im glad I caught you. We have a lot to discuss. Would you prefer we go to your house, or to
my hotel. Your parents should be here soon

I looked at her shocked.

Me; I wasn’t aware my parents were on their way here;

Her; they said they tried calling you, but you didn’t answer
Me; oh, I think my phone is still on silence. I’ve been busy to even look at it

Her; I guess I’ll meet you at your house then

Me; ahhm, ok

I left and went straight home. When I arrived, I decided to cook dinner. If I was going to have guests the
least I could do was cater for them. Thank goodness ausy mavis had done the shopping.

I decided to make a beef stew, pumpkin, Greek salad and pap.

When I was done, I took a quick shower and changed into a skit and put on a doek then went to sit in
the lounge

I decided to call Siya back. I think I had gathered enough courage by now.

His phone went straight to voicemail. I left a message for him asking him to call me back.

A while later my parents and Hloke’s parents arrived. I greeted everyone, but hugged my dad. I didn’t
realise how much I missed him.

We all went inside. I led them to the lounge and offered everyone something to drink. Then went to sit
next to my dad.

My father started with a prayer. Then my Lehlohonolos father went straight to the point.

Him; Makoti, We have some news that we want to discuss with you

Me; Ke mamatse ntate

Him; did you know that Lehlohonolo had left you in charge of all his affairs should anything happen to
him?

ME; sorry, natete. Im lost

Him; He left a will with his lawyer. Basically you have the final say when it comes to his life

Me; I’m confused. Why would he do that? Him and I haven’t been together for over a year

Him; We don’t know. But these documents were signed only 3 months ago

Me; tjo, I had no clue

Him; Well. Now we have to decide on what to do. Do we keep him on life support or do we take him off.
He left you in charge so the decision is yours.
16.1 (crop top insert)

I looked at my parents, then at his parents. I don’t get why Hlokes would do this 3 months ago. He and I
weren’t even talking at the time. Something wasn’t adding up

Me; Im not sure I can take such a decision

Him; In the eyes of the law, you are the only one who can decide what to do. We tried speaking to his
lawyers. But they were adamant that he wanted things this way

Me; so what do you suggest happens

Him; My wife and I have decided that due to the costs it takes to keep him. We will keep him alive until
the medical aid funds run out. Then we will have to turn off the machines. If there is not anything else

I looked at him with confusion in my eyes. There was no way I was going to let them switch off those
machines. I may not be in love with him. I refuse to let anybody kill him

Me; No

They all looked at me

Me; there is no way I’m letting anybody kill him off. Not until we are certain that there is no more
money and that there is nothing else doctors can do for him

Him; we understand this might be difficult for me

Me; it’s not about that. It’s just about not giving up on him.

Him; I understand makoti

Me; I’m going to need a copy of his will. I need to see exactly what’s going on before I make any
decisions.

My mother tried protesting, but I was certain there was more to be done.

After much debating. We all decided to Let Sizwe look at the Will and then take it from there.

After we were done with the meeting, I dished up for everyone and we had dinner mostly in silence.
Until Lehlohonols mother spoke up
Her; did you know about the money

I carried on eating, because I assumed she was speaking to her husband.

When I looked up I saw she was looking at me.

Me; sorry ma, I didn’t realise you were speaking to me

Her; So Did you know?

Me; about what

Her; his financial situation

Me; no

Her; He’s left a lot of money to you

Me; no I didn’t know. But none the less. I don’t want that money. We can use that to keep him on life
support should we need to.

Everybody just kept on eating in silence.

Once we were done. Lehlohonolo parents left. While I went upstairs to get the bedroom ready for my
parents.

When I was done I went to kiss my dad goodnight, and went to my room. I needed space to try deal with
everything.

I went through Hlokes will over and over again. Some of the things in there didn’t make sense. Like how
he had so much money to his name.

I know doctors have money, but the math here didn’t add up. I finally gave up and decided to call Siya. I
hadn’t spoken to him properly since I arrived back in JHB. Luckily he picked up on the 4th ring

Him; Hello

Me; Babe

Him; what’s up

Me; I miss u

Him; could have fooled me

Me; Siya, please. I know I’ve been hard to reach. It’s just that I have a lot to deal with

Him; ok

Me; Siya please

Him; Rifiloe. I’m actually in the middle of something. So if you’ve got nothing better to say.

Me; siya, please

He put the phone down, and didn’t even say goodbye. I know I probably deserved it. But what does he
want me to do? I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

I tried calling him back but he didn’t answer. I finally gave up and tried to go to sleep.

I was woken up on Wednesday by the smell of bacon. I just knew my mother was cooking

I got up and took a shower, then went down stairs.

When I arrived my parents looked like they were getting ready to leave.

We had breakfast together and stayed off the Hlokes issue. I was grateful, because I didn’t really want to
discuss it. When we were done, my parents left.

I went back to my room and tried calling Siya again. Luckily he answered

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Siya

Him; what can I do for you

Me; Andrea still hasn’t sent me your schedule

Him; I told her not to

Me; why

Him; I figured I’d give you time to sort out whatever your busy with

Me; Siya. It’s just that I needed

He cut me off

Him; Rifiloe. I know you were with him

I immediately froze
Me; babe. I just needed to figure out what was going on

Him; you mean you wanted to know if I had anything to do with it

Me; no

Him; Don’t fucking lie to me. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m 9 hours away from you right now. Because I’m
not sure I would be able to control my temper

Me; whats that supposed to mean

Him; exactly what it says

Me; Siya

Him; stop ok, just stop with the Siya bullshit Rifiloe. You’ve been spending hours on end with your ex,
that you think I beat to a pulp, and you expect me to be ok with it. Huh

Me; how did you know I was spending time with him

Him; what does it matter

Me; Siya. Are you having me followed?

Him; yes

Me; why the hell would you do that

Him; it’s for your own protection

Me; I’m lost. Why wouldn’t you tell me?

Him; Well it’s not really up for discussion.

Me; Siya. What’s going on? And don’t tell me nothing.

Him; why don’t you ask your husband

He put the phone down.

I just stared into space. Wondering what the hell was happening.

Why did Siya have people following me? Who beat up Hlokes?

The only way I was going to get answers would be for me to get to Dubai.
I packed a bag, and decided to phone Siya again. this time my blood was boiling

Him; What

Me; don’t speak to me like that

Him; Rifiloe. Im busy what do you want?

Me; well, no matter how busy you are, make sure your free by the time I get there. Im sick of fighting
with you. Your going to tell me what the hell is going on. Or else you and I are done.

Him; Don’t come to Dubai. The timing isn’t right

Before I could even answer him, I heard a woman speaking in the background. Her voice sounded
familiar.

Me; who is that

Him; no one

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Its Linda isn’t it?

Him; Rifiloe

Me; oh my god Siya. How could you do this?

Him; stop overreacting. Its not what you think

Me; You son of a bitch. I don’t call you back for one fucking day and your back to sleeping with your ex

Him; Whooow. Rifiloe. Im not sleeping with her.

Me; fuck you Siya. Im done. Im not doing this anymore. both you and lehlohonolo can go to hell.

Him; Rifiloe. your on thin ice as it is. Don't make things worse

I hung up before he could say anything else.

this damn square between me, Siya, Hlokes and Linda was starting to piss me off. Something was going
on and i needed to find out what it was.
16.2

(will post 17 tomorrow.)

I was so pissed at Siya. Why was Linda with him, and where was Olwetho?

I had so many questions that I needed answers to. But the people with those answers were either half
dead or halfway across the world.

I took my bag, went upstairs to change into something more presentable. If my plan was going to work, I
needed to at least look presentable.

After I did a quick 360 in front of the mirror. I took my hand bag and headed for my car.

While I was driving to my destination. I kept looking at my review mirrors to see if anybody was
following me. Luckily I couldn’t find anything

The minute I walked through Ndhlovu corporations. I walked past reception and went straight to
Andrea’s office. The receptionist didn’t even ask me anything. I think it’s because she knew who I was.

When I arrived at Andrea’s office she looked surprised to see me. She stood up to greet me

Her; Miss Mokone. Hi. I’m sorry we weren’t expecting you

Me; Its fine. Please sit.

She sat down again with a weird look on her face

Me; Is Siya’s office open

Her; ahhm yes mam, but

I cut her off

Me; Thank you. That’s all I needed.

I walked out her office before she could say anything else. I knew I didn’t have long before Siya called so
I hurried up the stairs.

When I got to his office. I went straight to his desk and started looking through the draws, I didn’t bother
putting everything back in place. I just threw it on the floor. but I couldn’t find anything... If Siya wanted
to see crazy, I was going to fucking show him. I started throwing all those papers on the floor. One by
one off his desk. To be honest, I didn’t know what I was looking for, but it felt good trashing his office
Then I went to his book shelf, again, one by one the books went flying of the shelf. but still nothing. I
was about to go to his filing cabinet, when Andrea walked in with security.

I looked at her

Her; mam, I’m going to have to ask you to leave

Me; I’m not going anywhere, until I’m done with what I’m doing

Her; please. I’m not allowed to have anybody here

Me; Andrea. Do yourself a favour and walk away, especially if you still value your job

I don’t think she expected me to say that because she looked a bit nervous.

She was about to say something when Siya’s office phone rang. I sat down on his chair and Answered

Me; Siya

Him; What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Me; before I answer you. Tell Andrea to take her and her lap dogs out of here

Him; don’t speak about my staff like that

Him; where is she

I looked at her and made a hand signal, for her to come closer. I handed her the phone. Siya spoke to
her. Then she left with the security. I picked up the phone and continued my call with Siya

Me; so love. Where were we

Him; Rifiloe. Do yourself a favour and walk out my office

Me; nope. Not till I find what I’m looking for

Him; and what exactly are you looking for

Me; Ill let you know when I find it

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Siya
Him; don’t

Me; if you won’t tell me what’s going on, then I will continue looking. Even if I sleep here tonight ill
continue.

Him; babe, what’s happening to us. You know I thought when I met you, that you were this humble girl
who wouldn’t give me a hard time. But boy was I wrong. You challenge me every chance you get.

Me; well then tell me you don’t want me and I’ll walk out of here and never look back

Him; you know I love you

Me; Then what are you hiding from me. And why is Linda with you

Him; Rifiloe. Some things are better left unsaid

Me; you know this is going to tear us apart

Him; just let it go. Please, I’m begging you

Me; I cant.

Him; Refiloe.

I hung up. Looked through some files. Then decided to go home

On my way home, I decided to go by the hospital first.

When I arrived Hlokes wasn’t in his room. I quickly turned around and rushed to the reception.

When I asked where he was, no one could answer me. They just kept pulling me from Pillar to post.

I started getting nervous. What was happening?

Eventually, some doctor with a surname I can’t pronounce, showed me documents that he had been
discharged. I didn’t understand how since he was supposedly brain dead.

I drove home totally defeated. Everything I thought I knew, was all a lie, and no one was willing to tell
me the truth about what was happening.

When I got home I literally broke down. My life was being turned upside down, and worst of all there
was nothing I could do about it.

While I was busy wallowing in self-pity. I heard something moving around upstairs.

I stilled and tried of thinking of what to do. I took my phone and locked myself into the bathroom.

I called Siya, and he picked up on 1st ring

Him; Rifiloe

Me; There’s someone in my house

Him; Rifiloe, I can’t hear you. Why are you whispering?

Me; Because there’s someone in my fucking house

Him; Where are you

Me; in the bathroom

Him; Rifiloe, Listen to me carefully

Me; I’m listening

Him; You need to get into the pantry and Lock the door. Move right to the back of the pantry and move
the removable shelf. You’ll see at the bottom, where the shelf used to be. There is an underground trap
door. Use the password 359789 to open and to close. Stay there, until one of my guys open it.

I didn’t move or say a word.

I hear everything he said, but I didn’t understand how he basically just gave me a floor plan of my house.

Him; Rifiloe I need you to respond. So I know you heard me

I eventually came back to earth

Me; Ok. I’ll try

Him; don’t make a sound.

Me; ok

I immediately hung up. I tried listening to hear if I could hear any footsteps upstairs. But nothing.

So I opened the bathroom door, and ran to the kitchen pantry and locked the door.

I tried seeing I could see any changes. Because when I bought the house, the agent said nothing about a
trap door.

I could see anything different, so I moved the shelf at the back and did exactly what Siya instructed me
to do. Hold and behold, there was a little handle that had numbers on it. I put in the password Siya gave
me. And it opened like an underground sliding door.

17

I stood at the top of the trap door. Not knowing whether I could trust Siya or not. But for now I didn’t
really have much of a choice.
So stepped onto the first step, then the next on. I closed the door with the same code I used to go in.
Once the door closed. The lights went on. I saw that the stairs went further, but I was too scared to
carry on. I just sat on the stair I was on. And waited.

My hands were shaking so much. I didn’t know what I had let myself into with this Siya drama.

5 minutes later, Siya called

Me; Si

Him; you did good babe.

Me; what’s going on

Him; don’t worry about it. Just wait for my people to arrive. Ill handle everything else

Me; Siya. Who are you?

Him; the same guy you fell in love with. There’s just more to me than meets the eye. I was just hoping
you wouldn’t come into contact with that side so quickly.

Me; do you have Hlokes

Him; I can’t discuss him with you. Not over the phone anyway

Me; but

Him; Rifiloe. Please. Let me just get you out of there. We’ll have enough time to discuss everything else.

Me; ok. So when will your people get here

Him; they’re already there. The guys who were in the house got away though

Me; oh. What where they looking for

Him; Im not sure yet, but I’ll find out soon enough. Anyway my guys are coming into the pantry now. for
the love of God, please don’t give them a hard time Just do what they say

Me; I can’t promise you anything

Him ;( sighs) Rifiloe, these guys aren’t like me. They won’t have time to argue with you. Just for once, do
as you’re told.

As he was speaking I heard someone putting in the password. I suddenly started feeling nervous. My
stomach started turning. I was asking myself all kinds of questions
When the doors opened there was a man the size of a beast. He had tattoos all over his face. His
muscles were the size of fucking mountains, and the other part of his face looked like it had been
burned

I looked at him, then put my phone back on my ear.

Me; Siya, you can’t be serious

Him; I see you’ve just met Nails

Me; im not getting out of here with him

Him; you promised you would give them a hard time

Me; I did no such thing.

Him; (sighs) Give nails the phone

I gave the horrid looking man my phone.

Nails; Boss

Him; make sure she gets the hell out of there. Those guys might be on their way back. I don’t want her
getting caught up in the cross fire. Make sure she doesn't get hurt

Him; Understood.

He hung up, and gave me my phone back

Him; Mam, please come with me

Me; where are we going

Him; Its better if you don’t know

Me; no. I’m not going anywhere. Especially not with you

Him; I’m not going to as you again

Me; who the hell do you think you are speaking to me like that

He didn’t answer me. He took a step towards me. I tried taking one back. But he was too fast.
He scooped me like a little child. He put me over his shoulder and started walking.

I tried to wiggle myself out of his grip but he was too strong.

Me; ok, ok, ok. I’ll walk. Just put me down

Him; don’t try anything stupid

Me; I promise. Just put me down

He put me down. When I looked around there were about 20 men dressed in black moving in and
around as if my house was a crime scene

Some were going through my kitchen, others were upstairs.

My house looked like it was being ripped into two.

I looked at Nails

Me; whats going on

Him; You’ll have to speak to ghost about that

Me; who the hell is ghost

Him; come, we need to get you out of here

Me; can I at least change into something more comfortable.

Him; There’s no time. You can change on the plane

Me; Plane? What plane? I’m not going on a plane.

I picked up my handbag from the kitchen counter and took out my phone to call Siya, But Nails, grabbed
my phone from my hand

Him; Listen, you’re wasting my time. My instructions are to make sure you get on that plane

Me; I don’t care who gives you your orders. But I’m not getting on no plane
He took out a syringe out of his back pack and injected me on my arm.

Me; what the fuck was that for

Him; you’ll find out soon enough

A moment later, I started feeling drowsy. I just felt like closing my eyes. I tried fighting it, but my eyes
just wanted to give up

Me; you drugged me you basted

He scooped me up and walked towards the door. The last thing I remember was him putting me in the
back of some car.

When I woke up I was on a Jet. It wasn’t Siyas though, because it was a little bigger. I looked around and
saw Nails sitting opposite me. He had an iPad in his hand.

I sat up, My head was killing me. I felt like my poor head weighed a ton.

I went to the bathroom and immediately started throwing up until I had nothing left to throw up.

When I was done, I opened the bathroom cabinet and used the mouthwash.

Nails knocked on the door to make sure that I was ok. I told him to give me a moment.

When I was done, I walked out to where Nails was. He gave me a bag with some clothes that consisted
of Jeans, T-shirt, Hoodie, a pair of socks and a pair of white all stars

I didn’t know how he knew my size but everything fitted perfectly.

When I was done getting dressed. I put the clothes that I had taken off in the plastic bag, and went to sit
with nails. I needed to ask him some questions

Me: where are we going?

Him; Your joining Ghost in Cuba

Me; Cuba?
Me; and who the hell is Ghost. Why don’t you people have normal names?

He looked at me and laughed.

Him; Your feisty. Never thought that about you

Me; you don’t even know me.

Him; I know a lot about you, more than you think

Me; what exactly do you think you know about me? And who the hell are you

Him; don’t worry, you’ll have all the answers you need when we land in about 5 hours.

Me; Can I speak to Siya first

Him; no, not yet. Can I get you something to eat?

Me; please

He got up and came back with a chicken lasagna and bottle of wine

Me; can I rather have a bottle of water instead?

Him; Sure

He handed me the water and I dug into my food which was amazing.

Once I was done, I started feeling better. Nails was not the talkative type. He only really spoke when
spoken to. I wanted to ask him what happened to his face, but thought better to mind my own business.
So Instead, I went to take another nap, I was still kind of tired, I think it was because of that damn
injection.

I was woken up by Nails telling me I had to get strapped in because we were about to land.

I felt like slapping him, I was enjoying my sleep and to be woken up by his tatted face isn’t really
pleasing.

I got up, and went to sit where Nails was. I strapped myself in.

30min later we had landed. There were 4 black USSV Rhino GX’s waiting for us when we got out the
plane. I had never seen such huge ass SUV’s in my life. I had only seen these in American movies.
Nails opened the backseat door for me to get in, stepped in the back of the while Nails sat in the front
men with bullet proof vests, and millions of tattoos.

I said a little prayer while I whisked away to some unknown destination. I couldn’t even look outside
side because the windows were tinted so darkly. Plus it looked like the wee hours of the morning.

We drove for about 2 hours, before we finally stopped. I let out a sigh of relief because I was starting to
get light headed.

Nails exited the front and came to open for me. I took his hand to step down and we walked into what
seems like a very lavish home.

He walked me upstairs into what looked like a main bedroom.

Him; stay here.

Me; where are you going. You can’t leave me here.

Him; your safe now. My mission is complete.

Me; what mission? Where is Siya

The moment I said that, I felt him. I could smell his cologne, and feel his presence

Nails looked at me, and then turned to leave. He said something to Siya, then closed the door behind
him.

I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to see Siya standing behind me.

I didn’t want to see this side of him. I wanted to remember his as the Man I fell in love with. The man
that I made love to like my life depended on it.

I wanted him to be the Siya I know. Not the man who basically killed Hlokes.

Not the man who came halfway across the world with his Ex

and most definitely not the man who’s had people following me.
18

Siya turned came closer to me. He put his arms around me from behind. I just closed my eyes, because
my heart was conflicted. I didn’t turn around. I just sat there with tears rolling down my cheek.

He turned me around, and made me face him. He lifted my face so I could look at him. He took out a
handkerchief and wiped away my tears.

At that moment everything seemed so right, but also so bad. He leaned in and kissed me.

I didn’t respond. I just stayed still. Eventually though. I gave in. There was a force that pushed me
towards him. A force that made it impossible for me not to respond.

I put my arms around his neck and started kissing him back.

When I realized what I was doing,I pulled away hastily. Why is it that I can’t resist this man ye.

I took a few steps away from where he was standing. I needed some distance

Him; Rifiloe

Me; don’t

Him; don’t push me away. It’s still me. The same Siya who loves you.

Me; No. you’re the man who lied to me. The man who almost killed Hlokes. How can you speak to me
about love, when you didn’t love me enough to tell me the truth?

Him; It’s not like that babe. I couldn’t tell you. Not just yet

ME; what do you mean? You were pissed at me for not telling you about Hlokes. And yet you had a
whole other life and you weren’t going to tell me, and now I’m half way across with you and your still
not telling me exactly what’s happening

He sighed and was about to say something, until someone knocked on the door.

He answered for them to come.

Him; Boss, you need to come and see this

Siya; I’ll be there in a moment

Him; its rather urgent

Siya; I said I’ll be there in a moment

The guy walked out and closed the door behind him.

Me; your not going anywhere until you’ve answered my questions

Him; Rifiloe, I love you. I really do, but now’s not the time. Ill explain everything to you. I just need you
to trust me

I felt my anger starting to rise. Who does he think he is?

Me; Trust you? Are you serious? How the hell can I trust you, when you’ve lied to me about so many
things?

Him; I can’t do this now.

He started walking away from me. There was a liquor cabinet close to where I was standing.

I picked up a glass from there and threw it towards him. Unfortunately it didn’t hit him. It just hit the
wall he was walking towards

He turned around and looked at me. You could see he had a bit of anger in his eyes. But mostly he
shocked

Him; I’ll get someone to clean that up. There’s clothes and other things you might need in the walk in
the closet. Let me know if you need anything else.

Then he walked out. Not looking back.

I sat down on the bed, and stared into space. I was getting angrier with Siya. But at the same time I
hoped he would stay with me. I just wanted him here to tell me it would all be ok. And that I was had
misinterpreted things.

I was interrupted by a knock on the door. A lady walked in and greeted me in Zulu.

She told me her name was Thembi and she was here to clean up the glass. I showed her where it was.
She cleaned it then left.
I decided to take a bath because only God knew when Siya would be back.

I went to the walk in closet, and couldn’t believe my eyes. There were so many clothes there. from
formal ware, to casual and even evening. There was even PJs, matching underwear and Lingerie. I won’t
even mention the shoes. And somehow everything was my size.

I don’t know what Siya was thinking getting me so much stuff. It’s not like I was planning on living here.

Anyway, I took out a pair of PJ’s, slippers, and underwear and put them on the bed. Then stripped the
clothes I had on, and put them in the basket, then went to the in suit bathroom.

I filled the tub with hot water and tons of bubble bath. I wanted to soak myself in the bath, and just try
release some of the stress from today.

While I was busy in the bath Siya knocked on the door. I told him to come in since my body was covered
with bubbles.

Him; How are you settling in

Me; fine

Him; I’m going out for a couple of hours. I should be back by morning

Me; your leaving me here, on my first night?

Him; I need to take care of something.

Me; just go. It’s not like I could make you stay

Him; If you need anything, Thembi will be downstairs

Me; I’m fine. I just need answers

Him; I’ll give you those soon. Just give me time. That’s all I ask

I kept quiet.

Him; there’s enough security here to make sure your safe. But please don’t try anything stupid.

I didn’t bother answering him. I just carried on with what I was doing.
He walked out, and left me to bath.

Once I was done, I felt so much better physically, but emotionally I was DRAINED.

I got dressed then tied my hair up and went to sleep.

When I woke up I got the fright of my life. Siya was fast asleep next to me.

I quickly jumped out of the bed and put on a gown. He woke up a looked at me with a startled look on
his face.

Me; What the hell are you doing

Him; I was trying to get some sleep

Me; and you couldn’t do that anywhere else

Him; this is my bedroom. Where else do you expect me to sleep?

Me; and why am I sleeping in YOUR bedroom? You mean to tell me that there is no other rooms in this
fucking mansion that you could put me in?

Him; Rifiloe. I literally just fell asleep. Do we have to do this now? Just come back to sleep. We can
discuss this later.

Me; you must be drunk, if you think I’m getting in that bed again

Him; suit yourself. Just please don’t throw anything at me while I sleep.

He smiled at me, then went back to sleep. I looked at him and thought of strangling him. But
unfortunately me small hands wouldn’t fit around his neck mxm.

Instead I went to take a bath. I needed to do something with myself, before I did something I would
regret. When I finished bathing, I went to the bedroom with just a towel wrapped around me.

Siya was on the phone. Nxa, so much for sleeping

I could feel his eyes piercing into my body. I moved to the walk I closet to choose what to wear.

I decided on just a track suit pants and top, and a pair of all stars. It not like I was planning on going
anywhere. I tied my hair up in a high pony tail and didn’t bother with any make up.

When I got back to the room, Siya wasn’t there. I guessed he was in the bathroom because I could hear
the water in the shower. I made the bed, and put away my PJ’s. Siya had left his Laptop on the bed, so I
decided to use it to log into my work emails. I wanted to check if there was anything that needed my
immediate attention.

I sat on the bed, going through emails. When I noticed a so called email that I had sent to my boss.

When I looked at it, my pulse quickened. It basically said that I was going away for a couple of weeks, to
try and bring in a client who is based overseas. I automatically knew that Siya had something to do with
this.

I closed the laptop and waited for this psycho to get out the shower.

A while later, he came out with just a towel wrapped around him.

I must be honest ne. He caught me off guard. He was still dripping water from the shower, and his eight
pack just made think of the first time we made love in the shower.

I looked away before he noticed.

Me; so how long am I supposed to stay here for? Because I saw the email you sent to my boss

Him; as long as it takes to find out who was in your house. And why?

Me; but that could take ages

Him; Then you’ll have to stay for ages

Me; what about my Job and my family. Surely people will start noticing that I’m not around

Him; I’ve already handled your work. All you have to do is let your parents know you’re away for a while.

Me; what about ausy Mavis

Him; sorted

Me; My friends

Him; Sorted

Me; so how long have you been planning this.

Him; Not long. The minute you called to tell me about someone being in your house. I put my team into
action
Me; I see. So are we going to talk about the big ass elephant in the room?

Him; can we have breakfast first? I’m famished

Me; sure

He went to get dressed while I continued on his laptop. When he was done, we went upstairs to the
dining room. I got a better view of the house. I think it looked even better in the day. Especially since we
were having breakfast on the patio.

The sun was out and this side of the house was basically on the beach. There was also lots of guards,
with guns.

Siya sat at the head of the tab, while l sat next to him. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I saw the
food laid out on the table.

We dished up and mainly ate in silence. I was tired of asking questions I wasn’t going to get answers to.
So better to keep quite.

I was halfway through my breakfast when I saw Linda walking like a fucking supermodel towards the
table. I immediately lost my appetite.

In all honestly she looked beautiful. She had her hair tied up and had a full set of make up on.

She gave Siya a kiss on the cheek, and sat on the other side of him. All the while ignoring me.

Siya looked at her, then at me and shook his head. I rolled y eyes at him and he smiled.

I decided I was done eating, and stood up to take my plate to the kitchen

Him; babe, leave that. The maid will get it

Me; I’m sure the maid has a name, plus I prefer to clean up after myself

Her; Nxa, You see Siya, this is what happens when you get involved with hood rats from God knows
where. They’re not used to this life style. Haai le rata ho jola jola man.

Me; Says the woman who has to depend on her ex for money. At least if you were boasting about a
lifestyle you provided for yourself. Not money you get because you opened your legs to a rich man.

Her; Siya. You’re going to let this twit speak to me like that?

Him; Linda. Just stop with the drama. Don’t start things you can’t finish.
I walked away and took my plate to the kitchen.

I bumped into nails as I was a walking out.

Him; mam

Me; Hi Nails. Please call me Rifiloe

Him; I’m not sure Ghost would approve

Me; Ghost?

Him; I should get going. It was nice seeing you again.

He walked away leaving me confused. Who is this Ghost guy?

I decided to go change into shorts and go sit on the beach. I wanted to distance myself from this Linda
bitch before I strangled her.

I wore one of the one piece costumes in the closet, and put on shorts over to bottom. I didn’t feel
comfortable walking around almost naked in front of all the men here.

As I walked out the room, Siya walked in

Him; You going for a swim

Me; Yes

Him; I’ve got a meeting in town. I’ll see you when I get back

Me; ok, but im going to need your laptop or an Ipad

Him; I need my laptop. But ill get one of the guard to bring you my Ipad

Me; Thanks

I tried walking past him. But he held my hand

Him; I don’t like the way things are between us

Me; what do you want me to say

Him; say you trust me

Me; I don’t want to lie to you

Him; do you at least still love me

I felt my eyes watering. I wanted to tell him I didn’t and that I don’t ever want to be with him, but that
would be a total Lie. So I told him the truth

Me; Yes, but

Him; no buts. That’s all I needed to hear.

He kissed me on the forehead and let go of my hand. I walked to the beach with Siya in My mind. I took
a seat on one of the beach chairs. And looked around me, all I could see for miles on end was the beach.
But no other properties. I think this must be a private beach, because there was no one else on here
except for me and the guards watching over me.

About an hour late I was flipping through the magazine that I had taken with me, when I realized
someone was standing behind me.

I turned around thinking it was one of the guards, but nope, it was Hlokes standing there with an IPad in
his hand

Him; I hear someone ordered an IPad

19

I stood up to make sure no wasn't going mad. I moved closer to him and touched his face. My eyes were
telling me he was here but my brain refused to believe me.

I stood on my toes and put my arms around his neck. I hugged him as tightly as I could. He winced

Him: careful the ribs

Me: I don't care. I'm just happy you’re alive

He hugged me back and just let me be. After a while i broke the hug and held him at arm’s length. He
was still bruised quite badly, and the stitches were still intact.
He sat on the beach chair opposite me, and smiled

Me: you shouldn't be here. If Siya saw you he would go ballistic

Him; let me handle him

Me: so are you going to tell me what's going on.

Him: Its not my place. Ghost will tell you when the time is right

Me: So where are you staying

Him: a floor up from you

Me: im lost

Him: in the same house as you. Just one floor above you

Me; now I'm really lost. How can you be staying in Siyas house. When he tried to kill you

Him: who said anything about him trying to kill me? Rifiloe sometimes wena you have an overactive
imagination

I looked at him with so much confusion. How was he here? How did he know Siya and why was he
staying here

Him: I know you must have a million questions going through your mind., but right now all I can say is he
didn't try to kill me. He should be so lucky

Me; so your keeping secrets from me too. Mxm I should have known.

I stood up and wanted to walk towards the house, but froze when I saw Siya heading towards us. He
looked like He was ready to kill someone. I looked at hlokes and he was standing behind me just as mad.

Hlokes: fifi, you better go back into the house

Me: your insane. He'll kill you

Him: stay out of this if you know what's good for you

Siya got closer, and I could see his eye's were bloodshot red.
I walked towards him to try and stop him from getting closer.

I put my arms on his chest trying to stop him, but he was stronger

Me: Siya stop

Him: stay out of this

Me: babe please I’m begging you.

Him: Rifiloe, move

Siya looked like he was about to kill Hlokes.

Hlokes: Rifiloe, get away from him

Me: wena just shut up man. Or better yet go to the house

Siya: I fucking told you to stay away from her

Hlokes: it's not your decision to make

Siya: the hell it's not. It's about time I taught you a fucking lesson

By this time hlokes was coming towards Siya

I don't know what he thinks he was going to do since he was still hurt so badly.

Me: Hlokes don't take another step

Meanwhile Siya is pushing against me trying to get to hlokes.

Me: can we just all calm down, and try behaving like adults.

He banna, ,haai I was just talking to myself here, no one was listening to me. I saw the guards were all
gathered around, but none of them were intervening.

Me: nails. Do something

He looked at me and then at Siya but didn't move. Nxa fucking coward

Siya carried on trying to get to Hlokes, while Hlokes tried getting to Siya

All in it was a big mess. And I knew the only way for me to stop them would be for me to pretend that I
was hurt

So the, moment Siya tried throwing a punch, I tripled on, my own feet and fell down, crying in agony.
They both stopped and looked at me :)

I covered my eyes with my hand and prayed real tears would come out. Because I was actually laughing
on the inside

Siya sat down next to me and gently removed my hands from my face. Luckily my tears were
participating

Him: I'm so sorry babe.

Me: (sniffing) I don't think I can walk. I think I might've strained my ankle

Him; I'll carry you

Hlokes tried coming closer, but I shook my head at him

Siya scooped me up. And carried me into the house. Some of the guards followed while the others
attended to Hlokes. I looked at him and he was smiling. I think he knew I was Lying. I just gave him a
don't you dare look, and continued with my charade. Plus I was enjoying the attention I was getting
from Siya

When we arrived inside, Siya put me on the bed, and went to get an ice pack from the fridge. I just sat
there smiling at how well my plan worked

When Siya came back, he put my ankle on his lamp and put the ice pack on my ankle.

You could tell he was still angry but his eyes were returning to their normal color
Me: thank you. That feels better

Him: I'm sorry I hurt you

Me: forget about it. Just promise me you'll leave him alone

Him: Rifiloe, you need to stay out of this

Me: promise me

Him: I can only promise I won't hurt him, unless he provokes me

Me: ok, I guess that's better than nothing

I held out my hand at him

Him: and now

Me: you have shake on it

He laughed and gave me his hand to shake.

Me: so are you ready to tell me about what's happening

Him: not yet. But I promise you I'll tell you everything when the time is right. And don't go asking Hlokes
because he will probably feed you lies

Me: haai, I give up shame.

Him: thank God, I think I'll finally be able to breathe

Me: mxm I'm still mad at you

Him: I know. But just give ,me the benefit of doubt

Me: I don't know info can do that. So much has happened

Him: I know

I looked at Him and for the first time, since this whole thing started, I started to relax
Then Someone knocked on the door

Me; go away

Him; Come in

The person behind the door, obviously listened to him instead of me, because they came in. mxm

Him; Ghost. They've landed

Siya; get the guys ready.

The guy walked away and closed the door behind him.

Me; so you’re the so called ghost

Him; don’t start

Me; I was just asking

Him; let me go see what’s going on. I’ll be back now

Me; but my ankle still hurts

Him; give me 2 minutes, I’ll be back now. I promise

Me; go

He gave me the ice pack, and left me. I took the ice pack back to the kitchen. There was no use in me
keeping it mos.

I ran into Hlokes in the kitchen.

Him; better so soon

Me; shut up. You should actually be thanking me.

Him; whatever you say

Me; it’s weird seeing you here

Him; I never wanted things to turn out the way they did.
Me; I wish I knew what you were talking about

Him I should go

He walked out and went to join, Siya and the rest of them.

There was an older looking lady in the kitchen, who introduced herself as Martha. She was busy making
lunch for everybody, so I asked if i could help.

Her; I don’t think Ghost would approve

Me; I don’t care. It’s better than sitting around and doing nothing. So what are you making?

Her; Chicken ala king, with balsamic rice, and some steamed vegetables

Me; Ok, so how can I help?

Her; you can steam the vegetables

Me; that’s it? You don’t trust me with the chicken

She smiled at me

Her; only if you’re sure you can manage

Me; I am.

Her; ok, Let me get you an apron

She gave me an apron, and we cooked together. It was nice having someone to talk to. It made it easier
for me to forget about the Siya and Hlokes Saga

Mam Martha, had a small music system in the kitchen. She says it’s because she likes cooking to music. I
smiled when she put on Caiphus Semenya’s Ziph’inkomo. That song reminded me of my mom and dad.
They used to listen to it a lot while I was growing up.

A while later Siya walked in while mam Martha and I were dancing and singing along to Angelina. He
smiled at me. I pulled him closer, and started dancing around him. He smiled and wrapped his arms
around me, and gave me a kiss. I gave him a smack playfully.
Me; not in front of mam Martha

Him; I don’t think she minds

I looked at mam Martha and she was busy with pots. I looked back at Siya and kissed on the cheek.

Me; your disturbing us

Him; what are you making

Me; we’ve just finished making chicken ala king. I was going to help mam Martha with the oxtail stew for
tonight

Him; can I steal you for a bit

Me; I don’t know, you should ask mam Martha

He smiled because he knew, she didn’t really have a choice.

Him; mam Martha, can I borrow this young lady for a while

She smiled at us and nodded

I held Siya’s hand as he walked me towards the bedroom. I saw Hlokes staring at us from upstairs. I kind
of felt bad, but there was nothing I could do about it

I waved at him to say hi, but he just turned around and walked into his room

When we got to our room. I sat on the bed, and waited.

Siya sat next to me and took my hands in his

Me; what’s wrong?

Him; we found the guys that were at your place

Me; who was it?

Him; I don’t know how to put this

Me; your scaring me

Him; I don’t mean to. It’s just that I can’t tell you this without telling you everything else. And I’m not at
liberty to disclose anything else. Not till I’ve got clearance

Me; clearance from who

Him; (sigh) I’ve already said too much. But at the same time you might have information that I need.

Me; I’m getting more and more confused

Him; get dressed. I think it’s better I show you

Me; ok,

I went to the closet, and took out a pair of jeans, a pair of all stars and a hoodie.

I didn’t know where we were going, so I wanted to be comfortable.

Him; I’ll wait for you downstairs.

Siya left while I got dressed. I was starting to get worried, because I could see that whatever was eating
him up inside, was serious. And somehow it involved me.

When I went down stairs Siya wasn’t there, So I went up to the

office level, where all the guys stay.

As I approached I could hear Siya and Hlokes arguing. I stood by the door so I could hear what they were
saying

Hlokes; It’s not the right time. She’s going to flip

Siya; we don’t have a choice

Hlokes; you should let me handle this. Plus you don’t have clearance yet

Siya; doesn’t matter. I’m not keeping this from her. Plus she might know more that we think. Oh and The
last time I let you handle things you nearly got us killed

Hlokes; are you ever going to let that go

Siya; No. because here we are again. In a shit storm, all because of you

Hlokes; fuck you man. You know I didn’t want this to happen.

Siya; well, it’s happening. And it’s up to me to make sure no one else gets hurt because of your
recklessness

I knocked on the door, and they both kept quite

Me; I’m ready

Hlokes looked like he wanted to say something but he just kept quiet.

Siya; Let the guys know we’re ready to go

Hlokes; Sure

Siya took my hand and we walked downstairs, then took the lift to the basement parking.

When we got downstairs, the cars were waiting, I got in and he sat next to me.

Unfortunately it wasn’t just the two of us, so I couldn’t ask him any questions.

I put my head on his shoulder and let out a sigh. It’s weird how easily I fell in love with Siya, I thought he
was just a savvy business man with good looks. But I was wrong.

Turns out he’s some kind of monster, and instead of running away from him. I was running closer, and
somehow I’m falling deeper in love with him, but at the same time, I felt like I was betraying Hlokes.

A while later we pulled up at some industrial park. When the cars pulled in I looked at Siya confused. He
just looked in my eyes and didn’t say anything

We got out, and the guards walked in front and some at the back of us.

When we got inside one of the warehouses at the back, of the industrial park, the guards opened the
door. I immediately tightened my grip on Siya, plus my hands were shacking, because I didn’t know what
to expect.
There were more guards inside. About 5 of them. Siya walked with me to the middle of the warehouse.

I saw at a close distance away there was someone tied to a chair. I couldn’t see his face though, because
it was covered with a brown bag

I held Siya’s hand tighter. I was getting more and more scared by the minute.

I could see this poor person was blooding. I whispered in Siya’s ear

Me; siya, what’s going on

Him; give me a moment

He told the guards to put on the rest of the lights.

The minute the lights came back, I saw who was in the chair. I didn't need to see his face. because i saw
the watch i had gotten him for his birthday.

I screamed my lungs out. I took my hand out of Siya’s hand. I ran towards him. I had to get him out of
there. What was Siya thinking?

20

I didn’t make it very far, because the guards stopped me.

Siya came towards me and tried hugging me. I slapped him across the face.

He didn’t move, so I slapped him again, then I started kicking him.

The guards tried to stop me, but he told them to back off.

Me; how could you

Him; I’m sorry

Me; I hate you Siya, I hate you. You’re a fucking monster

I got down on my knees, in front of him. I tried making out a sentence, but tears wouldn’t let me

Me; Siya, Please Im begging you. Let Sizwe go.

Him; Babe, I cant.

Me; (sniffing) Pease, I’ll do anything you want me to. Just let him go

Him; No. I can’t

He pulled me up. I pushed him away

Me; How could you? He’s my friend

Siya was about to answer me when I heard Sizwe, calling out my name. You could tell he was in so much
anguish

I turned around and tried walking towards him, but the flipping guards were in the way.

Me; Move

They didn’t move

Me; Siya, Please. Just let me see him

Him; Let her through

They all moved. I ran to Sizwe. I took of the bag off his face.

He was blooding from his mouth and his nose

I knelt down in front of him. He could barely open his eyes. I took of my hoodie, and wiped his face with
it. I just wanted get all that blood off him.

Me; Sizwe, Sizwe, open your eyes.

Him; fifi, you’re here

I turned around, and Siya was standing behind me

Me; Get me some water.

No one moved. I turned my attention to Sizwe.

Me; I’m going to get you out of here. I’m so sorry

I stood up and went to Siya

Me; give me the keys to the cuffs

Him; I cant

Me; you can’t or you wont

Him; Rifiloe. Sizwe isn’t who you think he is

Me; what’s that supposed to mean

Him; Ill explain when we get out of here

Him Gents. Make sure he’s still alive when Bullet gets here.

Them; Sure boss

Siya took my hand and I snatched it away

Me; I’m not leaving him here. And who’s Bullet

Him: please don’t make me carry you.

Me; Siya, please, I’m begging you. I need to know what’s happening. he's my friend. I cant let you do this

Him; let’s go home, and I’ll explain everything

The ride home was a silent one. Tears just kept running my cheek, especially when I looked at the
bloodstained hoodie

When we got home, I didn’t want for anybody to open the door for me. I just opened it myself and
walked towards the lift.

Siya got in with me and didn’t say anything

When we got to the house, I went straight to the bedroom.

I took a quick shower, and threw the clothes that I had worn to the warehouse in the trash.

Siya came in when I had just finished getting dressed.

Him; ok, I’m ready to tell you everything

I looked at him. He came closer and I took a step backwards

Him; we’ll have to talk in my office, because Hlokes has to be there

I walked passed him, and went to his office

Hlokes was already sitting there waiting for us. He stood up when he saw me come in.

He opened his arms to give me a hug, and I slapped him

Me; you stay the fuck away from me

He didn’t say anything, but you could see he was hurt

Siya came, and we all took our seats.

Siya; I guess its time, we told you the truth.

Me; just get on with it

Him; please just know even though I may have lied about things.

I never once lied about the way I feel about you

Me; can you just get on with it

Him; Ok. Here it goes.

So Hlokes and I have known each other for about 2 years. He was recruited into the same black ops
agency that I worked for.

Me; Black ops?

Him; we were a team of misfits who didn’t fit into the police force. So the lieutenant and the minister of
safety came up with a plan. To have us work as undercover gang operatives.

Me; so you’re not a gangster

Him; No, not in so many words. But I live a life of a gangster. I have to be able to fit in with them, so that
I can get the information I want

Me; what about your company

Him; when the lieutenant told me about the plan to start this group, I made a deal with them. I would
work undercover, on the condition that I get to build a legit business on the side.

Me; that doesn’t make sense

Him; Rifiloe, I knew that if I agreed to this undercover job, I would have to give up a lot of my morals. Me
building Ndhlovu communications was so I wouldn’t lose myself in being a gangster. It helps remind me
of who I really am

Me; so how does Hlokes fit into this

Him; we recruited Hlokes about 2 years ago. He didn’t want to at first because he planned on getting
married. But then we offered him enough money, and he agreed

I looked at Hlokes. Is that when you left for Saudi. He just nodded

Me; so why did you pretend to not know each other when you saw each other at my house

Him; because 3 months before that, Hlokes had decided he wanted to go home, so he could fix things
with you, and tell you everything. I told him he couldn’t, because we needed him here.

There was a gang that was hunting us down. And we didn’t need any distractions. But Hlokes being the
hard kop he is, decided to go rouge. He left without telling us where he was going. That immediately
put everyone in danger, especially you.

So I was given the mission of tracking him down. Which is how I came to meet you

I looked at him, then at Hlokes

Me; so when you and I met Siya. You were on a mission

Him; babe,

Me; answer me

Him; yes. But

Me; so you were using me to get to Hlokes

Him; in the beginning, but then I fell for you

I had to take a moment, to breath. I was trying really hard not to cry

Me; so where does Sizwe fit in in all this

Him; we found out recently that Sizwe, works for the Gang that’s been tracking us down.

Me; what, that’s impossible. I’ve known him for a while now.
Him; Sizwe was planted at the company you work for, to try and find out about Hlokes aka Bullet. And
what better way to do that than to become friends with his wife, because no one knows who we really
are, but they had somehow found out Hloke’s real identity. So it was only a matter of time before they
found me

Me; Hlokes

He looked at me.

Me; so when you left for Saudi, did you really leave with another woman

Him; Rifiloe, please try to understand

Me; Just answer me

Him; Yes

Me; I see

Me; so who tried killing Hlokes

Siya; It was Sizwe and his team

I stood up and went to the window. I needed fresh air. Hlokes got t up and left me and Siya alone

Me; so it was all a lie

Him; no, not all of it

Me; what else do I need to know.

Him; I can't reveal anything else at this point.

Siya stood up to take a step towards me.

Me; please don’t, come near me

Him; Rifiloe, my feelings for you were never a lie. I swear on my own life. I loved you the moment I lied
eyes on you. I knew it was wrong to pursue you, but I couldn’t help myself.
Me; Siya, sometimes love isn’t enough.

Him; don’t say that Rifiloe. We can work through this. I know it’s a lot to digest, but all I ask is for you to
give me time to earn your trust.

Me; I’m sorry Siya. But I can’t. It’s all too much to take in.

Him; what are you saying

Me; It’s over.

Him; No, I won’t let you throw away what we have, because of this.

Me; we’ve never had anything. It was all lies. From the moment you met me. All of it it’s all lies.

Him; baby please. We can find a way through this. Id give up everything. Just don’t tell me it’s over

I looked at the man I thought I loved. Who looked more like Judas now. I wish I could forgive and forget.
But this was just all too much.

Me; I need to go home

Him; You can’t just yet. We’re still trying to get information out of Sizwe. He’s been a hard one to crack,
but I know in time, he’ll give in

Me; I don’t care. You can’t keep me here against my will

Him; I have to protect you Refiloe.

Me; That’s not your decision to make.

I decided to leave him there. I couldn’t bare to look at him any longer. I needed to get my cell phone,
and get the hell out of this place.

When I got out, Hlokes was coming up the stairs

I tried walking past him, but he held my hand.

Him; we need to talk

Me; There’s nothing to say

Him; Fine, then you listen I’ll talk.

Me; what’s to talk about. You left me for money, then came back and led those bastards to me.

Him; Rifiloe, I thought I was doing it for us. I wanted to give you the life you deserved.

Me; Lies, you left because of your greed. And if you were supposedly doing it for us you wouldn’t have
left with that whore. Now let go of my hand

He let go and I walked to my room and locked the door. I needed to let everything out, and I didn’t want
to have anybody comfort me.

21

I sat in my room for hours. I cried until I had no more tears left. I felt like Siya was dead, as though I was
mourning him.

Then finally I drifted off to sleep. I thought I would be able to escape my nightmare of a life in my
dreams, but unfortunately it also chases me there.

I was woken up by the loud banging on the door. I ignored it, and tried going back to sleep. Luckily the
person in the other side wasn't persistent, because they left. And I was able to sleep again.

In the morning I woke up feeling a bit better than the day before. So I got up bathed and changed into
gym clothes I found in the closet. I wasn't in the mood to see Siya or Hlokes, but I also didn't want to
keep myself locked up, and it’s not like I could avoid them forever.

I lived in the same house as them mos.

I took Siya’s iPod, and left to go for a run on the beach. Nothing better than the sea breeze to make you
feel better.

As I was walking out I saw Linda, Siya and Hlokes having breakfast on the veranda. I kept the
headphones in my ear and walked passed them.
I jogged around the beach for about an hour and a half It was kind of weird though, because the guards
were there too.

When I got back from my jog, I went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

Luckily mam Martha was busy washing the dishes, so I had someone to talk to.

Her: can I make you something to eat

Me: no thanks ma, I'll just grab some fruits

Her: you know you can't live off fruit alone, plus you didn't have lunch or dinner yesterday

Me: ok, you carry on with what you’re doing, ill, make myself an omelette

I made my omelettes while talking to mam Martha. She made the place feel homely. You could tell she
was fond of all the guys who lived here.

Siya walked in while I was eating. I was really enjoying my omelette and didn't want Him to disturb me.

He greeted mam Martha, then came to sit on the counter with me. I ignored him and carried on eating.

Him: did you sleep well

me: yes thanks

Him: lucky you. I on the other hand slept on the couch

me: your point being

Him: can I come back to our bed please. I don't think I could take another night on the couch

me: no stress, Ill swap with you

Him: that's not what I meant. Our bed is big enough for the both of us

me: you mean your bed, and I don’t mind staying on the couch

Him: forget I said anything

He walked off looking defeated. Mxm I don't know what he expected me to say.
I spent most of the day in my bedroom, working on some of my clients’ portfolios. I needed to keep
myself busy, and up to date with what was happening with my client’s monies. I could see that Siya’s
portfolio was doing well. So I emailed him his latest figures.

I was going through my emails when I saw one from Sizwe.

I had to convince myself not to cry.

I knew he sent this before Siyas people got a hold of him. I opened the attachment and it was the final
trust documents that Siya needed to sign.

I smiled a bit, when I saw the smiley faces he had in the subject line of his e-mail. I wondered if deep
Down he really saw me as a friend, or if he only saw me as an someone who could give him information
on where to find bullet.

Siya walked in while I was busy with working

Him: what are you busy with

Me: work

Him: I was hoping we could talk

Me: what are we doing now

Him: please Rifiloe

Me: ok. I’m listening

Him: walk with me

Me: where to

Him: the beach

Me: give me 5 mins

Him: ok

He walked out while I finished off with what I was doing.

I decided to change into shorts and a bikini top. It was too hot to be walking around with tracksuits

When I came downstairs Siya was waiting for me. He took my hand in his, and I didn't protest. On our
way out, Linda came in with a million shopping bags.
I didn't bother saying anything to her. I just held Siyas hand and we kept walking

When we got to the beach we sat down

Him: I want to fix things with you

Me: Siya

Him: let me finish

Him: Rifiloe, I know I hurt you. I know that. But I just didn't want us to land up where we are now. I know
that’s not an excuse. But when I was given this task to find bullet, I thought it would be easy. All I had to
do was track you down, and you would tell me where he was. Then I'd find him and drag him back to
Cuba. It was supposed to be that simple. But then I met you, and I knew that there was no way I could
live without you. I wanted you to myself, even though I knew you had unfinished business with Hlokes. It
was selfish I know, but baby I knew that my life would be incomplete without you. I just need you to
forgive me

I looked at Siya and I knew he was telling me the truth. But I still had so many doubts

I still had so many questions that he couldn't give answers too

ME; Siya, I love you with all my heart. Despite everything we’ve been through, I still love you. Don’t get
me wrong. But I need more than love. I need to trust you. I need to know that you'll put me first. I need
to know that you'll never hurt me. And in all honesty, we both know you can't give some of those things.
How can I ask to be put first, when your still bound to your ex?, how do I trust you, when all you've done
is lie to me, And how do I know I won't get hurt, when you’re a leader of some ops group.

I need stability in my life Siya, and I'm just not sure you can give that to me

Him: I hear you. So where to from here

Me: I need you to give me time. I need to be able to deal with everything I need to somehow mourn the
death of the Siya I thought I knew. I need to try moving on with my life. I need you to step back, and let
me go.

Him you can’t ask me to do that

Me; You have to. Siya, I deserve a chance at a normal life. With a man who is normal, and have children
who will have a normal childhood. I don’t want to walk around watching my back, because the man I
love has a price on his head. That just wouldn’t be to fair.
You know, I’ve heard you tell me how much you love me and want to spend your life with me. But I’m
yet to hear you say that you’re willing to give up this ops group.

Him; Rifiloe, I wish I could give all this up, if I could I would, I vow on my life. But that would mean I have
to go back on the vow, I made to protect and honour my country.

When Siya said that my heart broke. I knew he loved his job, but I hoped he would give it up for us. He
wiped away a tear from my eye. You could tell he wanted to protest, but he knew I was right

There was no way we would be able to have a normal life together. There’s just too much working
against us.

He moved in closer and held me in his arms.

Him; so I guess this is really the end

Me; I guess so

He sighed

ME; so when will I be able to go home

Him; should be in a couple of days, Sizwe has been participating. So Bullet has left with some of the
other guys to take out his gang. Once that’s done, you should be able to return home

Me; so what happens to Sizwe once you’ve got all the info you need?

Him; you know I can’t discuss that with you

Me; sorry. So when do you go home ?

Him; my head quarters are here, so I’ll be in between SA and Cuba

Me; What about Olwetho and Linda

Him; Linda will return to CT, and Olwetho will move back from my mom’s.

Me; why wasn’t he here in the first place

Him; because we didn’t want him missing school. Plus he wasn’t really under any threat. The people
looking for me don’t know about him, we’ve been able to keep him under the radar
Me; that’s good, but I’m sure he misses you

Him; yaah, I miss him too. But what can I do. You know when I first met Linda, I told her I didn’t want
children, because I knew that the life I live, I wouldn’t be able to be the farther my children would need.
But Linda being her, decided to lie about taking contraceptives. So the person who suffers now, is
Olwetho

Me; that’s a pity. But you should also try harder

He; Your probably right, but it’s not always that black and white.

We sat on the beach talking for hours on end. It felt good not to fight for a change. I felt like I was
getting to know more about ghost. But I still longed for my Siya

By the time we went back inside, it was already getting late. I had dinner with him and Linda, and some
of the guards, then went to my room.

Siya knocked on my door about an hour later. I went to open for him and stood at the door. I didn’t
want him to come in, because I was wearing bum shorts pyjama bottoms.

Me; what’s up

Him; can I take a shower

Me; why not use the one upstairs.

Him; the waters cold

Me; I need to put on a gown first.

He laughed at me.

Him; Babe, I’ve seen you naked before. What’s changed?

Me; that was before we broke up

Him; Fine, ill close my eyes. Promise I won’t look

Me; promise

Him; yes, pinky promise

I opened for him, and he pretended to close his eyes. When I turned around he had opened them. I hit
him with a pillow and he laughed.

Me; you promised

Him; I couldn’t resist

I hit him again, and he pulled me closer

Me; Siya don’t

Him; why

Me; because, we’ve broken up

He didn’t listen to me, but instead he started kissing my neck. I tried backing away, but it just felt too
good.

Me; mhhhm Siya, stop

Him; do you really want me to

Me; yes…. Mmm no

Him; which one is it?

Me; don’t stop

He carried on kissing my neck, while his hands were playing with my nipples.

I wanted so badly to tell him to stop, but at the same time, I wanted to be with him

He turned me around and started kissing my lips. I kissed him back, while unbuttoning his shirt. We
carried on kissing until we both couldn’t take it any longer.

Siya made love to me that night, like it was the last we would be making love. When we were done, I fell
asleep in his arms. I was so tired, I didn’t have time to ponder on what we had just done.
The moment I opened my eyes the next morning, my heart was filled with regret. Why the hell had I
slept with him again. What the fuck happened to my self-respect.

The moment I tried getting out of bed, Siya opened his eyes.

Him; where you going?

Me; I need to take a shower

Him; I know what you’re thinking

Me; so you’re a mind reader now

Him; no, but I can see the regret in your eyes

Me; I don’t know what I was thinking

Him; Its ok Rifiloe, I promise, Ill behave going forward. I don’t want you regretting anything else.

Me; thx.

Him; plus there’s nothing wrong with a bit of break up sex

I hit him with the pillow, then went to take a shower. When I was done, Siya went to take a shower,
then we went to have breakfast

We found Linda already there. I greeted her then dished up for myself. Siya asked me to dish up for him
and bring it up to his office.

I gave him a look, but decided not to say anything. For some reason I didn’t want Linda to know that we
had broken up. I guess it was just my ego

I dished up for him, and took his breakfast to his office, then came back and sat with Linda.

I just felt like irritating her.

Her; so tell me something

Me; what

Her; what love potion did you feed him. Phela ive heard about you sotho girls
I smiled at her. She might be in the mood for a fight. But there was no why I would be participation

Me; no need for a love potion dear. All he needed was a woman who was interested in him and not his
money. But hey, I give you props for falling pregnant. Cause at least you still have access to him. But it
must hurt seeing him with another woman, when you though having a baby by him would keep him
interested.

You could see she was irritated, cause she stood up and took her food and left

Siya, came in when she just left

Him; what was that about

Me; no clue

Him; ok, Well I’ve got good news

Me; I’m listening

Him; Bullet and the team have completed their mission. Luckily not too many injuries. So you should be
able to go home in a day or two

Me; oh

Him; I thought you’d be more excited than that

Me; I am, it’s just … nothing. Thanks for letting me know.

Siya looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. I got up and went to change into my gym clothes, so I
could go for a run to clear my head.

I wanted to ask him about sizwe, but I knew he wasn’t going to say anything, so I just let him be.

The following day Hlokes (bullet) and the team came back from their mission. I was actually glad to see
him. I had decided to forgive, and try to forget. Even though that would be harder. Plus I didn’t want to
have him as an enemy.

I was in my room when siya came in

Him; you should start packing. You leave first thing tomorrow morning
Me; I didn’t bring anything remember

Him; what about all the stuff in the closet

Me; that’s not my stuff.

Him; I bought it all for you

Me; Siya, I can’t take all of those things

Him; Rifiloe, are you trying to wound me. I mean I know we’re not together, but please take that stuff.

Me; Its really no use arguing with you

Him; I’m glad you’ve noticed.

Me; but do you really expect me to be finished packing by the time I go. There’s too much stuff to take

Him; I’ll get Thembi to come and help you

Me; Thank you

Siya left, and moments later Thembi came help me pack. I decided to give her some of the clothes,
because some of them where just to much

While we were packing, I found a little box. I opened it and found the most beautiful ring ever. It was a
mixture of white and rose gold. I looked at it, then went upstairs to Siya.

I could hear him shouting all the way down the passage. I froze a bit when I got to his office door. I was
about to turn around and go back downstairs, when his door opened. Nails and another guard, came
out looking a bit off. I decided to walk in, because I was already there

Me; I hope I’m not disturbing you

Him; what can I do for you

Me; I…. Never mind, I’ll just leave it downstairs

Him; suit yourself

I walked out feeling just as down as the guards who left a few minutes from me.

I took the ring and placed it in one of his draws, then carried on packing.
By the time we were done, it was way after midnight. I thanked Thembi and went to bed.

To be honest my heart was a bit saw, because I knew, that with me going home, it would really be over
between Siya and I. I wouldn’t get to see him in the morning. I would be able to look into his eyes
anymore, and I would never be able to feel his touch again.

I tried sleeping but sleep had deserted. I decided to go to get some water from the fridge. Siya was on
the couch in lounge. I felt bad having him sleep there, so I went to wake him.

Him; Rifiloe, whats wrong

Me; come to bed

He didn’t wait for me to say anything further. He just got up and went to our bedroom

I continued to the kitchen and had my water. When I got back Siya was fast asleep.

I spent most of the night watching him sleep. He seemed so peaceful. There were no traces of ghost,
when he slept. There was just Siya.

I must have fallen asleep, because I was woken up by Siya telling me to get ready for my flight

I got up and took a shower, then got ready to go to the airport.

When I was done, Nails and Hlokes took my bags to the cars. When I was about to leave, I noticed Siya
was still in his Pyjamas

Me; aren’t you coming

Him; where

Me; oh, I thought you were coming back to SA with me

Him; Rifiloe, you need to decide what you want. You can’t have things both ways. You asked me to let
you go, but now when I try you want me to fly all the way back to SA with you. You’re not being fair.
One minute you don’t want me in the same bed with you and then last night you tell me to come to bed
with you. What is it that you really want ye
Ouch

Me; ok, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to …… never mind.

I took the last of my bag. And headed to the basement parking. I was about to step in the car, when Siya
came down.

Him; so you were going to leave without saying goodbye

Me; I didn’t want to disturb you.

Him; Your being silly now

Me; Ok Bye Siya

He gave me a hug.

Him; bye Rifiloe

He help me get in the car. Then walked off. I knew this was going to be hard. But I didn’t expect it to be
this bad. But anyway I had taken a decision and I had to stick to it.

It was time i got back to my normal life.

22

I slept through most of my flight. Thank goodness nails wasn't the talkative type.

When we finally touched down in S.A. nails dropped me off at home with all my luggage. Then left.

In sent Siya an sms thanking him, and letting him know that I arrived home safely.

I thought I would be home happy to be home, but instead I just felt empty

I went upstairs to up try getting through unpacking my bags. I ended up leaving it because it all
reminded me of siya.
I took my phone to check if Siya had responded, but nothing.

A week later I was back at work. To be honest the place felt weird without sizwe. But hey life had to go
on. I still hadn't heard anything from Siya, so I guessed the hopes of being friends wasn't going be an
option.

As I was sitting at my desk, I received an sms from my father,informing me that the meeting between
my family and hlokes family would be held on the coming weekend.

To be honest I had totally forgotten about the whole lobola issue. I decided to call Hlokes, since we
were on speaking terms.

Him: fifi

Me: hey, o jwang

Him: ke Sharp, wena

Me: Sharp. I just got an sms that our families are meeting this weekend.

Him: oh, amm ya, my mom called last night

Me: so, we need to come up with story regarding your so called quick recovery, and why we wen awol

Him: in just told them you found a good doctor overseas who was able to help me.

Me: ok, sound convincing, since no just told my parents that I was overseas

Him: perfect

Me: so we agree that you'll take your money back

Him: I didn't say that

Me: bathong, Hlokes. You can't be serious

Him: Rifiloe, can we talk about this ka weekend

Me: please don't try any of your tricks

Him: can we drive down together

Me: what's wrong with your car

Him: nothing, I just figured it would be Moe fun to go together. There's no harm in that is there
Me: I guess not

Him: so I'll see you on Friday

Me: sharp

I hung up, and continued working. I hoped Hlokes wouldn't protest about taking his money back. If I
was going to move on, i wanted all traces of my past erased

The week went by quite quickly. I was starting to get used to being in my house. The first few nights
were a bit hard because, I kept on replaying the night when I was taken to Cuba. But now, I felt like I was
getting back to being myself.

On Friday I took the day off. Hlokes had arrived on Thursday from Cuba and we were leaving at around
11 to head to qwaqwa.

At around 10:00 I called hlokes

Him: hey

Me: tell me your not still sleeping

Him" mfeto, jet lag is no joke

Me: ok, so what time are we leaving

Him: can we make it 12

Me: fine. You better be ready when I get there

Him: yes mam

I went upstairs to finish packing. Then at 11:30, I drove to Hlokes hotel.

By the time I got there, Hlokes was ready.

I opened the boot for him and gave him the keys

Him: haw, fifi I thought you were driving

Me; wahlanya, your driving. Km not your taxi driver

Him:haai, ok get in

I got in and we drove home. We chatted a lot on the way, and talked about old times. Hlokes was being
his charming self, but kept to the boundaries. I wanted to ask him about Siya, but thought it would be
inappropriate.

By the time we reached qwaqwa, it was 15:30. I was so excited to be home. It had been a long time.

I told Hlokes to drop me off at home, and he could take the car to his home. Which is only a few houses
down.

She we arrived at my home, I opened the gate and he drove in. I knew it was still early for my parents to
be home from work, but at least, I knew where the keys stay.

When I tried opening the door, I noticed that the door wasn't locked. I went in thinking that maybe my
mom or dad was home.

Hlokes came in after me with my bags. Then went to fetvh ghe gifts i had bought for my mom.. I called
out for my mom but no one answered. I guess they forgot to lock the door when they left this morning.
Hlokes put my bags in my room, while I opend the windows. When I was done Hlokes was getting eady
to leave.

I asked him to first help me bring the presents I bought for my mom. I wanted to put them in her room.

When I opened my mother's bedroom, I saw something that didn't seem right.

It was just red. Everything was red.

There were red spots everywhere.

There was blood everywhere

I looked at the bed, and my parents lay there, motionless

My mother's hands were tied behind he back, she had a bullet hole through her head.

My father lay next to her with a bullet through the heart

I tried moving, but my body wouldn't participate

I wanted to touch them, and make sure I wasn't dreaming, but my legs, wouldn't move

Hlokes dropped the stuff he had in his hands, and tried to get me out of there.

I wanted to scream but my voice wouldn't let me.

I tried crying but my tears wouldn't come

Hlokes picked me up and put me in the lounge.

I sat there with my hands around my legs. I kept rocking back and forth. I wanted to move. I really did,
but i couldn't.

When Hlokes got back, he tried talking but i couldn't hear what he was say. He tried shaking me, but i
didn't respond. I just looked at him.

A few minutes later the house was filled with the police.

I saw some guys walking into my parents room with some sort of strchers. When the came out, they had
covered them with a white looking sheet.

Hlokes hadn't left my side the whole time.

Him: rifiloe, you can't stay here. I need to get you out here

Me: no

Him:Rifiloe this place is a crime scene. You can't be here

Me:please tell me I'm dreaming

Him:I wish I could. I'd do anything to erase what you just saw

I could finally feel my tears approaching . It started all coming together. My parents are gone, and they
were taken in the most gruesome way. Why would anyone decide to do this
I finally let it out. I couldn't hold it anymore. It was as thought someone had taken out my heart and
ripped Into two

My screams could probably be heard all the way up our street. I wanted the pain out. All of it. I wanted
it to be gone.

Hlokes held me the whole time. He looked mortified. I think he didn't know what to do. He held me
through my screams. He kept telling me it was going to be ok.

The last thing I remember was Hlokes getting something out of his bag. He gave me water to drink. I
drank it all, then slowly drifted to sleep in his arms. At least with me being asleep, the darkness of the
world couldn't get to me.

23

When I woke up some time later, I was as my aunt's house. I could here people talking. I didn't bother
waking up. What was the point when all anyone could say was I'm sorry.

I lay in bed crying silently. When ever I would close my eyes, all I could see my mom and dad lieing in a
pool of blood.

Hlokes walked in a while later. I pretended to be asleep.

He sat on the bed.

Him: I know your awake

Me: what do you want

Him: I just wanted to make sure your ok

Me: I'm fine

Him: I'm so sorry rifiloe, I wish I could take the pain your feeling and carry it on your behalf. I you
shouldn't have seen what you saw. It wasn't right

Me: do you know who did this

Him: no, but were trying to find out

Me: have the police said anything

Him: no, not as yet, but the case is most probably going to be handed over to our team. Siya is working
on it

Me: do you think this has anything to do with Sizwes gang

Him: we don't know for sure. But we're trying to find out, because we were under the impression that
we had eliminated all of them

I started crying again. I wanted to hate Hlokes, because if this had anything to do with Sizwe, then it
would be on him that those thugs came after me. And when they couldn't find me, they went after my
parents

Him: I know you blame me. Your right to. I'll understand if you don't ever want anything to do with me

Me: what's the use? Theres nothing you couldve done. Blaming you It's not going to change anything. Its
not going tk bring them back

Him: I promise you I'll find who did this, and I'll make them pay

Me: I know you will

I sat crying in Hlokes arms. I knew that even though I wasn't in love with him. He would move heaven
and earth to find who did this. And that alone gave me comfort.

Me: Hlokes

Him: yes

Me : promise me one thing

Him: anything

Me:when you find who ever did this. I'll be the one put a bullet through their head

He didn't answer me

Me: you have to promise

Him: rifiloe you know I can't do that

Me: please, I need you to promise

Him: I'll see what I can do

Me; thank you.

My aunt walked in while I was sitting with Hlokes.

I got up to give her a hug. We bothe cried together. She reminded me so much of my dad. She had his
eyes, and his smile

Her; Manana, the people from church have arrived for a prayer session, you should join us

Me: do I have to. I'm not sure I'm ready to face people today

Her: ok. I'll handle it. You get yourself some rest

Me: thanks rakgadi

She left to join the people from church, and i sat with hlokes. We didn't really talk much.He just held me
and let me cry.

I must've drifted off to sleep because i was woken up by my phone ringing, and Hlokes was gone. When I
checked the caller ID, it was Siya

Me: hi

Him: hey, how you holding up

Me: fine

Him: I heard about happened. I'm so sorry

Me: thanks

Him; is there anything I can do for you

Me: find the bastards who did this

Him: I will fifi. I won't rest till I find them. I promise

Him: I'll try being there soon. It's a bit difficult because, I'm short staffed without bullet, but I'm sure
nails will manage

Me: Siya, I'm not your responsibility. I can manage just fine without you. Rather take care of business.
Him; I know you can manage. I just feel so helpless being th I far away from you

Me: I've got to go

Him: I'll speak to you tomorrow

Me: sharp

I hung up. I don't know why I was being so cold towards him. I knew it wasn't his fault that he wasn't
here. But somehow, I wished he was. But at the same time I was just irritated by the thought if him.

I tried going back to sleep, but unfortunately insomnia had kicked in. When i looked at the time it was
02:00 am. I thought of calling Hlokes and asking him for some of those sleeping poll he gave me earlier.
But decided not to.

I missed hearing my mom's voice, so dialled her number, son I could hear her voicemail. The minute she
spoke, I felt my heart getting heavy. I couldn't I would never hear her voice again. That I wouldn't sit
next to my dàd and sing along to Hugh masekela,

My mom always used to say, pray when your feeling heavy, so i Got down on my knees and started
speaking to God.

Me: Lord, I know I'm not perfect, I know that I'm a sinner before your eyes, but i need you now more
than I've ever needed you. My heart is heavy, I am filled with anger, hatred and worst of all hate. I need
you to help me get through this. I never thought I would be an orphan at such a young age, but i know
that it was your will. I know I've neglected my faith, but i need you Lord. I need you in my life, I need you
take away the pain. Please, just help me. Help me. Amen

I immediately felt a bit better, and managed to drift off to sleep.

The following morning I woke up and decided to make breakfast for my aunt and uncle. I didn't want to
be in bed again the whole day. My mother would've told me sitting in bed wasn't going to change
anything

I wanted to honour my parents, because they had brought me up to be strong.

When my aunt can to the kitchen , she looked just as bad as I did. You could tell she'd been crying,
becaus her eyes were just as swollen as mine. I gave her a hug and went to finish if breakfast. My uncle
came to join us. I gave him a hug, because I hadn't seen him the night before. When we brok the hug,
he grabbed an Apple and left. He was already late for work, so he didn't have time to eat.

Me: so rakgadi what's the plan for today

Her: bo Ntate moholo will be arriving today, so we can start the preparations for the funeral.

Me: have the police said anything?

Her: no, but they confirmed that they won't be handling the case. Apparently it's being handled by
another department

Me; I see. So will I be able to clean up the house

Her;not yet, its still considered a crime scene

Me: ok, but i don't Want anybody else cleaning moms room, except for me or you

Her: are you sure your up to it

Me: yes, I don't expect anybody else to do it. They were my parents.

My aunt looked at me with so much worry in her eyes.

Her; you know you will always have me in your life. I know I can never replace my brother and his wife,
but if you need anything, you can always count on me

Me; thank you.

Her: you should go bath. Batho ba baholo will be here soon

Me:ok

I went to bath, and decided to call Hlokes, I had a feeling I would need my car to run errands

Him:fifi, I'm just driving in

Me: oh, o.k.. I'll see you now

I hung up and went to take a bath.

When I came out Hlokes was having tea with my aunt.

Her: rifiloe, you can't wear jeans during your mourning process your in laws will be here soon. And cover
your head

Me; but rakgadi I didnt bring skirts. I had just bought one dress with me.

Her: well you better go shopping before Ntate a fihla, plus wa tsiba hore o strict jwang. He will have your
head the moment he arrives

Me: ok. Hlokes will you take me

Her: and remember not to call your husband by his name in front of them

I wanted to protest, but couldn't because the rest of my family didn't know about hlokes and I being
separated

I went to take my bag, and we went to wait for Hlokes in the car. When he got in, he drive me to town

Him: are you going to find what your looking for here or should we go somewhere else.

Me: I should be able to find something here

Him: I'm sorry about everything rifiloe. I'm sorry we have to pretend to be together. I know how hard
that must be, since your in love with somone else

Me: it's fine, can we just get through the funeral, then we can deal with everything else afterwards

Him: sure

We went shopping together, Hlokes was laughing at me because he knew I hated long dresses. I bought
afew, then decided to buy groceries for my aunt's house. Knowing the size of my family, we would be
needing lots of food

By the time hlokes and i got yo my aunt's house, my family elders had arrived. I asked Hlokes to take
men to his house so I could change into a dress. He also needed to put on a jacket. I didn't want my
grandfather scolding me infront of my entire family.

I quickly changed then Hlokes took me to my aunts.

When I arrived I greeted everybody. You could tell they all looked as heart broken as I was. I sat on my
grandfathers lap as he hugged me

The room in was sleeping in had been turned into the main mourning room. The bed had been taken
out, and mirrors were covered. And only a mattress remained.

We had a family meeting to discuss the funeral. We decided that we were going to have the funeral at
my parents house despite it being where they took their last breath. We also decided to have a closed
casket because my mother had been shot in the head.

Once the meeting was over, some of the family that lived close by left, while the others remained

The following day we were given clearance by the cops to use the house, My aunt went with me to
clean my parents bedroom.

When I walked in, I stood at then door for a moment. Then we walked in. The tears just started pouring,
but none then less I continued with what I was doing.

We decided to get our male relatives to Burn the furniture and the bedding because the blood wouldn't
come out. We a were able to wipe the walls, but got my cousin's to paint them because you could still
see some of the blood.

By the time we were all finished all traces of blood was gone. Now all that was left was for the pastor's
from church to come bless the house, and we would be able to continue with the funeral.

As the week went on, the more family arrived. My friends had sent flowers , and called me every day to
make sure I was ok. My aunt and I had been the ones going up and down doing the arrangements for
Saturday. Now that it was Friday, all that was needed was for the cows to be slaughtered.

The tent was up, the catering team had arrived, and the decor people were busy setting up. I wanted
everything to be perfect, because this would be the final thing I would get to do for My parents.
Siya and some of his guards arrived on Friday. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to see him ne, but there
was something about him, that kind of annoyed me. Like I don't know why, since I hadn't seen him for
over a month. Haai

Anyway i concentrated on making sure the decor and catering people were doing everything I wanted.
While Siya and Hlokes were helping my uncle's slaughter.

It was kind of strange seeing Siya, the savvy business man/gangster/ special ops leader, slaughtering a
cow. He looked so in his element.

Once we slaughtered my mom and dad were bought home. They would stay with us, till tomorrow,
when we would lay them to rest.

Later Hlokes, came to tell me that they were leaving. As tired as I was, I decided to walk them out. Siya
and his team were apparently staying at a guest house down the road from my house.

Saturday arrived and everything was in order. Hlokes arrived with Siya and the team. I must say they all
dapper in their suits. I greeted them, and helped fix Hlokes tie, It wasn't sitting right. You could see Siya
was annoyed, but there was nothing I could do.

The ceremony was beautiful. The community had come out in numbers to support us. I satbin the front
row, with both my mom and dads family. The church choir really lifted my spirits, especially when they
sang my moms song. We all reflected on the life my parents portrayed. I didn't think I was going to
speak, but i decided to. Thankfully I didn't breakdown

After we were back from the graveyard. Lunch was serves. Then People started leaving. The decor was
taken down, and the caterers had left. The only people left were a few family members, and some
friends

Some my cousins were sitting in the tent, organising the after tears. I decided to join them. I needed a
bottle of wine. Then later Siya nd Hlokes came to join us. My older cousin and Hlokes went to buy
alcohol at a near by liquour store, but They were annoying me because they kept calling hlokes Sbari in
front of siya. Mxm
When Hlokes left Siya sent me an sms, asking to talk to me.I wanted to say no, but i kind of missed
chatting to him. I told him I'd meet him in his Car. He got up and went to his car, then I followed a while
later

I sat in front and closed the door. Somehow my mood towards him immediately changed

Him: how you holding up

Me: I'm getting there. Some days are better than others

Him: you know I'm here if u Need anything

Me;that's if I would be able to get hold of you

Him; what's that supposed to mean

Me: nothing

Him: your shutting me out

Me: I wasn't aware I was supported to let you in

He sighed

Him: so this is the way things will be between us

Me: how did you expect things to be

Him: I thought we could be friends

Me: are we done here

He didn't answer. I was about to open the door, but he locked it

Me: Siya, open the door

Him: we're not done here

Me: I am

Him: so let me talk

Me: I'm listening

Him: I need you to come back to Cuba

Me: not happening

Him: it's for your own safety. We don't know who is behind what happened to your parents. I need to
know your safe, and i cant keep you safe all the way from cuba

Me: I can't talk about this now, Hlokes and my cousin will be back soon

Him: are you sleeping with him

Me: excuse me

Him: you guys seem close. I want to know if your back together

Me: not that its any of your business, but no, I'm not sleeping with Hlokes

Him: good

Me: can you unlock the door now

Him; fine, but this conversation isn't over

I unlocked the door and walked back to the tent annoyed at Siya. He hadnt returned my mesaages for
over a month, and now he wanted to play the super hero. I didnt want or need his pity. I am
determined determined to get through this alone

24 (bonus)

When hlokes and my cousin returned, We put the alcohol a plastic bath, and all chilled. It kind of felt
good to unwind after the stress I've had been through. Plus i missed my wine.

Pity my wine didn't miss me because, i had only had a few sips of my wine, when i started feeling
nauseous. I ran to the bathroom and dispelled all the food and wine from today.

I thought it must've been the beef stew, even though I had only had a little bit of it.

When i went back outside I didn't bother having anymore alcohol. I just sat with my cousin's and
enjoyed their company.

Siya was looking at me with a questionable look on his face. I just ignored him
Later that day, Siya and his team were getting ready to go back to jhb . I know I was cold towards Siya
earlier, but a part of me didn't want Him to go. so i sent him a message reading "Are you really going😢"

He simply responded with just a yes

I looked down at my phone and tears threatened my eyes.

I don't know why I was acting this way. It's not like we were together anymore.

He had probably moved on already

The guards came to give me a hug and said their goodbyes. I thanked them for coming and gave them
ginger beer and biscuits for the road.

Siya came to say goodbye. He gave me a hug, I tried letting go, but he held me trighter

Him: please think about Cuba

Me: I've already.....

Him: don't make me drag you there

I immediately broke the hug.

Me: don't you dare

Him: you know I will. Plus bullet agrees with me

I looked at him. This man was insane yaz

Me: a minute ago you said I was sleeping with him, and now the two of you are discussing me.

Him; bullet can only keep you safe here for so long. We need you in Cuba, where I have enough
protection. It's difficult splitting the team between S.A and Cuba

Him: most of my men are already watching over you. I can't spare anymore

Me: I haven't noticed any of them

Him: you wouldn't notice, it's their job to be discreet. But once your back in jhb, it will be harder

Me: I'll take my chances

Him: ill be in jhb for a week or two. We can discuss this then

Me; fine

He gave me a kiss on the cheek., then left

😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

I stayed in qwaqwa for another week. I needed to make sure all my parents affairs were in order, before
returning to jhb. We also had to perform my cleansing ceremony . So all in all we had a busy week. I was
exhausted.

The family decided to have one of my cousin's look after my parents house.

On the day that I left to go to jhb. I took, a few of my mother's belongings with me. I needed something
that would keep me closer to her. I also asked Hlokes to take me the graveyard. He drove me there and
waited in the car.

I wanted to say goodbye because I wasn't sure, when I'd be coming home again. I looked at both their
tombstones and smiled. At least they were together during life and during death. And now they rested
next to each other.

I put fresh flowers on both their stones then left for jhb.

We drove back to jhb mostly in silence. I wasn't exactly good company. I was thinking how strange it was
that I was now an orphan. I called my mom's cell phone to hear her voicemail. It all still seemed so
surreal, but hearing her voice made things easier.

When we arrived in jhb. Hlokes drove me straight to my house

Me: how are you going to get to your hotel

Him: didn't Siya tell you

Me: tell me what

Him: I'll be staying with you for a while

Me: like hell your are

Him: look, I'm just following orders. Plus you're the one who decided not go to Cuba. So the only option
is that i stay with you.

I was so tired I didn't bother arguing with him. I just opened the house and went to take a bath. I wanted
to relax and enjoy lieing in my bed

While I was In the bath, I could hear my phone ringing. I just let it go to voicemail because I didn't feel
like getting out yet.

I only got out the bath when the water was cold. I dried myself off, lotioned, then got dressed. I wasn't
planning on going anywhere So i stuck to my leggings and a tshit

When I got the lounge Hlokes was sitting there with a pen and paper

Me: what you doing

Him: making a shopping list. It I'm going to be staying here, the least you can do is make sure I'm Fed.
And knowing you, I'll be living off salad.

Me: who said your staying

Him: ghost

Me: this is my house Hlokes. You guys can't just do as You please

Him: take it up with the big boss. He's on his way here anyway

Me: mxm, you better add my wine that list of hours.

He laughed and took my car keys

Me: and while your at it, please take my car to the car wash

Him: mxm, you know I not your errand boy right

Me; pretty please

He didn't answer, He just walked out.

Siya arrived moments after Hlokes left. He looked so yummy. He had on that navy suit he had worn the
day we met.

Him: hi

Me: hi

Him: how you doing

Me: I'm good thanx

Him: good. I came to discuss your living arrangements

Me: Siya I just arrived, can't we do this tomorrow

Him: not really, the sooner the better

I looked at him and pouted. I really wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to relax

Me; can I offer you something to drink

Him: please

Me: ok, I've got juice, water, tea or would you like something stronger

Him: I'll take the something stronger

Me: bad day ha?

Him; you ha e no idea

Me: ok, some Hennessey coming right up. You go sit in the lounge

I poured him a class of Hennessey, neat. And went to sit with him. He finished it with one gulp.

Me: I hope I'm not the one stressing you out

Him: your part of it.

Me; so what can I do to make it better

He smiled.

Him: you don't want to know

I laughed

Me: well in that case, you can suffer in silence

Him: I've missed your smart mouth

Me: is that all, you've missed

Him; (chuckles) no, but i don't think you want to know what else I've missed.

I wanted to answer him, but then his phone rang. He answered it and I knew it was Linda. Mxm my
mood immidietly dampened. Luckily Hlokes arrived carrying shopping bags, so I went to help him. While
unpacking I saw the wine, I immediately stopped and opened the bottle. Hlokes looked at me and shook
his head.

I ignored him and went to sit in the lounge. Thank God Siya was done with his call

Him: where were we

Me: nowhere, I was about to go upstairs

Him: with the whole bottle of wine

Me : yes, it helps me De stress

Him: if you say so. But rather sit here

I sat next to him, and we chatted about dmall things. I had a few sips of the wine, and stated feeling
dizzy.

I ran upstair, and out came all the food from today. I didn't understand what was happening, I've never
had a problem with my wine. But lately, I couldn't keep it down.
I brushed my teeth, then went back downstairs

I took the Bottle and placed in the fridge

Siya looked at me quizzicaly

Me: what

Him: you should quit while your ahead

Me: Siya, just stop.

Him: it's the second time

Me: so your keeping tabs

Him: no, just concerned

Me: Dont be, it's probably because I had some on an empty stomach

Him: mhmm

Hlokes came to join us

Hlokes: so have u guys discussed Cuba

Siya: madam here is giving me a hard time

Me; I don't want to go. Ive got a job you know. Plus my whole life is here. I can't keep running to Cuba
every time something happens

Siya: rifiloe you don't have to work. You know I'll always take care of you

Me: that's not happening. I can take care of myself

Hlokes: but rifiloe, it's not like you need the money from your work mos. Your house and car are paid
up. Plus your parents left you enough money.

Me: I don't even want to know how you know all of that. But still I have clients, that depend on me to
make sure their portfolios are taken care of. I can't just up and leave

Siya: you can work from Cuba

Me: what about if I need to see them

Siya; we can fly you down

Me :that's absurd

Hlokes : I don't know why we're even running this past you. I told you ghost, that this one is as stubborn
as they come. But you insisted on being Mr nice guy. Let's just sedate her and get her ass to Cuba

Me: you know I'm right here right

Hlokes: yes. I'm aware.

Me: can I atleas have time to think about it

Hlokes; no

Siya: yes

Hlokes: ghost your letting her make u soft

Me: shut up wena man Hlokes

Siya laughed.

Him: you've got 24 hrs. Otherwise Hlokes drags u out of here sedated

Me: mxm

Him: I'm serious rifiloe. I'm only doing you a favour by giving you time to get things in order.

Me: I get it ok, I just need to process the thought. Just give me time. Is that too much to ask for

him: fine. But only 24hrs, i can't have my people think your making me soft.

I just smiled and gave them both a kiss on the cheek.

25

I left Siya and Hlokes downstairs. They were debating whether to cook or get takeaways. I wasn't really
in the mood for food, so I went to take a nap Instead.

I fell asleep immediately when my head hit the pillow. I don't know why, but I was really tired.
Siya came upstairs a while later to wake me up, I was really enjoying my nap so much I didn't want to
wake up.

He sat on the bed

Him; you need to eat

Me: mhmm

Him: rifiloe man, vuka

Me; no man Siya. go away

He moved his hands and was about to tickle me,

Me: Siya, don't you

I didn't even get to finish my sentence. He was already tickling me. I jolted of my bed. Mxm

Him: at least I got to see you smile. You've been so sad lately

Me: I'll be fine, with time I'll be able to move no

Him: you'll let me know if you need anything

Me: yep

Him; can I get a hug

Me: sure

I moved in closer and gave him a hug, then quickly moved away from him

Him: and now

Me: did you change your cologne

Him: no

Me: oh

Him: why.

Me: it just smells, I don't know, but kind of off

Him: you used to love it mos

Me: that was then. Can we go eat now, I'm hungry

Him: sure
We went downstairs and Hlokes had finished dishing up

Hlokes: what took you so long? I was starting to think you guys were getting it on.

I punched him playfully on the shoulder

Siya: haai, mfeto, it's a dry season apakum. Madam won’t even give me a hug. Apparently I smell bad

Hlokes laughed

Me: this is just too awkward. Can we talk about something else please? Or Better yet can we eat. Cause
something smells good

We all sat down and started eating

Hlokes had made chicken stew with pap. I think I told you guys that I’m not really a pap person ne. But
lately I loved it. Even while I was in qwaqwa, I had pap almost everyday

Me: Hlokes did you make enough for the guards outside

Him: yaah, I've already given them their food

Me: I wonder what my neighbours are going to think about the guards

Siya: it's none of their business

I finished my food before Siya and Hlokes

Both Hlokes and Siya looked at me quizzically

Me; what, I was hungry

Siya: are you ok

Me: mhmm
Hlokes: do you want some more

Me: please

Hlokes went to make more food for me. While Siya carried on eating

When Hlokes came back, I continued eating. For some reason the food tasted amazing.

When we finished eating, I took the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher then, went to sit in the
lounge. Siya came to sit with me, while Hlokes went upstairs to shower.

Him: are u ok

me: Siya man, I’m fine. I just want to lie down and watch TV

Him; you want a foot massage

Me; only if you promise not to tickle me

Him; I promise

Me; Ok.

I took off my slippers, and put my feet in his lap

Him; so how long do you plan on torturing me

Me; I’m lost

Him; this break up of yours

Me; Siya you promised

Him; I know, but I can’t go on like this

Me; Siya, I’m just trying to absorb everything. Im sure one

His phone rang and interrupted me. I really didn’t want him to answer, but he did. When I heard that it
was Linda, I just got up and went to my room. mxm

How does just answer his phone when we are in the middle of a conversation. I changed into my
Pajamas and got into bed.
Siya just doesn’t get it. How am I supposed to be with him, when we can’t even have a discussion
without being interrupted?

By the time he came upstairs, I was beyond pissed

Him; Hey, you left in the middle of our conversation

ME; are you serious right now

Him; Haw, Rifiloe, are you mad because Linda called

Me; no

Him; Then why are you acting up

Me; forget it.

Him; Rifiloe, please, just talk to me

ME; How can I, when every time I try, we get interrupted.

Him; but, Rifiloe, come on, you know I need to be available 24/7. What if something was wrong?

Me; you don’t get do you.

Him; make me understand

Me; I can’t be with you, because I know I’ll always come second in your life.

Him; why would you think that Rifiloe. I’m here mos. I’ve put everything on hold to be here with you.
How can you think that’s second?

ME; I didn’t ask you to be here

Him; you didn’t need to. I wanted to. Ok. I’m here.

ME; but, we were in the middle of a conversation, and you decide to answer Linda. I needed you to just
put me first in that one moment.

Him; Rifiloe, I’m supposed to be in Cape Town now with my son. I dropped him, so I could be here with
you. If that’s not putting you first, then I don’t know what is. Fuck sakes, If it’s not Linda down my throat
it’s you. Either way, I can’t please none of you

ME; you should go

Him; I’m not going anywhere, not till we’ve resolved this.

Me; Siya, I don’t have the energy to fight ok. You don’t get it. You never will.

Him; you can’t keep doing this Rifiloe. The moment this get tough, you want to run for the fucking hills.
How is this relationship going to work, if you’re always pushing me away?
ME; what relationship Siya. There was never a relationship. It’s always, been me, you Hlokes and Linda.
Which is what I wanted you to understand. You can expect me to be ok with you, putting me on hold, to
speak to her. You could have called her back when we were done

Him; What if something was wrong. She's the mother of my child Rifiloe

ME; so what, I have to fall pregnant in order for you to pay attention to me

Him; God no. the last thing I need is you also having a child. The two of you are already driving me crazy
as it is. If there was another child in the occasion, I’m sure I would be admitted into a loony bin.

Me; Siya, Please go

Him; Fine. I give up Rifiloe, Okay. I give up

He walked out and slammed my door. Nxa,

I sat in my room wondering what just happened. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just understand
where i was coming from.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face. Then got back into bed

I tried so hard to fall sleep, but I kept rehashing my fight with Siya. How could he be so mean? All I
wanted was to tell him how I felt.

And how can he blame me, for not being with Olwetho. I didn’t ask him to drop everything.

I tried falling asleep, but couldn’t. So I decided to call him. Hopefully he was calmer

His phone rang and went to voicemail. I tried him again and he answered

Him; Rifiloe, not now

Me; is that how you answer your phone

Him; my flight is about to take off

Me; so we have an argument and you run to Linda

Him; No, Rifiloe. Olwetho needs me.

I just put the phone down. I know he needs to be with his son. But why does it feel like we will just never
get to be together. I don't know why i was being so possessive. its not like we are together anymore.

26

I was so annoyed with Siya, I couldn’t sleep.

I went downstairs to get a bottle of water. I watched TV till nearly

3; 00am and ended up falling asleep on the couch.

Hlokes woke me up the following morning. Only wearing his boxer

Him; why did you sleep on the couch

Me; don’t ask, and for God’s sake put on some clothes

Him; someone’s in a good mood

Me; don’t start.

Him; Fine. You make breakfast while I go put on some clothes. We can’t have you staring at my abs all
morning.

I laughed. Hlokes had a way of making me smile lately.

I went upstairs and freshened up, then went down to make breakfast. I was in the mood for something
greasy. So I made bacon, eggs, sausage and mushrooms.

I dished up and went to give the guards their food. Then went to eat.

Hlokes came downstairs dressed in jeans and a T-shirt

Him: since when do you make such greasy food.

Me; since today.

HIm; so I hear you chased ghost out of JHB.

ME; I did not.

Him; I heard you two arguing. Can I give you a piece of advice?

ME; I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway

Him; Siya is a good guy. He loves you. Even I can see that. But he also loves Linda. He may not be in love
with her, but she gave him a son. That means, no matter how many tantrums you throw, he will always
have a soft spot for her

ME; so what do you suggest I do

Him; accept her into your heart.

Me; Never

Him; in that case, you and him won’t make it very far.

Me; we’re not together anyway, so what difference does it make

Him; Stop fooling yourself. You want to be with him.

Me; but Hlokes, ill never come first in his life. Ill always come second. How can I be ok with that

Him; Rifiloe, when you fall for a guy with a child, you have to know you won’t always come first. There
are times where his Son and the mother of his so need to comefirst

Me; haai. I don’t know. This is all too much

Him; I was a fool for what I did to you, and it’s not easy seeing you with someone else. But I can see that
you guys love each other. You just need to try harder. And you need to stop being so damn stubborn

Me; mxm. Well, for now his in CT and I’m here so we’ll see what happens

I stood up and washed the dishes.

I really felt like going to church, so I went upstairs to take a shower

When I came down, Hlokes was watching TV

Him; and where do you think you’re going, all dressed up

Me; I’m going to church

Him; and you didn’t think you needed to tell me

Me; no,
Him; well you’re not going anywhere without your security detail

Me; Well go get dressed, so we can go

Him; I’m not Ghost ne, so don’t talk to me like that

Me; sorry. I’m just really moody lately

Him; Let me go change. I’ll be back in 5

Hlokes went upstairs while I waited down stairs. I really felt bad. He’s really been so good to me lately, I
don’t know what was wrong with me.

He came down, and we left for church

When we arrived, Hlokes and the guards sat scattered around me.

I think Hlokes knew I wanted my space. And I was grateful

I really enjoyed the service. The pastor spoke about letting go.

I knew that this was a message from God straight to me.

After the service, I received a call from Thandeka.

Her; mzala, uphi

Me; Im on my way home from church

Her; ok, the girls and I wanted to come see you

Me; Ill be home in an hour.

Her; Cool. Ill bring food

Me; No man don’t be silly. Ill provide

Her; you sure your up to it

Me; Yep

Her; ok, Well see you soon

Me; Sharp

When we arrived home, I went upstairs to change. Then came downstairs

Me; Hlokes

Him; Mhmm

Me; can you drive me to the shops please. I feel like braai vleis and the girls are coming over

Him; by girls you mean abo Nwabisa

Me; Yes

Him; tjo, I’ll make sure I’m scarce. I’m not in the mood to deal with Cleo

Me; just behave, I’ll make sure she behaves

Him; Give me a list of things, and I’ll get it

Me; sharp

I made a list, and gave it to him and he left

I could hear Hlokes phone ringing in the kitchen, I think he must’ve left it behind.

I wasn’t sure whether to pick it up or not, but I saw it was Siya, so I answered.

Me; HI

Him; Hi, Where’s bullet

Me; He’s gone to the shops

Him; tell him to call me when he gets back

Me; Will do

Him; Sharp ke

Me; Siya wait

Him; Whats up

Me; can we talk

Him; Not now. Im in the middle of something

Me; haai, ok, Sharp ke

Him; bye

He put the phone down. I really got annoyed again. He just did the same thing again. I need to talk to
him, and he’s too busy for me. Then nna, I’m the one who’s wrong

Luckily bo Thandeka arrived before I could think of calling him back. My mood instantly lightened. I
didn’t realise how much I had missed them, thill that moment I saw them.

I ran up to them, and we had a group Hug. My emotions were all over the place, so I started crying

Thandeka; Oh mzala. Askies man

Me; I’m fine, just being dramatic

Cleo; come. Let’s go sit

We moved to the lounge.

Nwabisa; So mzala, how are you holding up

Me; I’m ok, just trying to move on

Thandeka; You know if you need anything, all you have to do is ask

Me; I’m good babes. You being here is all I need

They all smiled. Shame you could see the concern in their eyes

Me; stop looking so worried man, guy’s I’m fine

Cleo; So what’s with all the guards outside. Feel like I just walked into Isibaya

Me; oh, that’s Siyas guys. They just here to make sure I’m good. Since we still don’t know who killed my
parents

Nwabisa; its good to see him taking care of you

While we were taking Hlokes walked in with the shopping.

He came and greeted the ladies, then went to unpack the shopping

Cleo; mzala. And now

Me; What

Thandeka; don’t what us. What’s he doing here?

Me; oh Hlokes. He’s staying here for a while

Nwabisa; What’s a while

Me; Not sure yet

Cleo; Nxa, I can’t believe your back with Him

ME; Whooow. Who said anything about being back together? He’s in charge of Siyas security team

Cleo; but Hlokes is a doctor mos

Me; I know, it’s a long story

Thandeka; Haai mzala, ustrong shame.

Me; lets top talking about him. Let’s rather go make the salads.

We stood up and went to make the salads. I decided to make pap. While Hlokes was busy braaing the
meat

When we were all done, The ladies and I had lunch by the poolside. While Hlokes had lunch in his room .
I just had the pap and Boerewors I wasn’t in the mood for red meat and the salads

Cleo; mzala, whats with you eating pap? You usually a salad freak

ME; No clue. Just been enjoying pap lately. And every time I try eating red meat it comes back

Thandeka; have you done a pregnancy test

I laughed at her. Like really laughed

Me; no I don’t need one

Nwabisa; Ok, so when was the last time you had your monthly’s
I looked at them, and my smile disappeared. Shit, I hadn’t noticed i missed my periods, while I was in
qwaqwa

Thandeka; mzala, o sharp? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost

ME; I missed my cycle

Cleo; oh my gosh

Me; shit

Nwabisa; finish eating and we will go buy the pregnancy test at the chemist

ME; no, I’m sure I’m just overreacting

Thandeka; it’s always good to make sure

Me; you guys don’t get it. I can’t be pregnant

Nwabisa came to sit with me

Nwabisa; mzala, its fine. We can do the test when you’re ready

We all sat in silence mainly. I didn’t know what to think. How could I be pregnant?

A while later the girls left. I immediately went to my room. I needed to look at my calendar, and make
sure I wasn’t going crazy

I counted and counted and counted. Nothing changed. I had definitely missed my period.

I sat on my bed shacking. How was I supposed to have a child by Siya. He hardly has time for Olwetho.
How was he going to make time for our child. If there was one. The only solution would be to ge a test,
then get rid of this thing in my tummy, before anybody notices

27
I sat in my room for hours, trying to understand why I was so careless. How was I going to deal with
everything? Why the hell did I not use protection? Now I’m stuck with a child that Siya probably won’t
even want.

He did say he didn’t want a child mos. How the hell was I going to face him? I knew that I didn’t have a
choice. I refuse to bring a child into a relationship that is basically non-existent. Plus Siya has people
hunting him from all over the world. I couldn’t put my child under such danger. It wouldn’t be fair.

Tjo, I really missed my mom in situations like these. I know she would’ve had a solution.

She would’ve whipped my ass first though, but then she would have come up with a solution.

I sat there trying to come up with a solution. But nothing came to mind. I decided to go to bed.

Hopefully I would wake up tomorrow, and my life would somehow make sense again.

I drifted into a heavy sleep. I could hear my phone ringing but I just ignored it. I wanted to sleep and
forget about everything.

I woke up on Monday morning feeling like shit. I just wanted to sleep some more, but couldn’t because
it was my first day back at work. I went to bath and got ready for work.

I didn’t want anybody suspecting anything, so I made sure I looked like my normal self.

When I got downstairs, Hlokes was in the kitchen eating. I took a fork and stole a sausage from his
plate.

Him; you look smart

Me; yaah, got to get to work

Him; your putting in your resignation today

Me; maybe

Him; Rifiloe, you promised

Me; I said I would speak to my boss and see if we could come up with a solution

Him; better make sure it’s done ASAP. Your 24hrs was up a while ago

Me; I know ok.

Him; Let me grab your keys, and I’ll take you to work

Me; Thanks
We drove to work, mainly listening to the radio.

I wanted to ask Hlokes if he could take me to the chemist, but I knew he would ask all sorts of questions.

Me; Hlokes

Him; Mmm

Me; can we pop past the chemist

Him; what’s wrong? You not feeling good

Me; No, I’m fine, I just need some feminine products

Him; I can go get them for you

Me; No, I would prefer to do it myself

Him; Ok, We can stop by there now

Me; Thanks.

He dropped me off at the chemist and waited for me outside.

I walked in and bought my sanitary towels, some cotton wool and 5 pregnancy test.

I needed to make sure that I really was pregnant, before making any decisions

I quickly paid, then put the packet in my hand bag. I got in the car and we drove to work.

When I got to the office, I started to feel more at ease. At least I wouldn’t have Hlokes all around. He
was sitting in the parking lot with the rest of the guards

I was so happy to see anna, She looke well. We caught up a bit, then went to my office.

It was weird walking past Sizwe’s office, especially with the new lawyer that they hired.

Siya called at around 10:00am

Me; hi

Him; Hi, just returning your call

Me; its fine, I’m sorted

Him; so why were you at the chemist

ME; does Hlokes report everything mara

Him; Yes,

Me; I just needed some things

Him; Things like what

Me; Siya, some things are private

Him; I hope you’re not keeping anything from me

Me; I’ve got to go

Him; Let me know what’s going to happen with your boss. I need you in Cuba, as in yesterday

Me; I’ll call you later

Him; sharp

I continued working, till it was time for me to meet with my boss. So I went up to his office.

He was on a call but he signalled for me to come in

I sat down and waited for him to finish with his conversation. Then finally he put down

Him; sorry to keep you waiting Rifiloe. How you holding up

Me; Im fine, just need to discuss something with you

Him; im listening

Me; I know ive taken a lot of time off lately. Ive just been dealing with quite a lot of personal problems.
But it looks like ill need more time off

Him; ok, How much time are we talking about

Me; I’m not sure, maybe a couple of weeks.

Him; Ok, but we’ll ned you to move over your clients to one of our other consultants. You can mainly
just guide the consultant with what to do. And they can handle it on your behalf.

Me; that sounds like a plan

Him; Good. The last thing I want is to lose you. Your one of our best financial advisors. Your clients
wouldn’t take well to you leaving

Me; Thank you

Him; so when will you be leaving

me; tomorrow

Him; that’s fine. Just email me your client list, then we can communicate via email

ME; Thank you

I walked out feeling relieved. At least I still had a job, whenever I came back. And at least it will get Siya
off my back.

I did what my boss asked me to do, then decided to go home.

I was anxious, I wanted to get the pregnancy tests out the way.

When I got to the car, Hlokes was on the phone with Siya.

I just got in and he drove me home. I was glad he was busy with Siya, because I wasn’t really in the
mood for chitchat .

I rushed upstairs, the moment I opened the door. I couldn’t wait anymore, I needed to know.

I made sure I locked my door. Didn’t want Hlokes barging in, while I was looking at the pregnancy tests.

I peed on every 5 of those stick. I wanted to make sure that the results were correct. There’s no time for
mistakes here.

Yho, waiting for those 3 minutes, was the longest wait ever. When I went to check the results. All 5 of
them came out as positive. Shit

I didn’t know what to think. I was so angry, or maybe scared I don’t know which. But I just knew that
keeping this baby wasn’t really an option. I needed to see a doctor asap

I took the tests, and threw them in a plastic packet. Then hid them in one of my draws.

Then went to sit on my bed with my laptop. I wanted to see if I could find a doctor who could perform
and abortion, at his offices and not at an abortion clinic. I didn’t want Hlokes getting suspicious. It’s a
miracle he hasn’t notice I’m pregnant as it is

I searched and found a couple of doctors who were in my areas and could assist.

I decided to phone the one closest to me. Luckily he had an opening for the following day. So I took it. I
wanted to make sure this was done before I left for CUBA.
After booking my appointment, I went downstairs to chill. I didn’t want to be alone, because I knew, I
would keep thinking about this pregnancy saga. And I really didn’t want to

Hlokes was sitting in the lounge, watching soccer.

Me; what do you feel like for supper

Him; Your cooking

Me; Yaah

Him; what about fish

Me; Ok, Ill get started

Him; are you ok? You seem a bit off

Me; im not feeling so well, but not to worry, I’ve got an appointment with my doctor tomorrow

Him; Haw, how can you go see another doctor, when you’ve got me

Me; He’s a gyne. Im getting my pap smear done

Him; Oh, ok Ill take you

Me; cool

I went to the kitchen and started on dinner. I really hoped I was convincing with Hlokes, because if Siya
found out, I’m sure he would kill me.

28

I cooked dinner, then sat in the lounge with Hlokes. We didn’t really talk much. I just pretended to be
concentrating on watching TV. I wasn’t really good company. So after eating. I bid him goodnight.

I went to my room, and sat in the bath, contemplating about my little invader in my tummy. For the first
time since finding out I was pregnant, I smiled. I put my hand on my tummy and a tear escaped my eye.

I always thought I would be married, with my perfect husband, and our beautiful home, before I had a
baby. I thought we would both look at the test together and be excited about this chapter in our life.
But instead here I was alone, Pregnant, with no parents, no husband, not even a boyfriend.
What was I going to say to my baby if I kept him or her? That I fell pregnant by a man who can’t stay in
one place for a long period of time. A man who has another child by another woman.

I sighed. What have I gotten myself into?

I sat in the bath for over an hour, then got out when the water got cold. I put on my pyjamas, then got
into bed. I looked at my phone contemplating on whether to call Siya or not? Maybe if I spoke to him, I
could get a sense of what to do

I dialed him and prayed he would pick up. I was about to put drop the call, when Linda answered

Her; Hello

Me; Hi. ammm Can I speak to Siya

Her; Sorry He’s busy

Me; ok, please tell him to call me

Her; I’m not his PA nana. If he wants to speak to you he can call you

ME; Linda, just give him the phone. Its really important. I need to tell him something

Her; He’s putting his son to bed. Nothing else is as important as that right

Me; (sighed) your right. Forget I said anything

I put the phone down. I really thought I would be able to tell him. But as always, he wasn’t available.

I fell asleep with my hands around my tummy. I know I said I didn’t want to keep this baby, but at the
same time, I didn’t know if I could go ahead with this abortion. How would I be able to live with myself?
I was really getting used to sleeping with a heavy heart. and tonight was no different.

When I woke up on Tuesday feeling as nauseous as hell. I hadn’t even eaten anything, but felt like
throwing up. I went downstairs and found Hlokes making breakfast. I immediately felt worse. The smell
of those eggs made me want to throw up even more.

I just swallowed, then took a bottle of water from the fridge and went back to bed. I wasn’t in the mood
for food, and really didn’t want to be in the kitchen. Thankfully Hlokes was multitasking between the
stove and his phone call, he didn’t notice me pinching my nose.
When I got to my room, I drank the water, and checked to see if I had a missed call from Siya. Nothing.
So I went to take a bath. When I came out, I was still undecided with what to do.

So I decided to go see the doctor. Maybe ask a few questions and then take a decision from there.
Because right now I wasn’t sure I would be able to go through with it. It just seems a bit too hasty. But at
the same time i knew that i didn't have much time, because CUBA was calling my name.

When I went downstairs Hlokes and the guards had finished eating. I took their plates and put them in
the dishwasher.

Then had some yogurt

Hlokes; You OK

Me; Yep

Him; aren’t you going to have a proper breakfast

Me; Naa. I’m not in the mood for anything heavy.

Him; what times your appointment

Me; 11

Him; So, have you spoken to Ghost about Cuba.

Me; No, not yet. I tried him last night, but he wasn’t available

Him; try him again. Because I just received our flight plan, and it looks like we might leave on Friday

Me; that sounds fine.

Him; wow, that was easy. I thought you would be putting up a fight

Me; I don’t have the energy to fight. I’ll start packing, as soon as I get back from my appointment

Him; you sure you’re ok

Me; Hlokes man. I’m fine

Him; just making sure

I spent most of the morning watching TV. I tried calling Siya again, but this time his phone went straight
to voicemail. I left a message asking him to call me back.
The more 11; 00am approached, the sicker I felt. I really wanted to speak to Siya, but his phone was off.
I just wanted to hear his voice. I knew that if I could at least speak to him, I would be able to make a
decision.

None the less, 10:30am arrived and it was time to go.

I went upstairs to fetch my bag, then came back down. I tried Siya one last time. And his phone was still
off.

Hlokes was already waiting for me in the car, so I just closed the door, and got in the car.

I gave Hlokes the gps coordinates, and we drove to the Dr rooms.

When we arrived outside, I sat in the car for a bit. Hlokes looked at me. He took my hand in his.

Him; I know you’re pregnant

i looked at him stunned

ME; How long have you known

Him; long enough

Me; Have you told Siya

Him; No, it’s not my place to

I let out a sigh of relief

Him; you don’t have to go through with this

Me; But Hlokes

Him; Listen Rifiloe. Ghost may not be the ideal father to Olwetho, or even the best partner to you, but
I’m telling you know, if he finds out, He’ll never forgive you.
Me; I haven’t decided yet, I just want to see what my options are. Then take it from there. Promise me
you won’t tell him

Him; I promise. But you have to promise you won’t go through with the termination today. Rather
gather the information you need first. Then make a decision from there.

Me; Ok, I can live with that.

He kissed my hand, and I got out the car.

I was so anxious while sitting the reception area.

I was really grateful that Hlokes didn’t tell Siya. I know it must’ve been hard to keep something like this
from him.

I waited a while, before the receptionist called my name.

I walked behind her anxiously.

She opened the door, and told me to take a seat, that the doctor would be with me shortly, then she
left.

I sat down with my stomach in a knot, I kept reminding myself to breath.

Finally I heard someone turning the door knob. I took a deep breath and got up to greet the doctor.

Unfortunately for me it wasn’t the Doctor at the door. Instead it was Siya. looking like he was ready to
kill.

29

I stood in the doctor’s room with shock written all over my face, because the last person I expected to
be here was Siya.
Siya walked in and locked the door behind him. He moved closer to me, and I took a step back, I tried
taking another one but a desk was in my way.

Siya carried on walking towards. I tried going behind the desk, but he grabbed my hand.

I looked into his eyes and all I saw was hatred. I wanted to speak but I was trembling

He didn’t move, he just held onto my wrist. I tried loosening his grip, but he just tightened it.

I thought he would let go, but he didn’t. Instead he kept on squeezing

ME; Siya, Ouch, Your Hurting ME

He didn’t move, he didn’t speak, and he just kept staring at me. I swear I felt like my wrist was going to
fall off.

Me; Si, Sttttoooop, your hurting me. Please

He looked at my wrist, then back at me. My eyes had already started watering.

He finally let go, and took a step back. My wrist was throbbing, and had turned Red.

I started rubbing it. I wanted to speak but didn’t know what to say.

I tried stepping aside, so I could move away from him, but he blocked my way

Him; where do you think you’re going?

Me; ……………………….

Him; I’m talking to you

ME; Siya, Please move

Him; Sit down

I looked at his forehead and you could see little spots of sweat. The veins on his neck, were the enlarged
to the maximum.
Me; Siya, please

Him; Sit down

ME; Si

He lifted his hand to hit me, but stopped mid-air.

Yoh, the tears started flowing like Victoria Falls, but my anger started taking over. Never had I imagined
in a million years, that Siya would want to lay a hand on me.

Me; do it. Hit me. If it will make you feel like you are a man, then do it.

Him; Sit down

Me; give me the damn key for the door

Him; Rifiloe, do you ever, do as your told?

Me; no, I don’t and you know that. So why are you acting all surprised now?

Him; your attitude is really starting to annoy me. I’ve tried so hard not to be this person towards you,
but you just keep on pushing. And now, I think I’ve finally had enough

Me; so what are you doing here. Why don’t you go running to Linda like you always do?

Him; so is that why you wanted to kill our child. Because you’re threatened by Linda? Was it some sort
of payback for me leaving?

Me; no, I wanted to get rid of this child because I knew it would tie me to you forever. You’re a bad
enough father to Olwetho as it is, what make you think you could do any better with my child.

This time his hand didn’t stop mid-air. Instead it landed right across my face.

He hit me with such force, I nearly fell over. I immediately went silent. My face was tingling and I swear
I saw stars

Him; so that’s what it takes for you to shut up, huh. I have to raise my hand at you in order for you to
show me an ounce of respect Rifiloe. You think I enjoy fighting with you. Fuck man

I didn’t answer him. Instead I sat down.

Him; so now you’ve gone mute . A minute ago you were rambling on . Fuck, Fuck,

I tried so hard, not to cry, but my eyes wouldn’t co-operate

Him; im going to ask you questions, and you better tell me the truth

Me; …………………………..

Him Rifiloe

ME; (sniff)

Him; stop with dam waterworks ok. They don’t mean anything anymore. You wanted to murder our
child. And now you’re sitting here crying like you’re a victim

Me; what do you want me to do Siya. Where were you when I needed you?

Him; Rifiloe, I was working. You know how hectic things are at the moment. You should’ve waited for
me.

Me; fuck you Siya. Ok….. You’re the one who told me you don’t want to have a child with me. What did
you expect me to do? Ha, Sit around and wait for you to have time for me….. Siya I asked you to give me
time, Hell I begged you to let me go, but no, instead here you are again, forcing yourself into my life

Him; forcing myself? In case you haven’t noticed you are having my baby. Which means we are forced to
be in each other’s lives, and there is nothing you can do about it

Me; yes there is

Him; if you ever, and I mean ever think of harming my baby again, I will personally kill you. I swear
Rifiloe. I’ll do it myself.

ME; mcm, you said you have questions.

Him; what are you doing here? And do yourself a favour and tell me the truth

Me; you already know why I’m here. Why are you asking me?

Him; I want to hear the words from your mouth. I want to hear you tell me you’ve become a murderer

ME; stop with the dramatics ok

Him; I’m waiting

Him; answer me

Me; Siya, can we please talk about this at my place

Him; I’m not going to repeat myself

Me; I came to see Dr Richardson

Him; Why

Me; I needed to confirm my suspicions

Him; suspicions about what

Me; about me being pregnant

Him; what else

Me; Siya, I wanted to tell…………..

He came close to my chair, and leaned in

Him; Think very carefully about the next words out your mouth, because if it’s not the truth, I will
personally fuck you up.

Me; I wanted to see what options I had, Should I decided to terminate

Him; not should. You made this appointment purposely to kill my baby

Me; in the beginning maybe. But I started having doubts. I swear Siya

Him; and you didn’t think you should’ve told me

Me; I tried calling you, but you were busy. So I knew that I would have to make the this decision alone

Him; do you know how much I want to beat the shit out of you right now

Me; that’s not going to change anything. Maybe if you had bothered answering my calls instead of
sulking like a five year old. We could have discussed this like adults, instead of you huffing and puffing
like a fucking wolf

I really have no idea what I thought I was doing by answering him back like that, but I refuse to let him
intimidate me
Him; Rifiloe, I’m warning you

Me; what, are you going to do? Hit me again. Because if you are, you might as well let me go through
with the abortion, because id definitely lose the baby

He took a step towards me, I jumped out my chair, and went behind the desk.

Him; say one more fucking word

ME; Siya, just stop ok, Stop trying to scare me

He took out his phone, and dialled someone

Siya; Gordon. Get the Jet ready for CUBA, I’m on my way

Him; Sir, we are still refuelling. It might be quite a long wait

Siya; How Long

Him; about 4 hours

Siya; Let me know the minute it’s fuelled

Him; Yes sir

He looked at me

Him; Take your bag we’re leaving

Me; but I need to see the doctor. Siya,

Him; did I ask you? Lalela lana wena, ungangidini yezwa. We’re leaving and that’s final

I just sighed, and took my bag. I wasn’t going to aggravate this crazy man any further. I figured I’d just
ignore him, and have a conversation with him once he’s calmed down.

He unlocked the door, and walked out. While I followed behind him.

He gave the receptionist the key, and walked to the parking bay.

When we got to the parking he was parked next to Hlokes. I walked around to the car Hlokes was in and
got in. Siya came around and opened my door
Him; get out

Me; siya, can we not do this right now.

Him; don’t make me drag you out

I looked at Hlokes,

Me; Hlokes, do something

Him; Rifiloe, just go to his car, we can talk about this when we get to your house

Me; mxm

I got out the car, and went to Siya’s car and sat at the back.

He got in and the driver took off.

We sat in silence on the ride home. I had so many things going through my mind, but I didn’t know how
to express them. All I could do was look out the window, and cry silently.

30

The ride home was beyond excruciating. I tried so hard not to cry, but the tears just kept coming.

Siya, couldn’t even look at me.

When we got to my house, I got out and went straight to my room. I wasn’t looking for pity from Siya,
but I also expected him to treat me as an equal, and not someone who he can just smack around, when
he feels like things aren’t going his way.

I immediately locked my door. I didn’t want Siya coming up here, and biting my head off. I had had
enough of that for one day. I just needed to breathe, without him in my face.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face, then went to lie down. I was so tired I ended up falling asleep
in my tears.
I was woken up by a knock on the door. I didn’t want to open, so I tried ignoring it, because I knew it was
Siya.

He kept persisting. So I eventually got up and went to open.

I didn’t say anything to him, I just opened and went back to my bed

Him; I thought you were packing

Me; where am I going

Him; don’t start

Me; How am I starting,

Him; we leave for Cuba in an hour. Make sure you’re packed

Me; but I thought I was leaving on Friday

Him; I’m not risking you killing my baby while I’m not here. We leave today

Me; Do I even get a say in the matter

Him; No

I was so exhausted, I didn’t have the energy to fight him.

Me; I didn’t unpack the things you had bought for me on my last trip there. Please ask the guards to
come help me carry them. They’re in the spare bedroom

He didn’t answer, he just walked back downstairs.

I let out a sigh of relief. I hadn’t realised that I was holding my breath.

I decided to go have a bath before we left, because the flight to CUBA is long,

When was done bathing I wore my black tracksuit set with my sneakers. I voided the mirror, because I
didn’t want to see the bruise, I just wanted to forget this day ever happened.

When I arrived downstairs, my bags were being loaded. I went to the kitchen to make myself something
to eat. I was so hungry, because I hadn’t had anything to eat since I had some yoghurt in the morning.

Luckily there was some leftover Greek salad from lunch. So I ate that, and had a bottle of water.
Siya walked in while I was eating.

Him; you ready

Me; I just need to wash this plate, then we can go

Him; leave it, Hlokes will handle it

Me; isn’t he coming with us

Him; He comes down on Friday.

I took my plate, and placed it in the sink. Then took my handbag and went to the car.

Hlokes drove in as I was walking out. I hadn’t realised he wasn’t around.

He came out the car, and came to me

Him; you ok

Me; did you tell him about the baby

Him: I swear on my life Rifiloe, I didn’t utter a word

Me; cool, so I’ll see you on Saturday

Him; what did he do to you

Me; what do you think he did

Him; tell me he didn’t lay a hand on you

Me; what’s the use Hlokes. What are you going to do about it? It’s done. Just leave it

Him; Fine, but ill definitely have a word with him

Me; I should go

Him; come here

He leaned in and gave me a hug, as Siya, was walking out the house.

I hugged him back, then went to the car. Siya got in and the driver left.

The awkward drive to the airport was annoying as hell. Thankfully Siya’s phone rang.
I rolled my eyes when I heard that it was Linda. That woman had a tendency of phoning when I was
around. But funnily enough he always took her calls, but me on the other hand I have to call him a
million times, before he answers. Mxm

I put my headphones on, and listened to the music on my phone. I didn’t feel like listening to him talking
to her. I know I was made at him, but I still felt as jealous as hell over him.

When we got to the airport, we boarded his jet. I really hoped that Siya wouldn’t sit next to me. I didn’t
feel like sitting next to him for over 10 hours without us talking.

As luck would have it. He sat right next to me. Yho, I was getting annoyed but told myself to calm down,
and try to ignore him. I put my safety belt on, then took out my headsets from my bag and plugged
them into my laptop, I wasn’t going to entertain his mood. I was just going to watch movies and try to
calm myself down.

We had taken off, and I was nearly halfway through my movie, when Siya tapped me on the shoulder. I
took out my headphones and looked at him

Him; we need to talk

Me; I’m listening

Him; we need to get you to a doctor, as soon as we land in Cuba. I want to make sure that the baby is ok

Me; can I have a couple of days. I just need to recuperate.

Him; I’d prefer we go straight away

Me; do I even have a say in the matter. Or were you just informing me

Him; don’t raise your voice at me

Me; Oh, but you can raise your hand me

Him; does everything have to turn into an argument with you

Me; forget I said anything.

(SILENSE)

Him; look Rifiloe, I know I was wrong for hitting you. I do………… I was just so angry.

Me; so every time you get angry, you’re going to hit me? Or better threaten to kill me. And I’m supposed
to be okay with that?
Him; No, I’ll never put a hand on you again. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just got so mad, I wasn’t
thinking straight

ME; Siya, I’m not one of your employees who look at you and see ghost. I look at you and I see Siya. I
see the man I fell in love with, The man I thought loved me too. Not this Gangster/special ops guy, not a
man who abuses me. If you’re mad at me, Fine be mad. Hell, break the fucking windows, or kick
something. But don’t you dare ever lay a hand at me again.

Him; your right….. I’m sorry babe, I promise you it won’t happen again. Now can we move on? I cant
take this constant fighting. I just want my girl back.

Me; No, we cannot just move on. I’m going to ask you again, for the millionth time. I need you to give
me space to breath. Please, just let me be.

Him; but Rifiloe, your carrying my child

Me; Siya, I now that ok. But I still need my space. You and I both know that I’m basically going to be a
single mother. You’re not going to be around. Look at Olwetho, you see him once, maybe twice a month
if he’s lucky. What about my child. What does he get? A day month or worse.

Him; Rifiloe, I wouldn’t do that to you, or our child. All I’ve want, since I laid eyes on you, was to make
you happy. To make you my wife. I plan to stick with that plan

Me; Siya, marriage is not an option for us. It never will be

Him why not?

Me; Siya, you have a target on your head. How am I supposed to be married to a man who isn’t willing
to give up his Job, to be with me?

Him; Rifiloe I can’t

Me; Then you and I have nothing further to talk about

I put on my headphones, and continued watching my movie. I understood he was sorry, and wanted us
to work things out. But he wasn’t willing to make the sacrifices required. So how was I supposed to
believe him?

Once my movie was finished, I decided to take a nap. I was exhausted, and we still had 7 hours left of
this miserable flight.

I slept all throughout the 7 hours. Siya woke me up, when it was time to land.

When we landed, we went straight to the house. I was glad he actually listened to me, I was so tired,
and didn’t want to go to the doctor.

When we arrived at the house, Siya led me to the main bedroom.

Me; So if I’m staying here, where you will be sleeping ?

Him; Linda is in SA, so I’ll use the room she was using

Me; Ok… I need a bath

Him; you sit down, I’ll go run it for you

Me; I’m sure …………………… never mind, that would be nice.

I wanted to tell Siya that I could run my own bath. But felt bad, because he seemed like he was trying. So
I let him run the bath, while I changed into the one of his robes. Then sat on the bed. My feet were
swollen from being in sneakers the whole flight.

Him; you want a foot massage

Me; I’m good, I just want to take a bath, and put my feet up

Him; Ok, I’ll go see how far dinner is

Me; You mean brunch.

Him; (chuckles) yes. Jetlag is no joke.

For the first time in forever, I actually smiled at him. He looked so much like my Siya at this moment.

I soaked myself in the bath for over an hour. I was feeling so drained. I put my hand on my tummy and
smiled

Me; so your rally in my tummy ha. I’m sorry daddy was shouting earlier. He was just upset at mommy. I
really hope, I can be a good mother to you. I’m not so sure your daddy will be the best father, but all
we’ll have to do is wait.

I smiled at myself. It’s weird speaking to something that not even visible yet.

Siya knocked on the bathroom door. I told him to come in, because the bubbles were covering my body.

Him; You still at it

Me; yep, I was just about to come out

Him; do you want your food in your room or will you join me on the veranda?

Me; I’ll sit on the veranda. It’s too hot in hear

Him; cool, you should come out before your food gets cold

Me; I’ll be there in a sec.

Siya left and I got out the bath. I was feeling so rejuvenated. I went to my suitcases and took out a pair
of shorts, a top and sandals. Cuba was so hot, I was really not looking forward to going through my
pregnancy here.

I put cream on my face, ten gathered the courage to look in the mirror. Luckily the bruise wasn’t as bad
as I thought it would be. But it was definitely visible

When I got the veranda, Siya was already eating. I looked at the food and immediately felt nauseous. So
I grabbed an apple instead.

Him; aren’t you going to eat anything else

Me; I don’t think I can stomach anything else

Him; but babe, you’re going to starve my baby

Me; the only babe in this equation is the one in my tummy. Either than that I’m Rifiloe

Him; (sigh) this is going to be a long 9 months

Me; mcm

Him; so when do you think we can go see a doctor your highness

Me; maybe tomorrow

Him; can’t we go today. I’d really like to see him

Me; Him?

Him; yes, I’m sure it’s a boy

ME; and if it’s a girl

Him; we send her back. I can’t have anybody else making me soft

Me; well I think that would do you some good.

Him; you already make me soft

Me; after yesterday, I’m not so sure

Him; please can we not go there.

Me; fine... I’ll let you make the appointment for today on one condition

Him; Anything

Me; a foot rub, and popcorn

Him; popcorn

Me; yep. I’m craving some

Him; ok, but first have something to eat

Me; No ways I’m eating that stew.

Him; I’ll make you something else

Me; you mean mam Martha will make me something else

Him; No, I’ll make it. Promise

Me; fine, phutu and amasi

Him; yho, I don’t think we have amasi. How about chicken stew, or may be even beef fillet

Me; nope, I want amasi

Him; ill see what I can do

Me; Thanx

We sat talking about the baby. You could really see that Siya was excited. I tried being as exited, but
deep down I still had my concerns.

Siya went to look if we had amasi, while I carried on eating my apple.

He came back looking defeated

Him; babe, mam Martha says two don’t have amasi

Me; the names Rifiloe. And it’s fine, I’ll have popcorn instead

Him; can’t I convince you to eat anything else

Me; Siya, I’ll find myself something

Him; fine… Our appointment is at 2pm

Mr; ok, I’m going to lie down for a while

Him; my mom says if you sleep too much, you will have problems during delivery

Me; You’ve already told your mom

Him; Yes, told her on our way here. She says we should get married before the baby arrives.

Me; Ok, conversation over. Im going to take a nap

Him; cool, ill wake you up

I stood up and went to my room. I wasn’t going to be discussing marriage with Siya. That shit aint
happening anytime soon.

My nap was amazing, so much so that I wanted to kill Siya, when he woke me up

Me; go away

Him; our appointments in 30 mins, you need to get up

Me; can’t we reschedule

Him; not happening, get up

Me; mxm, you suck you know that

Him; stop moaning and put on your shoes.

I got up and went to brush my teeth, and my hair then put on my slops, and off we went.

Siya kept going on and on about the baby. I was so nauseous, I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up.

When we got to the doctor’s office, we were shown to his rooms.

The doctor came in and I instantly smiled. He was cute old Cuban doctor. He looked like he was in his
sixty’s. He introduced himself as Dr Ernesto Rodrigues. Thank goodness he speaks English fluently

We fist did a urine test to make sure I was indeed pregnant. Then He asked me to change into a gown
and lie down and put my legs up. I was a bit uncomfortable with Siya being there, but I couldn’t throw
him out. He looked so excited.

I changed in private, then went to sit on the table.

The doctor opted for a transvaginal Ultrasound, since I was under 3 months.

Siya laughed when the doctor put the condom over the ultrasound machine. I wanted to hit him
Me; behave

Him; sorry babe,

The minute I saw that little dot on the monitor, my heart smiled. I could believe that there was actually a
human inside of me.

The doctor was taking us through a lot of things, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I was just busy
looking at my little bloop. I heard the doctor say something, and turned to look at him

Me; Sorry, I don’t think I just caught what you said

Him; If you look at the screen, you will notice that there are two foetuses

Me; two

Him; yes

Me; oh my gosh.

Siya was too shocked to even say anything. I don’t blame him. We were expecting a baby and not
babies.

31

I Looked at Siya, and he looked like he had won the lottery. The doctor finished with the exam, then I
went to change, and came back to sit with them.

The Doctor confirmed that I was 6 weeks along. We did a million test. Then left.

I hadn’t said much to the doctor, because Siya was the one asking all the questions.

I was quite all the way back home. I wasn’t upset, I was just scared. How was I going to be able to care
for 2 new babies, without my mother being there? I knew she would’ve been so happy. She would have
been the best grandmother alive.

Siya looked at me

Him; you look a bit off, are you ok

Me; what do you think?

Him; I was just asking

Me; don’t ask me stupid things

Him; Look, I know your nervous, but there’s nothing to be nervous about.

Me; easy for you to say, it’s not like you’re going to be the one looking after two small babies, while
their father is out trying to save the flipping universe

Him; can we not do this right now. This should be a happy time. We can come up with some sort of
compromise.

Me; mxm, compromise???? You need to priorities not fucking compromise

Siya didn’t answer me, We drove the rest of the way home mostly in silence, for the rest of the way
home. I know I shouldn’t be so moody, but I just can’t help myself.

When I got home, I went straight to the kitchen, I was so hungry I could eat a horse, while Siya went
upstairs to work.

Mam Martha, was busy cooking. I gave her a hug,

Her; You look well

Me; thank you ma

Her; I heard about what happened to your parents. I’m so sorry

Me; thank you ma..

Her; I hear we’re going to be having a little one running around soon

Me; (sigh) little ones

Her; I’m lost

Me; there’s two of the

Her; oh my goodness. Congratulations. That’s such a blessing

Me; thanks ma

Her; Sit down, I’ll make you something to eat

Me; No ma, don’t worry, I’ll make it

Her; You need to take things easy. You can’t be standing for long period of times, especially with twins.
The beginning of your pregnancy is always the most delicate. So sit down, and ill make you something.
What would you like?

Me; can I have plane bread with milk

Her; you need to eat more than that, your babies need nutrition. How about a chicken mayo and Avo
sandwich

Me; ma, can I have a chicken and avo salad instead.

Her; its better than plain bread.

I smiled, she was just as stubborn as I was.

Siya walked in while I was eating my salad. I hadn’t realised how hungry I was until I looked at that salad.
It was absolutely delicious.

Him; finally

Me; what

Him; your actually eating

Me; mhmmm

Him; (chuckles) you need to swallow or you’ll choke on your food

ME; shut up

Him; mam Martha, can I please get one of those

Her; Sure

He sat next to me watching me eat…

Me; Go away

Him; not a chance. I want to make sure you finish that salad

Me; mxm

We sat together eating. I finished my salad and went to get myself a bottle of water. Then came to sit
next to him again. I looked at his salad and it looked really good.
Him; you wanna share

Me; yep

I took his fork, and started eating. (no judging)

Him; (chuckels) so much for sharing

Me; Mhmmm

I ended up finishing his salad… thankfully Siya being the gentleman he is didn’t complain, he just smiled.

Him; we have a few things we need to discuss

Me; can we do that later. I want to go take a nap.

Him; you just took a nap before we went to the doctor

Me; so

Him; ok, you win. Can I tuck you in?

Me; nope, save that for your babies

Him; Thembi is busy unpacking your stuff. But you can use my room

Me; me sleep in Linda’s room…….. Never

Him; it’s not her room. She just used it when she was here

Me; still probably smells like her

Him; your overreacting

Me; whatever

Him; come on… I’ll give you a foot rub

Me; tempting

Him; ill add popcorn

Me; don’t you have to work

Him; not today. I want to spend time with you

Me; spend time with me, or make sure I don’t kill your precious babies

Him; I can never win with you can I?

Me; who knows.

Him; do you have to always do that? Rifiloe, I’m trying here. You said I don’t have time for you. I try
making time, and now you’re pushing me away

Me; isn’t it a little too late for that

Him; haai, I give up

Me; good. I don’t need you faffing around me

Him; don’t do this, because if I were to do the same you would go ballistic

Me; whatever Siya

Him; mxm

He stood up and walked away. I hadn’t noticed that mam Martha wasn’t in the kitchen anymore.

So now he wants to make time for me because I’m pregnant with his babies. But before then he wasn’t
willing. Nxa, he can go to hell

I ended up feeling bad… I know he’s trying, I just can’t seem to get over everything.

I hated that he loved his job more than me, and worse he lifted his hand at me. How do you get over
things like that anyway… I just need him to really give me time. Maybe then I could truly forget, but for
time being a part of me still hated him.

Siya spent the rest of the day in his office, while I watched movies in the lounge.

When he came down for dinner, he seemed a bit distant.

I was used to him sitting next to me, but this time he sat opposite me

I didn’t dare say anything, because I knew he would tell me to stop confusing him blah blah blah

Mam Martha had made mince lasagna, with a beetroot salad on the side.

I wasn’t sure I could stomach the lasagna, so I only had a little bit of it, and had lots of the salad.

Siya looked at my plate and shook his head.

Him; you cant live off of salad Rifiloe. You need to eat for the sake of my babies

Me; Siya, just shoosh ok. Im fine, and I’m eating mos. Can you just relax

He was about to answer me, but his phone rang. I rolled my eyes.

He answered and it was Linda.. mxm. I stood up and went around to where he was sitting.
I grabbed the phone out of his hand and dropped his call

Him; Rifiloe

ME; we were in the middle of a conversation. Linda can fucking wait

Him; give me my phone back

Me; No

Him; what do you want from me?

I didn’t answer him, I just threw his phone against the wall. Unfortunately it didn’t break, the screen just
cracked.

Siya, stood up

Him; are you crazy

Me; clearly I’m crazy. I’m fucking having your children. Only a person with a mental disorder would get
pregnant by an inconsiderate jerk like you.

I picked up the phone before he did, and ran towards my bedroom, with Siya coming after me.

When I got to my bedroom I went to the bathroom, and there his phone in the toilet and tried flushing it
away.

When Siya came in he looked so pissed.

I didn’t care though, I was sick of him not respecting me when it comes to this Linda bitch.

Him; so are you going to take the phone out the toilet or do i?

Me; I could care less really

Him; Your driving me crazy.

Me; shame

He laughed… not because he was happy, but the more annoyed kind of laugh

Him; so what are you going to do about my phone

Me; Nothing
Him; so you expect me to put my hand in the toilet

Me; there’s gloves in the cabinet if you want

Him; what is it with you and Linda? Can’t you two just get along?

Me; the problem is not Linda. The problem is you.

Him; how am I the problem

Me; you don’t fucking listen… I told you I can’t stand it when we’re in the middle of a conversation and
what do you do? the exact flipping opposite

Him; Yho, Rifiloe, you are draining me. Your constant nagging is annoying as fuck.. Linda is the mother
of my child. There is nothing that’s going to change about that. So get over it already.

My eyes instantly watered… How could Siya be so sweet at times, and then so damn mean

32

In that moment I realised that no matter what, I would always come second.

Siya and Linda were practically inseparable, and weather or not I liked it, she was going to be a part of
my life.

I took the gloves from the cupboard, then took his phone out the toilet.

Him; what do you expect me to do with that now

Me; how about you shove it up your ass, and get the hell out my room

Him; fine

He took his phone and walked out.

I spent the rest of the evening in bed mostly thinking about my life.
I knew I had a really rough road ahead of me. I had been so consumed with everything, I had forgotten
to be me.

I hadn’t worn make up in ages, I had bags under my eyes. I wasn’t working out, so basically I looked a
complete mess.

So I told myself ENOUGH.

Enough of putting Siya first, enough of wanting his attention. Enough of crying, fuck, enough of nagging.
Now I was going to choose to be happy.

Despite the circumstances, I refuse to let myself be miserable. I’m sure if my mother was alive she
would have slapped me across the face ages ago.

So first things first, I needed a good night’s sleep.

I slept like a new born baby for the first time in ages. I felt so much lighter now that I had let go.

The following morning I woke up refreshed, I got up, made my bed and went to take a shower. I
changed into my gym gear, then went to have breakfast.

When I arrived Siya was on one of his spare phones.

I decided to have a large portion of fruit salad. I may not have an apitite for heagy foods, but i planned
on eating as much of what i can stomach. And so far fruits seemed to be one if thr things i could
stomach

I was halfway through my salad, when Siya finished his telephone conversation.

Him; morning

Me; hi

Him; how did you sleep

Me; like a baby

Him; lucky you

I didn’t respond. I just carried on eating my breakfast.

Him; I need to speak to you about something

Me; I’m listening

Him; promise you won’t freak out

Me; ok

Him; Linda and Olwetho are coming with Hlokes and the rest of the crew today. Olwetho is on holidays,
and he wanted to see me.

I took a breath in and out, then had a sip of my juice

Me; that's nice, I’m sure it will be nice to see Olwetho again

Siya looked at me like I was an alien. I’m sure he was expecting a fight.

Me; what

Him; you sure you don’t mind

Me; I didn’t realise I had an option in the matter, but none the less I don’t mind. It’s not like I own this
place

Him; Okaay, but there’s one other problem

Me; what

Him; I won’t have a place to sleep,

Me; you can sleep in your room

Him; as in the same room as you

Me; yes

Him; does that mean you and I

I cut him off

Me; No, you and I are a long way from being together. But since the bed is king size, I'm sure we won't
get in each other's way. As long as you don't try anything we should be good.

Him: you know that's cruel right

Me: well it's either that or the couch

Him: I'll take your offer

Me: good, are we done here, I'd like to go work out

Him: tell me your joking

Me: I'm dead serious

Him: a woman in your condition shouldn't be exercising.

Me: Siya I'm pregnant not sick.

Him: promises you'll take it easy

Me: promise

Him: is there any way I could convince you n it to exercise during your pregnancy

Me: Siya, I need to exercise so I don't gain too much weight. I don't want to be walking around here
looking like a whale

Him: there's no one here you need to impress but Me. And I'd still love you if you were the size of a
whale

Me: I'm not looking to impress you or anyone else. I just want to make sure i dont gain too much weight

Him: fine. But I'll , be keeping an eye on you

Me : I don't expect anything less. Now excuse me whole I go work up a sweat

I left him there looking displeased.

I enjoyed my workout quite a lot.. there's honestly no better feeling than working out after a stressful,
time. It just relieves your stress. I did however take it easy, I didn't want to trip on something and hurt
myself.

When I was done, I went to take a shower, then changed into a floral maxi dress.

I really felt like pampering myself, but didn't know how to go about it since I was in a foreign country.

So I did my make up, put on my sandals, and went to Siyas office.

I wanted to ask him what my options were, maybe I could go to a mall or something.

When I got to his office, his door wasn't closed, so I knocked and walked in.

Him: you look nice

Me: thank you

Him: where you off to?

Me: I was actually hoping to go out. I want to get my hair and nails done. And also a couple of other
things

Him: how long will you be

Me: quite a while

Him: you'll have to take at least 3 body guards with you.

Me: cool

Him: how much do you need

Me: dont worry, I'll use my card

Him: I'd prefer you didn't, I don't want anybody tracing you to Cuba. I'd rather give you the money in
cash

Me: sounds reasonable, but i don't know how much I'll need

Him: 5000 pesos should be enough, but if you need more I'll send another guard

Me: ok

He got up and went to the safe and gave me the money. I wasn't a fan of taking money from people, but
in this case i didn't have a choice

Me: thank you.

Him: please don't give the guards a hard time

Me: bye Siya

Him: don't I get a kiss goodbye

Me: keep dreaming buddy

He laughed

I wasn't comfortable walking around with so much money, but felt better because I knew the guards
would be around

Lucky for me Nails was one of the guards. I hadn't really had time to speak to him since I got back.
I gave him a hug. He seemed a little surprised but none the less he hugged me back.

I heard Siya clearing his voice, so I broke the hug. He looked at nails disapprovingly,then at me.

I just looked at him, it's not like I was doing anything wrong, I was just trying to be nice

Him: rifiloe can no have a word

Me: but we were about to leave

Him: it will only take a sec,

Me: fine

He took my hand and walked me to our bedroom. I just knew I was in trouble

Him: Rifiloe, don't do that

Me: do what

Him: flirt with the guards

Me: flirt? I wasn't flirting, I was just being nice

Him: well don't be. I can't have you being like that towards them. I don't want them getting ideas

Me (chuckels) you seem jealous

Him: I'm not,

Me: whatever you say. Can I go now

Him: fine, but no more hugging the guard's.

Me: fine

I left Siya in the bedroom and went to the basement garage where nails and the other guards were
waiting.,
Nails opened the door for me, and got into the drivers seat while the two other guards were in another
car behind us.

We drive for about an hour and a half before we got into the city. I was so fascinated with how colourful
the buildings were, but mostly how clean their inner city was

I felt a bit wierd because people were staring at our cars. I was really glad the Windows were tinted.

When we got to the mall, nails walked me to a very modern looking salon.

I was a bit nervous having someone who doesnt speak English do my hair, but luckily nails was able to
translate.

While I was doing my hair, the nail technician started with my nails. Luckily she spoke a bit of English, so
we were able to communicate. I asked her to also do my toes, because the weather was so hot, I'd be
wearing lots of sandals. So my toenails had to look as good as my finger nails.

I walked out the salon 3 hours later, feeling like a new woman. I had also gotten a wax, so I was
groomed to the tee.

I didn't feel like going home yet, so I walked around the mall.

I didn't buy much, because I had everything I needed at the house. So I just bought a few snacks, and
drinks.

When we were getting ready to go I saw a small little baby boutique. I known it was to early to start
buying clothes but i couldn't resist. They had the cutest things. Problem was I didn't know the genders,
so I bought a few of everything.

I loved the little shoes and the clothes they had

By the time we left I had spent most of my money that siya had given me.
Nails and the other guards carried my bags, while we walked back to the car.

When I got home, I immediately flopped onto the bed. I was exhausted from all that walking, and my
feet were swollen as a result.

Siya walked in while I was going through everything I had bought. He saw the baby stuff and smiled

Him: what do we have here

Me: I couldn't resist, look how cute everything is

Him: those shoes are adorable babe. I can't believe they make such small sizes

Me: I know hey, I can't wait to go back

Him: but, isn't it a bit early to be shopping? We don't even know the sex of the babies.

Me: yaah, but i just couldn't resist. Everything just looked so cute.

Him:I'm glad your warming up to being a mom

Me: yaah but now I need a good bath. My feet are killing me

Him: give me an hour to finish off whaf i was busy with,then I'll give you a mean foot massage

Me; that sounds amazing. I'll go bath in the interim

Him:ok, do you want me to run your bath

Me: no man, you go work, ill, manage

Him: ok,

He left and went to work, while i packed the baby clothes away.

When Siya came back down, I was still in the bath. I was enjoying it so much, I didn't want to get out. He
knocked on the door and I told him to come in

Him: your still in the bath

Me: the waters so soothing I'm not sure I want to come out

Him: you'll get sick babe, you should come out

Me: what's with you and the babe thing Mara

Him: it's my name for you, and i don't plan on Chang it

Me: haai, just hand me my towel please

He handed me my towel and went to the room. I followed and went to the closet to go get dressed.

It was already getting late, so I wore my leggings and a top.

Then went to the bedroom.

Siya was sitting in the bed watching tv when i came from the closet.

He shifted when he saw me, so I could put my feet on his lap.

Him: you seem a bit more calm toady, What's going on?

Me: what do you mean

Him: your been fighting me toothnand nail for as long as I can remember but today you seem different.

Me: can I tell, you the truth

Him: yes

Me: I think I''ve finally come to terms with the fact that you will always put Linda first.

Him: but

Me: let me finish. Don't get me wrong, I love you, I really Do, but i need to also love myself. I wanted you
to commit to me so bad, I lost ,myself in the process. But what you said resonated with me. Your always
going to put her first, she's the mother of your heir, and I get that. So ill, just accept that and move on.
For now I'm going to enjoy my pregnancy. maybe in the future, once I'm back in S.A. I might find a man
that respects me as much as you do with Linda

Him: are you trying to hurt me

Me: no, I'm just telling you the truth

Him: what if I want to be that man

Me: I don't think you are ready for that. And I'm not mad at you about it. I'm just also not willing to be
put second for the rest of my life. I'm going to be a mother in a few months. And I need to get my
priorities in order.

Him: if I worked at being the man you need would you take me back?
Me: maybe with time, but for now can we just be friends.

Him: well, that's better than you cutting me off completely

Me: I guess I'm a sucker for punishment

He tickled my foot and I pulled it away.

For the first time since Siya and I went downhill, I felt my heart at peace. I think it was because I had no
expectations from him. Instead I planned on enjoying Cuba and getting ready to bring my babies into the
world.

If him and i were meant to be together then we would surely find our way to each other.

33

Siya and I stayed together for most of the evening. We even ended up having our dinner in our room.

I was enjoying spending time with him, I fell asleep when he went back to his office. I didn’t mind
though, because I knew that he had to work.

I woke up the following morning in Siya’s arms. So much for him keeping to his side of the bed

I moved his hand slowly, I needed to pee so badly. I went to the bathroom and took a shower, then
went to get dressed. It was very unlike Siya to still be sleeping at this time. Even on a Saturday.

So I went to wake him up

Me; Si, wake up

Him; mhmm

Me; since when do you sleep in

Him; shhh Rifiloe man, or better yet come back to bed

Me; no man, im hungry

Him; just for 5 minutes

Me; Fine

I got back to bed and he cuddled me

Me; so do you cuddle like this with all your friends

Him; (chuckels) only the ones I’m in love with

Me; mcm,

Him; don’t act like you don’t like it.

Me; but now I want to eat Si

Him; fine, you go ill meet you downstairs.

Me; cool

I got up and went to the kitchen. I had totally forgotten that Hlokes and the team had arrived during the
wee hours of the morning. So it was a present surprise to see him having breakfast on the veranda.

He stood up and I gave him a hug.

Him; you look good

Me; thank you... How was your flight?

Him; excruciating

Me; why

Him; Linda spoke all the way here. I didn’t get any sleep whatsoever

Me;(chuckels) askies shame

Him; you not bothered with her being around

Me; I’m not ecstatic, but what can I do /

Him; Haai, rather you than I

Me; so did you bring amasi for me

Him; yes,
Me; thank God, I’ve been craving it

Him; so you and the big man getting along

Me; only just… We’ll have to wait and see how long it lasts

Him; as long as your happy

Me; thanks

You know even though Hlokes and I had had our differences, I really liked having him around. He had
proved to be a good friend despite our past, and I valued that.

Him; so how’s the baby doing

Me; you mean babies

Him; noooo, how many

Me; two

Him; damn

Me; tell me about it

Him; I’m sure, Ghost must be excited

Me; I guess so.

Hlokes and I were in the middle of breakfast when Linda and Olwetho came to join us.

I took a breath and carried on eating.

Linda didn’t bother greeting me, but Olwetho ran to give me a hug.

He sat on my lap

Him; aunty daddy says I’m going to be a big brother soon

Me; are you exited

Him; yes, I can’t wait to play with him

Me; well, there’s two,

Him; wow, Mommy did you hear that. Aunty is having two babies.
Linda just looked at me then at Olwetho

Her; yes nana

Siya came to join us, Olwetho ran to him, and gave him a hug, then came back to sit on my lap.

Olwetho; daddy, aunty says I’m going to have two baby brothers or sisters

Siya; really

Olwetho; yes daddy, but where are they

Siya; in auntys tummy

Olwetho; but how did the babies get there

Hlokes choked on his food, while Siya looked at me and smiled

Siya; ask aunty, I’m sure she knows more than daddy

Olwetho; aunty, how did the baby get in your tummy

Me; ahmm ahmm God put them in my tummy nana

Him; but how

Me; While I was sleeping, God came down, and put them in my tummy

Him; oh, like when the tooth fairy puts my money under my pillow

Me; yes, just like that

Siya and Hlokes laughed, While Linda looked annoyed.

I dished up for Olwetho,

Siya; babe what about me

Me; askies my love. What would you like?

Him; bacon and eggs please

Me; and mushrooms

Him; sounds great.

I dished up for him, I don’t know why we were acting like a couple, but I wasn’t complaining.

We had breakfast, then I went to change. It was so hot, there was no way I was going to survive in jeans.
So I put on shorts and a bikini top, and went back outside.

Olwetho was waiting for me on the veranda, we were going to play on the beach.

Siya; so I’m not invited

Me; I thought you were going to be working

Him; but I also want to play

Olwetho; hurry daddy, I want to go play

Siya; ok, I’ll go change

Me; please ask mam Martha to make a picnic basket for us

Siya; ok, anything specific things

Me; fruits

Him; sharp

I took Olwethos hand, and saw Linda just sitting there. I kind of felt bad, for excluding her,

Me; aren’t you joining us?

Her; not today, I’ve got a couple of things I need to do today

Me; ok, we’ll see you later

Me; please ask Siya to bring out the sunscreen with him

Her; sure

Olwetho was getting impatient, so we left.

Siya took his time, but finally came to join us. Olwetho and I were trying to build a sand castle, but we
were failing miserably. I stopped trying to build when I saw the Picnic basket.

Him; what are you guys building?

Olwetho; a sand castle daddy, please come help

Him: ok nana, give me two seconds

I went through the basked, and settled on a banana.

It was nice seeing Siya spending time with Siya. He looked so carefree and happy for a change.

We stayed on the beach for a few hours, playing in the water, then trying to build the castle.

By the time we went back inside, I was so tired. So Olwetho and I went to take a nap in my room.

We didn’t even have lunch, we slept through most of the day.

When Siya woke me up, it was already time for dinner. Olwetho was sleeping so peacefully next to me.
I didn’t want to wake him, but Siya wasn’t having it

Him; he must sleep in his room

me; no man Siya, you’re going to wake him, let him sleep with us

Him; not happening. I want to cuddle you. Plus Olwetho kicks like no other. I don’t want him kicking you
in the stomach

Me; your exaggerating

Him; babe, please man.

Me; fine, but if you wake him and he keeps you up all night, don’t say I didn’t warn you

Siya picked Olwetho up, and took him to Linda’s room. Mean time I went to freshen up for supper.

When I got upstairs, Hlokes and Linda were nowhere to be found. I found Siya on the veranda, the
whole veranda was covered in candles, and the table was set for jut the two of us
Me; where is everyone

Him; out

Me; what’s with the candles

Him; come sit

Me; okay

I was going to sit next to him, but he pulled me onto his lap.

Him; I wanted to do something special for you

Me; why

Him; I know the past couple of weeks have been stressful for you, and I didn’t do any better, instead I
made things worse. Babe I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. From lying about Hlokes and
what I do, to hitting you. I don’t know what the hell the hell came over me. But I realized last night that
I was really losing you, and that scared the shit out of me.

Me; but Si, you can’t have both me and Linda.

Him; I know, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Me; put her in her place. I know she’s Olwetho’s mom, and I respect that. But she still thinks she is the
woman in your life, and that’s because you haven’t put your foot down

Him; so whats your suggestion

Me; it’s not my place to say. I was never in a relationship with her, you were. So it’s up to you how you
handle her.

Him; ill sort it out Rifiloe, I promise. I just need you to give me a bit of time

Me; Ive been giving you time. Words won’t change anything, but your actions will.

Him; I know…. So am I forgiven?

Me; forgiven yes, but you and I have a very long way to go

Him; so technically we’re back together

Me; not really, I just need to see how you deal with things

Him; so is there any chance of me getting a kiss

Me; maybe if you play your cards right

Him; I can deal with that, but first let’s eat.

Me; please, I’m starving

I moved off his lap and he stood to dish up for us.

I laughed when I saw that he had made, pap and amasi for me (lol)

We had dinner under the stars together, everything seemed so perfect. But I knew that we still had so
many things we had to work through. Bu for now, he was here with me and that’s all that matters.

34

I was glad that Siya and I were mending our relationship/Friendship, because we were going to be
having children together, but I still had so many worries. Like this job of his that he can’t seem to let go
of. And it’s not like Siya needed the money. He made a good enough living off his business, but
something was keeping him in Cuba and I wanted to know what it, but for now, I’ll just keep quiet and
try enjoying the time we have together.

When we were done with dinner, we went to our room. I wasn’t tired because Olwetho and I had slept
for most of the late afternoon, so we decided to watch a movie in our room.

I changed into my pj’s while Siya took a shower, Then we lay in bed.

Him; so what do you want to watch

Me; a chick flick

Him; no ways

Me; yes ways... You can’t expect me to watch a chick flick

Me; why not

Him; cause I’m guaranteed to fall asleep

Me; fine

We ended up watching some scary movie. But I didn’t make it through the movie. I fell asleep halfway
through. I think it was because I was in his arms.

When I woke up on Sunday morning and Siya wasn’t in bed. I could smell his body wash, so I knew he
had just gotten up. I looked around our room for him but he wasn't there so I guessed he was in his
office.

I got up and made the bed, then went to take a shower. I wasn’t really feeling well. So I just put on my
tracksuits pants and a top. I wore my slippers because my feet were a bit swollen. I wanted to go have
breakfast with Siya,then discuss a few things with him

When I got upstairs, Siya was having breakfast with Linda. One of them had probably shared a joke,
because they were laughing. They looked so comfortable with one another. He was sitting next to her,
and she wad showing him something on her phone. Id lie if I said a part of me wasn’t jealous, i hated
seeing ghem together, but I pushed my jealousy aside.

I decided to have my breakfast in my room. I didn’t want to feel like I was intruding. So I went to the
kitchen, and made myself toast with butter and a glass of milk and went to eat in my room.

When Siya came to check on me, I was finishing off my toast.

Him; morning

Me; Hi

Him; why are you having your breakfast up here

Me; I wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to rather have breakfast here

Him; are you ok?

Me; I’m fine, just a little nauseous

Him; can I get you anything

Me; no, I’m fine Siya.

Him; you sure? You look a bit off

Me: its your imagination, im fine

Him: ok, i’ll be upstairs if you need me, I've got piles of work to get through

Me; go, I’m going to chill here for a while. Plus I’d like to check my emails. I’m sure there are a few
things that need my attention

Him; ok, you sure your ok

Me: 100%

Him: ok, I'll see you later

Me: Sharp

Siya left while, I opened my laptop and started working.

I hadn't realised how many emails I had.

Most of them were from work. I was glad it wasn't anything urgent. Most of them were just informing
me about my clients portfolio.

There was one e-mail that I hadn't opened. It looked like it was sent a few days ago. But i didn't
recognize the e-mail address, so I left it as unread and continued with the others.
While I was working I started getting hungry so i went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Olwetho
was with mam Martha baking a cake. He stopped when he saw me, and came to give me a hug. He had
chocolate all over his hands

Him: aunty look, I'm helping granny make a cake for daddy

Me: it looks delicious, I'm sure daddy will enjoy it

Him: but we must not tell him, it's a surprise

Me: I promise

Him: do you want to taste

Me: please

He gave one of his fingers and I licked it

Me: mhmm it's delicious

Him: I know, but granny says I mustnt have too much because it will, make my tummy sore

Me: granny is right, we don't want you getting sick

Him: ok aunty

He went back to his bowl, while I made myself a sandwich

Mam Martha looked like she was enjoying having olwetho's company

I finished making my sandwich, and ate it in the kitchen with a glass of milk.

When I was done, I gave olwetho a kiss and walked back upstairs.

I noticed Linda walking down as I was walking up. She had on a red bikini that was hardly therè. I won't
lie and say she didn't look good, she really did, but i personally would put on some shorts over my bikini
bottoms, especially with the guards walking around the house. It just seems a bit innapropriate, but
that's just my opinion.
I greeted her cause there was no way of avoiding her, and she actually greeted me back.

Her: so how's the hormones treating you

Me: fine thank you, not as bad as I thought

Her: lucky you. When I was pregnant with olwetho my hormones were all over the place

Me: sorry to hear that,

Her: it's cool, plus Siya was never really there so, I think that made it worse, but anyway you'll
understand once it starts happening to you

Me: what do you mean?

Her: well, Siya seems very hands on with you at the moment But don't be fooled, one of these days he'll
get busy, and won't even have a minute to spear. So you'll be the one left picking up the pieces of your
puzzle just like with Me.

Me: I should go, I've got

She cut me off

Her: or maybe you thought you would be the one who he gives up his job for? Let Me tell you
something about Siya.

His job always comes first, then Me and olwetho and then you. So next time you want Him order him to
come and discuss his priorities with Me, make sure your 100% sure of where you stand because I ain't
going anywhere.

Me: linda whathe yo go or stay makes no difference in my life, but what i want to know is what do you
have over him?

Her: your quite clever, but also so stupid. Maybe you should ask him and see if he'll tell you th truth

I didn't know why she was saying this, but it kind of pissed me off. If she did indeed have so thing over
him, what was it. Or was she just trying to annoy me?

I walked back to my room with these questions in my mind. I wanted to ask Siya but his office door was
closed, and I didint want to bother him, so I went to my room and continued with my work.
When I was done going through my work emails, I opened that e-mail that I had left as unread. It didn't
have a message, it just had an attachment of a video

I double clicked to play the video and I immediately wished I hadn't. Whoever sent this was beyond
cruel.

My hands started snacking and my heart racing.

I saw my mom was begging for her life, while my dad begged that they hurt him instead of her, but the
person holding the gun was laughing. He enjoyed torturing them. He kept teasing them with the gun,
while the guy holding the camerer told him to get it over and done with.

I screamed when I saw the gun going off. I wanted to pause the video but i was shacking, I didn't want to
see this, I didn't want to see my worst nightmare as a reality.

I saw my mom lying on the bed, I think she had just taken her last breath becuase her body was shacking
like someone having fits. My dad was screaming, he tried moving but his hands were tied.

He swore at them asking why they didn't kill him instead. They laughed at him and told him he was next.
He looked directly at them and told them to kill him, becuase he wouldn't be able to live without her.
They laughed at him, and then pulled the trigger.

I tried so hard not to breakdown for the sake of my babies, I really did, but i couldn't hold in the screams
escaping my heart. I felt like it was the only way to release the pain i felt in the inside.

Siya ran in with Hlokes behind him. They looked at me for answers but I couldn't speak. I fell into siyas
arms sobbing.

Just when I thought that things were going right, reality had a way of slapping me in the face and
reminding me of what had happened.

35
Siya held me as I cried. He kept asking me what was wrong but i couldn't form words together. I kept
pointing at the laptop, till he finally got the hint.

He picked it up and played the video. He didn't watch all of it, just the begging then stopped it. He
looked at hlokes and they had an unspoken conversion.

Hlokes picked up the laptop and and left, while Siya stayed with me. He led me to our bed and I cried in
his arms.

Him: babe, I need you to try calming down a bit. For the sake of the babies

I tried answering him but I couldn't, I just kept hearing my mother's voice, begging for her life.

Hlokes came back and gave Siya a syringe. Siya didn't even ask me, he just injected my arm. I wanted to
protest but didn't bother. I started drifting off, in Siyas arms. I was grateful that even for a moment I
would be able to escape this nightmare

When I woke up Siya wasn't next to me. I looked at the time and it was 3: 00am. I went to the
bathroom, then went to the kitchen, I was so hungry. While walking to the kitchen I could see Siyas
office light on, so knew he was working.

I found leftover dinner in the fridge so I warmed it and ate up.

Siya walked in while I was eating.

Him: your up

Me: hmm

Him: I'm sorry you had to see that

Me: it's not your fault

Him: the team's working aroud the clock to find them. I'm certain that we should have a lead in a day or
two

Me: thank you

Him: come, you should rest

Me: i just woke up

Him: you can never rest enough

Me: will you stay with me

Him: yes, I need some shut eye aswell

He held my hand and we went to our bedroom. He changed into shorts and came to lay with Me.

Me: I wanna cuddle

Him: come closer

I moved closer, and he held me.

Him: how you feeling

Me: better

Him: i think we should go to the doctor tomorrow. Just to make sure the babies are ok

Me: ok

Siya fell asleep before me. He looked so exhausted. Sleep had deserted me so I put on the tv and
watched a movie.

Nearing the end of my movie Siyas phone rang, I wondered who it was so early in the morning. I picked
it up and saw that it was Linda.

Me: hello

Her: can I speak to Siya

Me: he's sleeping

Her: wake him up

Me: is it an emergency
Her: what's it to you

Me: well in that case it can wait

Her: don't make me walk to your room

Me: I dare you

She hung up, I deleted the call history and I went to lock our door. Then got back into bed.

As promised Linda knocked on the door. I ignored her. She knocked again loudly.

Siya opened his eyes, I pretended I was fast asleep.

He went to open the door.

Him: Linda

Her: where's that two piece tramp of yours

Him: it's too early for your shit Linda, what do you want

Her: I called to speak to you and she told me you were sleeping, what if it was an emergency

Him: well is it an emergency

Her:not really

Him: well Then we can talk later

Her: Siya

Him: Linda did you even look at the time, it's 5:am , I've been up most of the night. I just want to get
some sleep do you mind

Her: since when do you speak to me like that

Siya didn't answer, he just closed the door and came back to bed. I didn't move, I just stayed in the same
position and pretended to be asleep. Siya looked at his phones I presume to look at his call history.
Then he came back to bed.

We both ended up drifting back to sleep.

When We woke up again someone was knocking on our door. I put on my gown, and went to go see
who it was.

It was nails

Him: sorry to disturb mam, but bullet asked me to come and wake ghost. There's something he needs to
see asap

Me: ok, he'll be up in a minute

Him: thank you.

I closed the door and went to wake Siya up.

Hjm: Babe not now

Me: it's urgent

Him: mhmm

Me: Siya, vuka

Him: maybe I need a kiss first

Me: not happening. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet

Him; I don't care

Me; Siya, Hlokes Sent nails to wake you, I'm sure its urgent. You can get a kiss later

Him: fine

He reluctantly got up. Shame he looked so tired.

He went to the bathroom to freshen up, while I made the bed

When he was done he gave me a kiss in the cheek and went upstairs

I took a shower then went to make something to eat, I hadn't realised that we had slept through the
morning, because when i checked my phonebit was 11:00am, and the hunger bug had bitten me.
When I got to the kitchen mam Martha and olwetho were baking again

Me: anothe cake for daddy?

Olewetho: auuunntyy.

Me: hi boy

Him: we making cake for you, not daddy

Me: for me? What did I do to deserve a cake from you

Him: daddy said you were not feeling well, so i made you came to make you feel better

Me: thank you boy,now i can't wait to taste it

He went back to mam Martha, while I made something to eat. I ended up having a toasted sandwich
with juice then went back to my bedroom.

Siya was on the bed when I got back. He looked a bit worried

Me: is everything ok

Him: yes babe, it looks like we might be able to trace who sent you the video. My IT team is working on
it.

Me: is that all

Hjm: no,but I can't say anything else at this point

Me: ok, I guess ill have to wait and see

Him: thank you for understanding

I nodded and went to sit next to him

Me: lie down properly, I want to cuddle

Him: (chuckles) I'm thinking of getting you those cuddle teddybears that are human size

Me: why
Him: because I have a feeling things are going to get busy. And I won't be around to cuddle you

Me: I dont want a teddybear, I want you

Him: and if I can't be here ?

Me: ill have to find myself someone else to cuddle me. Maybe one of the guards

Siya pushed me out of his embrace playfully. I giggled

Me: don't be jealous

Him: can you blame me

I laughed At Him

Me: you know I jocking

Him; you better be

Me::you look so cute when you pout.

Him: mxm

Me: want me to kiss it better

He nodded. So I moved closer to him and sat on his lap,

Me: so where should I start ?

He pointed at his nose so I kissed him there.

Me: and next

He pointed to his cheeks, so i kissed both his cheeks

Me; and lastly

He pointed to his lips, so i moved closer, and put my lips on his. We didn't move, we just breathed the
same air. I eventually stated kissing him. Slowly, gently. He responded with the intensity. We went from
a simple kiss to an intense and lustful kiss. I don't know if it was my horemonse or what but i couldn't
help myself. He just had a way of making me feel complete.

When I pulled back he pulled me in. We both couldn't get enough of eachother. Not that I was
complaining, because I had totally missed him.

We interrupted by knock on the door. It was a little knock, so we knew it was Olwetho

I moved off of Siyas lap, who wasn't very pleased, and I went to open for Olwetho.

Him: aunty why did you take so long

Me: sorry boy, I was in the bathroom

Him: your cakes ready, come and have some

Me: ok, let's go

He held my hand and we left siya looking displeased and walked to the kitchen. Olwtho had such a big
grin on his face., you could tell he was excited baout showing me the cake.

When we got to the kitchen he had told me to close my eyes. So I did.

He led me to the counter and said for me to open my eyes

Him: tada

Me; ohho it's so cute boy, i love it

Him: I made it specially for you

Me: thank you

Him: you must cut it and make a wish

Me: but it's not my birthday

Him: I know aunty, but it will make you feel better

Me: ok

I took the knife a and cut the cake, making a wish

Him: what did you wish for

Me : I can't tell you, if I do it won't come true

Him: ok, please can I have piece

Me: sure

I cut a piece for me and him,and went to pour us a glass of milk. We ate our cake in the kitchen,

Olwetho was telling me about how he missed his friends from school.

Siya walked in while Olwetho and I were chatting. He picked up a fork and ate from my plate. Olwetho
looked at him

Him: daddy no, that's for aunty not you

Siya: so what about me boy

Him: you had your cake yesterday

Siya; but i want autys cake today

I burst out laughing because of the way that sentience came out.

Siya laughed, while Olwetho looked at us confused

Me: it's a pity daddy isn't getting auntys cake anytime soon

Him: a man can dream

Me: mhmm
Siya carried on eating from my plate, while Olwetho finished off his cake.

Olwetho: aunty please can you come play with me on the beach. Mommy says I can't go alone, and I
really want to go and play

Siya: not today boy, aunty needs to rest

Olwetho: but daddy aunty said she's better

Siya: I know boy but maybe tomorrow

Me: I'm sure daddy wouldn't mind playing with you

Olwetho: daddy's always busy aunty, he won't want to come.

I looked at Siya,

Siya : come boy, I'll go play with you

Olwetho: really daddy?

Siya: yes, go up and fetch your ball, so we can play soccer

Olwetho jumped out of his chair. He was so excited. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran to fetch his
ball.

Me: you need to make more of an effort with him

Him: I know babe, I've just

I cut him off

Me: no excuses, just do it

Him: I will

Me: good, now I'm going to lie down while you two go play

Him: can I have a kiss before you go

Me: come here

He came closer and I gave him a baby kiss

Him: that wasn't really what I had in mind

Me: wells what did you have in mind

Him: something more like this

He leaned in again and stated kissing me, like he did in our bedroom.

I sensed someone watching us but i didn't stop, instead I deepened the kiss even more.

Her: you two have no shame

We broke our kiss. Siya rolled his eyes and giggled

Her: what if Olwetho had walked in

Siya: so what?

Hrr: mxm

Olwetho ran in with his Ball

Him: daddy I'm ready

Siya; ok boy, let's go

Siya kissed my cheek and they walked out.

I stood up and went to take a bottle if water from the fridge.

I could feel Linda's eyes piercing me

Her: you really think he loves you

Me: I don't see how its any of your business

He: well knowing you its only a matter if time before he comes running back to me

Me: what's that supposed to mean

Her:ask your boyfriend

She walked out and left me wondering what the he'll she was going on about.

I went back to my room and watched a bit of tv. I wasn't able to conserntrate on what I was watching
because of what Linda said. It felt like she knew something that I didn't and I didn't like that.

When Siya came back from playing with Olwetho, he took a shower and went upstairs to his office. I
wanted to speak to him but i wasn't sure how to raise it.

I didn't want to seem like I was accusing him of something, especially since we're finally getting along
again. But deep Down I knew I would need to ask him because my mind would not rest until I knew what
Linda was on about.

36

Siya spent the rest if the day in his office. He didn't even come down for dinner. I knew I had to speak to
him but now didn't seem like the right time. I could tell something was up because even Hlokes didn't
come out the office.

After dinner I went to my to take a bath, i didnt want to wait up for Siya because i could tell he was
going to have along night.

After bathing I went to the closet to get changed into my pyjamas. Cuba was so hot, at times I wished I
could sleep without clothes on, but didn't want to tempt myself or Siya. 😉
So I put on my undrrware and opted for one if Siyas t-shirts.

I drifted off to sleep while watching tv...

When I woke up Siya was not in bed. I wasn't sure he even came to bed, but his side did look a bit
messed up.

I took a quick shower and wore one of my maxi dresses with sandals, and went to have breakfast.

I immediately knew something was happening. There were guards all over the house. Most of the time
they kept to their level and only the ones on duty would be patrolling the house, but today there were
guards everywhere, even on the beach.

When I got to the veranda Hlokes was already having breakfast

Me: morning

Him: hi sleeping beauty

Me: what's going on

Hiam: long story. I'm sure ghost will explain

Me: where is he

Him: office. He's on a conference call with the director general

Me: how long will that take

Him: not too long, we've been up all night

Me: I hope everything's ok

Hom: have breakfast I'm sure ghost will explain when he's done.

As we were having breakfast Linda and Olwetho came to join us.

Her; bullets what's with the guards

Him: ill explain later, but right now I need to go

Olwetho: uncle Hlokes, please can I come upstairs with you, I want to see daddy

Him; not now boy daddy's in the middle of something. You'll seen him just now, I promise

Olwetho nodded, you could tell he was upset.

Me: how about wè go and watch a movie instead.?

Him: I can't, mommy said I must go do some of my school work

Me: ok, you go, we can play later

He had his breakfast then Linda took him to their room.

I decided to go back to my room. It felt strange having all these guards all over the place.

Siya arrived as I was changing the tv channel

Him: morning babe

Me: morning

Him: have you already had breakfast?

Me: yes, i was about to change into my gym gear, I want to go work off some of this fat

Him: your not fat.

Me: you look exhausted

Hjm: it's Been a long night

Me: what's going on

Him: we found a lead regarding your parents murder

Me : that's good news right

Him: yes, but this whole thing is bigger than it looks

Me: how

Him: I can't say just yet, I'm waiting on some more information
Me: is that why we've got a million guards here?

Hjm: yes, and I need you to do me a favour

Me: I'm listening

Him: I need you to stay in our room for a while

Me: what's a while

Him: I've got people arriving soon. Those arent the kind of people I want seeing you

Me: im lost

Him: I can't explain, but promise me

Me: ok But what if I need something from the kitchen

Him: use the in-house phone one your closet, and one if the guards will bring down whateveryou need

Me: does this apply to me only

Him: no, bullet is busy briefing Linda as we speak

Me: ok

Him: babe, I'm serious the ground floor is off limits today. Until I tell you its ok

Me: I promise

Him: I've got something for you

Me: what is it

Him: wait here

I sat in the bed and waited for him to come back.

When he came back he had a huge brown teddybear the size of a human adult. I laughed

Him: what do you think

Me: it's cute, but now I'm worried

Him: why

Me: because this means something's defiantly going on

Him: I need you to know that I love you

Me: Siya what's going on

He was about to explain, but then no heard the sound of a helicopter coming from outside. I looks at
Siya questionally,

Him: I've got to go

Me: where to

Him: upstairs

Me: who is that landing here

Him: the guys I was telling you about

Me: I'm getting nervous

Him: don't be, just remember to stay in your room until I tell you otherwise

Me; ok

Him: I've got something else for you, but I'll only give that to you layer

Me: ok

Him: don't look so worried. I've got everything under control

Me: ok

Siya leaned in and put his arms around me and gave me a kiss. I kissed him back.

Him: I love you

Me: I love you too

I don't know why I said that, but something in me wanted him to know that despite everything that's
happened i still loved him.

He kissed me once more then left, closing the door behind him.

I went to the door and locked it. I don't know why but i was feeling a bit off.
I decided to put on my jean shorts and one of Siyas t-shirts.

I looked at the teddybear on my bed and smiled. I was actually glad that's Siya had got it for me.

I put on the tv and cuddled with my cuddle buddy.

A while later I called one of the guards and asked for popcorn, chocolate and juice. I made sure i used
the in-house phone in our closet. I didn't want Siya going all ape shit on me.

Sometime later one of the guards knocked on the door. I opened and luckily it was nails. He had bought
more than what I had asked for. I looked at him

Him: bosses orders

Me: but this is not just snacks, this is lunch, and dinner and snacks.

Him: let me know if you need anything else

He walked out and I locked the door behind him.

I sat down and went through what he had brought. Gosh there was fruits , popcorn, chips, chocolates,
and even spaghetti Bolognese, with 4 bottles of water and a juice. That's when I knew I was going to be
stuck here for a while

I started with the spaghetti cause i didn't want it getting cold. Then I ate the popcorn, and then the
chocolate.

I didn't realise how much I had eaten, until I started feeling uncomfortable. I had a bottle of water, then
tried getting some sleep. I fell asleep almost immediately. Plus my cuddle buddy was so nice and soft

I was woken up by someone trying to open my door. I stilled, then heard Siya calling ou my name. I had
forgotten that I had locked my door
I stood up and went to open for him

Him: why did you lock the door

Me: I don't know, I guess I was just nervous

Him: looks like you had a little party without me

Me: well i had nothing else to do, so i just stuffed myself with food

Him: at least your appetite is improving

Me: can I go downstairs now. I want to clear out all this stuff

Him: not yet. I'll get nails to come and fetch everything. You stay put.

Me: I thought you were done

Hjm: not yet I just wanted to make sure that you were ok

Me; I'm fine. As you can see my cuddle buddy is keeping me all, cuddled up

Him; I'm jealous

Me: well hurry up and finish what your doing, and you can come and cuddle me

Him: I wish babe, but it looks like we're in for another long night

Me: pitty

Him: I said I had something for you

Me: what is it

He went to his side no the closet, and came back with a small, velvet box. I remembered the box from
the last time I was in Cuba.

Him: I wanted to give this to you the last time you were here, But we broke up and I never got a chance
to give it to you

Me: why you giving it to me now. It's not like we're back together

Him: because I've never stopped loving you. And i know you love me too. And no title is going to
change that. So weather you call yourself my girlfriend or just my friend,it doesn't matter. To me your
the woman I fell in love with over a year ago, and I still love to this day

Me: siya your scaring me. Why you telling me all this now
Him: becuase I never want you to forget that. The last time you were in cuba i wanted you to marry me
for my own selfish reasons, but now I want to make you a promise.

He got down on one knee and opened the box. I saw the same beautiful white and rose gold ring.

Him: Rifiloe Mokoena, I love you more than words can say. I've loved you from the moment I met you,
and I still lover you now. I know I haven't been the perfect lover, but with this ring I promise to chnage
that. I promise to make you smile every day. I promise to leave all of this behind. And I promise to be the
best father to our children. Take this ring as a symbol of my promise, and my everlasting love.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked at Siya and his eyes told me he was serious.

Me: Siya are you serious

Him: dead serious. I want to give you the normal life you deserve. I want us to be together without the
fear of my job getting in the way. I want to complete this mission, and then have Hlokes take over.

I smiled at him.

Me: I accept your promise

He smiled and put the ring on the ring finger ain my right hand.

He got up and gave me a hug...

We broke the hug and I gave him a kiss.

I had so many things that I wanted to ask him. But right now all that mattered was that siya and I were
going to work on our relationship. He was willing to leave the task force for me and that alone proved
his love for me.

We broke I kiss and he wiped the tear from my eye

Him: I'm glad to see you crying happy tears for a change

Me: thank you

Him: don't. It's about time I got my shit together

I hugged him again. I didn't want to let go, but i knew I had to

Him: now tht thats done, I should go back to work.

Me: what time do you think you'll be done

Him: not sure, I've got one of our ministers arriving soon

Me: Siya what exactly is going on? Why would a south Africa minister fly all the way to Cuba?

Him: babe, you know I can't tell you. But I promise you once its all over, I'll walk away

Me: fine

Him: smile. I'll see you later

Me: ok, promise me you'll be safe

Him;babe, I'm not going anywhere, I'm just upstairs

Me: I know, I just get a bit nervous because I don't know what's going on

him: Don be. It will all be over soon

He lifted my hand and kissed the ring on my finger, then left.

I stood there thinking about what had just happened. I couldn't believe that siya was really giving this all
up.

I looked at my promise ring, and smiled, At least now I could start concentrating on building a future
with Siya. He had truly made me the happiest woman alive.

37
(Not for readers under the age of 18)

😜😜😜😜

I kept staring at my promise ring. It all just seemed too surreal.

I thought about what he said, all the promises he made. I really prayed that he would stick to them.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day. I was really starting to get agitated. I longed for fresh air,
plus I was so bored. I was sick of watching tv.

By the time Dinners was bought to my room, I was feeling like a prisoner. I didn't touch my food
becuase I had eaten junk throughout the day. I made mental note to make sure I work off all the junk I
had eaten. Even though I was pregnant, I didn't plan on graining too much weight.

I looked at the time and it was already 21:00pm it was clear Siya wasn't coming to bed anytime soon. So
I called the guards and asked them to come and take the plates.

I wanted to clean up the room before I went to bed.

When i was done I went to take a nice long bubble bath. I stayed in the bath for over an hour. I was
trying to stay awake till Siya came to bed, but so far it looked like that wasn't going to happen.

I eventually came out the bath, and went to lotion myself. I put obe of Siyas t-shirts. And my
underwear, then I went to bed.

Siya came to our room just as I was dozing off. He sat on the bed next to me.

Him: babe

Me: mhmm

Him: I need to talk to you

Me: Cant we talk tomorrow. Come to bed

He put on the light

Him: this can't wait till tomorrow.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I looked at Siya and knew something was wrong

Me: what's going on

He came and sat next to me. I pushed the teddybear aside and sat in squat position on Siyas lap. I
wanted to look at him properly

Me: talk to me

Him: I have to go on a mission

Me: what do you meam

Himz: we've located the people who killed your parents, and they've looking form me for years. So they
found out about you. And they used your parents to draw me out

Me: but then why would you go. Why not send the team like you normally do?

Him: because this one is personal. I have to be there

Me: but Siya, if these people are as dangerous as you say, why would you risk your life to get rid of
them ?

Him: sooner or later I'm going to have to get rid if these people. So I'd rather get it done now, so we can
move on with our lives,

I swallowed hard. I knew that one day Siya would have to be in the line of danger, but i didn't expect it
to be so soon

Me: I don't want you to go

Him: I don't have a choice babe. But look at it this way, once I'm back, you and I can move back to south
Africa, and we won't have to look over our shoulders. We will finally be together without any strings
attached.

Me: i hear you. I'm just worried that's all

Him: don't be, Ive got the best ops team in the world. Illcome home to you. I promise

Me: how long do you have before you leave

Him: I've already said goodbye to Olwetho, so I've got about an hour

Me: an HOUR

Him : yes, Some of the gusys have already left.

I looked at Siya, and he wiped away a tear for my eye

Him : don't t cry, I'll be back, I promise

Me: how long will you be away

Him: I'm not sure, maybe a week, or more, we can't be certain. There's a lot that goes into missiions like
these. So we have to get settled and make sure every things in order, before we strike

Me: where exactly are you traveling to

Him: can't say

I didn't respond, I just put my lips on his. He kissed me back. Slowly., like he had no where to go. Like it
was just the two of us left in this world. I could feel his manhood growing underneath me, as our
tongues collided.

I wanted to feel more of him. So I started unbuttening his shirt. He pulled back

Him: are you sure about this

Me: Sshhh

Him: I want to make sure

Me: Siya, just shut up and make love to me

Siya looked at me with such lust in his eyes. He didn't need Me to say anything else.

He took of his shirt, while i took off mine.

He looked at my breasts and smiled.

Me: what

Him: they look quite full

Me: they're as sensitive as he'll, make sure your gentle

Him: always.

He put his lips on my nipple, and I bit my tounge. I closed my eyes when I felt his tounge playing with
my nipple. I arched my back, and my head fell back. His tounge had no mercy, it was as though he
wanted to make sure I missed him when he was gone.

I couldn't take it anymore, I knew if he didn't stop I wouldn't be able to stop myself from screaming out
in pleasure

I moved his head gently away from my nipples. He smiled.

I leaned in closer and started kissing his lips. We changed positions. Siya took off his pants then pulled
off my panties

He keeled in front of me and spread my legs.

I knew what he was going to, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle it.

He didn't even prepare me for it. I thought he would maybe kiss my thighs first and then there, but
nope, he went strait for my p***y, I let out a loud moan of pleasure. I had to to hold on to the sheets,
because I felt like I was go i going to fall off the bed from pleasure.

Siya had no mercy, his tounge wasn't gentle, but he also wasn't rought. He kept kissing, and licking and
slightly biting until I couldn't take anymore.

I tried moving him becuase I knew i was close but he refused to move. He kept going on and on until I
reached on of the most intense organisms of my life.
Siya didn't stop though, he carried on. This time much more gentle. I pulled him up, and he started
kissing me again.. I started feeling sad. Something was different. its like Siya was trying to send me a
message. I kissed him through my tears. I wanted him inside me, but he pulled back. Imlooked at him
puzzled

Him: I want you on top

We changed positions again, and I sat on top of him. I didn him him enter me at first. I wanted to look at
him.

His eyes had changed, they had a hint of fear in them. A tear escaped my eye.

I slowly lifted myself so i could let him enter me., while i was on top

I moved down slowly, not removing my eyes from him.

When I could feel that he was all the way in, I sat still, I needed my body to adjust to having him inside
me.

Siya didn't move, he kept his eyes in mine. I started moving slowly, he let out a moan. I rocked back and
forth slowly, I wanted to prolong this, but i knew that time wasn't on our side. Siyas hands were on my
back. I started increasing my pace. He kept his hands on my back, I increases my pace some more, and
this time I closed my eyes. I stopped rocking and started moving up and down instead. We went on until
I felt my insides tightening again.

I moved faster and faster, until we both cried out in moans of pleasure.

😙😙😙😙😙😙😙😙

I collapsed on Siyas chest.

We stayed like that for a while. I was still on Top afraid to get up, because I knew reality would start
ceeping in.
Eventually though reality did start creeping in. My heart was so heavy I wanted to burst into tears.

Siya could sense my fears, cause he put his arms around me

His phone rang, I felt like throwing it out the window, because I knew that it was that call that would
take him away from me

him: bullet

Hlokes: dude, where are you we've got to go

Him : give me 30min

Hlokes: we're cutting it too short

Him: relax,I'll, be there now

Siya put down the phone and I held onto him

Babe, I need to get going

Me: no

Him fifi please, I need you to be strong. It's just a couple of days. I don't like leaving you like this

Me: (sigh) I'm going to miss you

Him: ill back before you know it

Me: promise

Him: promise

Me; let's get you freshened up

Him: take a shower with me

Me: ok

We walked to the shower and got in.

He washed every inch of me and i did the same.

When we got out we were both rejuvenated.

Siya got dressed in all black while I just wore fresh panties and his gown.

When He was done, he looked at me

Him: no stressing while I'm away. I don't want you stressing out my babies

Md: yes sir

Him: I'm leaving my phones. You won't be able to contact me. If you need anything, we've left nails in
charge.

Me: I'll be fine

Him: there's an in-house doctor coming to check up on you and the babies tomorrow. Please make sure
he takes the scans of the babies. I want to see how much they've grown

Me: ok

Him: don't leave the house,under no circumstances

Me: ok babe I get it

Him: come, I need to show you something

We walked to his side of the closet. He moved some of his pants out the way. He showed me a keypad
that looked like a safe

Him: this is what we call a panic room

Him: if for any reason you hear gun shots or you feel like something is going to happen, you come
straight here.

The password is your birthday.

Me; will I need this

Him: no, but just Incase

Me: but how long would I need to stay in here

Him: not long. The minute you put in the password, it sends an SOS signal to my associates. Which
means help would be here within 24hrs

Me: is this the only one in the house

Him: no, there's one in every bedroom

Me ok

Him: this is only for servere circumstances

Me: ok

He held my hand and we walked out the closet.

Him: walk me to the cars

Me: with pleasure

We walked in silence towards the underground parking.

When we arrived his team was waiting for him, there were about 10 of those huge ass cars. They were
all black

Hlokes came out from one of the cars

Him: about time

Siya: shut up bullet

Him; we should get going. We're already behind schedule

Siya: cool

Siya took my hand and kissed my ring. Then he kissed my tummy

Him: remember, no stressing

Me: just go babe, I'll be fine

Him : one more kiss for the road

Me: sure

He leaned in closer and gave me a kiss.. I forgot for a second that his guys were waiting, but Hlokes
quickly bought us back to reality

Him: you two seriously need to get a room

Siya laughed

Me: shut up Hlokes.

Hlokes rolled his eyes when Siya gave me another kiss

Me: babe, you should go

Him: cool. Ill see you soon

Me: Sharp

Him: behave yourself while I'm away. And please try not to kill don't Linda while im away

I laughed.

Me: I'll try not to

Him: I serious babe, stay out of eachothers way

Me: fine, I'll do my part

Him: that s all i ask

I blew him one last kiss as, Hlokes opened the car door for him
Me: and you Hlokes, don't i get a hug goodbye from you

Him: he'll no, you two were in that room for over two hours. I bet you were bonking like rabbits and
now you want to hug me. Never

I laughed at him.

Me: fine, suit yourself

Him: come here, you know I'm jocking

I went to him and gave him a hug

Me: take care of him for me

Him: don't worry, he's a big boy.

Me: I know, but you know i worry

Him : that'd because you've only seen the soft side of him. Right now he's transitioning into ghost.
Nothing and no one can touch a ghost. Remember that

Me: I'll try

I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he got in the car

The cars drove out one by one. I stood there till the very last one had left.

I prayed to God asking him to bring Siya back home alive and well because there was no way I could live
my life without him.

38

Nails walked me back upstairs. I tried hard not to cry, but a part of me felt lost and empty. I took off
Siya's gown and put on the shirt he had taken off and cuddled with my teddy bear that he had bought
for me.
I tossed and turned the whole night. I couldn't fall asleep.

I kept wondering where Siya was and when he was coming home. To make things worse I couldn't
phone him.

My body eventually gave in, and I was able to fall asleep.

The following morning woke up a bit off. I had started getting used to waking up next to Siya. I looked at
his side of the bed, and it looked really empty without him.

I decided to get up, I wasn’t hungry, but needed to take my pills, and the last thing I want is Siya getting
reports that I’m not eating. I need him to fully focus on what he’s doing and not about me or the babies.

I took a quick shower then went downstairs to get breakfast. I sat on the veranda looking out at the sea
and daydreaming about how far Siya and I had come. It felt like just yesterday when we met. I looked at
my ring and smiled. I couldn’t wait to build a family with Siya. I wondered how our children would look. I
hoped we would have a girl and a boy.

I was so deep in thought, I didn’t notice Linda sitting on the other side of the table.

Me; oh Hi, I didn’t see you there

Her; mhmm

I carried on eating

Her; have you heard anything from Siya

Me; no not yet

Her; Will you let me know when he calls. I just want to make sure he’s ok

Me; sure… Wheres Olwetho

Her; He’s in the kitchen with Martha

Me; cool..
I stood up because I had finished eating. Linda saw my ring

Her; was that from Siya ?

Me; Linda I’m not in the mood today

Her; I just want to know

ME; Yes.

Her; when did he give it to you

Me; yesterday, why?

Her; Just wondering

I walked away. I didn’t want her asking me anymore questions. I don’t get why she was so interested in
what was going on between me and Siya. Like, it’s really none of her business.

I went up the Siyas office, I wanted to speak to nails and see if everything was still ok.

Nails was on the phone when I arrived. He held up his hand signalling for me to give him a sec. I sat
down. It was weird seeing someone else in Siya’s chair. He wrapped up his call.

Me; Hope I’m not disturbing

Him; not at all

Me; I just came to see if everything is still ok

Him; all is still well. The team landed at their destination about an hour ago.

Me; is there any way I could speak to Siya

Him; unfortunately not. He’s undercover for the rest of the mission. If we called it might leave him
exposed

Me; I see, But how do you know he’s ok

Him; come, let me show you

He stood up and I followed. He led me to a door that led to a second office.

I hadn’t ever been in here, so I was a bit surprised. Didn’t even know there was a second office
Him; so this is where we run our operation out of. This is the IT team that arrived yesterday

I greeted everyone, I was a bit shocked because I didn’t even know the IT team was here

Him; if you look at this monitor

He pointed to one of the big screens on the wall

Him; each green dot represents a team member. The orange dot is for Bullet and the Yellow is for Ghost.

Me; how recent is this input

Him; Current. Each team member has a tracking device in their arm. This helps us track their every
move.

Me; oh, so technically they can never get lost

Him; No, We’ve also got men on the ground, so all in all, Ghost and the team are safe

Me; that’s good to know. Thank you

Him; Your welcome

Me; I should let you get back to work. Please let me know should there be any developments

Him; Will do.

I walked out the office feeling better than when I walked in. At least I knew that there dozens of people
dedicated to bring Siya home safely.

I went to change into my gym gear. I wanted to fit in a good workout before my doctor arrives.

I spent about an hour and a half in the gym. Then went upstairs to take a shower.

By the time I was out the shower, the doctor had arrived. Nails took him to Hlokes room to get set up.
While I finished getting ready.

When I got to Hlokes room, the doctor was ready for me.
I greeted him and sat on the bed. We first went through my results from the blood work we did last
week. Thankfully everything was ok. So we did another ultrasound to see how my nunus were doing.
When I saw them on the monitor my heard smiled. It had only been about a week since I last saw them,
and they looked like they head grown a bit, especially since I could hear their heartbeats.

I really wished Siya could be here, I know how excited he would be, but luckily the doctor had a 3D
machine so we were able to get scans and videos of the babies.

I was about to get up when Olwetho walked in.

Him; aunty, uncle nails said you were up here looking at my baby bothers

Me; brothers?

Him; Yes, daddy said the babies will be boys

Me; Im not too sure about that, but you can take a look and see

He stepped in and looked at the monitor. I shed a tear when I saw the smile on his face.

Him; they look so small

Me; they are, aren’t they

Him; I can’t wait till I get to play with them

Me; I’m sure you’ll make a great big brother

The doctor stayed for a while longer to go through some of the questions I had. Then he packed up and
left. I took the scans and video and uploaded them on Siya’s laptop.

By the time dinner came along, I was exhausted. I really felt like one of Siya’s foot massage.

It’s funny how you don’t appreciate something till it’s gone.

I planned on having dinner in my room, so I went upstairs to dish up.

When I was on my way back to my room, Nails gave me his phone.

Siya was on the line. I took his phone and walked to my room.

Me; Hi

Him; Babe

Me; how are you

Him; Fine. How you

Me; missing you

Him; I’m glad to hear it. How was the doctor’s appointment?

Me; Fine, wish you were there. They’ve grown so much

Him; I’m glad everything’s ok

Me; I’ve kept the scan and the video for you. You’ll see them when you get back

Him; Thanks

I wanted to tell him about Olwetho, but heard commotion in the background, then heard gunshots.

Him; babe, I’ve got to go

Me; Siya wait, what’s going on

Him; I can’t talk. I love you.

I wanted to tell him I loved him too but the phone went dead. I stared at the phone, trying to register
what just happened.

I ran to Siya’s office.

Nails wasn’t in the front office, so I went to the second one.

I found him there. He was shouting out orders to the IT Team.

He stilled when he saw me

Me; what’s going on

Him; you should go downstairs, I’ll come give you an update shortly

Me; I’m not going anywhere.

I looked at the monitor he had shown me earlier and it was blank.

Me; what happened to their trackers

Him; we’re trying to find out

Me; what do you mean? You said they couldn’t get lost. How are you going to make sure they’re ok, if
you can’t even locate their whereabouts?

Him; the team is doing everything they can to find out what happened

Me; what about the men on the ground

Him: we can’t get hold of them

I looked at him in disbelief. How the hell could this be happening?

Me; so what happens now?

Him; The IT team is working on it. We need to be patient

Me; PATIENT, are you kidding me. Siya is out there in the middle of a flipping war and you can’t locate
him. How am I supposed to be patient?

Him; I know this is hard for you, but I need you to go back downstairs so I can concentrate on trying to
figure out what’s going on. I promise ill come give you an update as soon as I have news.

I looked at him

Me; nails, find him, Please

Him; I will.

I walked out his office with tears in my eyes. What if this was the last time I got to speak to Siya. I got to
room and changed into the same shirt I slept in the night before. I didn’t bother touching the food. How
was I going to eat not knowing what was going on. I felt so helpless at that moment, I wanted to help
but couldn’t. I made another silent prayer asking God to help protect him. I didn’t want to even think of
the possibility of life without him. He had to come home for the sake of our babies.
39

I paced my room trying to keep calm. It had been about two hours since Siya called.

I tried giving Nails the space he needed but I was starting to get impatient. I put on Siya’s Gown and was
about to walk to the office, when mam Martha knocked.

I opened for her. She had a plate in her hand

Her; I came to check how you’re doing

Me; I’m trying

Her; I came to make sure you eat.

Me; ma, I can’t really stomach anything

Her; you missed lunch, I can’t have you missing supper as well. You need to eat for the sake of your
babies

Me; Thank you

Her; You need to keep up your strength Rifiloe

Me; I’ll try

Her; let me know if you need anything. And make sure your get some rest

Me; I will ma

Her; Good. Now let me leave you to rest

She walked out and I sat back down. I really wanted to go see Nails, but decided to eat first.

I ate most of my dinner, but didn’t finish it. I took the plate to the kitchen then went to Siya’s office. I
couldn’t wait any longer.

When I arrived Nails was screaming at someone over the phone.

I Sat down and waited for him to finish his conversation. When he was done he looked at me

Me; and
Him; its not looking good

Me; Tell me

Him; the team’s gone dark

Me; what do you mean

Him; Their trackers have basically been destroyed. There’s no way of knowing if they’re ok or not

Me; what do you mean destroyed

Him; we’ve got a team on the way to the last known location. I should have answers in a few hours

Me; a few hours?

Him; mam, we’re doing everything in our power to find them

I sat playing with my hands. I couldn’t believe this. I was losing Siya again, but this time I want in control.

My tears started flowing. Nails looked at me

Him; Mam, We’ll find them. I promise

Me; ill be in my room. Just let me know when you hear anything

Him; will do

I went back to my room and tried getting some sleep. I woke up a couple of times during the night to
get feedback, but still there was nothing. I was really starting to lose hope.

I woke up the following morning feeling defeated. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like one
of the characters from the walking dead. My eyes we bloodshot red from crying.

I took a shower, then went to have breakfast. Linda was already having breakfast. I sat opposite her and
didn’t bother greeting. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her today

Her; so you don’t greet anymore

Me; Linda not today

Her; heard anything from Siya

Me; yes

Her; and
Me; Speak to nails

Her; I’m asking you

Me; Linda back the fuck off. If you’re so fucking concerned, go and speak to nails. Otherwise leave me
the hell alone

I stood up and went to the kitchen. Here was no way I was going to be able to have a conversation with
that woman. She just had a tendency of annoying me.

I made myself cereal and ate in the kitchen.

Nails came running into the kitchen.

Him; you need to see this

Me; what’s happening

Him; come

We ran up the stairs. Into the second office

I stood still the minute I saw Sizwe on one of the screens

Me; nails whats going on

Him; ill explain later, but Sizwe wants to talk to you

Me; I thought he was in custody

Him; we can talk about that later. For now, Just hear him out, he might be connected to Ghosts
disappearance. Try keeping him engaged as long as possible. We want to try trackinghis signal

Me; Ok

I walked in further and sat on one of the chairs.

Sizwe; Fifi, it’s good to see you

Me; Hi
Him; I guess you must have a lot of questions

Me; just one

Him; what is it

Me; Do you have Siya

Him; you mean ghost. The basterd who nearly killed me

Me; sizwe, please, Im begging you. Don’t do this

Him; Im sorry fifi, it’s either him or me, and in this case I chose me

Me; Tell me something

Him; What

Me; was any part of our friendship real

Him; some of it yes

Me; so what do you plan on doing to Siya

Him; I’m not doing anything to him. The people I work for are the ones who want him. I’m just looking to
get paid

Me; How did you even escape? I thought Siya had you in custody

Him; that’s why I decided to make contact. Your boyfriend isn’t as clever as he would like you to think.
He was foolish enough to let me go. After you begged him. And now look he’s been captured

Me; so you made contact to gloat

Him; No, I wanted to give him a chance of making it out alive.

Me; How

Him; I’m only doing this because of what he did for me, after that he’s on his own

Me; I’m listening

Him; I’m mailing you the GPS coordinates of where he’s located. You have exactly 1 hour before they
move him again. Make sure you delete my email after taking down the coordinates. I don’t want this
coming back to bite me

ME; how do I know its not a trap

Him; you don’t. But it might be the only chance you get to see him again

Me; Ill get his team onto it

Him; Bye
I looked at nails. He was already on my laptop. I stood and went to stand next to him

As promised Sizwe sent us the coordinates. All I could do now was wait.

I went back to my room, and prayed that Sizwe was telling the truth. The last thing we need is a trap.

I dont think i could take anymore of this uncertainty. All I wanted was my Siya back home safely.

40

I stayed in my room thinking about what Sizwe had said.

I knew that there was a chance he might be lying, but somehow a part of me believed him.

I wondered why Siya truly let him go. Did he do it for me? I had all these questions but no one to answer
them. So I put on Siya’s shirt and tried getting some sleep. There was nothing else I could do for him but
pray. It was now all in God's hands.

I was woken up by a knock on the door. I looked at the time and it was 2am. I opened the door, and it
was nails. He gave me the phone he had in his hand. I looked at him and answered.

Me: hello

Him: fifi

Me: oh thank God hlokes. Are you guys ok?

Him: I'm fine

Me: where's Siya

Him: we're on our way back

Me: can I speak to him

Him: not yet. We'll see you soon

Me: how long will it take for you I get here

Him: 24 hrs

Me: ok. Get Siya to call me when he gets a moment

Him: ......
Me: Hlokes, tell me he's ok

Him: I've got to go. I'll see you soon

He hung up and in looked at nails, he looked a bit off.

Me: nails, what's going on?

Him: we'll know as soon as the team is back

Me: you guys are keeping something from me

Him: I'm sure bullet will explain when he arrives.

Me: why can't t you tell me

Him : because I haven't been told anything as yet

Me: have you spoken to Siya

Him: no not yet. Excuse me mam. I should get back to the office

Nails walked off with his head faced down. I knew in my heart something was wrong. Why wouldn't
Hlokes let me speak to Siya? Why did he avoid my questions?

My heart told me Siya was gone, but I refused to believe it. There's no way God would take him from me
now.

Siya was probably busy and wasn't able to speak to me.

I had to believe in a few hours he would be back and we could move on with our lives like he promised.

I convinced myself to get some more sleep since I had a lot to do before Siya arrived. I wanted to make
sure everything was perfect. But first I had to get some more sleep.

I cuddled my cuddle bear and fell asleep instantly. I think my mind and body were both exhausted from
the constant worrying.

I woke up the following morning at around 10:00am, with a few ideas of what to do to welcome Siya
home but before that I had to get myself freshened up.
I took a quick shower, then got dressed in a pair of jeggings and a top. I didn’t bother with shoes. I just
stuck to my slippers, and tired my hair in a ponytail

When I was done getting ready, I went downstairs to have breakfast. I knew I had to eat up so I could
get through all the things I wanted to do.

I arrived in the kitchen and made myself a green smoothie, I needed something healthy in my system.
When I was done I had a glass of water, then went upstairs to Siya’s office. I needed a pen and paper to
write down all the things I needed.

I got upstairs and nails had his head on the table. I figured he was tired. I don't think he's gotten any
sleep since Siya and the gang left.

So I decided not to wake him, instead I went back to my room to use Siya’s laptop since mine was in his
office.

I booted up the laptop and put in the password.

Then started making my list. I wanted to make sure everything was ready for him

I needed some vanilla and lavender candles, I wanted to light these in our room. I also needed some
massage oils, bath salts. I also made a list of things I needed to make him his favorite meal.

When I was done with the list, I emailed it to nails, and asked him to get one of the guards to assist me
in getting those things since I wasn't allowed to leave the premises.

He responded almost immediately.

A while later Nails brought me the things I requested. I asked him to take the food to the kitchen. I had
already asked mam Martha to cook because she refused to let me stand for long periods of time.

By the time everything was done I was pleased with myself. I went to take a bath because I had been on
my feet for so long, but at least our room was looking good.

The flowers that I had ordered were delivered, I put on fresh sheets on the bed put the candles in
position. I didn’t light them though because I wanted to light them right before Siya’s arrival.
I got out the bath and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I had been so busy I had forgotten to
eat, and I was hungry.

Mam Martha was busy making the stew, so I made myself a sandwich

Her; I was starting to get worried

Me; I hadn’t noticed the time ma,

Her; Well at least you’re eating

Me; How’s the stew coming along

Her; well, I’ve just finished baking the steamed bread

Me; Thank you ma

Her; it’s always a pleasure.

Me; I’m going to go take a nap. I want to be up when they arrive

Her; Go, I’ll make sure everything else is in order

Me; thank you

I left mam Martha and went to take a nap. I ended up having more than a nap. I think since I had gotten
to Cuba I had become lazy. All I did was eat and sleep, so my body was quite surprised with all the work I
had done today.

I was woken by a knock on the door. I looked at the time it was 2am. Shit I slept through dinner.

I quickly went to open, and saw Hlokes at the door. I gave him a hug

Me; Hlokes

Him; Hi Fifi

Me; you look exhausted

Him; been worse

Me; where’s Siya

Him; Can I come in

Me; Hlokes you’re scaring me

He opened the door wider and walked in.

Him; there’s no easy way to say this

Me; Hlokes just tell me

Him; Ghost was hit. He was rushed to the hospital the moment we landed

I looked at him blankly.

Me; what do you mean hit

Him; he was shot through the chest.

Me; How bad

Him; Its touch and go at the moment

Me; take me to him

Him; Rifiloe, I don’t

I cut him off

Me; that wasn’t a request. I need to see him, and you are going to take me

Him; Ok, Get ready, I’ll be downstairs

I felt bad, Hlokes had just come back from a mission, he looked exhausted, But there was no way I
wasn’t going to see Siya.

I put on my matching tracksuit top and pants, with my sneakers then left.

When I got to the basement, some of the team was still driving in. They looked so down.
Hlokes opened the door for me and I got in. The drive to the hospital was excruciating. I had so many
questions but didn’t have the courage to ask. I wasn’t sure I wanted the answers.

When we arrived at the hospital, Hlokes walked me to Siya’s suit. I was glad to see guards around his
suit.

When I walked in Siya was lying on the bed helplessly. I didn’t want to cry but I couldn’t help myself. He
had wires all over his body. The machines surrounding him were all beeping. I looked at Hlokes. His face
reflected my pain.

Me; what happened

Him; Ill explain later

I didn’t want to argue, I took a chair and sat next to Siya’s Bed. I took his hand in mine

Me; babe, you said you were coming home. You didn’t say you would come to the hospital. I need you
to come out of this. I can’t lose you Siya. I refuse to lose you. What am I going to say to our children?
They will need their father. Siya you need to wake up baby please.

I cried for hours by his bedside. I couldn’t believe how helpless he looked. I even ended up dozing off in
a sitting position. There was no way I was leaving him. I left him once before, This time we said we
would make it work, and I planned on sticking to that.

41

I stayed with Siya throughout the morning. It was now 10:00am when Hlokes came to wake me

Him; Fifi, you should go home and get some rest

Me; I’m not leaving him

Him; Linda and Olwetho are on their way to see him. You should give them some time with him.

Me; I don’t want to leave him Hlokes. What if something happens while I’m away?
Him; nothing will happen. We’ve got the best doctors monitoring him, they’ll let us know if there are any
developments.

Me; give me 2 minutes

Him; Ill be outside

Me; ok

Hlokes left to wait with Guards

Me; babe, I don’t want to leave you, but Olwetho also needs time with you, so I’m going to go home to
freshen up. I’ll be back soon. Please continue fighting. I love you Siya, more than anything in this world.
Just always remember that.

I gave him a kiss on the hand and walked away.

As we were walking out the hospital, Linda and Olwetho arrived.

Olwetho ran to give me a hug

Him; aunty

Me; hi baby

Him; Is daddy still sore

Me; Yes boy, he’s still sleeping, But im sure he will wake up soon

Him; Ok.

Me; Give aunty a hug. I’ll see you later

I picked him a hug and kissed him on the cheek. Then put him down.

I didn’t say anything to Linda. You could already see she was annoyed with me speaking to Olwetho, and
I didn’t want to argue with her. I didn’t have the strength.

The ride home was tense. I think we all didn’t know what to say.
When we got home, I went to take a shower. I wanted to get back to the hospital as soon as possible.

I went upstairs to get something to eat. Mam Martha was in the Kitchen.

She stood up when she saw me, she hugged me. For the first time since finding out about Siya, I felt true
comfort.

Her; How you doing

Me; I’m fine ma, I just want to eat and go back to the hospital

Her; you haven’t eaten. Sit. I’ll make you something

Me; thank you ma

She got up and made me a full breakfast. While waiting I sent Hlokes a message telling him I’d be ready
to leave in the 30 min

Hlokes came down while I was eating.

Him; Hi

Me; Hi

Him; I thought you would rest before we got back

Me; I’m fine, I want to go back as soon as I’m done

Him; Rifiloe, you need to think about the babies. You haven’t slept. Just take a moment

Me; Hlokes, I’m going with or without you.

Him; Your so damn stubborn

Me; oh, and I can we drive by the mall on our way to the hospital? I need to get a few things for Siya

Him; what kind of things

Me; I Want to fill up his room with flowers, and I want a small speaker for Siya’s Ipod.

Him; What are you going to do with a speaker

Me; I want to play music for him. I read somewhere that when someone’s in a Coma, it helps to play
them some music. It apparently enhances the brain activity

Him; ok, finish up so we can go

Me; I’m done

Him; you don’t get to go anywhere unless you finish your food

Me; your so damn bossy

Him; If Ghost wakes up and you haven’t been eating, He’ll bury me alive.

Me; fine, just give me 2 mins

Him; I’ll be in the car

I gobbled up the rest of my food. Then ran to brush my teeth.

When I got to the underground parking, Hlokes was already waiting.

We drove to the mall to get the speaker and some snacks. I also went to order the flowers at the florist.
They promised to deliver by the end of the day.

When we got to the hospital, Olwetho and Linda had just left. My heart broke at the thought of
Olwetho growing up without Siya.

When I got to Siya’s suite, the doctors were just leaving.

They gave me an update. I was happy to hear that his vital signs were improving. The doctor was happy
that there was no internal blooding, but he wanted to keep him in an induced coma because of the
swelling in his brain. Apparently Siya hit his head quite hard when he fell from the force of the bullet.
None the less the doctors we happy with his progress even though everything was still touch and go.

I spent the day with Siya. I read to him, prayed for him and played gospel music.

Hlokes had gone home, he said to call him when I was ready to come home.

The flowers arrived at around 4pm, they instantly brightened up his room.

I knew it was getting late, but for some reason I didn’t want to leave him. But I also needed to get some
sleep.

So at 8pm I asked Hlokes to come fetch me.

When Hlokes arrived he checked on Siya, then we went home

On the way I could tell he had something on his mind.

Me; Out with it

Him; You know me to well

Me; I’ve known you since I was 15 years old. So tell me what’s bothering you

Him; Ghosts mother arrives tomorrow

Me; Oh

Him; Linda called her

Me; so why do you seem so worried

Him; because I know how much she adores Linda. I’m just worried about how she will react towards
you

Me; I see

We sat the rest of the way in silence. I couldn’t believe I’d be meeting Siya’s mother in such
circumstances. I really hoped she would keep an open mind. The last thing I needed was both her and
Linda on my case.

42 (bonus)

I got home and went to have dinner. I was a bit worried about Siya’s mother coming. I didn’t know
where she would be sleeping. I sat in the kitchen instead of the veranda or dining room. I didn’t want to
bump into Linda.

Thankfully mam Martha was having her dinner in the kitchen so I sat with her and Thembi.

I dished up for myself and went to join them.

Mam Martha; how’s ghost doing

Me; he’s getting there slowly.

Linda walked in as we were eating.

Her; mam Martha, my mother in law arrives tomorrow. This is a list of the food she eats, Please make
sure it’s all available

Mam Martha; will do

Her; and Thembi, please prepare Bullets room for her arrival. Make sure the sheets are changed and
that there are fresh towels in her closet

Thembi; sure

I didn’t even look up at her, I just carried on eating. It was clear she wanted to piss me off by calling
Siya’s mother her mother in law, o I wasn’t going to play into her silly games. All I cared about was Siya,
The rest had to wait.

Linda left us and we continued eating, I rolled my eyes when she walked out and mam Martha smacked
my hand playfully. Thembi on the other hand burst out laughing

Mam Martha; the two of you are naughty

Me; haai, ma, you know I don’t like her

Thembi; I feel sorry for you yaz. It must be difficult dealing with her

Me; I think im actually getting used to it. I just think the best way is to ignore her

Mam Martha; you should stop gossiping and go rest Rifiloe

I smiled at mam Martha, She reminded me so much of my mother at times.

I decided to actually listen to her. And go get some rest.

I left them and went to my room, I went to take a bath before sleeping. My body was a bit sore from
siting in a chair all day.

I used Siya’s bath oils #hides, I wanted to feel close to him,

When I was done bathing I went to the closet to look for Siyas that I had been sleeping with.

For the life of me I couldn’t find it anywhere. I put on Siya’s gown and went to the Kitchen to look for
Thembi. Luckily she and mam Martha were still there.
Me; Thembi, there’s a shirt belonging to Siya that I can’t find. It’s the baby blue one with white stripes,
have you perhaps seen it?

Her; yes, I took it with his other things to the dry cleaner today

Me; oh

Her; I’m sorry, I just saw it on your bed and presumed it needed to be washed

Me; its fine, dint apologise. I just use to use it to sleep in. It still had his scent. But not to worry, I’ll use
one of his other ones

Mam Martha smiled. I smiled back and left.

I really wasn’t upset that Thembi had taken the shirt to the dry cleaners, I was just sad because that was
the only thing I had that still smelt like Siya.

I took one of Siya’s other shirts out his closed, and went to bed. I was lucky to fall asleep always
immediately.

I woke up the following morning feeling hopeful. I woke up and made my bed, then opened the
windows. I wanted to fit in a workout before going to the hospital.

I changed into my gym gear, then went to have breakfast. Mam Martha had set up breakfast in the
dining room instead of the veranda, I think because the weather was a bit off. Hlokes and Nails were
already having breakfast, so I greeted and joined them.

Hlokes; did you get a good night’s sleep?

Me; Yes thanks, you?

Him; yes

Me; can you take me to the hospital in about an hour

Him; aren’t you waiting for Siya’s mother? She should be here in about 30min

Me; do I have to?

Him; it would only be right. Don’t be nervous, I’m sure she’ll like you

Me; we’ll just have to wait and see.

I had the rest of my breakfast then went to shower. I thought I would have more time to prepare myself
to meet his mother. But anyway I guess it’s now or never.
I took a shower, then went to the closet to get dressed.

I decided to wear one of my maxi dresses, I wasn’t sure how traditional Siya mother was, but I didn’t
want to wear jeans, only to offend her.

I was busy brushing my hair, when someone knocked on my door. I went to open and found Linda there.
She had on a dress and wore doek. She looked like the perfect makoti nxa

Her; Hi

Me; Hi

Her; Siya’s mom wants to see you

Me; I’ll be up in sec, I just need to tie my hair up

Her; cool

I closed my door and finished off what I was doing. Then walked towards the dining room.

When I got there mam Martha was serving tea. Siya’s mom stood to greet me

She shook my hand and pulled me into a hug. She introduced herself as Busisiwe Khumal-Ndhlovu

Her; Its lovley to meet you my girl

Me; me too ma

Her; Sit, we’ve got a lot to discuss

She pointed to a chair next to Linda. God knows I wanted to refuse, but I didn’t want to seem rude.

I sat next to Linda, while mam Martha poured my tea.

Her; so tell me about yourself,’

I told her everything about me, from where I grew up, to what I do for a living etc.
Her; Siya told me your pregnant

Me; yes ma

Her; how far along are you

Me; about 11 weeks

Her; do you know the gender

Me; Not yet, but I’m sure we’ll find out on our next visit

Her; that’s good. You must take things easy.

Me; I will ma

Her; so are you two getting along

She looked at both me and Linda

Me; we stay out of each other’s way

Her; why

I looked at Linda for an answer

Linda; because she has no respect Ma, she arrived in Siya’s life, and decided to make changes. She
doesn’t care about the fact that I was with Siya before her. She turned him against me.

Me; how am I rude Linda. You’ve hated me from the very beginning, I don’t even know to this day why.
As far as I know, you and Siya were way over when I came into the picture

Linda wanted to answer, but Siya’s mother cut her off

Her; Now both of you listen to me and listen carefully. Siyabonga is laying in a hospital bed, fighting for
his life. I won’t have any pettiness in this house. You Refiloe, Linda is Olwethos’s mother. He is the
Ndhlovu heir. There is absolutely nothing you can do about that. Linda is going to be a part of your life
whether you like it or not. And wena Linda, You will respect Rifiloe as the mother of Siya’s other
children. You will not talk bad about her in any way or form. Do I make myself clear?
We both nodded

Her; Now, I’m not sure what Siya had spoken to either of you about this, but I had suggested he marry
both of you tradi

I looked at her with wide eyes, while Linda smiled

Her; hear me out. Siya loves his son, and he still has a special place in his heart for her. He may not be in
love with her, but he still cherishes what they had. Even though it’s in the past tense. Now I know Linda
still loves Siya. He was her first love. That’s not going to be easy to change. So she would be considered
his first wife.

Then he would marry you Rifiloe. We all know sitting here that you hold Siya’s heart. He told me the day
he met you that he had found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Siya had never
spoken about anybody after him and Linda broke up, so I knew that it was real, and now you are
carrying his babies. So you would be considered his second wife.

I didn’t respond to Siya’s mother. I wasn’t really sure what she expected me to say. But deep down I
thought he idea was shit. There was no way I was going to share Siya with that psycho woman.

Linda however, looked happy with the idea.

Linda; I think that’s a good idea ma. I’m sure Siya will also agree

It took everything in me not to slap the shit out of Linda. I knew she wanted Siya but I hadn’t realised to
what extent.

I took a sip of my tea, which was now cold, Siya’s mother looked at me

Her; what do you think Rifiloe

Me; (clears throat) ahmm ma, I think we should wait for Siya to wake up, and hear what he has to say.
Its his decision after all

Her; but would you be okay with being in a polygamous marriage?

Me; in all honesty ma. No, I wouldn’t be comfortable being in that kind of marriage

Her; will you at least think about it? It’s something I believe will be the pest solution for this situation
I nodded and carried on drinking my tea, I dint want to seem rude, but there was no way I was going to
allow any of this nonsense. If Siya wanted to marry Linda, then he should’ve done so, before he met me.
There was no way I was going to be ok, with him having me as a second wife. Never

We sat in an awkward silence, and finished our tea. When we were done Siya’s mom went upstairs to
freshen up before going to the hospital. I stood up to leave but Linda held my hand

Her; so which one of us is going to accompany our mother in law to visit OUR husband

Removed my hand from hers and laughed my head off. This bitch was either smoking something, or she
was a special kind of stupid.

Me; you honestly think Siya is going to agree with this idea

Her; you clearly don’t know his mother very well. Siya loves nothing more than making her happy, which
means, what mommy wants mommy gets

Me; so let me guess, you planted the stupid idea in her head

Her; well, sometimes you’ve got to play your cards right. Don’t hate the player, hate the game honey

Me; you may have been able to manipulate his mother. But we both know, Siya won’t fall for your
foolishness.

Her; well, we will have to wait and see.

She got up and walked away with the biggest smile on her face. I sat back down, and took in a few
breaths. Siya really had to wake up soon, I don’t know how much more if this I could take.

43

(sorry if there are mistakes. I was really rushing)

<3
I decided to let Siyas mom and Linda to the hospital without me. I just felt like 3 is a crowd. So rather
they go, and I'll go once they're back.

I instantly took a sigh of relief when they left. A few hours without Linda and maNdhlovu was music to
my ears.

I went to the kitchen to see mam Martha, I needed something to keep me busy so I wouldn't think too
much. And as always the kitchen smelled amazing

Me: hi ma

Her: hi rifiloe

Me: what are you marking

Her: just a beef stew with steamed bread.

Me: need help

Her: nom you sit down and relax

Me: ma, I need something to keep me busy

Her: aren't you going to the hospital

Me:(rolls eyes) no, Linda and maNdhlovu have gone. I'll go see him later

her: so you getting along with ghosts mom

Me: not sure yet. I think I'll just keep out her way for now

Her: can I give you some advice

Me: please

Her: always smile

Me: ma

Her: listen. When people try to come against you, smile. Don't ever let them know how you’re feeling on
the inside.

Me: Thanks ma

Her; why don’t you sit down, and peel these vegies for me?

Me; with pleasure.

I spent most of my morning with mam Martha, she was told me stories about the time she was growing
up in her village, and about her first boyfriend. I was giggling so much. I think for a second I had
forgotten about the drama surrounding my life.
Hlokes walked in while I was busy with mam Martha. The minute I saw him, I knew something wasn’t
right

Me; Whats wrong

Him; we need to get to the hospital

ME; What happened.

Him; Ill explain on our way.

I didn’t bother asking anymore questions, I followed him to the basement parking.

He opened the car door for me, and he got and we left

Me; What happened

Him; The doctors say Ghost has taken a turn for the worse.

Me; How

Him; they tried taking him out the induced Coma, and he didn’t respond well

Me; so what now

Him; they say they think it’s up to the family to decide if they want to keep him in the coma or let him go

Me; well that’s obvious, we keep him alive

Him; that’s what I thought, but Linda has told them she thinks its best they switch off the machines

Me; what authority does she have to make such a decision

Him; apparently MaNdhlovu is to traumatised to speak, so she left everything in her hands

Me; that fucking bitch

Him; Rifiloe, you need to calm down for the sake of the babies

Me; shut up and drive faster.

I don’t know how he could tell me to calm down, when my blood was boiling

When we got to the hospital, Siya’s mom was apparently in one of the wards recuperating.

I didn’t care though, all I wanted was to make sure that Siya was ok.

I got to his room and Linda was sitting there, talking on her phone. I didn’t even bother asking questions.
I was beyond pissed. I grabbed her by the hair, and pulled her towards the door of Siya’s room. I wanted
to drag the shit out of her. I was sick of her bullshit, and this time she had gone too far.
I think Linda was taken by surprised, because she didn’t retaliate immediately. Hlokes came in when he
heard the commotion. He forced me to let go of her hair

Him; Rifiloe are you insane

Me; I’ve had it with this bitch

I tried grabbing her again but Hlokes was too fast.

Her; Fuck you, you bitch.

Me; Are you crazy? Who do you think you are telling them to switch off the machines?

Her; if we keep him alive, he might become a vegetable. Is that what you want ye

Me; you better stay the hell away from me and Siya you witch.

Her; you have no say in anything.

Me; We’ll see about that

I was about to walk back into Siya’s room, when I felt something running down my leg.

I looked down, and saw that it was blood. I froze.

Hlokes was still trying to calm Linda down, so he hadn’t noticed anything.

I called for him, when I felt a stabbing pain in my abdomen. Hlokes immediately let go of Linda, and
came rushing towards me. I had my hands wrapped around my stomach.

Hlokes saw the blood and looked at me

Him; we need to get you to the emergency department.

Me; Hlokes, what’s happening?

Him; let’s get you checked out first

He gave instructions to the guards to make sure nobody enters Siya’s Suit, till he gets back. Then picked
me up and carried me to the emergency room

I knew deep down this wasn’t normal, but I prayed nothing would happen to my babies.

When we got to the emergency department, I was put on a stretcher, and rushed to a room. Hlokes was
with me the whole time. I was really grateful because some of the staff didn’t speak English, and he was
able to translate. By now the pain was beyond bearable. The nurses wanted to take my dress off, but I
couldn’t lift my hands. So they opted to cut it off.
When the doctor arrived, I was in a hospital gown, and had drip in my arm.

He did an ultrasound, and he looked at me, then at Hlokes.

The look in his eyes, confirmed my fears. My eyes, watered. I had already lost so much in my life. Why
would God take away the only hope I had in this world?

The doctor was speaking to Hlokes, but I didn’t pay attention. I just wanted the pain to be gone. I
wanted to hold my babies in my arms, and I wanted Siya to wake up.

The doctor put something in my drip, and I drifted to sleep.

When I woke up, I looked around to see where I was. I noticed Hlokes sitting on a chair besides me. I
instantly remembered what had happened. My tears stated flowing. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t ever
going to hold my babies in my hands.

Hlokes woke up when he heard me crying. He got up and sat on the bed, and put his arms around me. I
wished so bad that it was Siyas’s arms that I was crying in.

Him; it’s going to be ok Fifi. These things happen

Me; (sniff) but why me Hlokes? Why can’t I ever be happy?

Him; it will come Fifi. You just have to be patient

Me; I can’t keep doing this Hlokes. I’m always crying. I can’t ever have peace in my life. I’m flipping over
it

I laid there crying till I had no more tears left. Hlokes, left me and went to check on Siya.

I looked at my tummy, and saw no difference, but my soul was empty. My babies were gone, and no
matter how much I cried there was o way they would be coming back.

44

I was discharged the following day. The doctors had done a D&C, and they told me I was ready to go
home. They also confirmed that the miscarriage was due to intense amount of stress which in turn left
both babies in distress.

They recommended I see a psychologist, but I wasn’t interested. I knew that it was useless because I
wouldn’t be able to tell them everything about my life and Siya’s Life, so why bother?
Hlokes bought me fresh clothes to wear. I hadn’t really said much to anyone since yesterday. I was so
tired of crying and talking. I just wanted Siya to wake up, so we could go back to South Africa. I wanted
to be back home, and not in a house with his ex.

Hlokes took me to see Siya, before I went home. I sat on the chair next to his bed, and let out a sigh

Me; babe, you really need to wake up now. You’ve been like this for over a week. (sniff)

Siya, I can’t go on like this. I’ve lost our babies, and to make things worse, Linda wants to switch off the
machines. Baby I don’t know how much more fight I have in me. You have to come back to us. Please.

I Sat with Siya for a couple of hours. I didn’t want to leave him, but I was tired and wanted to get some
rest. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, then left to go home.

I sat most of the way home in silence. There wasn’t really much to say. This year just seemed like it
wasn’t my year. I was glad it was nearing the end because I hoped the next year would be a much better
year for me.

When we arrived home, I went straight to my room. I wanted to take a long bath, and try to sleep.

I sat in the bath for a while, then got out. I changed into my pyjamas and got into bed. I didn’t care that
it was only 5pm. I just wanted to sleep

I had just gotten into bed when someone knocked on the door. I didn’t get up, instead I put the duvet
over my head and ignored whoever it was. The person on the other end didn’t stop, instead they just
came in. I just knew it was Siya’s mother. mcm

I pretended to be asleep. I wasn’t in the mood for company.

She came on my side of the bed, and shook me awake. I yawned and pretended to wake up

Me; Hi Ma

Her; Hi, Makoti, we need to talk

Me; Ok
Her; ill be in the dining room

Me; Ill be there now.

She walked out and closed the door behind her. I rolled my eyes. I really wasn’t in the mood to fight.

I got up, put on my slippers and Siya’s gown, and went downstairs.

I got to the dining room and Mam Martha was serving supper. I greeted her then sat down opposite
Linda.

Siya’s mom waited for Mam Martha to finish, then she cleared her throat.

Her; I heard about what happened between you and Linda yesterday.

I looked at her. I don’t if she was expecting an answer, but today was not the day to piss me off.

Her; Rifiloe, I’m talking to you

Me; I’m sorry ma, I’m not sure what you want me to say

Her; I want you to tell me why you attached her

Me; because she wanted to kill Siya that’s why

Her; and you didn’t think, that maybe it was for the best

Me; the best for who? Because as far as I see it, the person who thinks they are going to benefit from
Siya’s death, is Linda

Her; it’s not about the money if that’s what your insinuating

Me; then why would she not want to give him time, He’s only been there a week and already she wants
to kill him

Linda interrupted me

Linda; talking about killing, I hear you finally got rid of those things you were carrying. I know you didn’t
want them in the first place, so now you finally got what you wanted.
I stood up, and walked towards her. I was sick and tired of Linda. I wanted to teach her a lesson she
would never forget.

Siya’s mother stood before me

Her; Rifiloe, sit down. Fighting isn’t going to solve anything

Me; did you not hear what she just said to me? And instead of reprimanding her, you’re trying to stop
me from protecting myself?

Her; Ill deal with Linda. For now, yehlisa o moya

I sat down again, and took a sip of my water. I was amazed at how quite Linda was. after she had the
guts to say such rubbish to me

Her; Rifiloe, your right about Siya’s situation. I don’t know what Linda was thinking. I would have never
agreed to kill him. Never. I appreciate you fighting for Siya, it shows how much you love him. But at the
same time, you can’t go around beating people.

I just looked at her nodded.

Her; now can we please eat in peace.

I ate only half my dinner. I wasn’t hungry and looking at Linda from across the table made me want to
puke.

I was going to excuse myself, from dinner, but I saw Hlokes coming towards us. He had a smile on his
face.

He apologised for interrupting us

Him; ma, I’ve got good news

Her; I’m listening

Him; Siyabonga, woke up

Her; when

Him; the doctors just phoned.

Siya’s mom had tears rolling down her face. She looked so happy. Linda on the other side seemed a bit
nervous.

I know I had heard what Hlokes said, but I don’t think it had registered. I wanted to see for myself.

Me; can we go and see him

Him; no, the doctors said they are running tests. You can go see him tomorrow, but don’t worry, I’ll go
check up on him

Me; thank you

I left to go to my room. I was really happy that Siya was awake. But at the same time, I was really
nervous to tell him about my miscarriage.

I got into my room, and made a prayer thanking God, for waking Siya up. I know we still have a long way
to go, but I was grateful because at least there was light at the end of the tunnel.

I got back into bed, and cuddled my teddy. I was glad that soon, I would have Siya back, and wouldn’t
need to cuddle a teddy bear.

I slept pretty well, considering everything that was going on. I think it’s because I knew Siya was finally
awake.

I woke up the following morning, and went to work out. I know the doctor has said I must take it easy,
but I felt like I needed it. I hadn’t worked out in a while, so instead of using the gym I went on a run on
the beach..

By the time I got back, Siya’s mom was having breakfast with Hlokes. They looked like they were
debating something. They immediately stopped when they saw me approaching.

I greeted them and sat down. You could see that I had clearly interrupted something.

I wasn’t planning on moving though. If they needed to talk, they could talk somewhere else.
Siya’s mom got up to leave, while Hlokes stayed.

Him; how was your run

Me; fine thanks

Him; I need to tell you something

Me; please tell me its good news. I don’t think I can stomach anything else going wrong right now

Him; it’s a mixture of both

Me; ok. So out with it

Him; Siya is doing well

Me; that’s a good thing right?

Him; yes, the doctors are calling it a miracle. They are very happy with his progress

Me; so what’s the bad news ?

Him; Well, I went to see him this morning, because even though I saw him last night, I only got to see
him for about 5min. So I went there this morning to make sure he was well enough for visitors

Me; and

Him; I don’t know how to say this,

Me: just tell me

Him: the first thing out of Ghosts mouth was he wanted to see Linda

I looked at Hlokes, and tried registering what he was telling me.

Me; im lost

Him; The doctors think it's memory loss, the are trying to determine weather its long term or long term

Me: so im guessing the reason she isnt at breakfast is becuase she's witb siya

Him: yes

Me: wow.....

Him: rifiloe, just give him Time. I'm sure he will regain his memory

Me: what if he nevrr does

Him: dont think like that. Rather hope for the best

Me: I want to go see him.

Him: I don't think that's a good idea

Me: why not

Him: because we don't want to confuse him. For now he only remembers his relationship with Linda,
Linda best we leave it like that until he starts remembering everything on his own

Me: is that your reccomendation or is this from his doctors

Him: this comes directly from his doctors

me: I still want to see him

Him: fine, ill take you

Me: let me just take a shower first. Ill meet you in the basement parking in 20 min

Hlokes went to wait for me down stairs, while no went to my room to take a shower. I couldnt belive
that Siya didnt know who I was. I thought with him finally being awake we would get to move on. And
now only God knows what lies Linda is feeding him.

I took a quick shower , put on my dress and sandals, then rushed downstairs.

Hlokes was already waiting for me,. I got I the car and we drove off.

When we arrived at the hospital i started getting nervous. What if siya really didn't remeber me. How
was i go in to explain who i was to him?

I arrived at siyas suit, and walked to his door. I stopped mid way because of what i saw. Linda had her
hand in Siyas. They were smiling and laughing with eachother, whole Olwetho sat on the edge of Siyas
bed. Laughing also with his parents. They looked like the perfect family. Siya looked well, and content.
Like his life was complete.

I took a set back, then another. I was so happy Siya was awake, but seeing him with linda tore my
already shatterd heart into even more pieces.
Siya may have woken up but he wasnt the same man he was when he left for his mission. Right now all
he knew was his life befor me. And if this memory loss was long term,there wouldnt be a place for me in
his future.

45

I stood at Siya’s door for a while. I knew that now was the time to let him go.

I had prayed to God to wake him up, and he did. So all that was left was for me to go back home.

I turned around and walked towards the exit. You could see that the guards felt my pain. Most of them
had pity written all over their faces.

Hlokes followed behind me. We didn’t say anything to each other. I was glad he didn’t try making me
feel better, because there was absolutely nothing anyone could say to make me feel better.

We drove mostly in silence. I just wanted to get out of CUBA as soon as possible.

When we arrived home, Siya’s mother was getting ready to go to the hospital.

I greeted her and went to my room. I had realised that she was following me there. I only noticed when I
was about to close my bedroom door.

Me; sorry ma, I didn’t see you there

Her; no worries. I wanted to check on you

Me; I’m fine, thank you

Her; I know this must be hard for you

Me; (sigh) I guess it will get easier with time

Her; I need to talk to you about something

Me; I’m all ears

Her; I need you to do me a favour. Siya will probably be discharged in a couple of days. I need you to
move out of your room into Linda’s room. He’s going to need to be around familiar surroundings. So its
best he and Linda move into the main bedroom for the time being.
I took a deep breath in and out.

Me; don’t worry, I won’t be around when he gets back from the hospital

Her; why not

Me; I’m going back home

Her; why would you do that Rifiloe, Siya needs you

Me; Ma, Siya has all the support he needs. God answered my prayers, by waking him up. Now it’s time I
took a step back and let him recover

Her; so you’re going to just give up on him just like that?

Me; Ma, you can’t ask me to live in the same house as Siya and Linda. While she sleeps in my bed, and
expect me to be okay with it. I love Siya with everything in me, but me loving him is killing me. I need to
let him go, so I can breathe.

She looked at me.

Her; your stronger than I thought

Me; Thank you

Her; I should get going. I’ll see you when I get back

She left, and closed the door behind her. I let out a sigh and went to the closet.

I took out my suitcases, I wanted to pack a few things. I wanted to be out of Cuba as soon as possible.

After packing, I sent Hlokes sms asking for my laptop. I wanted to book a flight out of cuba.

Instead of responding via sms, he came to my room, with my laptop in his hands

Him; you asked for your laptop

Me; thank you

He saw the bags

Him; where are you going

Me; home

Him; Rifiloe, you can’t leave now. Not when Siya is about to come home

Me; so what do you suggest? That I sit here and watch that bitch playing happy family with him? I can’t
do that Hlokes. I need to go. I haven’t even been able to mourn the loss of my babies. Its just too much. I
need to get out of here as in yesterday.

Him; the Jet has been taken in for maintenance. It will only be available in a couple of days

Me; don’t worry, ill book a flight

Him; you can’t be serious

Me; watch me

Him; is there anything I can do to convince you to stay

Me; no.

Him; but you know you can’t book a flight directly to SA from here? You’ll need to connect from Canada
or the States

Me; Ill manage

Him; Want me to help

Me; no, I think I can do this on my own

Him; ok. Let me know if you need anything

Me; I’ll be fine. Go back to work

Hlokes left, while I sat on the bed and searched for flights out of Cuba.

I decided to connect via the US.. Luckily I could find a flight for the following morning, so I booked it.

I spent the rest of the day in my room. I didn’t even have lunch. I was catching up on my work, since I
would be back home soon, I needed to get my life back to normal Asap.

By the time I got through all the things that needed to be done, it was time for dinner. I didn’t feel like
eating so I took a bath and went to bed. I hated the fact that I was leaving Siya. I couldn’t believe this
was my last night here without him. I tried sleeping, but my tears decided otherwise. I think it was a
way of my heart letting go. I eventually fell asleep in my misery

I woke up early the following morning. My flight to the US leaves at 10:00am, and I needed to be at the
airport before then. I pulled off the sheets and bedding that I used, and put them in the laundry room. I
took a quick shower and got dressed. I decided to wear my black Adidas tracksuit set and sneakers. I
needed to be comfortable since I was flying to SA on the very same day.

I tried my hair in a bun and didn’t bother with makeup.

When I was done, I took my luggage and walked out. I wasn’t planning on having breakfast, so I went to
Siya’s office to let Hlokes know I was ready to leave.

Siya’s mom and Linda walked in the dining rooms as I was walking out towards the parking.

I greeted Siya’s mom. She looked displeased but I ignored her

Her; so you were going to leave without saying goodbye

Me; sorry ma, I was just running late

Her; what time is your flight

Me; at 10;00am

Her; I See. thank you for everything you’ve done for Siya

I nodded, gave her a hug and left.

Hlokes was waiting for me downstairs with my bags. I got in the car, and we drove to the airport.

He walked me all the way to check in and waited till my flight was called.

Him; before you go, I need to give you something

Me; what

Him; Siya made me promise to give this to you should something happen to him. I know he is alive but I
felt maybe its best I give it to you now

He gave me an envelope that contained a letter.

I gave Hlokes a hug, then went to board my flight. I didn't open the letter, I decided id open it on my
flight to SA.

I spent exactly an hour in the US, then took my flight to SA.

When the flight to SA took off, I opened the letter that Hlokes that given me. I was too curious to wait
till I got home. My eyes watered when I opened it.

My dearest Fifi

If your reading this letter it’s because I’m no more. I need you to know that I love you even to my last
breath. You’ve made me so happy since I met you. You’ve made me question my life and want to have
things I never thought possible. i never thought marriage and the whole happily ever after thing was for
me, but when i met you, you made me believe that maybe even i deserved a fairy tale ending.

Please take care of our babies. They will keep you happy and busy, but mostly they will be a reminder of
the love we shared

My only regret now is that I died before making you my wife.

I love you with everything that I have.

Please remember to smile every day, I’ve seen you cry so much.

Now I want to look down from heaven and see you smiling.

I love you today, tomorrow and forever.

Your Siya
I read his letter more than 3 times. I had to hold myself from crying, because I knew once I started I
wouldn’t be able to stop. I put the letter back in my handbag, and tried getting some sleep. This was
going to be a long flight and what better way than to sleep.

When I woke up we were about to land. I put on my seat belt and we landed safely.

I took a cab from OR to my house. It kind of felt weird being back in SA. I think it’s because I had gotten
used to being close to the beach. But now it was time to forget about all of that. It’s time to put on my
big girl panties, and start a new life without Siya. I knew I would miss him, but I hoped with time I would
be able to move on.

46

Arriving at my house, after being away for so long felt surreal. The place didn’t feel like it belonged to
me. It felt cold and even lonely. It was going to take time to adjust to living alone again.

I spent the first night home in bed. I told myself I could cry as much as I wanted for the first night, but
after that no more crying.

I went upstairs and drowned my sorrows with wine. I kept on reading Siya’s letter over and over again.
in on he wasn't physically dead but in a way it felt like he was.

This letter and my ring were the only connection I had to him. I decided to take the ring, the letter, and
the scan of the twins, and put them in my safe as of the following morning. I dint want to carry them
around with me. I needed to carry in with life, and seeing those things would keep me from doing so.

I didn’t get much sleep because of jet lag, but thanks to my second bottle of wine, I was able to drift off.

I woke up the following morning (Saturday) feeling better than I thought I should. I woke up and decided
to spring clean my house. It looked dull, my flowers were dead and the house as a whole was a bit
stuffy.
I put on my joyous celebration cd loud as I could take. Nothing is more soothing than gospel music when
your spirit is down.

I started in the kitchen, i cleaned out the fridge, rewashed all my cutlery, mopped the floor. Then
moved to alk the other parts of the house.

By the time I was done, it was already 13:00pm. I was hungry but didn’t have anything to eat in the
house. So I took a shower and changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and drove to the mall.

I bought groceries, flowers for my room and the living room and bought take always for lunch and
dinner. I didn't plan on cooking. I think it’s because I had gotten used to having mam Martha.

I got home and unpacked everything I had bought, then went to the lounge to watch TV.

I had left my phone at home, so I took it with me to make sure I had no messages.

I had missed calls from Hlokes, My aunt and my friend Thandeka.

I decided to call Hlokes first, he answered on the first ring

Him; Fifi

Me; Hey

Him I called you like a million times

Me; sorry hle, I was out

Him; You got home safely

Me; yes. Thank you for checking on me

Him; you know I’ll always care

Me; thanks dude

Him; I’m sure your wondering how Siya is doing

Me; yah, how is he

Him; He’s improved, but the doctors are worried about the memory loss

Me; well maybe with time, it will come back

Him; yaa, but I just hope it’s not too late for the two of you

Me; only God knows.

Him; let me go back to work. Ill speak to you soon

Me; cool
I hung up, and ignored the pang of pain in my heart. I had hoped that he was phoning to tell me good
news. I didn’t cry though. I refused.

I carried on watching TV, till late.

I decided to call my aunt back.

We spoke for a while. She was just checking up on me. She also made me promise to come home for
Christmas. Apparently she was hosting a family reunion. She told me to make sure my “husband” was
there.

I told her about me and Hlokes. I didn’t want anyone else calling him my husband.

When I was done talking to my aunt, I called Hlokes again. I had been so distracted with the drama
surrounding my life, I had forgotten to pay him back regarding the Lobola money.

Him; Miss me already

Me; in your dreams buddy

Him; what’s up

Me; I wanted to discuss the Lobola money

Him: what about it?

Me; I want to pay it back

Him; forget it

Me; Hlokes come on. We’ve been through this a million times

Him; Rifiloe, you and I may never get back together. Ive accepted that, but that money was for your
family. I don’t want the money back

Me; but, I would feel better if you let me pay it back. My parents had kept it in a 30 day interest account.
I think its really better if it goes back to your family

Him; im not saying this again. I don’t want the money

Me; so what do you suggest I do with it

Him; don’t know, don’t care

Me; ok. But promise me one thing

Him; what

Me :promise you will stick to an agreement to never bring up us being married again
Him; I promise

Me; thank you

Him; sharp. I’ve got to run.

Me; ok. See you around

Him; sharp

I decided to transfer Hlokes money into one of my investments. That way should he change his mind,
the money will always be there.

I spent Sunday mostly taking care of my appearance. I went to the gym in the morning then went to the
salon. I did my hair, nails , toes, and even got a wax.

I walked out the salon feeling like a new person on the outside, but not so much on the inside.

I slept early on Sunday. I wanted to be alive and kicking for Monday, since it was my first day back at
work.

I woke up on Monday morning determined to kick some butt.

I missed my heels and suits. i was always in flats whole in Cuba, so it felt good to be in my formal wear
again

I decided to wear my navy formal jumpsuit and my navy Louboutin sandals.

I used a bit of makeup, and left my hair loose. I looked in the mirror smiled. I looked more like my old
self. At least my scars were on the inside instead of the outside.

I took my bag and phone, then went downstairs to make breakfast.

After breakfast I took my bag and left for the office.

It felt a bit wierd driving my car, after being driven around for so long. I quickly banished the thought. I
didnt want anything that would remind me of Siya.

When i arrived I was glad to see that no one had taken my parking space. Soni parked my baby, and
went inside.
The first person i bumped into was Anna. She looked so well, I gave her a quick hug then went to my
office.

It was good to be back, but also wierd.

I put on my laptop, and started working. I had a meeting with the new lawyer who replaced Sizwe, and
my boss. I wanted to make sure i was still up to date with my clients portfolios, becuase I wanted to be
in full swing of things when my meeting started. I Left Siya's portfolio do last. I didnt want to think about
him, when I had so much to do.

At 11 Anna called to inform me that my boss was ready for me, So i took my laptop and went to his
office.

When i got to his office, there was someone with him, which I figured was the new lawyer. I shook my
boss's hand as he asked me how my time away was. I lied and told him it was great. then he introduced
me to the male hunk standing next to him.

His name was Jason Richardson, and he was indeed the new lawyer.

I shook Jason's hands and introduced myself. I must say Jason had extremely gorgeous blue eyes.

We sat down and our meeting commenced.

Mr Gray had decided that he wanted to spend more time with his family, his wife had been diagnosed
with cancer, so he wanted to start taking a step back on the businesses side. So he wanted to leave
Jason ( who also happens to be his nephew) In charge of the business and he wanted me to work
closely with Jason.

So basically jason woud be incharge of the legal side of busines, whilie i attened to the financial Side of
the business.

I was really happy that even though my I was away for so long, my boss still trusted me with such a huge
responsibility

We discussed a few other things. Then we adjourned our meeting for Wednesday, becuase jason and i
needed to come up with a concept on how we were going to run things.
This was very exciting, I knew that this new promotion would keep me busy, and it also meant that I
wouldnt have as much time to think of Siya. Which under the circumstances seemed like a good thing.

47

After our meeting with Mr Gray, Jason and I went to my office to start going through ideas on how we
were going to split the responsibilities that come with running a company.

We sat in my office for hours going through all the different aspects of the business.

We asked Anna to order us lunch because we wouldn't have time to go out and get.

We worked through lunch. I quickly realized that Jason wasn't just a pretty pace. He was actually quite
intelligent. He was really giving me a run for my money.

When I looked at my watch, I couldn't believe the time. It was already 19:00pm, and Jason and I were no
way near finished.

I didn’t even notice people leaving for the day.

We both agreed to take a break.

Him: what do get something to eat?

Me; please

Him: what do you feel like?

Me: something light. I need to be able to stay awake. Because it looks like we are in for a long night

Him: you don't mind

Me: no, it's not like I have anyone waiting for me at home

Him: how is that even possible?

Me: what do you mean?

Him: how can a girl like you not have a guy waiting for you at home

Me;(chuckels) you don't want to know?

Him; that bad ha?

Me: if only you knew

Him: well, I've got a listening ear if you want to share

Me: not a change. We've got way too much to get through.

Him: Ok, os what do you want to eat

Me: how about Chinese

Him: great choice, ill, order

Jason ordered dinner, then we carried on working.

Our food arrived a while later. We ate while we worked.

Jason kept making funny faces with his noodles.

I just laughed at him

Me: Jason, if you don't stop we'll, never finish

Him: its after 9pm already. my brain is fried. We should go home, and rewire. Maybe start again
tomorrow

Me: fine, I'm also tired, plus my feet are killing me.

Him: I always wonder how woman survive in these shoes

Me: beauty is pain

Him; well you’re a natural beauty, so I guess you don't go through too much pain.

I think I blushed a bit. I wasn't sure if Jason was flirting or if he was just being nice. But either way, I
didn't want to say anything.
I finished my food then started packing my stuff. My Body wasn’t used to being back in the office. I kind
of missed the Cuban sunset, but none the less I was glad to be home.

Jason also packed up, and we walked towards the parking

Him : I guess we'll have a lot of these long nights

Me: looks like it

Him: It’s a good thing we both don’t have people waiting up for us

Me: I guess so

Him; let me get your door for you

Me; Thank you

Jason opened my car door for me, then left to go to his car.

I drive home, and immediately got into bed. I was so tired I dozed off immediately.

I woke up the following morning ready to tackle my work. I took a shower, then got dressed. Since I
knew I was in for a long night I decided to wear a black pantsuit with my black peep toe heels. I needed
to be comfortable.

I brushed my hair, then went down to have breakfast.

Jason called while I was worming my milk

Me; hey

Him: you up?

Me: yeah ,just having breakfast, then heading to the office

Him: I was actually calling to invite you to have breakfast with me.

Me: how about you bring breakfast to the office? That was we can get an early start to the day

Him : sounds like a plan. I'll see you in 30 mins

Me: cool
Him: before you go, what do you want for breakfast

Him: farm house breakfast

Him: a woman after my own heart

Me: (chuckles) see you at the office

Him: cool

I put the phone down and took the milk out of the microwave and put it in the Fridge.

Then left for the office

My phone rang while I was driving to work. I noticed the number was international, so I thought it was
Hlokes, using one of the house phones in Cuba. I answered it via Bluetooth

Me: hello

Her: hi

I rolled my eyes. I really wasn’t in the mood for Linda

Me: what can no do for you?

Her: Siya wants to release some funds from his investments, and apparently you’re his FA

Me: how much?

Her: her 3 mill

Me: has he regained his memory

He: no

Me: in that case we can't issue a withdrawal

Her: why not?

Me: because according to legislation that would be considered fraud. He would have to be in the right
frame of mind first

Her; bull shit. You’re just mad that Siya wants nothing to do with you
Me: Linda I'm on my way to work. If there a nothing else I’d like to drive in peace

Her: you can’t keep his money from him

Me: I can and I will. I refuse to let you bankrupt him. If Siya wants the money, he needs to come to S.A.
and arrange a meeting with his lawyer and I, and we can take it from there.

Her: nxa

She put the phone down.

I really hoped Siya regained his memory soon, before Linda ruins his life.

When I got to the office, Jason hadn’t arrived as yet.

I went to my office, I was a bit troubled about the conversation I had with Linda. I decided to call
Hlokes.

Him: mhmm

Me: hey

Him: did you look at the time Rifiloe

Me: oh shit, I forgot about time difference

Him; can I go back to sleep

Me: no, I need to tell you something

Him: I'm listening

Me: Linda just called me

Hjm: gosh what does she want now?

Me: she says Siya wants to withdraw R3bar from the funds we invested for him

Him: why would ghost need money? He has enough here in Cuba..

Me: my point exactly

Him: haai Linda is getting on my nerves

Me; Hlokes put a leash on that dog before she destroys him

Him: I'll deal with her

Me: how is Siya anyway

Him: why don't you come to Cuba and find out ?

Me: not happening. I just got a promotion. I'm concentrating on my job and my life now.

Him: so you’re just going to let Siya be with Linda

Me: yes. There’s nothing more I can do Hlokes. It's all in God's hands now

Him: well the good news is that he gets discharged today

Me; that is good news

Him: you still love him

Me: with everything in me

Him: don't give up on him fifi

Me: I should get going

Him: no use avoiding him. He's already told me he wants to come to S.A. Soon to check up on his
business. You'll have to speak to him sooner or later. You’re his Financial Adviser mos. Plus he also
mentioned checking up on his investments. Which means you'll be seeing him sooner rather than later

Me: ill cross that bridge when I get to it

Him: ok. Now can I go back to sleep? In need to be up in a few hours

Me: go, ill speak to you soon

Him: Sharp

I put the phone down and let out a sigh. I'm glad Siya is getting back to normal. But I hadn't thought
about the fact that I'd have to see him. How was I going to pretend to just be his FA, when we were
more than that?

Anyway I didn’t have time to think about all that, since I could see Jason walking towards my office.

Him: hey you

Me; hey

Him: I bought breakfast

Me: thanks. You can put it over here

Him: cool
Me: aren't you joining me? I was hoping we could take off from where we left off last night?

Him; so early? I was hoping we could ease into it.

Me: we've only got today. Our deadline is tomorrow morning

Him: yes mam. Give me 2 mins

He walked out to fetch his breakfast. Then came back.

We spent the whole day working on this Damn concept.

We had lunch and dinner at the office. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect before we went
home. If he and I were going to take over running a company, we had to make sure our concept was
water tight

At 10pm, we were finally done. I let out a sigh of relief.

All that was left now was for us to hand it over, the following day, and hope Mr Gray was happy with it.
Jason was all smiles

Him: we make a great team

Me: let's not celebrate just yet. Your uncle still need to approve it

Him: it's a great concept. He'll love it

Me: I hope so

Him: we should get going, tomorrow is a big day

Me: yaah.

We packed up, and walked to our cars.

Jason being the gentleman he is, opened my door for me again

Him: drive safely

me: will do
I started my car, and went home.

When I got home I went to take a bath, then went to bed.

I was exhausted. I tried falling asleep but Siya played on my mind.

I was happy I was moving on, but a part of me felt like I was betraying him.

I woke up on Wednesday missing Siya even more. I wished he was here. He would’ve had so many
suggestions. but there was no time to mope. I needed to get to work

I took a quick shower, then got dressed.

I didn't bother having breakfast. I figured I'd eat at the office.

When I got to the office, Jason was setting up the boardroom, I looked at him questionably

Him: hey you

Me: what's with the boardroom

Him: my uncle just phoned. We're not only presenting to him, but to all of the board members as well.
He says he wants us taking over by next week

Me: Damn

Him; tell me about it

Me: need some help

Him: I'm nearly done here. How about you make us some coffee, so we can go through our key point

Me: sure

I placed my laptop on the boardroom table, then took the rest of my stuff to my office.

I could hear my phone ringing, but I didn't have time to answer. Whoever it was would have to wait.

I made our coffee then went to the boardroom.

I gave Jason his cup. I dint known if it was just a coincidence but he kind of brushed my hand.

I pretended not to notice though. I didn't want to over think anything. He probably didn’t even notice.

The board members started arriving one by one. I started getting a bit nervous I think Jason noticed
because he asked to speak to me in private. We went to my office

Him: I can see you’re nervous. Don't be, our proposal is water tight.

Me: you’re right. I'm just over thinking things

Him: don't. We got this

I laughed at how American she tried to sound when he said that.

Him: come on, let's go kick some serious butt

We walked back to the boardroom together.

Our presentation went really well, despite the nerves.

The board members were happy with our ideas, and gave us the go ahead.

Jason and I would be taking over as of the following week.

Jason was the CEO and I was made the CFO.

We left the meeting victorious. Jason gave me a hug as soon as we stepped out the boardroom. I was a
bit taken back, but hugged him back.

Him: we should definitely celebrate

Me: I guess so

Him: how about we do a celebratory dinner

Me: sure

Him; cool, ill book us a table

Me: ok

I went back to my office smiling to the moon and back.

I checked my phone and I had a missed call from CUBA. I assumed it was Hlokes, so I called him back.

The phone rang a couple of times. Before a familiar voice answered.

Him; Miss Mokena

I didn’t say anything. I wanted to but I froze. I didn’t expect to speak to him so soon

Him; are you there

Me (clears throat) yes. Hi

Him; how are you

Me; Well thanks and you?

Him; well enough under the circumstances

Me; ahmm what can I do for you

Him; I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but I was in an accident, which led to some memory loss. I believe you
are my Financial Advisor

ME; I heard about the accident. I’m sorry. Hope you are recovering well.

Him; I’m a tough cookie. I’ll be fine, but my memory is not back as yet. I was hoping to meet with you
sometime next week. I need to just try understanding where I am financially. I need to also do a couple
of other investments. But ill discuss that with you when I’m SA next week

Me; sounds fine. Amm, what day were you looking at

Him; I’ll try flying down on Tuesday, Maybe I can see you on Thursday

Me; sounds fine. I’ll tell Andrea to put it in your diary

Him; good. Thank you for your time

Me; always a pleasure

I hung up and a tear escaped my eye.

This just seemed like it was going to be harder than I thought. How was I going to sit across a table with
the man I love, and pretend we were just professionals?

I needed to talk to Hlokes ASAP. I called him. thankfully he answered

Him; Rifiloe

Me; you could’ve warned me you know.

Him; Rifiloe, what was I supposed to say to him? Don’t phone your financial adviser, because she’s my ex
and was your girlfriend? That would just confuse him even more.

Me; and you don’t think that he seeing me would trigger something? What if he realizes something isn’t
right? I can’t lie to him Hlokes. I can’t

Him; Rifiloe, calm down. He is just trying to get back in the swing of things business wise. Right now he
has a gap of over 8 months. You need to let him put the pieces of the puzzle together. It will all
eventually come back to him.

Me; I guess your right

Him; now go back to work. I’ll see you next week

Me; sharp

Tjo haai, this was going to be difficult. But none the less I would make sure I was prepared
professionally, but I’m worried if emotionally, I’ll be able to handle this meeting.

I was just getting back into the swing of things.

I smiled a bit. Siya always had a way of pushing himself back into my life. And now here he was doing it
all over again.

48
I spent most of the day a bit off. I think I was worried about the Siya issue. But I had to work. I even
missed lunch.

I reminded myself to look at the list of canditaes that Anna had given me. because I really needed to get
an Assistant.

Jason came to my office at around 5pm. I had totally forgotten about dinner

Him; you ready to go?

Me; Give me 5mins, I just need to pack up

Him; I booked us a table at Southern Sun Hyde Park? Is that ok

I looked at him. I didn’t want to go to the place where Siya and I had our first date.

Me; is there any way we could go somewhere else?

Him; ahmm sure. Can I ask why?

Me; Long story

Him; how about Pronto

Me; perfect

Him; I’ll call them now

Me; thanks

I felt really bad making Jason cancel the booking, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself there,
because I would be too busy thinking of the time I was there with Siya

I finished packing up my desk, and went to Jason’s office

Him; shall we

Me; we shall

We arrived at pronto, and ordered dinner.

Jason insisted on ordering Champaign to celebrate. So I just let him order it.
I put my phone on silent, because it kept on ringing, the number was from Cuba, so I ignored it. I had
had enough of Cuba for one day

Him; so how long have you been single ?

Me; about a week

Him; damn. So its pretty recent

Me; yaah

Him; do you mind me asking what happened

Me; not at all. He was basically in an accident, which led tom memory loss. And part of the things he
forgot about was me

Him; ouch

Me; I know,

Him; so do his doctors think he will regain his memory

Me; well, it’s kind of 50/50 at the moment. Maybe with time, but we can’t know for sure

Him; that’s a pity

Me; yah, but enough about me. Why are you single

Him; my ex left because I was to committed to my work

Me; well I know what that is like

Him; (chuckles) I guess it’s for the best

Me; I guess so

We had dinner and lots of Champaign. Jason was really a nice guy. He made me laugh a lot, which is
why I think I was fond of him…

We eventually left the restaurant at about 21; 00pm. I had had a good time.

I think for the first time in a while, I was just relaxed and not worried about Siya.

When I got home after my celebratory dinner with Jason, I checked my phone.

I had 5 missed calls from Hlokes and 3 from the house phone in Cuba.

I called Hlokes back

Him; finally

me; what’s up

him’; why aren’t you answering your phone

Me; I was at dinner

Him; so you don’t answer your phone at dinner

Me; don’t start.

Him; (sigh) I’ve got some news for you

Me; what is it

Him; Ghost, is coming to SA sooner than anticipated

Me; when

Him; tonight

Me; shit. Why

Him; he wants to see you as soon as he lands

Me; why me?

Him; because Linda somehow transferred money from his account to hers.

Me; how much

Him; a couple of hundred thousands

Me; tjo

Him; they busy having a screaming match about it as we speak

Me; thank God I’m not involved

Him; tell me about it

Me; so what time does he land

Him; his flight is scheduled to land at 9:00am. He will see you at around 12:00pm

Me; shit

Him; relax. This is purely business

Me; tell that to my heart

Him; you’ll be fine.

Me; who’s offices are we meeting at

Him; at his
Me; I guess I’m in for a long night. If ill bee seeing him tomorrow, I need to make sure his portfolio
update is in order

Him; good luck

Me; I need more than just luck

Him;(chuckles) sharp

Me; sharp

Okay, this was really unexpected.

I went to make myself a cup of coffee. I needed to be awake if I was going to get the numbers right for
Siya’s portfolio.

I spent over 4 hour on Siyas portfolio. Some of the numbers weren’t matching because of the way the
markets been, but eventually everything matched up. I completed the portfolio, and sent it to Anna to
print and bind two copies. Then went to bed.

I didn’t sleep a wink. I was tossing and turning the whole night.

At around 5am I decided to wake up and for a run. I needed to get this anxiety out my system
somehow, and I hoped a jogging would help.

I quickly changed into my gym gear, and left for my run.

The jog didn’t help much. I was still really anxious to see Siya again. It felt like it had been an eternity
since I had seen him.

I went home and showered, then got dressed. I decided to wear the same outfit I wore the first time I
met him. Maybe it would be my good luck charm.

I was about to walk out my room, when I got an idea.

I went to the safe, and took out the promise ring Siya had given me. I put it back on right hand. Then
left.

I went straight to the office. I wanted to make sure Anna received my email.

When I arrived Anna had just finished printing the portfolios. All she needed to do was bind them for
me.

I thanked her, then went to my office.

I didn’t get much work done during the first half of my day. I spent most of it staring at my laptop
screen. I was too nervous to even think straight. At around 11:20am, I took the portfolios and my bag,
and drove to Siya’s office.

I hadn’t been to his office since the day I basically destroyed it.

When I arrived Andrea was already at reception. I greeted her

and she walked me towards Siya’s office. I was shacking so much, I asked her if I could use the ladies
room, before meeting him.

I told her I would find my way to his office.

I sat in the bathroom doing breathing exercises. The tears were flowing and I was shaking. It felt like I
was having a panic attack. I couldn’t do this. There was no way I could meet with him and pretend I was
ok. I needed to get the hell out of here.

I cleaned myself up, and redid my makeup, then walked out.

I planned on lying and saying an emergency at my office needed my attention. Then I’d ask Andrea to
reschedule.

I was walking towards reception, when Hlokes and Siya walked in.

fuck

I didn’t know Hlokes would be here. I thought it was only Siya. I knew there was no way Hlokes would
let me out of this, so I had to get my shit together.

They were walking towards me. Siya had the same Navy suit he had on the first day we met. And Hlokes
was in his black suit.

I made a silent prayer asking god to give me strength. Siya looked so much like his natural self.

He was walking like he hadn’t been shot. He was laughing with Hlokes like all was well in the world.
I didn’t realise I was staring, till he looked my way. Our eyes met. He didn’t look away, but I did. I
couldn’t take the intensity.

Hlokes shook my hand, and then Siya followed. I tried not to make eye contact, because he was staring
at me with his dreamy eyes.

Him; nice to meet you again Miss Mokoena

Me; Like wise.

Hlokes looked at us and smiled.

Hlokes; l leave you two to your meeting. Ghost I’ll see you later

Siya; sharp

Me; bye.

Siya kept staring at me. I didn’t know what to say.

Me; shall we head to your office

Him; (clears throat) yes. Ahmm ladies first

I turned around and walked towards the stairs to his offices. Siya walked with me

He seemed like he was deep in thought

When we got to his office. Siya went straight to his desk while I took out my laptop and his portfolio out.

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Siya came to sit, and he sat next to me again. I swear
the smell of his cologne nearly killed me.

Him; shall we begin

Me; sure
I gave him his copy of the portfolio and opened mine.

I went through everything bit by bit. He asked tons of questions and I answered.

We went through the market prices, and how much he’s made from his investments etc.

By the time we were finished it was after 3pm. I was tired, hungry and needed to get home.

I started packing my laptop away. Siya looked like he was debating something in his head.

Him; is there anything else?

I looked at him, and knew that he knew something

I froze

Me; not on my side. Do you maybe have any more questions?

Him; that ring

Me; what about it

Him; where did you get it from?

I didn’t answer him. What was I going to tell him? I didn’t want to lie, but at the same time I couldn’t tell
him the truth. I didn’t want to confuse him any further

Me; I got it from someone I used to know

Him; who

I looked away... I really needed to get out of here before I made things worse. Shit. I don’t know what I
was thinking wearing this damn ring.
Me; I should get going. You’ve got my details if you need anything else.

I rushed towards the door, but Siya got there first.

Him; not before you tell me where you got that ring from

Me; a friend

Him; who

Me; you won’t know him

Him; try me

Me; I should really get

He cut me off

Him; Miss Mokoena, I don’t like being lied to. Please just tell me where you got that ring from

I looked into his eyes, and saw so much confusion. I had no choice, but to tell him the truth.

Me; you.

He looked so confused

Me; I got the ring from you

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me

Him; you were in Cuba weren’t you?

Me; yes

Him; I thought you looked too familiar. but i still dont understand why. and why would i give you that
ring
ME; how did you know I was in Cuba

Him; your voice. I think I heard you the day I woke up. I just can’t remember what you said to me.

I sighed. I didn’t know what to say. Luckily someone knocked on the door.

Siya had no choice but to open.

He opened the door, and Hlokes was standing there. HE looked at Siya and I and knew something was
wrong

Him; is everything alright

Me; yah, I was just leaving

I didn’t say anything else. I just walked out. I needed to breath..

I got to my car and drove straight home. There was no use driving to the office.

This whole confrontation with Siya was beyond stressful. I wish he would just remember everything.

I don’t like lying to him. But I didn’t want to make things worse by confusing him.

I thought leaving Cuba would help me escape this nightmare, but it looked like no matter where I ran off
to. Siya always had a way of finding me.

49

When I got home, I put my phone on silent . It had been ringing non stop. I knew it was either Hlokes or
Siya, and I wasn't In the mood to deal with either of them.

I went upstairs to to change. I wore my jean shorts, a spaghetti strap top and my slippers

I went back downstairs and poured myself a glass of wine, and went to watch tv.

I was really hungry so I ordered pizza online.

I wanted to just eat, go to bed and forget about today

A while later, my intercom rang. I knew it was the delivery guy,so I just opened the garage door and
went to fetch my purse.

When I turned around Siya was standing behind me.

I swallowed. Shit

Him: can I come in

Me............. how did you know

He cut me off

Him: Hlokes

I swear I could kill hlokes.

Me: come in

Him; thank you

He walked in, and I walked us to the lounge

Me: can I get you something to drink

Him: I'll have what your having please

I stood up and went to the kitchen to get him a glass of wine. I was glad I got a moment to myself. I
needed to breath.

The knots in my stomach were tied to capacity.

I walked back to the lounge, gave him his wine, then sat opposite him.

We stayed in an awkward silence since couldn't take it anymore

Me: so what brings you here?

Him: you left so quickly, i didn't get a chance to ask you more questions

Me: about

Him:us

Me: Si, I mean Mr Ndhlovu,

Him: please forget the formalities. I have a feeling we are way past them

Me: (sigh) Siya, I've been told not to confuse you. I don't want

He cut me off

Him: please can I ask you to forget about what the doctors said, or what bullet says. I need you to tell
me the truth. Please, I know I wouldn't have given you that ring, if you didn't mean something to me.
Just tell me

My tears threatened my eyes. But I knew that I had to tell him the truth

Me: fine.

I was about to explain, when my intercom rang

Me: excuse me a minute.

I took my purse and went to pay the delivery guy, then came back and sat opposite Siya.
Me: can I offer you something to eat

Him: no thank you. All I'd like now is some answers

Me: you gave me this ring, the day you left for your mission

Him: so you and I were together?

Me: yes

Him: but when I woke up, you weren't there?

I tried not to cry, but a tear escaped

Me: Siya when you woke up, a lot of things happened. You asked for Linda, you didn't know anything
about us. I was asked to move out our bedroom to make space for you and linda. It just all got too much.
I had to come home

Him: who asked you to move out or room

Me: your mom

Him: you know my mom

Me: yes

Him: wow

Siya seemed like he was working a puzzle in his head.

I didn't say anything about me losing the twins, because I didn't want to burden him with too many
things.

I stood up and went to get him something to eat.

I didn't give him pizza, cause I had bought a veg pizza, and I knew he hated it. So I started cooking
instead,

I made him steak fillet with veg. Thank goodness for the Woolworths ready made veggies. All I had to to
was pop them in the microwave while I made the steak.
When I was done, I put his food on a tray and took it to him.

He looked at the food and smiled.

Me: I figured you'd be here for a while

Him: thank you

I sat opposite him and had my pizza

Him: so Linda and I weren't together while I was in Cuba?

Me: no. Why would you think that

Him: When I got home, all her stuff was in the main bedroom. But it just didn't feel right.

Me: so what now

Him: I need you to tell me everything about us

Me: there's too much to tell

Him: I'm not in a hurry

Me: don't you think it's enough for one day.

Him: not really, but i won't push

Me: thank you

We had dinner in the lounge while watching some senseless tv. I knew he wasn't the Siya I fell in live
with, but i felt like traces of him were there, which gave me hope.

After eating Siya took our dishes and washed them.

I went To my room to fetch something. I wanted to give him the letter Hlokes had given me.

I went back downstairs, and he was sitting in the lounge.

Him: I think I should get going

Me: before you leave, I wanted to give this to you.

He looked at the letter

Him: what is this.

Me: a letter you wrote to me. You asked Hlokes to give it to me, in case you didn't come home.

I watched him read the letter. When he was done, he looked at me.

Him: your pregnant

Me; I was when you left

Him: was

Me: I lost the twins, the day before you woke up

Him: I'm sorry

Me: don't be. It wasn't your fault

Him: none the less. You shouldn't have had to deal with all, of that alone

Me: I'm tougher than I look

Him: you sure are...... i should get going

Me: I'll walk you out

Him: thanks

I stood up and walked Siya out. When we got to his car, he turned to look at me..

Him; thank you for everything

Me: it's a pleasure

Him: Rifiloe, I'm really sorry about how things worked out. Maybe one day, I don't know, maybe in
another life, you and I might find a way back to each other.

I didn't know what to say, it felt like Siya was breaking up with me.

I know technically with everything that's happened we couldn't just pick up where we left off. But I
thought once he saw the letter, something would change. That maybe he would be willing to try. But in
guess I was wrong

Me: what are you saying

Him: I just don't want to keep you from enjoying your life. I know we had something before I left, but
right now I don't think I could be the man you need me to be.

Me: don't

Him: I have to. I can't have you waiting for me for God knows how long. It isn't fair. I want you to move
on. Find a man who isn't fucked up, and build a life. I'm sorry, I really am.

He didn't wait for me to say anything. He just gave me a kiss on the cheek, and got in his car and drove
off.

I stood there on the pavement looking like a love struck idiot. I was trying to register what he had just
said. I was such an idiot. I don't know why I thought Siya would want to be with me. He hardly knew
who I was.

I went back inside, and filled up my glass of wine.

I had tried so hard to put my broken heart back together, and now with just a few words Siya had ripped
it apart.

I guess it's for the best though, because now I would be able to focus 100% on me

I finished my glass, then went to bed. I was glad tomorrow was Friday. I had really had a busy week, so
it would be nice to just laze around a bit.

When I woke up on Friday,i was feeling a bit gloomy. I got up and went to get ready. I had quite a busy
day ahead of me, so I wore jeans with a white top, a leather summer jacket and my nike sneakers.
I was about to leave my room, when I noticed I still , had my ring on. I decided to put it in my bag. I think
its best to return it to Siya. There was no use keeping it anymore. The person who had made the
promise was gone, and I didn't want to have a constant reminder of him with me everyday

When I got into the office, I dug into my work. I needed to go through the budget for the couple of
upcoming events.

We usually have a gala dinner for our clients towards the end of each year, to thank them for their
support. We also have a charity event, where we invite our industry rivals, clients, associate and
employees

These two events usually happen within a couple of weeks from eachother. But because of the lack of
time before Christmas, I was trying to find a way of turning both events into just one event. That way
we save money and we are still able to have both events.

At around lunchtime, Jason came to my office.

Him: I come bearing lunch

Me: thank God... I'm famished

Me: are you ok? You haven't left your office, since you came in

Me: I'm fine, just trying to get the figures for the gala and charity dinner, done before i go home. We
need to start sending out invitations on Monday.

Him: sounds like your in for a long night

Me: more like a long weekend. I still need to go through the candidates for my PA post. Oh and I need to
find an event's planner, who can put th I together within a month

Him: Damn.......but you seem to work well under presure

Me: true. Have you found your PA?

Him; I'm keeping Laura, my uncle's PA.

Me: good idea.

Him: why not promote Anna, and have her find a new receptionist?

Me: your a genius. Why didn't I think of that. Thank you

Him: my pleasure

Jason stayed a while longer. I was really grateful he bought me lunch.

When he left, I called Anna into my office. I wanted to see if she would be interested in taking the
position of my PA

Me: thanks for coming Anna. Please close the door

Her: is everything alright Fifi?

Me: yes. Please sit

She sat down, shame she looked a bit nervous

Me: I'll get straight to the point. I wanted to known if you would be interested in being my PA? I know
you've been with the company for a while and you know everything there is to know about the business.
I think you would be a perfect fit

She looked at me with disbelief

Me: we would obviously renegotiate you salary, and redo your contract.

Her: yes.. I would be honoured.

Me: I'm glad. I'll get HR onto it right away

Her: thank you

Me: you should thank Jason. It was his idea.

Her: I will

Anna walked out my office with a big smile on her face. I was glad she took my offer.

I sent an e-mail to HR. I needed them to get this going as soon as possible.

Sometime later I was going through my bag looking for lip ice, when I saw Siya's ring.
I had totally forgotten about it.

I phoned Anna. I needed her to get our driver to drop it off.

Luckily the driver hadn't gone home yet. So I put the ring in an envelope and wrote a little note to go
with it.

" I thought best to return this to you.

You made that promise, when you were somone else

It wouldn't be fair of me to keep it.

I hope you find all the answers you are looking for.

Love

Fifi

I put the note inside the envelope. And asked the driver to make sure he hands it to "Mr Ndhlovu"
personally. I didn't want it getting lost.

It wasn't easy giving that ring back. But I couldn't honestly hold Siya to a promise he didn't even
remember making.

I had promised to let him go. And now I really had.

50

I spent the rest of my Friday working, my butt off.

I eventually got through everything I needed to get through and went home.
I had no plans a for the weekend, so I called Thandeka.

I hadn't really been the greatest friend lately. And I really missed my girls

Her: Mzala. Your alive

Me": hey zalas, how are you

Her: pissed at you

Me: I know.. I'm sorry

Her: where are you kodwa

Me: I'm back in S.A

Her: you should come over tomorrow. I'll let the girls know your coming. We can all chill

Me: sounds like a plan

Her: we've really missed you.

Me: I've missed you too

Her: I'll see you tomorrow then. Let's say 13:00

Me: Sharp zalas

Her: Sharp

I felt a bit better after speaking to Tee. I was really looking forwards to catching up with girls.

When I got home I made myself dinner and went to watch tv. I was busy eating when my phone rang. I
looked at the caller ID and it was Hlokes

Me: hey you

Him: don't hey you me.

Me: what did I do now?

Him: how are you giving up on him so easily?

Me: Hlokes don't start. Siya made it clear we were done.

Him: and since when do you listen to what Ghost says?

Me: since he's not the same Siya he was before this whole thing happened. I can't make him fall in love
with me Hlokes.

Him : Will , you two ever get your shit together

Me: maybe one day. Who knows

Him: haai,no i gìve up shem.

Me: I've got to run. Im exhausted

Him: I'll see you around

Me: when do you guys go back to Cuba

Him: not sure. All depends on ghost. But for now we're still around

Me: Sharp

Him: sure

After speaking to Hlokes, I went straight to bed. I was so tired. But first I had a nice long bubble bath.

I woke up the following morning with missed calls from Siya.I had forgotten I left it on silent after
speaking to Hlokes i went to brush my teeth then called him back.

He answered

Him : Rifiloe

Me; hi

Him: thanks for calling me back

Me: what's up

Him: I got the ring

Me: oh

Him: Rifiloe, why did you give it back

Me; I thought it best

Him: but it was a gift to you. Why would you give it back
Me: because Siya. That ring represents a promise you made. Now you can't keep to that promise, so it's
better to give it back to you. I couldn't possibly keep it

Him: I'm sorry

Me: stop apologising. It's not your fault

Him: I also found something else

Me: what

Him: the video and ultrasound of the twins

Me: oh. I totally forgot to delete it. I'm sorry

Him: don't. I'm glad I got to see them

Me: I should get going

Him: I guess I'll see you around

Me: Sharp.

I put the phone down. Gosh I wished he would just remember already. I miss him so much.

Evrrytime I hear his voice, it just takes me back to the first time he kissed me, or the first time we made
love.

How was I ever going to love another man? Haai cha life can really be unfair.

I went downstairs to have breakfast, then went to the gym.

My body was starting to show, that I was becoming lazy. I needed to start toning up. Especially my
stomach.

I spent over 2 hours at the gym. Every muscle in me was aching, but it was so worth it.

When I got home I took a bath, I was already late for Thandeka house. So I made it a quick one.

I got dressed in ripped blue jeans, with a white t-shirt and my white all stars.
I was about to leave when I got a call from Thandeka

Her: zala

Me: I'm on my way

Her: have you left

Ms: not yet

Her: change of plans. Please try keep an open mind

Me; ok

Her: I totally forgot that I've got builders coming to the house today.

Me: okay

Her: can we come over to you?

Me: sure

Her: but the guys want to come as well. We were all going to have a braai

Me: as in your hubbies

Her: yes

Me: it's cool man. Stop being so intense.

Her: your the best

Me: are you still at your place

Her yah,

Me: cool, gives me enough time To go the shop's

Her: dont buy alcohol loyiso and the guys already brought

Me: I'll just buy meat

Her: Hamm ok

Me: relax tee. I know your probably freaking out. I dont mind

Her: your a star

Me: I'll see you in about an hour

Her: Sharp
I took my keys and went to the shop's. I knew if the girls and their hubbies were all coming, I'd need
tons of meat. I went to a near by butchers and got everything I needed.

I know Thandeka said not to bug alcohol, but i was fast running out of wine, and since I was already at
the mall, I might as well get some more.

I went to the bottle store and bought 5 bottles of white and 5 of red.

I had finished paying, when I saw Hlokes walking with a lady I didn't know.

He spotted me and came in my direction.

Him: fancy seeing you here

Me; hi Hlokes

Him: ohh, fif his is boniswa. Bono this is fifi

I shook her hand. And said hi.

Hlokes looked at my shopping cart

Him: what's with all the boose

Me: oh, I've got people coming over

Him: your having a party and you don't invite me

Me: it wasn't planned

Him; well, what time must we be there?

I looked at him. Hlokes had no manners

Me: people should start arriving in about an hour

Him: cool we'll be there

Me: ok, I'll see you guys then

Him: can we bring anything

Me: nope, I'm all sorted. Just bring yourselves

Him: cool.

I said goodbye to boniswa and left. I was really glad to see Hlokes moving on.

When I got home, I put the store bought salads in salad bowls. Then took out plastic baths and filled
them with ice, so that they could put the alcohol in there.

Thandeka and the gang arrived while I was trying to get my music system to work.

I gave them all hugs. I had really missed all of them.

Loyiso (Thandekas husband) and the rest of guys went to fill th tubs with alcohol While the ladies and I
went upstairs to have a catch up session

Thandeka: so zala, tell us why you went all Awol on us

Me: I was out the country. I'm sorry guys

Nwabisa: Mara what kind of friend goes all the way to Cuba and doesn't tell her friends

Me: it was very last minute. I'm sorry

Cleo: so where is this man of yours who drags you all across the world

Me: we broke up

They all looked at me

Cleo: so zalas you are going to bring up your baby all , by yourself

Shit, I had forgotten they didn't know about the miscarriage

Me: I lost the babies

They all looked at me with even wider eyes

Nwabisa: babies

Me: there were twins

Thandeka: askies mzala man. No wonder you've been so distant

Me: can we forget about all of this, and go downstairs. I just want to unwind

Nwabisa: not before we give you an group hug

I laughed. We all stood up and they gave me a group hug.

I was really glad they decided to come over.

We went downstairs to chill with the guys.

Before I knew it this so called get together had turned into a full blown house party.

There were more and more people arriving. Some I knew by some were strangers.

Thankfully my veranda was big enough to accommodate everyone.

By now we had changed into our bikini tops and shorts, and had turned the party into a pool party

I was busy dancing with Cleo, when Thandeka ran to us.

Her: zala, don't look now, but your ex just arrived

Me: oh
I carried on dancing with Cleo, because I assumed she was referring to Hlokes. Plus I was on my 2nd
bottle of wine, so I wad at the i don't care stage

I was really enjoying myself.

Cleo and I stopped dancing becuase we wanted to get into the pool. I was going to go get us towels,
when I saw Hlokes, standing with Siya and boniswa.

I think I became sober almost immediately. Hlokes hadn't mentioned coming with Siya.

I didn't want to seem rude, so I went to say hello.

Siya looked so Damn good. I'm so used to seeing him in suits, it was nice seeing him in causa clothes for
a change

Me: hey.... I didn't see you guys arrive

Hlokes: we got here about 10 min ago

Me: I'm glad you could make it.

Siya: I hope you don't mind, Hlokes basically dragged me here

Me: not at all....

Me: we wanna play water volleyball, are you guys game

Hlokes: but we didn't bring anything to swim

Me: not to worry, Siya left some of his things here the last time we went swimming Siya: I did?

Me: yep

Hlokes: I'm in.

Siya: sure

Me:boni, come with me, I've got a spear costume. I'm sure it will fit.

I went upstairs and gave boniswa a costume and shorts she could change into. Then went back down.
I bumped into Siya on the stairs. It was a bit awkward but i was a bit tipsy which I guess is a good thing,
becuase my tipsiness it gave me some courage nyana. I could smell his cologne. It smelled so damn
good

Him: I was hoping I would run into you

Me: what's up?

Him: you mind showing me where I kept my stuff

me: dure

I showed Siya to my bedroom.., he looked around while I looked in my closed for his stuff

Him: you've got quite a nice place here

Me: thanks

Him: so how often was I here

Me: pretty often

I laid his shorts on the bed, with one of his t-shirts he had left.

Me: I'll give you space to change. I'll be downstairs if you need me

Him: thanks

I took an extra pair of shorts and a t-shirt for Hlokes and went downstairs.

When I got to the veranda, some of the single people were playing spin the bottle. I didn't participate
though. There was no way I was going to kiss a total stranger.

Instead i joined Cleo and nwabisa in the pool, then Thandeka and boniswa finally joined us.

I introduced boniswa to the girls, I didn't want her to feel unwelcome.

Siya and Hlokes, and some of the other guys came to join us.

I got to see Siyas scar for the first time. It wasn't as big as I thought it would be. And it made him sexier if
that was even possible.

We all got in positions. It was the girls versus te guys. We agreed that the team that losing would have
to take 5 shots each or play truth or dear

I'm not one to mix alcohol. So I didn't plan on losing., and there was no way I was playing truth or dare. I
just hoped the girls were good at playing volleyball

Needless to say we lost pretty badly. The guys were mercyless. Siya scored the winning goal.

I looked at him shaking my head, and he mouthed sorry, then smiled.

I rolled my eyes at him.

Hlokes got out the pool to fetch the vodka. I tried running away before anyone noticed,because I really
didn't want to drink the shots, but Siya pulled me back in the pool playfully. I tried freeing my wrist but
he held on tighter, all the while smiling

Him: where do you think your going?

Me: getting the hell out of here. There's no way I'm drinking those shots

Hin: a deals a deal

Me: half these people are drunk. They won't even notice I'm not here

Him: I'd notice

Me: that's because your sober

Him: maybe

Hlokes came back while I was talking to Siya

Him: so who's first.

I looked at Thandeka, and she raised her hand.

She drowned all 5 shots as if she were a professional

Then nwabisa, then Cleo

There was no way I was doing shots. So boniswa and i opted for truth or dare.

The guys then decided to change the rules. If we weren't going to do shots, then we had to choose dare.

Shit

I tried to talk myself out of it but they all insisted.

So we went with the dare.

They started with boniswa. They dared her to hold her breath under water for longer than 10 seconds.

She let out a sigh of relief, and completed her dare.

I looked at them and prayed they would give me an easy one like her.

Hlokes: ok fifi, now your turn

Me: be nice

Him: I dare you to kiss anyone in this pool, who isn't here with someone

Oh gosh, I wished I could ask the ground to open, so it could swallow me. The only person in the pool
who wasn't with someone was Siya. And Hlokes knew that

I looked at Siya and he looked game.

Me; but that's not fair. Why did Boni get such an easy one

Hlokes: fifi, a bet is a bet. So who is it going to be

Me: isn't that obvious

Him: so get on with it

I looked at hlokes, and he was really enjoying torturing me.

Nxa, what the hell, its not like I hadn't kissed Siya before.

I walked to Siyas end of the pool and stood in front of him.

Me: lookes like your the only one who isn't here with someone

Him: I'm all yours

I leaned in and gave him a baby kiss then pulled away

Everyone started protesting.

Me: what? you said a kiss. I kissed him mos

Loyiso: that's not what we meant. You've got to give him a real kiss

Me: but you guys aren't fair yaz

Hlokes: we not letting you go that easily.

Mxm, I turned around to face Siya again, and he was laughing.

Me: it's not funny

Him: I don't make the rules

Me: you game?

Him: I'd be crazy not to be

Me: mxm

Siya leaned in, and put his lips on mine.

I didn't move for a few seconds. I just breathed him in. It felt like i hadn't kissed him in an eternity

I put my arms around his neck, and stated kissing him.

He put his hands around my waist and kissed me back so tenderly I thought I was going to perspire... it
felt like it was my first time kissing him. We both knew there were people around us, but we didn't
break our kiss, instead Siya deepened it.

We finally pulled back when Hlokes shouted "get a room"

Siya looked at me but didn't let go of my waist.

Him: I hope that wasn't to bad

Me: not at all

He chuckled then let go of me.

There really was no denying the chemistry between us.

No matter how much we pulled in separate directions, the universe had a way of pushing us back
together.

51

The party went on for hours.

People only started leaving at around 2:00am.

By then I was sober as a judge. I had switched from wine to water at around 11:00pm.

Thandeka and the girls wanted to stay and clean up, but i told them not to worry. I'd do it in the
morning.

Hlokes decided he was too tired to go home😕 so he and Boni went to sleep in one of the spare
bedrooms.

Siya on the other hand was getting ready to go.

Him: thanks for having me. I had a good time

Me: I'm glad you could come

Him: i should get going

I looked at the time and it was 3:00am

Me; siya it's 3 in the morning, I've got a spare bedroom if you like

Him: you don't mind

Me: not at all

Him; lead the way.

We walked upstairs and I showed Siya to the room he'd be sleeping in.

Me: if you need an extra blankets or towels, their in the closet.

Him; I should be fine

Me; ok.... goodnight

Him: more like good morning

Me: (giggles) ya,

I walked out to leave but Siya held my hand.

I turned and looked at him.. he had this dreamy lustful look in his eyes

Him; don't go

I didn know what he meant, so I just stood there, trying to remember to breath

Siya pulled me closer.

Him: I Want to kiss you again

I didn't respond. I was way too turned on. I just nodded

Siya, put his lips on mine again. This time I didn't move. I was trying to make my brain register that this
wasn't a dream.

He parted my lips with his tounge, and started kissing me,

I put my hands around his neck, and He put his around my waist.

His kiss was so gentle and slow, like we were dancing the waltz. He may not remember me, but he sure
as hell remebers how to turn me on.

We may have started slow, but the kiss started getting more deeper and lustful.

I knew if I didn't stop it now, we would end up in bed, and I wasn't sure I could live with myself if we did.
It would feel like I was using him.

I pulled away slowly.

Him: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have

Me: don't be
Him: what is it with you and me. I try telling myself to let you go, but i just can't seem to. Something just
keeps pulling Me back to you

Me; I don't know if I want you to let me go

Him: I don't want to hurt you

Me: so what now

Him: we forget about tomorrow, or the future. And we conserntrate on what we want now.

Me: what do you want now

Him: I don't think ive ever wanted anyone, like I want you at this very moment

I took a deep breath. I wanted him too.

I held his hand, and walked out the spare into my room.

I didn't want to be right next door Hlokes and Boni😉

When we got to my room, I stood in front of Siya again.

Me: where were we

He didn't answer, instead he put his hands on my back and started untangling my bikini top, while
kissing my neck.

He finally got it lose and tossed it aside, then he took a step back. Admiring the view

Him: gosh your perfect

I blushed a bit.

He came closer again, and started kissing me while his hands played with my nipples.
He stopped kissing me, and moved his mouth onto my nipples. I held onto him for dear life, because I
knew if i didn't, I would fall over.

Siya stood back up and looked at me.

Him; I think im in love with you

I didnt respond. Instead i took off his T-shirt and ran my hands over his scar.

Me: I don't think I could ever stop loving you

I started Unbuttoning his jeans. He didn't take his eyes off mine.

When I was done, and he was naked, I took a step back

Him: like what you see

Me (giggles) love

Him: well now that I'm in my birthday suit, what are you going to do with me

Me: I'm going to have my way with you

Him: (chuckles)

I keeled in front of him, and put him in my mouth.

A small groan escaped his throat

I started with just kissing the tip, then licked it.

Siya had his eyes on me. I put the rest of him In my mouth. I had never done this with Siya before, but it
was kind of empowering. I was so used to having him take control in the bedroom. It felt good to see
him vulnerable.

Siya pulled me up when he couldn't take it anymore

Him: your trying to unman me

Me: I don't see you complaining

Him (chuckles)

He moved me onto the bed, and started taking off my shorts. Then my bikini bottoms.

He kissed me from my toes all the way to my to the tip of my kingdom. Then he started on the other
foot and went all the way to the tip again. Siya really had me squirming and he knew it.

Me:Si

Him:Sshhh

When he finally put his lips on my kingdom I let out a sound of plesure which only made him eat me
even more.

Siya finally stopped when he sensed I was about to come.

I swear I wanted to kill him.

Me: Siyaaa

Him: I want to look at you

He got on top and spread my legs. He entered me so slowly.

His eyes were on mine. He finally started moving, he started out slow,but then started picking up his
pace.

We both finally exploded with our names in each other's mouths.

🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊

Siya collapsed on top of me, gosh he has no idea how heavy he is .

Me: Si. ... your crushing me

He didn't move, he just giggled, so I moved my hands and started tickling him. He immediately jumping
up and looked at me with a smile

Him: so you you wanna play tickling.

Me: Siya don't you dare.

Him: what's stopping me

Me: I'll scream

Him; I don't care

He started tickling me and Damn it I screamed. I hate being tickled.

Me: Siya stop

Him: give me a kiss first

Me: ok ok ok

He stopped tickling me. And leaned in to kiss me.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door. We both froze

Hlokes: are you two ok in there

I looked at Siya and giggled

Him: dude we're fine

Hlokes: nxa, I thought something was wrong.

Him : no need to worry.... all is well

We heard Hlokes walking back to the other room

Me: you see what you did.

Him: he'll be fine

I looked at my watch and it was already 4am

Me: we should get some sleep

We opened up the covers and got in. I know that this may not be the same Siya I fell for, and maybe it
was an mistake sleeping with him. But for now we were both happy and that's all that mattered.

We drifted off in each other's arms.

The following morning or should I say afternoon I woke up with Siya wrapped around me.

I moved a bit, but he pulled me in

Him; morning

Me; I think its afternoon

Him; where you going

Me; I need to pee and then freshen up

Him: run us a bath

Me: sure

I tried getting up but he pulled me back into the bed

Him: I think your forgetting something

Me: what
Him: a good morning kiss

I smiled and gave him a kiss, and he let go

I went to run us a bubble bath, while made the bed.

Siya got in the bath first, then I followed.

I sat in between his legs, and lay my head on his chest.

Him: fifi

Me: mhmm

Him: I think.........no .......actually I know I'm in love with you

Me: (sigh) one night with me and you think your in love, Siya you can't love someone you don't know

Him; don't do that

Me: do what

Him: make last night seem like a mistake

Me: I just think I shouldn't have let it go that far. Now you feel obliged to want to be with me.

Him: Rifiloe , I may have lost my memory, but it doesn't mean I don't know what love is. What
happened last night was not a mistake. I wanted to be with you as much as you wanted to be with me.
There's nothing wrong with that.

Me: but

Him: but nothing. We need to find a way to make this work

Me: I hear you

Him: good

Me: your still stubborn as hell

Him: (chuckles) I'm a man who knows what he wants. I wanted you then. I want you now

Me: well I guess there's no use arguing, but I'm worried about your memory

Him: don't be. I think some of it is slowly coming back.

I shifted so I could look at him

Me: what do you mean

Him: I'm not really proud of some of what I remembered

Me: just tell me

Him: I remember the day I lay a hand on you

Me: oh,

Him: I'm sorry

Me; don't be. We were way past that when you left

I leaned in, and gave him a kiss.

Him: we should get out. The waters getting cold.

We got out and he dried me off then we got dressed.

When we got down stairs Hlokes and Boni were cleaning up.

Siya joined them while i made brunch.

I laid out the table and called everyone to come eat.

I was avoiding eye contact with Hlokes. He kept on looking my way.

Hlokes: So I'm guessing by the loud banging last night, you two are back together

I turned pink. Hlokes has no filter whatsoever

Siya: shut up bullet

Hlokes: I was just saying

Boniswa smiled and i smiled back.

We enjoyed the rest of our brunch making small conversation.

Siyas phone rang, and he looked at the caller ID then put it back in his pants.

I had a feeling it was Linda. But I didn't say anything.

After brunch, Siya helped me with the dishes.

Him: we should get going.

Me: so soon

Him: Hlokes and I have a meeting with the lieutenant tomorrow. I need to make sure we're prepared

Me: sounds serious

Him: he needs to evaluate if I'm still fit enough to lead the team

Me: oh

Him: what's wrong

Me: nothing.... I'm just going to miss you

Him; I'll see you tomorrow night

Me: sounds like a plan

I didn't want to say anything about him leaving the ops team. I known he had promised. But I felt like he
had to take that decision on his own again. For now all I could do was take things one day at a time. And
hope that this time round nothing comes between us.

52
When siya and i were done with the dishes, Hlokes went to drop Boni at home.

While Siya stayed with me for a while longer.

Him: so what are you going to do for the rest of the day

Me: sleep

Him: but you just woke up

Me: if I remember correctly somone kept me up much longer THAN I needed to be up

Him: I don't remember you complaining

Me: (chuckles ) true, but now your going and I don't have anyone to tuck me in

He looked at his watch

Him: hlokes should be here in about 20mins. I can cuddle you till then

Me; I guess it's better than nothing

Him: don't pout

Me: don't go

Him: but babe

Me:I know

Him: I'll be back tomorrow night. I promise

Me;fine

We walked upstairs, and got in my blankies.

Siya stayed with me till i fell asleep.

I didn't even hear him leave.

I must've slept through out the afternoon. Because I was woken up by my phone ringing and it was just
after 6pm

I looked at the caller and it was Linda , I immediately rejected her call.

I had absolutely nothing to say to that woman

I tried going back to sleep, but sleep had decided to desert me, so I went down stairs and made myself
tea and rusks.

The weather was so bad. It was drizzling outside. And here I was alone watching tv on a Sunday. Haai,
Siya was wicked shame.

As I was thinking about Siya my phone rang. I smiled cause it was him

Me: babe

Him: hey...your up

Me: yaah... I'm sitting watching tv in this horrid weather all alone

Him: I'm sorry babe

Me: you still, busy

Him: I just finished

Me: come over

Him: tempting

Me: I'll make you dinner

Him: and

Me: I'll give you a kiss

Him: I'm not quite convinced

Me: I'll do anything

Him: anything?

Me: as long as it doesn't include blood. I'm game

Him: ok, open the garage

Me: your here

Him: open and you'll see

Me: you better not be playing with me

Him: well there's only one way to find out

I got up and went to my garage. When I opened the garage, Siya was standing next to his Ferrari with a
bouquet of roses. I ran to him and gave him a hug.

Him: at least your happy to see me

Me: of course I am

Him: give me my kiss to prove it

I leaned in and gave him a kiss

Him: these are for you

Me: thank you babe, they're beautiful. I'll go put these in a vase, while you park your car.

I took my roses, and went to find a vase.

Siya walked in while I was sorting my flowers.

He put my hands around my waist and kissed my neck

Him: I think i heard you say something about dinner

Me: well, I can make you dinner, or we can skip straight to dessert.

Him; mhmm I'll take dessert

Me: good pick

I turned around and kissed Siya. He picked me up and carried me up the stairs.

We made love again and again. We both couldn't get enough of each other.

After our 2nd round, we took a quick shower and went downstairs to make dinner

It was really cold outside so I wanted to make something hearty, but Siya wasn't patient enough to wait,
so I made spaghetti and meatballs instead.

Him: are we going to eat down here or upstairs ?

Me: upstairs. It's warmer

Him: you walk up first so I can see your bum

I burst out laughing... 🙊 and walked upstairs.

We had dinner in bed, while watching tv...

My phone kept on ringing, but I kept ignoring it.

Siya looked at me

Him: you should get that

Me: nope,

Him: who is it

Me: see for yourself

He picked up my phone and saw it was Linda. He answered

Him:Linda
Her: so your with her

Him: where else would I be

Her: after everything I've done for you. The minute you start getting better, you run into her arms. The
same woman your mother hates.. have you on shame Siyabonga

Him: is that all

Her: si

He dropped the call. I didn't bother asking what she wanted.

I was just glad he was handling her.

We finished eating and I took the plates downstairs

Siya and I spent our evening in bed. Mainly watching tv. I could tell he had something on his mind, but i
didn't want to push him.

Him: babe

Me: mhmm

Him: I might be going back to Cuba soon. Depending on my assessment tomorrow

Me: mhmm

Him; I was wondering if you would consider coming with me?

I sat up and looked at him. I knew this was going to turn into an argument.

Me: babe, I can't just up and leave

Him: it will only be for a few weeks

Me: Siya, I've just been made CFO. I can't disappear for weeks on end

Him: but babe, you don't need to work

Me: Siya, let's not go there

Him: why not? I make and have enough money for the both of us
Me: Siya, its not about money.

Him; what's it about

Yho, Siya is so Damn stubborn. But this was one thing I wasn't willing to compromise on.

Me: it's about me having my independence. I work not becuase i have to but because I want to

Him: so you expect me to leave you here, while I go to Cuba. You can't be serious

Me: why dont you quit your job and come stay in South Africa. You could run your company on a full
time basis

Him: it's not that easy

Me: neither is it for me. I also have a company to run. You can't expect me to drop that and Chase after
you like a love stuck teenager

Him: God your stubborn

Me: not as stubborn as you are.

He laughed. Thank God. I was begging to think we were going to have a full on fight

Him: so what do you suggest we do

Me: take it a day at a time. We'll figure all that out when we get to it

Him: fine

Me; don't pout

Him: men don't pout

Me: but your pouting

Him: mcm

I shifted, so I could sit on his lap, facing him.

Me; babe, I love you. You love me. We'll find a way to make this work
Him: I guess your right

Me: good

Him: so tell me about this promotion of yours

Me: oh, that. I was made CFO and Jason was made CEO

Him: who's Jason

Me: my boss's nephew

Him: how old is he?

Me: I think about your age

Him; is he married

Me: no

Him: do you work closely with him

Me: what's with the interrogation

Him: I need to determine if he's a threat

I laughed

Me: babe, jealousy doesn't suit you. Jason and I are colleagues, and that's never going to change

Him: has he made a pass at you

Me: no. But we did go out to dinner on Wednesday. We were celebrating our promotion

Siya looked a bit off. I don't know why I told him about dinner

Him: I don't like him

Mr: Siya, you don't even know him

Him; just make sure he stays in his lane

Me: I see you haven't lost your possessive streak

Him: do you blame me? I've lost you once. I'm not losing you again

Me: stop exadurating You have nothing to worry about

Him: do you mind if I get my guys to do a background search on him

Me: yes

Him: but

I cut him off with a kiss.

Me: you talk too much

He tried saying something but i kept in kissing him.

I know with Siya he always has to have the last word. So it's better to distract him.

We made out while watching TV. I was glad he had dropped the work subject. Because there was
nothing he could say to make me quit my job. I've been to Cuba with him before, and it nearly broke us.
I didnt want to go there again any to soon

😴😴😴😴😴

Siya spent the night. I was glad we were finally spending time together, but i was a bit nervous that he
might be leaving for Cuba soon. I also wanted to adress the Linda issue, but i didn't know how.

If he was going to Cuba, I didn't want Linda being there.

I'm not comfortable with having her there with him while I'm all the way in S.A, but none the less we
would address that when we crossed that bridge.

I woke up on Monday morning with Siya fast asleep next to me. I didn't want to wake him cause he
looked so peace full, but i didn't want Him being late for his assessment.

So I first went downstairs and made him coffee, then I came up to wake him.

Me: babe, wake up

Him: mhmhhh

Me: I've put your coffee on the sideboard.

I left him there rubbing his eyes like a 5 year old, and went to shower.

I was about to come out the shower when he came to join me

Him; where you off to

Me: I need to get going or I'll be late

Him: it's only 7am

Me: exactly. It takes me about 45min for me to get ready, and I've still got to sit in teaffic

Him: your the CFO , no one will notice if your a few minutes late.

Me: I lead by example

Him: all i need is 5mins

I giggled, cause I knew quickies weren't his thing.

We ended up having a quicky in the shower. Siya was really a bad influence

I got out the shower, and got dressed in record time.

Now the problem was to get my hair to behave.

I tried getting it to behave, but it wasn't participating, so I tied it up in a bun instead, and did my make
up.

When Siya came out the shower it was already 07:50am.

I was beyond late.

Me: babe, I'm off

He was looking at what I was wearing

Him: that suit looks good on you

Me: thanks babe

Him: isn't it a bit short

Me: Siya, I'm wearing stockings underneath

Him: I know

Me: I love you babe.

Him: what about your keys

Me: I'll get them from you later

Him: ok.

I gave him a quick kiss and headed out the door.

I didn't want to even entertain my wardrobe choices with him.

I drove to work like a maniac. I really didn't like being late. But unfortunately traffic wasn't on my side.

I only got to work at 8:30am, all because of Siyas shananigans

When I arrived at work Anna wasn't at reception, so I went straight to my office.

I found her there with a fresh cup of coffee in her hand

Her: morning fifi

Me: morning Anna

Her: I made you coffee

Me: thank you've

Her: you settled in. I've got a few things i need to run through with you

I gave Anna a smile, she was so efficient.

Me: take a seat, we might as well start now

She sat down, and I took my coffee and put on my laptop

Her: we've got a couple of things that need your approval

Me:such as

Her: I need to send out the invitations for the gala/ charity dinner but we still haven't confirmed a date.

Me: I was going through the figures on Friday. I'm thinking of combining the two events into one.

Her: sounds like a good idea

Me: please find us an event's planner and set up an appointment for sometime this week. Ill email you a
date once ive spoken to jason

Her: ill get onto it as soon as we're Done here

We went through the rest of the list Anna had. I couldn't beleive that my first day as CFO I already had
so many things to do. Not that I mind though. I loved it.

Her: before I forget, this arrived for you this morning.

She gave me a package. It didn't have a return address.

I opened it and found a note

" Memory loss or not, I don't break promises

I expect to see this on your finger everyday,

 until I replace it with An engagement ring

Love Mr Bossy pants

I opened the little box and found my ring in it.

Anna smiled

Her: it's beautiful

Me: it isn't it

Her: he must be very special

Me: he is

Her: I should get back to my desk.

She stood up and walked out. I put my ring on, and decided to call Mr Bossy pants

Him: hey babe

Me: hi Mr Bossy pants

Him: I see you received my package

Me: I did

Him: I meant what I said, I don't want you taking that ring off ever again.

Me: yes sir

Him; I've got to run babe. I'm going into my meeting

Me: Sharp

Him; I love you

Me: I love you too

There was a time in our life, where I thought Siya and I wouldn't make it. But now I had hope that
despite it all we actually had a chance at our very own happily ever after.
53

After speaking to Siya, I got back to work.

I sent the final dates for the charity Gala dinner to Anna. I wanted to make sure that this night goes
without a hitch. But we were also really tight on time, since we were already at the end of October, and
this needed to happen before the December.

Jason popped into my office at around lunch time

Him; hey stranger

Me; Hi Mr CEO

Him; how was the weekend?

Me; good thanks and yours

Him; I woked through the weekend.

Me; damn

Him; tell me about it… Anyway, I came to speak to you regarding the figures for the charity gala.

Me; im all ears

Him; all looks well, but I’m worried about time. This event is the first with you and I being in charge. I
want to make sure it goes well.

Me; I’m meeting with an events planner, today at 3pm, I’m sure we’ll be fine

Him; you sure

ME; yes, the save the dates have been mailed to all our guests. They should be receiving the invitations
first thing tomorrow

Him; including the clients who are overseas

Me; yep

Him; sounds like you have everything under control

Me; I’m only managing the financial side. Anna’s the one who’s making sure everything gets done

Him; Good
ME; now that you’re here, I need to discuss something with you

Him; sounds serious

Me; its about my personal life

Him; okay

Me; I’m dating someone, who also happens to be a client

Him; O-kay. Is he one of your clients or someone else’s?

Me; one of mine

Him; damn

Me; I thought its best I told you about it I don’t want people getting the wrong impression.

Him; thanks for telling me. But I think you need to hand over his account to someone else. The last
thing I want is a lawsuit on our hands, should you guys breakup

ME; He wouldn’t do that

Him; I’m not saying he wold. But the lawyer in me always prepares for the worst

Me; ok... Ill discuss it with him tonight

Him; cool… let me let you get back to work.

He walked out.. I was glad I told him about Siya and Me being together. I don’t want any secrets that will
bite me in the butt business wise.

Speaking about Siya... I need to go to the chemist to get the morning after pill... We haven’t really been
very responsible when coming to our sex life. We should’ve used protection.

The last thing we need is me falling pregnant right now. We’re just getting back on the mend, we are
not even close to being ready to have children.

I decided I’d go to the chemist after work on my way home. I also put a reminder in my diary for me to
set up an appointment with my gynaecologist, I need to get on a contraceptive ASAP

I had lunch at my desk, then at 3pm, the event planner arrived.

We went through the requirements for the gala dinner. She seemed really hands on, so we hired her
on the spot. It’s not like we had any alternatives.
I left that meeting feeling lighter than when I walked in.

I felt between Anna and the Planner. Everything should be in order.

By the time I looked at my watch, it was already 5pm, I still needed to get my keys from Siya and pop
past the chemist, so I decided to call Siya

Him; hey babe

Me; hey, you busy ?

Him; no, just about to leave the office now

ME; oh, are you coming to my place

Him; do you want me to

Me; yes

Him; ok, I’ll meet you there in about 20min

Me; I’m going past the chemist on my way home. I’m sure you’ll get there before me

Him; chemist? What’s wrong?

Me; I just need to get a few things

Him; things like?

ME; ill discuss it with you when I get home

Him; ok.. Drive safely

Me; ok babe... Bye

Him; Bye

I didn’t want to discuss my trip to the chemist with Siya over the phone. I preferred to get home and
discuss it then.

I left the office and went to the nearest chemist. I found what I was looking for and went home.

When I got home Siya was already home. I could smell the aroma of whatever he was making, all the
way from the garage.

I have no idea what he was cooking, but whatever it was made my mouth water.
I found him in the kitchen with an apron on. I looked at him and smiled.

Who thought that this special ops/gang leader Zulu man, would have an apron on in my kitchen?

I really was blessed.

I went to give him a kiss, then put my laptop bag on the counter.

Me; what you making?

Him; roast lamb with baked potatoes and some side veggies

Me; smells amazing … I didn’t know you could cook

Him; My mom taught me well

Me; remind me to thank her

Him; don’t get used to this.. And don’t you say a word to my team about it

Me; (giggles) why not?

Him; they already think you make me soft, So if they found out I was cooking for you I would never hear
the end of it

Me; mxm, they need to mind their own business.

Him; yahh….. So how was your day?

Me; busy… but nothing I couldn’t handle. How was yours?

Him; good... I met with the lieutenant. He’s put me back in charge

Me; oh

Him; you could sound more mhappy for me

Me; I am... It’s just that… never mind

Him; spit it out

Me; I thought you were going to be taking a step back from the unit.. Siya you’ve just back on your feet
and now your back to being in the force. Shouldn’t you be taking it easy

Him; I love that you care, but I’m fine babe.

Me; ………………………
I didn’t know what to say.. Siya had promised he would leave the force, but now he was back to being in
charge.

I know he made that promise before he lost his memory, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit sad.

How are we going to make all of this work when he’s all over the world, fighting gangs and shit?

Siya came to where I was standing, and lifted my face with his finger

Him; babe, we’ll make it work. I promise

Me; I know we will. I just worry about you

Him; babe I’ve been in the force for more than 10 years, and I’ve only been shot once. That says
something about my capabilities

Me; I guess your right

Him; can I kiss it better

Me; not this time

Him; fine, so tell me why you went to the chemist

I rolled my eyes and went to the fridge. If I was going to discuss this with Siya, I would need a glass of
wine first.

I poured us both a glass of white wine, then sat on the counter.

Me; I needed to get the morning after pill

Siya stopped what he was doing and looked at me

Him; why would you need the morning after pill

Me; because, you and I had unprotected sex, and I could fall pregnant

Him; would that be such a bad thing

Me; under the circumstances yes

Him; what circumstances

Me; Siya, come on... You’re leaving for CUBA soon, and I’ve just been promoted. Neither of us would
have time for a baby right now. The timing isn’t right. Plus you and I aren’t married

Him; but

Me; Siya but nothing. We’re not having a baby anytime soon. We’ve got too much to deal with as it is.

Him; so I have no say in the matter

Me; I didn’t mean it like that

Him; well it came across like that

Me; stop being sensitive, because you’re not getting your way

Him; fine... You win, for now that is

Me; thank you….. I’m going to freshen up for dinner

Him; don’t you want to wait for me? We can “freshen” up together

Me; I don’t think your idea of freshening up is the same as mine

Him; I bet my idea is much better than yours

Me; maybe I need a taste of your idea

He smiled and came closer to me. He gave me a kiss that made me weak at the knees. Then he stepped
away leaving me wanting for more

Me; not fair

Him; you said a taste mos

Me; fine, I’ll wait for you

Siya finished off making dinner. Then we went upstairs to “freshen up”. We ended up making love in
the shower.

When we finally came out, I wore Siya’s shirt over my underwear. While he changed into shorts and a T-
shirt. He looked at me disapprovingly

Me; what

Him; babe that’s a banana republic Shirt

Me; so

Him; you can’t sleep in that

Me; who’s going to stop me

Him; Me

Me; well, you have to catch me first

He smiled

Him; if I catch you we won’t have dinner

Me; that’s if you catch me

Him; so you’re challenging me

Me; yes, I think my chances are quite good.

Siya took a step towards me, but I was already out the door.

I ran down the stairs giggling, and reached the kitchen with Siya a step behind me.

Me; you’ve got to be fast if you want to catch me..

Him; it was a lucky break, we both know I’m faster

Me; don’t be a sore loser. I won fair and square

Him; fine, let me dish up for us

We had dinner in the lounge, while watching the 8pm news

Siya is really a good cook. I think he might be a bit better than I was #hides

After dinner I went to do the dishes. While Siya continued watching the news.

I wasn’t really a fan of the news, I only ever watch to see how the market is doing.

I left him in peace to watch and went upstairs to work a bit on my laptop.
I heard Siya’s phone ringing, but I ignored it. Whoever it was very persistent, so I looked at the caller ID,
and saw it was Linda

I decided not to answer it, but took it to Siya instead.

Me; babe, Linda’s been calling

Him; why didn’t you answer

Me; It’s not my Phone

Him; she probably wants more money

Me; haai.. Ha ke di keni

As we were talking, she called again. He answered

Him; Linda

Her; Hi, uphi

Him; Him what do you mean

Her; I’m at OR Tambo. I want to make sure your home

Him; Linda, if you’re here, where the hell is Olwetho

Her; I left him with your mom

Him; in the middle of a school week

Her; don’t act all high and might with me wena Siya. You’re all the way here shacking with that twit of
yours

Him; Linda, I’m warning you

Her; Siya you don’t scare me. I’m on my way to your house, you better be there. We need to talk

Him; is it about Olwetho

Her; no, but believe me, you need to hear this

Him; ill meet with you tomorrow

Her; Is there anyone at the house

Him; which house

Her; your house

Him; Linda, you can’t seriously be planning on staying with me

Her; haw Siya, don’t I usually stay with you when I’m in JHB

Him; Linda, we’ve discussed this.

Her; Siya, I’m not even staying in the same house as you. I’ll be in the guest cottage. Tell your girlfriend
to chill

Him; you really like making life difficult

Her; stop being so extra. Is your house keeper home?

Him; yes, I’ll let her know you’re coming. Make sure you stick to the Guest cottage

Her; ya ya Siya

He put the phone down. I just continued watching TV, as if I didn’t have a care I the world. Even though
deep down, I was boiling

Him; babe

Me; mhmm

Him; can I ask you for a favour

Me; I’m listening

Him; Can I stay with you for a couple of days

Me; what’s wrong with your place

Him; Linda’s staying there, I’m not sure for how long

Me; why doesn’t she stay at a hotel?

Him; I didn’t ask

Me; it’s cool, you can stay here as long as you want

Him; thanks

We continued watching tv in an awkward silence.

I didn’t want to say anything, but deep down I was on fire

Him; Say it Rifiloe

Me; I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say

Him; I can see your upset. Just tell me what you want me to do

Me; I want you to put Linda in her place. She decided she wants to come to JHB and Stay with you and
you expect me to be ok with it

Him; But babe I’m staying here

Me; that’s not the point

Him; then what is the point

Me; the point is that she knows she can do as she pleases, and you let her get away with it. Tell her to
go to a fucking guest house

Him; I love that you’re so possessive

Me; don’t

Him; don’t what

Me; try to play this down.

Him; I’m sorry babe... Ill deal with Linda, I promise

Me; sooner rather than later... Or else you can stay in the guest room

Him; yes mam

I decided to go back upstairs and try working. But I was too annoyed.

Siya came up and took my laptop and put it in its bag, then cuddled me

Him; babe, I’m sorry

Me; its fine

Him; I’ll take care of it

Me; please do. I don’t want us arguing about Linda again

Him; I hear you

Me; let’s get some sleep

I wasn’t really mad at Siya anymore, but I needed him to get this Linda issue sorted once and for all
I don’t want her coming in between us anymore than she already had.

54

I woke up the following morning feeling better than when I went to bed

Siya was wrapped around me like a python.

I untangled myself and went to take a shower, I spent some time in there thinking Siya would come join,
but he was still fast asleep by the time i was done.

I even got dressed and brother was asleep.

I decided to go and wake him. It was unlike him to be sleep in.

Me; babe wake up

Him; mhmm

Me; Siya, you’re going to be late

Him; you should come back to bed

Me; no ways. I’m not going to be late again

He pulled me onto the bed and covered me with the duvet

Me; Siyaaaa, your messing up my hair

Him; I love you with messed up hair

ME; let go

Him; no

Me; Siyaaaaaaa

Him; give me a kiss first

Me; fine
I gave him a kiss and he let go

Him; stay in bed with me

Me; I cant

Him; call in sick

Me: I’ve never called in sick in my entire life. I don’t plan on starting today

Him; so did you take your so called pill

ME; shit I forgot

Him; thank god

Me; shut up Siya

I stood up and went to take my pill. I hope it’s not too late.

I left Siya, still in bed. He was having one of those lazy days. I kind of envied him, but I didn’t have time
to think about it

When I got to the office, I put my head into my work. It was really one of those busy days. Siya tried
calling me but I was too busy to even take his call. I told myself I would call him back when I had a
moment

Unfortunately that moment didn’t quite come. By the time it came for me to call him it was after 6pm

Shit... Knowing Siya he was going to go all ape shit on me. And I really wasn’t in the mood.

I decided to call Siya. He didn’t answer

I tried him again, and this time he picked up

Him; Babe

Me; Hey…. Sorry today has been insane

Him; where are you

Me; about to leave the office

Him; Can we do dinner at a restaurant tonight

Me; sure, where?

Him; turn and tender Illovo

Me; cool, I’ll meet you there

I put the phone down and headed to turn and tender.

I don’t know if it was me, but Siya seemed a bit offish.

When I got to the restaurant, Siya hadn’t arrived yet. So I sat and ordered drinks.

Luckily he arrived as our drinks arrived. I stood up and gave him a hug

Him; what about my kiss

I smiled and gave him a kiss. Then we sat down

Me; I took the liberty of ordering drinks for us. I hope you don’t mind

Him; not at all

Me; how was your day

Him; not bad. But I need to tell you something

ME; what’s wrong? You seem off

Him; Rifiloe, before I tell you this. I need you to try and understand where I’m coming from

Me; Siya you’re scaring me

Him; (sigh) Linda’s pregnant

Me; ******

Him; say something

Me; congratulations to her, but I don’t see how that’s your problem

Him; The baby’s mine

I didn’t move ………………… He put his hands in mine

Him; say something

ME; …………………………..

Him; Rifiloe

Me; lets order dinner

Siya looked at me like I was insane. He was expecting me to break down and cry. But my mother always
taught me to be a lady in public

I signalled for the waiter, and he came to take our order. Siya was to shocked to order, so I ordered on
his behalf

Our food came while we sat in an awkward silence. Siya didn’t touch his food. Me on the other hand I
ate mine.

When I was done, I asked for the bill. I tried paying, but Siya insisted on paying. So I let him pay. Then
stood up and walked towards my car.

I was about to reverse my car, when I saw Siya in my review mirror walking towards my door, so I
opened my window.

Him; we need to talk about this

Me; we can talk at home

Him; ill meet you there

Me; sharp

I drove home, trying not to crash into anyone. I was so pissed I swear I could kill someone

When I got home, Siya was right behind me. We parked and went inside.

The first thing I did was search for the wine, I had a feeling I would need it

Siya, just stood there hovering.

I moved to the lounge with my glass in hand and sat down

Me; so you slept with her

Him; yes, but its not what you think

Me; and you didn’t use protection

Him; yes, but Ri

Me; then you came here and you slept with me without using protection

Him; yes, but

Me; and now she’s pregnant

Him; let me explain

Me; what’s to explain? Once again I’ve been made an idiot by you

Him; babe, it wasn’t like that

Me; so what was it like

Him; it happened the first night I came home from the hospital. I was still confused. Linda had moved
into the main bedroom and she convinced me that she and I were working on things, the night I left.
Rifiloe, it just happened. But I promise you was nothing like what we have. I was still taking meds so I
was a bit out of it.

I only started realising there were cracks in Linda’s story when I found some of your texts on my phone
that came from you. Which is when I confronted her, and she told me about you.
Me; so why didn’t you tell me

Him; Rifiloe, everything that happened between us happened so quickly, I planned on telling you, but
then I met with Linda today and she dropped the bombshell.

Me; so you only told me because Linda told you she was pregnant

Him; no babe. I told you because I didn’t want any secrets between us

Me; (sigh)

I finished my glass of wine, then went to take a shower.

I didn’t see the point of screaming and shouting or crying. Linda was pregnant, and I had to take a
decision on whether I wanted to stay with Siya or move on.

One thing I know is that I’ve tried breaking up with this man a million times, and each time we keep
finding our way to each other. I just pray that I won’t let this relationship with Siya consume me,
because if I decide to stay, I will have to deal with Linda and I’m not sure I’m prepared to share Siya with
her and 2 children.

55

I spent over an hour in the shower. I kept trying to think of what to do about this whole situation. I tried
imagining all different kinds of scenarios in how we could make this work, but for some reason, all of
them seemed off.

How were we going to make anything work, if Siya couldn't even stand up to Linda?

I got out the shower, and went to lotion my body then got dressed in my Pyjamas .

Siya wasn't in the bedroom, so I figured he was still downstairs. I was so tired I didn’t bother going to
check.

I just got in blankets and went to sleep, hoping tomorrow wouldn't be as gloomy as today ended.
I was just drifting off when Siya came to bed. He put his arms around me. I wanted to be so angry at
him. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but deep down, I knew that I wanted him right here next to me.

When I woke up the following morning Siya wasn't in bed.

I didn’t really have time to ponder about where he was, so I just went to shower.

When I got out, he was in the room he looked like he had just gone for a run.

Him: morning

Me: Hi

Him: can we talk

Me: I'm going to be late

Him: it will just take a second

Me: I’m listening,

Him; come sit

I sat next to him and listened

Him: babe, I know your probably don’t want anything to do with me. I don't blame you, I just need you
to trust me when I say I'll fix this

Me: Siya how could you possibly fix this? She's having your baby. Do you have any idea how it feels to
have another woman pregnant with your child, when I just lost my babies?

Him: I know, but I still want us to try make things between us work. All I need is time

Me: time? All I've ever given you is time.

Him: I know, but this was a mistake Rifiloe. I just don't know how to make it better for you
Me: Siya, there's nothing you can do

Him; just don't give up on us. Please

Me: I'm not making any promises. I'm just trying to figure out what I want right now.

Him; can I ask to do me a favor

Me: what

Him: meet me at my house after work

Me: why

Him; you'll see when you get there. If after tonight, you want us to go our separate ways, I'll understand

Me: fine

Him: thank you.

I got up and went to get dressed.

By the time I was done getting ready, Siya was also done, so we walked out together.

Him: so I'll see you tonight

Me; yaah,

Him: I love you Rifiloe. Please always remember that

Me: I love you too Siya, it’s just hard loving someone who comes with so much baggage
Him: I know babe. and I'm sorry

Me: I’ve got to go

Him; I don't get a kiss goodbye

I leaned in and gave him a baby kiss then pulled away.

Him: I guess it's better than nothing

Me: I'll see you later

Siya opened my door for me, and I got in. He got in his and we left.

When I got the officer Anne, had a list the size of my bible that I needed to get thorough for the day.

I was really grateful to have her. Only God knows how I would survive without her.

Halfway through my list I saw the reminder on my calendar, to set up an appointment with my gyne.

I immideiatly sent it to Anna, asking her to please set it up for no later than Friday.

Then continues working

Once again had lunch at my desk. I was getting used to not seeing any sunlight.

By the time it was time to go home, I had gotten through all the important things that I needed to get
through.

I was about to leave, when I remembered I was supposed to go to Siya’s house.

I really didn't feel like it, but thought it best to keep to my promise.
I had even so busy during the day, I had totally forgotten to take my phone off silent. I had 3 missed
calls from Siya so I called him back

Him: babe

Me; hi, are we still meeting at your house

Me: yes. I'm already there

Me: I'll be there in 20

Him: cool

I put the phone down and headed towards the parking. I was really not looking forward to going to his
house. I was hungry and tired and wanted to be in the comfort of my own home.

When I arrived at Siya’s house, I called him so he could open the gate. He opened and I drove in.

He came to meet me at one if his garages.

He gave me a hug, and we walked in

Him: can I ask you to do me a favor?

Me: depends on what it is

Him: please try keeping an open mind

Me; about what

Him; You'll see

The moment I stepped into his lounge, I knew why he asked me to keep an open mind.

Linda and his mother were there sitting by the fire place. i really hope this man didn't bring me hear to
talk about polygamy. Because if he did, i swear i was going to kill him with my bare hands.

I turned around and looked at him

Me: you can’t be serious

Him: just hear me out

He took my hand in his, and we walked in the lounge.

His mother stood up to greet me. I greeted her back, then went to sit with Siya

Him: I'm sure your all wondering why I bought you here. So I'll get straight to the point.

I've heard that you ladies had a meeting regarding my relationships while I was in the hospital. I want it
to be made clear that there is no way in hell that I would enter into a polygamous marriage.

Siya’s mom tried to say something but he cut her off

Him: now with that out the way. I've got a few ground rules that are going to be followed. These aren't
up for discussion, so don't even bother trying to change my mind. I have been thinking about this since
last night, and I know what im about to say is the right thing.

I swallowed, Siya looked so serious. I kind of feared what was about to come out his mouth.

He looked at Linda

Him; Linda, going forward you will not and I mean never phone me. If you have a problem, or you need
anything for the kids. You'll phone Rifiloe directly. I pay you enough on a monthly basis to make sure you
and the kids are taken care of, so I expect you to make sure the money I give you lasts. If for any reason
you need more, you’ll phone Rifiloe.

I looked at Siya and couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Him; Since you currently have Olwetho on a full time basis, you and Rifiloe are going to need to work out
a visiting schedule for me to see Olwetho. Due to me being in Cuba ill have him during most his school
Holidays, but ill let you two work it out.
Linda tried cutting Siya off, but he shut her down.

Him; I haven’t been as involved in Olwetho’s life like a father should. But that’s going to change. You will
not and I repeat NOT come and go at any of my houses as you please, If you need to be in JHB, for any
reason you will use this.

He gave her a key

Him: this is an apartment that I bought specially in Olwetho’s name

It's three bedrooms and has enough space for you and the children. My houses are off limits

Linda looked pissed as hell

Her: Siya you can't be serious

Him: I'm dead serious. I've had enough Linda. Enough of your lies, enough of your nagging, enough of
your disrespect and enough of you thinking you can do what you want without having to face the
circumstances. That all ends today, right this minute. Going forward you will respect the boundaries that
I’ve put up.

Which means you will also respect Rifiloe. You will not speak badly about her to our children.

If I hear you have in any way stepped out your lane, I will cut you off in every way possible.

Her: so you’re willing to let your children starve just because I refuse to do as you say?

Him: I didn't say my children would be cut off, I said I would cut you off.

Her: if you haven't noticed Siya, the kids and I are a package deal. If I starve they starve

Him: I figured you'd say that so I had these done today.

He handed her envelop

Her: Siya what is in here ?

Him: open them and find out

Linda opened the envelope and started reading the documents.

Her eyes nearly popes out their sockets

Her: what the hell are you playing at Siya?

Him: now that I have your attention I'm sure you'll be more than willing to participate.

Her: I won't let you get away with this

Him: you can try to stop me, but we both know you would lose. I have primary custody of Olwetho.
Which means, if I decide to take him to Cuba, I can do so without a second thought, which in turn means
I can cut you off without my child being affected.

Tjo

Ok, I knew Siya had had enough, but I couldn't let him go ahead with this. I’m sure Linda gets the point

Me:Siya, baby don't you think that maybe

He cut me off

Him: Rifiloe don't get involved

I wanted to protest but the cold look in his eyes told me to shut my mouth.

Him : so Linda the choice is yours. Which one will it be?

I looked at Linda, then at Siya

Her: But Siya

Him; Not up for discussion. You need to take a decision now, and be able to live with it for the rest of
your life. So which one will it be?

Her; fine, I'll do as you say

Him: good.

Now Rifiloe, now it's your turn

I looked at him and tried to figure out what the hell he wanted to say to me.

Him: I love you and only you. I’m putting one of the most important things in my life in your hands. My
family has been my only driving force for so long, but now I’m giving you the reigns over it. I need you to
understand that Linda is the mother of my children. If she calls regarding the kids, or anything
important, I need you to put your hatred for her aside and promise to always do what's right for my
children. I didn't plan on having another child with her, but here we are. Please, try to understand
where she is coming from at times.

I know that you two will never be friends, but please try to be the bigger person, because I can almost
guarantee that Linda won’t be

I looked at Him and just nodded. I really didn’t except him to say what he said, but some of it really
resonated with me

Him : thank you

Him; and now lastly, Ma, I need you to take a step back, when it comes to my relationships with both
Linda and Rifiloe.

Your constant meddling needs to stop.

You had no right whatsoever to ask Rifiloe to move out of our room in Cuba. You had no right to hold
meetings about who I decide to marry. Those are decisions that need to be taken by me and not you.

I love Rifiloe and no amount of meddling and scheming on your part will change that. Linda and I are
done. We will never be together again. I care about her has the mother of my children, but I don't love
her and its time you accepted that.

You may not ever love Rifiloelike you do Linda, and quite frankly I don’t care, but you will respect my
decision to be with her.

Siyas mother just nodded. I think she was a bit shocked.

Him; I think that we are done here. Ma, I'll come by tomorrow to make sure that you get on your flight.
And Linda, I expect you to also be on the first flight out of JHB tomorrow morning. We can’t have
Olwetho with a nanny for long periods of time.

Him; Are there any questions.

No one spoke up

Him; Good.

Siya stood up and took my hand in his.

Him: let's go

I stood up and said goodbye to his mother and Linda, then we walked out.

I had known that Siya said he would fix things, but I hadn't expected him to do what he just did.
Don't get me wrong, I was glad he had put everyone including me in their places, but I kind of felt bad,
because I felt like he was doing this all for me.

56

The drive to my house was rather awkward. Siya was rather quite.

I wanted to discuss what had just happened further, but I could sense he was a bit off.

When we got to my house, I decided to go straight to the bedroom. While Siya on the other hand was
searching my cupboards for hard liquor

I finally let out a sigh of relief when I closed my bedroom door.

I was really hungry but didn’t know what Siya wanted to eat. So I changed into shorts and one of his
shirts, then went downstairs.

Siya was sitting watching the news. So I walked up to him and stood in front of him. He looked at me. I
know I was hungry ne, but when I saw the look in his eyes my hear melted.

I know it must’ve been hard for him to confront his mom like that.

I moved his hands and sat in a squat position on his lap.

Me; Babe

Him; mhmm

Me; do you want to talk about it

Him; not particularly

Me; I’m sorry babe

Him; it’s not your fault Rifiloe. I did what had to be done
Me; but now I feel bad, like maybe you blame me

Him; are you serious? I did what I did Rifiloe, because I hate seeing you hurt. I don’t understand how I let
this go on for so long. I know you’ve spoken to me about Linda, and I tried speaking to her, but when
she told me she was pregnant. I knew she was going to use that to piss you off. So I had to put her in her
place once and for all.

I had put her before you in the past but now going forward. It was time to put you first.

Me; But love, …………. Wait. How did you know anything about the "past"

He looked at me, and I just knew

Him; It’s all come back

I had tears in my eyes.

Me; when?

Him; it’s been happening, over the last couple of days

ME; why didn’t you say anything

Him; I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I wanted to see my doctor first

Me; babe

I hugged him, and started crying…. My Siya was finally back.

Him; don’t cry

Me; (sniff) I’m just glad this whole nightmare is over

Him; yaah, so am I

Me; Give me a kiss

I leaned in and gave him a kiss.

Me; we should celebrate

Him; how

Me; I don’t know. Go out, have some fun

Him; sounds good but it’s a week night

Me; so we can celebrate on Friday or Saturday

Him; I’m in

Me; good

Him; but can we get something to eat. I’m famished

Me; Ill cook

Him; lets just order

Me; cool. What do you feel like?

Him; junk

Me; junk it is

I was about to pick up the phone to order dinner, When a call came through.

Me; hello

Her; Hi

Me; what can I do for you

Her; I think its time you and I sat down, woman to woman

Me; Im listening

Her; I was hoping we could meet

Me; When and Where

Her; tonight. My flight to CT leaves at 8am tomorrow

Me; Do you want to come over

Her; send me your address

ME; sharp.

I put the phone and sent Linda my address, then ordered

Him; so Linda’s coming over?

Me; it looks Like it

Him; this should be interesting

Me; stay out of it

Him; how can I stay out of it, when it involves me?

Me; we both know how you like to take over. You said Linda and I must come to an understanding, and
that’s what we’re trying to do.

Him; fine. Just promise me you won’t strangle her

Me ;(chuckles) I promise I will try really really hard not to strangle her

Him; that’s all I can ask for.

Me; I’m going to take a quick shower. Let me know when the food or Linda arrives

Him; need some help

Me; I’m pretty sure I can manage

Him; I’m sure I could help with those hard to reach places

Me; tempting

Him; I’ll make it worth your time

Me; we don’t have enough time

Him; so let me give you little taste of what you’re missing out on

I leaned in and kissed him. I know we didn’t have much time but Siya was pushing al the right buttons,
and I wanted him right there and then

I was busy unbuttoning his shirt when the doorbell rang.

Him; Damn it

Me; serves you right

Him; don’t get it

Me; haai Siya man, Let go

Him; I don’t think I’m hungry anymore

Me; it could be Linda

Him; mxm

Me; go take a cold shower

Him; not happening.

I stood up and went to open for whoever it was, and I found both Linda and the delivery man outside. I
paid for our food, Then walked in with Linda.

I put the food on the counter, and walked with Linda to the lounge.

Siya was still sitting there watching TV.

Linda greeted us then we sat down. I could she was a bit uncomfortable

Me; babe

Him; Mhmm

Me; didn’t you say something about working upstairs

Him; No

Me; (clears throat)

He looked at me, and then at Linda

Him; oh yaah. I’ll be upstairs if you need me

Me; I’m sure we’ll be fine.

Siya went upstairs to our bedroom, and I turned my attention back to Linda

Me; can I offer you something to drink

Her; no thank you

Me; ok. What can I do for you?

Her; I think it’s time you and I came to an agreement

Me; what kind of agreement

Her; regarding the kids

Me; I’m listening

Her; I think Siya asking me to only be in contact with you is a bit much. I mean, I know you two are
together, but I feel that there are things that you won’t understand.

Me; look Linda, I’m not stupid. I know that there will be some sort or communication between you and
Siya. But as far as I understand he wants that to be minimal. And I agree to that.

Her; but what about when I give birth? The first person I would want there is him.it just seems unfair
that I would have to go through you to get to him.

Me; I hear you. Look Linda, I don’t make the rules. Siya does.

Ill discuss things with him, and I’ll let you know

Her; thanks.

Me; we also need to discuss the visiting schedules for Olwetho

Her; can I get back to you regarding that

Me; sure

Her; I should get going

Linda got up to leave, and I stood to walk her out.

I don’t get why we had to meet in person, but I was glad she was being Civil.

When I got back, Siya was eating his dinner in the lounge.

Him; I guess that well. Since you have all your body parts still intact

Me; Ha Ha Siya

I sat next to him and we had our dinner.

I know I should be glad that things seem to be falling into place. But something about Linda’s calmness
had me worried.
It was unlike her to go down without a fight, and that alone freaks me the hell out

57

I decided to let my insecurities about Linda go. If indeed she was planning something, I’d have to wait
and see. I wasn’t going to drive myself crazy trying to figure out what she’s up to.

After dinner Siya and I went to bed. We were both so tired, we didn’t even bother taking a shower. We
just went straight to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, Siya wasn’t in bed.

I could smell his cologne, so I figured he was downstairs.

I got up made the bed, and went to shower.

When I got downstairs Siya was having breakfast

ME; Morning

Him; Morning babe

Me; your up early

Him; yah, got to make sure my mom gets on that flight

Me; oh, I had forgotten about that

Him; your breakfast is in the oven. I’ve got to run

Me; thanks babe, I’ll see you later

Him; come give your man a kiss

Me; I thought you were in a hurry

Him; not that much of a hurry

I rolled my eyes and went to give him a kiss.

Him; your making it difficult to leave

Me; then stay

Him; tempting. But I can’t

Me ; one more then you can go

He leaned in and gave me a kiss

Him; how am I going to survive without your lips when I’m in Cuba?

I took a step back

Me; CUBA?

Him; yes

ME; I thought, with you getting your memory back, you would be resigning

Him; we’ll talk about this tonight

Me; Siya

Him; babe, I’ve got to run

ME; mhmm

He gave me another kiss on the cheek, then left.

I didn’t understand why he would be going to Cuba, if he had resigned.

He specifically said he would be resigning after this last mission. Nxa

Í took a deep breath, then went to the office.

I didn’t even bother having the breakfast he made. He had just made me lose my appetite
When I arrived at the office, Anna was already waiting for me at reception, with a cup of coffee in hand.

Me; Morning

Her; Morning. You ready for press day?

Me; Press day?

Her; yes, it’s in your diary. It’s for the SA business mag.

ME; shit, I totally forgot that was for today

Her; they’re waiting for you in the main boardroom upstairs.

ME; is Jason already there ?

Her; yes,

Me; what would I do without you

Her; good thing we will never find out.

I took my coffee and walked towards the main boardroom. I was grateful I tend to always be formal
when coming to work. Imagine if I had rocked up in my jeans.

When I entered the boardroom, the place had been transformed into a studio.

There were about four different cameras in position. It looked like I had entered onto a movie set.

I wasn’t really interested in any of this. I had so much work to do.

I spotted Jason getting his makeup done, He looked so uncomfortable, so I went over to him.

Me; well this I didn’t expect to see

Him; don’t say a word of this to anyone

ME; you enjoying your pamper session

Him; I don’t get how you woman do this on a daily basis. I keep sneezing from the damn powder
Me; (chuckles) so how long is this thing going last

Him; only god knows

Me; I’m going to my office. Let me know when you need me

Him; don’t even think about it. This is a joint venture. I suffer you suffer.

ME; I’ve already done my makeup. I’m good

Him; then let’s get this over with

Me; please

We moved and Sat where the Interview would be taking place.

Apparently they were interviewing us because I was one of the youngest CFO’s in or industry and Jason
was the youngest CEO blah blah blah.

I was so hungry and so over everything. I started regretting not eating the breakfast that Siya made.

All in all everything went well. We did or interview, then had a photo shoot. Some pictures I was alone,
others were with Jason.

I think Jason was also so over the whole thing, He kept making funny faces when taking pictures.

He even photobombed one of my pictures.

The lady doing the interview even asked us if we were a couple. We both burst out laughing.

I think the reason she asked is because of how playful we were with each other.

I tried assuring her we weren’t a couple, but Jason kept playing with my hair, so I’m not even sure she
heard me, because he kept on being annoying, in a funny way.

I eventually gave up trying to explain, and just laughed.

When we were finally done it was after 2pm. I was so hungry it was no joke.
I ordered lunch, then went to try and get some real work done. This whole photoshoot thing had
disrupted my schedule, and it looked like I was in for a long night at the office.

When my lunch finally arrived I dug in. Siya called while I was eating

ME; Mr Ndhlovu

Him; HI Babe

Me; what’s up?

Him; what time are you getting off work?

Me; Maybe 9pm

Him; Why so late?

Me; I’ve got a lot to get through

Him; I was hoping we could talk

Me; we’ll talk when I get home

Him; cool. I’ll see you later

Me; sharp

After lunch I dug into my work. It was month end, and I had a million reports that needed to be
submitted

When Jason came to my office it was after 7pm. I hadn’t realized he was also working late.

Him; Hey partner

Me; Hey

Him; I saw your light on, so I thought I would take a break and come see how my partner in crime is
doing

ME; thanks dude, I was also thinking of taking a break. I’ve been at it since 3pm, and my feet are killing
me

Him; want a foot massage

ME; that’s Siya’s job

Him; so tell me about this Siya guy

Me; what do you want to know?

Him; are you guys serious

ME; pretty much

Him; I hope he knows how lucky he is

Me; I’m sure he does.

Him; good. Now let me get back to work

Me; cool.

He got up and went back to his office.

I worked till about 8:30pm, then I headed home.

When I got home, Siya was already there. He was watching the news

I put down my computer bag, and put my feet on his lap

Him; hello to you too

Me; hi boo boo

Him; you look exhausted

Me; I’m dead

Him; want a foot massage

Me; please

He took off my shoes and started rubbing my feet

Him; how was your day

Me; we can speak about that later. For now, I would like to address the big ass elephant in the room

Him; Rifiloe

ME; Siya
Him; don’t start

Me; how am I the one starting?

Him; I know what I said, but things have changed. I can’t just up and leave right now

Me; so you’re going back on your word?

Him; no. I just need you to give me time

Me; time? Really. That’s NOT what you said the last time.

Him; I know, But then you were

Me; I was what?

Him; …………………………

Me; say it. You wanted to say that I was pregnant. So basically the only reason you made all those
fucking promises was because I was pregnant. And now that I’m not pregnant, all of a sudden you’re
going back on them?

Him; Rifiloe, I didn’t say that

ME; you wanted to. Fuck man

I stood up

Him; Stop being dramatic

Me; dramatic? Siya, in case you forgot, I nearly lost you. Ok. You nearly DIED and now you’re telling me,
you want to go back to Cuba, and continue as an ops leader. Are you crazy I’m not going through what
we’ve just been through again? I refuse

Him; Rifiloe, right now things aren’t as black and white as they were. I just need you to try
understanding.

Me; Understanding what? Huh? That you value this damn job, more than you value our relationship?
More than you value your children and more than you value your own life

Him; Babe

Me; don’t fucking babe me. You’ve yet again lied to me and I’m supposed to just smile, and pretend I’m
okay with it.

I took of my ring and threw it at him.

ME; next time don’t go making promises you don’t intend on keeping.

I stormed upstairs, and went to my room.

What was the point of us trying to make anything work? When Siya wanted to stay in Cuba acting like a
fucking mafia boss, for God knows how long.

58

When I got to my room, I wanted to lock the door, but Siya was already opening the handle.

I was so mad at him. How could he not consider my feelings in all this.

He made a promise. One that I didn't force him to make, and now because there's no more babies, he
decides to go back on it.

I looked at him and he looked like his temper was also rising Not that I care though. I wasn't the one
who was at fault here. He was.

Him: once again your walking away

Me: Siya, not now

Him: then when Rifiloe?

Me: I DON'T KNOW JUST NOT NOW

Him: don't raise your voice at me

Me: what you gonna do? Hit me

Siya looked at me like I had slapped him across the face.

I could see that I hurt him. But I did mean to I was just pissed and it came out

He didn't say or do anything. He just took his keys and left.

I wanted to tell him, even beg him not to go, but pride got in the way.

I sat on my bed and let out a sight. I wanted to call him but i knew he wouldnt answer my call.

I decided to go take a shower, and hope he would be back.

I know I was wrong for what I said, but i still felt like Siya was being unfair.

I took a shower, then got dressed in one of his shirts.

I kept checking my phone, to see if I had missed calls from him, but nothing.

I went downstairs and made us dinner. I wasn't in the mood to cook, but they say a way to a man's heart
is through his stomach

By the time I was done with dinner, it was after 10, and there was till no Siya. I figured I would have to
put my pride aside and call him.,

I tried him twice and he didn't answer.

I tried him for the 3rd time and he answered

Him; Rifiloe

Me: babe

Him: what

Me: where are you

Him: what do you want rifiloe

Me: (sigh) I want you to come home

Him: I am home
Me: so your at your place

Him: yes

Me: is Linda there

Him: rifiloe, don't ask me stupid questions. What more do you want Me to do ?

Me: come back

Him: I'm sure you think I'm your puppet ne. Nxa

He put the phone down.

I just knew Siya wasn't going to come back. So that meant I would have to go to him

I went upstairs and packed an overnight bag. I also had to change Int something more decent, since i
was just wearing his shirt.

When I got downstairs I packed the food I had made, into a Tupperware, then checked to make surd i
had everything I needed. Then left.

I drove to Siyas house feeling a bit anxious. Knowing Siya, I was in for a long night

When i arrived a his house. I said a little prayer, then called him. he didn't pick up

I tried him again, and it rang till it went to voicemail

I decided to send him a text, letting him know I was outside.

Still. Dololo

I waited for a while, then decided it was time to go home.

I had tried making amends but failed. No use standing out here like a lost sheep

I was about to start my car when the gate opened

I drove in and parked outside one of his garages.

I took my bags out of the boot, and walked in.

Siya came to meet me at the door. He looked like he was just finished working out.

Him: what are you doing here

Me: I came to see you

Him: (sigh) come in.

I walked in and he led me to his room. I sat on the bed while he stood with his arms crossed.

Me:Siya, I'm sorry

Him: for what

Me: for what I said

Him: have you actually forgiven me for that, or are you still holding a grudge

Me: babe, I forgave you a long time ago. It just came out cause I was angry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
I'm sorry

He came and sat next to me

Him: Rifiloe, I don't regret much in life. But that day I hit you, I regret with everything in me. I don't
know why i let my anger get the best of me, I didn't mean to. It just happened. But i can't have you
bringing that up every time we have an argument

Me: I know babe. I'm sorry

Him; it's cool. Can we just forget about this? I leave for Cuba on Sunday, and the last thing I want is to
spend the little time I have with you fighting.

Me: so your really leaving

Him; yes
Me: I guess there's nothing more to say about that. I'm gonna go worm our food

Him; Rifiloe

Me: it's fine Siya. There's nothing more that needs to be said. Your going, I'm staying and somehow,

Him; I know I made a promise, but babe, this shooting made me realise, that I love my job. I don’t even
consider it a job. It’s a part of who I am. You know if I could I would, but if I quit, that means the whole
force gets shut down, then what happens to all the people who get hurt because of me quitting? I can’t
have those deaths on my hands Rifiloe.

ME; so how long would this whole task force be active for?

Him; the next 10 years. Then they don’t have a choice but to shut it down, because by then we would
have accomplished the whole point of the ops team.

Me; 10 years Siya. You expect me to be ok with you doing this for 10 years. God you’re insane

Him; Rifiloe, be reasonable

Me; So why did you say you would leave, if you knew you couldn’t

Him; I didn’t know. I only found out when I spoke to the lieutenant. I wouldn’t have said I would, if I
knew I couldn’t

Me; so you leave on Sunday?

Him; my business here is done, its time I went back. Nails has been in charge for far too long

Me; it’s only been 3 weeks

Him; yes, and now it’s time for me to get back

ME; are you at least coming to the gala dinner

Him; I don’t thinks so. I might be in Brazil then

ME; But Si (sigh) never mind

Him; don’t do that

Me; so when will you be in SA again

Him; in December

ME; That’s two whole months

Him; Rifi

Me; forget I said anything. Im ging to worm our food

I got up and went to worm our food.

Siya acc into the kitchen and put his arms around me from behind

Him; we’re going to make this work Fifi

Me; how Siya? When you’re going to be away for so long

Him; come with me

Me; you know I can’t

Him; Then you’ll visit.

Me; fine

Him; you know I love you

I turned around to face him.

Me; I know you do. And I love you too

Him; so stop being so stubborn, and let me love you, the best way I know how

Me; I’m trying

Him; Try harder. We can’t keep fighting like this. It’s not healthy. I need you to toughen up a bit

Me; Toughen up?

Him; yes. You’re so used to me being here with you, and being around you, but now things are going to
change a bit

Me; how

Him; I need to go back to being the Ghost I was before I met you. Which means I won’t always be
available.

Me; so how am I supposed to get hold of you

Him; You can try calling, but I don’t want you huffing and puffing if I don’t answer. Just know that if you
can’t get hold of me it’s because I’m uncover

ME; so you’re going on missions again?

Him; yes. Now more than ever

Me; but

Him; Shhhh you talk too much

Me; mxm

Him; babe, I’m leaving in a few days. Can we just try getting along till then

ME; fine

Him; Give me a kiss

Me; no

Him; ill tickle you

Me; Siya

Him; 1

Me; fine. Come closer

Him; that’s more like it

I gave him a kiss and some of my fears started melting away.

I know I was being difficult, but the thought of losing him scared the hell out of me. He was so used to
this gang associated life, but for me it’s all new, and I just don’t know how to handle him as Ghost.

The following morning was Friday. I was still a bit off regarding Siya leaving, but I had to let it go. It’s not
like I had a choice in the matter, I guess it’s just another part of Siya’s baggage.

Siya was fast asleep besides me. He looked so innocent laying there with no traces of this Ghost person

He opened his eyes as I was staring at him

Him; plotting to kill me

Me; luckily for you, I wasn’t. But I was plotting to kiss you

Him; so what’s stopping you?

Me; morning breath

Him; (chuckles) I don’t care.

ME; not happening buddy. I’m going to take a shower

Him; want some help washing you back

Me; I thought you’d never ask

We spent some time in the shower getting dirty and then getting clean again. 😉

I don't now how I was going to get used to not having him around.

When we finally got out. We got dressed and ready for work.

Siya looked every inch of the business man that he was. Where as I was just in jeans and I t-shirt

Him: babe, you going into the office with your jeans

Me: yep. Fridays are mor chilled at our offices.

Him : I should Implement that for my staff

Me; I'm sure they'll enjoy it

Him: we'll see

Me: before, I forget. I've got an appointment with my GYne today

Him: why? What's wrong

Me: nothing's wrong. I just want to get on a contraceptive asap. You and I haven't been using
protection. And I want to make sure j don't fall pregnant

Him: I'm going to reserve my comment

Me: good. Now lets get going, or else I'm going to be late

Him: ok, give me 2 minutes

Siya gathered all his things that he needed. And we walked out together.

When we got to his garage, he took out a key for the jeep. The Ferrari was parked right at the end.

I walked up to in, and took a good look. Siya followed

Him: you like?

Me: it's ok
Hom: ok? Babe that car is one of the best sports cars in the world. And you think its just ok

Me; maybe if I could drive it for the day , I might have a different opinion

Him:forget it. You can drive any of my cars expect that one.

I looked at him and pouted

Him: don't

Me: please. Pretty please

Him: but babe

Me: I promise I won't scratch it

Him: mhmm

Me: pleeeeaassse

Him: fine, but you scratch it I kill you

Me: deal

He went inside to get the keys, then came back.

Him: so what do I get for letting you drive my car

Me: anything you want

Him: ok. Can you get off work early?

Me: ok, what time

Him: 13:00pm

Me: cool. Now can I have the keys

Him: give me a kiss first

I leaned in and gave him a kiss.

Him: take care of my baby

Me: I will
I took the keys from his hands and got in the car.

Siya watched me with a bit of worry, as I reversed out his drive way. I don't know why he was stressing,
when I'd had my license for so long.

Driving a Ferrari was a bit different that driving my Audi.

The speed on this machine, seriously took me by surprise.

When I got to the office, I parked the car. Then went inside.

When I checked my phone, I had 5 missed calls from Siya

I smiled. I'm sure he wanted to make sure his car was ok

I didn't phone him back. I just sent a message, telling him his car was ok. He responded with smiley face.

When I arrived, Anna was already waiting for me in my office. As always she had a fresh cup of coffee
waiting for me.

Me: morning

Her: morning fifi

Me: shall we begin

Her: sure

We went through our schedule for the day. I was glad there weren't any urgent matters that needed
my attention, because I was only going to be here for about 2 hours before I had to go to my gyne .

It's funny how time flys when your busy. Cause when I looked up it was already time to go.
I quickly sent an email to Jason, letting him know that I had left for the day. Then left for my doctors
appointment.

When I git to the doctor, we decided to first do a pregnancy test, to make sure I wasn't pregnant. Then
we decided on the best form of contraceptive, which in my opinion was the implant.

An hour later I walked out and headed to Siyas house.

When I arrived he was already waiting for me. I had a feeling he was probably tracking me, to make
sure his car was I one piece.

Him: oh than God.

Me: your such a baby

Him; one day you'll understand

Me: whatever. So tell me what I'm doing here, when I should be at work

Him; come with me.

We got into the jeep, and he drive off

Me: where are we going

Him : you'll see when we get there

Me; Siya

Him: just relax

Me: fine.

I wanted try drag it out of him, but i didn't. I thought for once let me actually trust him.

Siya drove towards the airport. I immediately became anxious. I hope he wasn't taking me to Cuba

Me: babe
Him: don't worry. I'm not dragging you to Cuba against your will. Even though I should be

Me: thank goodness. I was begging to worry

We drive directly to where his jet was parked.

Siya opened the door for me, and we boarded his jet

Me: you know I have to be back by Monday right

Him: yes

Me: son are you still not going to tell me where we going

Him: no

Me: fine.

We flew for just over an hour, then we landed.

Siya took my hand and we headed to the car. I tried so hard to get him to tell me why we were in
Durban, but he refused.

When the car finally came to a stop, we headed toward a harbour. I immediately knew we were going
on his boat.

Me: babe. We going in your boat

Him; yep. I thought we could spent the weekend here

Me: thank you

Him: don't thank me. I just wanted to spend some time with you, without the chance of us being
interrupted

I gave him a kiss on the cheek as we walked onto the boat.

I must say I was rather impressed. I had never been on a boat like this in my life. I was in absolut awe of
its beauty. Most of the furniture was very alike to some of the furniture at Siyas house. It was nice to
seen it still had a bit of his touch.

Siya showed me around the boat. Then we came went on the deck, to have lunch.

Me: babe, thanks for this. It's really beautiful up here

Him: don't thank me. Everything that's mine is your

Me: not really. But ok

Him : I'm serious

Me: about what

Him; about wanting what's mine to be yours

Me; baby I'm lost

Him: Rifiloe, you know I love you right

Me: yes.

Him: and I know we still have a lot that we need to learn about eachother

Me: yes

Him; but at the same time, I already know what I want

Me: okay

Him: so why waist anymore time?

Me: babe your not making sense

Him: I brought you here because I wanted to ask you if you love me enough to become Mrs Ndhlovu?

I looked at siya, to make sure I wasn't mistaken. I know I heard him, but i wasn't sure I heard him right

Me: what exactly are you saying

He stood up in front of me, the knelt down. 8

Him: baby, you know I love you more than anything in this world. You are the queen of my kingdom. I
wish there were enough words to make you see the love I have for you, but there aren't. So instead I ask
that you honour me with your hand in marriage.

I looked at siya bent down on one knee. He looked so nervouse but at the same time happy.

I wanted to say yes, i really did, but i still had fears of what our tomorrow would look like.

What if I said yes, the a few years down the line I started regretting my decision?

I really loved this man, but i wasn't sure, I was ready to become his wife, it all just seemed to soon. I
just hoped he would understand If i were to say no

59

I looked at this man. My not so shining knight in no Armour, but I didn’t care about that. All I knew was
that I love him. More than anything, and despite us being so different, I don’t think I could ever love
another man like I love this one.

But at the same time I had fears. Fears that he might change his mind. Fears that we might be too
different, and mostly fears that the distance might be too much.

Siya was on one knee. I could tell he was getting anxious. So I chose to put him out of his misery.

Me; babe, stand up

Him; aren’t you supposed to give me an answer before I stand

Me; says who

Him; says society

Me; I don’t care about society. Just stand up

He rolled his eyes and stood up.

I looked him in eyes

Me; Siya, are you sure about this?

Him; Yes

Me; I’m going to do something I’ve never done before, and that is put my trust 100% in you. Siya I need
you to promise me you won’t hurt me. I love you so much and it scares me at times. But I’m going to put
my fears aside and I’m going to say Yes, to being your wife.

Siya’s eyes shot open. He picked me up and spun me around.

He put me down and gave me kiss

Him; you had me worried there for a moment.

Me; sorry babe. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting this

Him; I wanted to make sure you were truly mine before I left

Me; I’ll always be yours.

Him; that’s good to hear. Him your probably wondering where your is?

Me; I even forget there’s supposed to be a ring

Him; I was supposed to do this tonight, with the whole candle thing but I was too anxious.

Me; I don’t care about all that stuff. I care more about this moment.

Him; so we’re officially engaged

Me; yes we are.

Him; give me a kiss

I leaned in closer and put my lips on his. I thought with time the butterflies in my stomach would vanish,
but every time he touches me my insides tighten. The kiss went from slow and sensual to deep and
lustful. We had to brake the kiss because we were out on the deck.

Him; will I ever get enough of you

Me; I hope not

Him; come, let’s go down and test our theory

ME; what theory

Him; who gets enough of who first

Me; your mad

Him; madly in love yes

Me; and madly in lust

Him; (chuckles) good one

Me; do you have protection?

Him; what’s that

Me; Siya

Him; we’ve never really needed it

Me; but now we doing things right

Him; well I dont go around carrying condoms

Me; well I guess we’ll just the pull out method

Him; damn

Me; but you have to promise to pull out

Him; fine

I turned around and he gave me a playful spank on my bum.

I just knew I was going to lose this theory of his. Siya had the sexual drive a lion. (Not that I’m
complaining)

We spent hours in the bedroom below deck. We made love, cuddled and played around.

It felt as though Siya was trying to get his fill of me, before he had to leave.

At around 6pm, we finally went up to the deck, because apparently the ring was arriving, along with
dinner.
I didn’t really feel comfortable, with walking around just dressed in gowns and slippers. If there were
other people coming and going. But Siya being the typical man forgot to back clothes for our so called
get away.

We sat on deck enjoying the view, and having dinner. When my ring arrived.

I was so excited to see how it looked. Siya signed for it and the gentleman left

I don’t know if Siya was trying to be clever or what but he just took the box and put it in his gown
pocket, then came to sit next to me like nothing happened

Me; aren’t you missing something

Him; what

Me; I want to see my ring

Him; who says it was your ring

Me; Siyaaaa

Him; I wanted to give it to you after dinner.

Me; just forget all that romantic mambojambo and give me my ring

Him; you want me to get down on one knee again

Me; no man… Siyaaa just give me my ring

Him; fine

I was so excited I stood up and sat on his lap in squat position.

Siya took out the little black velvet box and opened it.

My gosh, I fell in love. This ring was absolutely breath tacking.

I looked back at Siya and he wiped away a small tear that has escaped.

Him; I’m guessing you like it

ME; like it? I flipping love it

Him I’m glad

Me; when did you have time to even go looking for a ring

Him; I’m a man of many mysteries

Me; that you are Mr Ghost

Him; want me to put it on for you?

Me; I don’t know. It looks so expensive, I’m scared ill lose it

Him; you better not. This thing cost me an arm and a leg

Me; ha ha Siya. Like you actually felt it

Him; not the point. You have to promise not to take it off

ME; I promise

Him; not even when we’re arguing

Me; I promise

Him; good.

He took the ring out the box, and put it on my ring finger. It looked so perfect on. Despite me needing a
manicure, but that didn’t matter. At that moment all I could think was how blessed I was to have this
Crazy man in my life.

I know we wouldn’t have the perfect marriage or the white picket fence, But in the end we would
always have each other

60

We spent the rest of our evening below deck just relaxing. It felt so good to be carefree and just have
fun together. For that moment, I had forgotten about Ghost, or Cuba or missions.

Right now all I cared about was my crazy in lust and love Fiancé.

There is honestly nothing more peaceful than sleeping on a boat.

There’s no noise from next door or any cars passing by.

It’s just you and the ocean. Felt like so surreal.

When we woke up on Saturday we decided to have breakfast, then go take a walk on the beach.

Me; babe, I also need to go shopping

Him; what do you need to get ?

Me; clothes

Him; you don’t need clothes

Me; Siya, just get your head out the gutter, for 2 minutes. Unless you want me walking around the
beach but naked

Him; id kill you,

Me; so let’s avoid all arguing, and you take me shopping

Him; fine, let’s take a quick shower and go shopping

We both had a shower together, then got dressed to go shopping.

I don’t really enjoy buying clothes but since I wasn’t the one paying, I figured I’d go crazy. I am his Fiancé
after all .

I shopped until my feet started to hurt. My poor Siya looked so bored.

He just kept on asking, are we done yet. And I kept saying no.

I eventually finished, and we headed to the car.

As we were walking Siya was busy complaining about how broke I’m going to make him when we get
married, blah blah blah, I wasn’t really paying attention though, because I knew it wasn’t about the
money, it was more about the fact that he hated going shopping.

I don’t know what made me freeze, but somehow Siya had already dropped all the shopping bags on the
floor, and he was grabbing my hand to get me behind him.
I looked around and saw that we weren’t alone in the parking lot. There was a guy walking towards us.
He had about 3 body guards with him.

I don’t know where Siya got the gun from, but he already had one in his hand. WTF

Me; Siya, what’s going on

Him; Just stand behind me

Me; who is he

He didn’t answer me but instead he kept his eyes fixed on this guy.

I stood behind Siya, panicking. Who the hell was this guy and why did he have Siya looking ready to kill.

The closerf this guy got, I noticed it was Themba. Sizwe’s friend.

Him; Ghost. Chill man, I’m not here to cause any trouble

Siya; Then why sneak up on me

Him; Just wanted to surprise you

Siya; what do you want?

Him; nothing particular, Just got a message for you from Stud

Siya; I told him when I let him go to stay away, and now he’s sending messaged through you? Clearly he
didn’t learn his lesson the first time round. Or Maybe I should send you and these baboons back to him
in pieces, then he might get the point

i had never heard Siya speak like this before. It kind of made me realize, i didn't know him as well as i
thought i did, but on the other hand it was kind of sexy

Him; you could try, but we both know you’re out numbered

By now Siya was staring at this guy, while eating gum in the most annoying way.
I wanted to shift a bit but his hand was so tight around my wrist, I didn’t dare move.

Siya; boy, do yourself a favor and get out of here, before things get out of hand

Him; not before I deliver my message

Siya; you’ve got 3 more second

All of a sudden, I saw Hlokes and some of Siya’s guards walking towards us.

I knew then that shit was about to hit the fan.

When Hlokes arrived Siya let go of my hand.

Him; Rifiloe, go with Bullet

I looked blankly at Siya, but he didnt look at me, He just kept his eyes on Themba

Me; wait what……….. Siya, I can’t leave you here.

Him; Now

Me; I’m not leaving without you

He took a sigh, and looked Hlokes

Him; Bullet.

Hlokes grabbed me by the hand, I tried to wiggle my hand out of his, but he held on tighter.

Me; let go of me
Hlokes didn’t listen, instead he put me over his shoulder and carried me to the car.

I tried so hard to get him to put me down, but he was too strong.

Me; Put me down, Ill walk

Him; you forget I know you

Me; Hlokes please

Him; I’m putting you down, but if you run, I swear ill pull you by the hair

Me; I won’t, just put me down

He put me down, and we walked towards the car.

He opened the door for me and I got in, then he got in and started driving away

Me; Hlokes, You can’t leave Siya here

Him; He’ll be fine

Me; Hlokes, please

Him; Rifiloe, all I know is I need to get you the hell out of here, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do

Me; are we going back to the boat

Him; no. You’re off to JHB

Me; Hlokes, you can’t expect me to just leave without Siya

His phone rang, as we were driving.

Him; Ghost

Siya; where are you guys

Him; just arriving at the airport

Siya; you know what to do

Him; Yes
Siya; don’t mess it up

Him; Sharp

We got to the airport and boarded Siya’s Jet.

I sat in silence all the way to JHB. I was so worried about Siya, but I knew there was nothing I could do
about it.

It’s weird how this morning we were so carefree and all of a sudden I was on a flight back to JHB without
him.

When we reached JHB, I was taken straight to Siya’s house.

I tried calling him a couple of times but his phone was off.

I really started panicking. Was this the life we were going to live?

I know Siya told me about this, but I didn’t expect to have this happen so quickly.

I hoped we would enjoy our “honeymoon” stage before the guns started going off. But I guess that’s
what happens, when you fall in love with and OPS agent.

61 (bonus)

I kept pacing up and down Siyas lounge, like maniac. I tried him several times, but he didn't t answer.

Hlokes had left me in the lounge and gone to Siya's study. I wanted to go in there with him, in case there
was an update, but he kicked me out and told me he would call for me. If anything arised. I knew he just
wanted me out the way.
I eventually gave up on trying to call him. I thought I might as well go take a bath, and hope he comes
home soon.

I went up to Siyas room and soaked myself in the tub. I know Siya had said I needed to toughen up a bit,
but haai, this kind of stuff I really needed time to get used to.

I looked at my engagement ring and smiled. This man was going to keep me on my toes. One minute
he's Mr bae, and the next his pulling out guns from God knows where.

I bet my mother was rolling in her grave. She probably wishes she could rise, just to slap the shit out of
me, for falling in love with a man who lives such a life.

After my bath I felt a little calmer. I needed to get dressed but i didn't have clothes here, and I did't
want to wear my jeans. So I went to Siyas closet.

I took out a pair of his briefs, and wore one of his T-shirts, then put my jeans back on.

I was quite hungry, since I missed lunch, so I went downstairs to make dinner.

I made dinner, while listening to music on my phone.

I was trying to keep busy so i wouldn't drive myself crazy with worry.

I made some roasted chicken and vegetables. Knowing Siya he would want pap to accompany that, so I
made some, and also made chackalaka

By the time I was done, there was still no Siya. So I went into the pantry and took out flour so I could
start baking.

I wasn't really in the mood, but i needed something to keep me busy. So I made some malva pudding,
then I made some cupcakes and lastly I made some biscuits. All the while hoping Siya would walk in. But
still nothing.
I cleaned up the kitchen, then went to Siyas study. Hlokes was going to talk to me whether he wanted to
or not.

I knocked on the door then entered.

Hlokes was on the phone, so I didn't get to talk to him.

I went back to the kitchen and dished up for myself.

I ate my food, then decided to just go to bed.

There was no use keeping vigil, when I didn't know when Siya would be home. I just prayed for his sake
he would come home before going to Cuba, because if he didn't, I would be the one to kill him.

I tossed and turned for a while. Siyas bed was too big without him in it. I just couldn't get comfortable.

I eventually started dozing off. I think my brain and body had finally given up, so I succumbed to la la
land.

It must've been after midnight, when I heard voices.

I thought I was dreaming, so I tried going back to sleep. But then I heard the voices again, and I knew
Siya was home.

I got up and put in his gown, and his slippers, then walked down stairs.

I could here Siya shouting at the guards. He sounded so pissed. Hlokes kept trying to explain, but Siya
wasn't having it.

I decided to rather go back to bed, because I didn't want to see him shouting. I'd probably tell him to
shut up and come to bed. And we all know that would make him even more annoyed.
So instead of getting myself into trouble, I walked back to his cold bed, and tried going back to sleep. I
was just happy he was home. I couldn't ask for anything else.

I was finally drifting off to sleep again, when Siya came to the room. I knew he was probably still a bit
pissed, So I didn't get up to ask him questions. Instead I just gave him his space, if he wanted to talk, he
could wake me.

Sleep finally took over, when Siya got into bed.

He had had a shower, so he smelled nice and fresh.

I moved closer to him because there was a gap between us.

He opened his arms and cuddled me, and I was officially lights out.

😴😴😴😴😴😴

I woke up the next morning and Siya wasn't in bed. I was kind of sad because i knew he was leaving for
Cuba today.

I so wished he would tell me he had changed his minnd, but i knew that wasn't going to happen.

So I made the bed, and went to freshen up.

I wore Siyas gown, and went downstairs.

I found him on the phone in his study. He looked like he had been up for a while. I could tell he was
busy, but i didn't care. He was leaving today, and I wanted to spend time with him.

I walked to him and put my arms around him from behind.

He didn't turn around. He just carried on with his conversation. 😯

Hlokes and some of the guards walked in, and I let go of Siya.

He turned around and looked at me. He told the person on the other end to hold.

Him: babe, you ok

Me: I guess

Him: I've got a meeting with the guys. I'll come see you when I'm done

Me; cool.

I greeted the guards and Hlokes, then went back upstairs.

I knew Siya was in work mode and thats why he was probably a bit distant. But i was so used to getting
his attention whenever I wanted it, and now that he was back to being Ghost, I was worried that
wouldn't leave space for him to be Siya.

I went to have a bath, then got dressed in anothe one of Siyas shirts and briefs. I was getting tired of not
having clothes. But I didn't dare say anything. I also wondered what happened to all the stuff Siya had
bought me in Durban.

Siya was taking his time, so I went down to make breakfast. Still dressed in his gown.

I made breakfast and ate it by myself. I watched tv and even took a nap. And still there was no Siya. But
now I was starting to get annoyed. So I sent him a message telling him I was going back to my place.

What was the use of me being here if I couldn't be with him. It's better to go home, and be in my own
space.

Siya didn't answer my message, so I wore my only pair of jeans that I had at his house. Took my bag
and walked out.
 I had just started reversing, when Hlokes came rushing out the house. I opened my window a bit, so I
could hear what he wanted to say

Him: where you going

Me: my place

Him: I don't think ghost would approve

Me: I'm sure he'll be fine with it. Plus I don't have any clean clothes here

Him: rather wait for him to finish

Me: did he send you out her?

Him: no, i saw you on one of the monitor's

Me: Hlokes, just tell, Siya to come by my place when he's done or before he leaves. It's no biggie

Him: Rifiloe, just go back inside. You can't be driving around on your own righ now

Me: but

I wanted to finish my sentence, but i saw Siya approaching.

Hlokes went back inside, while Siya just looked at me.

I don't know why, but Siya looked A bit pissed

Him: uyaphi?

Me: home

Him: now's not the time

Me: but Siya

I didn't even get to finish. He just cut me off

Him: for the love of God rifiloe, can you just do as your told. this thing of you arguing with everything I
say is starting to annoy me. I say 1 and you say 10. I tell you cant leave yet and you want to argue. Just
get out the car and get back inside.
My mouth literally dropped open. Why was Siya being like this, when all. I wanted was to go to my
house. It's not like I was sulking. I Just wanted to get clothes to change in, and be in my own house. Was
that so wrong?

Every bone in my body tensed. I wanted to tell him to fuck off so bad, but i knew that would just fuel
the fire that was already burning in him.

I took a deep breath in and out, then opened my door and walked back to the house.

Siya went back to his study, while I sad gazing at the walls.

I don't know what his issue was, but i didn't like him just snapping at me for no reason.

I kept counting from 1 to 10, trying not to let my temper get the best of me. But I was failing miserably.

I got up and went to the kitchen and poured myself some justice. The went to the bedroom to watch tv

When Siya finally came up he had something in his hand.

He threw it on the bed and looked at me. I looked at him, then at the magazine on the bed, shit. I just
knew why he looked pissed. I saw a picture of me and Jason.

This must've been taken when he was playing with my hair. But it wasn't on the investment magazine
we had the shoot for, instead it was on some tabloid gossip magazine.

Him: rifiloe, what's this

I looked at Siya and he looked like he was fuming.

I didn't answer him. I just picked up the magazine and looked at at the headline. It read " SUCCESSFUL
BUSINESS MAN SIYABONGA NDHLOVU'S RUMOURED GIRLFRIEND DUMPS HIM FOR UPCOMING
INVESTMENT GURU"

When I opened the article, I saw pictures of Jason and me.

Some of them looked innocent, while the others made us look more like a couple.

I know we were just playing when we took some of these. Like when Jason was photo bombing me
during my session. Or when he kept playing with my hair. It was all innocent but i knew from an
outsider they wouldn't look that way.

Siya was still looking at me for an explanation

Me: Siya, this isn't what you think

Him; then explain

Me: I don't know how they even got this pics, let alone the garbage in the article

Him: what about the pictures

Me: Jason and I were just joking around

Him: do you have any idea, what something like this does to my professional image? Or better yet how
it makes you look like some cheap whore after the richest man

When Siya said that I stood up. I know he was mad, but he had no right to talk to me like this

Me: really Siya? You know all this stuff is bull

Him; I want you to quit your job

Me: not happening

Him: rifiloe

Me: SIYA, we are not going to rehash this argument. I'm not quitting, or going to Cuba. I'm staying right
where I am.

Him: so you expect me to be ok with you working with this Jason guy
Me: I expect you to love me enough to trust me, when I tell you there isn't anything going on with me
and Jason

Him the pictures tell a different story

Me; so you believe some cheap magazine, instead of me?

Him: that's not the point.

I took a breath in and out. I really didn't want to be arguing with Siya, especially since he was leaving.

I walked to where he was standing, and put my arms around him.

He didn't hug me back but i didn't care.

Him; (sigh) I managed to buy each one of these that were printed. Promise me you will stay away from
photoshoots and interviews.

Me; I Cant promise that. But I can promises to make sure that if pictures are taken, that they will all be
professional

Him; fine.

Me: so is this why you've been so distant

I let go of him and went to sit on the bed.

Him: no, I'm annoyed because of whAt you did in Durban. Your stubbornness is going to get you hurt
one day

Me: but

Him: but nothing. If I tell you to go with bullet or any of my guys you do it. You don't fucking fight me
about it. What if those guys had pulled a gun on you? What then

Me: but Siya

Him: your doing it again. Tell me something. Who is the man in this relationship? Because right now I
feel like you keep undermining me every chance you get. I tell you something, and you want to
challenge me.
Tjo, I didn't dare say another word. I just kept quiet and stared at him.

I get he was mad, but was it really necessary for him to be so upset, when he was leaving.

Me: babe I'm sorry. I really don't want to fight with you. Your leaving for Cuba today, can't we just
forget about this and move on?

Him: I've hired 4 bodyguards for you. They will be making sure your alright, while I'm away. DON'T give
them a hard time. If they tell you to do something you do it. No questions asked

Siya walked out and left me feeling drained.

It felt Siyat had officially left the building, and now I was stuck with this Ghost guy.

I just hoped he didn't hang around for to long, because right now I longed for my loving and playful
Siya.

62

(crop top insert. But I will make it up to you tomorrow, work is a bit hectic)

I know I can be hard headed at time. I know I, not perfect, but Siyas way of being overprotective was
annoying. Why the hell did I need 4 body guards. He just didn't know when to lighten up.

I had thought that the day after our engagement, we would be blissful, but instead Siya was distant and
cold.

I know I shouldn't have argued with him when he told me to leave with bullet. But bare in mind, I had
never truly seen this side of his life. So I wasn't really thinking. I just knew I wanted us both out of
danger. Not just me.

I let out a sigh and sat on the bed. Siya was leaving soon, and instead of spending time with me, here he
was going all Rambo on me.
I sat in the room watching tv. I was bored beyond my mind.

I went downstairs and found Siya in his study. Thankfully he was alone.

He looked busy, but i couldn't take the tension between us. So I went to him, and sat on lap, in squat
position.

He tensed up a bit, but i didn't care. I looked into his eyes and saw a shadow of the man I was in love
with.

Me: you still mad at me?

He didn't answer, but you could tell he still was.

Me: so how long do you plan on being like this?

Still nothing. Now I was really getting tired of his matcho bullshit

Me: fine. I give up

I tried standing up to leave, but he held onto my waist.

Him : I shouldn't have spoke to you the way I did. I'm sorry

Me: babe, I think sometimes you forget I'm your partner, and not one of your employees.

Him : I know, but Rifiloe, I need you to put your pride aside, and led me be your Man. It's my job to
protect you but you make it so Damn difficult. I need you to let go

Me: siya, when I saw those guys, the first thing that came to mind was your shooting. I nearly lost you.
So In that moment, I didnt care what happened to me. All I wanted was for the both of us to be out of
danger

Him: I wouldn't let anything happen to you. What happened on my mission won't happen again. You
need to stop doubting my capabilities
Me: fine. Came we move on now. I'm really drained from arguing with you

Him; I'm still not comfortable leaving you here

Me: Siya are you trying to start another fight? I told you I'm not going to Cuba. That's not going to
change

Him: it was worth a try

Me: so what time do you leave?

Him: at around 9pm,

Me: that's in 4 hours

Him; yah

Me: and you plan on spending those few hours we have left working?

Him: just give me an hour, then I'll be all yours

Me: but Siya, you have all the time in the world to work. I only have you for 4 hours. Can't you just finish
working on the plane or something?

Him: let me just

I cut him off. I don't want to force him to spend time with me. I know he needs to work, but i just felt
like spending time with me should've been more of a priority, than work at this moment.

Me: never mind. I'll leave you to work

I got up, and walked out. Siya didn't get it, and I wasn't going to nag.

Instead I took out my laptop and decided to Do some work. I had a few emails from Anna that needed
my approval for the gala dinner. So that should keep me busy and out of siya's hair.

The closer we got to the gala dinner, the more excited I become. Even though Siya wasn't going to be
there.

I still hadn't picked out an evening gown for the night, and time was running out. So after replying to the
emails. I started looking on line for gowns. I wanted something simple, yet elegant. Nothing too
revealing.
I searched for a while, but didn't find what I was looking for. Most of the gowns online werent to my
tasting.

I thought about maybe getting the gown custom made, but i didn't think I had enough time.

While I was searching for gowns, I saw a tab for wedding gowns. I know Siya and I had just gotten
engaged, but i thought I would just take a look. I wondered when we would get married. Maybe the
end of next year.

We still had a lot to go through, before we actually said I do. But non the less I still looked forward to
being his wife

Siya walked in as I was looking at wedding dresses.

He took off his shoes, and sat next to me.

Him; you looking at dresses already?

Me: not really. I was looking for evening gowns for the gala, when I saw a tab for wedding gowns, I was a
bit curious so I looked around.

Him: this one would look good on you.

Siya was pointing at the most hidious dress ever. It was huge, and had all these ugly bling on it

Me: you have no taste what so ever. That dress looks like a cake topper

Him: isn't that woman usually wear on their weddings?

Me: may be some, but not me

Him: so what kind of dress would you wear?

Me: I'm not sure I even want a white dress.

Him: any dates in mind

Me: maybe the end of next year

Siya looked at me like I was from another planet

Him; why only then

Me: what's the rush

Him; no rush, I just thought we would get married in a couple of months

Me: I think that's too soon

Him: why? Are you having second thoughts about us

Me: don't be silly. I just think we have a lot to do before we could get married

Him; like what?

Me: can't we talk about this when your back. Right now all I want is to cuddle with my fiance, before he
leaves for cuba

Him: com here.

I put my laptop down, and moved closer to Siya. He put his arms around me, and a part of me and let
out a sigh

Him: I'm going to miss you

Me: not as much as I'm going to miss you

Him: will you come see me before December

Me: I don't thinks so babe. Things at work are crazy right now.

Him: speaking of work. Tel, that Jason prick to stay away from you

Sme: babe, don't start

Him: I'm just saying

Me:Siya, what else do I have to do to show you I love you

Him:I know you do, but i don't trust that Jason guy

Me: Siya, stop moaning and kiss me

Him; you just trying to shut me up

Me: is it working?
Him: not really. I've got a million things I still need to say to you

I really wasn't in the mood for lectures, so I sifted and sat on his lap

Me: kiss me

Him: not till

I put my lips on his. Then started kissing him. I hoped this would get him to shut up. I could feel Siya was
still, a bit tense, so I deepened our kiss.

I was tired of this Ghost guy. I wanted my Siya, and the only way I could get him back, was to seduce
him.

I broke a kiss. I needed to come up for air

Me: you still want to talk

He looked at me and smiled

Him: not really. I think in like your idea better

I took that as my cue to continue.

I leaned back in and started kissing him again. This time i felt him growing hard underneath me. I knew
then that Ghost had left and Siya was back.

We made love over and over again. I think we both dreaded stopping because we knew that would
mean it was time for Siya to go. But after our 3rd round, we had no choice, but to accept that he was
going.
We got up and went to shower together. Siya washed every part of me. I really started feeling anxious
now. This felt like the last time i was in Cuba. He had just given me a promise ring, then went away. I
didn't want that happening again

We got out tithe shower and went to get dressed.

I wore one of Siyas briefs again, and a t-shirts. Siya looked at me smiling

Him: those look good on you

Me: hmm

Me: Rifiloe, what is it

I didn't want to cry, but i really really didn't want Siya going.

I sat on the bed, and he sat next to me

Him: baby, talk to me

Me: (sniff) don't mind Me. I'm just being silly

Him: what is it

Me: Siya, I can't do this? I just cant

Him: do what rifiloe

Me: I don't want you you to go(sniff), it just, feels like, I'm not going to see you again

Him: baby, I won't be gone for long. just 8 weeks then I'll be back

Me: (sniff) but you'll only be back for a few weeks, and then your back in Cuba

Him: (sigh) but love, that's the life we live.

Me: what happens when we are married? Or when we have children?

Him : we'll cross that bridge she we get to it

Siya, gave me his handkerchief, and I wiped my tears. I started regretting not agreeing to go to Cuba.
But at the same time I loved my job as much as he loved his. But one of these days one of us would
have to sacrifice the love for professions for the love we have for eachother. I just hoped when the time
came we were both ready to choose eachother instead of our jobs

63

Siya stayed longer than the time he had. He knew he had to leave, but was conflicted about leaving me.

Me: you should go. Your already late

Him: how do I leave you like this?

Me: don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

Him: you know I love you right?

Me: I know you do. And I love you

Him: I just wish things were different. I hate seeing you cry, especially if I'm the cause of your tears

Me: your also the reason I smile.

He looked at me, and you could see how torn he was.

I know I wanted Siya to quit, but i could see how much it killed him to have to leave. How could I ask him
to give that up for me?

Me: come. I'll , accompany you to the airport, then go back to my place

Him: I thought you would stay here

Me: why?

Him : it's your home

Me: no babe, it your home. We'll have our home at a later stage. For now, home is my house

Him: the guards will drive you back

Me: (sigh) fine

I wants to argue with him regarding the guards driving me, but i just couldn't. Not when he was leaving.
Hloked drove us the airport. Siya gave me a list of instructions for me to abide by with regards to the
guards.

I didn't even bother arguing. I just nodded, because I knew I had no choice in the matter.

Him: babe, are you listening?

Me: mhmm

Him: your not are you

Me: just e-mail me the do's and don'ts

Him: (chuckels) you are truly one in a million. Your stubbornness has no bounds

Me: I'll take that as a compliment.

Him: I didn't mean it as one.

Me: stop insulting me, and rather kiss me

Siya rolled his eyes and smiled. He leaned in closer and kissed me.

When he pulled away he let out a sigh

Him: I'm really going to miss your lips

Me: just my lips?

Him: well that and everything else.

Hlokes cleared his throat

Him: you two have no shame. I'm sitting right here

Siya and I both laughed.

Me: I'm going to miss you too Hlokes

Him: yaah, whatever

Me: for real

Him; can i ask you to do me a favour

Me: what

Him: please check up on Boni for me. She didn't take my leaving quite well

Me: send me he numbers. Her and I can drown our sorrows together

Him: thx

When we arrived at the airport the guards took Siyas luggage and loaded the plane, while he stayed
with me in the car. It was finally time for him to go. I don't think I've dreaded anything my whole life,
like I dreaded this moment.

Him: promise you'll take care of yourself

Me: I should be saying that to you

Him: I'm serious babe. I'm going to be undercover for a while. I need to be sure your ok. I can't afford to
be worrying about you while I'm on the field.

Me: I promise you I'll take good care of myself.

Hom: good. And remember if anything goes wrong, you do as the guards say

Me: ok

Him: let me go

Me: want me to walk you in

Him: if you get on that plane right now, I wouldn't let you off

Me: (chuckles) in that case you walk sexy butt there alone

Him: 1 more kiss

I leaned in and gave him a kiss.

Siya got out the car and left. I didn't even get to see him take off. One of the guards drove me to my
house, while the others drove behind us.

When I got to my place I went straight to bed. I had had a busy weekend, and now it was time to get
back to normal.

It was weird sleeping without Siya next to me. I was so used to being in his arms, and now here I was
alone in a cold bed.

I woke up the next morning and Got ready for work.

We only had 2 weeks left before the gala dinner, so I had a lot to get through.

I tried calling Siya, but his phone was off. So i figured he hadn't arrived in Cuba.

The guards drive me to work, but didn't go inside the office's. Instead the waited in the parking. I though
it was silly, but i didn't bother saying anything

When I got to work, Anna was in a meeting with the event planner, so I went straight to my office and
started my day.

When Anna was done, she came to give me an update regarding the gala dinner. I signed off on the
quotes, then went to meet with Jason.

When I got to Jason's office he was on the phone, but he wrapped up his call when he saw me.

Him: hey

Me: hi. I came to give you an update on the gala dinner coming up

I gave him the worksheet, and he spotted my ring.

Him: that's some rock you have there

Me: oh yaah, it came as a surprise

Him: I guess congratulations are in order

Me: thank you

Him: can I ask you something

Me: shoot

Him: are you sure your making the right decisions? Don't get me wrong, but you guys literally just got
back together. And now your engaged.

Me: Jason, I've known Siya for a while now. I'm 100% sure I want to be his wife.

Him: he's a lucky man

Me: thank you. But I think I'm the lucky one.

Him: as long as your happy.

I sat with Jason for a while going through the companies financial figures. All In all financially the
company was doing well. Which meant all our staff would be getting their bonuses In December. We
also went trought the finishing details with regards to the gala dinner. And all was well.

After my meeting with Jason, I went back to my office.

I had a missed call, from Siya. I immediately called him back.

Him: babe

Me: hi

Him: I was just letting you know I arrived safely in Cuba

Me: I miss u

Him: not as much as I miss you

Me; how's Cuba?

Him: same old. Just lonely without you

Me: maybe you should just come back

Him: I'll meet you tonight in your dreams

Me: I guess that's better that nothing

Him: I've got to run babe. I'm off to Brazil

Me: already?

Him: yaah, we've got a lead, and I need to act on it asap

Me: so I guess I'll hear from you

Him; yaah. Just promise not to freak out if I don't call.

Me: I'll try

Him: love u

Me: love u more.

When Siya hung up, I focused my mind back on work. I didn't want to think about Siya too much. I had
to learn to live without him here.

After work, I went straight to the gym. I asked the guards to wait in the car but they refused.

It kind of annoyed me because I thought it was a but much having them follow me even to the gym

After gym I went straight home. I tried my luck calling Siya, but his phone went to voicemail.

I decided to let him be, and go have a bath.

I immediately dropped my phone when I saw a reflection in the mirror.

When I turned around I saw Sizwe standing in front of me.

Him: don't scream

I tried running but he held my hand

Him: Rifiloe, I don't want to have to hurt you. I just need to speak to you

I took a deep breath. What the hell was Sizwe doing in my room.

Me: what are you doing here

Him: I need your help

Me: Sizwe, I'm not interested in helping you with anything

Him: Rifiloe. Please.

Me: Sizwe, you need to get out of here.

Him; rifoloe I can't. I'm being hunted left and right. I need you to help me get hold of ghost.

Me: so you thought you would bring whoever's hunting you to my house. Are you crazy

Him: I didn't have a choice.

Me: you always have a choice in life Sizwe

Him:Rifiloe, not in kind of life that we live in

Me: that's not my problem. I need you to leave

Him: Rifiloe, you know I care about you, but don't think I'm here to ask. I need to speak to ghost and
your the only way ill be able to do that. So if that means I have to convince you, then I will

I took a step back when Sizwe pulled out his gun. He did t poi t it at me, but he was trying to make his
point.

Me: So now you threatening me

Him: don't look at it that way. Think of it as motivation

Me: if Siya finds out about you pulling a gun on me he will want to kill you

Him: I'll take my chances

Me: wow. I never thought a day would come, when I saw you, one of my closest friends threatening me.

Him: Rifiloe, you think in want to do this? I'm fucking desperate and the only person who can help me is
ghost

I looked at Sizwe, and he looked so shaken.

Me: Sizwe tell me something

Him: what

Me: was any of our friendship real, or was it all just lies

Him: Rifiloe

Me; don't try butter me up. Just tell me the truth

Him: (sigh) most of it was real.

I was so mad at him for lying to me. But how do I kick him out?

I picked up my phone and Sizwe grabbed it

Him: what are you doing

Me: calling Siya

Him; you can't use your phone. the line might not be secure. I need you to use a burner phone

Me: I don't have a burner

Him: use mine

Me: no ways. If you want me to get hold of Siya we do it my way

Him: Rifiloe

I heard knock on the door and we both froze. Sizwe still had the gun in his hand.

Sizwe came closer so he could whisper something in my ear

Him: I'm guessing those are your guards

I nodded

Him; go open for them and tell them your ok. Do not even think of telling them I'm here. Unless you
want your house to turn into a war room.
I took a deep breath, and went to the door to speak to one of the guards

Him: mam, I came to make sure you are o.k.. I think I heard some voices.

Me: I'm fine. I was on the phone with a friend

Him: do you mind if I do a sweep

I started panicking. Of these guys found Sizwe here. Siya would kill us both

Me: I was just about to take a bath. Can we do that later?

Him: I'd prefer to do it now

Me: well, now isn't a suitable time. Anyway if there was some on here I would've screamed my head off
by now.

Him: as you wish.

The guard turned around to go back downstairs and I closed the door and let out a sigh of relief

I walked back to where Sizwe was, and he looked shit scared

Him; I thought for a second you were going to sell me out

Me; we don't have long. Give me my phone

He reluctantly handed me my phone. I dialled Siya. Luckily he answered on the 4 ring

Him: babe

Me; hi. Are you busy

Him: not yet. I've just arrived in Brazil

Me; promise to keep an open mind

Him: what's going on

Me: just promise

Him: what have you done

Me; it's not really what I did as much as what I should've done

Sizwe decide to just grab my phone from me. Damn fool didnt realize i was trying to butter Siya up.

Him: Ghost

Siya: who is this

Him; it's stud

Siya: what the hell are you doing with rifiloe

Him: I needed to talk to you, and she was the only way I could

Him: I swear if you hurt one hair from her head. I will kill you with my bare hands

Him: I'm not here to cause trouble. I just need your help

Him: didn't you get my message from those idiots you sent to me in Durban

Him: Ghost, please. I have no where else to go

Siya: so what do you want from me

Him: I want to work for you.

Siya: not happening.

Him; ghost please. I don't have another choice. The people I worked for found out I was the one who
helped you escape I your last mission. And now their after me

Him: and now your leading them to rifiloe. You fucking prick

I heard the guards running upstairs. Sizwe put the phone on my dresser and pointed his gun at me.

Him:Rifilo this isn't how I planned for this to go. I swear I don't want to hurt you. I just need ghost to
hear me out

I didn't even get to respond, because the guards had barged in nearly breaking my door.

They all pulled out their guns and pointed towards Sizwe.
I don't know what Sizwe was thinking. It's not like he could just walk out of here as if nothing happened.
If Siya got his hands on him, he was going to kill him.

64

What I saw in my room looked like a scene from some James bond movie. The only difference was that
there was no James bond to save me.

I tried not to panic, but my stomach was tied in knots.

Sizwe had the gun to the back of my head, while the guards were all pointing theirs at him.

There was so much shouting back and forth.

The guards kept telling Sizwe to put down him gun, while Sizwe kept telling them to back off.

I tried to get them all to calm down, but they couldn't even hear me.

I knew deep down in my heart that Sizwe wouldn't pull the trigger, but my head was telling me
something different.

I looked at the guards and wondered where the hell Siya got them from. Instead of coming up with a
solution, they kept making the situation worse. Mind you it’s my brain on the line.

I tried telling everyone to keep quiet, but they were making so much noise they couldn't hear me.

I know Siya said to do as told but in this case these idiots were playing with my life.

So I took matters into my own hands.

I started turning around slowly. I wanted to try and reason with Sizwe.

As I turned around the noise started getting less and less.

When my eyes finally met with Sizwe's, all I could see was fear. I really don't understand why Sizwe got
into this lifestyle. It doesn’t suit him. Why waste a law degree and chase after a Gangster life?

I took a deep breath. And tried slowly reaching for the gun.

Him: Rifiloe, what are you doing?

Me: stopping you from doing something you’re going to regret

Him: don't

Me: give me the gun

Him: I can't. If I do that's signing my life away

Me: if you pull that trigger your dead anyway. Let's rather put the gun down as a sign of good faith. That
way Siya will know you had no intention of hurting me

Him: get him on the phone again

Me: ok. I'm going to slowly reach for my phone.

I moved slowly away from Sizwe, to where my dressing table was. Sizwe still had his gun pointed at me.

I had just reached my dressing table, when I heard a gunshot going off.

I quickly fell to the ground. Before the next one went off.

My heart was beating at such a fast pace, I swear I couldn’t breath

I opened my eyes and saw things happening in slow motion.

Sizwe was on the ground in a pool of blood. The guards were running over to me.

I looked down and saw my hands covers in blood.

One of the guards ran to the bathroom to get towels, while the other one called for an ambulance.

I tried moving but I couldn't. My intestines felt like they had been cut in half.

I kept trying to breathe, but it was getting more and more difficult. My eyes started feeling heavy, and
my head started feeling light headed.

The guard who ran to get towels returned. He forced me to lie down. I tried telling him to stop trying to
move me because it hurt, but, I couldn't form words.

I just kept trying to breath. My eyes kept trying to close, but I kept forcing them open.

I knew if I closed them there was a chance they would never open again.

I’ve never really been afraid of death. But in this moment I was terrified of it.
All I remember was someone trying to picking me up. The pain shot through my body so badly, I blacked
out.

I could hear voices, and sirens in the near distance but my eyes failed me.

I finally gave in to the darkness that took over. There was no use fighting it. At least with darkness, there
was no more pain.

At first I was scared of the darkness. I felt like it wanted to consume me. It felt cold, and dark. But then I
heard a familiar voice. A voice that I had missed so much.

I turned around to find my mother standing next to me.

I looked at her and saw how much I had really missed her.

She looked so different from the last time I had seen her. She had no traces of a bullet hole.

She held my hand, and I held onto hers for dear life.

She didn’t say anything to me. We just stood together, hand in hand.

I wanted to tell her how much I missed her, and how much my life had changed since losing her, but I
couldn’t. All I could do was hold her hand and cherish her presence.

A while later, my mother started letting go of my hand.

I tried holding on tighter. I wasn’t ready to let her go. I was comfortable right where I was.

Her: it's not your time yet Rifiloe

Me: but ma. I don’t want you to leave again

Her: I have never left you Rifiloe. What you miss is my physical being. But Spiritually I am with you every
day

Me: but why do these things keep happening to me? Why can't I have a normal life?

Her: because you are not destined for ordinary things. Keep fighting. In the end it will all be worth it

I wanted to speak to her some more, but she started walking away. I tried taking a walk towards her,
but saw a light come on.

I immediately winced. And tried going back to my mom, but the light was too strong.

I started opening my eyes slowly. I didn’t feel much pain. But I could feel a lot of discomfort in my
abdomen.

I looked around and saw Siya asleep on a chair next to me.

I wondered when he arrived, because he looked like he hadn’t shaved in a while.

The nurse walked in as I was trying to sit up.

Her; Morning miss Mokoena. Welcome back

I gave a smile.

Her; you’re not well enough to sit up yet. Let me rather readjust the bed for you

She readjusted my bed and pillows for me.

Her; Im going to let your doctor know that you’re up. Can I get you anything?

Me; just some water please

She went out and came back with a jug of water. She gave me a glass with a straw in it.

I took one sip and it went down the wrong pipe. Gosh the pain I felt when coughing was like no other
that I had experienced.

Siya woke up when he heard me coughing. He looked so tied.

I was still thirsty but too scared to take another sip. The nurse insisted I try again, but I said no.

Siya walked towards us and took the glass from the nurse’s hand.

Him; even after being shot you are as stubborn as hell.

I smiled at him and he rolled his eyes at me

Him; you had me worried there for a minute

Me; what day is it?

Him; Its Saturday

Me; so I was out for a nearly a week?

Him; yes

Me; what about you mission

Him; we will talk about that at another time. For now drink your water

Me; I’m not thirsty

Him; how you feeling

Me; numb
Him; I thought I was going to lose you there for a minute

Me; you should be so lucky. You’re stuck with me for life

Him; it’s not funny

Me; Siya I’m fine. Isn’t that all that matters

Him; but you’re here because of me. I can’t take that risk again. I refuse

Me; so what exactly are you saying

Him; Rifiloe, I need you to make a decision. I cannot protect you, if you’re all the way here. I need you in
Cuba. It’s the only way we could make us and everything else work

ME; what do you mean the only way

Him; exactly what it means

Me; so you’re giving me an ultimatum

Him; not exactly. I just need you to try understand where I’m coming from

Me; Siya, get out

Him; what

Me; I have just woken up. And all you care about is me going to Cuba. Your so dam selfish. Its always
about you and what you want. Well you can take your stupid ultimatum and shove it.

Him; Rifi

Me; out

Siya wanted to argue but he had no grounds to stand on.

I understand he is scared about what could happen, but giving me an ultimatum isn’t going to help. He
so quick to want me to sacrifice my life, and yet he isn’t willing to do the same for me.

65

I know I’m hard on Siya at times, but at times I feel like he does understand where I’m coming from.

He had no right to tell me about ultimatums. I didn’t want him going back to the force, and he insisted
on it. I didn’t give him any stupid ultimatums, but at the same time I wanted us to work.

Siya turned to leave, but grabbed his hand

Me; don’t go

Him; Rifiloe. I don’t want to fight with you while you’re in a hospital bed. All I want is to make sure that
you are safe.

Me; I understand that. I really do, but I just can’t seem to understand why I’m the only one who is
required to make sacrifices for our relationship.

Him; Rifiloe, if I could, I would

Me; how long would I need to be in CUBA for?

Him; Indefinitely

Me; that’s a lot to ask for

Him; I know it is. But it’s the only way

Me; I’ve never just wanted to be a housewife. I’m going to die of boredom, then later resent you for
making me put my life on hold, while you saved the world

Him; I’ve got a proposition for you

Me; What

Him; work for me

Me; ye

Him; I’ll make you CFO of Ndhlovu corporation

Me; so I’d basically be sleeping with the boss

Him; you’d technically be taking care of your husbands assets. Both in the boardroom and Bedroom

Me; you can be so arrogant sometimes

Him; I’d like to think of it as charming

Me; I’m not sure I’m comfortable with your idea

Him; why

Me; because Siya. I like my independence. And to have me working for you would make me seem like
some gold digger

Him; The only reason you say that is because you are afraid of what people will think of you. Rifiloe,
we’re getting married soon. You working for me would mean you are taking care of YOUR Company.
Plus anyway you have the qualifications

Me; I guess you’re right. But I still need to think about it

Him; phew..
Me; we really fight hard don’t we

Him; but we also love just as hard

Me; I’m really glad you’re here

Him; I wouldn’t be anywhere else

ME; what happened to Sizwe

Him; I don’t think you need to worry yourself about that. Just concentrate on getting better

Me; But

Him; Rifiloe, rest up. I’ll come back to see you later

Me; fine

Him; can I bring you anything

Me; food. I’m starved

Him; cool. Now let me get a kiss

Me; nope. I haven’t brushed my teeth in a week

Him; haai I give up

He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek

When Siya left, the doctor came to check up on me. Apparently the bullet missed all major organs, but I
would have to take things easy for a while. Which obviously meant I would need to take some time off.
Which meant I would most probrably be going to Cuba.

Jason came to visit me during lunch. Siya came in as he just left.

Him; what did he want here

Me; he came to check up on me

Him; I see

I knew Siya wanted to say more, but he chose to keep quite

Me; so what did you bring me to eat? I can’t stand the hospital food

Him; chicken noodle soup

Me; smells amazing

Him; I’m glad you eating

Me; I’ve got news

Him; make my da

Me; I’ll come to CUBA

Him; are you serious

Me; yes

Him; finally she sees the light

Me; stop gloating. I’m just doing this because I love you

Him; so you’re taking my Job offer?

Me; maybe

Him; what else do I need to do to convince you?

Me; nothing. Just let me think about this

Him; have you told Jason

Me; yes.

Him; well that’s great news

Me; especially since I’m getting discharged on Monday

Him; for real?

Me; ya

Him; that’s great news

Me; so are you ready to talk about Sizwe? Oh and where did you get those idiot guards?

Him; The guards came recommended. They weren’t any of my guys, but I thought I could trust the
person who recommended them.

Me; so what happened to Sizwe

Him; (clears throat) he’s around

Me; what do you mean

Him; Rifiloe can we rather talk about something else. I can’t disclose anything else with regards to Sizwe
Me; fine. Wanna see my scar

Him; how bad is it

Me; not as bad as I thought. Makes me look tough

Him; (chuckles) you always find something funny to say about tough situations

Me; no use crying. I chose to be with you and in turn got a bullet through my stomach

Him; so you’re officially a gangster’s lady

Me; (chuckles) I guess so

Him; we should get you a gun

Me; ha a Siya. I was joking

Him; I’m serious. We need you to learn to protect yourself

Me; I’m not sure I can do that

Him; we’ll get you a small sexy little gun.

Me; your corrupting me

Him; you’ll be bonnie, and I’ll be Clyde

Me; I guess so

Him; here you should put this back on

He took out my engagement ring from his pocket

Me; i wondered where that went

Him; One of the guards gave it to me, after I arrived in JHB

Me; where are the guards

Him; I fired them. From now on only my guys will be looking after you

Me; good

Him; I should leave you to rest

ME; don’t go

Him; you need to rest

ME; I need to cuddle

Him; fine. Move over

I shifted a bit, and Siya came to join me. I know that this relationship isn’t ideal, but to me there is no
other man I would even dream of being with. Siya’s lifestyle may be imperfect. But I hoped the love we
have for each other would carry us through the tough time. because the thought of being without him
hurt me more than the bullet that went through me.

66 (bonus)

Siya ended up falling asleep in my hospital bed. So much for him keeping me company till i fell asleep.

When my nurse walked in she looked at us disapprovingly.

Me: shhh don't wake him. He's tired

Her: then he should go sleep at his house. You need to rest, what if he hurts you while your asleep?

Me: he won't. Plus I sleep better with him next to me

Her: make sure he keeps away from your scar

Me: I will

Her: I'll come check up on you later

Me: thank you.

When the nurse left, I moved close to Siya and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the following morning feeling a bit grimy. I was tried of having the urine catheter in. I really
wanted the nurses to take it out. It was starting to feel uncomfortable, plus I felt like I needed more
pain medication. My incision was throbbing.

Siya was still asleep next to me, so I gently shook him awake.

Me; babe wake up

Him: ha ana, Rifiloe

Me: what do you meant ha ana? This is my bed

Him: its actually the hospital's bed.

Me; baby I'm serious. I need you to call my nurse

Siya opened his eyes alarmingly

Him: what's wrong? Are you ok

Me: just relax. I just need another dosage of pain killers and I want them to take out this urine catheter.
It's disgusting

Him: that's not your choice to make

Me: Siya, I need to bath. I've been here for over a week. I feel filthy

Him: you exadurate

Me: please babe

Him: fine.

He got up and went searching for my nurse.

When he came back he sat on the chair next to me.

The nurse asked Siya to step out so she could take out the catheter but he refused

Me: Siya, just go

Him; but baby

Me: but nothing, I'm no letting you see this. It's disgusting

Him: I could care less

Me: just go home and take a shower. Then come back with breakfast

Him: will you be fine

Me: yes. I want to take a bath anyway

Him: I've packed all your bath oils in your toiletry bag, along with everything else you might need
Me: thank you baby

Him: what would you like me to bring you for breakfast

Me: I'm not aloud anything heavy. So maybe a fruit salad. Oh and my pj's and my gown. I don't like this
hospital gown

Him: ok. I love you ne

Me: love you too babe

He gave me a kiss in the cheek and left. My nurse closd the dosed the door behind him and came to
take out the catheter. I winced a bit because It was uncomfortable, but i felt a sense of relief once it was
out.

Getting back on my feet was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. My feet were a bit wobbly,
and the pressure from my abdomen didn't make it any easier.

I was gratful when the nurse took out my drip. I planned on soaking myself in the tub for a while.
Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to use any of my bath oils, because they could cause an infection. So i
stuck to the plane old bath soap.

It was a but difficult reaching all the spots I needed to. But non the less I enjoyed my bath.

My nurse stayed with me and helped me get dressed.

I convinced her not to put in another catheter. I felt like I could walk if I needed the bathroom.

By the time I was finished bathing, I was in a lot of pain. My abdomen was throbbing. The nurse put in
my drip again, put didn't increase my pain med. She said I needed to get used to not taking so much
drugs, especially since I was being discharged the following day.

Siya arrived just as the meds began to work. I wasn't in as much pain, but i was very uncomfortable

Him: you don't look to good

Me: I'm fine. I'm just a bit uncomfortable

Him; what can I do

Me: nothing. Just sit here with me

Him: it breaks me to see you like this

Me: just shut up and sit down.

Him: I bought you breakfast

Me: ill have it now. Just give me a minute

Him: do you want me to call your doctor

Me: no. I'm fine Siya

Him: you don't have to pretend with me

Me: I'm not babe. The nurse said I need to cut down on the pain meds. So my body is just adjusting

Him: (sigh) if your not going to eat, at least drink your smoothie

Me: ok.. where is Hlokes? I haven't seen him

Him: he had to stay in Brazil

Me: will, he manage without you

Him: he doesn have a choice

Me: when do you need to go back

Him: as soon as your out of here

Me: so im going to be all alone in cuba

Him: unfortunately

Me: Damn

Him: maybe you could keep yourself busy by planning our wedding

Me: it's too soon for all that

Him: why?

Me: we Still need to go for pre-marital counselling

Him: counselling?

Me: yes counselling

Him: haai baby. We don't need counselling

Me: no counselling, no wedding

Him: ha a Rifiloe, now your being unfair

Me; take it or leave it

Him: but we won't be able to tell the counsellor the full truth about my life

Me: you mean about ghost. But we can tell him about Siya

Him: I'm not sure about this

Me: balls in your court. And I also think we should be celibate, till we get married

Siya looked horrified . I just knew he wouldn't agree to that. I tried not to laugh, because my stomach
couldn't handle it, but his face just cracked me up.

Him: baby are you trying to kill me ?

Me: stop being dramatic siya. no ones ever died from abstaining

Him: but baby that just torturing me

Me: you'll live

Him; rifiloe, be reasonable

Me: I am. It will help us in the long run

Him: how will it help me?

Me; it just will

Him: you win. I'll do the counselling. Just no abstaining

Me: I'll think about it

Him: what is there to think about? I'm trying to compromise here

Me: I'll see

Siya shook his head at me. I knew I wouldn't be able to commit to never sleeping with him till our
wedding. But I just enjoyed teasing him. Plus I loved the way he pouts .

Me: you look cute when you pout

Him: I told you, men don't pout

Me; you do, and I love it

Hom: your enjoying this aren't you

Me: I don't know what your talking about

Him: torturing, me like this

Me: i must admit it kind of feels good having you by the balls. No pun intended

Him: shame on you babe

Me: o tlaba strong

Him: maybe. Or maybe I will find myself someone to help me out

I gave Siya the dirtiest look ever. I may play with him, but I'm not going to take him talking like that. I'm
as jealous as hell.

Me: Siya your on thin ice

Him; but babe, you started it

Me: and now I'm ending it. I catch you even looking at another woman,I swear I'll kill you

Him: 1 bullet and you think your Jackie Chan

Me: try me

Him: I wouldn't dare.

Me: better not

Him: babe you know I could never be with anyone else. I love you too much for that.

Me: Good to know that.

Him: and I better not catch you looking at any other man. I swear I would self district.

Me: well at least that's out the way.

We both laughed and teased eachother about how jelous and possessive we both were.

Siya stayed with me for the whole day. We watched some tv, played cards and just relaxed.

I know he is busy, and him being here while His team is in Brazil is probably difficult. but it felt good
knowing that when I really needed him he would be there.

I spent so much time in the past nagging him for attention. But now those insecurities were gone. Siya
had proved his love for me countless times.

His love may not be the perfect . But it was his very own thug kind of love, and that was all I needed.
67

Siya spent the night with me again. I think my nurse just decided to keep her opinions to herself because
I was being discharged the following day. I was really uncomfortable during the night though. I have no
idea how I was going to cope while at home.

The next morning I decided to wake up and take a bath. Siya was already up. I think he was just excited
to finally be going home.

My doctor came to do his final check-up and we left.

Siya drove us straight to his house. I wanted to get a few things along the way but he refused.

He practically escorted me to the bedroom.

The first thing I did was change out of the tracksuit and put on one of his gowns.

Me; stop faffing, I’m fine

Him; Get into bed. I’ll go get the housekeeper to make you breakfast

Me; Siya, I can’t stay in bed forever. I need to get used to walking again

Him; the doctors said you need to take things easy for a while. So stop arguing and get into bed

Me; fine.

Him; what would you like for breakfast

Me; something greasy. I’m tired of eating all this healthy shit

Him; greasy breakfast coming up

Me; and if the doctor ordered me to rest. I’m sure he also mentioned something about being cuddled
while I rest

Him; Rifiloe amanga wakho have no limits

Me; a girls got to do what a girls got to do

Him; I need to shower and head to the office for a few hours. Then when I come back I’m all yours

ME; so you’re leaving me all alone

Him; babe I’ve been with you for 2 weeks. I need to make sure everything’s still in order

ME; Its fine babe. But first my breakfast

Him; coming right up.

Siya went downstairs and came back with breakfast for two.

He gave me mine, then got into bed with me and had his.

Me; didn’t you say you needed to get to work

Him; I thought you wanted me to stay

Me; Siya I always want you to stay. If things were up to me you would never leave my sight. But we both
know that’s impossible

Him; I’ve been thinking

Me; Lord help us all

Him; baby I’m serious

Me; Okay. Let me get my serious face on. (Clears throat)… I’m listening

Him; I was thinking maybe we could ask my mom to come to Cuba with us, so she can take care of you.
And maybe you guys can start planning the wedding

Tjo I looked at Siya and wondered what he was thinking. I didn’t want his mom anywhere near me. That
woman treated me like shit while I was in Cuba, and now he wanted her to take care of me. But at the
same time I needed to tread carefully, because Siya’s loves his mom, and the last thing I wanted was to
drive a wedge between them

Me; (clears throat) baby… My love... I don’t think that’s such a good idea

Him; why not

Me; well, because your Mom and I aren’t exactly friends. I’m sure the last thing she wants is to have to
take care of me or even help planning our wedding

Him; baby

Me; Siyaaaaa

Him; we’re going to be married soon, which means she’s going to be a part of our lives. I need you to put
in the effort
Me; mhmmmmmmmmmm

Him; can you at least try

ME; but baby

Him; please, please, please

Me; fine

Him; Thank you

Me; don’t thank me just yet

Him; 1 more thing

Me; what

Him; She’s downstairs

Fuck man. Siya had a way of annoying me beyond measure. What was the point in him asking me if his
mom could come if she was already here?

Him; please don’t freak out

Me; Siya man

Him; baby please try

I took a pillow and hit him with it

Me; why bother asking when you’ve already made up your mind

Him; I didn’t want to take the risk of you saying no

Me; see. This is why I want pre-marital counselling. You have no regards what so ever about my feelings

Him; baby. I’m sorry

Me; don’t lie

Him; ok… I’m not sorry. But I do love you

Me; that’s not the point

Him; your so cute when your mad

Me; trying to butter me up isn’t going to help. I’m still mad at you
Him; what do I have to do to make you forgive me

Me; Nothing

Him; what about a kiss

Me; I’m eating

Him; I love you nana

Me; just shut up and help get decent for your mom.

Him; I’ve got some clothes for you in the closet

Me; do you have a dress in there

Him; a couple

Me; hand me one of them.. mxm

Siya got up and went to get me a dress to put on. I was a bit annoyed at him, but I didn’t want us to
fight about it. He did what he did with good intentions but it would’ve been nice if he’d discussed it with
me first. Its not that I hate his mother, its just that after Cuba, I don’t think I could ever truly have a
relationship with her. Plus we all know how much she loves Linda

I put on the Maxi dress that Siya gave me and walked downstairs to go see his mother.

I don’t know why she didn’t come upstairs. It’s such a mission to walk up and down the stairs. Especially
since I was still in a bit of pain.

I found Siya’s mom having tea in the dining room. I took a deep breath, and went to greet her.

I made sure I wore one of my biggest, fakest smiles ever.

Me; Sawbona Ma

Her; Makoti. Unjani

Me; I’m good and you

Her; better now that Siya and I are on good terms

I wanted to roll my eyes but I couldn’t, because she was looking at me.
Her; join me for some tea. Sarah makes the most amazing scones

Me; thanks ma

I sat down next to her and poured myself some tea

Her; so tell me how your feeling

Me; I’m fine ma, just glad to be out the hospital

Her; I’m glad.. I hear you and Siya are engaged

Me; (clears throat) Yes ma

Her; so when do you plan on getting married?

Me; no clue. We’re taking it one day at a time

Her; well that’s good. No need to rush. We don’t want you guys making such hasty decisions, only to get
divorced. Plus I feel like you aren’t ready for marriage. Linda on the other hand would’ve made a
wonderful wife.

She was clearly trying to annoy me. So I took a deep breath and decided to play along

Me; well the truth is Ma. I was hoping Siya and I would elope. It just takes the stress out of having to
plan a wedding. And that way only the important people would be there. Just me and Him. It is our
wedding after all.

She looked at me horrified

Her; that’s not the Ndhlovu way of doing things. Siyabonga is the head of the family, there is no way he
would agree to that. If you two are getting married, then you have to do things the proper way or else
the ancestors will never bless your union

Me; nothings been decided but we’ll see. And by the way. do yourself and I both a favour and stay out
of my relationship with Siya. We both know if it came to it he would chose me over you. I am the one
worming up his bed after all. So if I were you I would behave. You don’t want to have me as an enemy
Siya’s mom looked like she was ready to faint. I finally had her right where I wanted her. It was high
time I got in the ring with her. If she wanted a fight, I was going to give her one she would never forget.

Her; you have no shame. who do you think you are speaking to me like that.

Me; I'm the woman who's about to become your daughter in law.

Her; not if i have anything to do with it. Siya belongs with Linda and is exactly who he is going to end up
with. she has given him 2 children, and what about you, what have you given him? ha. Just you wait and
see

Me; well, i guess its game on. but just so you know. I'm not going anywhere. If you want to take me on,
make sure your ready to say goodbye to your beloved son. because as far as I'm concerned your just as
replaceable as i am.

I smiled at her and stood up

Me; excuse me ma. I need to go lie down. I’ll see you later

I left her there looking like she had chocked on her own tongue.

When I got to our room, Siya had just finished getting stressed. I always loved how he looked in a suit. It
always reminds me of the first time I saw him

Me; you look nice

Him; do I

Me; yep. I love that suit on you

He looked at himself in the mirror

Him; do you

Me; yes. Makes me want to rip it off

Siya looked at me and smiled. I walked closer to him and started kissing him. I started out slow and
sultry and then progressed to lustful. I knew we couldn’t take it further, but I wanted to butter him up,
because I knew his mother was going to complain about me.

Siya pulled away and looked at me

Him; babe. What was that for?

Me; Nothing. I’ve just missed your lips

Him; your making it hard for me to leave

Me; well you better go, because we can’t do anything. Doctor said no sex for 6 weeks

Him; are you serious

Me; yep

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Baby… im serious

Him; damn

Me; If your nice, maybe we could find a way around it

Him; now you’re talking

Me; (chuckles) go to work. I’ll see you later

Him; how was tea with my mom?

Me; it was surprisingly nice. I didn’t realize how much I missed her

Him; see. You two will be best of buddies in no time

Me; yaah… we probably will.

Him; ive got to go

Me; ok.. Give me a kiss to remember you by

Siya gave me a kiss and left.

I looked at myself and smiled. Gone was the Rifiloe who cried her way through things. Now it was time I
started standing up for myself. Siya loved me as much as I loved him, and I’d be dammed if I let his
mother get in the way of that. If she wanted to really take me on, i was going to fight her till my last
breath.

68

When Siya left for the office, I decided to set up an appointment with my beautician.

I couldn’t go to the salon, so I asked her to come to the house instead. I knew I wasn’t well, but that was
no excuse for me not to be tidy.

An hour later she arrived with her team. They fixed my hair, did my nails while I had lunch and even
helped me wax

When they were finally finished, I felt like a new person. I was in a bit of pain, but at least I looked more
like myself. I paid them, then walked them out.

I needed to take my pills and a nap before dinner.

When I woke up it was just after 6pm. I took my phone and called Siya

Him; babe

Me; Hey. I hope I am not disturbing you

Him; never

Me; do you plan on coming home anytime soon

Him; yah. I’m just about to leave the office

Me; ok. I’ll take a shower before you get here

Him; don’t. We can shower together

Me; mmhm sounds interesting

Him; ill make it worth your while

Me; sold... I shall wait for you

Him; good. See you now

Me; bye love

I hung up and got dressed. I wanted to see what was for dinner.
When I got to the kitchen, Siya’s mother was cooking.

Me; hi Ma. How was the rest of your afternoon?

Her; mcm

Me; I’m glad you’re doing well. So what’s for dinner?

She looked at me as though I was crazy

Me; no worries. I was planning for Siya and me to go out for dinner

Her; so is that what you do? Feed my son take aways all day?

Me; not really. But he doesn’t complain

Her; mxm

I took a bottle of water from the fridge and went to the lounge to watch some TV.

When Siya arrived he greeted his mother, then came to sit next to me

Him; hi nana

Me; hay babe

Him; you look good.

Me; Thank you. I had the beautician come over

Him; you could be bald and you’d still be beautiful

Me; thanks baby

Him; so whats for dinner?

Me; your moms making leg of lamb and vegetables

Him; I hope you got some rest

Me; I did. Thank you

Him; wanna take a quick shower before dinner?

Me; I need more than just a minute

Him; oh.. Now were talking.

I hit him on the thigh

Me; behave... your mothers in the kitchen

Him; we wouldn’t want to raise her blood pressure

Me; (giggles) definitely not. I’m enjoying having her around

Him; really

Me; yes

Him; well that’s one thing I can cross off my list

Me; I’m glad. I think you have way too much to worry about

Him; God I love you right now

Me; I’ve been thinking

Him; should I be worried

Me; I think I’ll take your offer regarding being CFO of Ndhlovu Corp

Him; really

Me; yes

Him; that’s great. I’ll let my lawyer know.

Me; I was also thinking, we need to set a date for the wedding

Him; thank God

Me; I’m not really up to planning a big wedding. I was hoping we could do something more intimate

Him; baby I would marry you right now. I don’t care for a big wedding

Me; so let’s elope

Siya looked at me like I was insane

Him; but babe. Don’t you dream of the big wedding? With family and friends etc.

Me: May when i was a Lott girl. Buy right now i dont really care

Him : I think we should still have a big wedding

Me; ok, but then i want 3 weddings.

Him; lord help us

Me; (giggles) let me finish

Him; ok. I’ll try keeping an open mind

Me; the first one, will just be the two of us and a priest. Somewhere secluded. Then we have the
normal traditional and white wedding at my home, then at your home

Him; sounds promising

Me; you said I could have whatever I want

Him; I don’t think my mom will appreciate our first “wedding” being with just the 2 of us

Siya’s mom walked in as we were talking.

Her; dinners ready

Siya; thank you

Siya helped me up and we went to sit in the dining room. Siya’s mom had already dished up for us.
Which I didn’t understand why. I expected her to lay out the food on the table. God knows what she put
in my food.

I wasn’t really comfortable with eating her food, phela this woman hates my guts.

Luckily she walked to the kitchen to fetch her food. So I knew this was my only opportunity to get out of
eating her food

Me; babe. I think I need to lay down a bit

Him; what’s wrong

Me; I’m just suddenly feeling a bit sore

Him; Go upstairs. I’ll bring your dinner there

Me; can I rather have something else. I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think I can stomach lamb at
the moment

Him; what can I get you

Me; I’ll make a smoothie

Him; you can’t live off smoothies. You need to eat

Me; ill come down and make something just now. For now, I just want to lay down

I stood up and walked towards our room. I wasn’t really sore, but I just wanted to avoid eating.

When we got to our room Siya, opened the blankets for me and I got in

Me; go have dinner with your mom. Ill be fine

Him; no. that can wait. Ill stay with you

Me; baby. I’m just going to try rest a bit. I’m sure I’m just overreacting

Him; I think we should call your doctor just to make sure

Me; Siya stop. I said I’m fine

Him; (sigh) you sure?

Me; yes. Now go and enjoy dinner.

Him; ok. Ill be downstairs if you need me

Siya gave me a kiss and walked downstairs. I let out a sigh of relief. I dint like lying to him, but there was
no way I was eating his mother’s food.

When Siya came back to our room he looked a bit off. I just knew it had something to do with his
mother.

Me: baby... what's wrong

Him: nothing

Me: Siya

Him: Rifiloe, why didnt you tell me about the fallout you had with my mother

Me: fall out

Him: she says you basically attacked her

Me : is this some kind of joke

Him; do I look like I'm joking?

Me: I dont know what your talking about

Him: she says you told her about us eloping

Me: I did. But I don't seen how that's a big deal. We were discussing the wedding and i told her we were
considering eloping , how is that attacking her?

Him: i don't know ok

Me: baby come here

He came to sit next to me

Me: stop stressing yourself about things. I'll speak to your mom in the morning. Im sure she just
misunderstood

Him: thanks baby. I know i can always count on you to be the bigger person

Me: I want us to work Siya. And if we're go in to work you have to trust me. If I felt like your mom and I
weren't getting along I would've told you.

Him: I guess your right. She's probably overreacting

Me: now that that's over. I remember you promising me a bath

Him: are you sure your up to it

Me: definitely

Him: I'll go fill the tub.

Siya got up and went to the bathroom. I was glad his mother said something because that way she was
the one nagging instead of me.

Siya came back and helped me undress. I kept looking at my scar

Him: what's wrong

me: I just hate how it looks

Him: it will heal better with time

Me: how am I going to we a bikini with this hidious scar

Him: you can a tattoo

Me: good idea. Maybe we should get matching tattoos

Him: as Lon Lon it's not butterflies or fairies I'm good

Me(chuckles) I'll think of something.

Once we were both done undressing we went to the bath.

Siya was like my own personal nurse. To be honest I was enjoying the attention.

We sat in the bath for a while, just chatting about the wedding.

Him: you should Stan up so i can wash you

Me: soy, I'm not fragile. I can bath myself

Him: but I want to be the one to do it

Me; fine. But Don touch my scar

Him: I won't.

Me: fine. Help me get up

Siya took my hand and helped me stand up. He started by washing my back, and then moved to my
chest. At first I throught it was a coincidence when he brushed against my nipples, but then he started
pinching them,and i knew this wasn't just a coincidence

Me: so much for bathing me

Me: I don't know what your talking about

Me: really

Him : really babe

He moved his attention back to what he was doing. He washed over my stomach, then moved down to
my p***y. I let out a little moan.
Instead of just washing me down there, he started slowly massaging my clit, all the while not taking his
eyes off mine. The more he massaged me there, the more aroused I became. I could see that his
manhood was as hard as a rock, so i decided to also play with it.

We both moved at the same pace for a while. The Siya put my nipple in his mouth. His tounge kept
rolling around over my nipple, while his fingers worked their magic on my clit. Siya was torturing me in
the most deliciouse way and i was enjoying every minute of it. Just as I was about to let go Siya came to
a complete halt

I looked at him confused

Him: you can't cum yet

Me: why the hell not

Him: I want to taste you when you cum

Me: siyaaaaa

Him: let's go to the bed

Me: I'm not going to make it there

(Chuckels ) I'll Carry you

Me: well hurry up. I'm dying here

Siya smiled at me and got out the bath, then he carried me to our bed. He put me down gently, then
started with the nipples again.

He slowly moved down from the nipples, down to my stomach, and then to my clit.

The minute he circled his tounge around the clit. I held on to the sheets.

He wemt from kissing it it, to liking and gently biting. He then inserts 2 fingers while licking, and It was
game over for me. I had an earth shattering orgasim that rippede through my body, to the point of me
shaking

Siya looked up at me and smiled, while I caught my breath,

Him: I hope you found that satisfactory madam

Me: mhmm

Him: I'll take that as a yes.

Me: yes

Him: good. Now get in the blankets and sleep. You've had far to much excitement for one day

me: what about you

him: what about me

Me: I also want to taste you as you cum

Him: you up to it

Me: yes

Him: ok, get up

I slowly got down on my knees and put him in my mouth.

I licked and sucked him till i could feel he was close. Then i went as deep as I could take.

Siya came with us much intensity as i did. Then collapsed on the bed

I wiped my mouth and went to go lay in his arms. We both lay in bed trying to come back to earth.

Him: your flipping amazing

Me: I can tell

Him: I hope you didn't hurt yourself

me: Siya just shoosh

We lay on the bed naked till we started falling asleep. Unfortunately his phone had other plans. He
looked at the caller ID and passed the phone to me

I looked at It and saw it was Linda.

Me: Linda

Her : oh, hi... am I was hoping to speak to siya

me: He's asleep

Her: I just wanted to remind him that i was going for my 16 week scan tomorrow. He had promised to
come with.

Me: I'll remind him

Her :thank you

I put down the the call and gave siya his phone back. To be honest it was difficult to think of Siya going
to the doctor with Linda. Especially since they discussed this while i was in hospital . But non the less i
wasn't going to let that turn into an argument. Instead I was going to give siya the message and let him
handle Linda. I had my plate full enough dealing with his mother.

69

I gave Siya his message, then cuddled next to him. I think he knew I wasn't ready to discuss his
appointment with Linda, because he just held me, till we both fell asleep.

When I woke up the following morning Siya was still fast asleep next to me. It's weird how when he’s in
SA he sleeps, but once we get to Cuba he'll be up through most of the night.

I got out of bed and went to take a shower. I was so hungry because I had missed dinner last night. So I
wanted to make myself breakfast.

After my shower I went to Siya’s closet to see the things he had bought for me. He had said he bought a
few things. But this wasn't the case. He had literally bought me a whole new wardrobe full of clothes.
Mxm Siya can waste money at times.

I wore one of the dresses and my slippers, then went downstairs.

I found Siya’s mother having tea in the dining room

Me: morning ma

Her: hmm

I decided to sit with her. I wanted to raise her high blood just a bit
Me: ma, I heard Siya saying there's a problem between us

Her: mxm

Me: yaz ma. I'm not aware of any problems between us. Phela Nna I love you like my own mother. I'm
sorry if I offended you about eloping. But don't worry ne. We'll have the big beautiful wedding that you
always dreamed of for Siya. I can't wait to be makoti wa ha NDHLOVU. That way you and me will be tied
together for eternity

Her: you may think your clever, but you have no idea what I'm capable of. You will never be umakoti
waka NDHLOVU, as long as I'm alive. Never. There is only one girl that Siyabonga will marry, and that is
Linda

Me: well I Guess you better start taking your pills. I don't want you tapping out on the first round.

I smiled, then went to the kitchen to make breakfast.

The whole point of me provoking her was to see if she really was planning something, and now I'm 100%
convinced her and Linda were both up to something. I may not know what. But I was sure as hell ready

I found Siya’s house keeper in the kitchen. I wasn't really sure if I trusted her or not. She seemed a bit
close to Siya’s mother. I just greeted her, and started making breakfast.

Her: mam, I was just about to start making breakfast

Me: don't worry about it. I'll handle it

Her: I don't think Mr Ndhlovu would approve. He gave me specific instructions to make sure you rest.

Me: let me handle him. You can carry in with the rest of your duties.

Her: yes. Mam

I made breakfast for all of us. Including the guards.

I gave mamazala her's, then went to wake Siya.

I made sure I didn't dish up for me and Siya. I didn't want her spiking my food.

When I got upstairs, Siya had just gotten out the shower. He was in the closet getting dressed

Me: morning baby

Him: morning.

Me: breakfast is ready

Him: please tell me you weren't cooking

Me; fine. I wont tell you

Him; Rifiloe, what happened to resting? Didn’t you hear what the doctor said?

Me; Baby I’m fine. I can’t just stay in bed the whole day. I dint want your mother thinking I’m lazy
Him; so you’re trying to impress her

Me; something like that

Him; that’s sweet of you, but all that matters is what I think of you. And right now im not impressed at
all

Me; but baby

Him; no arguing. You need to rest.

Me; ok

Him; good

Me; Let me fix your Tie

I moved closer and fixed his tie for him.

Me; so when are you meeting with Linda

Him; I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to CT and back. I’ve got so much to get through before we leave
for CUBA tomorrow

ME; Maybe you can fly her down. I’m sure we can find a Gyne for her around JHB

Him; do you mind handling it

Me; with Pleasure. Maybe she can bring Olwetho, so you can see him before we leave

Siya looked at me suspiciously

Him; baby, you sure you’re ok

Me; yes. I’m certain

Him; I love you

Me; I love you more

Him; will you phone Linda and let her know

Me; sure. But first let’s have breakfast

We walked downstairs hand in hand. I went to dish up for us, and we joined his mother at the table.
Him; Ma. I spoke to Rifiloe last night, and she doesn’t seem to think there is a problem between the two
of you.

Her; mhmm

Him; Rifiloe, is trying. Can you just try meeting her halfway? I can’t have the most important women in
my life hating each other

Her; I hear you

Him; Thank you.

We had the rest of our breakfast, then I went to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Siya followed me

Him; I hope you’re not planning on washing those

Me; I was, but I guess I’ll leave these here for Sarah

Him; atleast you listen

Me; I try

Him; I’m off. I’ll see you later

Me; cool. I’ll call you regarding Linda

Him; thx babe.

He gave me a kiss, then left for the office.

I knew I was really going to be bored, sitting in bed the whole day, so I decided to go upstairs and sort
out the Linda issue. To be honest it was going to take me a while to get used to this.

The minute she answered the phone I rolled my eyes.

Her; Hello

Me; Hi Linda. Its Rifiloe

Her; what’s up

Me; Siya isn’t going to be able to come to CT for your doctor’s appointment

Her; Mxm I thought as much. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me; Linda, just shut up and listen. I wanted to know if you minded flying to JHB for another
appointment. That way he can still see the baby

Her; so I have to be the one to fly around, because he can’t make time for me

ME; take it or leave it. It’s up to you hun

Her; what times my flight

Me; The Jet will be there at 11;00am

Her; ok

Me; I was hoping, maybe you could bring Olwetho with you, if it’s not too much trouble

Her; why

Me; We leave for Cuba tomorrow, and I thought it would be nice if he could spend time with Olwetho
before then

Her; (sigh) ok.

ME; thank you

I hung up, then called my Gyne. Luckily she had an opening at 3pm.

After sorting out the Linda issue, I made a smoothie, then went back to my room.

I needed to take a nap, before having to deal with Linda.

When I woke up, I had lunch, then went downstairs to prep dinner. I know Siya said to take it easy, but I
knew I was going to drive myself crazy thinking about him and Linda looking at the sonar of their baby.

When I got the kitchen, Sarah was already making dinner. I decided not to disturb her, and went back to
my room.

I was watching Tv when Siya called

Me; Hi love

Him; Hey. I’ve just left the doctor’s office. Owetho and I are coming home

Me; Is Linda with you?

Him; She’s leaving now

Me; Invite her to dinner

Him; huh

Me; you heard me

Him; why would we do that

Me; because your wife says so

Him; In that case, I will do as told

Me; good

After my call, I went down to let Sarah know that Linda and Olwetho were joining us. Then I went to
take a bath.

When Siya arrived, I had just finished getting ready.

Him; hey you

Me; Hi

Him; Olwetho and Linda are downstairs.

Me; I’ll go see them now

Him; don’t I get a kiss first

Me; come get it.

I gave my man a kiss, then we both walked down

The minute I saw Linda my skin crawled. There was something about her that didn’t seem right. I just
couldn’t put my finger on it

I greeted her, and went to give Olwetho a hug. He looked so much bigger than the last time I saw him.

Him; aunty. Today I saw my baby brother

Me; did you

Him; yes. Daddy says he looks just like me

Me; really

Him; yes.
Me; im glad you got to see him.

Something Olwetho said didn’t quite make sense. How did he know the sex when Linda was just 16
weeks along? Isn’t it usually at 18 or 20 weeks? And come to think of it, Linda looked quite big for just
16 weeks.

We sat down and had dinner together. It was a bit awkward because there wasn’t much conversation.
So I decided to try something

Me; (clears throat) so Linda, how’s the baby doing

She looked at me and then at Siya’s mother. I knew right then that something wasn’t right

Her; everything’s fine

Me; good to know. Have you guys thought of any names yet?

Her; I was thinking to name him after his father

Me; that’s nice. Isnt love

Siya just nodded

Her; so when do you plan on having children

Me; not any time soon. Ive already got Olwetho and Junior on the way, so we’re not in a hurry

She looked at me and smiled. Not the kind of smile that was friendly, but more like she knew I was up to
something

Me; Ma, you must be excited to be a grandmother again

Her; yes. It’s a pity you weren’t able to carry your twins to term

Siya looked at me and then at his mother

Him; was that necessary

Her; I was just saying

Me; Siya. It’s fine. I get your mother doesn’t like me. I’m ok with that

Her; are you done eating

Me; yes.

Him; Lets go

I stood up and Siya’s and I walked towards the door. I had no idea where we were going

Me; Babe and now

Him; I can’t stand the tension in that room. I just don’t understand why my mother doesn’t want to get
along with you

Me; Forget it babe. It’s not the end of the world

Him; No Rifiloe. It’s not right

Me; that’s why I didn’t really want her taking care of me, because I knew it would tear you guys apart

Him; I think it’s time she goes home

Me; it’s a pity

Him; its time. I can’t stand her constant mood and nagging

Me; I understand. But we can’t go anywhere. Olwetho is here to see you. You need to spend some time
with him,

Him; your right

Me; I’m going back upstairs. You should take Olwetho out. Maybe watch the 8pm movie or something

Him; You know I love you

Me; Yes. And I love you

Him; I love you more, because I can see how much you’re trying to make this work. I never thought,
even for a second that you would sit at a table with my ex

Me; baby we’re getting married. It’s my job to help you carry your burdens

Him; Thank you

Me; stop being so mushy, and go spend time with your son. I’ll see you later

I gave him a kiss, then went back inside. I was glad that things were finally normal between us. I wasn’t
glad that Linda was pregnant, but I wasn’t going to let Siya’s past interfere with our future.

70
I went back inside, and headed to our bedroom. This whole thing with Linda was troubling me.

Things just weren’t adding up. I wanted to get to the bottom of this, but at the same time, I was a bit
worried of what I would find.

What if Linda wasn’t carrying Siya’s baby? How was I going to prove it, without coming across as bitter?

I decided to put this little investigation on hold. I needed to plan this properly.

As I was busy thinking about Linda, Someone knocked on my door. I took a deep breath in and out and
went to see who it was. I opened and found Linda

Me; Hi

Her; sorry for disturbing

Me; what’s up

Her; I just came to find out what you’re playing at?

Me; I’m lost

Her; you know exactly what I’m talking about

Me; Linda, I’m tired, and I want to get to bed. So stop talking around in circles and get straight to the
point

Her; I know you’re up to something, so I came to give you a word of advice. BACK THE FUCK OFF, before
you get hurt

Him; Mhmm you know for someone who has so much to lose, your very confident. Especially since full
custody of Olwetho.

Her; what’s that supposed to mean

Me; nothing, just that from where I’m sitting, I have all the winning cards. So you better stay in your
lane, or else I will make you.

I think she didn’t expect me to say anything. Because she looked a bit out of place. She turned around
and walked away

I let out a sigh of relief. Siya’s baggage was proving to be a lot. I was just glad we were leaving most of it
in SA.
I decided to go take a bath, to relax a bit. I hadn’t even started packing, and we were leaving tomorrow.

I didn’t realise how long I was in the bath for, until Siya arrived. I think it’s because I was thinking about
this whole Linda thing

Him; your still up

Me; yaaah, what time is it

Him; after 10

Me; did you and Olwetho have a good time

Him; yah. I don’t think I realised how much I missed him.

Me; you need to really make more time for him

Him; I know love

Me; I was thinking

Him; let me join you, then we can talk

Me; we both know if you get in here, there won’t be much talking

Him; ill behave... I promise

Me; Fine. But then I need to let the water out and then fill the tub again

Him; well you better get on with it

I rolled my eyes at him and let out the water, then refilled the tub and added some bath oils.

Siya joined me, and I sat in between his legs, so I could lay my head on his chest

Me; did you speak to your mom

Him; yah. She’s decided she’s flying down with Linda, first thing tomorrow

Me; babe. Can I ask you something?

Him; anything

Me; please don’t take this the wrong way. I just want you to be honest with me.

Him; Rifiloe

Me; promise
Him; fine

Me; did you by any chance sleep with Linda, before you woke up in hospital

Him; no. Why

Me; just asking

Him; Rifiloe. That’s not just some random question that popped into your head. If you’re asking me this,
it’s because you might know something I don’t

Me; Siya. Don’t use your interrogation methods on me. that Mambo jumbo works on suspects. Not me

Him; why are you being defensive

Me; stop it. You’re still doing it

Him; Baby, you need to understand something about me. I am trained to know when someone is lying
to me. I know you’re up to something. I just want to know what it is

Me; I have no idea what you’re talking about

Him; your sudden coolness around Linda isn’t normal. Not after everything we’ve been through

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe

Me; I’m just trying to make sure you got to see your children before you left. Is that such a bad thing

Him; not at all. It makes me love you even more. But the fact that you invited Linda to dinner doesn’t
make sense. And now you’re asking me about when I slept with her

Me; forget I said anything

Him; I won’t forget. But I will wait for you to tell me when you’re ready

Me; thank you

We sat in the bath a bit longer. I don’t know what I was thinking asking him such a question. Obviously
he would pick up something wasn’t right. Nxa

The next morning, I woke up and Siya wasn’t in bed. I looked around for him, and he wasn’t anywhere in
the house, so I called him

Him; morning sleepy head

Me; where are you

Him; I took my mom and Linda to the airport.

Me; ok, Ill see you when you get back

Him; I should be back in about an hour. Then we’ve got to go

Me ; Babe, I haven’t even started packing. I also need some stuff from my house.

Him; its being handled

Me; Siya

Him; babe

Me; (sigh) never mind. I’ll be ready by the time your back

Him; cool

I decided not to argue and rather go get ready...

I packed the few things I needed, like phone, laptop and other small things. Then went to bath.

By the time I was done, Siya was back.

Him; ready

me; I guess

Him; we’ve got to go

Me; but babe, I needed some things from my place

Him; babe. Whatever you need we can buy in Cuba

Me; that’s not the point. But forget I said anything. Let’s just go

I took my back and we walked towards the car.

On our way to the airport I got a sms from Linda

Her; ask your man where he slept the night you guys argued about priorities.If I remember correctly, he
left your ass in JHB and flew to me in CT. So next time you want to lay the law. Make sure you know
your lane.
My blood started to boil. Here I was flying all the way to CUBA for a man who might be lying to me.

I took my phone and threw it at Siya . He looked at me and tried figuring out what was going on

Me; don’t looked at me. Read the fucking message

He picked up the phone and read Linda’s message. Then he gave me my phone back and continued with
his laptop

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe. Don’t

Me; so you’re not going to say anything

Him; Rifiloe, as you can see, we’re not alone in the car. We can discuss this on the jet

I looked at Siya, and prayed he wasn’t playing with me, because right now I’ve had just about enough of
the Linda issue

When we got to the Jet. Siya sat down and poured himself a scotch

I sat opposite him and just stared at him. He looked up and shook his head

Him; You’re really in the mood to fight ne

Me; I’m waiting

Him; for what

Me; an explanation

Him; you’re not getting one

Me; I beg your pardon

Him; you heard me

Me; Siya
Him; no Rifiloe. You’ve already decided, so why bother

Me; Siya, I want to hear you say it

Him; Say what

Me; that you slept with her way before your mission

Him; Listen to me and Listen to me carefully, because I’m only going to say this once. I did not sleep
with Linda before Cuba.

Me; But that’s not

Him; you see what I mean, I just told you I didn’t, but you still don’t believe me. What else do you want
me to say? Can’t you see what she’s trying to do? And you madam, are walking right into her trap, and
you expect me to play along. Keep me out of this. I’ve told you the truth, and that’s that.

I looked at Siya, and he looked like annoyed as hell, but something he said resonated with me.

He was right. I was playing right into Linda’s trap, without even noticing it. Which now made me even
more determined to find out the truth. Because whatever she’s hiding, is probably huge.

71

I sat with Siya in silence, for a while. I know I was wrong. I should’ve rather discussed this with him,
instead of immediately believing Linda.

Once we had taken off, I went to sit next to Siya. I thought he would look up but he didn’t. he just
carried on typing on his laptop.

I closed his laptop, and placed it on the table. He just looked at me

Me; baby I’m sorry

**** Silence*****

Me; Siya

Him; after everything, you still don’t trust me. I just thought, that you and I were past that faze
Me; we are Siya.

Him; Rifiloe, I love you. More than anything, but I won’t have you throwing tantrums. It annoys me the
fuck off. If there’s something upsetting you, we can talk about it. Instead of going all psycho on me

Me; askies baby

Him; and while we are discussing this. Please refrain from undermining me in front of my staff. If you
need to say something, say it in private. I won’t have my the guards hearing you speak to me like that
again

Me; okay……. Can I get a kiss now

Him; mxm. You’re a handful yaz

I could see he was a bit annoyed still. So I knew I had to do something about it. I wasn’t going to sit on
flight for over 10 hours, with Siya moping.

I stood and sat on his lap in a squatting position

Him; what are you doing

Me; kissing it better

Him; ha ana Rifiloe

Me; Baby man

Him; you know what your doing is sexual harassment right

Me; don’t act like you don’t like it

Him; o stout mara ne

Me; I love you

Him; how much

Me; this much

I leaned in and started kissing him again. This time he responded. I knew then that all was forgiven.

I pulled away, when I felt something growing between my legs.

I looked at Siya and smiled

Me; behave

Him; mhmm this 6 week thing is going to kill me

Me; shame yaz, and its only been a week

Him; at least I’ll be in Brazil for most of those weeks

Me; I hear Brazilian girls are rather good looking

Him; not as good looking as you

Me; (chuckles) nice save

Him; it’s the truth

Me; so what are we going to do about Rambo there in between your legs

Him; I don’t know, got any ideas

Me; plenty

Him; I’m all ears

Me; come ill show you

He stood up shacking his head.

I lead him to the tiny bedroom.... I shall refrain from explaining what we did in the small room. But I
guess you guys get the picture mos. Let's just say I was able to tame Rambo. 😂😂😂

When we were done, getting up to no good. I fell asleep in siya's arms.

😴😴😴😴😴😴

When I woke up, Siya was sitting next to me on his laptop. I wondered if he had gotten any sleep at all.

Him: good thing your up. We land in 20min

Me: why didn't you wake me

Him: I was going to, but then you woke up

Me: did you get any sleep

Him: no, been too busy. Come, let's go get ready for landing

I quickly fixed my hair, and went to join Siya.

When we arrived in Cuba. Hlokes was at the airport waiting for us, with some of the guards.

I smiled when I saw him. It had been a while since I saw him. I walked to him and gave him a warm hug

Me: look who's been working out. You're huge

Him: link what you see

Me; mxm

Him: so how are you holding up

Me: fine.

Him: how's the pain

Me: not as bad as when I first came out of hospital

Him: well your officially a gangsters wife

Me: my man's not a gangster

Him: same thing

I looked over at Siya and he looked a bit uncomfortable. So I walked over to him, as and we got in the
car.

When we arrived home, I went to greet mam Martha and thembi. Then went to the main bedroom. It
felt kind of wierd being back in Cuba, after how I left the last time.

I looked at the bed, and my heart skipped a beat. I could just imagine siya and Linda In this very bed. I
quickly snapped out of it, when I Siya came in.

Him: you ok
me: yes. Just about to get into bed

Him: we need to talk first

I sat on the bed and he joined me

Him; I just looked at my schedule, and it looks like we depart for Brazil, the day after tomorrow

Me: that soon

Him; yes. We''ve got a lot that needs our attention that side

Me: ok

Him; tomorrow we need to go through your contract as CFO. I think we also need to go through your
responsibilities, so that you .ca start asap

Me: cool

Him: lastly we need to pick a date for the wedding

Me: which one

Him: the big one

Me: can't we rather start with the small one, and then deal with the other.

Him: so you were serious about our first wedding to be just the 2 of us

Me: yes

Him: so where do you want this to take place

Me: I haven't thought about it as yet

Him: ok. Think about it and let me know

Me: cool

He moved closer and gave me a kiss

Him: I need to go work. You should try get some sleep

Me: you should come to bed. You didn't sleep a wink on the plane

Him: no time. Il, we you later

Me: Sharp
Me: oh, before you leave, can in use your laptop. Mine's busy with updates

Him : I'm going to need mine. Maybe you could ask bullet if you can use his.

Me: please ask himm for me

Him: sure

Siya went upstairs to work, whileI changed into PJ's

Not long after , Hlokes bought me his laptop

Him: ghost said you want to no this

Me: only if your not us in it. I just want to look at some wedding ideas

him: no worries, you can use it

Me: thanks

He handed me the laptop then walked out.

I googled a couple of places but none of them really had why I was looking for. I wants something
romantic and secluded, but so far most of the places were just too busy. Until I saw this beautiful
looking resort right here in Cuba. It looked perfect, just what I was looking for.

I decided to save some of the pictures of the resort. I wanted to get siya's opinion.

When i was done saving the pictures. I went into the folder, and attached them to an e-mail, then sent
them to Siya.

When I closed the file I was in, I mistakenly double clicks onto another file.

I didn't intend on snooping, but curiosity got the better of me.

You can imagine the shock i got, when i saw that file cintained pictures of Linda. Why would Hlokes
have pictures of linda on his laptop.
I started going through the picture and immediately regretted it. Some of the pictures were rather
promiscuous. She was mostly naked and looking directly at whoever was taking the pictures.

I looked through the picture trying to understand why Hlokes would have these. It just all didnt make
sense, but then suddenly it did.

The only way Hlokes would have these, is if he took them, and that would only mean he was having or
had had an affair with Linda. Shock didn't really surprise, me because I know Hlokes had always had an
eye for the ladies.

Now my only predicament is whether i tell siya or whether I keep ut to myself.

72

I kept going through the pictures one by one. I couldn’t believe this. If Siya found out he would kill
Hlokes. But now my concern was if Hlokes was really over me, or if this was his way of payback.

I really wanted to tell Siya, but I knew if I did it would destroy his relationship with Hlokes.

So I think it’s best to wait for him to return from Brazil. Then take it from there.

I copied all the pictures of Linda onto a flash drive, then went to give Hlokes back his laptop.

This whole thing was starting to get bigger than I thought it would. I just hoped it would end soon.

I tried to act normal around Hlokes. I didn’t want him suspecting anything. Then I went to Siya’s office. I
wanted to see if he had gotten the pictures had sent him, for the wedding.

Me; can I come in

Him; babe. I thought you would be fast asleep by now?

Me; Not yet. Did you see the pics I sent you?

Him; yes. The place looks nice

Me; so should I book it?

Him; we need to discuss dates first

Me; tomorrow night

Siya looked at me confused

ME; Let’s get married tomorrow tonight

Him; are you sure

Me; 100%

Him; we need to find someone to marry us first

Me; Vegas

Him; babe are you sure you want to do this so soon

Me; yes

Him; come here

I moved from where I was and sat on his lap

Him; what’s going on with you. You seem a bit off

Me; what do you mean

Him; why does it seem like you’re in a hurry for us to get married

Me; (sigh) Siya the last time you went on a mission, I nearly lost you, and technically you weren’t mine.
Not officially anyway

Him; I see

Me; I’m sure you can get your lawyer to draw up a prenuptial agreement by tomorrow night

Him; pre-nup?

Me; yes

Him; who said anything about a pre-nup

Me; Siya, you are a multimillionaire. You need a pre-nup to protect you

Him; Not with you I don’t

Me; babe
Him; not up for discussion

Me; Siya, as your financial advisor, I strongly recommend you get a pre-nup in place

Him; you see this is why I love you. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to you

Me; But

Him; discussion over. You want us to get married tomorrow. We get married tomorrow

Me; so babe. We are going to just get married in COP

Him; yes

Me; we’re insane

Him; just promise me one thing

Me; anything

Him; Promise me that no matter what we go through, we’ll make it work. Always

Me; I promise

Him; well I guess this is our last night as singles

Me; I guess so

Him; we should rest

Me; rest

Him; yes. I plan on enjoying my last night as a bachelor. Fast asleep in the comfort of my bed

Me; (chuckles) lets go

We stood up and we walked to our bedroom. We took a quick shower, then we went to bed.

I woke up the next morning with butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t believe that this day was the day I
would become Siya’s wife. After everything we’ve been through, we were finally going to get our
happily ever after.

I looked at the man lying next to me and I knew I was making the right decision.

Our relationship may not be perfect, but it was most definitely worth fighting for.

Siya woke up as I was staring at him

Him; what did I do

Me; what do you mean

Him; why are you staring at me like that

Me; just admiring my husband to be

Him; Husband. I like the sound of that

Me; so what time do we leave for vegas

Him; Ive got a better idea

Me; what

Him; let me handle everything

Me; ha a . now your mad

Him; Just trust me

Me; Siya, I do but

Him; then all you have to do now, is relax. Ill handle everything

Me; better be good

Him; only the best for you

Me; thank you baby

Him; you can thank me later

Me; how

Him; You’ll see

ME; ok. Come wash my back

Him; with pleasure

We got out of bed, and went to a shower together. Then we went up to have breakfast.

When we got to the Veranda, Hlokes was already having breakfast. I greeted him and sat next to Siya. It
was a bit awkward.

Me; so Hlokes, how is Boni doing

Him; she’s ok. She might be coming here for Christmas

Me; You must miss her

Him; like crazy

Me; Siya, maybe we should ask Linda, if Olwetho can spend Christmas here with us
I saw Hlokes look up at me

Siya; that sounds nice love

Me; I think it would make life easier with her being pregnant you know

Siya; that’s very thoughtful

Me; but what if she wants to come with

Him; not an option. I’m not spending Christmas with her

Me; ill speak to her

I looked at Hlokes and noticed he looked a tiny bit uncomfortable, when we spoke about Linda. So I
decided to dig a little

Me; Hlokes. You should see Linda. She looks really heavy for 16 weeks. Shame yaz. I think the baby is
going to be big

Hlokes; Im sure she’ll be fine

Me; you say that because you’re a man. If you had seen her, you wouldn’t be say that

Him; woman in general carry differently.

Me; I guess so. Cause when I lost the twins they were just 12 weeks, and you could hardly tell I was
pregnant. But with Linda shame, her stomach was already showing. That’s why I think she’s going to
have a big baby. I feel really sorry for her

I could see Hloke’s face change.

I just knew then that I was onto something. Thankfully Siya was concentrating on reading the paper.

Hlokes stood up and went upstairs. I was guessing he wanted to speak to Linda.

All I needed now was to get real hard-core evidence, that Linda wasn’t carrying Siya’s child.

I knew deep down it would hurt Siya, but I would rather have him hurt now, then to find out after the
babies born the he isnt the father.

73
After breakfast, Siya went to his office, while Nails and two other guards took me shopping.

When we got to the basement, I sat in the front because Nails was driving. I needed his help with
something. I just prayed he wouldn’t tell Siya

ME; nails. Can I ask you something?

Him; anything

Me; Let’s say hypothetically I wanted to get my hands on a digital file, without anybody noticing. How
would I do that?

Him; does Ghost know about this

Me; I said hypothetically

Him; Mam. I don’t mean to be rude, but no one asks such a question hypothetically

Me; are you going to help me or not

Him; no

Me; and if its Siya's best interest

Him: I'd still need to discuss it with him first

Me: nails, please. I'm begging you. I just need some certainty regarding my suspicions

Him: you're going to get me in trouble

Me: once Siya knows the truth, there is no way he would be mad. I promise

Him: (sigh) tell me what you need to get

Me:I need to get hold of a patient file at a doctor's firm

Him: who's the patient?

Me: I can't say

Him: if you want my help, you need to tell me everything. Otherwise I can't help you

Me: promise you won't say a word to Siya. Not till we're certain that I'm correct

Him: I promise

Me: it's Linda

He turned to look at me, then consserntrated on the road again

Him: ive got a feeling I'm going to regret helping you on this

Me: nails please

Him: fine. But we do things my way

Me: I don't cAre how, but i just want to take a look at that file

Him: what if you don't like what you find

Me: at least I would've tried

Him: ok. But we'll only start once ghost and bullet are in Brazil. I don't want them getting suspicious

Me: thank you

Him: just don't make me regret helping you

Me: I won't.

When we arrived at the mall, I went to a couple of boutiques to try and find something to wear. I walked
past the baby boutique that I came to the last time i was here. My heart melted a bit, but i told myself
to move on.

I wasn't really looking for a wedding dress. I just wanted a nice bohemien style dress. Nothing to fancy,
just something classic.

I found a nice vintage store, that luckily had exactly what I was looking for. I tried on a couple of
dresses, and finally made a choice on a full length ivory backless dress and matching ivory shoes.
After shopping I went to get some sexy lingerie.

Nails looked so uncomfortable in the shop, so I asked him to wait outside.

I bought a couple of lingerie sets, because I couldn't decide which one i liked more , then went tot buy
Siya a ring. I went with a plane white gold ring. Siya isn't really the flashy type.

Lastly I went to get my hair and nails done, even waxed.

All that was left now was for me to become Mrs Ndhlovu

I was rather quite on my way home. I was excited that I was marrying the man I love, but at the same
time I longed for my parents to be here. I think that's part of the reason no wanted our wedding to be
about just the 2 of us. Because it won't be easy to have a wedding in qwaqwa without my parents being
there. So at least now when I think of my wedding day, I will think of this day. And not the huge
wedding that Siyas mother wants us to have.

When I got home the place was abuzz. There were people walking up and down everywhere. I couldn't
even use the main entrance. I had to use the entrance via the kitchen.

I saw man Martha walking towards me when she saw me come in

Her: I hear congratulations are in order

Me: thank you ma

Her: you and ghost are just full of surprises

Me: we rather unpredictable aren't we

Her:but I'm glad you've found your way back to each other again.

Me: thank you ma

I gave her a hug. Mam, Martha had a way of reminding me of my own mother at times

Me: what are you making, your kitchen smells amazing

Her: you'll have to wait till later. But I promise it wil, be delicious
Me: I can't wait

Her; have you had lunch

Me: yes, thank you. I had something while I was at the salon

Her: you should go rest. I'm sure your tired

Me: I'll go just now. First I need to go see Siya

Her: isn't it bad luck for the groom to see his bride before the wedding

Me: but ma, I haven't seen him since I left this morning. I miss him

Her: you can see him later.

Me: ha ma. How can you do this to me

Her: come. I'll walk you to your room,

I took her hand and walked out the kitchen. Luckily Siya walked in, just as we were walking out

Him: there you are

Me: oh thank God. I've missed you

Him: I've missed you too

He leaned in and gave me a kiss but i pulled away because mam Matha was standing next to me

Me: Siya

Him: what

Me: behave... anyway, I've got to go. Mam Martha insists it's bad luck for you to see me before the
wedding. So you Mr Ndhlovu, won't be seeing me for the rest of the afternoon

Him: that's going to be tough, since we share the same bedroom

Me: you can use the spare bedroom to get ready in

Him: fine. I guess I'll see you tonight

Me: what time

Him: be ready by 8pm.

Me: Sharp.
I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and walked with mam Martha to my bedroom. I wanted to show her my
dress and shoes

Me: so what do you think

Her: I think it's beautiful. I love the little bits of lace

Me: I'm glad you also like it

Her: you could wear a sack and he would still think your beautiful

Me:I hope so

Her: come sit

I sat on the bed, and she sat on the ottoman

Her: as tradion, when a girl gets married, the elder woman advise her on married life. So since I'm the
only elder, I think it's my duty to give you some advice.

I smiled at her, and payed attention

Her: rifiloe, you are one of the most humble people I've ever come accross. I never thought that Ghost
would find a woman as gracious as you, but he has.

So my advice to you as his wife, is to alway honour and respect him as your husband. Remember to
always pray. You are going to face a lot of challenges being married to man like ghost, but always
remember to pray. It will be your shield against every attack that you face.

Many people think that a way to a man's heart is through sex, but in truth it's about humbleness and
respect. If you practice what I have told you. You will never ever go wrong

I had tears in eyes, because when mam Martha spoke all I could hear was my mother's voice.

I stood up and gave her a hug.

Me: thank you ma

Her: anytime you need anything, just let me know

Me: I will

Her:let me leave you to rest. You've got a big night ahead of you

Me: thank you.

I gave mam Martha a hug and then she left.

I took my dress and hung it on the outside of my closet, the took a nap. I wanted to be nice and fresh
for tonight.

When I woke up from my nap, it was 6pm.

I got up and went to soak myself in a hot bubble bath. I had 2 more hours left before Siya and I were
officially one. I was both nervous but also excited.

I got out and went to get dressed. I know how time sensitive Siya is, so I didn't want to be late.

I put on my dress, then put on my gown over it. I wanted to put in a bit of make up, and I did t want any
of it getting on my dress.

At exactly 19:50, I was done getting ready. I called mam Martha on her cell and asked her to come to
my room.

It was finally sinkingin that I was going to marry Siya, and I needed someone to help calm my nerves

When mam Martha arrived she gasped for air.

Her: you look beautiful

Me: do you think so

Her: I know so.

Me: I'm glad you think so

Her: ghost won't know what hit him, when he sees you

Me: thank you

Her: stop worrying and enjoy the moment. You look beautiful, Ghost looks hands on, and the set up is to
die for. Relax and be in this moment.

Me: your right

Her: Ghost will be here in a moment. Let me leave you

Me: wish me luck

Her: you don't need luck. You've got God on your side.

She left me, and Siya walked in

Him: wow

Me: wow to you too.

Him: you look gorgeous

Me: you don't look to bad yoursel

Him: the minister has arrived. We should go

Me: wait

Him: what's wrong

Me: nothing's wrong. I just want to take you in

He moved closer, and held my hand

Him: I love you

Me: lets go get married

We walked out our room hand in hand. I wasn't sure where we were doing this, so I let him lead the
way.

Him: I hope you like it

We walked past the veranda towards the beach. I immidiatley fell in love with the sight in front of me.

There was an isle of candles from the veranda all the way to the beach, where a simple white podium
stood in front of a huge backdrop of lit flowers

It was everything I could ever hope for and more. Siya had really out did himself.

I took off my shoes as we approached the beach. I was really happy we had decided to do things this
way. This wasn't a sherade but it represented us.

We both walked slowly down the candle lit isle together. Siya kept squeezing my hand.

When we got to the podium, the priest began.

He read a scripture from the bible, and then gave us space to say our vows to eachother

Siyas vows really touched me. You could here that they weren't rehearsed but instead they were from
the heart.

I had tears falling throughout the ceremony.

Him: at least today I've bought you happy tears, instead of tears of pain.

It was time to say my vows, and like Siya I spoke from my heart. I just wanted him to know that I loved
him. I promise to be the best wife i could, and That i would always horror hiim
After our vows, we exchanged rings, then signed the necessary paper work.

The priest declared us husband and wife, and Siya pulled me into a kiss.

Finally we were both tied to eachother for eternity. I was now officially Mrs Ndhlovu.

I looked into Siyas eyes, and for the first time since we had met, I was 100% sure that I had made the
right decision. Despite the challenges, I was glad we had made it this far

74

After the Ceremony we had a beautiful candle lit dinner on the veranda. I couldn't have asked for a
better evening

Siya had taken off his jacket and we were both walking around barefoot

Him: are you ready for dessert

Me: most certainly

Him: wait here

He went to the kitchen and returned with a beautiful 1 tier chocolate coffee cake.

Him: best I could do under the circumstances

Me: it's perfect

Him; come cut it with me

I stood up and we cut the cake together.

I fed Siya a piece of the casks, and purposely spread some icing onto his face

He looked at me with his mischievous smile

Him; you got jokes now

Me: I couldn't resist

Him; (chuckels) you know what they say about payback

Me: Siya don't

I didn't even get to finish my sentence. He had already gotten icing over my upper lip and nose

I took a servette tonwipe myself, but he snatched it away

Me: Siya

Him: come Here

I took a step towards him, and he started kissing me where the icing was.

Him: there. All cleaned up

Me: reciprocate

Him: I'm all yours

I moved close and kissed him on the cheek where I had spread the icing.

Me: all Done

Him: thank you Mrs Ndhlovu

Me: always a pleasure Mr Ndhlovu

Him: dance with me

Me: of course

He pulled me in and we had our first dance as husband and wife.

Everything was perfect. It was just me and Siya and that's all I've ever wanted.

After a lot of dancing and drinking, we decided it was time to head to bed. At least as of tonight we
wouldn't be living in sin

Siya scooped me up and took me to our bedroom.

He put me in the bed smiling

Me:what are you busy smiling about

Him: I can't belive how lucky i am. Despite you seeing all sides of me, you still stayed with me.

Me: I love you despite all of that

Him; I know you do, and that's why i love you

Me: stop being mushy, and get me our of this dress

Him: mhmm, now we're talking

I stood up unzipped my dress from behind and kissed my shoulders. I don't know what it was, but
tonigh of all nights I wanted to be with Siya. I know we'be made love before, but tonigh I wanted to be
truly on with him.

I turned at round and my dress fell to the floor. Siya looked at my lingerie approvingly

He picked up my dress and tossed it aside

Me: like what you see

Him: love
Me: so make love to me then

Him: you heard what the doctor said

Me: forget that. If it hurts I'll tell you. But right now, all I want is to be one with you

Him; you look so sexy in this.

I turned around so he could see the rest of it

Him: promise you'll tell me if you can't handle the pain

Me: promise

I moved a bit closer and stood in between his legs and started Unbuttoning his shirt. Then unzipped his
pants

He took a deep breath, because he knew what was about to happen

Him: wait

I looked at him

Him: get on the bed

I was so turned in, I just did as told. I lay on the bed with him looking at me

Him: play with yourself

Me: but baby, I like it more when you do it

Him: I know, but i like to watch

Me: in that case I'll put on a show.

I started by playing with my nipples. Which were barely covered because of the type bra I was wearing.
Then I moved my hands slowly down my chest, till I reached my clit. I looked at Siya and saw how
turned on he was. Which made me even more turned on.

I started circling my finger around it slowly. I didn't realizehow wet I was. I increased the pace slightly,
then closed my eyes. Siya didn't move. He just kept taking deep breathes.

I increased the pace some more and started rocking to my own rhythm. My eyes were shut closed,
because all I could imagine was Siyas lips on me.

I was starting to get close, I didn't even notice Siya come on the bed. I just felt him opening my legs
wider.

I thought he would take off my thong, but he didn't. Instead he started muffin me with it on. The lace
fabric on my clit and his tounge together felt amazing. I arched my back and held on to his head. I really
didn't want Him to stop,because I was so close. But as always he stopped just as i was about to explode

Him: not yet

Me: your cruel

Him: it won't be too long now. But first let's get you out of these

I got up and he took off my bra, then my thong.

Him: there you are

Me: now that I'm naked what next

Him: going forward your in change

Me: in that case. Lay down

He lay down, and I got on top.

Him: be gentle with yourself

Me: I will
I started slowly sinking onto Siyas manhood.

So far there was no pain. It had been a while since I had had him inside me, so I had to take a moment to
let my body get used to the fullness

I started moving slowly. I rocked back and forth.

Siya helped me balance on his hands and we really started moving. There's nothing more empowering
than having your man enjoying you when your in charge.

So I decided to turn around and try reverse cowgirl.

Siya clearly approved, because he liked looking at my butt. So in this position it gave him the best of
both worlds.

I rode Siya like no other, I wanted to make sure he remeberd our wedding night. I knew he was enjoying
himself because he kept spanking me. Which made me go faster, until we both couldn't take it anymore.
We both exploded together.

I swear It felt like there were firecrackers going off.

I collapsed backwards on Siya with a huge grin on my face.

Him: you never sees to amaze me

Me: (chuckels) that's what happens when you let me take charge

Him: I should do it more often

Me: maybe

I turned around and lay on him. I wanted to see him.

Me: I'm going to miss you while your away

Him: I'll be back by Christmas. I wouldn't miss your birthday

Me: I can't believe we're married

Him: you better believe it

Me: when are you going to tell your mom

Him: (sigh) we'll talk about that tomorrow. Right now all I want is for us to stay in our blissful bubble a
while longer

Me: wanna go again

Him: rifiloe you want to kill me

Me: I'm thinking the shower this time. Unless your not up to the challange

Him: so your challenging me

Me: yes

Him: in that case it's on

I giggled as I got up, he spanked me.

We made love in the shower again, and then one more time on the bed. Haai, I was now officially done.
I couldn't take anymore.

Me: I give up. I'm done. Hell I'm tapping out even

HIM: you started the challange mos

Me: well I'm ending it. Haai, you'll kill me. My poor nana is aching

Him: that means I've won my challange. Now we can sleep

Me: mxm

He laughed at me as we both got into bed. I didint even bother with PJ's. I just wanted to sleep. Before
Siya got anymore ideas.

Him: but baby, how are you going to sleep naked, and expect me not to do anything

Me: you touch me, I swear you'll sleep on the floor

Him: we haven't even been married for 24hrs and already your thinking of sending me to the floor. Haai
we are doomed

He got in the blankets and cuddled me from behind. I could feel Rumbo getting hard again, but i just
ignored him.

I have no Idea why i had challanged siya, knowing he has a sexual apitite of a Damn lion.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of Siyas cologne. I looked around and he wasn't in our room.

I looked at my left hand and smiled. It was my confirming that last night wasn't a dream.

I got up and wore my gown, then took our sheets,bedding, and clothes from last night to the laundry
room. I put a note for Thembi to get my dress drycleaned with siya's tux, then returned to my room

I opened the Windows for fresh air, and put on clean bedding.

I was a bit saw from last night, so I went to soak myself in a nice hot bath. I added my bath oils, and just
let the water heal me. As much as we tried to be gentle, we ended up going wild, and here I was paying
for it. But in truth I didn't care. I had a good night and that's all that matters.

When Siya came down I was still in the bath.

Him : morning Mrs Ndhlovu

Me: morning hubby

Him: I came to check on you. I thought you were still asleep

Me: I woke up a while ago and tidied up, right now I'm trying to sooth my poor body

Him: did I hurt you

Me: no, my muscles just aren't used to that much activity anymore. I think it's time i started working out
again

Him: Babe, the doctor said you must take things easy

Me: he also said to listen to my body.

Him : I'll get you a personal trainer. I don't want you pushing yourself to hard

Me: make sure he's cute. I need some eye candy while your in Brazil checking out the hot girls from
there

Him:scratch that. Nails can train you

Me: but baby I was just joking

Him: I'm not taking any chances. I don't want a Cuban man taking my wife from me

Me: as if you'd let that happen

Him: never. I'd lock you both up

Me: (chuckels) isn't that abusing your resources

Him: when it comes to you I spare no expense

Me: whatever

Him: come out, I'd like to have breakfast with my wife.

Me: wife.. hmm I like the sound of that

Him: I'll be in my office. Come call me when your done

Me: Sharp

I got out the bath and went to figure out what to wear.

I settled on a peach short spagetti strap dress, and gold sandals. I wasn't in the mood for anything
fancy.

When I was done getting ready, I went upstairs to call Siya. I bumped into nails on the way there

Him: congratulations mam

Me: thank you nails

Him: we need to talk

Me: can it wait till later

Him; not really, just be careful around bullet. I'll explain later
Nails walked away before saying anything else. I wondered what he meant about Hlokes. I put the
thought aside, and went to Siya's office

I knocked first because the door was closed, then I walked in.

Siya was busy with Hlokes in the second office. I greeted them, then went to sit in Siyas office.

He came out with jlokes right behind him.

Me: babe, if your busy you could have breakfast up here

Him: do you mind?

Me; not at all. I'll Bring your breakfast here

Him: thanks baby

Me: Hlokes can I get you breakfast as well

Him: please

Me: sure.

I walked out and let out a sigh of relief. I just hope Hlokes didn't notice anything. At least they were
leaving today.

I dished up for both of them, the asked thembi to help me carry the trays.

I gave Siya his breakfast and thembi gave Hlokes his. Siya pulled me in for a kiss.

Me: I'll leave you to work

Him; aren't you joining me

Me: not in here. There's to many testosterone in one room for my liking

Him: I wanted to go through the contract for your position with Ndhlovu Corp

Me: give me the contract and I'll go over it downstairs.

Him: what if you need clarity on anything

Me; Siya I may be younger than you, but I've put contacts like these together before. I'll manage

Him: ok big girl. Here's your contract

Me: thank you

I took the contract and headed downstairs. I wanted to read through it in my room but first I went to
have breakfast with mama Martha in the kitchen.

Her: alililili . there she is u makoti ka ndhlovu

Me: morning ma

Her: how does it feel to be married

Me: surreal.

Her: I saw ghost this morning. He looks happy

Me: I think we both are

Her: sit down, I'll make you a fresh cup of coffee

I had my breakfast while talking with mam Martha. She was telling me how now we need to do things
traditionally.

I knew she was right, but it was 4 weeks till Christmas, and i just wanted to enjoy that before planning a
big wedding.

While I was eating breakfast, thembi ran in with my phone in her hand. I saw I had missed calls from
Linda. I rolled my eyes and called her back, just in case it had something to do with Olwetho

Her: what took you so long? I've been calling you all morning

Me: hi Linda. How are you, I'm good thanks for asking

Her: nxa. I sent you an e-mail yesterday, I still , haven't heard from you

Me: sorry man, yesterday was a bit hectic for me

Her: as you know, Christmas is around the corner, I need to go shopping for olwetho
Me: ok. How much do you need

Her: about R20 000.00

Me: I'll speak to Siya, then I'll do the deposit

Her: good

Me: what are your plans for Christmas

Her: I usually spend it with siya and olwetho, but I'm guessing this year it will just be me and my son

Me: I was actually hoping Olwetho could spend Christmas holidays here

Her: you must think I'm crazy. You want Me to let you have my son for over a month. Never

Me: maybe we could have him for Christmas, and you can have him for new years

Her: your not even Siyas wife yet and already you want to play step mommy to my child.

I looked at my ring and smiled.

Me:Linda, it's up to you, all I wanted was for olwetho to spend Time with his father. But if that's too
much to ask for then fine

She put the phone down in my ear. I didn't tell, her about Siya and I being married because he hadn't
told his mother yet. Plus I'm not really one to gloat.

I finished my breakfast then went to my room.

I emailed Siya the message from Linda, then started going over my contract. Most of it was normal,
except for the salary. This salary was nearly double what I earned at my old job. I knew Siya didn't put
much thought into this. He just likes to waste money.

I sent him an e-mail regarding this. I didint want to earn more, just because I was his wife. Anyway, its
not like I needed the money.

I was Still going through my contact when someone knocked in the door
I opened and it was Hlokes.

ME; Hey you

Him: hand them over

Me: what are you talking about

Him: don't play dumb

Me: Hlokes

Him: Rifiloe, I'm warning you

Me: since when do you give me warnings

Him: I don't know what you have planned, but i know you have those pictures, and i want them back

Me: what pictures

Him: Rifiloe, please I'm begging you.

Me:if I were you I would go. I don't want Siya finding you here

He let out a sigh, and turned to leave, but then he looked at me again

Him: I didn't know until you mentioned how big she was. I swear I didn't.

Me: I don't

Him: I'll tell ghost as soon as we're back from our mission. Please just don't say anything yet.

Hlokes had basically just confirmed my suspicions. Not only did he sleep with Linda. But he was the
baby's father.

I just didn't know if I could keep this from Siya. If he found out that I knew and i didn't tell, him, he
would be really mad at me, but at the same Time I felt like it was only fair to let Hlokes tell him himself.

75

I sat in my room contemplating wether to tell Siya or not. Either way shit was going to hit the fan, and i
was stuck in the middle.
What guarantee do I have that Hlokes will tell Siya once their back? What if he gets cold feet. Siya
would have my head if I didn't tell him.

I was really stuck and didn't know what to do. The more I thought about it, the more I knew I had to tell
Siya. I'm his wife. My loyalties have to always lie with him.

I know I was betraying Hlokes, but i wasn't willing to break the trust that my husband has for me over
Hlokes.

I took a deep breath and walked to Siyas office. It was now or never.

When I got to his office he was on the phone. I sat on one of the chairs and waited. I knew if I walked
out I might not have the courage to tell him.

Siya kept looking at me quizically but i didn't move. I just sat there waiting.

Hlokes walked in looking pissed as hell. I pretended not to notice, and conserntrated on my phone.

He went to the second office, while I waited for Siya to finish.

Siya finally finished his call and came to sit next to me.

Him: MaNdhlovu

Me: Hi baby

Him: what's up, you seem out of sorts

Me: we need to talk

Him: can it wait till later

Me: no

Him: baby, I'm in the middle of something really important. Can I come see you when I'm done

Me: Siya, I wouldn't be disturbing you if this wasn't important

Him: okay. Do you want to talk here or in our bedroom

Me: our bedroom

Him: lead the way

I stood up to walk out, but then had an idea

Me: baby, actually can the guys clear the office. I think it's best we discuss this here with Hlokes. But the
rest have to go

Him: baby we are leaving for a mission in a few hours. I can't have any of my men leave their posts at
the moment. My life depends on Intel and right now they are busy getting a lot of things in place

Me: then we'll have to do this here

I walked to the second office to call Hlokes. Then I came back and sat down.

Siya kept looking at me and then at Hlokes.

Me: Hlokes please close the second door.

He closed the door, then Sat down

I took a deep breath and looked at Hlokes. He immediately tensed. I think he realised what I was doing

Me: Hlokes, I think there is something you need to say to Siya

Siya looked at me, then at Hlokes

Him:Rifiloe don't

Me: I think it would be better if he heard it from you

Siya: what is it
Me: Hlokes

Him: Rifiloe, your making a mistake

I knew then if I didn't say anything, Hlokes wouldn't

Me: baby, I was hoping Hlokes would say something,but since he doesn't want to I'll have to tell you.

Him: I'm listening

Me: firstly bear in mind I don't have 100% proof of what I'm about to say, but i still feel like you deserve
to know. Because I don't want to keep secrets from you

Him: Baby, out with it

Me: I think Linda might be lying regarding you being the father of the baby that she's carrying

Siya kept quite for a minute, then looked at me

Him: so what does that have to do with Bullet

Me: I think Hlokes might be the father

Siya looked at Hlokes

Him: is this true

Hlokes: I think so

Him: so you slept with Linda

Hlokes: yes. We were drunk and it just happened

Him: so why didn't you tell me earlier

Hlokes; I only started being suspicious, when I heard rifiloe talking about how big she was for 16 weeks.
So I called Linda, and she denied everything. But finally admitted it when I threatened to tell you
Him: how do you expect me to trust you after this. Your my second in command and now this. Fuck man

Hlokes: dude, shit happens. I didn't mean for this to happen

Him: are you fucking serious?

Hlokes: ghost, don't try getting all holier than thou on me. You took my wife away from me

Him: so this is your way of payback

Hlokes: dude, I didn't fall for Linda, I respected the bro code. Unlike you who went and married my ex.

I knew then it was my time to excuse myself. This was something Siya and Hlokes needed to sort out on
their own.

I stood up to leave, but siya looked at me

Him: how long have you known

The look in his eyes gave me chills down my spine

Me: not long. I had my suspicions while we were in JHB, but i wasn't sure

Him; is that why you invited her for dinner

Me: partly

Him: so you knew then and you didn't think you should've told me, instead of discussing it with your ex

I looked at Siya surprised. Was he really pissed at me?

Me: Siya, l didn't know 100% about Hlokes, I until about 10 mins ago.

Him: but you suspected Linda was lying and you said nothing

Me; babe

Him: Rifiloe what happened to not keeping secrets?

Me: Siya I needed to make sure of this, before telling you. I didn't want you to think I told you because I
was bitter. I wanted to make sure I wasn't mistaken
He turned his attention back at Hlokes.

Him: your out of the team. Pack your bags,. I'll make sure you get transferred somewhere

Hlokes: are you fucking kidding me? Your mad because I fucked Linda, who you had no intention of
being with, but you not only fucked my wife, you fucking married her, and now you want to fucking fire
me? Fuck you Ghost. I'm not going anywhere.

Him: I'm not mad that you fucked Linda. I'm mad because the only reason I'm finding out about this is
because of Rifiloe. You should have told me man.

Hlokes: Ghost, when I realised you and Rifiloe were serious, I backed off. It brakes me to see you with
her, but i wanted both of you to be happy, which is why I backed off.

And now you Want to fire me because of Linda. fuck you man. Fuck you

Hlokes stood up and left Siyas office.

I kind of felt bad for what we had done to Hlokes. Siya and i were happy, and part of it was thanks to
hlokes

Me; baby he has a point

Him:Rifiloe, don't get involved in this. If I can't trust bullet, I wont have him in my team. Thats final

Me; but babe

Him ; but nothing. He should've told Me. I can't possibly expect someone with secrets to have my back

I let out a sigh

Me; so are you mad at Me as well

Him: your too cute to be mad at. But I am disappointed that you didn't come to Me immediately when
you became suspicious
Me: baby, you need to understand. I just didn't want to seem bitter or jelous. I needed to make sure
before saying anything

Him: who else knows about this

I wanted to say his mother knew, but what proof did I have?

Me: I'm not sure I anyone else knows

Him: what about my mother

Tjonna, I don't think I thought this through

Him: Rifiloe

Me: I think she migh know

Him: I wouldn't put it past her. Fuck man. I don't know what hold Linda has over her. Why would she go
along with this? It doesn't make sense

Me; Siya, I'm not 100% sure

Him: ill bet you everything I own, that she knows

Me : baby, can you calm down please. We don't know that

Him: your going to cut Linda off financially as of now. I want Olwetho in Cuba by the time I get back

Me; Siya.....baby can we please think about this.

Him: are you going to help me or not ?

Me: baby I

Him: Rifiloe, that woman nearly tore us apart. She told us she was having a baby by me. It's a damn
miracle you stayed. And now I find out it was all a lie, and you want me to sit back and laugh about it

Me: BABY, that's not what I'm saying.

Siya was as stubborn as Damn ox. I know he was mad at Linda. Hell so was I, but to take Olwetho from
her was just too cruel

He took out his phone and dialled a number

Siya: Gordon, I need the second Jet ready for SA as soon as possible

Him: it just needs to be cleaned, then it should be ready

Siya: good. Make sure Jamey is on stand by

Him; yes sir

He put the phone down, then called nails.

Siya: nails, your going to replace Bullet on this mission. Make sure your packed and briefed in the next
hour

Him: sure ghost

Siya: get skull ready. I want him to go fetch Olwetho.

Him: sure

I sat there in silence, watching Siya give orders left and right. I didn't know how to deal with him, when
he was in this Ops leader mode. I stood up and walked towards him, while he was on te phone with
one of his guys.

I took his hand and pulled him. He stood still. I tried again, an still he didn move. I took his phone, and
dropped the call

Him: Rifiloe

Me: come

Him: I've got too much to do before I leave

Me: all I need is 15 mn

Him: I know what your trying to do. It won't work

Me: please

Him: no baby. Olwetho is coming to Cuba and that's that. I'm done when I comes to Linda. I want her
and her blood sucking ways out of our lives, and I'll be dammed if I let her bring up my son.

Me: (sigh) ok . I just hope you won't regret this

Him: I won't.

I left Siya's office feeling drained. I really though I was doing the right thing by telling him. But now he's
transferring Hlokes, he's cut Linda off and he's taking Olwetho from her.

I just feel like by me telling, I've ruined so many people's lives, while I rode into the sunset. How do I live
with that?

75 (crop top)

I went back downstairs feeling drained. Siya and I were technically supposed to be on our honeymoon,
but here we were instead putting out fires.

I went around the house looking for Hlokes. I wanted to talk to him. I know he probably blames me for
getting him fired. But I honestly couldn't do anything about it.

I looked everywhere, but no Hlokes. I was about to go to my room, when I saw him through the window.
He was on the beach. So I went to him.

Me: hey

Him: not now Rifiloe

Me: Hlokes im sorry. I know you asked me to wait, but i couldn't. He's ypmy husband. I had to tell him

Him: im not mad you told him. Im mad that despite everything he can't look past what happened. And
yet I've lived with a constant reminder of what I lost. I let you go for him. I left the life we had together
Because of this Ops team. You were my wife, but i gave you up as well. Then he decided he wants you
for himself. And still I let go. And now he tells me he can't trust me. After all that sacrifices I made for
him, he tells me he can't trust Me. Fuck
I really felt bad for Hlokes. He really had sacrificed a lot for Siya, and now here he was all because of me
and my big mouth.

Me: I'll try talking to him

Him: we both know that wont work.

Me: all I can do is at least try

I gave him a hug, then went back inside.

When I got to my room I noticed I had 4 missed calls from Linda. I guessed Siya had called her.

I decided not to call her back. I didn't want to argue with her. My conscious was guilty enough.

As I was looking at my phone, she called again. I decided to pick up.

Me: Linda

Her: Rifiloe, I'm begging you. Please don't do this. Don't take my son away from me. Please

Her cries really hit me hard. I could only imagine how painful it was to have your son taken from you

Me: Linda, you know this is not my doing. I don't have a say when it comes to Olwetho

Her: (sniff) Rifiloe please. Siya isn't taking my calls. There are guard here packing his stuff. Please
Rifiloe. I'm begging you. Talk to Siya. I swear I'll stay out your lives. Just don't take my son from me.

A tear escaped my eye. You could tell she was distraught. To make things worse she was pregnant.

Me: Linda. I'll try speaking to Siya, but i can promise you anything

Her: Thank you

I never thought in my lifetime, that I would here Linda asking anything from me. She sounded so
broken. No mother, no matter how horrible deserved to be separated from her child.

I ha to speak to Siya. He was taking things to far.

I took a deep breath and went to Siya's office.

Me: Ndhlovu, we need to talk

Him: if your calling me by my surname, I know you mean business

Me: do you have time for me

Him: not if its to discuss Linda or bullet

Me: baby please

Him: Rifiloe, my decisions are final. Especially when it comes to this situation. Nothing you say will
change that

I locked the door, and went to lock the second office. I didn't wan anyone seeing this.

Him; don't even think about it

Me: think about what

Him: I know what your trying to do. It won't work babe

Me: how sure are you

Him: 100%

Me: but it's worth a try

I moved closer to him and sat on his lap

Him: baby, there are cameras in here. My guys are probably watching as we speak

Me: all , I'm doing is trying to speak to my husband. Is that such a bad thing

Him; all your doing is seducing your husband, and that is a horrible thing to do
Me: come downstairs with me

Him: no

Me; baby

Him: Rifiloe I said no

Me: (sigh) Siya, all jokes aside. I really would appreciate it, if we could discuss this in private. I just need
15 min

Him: fine

We stood up and walked out his office, and went to our bedroom.

Him: So we're here, now what

Me: sit, we need to talk

He lay on the bed and I sat on squat position on top of him.

Him: you trying to seduce me isn't going to work

Me: I'm not trying to seduce you. If I wanted to do that all I had to do was take off my clothes. But for
now I need you out your office where your the boss, and have you here in our bedroom where we're
equals

Him: I'm listening

Me: I know you're mad at Hlokes, but please try put yourself in his shoes.

Him:Rifi

Me: I'm not finished.

Him: ok continue

Me: Siya, Hlokes has been nothing but loyal to you. He's given up so much, to be in this Ops team. Even
when he left you bought him back forcefully, and still he was loyal. Isn't it your turn to be loyal to Him.
Don't get me wrong baby. But he forgave you for breaking "bro code" when you fell for me. Even though
you knew he left Cuba to come fix things with me. He let me go, because he saw you loved me. And
now you Want to fire him, because he mad a mistake of sleeping with Linda.
Him: baby

Me; ha ana Siya, you need to forgive him, just as he forgave you.

Him; are you done

Me: yes

Him: so who is more at fault Linda or Hlokes

I had to think about who I wanted to save in all this. I know Linda was hurting, but Hlokes has been so
good to me. There was no way I was going to hurt Hlokes to save Linda.

Me: Linda. It's not like Hlokes knew about being the father. Meanwhile Linda has known this whole
time. But I also think you need to forgive linda. Taking her son away from her, is going to kill her. And
Siya she's pregnant. This could make her lose the baby

Him: Rifiloe, Olwetho is coming, that one is final.

Me: so I have no say

Him: no

Me: and Hlokes

Him: ills speaks to him.

Me: what's that supposed to Mean

Him: I'll take him back

Me: oh thank God.

Him: your going to ruin my reputation

Me; how

Him: I fire someone, then my wife convinces me to hire him back and i do it. Like some love sick puppy

Me: they must mind their own business

Him: I should get back to work

Me: can I get a kiss first

Him: not with you on top of me.

Me: what's wrong with me on top

Him: it reminds me of last night, and right now that as not such a good thing. I need to brief my guys
Me: Rambo in your pants isn't really getting the memo

Him: if I let Rambo as you call him, make decisions, I wouldn't get any work done

Me: you better go then

Him: then move

Me: I don't want to. Rambos got me all excited

Him: you are a horrible influence

As we were talking my phone rang. I just knew it was Linda.

I moved off siya and answered

Her: Rifiloe, they're walking out with my son. I thought you would speak to Siya.

Me:Linda I tried. I really did. But he isn't changing his mind.

I heard Linda crying like a woman possessed. Her cries were so hollow and cold. I really felt bad for her.

Siya took the phone from my hand and dropped the call

Him: I don't want you speaking to Linda again. Block her if you must

Me: but ba

Him: I'm serious Rifiloe. No more contact. The only reason you had contact with her was because of
Olwetho. Now that Olwetho is coming here, there is no further need for you and Linda to talk.

As Siya was speaking my phone rang again. I dint know the number so I answered

Her: You bloody witch. How could you do this ye? Why would you take Olwetho from his mother. This is
why God took those children from you. He could see you had no heart.

I gave Siya the phone, so he could hear his mother. I had had enough drama for one day
He listened for a while, then dropped the call

Him: don't worry about her. I'll deal with her

Me: Siya just don't do anything drastic. Despite everything she's your mother

Him: I know. But I need her to just stay out of my personal life.

Me: I know baby. But

Him: end of conversation.

Me: fine. Just promise you'll sort things out with Hlokes

Him: I promise

Me: thank you.

I gave Siya a kiss and he went back to his office.

I was glad he had agreed to speak to Hlokes and fix things, but i was worried about his relationship with
his mother. I hoped he would at least try, but the way i see it, that wasn't going to happen anytime
soon.

76

I stayed in my bedroom till lunch. Skull had picked up Olwetho and they were leaving for Cuba.

I was a bit worried about where Olwetho would sleep. Reason being that the guest room that Linda used
to use was all the way on the other end of our floor. It wasn’t suitable for Olwetho.

I needed to have Olwetho move into the bedroom next to ours, but that room was kind of like a store
room. I thought I could discuss this with Siya during lunch. Maybe I could go get a few things before
Olwetho arrived

I went upstairs and I found Siya and Hlokes having lunch. It was good seeing them together, even
though you could sense there was still a bit of tension between them.
Me; nice to see you two getting along

Hlokes rolled his eyes, while Siya just shook his head. I took that as a sign to shut up and eat my lunch.

Me; babe

Him; Mhmm

Me; I’ve been thinking

Him; should I be worried

Me; you’re really grumpy

Him; baby, not now. Please

Me; In case you’ve forgot, you leave today, so when exactly am I supposed to speak to you

Him ;( sigh) I’m listening

Me; I need the Guards to help me clear the bedroom next to ours. I’d like to get it ready for Olwetho.

Him; I didn’t think about that

Me; Of course not. You’re too busy being grumpy

Him; your making it worse

Me; shame… so will you tell them or not

Him; yes love. Ill get them to clear the room

Me; Thank you.. I think I’ll need to go shopping. We’ll need a bed and a couple of other things

Him; can’t you do that once we’ve left? My guys are a bit busy

Me; Siya, I need to get this done, before Olwetho gets here.

Him; why so quickly

Me; because you dragged him away from his other. The least we can do is make sure he has a nice room
to sleep in

Him; Well that will have to wait

Me; are you trying to piss me off

Siya, just looked at me and carried on leaving. Mxm here I was trying to make sure things were alright
for his son and he was basically ignoring me.

We had the rest of our lunch in silence. Gone was my playful Siya. He has been replaced with the
annoying as hell Ghost.

Once I was finished eating, I stood up to take my plate to the kitchen. I looked at Siya, and he truly
looked like he was in a bad mood. If it was any other day I wouldn’t have had a problem, but he was
leaving for 3 weeks, and the last thing I needed was have him this moody

I put my plate down and went to sit on his lap. He hardly moved to make space for me. Hlokes stood up
and left.

Me; your no fun when you’re in a mood

Him; baby, it’s been one of those days. I just need you to give me a moment

Me; Siya. You leave today, I’m not going to see you for next to a month. And you would rather spend the
day in a bad mood.

Him; what do you want me to say

Me; tell me whats bugging you

Him; nothing

Me; lies

Him; (sigh) let it go Rifiloe

Me; but baby

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Siya

Him; stop

Me; fine.

I stood up and took the dishes to the kitchen. I wasn’t going to entertain his mood any longer. Instead I
was going to get start getting things ready for Olwetho,
I know Siya said not to speak to Linda, but I hardly knew what Olwetho liked. I needed ideas on how to
decorate his room, or what his favourite toy is, and what foods he eats or doesn’t eat. Siya would be
annoyed but I’m sure he’ll get over it.

I dialled Linda and luckily she picked up

Me; Hi

Her; Hi

Me; Linda, I’m sorry

Her; what can I do for you

Me; I know what I’m about to ask might seem heartless, but please bear in mind that I’m doing this for
Olwetho

Her; stop babbling and tell me what you want

Me; Im trying to get a room ready for Olwetho. I just needed to know what Disney characters he likes

Her; ******** Silence ******

Me; Linda are you there

Her; (sniff) is Siya really doing this mara? Rifiloe, how am I supposed to live without Olwetho? I’ve
brought him up on my own for so long, and now he’s just taken away from me. How am I supposed to
live

Me; Linda, just give him time to calm down. I’m sure once he sees how much Olwetho misses you, he’ll
bring him back. You just need to concentrate on your pregnancy. Ill make sure Olwetho is taken care of

Her; (sniff) He likes miles from tomorrow. His whole room here is decorated with miles.

Me; thank you

Her; and he needs to get new glasses, I was going to take him for his yearly check-up this week

Me; ill not that down

Her; He’s also allergic to fish and has asthma. He’s got a pump with him. But you might need an extra
one

Me; thank you

Her; Rifiloe. I know you resent me. I don’t blame you, but please take care of my baby for me. He’s my
world

Me; I will
I hung up with my heart feeling heavy. Siya walked in as I was making notes of all of the things Linda
told me.

Him; hi

Me; hi grumpy

Him; baby askies. I shouldn’t have taken my bad mood out on you

Me; you’re sure as hell shouldn’t have, but your forgiven

Him; what are you busy with

Me; just making notes of things I need for Olwetho

He looked at the list.

Him; how do you know about the asthma?

Me; I have my ways

Him; you called her didn’t you

Me; yes. But

Him; Rifiloe, I deliberately told you not to

Me; it was for Olwetho Siya

Him; you could’ve asked me

Me; are you serious? You’ve been so damn moody

Him; for the last time, please refrain from having any communication with Linda. Im not going to ask you
again

Me; But baby, hat if Olwetho wants to talk to her

Him; Rifiloe

Me; our stubbornness isn’t going to help you. As much as I dislike Linda. Olwetho loves his mother. It’s
going to be difficult for him to transition from Living with her full time, to being away from her. Im just
trying to make it easy on him

Him; Rifiloe, we can to that without Linda

Me; Siya

Him; for the love of God stop arguing with me.

Me; Listen to me and listen to me carefully, because I’m getting sick of your stubbornness. Olwetho is
not a porn you can use against Linda. He is your son and it’s in YOUR son’s best interest for him to have
a relationship with his mother. If I’m going to be looking after him, then I am going to need to have
some sort of contact with his mother

Siya looked at me and shook his head.

Him; do whatever makes you happy. But don’t say I didn’t warn you

Me; what’s that supposed to mean

Him; nothing.

Me; why are you so stubborn

Him; I should be asking you that

Me; so have you spoken to the guards

Him; yes

Me; thank you

I moved closer to close the distance between us

Him; I love you

Me; (sigh) I love you too

Him; so when do you want to go shopping

Me; can we go now

Him; give me 10 minutes

Me; are you coming

Him; yes.

Me; cool

I quickly changed from my dress into a pair of jeans and a spaghetti strap top.

Then went downstairs to meet with Siya.

We went to the mall with a couple of guards. I bought Olwetho a new bed, night stand, sheets and
bedding, and even some toys to keep him busy.

I could tell Siya was regretting coming with me.

I convinced him to get him a new ps4, so that he could have something to keep him busy.

By the time we left I was exhausted. Most of Olwetho’s things were going to be picked up by the
guards. Siya didn’t want them delivered for security reasons.

The moment I got home I collapsed on the bed. Siya joined me

Him; remind me to never go shopping with you again.

Me; (chuckles) I didn’t ask you to come mos

Him; I dint want to get in your bad books more than I already was

Me; (sigh) shut up and run me a bath

Him; can I join you

Me: how long do we have

Him; 20 Minutes

Me; perfect

We had our bath and luckily all was forgiven. I loved Siya to death, but I knew that our two hard heads
were going to clash. I know I need to be submissive, but I also feel like he doesn’t consider all the people
involved before making decisions. I just hoped we could learn to fight fairly.

77

After my bath, I went to see how far Siya’s guys with Olwetho’s room.

Luckily, they had finished clearing it, and Thembi was busy cleaning.

I went to fetch a broom, so I could help. That way it would be quicker. Because the furniture had
arrived, and I wanted Siya to set it up before they left.
Thembi and I cleaned, then I asked the guards to put the furniture inside the room.

I hung up the curtains, while nails put the bed and desks together. Siya was busy with a briefing, so Nails
was assisting me instead.

When I we were finally done, I was happy with the results. I hoped Olwetho would like it.

Siya was still busy with his guys, so I went to clean myself up for dinner

Siya came down just as I was getting dressed.

Him; I came to see if you want to have dinner here or downstairs

Me; can we eat here

Him; ok, I’ll go dish up for you

Me; thanks babe.

I decided to rather change into my PJ’s since I wasn’t going to have dinner upstairs.

Siya came down with dinner, and we both dug in.

Him; babe

Me; mhm

Him; I was wondering

Me; mhmm

Him; have you decided on a date for the wedding

Me; not really

Him; any particular reason why?

Me; I was hoping we could do that once you’re on better terms with your mom. I don’t want to have her
bad mouthing me

Him; (sigh) I’m sure she will behave

Me; what did you do

Him; let’s just say she will be staying out of our lives
Me; Siya

Him; I didn’t do anything drastic, I just threatened to cut her out our lives completely. I think she gets
the point

Me; I doubt she will ever accept me into the family

Him; she doesn’t have a choice

Me; I’ll give her a couple of days to calm down, before discussing the wedding with her.

Him; thank you

Me; so you want the whole white wedding/ traditional wedding

Him; as long as we have the traditional wedding. You can make a decision regarding the white wedding

Me; id just a traditional wedding

Him; so you don’t want the whole white dress and bridesmaids ect

Me; not really. You and I are already married, I don’t see why we need to do the whole traditional thing
now. ID rather have us do that

Him; whatever you want love

Me; do I have a budget?

Him; just make sure I’m not broke after the wedding

ME; so no budget

Him; Lord help me

Me; I’m joking, I’m sure all we’ll need is about R200 000.00 max

Him; sounds reasonable… You have access to my accounts. You’ll handle everything

Me; since when do I have access

Him; I got nails to link them today

Me; would’ve been nice for you to discuss that with me. What if I don’t want them linked?

Him; haw baby. I was just trying to get help

Me; ill let it slide. But next time, please discuss things with me before doing them

Him; Yes mam

Me; Thank you

Him; I guess I should tell you my uncles are sending a letter to your family this coming weekend

Me; to who? Because my parents aren’t around

Him; your aunt and uncle that I met

Me; again, you should’ve asked

Him; askies

Me; what else have you done without telling me Siya

Him; that’s it. I promise

Me; you’re a handful sometimes

Him; I love you

Me; not going to work this time.

Him; so how much do you think they’ll ask for

Me; no clue

Him; how much did they ask for from Hlokes

Me; R 75 000.00

Him; shit. Are you made out of gold?

Me; they’ll probably charge you more, since you already got me pregnant before marring me. Oh and for
marrying me legally without their consent

Him; but baby that was your idea

Me; I don’t plan on telling them that part. I’ll say it was all you

Him; you’re going to bankrupt me

Me; that’s what you get for keeping shit from me. Plus my uncles don’t play. They’re going to milk you

Him; well it’s a good thing I can’t live without you, or id be running for the hills by now

Me; (chuckles) I love you too babe. Even though you piss me off at time

Him; enough to stay with my mom for a moth after the wedding?

Me; you must be out your damn mind

Him; its her way of mending things

Me; Siya

Him; boo boo

Me; read my lips carefully.. NOT HAPPENING.

Him; but Rifiloe

Me; but nothing

Him; (sigh) I tried

Me; 2 minutes ago you were telling me how she has no choice but to accept me and now you want me
to go spend a month with her

Him; I just thought you two could really get to know each other

‘Me; conversation over

Him; Rifiloe, just think about it

Me; I have and my answer is no

Him; ok..

Me; phew haai, you can be stressful at times yaz

As we were talking, someone knocked on the door.

Siya told whoever it was to come in.

Nails; boss. She’s arrived

Siya; ill be there now

Him; can I take those for you

He pointed at our plates

Me; don’t worry nails. Ill take them up now

Him; I really don’t mind mam. Im going up there now

Me; If you don’t mind

Him; Not at all

He took our plates, and left.

Me; so who’s here

Him; one of my new agents. She’s been transferred to my team for this mission. I met her while I was in
training a few years ago
Me; She

Him; yes

Me; I didn’t realise you worked with woman as well

Him; baby, we’re undercover. At times you need woman in the picture

Me; so what exactly does she do

Him; I can’t discuss that with you. You know that

Me; is she pretty

Him; ha a Rifiloe, don’t even think of starting with that

Me; what I’m just asking

Him; I prefer not to answer

Me; Siya, is she pretty yes or no

Him; I guess she’s average

Me; have you ever had a thing with her

Him; no

Me; you better have not

Him; is the interrogation finished?

Me; I want to meet her first

Him; Baby… play nice

Me; Of course I will

Him; oh god help me

I put on my jeans and a t-shirt, then we walked hand in hand downstairs to meet this Jessica woman.

The moment I laid eyes on Jessica, I pinched Siya’a hand.

He said she was average, this chick was a lot of things but average wasn’t one of them.

She looked out she stepped out of some workout magazine. Her skin was flipping tanned, she had long
crown hair, and she looked like she trained 24/7. She was wearing army green shorts with a black top
and sneakers.
I will be honest right off and say I didn’t like her one bit. I know I hadn’t even met her, but knowing she
was going to be in Brazil with my husband for nearly a month, bugged the shit out of me.

She had a huge ass grin on her face when she saw Siya approaching.

She jumped up and ran to him, and gave him a hug. Siya had to let go of my hand nxa

Her; I haven’t seen you in ages G

Him; Hi Jess. How are you

Her; fine. I’ve missed you guy’s man. Like how long has it

Him; about 10 years

Her; I see you still as handsome as ever

All I could think was. Modimo nthusethis girl. Please

Siya; ahmm Jess. This is my Rifiloe. Rifiloe this is Jessica

Me; Hi

Her; oh you must be the famous girlfriend. I’ve heard a few things about you

Me; it’s the wife

Her; I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise you guys were married.

I had to force myself not to roll my eyes.

Me; nice to meet you too

Her; you’re a lucky woman. I know a lot of girls in the force who have wanted Ghost

I didn’t really know how to respond to that, but it made me dislike her even more

Siya; (clears throat) Babe, I’m going to brief Jess. I’ll come see you before we leave
Me; sure

I gave him a death stares and he gave me a don’t start kind of smile. Then I went to the kitchen.

I needed something to drink. I know I shouldn’t be jealous but that woman was hot as hell. And she was
going undercover with my husband for nearly a month. Knowing Siya, I probably wouldn’t be able to get
hold of him. I had a feeling this month was going to be the longest ever.

78 (bonus)

Siya stayed with Jessica for over 2 hours. I was highly annoyed. I know I was overreacting but I just
couldn’t help it.

When he came down to our room I was in bed watching a movie. I don’t even remember what I was
watching, because I wasn’t concentrating. I was to busy thinking of all the scenarios of how to get rid of
this Jessica girl.

I had literally just gotten Linda in her place, and now here comes this flipping gym fanatic looking
woman from God knows where, and she's leaving with my man. Haai, man life wasn't fair

Siya came in as I was thinking about Jessica. He took off his shoes and got in to bed with me.

Him; baby. You ok

Me; fine

Him; the team is ready, we leave in about an hour

Me; an hour ?

Him; yes . I need to be in Brazil by morning

Me; (sigh) Mhmhh

Him; do you want to talk about it

Me; no

Him; baby

Me; Siya

Him; I can tell somethings bothering you

Me; its nothing Siya

Him; so why are you pouting

Me; I’m not

Him; its Jessica isn’t it

Me; why would you say that

Him; baby, I know you

Me; did you personally choose her for the mission

Him; no

Me; mhmm
Him; baby, there’s nothing to be Jealous about

Me; who said I was Jealous

Him; baby, it’s written all over your face

Me; Siya I will flipping slap you

Him; nana, I’m leaving in less than an hour, can we just try getting along till then

Me; I’m going to miss you

Him; not as much as I’ll miss you

Me; promise to come back in one piece

Him; I promise

Me; don’t go getting shot Siya. I’m not sure I could handle that shit again

Him; baby, this time things are more planned out. It’s all going to be fine. I’ll be back before you even
know it

Me; good

Him; Now can I make love to my wife, before I leave

Me; I’m not in the mood

Him; AMEN

Me; what

Him: I'm going to be gone for a month.

Me: so

Him: so how can you not want to give me a going away present

Me: A going away present

Him: yes.

Me: so how much time are you going to spent with this Jessica woman

Him; haai I give up. I'm going to take a shower

Me: sit your ass down

Him: nana, I love you. Only you. Jessica just happens to be a part of the team nothing more

Me: I know babe, but it's just wierd having a female around you. Especially one I don't know. Plus she
seems very touchy touchy

Him: your exadurating

Me; I'm seriously babe. Did you see how she jumped up when she saw you, and how she was all over
you like a flipping dog on heat
Him: ha baby (laughing)

Me: laugh all you like, but I'm serious. That girl wants you

Him: but i don't want her mos.

Me: you better behave while your on this mission of yours, or else

Him: or else what

Me: or else I'll find myself a nice looking Cuban man, and leave you with that Jessica thing of yours

Him: baby, Cuba has been good to me. The gangsters here are my friends, the government make sure
we're well taken care of. Please don't make me kill one of them because of you

Me: (chuckels) so you'd kill for me

Him: any day. Especially if it was a man after you

Me: that's not funny Siya. You shouldn't joke like that

Him; who said I was joking? You know how hard i had to work for us to get here. I'd be dammed if I let
some guy take you from me

Me: so I guess I'm not the only jelous one

Him: just think of her as another one of the guys.

Me: I'll try

Him: you don't ever need to feel threatened love. Your my wife. I married you becuase I love you. No
other woman can even come close to that. No matter how beautiful they are.

Your the best thing that's happened to me. I love you, that's never going to change

Me: (sigh) I love you too boo boo

Him: come show daddy how much

I laughed while moved on top of him and started kissing him. I know I was just being silly with the
whole Jessica thing, but it just came as a surprise, but as always, Siya had a way of calming me down.

We made love again, but this time it was hot and steamy, like Siya was trying to prove a point to me,
because we went from me being on top, to him taking over in a matter of minutes.

When we were both done, Siya collapsed on top of me.

Me: Siyaaa your so Damn heavy

He moved and lay next to me

Him: how am I going to survive a month without you

Me: self service

Him: ha baby, what man does that when he has a wife

Me; the kind of man that travels

Him: not happening

Me: fine, we'll use phone sex

Him: ha a Rifiloe

Me: what? You can video call me and we can play around

Him: sounds interesting

Me: I'll make it worth your time

Him: deal

Me: come, let's get you cleaned up. Your running out of time

We went to shower together and ended up making love again. This time there was no foreplay. It was
hot steamy and strait to the point.

When we came out the shower, Siya got dressed. He looked so good in just jeans and a hoodie. I was
used to seeing him in suits all the time, that every time i saw him in casual clothes, it took me by surprise

I put on my pink silk bum short PJ's and slippers.

Siya looked at me disapprovingly

Me: and now

Him: please don't walk around here with those on. I don't want my guards seeing you like that
Me: baby, I was going to put my gown on. Relax

Him: you should wear the onesie instead

Me: Siya in this heat Mara

Him: I was just saying

Me: baby, you need to chill

Him: I'll try remember that, but for now, please walk me out. I'm sure the team is already waiting for me
I'm the basement

Me: let's do this.

I put on my gown and slippers and walked Siya to the basement.

The last time i did this I was basically falling apart. It's like I had a feeling that something was going to
happen to him. But this time around I wasn't nervous or anxious. I felt light as though I knew he was
really coming back.

When we got to the basement the guards were all ready to leave. I saw Hlokes, and went to give him a
hug.

Me: take care of yourself

Hlokes: I'll be fine,

Me: you have a baby on the way. Make sure you come back to raise her or him

Him: I will.

Me: come Here

I gave Hlokes a warm hug. I could feel Siya's eyes burning into my back but i didn't care. I considered
Hlokes a friend and he would just have to deal with that.

Hlokes: do me a favour

Me: anything

Him: I know we hadn't discussed this, but Boni is supposed to be visiting in the next week or so. Please
don't say anything about Linda. I haven't told her, I just need to figure out what I'm going to say
Me: I won't say anything

Him: thank you.

Me: I'm glad she's coming. It will keep me from being bored

Him: your the best

Me: so I take it I'm forgiven for telling Siya

Him: I was never mad at you. I understood why you had to tell him

Me; thank you

I gave him another huge then went to say goodbye to my hubby.

Me: got everything you need

Him: all except you

Me: well. I'll, be right here when you get back

Him: I look forward to it

Me: give me a kiss

Him; come get it

I leaned in and gave him a kiss, I knew I was going to miss my kissing buddy big time.

Him; behave while I'm away

Me: yes yes, I promise to behave. I'll do as told blah blah blah

Him: that's my girl

Me; what time does Olwetho arrive

Him: in the next couple of hours

Me: I'll make sure nails wakes me. J want to be there when he gets off the jet

Him: thanks baby

Me: Sharp.

I gave him one last kiss, and watched him go get into the same car Jessica was in.
I felt a bit annoyed but i refused to ponder on it. I trust Siya and I'm sure he wouldn't do anything to hurt
me.

I walked back upstairs with nails behind me. The house instantly felt quieter without Siya and some of
the other guards. At least Olwetho was going to keep me busy.

Me: nails, can I ask you to let me know when Olwetho has landed. I want to pick him up from the
airport myself

Him: will do

Me: thank you

Him: can I get you anything else

Me: I'm good thank you. I'm just going to go to bed. It's been a long day

Him: good night

Me:goodnight

I went back to my now cold bed and tried getting sleep. Luckily after the drama filled day I had had, I fell
asleep in seconds.

I was woken up by my phone, a couple of hours from me falling asleep.

I saw it was nails, telling me to get ready.

I got up and freshened up, the git dressed in tracksuit top and bottoms. I didn't bit her with shoes. I just
stuck to my slippers. It was 2am. I'm sure no one would notice.

Once I was ready, I went to the kitche to get a bottle of water, the went to siya's office, to lett nails
know I was ready.

Me: hey.. I'm ready

Him: let's go

We walked down to the basement parking, and left with some of the security detail.

When we arrived at the airport, the jet had just landed.

Skull was carrying Olwetho, who was fast asleep in his hands.

I greeted him, and made space for olwetho to sit in the back, while I sat in the front with nails.

Skull joined the other her guards in one of the other cars.

When we got home, Nails carried Olwetho upstairs. I asked them To put him in my room instead of his. I
don't want him waking up and not having a familiar face close by.

I got into bed with Olwetho and immediately fell asleep.

I really hoped Olwetho would adjust quickly to being without his mother. The last thing I wanted was to
see him cry because he missed her, meanwhile Siya was all the way accross the continent and i was left
to play mommy to his son.

79
I was woken up the following morning by Olwetho. He had a big grin on his face, and was shaking me a
wake. I was so tired I wanted to tell him to go back to sleep, but then I remembered he probably had jet
lag

Him: aunty , aunty wake up

Me: mhmm

Him: I want to go play on the beach, wake up

Me: boy isn't it too early for that

Him: please, please, please

Me: (sigh ) let's get you breakfast first.

I reluctantly got up and made the bed, and opened the windows. Olwetho kept following me
everywhere

Him: aunty, mommy said I was going to be spend all my holidays here

Me: yes boy

Him; I can't wait till Christmas. I want to see what father Christmas bought for me

Me: I'm sure he'll get you everything you need

Him: come aunty lets go have breakfast so we can play

Me: boy, you need to bath first then we can have breakfast

Him: no, I want to eat now, then go play. I can bath later

Me: ok, let me brush my teeth then we can go

Him: ok, but hurry

I freshened up, and put my gown on, then went downstairs to have breakfast.

Mam Martha had laid out a perfect spread as usual, but Olwethos face said something else

Me: boy. What's wrong

Him: I don't like any of these

Me: what do you want to eat

Him: cereal

Me: let's got to the kitchen and see if we have

I took his small hand and went to then kitchen to look for cereal. Luckily mam Martha was there.

Olwetho ran up to her and gave her a hug.

Her: hi boy

Him: hello granny

Her: how are you

Him: hungry

Her: what can granny make for you

Him: coco pops

Her come sit

I looked at mam Martha with gratitude. At least with her around, taking care of Olwetho would be
easier.

I went the dining room to dish up for myself, then went to go and join Olwetho and mam Martha in the
kitchen

I had breakfast while talking to Olwetho. He wanted to do so many things, I wondered where I'd get the
energy from

Me: finish up so i can show you your bedroom

Him: I have my own bedroom?

Me: yes, eat up and I'll go show you

Olwetho finished eating, and i took him to go see his room.

The minute he saw it he loved it. He kept jumping up and down on the bed.
He had all the energy in the world.

After seeing his room, we changed and we went to play on the beach.

We played on the beach, building sand castles, then swimming. Olwetho was having a good time, and i
was glad he wasn't crying for his mother.

When we were both tired of playing, we went back inside to bath. I ran Olwetho a bath, but when I
went to fetch him, he was asleep on my bed, with his cute Sandy toes.

I covered him with a blanket and went to go bath instead.

I took my phone with me, I wanted to try get hold of Siya. It was already midday and i hadn't heard
from him

I tried him twice but both times it went to voicemail, so I left a message and hoped he would call me
back.

I had a quick bath, then got dressed. Since Olwetho was sleeping, I decided to go over some of the
figures for Ndhlovu Corp. If I was going to take over as CFO in Jan. I needed to familiarize myself with the
company structure

I went upstairs to siya's office, to get his laptop

When I got to his office, Nails was busy on the phone in the second office, I didn't want to disturb him,
so i just went to Siya's desk to take the laptop. I know he usually keeps it in one of the drawers.

Luckily I found it in the very first draw. I took it and was about to walk out, when I heard something
drop.

When I looked down I saw siya's ring on the floor. I picket it up and stood there trying to understand
why he would leave it in his office draw.
I took the ring and placed it in the safe, then went back to my room. I was trying really hard not to
overreact regarding the ring issue. But why would he just leave it in the draw? Why take it off in the first
place. My annoyance was leading to anger really quickly, because I know if I had just left my ring lying
around, while I went somewhere for nearly a month, Siya would have my head. But because it's him, ill
have to play it down.

When I got to my room, I started working.

I was hoping that once I got lost in the numbers, I would forget about the ring issue. I went through
dozens of financial reports, tax reports and even salary reports.

I hadn't realised how big of a business Ndhlovu Corp was till then. Siya's staff was highly qualified. It was
clear that his second in command, was good at what he was doing, because the returns over the past 7
years, were quite impressive.

I was so busy with what I was doing, I didn't realise that I had missed lunch, until I heard my tummy
rumbling.

I looked over at Olwetho and he was still fast asleep. I wondered weather I should wake him or not,
because I was worried he wouldn't sleep at night. But he looked so peaceful, I didn't have the heart to
wake him.

I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat.

Mam Martha was already preparing dinner.

Me: hi ma

Her: hi.. I was wondering what happened to you guys

Me: Olwetho is still sleeping, and i lost track of time

Her: there's left over lunch if you'd like

Me: carry on with what your doing. I'll dish up for myself

Her: are you enjoying having Olwetho around

Me: yes, but i have a feeling he's going to keep me on my toes.

Her: boys always tend to be more hyper than girls. Especially at olwetho's age.

Me: I just hope I'll be able to keep up

Her: you'll be fine. And if your lost or you need help, you can always ask me

Me: thank you ma

As I was busy talking to mam Martha, nails walked in holding Olwethos hand. He looked a bit sad, like
he had been crying.

I picked him up and put him on the counter

Me: boy, what's wrong

Him: (sniff) I woke up and you weren't there. Then I went to look everywhere and i couldn't find you.

Me: I'm sorry boy. I just came to find something to eat

Him: (sniff) aunty I miss mommy. Can I call her

I looked Olwetho and he really looked sad, but i didn't want Him speaking to Linda when he was down,
because that would only make her think he was unhappy.

Me: boy, you can call mommy later. I was thinking king we could watch movies first

Him: what movie

Me: any movie you want

Him: can we watch angry bird

Me: we'll go download it now. But first you need to eat

Him: I'm not hungry

Me: you haven't eaten since breakfast, you need to eat something

Him: (sniff) but aunty i don't want to eat

Me: let's make a deal. You eat something, then we can have go watch movies in my room. We can even
take pop corn and some sweets
Olwetho just shook his head. I looked at mam Martha and she smiled.

I didnt know what else to do, olwetho hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and now he didn't want to
eat.

As I was trying to figure out how to bribe him into eating, Siya called.

Me: hello

Him:hi babe. How are you

Me: I'm good, you

Him: fine. Sorry I missed your call earlier

Me: it's cool

Him: are you ok? I expected you to bite my head off

Me: babe, I've got more important things to worry about than you not phoning

Him: things like what

Me: like convincing Olwetho to eat

Him:;is he giving you a hard time

Me; not really. I think he just misses Linda

Him: let me speak to him

I gave Olwetho the phone, and went to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

Olwetho gave me the phone back, and looked a bit sad. He had tears in his eyes

Me: what did you say to him

Him: I just told him to do as told or else

Me: or else what

Him: Rifiloe, OLwetho is a child. He doesn't have a choice. If you tell him to eat, then he must eat

Me: please tell me you didn't shout at him

Him: just a little

Me: mxm

I put the phone down on Siya. He hadn't seen or spoke to Olwetho in a while, and instead of being nice,
he was lecturing him about food.

I took off olwethos glasses and wiped his tears.

Me: sorry boy,

Him: (sniff) aunty, daddy shouted at me

Me: don't mind him boy. He's just grumpy.

Him:but he made my heart sore

Me: ooh my boy, don't cry. If you don't want to eat,you can eat later

Olwetho immediately stopped crying and smiled

Me: that's more like it.

Him: can we go watch a movie now

Me: why don't you go get uncle nails to download it for you, the we can go watch

Him: okay

I took him off the counter and he ran upstairs to nails

Man Martha looked at me

Her: he's got you wrapped around his little finger

Me: haw ma, you saw how heartbroken he was after siya spoke to him. I couldn't just watch him cry

Her: he doesn't cry blood. If you don't put your foot down, he'll never listen to you. Children are the
biggest manipulators alive. If he sees that he can get away with things, he will start taking advantage
Me: Lord help me

Her: you'll be fine. Just try being more assertive

Me: I have no idea if I can. His cute little face just makes me melt. And I don't want him hating me

Her: he won't hate you. But he will see Ghost as a villain, because he is more strict. It's better if you
both work as a team. So if ghost says he needs to eat, then you need to make sure you also say the same
thing. Otherwise he'll be walking all over you in no time

Me: your probably right. I just hope I can do this

Her: you'll be fine.

Olwetho came back with a memory stick that he got from nails. I put together our snacks, then we went
upstairs to watch the movie.

We both got I to my bed and watched angry birds. I figured I would let Olwetho get away with not
eating for today, but as of tomorrow I would have to try being a little more strict.

My phone rang as we were busy watching. I looked at the caller ID and sAW it was Siya.

Me: babe

Him: you put the phone down on me

Olwetho looked at me and out his finger on his lips, to signal for me to keep quite.

Me: hold on siya

I giggled and went to the closet.

Me: I'm back

Him; what are you guys up to

Me: we're watching a movie

Him: did he eat

Me: no, but he's having popcorn

Him: Nana, you can't let Olwetho walk all over you.

Me: haai man Siya, he just didn't feel like eating. Its not a big deal. And I don't want to hear you shouting
at him again. You made him cry, it nearly tore my heart into pieces

Him: he has got you right where he wants you

Me: I don't care. Anyway I've got a bone to pick with you

Him: what have I done now

Me: where's your wedding ring

Him: ahmm I think I left it in my office somewhere

Me: somewhere? Why did you even take it off

Him: Nana, I had to. I couldn't go to Brazil with it

Me: and why the hell not

Him: because while I'm here I'm Ghost, and ghost isn't married.

Me: nxa, this mission of your is going to bore me

Him: I've missed your smart mouth

Me: mhmm

Him: I love you

Me: mhmm

Him: so you don't love me

Me: you know I do

Him: baby, askies man. I should've told you. It just completely slipped my mind. I'm sorry

Me: fine

Him; so I'm forgiven

Me: yes

Him: I love you Rifiloe. Always remember that

Me: i love you too Siya. Im just still trying to get used to this whole undercover thing of yours.

Him: i know babe. And i can see your trying. I just need you to trust me. I would never do anything to
ruin what we have.

Me; I'll try

Him; ok, let Me go. I'll , speak to you later

Me: Sharp

Him: put the phone down

Me: no you put down first

Him:(chuckles) I don't know if I want to

Me: then don't

Him: I have to

Me: go back to work babe. We'll chat later

Him: I'll Skype you

Me: Sharp.

This time i put the phone down.. because I knew if I didn't we would go back and forth.

I missed Siya so much, but i was glad i had Olwetho around to keep me company. I just hoped that with
time i would be able to get used to playing mommy.

80

It's been about a week now since Siya had left. Life at home had been ok. Olwetho has settled, and he
was getting used to being without Linda.

I hadn't really spoken to Siya, since the last time he promised to Skype. I had tried him a couple of times,
but then he sent me a message saying he couldn't talk, so I let him be. It's now been a whole week and
still nothing.

What ticked me off was that he was able to phone nails, to discuss work, but he didn't have time to find
out how Olwetho and I were doing.

The only good news was that Boniswa was arriving today.
I was kind of glad because I was starting to get bored, I could only chat to Olwetho so much, and all we
did was play on the beach or watch cartoons. I needed an adult around and thankfully Boni was coming
to my rescue.

I went to the airport with nails to pick her up. Olwetho stayed with mam Martha, but he wasn’t very
pleased about that, but I needed some me time.

When we got to the airport Boni had just landed. She looked so relieved when she saw me

Me: welcome to Cuba

Her: thank you for having me

Me; I'm so glad your here. At least now I'll have someone to talk to

Her: I'm excited to be here. It's my first time overseas

Me: I think you'll love it here.

Her; I love it already

Me: come, the guards will, get your bags

Her; you sure? I don’t want to inconvenience anyone

Me: don't be silly. They don't mind

Her: ok,

We got into the cars and nails drove us home.

Me: so how's life back home

Her: everything’s fine. Just been missing Hlokes. I was a bit disappointed when he told me he was going
to Brazil. I was hoping I would get to spend some time with him

Me: I know how you feel. But cheer up, we can still make the holidays fun

Her: thanks

When we got home, I showed Boni around the house. Then lastly to Hlokes room.

Her: your home is beautiful, thank you so much for having me

Me: it's not really my house. But it's a pleasure to have you.
Her: it's amazing how you've adapted to this whole ops life thing. I'm still struggling

Me: can I be honest?

Her: of course

Me: I haven't really been adapting quite well. I'm still trying to get my head around it

Her: are you serious?

Me: dead serious

Her: (sigh) thank goodness. I was beginning to think that something was wrong with me

Me: oh believe, there's nothing wrong with you. It's their job that's wrong

Her: tell me about it

Me: (chuckles) let me leave you to freshen up. I'm sure you’re exhausted after your flight.

Her: I actually feel quite good. I thought I'd be so sleepy by now

Me: jet lag love. It’s the worst.

Her: hopefully I’ll be back to normal soon

Me: your, be fine. Let me leave you. If you need anything. I'll be downstairs. You can join me for lunch
if you’re put to it

Her: Sounds great. I’ll take a quick shower, then I’ll come down

Me: cool.

I went downstairs to look for Olwetho. I know I had said I needed some time out, but I kind of missed
him.

I found him in the Kitchen, mam Martha was teaching him to make a hot dog for himself

Him; aunty your back

Me; Yes love

Him; did you bring me anything nice

Me; no Boy, I just went to fetch Aunty Boni from the airport him

Him; mommy usually buys me something when she goes out

Me; I promise you, next time, I’ll make sure I get you something

Him; thanks aunty. You’re the best

I gave him a little kiss on the cheek, then went to help mam Martha lay out lunch on the veranda instead
of the dining room.

I was starting to dish up for myself when Olwetho came running with my phone in my hand. I must’ve
left it in the kitchen.

Him; aunty daddy wants to talk to you

I took the phone from Olwetho and asked God to help me not to kill Siya over the phone.

Me; hello

Him; nana

Me; Hi Siya

Him; I know your mad at me

Me; **** silence***

Him; babe I’m sorry. Things have been a bit hectic

Me; ***** silence****

Him; Rifiloe

Me; ***** Silence****

Him; baby, I’m sorry

Me; Mhmm

Him; But Rifiloe, I told you this would happen. It’s beyond my control. What do you want me to say?

I was about to answer him but Then I heard Jessica in the background telling him they’ve got to go.

I put the phone down, before he could tell me anything. I don’t know why he bothered phoning me,
when he knew he couldn’t talk. Mxm
Luckily Boniswa came down, so I had to push my anger aside, and concentrate on having lunch with my
guest.

Her; you ok

Me; I’m fine. Just a bit annoyed

Her; Let me guess. It has to do with your man

Me; Good guess

Her; I’ve got a listening ear if you’d like

Me; If we’re going to talk about men, then I need a bottle of wine.

Her; I’d only be happy to join you

Me; you are a god sent.

I got up and went to the cellar and came back with a bottle of wine.

I poured us both a glass and we dug in

Her; so what’s up

Me; I’m just annoyed with this whole Ops thing. Like I haven’t spoken to Siya in a week. And then he
calls, for 2 seconds and then he has to go. Like I feel like he doesn’t prioritise

Her; Tell me about it. I haven’t heard from Hlokes in about a week as well. The only communication I got
was my flight details and that’s it. He hasn’t even called to see if I arrived safely or not

Me; why couldn’t we find normal men, with normal jobs?

Her; at least your married to the man. I’m starting to think that Hlokes and I will never get it together

Me; why would you say that

Her; I really love him. Like really. But I just feel like lately he’s a bit distant. Like maybe he’s hiding
something

Gosh when Boniswa, said that I felt so bad, because I knew Hlokes was probably stressing about telling
her about Linda

Me; I’m sure he’s just stressed about work. I know it’s been tough on the whole team
Her; I hope so. I really don’t want to lose him

Me; If Hlokes wasn’t serious about you, he wouldn’t have bought you all the way across the world. He
clearly wants to be with you

Her; It feels good to speak to someone who knows how I feel

Me; look, Siya and I have been through a million issues. We’ve had more drama than any reality show,
But in the end we both love each other, and we just try make it work. Despite everything

Her; (sigh) we’ll see how it goes

ME; yah haai.

Her; I think we need another bottle

Me; you are my kind of girl.

I went down and got us another bottle. Then went to check on Olwetho.

I found him sleeping in his bed. I’m guessing mam Martha must’ve put him down for his afternoon nap.

I went back to join Boni

Me; We should go out tonight

Her; out

Me; yaah, like a club or something

Her; Hlokes had said we need to keep within the compound

Me; Hlokes who? Hlokes is in Brazil. You and I are stuck in Cuba

Her; you have a point

Me; Its December holidays. We can’t just be stuck here the whole time. Because if we were in SA we
would be having the time of our lives

Her; are you sure about this

Me; not really, but its better than sitting here and moping around because our love lives suck

Her; I’m in

Me; Good. Now I need to figure out how I’m going to convince nails to let us go out
Her; is nails the one with the tatooos all over him

Me; yes

Her; gosh. Good luck. He looks like a hard one to crack

Me; yaah. The first time I met him he seemed like that. But deep down he’s actually a teddy bear

We both burst out laughing, because we saw nails walking towards us.

Him; Ladies

Us; Hi Nails

Him; Ahm mam, I’ve got Ghost on the line for you. He says he can’t get hold

Me; thank you.

I took the phone from nails,

Me; Siya

Him; babe

Me; what’s up

Him; I can’t concentrate on work, knowing your pissed at me

Me; so what do you want me to do

Him; I want you to try understand

Me; I do

Him; you don’t

Me; siya, just finish this mission and come home. That’s all I ask of you

Him; I will babe. I just need you to be patient

Me; Fine

Him; I’ll speak to you soon

Me; ok

Him; I love you baby

Me; I love you too

Him; I’ve got to go, ill speak to you later

Me; before you go, I need to ask you something

Him; what

Me; Boni and I are going out tonight. I wanted to know who I need to organise security with. Nails or
skull

Him; out where

Me; I don’t know. A club or something. We want to check out the Cuban night life

Him; not happening

Me; why not

Him; because I’m not there

Me; Siya stop being selfish

Him; Rifi

Me; No. don’t flipping Rifiloe me. You’re all the way in Brazil doing God knows what. And now you want
to throw a fucking hissy fit because I want to go out

Him; (sigh) babe

Me; Siya no. I’ve been cramped here since we arrived. Why can’t you just try putting yourself in my
shoes for one

Him; fine. Do whatever you want to do. Its not like you listen to me anyway

Me; fine

Him; Rifiloe

Me; what Siya

Him; (sigh) cant this wait till im back

me; why

Him; because as your husband, im asking you to wait till im back

Me; and again, i ask why

Him; because im not comfortable with you going out to a club, and im not there

Me; but Siya, Nails will be there mos

Him; thats not the point

me; Well, im going and theres not a damn thing you can do about it

Him; we both know thats not true

Me; Siya, i swear to God, if you dare try to stop me. Ill never speak to you again

Him; that would be difficult considering your my wife

Me; is that why you wanted to get married? so you could control me

Him; Rifiloe, even if i tried, i wouldnt be able to control you. you dont have a submissive bone in you

me; says the man, who took off his ring and left it in his draw.

Him; so this is about a flipping ring

me; No its about how you can get away with murder, but i dont dare step out of line

Him; I actually cant do this anymore. Just do what you want ok. just fucking do what you want to do.

I put the phone down on him again. I don’t understand why Siya had to be so damn controlling at times.
He wanted me in Cuba, I come to Cuba. He wants me to Quit my job, I quit my Job, and now because I
need some fresh air I’m wrong, but he gets to do what he wants whenever he wants and I'm just
supposed to be okay with it.

81

Just as I had put the phone down, Siya called again. I really didn’t want to speak to him about this.

He wasn’t being fair at all. I stood up and went to the lounge, because Boniswa’s phone started rining. I
just knew it was Hlokes. I took a deep breath and answered Siya

Me; Siya

Him; do yourself a favour. Never, and I mean ever put the phone down on me again Rifiloe. No matter
how mad you are at me, I’m still your husband, and I think I deserve a little bit more respect from you.

Tjo, now I knew Siya was mad. I didn’t dare answer

Him; I’m talking to you

Me; I’m listening

Him; you’re not going anywhere tonight, or any night until I’m back.

Me; but
Him; but nothing Rifiloe. You need to just listen and stop being so quick to answer.

Me; mhmm

Him; you are getting on my nerves yaz Rifiloe. Ive tried so hard to accommodate your every need, but
all I get in return is you nagging

Me; ****** silence ************

Him; are you even listening to me

Me; ****** silence ************

Him; Rifileo

Me; Siya, what do you want me to say mara

Him; how about you start working on your manners, and start acting your age. Your fucking 26 years old,
but you keep acting like you god damn 5 years old.

Tjo.. Now my eyes started to water. Why on earth was Siya being so unreasonable? All I wanted was to
go out, and just relax a bit. Was that such a bad thing

Me; are you done

Him; not even close. For your own sake, make sure that by the time I’m back you’ve grown up. I married
you because I needed a wife, not a whiney 5 year old who throws tantrums because she can’t get her
way.

Me; (sniff)

Him; so now you want to cry, when you are the one who started? a minute ago you were going off at me
and now you playing the victim.

Me; can I go now

Him; (SIGH) ill speak to you later

Me; sharp

This time I waited for him to put the phone down, because I didn’t want him biting my head off again.

I went back outside to sit with Boni. We both looked at each other and smiled

Her; I take it we aint going nowhere

Me; (chuckles) what did Hlokes want

Her; He asked my why im causing trouble on my first day here

Me; No

Her; serious. He nearly tore my head off.

Me; Haai, I give up. If Hlokes is also against us then there is no hope

Her; (laughing)

Me; mara why are men so annoying

Her; only God knows

Me; Im just going to drown my sorrows in wine today

Her; that bad ha

Me; ya. Like really bad

Her; well, here’s a toast to our crazy men, who are maddening as hell

Me; cheers

I sat with Boni on the veranda for drinking wine. Olwetho stayed with mam Martha for most of the day.
Apparently they were baking. We went from 2 bottles to 4. We listened to music and just stayed home.

Me; I feel like braai Vleys

Her; O qadile. Next thing our phones will be ringing off the hook, just because of meat.

I burst out laughing. Boniswa was funny. She made a joke out of everything, which was great because
after the fight I had with Siya, the last thing I needed was to be around someone uptight

Me; we’re staying home MOS. The least they can let us do is braai

Her; I have a feeling we’re going to wake up with a moorse headache tomorrow

Me; ill deal with that tomorrow. For now I want to feel numb, and the only way I know how, is by wine

Her; I feel you gal

Me; let me go look for Nails

I went to check on Olwetho , and I found him in the kitchen with mam Martha.
Me; ma, we were thinking of having a braai for dinner

Her; that sounds nice. Ill just make Pap, gravy and some salads

Me; would you like some help

Her; no. You go relax, ill handle it

Me; thank you ma, ill go ask Nails to go buy the meat

Her; perfect

Me; Olwetho, don’t you want to come sit with me and aunty Boni

Him; no thank you aunty. I like helping granny cook

Me; careful not to burn yourself

Him; I wont. I promise

Me; Pinkie promise.

Him; double pinkie promise

Me; Ok, ill be outside if you need me.

I went upstairs to ask nails to send one of the guards to go buy the meat, then went back downstairs to
chill with Boni

Skull came back with the meat and started braaing for us, while we downed our 5th bottle of wine.

I was finally at the stage of not feeling anything, and it felt fantastic.

That is until Siya called . I showed Boni the Caller Id and she laughed

Her; you should be answering that

Me; I don’t want to fight with him again

Her; and by you not answering him, don’t you think that will make things worse

Me; who’s side are you on vele

Her; your of course, but we both know you’re making things worse by not answering him

I decided to listen to Boni and answered him

Me; Hi

Him; Hi

Me; what’s up

Him; I hear you’re having a braai

Me; I figured since I wasn’t allowed out, I would bring the party to me

Him;(chuckles) you’re a special kind of stubborn yaz

Me; Ill take that as a compliment

Him; it wasn’t meant as one

Me; so your taking time out of your schedule to phone me, just to insult me

Him; no, I phoned because I missed you

Me; you have a funny way of showing it

Him; lets not even go there

Me; fine by me

Him; so you still mad at me

Me; I think I’m too drunk to be mad

Him; I can tell

Me; Siya. A lady never gets drunk

Him; but you just said

Me; it doesn’t matter what I said. Your supposed to dispute it

Him; next time I promise to

Me; good. Now you’re learning

Him; so how many bottles have you had

Me; just 5

Him; Rifiloe. 5

Me; yes, and it’s the really good stuff

Him; do you have any idea how much those cost

Me; send me an invoice, I’ll pay them back

Him; (chuckles) you really are enjoying your freedom

Me; you call this freedom? Haai baby, this is not freedom, this is Robin Island

Him; (chuckles) Robin island with a braai and a cellar? I don’t think so

Me; You have a point there

Him; so we’re good

Me; ill lt you know tomorrow when im sober

Him; where’s Olwetho

Me; cooking

Him; Rifiloe.

Me; relax man, he’s just in the kitchen with mam Martha

Him; I hope he’s not disturbing her

Me; she’s the one who wont let him out her sight

Him; (sigh) I have to go babe

Me; sharp

Him; no I love you nyana

Me; Nix. Ke sharp ka wena

Him; serious

Me; serious, serious

Him; well mina ngiyaz’fela ngawe

Me; even when I piss you off

Him; (sigh) even then

Me; well in that case I love you too

Him; try not to burn my house down while you’re busy braaing

Me; Haw Siya, I’m not Braaing

Him; so who’s Braaing

Me; skull is

Him; Rifiloe, Skull has better things to do than to braai for you. Who is taking care of his post while
braaing?
Me; but baby, I didn’t ask him to. He offered

Him; what are you wearing

Me; what does that have to do with anything

Him; Skull has a thing for the ladies. The only reason he would offer to braai is if you’re in a bikini

Me; Siya shame on you. I’m actually wearing shorts and a top

Him; how short are your shorts

Me; haw Siya are you serious vela

Him; I’m not taking chances

Me; so why leave him here if you don’t trust him

Him; It’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s just that I know him

Me; and you think I would fall for him

Him; no

Me; so what’s with the jealousy

Him; I’m not Jealous

Me; I can smell it all the way from here

Him; you wouldn’t understand

Me; I give up

Him; Ill speak to you later

Me; sharp

I put the call down and just shook my head. Siya likes to say I’m jealous, but here he was asking me
what I was wearing. But non the less I was glad we had kind off patched things up. I didn’t really like
arguing with over such silly things, but at the same time I feel like he needs to lighten up a bit when it
comes to me having a life outside of him.

82 (bonus)

******** Siyas side of the story *******

After my conversation with Rifiloe, I felt a bit better. I hated arguing with her, but at times she had a
tendency of annoying me.

I know she needs her freedom, and independence, but what she fails to understand is that life isn't
always roses. Me being on this mission means I need to keep her safe, and her going clubbing wasn't a
risk I was willing to take.

As I was busy thinking about Rifiloe, Bullet came into my office

Him: Ghost we should get going. Your meeting with Fernandez is in 20mins

Me: is everyone in place

Him: yes. We have the club surrounded. Our guys have taken over the security cameras, and the cars
are loaded

Me: and the drugs

Him: sorted

Me: good. Make sure no one messes this up. We're not dealing with just anybody here. This man is the
most feard drug Lord in the world. And if I can get a foot in the door, then we will be able to make
arrests, without him even suspecting us

Him: sure

Me: did you speak to Boniswa? I know how stubborn Rifiloe is, hopefully Boniswa will talk her out of this
clubbing idea

Him: I spoke to her. They won't be going anywhere

Me: at least your woman listens. Rifileo is as stubborn as they come

Him: (chuckels) you made your bed

Me: tell me about it

Him: let's get going. Forget about Rifiloe. You need to conserntrate on this mission. Your ghost now.
Lets go show these Brazilians flames

Me: remember what I said. This man cannot suspect a thing. I don't want blood spilled. Tonight is all
about connections.

Him: Rodger that

Me: let's get out of here. Let Jessica know to meet us in the parking

Him: sure
I locked my personal phone in the safe. Even if something were to happen to me. At least they wouldn't
know about Rifiloe.

I took out 2 of my guns and strapped them onto me, then left with Bulled, Bones and some of my other
security detail.

When we got downstairs Jessica and the rest of the team were waiting for us.

I was really glad Rifiloe wasn't here, because if she saw what Jessica was wearing she would totally flip.
Especially since Jessica is playing my girlfriend

Me: Ready

Her: how do I look

Me: good I guess

Her: are you kidding me? I look like a cheap whore. This dress hardly covers me

Me: it's all apart of the act Jess. They have to believe you my girlfriend

Her: can we just do this and get it over and done with. I feel exposed

Me: are you sure your up to this? I don't want any mistakes

Her: this is what I'm trained for G. I'm good. Let's do this

Me: ok. Let's go

We got in the car, and i made it a point, not to stare at Jessica's legs. I was so used to going undercover
with just guys, but now having a woman in the team was a bit difficult, but i guess it only makes sense.

Most drug dealers or gang leaders have girls all over them, and now I would also have to play the part.

I just felt bad because I couldn't really be honest with Rifiloe about this part of my job. It was all easy
when I was single. I had no commitment to anyone. I could really get into my role as ghost and not feel
like I was betraying Someone . But now things were different. Rifoloe was my world. I love her so much,
and the thought of me pretending to be with another woman, made me feel like I was betraying her.
I had forbidden her from going to the club, but here i was about to walk into a strip club

When we arrived outside the club, I just took a minute to gather my thoughts. I needed to get Rifiloe
out my mind and conserntrate on being Ghost

We all, put our ear pieces in our ears.

Me: nails can you hear us

Him: yes boss. Loud and clear.

Me: is everyone in place

They all answered

Me: let's get this show on the road

I took a deep breathe, then got out the car, and walked around to open for Jessica.

I took Jessica's hand and we we walked in to the club, with bullet, and some of the guards, while the
others stayed outside

The moment we stepped foot in the Club, we were shown to the VIP section. We sat down and a very
naked looking waitress came to take our orders.

All we had to do now, was wait for the famous Fernandez to arrive.

The VIP section we were seated in was about the size of small apartment.

The strippers that were up here, were clearly specifically chosen for Ghost, because they were all to my
taste.
Bullet looked at me and smiled, because he knew that if Fernandez was putting an effort into meeting
with me, it meant we had a really good chance at getting what I came here to get, which was
connections.

All I had to do now, was drink, and pretend to enjoy the strippers. I did t want to make my host think I
wasn't enjoying the effort he had put in to find the type of girls"ghost" likes.

Our drinks arrived and we all pretended to drink. GOLDEN RULE NUMBER 1 when you go undercover
and you need to drink, you always order beers, so that you can pretend to drink, meanwhile, your
spitting it back inside the bottle

Or if your offered a glass of whiskey, you rather take the bottle, so that you can pretend to drink,yet
your spitting it back.

The last thing you want is to drink, only to find out you have been drugged.

The waitress serving us was one of our own, which meant she knew when to fetch the so called empty
bottles and replace them with full ones, just so that it looks like we are drinking.

We chilled in the VIP section for a about an hour.

I had my arm around Jessica, while I pretended to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

I knew that Fernandez was in the building because of the intel that i had received, so i knew he was
probably watching us from one of the security cameras, so I had to make sure we looked convincing.

Jessica was quite a good actress, she knew exactly when to smile, or when to lean in and kiss me in a
playful manner.

I had my one hand around her neck, while the other one rested on her thigh
The music was pumping and the strippers were doing their thing. I was now a lot less anxious than I was
when I walked in. I think its because Jessica was easy to chill with. I fed off her chemistry and that made
things easier for me, and hopefully convincing to anyone watchin

While we were waiting for Fernandez, I got one of the strippers to give bullet a lap Dance. The poor
man looked like he wanted to die.

I know this was all an act, but we had to make it looke real. But I knew deep Down he was enjoying
himself.

I heard nails telling me that Fernandez was comingto the VIP section. I guessed we had convinced him
enough.

I looked at Hlokes then at Jessica just to make sure they had heard nails.

When Fernandez arrived, he was escorted by his security detail and 2 very good looking Brazilian chicks.

Him: well well well. If it isn't the one and only Ghost

I stood up and held out my hand to shake his.

Me: Fernandez. We finally meet

Him: I was wondering when you would reach out to me. IT seems only fitting for people of our calebre
to do business

Me: well, here I am in the flesh

Him: I'm honoured

Me: shall we get on with it

Him: Oh come now ghost, what's the rush? Ha? We can discuss business later. For now, I'm in the mood
to have some fun.

Me: of course,
I was really hoping we would meet up and just get down to business, but as fate would have it, he
wanted to have fun first, which obviously entailed girls, and tons of alcohol.

This was clearly going to be a long night. And i had promised to call Rifiloe

Fernandez sat opposite me, whith his girls. While jess remained next to me

He looked at Jess

Him: is she with you

Me: yes

Him: what's her name

Me: ruby

Him: her name suits her perfectly. She looks just like a ruby

I winked at Jessica, and she gave us a dashing smile

Him: we should have Ruby, put on a show for us

Me: what kind of show

Him: we're at a strip club aren't we

Me: well this one only strips for me

Him: you sure she ain't wearing a wire

Me: why would she be wearing a wire

Him: well, these days FBI and Undercover agents come in all forms

Me: no need to worry about that. I've screened her. She's cool

Him: how sure are you

Me: 100%

Him: I don't trust girls. I want to make sure she's not an agent. And the only way how,is to make sure
she's not wearing a wire
I looked at Fernandez and i knew he wasn't playing games. For some reason he didn't trust Jess, And i
had to diminish that asap

I looked at Jess

Me: is there something you need to tell me

Her: No of course not

Me: my friend over here seems to think you've got a wire on you

Her: why would I have a wire

Me: you tell me

Her: Ghost I don't understand what your talking about

Me: strip

Without even hesitating, jessica (ruby) stood up. She looked at me

Her: unzip me

I stood up and unzipped her dress, then Sat down again.

She turned around to face me, then started pulling off her dress. I didn't dare take my eyes off of her. I
had to convice Fernandez that she was indeed clean.

Jess took off her dress, and stood in front of us in only her hills and red Lingerie

I looked at Fernandez

Me: you happy?

Him: search her breasts. Women tend to hide things in there

I stood up, and and stood in from of Jessica. Our faces nearly touching.

I put my hands around Her and unclipped her bra, and threw it on the floor.

Me: turn around

She turned around and looked at Fernandez

Me: we good

Him: perfect

I sat back down, while she put her clothes back on. One of the girls who came with Fernandez was now
sitting on his lap, so Jessica set next to me, and put her hand in mine

Me: so now that that's out the way, how about we have a good time.

Him: now we're talking. How about a lap Dance

Me: I don't think my girl would approve

Him: she can join in

I looked at Jess and she smiled

Me: why the hell not.

Fernandez signalled at one of his guys, and in no time about 5 girls came to our table and started
stripping and giving us lap dances

One of the girls focused on bullet, while Jess got up and sat squat positon on my lap and started kissing
my neck

The minute she did that, she reminded me of Rifiloe.

I was a bit uncomfortable, but had no choice but to play along. I had to do anything to get the job done.
And right now that entailed forgetting about rifiloe and conserntrating on winning Fernandez's trust. I
just hoped Rifiloe nerv finds out about this side of my job, because if she did, i was certain i would lose
her for good

83

We stayed at the club for most of the nigh. Fernandez insisted on us having fun as he calls it, but in all
honesty I wasn’t having fun.

Instead here is was making out with Jessica, while thinking of Rifiloe.

As the night started to wind down, I decided to try convincing Fernandez to discuss business

Me; we should start discussing business.

Him; Ghost my friend. Why are you so uptight? You have your girl all over you, but you want to discuss
business.

I knew I had to tread carefully now. I didn’t want to make him suspicious

Him; I have a proposition for you.

Me; I’m listening.

Him; Let’s take this party to my mansion. Then tomorrow morning we can discuss “business” as you call
it

Shit. This wasn’t really going as planned. If Fernandez wanted me at his house, it was because he had
doubts. I had no choice but to continue

Me; sounds like a plan

Him; my man... You and I are going to make magic together

I could hear Nails cursing in my ear. It’s never advisable to move from an agreed upon location, because
that meant my guys didn’t have eyes on the inside

I knew at this very moment nails and the hackers were trying to get access to the security cameras at
Fernadez’s mansion, but because we didn’t see this coming, it might take longer than normal

We all got up and started walking out. Skull was outside waiting for us. I got in my car while Fernadez
got into his. At least now we would have a few minutes to come up with a game plan.

The minute I got in the car, I took my hand out of Jessica’s and let out a sigh.

Me; somebody talk to me. How far are we with the Cameres

Nail; boss, we’re busy with it

Me; make it happen. We only have 20min

Nails; yes sir

I turned and looked at Hlokes. He had his laptop open.

me; where are our guys ?

Him; on route to the mansion

Me; make sure they are not marked. I cannot have Fernandez suspecting anything

Him; sure

Me; nails. My life depends on you being able access those cameras. Make sure you get access

Him; sure boss.

I sat there with my heart racing. If I was going to be at unfamiliar territory Jess and I had to be as
convincing as hell

When we arrived at the mansion, I looked at Jess and she smiled

Me; let’s do this

I got out the car and opened the door for Jess. She slipped her hand in mine, and we followed
Fernandez inside

He showed us around then we went to his version of a man cave. It was basically an underground floor,
where he kept girls

There were all different types of girls, white, black, Latina, Indian, Chinese you name it

I knew then that I was going to have to sacrifice my marriage vows for the sake of my Job

We sat down and Fernandez looked at me

Him; you see ghost. I don’t only deal in drugs. I also have some of the most beautiful woman in the
world right here in my house

Me; I can see that

Him; so why not pick a girl you like, and let her make your dreams come true.

I swallowed hard. This shit went from 0 to 100 in less than a few hours

I looked over at Hlokes and he nodded. I had no choice but to do this.

I looked at all the girls and decided on the Brazilian girl

Me; her . With the frisky hair

Him; Good pick.

Him; Eva, come here

She walked towards us

Him; This is a good friend of mine. I need you to make him and his lady friend Happy.
She nodded and held out her hand for me to follow.

Me; why don’t you and Ruby go get ready. Ill join you in a sec

Ruby stood up and they walked to one of bedrooms.

Me; Fernandez, I need to use you gents

Him; down the passage, second door on your left

Me; thanks

I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I just needed to think about what I was about to do.

I sat on the bathroom stool and took out my head piece... I just needed to hear my own head, just for a
second. How do I betray Rifiloe like this? I’ve done this a couple times but all before I made her my wife.
And now here I was about to make history in the OP’s game, but at the expense of my conscious.

How do I look at Rifiloe, knowing I had a 3sum with other woman, most of all Jess

I put the head piece back in and let out a sigh

Me; Nails have you got visual yet

Him; not yet boss. His security team is hard to crack

Me; fuck

Him; We’re still trying

Me; I need to know if he has cameras in bedrooms? I need to try get out of this

Him; give me a sec

I heard nails typing and I knew he was trying

Hlokes; Ghost you need to get back. You’ve been in there for too long

Me; give me a sec

Him; we don’t have a sec

Me; fuck, fuck fuck

Ghost; Boss, I’ve accessed the floor you’re on, and there are cameras everywhere

Me; fucking hell

Hlokes; Ghost, you’ve done this before. Just do it and get it over and done with

Me; Give me a sec

Him; we don’t have a sec. Get out here

Out took out the ear pierce and punched the wall. I dint have a choice. If there were cameras in the
room that meant that Fernandez had his people watching us? So I had to do what I had to do. Just so
that we could close this flipping mission.

I took another deep breath, and put my earpiece back in. I needed to this and get my team the hell out
of here.

I walked back to where Fernandez was. He was busy making out with one of the girls

Me; (clears throat) so Fernandez my friend. Show me to where Ruby and Eva are

He snapped his fingers, and one of the girl stood up. She held my hand and pulled me to one of the
rooms.

When I walked I found Eva making out with Jess, They both looked at me as I walked in

Eva; you ready to join us

Me; you two carry on. I want to watch

I could see Jessica was a bit out of place, but being the professional she was, she just went with the flow.
They both continued, while I sat down and watched. Id lie if I said I wasn’t turned on. I am a man after
all, but despite being turned on, I still regretted what was going to happen

I saw a liquor cabinet next to the bed, so I stood up and went to pour myself some whiskey. I know I said
we don’t drink on missions, but right now I needed something to help me relax

I sat back down and watched as Eva took off her Ruby’s clothes, till she had nothing on.

I poured myself another glass and continued watching them. I knew that I’d have to join them soon

When I finished my glass, Ruby looked at me

Her; I thought you were going to join us

Me; come here

Eva and Jess both stood up and both came towards me. I stood and let Eva, unbutton my shirt, while
Ruby unzipped my pants.

We moved to the bed, and I let the ladies do their thing.

I made sure we used protection. I wasn’t willing to put Rifiloe’s Life at risk. I made sure that I only had
intercourse with Eva and not Jess. I was hitting it from the back, while Eva muffed Jess

That way I knew that there was still a barrier between Jess and I. I didn’t want her catching feelings for
me. I think it was my way of trying to ease my conscious

When we were finally done, we collapsed on the bed. I looked at the ceiling and hoped that I could
look at Rifiloe after what I had done.

I stood up and went to throw the condom away, then got dressed and went to the lounge. I had proved
myself to Fernandez, and ow it was time to talk business

I found Fernandez exactly where I had left him with Hlokes.

I sat down and he smiled at me

Him; how was ha?

Me; it’s always a good experience, when you have beautiful girls in your bed

Him; my point exactly. Now let me be honest.

Me; I’m listening

Him; I needed time to make sure you weren’t FBI in the force. So I just knew the only way would be to
make sure you didn’t have wires or anything on you. You can never be too safe

Me; so you’re ready to talk business

Him; show me what you got

I looked at Hlokes and he walked out to fetch the drugs. He came back and opened up the case

I stood up and gave Fernandez one of the packaging’s.

He opened it and tasted the drugs

Him; mhmm this is some good stuff

Me; straight from Colombia

Him; so how much in return

Me; half of what you’re currently paying

Him; and what do you get in return

Me; I become your second in command. I supply you entire chain. Everything.

Him; that’s a shit load to ask for

Me; you said so yourself. This stuff is the best ever

Him; your cocky

Me; not at all. I’m a business man

Him; ok, ok. We’ll start out with you supplying Brazil, then youll walk yourself up

Me; Give me Brazil, Jamaica and Barbados. Then let me work myself up

Him; mhmm deal

I looked at Hlokes and he let out a sigh of relief.

I walked out that mansion feeling like a million bucks. Finally I was getting into the ring with the biggest
gangsters alive. I was going to make history in the OP’s game. Even the FBI hadn’t cracked this ring, and
here I was 10 years into it and I was finally in. I just hoped that what happened tonight would never
come to Rifiloe’s attention, because I knew she would never forgive me

84

Boni and I spent the rest of our evening pretty drunk. I really enjoyed her company. She had a way of
making things seem lighter. We laughed a lot and even played with the karaoke machine

I thought I was bad at singing ne, but Boni was at another level. She had me laughing so hard.

Me; chummy, we need to go for singing lesson. Like as in yesterday

Her; I’m not that bad, It’s just the alcohol

Me; nice try

Her; for real

Me; if you say so

I looked at the time and it was after 1am

Me; Tjo, I can’t believe the time. It’s 1; 30am, and Siya still hasn’t called

She took out her phone

Her; Hlokes hasn’t phoned either

Me; I guess their probably busy

Her; (yawn) I guess so

ME; we should go to bed

Her; tell me about it

We closed the doors and windows then walked to our rooms.

When I looked at my bed, it looked so empty and cold. I know I fight with Siya, but I love him and miss
him so much.

I changed into bed and thought about the day I just had. I have no idea why I doubted my trust for Siya
so much. He had never truly given me a reason not to trust him.

I think I let my past hurt from Hlokes interfere with my relationship with Siya. I just needed to really let
my guard down and let Siya love me.

I fell asleep with Siya in my mind. I wished for nothing more than to have him wrapped around me.

I woke up the following morning with Olwetho shaking me awake. I was so hung over and tired, I wished
I could tell Olwetho go away but couldn’t

Him; aunty wake up

Me; Olwetho come sleep with me

Him; I don’t want to sleep. You promised we would go Christmas shopping today

Me; I did?

Him; yes, aunty. Last night

Me; oh

Him; wake up so we can go

Me; go brush your teeth. Ill wake up now

Him; ok.. But don’t fall asleep again

Me; I won’t. I promise

Olwetho ran off to his room looking so excited.

I got up and felt like shit. My head was pounding and my stomach felt like it was rolling around in circles.
I don’t know what I was thinking having all that wine. Now I was reaping the fruits of my drinking.

I made the bed, then went to have a shower. It was only 10; 00am, and the sun was already Blazing
After my shower, I got dressed in ripped jeans, tank top and my all stars.

If I was going shopping, then I needed to be comfortable.

When I was done getting dressed I went to check on Olwetho and found him getting dressed

Me; you ready boy

Him; nearly

Me; I’m going make you cereal first

Him; I’m not hungry

Me; Olwetho if you don’t eat, we’re not going shopping

Him; ok, ok Aunty. I’ll eat

Me; that’s my boy.

I went upstairs and found mam Martha in the kitchen.

Me; morning ma

Her; morning Rifiloe

Me; is Boni up

Her; she’s just finished eating breakfast. Can I make you anything?

Me; No thank you. My stomach is not so happy

Her; sit down. I’ll make you my hangover cure

Me; will it help

Her; of course

Me; Thanks ma

I sat down and mam Martha made watched mam Martha as she made her so called cure. The moment
she gave it to me I nearly puked
Me; ma, this can’t be it

Her; drink up. It will make you feel better

Me; but its got a raw egg in there

Her; I know

Me; oh God

Her; don’t think about it, just gulp it down

I looked at mam Martha then at the glass.

I picked it up and gulped it down in one go. It took absolutely everything in me not to bring up

I got up and took a bottle of water from the fridge and gulped it down

Me; thanks ma

Her; see not that bad

Me; I guess so

Olwetho walked in with Boni A

Her; morning

Me; hey gal

Her; how you feeling

Me; horrible

Her; did Mam Martha make you her famous cure

Me; yaah

Her; it will kick in. Give it a moment

Me; I hope so

Olwetho had breakfast, while I went upstairs to speak to nails about taking us to the mall

When I walked into Siya’s office, everyone looked like they were in a good mood.
Me; morning

Nails; morning

Me; Nails. I need to go Christmas shopping with Olwetho and Boni. Will you be able to take us?

Him; ill need to speak to ghost first

Me; do you mind getting him on the line

Him; sure

Nails dialled Siya and he answered on the second ring

Him; Nails

Me; babe, It’s me

Him; (clears throat) Oh.. ahmm hi love

He; hi.. You ok

Him; yaah, fine. Just tired. It’s been a long night

Me; sorry for bothering you. But I need to ask you something

Him; ok, I’m listening

Me; I promised Olwetho I would take him Christmas shopping today. I just forgot to run it past you first.

Him; babe get to the point

Me; can nails take us

Him; sure

Me; thank you

Him; don’t use your card. Take the cash from the safe

Me; how much

Him; however much you need

Me; Thanks love

Him; don’t thank me. That’s your money

Me; ok. If you say so

Him; sharp

Me; babe, you sure you’re ok? you sound a bit off
Him; I’m fine Rifiloe. I just said mos that I was tired

Me; jees I’m sorry I was just asking

Him; bye

Siya put the phone down, and I just stared at the phone blankly. I had no idea what was eating him up.
But he seriously had to get over it already.

I gave Nails the phone, then went to the safe and took out some money.

I wasn’t really sure how much to take. So I just took about 20k, just to be safe.

Me; nails, I’ll be downstairs. Please let me know when you’re ready

Him; you gather Olwetho. We’ll wait for you in the basement parking

Me; Thank you

I went to my room to fetch my handbag and my sunglasses. I put the money in the bag, then went to
fetch Olwetho and Boni

Me; you guys ready

Boni; yes dear

Me; Ma. Do you need anything from the shops?

Her; no dear. I think we’ve got everything we need

Me; I meant for you ma. Not for the house

Her; don’t worry about me Fifi. I’m good

Me; ok... Olwetho come boy

I walked downstairs with Olwetho and Boni. I know Mam Martha had said she doesn’t need anything,
but I planned on buying her and Thembi Christmas gifts.

When we arrived at the mall Olwetho was beyond excited. We bought clothes, toys, Christmas
decorations and a Christmas tree
I decided I’d come back and buy Olwetho his presents from Santa the following day, which would also
give me time to buy something for Siya, because I couldn’t figure out what to get him.

Boni and I both got a few things and then we all had lunch at one of the restaurants.

By the time we got home, we were all exhausted. The first thing Boni and I did was sit on the couch,
while Olwetho went to his room to play with some of the

Me; I can’t believe I have to do this again tomorrow

Her; The price of being a mommy

Me; I don’t even know what to get him. That child has more toys than a nursery school

Her; maybe try finding him something more sentimental

Me; something like what?

Her; I have no idea

Me; ill have to see

As Boni and I were talking. Skull came in with a phone in his hands

Him; mam. I’ve got Ghost on line for you

Me; thanks

I took the phone from Skull and walked to my room.

I really missed Siya, and I was hoping we could have a normal conversation without fighting.

Me; baby

Him; Hi love

Me; what’s up

Him; I need to apologise for this morning. I was a bit short with you. I’m sorry

Me; (sigh) its fine. Can we just forget about it?

Him; Rifiloe I’m sorry

Me; Siya I said its fine hle. Just stop apologising. I miss you too much

Him; I guess it’s a good thing I’ll be home tomorrow

Me; are you serious

Him; yaah. I’m done with Business, and now it’s time to come home

Me; Ahhhh baby. That’s the best news ever

Him; yah, I guess

Me; Siya, what’s going on? You don’t seem like yourself

Him; Baby, I just want to be home. It’s been a bit hectic here

Me; (sigh) ok. I’ll make sure everything’s in order before you arrive

Him; I love you Rifiloe. Please always remember that

Me; Siya I love you too

Him; I’ll see you tomorrow morning

Me; Bye

Him; Bye

I was about to put the phone down but I heard Siya Sigh. I know he said everything was okay, but
something about him seemed different

Me; Siya

Him; babe don’t

Me; I just want to make sure you’re okay

Him; Ill be fine

Me; come home

Him; I’ll be there in the morning. I promise

Me; No. come home now

Him; (sigh) I need to finish up something. I’ll be home in the morning. I promise

Me; ok.

Him; put down the phone

Me; no you put down first

Him; you are so damn stubborn

Me; love you too

I put the phone down before he could say anything else. Siya was a bit off but at least he was coming
home tomorrow.

85

Despite Siya’s mood on the phone. I was excited he was coming home. It’s been more than 2 weeks and
finally my nightmare is over.

I took a quick shower then went to chill with Boni

Me; Hi

Her; Hey

Me; so the guys are back tomorrow

Her; yaah. Hlokes just called

Me; I’m trying to think of what to do for Siya. He’s been gone so long and he seems so moody. I feel like
we’re really disconnected at the moment

Her; I’m sure it’s just the distance. Once he’s home everything will get back to normal

Me; I hope so

Her; I already know what I’m getting Hlokes

Me; do tell?

Her; a sexy little number

Me; (chuckles) I see

Her; It’s kind of been a while since we (clears Throat) you know

Me; (chuckles) sounds exciting

Her; you should try it. Make him all excited and he’ll forget all about his bad mood

Me; you might be onto something

Her; try it.

I sat with Boni throughout Dinned. I was thinking about what she had said. Maybe I should prepare my
something special for Siya.
After dinner. I put Olwetho to bed and went to my room, to look for lingerie. I went through what I have
and decided on a sexy red number, then went to bed.

I tried getting some sleep, but sleep had deserted me, I was too excited to see Siya.

When I woke up the following morning, I soaked myself in the bath. I waxed, tweezed and even shaved
my legs. I wanted to look perfect for what I had planned.

When I got out the bat, I got dressed and went to check up on Olwetho.

I found him already having breakfast with Mam Martha. I gave him a kiss and went to join Boni on the
veranda

Me; Morning

Her; Morning dear

Me; excited about seeing Hlokes?

Her; my heart is beating so fast

Me; I wonder what time they’re arriving

Her; they’ve already landed. Hlokes just called. They should be here any minute

Me; wow. I didn’t realise they’d be here so soon

Her; I know hey. I was surprised when he called

As Boni and I were talking, Siya and Hlokes walked in. I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw him.
He looked like his normal gorgeous self.

I stood up and gave him a hug

Me; you’re back

Him; in the flesh

Me; I’ve missed you

Him; not as much as I’ve missed you

I broke our hug and leaned in to give him a kiss. He kissed me back, but it didn’t quite feel the same. He
stepped back and looked at me.

Him; (clears throat) I should go take a shower

Me; need some help

Him; Not today babe

Siya turned around and walked to our room, and left me standing there confused.

I turned around and noticed Boni and Hlokes were both gone. I sat down feeling a bit out of place. Why
was Siya acting so cold towards me? It feels as though he couldn’t wait to get away from me.

As I was busy thinking about the whole Siya thing, Olwetho came running out.

Him; Aunty, aunty, daddys back

Me; I know my love

Him; Have you seen him

Me; ahm he’s gone to take a shower

Him; I can’t wait... He said he’s taking me out today

Me; today

Him; yes aunty.

Me; that’s nice my boy

Olwetho went running back inside. It made me happy to see Siya making an effort to spend time with
him, but at the same time I was hoping he would spend the day at home. I mean he literally walked in
and already he’s going out again

I cleared the table and took the dishes inside, then went to our room.

I walked in, just as he was walking out

Me; hey

Him; Hi

Me; I hear you’re going out

Him; yaah. Ahmm I just thought I would take Olwetho ice skating

Me; I see

Him; is there anything else? I was just on my way out

Me; Siya I

He cut me off

Him; I should go. I don’t want to keep Olwetho waiting

He kissed me on the cheek, and then walked out. I just stood there not knowing what to think.

Siya wasn’t being his normal self, and I didn’t know what to do when he’s so distant. I didn’t know
whether to leave him alone, or keep trying to speak to him about it.

I stayed in my room, for the rest of the day. I kind of felt like such an idiot.

Here I was all excited that my husband was coming home. Meanwhile he couldn't take 10min out of his
time, just to have a conversation with me.

I sat on my bed and tried to think what might be the problem. I must've fallen asleep, because when I
woke up, Siya had just come in.

Him; sorry. I didn't mean to wake you

Me: you didn't

Him: you skipped lunch

Me: I must've dozed off. I didn’t realise you guys were back

Him: are u ok

Me: I should be the one asking you that

Him: Rifiloe, I've told you. I'm fine

Me: Siya, I'm not stupid

Him: I didn’t say you were

Me; what’s going on?

Him; Nothing
Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe

Me; talk to me

Him; for the love of God Rifiloe, WILL YOU JUST DROP IT

I shifted a bit because I didn't expect him to snap at me like that for no reason

Him: I'm sorry. I'm just. Never mind.

Me: Siya

Him: I've got to go. Jess and I have a debrief with the Lieutenant

Siya got up and left our room. Leaving me again wondering what the hell was going on. I hadn’t seen
Jessica when they arrived. I wondered why she was still here.

I got out of bed and freshened up, then went upstairs to make myself something to eat in the kitchen

I made myself a sandwich, then went back to my room to watch a movie

I looked around for Boni, but she was nowhere to be found, so I figured her and Hlokes were catching
up. Which is what I thought Siya and no would be doing. Instead, he just kept snapping at me and giving
me the cold shoulder. Which I didn’t quite understand why. The last time I checked we were ok, but
now I wasn’t so sure. Something was up, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it

I decided to let it go for now, and maybe speak to him about whatever was bothering him tonight.

I watched a movie, then Olwetho came and we watched another one together.

By the time we were finished it was already 6pm and Siya was still locked up in his office

Deep down I was starting to get annoyed with him, but I decided to let it go, since I was trying to "grow
up" as Siya puts it.

I took Olwetho to his room to take a bath because he looked like he was about to fall asleep, then we
came down to have dinner.

I found Siya and Jessica seated at the table. Jessica was sitting in my seat, next to Siya.

I greeted them and expected her to move, but she didn't and Siya didn't say anything. So I decided to
rather sit down and keep my mouth shut.

I dished up for myself and Olwetho, because Siya and Jessica had already started eating.

Olwetho had finished eating, while I played around with my food

Siya was so busy talking to Jessica, I don't think he even noticed that there were other people at the
table.

I was about to get up and go put Olwetho to bed, when Hlokes and Boni walked in looking all lovely
doves.

Them: hey guys

Me: Hi

I stood up and gave Hlokes a hug

Him: you good

Me: yah

Him: you must be glad to have Ghost back

I just nodded and smiled. Boni dished up for her and Hlokes. Then sat down next to me. She leaned a bit

Her: you ok

Me: yah, I'm good

Her: you sure

Me: yes

Her: so are you coming out with us tonight

Me; out?

Her: Hlokes said we were going out. I assumed you and Siya were coming

Me: I wasn’t aware of any plans for tonight. I was actually hoping to spend time with Siya. We haven’t
really spoken since he got back

Her: maybe he’s just trying to readjust to being home

Me; maybe

Her; you sue you’re ok

Me; I’m fine. You should enjoy having your man back and stop worrying about me.

I stood up and went to tuck Olwetho in, then went to take a shower.

I wanted to put on the lingerie on that I picked out last night.

I stepped out the shower, and moisturizer every inch of my body, then put on my lingerie and a gown
over it

I sat in our room waiting and waiting but there was no Siya.
I went upstairs to go look for him but the place looked deserted. There were only a few guards around,
but the rest of the team was out.

I went back to my room feeling defeated. I changed out the lingerie and put on my PJ's and tried getting
some sleep. But for the life of me, sleep wouldn't come. I was now at a point of absolute rage. Siya had
gotten back this morning after being away for 2 weeks, and he decided to go out clubbing, and didn’t
even have the decency to discuss it with me.

I don't think I had ever felt so unvalued like I did at this moment. It felt like somehow I was losing Siya.
His coldness towards me kind of scared me a bit. I just didn't understand what was going on, because
Siya seemed ok, with his team, but when it comes to me, not so much.

I tried not to jump to conclusions but it felt like Siya didn't love me anymore. I quickly erased that
thought from my mind.

I knew for a fact that Siya loved me. but for some reason my gut was telling me something wasn’t right

I tried so hard to fall asleep but sleep truly wasn't on my side. It just refused to cooperate

Siya arrived while I was watching some tv. When I looked at the time it was already 2am

For someone who supposedly went clubbing, he didn’t even smell like alcohol. Instead he looked as
sober as a judge

He didn't say anything. He just went to shower then got into bed as though everything was ok.

Me: Siya,

Him: mhmm

Me: can we talk

Him: can it wait till tomorrow?

Me: not really

Him: Rifiloe, please. I'm exhausted. Jet lag is killing Me

Me; but that didn't stop you from going out

Him; so I have to report to you now

Me; I didn't say that. I was saying

Him: (sigh) Rifiloe, can we just go to sleep

Me; why are you doing this

Him: doing what

ME: are you serious vele

I got out of bed and went to his side of the bed, because he just wouldn't face me
Me: Siya, you need to tell me what the hell is going on. My mind is running wild with me

Him; I have no idea what you’re talking about

Me; don’t undermine my intelligence. I’m not fucking stupid.

Him; Rifiloe. Please

Me; Siya I swear to God if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on I’m going to fucking go insane

Him; There’s nothing going on. It’s all in your mind. Can we just go to sleep? Please

I looked at Siya and he couldn’t even look me in the eyes

Me; Siya, im going to ask you one last time. What is going on?

Him; and for the last time. Nothing.

I got back into bed, with tears in my eyes. For the first ever Siya, slept on his side of the bed and didn’t
cuddle me. I know he was next to me, but our bed felt as cold as ever. I went from being angry to just
plain old sad. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I know Siya is hiding something from me, I just hoped
whatever it was wouldn’t tear us apart more than we already seem to be.

86

I woke up the following morning and Siya wasn’t in bed. I made the bed and opened the windows, then
went to have bath.

Christmas and my birthday were a few days away and I still hadn’t gotten a gift for Siya. I wanted to go
to the mall but dreaded speaking to Siya about it, because i know he would probrably say no

I got out the bath and got dressed. I wasn’t really in the mood to get all dressed up, so I just stuck to my
jean dungaree, with a white top underneath and my white all stars.

When I got upstairs everyone was still having breakfast. Jessica was sitting next to Siya again, and they
were all chatting like everything was hunky dory
I decided to rather skip breakfast and go pack my bags. I needed to maybe go home and just give Siya
space.

This was supposed to be our first Christmas together, but the way I see it, its going to be with him and
his team. So I would rather spend Christmas with my aunt, and go visit my mother and fathers graves.

Maybe by the time I came back Siya would be out of his mood, and ready to discuss things.

I packed the few things I would need over the festive season, and decided to call my aunt

Her; Fifi

Me; Rakgadi

Her; Rifiloe. What’s wrong? You sound down

Me; im coming home.

Her; what happened

Me; ill speak to you when I get there

Her; come home nana. Ill be waiting for you

Me; thank you Rakgadi.

Her; bye bye

Me; bye.

I put the phone down and went to Siya’s office to fetch my laptop. I wanted to book a flight, instead of
using the Jet

When I got to the office, I found Siya there working with Jess.

Me; Morning

Him; Morning,
Jessica, just looked at me and smiled, but didn’t greet me back. Its funny how I felt like I was intruding in
my own house.

Me; I came to fetch my laptop. I think Nails had it last

Siya opened his draw and gave me the laptop. I noticed when he gave me my laptop that he had put his
ring back on.

I walked out and went to check on Olwetho. I found him in the kitchen with Mam Martha.

I gave him a kiss, then went back to my room to book my flight. I booked a connecting flight from Cuba
to the US, then to SA. all I needed now was my passport

I looked everywhere for my passport, but couldn’t find it. Then I remembered that it was in the safe. I
just knew that this was going to be a fight.

I went back to the office, and went straight to the safe. I could feel Siya’s eyes piercing my back, but I
didn’t really care anymore.

I wasn’t mad at him, but at the same time, I dint want to feel like I was a thorn in his back.

I took my passport and my house keys for my house. Just in case I needed them, then locked the safe
again

When I turned around, Siya was standing behind me. I seriously got a fright, because I didn’t hear him
standing up.

Him; where are you going

I looked at him, and saw something in his eyes that I had never seen before. He wasn’t angry, but
instead looked a bit panicked.
He looked at Jessica

Him; Jess. I need a moment

Her; Siya I'm in the middle of something

Him; don’t make me repeat myself

They both stared at each other, as if they were having an unspoken conversation. Then Jess stood up
and went to the second office

Him; I asked you a question

Me; I’m going home for a few weeks.

Him; home where? This is your home

Me; QwaQwa

Him; and you didn’t think you needed to discuss this with me first

Me; Siya, I was just trying to give you some space. I’ll be back in the New Year

Him; Rifiloe. You’re not going anywhere

I took a deep breath in and out. And counted to 10 in my head. I didn’t want to fight with him. I really
didn’t but I felt like my anger was going to take over

Me; baby. I can see that something is bothering you. Now I know you don’t want to tell me what it is,
and I’m trying to understand that. I really am, but I won’t be made to feel like I don’t exist. Its not how
you and I operate.

Him; so instead you are running away

Me; Siya. I’m not leaving for good. I just need to breathe a bit. Is that such a bad thing

Him; you’re not going anywhere

Me; Si

I dint get to finish my sentence, because Jessica walked in

Her; Siya. The lieutenant is on the line for you

At that moment again, I prayed he would just tell her that he would phone back. But instead he walked
to the second office and closed the door behind him.

I let out a sigh because, I really wasn’t looking to fight. I went back to my room and bumped in to Hlokes

Him; hey stranger

Me; Hi you

Him; you good?

Me; I’m good thanks. And you

Him; I’m fine

Me; where’s Boni ?

Him; she’s in our room.

Me; I’m sure she’s glad your back

Him; I hope so

Me; I should get going

Him; where are you off to

Me; Home

Him; as in qwaqwa

Me; yes. Just for the festive season. Ill be back in Jan

Him; does Ghost know

Me; I just told him

Him; is everything ok?

Me; everything’s fine. Go enjoy the time you have with Boni. I’ll see you guys when I get back.

I put on my most convincing smile, and gave him a hug.

Him; travel safe

Me; thanks H

I walked back to my room and took my bag, and was about to walk out as Siya walked in.

He looked at my bag and shook his head.

Him; Rifiloe, why don’t you listen mara ye

Me; Siya. I’m your wife, not your child. I thought about what you said. But I DECIDED I still wanted to go
back home

Siya walked towards me and took my hand out my hand and placed it in the closet

Him; you can’t leave. We’re hosting a Christmas party to celebrate the success of the mission. The
lieutenant and some of the ministers are attending. I need you here

Bathong. This man is honesty the worst communicator in the world. Here he was planning a party at
“our’’ supposed home and he tells me the day before.

Now I was pissed off. Siya was seriously getting on my last nerve.

Me; Siya you are seriously annoying the shit out of me. What have I done to you, for you to treat me like
this?

Him; I’m not doing this

Me; so instead you’re walking away

Him; I just need you to listen to me

Me; Siya. You can’t put me in a box and expect me to act however you want me to act. I’m not one of
those woman who just listens to whatever her husband says. I have feelings Siya. Feelings you don’t
seem to care about lately. So because I care about MY feelings I decided I needed to go home, and now
you tell me I can’t do that, because of some stupid party. What happened to you discussing things with
me? To you being honest with me.

Him; (sigh) baby. I’m sorry. I really am

Me; what are you talking about

Him; I didn’t mean for it to happen. I swear

Me; what did you do

Siya. Looked at me and had tears in his eyes

Me; Siya you’re scaring me

Him; promise me you won’t leave. Please Rifiloe. I can’t lose you. Not because of this. I just can’t

I walked closer to him and put my arms around him

Me; Siya I’m your wife. I love you regardless of how annoying you can be. Just tell me what’s going on

Him; I slept with Jessica

I removed my hands away from Siya’s waist, and took a step back.

There was no way Siya did this. He wouldn’t betray me like this. Never. He knows what I went through
with Hlokes leaving me for another woman. He wouldn’t make me go through this again.

87

Siya and I have both been through a lot in the short space of time that we’ve been together. And
through it all I always. Always had faith that we would maybe somehow find our way back to each other.
And by the mercy of God we always did.

Despite it all I forgave. I loved. I cried but never had I stopped loving him. Not even when he laid a hand
on me. Never.

I looked at him and didn’t know what to say. All I could picture was him touching her. Kissing her and
making love to her like he did with me.
My chest started tightening. My hands started shacking. Siya stepped closer, but I took a step back. I
didn’t want him touching me.

Him; Rifiloe. Im so Sorry. It isn’t what you think. I didn’t have a choice.

Me; stop talking

Him; baby plea

Me; Siya just shut the fuck up. Okay. Just shut up

Siya kept quiet and looked at me. I had so many questions but none of them came out.

Me; I need you to tell me everything

Him; Rifiloe. I

Me; I don’t want to hear how sorry you are. Or how much of a mistake it was. I want you to tell me the
truth nothing else

Him; Rifiloe. Some things I can’t say, this

Me; I don’t care about how flipping confidential it is. Siya I am your wife. You just told me that you
slept with Jessica and you expect me to be okay with that

Siya was about to respond, but then someone knocked on the door. Siya didn’t dare move. He kept his
eyes fixed on mine.

I just knew it was Jessica

I walked towards the door and opened the door. Jessica was standing there with a smile on her face.

I swear it took everything in me not to smack the shit out of her

Her; I need to speak to Siya

I didn’t say anything. I just slammed the door in her face. Then locked it
Him; Rifiloe. It might be important

Me; more important than us?

Him; (sigh) Rifiloe, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really didn’t. It all just happened.

Me; I’m waiting for an explanation

Him; Rifiloe. Baby. Please. I can’t

Me; Then you and I have nothing more to say to each other.

I went to the closet to get my already packed bag and tried walking out, but he held onto my hand. I
could see nothing in his eyes but fear. I saw a tear escape, and he wiped it away with his other hand

Me; Let go

Him; Rifiloe. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t leave

Me; let go Siya

Him; I’ll tell you everything

Me; I’m listening

Him; please can we sit

Me; I’m fine where I am

Him; Rifiloe, please

I pulled my hand out of his and went to sit on the bed. Siya sat next to me

Him; the night of the mission, I met with the guy I had been trying to get to for my entire career. I
introduced Jess as my girlfriend, because there was no other way to explain her presence.

He asked us to meet at a strip club. Which I agreed to. I initially thought we would just meet at the club
and get straight to business. But instead he asked that we discuss business at his house.

Me; so?

Him; I wasn’t aware of the prostitution ring he ran.

Me; and then?

Him; He insisted I “test drive’’ one of the girls. It was just his way of making sure I was legit.

Me; and then

Him; baby please

Me; Siya

Him; I ended up having a 3 sum with that girl and Jessica

I swear I could literally feel my heart breaking into pieces. I closed my eyes and tried to control the
tears.

Him; Rifiloe. I swear I used protection. I only actually penetrated the other girl and not Jessica. I just
kissed her. That was all. I swear on my life

I couldn’t talk. I know I wanted to know the truth. But right now the truth was just too much to bear.
Why would Siya betray me like this? Why couldn’t he just have said no? I would rather have had him
lying in a coffin as the faithful man I fell in love with, than to have him standing here looking like Judas

Him; say something

Me; you said you slept with Jess, and now you’re saying you didn’t penetrate her. Which one is it?

Him; Rifiloe

Me; SIYA

Him; when we came home from the club, after the mission was complete. We had a couple of drinks
and one thing led to another.

When Siya told me he slept with Jessica willingly. Was honestly the last straw. I might’ve been able to
forgive him for what happened on the mission with time. But what he did with Jessica had nothing to do
with his mission. He did that willingly, and there was no way I was going to forgive him for it, and to
make matters worse, he was parading her here. In our home

Him; Rifiloe. I regret it so badly. I don’t know what I was thinking

Me; *****silence****

Him; baby, I swear. It won’t happen again. I just need you to forgive me. Please

Me;****** silence*****

Him; Rifiloe please say something. Please

Me; what is it about her

Him; Rif

Me; no Siya. I want to know what it is that she has, that would make you want to hurt me so badly.

Him; (silence)

Me; Tell me Siya. Tell me what it is that she has. That made you destroy everything we had.

Him; Rifiloe. I wasn’t like that. I was drunk. We were talking about the mission, it just felt easy to talk to
her because she was in the same industry. I’m sorry

Me; you’re not Siya. You’re not sorry. YOU DID THIS. No one held a gun to your head. You willingly slept
with her

Him; baby please. I’m begging you. I’ll do anything.

Me; there’s no need. You broke us. No amount of begging or pleading will change that. (Sniff) you’ve
broken us Siya. There’s nothing left to repair. NOTHING

Him; Rifiloe. Please baby I’m sorry. It didn’t mean anything. It was me being a fool. Please. I’ll do
anything. You name it I’ll do it. Rifiloe I can’t lose you... Not again. Please

Him; Rifi

Me; Siya. I need you to understand that this is it. You and I are over. We’re done (sniff) there’s nothing
you can do about it

Him; Rifiloe. I won’t let you do this. We can make this work. We need to make it work

Me; Siya. go be with Jessica. She understands you doesn’t she?

She gets how this while OPS thing works. Me on the other hand I wanted Siya and not Ghost. But you
weren’t willing to give all of that up. Because you wanted to have your cake and eat it. And me being the
biggest idiot on the planet gave up everything. My entire life. I left it behind for you and now here I am
with nothing but a broken heart.

Him; I’m sorry

I took a breath, and looked at my watch. I still had time to make it to the airport and get out of here.

I wiped my tears and got up. I never thought in a million years, that I would be leaving Cuba in tears
because of Siya...

I went to the closet and took my bag. Siya stood up

Him; Rifiloe. You can’t be serious

Me; move Siya

Him; I won’t. God dammit I refuse. You’re not leaving me

I tried moving to the left, but Siya blocked my way

Him; baby please. Tell me what I can do

Me; Siya move

Him; never

Me; you can’t keep me here against my will

Him; Rifiloe we both know I can

Me; so you’re threatening me?

Him; no. Of course not

Me; Then move

Siya didn’t move. He just stood there staring at me with tears in his eyes.

Me; move

Him; you’re not going anywhere

The look in Siya’s eyes gave me chills down my spine. I thought leaving would be easy, but Siya standing
in front of me made me kind of scared me.

88

I stood in front of Siya with such anger. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just let me be.

Me; Siya move

Him; No
Me; please

Him; I’m not losing you over this. It was stupid. It didn’t mean anything

Me; but you still did it Siya. You slept with her. You had your hands on her body. You shared yourself
with her. What part of that don’t you understand?

Him; baby

Me; we’re done here. Now move

Him; I’m not letting you go

This going back and forth was driving me insane. All I want is to go to my home and breathe

Someone knocked on the door. Siya turned around and went to open it

Hlokes; ahhm Sorry to disturb

Siya; what’s up

Hlokes; what do you mean what’s up dude. We have officials arriving in in a couple of hours, and you
haven’t confirmed the security details.

Siya; I need you to handle it

Hlokes; Ghost

Siya; get out

Hlokes; mxm

Hlokes left and Siya stood facing me again

Him; baby I need you. Please

Me; Yho. Siya you are draining me. I really don’t want to fight with you. I’m going to miss my flight. Just
move

Him; I’ve already asked Nails to cancel it.

Me; (sigh) Siya

Him; Rifiloe. All I ask is that you try. Just try making this work.

Me; There is nothing to make work Siya. Don’t you get that?

Him; Just give me till the end of the week. That’s all I ask. Let me show you how sorry I am
Me; Si

Him; baby please. If you decide you still want out. I’ll let you go

I put my bag down because clearly I want going anywhere. It’s not like I could tackle him. Siya was nearly
twice my size.

I went to the kitchen and got myself a bottle of water. I just needed to get away from Siya. His constant
pleading, and begging was starting to get on my nerves.

He sleeps with that bitch, and expects me just to pretend to be okay with it. I started feeling a bit dizzy
since I hadn’t eaten all day, and it was already after 2pm

I let out a sigh and thought about what was happening. I couldn’t really believe that Siya had done what
he did. Why would he do this to us. Was I such a bad wife, that I led my husband into another woman’s
bed?

As I turned around I saw Jessica standing behind me

Her; Hi

I looked at her and smiled. This bitch was either insane or plane old dumb. Why the hell made her think
she could even talk to me after what she did

Her; I’m guessing by that look in your eyes, you know about Siya and me

Me; have you no shame? Walking around here after what you did

Her; I didn’t do anything. I just made sure you’re man was happy. You should actually be thanking me

Me; (chuckles) you’re right. THANK YOU Jessica. For opening my eyes to who I was married to. And now
since you want him so badly. You can have him

Her; you really are dumber than you pretend to be. I don’t want that low life thing of yours. All I did
was pay a favour to an old friend.

Me; what are you talking about

Her; lets just say that Linda says Hi

I looked at Jessica dumbfounded. Did she really just say what I think she said?
Me; so this was all Linda’s doing

Her; I won’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy it because I honestly did. Now I understand why she can’t let go of
him. He’s really good in bed. Especially when he does that thing with his tongue. It drove me insane

I couldn’t believe the shit that was coming out of this Bitches mouth. She was trying to get to me and
she knew just how to do so.

I honestly have no idea where Boni came out from, but all I saw was Boni jumping Jessica from behind.
I’m not one for violence but in this case I was so pissed off, I was tempted to participate. But
unfortunately for me Hlokes and Siya heard the commotion and came running. Luckily Boni had already
gotten in a few punches.

I giggled a bit but moved to help Hlokes get her off of Jessica. Personally I was 100% sure if Jessica had
seen Boni coming, she would’ve beat her to a pulp. Because of all the training. But because Boni came
from behind. She wasn’t ready.

Hlokes and I managed to pull Boni off of Jessica. While Siya just stood there watching. He didn’t dare
help Jessica.

Jess; you Pshyco bitch. What the fuck is your problem

Boni; you are you condescending whore. What kind of a woman boasts about sleeping with another
woman’s husband?

Hlokes; both of you shut up

Boni; If Rifiloe won’t stand up for herself, I sure as hell will. This whore has gone too far

Me; Boni. Its fine. Just forget about this

Boni; how Rifiloe. This bitch slept with your husband just to break you guys up. You should be beating
the shit out of her

I looked at Boni and actually laughed. Like I literally laughed my head off. This chick was crazy. Who
attacks someone like this from behind, but I could tell that Hlokes was unimpressed. Jessica, on the
other hand had her hand up against the back of her head. I’m guessing Boni must’ve really hit he her
hard.

I looked over at Siya and he looked beyond embarrassed. I wish I could say I was sorry for what Boni
did, but I would be lying. Siya had bought shame to our marriage, and now everyone knew about it. To
make matters worse it was all because of that Linda Bitch. All I needed now was alcohol, and my crazy
house guest

Boni; Hlokes let go of me

Him; go to our room

Me; or better yet, let’s go get drunk

Hlokes shook his head at both of us. I could see he wanted to laugh, but didn’t because of Siya.

He let go of Boni’s hand and we left all 3 of them in the kitchen and went to the bar

Me; you’re crazy you know

Her; I couldn’t just stand there and let her talk to you like that. I guess I’m just ghetto like that

Me; I love you for it

Her; I’d do it any day. But for now. Let’s just drink

Me; hell yah

We sat at the bar drinking siders, and talking. I was so grateful for Boniswa. She just managed to lighten
up my mood like no other.

Her; we should go out tonight

Me; we both know Siya wouldn’t allow it

Her; Rifiloe you really are so cute and innocent. Let me tell you something, and you need to listen to me
carefully

Me; I need another drink first

I took out another Smirnoff storm pine twist from the fridge, and sat down

Her; Siya is the one that messed up not you. Which means he owes you. BIG TIME

Me; but how does one get over that

Her; that’s your departments. You can deal with that in your own time. But for now you have him right
where you want him. He is all putty in your hands. You should take advantage of that while you still can

Me; (sigh) I don’t know Boni

Him; Think about it

Me; I will. But I’m definitely going out

Her; cheers

We sat at the bar drinking. Which wasn’t such a good thing, since I hadn’t eaten anything.

I saw Siya coming up the stairs and I immediately felt heavy

Him; ladies

Boni; Ill go check on Hlokes

Boniswa took her drink and walked down.

Him; we need to talk

Me; not today we don’t

Him; Rifiloe, I’m sorry. I really am

Me; (sigh) sorry isn’t going to change anything.

Him; tell me what I can do to make things right. Just don’t tell me I have to let you go

Me; There’s nothing you can do

Him; Ill leave the task force. Just tell me you’ll stay with me. And Ill leave.

In that moment, I really wanted to believe Siya. He looked so sincere. But I knew that no matter what he
did, I wouldn’t be able to truly ever forgive him. I had fought Linda tooth and nail, because i believed
Siya loved me as much as i loved him. but obviously if he was willing to throw that all away for a night
with Jessica, then i was the idiot if i chose to stay

It just all goes to show that Linda wanted Siya back, and she was willing to do anything to get it. i just
wasnt sure i was willing to fight anymore. I was finally at the stage where i didn't want to fight, because
Siya hadnt fought to keep the vows he made. Instead he had hurt me beyond words, and all I wanted to
do for now was get drunk and just enjoy the Cuban night life.

89
I looked at the man standing in front of me, and couldn’t believe what had become of our marriage.

Despite me loving him, I had now lost all respect for him. How am I expected to just move on as though
nothing has happened?

Siya had laterally ripped out my heart from my chest and now he was telling me to forgive him. Well
that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. I am tired of letting Siya, do as he pleases.

All I care about now is trying to find myself in this sea of unhappiness that he left me in.

Me; before I forget. Boniswa and I are going out tonight. Please make sure the security team is ready by
9pm

Him; Rif

Me; it’s not up for discussion. The days of you dictating where I go are over.

Him; (sigh) Rifiloe, I’m still your husband

Me; not for long

Him; what’s that supposed to mean.

Me; it means you need to get the hell out of my way. And let me be

Him; how long exactly are you planning on doing this to me

Me; not everything is about you Siya. For once, just stop thinking about you and what you want. And
think about what I might be going through.

Him; baby I’m sorry

Me; not as sorry as am

Ever since I had been with Siya, I had never seen him look so lost. The spark in his eye had vanished and
all that was left was a gloomy look

Him; (sigh) I’ll get the security team ready

Me; good… Oh and one more thing. Make sure that bitch is out my house by the time I get back

Him; but Rifiloe, She needs to be here for the Christmas function, how will I explain her absence to the
lieutenant
Me; Siya, if I even smell her scent when I come back. I swear I will embarrass you in front of all your
stupid associates. Don’t try me Siya. Today is not the day.

Him; but baby

Me; are you fucking serious? You expect me to stay here while she’s also here Siya?

Him; baby, it’s just for a few days, after that you’ll never see her again

Me; wow. You really are selfish. How would you feel if I had slept with someone, and I paraded him all
around the house? Siya, you just don’t get what you’ve done do you

Him; baby I do, it’s just

Me; no you don’t. You’re supposed to be my protector. You’re supposed to ensure no harm comes to
me, you made vows Siya. To honour me and yet you’re the first one to put a knife through my heart.
And now you just keep twisting it

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Stop with the Rifiloe bullshit. It’s not going to work. Now leave me alone and make sure that whore
leaves.

I walked out the bar annoyed as hell. I don’t understand how he expects me to be ok with having Jessica
here while I’m here. It just goes to show how selfish he can be.

I went straight to my room. I needed a bit of a breather. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw
someone I didn’t know. My eyes were red from crying, my lips dry from me licking them, so all in all I
looked like a ghost.

I took my handbag and went to Boni’s room, and found her watching movies

Me; I was thinking we should go to the salon. I need to get my nails done, and maybe a new hairstyle

Her; wha do you wanna do with your hair

Me; I haven’t had weave done in ages. Maybe it’s time

Her; let me grab my bag.

Me; I’ll be upstairs. I need to get money from the safe

Her; don’t worry about it. It’s on me.

Me; don’t be silly

Her; Hlokes has just given me some money and I don’t really know what to do with it. What better way
than to get ourselves pampered?

Me; fine. Next time its on me

Her; deal.

Boni took her bag and I went to check on Olwetho. I hadn’t seen him since earlier that day because of all
of the shit that happened.

I found him in his room. He had fallen asleep during his movie. I put a light blanket over him, and
paused his move. Then gave him a kiss on the cheek, then went to Siya’s office.

I needed to speak to nails about driving us to the mall. I found Siya in his office, but Nails was nowhere
to be found

Me; is nails around

Him; He’s taken Jess to airport

Me; I need one of your guys to take me into town. I need to get my hair and nails done

Him; they’re all a bit busy at the moment. Everyone is preparing for tomorrow evening

Me; so can I drive myself

Him; you know that’s not an option

Me; so what do you suggest I do

Him; nothing. You’re beautiful just as you are

Me; if that were true, you wouldn’t have done what you did

Him; that’s not true

Me; doesn’t matter. It’s done. Now can you just make a plan please?

Him; I’ll get Bullet to go with you

Me; we’ll wait for him in the parking

Him; cool

I went downstairs and Boni and I went to the basement parking to wait for Hlokes.

He arrived and took us to the mall.

When we arrived Boni and I went to get our hair done. For some miracle I let the lady convince me to
get a full head instead of clipins.

We did our nails, then left to go home.

When I got home I took a quick shower and went to join everyone else for dinner.

By the time I got there the only seat available was next to Siya. I took a deep breath and sat down.

Siya brushed his hand over my thigh because I was wearing shorts. I immediately froze. I hadn’t
expected him to do that.

He looked at me and I looked away. I looked at everyone at the table and they all seemed oblivious to
what was happening.

Siya leaned in to whisper in my ear

Him; you look beautiful

I looked at him and wanted to say thank you, but instead I just looked away. And dished up for myself.

I made sure I finished my dinner, because I planned on drinking my eyes out tonight

After dinner, Bonie and I went to get ready. I really felt like annoying Siya, so I wore my black leather
shorts with my open toe thig high boots, and a white top.

I put on my makeup and did a quick 360 in the mirror. And I must admit I looked hot.

Siya walked in as I was looking at myself in the mirror

The look on his face told me he was unpleased.

Him; please tell me you plan on changing

Me; not a chance

Him; baby, you can’t possibly expect me to be ok with you going out looking like this

Me; I could care less about what you want.

Him; Rifiloe, come on. Be fair

I just shook my head, and took my hand bag and left him there.

When I got to Boni’s room she was just walking out.

Her; you look hot. I’m sure Siya is going mad

Me; we better get out of here before he tries to keep me here

Her; let’s get out of here

We went to the basement parking, and found nails and some of the other guards already waiting for us

We got in an nails drove us to the club. I let out such a sigh of relief when I realised that Siya hadn’t
done anything to try and ruin my night

When we arrived at the club it was already popping. The Cuban moonlight was out and people were on
the dance floor.

Nails led us to a table at the VIP lounge and we settled in.

Boni immediately ordered cocktails and we started drinking. Which is just what I needed

A couple of cocktails down the line and I started feeling numb, which was the best feeling in the world.
At this point I had forgotten all about Siya and his shit, and I was actually enjoying myself

I noticed one of the guys at a nearby table kept looking my way but I payed no attention to him, because
I knew the guards were watching us like hawks.
The more cocktails we had, the more we danced and the more this cuban hunk kept looking over

Eventually he decided to approach our table. I saw Nails immediately tense.

I gave him a don’t you dare move look, and carried talking to Boni.

When he arrived he greeted us and asked if he could take a seat. I looked over at Boni and she looked
unsure, but I thought what the hell, it’s not like I would sleep with him. So I told him it’s cool.

He sat next to me and introduced himself as Luis. He asked if we minded if his friends came to join us.

I looked over at his table and saw 3 of his friends waving at us. I waved back and told Luis it was fine for
his friends to join us.

Him; so what’s with all the Guards

Me; my husband’s crazy

Him; clearly otherwise why would he let you out his sight looking as beautiful as you do

I just smiled at him, and stood up to greet his friend.

I must say Cuban men are gorgeous. Luis as really light in completion, but also tanned. He had hazel
green eyes, and pink juicy lips.

I looked over and Boni, and she signaled for us to go to the ladies.

We excused ourselves and let them order more drinks.

Boni; Siya is going to kill us

Me; what did we do wrong?

Her; Rifiloe, I know what you’re trying to do, but believe me it’s not going to work. It’s only going to
make things worse.
Me; Right now I don’t really care. Siya can go jump

Her; you don’t mean that

Me; Boni don’t be a party pooper. I need you to be my wing woman and make sure I don’t do anything
to drastic

Her; I smell trouble

Me; I smell a good night

I pulled Boni out the ladies and we walked back to our table. I sat next to Luis and Boni sat next to one
of his friends.

Luis and I chatted for so long it felt like I had known him for decades. He told me about his family and I
told him all about South Africa.

I was surprised at he well he spoke English, but then he explained that he actually lives in Miami, but is
originally from Cuba

Him; so how long have you been married

Me; not even a year

Him; So where your husband

Me; Home

Him; trouble in paradise?

Me; more like shit storm in paradise

Him; want an escape route

Me; (sigh) I might take you up on that offer

Him; take my number

I took out my cell phone, and took down his number, then called it so he could have mine.

Him; would I be overstepping it if I asked you to dance

Me; not at all

I gave Boni my bag and took Luis’s hand. Boni smiled, and just shook her head at me.
My word Cuban men can move. Luis just guided me through the salsa dancing until our feet started to
hurt. Boni on the other hand was playing cards with the guys at the table and by the looks of it she was
winning.

Luis took my hand and we went back to the table and chilled with everyone else.

It felt strange having my hand in another mans but at this point I was way beyond caring. All I felt was
numb, and I was enjoying Luis Company.

After about 3am, Boni and I were ready to leave. Luis and his friends decided to walk us out.

When I got to the car, Luis gave me a hug. It was a bit intense, and gave me little butterflies in my
tummy.

I broke the hug and moved back a bit because Luis was standing really close.

He didn’t say anything, he just stared into my eyes

Him; Let me know if you still need an escape route

Me; (chuckles) I wish it was as easy as that

Him; I can make you forget all about him

Me; It’s tempting, but things are too complicated right now

Him; In that case, I’ll be a gentleman and bid you good night

Me; thank you

Him; but if you need a friend. You’ve got my number

Me; thanks.

He gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked back into the club. I took a deep breath and wondered if I
had made a mistake by basically telling him I wasn’t interested. Maybe he would be the one to bring
some light in this dark boring thing that i call a life. but at the same time i knew that what i feel for Siya
was more than just feelings. he was a part of me, but at the same time he felt like a cancer that was
eating away at my heart.
I opened the car door, and expected to find Boni sitting in the seat next to me, but instead found Siya
sitting there looking like a lion ready pounce.

90

I closed the door and looked over at Siya. I could tell he was boiling, but I didn’t really care.

His eyes were bloodshot red, and I could smell alcohol from his breath.

I put on my seatbelt and took out my phone. I wasn’t planning on talking to him, so I didn’t want to
bother myself with his moods. Instead I was going t rather chat to Boni on whatsaap

Him; so you are just going to sit there and not say anything

I rolled my eyes, and carried on talking to Boni

Him; so now you don’t have anything to say

Me; Siya, I’ve just had a really good night. I’m drunk as hell and my feet are killing me. The last thing I
need is to have you yapping in my ear

Him; Rifiloe, how could you let him hold you like that. ye. You’re my wife Rifiloe. My fucking wife, and
now you’re letting another man touch you like that. What the fuck is wrong with

Me; ****** silence*****

Him; Rifiloe, I’m talking to you

I just ignored Siya and carried on chatting with Boni.

Him; I swear, Ill throw that fucking phone out the window.

I looked at Siya and giggled. He looked so angry but at the same time I could actually care less.

I took gum out of my handbag and started chewing on it in a loud way. I wasn’t going to answer Siya. He
had decided to do what he wanted to do and now I was also doing what I wanted to do.
As I was still chatting to Boni, Luis called. I’ll be honest and say my heart got stuck in my throat.

His timing wasn’t exactly appropriate, but I decided to answer anyway.

Me; Hi

Him; Hi… I’m just calling to make sure you got home ok

Me; I’m not home yet. But I should be there soon

Him; I can’t stop thinking about you

Me; that’s not exactly a good thing

Him; meet me for lunch tomorrow

Me; I’m not sure that’s such a good Idea

I looked over at Siya, and saw sweat was starting to roll down his face.

Him; come on, I’ll show you what CUBA really has to offer

Me; I’ll think about it

Him; well at least it’s not a no

Me; (chuckles) Bye Luis

Him; bye

I didn’t dare look over at Siya, and deep down I was glad I was ruffling up his feathers.

When the car slowed down Siya got out and slammed the door. I took my clutch and stepped out.

I immediately stilled because we weren’t at home. Instead we stood in front of a house I didn’t
recognise.

I didn’t know whether to go inside or wait. So instead I went back to the car. Nails looked at me in his
mirror

Me; please take me home

Him; I’m sorry mam.

Me; then take me back to the club

Him; you know I can’t do that

Me; mxm

I opened the door and went inside. The house wasn’t as grand as HQ but it was a lovely family home. I
just wondered who owned it.

I found Siya sitting in the lounge with a bottle of Hennessy next to him.

Him; sit down

Me; Siya, what are we doing here

Him; sit down

Me; Siya, I’m tired. Can we just go home please?

Him; Rifiloe, are you really trying to piss me off?

Me; Siya, right now all I care about is taking off these damn boots. Whether you’re pissed or not, is not
my concern

Siya took a gulp of the Hennessy. Mxm ,. His stupid scare tactics were annoying me.

I sat down opposite him, and took off my boots.

Him; Rifiloe, Im trying to talk to you

Me; and I’ve told you I’m not interested Siya. What more do you want me to say

Him; Tell me you forgive me

Me; I don’t

Him; So instead you want to go and fuck that Luis boy

Me; that’s not a bad idea. I’m sure he must be very good kisser, judging from his Lips

I have no idea what I was thinking, saying this shit to Siya, since I know what a bad temper he has
Siya stood up and came towards me.

Him; I know what you’re trying to do, and believe me its working. Believe me I get the point Oka. Now
can you stop with this charade of yours? Because I’m about to lose my fucking temper.

Me; you really think I care? Go ahead Siya. throw one of your tantrums. Hopefully it will make you
better, and I’ll be able to get some sleep

Him; Rifiloe, what more do you want from me? I’ve said I’m sorry. What else can I do for you to forgive
me?

Me; you can get your lawyer to get our divorce papers drafted, and then you leave me the hell alone

Him; you don’t mean that

Me; I do. I really do. I want out Siya.

Him; Never

Me; in that case you can sit there and watch me be with other people, because there is nothing you can
do about it. Just as I watched you sit next to that WHORE after you were treating me like shit. Like I
watched you defend her to me after you slept with her. I want you to feel the pain and humiliation you
put me through Siya. Every inch of it.

Him; Rifiloe, I’m sorry

Me; no amount of words will ever be enough. Not now not ever Siya

Him; don’t do this

Me; you did this, and now I’m finishing it off

Him; but you’re my wife

Me’; was I you’re wife when you had you dick in her you asshole? Or when you had your mouth on her?
Was I your wife then? Ye Siya? Where was I when you came because she was riding you? Ye Siya? Were
you think about what this would do to me? What it would do to our marriage. And now here you are
acting all sorry because one guy shows interest in me

Him; Rifiloe, I swear to God, I’ll kill him. He ever lays a hand on you again, I’ll make him fucking disappear

Me; what you need to do is make yourself disappear from my life.

Him; baby, I’m begging you. I’m sorry. Please just tell me you understand

Me; Siya. You’re stating to bore me. I need to get some sleep. Its 5am already. So can we just go home?

Him; so you’re really giving up on us

Me; I never. Not once gave up on us. YOU ripped us apart, and now I’m not willing to fight anymore.
Him; are you sure about this

Me; yes

Him; Fine, but don’t think for a second that I will make this easy

Me; I don’t want your money Siya. You can keep it. I just don’t want to be tied to you anymore. I’m tired
Siya. Tired of fighting Linda. Tired of fighting your mother, and now tired of fighting you.

Him; (sigh) I love you Rifiloe. I really do. So if you truly want a divorce then I’ll give it to you. But all I ask
is that you think about this first. Give me a month, and if I can’t convince you to stay. I’ll let you go

Me; I don’t need convincing. I just need you to take a step back.

Him; okay. If that’s what you want, then fine

Me; Thank you

I stood there in front of the man I thought loved me, and watched him wipe away a tear from my eyes.

Him; Ill show you to your room

Me; my room

Him; You’ve been up all night. You should rest

Me; fine

Siya led me to one of the bedrooms. I walked in and closed the door, then let out a sigh.

I don’t know what I was thinking anymore. I loved Siya but at the same time I wanted to breathe.

Siya was suffocating me, with all his lies, and his job, I just needed time to figure out what I wanted in
my life, because right now I was at a crossroad, and I didn’t know whether to leave or stay.

I loved Siya, but I didn’t know if I could ever truly get over what he did. And now here I was nearly doing
the same thing all because of anger.

Does that make me just as bad as him, or were my actions justified. I may not know the answer, but I do
know that I would never be able to live with myself knowing I jumped from Siya to Luis just out of pain.

91
I woke up the following morning, feeling better than I should. I expected to wake up with a hangover of
a lifetime, but instead I felt like my normal self.

I picked up my phone to check the time, and I noticed a WhatsApp from Luis

*** hope you take me up on that offer for lunch *******

I will make it worth your while

I didn’t know what I was letting myself in with Luis. It felt like I was moving at a speed of a million, and I
was about to crash. All I needed now was to just go home. I need space away from everything, just so I
can breath

I got up and went to the bathroom to freshen up which was a bit difficult, since I didn’t have my
toiletries with me

I went back to the bedroom and put on my shorts from last night and took out gum from my bag.

I was dreading seeing Siya. So much had happened since yesterday when he told me about the whole
Jessica issue. I thought going out would help, but in all truths I still felt angry and so damn confused.

I wanted to forget about this whole thing so badly but my heart just wouldn’t let me.

I went downstairs and found Siya sitting in the same place I left him last night. He didn’t look like he had
gotten any sleep

Me; Morning

Him; Hi

Me; we need to talk

Him; sit

I sat next to him, but then stood up and sat on his lap in squat position. He tensed a bit, but didn’t move
Me; Siya. (sigh) I love you. I really do, but what you did has honestly broken me. I feel so damn lost and
confused. I know you say you’re sorry, but I just don’t know how I can move on from this. Every time, I
close my eyes I see you with her, and I don’t know if that will ever stop.

I had such high hopes for us. I thought you and I would be together forever. I just (sniff) never thought
you would cheat. I thought we were solid, but obviously we weren’t. So now I honestly just need time
away from you, and this whole situation. I need to assess if I really want to make this work, or if I want
out. I need you to try just letting me make this decision on my own. I don’t want you to try and convince
me or interfere.

Him; I really hurt you didn’t I?

Me; (sigh) more than I ever thought possible

Him; what was I thinking Rifiloe? I fought so hard to have you and now I go and ruin it all.

Me; I just wished I understood why Siya. Maybe if I did, then I could look past it. I feel like I pushed you
to her. Maybe if I had been less stubborn you wouldn’t have done it

Him; it wasn’t you Rifiloe. Please don’t ever think it was you. I was an idiot. I let my pride about the
mission get to me. She just knew how to brush my ego, and the next thing I knew, she was next to me. It
was stupid and inconsiderate. If I could turn back time, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Me; (sigh) (sniff)

Him; When do you want to go home

Me; today

Him; please don’t cry baby. Please

Me; I don’t know what to do Siya (sniff) how do I get over this? I want to so bad. I want this lump in my
throat to disappear. I want to see you as the man I first fell in love with

Him; I know I’ve let you down, but I promise you that if you I’ve me another chance, I’ll never hurt you
again. I’ll leave the force. We’ll leave and go back home. Rifiloe, I’ll give you the life you want. I swear it
on my father’s grave

Me; Siya, this force is your life. If you leave for me, you might regret it later. I don’t want you resenting
me. I want you to leave because you want to, not because you feel that you have to because of me.

Siya wanted to say something, but my phone rang, and interrupted him. I looked at the caller ID and
saw it was Luis. I looked over at Siya and instantly felt guilty

Him; I hope you’re not asking me for time away so you can spend your time with that twit

Me; I wouldn’t do that to you

Him; then you need to block the fucker before I get my hands on him

Me; you can’t keep threatening to do things like this Siya. What if I decide I don’t want to be with you
and I want to move on? Are you going to kill every guy I come in contact with?

Him ;( chuckles) I might just have to.

Me; that’s not funny

Him; It’s only a joke. I wouldn’t go that far.

Me; good

Him; but I’m serious Rifiloe. I don’t want you speaking or spending time with that Luis guy. You’re still
my wife.

Me; I’m not making any promises

Him; Is this your way of punishing me

Me; no

Him; feels like it

Me; (sigh) Siya, I’m not going to get involved with anyone while I’m still married to you. I respect myself
too much to do that. I shouldn’t have given Luis my number.

Him; so you’ll block him

Me; no. but I will tell him to take a step back

Him; mhmm

Me; we should go home

Him; Can I ask you to stay for the Christmas party tonight, then you can fly out tomorrow

Me; but tomorrows Christmas

Him; and your birthday

Me; I know

Him; so stay till the 26th, then leave for JHB. I was hoping we could spend your birthday together

Me; I don’t know

Him; please. Olwetho is so excited to have your birthday and Christmas on the same day

Me; don’t use Olwetho to fight our battles

Him; I’m not, it’s the truth

Me; Fine. Just till the 26th. Then I’m going home

Him; thank you

I don’t know what I was thinking staying, but I didn’t want to let Olwetho down. After all he is innocent
in all this.

Him; we should go home. I’ve got a million things that need to be done before tonight

Me; do you need help with any of it

Him; nope, I hired a planner. All I need is you by my side

Me; Siya we are technically separated. You can’t expect me to pretend that things are ok between us

Him; Rifiloe, this is a big night for me. I’d really appreciate it if you were there

Me; but

Him; please

Me; don’t make that face

Him; so you’re coming

Me; you don’t give up do you

Him; not on you I don’t

Me; fine, I’ll be there

Him; Good, because I bought you a cocktail dress

Me; mxm, now you’re starting to annoy me again

Him; what did I do now

Me; Siya, we’re not going to fight again. You know you were wrong. But none the less, I’ll let it slide

Him; Thank God. I was gearing up for round 2

Me; Let’s just get out of here before I slap you

Him; you have to move off my lap first

I tried standing up but he put his hands on my waist and pushed me back down. I looked into his eyes
and saw they were a lot les gloomy. They had a hint of hope in them.

Me; let go

Him; I don’t know if I want to

Me; Siya
Him; Kiss me

I looked at his lips and felt so damn tempted, my heart was racing and my stomach got tied up in knots.
I wanted to kiss him, hell I hadn’t been with him in over a month, my entire body craved him, but at the
same time I couldn’t bring myself to doing anything, because all I could see in my head was a picture of
him and Jess

Me; I’m not ready

Him; I understand

Me; Thank you

Siya let go of my waist, and I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then got up.

Siya got up, and took my hand, as we walked out to go home.

I may not know what the outcome of our marriage was, but I’ll be honest and say it felt good to have
spoken to Siya about how I feel. I’m so tempted to just tell Siya I’ll give him another chance, but I know
I’d be lying to myself, because my heart was honestly still in pieces . Right now what we both needed
was space. Maybe after a couple of weeks, we can come together and discuss a way forward.

92

When Siya and I got home, I went straight to our room to take a bath. I was so hungry, but first I needed
to feel clean.

When I was done, I walked to the room with just a towel wrapped around me. I saw Siya sitting on the
bed with his laptop and a mischievous smile on his face. I just knew he was going to try something, and
unfortunately for me I had to walk past him to get to the closet.

I stood in the door way just looking at him, trying to weigh my options.

Siya looked up at me

Him; and now?

Me; don’t you want to work upstairs

Him; not really. The guys are up there making noise

Me; (clears throat) But I need to get dressed

Him; and?

Me; Siya, you have that stupid grin on your face, which can only mean one thing, and that is trouble

Him; I have no idea what you’re talking about

Me; Siya maan

Him; Wha Rifiloe. Im just sitting here working

Me; wabona he

Him; fine, Ill look away

Me; I’m not falling for that again

Him; haai, Uzoma lapho till Kingdome come ke

I rolled my eyes and slowly walked towards the closet, and as I knew it, Siya pushed his laptop to the
side and pulled me towards him

Me; Siya wabona, I just knew it

Him; you know me to well

Me; Let go

Him; I don’t think I could ever truly let you go

Me; you might need to one of these days

Him; well I still have you for now, and I plan on using that to my advantage

Me; Siya. You know I can’t resist you. It’s a given. But I need you to try and respect my decision.

Him; one condition

Me; What

Him; a kiss

Me; no

Him; come on. I’ve missed you so bad since coming back from Brazil

Me; Siya maan

Him; Rifiloe, Its still me

Me; (sigh) I don’t know about that

Him; let me make it up to you

Me; you can, by letting me be

Him; but baby, why can’t you stay, and have us work on us here

Me; o qadile jwale. We just spoke about this

Him; Ok, I’ll let you go one condition

Me; what

Him; Give me a kiss

Me; not happening

Him; why not

Me; because that would only complicate things even more

Him; how? You’re my wife

Me; Siya

Him; ok, ok, but will I get a goodbye kiss

Me; maybe

Him; But baby, you cant just say maybe

He pulled me closer, and I tried to tighten my towel, because I could feel that it was about to fall off

Me; Siya, my towel is going to fall

Him; let it. I already know what’s underneath it

Me; Siya hle

Him; Baby, I’ve missed you.

Me; Siya, having sex, is not going to change things. It will just make them worse

Him; Rifiloe, I’ve never had sex with you. Not ever. I’ve only ever made love to you. Every single time

Me; but I need time to try get over it

Him; ok

Me; thank you, but now let go

Siya, let go, but it was too late, my towel was already on the floor. I had no choice but to bend down and
pick it up. I was beyond blushing, and Siya all smiles. Mxm

I wrapped my towel around myself again, and looked at this idiot of a husband.

Me; you are annoying as fuck

Him; but you love me anyway

Me; Unfortunately I do

Him; Then there’s hope

Me; can I go get dressed now

Him; with pleasure

I rolled my eyes at him, and went to the closet to get dressed. I put on my jean shorts and a spaghetti
strap top, with my slippers.

I didn’t see the point of getting all dressed up if I wasn’t going anywhere. Plus I would have to get all
dolled up tonight for Siya’s party, and I needed my skin to breath since I slept with make up on

When I was done, I went to the room, and found Siya in the blankets

Me; I thought you had a lot of work to do

Him; I need a nap first. I didn’t really sleep last night

Me; that’s what happens when you stalk someone

Him; I have to take care of my interests

Me; so why didn’t you come into the club

Him; because I knew if I came into that club, I would have killed both of you. Nails fucking locked me in
the car

Me; your threats are boring yaz.

Him; Rifiloe, I’m dead serious. My jealousy is one another level

Me; you need to work on it

Him; as long as you promise not to do what I did

Me; (chuckles) I am not making any promises. SA has tons of eligible bachelors. I might just get tempted
Siya was so damn predictable. His eyes immediately widened, and he clenched his fists. He stood up
and I didn’t move. Our faces were so close, I could basically smell the minty freshness from his mouth
wash

Him; Rifiloe, I swear, Ill fucking go mad. Don’t joke like that

Me; who said I was joking? You think I’m scared of your fists?

I leaned in and put my lips on his. He didn’t move, I knew he was still pissed because of what I said.

I started kissing him slowly and lustfully, he slowly started letting go and kissed me back. I know was
only doing this just to prove my point that I could easily seduce him, but at the same time it felt so good
to be in his arm, and to have his lips on mine. I just wished I could have all of him, but I knew I wouldn’t
be able to truly see things when If I slept with him.

So I pulled back, just as things were heating up. Siya looked at me confused

Him; why did you stop

Me; we both know why

Him; (sigh) you’re killing me with these games of yours. Rifiloe, I get the point. Believe me I do

Me; Lets go have breakfast

Him; we’re in the middle of something

Me; not anymore we’re not.

I turned around and walked to the kitchen, and left Siya standing there with a boner. He was honestly
crazy if he thought that with just a few sweet words, I would just forgive and forget.

Well he had another thing coming. There was no way I was going to let him off the hook that easily.

When I got to the Veranda, I found Boni and Hlokes having breakfast.

I greeted them and sat next to Bonu

Her; thank God. I thought Siya had killed you long ago

Me; friend you have no idea, what I shock I got, when I saw him in that damn car

Her; you are crazy yaz

Me; just giving him a taste of his own medicine

Hlokes laughed

Him; you are honestly going to give the man a heart attack. You should’ve seen his face when he saw
the footage

Mel footage

Him; oh, I’m guessing you don’t know

me; Know what

Him; that’s one of Siya’s clubs.

Me; ye. So vela vela he sent me there so he could spy on me

Him; yep, and you did a great job of making him mad. He basically tore the office in half

Me; no

Him; serious. He smashed the entire office. It’s a total mess in there

Me; no wonder he’s sleeping in the bedroom

As I was busy dishing up, Siya walked in and sat next to me. I could tell he had just had a shower. He
looked so good in just Jeans and a T-shirt, and sneakers, and smelled like a million bucks.

Him; Please dish up for me.

Siya was so dam lazy at time. Like seriously, all he had to do was hold a plate and put food in it.

I dished up for him, and then sat down and had my breakfast.

Siya’s phone rang, just as we were having breakfast. He looked at the Caller ID and then looked at me.
He didn’t answer the call. Instead he just took the phone and put it on the table.

I looked at him suspiciously. Something told me it was this Jessica chick.

Boni nudged Hlokes, and they both stood up to leave.

I picked up Siya’s phone, and checked the caller ID, and as fate would have it, it was Jessica.

Him; Rifiloe

Me; fuck you

Him; (sigh) baby, its just business. I swear

Me; whatever.

My appetite immediately vanished. Here Siya was telling me how much he wants shit to work out, and
how I need to block Luis, but on the other hand he was still in contact with Jessica.

I stood up and went to see Olwetho. The last thing I wanted was to fight with Siya because of this chick.
Just when I thought we took a step forward. He had a way of taking us back to square one.

How do I stay in such a relationship? How do I begin building the trust between us when I can’t trust him
to keep to his word?

I had started thinking there was hope for us, but now I wasn’t so sure

93

I went straight to ‘’our’’ room with Siya coming after me. I know I might be overreacting, but the
thought that Siya would still have contact with Jessica, after everything drives me crazy.

I expected him not to speak with her again, but instead she was still calling him on his personal phone,
and again, I’m expected to be okay with it, just because he says its business?

I got to the room and tried closing the door, but Siya was already at the door.

Him; can you just listen

Me; no Siya. I’m tired of listening to your lies

Him; Rifiloe I’m not lying

Me; Siya, just drop it ok

Him; No. You can’t keep playing these games. I get I hurt you. But I wouldn’t do it again. I need you to
believe me

Me; Believe you? I trusted you when you swore nothing would happen between you and Jessica. And
yet here I am a few weeks later with my world falling apart, all because you didn’t keep your promise

Him; Rifiloe. FOR GODS SAKE I SAID IM SORRY. What else do you want me to do?

Me; nothing. I don’t expect or want anything from your lying ass
Him; I’ve apologised, and now I’m done apologising. If you want to go then go. Fuck sakes I can’t take
this shit anymore

Me; it’s about damn time

Siya turned around and left me standing there. I don’t understand how he thinks its ok for him to speak
to Jessica, but tells me to block Luis. Siya can’t expect things to apply to me, but when he needs to apply
them there are exceptions to the rule.

I took a deep breath, and changed into my running gear. I hadn’t worked out properly since the
shooting, and I think it was time I got back into the gym.

I went downstairs, and found some of the guards in the gym. They all cleared the room when they saw
me.

I didn’t bother saying anything. I just put on my head phones and started working out.

I ran on the treadmill, then did some cycling. By the time I was done with weights, I was sweating like
crazy. I didn’t realize how unfit I had become. I gulped down a bottle of water.

When I got back to our room, Siya was working off his laptop in our room.

I took my headphones off, and plugged the iPod in the speakers, and went with it to the bathroom.

I felt like listening to old school RNB and I didn’t want to be disturbed. I changed out of my clothes, and
pressed play. The first song that blasted through the speakers was Tyrese- how you gonna act like that. I
smiled a bit because of how relevant it was to our situation.

I got into the shower, and let the hot water soothe my aching muscles.

I didn’t hear Siya coming in because the music was so loud. All I felt were his arms around me.
I know I was mad at him, but being the shower with him reminded me of the first time we made love in
CT. I wanted so bad to tell him to get out but at the same time I craved the intimacy we once had.

He kissed my neck and I felt shivers running all the way down my back.

I turned around looked at my “crazy stupid husband’’

Him; I’m sorry

Me; I know you are

Him; so you’re willing to forgive

Me; with time maybe. But for now I just need to try wrapping my head around it

Him; you know I love you right

Me; I love you too

Him; so kiss me

He leaned in and put his lips on mine. I didn’t move for a moment, because of all the thoughts going
through my head. I wanted to forgive and forget so bad, but something was keeping me from doing so. I
ended up giving in though because I craved him as much as he craved me.

I started kissing him back, with as much intensity as he was kissing me. I stood on my tippy toes, and
put my arms around his neck and just enjoyed the moment

For the first time since he got back there were no games, revenge tactics, secrets or guilt. It was just our
two lost souls try to find their way back to each other.

We kissed for so long, I think we both forgot we were in the shower, neither of us wanted to pull back,
but we had to breathe.

I pulled back fist because my toes were getting sore.

Him; I’ve missed you

Me; I’ve missed you too

Him; no more fighting

Me; I don’t know if I can promise that

Him; (chuckles) you are a fire cracker at times

Me; but you married me anyway

Him; I married you because I love everything about you.. even though you drive me crazy

Me; we should get out of here. I’m sure Olwetho is wondering where we are

Him; he’s gone shopping with nails. then he's going to spend the night at the house we stayed in

Me; who owns that house by the way?

Him;Hlokes bought it for Boni

Me; so why did we stay the night there

Him; can we not talk about last night please

Me; why

Him; because I'm not very proud of the thoughts i had

Me; what thoughts

Him; babe. Please

me; fine. But I miss Olwetho

Him; gives us more time to make up

Me; make up?

Him; haw baby, please don’t tell me you’re still planning on going to QwaQwa

Me; I sure as hell am

Him; but

Me; but nothing. I may be calmer, but I still need to process things

Him; do I have a say in the matter

Me; no

Him; so how long are you planning on being away

Me; as long as I need

Him; can I come with

Me; no
Him; but Rifiloe, why do I feel like you’re not planning on coming back

Me; Siya can we just enjoy the few days we have left together. I don’t know what the future holds. I’m
not going to make empty promises. Just let me get my shit together in my head

Him; If that’s what you really want, Then ok

Me; Thank you. Now let’s get out of here. I need to dry my hair

Siya got out first, then I followed. I took a towel and wrapped it around me and he did the same.

By this time Norah Jones "don’t know why" was playing.

Him; dance with me

Me; in towels

Him; yes

Me; why not

He held out his hand and pulled me closer. We slow danced on the bathroom floor as if we had no
worries at all. I loved this man so much and couldn’t really imagine my world without him, but at the
same time he had broken my heart so bad. I could see he was trying to build us up again, but I still had
so many concerns.

After our dance, he looked at me and just smiled.

Me; what

Him; you

Me; what did I do

Him; You give me hope

Me; don’t start with that

Him; ok, come, let’s go get dressed. You need to dry your hair

Me; that’s going to take me forever by the way

Him; want some help

Me; what do you know about drying weave

Him; you’d be surprised.

I sat on the dressing table and let him dry my hair. I must say Siya had no idea what he was doing, but I
didn’t want to say anything.

When he finally said he was done, most of my scalp was still wet

Him; all done

Me; thank you

Him; I suck at this don’t I

Me; (chuckels) yaah, you should stick to your day job

Him; I plan on it

Siya went to get dressed, while I finished drying my hair.

By the time I had finished with my hair and getting dressed, Siya was back on the bed working

Me; I’m going to make a smoothie. Do you want one?

Him; smoothie? Haai. No thank you

Me; what’s wrong with a smoothie

Him; I need food, not smoothies. I didn’t really get to finish my breakfast

Me; so you want me to make you brunch?

Him; no, I want you to sit here with me while, I ask Mam Martha to make us brunch

Me; shouldn’t you be working

Him; yes, but the house is a mess. The party planner and her people are getting everything ready for
tonight

Me; in that case, Bed it is

I went and lay next to him.

Me; if I’m going to stay in here with you then I need you to cuddle me

Him; only if we can finish what we started in the shower

Me; what exactly do you mean by “finish off’’

Him; you know mos

Me; sorry buddy, but that shit aint happening

Him; and why not

Me; because we are abstaining

Him; isn’t it a sin to deprive your husband

Me; no, but it’s a sin for your husband to sleep with someone other than their wife

Him; so how long are we supposed to be abstaining for

Me; 40 days and 40 nights

Siya’s mouth literally dropped open

Him; but Rifiloe, Love that’s just torturous

Me; you deserve it

Him; (sigh) yaah ne

Me; please stop sulking and call mam Martha. I’m hungry

He picked up his phone and called mam Martha.

We had brunch and lunch in bed. I was surprised that no one disturbed us. I was so used to him being
forever busy, I had totally forgotten how it felt to just chill with him and truly enjoy his company.

We spent the whole day together. We just kept stuffing our faces with food and watching movies.

Siya nearly fell asleep through most of the movies, but each time I would wake him up.
When we looked at the time it was already 6pm.

Me; shouldn’t we be getting ready

Him; (sigh) we should, but to be honest, I don’t really feel like doing this tonight

Me; Siya get up, Lets go get dressed

Him; I prefer to get undressed

I hit him playfully on the chest

Me; get your head out the gutter

Him; fine. Come, I’ll show you you’re dress

I walked with Siya to his side of the closet. He pulled out a suit cover and gave it to me.

I unzipped it, and out came one of the most exquisite dresses that I had ever seen

It was a silver A-line round neck bow-knot, over the knee lace flare kind of dress.

I looked at it in awe.

Me; it’s beautiful

Him; I’m glad you like it.

Me; I love it

He gave me matching silver open toe sandals

Him; one more thing missing

Me; what

Him; jewelry
He went opened a box in his hand that had a beautiful infinity diamond bracelet

Me; Siya this is too much

Him; Rifiloe, You’re my wife. It’s my duty to spoil you

Me; thank you

Him; don’t.

Me; infinity huh

Him; yes. Forever

Me; I love it

Him; turn it around.

I turned the bracelet around and saw that he had engraved our “wedding date’’ on the back

Me; love it even more

Him; I’m glad.

Me; (sigh)

Him; what

Me; I just don’t know if I can accept this

Him; Rifiloe, I bought that for you before I left for Brazil. I just didn’t have time to give it to you.

Me; thank you

Him; stop thanking me and get dressed

Me; I need to my makeup and then my hair, then only will I get dressed

Him; ha a Rifiloe, people will start arriving any minute now

Me; Siya, in case you forgot you are the one who made us late

Him; I’m going up stairs to make sure Bullet has everything under control. Please be done by the time I
get back

Me; I’ll try

Him; I love you ne

Me; love you too

Siya left and I started getting ready. I started with my hair, then moved on to my makeup.

I stuck to being as natural as possible when coming to make up. I didn’t want to overdo it.

When I was done, I took my phone and sent Siya a message asking him to come help me zip up my
dress.

It took him exactly 60 seconds to come. I laughed

Him; you called, so I came running

Me; Zip me up please

Him; on one condition

Me; what now

Him; I get to unzip it tonight

Me; Siya, you need to give up on that. It’s not going to happen

Him; it was worth a try

Me; now shush and zip me up

Siya smiled, and zipped me up. As expected the dress fitted like a glove.

Him; you look beautiful

Me; thank you

Him; I don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands to myself

Me; Siya, just go get dressed

He pulled out his black suit, and got dressed, while I put on my shoes.
When we were both done we looked like a couple out of a magazine. Siya looked like my very own
James Bond

Me; stand still, I want to take a selfie

Him; since when do you take selfies

Me; since you looking hot as hell

Him; in that case selfie away

We took a few selfies together. Some were serious, while others were just of us goofing around.

My favorite one was with him kissing my cheek. Its funny how when you look at us all you’ll see is a
couple in love. You don’t really see the emotional scars, or the shattered hearts.

I updated my WhatsApp pic with the pic of us kissing

Him; you ready?

Me; yep

Him; lets get this party started

Siya took my hand and we walked upstairs together.

I know most of me still wanted to bury him alive, but the other part was glad that for once we were
presenting a united front. Maybe after all there was hope for us

94

When Siya and I walked downstairs, I couldn’t believe at how much our house had changed.

His party planner had literally transformed most of the downstairs area. The lounge and the dining
room looked so much bigger. They even had a small orchestra. I hadn’t really expected anything this
grand. It’s a good thing Siya bought me a dress.
Me; wow

Him; You like?

Me; its breath-taking

Him; Our guest have started arriving, let’s get something to drink, so I can introduce you

We went to the mobile bar, and both had a glass of bubbly.

Siya introduced me to so many people, some were Cuban, some South African.

I met ministers, musicians, CEO’s, and some people in his industry. I wish I could say I remembered their
names, but I’d be lying. There were over 100 people here. There was no way I would be able to
remember all of them.

The only person I was really interested in meeting was his Lieutenant. He seemed like the one who was
in charged, and I was just interested to see what kind of person he was.

My hand stayed in Siya’s for most of the night. I tried letting go, but he would just hold on tighter. I
knew it was because he was as bored as I was.

Some of the people here were a bit annoying. Like for example, the prime minister kept talking about
money, while the CEO’s spoke about the Rand falling.

I just kept smiling as though I had no idea what they were talking about.

I tapped Siya on the shoulder, and whispered in his ear

Me; I need the ladies

Him; ok. Promise you’ll come rescue me

Me; promise
He smiled, and let go of my hand. I walked over to Hlokes and Boni.

Me; sorry to interrupt. Hlokes can I steal Boni from you

Him; promise you’ll bring her back

Me; yes

Him; ok

Boni stood up, and we walked to the ladies

Her; oh thank God. I was beginning to fall asleep

Me; Gosh, these guys are so damn boring

Her; tell me about it

Her; How much longer will we have to endure

Me; its only 8pm. We’ll probably have to be here till much much later

Her; if we’re going to do this then we need liquor courage, and I’m not talking champagne

Me; tell me about it

Her; lets powder our noses, then go get some wine

Once we were done in the ladies, we went to the mobile bar and got a glass of wine.

Her; fucking bitch

Me; what

Her; don’t look now, but you won’t believe who just walked in

Me; tell me

Her; its Jessica

Me; tell me your joking

Her; I wish

I took a deep breath in and out

Her; don’t let her ruin your night

Me; I can’t fucking stand her

Her; Rifiloe, listen to me. She is not a factor in your life. Don’t give her the satisfaction of her seeing you
unhappy

I looked at Boni, and realised she had a point. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself in front of Siya’s
associates. Instead I was going to play the adoring wife, and try not to poison her.

I took my glass, and walked Boni back to her table, then went to Siya.

Siya looked at me and had a worried look on his face. I just smiled at him and pretended everything was
ok, despite me boiling on the inside. I put my hand in Siya’s and he squeezed it.

I could see in the corner of my eye that Jessica was walking towards us. I squeezed his hand and he
winched a bit but didn’t shift. Instead we concentrated on the conversation at hand.

Jessica arrived where we were standing, and tapped Siya on the shoulder.

She greeted everyone, then looked at Siya and gave him a hug. I took a deep breath, and pretended not
to notice.

Siya hugged her back awkwardly but didn’t let go of my hand.

I didn’t see Hlokes standing beside her.

Him; The lieutenant has arrived

Siya; thanks.

Hlokes walked away, and Siya excused us from his associates.

We walked towards the main entrance of the house, with 2 of the bod guards.
Him; I’m sorry she’s here. I have no idea why she came back

Me; can we not talk about her right now?

Him; ok.

We stood at the entrance, and saw one of Siya’s car’s approaching. It stooped right in front of us.

Skull, opened the door, and out came the lieutenant. I must be honest and say, I expected him to be a
scary looking gangster kind of guy. But instead he was a short white male, with grey hair.

He immediately smiled when he saw Siya.

Siya stepped forward and shook his head.

Him; Ghost. We meet again

Siya; Lieutenant. It’s a pleasure to see you again sir

Him; always so formal. Good to see you haven’t lost your training

Siya; Allow me to introduce you to my wife

The lieutenant faced me, and reached for my hand

Siya; Lieutenant, this is Rifiloe, Rifiloe, this is Lieutenant Dickson Rolfes

Me; It’s a pleasure Sir

Him; Please, call me Rolfes

I smiled at him, and took Siya’s hand again.

We walked back inside, and I left Siya and the Lieutenant and went to get another drink.

I saw Jessica sitting at the bar, and decided I wasn’t going to run away. Instead I walked up to the bar,
and ordered a cosmo
Her; fancy seeing you here. I thought you would be long gone by now

Me; Hello Jessica, Hoe are you.

Her; You’re a sucker for punishment ne

Me; I don’t see how that has anything to do with you

Her; well, nothing really, but just so that you know, im looking forward to going on the next mission with
Siya again.

Me; hope you have fun

Her; oh, I plan to

I took my cosmo and walked away. I was so damn tempted to throw my drink at her, but didn’t want to
embarrass Siya.

Something about what she had said scared me a bit. What did she mean by the next mission? If I
remember properly, Siya had said he wasn’t going to be working with her again.

As I was walking back to Siya, Hlokes signaled for me. I walked to him

Him; Will you let ghost know that dinner is ready to be served.

Me; sure

I walked back to Siya.

Me; sorry to interrupt, but dinner’s ready to be served

Siya; thanks babe.

We walked to our table and with both Siya and the Lieutenant.

I sat in the middle of the Lieutenant and Siya. I had switched from cosmos to water, because I could feel
I was starting to get a pit tipsy.
We were served our starts first, then moved on to the main.

During our meal, Siya stood up and went to the front. He tapped his glass a bit to get everyone’s
attention. Everyone quietened down, and so did the Orchestra

**** Siya ****

Thank you.

I believe you all know that I am not really much of a talker. So I’ll try making this sweet and short.

I would firstly like to thank everybody for honouring my invitation. As you all know we have finally
penetrated the biggest drug and prostitution ring, in the history of special services.

My team and I have been trying for nearly 10 years to track down one man, and now finally we have a
foot in the door.

So firstly let me say thank you to my amazing and talented team. I know how frustrating it must be to
always have to deal with me, but none the less you all make it so much easier for me to do what I do.

Id also like to thank our Lieutenant for taking a chance on all of us. Who knew when we stated that we
would be able to save so many people’s lives.

And most importantly I would love to thank my amazing wife. Rifiloe, you are my strength. Thank you
for always standing by me, even though you weren’t familiar with this part of my life you continued to
support me and stick with me through it all. For that I will forever be grateful

***************************************

I looked at Siya and just smiled. I hadn’t really noticed how much his job meant to him, until this very
moment. How could I ever let him give all of this up, especially for me?

Siya finished his speech and came to sit down. I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek

Me; you did great

Him; thank you

We continued with dinner, till I saw the lieutenant walking to the front.

The room immediately quietened.

******* Lieutenant *****

I’m sure you’re all bored to death with all the speeches, so I’ll get straight to the point

As you can all see, I’m not getting any younger, which means it’s time for me to retire.

I’ve had to think long and hard about who is best to replace me, because as you all know I’m pretty
irreplaceable. (Chuckles)

So after lots of debate with both the Cuban and South African Ops committee we have decided to
appoint Ghost as your next leader.

I looked Siya, and then at the lieutenant.

*******************

Siya looked at the lieutenant in shock. Everyone around us stood up and gave a round of applause. Siya
remained sitting. I think he was just trying to register what was happening

He eventually stood up and went to stand with the lieutenant. They shook hands, and everyone
cheered on.

Siya gave another speech thanking everyone for trusting him with such a position ect.

I was honestly happy for him, but I was also worried, because I didn’t know what this next job would
entails. Not so long ago Siya was willing to give all this up, and now I definitely knew he would never
leave the force. How could he when so many people depended on him.

The only thing left was for me to decide if I was willing to stay, even though he would never really leave
his job. Could I truly trust him enough to let him go on another mission?

I knew now more than ever, I would really need to take a step back, and make a final decision on what it
is that I want to do.

95

After tons of dancing and drinking, the party finally started to die down. To be honest I wasn’t really
drinking much. I wasn’t really in party mode anymore. Instead I just wanted to go to bed.
The last of the guests left at about 3am. My feet were throbbing by now. We bid them goodnight, then
I went to our room, while Siya went to talk to Hlokes.

The first thing I did when I got to my room was take off my shoes. I needed a nice hot bubble bath,
before going to sleep.

Only problem with that is that I needed Siya’s help unzipping my dress.

None the less I would have to put my pride aside, and ask him for help.

As I was about to call Siya, he came barging in with the biggest smile on his face.

Him; what do we have here

Me; a damsel in distress

Him; I’ll be your Knight in shining armour

Me; in that case, I suggest you help me out of my dress

Him; it’s a dirty job mam, but I would be honoured

Siya came closer, and I turned around.

He started unzipping my dress slowly. I closed my eyes because I knew what he was going to do, and I
don’t know if I had the courage to stop him

Me; Si

Him; sshhh

I closed my eyes again, as my dress fell to the ground. Siya undid my bra and let it fall to the ground.

I thought he would start kissing my neck but he didn’t. I turned around and he was still smiling

Me; what are you smiling at?

Him; nothing

Me; you enjoy playing with me

Him; especially in here

Me; well, I’m not really interested in playing tonight

Him; you’re body says something different

Me; how would you know?

Him; You’re nipples do all the talking. And your slow breathing tells me you want my mouth on every
inch of your body. Especially here.

Siya brushed one of his fingers over my clit. Even with my underwear on, I still felt it.

Him; tell me I’m wrong

Me; you’re

He slipped a finger into my undies and started slowly circling my clit. I swear I nearly fainted. My
breathing started to quicken and I let out a moan

Him; so do you want me to stop?

Siya didn’t give me time to respond. Instead he pushed a finger inside me. I may still be mad at Siya, but
there was no way in hell I was going to let him stop now. So I let him continue pleasuring me. It’s not
like I had anything to lose.

Siya continued playing with me until I couldn’t take it anymore. He picked me up and put me the bed.

Him; shall I continue

Me; mhmm

Him; that’s what I thought

I slipped off my panties, and lay on back. Siya opened my legs wide and put his lips on my clit.

It was all well, until I remembered what Jessica had said about Siya putting his tongue on her. **** I
immediately froze.
Me; siya

Him; mhmm

Me; stop

He didn’t listen. Instead he just carried on with what he was doing

Me; Siya stop. Please I’m begging you

Siya immediately stopped, and got on the bed. I had tears flowing down my face. Siya looked at me
confused.

I got up, and ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I couldn’t believe how silly I was acting. Siya was
my husband for God’s sake, but the thought of him doing to me what he did to Jessica made me feel so
low.

How could he do that? How could he touch her like he does with me? Or put his mouth on her and then
come home and do the same to me? How was I going to ever get over this?

I sat on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out. Siya, kept asking me to open, but I didn’t. I wanted to be
left alone. I wanted to finally cry my eyes out and not have him tell me his excuses.

I stayed in the bathroom for hours. Siya sat on the other side of the door.

I ran my bath, and just sat there feeling low and dirty. No amount of bathing could take away that
feeling. None at all

At around 6am, I got out the bathroom, and I found Siya nearly half asleep on the floor.

He jumped up when he saw me.

Him; Rifiloe. Talk to me. What’s going on?

Me; Its nothing. I’m sorry

Him; don’t be sorry. Rather tell me what’s wrong

Me; Siya. Nothing. Can we just forget about this?

Him; No we can’t. I need to know why you just spent 3 hours crying in the bathroom

Me; forget it

Him; I’m not dropping this.

Me; Jessica told me that when you (clears throat) slept with he. You went down on her.

Him; Rif

Me; don’t. (sniff) I know you did it. And when you did to me. It all came rushing back

Him; I’m sorry

Me; stop telling me you’re sorry Siya. It’s not going to change anything. I have that fucking shit printed in
my mind, and it’s not going anywhere. I’m stuck with that shit, and I don’t know what to do with it . I
told you I wasn’t ready, but you kept pushing.

Him; I’m sorry

I walked passed Siya, and got into bed. I wanted to get some sleep.

Today was my both Christmas and my birthday, and I needed to get enough sleep before Olwetho got
back.

I wanted him to enjoy his first Christmas with me.

Siya, came to bed, and I set the alarm for 11am. I needed more than just 4 hours of sleep, but that was
all I could get.

I was woken up before the alarm even went off. Olwetho was jumping up and down on the bed.

Siya playful tackled him

Siya; Olwetho maan

Him; daddy, its Christmas, wake up

Siya; give us 10 minutes

Him; No. Aunty wake up. It’s your birthday

I looked at Olwetho and smiled. He was genuinely excited

I got out of bed, and went to freshen up.

When I got back to the bedroom Olwetho had a wrapped box in his hand

Him; happy birthday aunty

Me; is this for me

Him; yes

Me; thanks boy

Him; open it

I unwrapped it, and had a tear escape my eyes. It was a picture of me and him, in a frame that says best
“Aunty Mommy alive”

Him; do you like it?

Me; I love it

Him; I chose it

Me; ohh thank you my boy

Him; daddy also got you a present

Me; did he

Him; Yes

Me; what is it
Him; I don’t know. He won’t tell me

Me; well I guess we’ll find out soon enough

Olwetho went running to the kitchen while I shook Siya back awake, because he was falling asleep again

Him; baby, not now

Me; get up, we need to give Olwetho his presents

Him; cant we do that later

Me; no.

Him; (sigh) Finr

Siya got up, and went to freshen up. While I made the bed, an opened the curtains

When I went upstairs, Olwetho was sitting at the Christmas tree waiting for us

Him; aunty can I start opening my presents

Me; lets rather wait for daddy.

Him; he’s taking too long

Me; why don’t you run down and fetch him

Him; ok.

Olwetho went sprinting downstairs while, I made myself a cup of coffee.

When I went back to the lounge, Olwetho and Siya were sitting by the Christmas tree

Siya; we were just waiting for you

ME; sorry. I went to get a cup of coffee

Him; what about me

I took one last sip of my coffee and gave him the rest
Him; thank you

Olwetho; aunty can I open my presents now.

Me; go ahead.

I sat next to Siya, and took out my phone so I could take pictures of Olwetho.

All in all Olwetho loved all his toys. I enjoyed seeing his face whenever he opened them

We also took some pictures as a family. Olwetho was over the moon.

I decided to send a few pictures to Linda. I wasn’t doing it to be spiteful, but instead i wanted he to
know that her son was ok.

When Olwetho was done opening his presents, he went to his room to play with all of them, while I just
stayed with Siya.

Him; happy birthday babe

Me; thank you

Him; I’m sorry about what happened this morning.

Me; let’s forget about it

Him; you sure

Me; yes

Him; I got you something for your birthday

Me; what?

Him; come, I’ll go show you

I stood up and put my hand in his, and we walked down to the basement parking
Me; Siya, I’m not dressed to go out

Him; relax, we’re not going anywhere

Me; then why are we going to the basement.

The minute I asked that question, I got my answer. Siya had bought me a 2016 Maserati Granturismo.
It stood there with a big pink bow on it

Me; no

Him; yes

Me; Oh gosh Siya, It’s beautiful

Him; I’m glad you think so

Me; I can’t possibly accept it

Him; why the hell not

Me; because, it must’ve cost you a fortune

Him; I know how much you enjoyed driving my Ferrari. So I figured I’d get you your own sports car

Me; Siya, you didn’t have to

Him; I wanted to. Now stop arguing, and just say thank you

Me; are you sure about this

Him; yes. You’re now the wife of the youngest Lieutenant in the history of Ops. You should look the part

Me; you’re crazy

Him; crazy in love yes

Me; give me the keys

Siya gave me the keys and I went to look at the interior. It was absolutely beautiful. The exterior is
charcoal and the interior black.

Him; its also bullet proof and has a tracker directly linked to my cell phone

Me; why am I not surprised

Him; I have to beef up security

Me; whatever you say

Him; I’m serious Rifiloe. Things are going to get really tight.

Me; what does this promotion really entail?

Him; let’s go discuss this upstairs

Me; don’t I get to test drive my car first?

Him; not yet. We need to talk

Me; ha ana Siya. I don’t feel like talking.

Him; Its important love. I want us to discuss this before lunch

Me; (sigh) ok

I locked my car, and we walked back upstairs to our room.

I sat on the bed, and Siya sat next to me with a document in his hand

Him; I think we need to discuss what this new promotion means

Me; Ok, I’m all ears

Him; well basically it means that I won’t need to go on missions anymore. Ill mainly be stuck in an office,
giving orders

Me; that’s a good thing isnt it

Him; depends

Me; on what

Him; the current lieutenant wants me to work hand in hand with Jessica

Me; I just knew it was too good to be true

Him; I have however managed to get her transferred to another department. Meaning ill only probably
see her once a month

Me; mhmm

Him; It’s the best I could do babe.

Me; its fine Siya. I mean, if you wanted to cheat again, you would. Weather she was a million miles away
or not. You would find a way

Him; and I’ve told you it won’t happen again

Me; I know

Him; moving on. Bullet will take over my position.

Me; Is he going to operate out of CUBA?

Him; that’s something else, I wanted to discuss with you

Me; I’m listening

Him; I was thinking of selling this house to him. If you don’t have mind

Me; Siya, his is you’re house

Him; It’s OUR house. I just figured it would make things easier for him and the agency. That way they
don’t have to get security features built into another place

Me; makes sense

Him; so I can present them with the offer?

Me; yes…. So where will we be based?

Him; Our HQ is in JHB, but Ill be travelling between JHB and CT mostly

Me; so we’re moving back home

Him; yes

Me; Thank God

Him; I think it will also benefit Olwetho, because he will be able to see his mother

Me; I guess

Him; one more thing

Me; what

Him; I’m going to need to step down as the CEO of Ndhlovu Corp. There’s no way I would be able to
manage being lieutenant and my business

Me; You’ve done it so well so far

Him; That was because I only had one ops team to run. Now ill have to manage, every OPS team that
exists in SA. There is no way I could be able to juggle all of that

Me; so how many teams are we talking about

Him; 49

Me; damn

Him; my point exactly

Me; so what are you going to do about Ndhlovu Corp

Him; I will still keep 100% shares of the company. But I need an Ndhlovu running the place

Me; ok, so who did you have in mind

Him; you

I looked at Siya, and saw he was serious. I have no idea why though. I had zero experience. How was I
expected to run the place?

Me; Siya,

Him; hear me out

Me; this is insane

Him; you’ll have a team of people to help you

Me; but still Siya. You just appointed me as CFO. I haven even started with my position and now you
want to have me run the place

Him; yes

Me; Siya I love that you have that much faith in me. But I can’t

Him; Rifiloe you’re the only person I trust to run my business. I know it seems like a rushed decision, but
it’s not. I’ll have people in place to help you. Ill never let you fail Rifiloe. I promise. Plus if you’re unsure
about anything you can always just ask me

Me; can I at least think about all this

Him; yes

Me; thank you

Him; Here’s the contract

Me; that quickly?

Him; You know me.

Me; I do

Him; just think of it as a way of us building a legacy for our children

Me; you honestly don’t give up do you?

Him; not on us no

Me; I can see that

I took the contract and just stared it. I know that Siya was coming from a good place, but how could I
possibly take him up on this offer. I literally just turned 26. How would it look if I became CEO of his
company? I don’t want to ever get to the top just because I’m his wife. It would be nice to be able to
clime the corporate ladder by myself. but I’m not sure that is possible with me being the wife of
someone so powerful.

96

(end of season 1)

I spent the rest of Christmas and my birthday in a really good mood. I had put everything aside and
made sure my family was happy.

I don’t think I had ever seen Olwetho so happy. He just smiled and giggled throughout the day. I was
glad to see he was ok being away from Linda for such a long period. I was also glad to see Siya spending
time with him.

I know I had said I needed time to think about where Siya and I stand. But this promotion of his gave me
hope.

Maybe with time I could come to forgetting about what he did, and try building our trust again.

I did love Siya after all, and maybe I just needed to fight for my marriage. I just hoped he would also be
willing to fight for us. Because I don’t think I could ever go through this again.

We all spent the rest of the day just relaxing and eating. There’s something about the holidays that just
makes you want to eat. Mam Martha had made me an amazing blue velvet cake for my birthday.

Olwetho finally fell asleep at around 6pm.

I was also so tired from not having slept properly for the past 2 days, so I decided to leave Siya and the
gang, and go get myself some beauty sleep.
I took a quick shower first, then went to bed. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I even put
my phone on silent so that no one would disturb me.

I didn’t quite remember hearing Siya come to bed, but here he was waking me up

Him; Rifiloe

Me; mhmm

Him; wake up

Me; Siya I swear, ill flipping stab you

Him; you’re going to miss your flight

Me; flight?

Him; yes

Me; Siya, just leave me alone tu

Him; baby, you said you want to leave on the 26th. It’s the 26th

Me; mxm I’m not going

Him; since when

Me; since now. Can I go back to sleep now

Him; but

Me; Siya if you know what’s good for you, you will tell your pilot to cancel the flight, and let me sleep.
Unless you want me to go

Him; of course not

Me; so let me be

I put the duvet over my head, and drifted back to sleep. I didn’t see the point of leaving, when Siya was
adamant about me staying.

Maybe with time we could get our shit back to normal.

When I woke up, Siya was wrapped around me like Ivy. I smiled a bit, because I knew that things were
“ok”, because I know somethings wrong, when he sleeps on his side of the bed.
I tried to get untangled but he held me tighter

Me; move over

Him; not happening

Me; dude, I need to pee

Him; promise to come back

Me; promise

He let go, and I ran to the bathroom. While I was in there I freshened up a bit, then went back to lay
with him.

Him; (yawn) thank you for staying

Me; don’t thank me so quickly. There are conditions to my staying

Him; tell me what I need to do to make us ok and I’ll do it

Me; marriage counselling

Him; I’m not sure that’s a good idea

Me; why not?

Him; we cant really talk about what I do to strangers

Me; we can leave out some things

Him; I’m not sure

Me; Siya

Him; mhmm Fine

Me; good. And one more thing

Him; what

Me; we need to start going to church

Him; aahhmm

Me; I’m serious

Him; but babe

Me; Siya, we have really had bad luck, ever since we got together. I think a part of it Is because we just
went with things. We never truly prayed for our marriage. The only time I prayed was when you were in
a coma. That’s not right
Him; I guess you have a point

Me; and one more thing

Him; anything

Me; Siya, I’m going to do my level best to move on from this Jessica thing. I truly am, but I’m going to
need you to promise me that you will never and I mean Ever do this again. I honestly don’t think I could
go through something like this with you

Him; Rifiloe. I swear to you that this will never happen again. I saw how much it nearly ruined us. I’m
not willing to go through nearly losing you again

Me; good

Him; so we can finally move on

Me; yes. Just give me time when it comes to (clears throat) sex

Him; Ill give you all the time you need

Me; thank you

I stayed in bed with Siya for most of the morning. It felt good to just let go of things. Me being so angry
was starting to drain me.

As Siya and I were having breakfast in bed, my phone rang. I looked at the ID and saw it was Luis.

God he had the worst timing. Siya looked at me and took the phone out of my hand

Him; I thought we had agreed to block him

Me; I didn’t get around to it

Him; Rifiloe

Me; baby

Him; block him

Me; I will

He handed me the phone

Him; now

Me; don’t you think I should explain to him why

Him; please don’t ruin our breakfast. Just block him

Me; but

Siya looked at me with his bossy face.

Him; give me the phone and I’ll do it

Me; no Siya man. Can you just relax

Him; Rifiloe.. you know what. Never mind

He picked up his phone and dialled someone

Him; Nails I need you to do something for me

Nails; sure boss

Him; there a number that just phoned Rifiloe. I want you to block it

Nails; consider it done

Siya put the call down and continued eating

Me; Siya yaz your not fair

Him; Rifiloe, we literally just made up. I honestly don’t feel like fighting with you. especially because it
has to do with another man

Me; fine

Him; don’t ever do something like that again. I’m not sure I would be able to contain my temper

Me; ohh stop already. Its not like I slept with him

Him; I would’ve killed him before it got there

Me; mxm
Him; I’m only joking, but in all seriousness Rifiloe. The thought of you with another man makes me want
to self-destruct. Promise me you won’t ever give another man your numbers

Me; ok, Siya. I promise

Him; good

I rolled my eyes at him and continued eating my breakfast. It’s funny how when someone cheats they
don’t realise how much it hurts, but the minute someone shows interest it drives them mad.

After breakfast, we went to shower together. I kind of felt bad that I couldn’t bring myself to go all the
way with him, but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to do it just yet.

I could see it was killing Siya, but he was trying to be patient. I just hoped I would get over this thing so
that I could complete my duties as his wife.

When we were done I called my aunt to let her know I wasn’t coming home after all. I promised I would
come and visit her once we were back in SA.

We stayed in Cuba for another 2 weeks, then we left to go back to SA.

Siya had decided to have Olwetho go back to Linda. It was obvious that with both of us working,
Olwetho wouldn’t have enough time with either of us, so it was best for him to go to Linda. But Siya
would get Olwetho 2 weekends in a month.

He did however make it clear that if Linda tried anything he would take him away, and this time it would
be forever

Siya and I were starting to finally mend our path. I had found a marriage councillor not far from his
house in JHB, and we had an appointment the following week.

I was hoping that with counselling I would be able to get back to being comfortable with having sex with
Siya, because he was officially dying from a case blueballs. :(

Luckily Siya was also really busy. He started his new post as Lieutenant on the following Monday, so he
was busy getting things in order.
Me on the other hand I was busy trying to familiarise myself with Ndhlovu Corp. I had my first board
meeting in a week, so I had to make sure I was up to date with absolutely everything.

On the other hand I had to attend Siya’s signing ceremony. I was a bit nervous, because apparently it
was a really big deal in his industry. So I had to make sure I was on point, because I had to host about
100 of his colleagues .

So all in all we had a hectic couple of weeks ahead. But most importantly I can say I was glad I took the
decision to stay. Because when I first met Siya I thought we would have the perfect relationship, but I
learned very quickly that even though neither Siya nor I were perfect, the love we have for each other
was like no other, and that alone made our relationship worth fighting for.

Season 2

97

Siya was signed in as Lieutenant, and we hosted a celebratory dinner for him and some colleagues.

I never really realized what a big deal his promotion was, until that very day. I saw how everyone
adored him and praised the work he had done since entering the force.

It kind of embarrassed me to think of how much I wanted him to leave the force. I can almost guarantee
that he would have resented me for it in the long run.

Olwetho had moved back with Linda. And Siya and I had moved into his or should I say our home in
Sandton.

It was still a bit difficult for me to get used to the idea that I owned half of everything that Siya owned.
But maybe with time I would get used to the idea. Who knows?

Mam Martha and Thembi had both come back to SA with us.
I wasn’t exactly fond of Siya’s housekeeper since she seemed little to close with Siya’s mother for my
liking. So we moved her to Cuba and we moved Mam Martha and Thembi to SA

Today was my first day at Ndhlovu Corp. I had my first ever board meeting and to be honest I was as
nervous as hell.

I Looked at my sleeping lieutenant and smiled at how far we had come. Who knew when I first met him,
that we would have survived so many obstacles? Siya had managed to help mature me.

I had always thought we would have our very own happily ever after. But what I now realize is that no
relationship is perfect. It’s not about how many times we fall, but about how many times we decide we
are worth fighting for.

Siya woke up and looked at me

Him; and that smile?

Me; just counting my blessings

Him; am I one of them?

Me; you’re at the very top

Him; all we need now is to have little ones running around here

Me; ok. Conversation over

Him; (chuckles) you and I aren’t getting any younger

Me; Siya, I’m only 26. You’re the one who’s getting old. And by the way in case you forgot, YOU’VE just
made me CEO. I can’t go have a baby now

Him; so what timeline are we looking at here?

Me; maybe we can start trying when I turn 30

Him; haai Rifiloe. I’ll be nearly 40 by then

Me; stop exaggerate You’ll be 38

Him; exactly my point

Me; Siya
Him; Ha a baby. You’re not being fair. Plus you know they say that the older a man ages, the value of his
sperm decreases as well

Me;(chuckles) so we will save them at a sperm bank or whatever their called

Him; ngeke. Never. You must be mad

Me; haai, you see now. This is the problem with marrying old men. You guys aren’t open to modern
medicine

Him; (chuckles) so I’m old now

Me; yep. I think I should call you Uncle Bae going forward

Him; call me that again, and Ill flipping tickle you till the sun goes down

Me; you’re no fun

Him; I like to have fun in other ways

Me; ok. I’m out of here

I tried getting up, but Siya held me back

Him; exactly how long do you plan on punishing me

Me; I’m not punishing you

Him; baby, its been 2 months already

Me; Siya we spoke about this mos

Him; I know we did, but it doesn’t make things any easier

Me; we have our first session with the marriage councillor today. Maybe with time

Him; lord help me

Me; why don’t you (clears throat ) You know

Him; say it. I want to hear you tell me to flipping masturbate

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe we’re married. I refuse to that when I have a fully capable wife

Me; speaking about married. I got a call from my aunt

Him; don’t try changing the subject

Me; (sigh) Siya. I’m trying okay. It’s just really really difficult
Him; so you mean to tell me you are ok with us having a sexless marriage for however long it takes you
to get over what happened

Me; don’t put it like that

Him; do you have any idea, how difficult it is to wake up next to you wearing basically nothing. And you
expect me not to try anything

Me; Siya, I don’t know what else you want me to do.

Him; I want you to stop killing me that’s what

Me; I’m going to shower

I gave Siya a kiss on his cheek, and went to the bathroom. I wasn’t really in the mood to discuss this
topic further. Siya just needed to give me time. Is that really too much to ask for?

Siya joined me in the shower and I immediately tensed. I don’t know what it was with me, but every
time he touched me I froze.

Him; relax. I’m not going to try anything

Me; Si

Him; forget it. I know you’re trying to get over everything

I let out a sigh finished cleaning myself, then went to get dressed. It just felt too awkward to be around
Siya in the shower, after the conversation we just had.

I got to the closet, and pulled a navy pantsuit and a white formal shirt, and my navy hills.

I got dressed, did my hair and makeup, and then went check if Mam Martha had made breakfast.

When I got to the kitchen it smelled as good as it always did.

I greeted mam Martha, then went to the dining room to have breakfast.

I decided to have Muesli and Plain Greek yogurt with a bit of honey. I had gained a bit of weight over
the festive season, my clothes still looked ok, but I could feel they were getting tighter. And my stomach
wasn’t as toned as it used to be. So it was time to lose weight and tone up again.
When Siya came to join me for breakfast, he looked at my food and shook his head

Him; so you’re serious about this losing weight thing

Me; babe, have you seen how fat I have gotten? I’ve gained 6kg’s

Him; Rifiloe, You’re not fat

Me; I so am.

Him; I like you like this anyway

Me; meaning you didn’t like me when I was thinner

Him; I shouldn’t have even said anything

Me; no, no don’t even think about backing out now

Him; babe. I love you as you are. But if you feel like you need to lose weight, then I’ll support you

Me; so you’ll go on a diet with me?

Him; I didn’t say that

Me; it would make my life easier if you did

Him; but baby, when have you ever seen a Zulu man on a diet?

Me; mara baby, if you went on the diet with me, it would help keep me on track.

Him; haai Rifiloe. No maan

Me; please

Him; but you know how much I love my food. How can you want to punish me like this ye? You punish
me in the bedroom and now in the kitchen. Haai Never

Me; mxm

Him; don’t pout

Me; but baby please maan. I can’t come to breakfast and have the kitchen smelling like this, I’ll be
destined to fail

Him; Rifiloe, Leave me out of this diet of yours. Mina I need to have proper food in the house. Not leaves
and shit

Me; fine

Him; so you’re going to sulk

Me; yes

Him; go ahead. I’m not letting you win this one.

Me; you suck Siya. Like really suck

Him; I wished you sucked as well. Maybe then my mood would improve.

I looked around to see if mam Martha was around, but thankfully she wasn’t

Me; Siya, you can’t go around saying things like that. What if mam Martha had heard you?

Him; maybe it’s a good thing if she did. That way she could talk some sense into you

Me; just shut up and eat your food

Him; mara Rifiloe, you are disrespectful yaz. You know I’m older than you right

Me; (giggles) Yes I’m fully aware

Him; I think we should send you to natal to visit one of my aunts so she can teach you a few things

Me; me natal. Never

Him; (chuckles) why not

Me; because all that hard labour would ruin my nails

Him; amen.

Siya just laughed and shook his head at me. I know he seemed like he was joking, but lately he had
mentioned me staying with his mom or aunt after the wedding a few times. And now it was starting to
worry me a bit, because there was no way I was going to agree to that. Never

After finishing my breakfast, I went upstairs to fetch my laptop and found Siya’s phone ringing.

I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Jessica. I took a deep breath and decided not to answer it.
Instead, I took my stuff, and walked back downstairs and gave Siya his phone

Me; You’re phone’s been ringing

I gave him the phone, and he looked at the Caller ID, then at me

Him; why didn’t you answer

Me; it’s not my place to

Him; baby
Me; don’t. I know you’ll have to work with her. It’s just a bit frustrating that’s all

Him; Thanks for understanding

Me; it’s cool. I should go

Him; Wait for me, we can walk out together

Me; babe, I’m going to be late

Him; It’s your company. No one will notice

I rolled my eyes and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then walked towards the garage.

Siya came after me, and held me from behind

Him; you didn’t think I would let you go without getting a proper kiss did you

Me; well, what are you waiting for?

He leaned in and gave me kiss goodbye.

Him; Ill see you later

Me; don’t forget our appointment

Him; I wont

Me; Thank you

I gave him another kiss

Him; good luck for your first day

Me; thanks baby

Him; I love you ne

Me; Love you more

He spanked me on the butt as I walked out, and I immediately blushed when I saw mam Martha.
I didn’t even bother looking her way again. I was way too embarrassed.

When I got to the garage, I got into my new car, and drove to the office.

I had a feeling that today was the beginning of great things for both me and Siya. I felt like we were
finally getting past the past and moving on.

We still had a long way to go, but I was certain now more than ever, that nothing would drive us apart.

98

( Crop top Insert)

:(

When I arrived at the office, Andrea was at reception.

She walked me up to Siya’s old office which was now mine. It was a bit awkward seeing Andrea, after
the way I acted previously (insert 16.2), but being the professional that she is she didn’t really make it
seem like anything happened.

Her; Can I get you anything to drink?

Me; no thank you.

Her; I’ve placed the stat folder that you requested on your desk

Me; thank you

Her; the board members will be here in an hour

Me; do you mind showing me which boardroom

Her; they’ll use your office

Me; oh, ok

Her; are you ok with that? I just figured that would be easier for you
Me; its perfect thank you

Her; let me know if you need anything else

Me; will do

Andrea Left, and I took a good look at my new office. It was strange to think that a few months ago, this
was Siya’s office, and now here I was not only married to him, but also running his company.

I sat down and immediately started going through the stat file that I had asked Andrea to prepare.

An hour on the dot, the board members started to arrive. Andrea had already set up morning snacks,
because she knew that we were going to be here for a while.

The board meeting lasted for over 4 hours. I was grilled about absolutely everything. Even about my life.

I knew it was because disapproved my appointment, but none the less I held my head high, and
answered every question that they had. I was thankful Siya had help me prepare, because otherwise I
would’ve drowned.

By the time the board members left, I was 100% sure that I had won them over. The room was less
tense, and everyone was more comfortable, and left with smiled on their faces instead of the frowns
that they had given me when they arrived.

I sat back down at my desk after the meeting, and let out a sigh. If I managed that meeting, then I had
faith that I was in fact not in over my head.

I tried calling Siya a couple of times but his phone rang and went through to voicemail. Deep down I
thought about the call from Jessica, but I immediately, put it aside.

I wasn’t going to suspect him of cheating every time he didn’t answer. He was probably busy. I mean
he’s in charge of 49 special ops teams.
I spent the rest of the day, working my butt off. There were so many things that Andrea had left for me
to get through, and I planned on at least getting through half of it before I had to leave for the
counselling session.

I had so much to do that I even ended up skipping lunch. By the time I looked up it was 16:30.

I had exactly 30 Minutes to get to Rosebank, for the session.

I tried calling Siya again, but he didn’t answer. So I figured I’d just see him at the councillor’s office

When I arrived at the councillors office, it was exactly 16;49 pm and Siya wasn’t here yet.

I walked in and waited at reception for him to arrive.

At 17;00 the councillor called us in, but Siya hadn’t arrived as yet.

The councillor introduced himself as Theodore Levin. I sat in his office and just spoke about a few basic
things while waiting for Siya.

I had finally realised that Siya had stood me up at around 18:00pm. To say I was embarrassed was an
understatement. Here I was trying to help us fix things, but Siya hadn’t even bothered to pitch.

Me; I’m so sorry. I think my husband must’ve forgotten about our appointment

Him; don’t worry about it. We can always reschedule

Me; I know. I was just really looking forward to getting into this

Him; can I ask why

Me; (sigh) our relationship hasn’t really been the easiest. We just recently made up again, and I just
hoped that we could use counselling as a method of moving on

Him; have you discussed this with your spouse

Me; yes

Him; well, go home, and try discussing it with him again. Try not to bite his head off. Men don’t usually
respond well to being shouted at

Me; I’ll try

I left Dr Levine’s offices feeling drained. All I wanted was to go home and get into a nice bubble bath.
My blood was boiling, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t scream or shout at him.

When I got home Mam Martha had already cooked Dinner. She had made chicken lasagne with beetroot
salad. It looked and smelled absolutely amazing.

My “diet” immediately went out the window.

I took a shower, then changed into something more homely.

I tried Siya again on his phone, and instead of him answering, he walked through the door.

Him; Honey I’m home

Me; I’m in closet

He put his laptop on the bed, then came to give me a kiss.

Him; how was your first day?

Me; tough, but nothing I can’t handle

Him; that’s what I like to hear.

Me; I have a bone to pick with you

Him; haw, baby, what did I do now?

Me; you honestly forgot?

Him; forgot what?

Me; Our counselling session

Him; Shit… babe sorry. Today was hectic. I flew to CT and had a million meetings.

Me; CT ? Siya, how do you fly to CT and not tell me?

Him; baby, I wasn’t aware I had to clear my schedule with you

Yho, I honestly didn’t expect Siya to answer me like that. I was just asking mos.
Me; was Jessica there

Him; Oh God, Rifiloe come on. Not this again

Me; it’s a simple question

Him; Rifiloe, you know she was there. She does work for me after all

Me; (sigh) So you missed our session because you were with her

Him; no I missed the session because I had more important things to do.

Me; so why are you shouting at me? I was just asking

Him; Rifiloe, This thing about Jessica is starting to bore me. I told you what happened was a onetime
thing, and now I’m done apologising, because it’s clear you haven’t truly accepted my apology

Me; Si

Him; I’m not done. Now listen and listen carefully. I LOVE YOU, I will not cheat again. Even though you
still refuse to be intimate with me

Me; so this is about sex

Him; yes Rifiloe, It’s about sex. You are my wife, and yet you refuse to be with me. and now you want
me to go to some guy and spill our marriage problems to him? The only problem here is you.

Me; me

Him; yes you. You refuse to let this thing go, and that is the only thing holding us back . Its like you are
trying to punish me, and that’s just going to drive me even more crazy

Me; you promised to be patient

Him; Rifiloe, it’s been 2 months.

Me; Siya, things like these take time.

Him; well don’t take too long, because I honestly don’t know how much more of this shit I can take

Me; what’s that supposed to mean

Him; (sigh) nothing

Me; Say it

Him; drop it

Me; don’t bother because I know exactly what you meant. So go right ahead and do it Siya. Go find
some girl and fuck her brains out. It’s what you’re good at after all

Him; you know what. I’m done arguing with you. Its clear that i can never do anything right when it
comes to you.
Siya, took his keys and slammed the door. I had no idea where he was going.

I don’t understand, how a simple question about our session, could lead him walking out on me. All I’ve
asked for from him was time.

I know if the shoe was on the other foot, I would’ve been gracious enough to give him all the time he
needed, why couldn’t he do the same?

99

I stood in my room and thought about what just happened. I don't understand why Siya was behaving
the way he was.

I understood his fustrations, but i also was trying to come to terms with what happened, and
unfortunately it was taking longer than I thought it would.

I sat on the bed and tried calling him, but he didn't answer. I tried him over 10 times and still nothing.

I went to the kitchen and packed away the food that mam Martha had prepared for dinner, it was
obvious that Siya wasn't planning on coming home anytime soon, so there was no use having the food
siþing in the dining room, when there was no one to done.

When I was done packing every thing away, I went back to the bedroom and tried to do some work, but
i just couldn't conserntrate. I kept on thinking about what Siya was doing, or who he was with.

I know I was the one who pissed him off, I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid. The last thing I need
is to have him sleep with somebody else. Because I knew for sure I would never be able to live with that.

I decided since I couldn't get work done, I might as well try getting some sleep. It was already after
10pm, and i had an early morning tomorrow.
I put away my laptop, then got into bed. I tossed and turned for hours. I just kept wondering where Siya
was and who he was with. I get he was pissed, but what he was doing now was only making things
worse, because all I could picture was him in bed with someone.

I tried him on his phone one last time, but it went straight to voicemail.

I eventually fell asleep, and hoped that I hadn't driven Siya I no another woman's arms.

I must've been asleep, for not more than 30minutes wen I heard Siya walk through the door. He was
humming a Hugh masekela song.

I just closed my eyes, and asked God to help me sleep. The last thing I wanted was to fight with siya
about where he's been.

Siya walked toward the bed and pulled the duvet off and tossed it on the floor

I just knew then that he was in the mood to argue, and i didn't want to participate.

Him: get up we need to talk

Me: mhmm

Him: Rifiloe

Me: Siya, I have to be up in 3 hours. Cant be do this some other time

Him: I don't care about your meetings. We need to talk

I decided not to argue, and just do what he says.

I sat up and leaned my head on the headboard

Me: I'm listening

Him: I want to know if you still want to be married to me?

Me: Siya, what kind of question is that?

Him: it's a simple question

Me: if I didn't want to be with you I would've left, when you told me about what you did

Him: I think you're lying to yourself

Me: but Si

Him: I'm not done

I immediately kept quite. I could just feel that Siya was about to say something that was going to Pisa me
off

Him: I think it's best I move into one of the spare bedrooms.

I looked at him confused. Why would he want to stay in separate rooms

Me: why

Him; because Rifiloe, you can't even stant to have me touch you. And i don't know how I'm expected to
be ok with that

Me: so you're solution is for you to move into another bedroom

Him: yes

Me: that's not happening

Him: since when do you lay the law of what happens in this house? You know what your problem is? It's
that I've been too soft with you, and that makes you think you can play all over my head. Well that shits
about to Change.

Me: but Si

Him: who said I was done?

Tjo, now this side of Siya, I honestly hated. Why did he have to be so mean

Him: since you're not willing to act like my wife, then I don't see the use of us sleeping in the same
bedroom.

Me: why are you being like this

Him: how must I be Rifiloe? Ye? I give you everything. And yet its never enough. Whatever you want I
give it to you. When you say jump Siya must say how high. When you want to sulk, I have to run around
after you like a headless chicken. I can't fucking take it anymore.

To be honest Siya was now starting to really hurt my feelings. He was then one who went off and ruined
everything, and now when he has to face the circumstances he throws the biggest tantrum in the world.

Me: so this is all, because of sex? You want to move out our bedroom because of sex?

Him: no. I want to move out because you haven't forgiven me. I want to move out because all , we ever
speak about is me giving you time. Despite me being patient for more than 2 months. I've apologize. Ive
pleaded, I've done everything you've asked Me to do, but still you keep bringing up Jessica every chance
you get. It's so dam annoying

Me: but Siya do you blame me? You slept with her for heaven's sake

Him: Rifiloe, I never made love to Jessica. Not ever. I fucked the shit out of her, and that was it. Why
can't you understand that

Me: because I would never bring myself to sleep with another man, while married to you Siya. Never.
And yet you go fuck Jessica, after we had gotten married. And then you expect me just to sit here and
pretend that everything's alright?

Him: I can't keep going round in circles with you. It's either you're going to truly move on from this and
start being my wife, or you need to get yourself a divorce lawyer, because I sure as hell won't live like
this for much longer

When Siya said that I swear, I felt like a bullet, had gone through my heart. I don't understand what had
gotten into him. Everything was ok, and now all, of a sudden he was talking about divorce lawyers

Me: Siya, where is this coming from all of a sudden?

Him: just make a decision, and let me know

Me: but Siya, I asked you to come to counselling with me, so we can try working this out, but you didn
even bother to pitch
Him: counselling? How is counselling going to help? The only thing that's going to help, is if you start
humbling yourself. Instead of competing with me to be the man of this house.

Me: so you want me to agree to everything you say? And not have an opinion? Because if thats so, i
dont understand why you made me CEO

Him: the one thing you forget that you are CEO at the office. Not here. Here you are a wife. A submissive
wife, and its time you started acting like it

I could see now, that this was no laughing matter, Siya was beyond annoyed. He had never ever
mentioned divorce, but here he was speaking about it. Was I really that bad a wife that my own
husband had to remind me to be submissive?

I had honestly thought Siya and I were ok, but now I could see that we were not even close to believe
ok. Instead it looked like I was pushing him away, and that wasn't my intention.

All I had to do now was try my best to fix this huge ass mess that I had created.

I stood up, and sat on his lap, in my favourite squat position.

Him: don't

Me: I'm sorry baby

Him: no you're not

Me: I am...

Him: Rifiloe, why do I have to be harsh for you to realise when you're wrong? I hate having to talk to you
like this, but sometimes it seems like the only way

Me: i said im sorry

Him: you're actions will have to change. I''ve literally had enough of this back and forth. I just want us to
move on

Me: so you seriously want to move To another bedroom.

Him: no, I was just trying to soften your stubborn heart a bit

Me: don't ever play like that

Him; you know I could never leave you. And that is the reason why you think you can get away with
murder.

Me: you're no fair

Him: but i was serious about you being more humble. You're hard headedness isn't cute. It's actually
annoying

Me: ok Siya, I get the point

Him: i dont think you do

Me: (sigh) I'll try being less stubborn. I promise

Him: how about being submissive

Me: eish, but baby you know how opinionated I am. And now you Want Me not to question things when
I'm uncomfortable with them

Him; that's not what I mean and you know it. All I want is for you to remember that I am your husband. I
am the head of this family, and we need to work together, and make decisions together. You can't just
decide you don't want children for the next couple of years without talking to me. Or that you don't
want us to be intimate. It's not how things work

Me: I hear you. But

Him: no buts. We were both wrong. We both did things that hurt the other, but we can't move forward
if we're holding grudges. We both need to mAke an effort to move on.

Me: you're right. I'm sorry babe

Him:its fine. Can we just move on now?

Me: ok

Him: good, now you can go to sleep

Me: don't you want to (clears throat)

Him: no, not tonight. You need to get some sleep, you have an early morning

Me: ok

Him: get Into bed, so I can cuddle you

Me: so all is forgiven

Him: yaah, till the next time you start with your shit. But the question I should be asking you is if you are
ready to truly move on?

Me: I think I am

Him: good
I leaned in and gave hims a kiss. I could feel Siya getting more and more turned on. I won't lie and say
Jessica wasn't in my mind, but i had decided that I wasn't going to let her ruin my marriage. It would
give Linda too much satisfaction

Instead I would do my best to be the kind of wife that Siya needs me to be.

But that didnt mean i wasn't go in to grill him about coming home at 2am. I dont care how mad he was,
going out till this time of the morning wasn't ok, but that world have to be a discussion for another day

100

When my alarm clock went off, I felt like throwing it out the window. I had only gotten about 3 hours of
sleep, and Lord know I needed more. But unfortunately due to Siya's nonsense, I was up most the night
arguing.

I was however relived when he told me to get into bed so that he could cuddle me, because I knew then
that we wouldn't be having sex, and was a major releif, but at the same time it made me wonder where
he had gone and why he didn't want to after grilling me like crazy

I decided to rather keep quite, and maybe address it later, because the last thing I wanted was for us to
start arguing again.

I got up and left Siya in bed. There's nothing more annoying than having to wake up while your man is
still in bed. It just made me want to cancel, the meeting and go back to bed, but me being me, i could
never do that.

I took a quick shower, then went to get dressed.

I Decided to wear my black peplum suit dress, with my black Jimmy choo pointed hills. Did my hair and
make up, then went to get my bag.

I knew I had to get out of here before Siya saw me, because I knew he would insist on me changing,
because my dress was a bit short. With siya anything over the knee is short. Which in my opinion it
wasn't.

As I picked up my laptop bag, I saw siya staring at me.

Him: morning

Me: morning

Him: so you leave without saying goodbye

Me; I was still coming to that

Him: who are you meeting with?

Me: you're Chinese investors

Him: babe

Me; I'm running late. I'll see you later

I went to Give him a kiss, and he pulled me on the bed.

Me; Siya, you're going to make me late

Siya, didn't listen, instead he blushed his hand against my thighs

Him: isn't your dress a bit short

Me: no

He moved his hand a bit higher. I knew where he was headed and that both turned me on and made me
want to run.

Me: Siya, let go. I'm going to be late

Him; the Chinese are always late

Me; but i

I couldn't finish my sentance because Siya's hand was getting closer to my spot, and the anticipation was
killing me.
Instead of me, getting up, I opened my thighs wider. For some reason, I wanted him to touch me there.

Him: I thought you were going to be late

Me: you know I am

Him: in that case you should go

Me: not till you finish what you started

Him: (chuckels) I'll see you later

Me: so this is payback

Him: not really, but i do have some planned for you tonight

Me: sounds fun

Him: for me maybe, but not so much for you

Me: mxm

Siya let go of me, and i stood up. I knew he was serious about torturing me sexually, and I'll be honest
and say I look forward to it. I was going to have to try moving forward despite our crazy situation.
Besides I also had needs, and i had deprived myself Lon enough

I took my laptop and my handbag, and blew Siya a kiss.

Him:I love you

Me: I love you too

I left feeling a bit better than last night. I was still uncomfortable with a few things, but i was hoping that
with time, Siya would try understanding that we need counselling. Despite us making plans or moving
forward, What he did with Jess still torments me, and the way he speaks sometimes bothers me, and i
thought maybe with counselling I would be able to truly move on.

When I arrived at to office, Andrea had already set up for our morning meeting. Everything she had
layed out looked amazing, especially since i skipped dinner and breakfast.

Me: Andrea, this looks mouth watering.

Her: I'm glad you like it

Me: what Tim did you get in

Her: at around 6am

Me: thank you

Her: it's my pleasure

Me: you should maybe take half day off. I can't have you working from 6am, to 6pm

Her: I don't mind. I enjoy what I do

Me: I understand that, but you need to rest.

Her: ok, I'll leave at 12::00

Me: good.

I went to sit at my desk, and started with my day, while I waited for the investors to arrive

Siya was right. My meeting only started 45min later than scheduled. Despite that, the meeting went
well.

We were planning on having an office in Beijing, and we needed the people here to sign off on it, and
after seeing our returns for the past 5 years, they were happy to invest. I gave them the contract , and
we scheduled another meeting for us to sign.

The only problem was they wanted us to break ground in less than a month, which meant we would
have to have the signing, in Beijing. Which I wasn't sure Siya would be happy with. But I wasn't going to
think about that right now. I was too happy with the outcome of my meeting. I would deal with Siya
later.

After my meeting I went to m desk to carry on with the rest of my day. I still had a lot to get through,
and i wanted to be home before 6pm.

At around 1pm , I got a call from Siya.

Me: Ndhlovu

Him: I love it When you call me by my last name

Me: what's up

Him: how did your meeting go

Me: excellent

Him: do tell,

Me: they agreed to the contract

Him: no

Me; yes

Him: you are amazing

Me: thanks babe

Him: we should celebrate

Me: oh, I intend to tonight

Him: sounds exciting

Me: it is

Him: so what time should i be home

Me: no later than 6pm

Him: ill try

Me: good.

Him: let me get to the real reason for calling

Me: what's up

Him: promise to try keep an open mind

Me: mhmm I'll try

Him:so you know last night when I left

Me: yah

Him: well, i actually went to the office.

Me: ok,

Him: and while I was there I decided to call my mom

Me: hmm,

Him; I was just so mad, I ended up telling her a few things

Me: things like what

Him: please don't be mad

Me: oh God Siya, please don't tell me you told you're mother about our sex life

Him: no, not that, but pretty much everything else

Me: shit

Him: don't worry about it

Me: easy for you to say

Him: look, babe, I was mad, and i just needed to speak to someone, and Hlokes wasn't answering, so I
phoned my mother plus we hadn't spoken much since she was last in JHB

I wanted to flipping swear at Siya so badly. He didn't realise what he had done. He had basically just
invited that wicked mother of his back into our lives, and now given her all the ammunition she needed
to hate me even more

Me: so what was your mother's take on things

Him: she told me to man up , and start wear in the pants in our relationship

Me: and

Him: well she insists we go Down to KZN for the weekend

Me: siyaaa

Him: come on babe, maybe this can be the beggining of a clean slate for all of us

Me: I'm not sure about this

Him: can you at least think about it

Me: ahmm ok. I'll think about it

Him: thanks babe

Me: I need to get going.

Him: enjoy the rest of your day

Me; thanks

When I got off the phone with siya I wondered what to do. The last thing I wanted was to spend the
weekend at his mother's. She hates me so much, what if she tried to poison me? Knowing siya, i would
be stuck with visiting his mother, while he played lieutenant. I knew now that the only way out of this
was to give siya what he wants. Maybe some sexual relief will help change his mind.
I pushed the thought of Siya's mother aside, and conserntrated on finishing my work. I wanted to try get
through everything so that I didn't make it a habit of bringing work home. The last thing I need is to be
told that I'm not a CEO at home again

I left the office at 5:30pm. I was grateful that I didn't live to far from the office, which meant I didn't
have to sit in traffic.

When I arrived home, I greeted man Martha, and gave her and thembi the night off. Dinner was already
prepared, so All I had to do was dish up, and clean up afterwards.

Man Martha left, and i went to lay the table, I dimmed the lights and lit candles, put on some music,
then went to take a quick shower. I knew Siya was probably on his way home, so I didn't have time to lay
in the bath.

When I was done, I lotioned myself and put on my black hardly there lingerie. I wanted to try and
prepare my mind for what was to come, and maybe if I had on something sexy, it would help get me in
the mood.

I looked myself in the mirror, and knew siya would love how i looked. I put on my robe and went to wait
in the lounge for siya to come home

I looked at the time and saw it was already 18:45. I wanted to phone him and ask where he was, but
decided to rather take a picture of myself in the lingier and send it to him. Maybe that would get him
here faster.

By the time Siya arrived I had slready had 2 glasses of wine, which had helped calm my nerves.

I saw him coming through the drive way. So I undid my robe, and sat on the kitchen counter.

When Siya walked in he was on his phone. He nearly walked passed me because I had dimmed the light.
So I cleared my throat to get his attention.
He looked over at me, and froze . He dropped the call and came to stand in front of me.

Me: welcome home

Him; I'm sorry I'm late

Me: don't worry about that

Him: gosh you look good

Me: I'm glad you like it, but i think it's time it came off

Him: I couldn't agree with you more

I took one last sip of my wine

Him: we should take this to the bedroom

Me: I've given everyone the night off

Him: I link the way you think

Me: now stop faffing and kiss you're wife

Siya moved closer and I spread my legs, so he could stand between them. He leaned in and started
kissing me.

He kissed me so slow and tenderly, It reminded me of the first time he kissed me. He undid my bra,
while I unbuttoned his shirt.

When he was done with my bra, he broke our kiss and took a step back

Me: what

Him: are you sure about this

Me: yes.

Him: I'm serious babe. Are you sure you are ready to do this?

Me: Siya i'm fine.

Him: tell me if you want me to stop

Me: I will

I took off his shirt, and then moved to his belt, all the while with him kissing my neck, and playing with
my nipples.

But then Siya stepped back.

I didn't hear his phone Ringing, I think it was on vibrate. Because I just saw him pull it out his pants
pocket

Me: leave it

Him: it's the force. I have to answer

He answered and i took another sip of my wine.

I just knew by the panicked look on Siya's face, that it was Jessica, but i fought every thing in me not to
slap him.

Instead I got off the counter, and went to fetch my gown. I know it's stupid, but i kind of felt a bit
exposed.

I put on my gown, and went to put my bra in the Laundry room.

When I went back to the kitchen , Siya was fully dressed, and was shouting orders over the phone.

He looked at me and mouthed sorry, then gave me a kiss on the cheek and took his keys, and left.

I figured whatever Jessica called about was work related but it didn't make me feel any better. I put the
lights back on, and put put the candles out. I dished up for myself, and not Siya, because I could tell he
wasn't going to be home anytime soon.
After eating, I washed the dishes and put away the food in containers, then went to my room. There was
no use waiting up for someone who might not even be coming home before midnight, so I put on of his
shirts, and got Into bed.

I tried calling him, and was surprised when he answered

Him: baby

Me: hey. You left in such a rush, I just wanted to make sure things were ok

Him: we have a bit of a situation here but I'll sort it out

me: do you want me to bring you dinner?

Him: no thanks love. Im flying to cape town. I should be back before you leave for work

Me: (sigh) ok, you be safe, I'll see you when you get home

Him: you not mad at me

Me: not really

Him: thank you baby. And I'm sorry I left after all the effort you put in

Me: it's fine Siya, just finish what you're doing and come home. The beds cold without you

Him: ill be there as soon as I can

Me: ok, bye babe

Him: bye

I put down the call, and thought about everything. My head was telling my heart to not read into thing,
but my heart wasnt having any of it. I know i said to suya i wasnt mad, but to be honest i was annoyed as
fuck. I hated the fact that siya had to still work with that troll, but therr was no use being mad, because
there was nothing icould do. I guess these were the things I'd have to face, since i was the one who
decided to stay. I just prayed that my decision to stay wouldn't result in me being left with a broken
heart.

101

When I woke up the following morning Siya wasn't in bed. His side of the bed was pretty much the
same as last night, so I knew he hadn't come home.

I understood that he had a job, and that he was someone really important, but I still, think he should've
called to let me know he wasn't coming home at all.
I got up and, made the bed, then opened the Windows to get some fresh air. I sat on the bed and tried
calling Siya, but his phone just rang and went to voicemail. I figured he was either on the way back or
asleep wherever he was.

I went to the bathroom and took a shower, then went to the closet to pick out something to wear. I
didn't have any meetings so I decided to wear a navy above the knee pencil skirt, and a baby blue formal
shirt, with my navy platform pumps.

I tied up my hair, and did my make up, then went upstairs to have breakfast. I had oats with a bit of
honey and bananas, then took my bags and left.

I decided to use my Audi instead of the sports car today. I wanted to feel more like my old self today.
Somehow I kind of missed my old life. Where it was just me, and no other complications. Who knew that
a year later I'd be married to this crazy man, with a crazy job?

When I arrived at the office, Andrea had put the reports from our company lawyers on my desk. I had
asked her to get our legal team to get me reports on the Chinese investors. I just wanted to make sure
that we had all the legal docs in order before signing.

I decided to make myself a cup of coffee before I dug into the reports.

I tried Siya one more time, and still his phone rang and went to voicemail. He did however send me a
text saying he was busy, and would call me back when he had a moment.

I decided to let him be. I know whatever he was doing was probably really important and he needed me
to be supportive instead of nagging him. Maybe with time I would learn to truly be ok with him spending
so much time away from home. As they say practice makes perfect.

When I started reading the reports, I asked Andrea to hold all my calls, and I put my phone on silent. The
last thing I wanted to do was to not concentrate, and mess up this deal.

As I kept reading the reports, something started bothering me. There was something about the way the
reports were written that seemed familiar.
When I turned the page to where the figures were, I just knew who had written it. There's only one
person I knew who was so specific in their wording and numbering and that person was Sizwe

I hadn't heard or seen Sizwe since he shot me (by mistake). I know when I asked Siya about it he kept
telling me he couldn't talk about it.

I called Andrea into my office. If there was anyone who knew everyone around here it was her.

She knocked, and I told her to come in

Her: you called for me?

Me: yes. I just have a question about the reports you gave me

Her: ok

Me: do you know who compiled the report?

Her: is something wrong?

Me: not really, I just need to know who signed it off

Her: it would've been signed off by our head of legal

Me: and that is

Her his name is Sizwe Khumalo I think

Me: I knew it

Her: is everything ok

Me: yes.. And the legal department is on the 7th floor?

Her yes

Me: get Sizwe into my office asap

Her: yes mam

Andrea got up to leave.

Me: and one more thing, please call, me Rifiloe. This whole mam thing makes me feel old

Her: yes mam. I mean Rifiloe

Me: thank you.

Andrea left, and I started feeling anxious. I don't understand why Siya wouldn't tell me about Sizwe
working for Ndhlovu Corp. I just hoped that he didn't place Sizwe here to spy on me, because we had
agreed we would keep security to a minimum. I didn't want guards all around me.

I felt like that just drew more attention to me, and I didn't like it. Plus we already had guards guarding
our house and the office. I'm pretty sure no one would be able to get to be. Even if they wanted to.

As I was thinking about the whole Sizwe thing, someone knocked on my door. I told whoever it was to
come in, and there stood Sizwe. I couldn't believe how right my instinct were.

I know ought to be mad at him for the stupid stunt that he pulled, but at the same time I was relieved he
was alive, and looking well. He looked more like himself.

Him: Hi

Me: Hi. Come in and Close the door behind you

Sizwe did as I asked, and sat on the chair opposite me

Me: how are you

Him: I'm well.

Me: Its weird seeing you here

Him; tell me about it.

Me; how long have you been working here

Him: about 5 months

Me: so after the shooting

Him: (sigh) yes

Me: I'm glad you're ok

Him; I'm sorry about what happened. It wasn't my intention. It all just happened so quickly. I wasn't
thinking straight

Me: forget about all of that. I'm just glad you’re ok. But I am mad at you for not reaching out afterwards

Him: Ghost told me to stay away from you. I didn't want to piss him off, after he had been the one to
help me out of the whole gangster shit
Me: so you're working here as a lawyer full time?

Him: yes

Me: Siya didn't hire you to keep an eye on me

Him: no, but if that was the case I wouldn't tell you anyway

Me: nice to see where you're loyalties lie

Him: (chuckles) you know deep down I'll always protect you. So no matter weather ghost hired me or
not. You are and will always be friend

Me; Then why didn't you tell me about all this shit?

Him: Rifiloe, I was involved with people who were hunting ghost and bullet. It was my job to get close to
you, but I quickly realized that you knew nothing about this life. I didn’t want to be the one to change
that. I just wanted to be you’re friend and forget about the whole assignment thing

Me: but Sizwe we were friends. I shared so much with you. You were like the brother I never had. I
thought you felt the same

Him: I still do Rifiloe.

Me: so you and Siya are cool now

Him: yaah, I gave him all the info I had, in exchange for my freedom. I wanted out of the gang world, and
he ensured I got out

Me: I'm glad you're out

Him: Its actually all thanks to you. If Ghost didn’t love you as much as he did. I’d be dead by now. He
specifically told me that he was helping me, because of you

Me; well, I’m glad he did

Him; I’m glad to see you happy

Me; thanks

I stood up, and went to Give Sizwe a hug. I know he messed up, but Sizwe was my friend, and I was glad
he was back to his normal self.

Him: stop being such a cry baby. I thought you being married to ghost would toughen you up a bit

Me: mxm. You owe me drinks

Him: you sure that's a good idea?

Me: yes. Don’t worry about Siya. I'll handle him

Him: I see you've got him wrapped around your finger

Me: I wish. I think it's the other way around

Him: let me know when and where, and I'll be there

Me: cool

I gave Sizwe another hug, and he left.

I sat back down feeling a bit better. The fact that Siya had helped Sizwe proved he wasn't all bad. In fact
I think it made me love him even more.

I carried on with the reports throughout the day. By the time it was time to go home. I had proofread all
of them and was glad that everything was in order.

When I arrived home, I saw Siya's car parked in the garage, I was relived he was home. It would be nice
to have dinner with him and just catch up.

I first went to the kitchen to greet mam Martha, then I went to our bedroom. I needed a nice hot
shower, and hopefully Siya would join me.

When I got to our room Siya was sitting in bed, with his laptop on his lap. I can't say I'm surprised. I don't
know anyone who works as much as he does.

Me: Hi baby

Him: Hì

Me: When did you get back?

Him: If you had bothered to answer your phone, you would've known I was back a while ago

Me: haw baby. I was busy with the legal reports for the Beijing deal, I totally forgot that I had put my
phone in silence

Him: didn't Andrea give you my messages

Me: no. I told her didn't want to be disturbed.

Him: mhmm
I put my laptop and handbag away, and took off my clothes and put them in the laundry basket, then
wrapped a towel around myself.

I looked and Siya, and saw he was pouting. Gosh he can be such a baby at times. I just knew he wanted
attention and for me to tell him how sorry I am that I didn’t answer his calls Blah Blah Blah

I went over to him, and picked his laptop off his lap, and put it aside.

Then I sat on his lap in squat position facing him

Me: why you pouting?

Him; I’m not pouting

Me; baby You’re pouting. Tell me what I can do to make it better

Him; Rifiloe, I’m not Olwetho

Me; do you want me to kiss it better

Him;( Chuckles) you are annoying yaz

Me; ill take that as a yes

I leaned in and traced kisses from his neck, all the way to his lips.

Then stopped, just as he was enjoying it.

Me; better?

Him; not quite

Me; want another kiss

Him; mhmm

I leaned in again, and started kissing him. This time I could feel that he had let go of his mood, and was
enjoying himself.
I was tempted to stop, just to piss him off, but I was enjoying myself too much.

I prayed that his phone wouldn’t disturb us, because I swear I wouldn’t be calm if it did. I was in the
mood, and I’d be damned if I didn’t get my loving because of his job.

Siya, undid my towel, and started playing with my nipples. I guess it was convenient, that I was naked
underneath my towel, because by the way things were progressing it wouldn’t be too long now.

I helped him out his t-shirt, and started undoing his belt. Things were getting hotter by the minute. Siya
I usually made love in a slow and tender pace, but today was different.

It was hot and steamy, all I wanted was to feel him in me, and he knew it.

He shimmied out his pants, and thrusted himself into me, then stilled.

My heart was beating so fast, and the fullness was a bit tight. I was glad he has tilled, because I needed
the moment, just to get used to the fullness. I mean it had been over 2 months since we had done this,
so my body needed to readjust.

Siya was staring at me with those lustful eyes that drove me insane.

I didn’t want to wait anymore, so I started moving. Siya matched my pace. I don’t know if it was me
being on top, or him spanking me, but all I came so hard, that my body started shacking.

Siya didn’t last much longer, and I just collapsed onto his chest.

Him; damn

Me; yaah

Him; wanna go again?

Me; hell yah

Him; Ill race you to the shower

Me; give me a sec to catch my breath.

I slowly got off of Siya, and used the towel to clean myself up.

He stood up, and we went to the shower.

We made love in the shower, and then on the bathroom floor.

After the 3rd round I couldn’t go anymore. Its was as though Siya was punishing me for keeping him
waiting for 2 months, but in my opinion it was worth the wait. At least there was no trace of Jessica in
my mind, and hopefully now we would finally be able to move on.

102

Siya picked me up, off the bathroom floor and put me on the bed.

To say I was tired was an understatement.

He had literally used up all the energy that I had left for the day. I looked at him and he was grinning at
me

Me; what are you grinning about

Him; I like looking at you when we’ve just made love.

Me; that’s creepy

Him; why? You always have some glow thing going on

Me; glow? Are you serious? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m flipping exhausted. My hair is a mess and i
probably look like a monster

Him; that means I did a good job

Me; You sure as hell did. But now I think I need an ice back for my nunu

Him; Rifiloe, why would you need an ice pack?

Me; I’m swollen that’s why. Who wouldn’t be after 3 consecutive rounds?

Him; I had a case of blueballs babe. What did you expect?

Me; you love to exaggerate ne

Him; I can kiss your nunu better if you like

Me; hell no. Once you go down there we both know what happens afterwards

Him; (chuckles) I don’t think I could ever get enough of you

Me; I should hope not

Him; we should go have dinner

Me; I don’t want to walk

Him; so how are you going to eat

Me; can’t we have dinner here

Him; we can. But who’s going to bring the food up

Me; you

Him; yaz you are spoilt

Me; you spoilt me. Plus baby when the last time you bought me food in bed was

Him; never

Me;(giggles) that is nothing to be proud of

Him; zulu men don’t do all these romantic what what’s

Me; but you’re my Zulu man, and I love it when you do all those things

Him; don’t utter a word of this to anyone

Me; I wont

Him; ok, ill go fetch dinner

Me; don’t put anything on

Him; you want me to walk downstairs but naked?

Me; yes. I like looking at you’re butt

Him; not happening. What will mam Martha think ye?

Me; she’s retired for the night

Him; ha a Rifiloe. Ngeke

Siya got up shaking his head, he put on his shorts and went downstairs to get us dinner.
I decided to put on his t-shirt, because it was a bit chilly. I As I was putting on Siya’s shirt, I noticed that
his phone was in the front pocket.

I’m not really one to snoop, but a part of me just wanted to reassure myself. So I took his phone in my
hand and went to his messages.

I saw a few messages from his mother, and there were some from Jessica.

I told myself not to open them, but my heart wanted to make sure that nothing was going on between
them.

One read

*** I know you said you regret what happened. *****

But I just can’t seem to get over that night

Please think about my offer

Siya’s response was

*** I'm not telling you this again. What happened was a mistake ****

I love my wife. And that will never change. So take you offer

And stuff it.

Her

****** we both know she will never truly make you happy. *****

Don’t expect me to stop what I’m doing. What we shared was special and nothing you say will
change that.

Him;

***** Jess I’ve told you over and over again, that I’m not interested
 Do yourself a favor and stop with this bullshit. Jess I’m serious,

Otherwise you leave me no choice

Seeing these messages made me want to fucking kill this Jessica chick. She specifically said all she
wanted was to help Linda, and now she wanted Siya for herself. I swear this made me want to kill her.
But now wasn’t the time to be pissed, instead I had to make sure that Siya stuck to his word about not
being interested. Nxa

I heard Siya approaching, so I locked his phone and put it under the bed. If he asked me I’d say it
probably fell when I took his shirt off.

I quickly got back onto the bed and put on the TV.

Siya came in carrying a tray. With our food on it. I stood up to help him, then sat on the bed and started
eating

I couldn't look at Siya in the eyes. I kind of felt bad for what I had done, but at least my heart was at
peace knowing he wasn’t in a relationship with her. All I had to do now was figure out a way on how to
deal with Jessica. I was sick of these bitches messing with me. They were all so used to me being quite,
and sweet, but now it was time I thought this one a lesson. Maybe then they would know I mean
business. Nxa, I didn’t argue and fight with Siya, just so some random chick could dig their claws into
him.

Him; what are you thinking about

Me; nothing babe

Him; you seem like you’re far away

Me; I’m just happy that things between us are a lot less tense

Him; the power of makeup sex

I rolled my eyes at him and carried on eating.

After dinner, I took our plates to the kitchen, and cleaned up a bit, because Siya had made a mess while
dishing up. Then I went back to our room.

I found looking around, and I just knew he was looking for his phone.
Him; babe have you seen my phone?

Me; no love

I went to brush my teeth, and when I got back he had the phone in his hand.

Me; you found it

Him; yah, must’ve fallen under the bed

Me;mhmm

Him; come. We should get some sleep

I got into bed, and cuddles with Siya.

Me; babe

Him; Yes

Me; can I make a suggestion

Him; ok

Me; I’m not quite comfortable with the fact that you didn’t sleep home last night

Him; but babe I was working

Me; I know that. But I just need us to find a way to accommodate each other

Him; I’m listening

Me; I need to have your schedule. So I kind of know where you are, so that even when you can’t talk. I’ll
know you’re in CT or wherever. And you can have my schedule, so you know who I’m meeting with and
where

Him; we can do that, but what happened last night was last minute. Its not something that was planned.

Me; what exactly happened

him; one of the agents for the OPS group in Miami, was captured.

Me; oh

Him; what did you think I was doing

Me; I didn’t think anything. I was just uncomfortable because I couldn’t get hold of you

Him; Babe, the whole situation died down at around 10 am. I was on my jet by 11:00am, and arrived
here at around 13:30pm. If you check your phone, you’ll see I texted you when I left, and I called you
when I landed. I even tried you’re office line, but all your calls were diverted to Andrea. So I left
messages with her

Me; I know that babe. But it’s just now comfortable sleeping alone, while you’re unreachable

Him; ill make a deal with you

Me; what

Him; I’ll get my PA to combine our diaries, that way we have access to whatever the other is doing. and
if I’m unavailable and it’s not in my diary I will get her to mail you my whereabouts or when I’ll be
available

Me; sounds fair

Him; I’ll get onto it first thing

Me; thanks babe

Him; you know I love you right

me; yaah, I do

Him; don’t ever doubt that. No matter what we’re going through.

Me; I’ll try

Him; good. Now give me a kiss goodnight. I’ve got an early morning

I gave Siya a kiss goodnight, and pretended to sleep. Now that I had sorted out Siya, I needed to sort out
this Jessica chick. But first I needed Siya to be fast asleep.

When I was 100% sure that he was asleep, I got up, and took my cell phone with me to the lounge.

There was only one person who could help me with the info that I needed and that person was Nails

I dialled nails, and he picked up on the 2nd ring

Him; boss lady

Me; nails Hi. How you doing

Him; well thank you.

Me; I’m sorry to be calling you on your personal mobile. But I need a favor
Him; I’m all ears

Me; but first you have to promise me that you say a word about this to anyone

Him; not even Ghost

Me; especially not Ghost

Him; (sigh) I cant promise you that

Me; Please nails. Its important. It will mean a lot to me. Please

Him; I hope I wont regret this

Me; you wont. I promise

Him; ok, lets hear it

Me; I need you to get me a background search on someone

Him; who?

Me; Jessica

Him; Jess,

Me; yaah

Him; why

Me; I can’t say, but I need it

Him; what exact information do you need on her

Me; everything

Him; damn. What has she done to you?

Me; you don’t want to know

Him; I’ll get onto it. But if Ghost finds out, I want no part in it

Me; he won’t know

Him; ok. Give me a day or two and I’ll have the details to you

Me; thank you

I put the phone down and smiled. I needed to know all there was to know about this Jessica Chick.
Before I came up with a plan.
I put my phone on silent and went back to bed. Tomorrow I would start digging up some info on Linda.
She was the one who bought Jessica into my life, so if I was going to stop this snake, I would have to
make sure that Linda was also put in place.

It was clear that she didn’t learn her lesson the first time, so now it was time I made sure she would
never try anything again. This time around I wasn’t going to be so forgiving. If Linda wanted round two.
She had better make sure she was ready.

103

I woke up the following morning with Siya wrapped around me. I have no idea how I fall asleep in this
hot weather with him wrapped around me like this.

Me; siya maan move over

Him; mhmm

Me; didn you say you had an early morning? Its already 7:30am

Him; Shit

Siya, jumped out of bed, and went to shower. I figured by his response he was late.

I got up, made the bed and took our laundry to the laundry room, then I went to Join Siya in the shower

Me; for someone who’s late you’re taking forever in the shower

Him; I was hoping you would join me

Me; well, here I am. But aren’t you going to be late?

Him; maybe, but I am the boss after all

I leaned in and started kissing him. Then one thing led to another.

When we were done, we washed up again, then went to get dressed.

Siya wore his beige suit with a white shirt and I wore my black formal jumpsuit, with my black heels

Him; you look sexy

Me; thanks babe

Him; not sure I like you going to the office looking like that

Me; Siya

Him; I’m just saying. Especially the way it shows off you’re curves

Siya came and stood behind me and spanked me

Me; behave

Him; How? When I have the most beautiful wife in the world

Me; what’s with all the compliments?

Him; can’t I just admire my wife

I turned around, and put my arms around his neck

Me; of course you can

Him; when you look at me like this, it makes me want to stay in bed

Me; well, you’re the boss. Why don’t you

Him; mhhm tempting

Me; my schedule is open for today

Him; damn

Me; offer going once, twice

Him; sold.

Me; you serious?

Him; yaah, but

Me; offer expired at “but”

Him; make it up to me tonight

Me; ok

I gave him a kiss, and thanked my lucky stars he didn’t take me up on my offer, because I wanted to get
my plan in motion.

Siya left, and I stayed to have breakfast, then went to the office.

When I arrived, I asked Andrea to send Sizwe to my office and to hold my calls. Unless if its Siya. The last
thing I need is for me to miss his calls again, and have him breathing down my neck about it.

Sizwe arrived as I was busy on Linda’s Facebook page

Me; please close the door behind you

Sizwe complied, then sat opposite me

Me; I need your help

Him; what’s up

Me; I need a gun

Sizwe looked at me like I was crazy

Him; you’re joking right

Me; no

Him; Rifiloe, why the hell would you need a gun

Me; just in case I need one. You never know with the line of work Siya is in. I might need to protect
myself

Him; so why aren’t you asking your husband for one

Me; because we both know he wouldn’t allow it

Him; and what makes you think I would

Me; because you’re my friend

Him; Rifiloe, this isn’t a good idea. Believe me

Me; please Sizwe. You’re the only one who can help me
Him; tell me why you actually need it. And I want the truth

Me; we should discuss this over lunch. There’s too much to tell

Him; 1pm, mythos?

Me; sharp

Sizwe stood up shaking his head at me. It’s funny how all the men in my life are forever shaking their
heads at me. nxa

When Sizwe left, I concentrated on my work. I sent Siya a sms telling him I was going to lunch with
Sizwe, since we hadn’t merged our diaries as yet. As expected he phoned almost immediately

Me; Ndhlovu

Him; so you’ve seen Sizwe

Me; yes

Him; when

Me; yesterday

Him; why didn’t you say anything

Me; if I remember correctly you were pouting, so I didn’t quite get a moment to discuss Sizwe with you.
Because after the pouting came desert.

Him; so you’re going to lunch with him?

Me; yes

Him; Rifiloe, I’m not exactly comfortable with you being close to him again

Me; baby, please

Him; on one condition

Me; what

Him; one of the guards accompanies you

I wanted to tell Siya to jump, but decided against it.

Me; as long as the guard doesn’t stand too close to us

Him; fine

Me; deal

Him; Ill see you later

Me; ok. Love you

Him; If only you knew how much I loved you

Me; I think I have an idea

Him; before I forget. I’m going to be home late

Me; how late

Him; not sure.

Me; ok, ill let mam Martha know not to prepare dinner

Him; what will you eat

Me; ill get a pizza on my way home

Him; aren’t you on a diet

me; Siya, shut up and go back to work

Him; (chuckles)

Me; its not funny

As I was still talking to Siya, I could hear there was another call coming in. When I looked at the caller ID,
I saw that it was his mother

Me; you’re mothers calling

Him; oh. I just spoke to her

Me; babe, I don’t know if I want to answer

Him; Rifiloe. She’s my mother. You’re going to need to have some sort of relationship with her

Me; but babe, she hates me

Him; that’s a little extreme

Me; Siya, have you forgotten what she did and said about me

Him; that’s all last year. Its 2016 babe. You need to move on.

Me; mhhhhmm

Him; baby, there’s nothing more that I want then to see the two most important woman in my life
getting along. Plus soon we’ll be having our traditional wedding. My mother is going to be the one
helping you get everything in order. It’s only right that you get along

Me; I thought we would just get a wedding planner

Him; baby, it’s a traditional wedding. Why would we need a wedding planner?

Me; baby hle

Him; Rifiloe, just try. That’s all I ask

Me; (sigh) fine

Him; that’s my girl

Me; put the phone down so I can call her back

Him; ok love you

Me; mhmm

I cut the call and put my head on the table. The last thing I wanted was to deal with Siya’s mother.
Especially since she hated me, but none the less I called her back.

Her; makoti

I rolled my eyes because, I knew she was just pretending

Me; Hi Ma

Her; how are you dear?

Me; I’m good ma, and you

Her; haai my knees are just getting worse by the day yaz

Me; sorry to hear that

Her; I hear you don’t want to come visit me for the weekend

shit. I didn’t think Siya would tell his mother I didn’t want to see her. Men can be so stupid

Me; Ma, I don’t want to inconvenience you in your home.

Her; don’t be silly. Id love to have you over

Me; ahhm ma, its just that

Her; lalela. I know you don’t want to come because of what happened the last time I came to visit. But I
can see that I was wrong about you. Siyabonga has never been this happy. Not even with that whore
named Linda

Tjo, that was unexpected. I didn’t know wheather she was serious of if she was just trying to soften me
up

Her; phela Siyabonga told me about Linda falling pregnant, by that Hlokes guy. Haai, Makoti, I couldn’t
believe it. All this time she was telling me its Siya’s child

Me; askies ma

Her; you know I was so angry when Siyabonga told me, so I went to her house, and she confessed
everything. She even told me it was you who connected the dots. Just imagine

Me; yaah ne

Her; I told her right there and then that I want nothing more to do with her.

Me; sorry to hear that ma, I know how much you loved her

Her; I don’t care about her. Now all I need to worry about is welcoming my Makoti to the Ndhlovu
home.

Me; oh

Her; yes. You are the woman for Siya. I told him I don’t want to see any other tikilani in my house.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do such a 360 in my life. Not so long ago this woman was telling me
how much she hates me, and now because Linda was carrying Hlokes child.

Me; (clears throat) ahmm ma, I should go

Her; so I’ll see you on Friday

Me; ahmm, yaa. Siya and I will see you on Friday

Her; ok koti. Bye bye

Me; bye

Fucking hell, what was that all about? And now I honestly didn’t have a choice but to go and see her. I
would have to put on an act for the entire weekend. I couldn’t exactly be rude to the woman, if she was
pretending to be nice. I would also have to pretend. After all he is Siya’s mother. I should’ve known that
he would make up with her eventually.

104

(crop top insert. I'm sorry, but Work is crazy)

:(

After Speaking to Siya’s mother, I called Siya back. I needed to make sure he was going to spend the
weekend in KZN with me. There was no way I was going alone. Never

Him; baby

Me; can you talk

Him; yes. What’s up?

Me; I just spoke to your mom

Him; and

Me; I guess we’re going down to KZN

Him; thanks babe

Me; Siya you better make sure that you are there with me. I honestly will kill you if you make me go by
myself

Him; I will babe. I promise

Me; Siya. I’m seriouse

Him; I know you are

Me; so why are you giggling?

Him; im sorry ke baby wam

Me; mxm. Make sure you’re there

Him; ok love

Me; bye
I cut the call and just laughed. This was going to be one hell of an interesting weekend.

After speaking to Siya, I continued with my work, Sizwe arrived and we walked out for lunch.

When I got to reception one of Siya’s guards was waiting for us. We got in the ca, and he drove us to
Mythos.

When we arrived at mythos. I sat opposite Sizwe, and thankfully the guard stood at a distance away.

Him; you need to tell me why you need a gun

Me; I just have a few things planned, and I might need to protect myself

Him; FiFi, if you need my help, then I want to know exactly what you have planned

I knew then that I had no choice but to come clean. I needed Sizwe’s help, and this was my way of
getting it.

I told Sizwe everything. From when I first Linda, to the part about Siya sleeping with Jessica.

He looked at me win shock

Him; and you stayed

Me; yaah

Him; wow

Me; I know

Him; so now you want to get back at these people

Me; ya

Him; but Rifiloe, don’t you think you should rather just leave it alone and move on

Me; not till I’ve given them a taste of their own medicine

Him; (sigh) what do you have planned

Me; not sure yet

Him; does it involve violence

Me; not really

Him; that’s not an answer

Me; no
Him; ok, so how far are you on this

Me; I’m waiting on info from Nails regarding Jess, but I don’t really have much to go on when it comes to
Linda. Plus I’m scared to do anything, because I don’t want her to lose her baby

Him; my suggestion is you wait for the info from Nails, just so you know what you’re working with. And
leave Linda alone. As you said she’s pregnant. Let her be

Me; mhmm

Him; Fifi ill help you. But no guns

Me; fine

Him; good. Now can we eat in peace?

Me; fine

Sizwe changed the topic, and we enjoyed our lunch, then went back to the office.

After work I went straight home. I didn’t bother having the pizza because of the comment that Siya
made about my weight. Instead I made myself a chicken salad and ate in peace.

After dinner, I went to take a shower, then went to Siya’s closet to get a shit that I can sleep in, since
Siya was coming home late.

After getting ready for bed, I got into the blankets and tried getting myself some sleep, but I was woken
up by my phone ringing. I looked at my caller ID and saw it was Nails.

Me; nails

Him; Boss lady. I’ve got you’re docs

Me; and

Him; you have to see it to believe it

Me; that bad ha

Him; I’m on my way to SA as we speak

Me; why

Him; can’t discuss over the phone. I’ll see you in the morning

I wanted to ask nails more questions, but he had already put the phone down.
I tried getting back to sleep but I just couldn’t. Something about the fact that nails would travel all the
way from Cuba to SA just to give me a file. Something just didn’t feel right, but there was nothing I
could do but wait and see.

Siya arrived just as I was drifting off to sleep again. I didn’t bother waking up. I was too tired and just
needed sleep.

When I woke up the following morning, I was anxious as hell. I wanted to get to work. I knew that if Siya
saw me he would sense my anxiety.

I quickly had a shower, while he was asleep, then got dressed, and basically ran out the bedroom.

Problem is when I got to the kitchen, Nails was sitting there having breakfast. I immediately froze when I
saw him.

Me; what are you doing here

Him; relax

Me; relax? Siya is upstairs. How are you going to explain you being here?

Him; he’s expecting me

Me; shit. You told him

Him; yes

Me; fucking hell Nails. Why did you have to do that? He’s going to kill me

Him; relax. You might’ve just saved his life

Me; how

I felt Siya standing behind me, before I could even finish my sentence. I turned around and looked at
him.

Him; so you’re inceptor gadget now?

Me; baby

Him; Ill deal with you later.

Me; Siya

Him; Nails, my office. Now

Nails stood up, and followed Siya, while I just stood in the dining room, wondering what the hell I had
gotten myself into.

105

(crop top again)

(Got meetings till 1pm. Ill post a long insert after that)

I stood in the dining room not knowing whether to follow Siya and Nails, or to rather go to work?

I wanted to explain myself to Siya, but the way he looked so mad, I figured I’d rather give him space and
go to the office.

When I arrived at the office, it was rather quiet. I looked at my watch and it was already 09:00am.

I walked past reception, and went passed Andrea’s office, and she also wasn’t at desk.

My gut told me to go back home, but I thought nothing about it. I figured that maybe the staff was at a
meeting or something.

When I got too my office, I immediately froze. The place had been totally trashed. My books were all
over the floor, my desk had smashed. And for some reason my pictures of me and Siya were missing.

I stood at the spot trying to figure out what was going on. A few seconds later things started to fall into
place. All I needed to do was to get the hell out of here.

I searched my handbag for my phone, so I could phone the security details down stairs, but froze,
because I had a gun to the back of my head.

Her; I was wondering when you would arrive. We’ve been waiting for you
Hearing this bitch’s voice, pissed me the hell off. What the fuck was Jessica up to?

Me; I would say it’s nice to see you again, but obviously I’d be lying

He; cocky as ever I see

Me; Jessica, what are you playing at

Her; me? Nothing. But the people I work for. They are the ones you need to be afraid of

Me; you work for Siya. Why the hell would I be afraid of my own husband?

Her; (giggles)

Jessica, put down the gun, and I turned around to face her. The look in her eyes, sent chills down my
spine.

She handed me a balaclava

Her; put this on

Me; fuck no

Her; I’m not asking twice

Me; Jessica,

She lifted he gun and pointed it at me

Her; Nothing will give me grater joy, than to shoot your brains out. Do yourself a favour and put the
balaclava on.

I could hear Siya’s voice in my head, telling me to do as told. I rolled my eyes, and put on the balaclava.

I felt my phone vibrating in my bag, put didn’t dare answer because I knew it was Siya

Her; walk

Me; where too?

Her; just walk towards the basement.

Me; what have you done to my staff

Her; don’t worry, no one’s hurt. All we wanted was you, and now that we have you, everyone else will
be let go, but if you try something, we kill them all.
I’ll be honest and say I was scared shitless. This Jessica chick had a dark side to her, and that scared me.

I walked towards the garage, with Jess walking behind me. I made a little prayer asking God, to help me
participate. I would never live with myself if something happened to my staff, because of my
stubbornness.

When we got to the garage, there were about 20 police cars waiting for us. Jessica opened one of them
and told me to get in. I nearly protested, but then thought about all the lives at stake, and opted to get
in.

I had so many questions going through my mind. Like why there were police cars? Or why Siya wasn’t
here yet. All of this was just confusing as hell. And I had no one to answer my questions.

Once inside the car, Jessica stepped in next to me, and the driver took off.

It was obvious that these people were professionals, because of the way they spoke and even the fact
that all the police cars were identical, and they all went in different directions. So even if someone was
tracking us, it would be difficult for them to know which car to track.

My only prayer now would be for Siya to get me out of this mess, before it was too late.

We drove for about 3 hours, I’m not sure where we were because we had taken so many turns.

When we arrived, I felt Jessica inject me with something on my arm.

Me; what the fuck was that

Her; goodnight love.

ME; you fucking bitch.

Her; shhhh, sleep now. You’re going to need it

I wanted to fight this feeling so badly, but my eyes were giving up on me. I had no choice but to succumb
to the darkness that presented itself

106

******* SIYA *********

When nails phoned me to tell me what Rifiloe had requested, I wanted to kill her. She has no idea what
kind of shit she was getting herself into, but knowing my wife, she was oblivious to that, and was just
out for revenge.

Not that I blame her though, if I hadn’t slept with Jessica, she wouldn’t be feeling insecure, and wouldn’t
be seeking help from Nails.

The first thing I did when Nails told me, was get him on the Jet here. I know nails has a soft spot for
Rifiloe. The only reason he would tell me about her request would be if he found something damning
about Jess. Which he apparently did. So here he was in my office as calm as ever.

Me; so what’s so important, that I had fly you all the way here

Him; you shouldn’t be so hard on Rifiloe. She actually helped us

Me; Nails. Don’t tell me how to treat my wife. What information did you find on Jessica?

Him; take a look and see for yourself

I read the file that nails had given me over twice. There was no way that this was right.

Me; where did you find these

Him; one of my connections

Me; shit

Him; yaah

Me; We need to get to the office. If Jessica is working for Fernandez then everyone on that mission is in
danger.

Him; Ill contact Bullet

Me; Shit. Rifiloe’s just left for the office, and I don’t have enough security details with her

Him; we better go get her

I phoned Rifiloe, twice but she didn’t answer. Knowing her she was probably busy, and had forgotten to
put her phone off silent.

I tried the office, and there was no answer. I just knew then, that something wasn’t right.
Me; Nails I need you to activate a code red on this. Make sure every individual who ever worked for me
is tracked and put on the first flight here.

Him; yes sir

Him; make sure Boni and Bullet have maximum security. Fernandez knows Bullet was my second in
command. If he’s going after me he will definitely be a target

Him; sharp

Me; one more thing. Secure the Rifiloe’s offices.

Him; sure

I took my Gun, and rushed to the garage. I needed to get to Ndhlovu Corp, to make sure Rifiloe was ok.
Something was telling me she wasn’t, and that scared the hell out of me.

When I arrived with outside Ndhlovu Corp, I immediately knew that something was wrong.

There were no guards at the Door, and the place, looked deserted.

I ran upstairs to Rifiloe’s office, and felt my heart sink, the moment I opened the door.

It was obvious that my worst nightmare had just become a reality. Fernandez had Rifiloe, and God
knows what he planned on doing to her.

My insides felt like they were being torn into two. The anger I felt was only directed at me. I don’t know
what the hell I was thinking. I should’ve never allowed myself to be with Rifiloe. I’ve literally brought her
nothing but trouble. When all she’s ever asked for was love.

I left the office, and went directly to HQ. If I was going to find Rifiloe, I would have to utilise every
resource I have at my disposal.

When I arrived at HQ, I found my team already gathered. It was good to see them all ready for action

Me; as you all know. It looks like Jessica decided to go Rouge. In fact I’d call her a fucking traitor.

Our main objective is to find my wife alive. If Fernandez wanted her dead, he would’ve sent me,
instead he took her, which means he needs something, or is trying to make a point. I need all of you to
work towards finding her. I want all planes stopped. No plane leaves or enters SA till we find her. This is
code Red everyone, which means shit is about to get real.

Nails; Boss, I think you need to see this

Me; what is it

Him; you have a video call coming in from Fernandez

Me; put it through

Him; try keep him on the line as long as you can, so I can track him

Me; nails. I know. Just put him on the screen.

I moved over to where the screens were, and waited to speak to this fucker.

Him; ahh Ghost my friend. We meet again

Me; wish I could say it was a pleasure, but truth be told, not so much under the circumstances

Him; well, you know what the problem is ha? I don’t like being lied to.

Me; Fernandez, just get to the point

Him; well, let’s just say, I have you’re lovely wife. I must say she is rather beautiful

Me; why did you have to involve her in all this ha? She knows nothing. Let her go, and we can discuss
this like grown men

Him; (chuckles) you must think I’m a fool. Why on earth would I let her go? You know how much money
I can make from her? Ha. She is after all the wife of one of the most sought after gangster. The infamous
Ghost. The man who no one knows his face, except for me.

Me; you do this Fernandez.

Him; you did this Ghost. You think I don’t know that the only reason you wanted to work for me was so
that you could go after my guys and eventually kill the empire that I had worked so damn hard for

Me; So what now

Him; now, I go to the room behind me, and I have myself some fun with your wife. By the look of things
she is going to be amazing.

Me; I swear to God, if you lay one finger on her

Him; what will you do Ghost? I have you by the balls now, and I plan on making you pay for ever thinking
you could take me down

Fernandez cut the call.

Me; Nails tell me you fucking traced him

Him; sorry boss. He cut the call too quickly

Me; Fuck, fuck Fuck

I had never in my life felt this useless. Fernandez was right. He had me by the balls, but I had to remain
calm.

The only way I would be able to find Rifiloe, was if I remained calm. I needed to remove my emotions
from this, and treat it like all my other missions.

Me; try tracking Rifiloe’s phone

Him; tried that already. It’s off line

Me; put up the camera footage from Ndhlovu Corp.

Him; Its up

Me; I need you to see if you can activate the tracker that the force puts in all of the agents. Last time I
checked Jessica still had her

Him; sure boss

Me; how far is Bullet and Boni

Him; on their way here

Me; and the rest of the Ops agents

Him; all accounted for, except for Jess

Me; make sure that bitch is alive. I want to be the one to put a bullet through her head

Nails put up the footage. And I started going through it.

Some the team was, going through Jessica’s life with a fine comb. She was the only link I had to finding
Rifiloe.

While the rest were interviewing every single staff member from Ndhlovu Corp. They were all found an
office park opposite of Ndhlovu corp. It was obvious that Fernandez was only after me, and he planned
on using Rifiloe, to bring me to my knees

Me; nails. Get Sizwe in here.

Him; yes sir

Me; make sure you put a tracker in him

Him; sure boss

I carried on with the footage, and tried not to think about what that fucker had in store for Rifiloe. All I
prayed for was that he was bluffing, and wouldn’t hurt her. Because I don’t think I could ever forgive
myself if anything happened to her.

107

I opened my eyes, and saw nothing but darkness. My head was pounding. My lips were dry and I was
thirsty. I sat up, and realized I wasn't having a nightmare. I was in a dark room, with no Windows or
toilet.

All there was, was a single bed, with no blankets.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard the door knob turning.

I would say I was scared, but that didn't even begin to describe how I was feeling.

I looked up and in walked in some guy.

Him: you're finally awake

Me: where am I

Him: you're in hell baby

Me: what do you want from me? I do t even know you.

Him: what do I want? Mhmm lets see.... I want to teach your husband a lesson. He thought he could
take Me down, but unfortunately for him, I am way smarter than he is. So now, I'm going to use you, to
teach him a lesson.

Me; how,

Him: you'll soon find out.

He left me there, feeling more scared than ever. If Siya was going to help me he had better do it soon,
because the way I see it, it wasn't long till this man does something.

*******Siya *********

I looked at the footage over and over again, but couldn't find a lead.

It was obvious that these people we professionals.

It was already 9pm and I hadn't found Rifiloe. I don't know what's the use of me being a lieutenant is if I
can’t even find my own wife.

This is why I should’ve never allowed myself to fall for Rifiloe. In our line of work, love was seen as a
weakness, and like a fool I went after my heart, instead of what my head was telling me. And to make
matters worse, Bullet is also following in my footsteps.

I know now that no matter how everything plays out, I’m going to have to let Rifiloe go. There is no way
we get to have a happy ending. I need to now man up and do the right thing, and that was letting Rifiloe
have a normal life, because what Fernandez had done was a declaration of war, and no matter how
much I want to resign, and leave all of this behind. A lieutenant can never resign in the middle of a war. I
would have to finish this, but Rifiloe would always be in danger. As long as this war went on she would
never be safe. So the best way would be for me to

I looked over at my team and just knew that they were doing everything to find her, and yet I had never
felt this useless.

I looked up, and saw nails standing in front of me. I was so deep in thought, I hadn't see Him walking to
my desk.

Him: boss, can I ask you something

Me: ask away

Him: remember the time you were in Brazil, you had asked us to take over the cameras at Fernandez
mansion

Me: yes
Him; I decided to go throughout the footage, and access the cameras again. Just to see if I could find
something

Me; ok, and?

Him; and I found this

I looked at Nails computer, and didn't quite understand what he wanted to show me

Me: I'm lost

Him: when you (clears throat) with Jess and the girl

Me; yah

Him; you had the watch on, but then whe you left it was off

Me; so?

He gave me the file that he had given me earlier.

Him: in this picture I see that Jessica is wearing a watch very similar to yours

Me: so she stole my watch. How does that help me

Him; as part of your security detail, we sometimes do things without your permission

Me: stop mumbling, and tell me what you're trying to say

Him: so after you're shooting on the mission. I decided to place trackers in some of your personal items

Me; I'll kill you later for that. But continue.

Him: I placed a tracker in your watch

Me: so what are you doing standing I front if me? Why aren't you tracking it

Him: because if I activate the tracker, they might sense the radiation

Me: doesn't matter. Just do it

Him yes sir

Me; put it up on the screen

Him; sho boss

Nails started tracking my watch, and Sizwe walked in

Him; Boss

Me; yah,

Him; you called

Me; I need a report on what happened at the office. I don’t understand how anyone could get into the
building, with so many security feature

Him; I’ll get onto it, but first, I would like to understand how far you are with find her

Me; nails is busy tracking Jess. I have a the entire force looking for her

Him; I have an idea

Me; I’m all ears

Him; what you’re all doing is great. But we need to find something to make this guy sweat

Me; how

Him; I need a laptop

I gave Sizwe a laptop

Him; so this Fernandez guy. H deals mainly with prostitution and drugs right?

Me; ya

Him; does he have kids

Me; no

Him; a wife

Me; no

Him; so his money is his life

Me; yes

Him; so that’s what we focus on

Me; I like you’re thinking

Him; I need one of your best hackers

Me; nails

Him; cool. Now grab a laptop and let’s work our magic.

******* Rifiloe************
I have no idea how long I had been in this hole for but I was honestly starting to get pissed. If this guy
was so fucking gangster, why hadn’t he done anything.

Why was he using me? Lord knows all I wanted was to get my hands on this Jessica chick. I don’t know
how she thinks she is going to get away with this.

As I was thinking about Jessica, the same guy who was here walked in. but this time he wasn’t alone.
One of the guys was holding an ipad. I could just tell that was filming

Him; Take of your clothes

I looked at him and wondered if he was serious

Him; I’m not asking you again

Me; fuck you

He walked towards me and slapped me. I swear I nearly fell over

Him; as you can see I’m not a very patient man. So I’m going to video call your husband, and hopefully
he can convince you to do as you’re told

Me; you can do what you want, I won’t ever take off my clothes for you. You can go to hell

He turned around and told one of the other guys to call Siya

The moment I heard Siya’s voice, tears started to flow. During this whole thing I never broke, but at this
moment, I just couldn’t hold back.

Him; Ghost my friend. I’m really sorry, but I just want her to do as told

Siya; Fernandez, what the fuck are you talking about

Him; I asked her to take off her clothes, but your wife is hard headed. So I gave her a little slap to
convince her

Siya; babe, are you ok

I dint respond, I just nodded

Fernandez; so ghost since I have your attention, I thought maybe I would let you watch me enjoy your
wife

Siya; I wouldn’t do that if I were you

Fernandez; well, who’s going to stop me

Fernandez moved closer to me. I wanted to take a step back, but I was pressed against the wall.

He lifted his hand and started unbuttoning my shirt. I could hear Siya going off but there was nothing he
could do.

I tried fighting but he was stronger. I kept telling myself not to cry, but the tears just kept flowing. I knew
what was going to happen, and I don’t know if I could handle it

With every button he undid, I felt like I was losing a part of my soul.

Once my shit was off, he leaned in and kissed my neck.

I don’t think I have ever felt so dirty in my life. I knew then that if I would rather die, than have this man
rape me.

As he was busy kissing my neck, I moved in and sunk my teeth into his ear.

I bit on it for dear life. He tried getting out of the grip, but I pulled his hair and bit harder.

He screamed in pain, while his guys rushed over. They tried pulling me off, but I held on.

If I was going to die I sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easy for them.
By the time they got me off of him, my mouth was covered in his blood. I noticed that his ear was ripped
almost halfway. And my hand had some of his hair.

Him; you stupid bitch. You’re going to fucking pay for this

Me; fuck off you asshole

Him; wait and see what I’m going to do to you. I’m going to make you pay for this

He leaped towards me, but I kicked him in the balls. I’m not much of a fighter, but this was my life. I
know that chances of me getting out of here were slim. But I still wanted to try and by myself some time

The guys in the room, attended to Fernandez, while I took a bit of a breather.

I had now done all I could do. All that was left was for me to do was to pray and hope that Siya had a
plan. Because I was almost certain that after what I just did Fernandez was going to make me suffer,
before killing me

108

***** SIYA ****

If there’s one thing one needs to know about Rifiloe, it’s that she is crazy as hell. And to be quite honest
I loved her even more because of her feisty attitude.

I was going crazy, when I saw Fernandez put his hands on her. If I could climb through the screen I
would, but then Rifiloe did something I didn’t expect. She bit his ear and I actually smiled.

I knew she was trying to buy us time, and she just did. Only problem was Fernandez isn’t the kind of guy
to take things like this lying down. He was going to make her pay for this, and that scared the shit out of
me.

Luckily because Fernandez staff rushed to him, the IPad was still taping, which meant we could track
their exact location.
I looked at nails, and for once since this whole ordeal I had hope.

Me; nails; how far

Him; 2 sec’s

The whole office was so silent. Everyone was just waiting to see if we would find location.

When I saw the red dot, giving us a location I let out a sigh of relief.

My team immediately stood up, and got strapped.

Bullet and Boniswa walked just as I was getting strapped. There wasn’t even time to greet them. I just
nodded, and carried on getting ready.

Hlokes said something to Boni, then walked over to me

Him; where do you think you’re going

Me; don’t

Him; you know the rules

Me; fuck the rules

Him; Ghost you aren’t in OP’s anymore. You can’t go on missions

Me; get out my way

Him; you are a leader. You lead by example. And the first rule, is to always follow the rules.

Me; Bullet, he has my wife

Him; and that’s why you have a team. We’ll handle this. You just guide us from her

Me; no ways

Him; what do you think Fernandez wants? Obviously he’s counting on having you come find her. If he
gets his hands on you then he wins.

Me; I don’t give a damn

Him; Ghost, I need you to trust me with this. Not just as you’re friend, but as you’re second

Me; (sigh) don’t fuck this up

Him; I wont

Me; make sure she gets out there alive

Him; I won’t.

I unstrapped my vest and gun, and put them back in the safe. Then gathered the team for instructions. I
wanted to make sure they knew what was at stake here. This was my wife, and I needed them to make
sure they did everything in their power to bring her home

Once the team left, I was left with the IT team, and Nails.

Boni was seated at the corner, looking terrified. I felt that Bullet had literally just arrived, and already he
was on a mission.

******** Rifiloe *********

I saw huddled in the corner, and prayed that Fernandez wouldn’t come back.

It had been about an hour since I had bit his ear, and he had promised to fuck me up.

I rocked back and forth, praying.

I don’t know what happened, but then I heard a loud bang go off It was so loud, I heard my ears ringing.
Followed by gun shots. I stayed seated and prayed to God that it was Siya.

I saw the handle turning, and I started to cry. If this wasn’t Siya, then I was about to live the worst
nightmare of my life.

The door slowly opened, and I saw a gun first. I couldn’t make out who he was because the room was so
dark, but then he came closer, and I saw it was Hlokes

Him; Rifiloe
For the first time since this started, I let out a sigh. It was as though a weight had been lifted off my
shoulders

Me; Hlokes

He came closer, and put his jacket over me.

Him; let’s get you home

I nodded and took his hand.

We walked out and thanked God, that once again, he had protected me from the brink of death.

When we got outside, I noticed how chilly it was. I figured it was after 2am. All I wanted was to have a
bath, and to see Siya.

Hlokes got in the back seat with me and we left. I noticed that some of the other agents stayed behind,
but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to get the hell out here

Him; you ok

Me; (sniff) ya

Him; you were brave Rifiloe.

Me; just get me home please

Him; sure.

I put my head on his shoulder, and just let my tears flow.

I didn’t realise I had fallen asleep, until Hlokes gently shook me awake

Him; Rifiloe. You’re home

I rubbed my eyes, and opened my door

Me; Hlokes thank you

Him; Thank your man.

Climbed out, and saw Siya walking towards me. He looked like he had aged a thousand years.

He didn’t say anything, he just put his arms around me. I breathed in scent counted my blessings.

There was a time, where I thought I would never be in his arms again. But here I was

We broke our hug, and walked inside. We went straight to our bedroom.

It was as though Siya could read my mind. He had already run my bath, and had placed my PJ’s on the
bed

Me; thank you

Him; don’t thank me.

Me;(sigh)

I took off the jacket that Hlokes had given me, and the rest of my clothes, and walked to the bathroom.
I turned around and saw that Siya wasn’t joining me

Me; join me

Him; you sure

Me; Yes

He undressed, and we got into the bath. I sat in front of him and leaned back. I sensed Siya was
worried, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he just played with my hair, while I took in the events of the
day. I know he might think I’m mad at him, but truth be told, I wasn’t. Siya was the love of my life, and I
had chosen to stay with him despite finding out the truth about what he does. I loved him more today,
because despite it all, he had kept his promise to always protect me.

109

Siya and I stayed in the bath, till the water got cold. Despite everything, I felt so at peace here in the
cold water with my knight in shining guns.
Him; we should get out

Me; not yet

Him; the waters getting cold

Me; shhh Siya. Just sit. I want to absorb the moment

Siya sat with me, and didn’t ask further questions. He just sat with me, and let me come to terms with
what could’ve happened.

When I finally felt ready to get out. We came out, brushed our teeth, and then went to get dressed

Him; can I get you something to eat

Me; no thank you

Him; Rifiloe you haven’t eaten all day

Me; baby, I just want to get to bed and pretend that this was all a nightmare

Him; can I just ask you to at least let the doctor for a check-up, before you go to sleep

Me; does that have to be today?

Him; yes. We need to make sure

Me; Siya, he didn’t rape me. I’m fine

Him; please babe

Me; ok

Siya stood up to fetch the doctor, while I put a gown on.

The doctor did a thorough check up and even some blood test. He gave me a whole lot of meds, and
told me to ensure I took them. I didn’t bother asking what they were for. I wasn’t really interested in all
the faffing that was going on around me.

Him; do you have any questions

Me; no

Him; I’ll have the blood work results to you by tomorrow afternoon
Me; thank you

Him; before I forget. If you are on a contraceptive. It’s more likely not to work because of the pills I’ve
given you

Me; I have an implant in

Him; we should remove it for time being. We can insert another one once you have finished your course

Me; can we do it tomorrow

Him; it will only take 20 min

Me; fine

I lay down, and basically fell asleep. I was so exhausted from the events of today, and having my blood
drown. The doctor was true to his word, and within 20min he had taken out the implant, and I was fast
asleep

When Siya walked in he put a blanket over me, and got in next to me.

I moved closer and cuddled him,

Him; I thought you were asleep

Me; mhmmm

Him; want to talk

Me; ha a

Him; ok. Sleep

I didn’t argue with him, instead I just let myself get surrender to what was left of the night.

When I woke up, it was after midday. I thought for some reason I wouldn’t be able to sleep, or I’d be
traumatized, but nothing. I was just glad to be home.

I got up and went to freshen up, then went to get myself something to eat. I was starved.

When I got to the kitchen, I expected to see Mam Martha, but instead Siya was in the kitchen, with an
apron and cooking
Him; I hope you’re hungry. I’ve cooked up a storm

Me; I’m famished

Him; good. Sit down, ill dish up for you

Me; what did you make

Him; butter chicken, with rice and Greek salad

Me; smells amazing

Siya dished up for the both of us, and we went to the poolside to eat there.

Me; I thought you’d be at work

Him; I’m more needed here

Me; thank you

Him; don’t thank me.

We had brunch talking about random things. I could tell Siya had so many things to say about what
happened, but he was just waiting for me to bring it up

Me; Siya I’m fine

Him; I didn’t say anything

Me; its written to all over your face

Him; Baby, I’m so sorry

Me; for what Siya? You didn’t do anything.

Him: Rifiloe, we need to be realistic

Me; huh

Him; if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this mess. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have been shot. If
it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have cried so often for the past year. It’s all me. From the moment I
entered your life, it’s been one thing after the other, and I just don’t know how to live with that. I don’t
even understand why you even love me. I’m like a fucking curse
I didn’t understand where Siya was coming from. I love him and I don’t care about everything else. Why
doesn’t he get that? I hated that he saw all the bad, but never saw the good

Me; Siya. It doesn’t matter. I love you. Now even more because of all the things we’ve gone through

Him; Baby

Me; no Siya. Don’t try make what we have seem bad. It’s not

Him; but Rifiloe it is if you keep getting hurt

Me; baby

Him; I love you

Me; I love you

Looking at Siya in this light scared me. I was so used to him being the Hero, with the big muscles and the
boss, but now all I could see was fear. Doubt and even sadness

I stood up, and took the plates to the kitchen, then came back and sat with him

Me; come with me

Him; where to?

Me; bed

Him; baby this isn’t about sex

Me; I didn’t say it was

Him; have you taken you’re meds

Me; yes. Now come

Siya reluctantly stood up and went to our bedroom. I know sex doesn’t fix things, but I wanted to feel
like we were still one.

When we got to the bedroom, Siya and I made love like it was the last day on earth.

I wanted to feel like we did before yesterday happened I wanted to feel that we were still a unit, but I
could tell that Siya wasn’t himself. Every kiss was tender. Every stoke slow until the very end.
110

I lay in bed with Siya feeling sad. I never felt sad after we make love. But today was different.

Today Siya was different. Today was sad. Today Siya was distant. He was pulling me in different
directions. He was loving me, but was also a world away. I looked up and saw his eyes were teary.

He didnt even have to tell me what he was thinking. I just knew it

I sat up, and sat on his lap in my favorite position

Me; Siya what’s going on?

Him; baby

Me; Siya don’t

Him; baby, I have to

Me; no

Him; Rifiloe. I love you

Me; so why are you doing this

Him; because its for your own good

Me; ha a Siya. No. Not after everything we’ve been through

Him; Rifiloe

Me; (sniff) no Siya. Please. Don’t do this

Him; I have to Rifiloe. It’s for your own sake

Me; SIYA NO

I started shaking. Why was Siya doing this? We had gone through so much and now he was giving up on
us.

Him; Rifiloe, there are things you don’t know

Me; things like

Him; Fernandez escaped. Which means this war has just started. He knows my identity, and I’m pretty
sure he plans on exposing me. I can’t. Actually I won’t have you caught in the middle

Me; Si

Him; no Rifiloe. Things aren’t going to be the same. These people aren’t who you think they are. They
will hunt me, and they will know about you. Which means I have to let you go

Me; Siya you can’t

Him; baby please. I have to do this for you.

Me; I won’t let you do this Siya

Him; I Have to

Me; no you don't

Siya moved me of his lap,and got up to get dressed.

Me; Siya please.

Him; I need to get to the office

Me; but we're in the middle of a conversation

Him; baby, I cant sit here, because i know you are going to convince me otherwise.

Me; you cant be serious

Him; baby i have to

Siya turned around and he had tears running down his cheeks. He wiped them, then took his jacket and
keys.

Him; Rifiloe, I

He didn’t finish his sentence. Instead he kissed my forehead and left.

************SIYA**********
Walking out on the woman I love felt ruthless. I loved Rifiloe so much. She was my life. But me being
with her only bought he bad luck, and now with Fernandez escaping. I had to ensure nothing would
happen to her, and the only way I could do that was by letting her go, and making sure she had top
notch security.

I left home, and went directly to the office. The house was empty but there was security everywhere.
There is nowhere else on earth that Rifiloe could be safe, than at home.

I arrived at the office, and saw the look on Bullets face, and just knew that he knew.

Me; not now

Him; dude

Me; no Bullet

Him; do you have any idea what she is going through

Me; I had to

Him; but you love her

Me; exactly why I have to make sure she’s safe.

Him cut

Me; but nothing. Shit is about to get real, and I can’t go through what I just went through

Him; But

Me; Do you realize, that people see her as my weakness. And it’s true. Since I met Rifiloe, I have become
soft. I think twice before pulling a trigger. I know the rules, but I’ve broken every single one of them. I
can’t go on like that. Especially now with a war coming.

Him; so you are divorcing her

Me; yes

Him; shit

Me; you best keep Boni at a distance. Things are going to blow, and the last thing you want is to have
her in the firing line.

I left Bullet, and went to my office. I know what I was doing was going to eventually rip me to shreds,
but I had to do it, so I could wake up in the morning, and know that Rifiloe was safe. Or better yet that
she would find happiness without having to look over her shoulder
****** Rifiloe*****

I sat on the bed trying to figure out what had just happened. Had Siya honestly just broken up with me?
But then again he couldn’t break up with me because we are married. So was he asking me a divorce?

I wanted to cry but I refused. This wasn’t Siya. He was probably just worried about what happened, and
he felt guilty and now he thought by letting me go all things would be ok. But I’d be damned if I let him
do this.

I got up, redid the bed, and went to shower. When I was done, I got dressed, and wanted to try and
phone Hlokes. Hopefully he would be able to speak to his friend, because it was clear he had lost his
damn mind

After speaking to Hlokes, I wanted to maybe go to the office. If there was still an office to go to. The
problem was I had to speak to Siya, and I want sure if he wanted to speak to me.

I didn’t really have much of a choice, so I dialed his office. I didn’t want to try his cell phone in case he
didn’t answer

Him; Ndhlovu

Me; (clears throat) its you’re WIFE

Him; hi

Me; we need to talk

Him; baby please don’t make this harder than it already is

Me; I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was referring to the office

Him; Rifiloe. Don’t do that. you know what I’m referring to

Me; oh that. Im not going to take you seriously on that topic

Him; baby I really need you to

Me; no Siya. I wont

Him; But

Me; listen here. And listen carefully. YOU promised to stand with me for better and for worse. I expect
you to stick to those vows. Just as I stuck to them
Him; (sigh) Rifiloe, I’m not going to change my mind about this

Me; we’ll see

Him; you are stubborn as fuck

Me; I know. And so are you

Him; baby, I have to go

Me; make sure you’re home for dinner

Him; im not sure I can

Me; fine ill bring dinner to you

Him; you cant leave the house

Me; so how am I supposed to work

Him; for now Ndhlovu Corp is closed.

Me; as per who’s orders

Him; mine

Me; and you didn’t think you should run this past me

Him; there was no time

Me; mxm

I put the phone down, and decided to just let Siya be. He was obviously trying to piss me off and I didn’t
want to give him the satisfaction. I honestly didn’t understand him at time. How could he make love to
me the way he did, and then tell me it’s over? Nxa this man was honestly crazy

I stayed at home for the rest of the day. Boni came to visit, and she bought me tons of chocolate and
wine. We couldn’t really talk, and Gossip, because her security details was literally down her throat. I
guess Hlokes wanted to make sure she was ok.

She only left when Siya arrived. We had both missed each other, and we made plans to meet the
following day

Boni left, and I went to Siya, I know he was probably tired. But we had to talk about this so called
breakup of his
I found Siya in the lounge, knocking back some whiskey

Me; I didn’t think you’d be home this early

Him; you left me no choice

Me; since when do you listen to anything I say

Him; Sit We need to talk

I looked at Siya and noticed how serious he seemed

Him; I realise, what I said earlier was a bit vague,

Me; no it was clear. I just refuse to believe it

Him; Rifiloe, I was serious

Me; I don’t care

Him; Im going away for a couple of weeks. I need to make alliances, before things get bad

Me; don’t

Him; I need to make sure you and I have an understanding before I go

Me; what understanding

Him; I need you to sign these before I go

Me; what are these

I took the envelope from him, and opened it. I swear my heart dropped

Me; divorce papers?

Him; baby

Me; I won’t sign them

Him; you have to. I need these made public record asap

Me; Siya don’t do this

Him; Rifiloe, this will ensure that you are not linked to me. that way they have no excuse to come after
you again
Me; Siya, Please. I’m sure we can find a way around this

Him; we can’t Rifiloe. I’ve thought of every single aspect and this is the only way

Me; So you’re honestly doing this?

Him; I have to baby. Please try to understand that

Me; UNDERSTAND what? Huh, that you are too much of a coward to try and make things work despite
the circumstances

Him; No. That I love you too much to let you hurt again

Me; no ways. Im not doing this

I stood up and started pacing the room. I don’t think that this had hit me, until this present moment.
Siya was leaving me. He already had the papers drawn up.

I didn’t want to cry, but as always the tears just started flowing. Was this really the end of us? Is this
how it all ends.

Me; how long have you been thinking about this

Him; just since yesterday

Me; I wont go through with it

Him; you have to

Me; No I don’t. I can contest that

Him; Rifiloe

Me; No Siya. No Im not letting you do this

Him; Its for the best. Baby please

Me; no

Him; Rifiloe, Ive left you with everything. You own my entire life. Every house, Car, Jets. All of it its all
yours

Me; what good is money Siya. You think I care about all those things? I’ve never, not once cared or
wanted your wealth. All I’ve ever asked for was you?

Him; and now baby, I can’t give you that. So the least I can do is give you everything else

Me; I don’t want it

Him; you don’t have a choice

Me; I can’t believe you’re doing this

Him; (sigh) I’m sorry baby. I really am

I looked at Siya, and I saw that he was dreading this as much as I was. His tears reflected mine. The pain
of the sacrifice that he was making was written all over his face.

I wanted so badly to hear him say that there was another way, but the look in his eyes told me that
there was nothing I could do to change this. Siya and I were officially over, and nothing I said or did
would ever change that.

111

I could hear Siya talking, but the words coming out of his mouth seemed foreign. I never, not once
thought he would be the one asking me for a divorce especially after the whole Jessica thing, and yet
here he was.

I sat down, and looked at the document in front of me. I read through them and as Siya had said, he had
put everything in my name. All I had to do was sign and it was over.

Siya, gave me a pen, and I looked at him, to see if I could see a trace of hesitance from him, but there
was none.

I took the papers and I ripped them to shreds. Siya stood up annoyed.

Him: why the hell did you do that

Me: because I don't agree to the terms

Him: but Rifiloe I've given you everything. What more can I do

Me: I don't want your money

Him: it's not up to you

Me: sure as hell is

Him: God you are so Damn stubborn

I rolled my eyes at him

Him: Rifiloe, I need this issue, settled before I leave

Me: well, that's not my problem now is it?

Him: you think this is a joke don't you?

Me: a joke? Siya you told me you want a divorce this morning, and now 6 hours later you're waving
papers in front of me. You don't even have the decency to give me time to absorb this whole thing, and
then you tell me I think this is a joke.

Him: baby, I'm sorry. I know this is difficult, but I'm just pressed for time. I need to get out the country
ASAP. I need to start tracking Fernandez. Me being here is only giving him more time

Me; How is it that all you care about is work? Siya you are ending our marriage, and you keep preaching
to me about work

Him; Rifiloe I need you to do this. Not for me, but for us

Me: just like that

Him: Rifiloe, I don’t know what else to say. I've sat down and looked at all the options, but the best is for
me to let you go. I have to do that, so that you have a shot at a normal life

Me: normal? How can I ever be normal, after everything that's happened

Him: you're going to have to try

I could see that honestly nothing I said or did would change Siya’s mind. He wanted a divorce, and I
would have to give him one. There was no use trying anymore. This was it. The end of everything. I
wiped away my tears, and looked at him.

Me: call your lawyer, and get him to come here

Him; why

Me; you want a divorce don't you?

Him: yes

Me: then do what I'm telling you

Siya took out his phone, and dialled John.

I went to our bedroom, and dialled Sizwe. I also needed a lawyer and I felt like Sizwe was my best
option, especially with the lack of time

Him: Fifi

Me; hey dude

Him: you sound down, what's up

Me; I need a lawyer

Him: what’s going on

Me: can you come to the house

Him: I'm on my way

Me: thank you

After speaking to Sizwe, I decided to start packing some of my stuff. I didn't plan on staying here
anymore. This was supposed to be our marital home, and now since that wasn't the case, then it was
time I went back to my townhouse

I packed a few things that I needed, except for our wedding album, or picture of me and Siya. I didn't
want even a trace of him around my house.

As I finished packing, Siya came down to let me know that John and Sizwe had arrived.

He looked at my bags, and I saw him shaking his head and walk out again

I took a deep breath and asked God to help me get through this without crying. My eyes were already
swollen from the crying, the last thing I needed was to embarrass myself any further.

When I got downstairs Sizwe and John had both set up.

I greeted both of them, and sat next to Sizwe, while Siya sat next to John.

Me: thank you both for coming, at such short notice... (sniff) ahmm the reason you're both here is
because we need you to draft divorce papers for us

Sizwe looked at me astonished

I took another deep breath and a sip of waters to stop Me from crying

Me: John as you are aware, since you had already drafted docs for me, but I tore those up. I didn't agree
to the terms. I'm not going to be taking everything from Siya. He's worked hard for everything he has,
and I don't think it would be fair for me to take it all
Siya wanted to protest, but I shut him down

Me; Siya, and I haven't been married for even a year. It would be selfish of me to agree to the terms that
he had previously laid out

John: man, I tried talking to Mr Ndhlovu, but he wouldn't hear it

Me: that's why I figured it would be best for the four of us to discuss this

Siya: I don't see what needs to be discussed.

Me: hear me out. I think the best thing would be for you to keep the money and assets you had before
us getting married, and I keep whatever I had prior to us. That way we both don’t lose anything

Siya: not happening

Me: Siya

Him no Rifiloe, I won't have it

I looked at Siya, and I couldn’t understand what he was playing at. What man in his right mind would
want his soon to be Ex-wife, to keep everything that he has? It just wasn’t making sense

Sizwe: I might have a suggestion

We all looked at him

Sizwe: since you're married in COP, why not share everything 50/50.

Me: but I don't want the money. Or houses or cars. None of it

Sizwe: Rifiloe, as your lawyer, I believe this is the best option, and you know it

Me: this whole thing is just bull

Siya: I think Sizwe has a point

Me: I don't

Siya: Rifiloe, please. For goodness sakes just try to be reasonable

John: Mrs Ndhlovu I think it's for the best

ME: I don't

Siya: Rifiloe, its either you take half or you take everything. You don't have a choice in the matter

Me: like I don’t have a choice in this divorce? When have I ever had a choice when it come to you?

Him; that is exactly why this is for the best. The sooner I’m not tied to you the better for everyone
Siya’s words, felt like a sword being put through me. he was so calm, but you could see he was hurting
at the same time

I looked at Sizwe

Me: can you draft the paper's

Him : yes

Me: thank you

Him: when do you need them by

I looked at Siya for an answer

Him: I need them tonight still

Sizwe and John both looked at us alarmed. Siya explained that he needed to be out of SA asap, and
therefore wanted this sorted by the morning

I dished up for Sizwe, and John. Then went to the bedroom. I needed a bit of space from everyone.
Talking about the divorce had made everything very real, and I just needed some time to absorb.

I sat on the bed, with tears streaming down my face. I thought of all the things that Siya and I had gone
through, and now we were ending it. And no matter how much I loved him, it wasn't enough anymore.

I cried silently for hours. I so badly wanted to sleep, but sleep had deprived me. Instead it had left me to
feel, and right now honestly I just didn’t want to feel anything. I craved feeling numb, just so that I could
at least breathe

Siya walked in as I was laying on the bed. He looked at me, and swallowed. I knew he wanted to
comfort me, but he didn’t.

Him: Rifiloe, the papers are ready

Me: I’ll be there in a sec

Him; baby I

I wanted him to finish his sentence. In fact I needed him to tell me had come up with another plan, but
he didn’t. Instead, he walked back downstairs and left me wondering what he wanted to say
I went to the bathroom to wash my face, and freshen up a bit, then went downstairs

I sat down next to Sizwe and he gave me the papers. I read through them and then looked up.

Me: why do I have to stay here

Sizwe : because of the security features

Me: I was hoping to move back into my townhouse

Siya; that’s not optional

Me: but Siya this isn't fair. You tell, me you want a divorce, and now you expect me to stay here in your
house? How am I supposed to move on, when you will be watching my every move

Him; Rifiloe, this house has the best security features in the world. The guard will only be here in case
you need them, but I swear I won’t interfere with your life

Me; what about my townhouse

Him; you can keep it. It’s still yours

Me; so where will you stay if you are in JHB

Him; I’m going to purchase a new house

I read through the rest of the document, and decided to let go. There was no use fighting with Siya. He
had made it clear that I didn’t have a choice in most of the negotiations, so I want going to argue. I was
too tired anyway

I took a pen, and took a deep breath.

Me: can I ask you guys to give me and Siya a moment

Sizwe, and John went to the lounge, while I stayed in the dining room with Siya. I wanted to make sure
Siya was sure about this.

Me: so this is it then

Him: Rifiloe. I wish there was another way. If there was I would take it. But unfortunately there isn't

Me: Siya are you sure about this? Like honestly you're giving up on us?

I saw a hint of hesitation in Siya’s eyes, but he quickly regained his hard posture

Him: it's the only way

My heart broke for the millionth time today. This was it. There was no more waiting or arguing. This was
the end, and I had to accept it
I took the pen, and initialled on each page. I paused a bit when I got to the last page. But then
eventually signed.

I gave the papers to Siya, He had tears streaming down his face. I knew it was only a matter of minutes
till I broke down, so i stood up and said goodbye to Sizwe and John.

I could see Sizwe wanted to stay, but I told him I was fine.

I left Sizwe, John and Siya, in the dining room, to finish up. It was officially over. I was no longer Mrs
Ndhlovu. I was now back to being Mokoena. And that was a bitter ass pill to swallow.

I went back to our, or should I say my bedroom, and dropped down on the floor. I wanted so badly to
wake up from this nightmare. But this time, there was no one to wake me up.

Siya knocked on the door, but I told him to leave. I didn’t want to be with him, or to have him comfort
me. I wanted him out of my life. Every trace of him, I wanted gone. He had literally tore my heart apart,
and no amount of apologizing was going to change that

Him; Rifiloe, please. Just let me in

Me; go away Siya

Him; baby, please. I’m begging you. Just let me hold you

Me; go to hell you fucking beast. I fucking hate you. (Sniff) How could you do this to me?

Him; if you don’t open, I’m going to have to break the door down

Me; fuck you

I thought maybe Siya was exaggerating, but he wasn’t, because the next thing I heard a huge bang on
the door. He was honestly trying to break the door down.

I got up, and went to open the door for him. He walked in, and I went and lay on the bed, and covered
myself with duvet
Siya, came and he sat next to me. I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing. He had gotten what he
wanted and now he wanted to play the angel. Fuck him and his fucking bullshit

Him; Baby I’m sorry

Me; ** Silence**

Him; Rifiloe, I know you’re hurting, and the fact that I’m the cause of your tears once again demolishes
me, but baby it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I always will. No matter what is happening in my crazy
world, the love I have for you isn’t based on a piece of paper. I just wish that maybe in another life, or in
a few years, you and I will find our way back to one another. But right now I could never be the man that
you need, and it would be selfish of me to keep you on a leash, when I know that I’m not going to be
able to be the husband that you need. I am about to go on the biggest mission of my life. Things are
going to get bad, but atleast i know that you will be safe.

I know Siya was trying to make me better, but nothing he said was helpful. Instead he was just fueling
my anger. After everything that I had given up, here he was telling me shit about maybe in the future
blah blah. If only he had left his Job after his shooting, we wouldn’t be here. If only he had made the
sacrifices he needed to make earlier, we wouldn’t be here. But instead he was selfish. He wanted best of
both worlds and now I was the one who had to pay the price.

112

******* SIYA ********

The look on Rifiloe’s face, will forever haunt me. She looked so heartbroken, and to think that I was the
one who made her feel this way, made me hate myself even more.

I know I was making the right decision, but it didn’t make it any easier on me. Rifiloe, has sacrificed her
entire life for me. I wish I had left the force, when she asked me to. Because if I had, we wouldn’t be in
this mess. So now here I am sitting next to the woman I love, and I can’t comfort her, or tell her that
things will be okay, all because of my decisions.

I just wish I could tell her everything, but I can’t because of this fucking Fernandez.
Me; Rifiloe, just let me hold you. Please

Her; stay the fuck away from me

Me; baby, i

Rifiloe, got out the covers and looked at me

Her; Get out

Me; baby let me

Her; Siya, I want you out

Me; but Ri

Her; this is my house isn’t it?

Me; yes But

Her; no buts. Get the fuck out, and stay out

I knew Rifiloe was mad at me, but I honestly never expected her to kick me out. I thought I would get to
at least spend my last night in SA with her. Instead of letting me explain, she went to the closet and
started pulling my clothes out. She took out a suitcase and started packing my stuff.

Me; Rifiloe, wait.. let me

Her; I don’t want to fucking here it. Get out Siya

Me; but

Her; now

I wanted to explain a few things, but Rifiloe wasn’t having it. She threw my stuff all over the place.

I even had to dodge one of the shoes that she aimed at me.

Her; why the fuck are you still standing there? Get out Siya. Go to where ever the fuck you want to go. I
want absolutely nothing to do with you
Me; but baby. Let me

Her; don’t fucking baby me. Get out.

I could see that by me, trying to explain, I was only making things worse. Rifiloe had so much anger in
her, I had no choice but to let her be.

Me; ok, ok, Ill go

Her; nxa

Rifiloe, stormed out of the closet, and left me there to pack. I packed a few essential things, but then
heard glass shattering.

I ran out and found Rifiloe in the lounge with a golf club in her hand, breaking every mirror, picture
glass table she could find.

I knew now that she had transitioned from being sad, absolute rage.

Me; Rifiloe, stop

Her; stay the hell away from me

I tried getting closer but she swung at me.

Me; Rifiloe, you’ll hurt yourself. Stop

Knowing Rifiloe, she probably couldn’t even hear a word I was saying.

She left the lounge and headed for the dining room. I just knew if I didn’t stop her she was going to
break the dining room table, and judging by the size of it, she was going to hurt herself.

So I ran after her, and grabbed her from behind, and grabbed the golfclub

Me; baby, please. Just

Her; let go off me

Me; Rifiloe, This isnt going to make you feel better

Her; sure as hell will. Now let go

Me; Rifiloe, I know you’re mad, but

Her; I don’t care, just let go

She tried pulling the golf club from me, but luckily I had a tight grip on it

She turned around instead, and lapped me across the face.

Look, Rifiloe is a very small girl. She barley reaches the top of my Ribs, but that slap was no joke. I
honestly did a double take. I couldn’t believe it came from her tiny hand.

I threw the golf stick to the side, and put my arms around her. She tried pulling back, but I wouldn’t let
her. I know she was hurting, and I just wanted to try make it better, and the only way I knew how was
by holding her

**************Rifiloe****************

Being in Siya’s arms, was both confusing, and infuriating. I don’t know why he stopped me. All I wanted
was to let the pain that I was feeling out. It was consuming my heart. It hurt and I just wanted it to stop.

Me; Siya let go of me

Him; SHHHH,

Me; (sniff) why do you always hurt me? (sniff) was I such a bad wife, that you wanted to hurt me so
badly. (sniff) why couldn’t you have let me come to terms with all this

Him; baby, it wasn’t like that you know that I still love you Rifiloe. That’s not something that I can just
sign away

Siya held me while, I cried my lungs out. I was so mad at him, but at the same time still wanted him.
How was I supposed to live without him?

He picked me up and walked me to my bedroom, and placed me on the bed.

He put the covers over me, and took off his shoes and joined me.
Him; we have 2 hours left. Can I just hold you till you fall asleep for the last time?

I wanted to tell him to fuck off. But decided to rather just let him be. I took off my ring and gave it to him

Him; don’t take it off

Me; I’m no married to you. I don’t see why I have to keep it on

Him; I just (sigh) keep it in the safe

I looked at his left finger, and he still had his ring on

Me; you should take that off

Him; not ye

Me; why not

Him; just let go Rifiloe. I’ll take it off when I’m ready

Me; fine

I took my ring and put it in the draw. I was too lazy to walk to the safe. I got back into bed, and enjoyed
the last cuddle, that I would get from Siya.

I drifted off to sleep in Siya’s arms. He was playing with my hair, and I was listening to his heartbeat. I
may have been sad, and hurt, but I was glad that he convinced me to spend our last few hours together.

When I woke up the following morning, it was already 11:00am. My head knew that Siya wasn’t around,
but my heart held out hope.

I wasn’t really in the mood to get out of bed, so I took a shower, and changed into another pair of
pyjamas, and got back into bed. I wanted to wallow in self-pity and didn’t care about anything else.

I slept for a few more hours, but was then woken up by someone knocking on my door.

I opened the door, and found mam Martha standing on the other side with food on a tray
Her; it’s after 1, you should eat

Me; No thank you ma, I’m not really in the mood for food

Her; you need to keep up your strength

Me; Thanks ma.

I didn’t really need or want food. But I also didn’t want to seem ungrateful. So I took the food.

I heard the doorbell ring, and mam Martha told me not to worry. She would answer it

I sat on the bed, and tried eating my food. I picked through it, till I heard another knock on the door.

I went to open, and it was mam Martha again

Her; sorry to disturb, but Boni has arrived

Me; shit, I totally forgot about her

Her; do you want me to send her away

Me; no. ahmm, I’ll be down in a minute

I went to the closet to change into leggings and a T-shirt, and notice that most of Siya’s stuff was gone.

I took a deep breath in and out, then put on my slippers and walked downstairs.

As always Boni had a big smile on her face. I rolled my eyes at her

Her; so you forgot about me

Me; sorry man, Things have been a bit rough

Her; I know. Which is exactly why I bought you more ice-cream, and some chick flicks

Me; (chuckles)

Her; come sit, and tell me how you’re really doing

I sat next to her, and told her everything that happened. Boni just hugged me, and let me cry
Her; Its going to be ok Rifiloe. In time you will move on with life, and maybe you guys will be able to
patch things up

Me; I don’t know Boni. It just seems like Siya and I are cursed. Nothing we do is ever successful.

Her; no relationship is perfect Rifiloe. You just have to work at it. Look at me and Hlokes. He just told
me the other day that his one night stand is having his baby

Me; askies my friend

Her; don’t be. I have already put her in her place. Right after slapping the shit out of Hlokes

Me; (chuckles)

Her; you laugh. But he didn’t think it was at the time, but now we laugh about it

Me; well, at least Hlokes hasn’t gone running for the hills

Her; he couldn’t wait to leave town with Ghost. But I told him I’d be right here waiting for him when he
gets back

Me; lucky you, but I think this is it for me and SIya

Her; maybe. But none of us can tell the future

Me; just stop being so enthusiastic, and give me my tub of ice-cream

Boni went to fetch the ice cream, and we both just ate till we couldn’t take anymore.

We watched a few movies, ate junk, and took ugly selfies. The one thing I love about Boni, is that no
matter what, she was that kind of ride or die friend. Not that my other friends weren’t. But it was just
easier for me to talk to Boni, because she knew exactly who Siya was. So I never need to sugar-coat
hings with her.

Boni stayed, until after 8pm. By the time she left I had cried, laughed and even prayed. We had dinner
together, then she went home.

I was really grateful that she had stayed for so long. She made me feel like I could get over this.

After Boni left, I went to my bedroom to get some shut eye.

I looked at my phone and I had 2 missed calls from Siya. I checked messages, and he had sent me a
message telling me to check my emails.

I took my laptop and went through my emails. The email he was referring to was about the reopening
of Ndhlovu corp. I was excited, because I would at least be able to get back to work.
I sent him a WhatsApp saying thank you, and he called me back.

Decided to ignore his call. I didn’t see the use of us staying in contact. If we needed to discuss anything
concerning business, then we could do so via email. But personal calls after working hours were off
limits.

I put my phone on silent, and went to sleep.

Getting over Siya wasn’t going to be easy. I already miss him so much, and it hasn’t even been a week. I
just prayed that with time I would be able to move on, and live my life without him.

Tomorrow was a new day, and I planned on concentrating on my job, and building my career. It was
time I started concentrating on myself, and start forgetting about Siya.

I had exactly a week, before Ndhlovu Corp reopened. So In the Man time, I needed to remove every
inch of Siya out of my life.

Our only connection moving forward would be through Ndhlovu Corp.

113

I woke up the day following Siya’s departure feeling a lot less gloomy.

I wasn’t in the mood to sit around and eat ice-cream again, so I decided to rather redecorate the house.
I started with getting rid of all the bedsheets and Duvets. Then I took down every picture of Siya that I
could find. I moved to the closet, and emptied out the rest of his belongings.

The only good about the closet space, was that I could fill it up with more of my things.

I decided to keep my ring in the safe. I didn’t plan on wearing it again, but I also didn’t want to sell it.

When I was done, I called Mam Martha and asked her if she wanted any of the stuff.
She took what she wanted, then I told her to donate the rest of it.

She looked at me and I knew she had something she wanted to say

Me; say it

Her; do you really want to get rid of everything

Me; Yes. And I plan on burning all those pictures

Her; even your wedding album

Me; especially my wedding album

Her; are you sure about this?

Me; yes. He told me to move on, so I don’t see the point of hanging onto the past

Her; ok

Mam, Martha took all the stuff, while I changed and went shopping.

I was still annoyed that I had to have security with me everywhere I went, but at least there was only
two guards instead of 4, and they kept at a distant.

I shopped for almost the whole day. I bought new bedding, picture frames, mirrors ect

I still had one of Siya’s credit cards, so I went wild. I don’t know why I didn’t use mine, But for some
reason I just felt like annoying him. I even ended up ordering a whole lot of Gym equipment

I planned on turning his office, into a nice gym, and since he had no limit on his credit card, I took
advantage.

After shopping I was exhausted. I decided to go to mug and bean, just to get a smoothie, before heading
home.

As I was walking out Mug and bean, I bumped into Jason.

Him; fancy meeting you here

Me; How are you ?

Him; well, you?

Me; I’m good.

Him; didn’t know you were back in the country

Me; been back for a couple of months now

Him; and you don’t even pop by to say HI

Me; sorry dude. Things have been hectic.

Him; We should catch up soon

Me; sure, just text me a date and time

Him; ill hold you to it

Me; you do that.

I gave Jason a hug goodbye, then left to go home. When I arrived home, I asked the guards to place
everything in the lounge.

All that was left was for the gym equipment to arrive.

Mam Martha looked at all the stuff and smiled

Her; I have a message from Ghost

Me; oh

He; asked that you call him, as soon as you get home

Me; Thanks ma

I decided to rather unpack all the stuff that I had bought. I needed to get a handy man to come and
hang the mirrors once they arrived, but other than that I was pleased with everything else.

I put new bedding on the bed, and unpacked the rest. By the time I was done, I could hardly stand on my
feet. I flopped on the couch and watched some TV. I saw my phone vibrating and saw it was Siya.
I ignored the call, and decided to rather call my aunt. I think it was only fair for me to let her know that
Siya and I had broken up.

Her; nana

Me; hi Rakgadi, how are you

Her; im good. You?

Me; ahhm I’m ok

Her; whats wrong Fifi?

Me; well, Ahhmm Siya and I have broken up

Her; when now

Me; a few days ago

Her; what happened?

Me; It’s a long story Rakgadi. But ill tell you all about it when I come home

Her; when do you plan on coming home

Me; im driving down tomorrow

Her; ok. Ill see you then

Me; thanks Rakgadi.

He; I love you ne

Me; Love you too

I didn’t really plan on going home, but when I spoke to my aunt, I just knew that was the right thing to
do. It had been a while since I had been home, and I think it would do me good to go and visit my
parent’s grave, and just get in touch with who I am.

I had a homemade smoothie, then went to pack my bag. I wanted to spend at least 4 days with my aunt,
and then be back on Saturday. So I could rest on Sunday, before I had to start a work on Monday.

After packing I went straight to bed. I wanted to leave bright an early tomorrow, so that I didn’t have to
drive during the day. Especially with the crazy weather we have lately.
I sent Boni a WhatsApp letting her know that I will be away for a while. Then mistakenly answered a call
from Siya

Shit

Me; hello

Him; I’m surprised you took my call

Me; I actually answered by mistake

Him; well, I’m glad either way

Me; Siya, what can I do for you

Him; I see you went shopping

Me; yaah so

Him; just checking up on you

Me; ok, cool bye

Him; wait

Me; what

Him; I miss you

I put the phone down. I don’t know what the fuck Siya was playing at. His whole hot and cold shit was
annoying the fuck out of me.

He tried calling me, but I ignored him and put my phone on silent.

I woke up the next morning at around 5am, I took a quick shower, then went downstairs with my bags.

I left a note for mam Martha, telling her I was going away. I was kind of hoping to dodge the guards, but
the moment I stepped out, they were waiting.

I let out a sigh, and explained that I was going home for the weekend. They insisted that they had to
report to Siya, first blah blah blah
I decided to rather call Siya myself. All I was doing was going to QwaQwa.

I dialled Siya and he picked up on the second ring

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Hi… do you have a moment

Him; for you? Always

Me; Siya, will you stop with all of that

Him; it’s the truth mos

Me; Can we just stick to the topic at hand.

Him; which is

Me; I’m going to QwaQwa, but apparently I need get permission from my ex to do so

Him; I don’t like that word

Me; what word

Him: ex

Me; Siya,

Him; ok, sorry

Me; so

Him; I’ll let the team know. In future please discuss this with me prior

I put the phone down, and got in my car. I was grateful because at least I didn’t have to drive with a
guard in the car.

I arrived in QwaQwa at around 9:00am. I went straight to my aunt’s house. Instead of my parents’
house. I wasn’t sure I was ready to go there as yet.

When I arrived, I could smell freshly baked scones

Me; ko ko

Her; come in
I walked in and gave her a hug. I didn’t break the hug for a while. It just felt so good to be in her arms. I
held on tighter and tears started to flow.

Her; shhhh. You’re home now

Me; (sniff) I missed you so much

Her; I’ve missed you too

Me; (sniff)

My aunt broke the hg, and wiped my tears

Her; sit down, I’ve made fresh scones

Me; I’ll put the kettle on

I made tea, while my aunt and I moved to the dining room. Nothing makes you feel more at home, than
having scones with tea.

Her; so tell me what’s going on ?

Me; I don’t even know where to start

Her; start at the beginning

I told my aunt everything that happened between Siya and myself. I only left out the Ops issue, and
being kidnapped, other than that I told her the truth about our relationship.

From his baby mama, to memory loss, to losing the twins, then getting married, and lastly our divorce.

The look on my aunts face told me that no matter how much she loves me, she was going to give me
one hell of a lecture

I took a sip of my tea, and braced myself

Her; that’s a lot to go through in just over a year

Me; yaah
Her; I’ve heard you tell me about everything, but not once did I hear you say you prayed about it

Me; true

Her; Rifiloe, My brother and his wife raised you in the house of God. You were brought up as a believer.
Why would you forsake all of that?

Me; I

Her; no excuses. There is no way your relationship with a man, would be successful without you having
a relationship with God. You were trying to run things, but you forgot that God is the one who runs our
lives.

Me; so what do you suggest

Her; go back to your roots. Go to church. Seek God in your life. Seek his guidance. Put on your church
uniform, and enjoy being single.

Me; I guess your right

Her; I know I’m right.

Me; Thank you Rakgadi

Her; don’t thank me. I’ll always be here for you Rifiloe. No matter what

My aunt and I spoke for hours. We looked at some of my parents albums.

Since my parents passing, I had avoided looking at their pictures. Even being in QwaQwa felt weird.

After having lunch with my aunt, I decided to join her for the evening service at church.

My aunt came out in her uniform, and reminded me so much of my mother.

Her; aren’t you going to change into your uniform?

Me; I don’t think it even fits me anymore

Her; well there’s only one way to find out

Me; I’ll go get it

I left my aunt, and walked to my parents’ home. I found my cousin there. He was the one taking care of
the house, since their passing.

I greeted him, and told him we’d catch up, after church.
I took my uniform, and went back to my aunt’s house.

Her; Fifi, we’re going to be late. Hurry up

Me; I just need to iron it quickly.

Her; pass it here, Ill iron it for you, while you get ready

I went to the bedroom and got ready, then changed into my uniform.

Her; fits like a glove

Me; yaah,

Her; come. We’ll be late

Me; I just need my car keys

Her; Rifiloe, The church is down the road.

Me; ok, fine, let’s walk

Her; are your guys coming with?

Me; you mean the guards?

Her; Yes

Me; unfortunately yes. But they are very discreet.

Her; thank goodness.

We walked to church, and I must say, I really enjoyed the service. It had been so long since I had been in
church. It was a bit awkward running into Hlokes’ parents, but none the less I was glad to see them.

After church, my aunt and I went home, and had dinner with my uncle.

My aunt was right about one thing. I had let the big city change who I was. I was no longer the same
Rifiloe, girl who loved herself and enjoyed life. Instead I had become so dependent on Siya, both
emotionally and physically. That I had totally neglected my spiritual life. But no more. Now it was time to
truly take care of me, and not feel bad for doing so.

114
I woke up the following morning feeling as light as a feather. It was as though a weight had been lifted
off my shoulders.

I was hoping my aunt would be going to the farm today. I felt like being In touch with nature.

I tidied up my room, opened the windows, and went to bath.

By the time I was done, I went to make breakfast for my aunt and uncle.

My uncle took his breakfast to go, while my aunt and I sat

Her; so what are your plans for today?

Me; I was hoping to go to the farm with you

Her; Serious?

Me; Yes.

Her; Lets finish here, the we can go

We had breakfast, then we left for the farm.

I helped my aunt milk the cows, feed the chickens and even helped her employees with gathering eggs
from the chickens.

It had been so long since I had been here, but I still enjoyed everything. I decided to go up on the hill,
and just take in the beauty of this place.

I decided to make a prayer. Despite me no longer being with Siya, I still somehow missed Him.
I don’t know whether it was me craving his scent or me just being foolish, but I had to honestly learn to
put him in my past. The only problem with that is that Siya, had a tendency of keeping me on a hinge,
and I needed to take myself off it, so that I could truly move on.

I took out my phone and typed out an email to him. I knew that if I heard his voice, I would change my
mind.

From: Rifiloe Mokoena [mailto:[email protected]]

Sent: 01 March 2016 10:45 AM

To: Siyabonga Ndhlovu <[email protected]>

Subject: Goodbye

Dear Siya,

Firstly I hope that you are well, wherever you are in the world.

As you know I’m home in QWAQWA at the moment, and the time away has done me some good.

Which is why what I’m going to say is going to hurt me, but none the less I think I need to tell you.

I love you Siya. I love you more than I’ve loved myself. Which I think is rather unhealthy.

I needed your love to make me feel complete, and yet I didn’t love myself to know when it wasn’t
enough.

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m sending you this, and the reason is because I’m finally letting
go of you. I need to do this so that I can breathe.

I need you in turn to stay away. I need you to refrain from contacting me, in any way

I know that is rather difficult given the fact that I am CEO of your company, but I have decided to resign
from Ndhlovu Corp. I can’t move on, if I am linked to you. I need to be able to try and get used to life
without you, and the best way I know, is by separating my life from yours

I hope you find whatever it is that you are looking for in life

Thanks & kind regards

Rifiloe Mokena
PS; please refrain from calling me to discuss the above. It’s difficult typing it. I don’t think I can bear to
hear your voice

I pressed send. And hoped that Siya would honour my request. I decided to block him on all social
media pages and on my phone. All I could do now, was hope he would understand, and also move on.

************ SIYA****************

This fucking email from Rifiloe was driving me mad. I know after everything that’s happened, I have no
right to want her, but this email was honestly my worst nightmare.

Even though I hadn’t spoken to her about this, I had hoped she would wait for me. I know it’s selfish, of
me especially since I was the one who lead us here. But judging by her email, Rifiloe was moving on, and
the thought of that scared me.

I tried calling her on her mobile, but couldn’t get through.

I sent her a WhatsApp, and she had blocked me.

It was clear she wanted nothing to do with me, and that tore through my heart.

I decided to rather let her be. I was too far away to see her, and discuss this, so my only option was to
let her go, and pray that she doesn’t find anyone till I return to SA.

***************RIFILOE*************************************

I spent at least 2 weeks in QWAQWA, and I loved it. I went to the farm every day, and went to church
just as much. I visited my parent’s grave, and even went hiking with my uncle.

I was finally getting back to being me, and I felt at peace about it, for the first time in forever, I was
happy. Truly happy and it had nothing to do a man.
I left QwaQwa felling rejuvenated. I was excited to start this new chapter in my life.

When I arrived home, my Gym equipment had arrived. The new mirrors had been put up, and my new
pictures had arrived from the printers.

The house was looking more like my home, and I was glad.

I knew that even though I didn’t need to work, I wanted to. I’m not rally one of those people who can sit
at home all day, and do nothing. I needed to find a Job, ASAP, so that I could wake up and have a
purpose.

I looked online for a while, and sent out my CV to two potential companies.

All in all Life was Ok. I hadn’t spoken to Siya since sending the email. I knew that I couldn’t truly avoid
him forever, since his guards are still following me everywhere, but at least I knew it would still be a
while.

I texted Jason, letting him know I was back from home, and that we should do a catch up session. To be
honest, I wanted to pick his brain about the Job market.

He asked if I was interested in meeting for dinner. I hesitated a bit, but then decided what the hell. It’s
not like It was a date or anything.

I had exactly 3 hours before dinner with Jason, so I decided to go to the salon.

I wanted to get my hair and nails done, I think it was time I did something drastic. So I asked my stylist
to cut my hair. I wanted something short, that I could maintain.

After my trip to the salon, I rushed home, to shower, and get ready, then left to Join Jason, at a
restaurant in Craighall.

When I arrived at the restaurant, Jason was already there.

He stood up when he saw me and gave me a hug

Him; Loving the new hairstyle

Me; thank you

Him; Sit
He pulled out a chair for me, and I sat down

Him; Being away has done you good

Me; amazing what a few days at a farm will do

Him; (chuckles) you at a farm? I don’t see it

Me; I’m serious. I was milking cows, and feeding chickens

Him; with that manicure

Me; no Maan, I only did this today

Him; so you wanted to look pretty for me?

Me; in your dreams buddy

Him; well, a man can only dream

Me; yes he can. But a man should also know when to quit

Him; or better yet, when to persist

I looked at Jason and smiled. There was no way I’m falling into this trap. I was nowhere near ready to be
in a relationship again. Not after the disaster that I’ve just been through

Me; I persist all you like. I’m not falling for this

Him; well, if the rumours are true, that means that you’re fair game

Me; fair game? Really

Him; You know what I mean

Me; and what do you mean rumours

Him; well, word is that you are Divorced and are looking to move on with your life

Me; how on earth do you know that ‘him; a little birdy told me

Me; a bird?

Him; a journalist

Me; Journalist

Him; yes. Apparently there’s a magazine story in the pipeline

I looked at Jason trying to figure out if he was serious or just playing around.

Me; Jason why would anyone want to know anything about me or about Siya

Him; you see what happens when you go gallivanting in the woods for so long? You get left out of the
loop

Me; what are you talking about

Jason took out his phone and googled Siya

Him; look

I took the phone from Jason, and scrolled down.

There were pictures of him everywhere. From the blogs, to gossip magazines. Apparently he made it on
the Forbes list after the deal in Beijing. Which sent SA in a frenzy.

Everyone wanted to know more about this own made millionaire, and somehow people found out about
him being married, and now being divorced

Me; no way

Him; yes way

Me; I think I need a drink

Him; coming up

I gave Jason back his phone, and wondered why Siya had let this media frenzy go on for so long. It was
so unlike him to let attention like this go on. Siya was a very private person.

Something was going on, and I just hoped whatever it was, wasn’t going to affect me, because if
journalists were already asking questions about me, it was only a matter of time till they found me.

115
Having dinner with Jason was rather fun. I noticed he flirted a lot, but I managed to stay friendly despite
it. I may not be looking for anything serious, but I also wasn’t going to wait around and not have fun.
Jason was well aware that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, so who was I to stop him from trying

After dinner, I insisted on driving Jason home. He had had far too much to drink, and I wasn’t really
comfortable with him driving. I had only had 1 glass of wine, so compared to him, I was sober as a
judge.

Me; we should get you home

Him; will you tuck me in

Me; hell no

Him; (giggles) you are honestly a hard one to crack

Me; and yet you keep on trying

Him; I’m not really one to give up

Me; Jason, just shut up

Jason payed the bill, and then I drove him home, while one of the guards drove his car.

Him; want to come in?

Me; I don’t think that’s a good idea

Him; why not?

Me; Jason, I

Him; Rifiloe, I won’t try anything. I just wanted to know if you wanted coffee

Me; (sigh) fine. Lead the way

I walked in with Jason, and I was quite surprised at how clean his apartment was

Him; Coffee?

Me; please
Him; how do you like it

Me; like my men

Him; do tell

Me; sweet and strong

Him; black or white

Me(giggles) depends on the mood

Him; and your mood today?

Me; mhmmm let’s say Ahhhmmm black

Him; damn it

Me; (giggles) you’ll get over it

Him; barley

Jason stood up and went to make coffee, while I looked at the view that he had from his dining room.

Him; like what you see?

Me; the view is amazing

Him; I was referring to me

Me; ohhh shut up man

Jason gave me my coffee, and I drank up.

Me; you make a mean coffee

Him; I can make a lot of mean things. All you have to do is stick around

Me; (sigh) Jason

Him; Rifiloe

Me; I’ve just come out of a marriage. I’m not even close to being ready to dating again

Him; who said anything about dating? I just want us to chill. Have fun

Me; I don’t know

Him; I could try convincing you

I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t tempted to just rip his clothes off. But at the same time I knew that it
would just lead to me feeling bad.

Jason moved closer, and stared into my eyes with those dreamy blue eyes. My heart started racing

Him; I’m going to kiss you

Me; don’t

I wanted to take a step back Jason’s lips were already on mine. He kissed me and I froze.

He tasted like coffee and wine mixed together, and it felt great. HE kissed me deeper, and I responded
by putting my arms around his neck.

I may have enjoyed the kiss, but I sure as hell didn’t plan on sleeping with Jason. I was grateful that he
didn’t take it further. Instead he slowly pulled away and smiled at me

Him; sorry

Me; no you’re not

Him; (chuckles)

Me; I should go

Him; I’ll walk you out

Jason took my hand, and walked me out

Him; so do you regret it

Me; I’m not sure yet

Him; I know you’re not over your ex yet. And I’m not trying to replace him.

Me; I’m glad you get it

Him; always.

I gave Jason a hug, and he leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
Him; see you soon

Me; sho

I got in my car, and let out a sigh. I don’t really know what I’m doing here. Kissing Jason didn’t make me
feel Guilty, not at all, but at the same time, no matter how good a kisser he was he wasn’t Siya, and that
just annoyed me

When I arrived home, I went to take a shower, then got into bed. I noticed my phone ringing, but the
number wasn’t familiar

Me; Hello

Him; how was dinner

Me; I’m good how are you Siya

Him; (sigh)

Me; what can I do for you

Him; never mind

Siya dropped the call. And I put my phone on silent.

I wasn’t going to feel bad about going to dinner with a friend. Siya had no right to judge me. None what
so ever. He was the one who decided to end things mos

I tossed and turned most of the night. That call from Siya, had somehow rattled my cage. I felt like I had
hurt him and that didn’t sit well with me.

I looked at the time and it was after 1:00am. I decided to call Siya either way

Him; mhhh

Me; Siya

Him; Mhmmm

Me; wake up
Him; Rifiloe, I’ve just put my head down.

Me; why did you call me earlier

Him; does it matter

Me; just answer the question

Him; (sigh) I heard about dinner

Me; what about dinner

Him; that you were there for a while, and eventually went to his place

Me; oh

Him; did anything happen

Me; are you honestly asking me if I slept with Jason

Him; Yes

Me; mhmm

Him; well?

Me; goodbye Siya

Him; Rif

I cut the call, and put my phone on silent again. I don’t know why, but for some reason I didn’t feel
comfortable telling Siya about Jason kissing me, but I also knew that Siya would find a way to get to the
truth.

I woke up the following morning and changed into my gym clothes. I wanted to test out some of the
new machines that I had purchased.

After my work out, I went to shower, then went to have breakfast.

When I got to the dining room, I noticed a huge bouquet of flowers sitting in the lounge.

I took out the card, and just knew they were from Jason.

I decided to call him to say thank you

Him; Hi beautiful

Me; hey
Him; hope you like my flowers

Me; love them

Him; do you love them enough to have brunch with me?

Me; Jason

Him; It’s just Brunch. I promise not to kiss you

Me; the way you said that told me you are lying

Him; would it be such a bad thing though

Me; yes

Him; well I disagree. You enjoyed that kiss just as much I did

Me; that’s not the point

Him; and why not

Me; because

Him; because you’re still hung up on your ex

Me; yes

Him; but I’m not looking to replace him

Me; yah, but it’s only been 2 weeks. I need more time

Him; ok, fair enough

Me; thank you

Him; can I say something

Me; yes

Him; I look forward to kissing you again

Me; Bye Jason

I put the call down, and shook my head. I was honestly playing a very dangerous game with Jason and
Siya. I just knew that Jason wasn’t going to make it easy for me to be alone.

He was so damn persistent, and the one side of me enjoyed that, and yet I still felt Siya lurking in the
shadows, and I didn’t know if I could truly move on. Especially after the call conversation with him last
night.
116

I spent the rest of the day indoors. My conscious was eating me up so badly. I loved Siya, and the
thought of me kissing another man, and him knowing made me feel so low.

To make matters worse, I didn't tell him that it was only a kiss, and that nothing more happened. He
was probably thinking I had slept with him, and that didn't sit well with me

I picked up my phone to dial him, but then another call came in, and it was Boni

Me: friend

Her; hey you. How are u

Me: I'm good babe, and you?

Her: Rifiloe don’t pretend. I know about the pictures

Me: pictures? What pictures

Her: shit

Me: Boni

Her: shit, I thought you knew

Me: knew what?

Her: I shouldn't have opened my big mouth

Me: Boniswa, can you just tell me what the hell your talking about

Her: ahhm

Me: oh for god’s sake, just open your mouth

Her: there are pictures of Siya everywhere

Me: huh

Her: tabloids

Me: so

Her: well, let's just say he wasn't alone

Me: Boni can you just put together a sentence that makes sense
Her: look on the internet. I'm on my way

Boni put down the phone, and I went to the bedroom, to look for my laptop. I wanted to see what was
so bad that Boni couldn't even form words.

The minute I typed Siyas name in the search engine. Up came pictures of Siya and Jessica.

Some of them were on a beach, the others were at a club, with Jessica practically shoving her tongue
down his throat. They looked so in love and happy. I had never seen Siya so relaxed

I double, in fact triple checked the date of the pictures, and they were all from this week.

My hands started trembling. Was this honestly happening. Siya was moving on and with that fucking
bitch who almost got me killed.

I looked for another blog and there were even more pictures. They were literally everywhere. Hugging,
touching and making out.

I honestly don’t know why I came back to JHB. Life in QwaQwa was so much more peaceful. But here I
was now, feeling like shit because of Siya.

I don’t understand where we went wrong. I thought we were ok, especially after him cheating. And now
he’s gone back to her. The very same woman who nearly got me killed

Just goes to show you that no matter what happens, you will never truly know someone. I was so sure
that Siya loved me, but this just proved it was all a lie.

Fucking hell

I paced the room up and down. If I had any hope for Siya and no to reconcile, it was officially
demolished. There was no hope us. Not even in Hell.

I felt like killing him, for doing this to me, especially after I just came back.
I went downstairs. I needed a bottle of wine, to help calm my nerves

My mind told me to call Jason, and take him up on his offer, but then my heart remembered what my
aunt had said to me, when I was in QwaQwa.

I decided to rather pray about it. Running into another man's arms wasn't going to help me with
anything. Instead it was just going to make me feel worse.

After praying, I felt a bit lighter. I was still pissed, but at least I didn't have the urge to kill someone.

As I was busy in the kitchen, my phone started ringing. It was a 011 number, so I figured it was one of
the companies that I submitted my CV to

Me: Rifiloe good day

Her: Mrs Ndhlovu, this is Pearl Khubeka speaking from the MZ gossip magazine

Me: how can I help?

Her: I was just phoning to let you know that we are running a story about you and your husband. I was
hoping to get a comment regarding the latest pictures that have surfaced with him and Jessica Diale

I was honestly never ready for the comment that this woman had just asked me. Honestly I had just
prayed about this, and here was some chick trying to piss me off all over again.

Me; I have no comment

Her: are you guys Still married ?

Me: no

Her; when was the divoce finalised?

Me; its public records. Why don’t you find out

Her; we’ve tried everywhere, but we couldn’t find a divorce decree

Me; speak to Siya about it.

Her; He has been nearly impossible to get hold of

Me; well, i don’t know what else to tell you

Her; can I ask you one more question

Me; what

Her; do you still love him

I didn’t answer this Pearl woman. Instead I cut the calls and immediately called Siya. I need him to give
me an explanation on what exactly was going on

Luckily he answered

Him: Rifiloe

Me: care to explain what the hell you're doing with Jessica

Him: no I don't

Me; really?

Him: Rifiloe I don't need or care to explain anything to you. Especially about my personal life

Me; I can't believe ever loved you

Him: whatever

Me: why are you doing this

Him; bye Rifiloe

Siya cut the call and I stood there feeling like such a fool.

I couldn’t believe that Siya had gotten back together with Jessica. Especially after everything that
happened. It was obvious by the pictures that they were both very much in love. His stupid excuses
about having to divorce me to protect me was all lies. He just wanted to find a way to be with Jessica,
and playing with my emotions was just one of them.

Boni arrived and gave me a hug

Her: I'm so sorry my friend

Me: I'm so pissed at him

Her: I phoned Hlokes to confirm if it was true, and he said that it was 100% true

Me: wow
Her: I bought us wine

Me: I beat you to it

Her: damn

Me: it just keeps getting worse and worse

Her; You know what they say. There’s always light at the end of a tunnel

Me: come, let's go sit by the pool.

We took our wine and went outside

Her: can I be honest

Me: go ahead

Her: I expected you to be way more pissed

Me: what's the use chommy? Siya and I are divorced. He can do and be with anyone he wants to be
with. I’m more pissed at myself. Do you know how many times I told myself to leave, and I didn’t.
Instead I listened to his lies over and over. And now the truth is finally out, and it stings like hell

As I was speaking to Boni, my phone rang again. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Jason

Me: Jase

Him: hey, how are you

Me: good. you

Him: just seen the pictures of Siyabonga and some chick. I wanted to make sure you're ok

Me: I'm fine

Him: do you need anything

Me: no thank you

Him: can I see you tonight

Me: I’m not exactly good company

Him; I don’t expect you to be

Me; next time

Him; so there will be a next time

Me; I’m not making any promises Jason. Right now I am right back to square one, emotionally. So
maybe, maybe not, who knows

Him; well that’s better than a no

Me; You honestly need to give up

Him: not my kind of thing

Me: I’m serious Jason. I don’t want you thinking you and I could ever be anything more than friends. I
need to get over this whole Siya thing first, before I can even think about moving on

Him; Rifiloe, all I want is to see you happy. And maybe I’m not the one to do that, but I don’t see why
you are stressing yourself over a man who clearly has no disregard for your feelings

Me; its more complicated than that

Him; how

Me; I love him

Him; i know that. But does he value that

Me; Jason

Him; Rifiloe, just have fun with your life. Stop trying so hard to be perfect. Go wild for once. I can
promise you it won’t kill you

Me; but it’s only been 2 weeks. My heart isn’t ready

Him; your heart longs for him. I get that. But it doesn’t mean you can’t go out and enjoy your life. Life is
far too short to be stressing yourself about some guy

Me; (sigh)

Him; Rifiloe, I’m not looking to marry you tomorrow. I just want to chill and enjoy life with you. Is that so
bad

Me; not exactly

Him; so ill see you tonight

Me; maybe

Him; ill pick you up at 6pm

Me; I didn’t say yes

Him; you didn’t say no either

Me; Jason

Him; oh, and make sure you wear something you don’t mind getting dirty. Like old jeans and sneakers

Me; where are you taking me

Him; I’m going to get you to live a little

Me; I’ve just got hair done

Him; Rifiloe, relax. I’ll see you tonight

I put down the phone and looked at a shocked looking Boni

Her; and now? Who’s that?

Me; (sigh) long story

Her; I’ve got all day

Me: I used to work with him. I bumped into him before I left for QwaQwa. I had dinner with him last
night

Her; oh God.

Me; what

Her; don’t you think you should take things slowly. Like heal first before opening this chapter

Me; its not like him and I are dating. We’re just chilling

Her; has he tried anything

Me; (clears throat)

Her; oh my God

Me; relax. I didn’t sleep with him

Her; but

Me; he kissed me last night

Her; was he good

Me; (chuckles) yes

Her; better that Siya

Me; I don’t think anyone could be better than Siya

Her; so he gets that you don’t want a relationship

Me; I think he’s also not looking for anything. He probably just wants someone to chill with

Her; so friends with benefits kind of thing

Me; nooooo

Her; well, as your friend I think you should tread carefully. But I also think you should get out and have
some fun. I mean what could possibly go wrong

Me; we’ll see

Boni stayed till around 5pm, then left so I could get ready to see Jason

I was a bit nervous but then figured I would put my guilt aside. I was going to embrace being “friends”
with Jason. He was right. Why bother being hung up over Siya, when he was busy living the life with
Jessica.

I took a quick shower, and didn’t bother using make up, because Jason had said I must wear something I
didn’t mind getting dirty. So I didn’t see the point

Jason arrived at exactly 18:00pm. It was weird seeing him in jeans. I had only ever seen him in his
formal clothes

Him; hey you

Me; hey

Him; your house is huge

Me; yaah. It used to be Siya’s, but he insisted I keep it

Him; how many m2

Me; about 2000

Him; wow

Me; so where are we going

Him; ill tell you in the car

Me; cool. Hope you don’t mind the security

Him; not at all

Jason and I walked to his car, and the guards followed

Me; so where are we going

Him; open the cabin

I opened the Cabin and there was a plastic bag full of different colored powder and two tickets

Me; oh my word

Him; have you ever been

Me; no

Him; you up to it

Me; hell ya

Him; (phew) I thought I would have to drag you

Me; how did you get tickets? These color festivals are always sold

Him; I know a guy, who knows a guy

Me; gosh,

Him; so you don’t mind getting dirty

Me; no. I’ve wanted to go to one of these for as long as I can remember

Him; good. Cause we’re nearly there

When we arrived at the venue, it was already jam packed. There were people everywhere. The concert
itself had already started, but the main acts were only starting in about 30min.

Jason and I had the time of our lives. There was all different genres of music. We ate, drank, laughed
and threw the powder everywhere.

I couldn’t remember when the last time I had had so much fun was. I was so carefree and I loved it.

By the time Jason and I left it was already after 01:00am. My cheeks and my stomach were actually sore
from laughing.

Jason dropped me at home, and walked me up the driveway.

Me; thank you for a good time

Him; I’m glad you enjoyed yourself

Me; I really did

Him; see. I don’t bite

Me; I didn’t say you did

Him; so would you be up to doing stuff with me again

Me; I don’t see why not

I gave Jason a hug, and was relieved that he didn’t try kissing me.

He left, and I went inside with the biggest grin ever. I was so glad that I didn’t feel guilty.

I walked in the house and stilled,when i saw Siya's mother half asleep on the couch.

what the fuck was she doing here? She was honestly the last person i expected to see.

117

Seeing Siya’s mother in my house, pissed me the hell off. Why didn’t she call me and ask if she could
come. Nxa, I honestly wasn’t in the mood for her craziness today

I took off my sneakers, because they were full of the powder. Siya’s mother must’ve heard me, because
she opened her eyes.

I took a deep breath and walked over to her

Me; dumela ma

Her; yebo makoti. (Yawn) I didn’t hear you come in

Me; I just arrived

Her; and now Makot, what’s all of this over your clothes?

Me; its powder

Her; why is it all over you

Me; it’s a long story ma. (Clears throat) when did you arrive?

Her; at around 7pm

Me; I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I wasn’t aware that you were coming

Her; put on the kettle we need to talk woman to woman

I stood up and went to the kitchen to make tea. I honestly don’t understand why she was here. Siya
and I are divorced.

He’s moved on with Jessica, so why would she be here? She should be out celebrating or something

I made tea, then went to sit with Siya’s mother

Her; I’ll get straight to the point

Me; can I get you something to eat?

Her; no thank you. Ive already eaten

Me; ok

Her; what is happening between you and Siyabonga

Me; I

Her; because I spoke to your aunt, and she tells me you guys are no longer together. And then today I
see Siya in the newspapers with some tikilani

Me; ahmm ma, have you spoken to Siya about this

Her; he’s not taking my calls

Me; its true Ma. Siya and I aren’t together anymore

Her; what happened?

Me; he left me

Her; why

Me; something to do with his work

Her; yaz Siyabonga is starting to get on my nerves. Who does he think he is? He can’t make us send a
letter to your family, and then change his mind, just like that nxa

Me; I’m sorry ma.

Her; its not your fault Koti. But don’t worry. Ill sort Siyabonga out. He doesn’t know who he’s messing
with

Me; ma, I think you should leave it. Siya’s moved on with his life. Maybe it’s time we all do the same

Her; over my dead body. You have been nothing but a good wife to him, and now he leaves you and
goes to God knows where with this bimbo.

Me; haai, I don’t know ma

Her; where’s your phone

I took my phone out of my pocket

Her; phone him

Me; ma, shouldn’t we rather wait till tomorrow morning

Her; no

The look on Siya’s mothers face told me not to argue with her. She was fuming. Which I didn’t quite
understand, since she hates me

I dialled Siya on that unknown number

Him; Rifiloe, now’s not a good time

Me; your mother wants to speak to you

Him; my mother?

Me; yes

Siya’s mother basically grabbed the phone out of my hand

Her; Siyabonga. What is this nonsense I hear? How do you leave your wife and go across the world with
that digesting woman

Him; ma, can I phone you back

Her; No Siyabonga. I’ve been trying to call you for how long? And you haven’t bothered phoning me
back
Him; ma

Her; Listen here boy. Your uncles are coming to JHB on Monday for a family meeting with Rifiloe’s
family. You better make sure that you are here

Him; ahmmh Ma, I don’t think, I can make it

Her; Siyabonga, did I ask you or did I tell you

Him; But

Her; your father must be turning in his grave. You have bought such shame to our family. Sies man
Siyabonga

Him; Ma

Her; I don’t want to hear it. You better make sure you are here. Otherwise hell will freeze over. I’m
telling you. NXA

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Since when was there a meeting between my family and Siya’s
family? Siya’s mother gave me my phone back

Her; We should get some sleep. It’s been a long night

Me; ma

Her; we will talk about the rest at the meeting on Monday

Me; I’ll show you to your room

I showed Siya’s mother to one of the spare bedrooms, and went to my bedroom.

I was rather confused with what was happening. MaNdhlovu had never liked me. Why was she now
fighting to keep Siya and I together? Just as I thought I could get passed Siya, here he was back in my
life, and now I was going to have to face him tell me he doesn’t want me, in front of his and my family.
It’s as though I was being punished. I just wished I knew why

I put my clothes in a black plastic bag, so I could throw them away. Then went to shower. I was so tired
from the late night with Jason, and all I wanted to do was get some sleep.

After my shower, I got dressed in PJ’s and tried getting some shut eye. I had a feeling I was going to need
a hit load of energy to deal with Siya’s mother.
I was woken up the following morning by Siya’s mother. I felt like telling her to get lost. I was so
exhausted from last night. I could really do with at least another hour of sleep

Her; vuka makoti. We have lots to do

Me; we do

her; yes. Some family members arrive today for the meeting tomorrow. We need to make sure that
everything Is ready

Me; huh

Her; get ready. We need to get going

I dragged myself out of bed, and prayed to God to give me patience. This felt like it was going to be a
long day.

I took a quick shower and got dressed. I decided to wear one of my Maxi dresses and sandals. I didn’t
feel comfortable wearing pants in front of Siya’s mother.

When I got downstairs, Mam Martha had finished making breakfast.

I rolled my eyes at her and she laughed. I didn’t need to explain to her why I was annoyed. She already
knew it was because of my unwanted guest

I sat down and ate breakfast with Siya’s mother. She kept going through the list of things we need to do.

I wasn’t really paying attention, until she mentioned something to do with Lobola

Me; sorry ma, I don’t think I heard you

Her; I was saying, that since your uncles and Siya’s uncles will be here. They might as well start
negotiating Lobola

Hebanna, this old woman was officially losing it. What part of Siya and I aren’t together didn’t she
understand

Me; (clears throat) ma, I don’t think

Her; makoti, don’t worry Ill handle everything

Me; but

My phone started ringing, and thankfully it was my aunt. Hopefully she could speak some sense into
Siya’s mother

Me; Rakgadi

Her; hi Manana. How are you

Me; I’m ok,

Her; I’m trying to get hold of your husbands mother

Me; My husband? Rakgadi

Her; Rifiloe, We’ll talk when I arrive tonight

Me; fine.

I gave Siya’s mom my phone and took my bowl to the kitchen. Nothing that was going on was making
sense. I had just spent so much time with my aunt, trying to get over Siya, and now here she was
colluding with his mother.

I washed my bowl, then helped Mam Martha clear the table, all the while Siya’s mother was talking to
my Aunt

When Siya’s mother was done, she made me drive her all the way to JHB. She wanted to go to Ka Mai
Mai. Apparently they had all the traditional things we would need. I decided to rather use Siya’s jeep,
because it looked like we would need the boot space.

Tjo nna, I’ve never shopped this much in my life. Siya’s mother was buying things left, right and centre.
She bought grass mats, African beer pots and even some beading

By the time I got home I was over it. The sun was blazing, and I was tired from the lack of sleep.

The guards took all the things we had bought and placed them in one of the rooms.

Siya’s mother came towards with an apron.

Her; we need to start baking some scones

Me; how about we order from the bakery and I go pick them up

Her; never. We need to ensure that these are fresh. Siya loved fresh scones with Jam

I let out a sigh, and put the apron on. I honestly had no idea what Siya’s mother was planning. But I
honestly wasn’t looking forward to the embarrassment of Siya telling everyone that he wasn’t interested
in me anymore.

Siya’s mother made us bake a 20L bucket of scones, while she made ginger beer.

When we were finally done, my feet were so swollen. I figured it was because of being out last night
and being on my feet all day today.

After dinner, I went straight to my room. I wanted to soak myself in a nice worm bath and just take in
the events happening around me. I wondered where Siya was, and if he was coming to this meeting? I
just prayed I would be able to keep calm, because I was still so pissed at him

I stayed in the bath for over an hour, and then got out with just a towel wrapped around me.

I swear I nearly died, when I saw Siya sitting on the bed. He looked so damn desirable. He was growing a
beard, and he looked so tanned. His eyes met with mine, and I saw a trace of a smile, but then he
regained his hard posture

Me; what are you doing here?

Him; Hi Rifiloe, Nice to see you too

I tried walking past him, but he held onto my hand

Him; I live the haircut

Me; let go

Him; God, I’ve missed you

Me; Siya don’t

Siya stood up and put his arms around my waist. He leaned in and kissed my neck.

Mhmhmmmm
Me; Siya, Please …….. Stop

He didn’t stop, instead he moved to my ear lobe. My nipples immediately hardened. I wanted him to
stop. I was so mad at him, and wanted an explanation. Especially after how he spoke to me. But oh Lord
Siya and his tongue were amazing. He was making me feel things I thought were dead. I had missed his
touch so badly.

But then his mother walked in and ruined it. Siya let go of me and started laughing

Her; oh… ahmm sorry I’ll come back

Me; No, ma. Sorry. This was a mistake

Siya’s mother just turned around and left. While I looked embarrassed. I left him there and went to the
closet. I was so pissed at myself. Siya had literally walked all over my heart, and here I was letting him do
as he pleases as if I had no control over my fucking body. Nxa no wonder Siya thought he could do as he
pleases

I quickly got dressed, then put my thick robe over myself. I needed to cover up, because clearly I
couldn’t control myself.

Siya walked in as I was about to walk out, he had just taken a shower, and had a towel wrapped around
him.

Him; I see my side of the closet is empty

Me; what did you expect?

Him; I was hoping you would be more considerate

Me; Siya what are you doing here? Why aren’t you staying in fourways

Him; in case you haven’t noticed my Mother is on the war path. She insisted I stay here tonight

Me; mxm

Him; I’ve missed you

My phone started ringing, so I walked passed him and went to answer it. I saw it was Jason and declined
the call. The last thing I needed was to fight with Siya about Jason.

Him; who is that

I turned around and Siya was standing behind me

Me; No one

Him; then why didn’t you answer

Me; why are you grillin me about my calls?

Him; Its that Fucker Jason, isn’t it?

Me; God you’re frustrating

Him; so you slept with him

Me; fuck off

Him; fucking hell Rifiloe. I leave for 2 weeks and you’re already in his bed.

I slapped Siya across the face. Here he was, telling me shit about me sleeping with Jason. Meanwhile he
was all the way across the world with Jessica.

Me; don’t you fucking speak to me like that. I haven’t slept with anyone. All I did was let him kiss me

Siya took a step towards me and I took one back. He held onto my hand and made me face

Him; you did what

Me; Siya don’t step up on me like that. YOU are all the way across the world with the woman who
wanted me dead. And now you expect me to sit here and wait for your miraculous return?

Siya’s expression told me he was super pissed. The last time I had seen him like this, was when we were
in the doctor’s office and he knew I was planning on aborting

Me; Siya, you’re hurting my arm

Him; how far did it go

Me; Siya, stop. You’re acting like psycho

Him; you’re going to make me go fucking mad

Me; stooppp

Siya let go of my hand.

Me; you don’t get to go around being mad at me for this Siya. Not when you’re the one who filed for
divorce, and ran to God knows where with that poor excuse of a woman. Who you SLEPT with while we
were married

Him; Rifiloe, it’s not like that

Me; fuck you Siya

Him; baby, I know you’re mad, but

Me; no Siya. Just stop with that. You and I are done, and it’s high time we both came to terms with it

Him; Ri

Siya was about to say something, but then his phone started ringing. And as always he left me there and
went to answer it. I had thought for once he would just be in the moment and concentrate on us, as
always I would stay 2nd in his life. That was never going to change. No matter how much I loved him.
Siya was married to his job, and I was tired of being his side chick.

118

***************SIYA ***********************

I knew that Rifiloe was going to be pissed at me for answering this call. But with the way things are at
the moment I had no choice. I just wish this whole thing could end, so that I can be with her. I feel like
I’m losing her, and that didn’t sit well with me

Me; Bullet

Him; Dude you need to get out of there

Me; what’s going on

Him; there’s pictures of you entering the house

Me; how is that even possible

Him; no clue. Nails just found them

Me; fucking hell. I’ve only been here an hour

Him; exactly why you need to leave.

Me; dude, if I leave now, Rifiloe will never forgive me

Him; if you don’t leave, Rifiloe could get hurt

Me; fucking hell

Him; Ghost. Now

Me; get the cars ready. I’ll be out in 5

Him; sharp

I put the phone down, and let out a sigh. How was I ever going to things right with Rifiloe? If I miss this
family meeting, it’s guaranteed, she will never speak to me again. She’ll think i didn’t want her, and that
was all a lie. I just loved her enough not have her killed

I put on the same clothes I had arrived in, and walked downstairs. I needed to try speak to Rifiloe.

I found her in the lounge, watching TV. She looked so beautiful. I just hate seeing her so hurt. And all
because of me and this fucking Job.

I walked to her and sat down next to her

Me; can we talk

Her; do we have to

Me; its important

She took the remote and put the news on mute

Her; I’m listening

Me; I can’t stay for the meeting

Her; why am I not surprised

Me; Rifiloe. Its not like that

Her; Siya, it doesn’t matter. Just go back to Jessica, and let me be

Me; Rifiloe, Things aren’t as they seem. Please, just try to understand

Her; Bye Siya

I saw a tear escape her eye, and my heart broke. How it is that one woman can take so much. She just
keeps taking, and I don’t know how much more she could take

Me; I love you Rifiloe. I’ve never stopped loving you. Not ever

Her; Love? What am I supposed to do with Love Siya? Your LOVE is cursed. All it does is bring me pain.
My weight fluctuates like crazy. The eye bags under my eyes won’t go, because I spend hours crying. I
wake up feeling like shit, and go to bed feeling worse. How is that Love Siya? Tell me? How is that Love

Rifiloes question took me by surprise. How could I possibly show her I love her, when all I do is make
her miserable?

Me; Rifiloe, I’m really sorry. I just

Her; stop apologising for falling out of love

Me; Rifiloe. I love you. That will never change

Her; then quit your Job. We’ve got all the money in the world. We can leave SA right now, and never
look back. We can go somewhere where no one can find us. We can live our lives in peace Siya. All you
have to do is take the first step

Me; baby, it’s not that easy

Her; Siyabonga, Just know that if you walk out this house tonight, you can never and I mean ever com
back

Me; Rifiloe

Her; I’m serious. If you’re going to leave me here with your family. Then know that we are done. For
good. I’m going to move on with my life. I won’t wait for you

Me; Rifiloe, don’t say shit like that

Her; you think I’m joking?

I wanted to discuss this further, but then Bullet phoned again.

Her; you should get that. We don’t want to keep Jessica waiting

Me; Its not

Her; I don’t want to hear it. Just go back to whatever hole you crawled out of, and don’t bother coming
back here

Rifiloe, got up and left me there. There was honestly nothing else I could do. I had let my marriage fall
apart, and my worst nightmare was happening. Rifiloe, was slipping out of my hands and I couldn’t be
here to prevent it.

I got up and walked out the house. I wondered when I would ever see Rifiloe again. She seemed so mad,
I doubt she would want anything to do with me if I were to return

****************Rifiloe*******************

I left Siya in the lounge, and went to bed. There was no use arguing, when he had already made his
decision over and over again. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. Siya would never leave his job
for me. He loved it too much. Plus he had Jessica. So why was I holding out hope that we would ever be
together.

I tried falling asleep, but sleep had totally left me. I just wanted this whole thing over with. I wanted
Siya’s mother out my house. She bought me fake hope, and now here I was back at square one. Nxa

I woke up the following morning at feeling nauseous as hell. I ran to the bathroom to throw up, but
there was nothing bring up. I brushed my teeth and put on my gown, and decided to get something to
eat. I think the stress of the last few weeks was just getting to me

When I got upstairs Siya’s mother was cooking up a storm. I could smell tribe on the stove, and that
alone made me feel worse.

ME; morning Ma

Her; Morning Makoti. Whats wrong? You don’t look to good

Me; I don’t know. I just feel a bit off

Her; I’ll make you some porridge. That ought to make you feel better

ME; don’t worry about it ma. I’ll manage

Her; where is Siyabonga? I’m making tripe, especially for him. I know how much he loves it
Me; Siya left last night ma

Her; I’m confused? Last night you two seemed Ok

Me; Ma, what you saw was a moment of weakness. Siyabonga loves his Job, and he loves Jessica. That
isn’t going to change

Her; that’s nonsense. Siyabonga has no respect

Me; ma, I think we should just let him be

Her; No ways. He is going to do as I say. Not as he pleases

I don’t know whether it was the smell of tripe, or Siya’s mothers babbling, but I started feeling really
light headed. I tied hanging onto the counter, but I was too weak.

Her; Makoti, whats wrong? You’ve just gone pale

Me; mhmh

Siya’s mother rushed to my side, and walked me to the lounge.

She called for mam Martha,

Her; we need to get you to a hospital

Me; Ma. Im fine. I think I just need to lay down

Her; makoti, you are pale as ever. You need to see the doctor

Me; can I have a glass of water please.

Mam Martha, went to get me a bottle of water, and I drank it all down.

I honestly don’t know what was wrong with me. I was fine yesterday, and today here I am feeling like
shit.

I could feel that the water that I just drank was going to come back up again.

I ran to one of the bathrooms, and out it all came.

I felt so bad for Siya’s mother. She looked so worried.

When I was done, I rinsed my mouth with mouth wash and cleaned cleaned the toilet.

Siya’s mother was standing there looking at me

Her; Go upstairs and rest. Ill bring you your breakfast

Me; ma, please. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine

Her; no you’re not. No one just brings up for the sake of it

Me; I think it might be food poisoning from all of the junk I ate the other night

Her; Ok, Just go up and rest. I’ll come check up on you later

I went to my room, and just flopped on the bed. I felt so weak, and the thought of food, just made me
feel worse.

I got back into my blankets, and decided to try getting some more sleep. Maybe when I woke up I would
feel better.

I was just drifting back to sleep, when my phone started ringing. I ignored it, but whoever it was
persisted. So I had no choice but to answer

Me; mhmm

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Siya, not now

Him; are you ok? My mom says you nearly fainted

Me; I’m fine. She’s just exaggerating

Him; you don’t sound to good

Me; bye

I cut the call, because I was honestly barley conscious. I just wanted to sleep it off, and talking to Siya
was just making me feel even more worse than I already felt.

119
I slept for another 3 hours. I woke up and felt so much better.

I made the bed, and went to take a shower. Nothing makes you feel more refreshed than water.

When I was done with my shower, I got dressed, then went downstairs.

I had honestly totally forgotten about this meeting. I expected Siya’s mother to cancel. But when I got to
the dining room it was packed. Which was a bit of a shock, since my dining room table could take up to
24 people.

I turned around and went back downstairs. I needed a doek to cover my head. And I wanted to speak to
Siya. I don’t understand why this meeting was going forward. He had made his choice. Why was his
mother trying to force the issue?

I tried Siya but he didn’t answer. I tried him again and he answered just as it was going to voicemail

Him; baby

Me; Siyabonga, why is your mother still holding this meeting? I thought she would’ve given up by now

Him; maybe if you came downstairs you could find out

Me; huh?

Him; just come down

Me; im lost

Him; come down

I dropped the call, and walked downstairs. I don’t get why Siya sounded so damn happy.

When I got downstairs, I went to the lounge instead of the dining room, because the dining room was
filled with my uncles and Siya’s uncles.

I found my Aunt in the lounge with Siya’s mother. They were talking and laughing as though they were
old friends
Me; dumelang

They both greeted me, then continued with their conversation.

I decided to leave them, and went to make myself something to eat. I was so hungry, I could eat a damn
horse.

When I entered the kitchen, I found Siya there making tea. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t
dreaming

Him; there you are. I was starting to think you had gone back to bed

Me; what are you doing here

Him; I don’t get a kiss hello

Me; Siya

He moved closer to me and gave me a kiss. I felt Goosebumps down my back

Him; I came for the meeting. Which is over by the way

Me; wasn’t I supposed to be there

Him; I didn’t want them to wake you

Me; so you told them the truth? About us breaking up

Him; I did no such thing

Me; why the hell not

Him; because I’m not going to lose you. Not now or ever

Me; but

Him; no buts. Today we officially payed Lobola for you. You are officially Mrs Ndhlovu

Me; what the fuck are you talking about? Why would you do that without talking to me?

Him; I love you. You love me. we’re already married. I didn’t see a need to wak you up

ME; Siya, are you fucking serious? We are divorced. You wanted that. and now all of a sudden you want
to be married

Him; yes

Me; (chuckles) you are honestly one smug son of a bitch. You think that just because you decide you
want me back, I will lay down and play dead. Fuck you Siya. Fuck you and fuck your fucking bullshit

Him; Rifiloe, our families are in the other room. Keep your voice down

Me; nxa
I wanted to leave Siya there, but I was so hungry, I needed to eat

me; move, I want to make myself something to eat

Him; Your foods in the oven

Me; what is it

Him; tripe

Me; no thanks

Him; since when don’t you eat tripe?

Me; I’m not in the mood

Him; so what are you in the mood for?

Me’; a burger

Him; you? Burger

Me; yes

Him; ill order for you

Me; make sure it has lots of bakon, and avo. Oh and large fries and a coke

Him; You sure you’re ok?

Me; No, im actually pissed at you. But right now all I want is to eat

I took the cup of tea he was making and had it with some scones. I needed something while I wait for
the food to arrive.

Especially since my body was craving wine. But unfortunately for me my house had been taken over by
Siya and his damn family Nxa

Siya was busy staring at me smiling like the foolish idiot he is

Me; what

Him; nothing

Me; you’re being creepy.

Him; I just realised how much I love you

Me; well too bad, cause I can’t seem to stand you

Him; well, you’re stuck with me for life. You might as well get used to this face

Me; in your dreams. As soon as I’ve eaten, I’m putting an end to this whole charade of yours.

Him; how so

Me; I’m going to make sure my uncles give your family back your money. This should’ve been discussed
with me first Siya

I took my cup and rinsed it. I felt Siya wrap his arms around me from behind.

Him; I’m sorry baby. I should have never left

Me; but you did. And now there’s no turning back

Him; baby. It’s nearly over. Just bear with me for a few more weeks

Me; No

Him; this is my last mission. After this, it’s just you and me. No more force

Me; that’s what you said the last time

Him; I know. But this time it’s different

Me; how so

Him; I cant say

Me; no

Him; but baby

Me; move tu..

Him; you’re my wife. Its mu right to touch you

Me; and Jessica?

Him; she’s not a factor

Me; yes she is

Him; once this is all over. I will explain everything

Me; no. I want an explanation now

Him; I can’t tell you everything. But I will tell you this

Me; what
Him; turn around

I turned around, and faced him

Him; we’re still married

Me; huh?

The divorce was never finalised

Me; Siya

Him; shhhh. We’ll talk about this tonight. For now can we just be happy that Lobola negotiations went
well

Me; But

I wanted to ask Siya more questions, but my aunt walked in

Her; (clears throat) sorry to interrupt. But I need a word with Rifiloe

Siya; Ill give you some space

Siya kissed me on the cheek, and left

Her; how are you feeling?

Me; much better thank you

Her; I’m glad to see you ad Siya are happy

Me; Rakgadi. I’m not sure what Siya told you. But we are a long way from being together

Her; but they paid Lobola today

Me; that was a mistake

Her; How Rifiloe?

Me; can’t we give it back

Her; again? Rifiloe ha a maan. You can’t expect us to go through this again. You chose him

Me; but

Her; but nothing. Its time you started behaving like a wife. No one will be retuning anything
My aunt left me there feeling annoyed. Why couldn’t she just here my side of the story.

Siya came back and gave me my food. I took the food, and went upstairs via the lounge.

I hadn’t realized that Siya was following me, till I turned to close the door

Him; thought I wold sit here with you

Me; when is everyone leaving

Him; soon

Me; including you right

Him; you want me gone

Me; yes

Him; but Rifiloe I left everything I was doing just to be here with you

Me; so you expect a dance or a balloon

Him; no , just a little understanding

Me; take your understanding and shove it up

Him; Yoh, I forgot how stubborn you can be

Me; voetsek Siya.

Him; Rifiloe,

Me; go to hell

Him; baby please stop lashing out at me. I know you’re mad at me, but I’m trying here

Me; why didn’t you tell me about the divorce

Him; It’s for your own good

Me; how

Him; Rifiloe, the only reason I’m hear is because I love you. And that we were lucky we got a break.
Otherwise, I would still need to be in Portugal

Me; Portugal

Him; long story

Me; everything is a long story with you

Him; I know it’s confusing. But I need you to just try understanding that everything I’ve done is for us. I
promise

I didn’t answer Siya, instead sat on the bed and ate my burger.

Siya took of his shoes and sat next to me. He kept looking at me as I ate

Me; mhmhh

Him; swallow first

Me; what ?

Him; aren’t you going to share with me

Me; no

Him; Haw, baby

Me; I’m not your baby

Him; yes you are. Which is why you should share with me

I gave Siya the rest of my food, and immediately started feeling nauseous again.

I ran to the bathroom, and out came all the food I had just eaten.

When I was done, I brushed my teeth and went back to sit with Siya

Him; you need to go to the doctor

Me’; stop telling me what I need to do

Him; your stubbornness is annoying

Me; then do us both a favour and leave

Him; not till we see a doctor

Me; Siya

Him; baby

Me; no

Him; I think you’re pregnant

Me; I’m not

Him; mhmm

Me; I’m not

Him; ok. I was just saying

Me; stop annoying me

Him; do you think it’s a boy or girl

I hit Siya with a pillow

Me; its neither. Theres no way God would punish me like that

Him; that actually hurt

Me; shame

Him; prove me wrong

Me; how

Him; take a pregnancy test

Me; Im not pregnant Siya

Him; I think you are

Me; not happening

Him; so then prove me wrong

Me; if its negative you have to promise to leave

Him; and if its positive?

Me; you leave

Him; that’s not fair

Me; yes it is

Him; how about we just take the test and leave the deal

Me; no

Him; please

Me; no. because even if I am pregnant. Ill be having an abortion

Siya’s face immediately hardened. I know I wasn’t serious. Hell I wasn’t even pregnant. But he looked
ready to kill me

Him; you really want to annoy me

Me; do I look like I care

Him; Rifiloe, I am here. Where you wanted me to be. What more do I have to do

I looked at this crazy, stupid motherfucker sitting next to me, and I felt like beating the shit out of him.
Siya was honestly so damn selfish. He lies, and cheats and does all kinds of shit, and when he decided he
wants to come back, I’m supposed to throw a fucking party. Well not this time. This time I was tired. I
wasn’t going to just let him come and go in my life as he pleases.

120

******************SIYA*******************

I know deep down Rifiloe was just trying to piss me off, but i don't take lightly to her talking about
abortion. I know I'm not perfect, and that I have really hurt her, but if she is in fact pregnant, I would be
over the moon. So her playing about such a topic was just annoying as he'll. Especially after what
happened not so long ago.

I stood up and took the plates to the kitchen. I knew I was going to end up saying something I would
regret mos so it's better to just ignore her crazy outbursts

When I got downstairs, the families were getting ready to leave. They asked about Rifiloe and I told
them she was resting. My uncles were a bit disappointed. They wanted to meet her, especially since she
had set me back R 100 000.00 but I told them I'd bring her to KZN before the wedding.

My mother and Rifiloes aunt went to say goodbye to Rifiloe. While I walked my uncle's out.

I was really glad I was able to attend the meeting. It just goes to shows that Rifiloe and I were meant to
be. One of our ops team in Portugal was able to get a tip off of where one of Fernandez associates were
hiding. They were able to arrest him, which sent Fernandez further into hiding. He may have had the
upper hand. But with us arresting this guy, now meant it was only a matter of time, till we found him.
So all in all my plan of using Jessica had worked quite well so far. All we needed to do was get this guy
to S.A.. I'm sure after a few days of torture he would sing like a cannery. So for the next 48 hours. I could
be here with Rifiloe, and hopefully we could somehow find a way to co-habitat. Because the way I see
it, she is going to have my head.

After everyone had left. I gave Mam Martha and Thembi the night off. I'm sure they were also tired. Plus
it also meant they wouldn't witness Rifiloe trying to kill me
I went back upstairs and tried open ring our bedroom door, but Rifiloe had locked it. This was honestly
going to be the longest 48 hours of my life. And obviously we were off to a bad start.

Me: Rifiloe, open the door

Her: go sleep in the spare bedroom

Me: ha ana Rifiloe man. Vula

Her: ha ke batle. Go to the spare bedroom, or better yet go to Jessica

Oh God not this again. If only she knew Jessica was in prison in a 4 by 4 cell. They kept her there so I
wouldn't be able to get my hands on her. Because all I wanted was to put a bullet through her head. But
I couldn't exactly tell Rifiloe that. Because should something happen. Fernandez needs to believe that
Jessica betrayed him. Of which he will come after her, and in turn I will be able to capture him.

Me: baby, vula umnyango tu

Her: Siya go away

I was about to break down the door, when she came out looking all sorts of cute

Me: uyaphi?

She ignored me, and tried walking passed me. But I blocked her way

Me: ngikhuluma nawe Rifiloe. Uyaphi

Her: move

Me: not till I get an answer

Her: Jason and I are going out

Me: out where

Her: karaoke bar in Craighall

Tjo, I know I had hurt Rifiloe. Like I know I crushed her countless times, but for her to still want to go out
with this fucker, after everything that's happened today, amazed me.

What if she had developed feelings for this guy. How do I compete with someone who is normal? When
I, so fucked up?

Me: baby

Her: don't wait up.

She tried going left, but I blocked her way. I wish Rifiloe understood how hard I was trying to control my
temper. The agent in me wanted to slap the shit out of her, but the Siya in me loved her too much to
ever lay a hand on her again

Me: (sigh) Rifiloe ima maan. This thing you're trying to do is going to drive me mad

Her: do you honestly think I care

Me: Rifiloe. I'm here. How are you going to leave your husband here, and go off to some bar with a guy
who wants you for himself

Her; haw, so you can do what you want, but when I do it the nna I'm wrong

Me: so this is payback

Her: no this is Me living life without you. Why don't you rather go back to your job that you love so
much, and let me go out and enjoy myself

Me: Rifiloe have some respect. I'm your husband

Her: respect is earned not demanded. How do I respect you when you had no respect for me? Huh Siya.
When you went off and shagged that fucking bitch. Who you then flaunted all around me? Huh where
was the respect

Me: maybe if you stopped wining like a fucking child, I wouldn't have gotten tempted to sleep with her

Rifiloe took a step back, and took a deep breath in and out. I have no idea why I said that. It's not like I
meant it. But at this stage I had just officially lost my temper, and instead of using my brain, I let my
emotions take over

Her; make sure you are gone by the time I get back

Me: oh so you're not sleeping over at your boyfriend's house

Her: no, because unlike you I don't go around sleeping with any piece of trash that comes my way. No
matter how much you nag

me: Rifiloe you know what. Go. Go be with that loser. Go have a nice life ok. I'm sick of having to beg
you

Her fine

Me: fine

Rifiloe pushed me out the way and walked away. I know what I had said was wrong, but I just didn't get
why she insisted on going to see this Jason guy.

I looked out the window and saw her driving away. I was so tempted to have more than 2 guards
following her. But I knew that would just cause more problems. I might as well just go stay at the house
in fourways. The last thing I needed was to fight with Rifiloe again.

************Rifiloe*********

I drove out the house feeling beyond pissed. Siya had no right to expect me to be miss perfect. Especially
after everything he had done. I don't understand how he thinks I'm just going to stop living my life. Just
because he decides he wants to come back. Well that's not how it works. I am going to do me. W
heather we're married or not. In my eyes I was single, and I planned on enjoying it to the fullest.

I got to the bar in less than 20 min. The car that Siya had bought me rode like a dream. Especially on the
highway.
I spotted Jason and one of his friends at a nearby table. Jason stood up when he saw me. He gave me a
kiss on the cheek, and introduced me to Nick. Nick turned out to be Jason's gay friend. He was so extra,
and immediately loved him. His sense of humour and jokes, had me forgetting about Siya. Especially
with the strawberry daiquiris I was having.

It felt so good, to just let loose and enjoy myself. It was nice to be with normal people who had normal
jobs, and didn't have to look over their shoulders every minute

I stayed at the bar, for a while then decided it was time to go home. I was already on my 4th daiquiri,
and I think the rum was starting to get to me. all I wanted now, was to have a good night’s sleep.

I bid, Jason and Nick goodbye. Jason wanted to drive me home, but I told him I was good. I let one of
the guards drive me instead.

When I got to the house, I immediately felt heavy. I prayed Siya had left. I was so tired of being angry
and sad. I just wanted my house back to myself again.

I looked around, and as fate would have it, Siya wasn't around. I took a quick shower, and went to bed.
I could feel the nausea coming along, and I hoped by me getting into bed, I would be able to avoid it.

I woke up next to morning, and got the fright of my life. Siya was sitting on a chair facing me. He had a
bottle of Hennessey in his hand which was nearly empty.

Me: Siya, what the fuck

He didn't answer me. Instead he took a sip from his bottle

Me: you nearly gave me a heart attack

I got up and had one of those dizzy spells. I immediately sat back down

Him; so were drinking? Despite the fact that you might be pregnant

Me; Siya, where do you get this idea of yours? I’m not pregnant. I know my body. If I was pregnant I
would know

Him; you really want to get on my nerves ne

I could see Siya was really pissed. Not that I care though. As far as I was concerned he could go to the
nearest hell.

I covered myself with the duvet, and tried getting some more sleep. Siya was being annoying and I didn’t
feel like dealing with him

Siya stood up and moved the covers off of me

Me; Siya man

Him; Vuka, siya kudokotela

Me; I’m not going anywhere

Him; yaz uyangicasula. Vuka sihambe

I was so not used to Siya speaking in Zulu. It was obvious he was pissed, and obviously the Hennessey
was getting to his head.

I don’t know why, but I just burst out laughing.

Him; what’s so funny

Me; nothing

Him; can you just get ready so we can go

Me; Si

Siya stood up and threw the bottle against the wall. I got such a fright. The smirk on my face
immediately disappeared.

Siya came towards me and I jumped out of bed. There was no telling what he was going to do

Him; can you just do as you’re told. For once Rifiloe. Why do you always have to be so fucking stubborn?

I didn’t dare say anything. I was just grateful that the bed was between us

Him; I’m getting sick of this shit. Rifiloe. Can you just stop wanting to be the man in this relationship.

Me; relationship? What relationship Siya? In case you forgot you put an end to “our” relationship. You
and I aren’t together.

Him; I have tried countless times to explain Rifiloe.

Me; explain what? That you love your Job more than me?

Him; so you dating this idiot, is just to get back at me

Me; for the millionth time. I’m not dating Jason. He’s my friend. Nothing more. Not that it has anything
to do with you

Him; it has everything to do with me. You’re my wife

Me; you need to leave

Him; I’m not going anywhere. This is my house.

Me; in that case I will leave

I wanted to go get dressed, but I knew if I walked passed him, he would stop me. This fighting was
honestly getting tiring. No matter how much I pulled away, Siya kept pushing himself into my life. I’ve
told him to leave a million times, and each time he does the complete opposite.

I love him so much, but he had no regards for my feelings. He does what he wants and then thinks I’m
going to just welcome him back with open arms.

Him; you are not going anywhere

Me; and why not

Him; because the last time you left. You went drinking. Forgetting you might be pregnant with my child

Me; oh God Siya, not that shit again

Him; Ngizokushaya Ngempama, yaz Rifiloe

Me; go right ahead.

Siya walked around the bed, and my heart started beating. I want to go to the other side but he was too
quick. I moved back, until my back met the wall. There was nowhere to run to run to.

Siya was standing so close to me, I could smell the Hennessey. I must be honest. Seeing him this pissed,
kind of turned me on. His veins were enlarged to a maximum. His eyes were red and his shirt wasn’t
tucked in. He looked every inch of the gangster he played, and that made me want him even more.
Especially since I know I’m the only person who get him so hot and bothered, and that I can cool him
down with just one kiss

Him; why do you do this mama? Why do you deliberately challenge everything I say?

Me; because I’m your wife. Not one of your idiots on the force

Him; that mouth of yours can get to much sometimes

Me; maybe you should put this mouth of mine to better use

Him; mhmm

Siya, punched the wall and I smiled, because I knew he was debating on what to do.
I leaned in, and put my lips on his. I wasn’t going to do anymore. It was now all up to him. Siya didn’t
move. He kept his eyes glued to me. His breathing was still intense, but that was nothing compared to
intensity of this moment.

Siya, started kissing me, and I knew I was forgiven. I expected this to be nice and slow. Since it was our
first time in so long, but instead we were both like two dogs on heat. Siya wasn’t exactly patient either.
He picked me up and put me on the bed. I tried taking of his shirt, but he was having none of it. All he
wanted was to have me, and I sure as hell wanted him just as bad.

When we were done. We both lay on the bed panting. I was so out of breath it wasn’t funny. Siya was
sweating and had the biggest grin on his face

Me; wipe that damn grin off your face

Him; (chuckles)

Me; I think you hurt my nuna

Him; serves you right

Me; mxm

I got up and went the bathroom. I needed a nice long shower, because I was covered in sweat.

As expected Siya came to join me. I wasn’t sure where he actually stood with me. I think I just made
things worse by sleeping with him. Now he probably thinks we are back together, and I wasn’t exactly
sure if I wanted to commit myself to being married to him.

121

I left Siya in the shower, and went to get dressed. I was starting to feel really low for sleeping with him.
What was I thinking? I don’t know what happened to my self-respect. Sleeping with Siya, was only going
to make things worse. He was going to think everything was ok, and that we would take off where we
left off, but truth be told we were nowhere near being Ok . Instead we were on the edge of a cliff, and it
felt like we were going to fall over.
I got dressed, and went to the kitchen to make something to eat. I decided to settle on a smoothie,
instead of a normal breakfast.

Siya walked in while I was busy. He put his hands around my waist from behind, and kissed my neck

Him; what’s wrong?

Me; nothing

Him; Rifiloe, I know you.

Me; i’m just not

Him; you regret it don’t you

Me; Siya, we are so damaged, and I just feel like, we are going around in circles. We’re not moving
forward or backwards. Instead we just keep doing the same shit over and over again.

Him; I know baby, but things are going to change. His mission will end soon, then once its done. You and
I can concentrate on us

Me; but Siya. You’ve said this before. We’ve been here, and I just don’t know if I can so this again,
without getting hurt

Him; come

Siya took my hand, and we went to lounge. He made me sit on his lap

Him; Rifiloe. The day you were kidnapped was the day my worst nightmare became a reality. I was so
busy saving the world, but I couldn’t keep you. My wife safe. I thought that if we just get divorced, it
would draw Fernandez out of where he was. I didn’t tell you because I had to make sure you went
about your normal routine. If Fernandez even for a second doubted our divorce. He would’ve come
after you again. And I just couldn’t risk it

ME; what about Jessica? You were with her Siya. I saw the pictures

Him; I know what you saw, I can’t say much about that until we’ve found Fernandez. Just know it isn’t
what it seems

Me; but

Him; I can’t say anymore

Me; (sigh)

Him; Rifiloe, I know I’ve given you a million reasons to run. And I’m surprised that you are still here after
all the shit we’ve been through. But I’m just asking is that you give me time. Let me wrap this mission
up, and I’ll be all yours. I swear
Me; I don’t know

Him; I’ll let you think about it

ME; thanks

Him; can I get a kiss?

I leaned in and kissed him. No matter how screwed up we were. I had no doubt we loved each other. I
just hoped that love could carry us through.

Him; the doctor is on his way

Me; Siya ….. I don’t

Him; please do this for me

Me; what if I’m pregnant Siya. (Sniff)

Him; baby. Don’t cry

Me; how are we going to bring up a child, when all we do is fight? How do we bring a child into this crazy
situation?

Him; we will make it work Rifiloe.

Me; how Siya? What if this mission takes longer? What if you can’t be here Siya?

Him; Rifiloe. We’ll take things one day at a time. Let’s first find out if you’re pregnant or not

Me; (sigh) oh God. Oh God

Him; Rifiloe relax

Me; How

Him; panicking is only going to make things worse

Me; oh God Siya. Why didn’t you pull out?

Him; well we were kind of in the moment

Me; look what you’ve done now

Him; Haw baby, but

Me; shit

Him Rifiloe. Calm down

Me; no. no. no. This isn’t happening

Him; Rifiloe, you haven’t even taken the test. It might be negative

Me; you better pray it is. Because if I’m pregnant. I’m going to stab you

Him; how did we go from being all lovey dovey to you wanting to stab me

I walked out and went to the kitchen to finish making my smoothie. Siya better pray that I’m not
pregnant.

The doctor arrived, with all his equipment. Siya showed him to one of the spare bedrooms to set up.

While I finished off drinking my smoothie.

Siya came back downstairs just as I was washing my dishes

Him; they’re ready for you

Me; give me a sec

Siya came closer and gave me a hug

Him’; it’s going to be ok

Me; let’s just do this

We walked upstairs and unfortunately the test came back positive. I was indeed pregnant and Siya was
over the moon.

We did an ultrasound, and it showed I was about 3 weeks and a few days.

The doctor put me on some meds, and left us with scan.

Siya walked the doctor out, and I went to our bedroom. This was just too much to take.

Siya came back, and sat next to me

Him; so we’re having a baby

Me; stop stating the obvious

Him; I love you

Me; I hate you

Him; I guess this is your hormones talking

Me; I will slap the shit out of you

Him; baby what can I do to make it better

Me; let bullet finfish the mission, and you stay here with me

Him; but you know I can’t. I have to finish the mission first

Me; mxm

Him; Rifiloe I’m trying here. Can’t you meet me halfway?

Me; (sniff) but Siya (sniff) now I have to go through all of this alone. (Sniff)

Him; Stop with the waterworks

Me; (sniff)

Him; these 9 months are going to be the death of me

Me; (sniff)

Him; maybe you should go to KZN until the mission is finished.

Me; over my dead body

Him; so what do you suggest I do

Me; make sure you finish this shit asap. Or else I am going to kill you

Him; deal

Me; deal

Him should we shake on it

Me; yes

Him; how about we kiss on it instead

Me; no

Him; So does this mean you and I are cool?

Me; its not like we have a choice. We are basically stuck together

Him; (giggles) thank God for this baby

Me; yahh yahh. Now go make me another smoothie

JHim; first we need to discuss This Jason guy

Me; Siya. We literally just got back together. Like 5 seconds ago and already you making demands

Him; Rifiloe. You can’t expect me to be ok with you being in contact with that idiot

Me; he’s my friend

Him; a friend who’s kissed you

Me; yes

Him; I don’t like it

Me; get over it

Him; promise me you won’t see him again

Me; you’re being psycho

Him; I’ve always been psycho. Especially when it comes to you

Me; I know. Which is why you need to stop

Him; not happening. You’re having my baby. Which means we are doubling security around here. No
going out without your security detail, and make sure you get enough rest. You heard what the doctor
said about not stressing

Me; you’re stressing me right now

Him; (chuckles) I love you

Me; yah. I mhmm you too

Him; sorry whats that

Me; I mhmm you too

Him; kiss me to prove it

Me; no

Him; why

Me; because if we kiss it leads somewhere and my nuna is still swollen

Him; I can kiss it better

Me; now you’re talking. But first my smoothie

Him; coming right up.

Siya made me another smoothie, and we spent the rest of the day in bed. Ones thing for sure, there
was no use denying how much I loved him. I just hoped that this time around we could make things
work, because now it wasn’t all about us. We had a child on the way who needed the both of us.

122

I woke up the following morning with Siya sleeping next to me.

He looked so sweet and stress free in his sleep, but the fact that we had a baby coming scared me. Siya
had done so many things to me that I have “forgiven” him for. But things were a bit different now
because I didn’t only have me to think about.

Do I really want my child around Siya and his job? Do I really want us to be linked to him in this way? I
know he said he will quit his Job, but Siya has promised that before and he’s never actually done it.

I don’t know whether it was hormones speaking or was the reality of this toxic relationship finally
settling in? Was this the life that I had really chosen for myself and my child?

I got out of bed and put on my gown. I went downstairs and just walked around the garden thinking of
everything that Siya and I had been through, from the day we met, to the day I found out about Ghost.
From the first kiss to him sleeping with Jessica.

Was this really love? Was this as good as it gets? Do I not deserve to be loved like how I want to be
loved? Was I not worth him leaving the force? Would he hate me a few years from now? I had so many
questions but no one to give me answers.

I felt Siya, before he even said anything. His cologne and his presence had a way of giving him away.

Him; a penny for your thoughts

Me; I don’t think you want to know

Him; of course I do

Me; stop worrying,

Him; are you ok

Me; I’m fine

Him; and the baby?

Me; we’re fine

Him; I can see worry written all over your face

Me; do you blame me

Him; not one bit

Me; Siya, we shouldn’t be bringing a child into this. It’s not right

Him; I’m confused. I thought you and I were good

Me; we are. Its just that I worry about this child. What kind of life are we going to offer him/her. You
are always away. We have men guarding the house with Guns. That’s not normal. I don’t want my child
growing up in a home where the father is associated with gangs and all the things that come with your
job

Him; but baby, I’ve told you I'm resigning. I’ve made up my mind. This is the last time, I swear

Me; what happens if you never find Fernandez

Him; I will

Me; what if you get hurt

Him; I wont

Me; how can you be so confident

Him; because I have to be Rifiloe. Hope is the only thing that drives me. If I have no hope I have nothing

Me; I just wish you didn’t have to go.

Him; I’ll be back before you know it

Me; I really hope so

Him; trust me

Me; I do

Siya stood in front of me and gave me a hug

Him; baby there is nothing I want more than to be with you and our baby. I want to see you become a
mother. I want to see you hold our child and give them the love you’ve given me. I want to be with you,
see you happy and not have to worry about anyone coming after you. All I need is time.

I didn’t say anything further. Siya said all the right things, but in time his actions would have to do all the
talking. So for now I had to put my faith in him, and pray this whole thing ends soon.

I walked back inside with Siya by my side. I knew that he was going back to work today, and that just
made me feel even worse. I wanted so badly to have him here in our little bubble. Where it was just us
and no one else.

I greeted Mam Martha and went back to our room. Siya was on the phone with Hlokes going through
plans for the day.

I soaked myself in the bath and just took in everything. Was I really having a baby? I wanted to be
excited, but I was scared I would lose the baby like I did with the twins. I don’t know If I could ever get
over something like that again, so for time being, I would try not to get to excited. Maybe once I start
showing I would get excited.

By the time Siya came in the water was getting cold.

Him; you’ve been in here for a while. You should come out

Me; I’ll be out in a moment

Him; can I get you breakfast

Me; no thanks

Him; you need to eat so you can take your pills

Me; I will.

Him; we need to talk. Come out

Me; ok

I came out the bath, and went to get dressed. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, so I decided to just
wear shorts and a top.
Siya was sitting on the bed, so I went to join him

Me; I’m all ears

Him; Thank you

Me; for what

Him; for staying. I know you still have doubts, and that you are worried about the baby, but I promise
you I will make up for all the pain that I caused.

Me; I hope so

Him; Im going to be In and out of SA. I need you to carry on with your normal routine. No one can know
about us being married. No one

Me; ok

Him; I’m going to have to tighten up security. So no going out without your Guards

Me; how many

Him;2 ‘

Me; ok

Him; all your calls are recorded, so no phoning anyone to discuss me or the force or anything of that sort

Me; but

Him; no buts Rifiloe, This is serious. Once Fernandez finds out that we have captured one of his
associates. He is going to panic, and once people start panicking, they are unpredictable

Me; ok

Him; lastly. The doctor will come here to check up on you weekly. Make sure you take your pills

Me; Siya I’m not a child

Him; I know. I just want to make sure my baby is taken care of

Me; Siya, the baby isn’t even a baby yet. Relax

Him; I don’t care. Its my baby, and I want to make sure he gets the best possible care

Me; He

Him; Yes

Me; and if it’s a girl

Him; Then I’m going to die

Me; (chuckles) Why ?

Him; because I already have one Diva to deal with. I don’t need another one

Me; well, I think it would do you good to have a girl

Him; how so

Me; soften you up a bit

Him; you already do that

Me; not enough

Him; more than enough. I need to toughen up more

Me; why

Him; well, if I’m going to be taking over as CEO of Ndhlovu Corp, I plan on being as ruthless in the
business world as I am in the force

Me; are you really resigning

Him; I am

Me; thank God

Him; I should get going. I’ll see you soon

Me; how soon

Him; maybe tonight

Me; ok

Him; remember. If anything happens or doesn’t feel right, you go into the panic room

Me; ok

Him; do you still remember the code?

Me; yes now stop. You’re scaring me

Him; ok, one more thing

Me; what

Him; if anything happens today. Don’t leave the house. Stay here. I will call you

Me; something like?

Him; I’m not sure. I’m just saying

Me; Siya, what are you hiding from me

Him; nothing yet. But I’ve received some Intel, and I’m not sure what to think or do
Me; you’re scaring me

Him; don’t be

Me; Siya

Him; baby. Don’t worry. Just promise me you will do as told. I don’t want to have to worry about your
safety

Me; ok

Him; I love you

Me; I love you too

Him; lay down so I can kiss my baby

Me; you’re overdoing it

Him; just lay down

I rolled my eyes and just did as told. Siya leaned in and kissed my tummy.

Him; baby, its daddy here. I’m going to be away a bit, so I need you to behave, try not to make mommy
sick. She’s such a cry baby as it is. The last thing we need is to make her worse.

I looked down at Siya and smiled. You could tell he was excited about the baby. Which in turn gave me
hope. At least he knew he had something to look forward to when he comes home.

Siya left and I went back to bed. I wasn’t exactly sick, but I was just feeling down. I don’t know why
exactly. But I just wanted to sleep. Something about Siya leaving wasn’t sitting well with me. I just
prayed he was coming home. The last thing I need is to have a repeat of what happened in Cuba.

When I woke up, it was after midday and I was starving. So I went down and made myself a fruit salad.

The moment I put on the news my heart froze. I ran upstairs to fetch my phone. Something wasn’t
right. I knew it.

I tried Siya, but his phone went directly to voicemail. I tried Hlokes but it was voicemail as well.
I know I’m supposed to be calm, but this was bad. Really bad. I took my pills and tried to calm down.

I tried Siya again, but his phone went to voicemail. I know he said that if anything happens, I should stay
at home. But I needed to find out if he was ok.

I put on my sneakers and rand downstairs. I needed to get to Siya’s base, and see for myself.

The moment I stepped outside, the guards were on their feet.

Me; hi

Them; Mam

ME; I need you to take me to Siya’s offices

The guards both looked at each other

Me; now

Him; mam. I’m sorry, but we have clear instructions to make sure you don’t leave the premises

ME; I need to make sure Siya is ok

Him; I’m sorry mam, but I have to follow my orders

Me: are you fucking kidding me? My husband’s building has been bombed, and you want to tell me I
can’t make sure he is ok

Him; we will let you know as soon as we hear something

Me; that’s not good enough

Him; mam. Please. Ghost gave us specific instructions. We are not at liberty to let you off the property

Me; have you heard anything from him

Him; not since he left this morning

Me; let me know if he calls

Him; yes mam.

I went back inside and flipped through the news channel to see if there was an update. But there was
nothing. All they knew was that a government building had been bombed, and that they were trying to
contain the fire. There was nothing about survivors

I called Boni, and she answered

Me; are you watching the news

Her; I’m on my way to your house

Me; what’s wrong

Her; apparently my security details were given strict instructions to take me toy your house should
anything happen

Me; have you heard from your man

Her; no. Tried him a million times

ME; ok, I’ll see you when you get here

Her; Rifiloe, please tell me that there ok. I don’t even want to think of any other possibilities

Me; I hope they are Boni. We just have to have faith

Her; I’ll see you when I get there

Me; shap

I put down the phone and wiped away a tear that had escaped. I prayed to God that Siya and his team
were ok. Siya was so vague about what was happening, so I wasn’t sure if this was one of his tricks, or if
this was real.

The last thing I could bear was to lose him. How could I possibly raise a child alone? Siya was so excited,
there was no way God would take him from me now. Not when we’ve just made up.

123

I tried going over the conversation I had with Siya. I needed to see if maybe he hinted at something
about this bombing, but I couldn’t pick up on anything. Something didn’t feel right. Why would Siya let
anyone just bomb the building?
Why couldn’t the news tell us if there were any casualties or survivors? All of this just seemed so over
the top, and Siya, wasn’t exactly the kind of guy who was over the top.

Boni arrived and her face reflected my fears. She looked so worn out. Like she had a aged 100 years
since I last saw her

Me; you look like how I feel

Her; Rifiloe, I cant lose him. Not like this

Boni burst into tears, and my heart just broke. She was usually the strong one, and always comforting
me, and to see her crying, just broke my heart.

I opened my arms to her, and just held her as she cried. I had to be the strong one in all this and hope
that this was all a part of the plan.

Once Boni had calmed down, I asked Mam Martha to make us something to eat. I hadn’t really eaten
anything, and if Siya was ok and he knew that he would come out of wherever he is and kill me himself.

Me; come sit

Her; How are you so calm

Me; Boni. We don’t know what happened. The only thing we know is that the building has been blown
up. There is nothing indicating that they were in the building.

Her; oh, God Rifiloe. I hope you’re right.

Me; I hope so too

Boni and I had lunch with mam Martha in the lounge. We kept going through the news channel to see if
anything had been picked up, but it had been hours and still nothing, and now I was also starting to
panic.

What if I was wrong? What if Siya was hurt?

I was deep in thought when I heard a loud Bang coming from outside. My heart jumped to my throat.
I looked at mam Martha and Boni, to make sure I wasn’t going crazy, and they eyes told me I was sane.

Me; we need to get to the panic room. Where’s Thembi?

As I asked that, I heard gunshots going off.

Me; now

We all leaped up, and headed upstairs. This was worse than I thought, because now the bullets were
getting closer and closer.

I saw Thembi appear from upstairs, and we all ran to my bedroom. i locked the door and we went to the
closet. I tried entering the door, but it rejected the password. I TOOK A DEEP BREATH and tried again,
and still it rejected.

I looked at everyone shaking

Me; it wont take the password

Boni; calm down and try again

I tried again and still nothing.

Me; do you have your phone

Boni; I think I left it downstairs.

Me; shit

Her; Rifiloe, we are panicking. You need to try and put in the password slowly.

As Boni said that we heard more gun shots. It was obvious they had accessed the premises, because of
how close they were.
I said a little prayer and put in the password slowly, and thankfully I saw the doors opening.

I let out a sigh of relief and we all went in. The doors immediately closed behind me. I put in the
password again to secure everything, and on went the lights.

I had honestly never been so scared. My hands were still shaking, but at least I knew we were safe. I just
prayed that we wouldn’t have to be in here for too long.

The panic room wasn’t exactly small. But it wasn’t big either. It was made bullet proof, and it is close to
impossible to detect.

We all sat sown on the sofas, and I put on the monitors. I wanted to see the movements in the house.

Luckily the cameras were all still in place.

The sight before me broke me. My house looked like a war zone. My windows were all broken, my cars
were had bullet holes everywhere. I couldn’t make out whether the intruders had made it inside as yet,
but I could see Siya’s men running up and down.

Hopefully they had everything in control.

I took the phone that we had in the panic room, and tried Siya, but as expected his phone was off.

All I could do now is sit and wait.

We all sat in silence. We were so on edge, you could cut or anxiousness with a knife.

We stayed in there for hours on end. I was starting to become cranky and just wanted a way forward.
The house had gone dark, so the cameras weren’t exactly clear. I couldn’t make out what was happening
and that just made me worse.

I heard the phone ringing and we all jumped up.

Me; hello

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Sizwe, Hi

Him; oh thank God.

Me; Sizw, whats going on

Him; don’t worry about it. I need you to listen to me carefully

Me; you’re scaring me

Him; don’t be. But just listen

Me; Ok.

Him; Ghost and Bullet have gone rogue. The last time we spoke to them, we had a lead on where
Fernandez was hiding, and it so happened it was in SA

Me; what do you mean by Rouge

Him; as in no trackers, no cell phone nothing

Me; shit

Him; I know. But he asked me to make sure I looked out for a signal from you entering the panic room

Me; ok

Him; we’re going to need you guys to stay put for another couple of hours. I need to be able to land a
helicopter there, but as you know the house in JHB doesn’t have one.

Me; so what do we do

Him; I’ve got a squad heading there now. They are going to clear way for the helicopter.

ME; ok

Him; there is no time to pack. When I tell you to go you go. No questions asked

Me; ok

Him; se you soon

Me; thank you

Sizwe cut the call, and I let out a sigh of relief. It was good to know that we were getting out of here, but
at the same time I started getting worried about Siya and Hlokes.

If they had no back up, how were they going to get to Fernandez with just the two of them?

The worst part in all this was I couldn’t even phone Siya to make sure he was OK. All we could do now
was pray that he and Hlokes knew what they were doing.

124

The waiting was honestly driving me insane. Sizwe had called like 2 hours ago and still nothing. I wanted
to call him back, but was nervous because of what Siya had said regarding calls being recorded.

The last thing I needed was to make this worse. This shit was way out my league, and I honestly felt
completely helpless.

We stayed in the panic room for hours. I even started dozing off on the couch. I hadn’t taken my meds,
and the only food available was snacks. Not actual food.

when the phone finally rang I jumped up to go get it

Me; Hello

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Sizwe, we’ve been waiting for you for hours

Him; sorry about that, but we had to make sure the intruders were all taken in
Me: ok, so what now?

Him: the helicopter is going to land on the street. There's not enough space on the garden

Me: is it safe

Him: Yes. It's the only option so far

Me; ok. I guess we don't have a choice

Him: you need to get going now. You don't have much of a window. I'm sure Fernandez guys are
planning a come back. It's better to get you to the safe house before that happens

Me: ok.

Him: dont take anything. Just get out of there. I'll be waiting for you outside

Me: are any of your guys in the house

Him: no. We've lost a few men. Some are injured. The team I've Sent over is the only one available, and
they are busy gathering evidence, while others are on the field

Me: ok. We're on our way

I cut the call and just took a moment.

Me: we should go. Sizwe and the team are waiting outside

Boni: why Cant they come in

Me: something about short staffed

Her: let's just get out of here

We all stood up, and put in the password to open the panic room. As the doors opened we all walked
out. We were so nervous. I went to the safe and took out Siyas gun. I didn't really know much about
guns. But I took it anyway.

We walked out my room slowly with one in front of the other. I know sizwe said to hurry up but
something about this whole thing made me uneasy, especially the fact that they couldn't come in.

None the less we walked out and reached the floor beneath us when I heard some shuffling. My gut
told me something wasn't right. I froze, when I heard some footsteps.
Me: we should go back to the panic room.

The moment i said that, I heard the footsteps getting closer. Whoever was coming was approaching the
stairs. So we didn't have much time

I knew that at this moment we all had to turn back.

I grabbed bonis hand, and we all rushed back.

The footsteps were now closer and that scared me.

We got to my room and locked the door. Whoever was coming after us was now on our floor, so we
didn't have long

We ran to the panic room, an I put in the password. It immediately opened as shots were fired to the
bedroom door.

We stormed in and i put the password in again. The doors closed, just as the guy coming after us made
out where we were. He shot a couple of rounds at us but luckily the doors shut just in time.

I flopped on the floor, trying to catch my breath. This shit was crazy as hell. How did they know we were
coming out? And i thought a Sizwe said that they did a sweep of the house so why was someone trying
to kill us

I looked over at Boni and she was just as relived as I was, but then i looked at mam Martha and she had
her hand over her abdomen

I looked closer and saw she was blooding

Me: shit. Ma you've been shot

Mam Martha just nodded at me. I got up and ran to her side.
We were all panic but didn't know what to do. MamMartha was starting to get pale, and that made me
snap out of the panic attack I was about to have.

Me: Boni, see if you can find some towels, or a first aid kit.

I took off my top. And pressed it on her

Me: Ma, don't close your eyes. Try to stay awake. Please

she didn't respond. She just kept her eyes on mine. I saw a tear escaped. And i swallowed hard. I didn't
want to cry, i had to be strong.

Me: don't even think about it. You're going to get through this.

Mam Martha, didn't move. She just got more and more place.

Me: Boni, hurry

Boni ran toward me with towels. My top was soaked with blood. I pressed the towel on her abdomen,
while Boni looked for the kit

Me: thembi, try calling Siya again. Or bullet. Anyone.

Thembi got up, and picked up the phone.

I looked at mam Martha and she was shacking her head.

I could see she wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come out.

Me: we need to get you to a hospital.

She shook her head i know she was against this, but i had to do something. I couldn't just sit in here and
let her die.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Boni couldn't find a kit. Not that it would help anyway. I looked at thembi and she looked defeated. It
was obvious to me that the only was we can get man Martha to the hospital , was for me to surrender to
Fernandez guys. Otherwise man Martha wasn't going to make it and i would have her death on my
conscious, and i wasn't willing to let that happen. Mam Martha had always been there for me, and now
it was time i did something for her.

Me: thembi. Keep the towels pressed on the wound

Thembi took over, while I went to wash my hands.

Mam Martha was barley keeping her eyes open. I needed to get her out of her asap.

I looked at Boni.

Me: I'm going to go out

Her: huh

Me: if she's going to make it, we need to get her to a hospital

Her: Rifiloe, those guys will kill you

Me: I don't have choice.

Her: I can't let you don't that

Me: it's not up to you. I have to do this.

Her: Rifiloe

Me: no time to argue.

I wrote down the password for her.

Me; in case you need it. But don't come out unless bullet or Siya comes for you. No one else

Her: rif

Me: I have to do this. Mam Martha has children to look after

Her: I know but

I walked away from Boni, and went towards the door.

but then Mam Martha started coughing really badly. I turned around and went to her side.

She slowly shook her head at me

Me; shhh . Don't worry. It's all going to be fine. Im going to get you out of here

I saw a tear running down her cheek, and i felt my heart break.

Her: Rifiloe don't . It's time

I could just about make out what mam Martha was saying. Her voice was a mere whisper and it just
broke me even more

Her: don't worry about me. I am going to my ancestors. That's a good thing. You just concentrate on
taking care of your baby. She is going to bring You lots of joy

MamMartha smiled at me, and then closed her eyes.

Me: no.., no... noooooo. Wake up...don't close your eyes. Man Martha pleeeeaase

I saw small bubbles coming out he mouth as she took her last breath.
I tried shaking her awake, but there was no response. I wanted to try CPR but Boni pulled me away.

Her: Rifiloe. She's gone. There's nothing you can do

I screamed my lungs out. The pain I felt when I saw my parents bodies all came back again.

Mam Martha had been loyal, kind and always optimistic. And now she was gone. All because of my
crazy life with Siya. Who else had to get hurt or die before this was all over? And even then how do we
move on from this? How do we tell, her children that they are now orphans, all because of us.

Life was truly unfair. Mam Martha had literally taken a bullet for me. If only it were me in her place, it
would be better. Because I wasn't sure I would be able to live with the guilt that comes with losing her.

125

Seeing Mam Martha laying there covered with bloody towels was just too much.

We had been here for hours already, and no one had called. It was already morning and I was starting to
get afraid that we would never get out of here. The cameras had been disfigured, so we were pretty
much just stuck here, till someone came for us.

Boni; Rifiloe, You need to eat

Me; I’m good

Her; you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday

Me; my apatite’s vanished

As Boni and I were talking, the phone rang. I was rather nervous to answer. I wasn’t exactly sure who to
trust at the moment.

Boni; we should answer

Me; I don’t know if that’s a good idea

Her; it might be Siya

Me; it could also be Sizwe

Her; theres only one way to find out

I got up and went to answer the phone

Me; Hello

Him; Ogh thank God. Rifiloe. You had me scared

Me; Siya

Him; yes baby.

I felt a part of me finally starting to let go. It felt like a load had been taken off my shoulders. Boni stood
up and came to stand next to me, when she heard it was Siya

Me; where’s Hlokes?

Him; getting stitched up, but he’s ok

I looked at Boni and smiled.

Me; what happened

Him; long story… I’ll explain when I see you

Me; and when is that

Him; soon

Me; so you’re coming to get us

Him; yes... But there’s something I need to take care of first

Me; something like what

Him; promise not to panic

Me; ok

Him; Fernandez guys have the house surrounded

Me; what do you mean

Him; they are everywhere. They’ve surrounded the panic room

Me; shit

Him; I know

Me; so what now

Him; I just need you to stay put. Don’t open the panic room. No matter what. I will open it myself

Me; ok, but I need to tell you something

Him; what

Me; mam Martha is gone

Him; Gone where

Me; she was shot

Him; shit… When

Me; a few hours ago

Him; what happened. I thought you guys were in the panic room this whole time

Me; Sizwe phoned, and told us to come out, but one of Fernandez men were still in the house

Him; Fucking Hell. Are you ok

Me; Yes. But Siya she’s gone (sniff)

Him; I know baby, I’m sorry you had to see that

Me; Just get us out of here

Him; I will

Me; promise me you won’t get hurt

Him; don’t worry about me. Ive got a plan

Me; what does it involve

Him; putting a bullet through Sizwe’s head

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe. He betrayed me. Again. This time there’s no fucking mercy. This time I end his fucking life.
Don’t even try speaking up for him

Me; Siya, don’t speak like that

Him; I told you not to leave the fucking panic room, unless my guys come for you. Why would you listen
to Sizwe of all people

ME; But Siya

Him; no Rifiloe. You are too trusting

Me; But

Him; Ill speak to you later

Siya cut the call. I know he was mad at me, but for now all I cared about was the fact that he and Hlokes
were safe.

Boni opened her arms and I just fell into them. I know exactly how she was feeling. We were both finally
seeing the light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

Her; will you at least eat something

Me’; ill have a bag of chips

Her’; fine

We sat on the couch opposite mam Martha, waiting for Siya. It hurt looking at her, but she looked so
peaceful. Like she was asleep. We had no choice but to pretend.

We stayed in the panic room for a few more hours, till I heard someone opening the doors.

We stood up, and the doors opened. Seeing Siya and Hlokes standing on the other side brought such
relief to me. They both had a few stitches but none the less they looked well

I ran into Siya’s arms

Him; It’s all over baby

Me; (sniff)

I took a step back and looked at him.

Me; you look terrible

Him; (chuckles) it’s nice to see you too

Me; I was worried sick

Him; I told you not to be

Siya, walked in and looked at Mam Martha. I saw tears threaten his eyes.

He looked at Hlokes, and they had an unspoken conversation.

Him; we should get you guys out of here

Me; ok

Boni looked a bit nervous to leave Hlokes, but she didn’t have much of a choice. Hlokes was just as
headstrong as Siya. So the moment he gave her that look, she knew not to argue.

I took Boni’s hand, and we walked out with Siya and Thembi. It was really difficult leaving Mam Martha,
but we didn’t have a choice.

For the first time since this whole shit went down, I got a good look at the house and it was ravaged.

I didn’t really care about the material things. All of those could be replaced. What hurt was knowing that
because of Sizwe, mam Martha was gone, and there was nothing that could change that.

126

We left the house with huge ass cars shadowing us. Siya gave me his Jacket, because I was only in a
sports bra, because I had used my shirt to help Mam Martha.

When we arrived at the airport. We got out the cars to board the plane. I had no idea where we were
going, and quite frankly I didn’t care.
All I wanted was to be with Siya, and nothing else, I had so many questions that needed answers, but
right now I didn’t want to deal with reality.

Siya sat down next to me but didn’t put his seatbelt on

Him; Baby

Me; mhmm

Him; I’m not going to be able to come to CT with you. I need to just take care a few things here. Ill be
there before you go to bed

Me; but baby

Him; I promise

Me; can’t you come back to JHB tomorrow. Right now all I need is you. Please

Siya, looked at me and he looked like he was at a cross road. I didn’t want to put him there, but I
honestly just needed him.

He leaned in to whisper something in my ear

Him; I need to be in JHB, so that Bullet can take time to be with His girl. He’s way hurt physically than I
am. This is her first time experiencing something like this. He needs to be with her. Which means I need
to take care of everything else.

I looked at Boni and I felt so selfish. She probably needed Hlokes at the moment, and it wouldn’t be fair
for me to keep him in JHB right now

Me; (sigh)

Him; you’re a boss lady. You have to make more sacrifices for people that are on your team.

I looked at Siya and rolled my eyes. He was smiling at me because he know I hate those stupid names

Me; Just go

Him; will you show them around the house for me? I think its best they stay with us for a while
Me; second floor?

Him; yes

Me; sharp

Him; I love you

Me; I love you too

Siya gave me a kiss on the cheek, and left. We waited for over an hour before we took off, because we
were waiting for Hlokes.

When he arrived, we finally left JHB for CT. I could see Boni was a lot less stressed. So I know that Siya
made the right decision to stay in JHB.

When we arrived in the house in CT, I showed Boni and Hlokes to the second floor, where they would be
staying. Then I went to the third floor to our room. I needed a nice long bath. The past 2 days had been
exhausting.

After my bath, I put on one of Siya’s shirts, and went to bed. I was so exhausted.

I must’ve been asleep for a few hours when I heard someone walking into the bedroom. I immediately
tensed. I had thought this whole thing was over, and here was someone in my room.

The closer he got the more nervous I became. Until I smelt his cologne. I looked up and saw Siya’s
shadow

I just smiled and sat up

Me; you’re back

Him; I missed you

Me; come to bed

Him; im going to take a quick shower first

Me; can I join you

Him; please

I got out of bed and took off his shirt. Siya didn’t move. He just stood there looking at me

Me; What

Him; Gosh you’re beautiful

Me; you’re making me blush

Him; I want you

Me; Im all yours

I stood closer to him and started undressing him.

When I was done, I stood on my tiptoes and put my lips on his. Then one thing led to another, and we
sweet old love. Then ended up falling asleep next to each other without even going to shower.

When I woke up the following morning, Siya was next to me fast asleep. Nausea had decided to kick in
rather badly this morning. So I got up and went to the bathroom to try freshen up.

I took a quick shower, then got back into bed.

Siya opened his eyes and smiled at me

Him; you smell good

Me; wish I felt good

Him; whats wrong

Me; just a bit dizzy

Him; can I get you anything

Me; no thank you

Him; you need to eat

Me; I don’t think I can I can stomach anything right now

Him; dry toast?

Me; I’ll go down and make it

Him; no. you relax. Ill handle it

Me; baby

Siya rolled his eyes, and went to take a quick shower, while I tried getting some more sleep.

Siya being the fusser he is, made me a full breakfast instead of just dry toast

Me; what happened to just dry toast

Him; I just thought you should try eating a proper breakfast

I looked at the eggs and sausages and my while stomach turned.

The eggs smelled horrible, and the oiliness of the bacon and sausages just made me feel even worse.

I ran to the bathroom and out came nothing but water. I didn’t have much to throw up because I hadn’t
eaten for about 2 days.

Siya walked in and stood next to me

Him; what can I do to help

Me; go away

Him; why

Me; because I don’t want you to see this

Him; Rifiloe.

Me; out Siya

Siya stood there and just patted my back, till I was done. I got up and brushed my teeth, and then
looked at him
Him; what

Me; this is all your fault yaz

Him; how

Me; you should’ve pulled out

Him; Haw Rifiloe. Since when do we do that

Me; nxa

I walked away from him, and left him there confused. I needed dry toast with water, and not all this oily
stuff he made.

When I got downstairs, Hlokes and Boni were having breakfast. I greeted them, and went to make toast.
Then went back to my room.

I wasn’t exactly good company, so I just left them to enjoy each other’s company.

When I got to our room, I opened the curtains and windows, and just had my toast in peace.

When I was done, I went looking for Siya. I wanted to talk to him about mam Martha. And as expected
he was on the phone in his office.

He cut the call immediately when I walked in

Him; you should knock

Me; since when

Him; what’s up

Me; Siya

Him; baby

Me; don’t baby me

Him; ima maan Rifiloe

Me; Siya are you cheating on me again

Him; Haw Rifiloe. How did we get to that?

Me; why did you cut the phone, when you saw me come in
Him; because I didn’t want you to hear what was being said

Me; and why not

Him; because I don’t want you to stress

Me; well, I’m stressed and thinking that you are cheating so you might as well tell me

Him; can we not do this

I crossed my arms and looked at him. I wanted to know exactly what was happening

Him; don’t do that

Me; do what

Him; look so bossy. Makes me want to take you bed

Me; don’t even think about it

Siya came closer, and I didn’t move

Him; you know you want to

Me; why do you always do that

Him; because the bedroom is the only place you let me be a man

Me; that’s bull and you know it

Him; it’s the truth

I took a step back, and looked at him

Him; baby Maan

Me; Siya

Him; fine

Me; I’m listening

Him; sit down, cause I can’t concentrate knowing that you are naked under my shirt

Me; keep your pants on buddy

I sat on the desk and waited for him to explain himself

Him; so I tendered my resignation letter yesterday

Me; yes and

Him; they declined my request

I know I should’ve given him time to explain further. But I just knew he was going to tell me he was
staying blah blah blah, and just pissed me off. Nxa, Siya just never kept to his word when it came to his
job. He was always willing to fight for the world, but when it came to fighting for us it came with
restrictions and that annoyed me to a maximum. I was expecting his child for heaven’s sake, and all he
cared about was staying as lieutenant.

127

I left Siya in his stupid office and went back to our room. There was honestly no use speaking to him
about this because it would just lead to another huge ass argument that I am not in the mood for.

So the sake of my sanity, I walked away.

I was so used to Siya coming after me if I left during an argument, but this time he didn’t instead he
just shut his office door, and let me go. Which in turn fuelled my anger. How did he expect me to be ok
with getting my hopes up yet once again? He promised and now he was going back on his promise. No
one can force you to stay at a job if you wish to resign. They might decline, but you fight it for the sake
of your family. Not just give in nxa. And then he says that I never let him be the man in the relationship,
well how do I submit to a man who can’t keep his word? Fuck man

I got to my room and got back in bed. Today was a gloomy day outside, and it just reflected my mood,
so instead of fighting, I decided to try and get some more sleep, but then I remembered that I needed
new prenatal vitamins, because my other ones were left in JHB.

I really didn’t want to speak to Siya, but I didn’t exactly have much of a choice.

I went back to his office, and made it a point not to knock. I just walked in. It’s my house Mos

Siya didn’t bother looking up from his laptop. I think he just knew it was me. So le nna I just stood there.
I wanted to see who would be the first to crack, and as always it was him. Lol
Him; so you’re going to just stand there and stare at me

Me; mxm

Him; Rifiloe. I’m not in the mood to fight

Me; good, because I didn’t come to fight

Him; so what can I do for you

Me; don’t speak to me like one of your staff members

Him; Rifiloe, if you were my staff member I would’ve put you in your place a long time ago. Instead you
are my crazy, annoying as hell, stubborn ass wife. Who never lets me finish a sentence

Me; Im not stubborn

Him; you know you are

Me; anyway. That’s not why I came.

Him; why did you come then

Me; I need my prenatal vitamins

Him; shit. I totally forgot

Me; and clothes

Him; I like you walking around with just my shirt on. Turns me on

Me; (chuckles) get your head out the gutter

Him; Ok. I’ll get it done

Me; we need to talk about Mam Martha

Him; what would you like to know

Me; where’s Sizwe

Him; can’t say

Me; Siya, I have every right to know

Him; no you don’t. Now move on from that conversation

Me; fine. Have you informed Mam Martha’s children?

Him; Her eldest is on his way here. I need to help him sort out a few things

Me; and the funeral

Him; being paid for by the state

Me; oh
Him; She was employed by the agency. So its only right

Me; is there anything I can do

Him; no

Me; when is the funeral

Him; Saturday

Me; where

Him; KZN

Me; so we will leave on Friday

Him; yes

Me; good

Him; We’ll stay at my mom for Friday night,

Me; mhmm

Him; don’t start

Me; what did I say

Him; I know you

Me; but baby, why can’t we just book a hotel

Him; not up for discussion

Me; you suck

Him; (chuckles) I don’t like you pregnant. Your temper is X 100

Me; well that’s what happens when you sleep with someone

Him; are you going to let me explain, or are you just going to carry on trying to annoy me?

Me; explain what

Him; my resignation

Me; what about it

Him; sit down

I went and moved his laptop out the way, so I could sit on the table right in front of him

Him; we have chairs you know

Me; so what

Him; ok, moving forward

Me; ke mametse

Him; I’m definitely leaving the force. There’s no question about that

Me; but

Him; let me finish

Me; ok

Him; I just need to get a few things in place first. Then I can leave, despite them declining my request.
We’re looking at a timeline of about 2 months

Me; ok

Him; Im waiting

Me; for what

Him; and apology

Me; for what

Him; for storming out like a 5 year old, and don’t blame my baby

Me; askies baby

Him; wabora yaz

Me; I love you too

Him; are you going to be this moody throughout your pregnancy

Me; pretty much

Him; God and its only been 4 weeks

Me; stop exaggerating

Him; mara baby. I honestly need you to town down the crazy

ME; Siya it’s the second time now that you’ve called me crazy. Say it one more time and ill cut off your
balls

Him; baby mara

Me; mxm

Him; give me a kiss

Me; come and get it

Siya came closer and agave me a kiss. I was kind of turned on now

Me; lock the door

Him; oh

Me; yes

Siya locked the door and we did things that I cannot mention ;). All I cared about was that Siya was
indeed resigning, and that we would get to live a normal life with him and our coming baby

128

Siya went out to get me my meds, while I stayed at home and chilled. Boni and Hlokes had gone out for
the day so it was just me in this massive house doing nothing.

I was really craving Magnum ice cream, so I decided to call Siya.

Him; baby, I'm at the gate

Me: ooh

Him: and now

Me: I'm craving ice cream

Him; there's ice cream in the deepfreeze

Me: I want Magnum

Him: mhmm

Siya walked in with a whole lot of stuff. I didn’t care about any of that though. All I wanted was my ice
cream and nothing else.

Me; baby

Him: I'm not going out again

Me: but your baby wants magnum

Him: ha a babe. I'm not in the mood to go out

Me: let's go to the beach together, then we can get ice cream

Him: eish baby I was kind of Hoping to get some work done

Me: work can wait

Him: give 2 hours and I'm al, yours

Me: no Siya. I want to go now

Him: nana maan. Bullet isn't around and there's something I need to take care of

Me: something like

Him: you know I can't discuss work with you

Me; is it about Sizwe

Him: Rifiloe Maan

Me: so you found him

Him: stop it

Me: what are you hoping to do to him

Him: can't say

Me: can I come with

Him: is that a trick question

Me: no. I just want to speak to him. I want to understand why he would want to hurt me? I thought we
were friends

Him; I told you you trust too easily. And the answer is no. I don't want you anywhere near that ass

Me: ok. So let's go to the beach first, then then you can go to work

Him; can't I just ask one of my guys to go to the garage

Me: no. I want to go to the beach with you, then you can go to work

Siya looked so conflicted but i didn't care. All I wanted was him and my ice cream on the beach. Is that
too much to ask for?

Him: fine
Me: thanks

I took some of the things he had come with and took a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and went back
downstairs.

Siya was in the lounge with his laptop. I rolled my eyes at him. If it were up to him he would work 24/7
but luckily for him he had a crazy wife who wouldn't let him do that.

Me; I'm done

Him: you really want to go out

Me: yes

Him: ok.

Siya took his keys and we went to the car. I was glad that we weren't taking security with us. I was over
having them hover all around us. I missed the days when it was just me and Siya. No gangs, no guns, no
ghost. But just me and Siya.

We got in the car and Siya drove off.

Me: I missed this

Him: what

Me: peace of mind

Him: what do you mean

Me: that its finally over. We can finally just concentrate on us and having a normal life

Him: normal huh

Me: yah. Like we can go to the movies without you having to take your gun. And we can go on proper
vacations without the guards.

Him: all I've known is this life. I just hope I adjust easily to this normal life of yours

When Siya said that, my heart ripped. I know how much his job means to him, and it must be difficult for
him to give it all up for me and the baby, and here I was acting all happy about him resigning, when in
fact it was probably eating him up inside.
Me: baby. I'm sorry

Him: for what

Me: for being so insensitive. It must've been really difficult for you to quit your job for me

Him; let's not talk about that

Me: why

Him: please just drop it

Me: fine

I decided to drop the subjects and just keep quiet, since he clearly wasn't in a talkative mood..

Me: we should skip the each. Or actually let’s just go back home.

Him: are you kidding me? You said you want to go. So I drop everything, and now you don’t want to go

Me: Siya, I don't want to be with you when you’re like this. I'd rather go home! I feel like I'm forcing you
to spend time with me. If you'd rather be at work. Then go to work. No use for you to be here and not
be fully here

Siya didn't say anything. He just did a u-turn and we sat in silence the rest of the way home.

I got out the car and went upstairs. While Siya went to the office. I wasn't mad at him, I was just a bit
hurt that he couldn't see that all I wanted was some of his time.

I changed into shorts, and just watched TV. There wasn't really much more I could do.

At around 4, I went downstairs to make dinner. Boni and Hlokes were still out, but I made enough for all
of anyway.

I was in the mood for sea food, but I was advised to stay away from that, so I settled on making butter
chicken, with basmati rice, and a Greek salad.
When I was done I went upstairs to have shower. I had spoken to Siya since he had left in the afternoon
and I wasn't sure if it he was coming home for dinner or if he would be coming home late. I know the
only way to find out would be for me to call him, but my pride wouldn't let me. Instead I went and had
myself a nice long and refreshing shower.

When I was done, I wore my PJ shorts with one of his T-shirts and called my aunt. I hadn't told her I was
pregnant and I thought it would be best if she knew

He: Manana

Me: Rakgadi

Her: how are you my love

Me: I'm ok. Just miss you

Her: I'll come visit soon

Me: I'd like that.

Her; how's married life treating you

Me: mhmm it's ok. I guess

Her; just ok? You guys are newlyweds you should be having the time of your lives

Me: maybe with time, but for now we're taking things one day at a time

Her; that's how marriage is Manana. Some days are great and some days are horrible. You just have to
pray about it and move on

Me: I have news for you

Her: what's wrong

Me: nothing’s wrong. I'm ahmm

Her: Rifiloe bua hle

Me: I'm pregnant

Her; that's great news nana. You must be so excited

Me; I guess I am

Her: you don't sound it

Me: I am. I think it's just taking time to sink in

Her: Rifiloe, a child is a blessing from God. Be grateful. Some woman would kill to be in your position
Me: your right Rakgadi

Her: so when is the wedding? You should get married before you start to show

Me: I haven't thought about a wedding. Maybe once baby has arrived

Her: I don’t know about that. I need to speak to your mother in law first

Me: ahmm, Rakgadi can you wait a bit? I just need to confirm with Siya if he's told Her yet

Her: Rifiloe, how may time have I told you not to Cal, your husband by his name? Where is the respect
Mara?

Me; eish Rakgadi hle

Her: don't Rakgadi me. That man is older than you and he is your husband. He deserves respect

Me: askies he

Her: you need to get the wedding going. I need you home for a while so I can teach you some things
about marriage.

Me: ok Rakgadi. I've go to go

Her: don’t try avoiding me.

Me; Im not. Ill call you once I know Siya has told his mom about the babt

Her; you do that

Me: ok bye

Her; bye manana

I cut the call and let out a sigh. I know my aunt was right, but I just didn't want to admit it. She saw Siya
as this charming man who has no wrongs, but I know the real Siya, and he has a lot of sides to him.

I decided to swallow my pride and a less my hubby. It was after 7pm, and I missed him.

Him: boss lady

Me: hi nails. How are you

Him: I'm good and you

Me: good. Can I speak to Siya please?

Him: sorry mam. He's kind of in the middle of something

Me: oh. Ahmm tell him to call me when he has a moment

Him: will do

I felt a bit annoyed that Siya hadn't called me for the whole afternoon and now when I call he’s busy nxa

I kept myself occupied by reading up on pregnancy. I know I had said I would try not to get too excited in
case anything happened, but the more I read, the more I got excited. I was really hoping we would have
a girl. I could go shopping with her, and do her hair and decorate her room with all sorts of girly stuff.

I ended up falling asleep on the couch, with one of Siya’s laptop in my lap. I woke up when I heard
someone coming in. I got up and saw Siya coming in

Him: I thought you would be fast asleep by now

Me: I fell asleep on the couch

Him: let's go to bed

Me: don't you want to eat first?

Him: it's been a long day. I'd like to just go to bed

Me: ok

Him: you look exhausted. Want me to carry you up?

Me: I'll walk

We went upstairs, and I got into bed and immediately fell sleep. I wanted to speak to Siya about how I
was feeling, but I decided to rather just seep. Maybe with time things would get back to normal.

When I woke up the next morning Siya wasn’t in bed. I could smell his shower gel, so I knew he had
already showered. I got up, made the made and opened the windows, then went to take a shower. I
wasn’t feeling too nauseous, so I wanted to capitalize on that and have a proper breakfast.

Once I was dressed I went downstairs, and I found Siya, Hlokes, Boni and some guy I didn’t know at the
breakfast table.

Me; morning

Them; Morning.
Siya stood up and introduced me to Sabelo. Sabelo was the kind of guy we woman refer to as dark
chocolate that you just want to eat up. He was Mam Martha’s oldest son. He apparently is also in the
force, but he is based in London.

Him; so this is the boss lady

Siya; the one and only

Him; well I see why you are willing to give all of this up for her.

Siya; Axe. Behave

Him; what. I’m just admiring the view

Ok. I take back everything I said about Sabelo. I could just tell that he was going to annoy the daylights
out of me. He had that wondering eye. Like he was undressing you with his eye.

I let go of Siya’a hand and went to make myself a cup of rooibos. For some reason I kind of felt a bit
awkward. Like everyone was looking at me.

I made my tea, and signalled for Boni to come upstairs with me. I missed talking to her. We hadn’t
really spoken much since we got out the panic room.

She took my hand we left the guys downstairs.

Her; oh hank Goodness. I was starting to get annoyed

Me; tell me about it

Her; I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever

Me; me too.

Her; so tell me what’s popping

Me; nothing much. Just been lazing here the whole time

Her; I’m grateful I got spend some time with Hlokes

Me; you too look very happy

Her; yah. I’m just glad he’s alive

Me; Me too

Her; so apparently Linda is due this week

Me; eish

Her; I know I’m being selfish, but I’m not sure im comfortable with him being in the room, but she insists
that he needs to be there

Me; what does he want to do

Her; he says I must decide

Me; damn

Her; I don’t want him to be there. But at the same time this is his child, and I don’t want to stand in the
way of his happiness when it comes to his son

Me; son

Her; yah.. it’s a boy

Me; I’m sorry my friend. I know how Linda can be

Her; I want to know what you would do

Me; id let him be there for the birth. It only seems fair.

Her; I know you’re right, but it isn’t easy

Me; nothing like this is never easy, but you have to bigger person in all this, for the baby sake

Her; mhmmm

I leaned in and gave my girl a hug. I know she must be feeling like shit.

Her; we should get drunk

Me; oh

Her; and that

Me; I cant exactly do that

Her; why the hell not

Me; ahhm

Her; no
Me; yes

Her; you’re pregnant

Me; yes

Her; why didn’t you say anything

Me; well, with everything that’s been happening. I didn’t exactly have time

Her; come here

Boni gave me a hug and just smiled

Her; well if we can’t drink, we should at least find another way to celebrate

Me; let’s do a spa day

Her; yes

Me; I’ll go book it

Her; I’ll be in my room. I need to shower.

Boni left, and I walked downstairs to Siya’s office. I wanted to get a laptop and his phone that I used
yesterday to call him with.

When I approached his office, the door wasn’t closed. I could hear them talking, and I heard my name. I
know it’s wrong to ease drop, but I was interested in what was being said

Sabelo; so G. You honestly leaving the force because of your girl

Him; you mean because of my wife. Yes

Sabelo; but G let’s be honest. Do you really have it in you to live a normal life?

Him; dude, it’s not like I have a choice

Sabelo; what possessed you to get married mara? You and I used to be the biggest party animals alive.
And now you go and settle down

Him; I guess it’s the love bug ntwana

Sabelo; but Ghost. It’s just the two of us here. Are you honestly ready for this?

Him; I think I am

Sabelo; you think

Him; dude. Like don’t get me wrong. I love my wife with everything in me, but at times I just feel like
running. Like life was so much less complicated before I became committed. I was so used to just
getting a chick for a night and being done with her. But now with Rifiloe its different. I actually have to
put in an effort, and with my job, and Ndhlovu Corp, I just don’t seem to be making her happy

Sableo; what do you mean

Him; dud. She is always going on about everything. And we’re always discussing things. It just get too
much sometime

Sabelo; so maybe you need to re evaluate your life and see if this is what you truly want

Him; I love her man. Like with every bone in me, and if she wants a normal life, then I’m going to give
her a normal life

Sabelo; even if that means you’ll be unhappy

Him; even so

I walked away from Siya’s office with a huge lump in my throat. I know I was never meant to hear that,
but it totally broke my heart. I had no idea Siya felt that way. Like was I such a nagger that he would say
things like that to this Sabelo dude. And why was he giving up his Job in the force for me if he didn’t
want to. It’s not like I made him do it. I really thought we were going to move on and be happy, but now
I was scared that he would resent me in the future, for being the reason he left his force.

129

I went back to my room to take a moment to myself. I was trying really hard not to be emotional, but I
was failing dismally.

I sat on the bed, for a moment then gathered the courage to go back downstairs. I really felt like having
a spa day, and I didn’t want him to ruin it

I went back to his office, and knocked on the door. They both fell silent, and Siya told me to come in

Him; hey babe

Me; hey. Aahmm Can I have a sec

Him; sure.

Siya left Sabelo In the office and we walked to the lounge

Him; what’s up

Me; I need to know how I can go about getting a few things done

Him; things like

Me; I need to buy a new phone. Then get a new laptop, and spend the rest of the day at a spa

Him; you ok?

Me; I’m great

Siya looked at me and I looked away, I just knew if he looked properly, he would know something was
wrong

Him; Rifiloe

Me; baby

Him; what’s wrong

Me; Nothing Siya. I’m sure it’s just the baby.

Him; do you feel sick

Me; no

Him; are you sure

Me; 100%

Him; ok. Ill see what I can do

Me; Siya. You don’t have to take me. Boni and I can Uber there.

Him; you know I would never let you do that

Me; so what now

Him; I’ll get someone to take you

Me; Can I rather just drive there

Him; with what car

Me; Ill take the Merc

Him; I need the cars for work today

Me; so what do you suggest

Him; I suggest you have the spa come here instead

Me; baby, I really need to get out of the house. I need some fresh air please

Him; Ill get you a new car today

Me; can we just hold up on all of that.

Him; why you’re going to need a new car. The cars in JHB, are beyond repairable

Me; sigh

Him; Rifiloe

Me; its fine. Forget I said anything. Ill be upstairs if you need me

I got up, but Siya held my hand

Him; baby

Me; yes love

Him; I can see something is bothering you. Just tell me what it is

Me; Baby. All I wanted was to get a few things in place. I need a laptop, some more clothes and a whole
lot of things. I was just hoping I could do that today instead of sitting here and waiting for you to come
home

Him; make a list of things you need and Ill get it done

Me; don’t worry about it

Him; why not

Me; Siya, I don’t like having people do things like this for me. You know that. So if I can’t go, then its fine.
Ill just stay home

Him; ok

I got up again, and went to Boni. I told her it was best we cancel the trip. I got the feeling I interrupted
something between her and Hlokes, because she only had a towel wrapped around her. So I left her and
went to the kitchen. I felt like baking, so I decided to make scones and a red velvet cake. After baking I
decided to get lunch going. I made pap, Chicken stew, beetroot, pumpkin and chakalaka.

Siya came to the kitchen as I was finishing up

Him; smells amazing

Me; I’m nearly done. Ill dish up for you now

Him; what did I do to get a homemade meal from you

Me; I just felt like cooking, that’s all

Him; are we ok

Me; of course we are. Why would you think otherwise?

Him; You seem a bit off

Me; baby I’m fine. Really.

Him; ok

I finished off making lunch, and lay it on the dining room table. Siya went to call everyone

We all dished up and dug in. The conversation was flowing, but I wasn’t really concentrating. I thought I
was going to be able to let go of what Siya had said, but it was really eating me up.

I really didn’t want him resenting me for making him leave the force, but at the same time I didn’t want
him staying if that meant our child would be in danger. It sounded like he really missed his old life and
that made me feel so bad. I really thought it would be best to discuss it with him, but at the same time I
didn’t want to nag.

Him; Rifiloe

I looked up at him

Him; you are miles away

Me; oh. Sorry . were you saying something

Him; we were all talking about the wedding

Me; what about it

Him; if we had decided on a date

Me; oh ahmm not as yet

Boni looked at me with a concerned look. I gave a faint smile and carried on eating.
After lunch, I went to the kitchen to load the dishes in the dishwasher, and served dessert, then went to
my room. My feet were a bit saw from standing, and I wanted to put them up.

Siya came up with a piece of red velvet cake for me

Him; you didn’t stay for dessert

Me; I just wanted to put my feet up

Him; I bought some cake

Me; thank you

He put the cake on a side table, while I looked the different channels. Siya stood there staring. I didn’t
look his way. I just carried on looking at the channels

Him; areyou going to tell me whats going on

Me; baby I told

Him; don’t lie to me again. I can see something is wrong. You were distant during lunch

Me; im just tired that’s all

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Siya

Him; you love to have me beg ne

Me; haw Siya, what did I say

Him; mxm you love drama yaz

I was honestly confused. I didn’t say anything I’m wrong. If I talk then I’m nagging. What am I supposed
do.

Him; I’m talking to you

Me; baby I’m fine. Seriously

Him; im not doing this shit with you again. Maybe once you’ve grown up you can tell me what the hell is
going on.
Siya walked out and slammed the door, and I let out a sigh. I really didn’t know what to do. So I did
nothing. I just kept stuffing my face with junk. I was going to get fat anyway, so I might as well enjoy
myself.

Boni came to join me and we went crazy. We moved from our room to the lounge, because it was
obviously more convenient, since it was closer to the kitchen.

Hlokes had betrayed us and left with Siya and Sabelo, so it was just me and my girl eating our lungs out.

Her; I feel like burgers

Me; does McD deliver

Her; I think so

Me; let’s call Mr Delivery

We ordered ribs from Spur, Burgers from Steers and Pizza from the Pizza hut

Our food arrived after about an hour and we dug in. I know fizzy drinks weren’t recommended, but I was
really craving some. So I only had one glass.

Siya and the guys walked in as we were eating. Boni rolled her eyes, and I giggled. Mind you I had a
burger in the one hand, and a slice of pizza in the other. We were sitting on the carpet with the food
layed in front of us.

Siya walked in and just shook his head. I smiled at Him.

Hlokes burst out laughing, while Sablo just stood there.

Siya; so you guys are trying to kill yourselves

I looked at Boni and she rolled her eyes, and we just kept on eating.

Hlokes sat next to Boni and just started eating. Siya didn’t take his eyes off me

Me; mhmm

Him; Swallow maan Rifiloe

I giggled and swallowed.

Him; are you going to sit there and just stare at me

Him; are you trying to kill my baby

Me; Siya, just go away and let me get fat

Sabelo sat down and had Pizza, while Siya sat on the couch and changed the TV channel to sports. Mind
you I was watching TLC nxa

After we couldn’t eat anymore, Boni and I packed everything away and sat in the lounge with the guys. I
snuggled next to Siya, and just watched soccer, while they chatted.

After sometime, I decided to go bath, because I could just feel sleep coming on.

Siya came up with me and showered while I bathed. I kind of felt like we were drifting. I was so used to
having us shower or bath together, and here he was in the shower by himself.

After bathing, I put my PJ’s on and got into bed. Siya was done way before me, and was on his laptop as
always.

Me; goodnight

Him; so we’re not going to talk about this tension between us

Me; what tension

Him; so things seem normal to you

Me; Siya please

Him; Rifiloe. I need to know what’s bothering you

ME; fine

Him; I’m waiting

Me; I overheard you speaking to Sabelo earlier today

Him; what did you hear

Me; everything

Him; oh

Me; can I sleep now

Him; Rifiloe, I can explain

ME; there’s no need. You were just being honest

Him; baby, it’s not like how you think

Me; Siya. I’m not mad. I just didn’t know that’s how you felt, and now I do

Him; don’t be like this

Me; like how

Him; you know I love you

Me; yes I do.

Him; so I don’t want you to take that conversation out of context

Me; Siya can we just drop this.

Him; no, because I can see its hurt you

Me; I just didn’t know I was such a burden, or that you missed being single

Him; Rifiloe, Its just

Me; don’t. Just leave it

Him; this is the problem Rifiloe. You never let me finish a damn sentence. I’m trying to explain but you
just keep cutting me of

Siya’s tone was starting to piss me off. His constant lashing out was going to just annoy me even more.

Me; Goodnight

I covered my face with the duvet and tried to get some sleep. I really just wanted to keep the peace,
and I knew if we carried on with this conversation there would be world war 3 in this house.

Siya got up and got dressed. I had no idea where he planned on going, and I wasn’t going to bother to
ask, because I would be told that I’m a nagging wife.

I tried falling asleep, but sleep was nowhere to be found. I kept thinking about Siya, and that wasn’t
helping.

I wanted to call him and ask where he was but I just decided to let him be. He would come home when
he was ready
I fell asleep after 3am, and there was still no Siya. By now I was pissed beyond words. I get he was mad
but for him to be out till the early hours of the morning was unacceptable. He was a married man for
God’s sake, and I’m certain if it was me we would be having a different conversation.

I woke up the following morning and Siya was still not home. No I was livid. He had just proved he
wanted to be single. I have no idea why he didn’t just leave me and go do whatever the fuck he wants to
do.

I took a shower, and went downstairs to make breakfast, when I saw Siya and Sabelo walking in making
a hell of a noise.

I took a deep breath, and told myself to keep calm. Sabelo greeted me and went straight to the guest
room, while Siya lingered at the kitchen door.

I didn’t say anything. I just carried on with what I was doing.

Him; I know you’re mad at me

I didn’t answer, because I was livid, but didn’t want to say it

Him; Rifiloe, ngi khuluma nawe

Me; Siya, its cool.

Him; can we talk

Me; we are talking

Him; Rifiloe.

Yho, I just lost it. Like my fuse just blew. Was this man fucking serious mara.

I had a plate in my hand and I just threw it at him. He ducked and it hit the wall

Him; The fuck you doing

I grabbed another one and it hit his hand as he ducked

Him; Rifiloe

Me; you fucking barstard. How can you talk to that idiot about us like that? Im your wife for Gods sake

I grabbed another plate and it hit the wall

Me; you forget so easily how much we’ve lost because of your Job. I lost my children Siya. All because of
your fucking Job. I lost my parents Siya ok. I lost a shit load, and now you tell that idiot that you’re only
quitting because of me.

Him; Rifiloe. I

Me; No Siya. I begged you a million times to let me go. I begged because I knew I didn’t have the will to
do it, but you kept coming back. I was nearly killed twice and mam Martha lost her life.

Him; Rifiloe

Me; fuck you Siya. Ok Fuck You

I picked up a glass and just started hitting them on the floor. I was so pissed, I couldn’t control myself.

Siya grabbed the plate, and put it down

Him; will you stop before you hurt yourself

Me; get your hands off me

Him; Rifiloe, will you act your age for once

Me; Go to hell

He let go and looked at me

Him; what do you want me to do

Me; nothing. I want you to stay in the force and live your single life, and leave me and my baby the hell
alone

Him; you don’t mean that

Me; Just Go Siya. Go do you and just stop pretending to be ready to be the so called family man because
it’s obvious that you aren’t

Him; For the love of God Rifiloe, stop being so dramatic. I left the force, what more do you want from
me
Me; I want you to man up and stop whining about it. I had a life before you that I gave up. I haven’t
seen my friends in over 6 months Siya. I left my job, but you don’t hear me whining about it. Suck it

Him; Its hard Rifiloe. This is something I built, and still I’m walking away.

Me; maybe if you had been honest about who you were from the beginning, we wouldn’t have had to
end up here

His phone rang, and I looked at him

Me; don’t even think about it

Him; Rifiloe. Its work

Me; its always work

Him; what do you want from me Rifiloe. Ye. Just tell me

Me; right now I want absolutely nothing from you, because I wouldn’t want to have you tell your friends
that I was nagging

Siya, just answered the phone and walked away.

I just didn’t get how he thought he could do as he pleases and expects me to be ok with it. We were
expecting a baby and all I wanted was to give my child a normal life without having to worry about being
killed.

I turned around and let out a sigh, and immediately started feeling a bit off. I felt nauseous, like I was
about to faint. I held onto the sink for dear life and tried breathing.

Boni walked in and stood next to me

Her; Rifiloe. What’s wrong?

I didn’t have the energy to answer, instead I held on tighter.

Boni screamed for Hlokes, and he came just in time as I was about to blank out.

ME; stop fussing. Im fine

Him; you nearly fainted Rifiloe

Me; Im fine. I just needed a moment

Him; if you two carry on like this s you are going to lose this baby

Me; Hlokes, just stop with the lecture.

Boni gave me a bottle of water, and I gulped it down.

Him; we need to get you to the hospital to make sure the baby’s ok

Me; I’m sure it’s nothing

Him; Rifiloe.

Me; Fine, just give me a sec

He gave Boni his keys

Him; babe, will you bring the car around

Boni took the keys and rushed out

Him; give me a sec, im going to fetch ghost

Me; no. Please don’t

Hlokes shook his head and went upstairs. Siya came rushing down. He had was so pale.

Him; baby

Me; I’m fine

They both helped me up and we went to the car.

when I got to the hospital, the doctors put me on a drip, and ran some tests.
Hlokes and Boni left, so they could give me some space. Siya and I sat in silence some time. I didn’t
really want to say anything to him. I was just so tired of fighting and just needed to take care of myself
and my baby.

The doctor came in with the results.

Him; Mrs Ndhlovu

Me; sorry Doc

Him; Sorry we took so long.

Me; no worried

Him; Ok. So I see here that your high blood pressure is through the roof. Which isn’t healthy for the
baby. This can be caused by a number of things, but in your case because of your age I would associate
it with stress.

Siya looked at me embarrassed

Him; Im going to put you on bed rest for the next month. I need you to stay calm. No stressing at all ok

Me; yes doc

Him; Ill need you to come in every week, so we can keep making sure that the baby is ok

Me; will do

Him; for now, just take it easy

The doctor left and I was discharged.

Siya and I sat in silence on the way home. I had so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t have the energy.
All I knew was that the only way for me to keep this baby, was for me to let Siya do whatever he
wanted. My only priority was my baby. I was done wanting Siya to change. If he changed it would be in
his own time.

130
When we arrived home I immediately went to bed.

Siya kept hovering and to be honest he was annoying me. I needed to rest and he wasn't making that
easy.

Me: Siya will you stop hovering

Him; I just want to make sure you're ok

Me: I'm fine

Him; baby I'm so sorry.

Me:Siya, I'm not mad at you. I just want to sleep

Him: I was hoping we could talk

Me:we can do that later

Him: baby, I leave for KZN tonight

I sat up and looked at Siya.

Me: I'm listening

Him: baby, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen

Me; ok

Him; you don't sound like you forgive me

Me; I do

Him: baby Maan

Me: Siya stop with the nagging. I said it's fine mos

Him: so we're ok

Me: yes

Him: you sure

Me: positive

Him: can I get a kiss

Me: come closer

Siya leaned in and gave me a kiss

Him: I love you

Me: I love you too

Him: how you feeling

Me: tired

Him: I'll let you rest

Me: thanks

Siya closed all the curtains and i drifted off to sleep. I may have forgiven Siya, but i sure as hell wasn't
going to let anything happen to my baby.

By the time I woke up it was already dark outside. I still felt a bit nauseous, but much more calm.

I got up and went to brush my teeth, then put on my gown, and went downstairs.

I found everyone having dinner. I greeted them, and went to the kitchen to make myself a fruit
smoothie. I didn't feel like eating anything too heavy, and i needed to take my pills.

When I was done making my smoothie, I sat next to Siya enjoyed my smoothie.

When we were done eating, Boni did the dishes, while I went upstairs to help Siya with packing.

Him: I'll be back tomorrow after the funeral

Me: ok

Him: are you sure you don't want me to stay with you

Me: don't be silly, it's just one night. And if I can't be there to say goodbye to Mam Martha, then you
should at least be there

Him: ok. But I'm not exactly comfortable with it

Me: Siya. I'll be fine

Him: call me if you need anything

Me: I'll be fine. Plus Boniswa is here mos

Him: ok

I packed everything Siya would need, and even walked him out.

Him; there's money in the safe, should you need some

Me: thanks

Him: the guards are on duty 24/7. So there's no need to worry about your safety

Me; baby, just go tu. The guys are waiting for you in the car

So came closer

Him: you sure we're ok

Me: we're solid

Him: I'll see you tomorrow evening

Me; cool

I leaned in and gave Siya a kiss, and watched him get in the car and drive off.

The moment i saw him leave, I ran upstairs to Bonis room. I knocked on her door

Her: come in

I walked in and sat on her bed

Me: I need a favour

Her: anything
Me: I need to go away for a while

Her; does your man know about this

Me: not exactly

Her: so you want to leave him

Me: just till I finish my first trimester

Her: I'm not sure about this

Me: please Boni. If I stay here, i wont make it past my first trimester. I can't lose this baby Boni.

Her: so where do you want to go

Me: anywhere as long as Siya doesn't find me

Her: Rifiloe he is going to kill us

Me: he won't. I'll call him and let him know that I'm safe, and that I just needed some time away from
him

Her: Lord help us

Me: don't worry about Siya. Hlokes will protect you

Her: I can't believe I'm going to say yes to this crazy idea of yours

I jumped into Bonis arms and she hugged me

Me: what would I do without you

Her: luckily you'll never find out

Me: (chuckels)

Her: we need to find a place for you to go first

Me: I think I should go to a somewher in S.A.

Her: how about QwaQwa

Me; he would find me too easily

Her: what about PE

Me: PE is perfect.

Her: let's check if we can find a flight for you

Me: no. We need to find a bus. Siya will be able to track a flight too easily
Her: ok, we need to get to the station within an hour

Me; perfect.

I ran upstairs to get some money out the safe. I took quite a lot because I didn't plan on being here for
at least 2 months. I put it in my backpack, and changed into jeans and a t-shirt. I didn't take any clothes,
because i planned on buying clothes in PE.

When I got downstairs Boni had already changed. The only problem now was how do we get past the
guards

Her: get into Hlokes car via the back. I'll let the guards know I need to go buy some lady products

Me: Sharp

I did as told, and waited for Boni. I was so happy when I saw her get in the car and drive off.

Her: stay down. The last thing we need is for them to spot you

I stayed Down till I knew we were clear.

Her: Rifiloe, you know I've always got your back. But are you sure about this

Me; yep

Her: ok... we're here.

Boni walked me to the teller, and i bought a ticket to PE, and went to wait for my bus.

Boni sat with me while I waited. I felt like such a criminal for leaving like this, but it was for my baby's
sake, so I had no other choice.

An hour later my bus was called.

I gave a Boni a hug, and told her I would be in touch

Her: I figured you might need this

She gave me a cell phone

Me; Boni, this is a brand new S7 I can't take it

Her: you can buy me a new one when you get back

Me; when did you get this

Her: Hlokes bought it for me yesterday. I just didnt have a chance to use it as yet

Me; thank you

I gave Boni a hug and went to board my bus.

I know Siya was going to go ape shit on Boni, but i really needed to conserntrate on my baby. The way
we were going, I was going to lose my baby becuase of all the arguing and constant heart ache. All that
was important now was me. Siya would just have to deal, and leave me be.

131

My bus took off, and I felt a sudden relief. I know Siya was going to be mad, but I think this is the best
decision considering our crazy situation. At least with me being gone, Siya can decide if he really wants
to leave the force, and if he decided he wants to stay then I would also have to decide what I want for
me and my baby.

The ride to PE wasn’t the most comfortable one, but I slept through most of it anyway.

I booked myself a suit at beach hotel using the phone that Boni gave me. I wanted to phone Siya, but I
decided to call him after the funeral. I didn’t want him dragging his team away from Mam Martha’s
funeral, just because of me.

When I finally arrived in PE it was 6:00am. My whole body was so saw from sitting upright the whole
night, but I knew I would get to rest once I got to my room.
I took a cab from the bus station to Summerstrand. There’s nothing more refreshing than the beach.
The moment I checked in, I put my bag away, and went for a walk on the beach. My decision to come
to PE might’ve been a hasty one, but it was definitely the right one for me and my growing bambino.

After sometime on the beach, I went back to my suit and called Boni

Her; Hello

Me; Hey… Its me

Her; oh Thank God. I was starting to worry

Me; sorry gal, I went to the beach

Her; so you found a nice hotel

Me; yes. Its perfect

Her; have you told your hubby yet?

Me; no. I was thinking maybe I should speak to your man first, to give him a heads up

Her; good idea

Me; cool. I just wanted to run it past you first

Her; Rifiloe, just take care of yourself. Stop worrying about everyone else. The only important person
right now is that precious soul you’re carrying

ME; thank You Boni.

Her; I obve you girl

Me; love you too

Her; good luck

Me; thanks

After speaking to Boni, I decided to call Hlokes. The funeral was probably out by now, and I think he
needed to know before I tell Siya.

Him; hello

Me; Hlokes

Me; hey you. How you feeling

Me; I’m good. You

Him; we’re good. We’re about to leave KZN

Me; oh…

Him; what’s up

Me; Promise me you won’t kill Boni

Him; what have you two done now

ME; well, it’s more me than her

Him; ok… I’m listening

Me; Well… Ahmm after you guys left for KZN, I left CT

Him; what do you mean

ME; Hlokes, I needed some time away from Siya. This is my first trimester and I feel like if I stayed in CT I
would’ve definitely lost this baby

Him; shit Rifiloe. Ghost is going to go mad

Me; he won’t because you will make him understand

Him; please tell me Boni wasn’t involved in all this

Me; she wasn’t

Him; you’re lying. This has Boni written all over it

Me; Stop it. She was against it but I left her no choice

Him; fuck

Me; I’ve got to go. I need to phone Siya

Him; Good luck

Me; thanks. I’m going to need it

I took a deep brath and called my soon to be on fire hubby.

Him; Hello

Him; baby you’re up

Me; yah

Him; I called earlier but Boni said you were asleep

Me; mhmm

Him; how did you sleep

Me; fine thanks

Him; How you feeling

Me; much better

Him; I’m glad. I miss you like crazy

Me; how was the funeral

Him; it sad. But everything went according to plan

Me; that’s good

Me; Baby. I need to tell you something

Him; what’s wrong

Me; let me start by saying, I love you.

Him; nana what’s going on

Me; baby, I’m not in CT

Him; I’m lost

ME; I left last night

Him; where are you

Me; I can’t say

Him; what do you mean Rifiloe

Me; Baby, I just need some time away. Just till my first trimester is over. Then I’ll be on the first flight
back

Him; you must be joking right. Rifiloe please tell me this is a joke

ME; baby it’s not, please try to understand

Him; understand what? That you are fucking selfish? That you do things and not think of the fucking
circumstances. That you are fucking childish? Ye

Me; I’ve got to go

Him; You better do yourself a favour and come back from wherever you are, because if I find you first,
there will be hell to pay

I heard Siya smash something in the background, and I immediately put the phone down. I took out the
sim card and flushed it. I knew Siya was going to try to track me and this time I really didn’t want him to
find me.
After talking to Siya, I ordered breakfast and went to take a bath. I know the doctor had put me on
bedrest, but I needed to go and get some clothes.

I had my breakfast, then took a shower, then called a cab so I could go shopping.

I did quite a bit of shopping. I bought everything that I would need for the next two Months.

I even made a booking with a Gyne based at the shopping mall. I needed to make sure my baby was
growing. I also bought about 10 different sim cards, so I could keep calling Siya. Hopefully that would
help him calm down a bit.

*******************SIYA**************************************

I tried calling Rifiloe back a million times but her phone went straight to voicemail.

I honestly don’t understand what she was playing at. How could she just up and leave and not tell me
about it. This shit was beyond crazy.

I looked at Bullet, and I just knew that he knew about this madness.

Me; fucking Hell bullet. How could you let her go through with this?

Him; dude, I literally just found out

Me; Where Boni

Him; at Home

Me; make her tell you where Rifiloe is

Him; we both know she isn’t going to talk

Me; fine, then ill talk to her because clearly she has you by the balls

Him; Ghost, I’m warning you. Stay away from my girl

Me; she knows where Rifiloe Is. How do you expect me to just sit and not do anything?

Him; Ghost, Rifiloe obviously needed time away from everything. Maybe give her the space she requires

Me; fuck that. She is my wife. She cannot just up and leave when she feels like it

Him; G

Me; Get Nails on the line. I want Rifiloe found before the end of today. Are we clear?

Him; you’re the boss

We got in the car and drove to the airport. I was so damn angry at Rifiloe for this. I get I messed up, but
was it really necessary for her to leave me and not bother to discuss it. Instead she pretended we were
ok, but deep down she was busy hatching a plan. How does she expect me to be ok with this?

132

I spent the rest of my day in doors. I slept through most of it and woke up in time for dinner

I ordered steak and chips and just enjoyed the peace. I know wherever Siya was he was probably going
mad. I kind of felt bad because I really loved him. He wasn’t perfect and well neither was I, but I really
hated hurting him. I just wish we could get along. I feel like we’ve been fighting since the very beginning,
and that is just draining at times.

After dinner, I relaxed a bit. I dint really have much to do, so I just did some research on what PE had to
offer, I needed to find ways to keep busy.

After my research, I called Boni. I wanted to make sure she was ok

Her; Hello

Me; hey girl

Her; ive been trying to call you a million times

ME; whats wrong

Her; well you ran away from your husband for one. He is like an unleashed lion

ME; has he said anything to you

Her; no. Hlokes told me to just stay out his way

Me; im really sorry for involving you in all of this

Her; don’t be silly. This is what friends are for

Me; I really appreciate everything you’re doing for me

Her; well you can thank me by telling me which hotel your staying at

Me; I’m at the summerfort beachfront hotel

Her; good. Im on my way

Me; what

Her; ill explain when I arrive

Me; is hlokes coming

Her; hell no. I don’t really like him right now

Me; wait Boni.

Her; im already on the way to the airport

Me; ok… ahmm what time do you land

Her; 10:00pm

Me; I’ll meet you at the airport

Her; don’t be silly. You are on bedrest

ME; Boni I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have involved you in this

Her; its not about you Rifiloe

Me; what is it then

Her; Hlokes is gone to Linda. She’s in labour

Me; oh… damn… askies my friend

Her; I’ll see you in a few hours

Me; ok

Her; sharp

Me; I love you ne

Her; love you too my china

I’ll be honest and say I was looking forward to having Boni here. 2 months is a long time, and for me to
be all alone. So at least with my girl here we could both just take the much need time and enjoy being
away from our crazy situations

I stayed up waiting for Boni to arrive. I really missed Siya, but I knew if I called I would only have 40
seconds before he could trace my phone, and I just didn’t know if I was willing to take the risk. But at the
same time the need for me to hear his voice was over powering, so I gave in and dialled him

Him; what

Me; baby it’s me

Him; oh God Rifiloe, where are you

Me; I just needed to hear your voice before I went to sleep

Him; baby, please come home. Please I’m begging you

ME; Siya, I’m not doing this to punish you. I just need you to understand

Him; Rifiloe, I swear, if anything happens to my baby, I’m going to

Me; I’ve got to go. My 30 seconds are up

Him; But

Me; I love you. Goodnight

I didn’t wait for him to respond. I got what I needed, and now i was going to just watch TV and wait for
my girl to arrive

At around 11:30pm, my hotel room phone rang. I knew Boni had arrived, so I just walked down and
went to fetch her.

The moment I saw Boni , I knew she had been crying.

She spotted me and I opened my arms to give her a hug.

Me; that bad huh

Her; its horrible Rifiloe (sniff)

ME; come let’s go to my room

I Held Boni’s hand and we walked to my suit

Her; Nice place

Me; thanks. Not badly priced

Her; (sigh)

Me; come sit and tell me what’s got you running to PE

We sat on the couch, and Boni just started crying

Her; (sniff) I just (Sniff) didn’t think it would be this hard Rifiloe. Like My man is having a baby with
someone else. How do you deal with that?

Me; Boni, He doesn’t love her. He loves you

Her; But Rifiloe. You should see how excited he is. He’s buying a house in CT, he’s looking for nursery
furniture and in all of this madness there is no talk of us or a way of us moving forward.

Me; I’m sure he’s just excited. Give him time. He will come around

Her; I’m just scared he will fall in love with Linda, and want to be with his family

Me; Boni, you are Hloke’s family

Her; I don’t know Rifiloe. I just don’t know

I held Boni as she cried. I know she was just feeling a bit insecure, Linda had a tendency of making me
feel that way at times.

Her; Im so selfish. Here I am going on about me. How are you doing?

ME; Im fine. Just worried about you

Her; your husband looks like he’s aged a million years

Me; he’ll be strong

Her; so you really plan on staying here for 2 months

Me; hell yes

Her; I actually feel for him

Me; ha ana Boni. Siya just gets too much at times

Her; I know, but by the time you get home he might be 10 times angrier

Me; Ill see how it goes

Her; ok.

Boni and I went to bed, and just put the day behind us. Hopefully tomorrow would bring more
happiness for the both of us

Boni spent a week with me in PE. We basically stayed in and just enjoyed ourselves and just relaxed.
But by Friday she was missing her man, so she left to go make things work. Which I found really cute.
She tried convincing me to go back, but I wasn’t ready. I had a doctor’s appointment on Saturday and I
wanted to make sure I was there.

On Saturday morning I got up and freshened up for my appointment at 9:00am

I was honestly feeling so much better. I had gotten my hair done, my nails were done I was starting to
feel more like myself.

When I arrived at the doctor’s office, we did a sauna and she checked up on my blood pressure, and to
my surprise it wasn’t too bad. All in all me and the baby were well, and the doctor was happy with my
progress

Once I got back to my hotel, I looked at the ultrasounds that the doctor gave me. My little nunu was
growing, and that made me so happy. I knew it was selfish for me to be happy while Siya was probably
stressing.

I decided to send him a sms of the ultrasound. I hadn’t spoken to him since the night Boni arrived

I put in one of my simcards and sent him the ultrasound.

I was about to switch off my phone, when Siya called.

I contemplated weather to answer or not to answer. But in the end answered

Me; Ndhlovu

Him; (sigh)

Me; how are you

Him; I miss you

Me; I miss you too

Him; are you and the baby ok

Me; we’re good

Him; so do you plan on coming home anytime soon

Me; Ill speak to you soon.

Him; please rifiloe. Don’t do this

Me; Baby maan

Him; I haven’t spoken to you in a week.

Me; I know Siya. But I just need more time

Him; how much

Me; bye Siya

I cut the call, and let out a sigh. Siya’s voice broke my heart. I could hear he was distressed, but I didn’t
want to worry about him. But at the same time I felt like I was deserting him as a wife.

I stayed in PE for exactly 2 months. I was off bedrest, but was told to make sure that I take things easy.
I didn’t tell Siya that I was coming home, because I knew there would arguing, and after being so relaxed
for 2 months, the last thing I needed was to argue with Siya, especially since I missed him so much

I arrived at the airport and Ubered to the house. I’ll be honest and say I was really nervous. It felt like I
had been away for God knows how long, and I just was hoping Siya and I would be in sync, and just
move on and be happy

I got home and went straight to my bedroom. I instantly regretted coming back, because the sight
before me tore ripped my heart into pieces

There was some girl in my room, and she was just making my bed. I heard the shower going, so I knew
Siya was in there, and the look on this girls face told me she wasn’t quite expecting me.

133

I know I was wrong for leaving Siya for so long. I really do, but for him to bring some random chick info
our bed was below the belt.

Like why couldn't he just let me find myself and give me the time I asked him to give me? Why did we
have to end up here again?

My eyes immediately started to water, my heart was racing and I just didn't know what to do

Her: oh hi... ah, you must be Mrs Ndhlovu

Me: (clears throat) yes... and you are

Her: I'm Sibongile, your new maid

Me; I see

Her: I was just finishing up cleaning the this floor. I'll move to the second d floor next

Me: oh.. aaham ok

Her: now that your here. Please can you show me how to set the shower off? I had it on self-cleaning
mode, but it won't stop

Me: come, I'll show you

I let out a sigh of relief and looked at this poor girl in front of me. I swear a minute ago I was ready to
jump her, and now I felt totally embarrassed.

I showed her how to switch the shower back to normal, then went to the closet to unpack.

Sibongile left to go and Finish off the rest of the house.

Siya walked in looking like a fitness model from some fitness magazine. He was sweating from his run,
and he had grown a bit of a beard.

He stilled the moment he laid eyes on me. I didn't move. I wanted to just jump on him, and eat his face
off, but I wasn't really sure what kind of mood he was in

Him: the prodigal son returns

I didn't move. I just kept my eyes glued to him. I wanted to take in this crazy, sexy man that I call my
husband

Him: Rifiloe, I feel like you are undressing me with your eyes

me: you are my husband aren't you

Him : husband? It's funny how you forgot about that for 2 whole months
Me: baby, come on. I never once forgot about you. I just needed to take some time to myself. Is that
really such a bad thing

Him: I'm going to take a shower, before I say something we'll both regret

Siya left me there and went to take a shower. I know he was mad at me. I get it, but I really just needed
this time alone. It helped me put things into perspective and now I know 100% that I want nothing more
than to be with Siya. I wanted my child to grow up with both parents, and I wanted us to make our
marriage work. We had really grown apart this year, and now it was time we grew together.

I took off my clothes and went to join him in the shower.

I put my arms around his waist from behind. I just needed to feel next to him.

Siya stilled a bit, and then let out a sigh. I know he was mad, but here he had no choice but to face me.
So eventually he turned around and faced me. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and just held me in his
arms

Him: you really know how to drive me crazy don't you

Me; I missed you so much

Him: Rifiloe, you can't do this to me again. Please. I know I'm a lot to take at times. And I know I have
hurt you, but I can't have you running off every time things get difficult.

Me: I won't. I promise

Him: so did you enjoy PE

I looked up at Siya, and he had a huge grin on his face

Me: so you knew I was on PE

Him: yes

Me: for how long

Him: since the day you sent me scans of our baby

Me: and you didn't come and drag me home

Him: I could see that you needed to be away. And despite my missing you. I had to give you space

Me: thank you

Him: I had guys watching you though

Me: why am I not surprised

Him: I had to make sure none of the guys from PE had their eyes on you

Me; you are honestly crazy

Him: you're my wife. I'll be dammed if I lost you to some PE dude

Me; you won't ever lose me to anyone.

Him: I was starting to think you didn't want to come back

Me: but baby I told you I would be back

Him: I know you said that, but I just felt with everything that happened, we were drifting apart

Me: Siya, you and I are one. It doesn't matter what happens, that will never change

Him: you have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that

Siya took me in his arms and gave me a slow, sultry kiss.

My insides knotted into a million knots, as I tasted his intense desire. I never seem to get enough of
Siya. No matter what we seem to go through, there was still no other man for me.

Siya pulled away and stared into my eyes

Him: thank you for coming back

Me: I wouldn't want to be anywhere else

Him: so we're going to make this work

Me: yes. I wouldn't have it any other way

Him: I’m glad to hear that, but we need to sit and go through everything.

Me; Ok.

We got out the shower, and wet to get dressed.

Him; would you like some breakfast

ME; no thank you. I had something at the airport

Him; why didn’t you call me? I could’ve fetched you

Me; I thought you would still be in bed, since my flight was so early

Him; I haven’t slept properly since you were gone.

We sat on the bed facing each other

Me; I’m sorry for leaving without discussing it with you

Him; can I just ask why you actually left

Me; Siya. I just think that everything got too much to take. We went from one thing to another in
seconds. It was the panic room. Sizwe, Mam Martha. You and Sabelo, and then nearly passing out
because of all the arguing. I just needed to take a step back. I needed to breathe, because I knew if we
carried on the road we were heading, we would’ve lost our baby, and I just wasn’t willing to do that

Him; so why didn’t you say anything

Me; because I know you would’ve made sure I stayed, and we would’ve just fought some more

Him; so you thought going away would make things right

Me; I just thought that the time apart would help us decide what we wanted to do

Him; We

Me; Siya, I know deep down you didn’t want to leave the force, and I felt like I was the reason for you
leaving, and that didn’t sit well with me. I wanted you to make the choice and be content. Not like I was
forcing you

Him; baby, me leaving the force was for you. I could never live with myself knowing that you were hurt
because of me. I left because I want our son to look up to me, and not think its ok to have med walking
around with guns. I want you Rifiloe, and I’d take you over the force any day

Me; are you sure about this

Him; 100%

Me; (sigh) ok

Him; No more running away. If you have a problem then you come to me and we discuss it.

Me; ok

Him; and no more throwing plates and shit. We can’t keep replacing plates and glasses because you
keep breaking them

Me; (chuckles) fine

Him; I love you Rifiloe. More than anything. Please don’t ever leave again. I don’t think I would be able
to handle it.

Me; I hear you Siya. it’s just that at times you tend to forget that I’m your wife and not an associate. You
can’t try to control everything I do. I know if it were u to you, you would have locked in this house 24/7,
but that’s not how things work. You need to lighten up a bit. No tracking my calls, no telling me I can’t
go somewhere ect. I need you to be my husband, and not my controller. Because the more you try
controlling me the more I want to rebel

Him; But Rifiloe you know in the business that I’m in, I need to make sure you’re protected. I can’t be
fighting gangs on the one hand, and then coming home to another war

Me; let’s just agree we will try lighten up.

Him; and please try to control your hormones. I know you can’t exactly control them, but I just need you
to try

Me; I’m not promising anything. But I’ll try

Him; that’s all I ask

Me; so are you staying in the force

Him; I’ve put my resignation on hold. I thought we could discuss it together

Me; do you really want to quit?

Him; truth be told?

Me; yes

Him; I don’t

Me; ok, so how do we move forward

Him; I was thinking of making Bullet my Co-Lieutenant. That way we could both juggle the job together.
Nails would be incharge of the force and Axe would be his second

Me; oh

Him; But its just an Idea. I haven’t decided on anything. I just wanted to see if you how you would feel

Me; would you go on missions

Him; no. but I would travel at times

Me; your hours?

Him; unpredictable. But mainly 8:00am- 7pm. And id also have an office at home

Me; I’m not sure I’m comfortable with an office at home

Him; can I ask why

Me; I’d prefer for you to be fully here when you’re here. I want us to keep our family life and work life
separate. Ghost stays at the office, and Siya is at home

Him; ok

Me; and none of your associates are to come here for work. If they need you, you can meet at the office

Him; so you are open to me staying

Me; I want you to be happy Siya, and If this force makes you happy, then I can’t have you give it up for
me

Him; thank you baby

Me; don’t thank me just yet. This is a trail period. If it doesn’t work then we look at other options

Him; sounds reasonable

Me; Siya most importantly you need to manage your time. I need you just as much as the force does. I
don’t want to force you to make time for me. I want you to make me a priority.

Him; I hear you baby. I’m sorry. I know how selfish I can be

Me; its fine. we’ll start from sratch and hopefully this time it will work

Him; one more thing

Me; what

Him RESPECT

Me; oh God

Him; Rifiloe. I know you are used to being this independent women, who holds her own blah blah blah.
But I am your husband, and I feel like you have no respect for me what so ever. You raise your voice,
you swear at me, you belittle me and you’re always letting me know how much you don’t need me. can
that come to an end. My first instinct is to lay a hand on you. I know that’s wrong but I’m so used to
dealing with my enemies like that. That when you do it makes me want to do the same to you

Me; (sigh) ok baby. I’m sorry ne

Him; I know it’s not easy letting me love you. But Rifiloe you need to be my wife. It doesn’t mean you’re
beneath me. It just means that you know your place

Me; Ok baby

Him; I’m serious. You know that despite the money and despite everything. I’m still a man at heart, and I
want my Queen treat me as her King. Not as just some guy that she’s passing time with

Me; you’re Queen Ha

Him; always

Me; ok
Him; come here

I kissed my King and just enjoyed the calm, presence that I felt. Siya and I were finally at peace again,
and it sure felt good.

I know it’s going to be difficult with him staying in the force, but I guess its time I put on my crown and
start being the Queen of my household. Ghost was Siya and Siya is Ghost.

That’s the man I fell in love with, and changing him was clearly not going to happen, so I wasn’t going to
count the sacrifices I made. Instead I was going to continue making the sacrifices I needed to make to
make my marriage work, because despite it all, there was no other man on earth that I could ever want
to be with.

Siya was it for me. Despite his flaws, he was mine and I was his forever.

134

Siya broke our Kiss just as things were getting really steamy. I swear I could kill him for that. Like who in
their right mind just stops out of nowhere

Me: and now

Him: you are distracting me, and I've got a meeting to get to

Me: meeting? On a Saturday

Him: I'm sorry baby. If I knew you were coming home I would've rescheduled

Me: it's OK. I'll manage

Him: I'll only be a few hours. I promise

Me: don't worry about it. I'll spend my time catching up with Boni

Him: ok. I'll let you know when I'm on my at home

Me: ok

Him: 1 more kiss

I leaned in and gave him a kiss, which ended up being longer and more difficult to stop. I know he said
he had to go, but neither of us wanted to stop. I sure as hell wasn't going to say anything. I was enjoying
myself too much. But then Siya's phone rang. he pulled away reluctantly.

Him: its Andrea. Do you mind if i take it?

Me: go ahead

Siya took the call, while i went pee. For some reason i was going to the ladies way more than i used to.

When i got back to the room, Siya was chilling on the bed.

Me: for someone who has to go you are very relaxed

Him: i told Andrea to cancel

Me:oh, and may i ask why

Him: well lets just say I'm having more fun here

Me: well why don't you want finish off what you started

Him: well, come here

Me: come and get me

Him: If i catch you. Its nit going to be pretty

Me: it never is with us

Siya got off the bed and i took a step back.

Him: Rifiloe, you cant run in your condition

Me: siya, im pregnant. Not sick

Him: Even so. I don't want to you to hurt my baby

I fave up and just went into his arms

Me: so I've been thinking

Me: I'm listening

Him: i was thinking we should name our son Junior

Me: son?

Him: yes. SON

Me: siya what if its a girl

Him: we send her back to wherever she came from

Me: (chuckles) i think its a girl.

Him: Lets make a deal

Me: I'm listening

Him: if its a boy. We name him after me, and if its a girl we'll decide on a name

Me: i want to name her Lesedi

Him: haai Rifiloe. My child is going to have a Zulu name.

Me: ha but baby Lesedi is a beautiful name

Him: no ways. Ngeke. this baby is a Ndhlovu, and all of us have zulu names

Me: lets just agree to disagree for time being. We can gave this discussion some other time

Him: ok, so what would you like to do in the interim

Me: mhmm well i was thinking we could make up for lost time

I took off my clothes and stood in front of him in my birthday suit

Him: damn

Me: are you going to just sit there or are you going to help a girl out of her misery

Him: mhmn

Me: in that case ill put myself out of my own misery

I went on the other side of the bed, and started playing with myself while he watched. I knew he was
turned on, do i made sure i put on one hell of a show.
Eventually Siya gave up and came to join me. We made love over and over again. Siya was so sweet and
gentle, but also knew just what i needed.

When we were both finally satisfied. We sat on the bed trying to catch our breathe

Him: we shouldn't be doing this while your pregnant

Me: and why not

Him: i won't want to hurt the baby

Me: baby, you won't hurt anyone. The baby is too far for you to reach

Him: in that case, we should go again

Me: ha baby. Not again. I'm too hungry

Him: what are you in the mood for

Me: surprise me

Siya took his phone and ordered food for us, while put my gown on to attend to a knock on the door.

Her: I'm sorry to disturb mam. But there is someone here to see Mr Ndhlovu

Sibongile didn't even get to finish what she was saying, when i saw Linda coming up the stairs holding
the baby in one hand, and Olwetho in the other.
I stepped out and closed the door, because Siya was still walking around in his birthday suit

when Olwetho saw me, he let go of Linda and came running to me.

I honestly felt bad. I had been so busy with my own drama, that i hadn't even made time to call
Olwetho and find out how he was doing.

After giving Olwetho a hug, i told him to go to his room, because the look on Linda's face told me she
was ready to kill

Her: where's Okwetho's father

Me: you have some nerve showing up here after what you did

Her: Its nit my fault your boyfriend has a wondering eye. I'm actually surprised you stayed.

Me: Well us married woman don't tend t give up on our MARRIAGES that easily

Linda looked at me horrified. It was obvious she wasn't aware that siya and i were married

Her: just stop talking shit, and tell me where siyabonga is

Me: shame yaz. Truth hurts ne

Her: if you think even for a second that this is o er, then you clearly don't know me very well. I may not
be able to get Siya, but i will make your life a misery.

Me: you better make sure that you give it your best shot

Her: (chuckles)
Siya opened the door, and looked at me surprised

Him: linda what are you doing here

Her: i tried cslling you but your phone was off

Him: well then you should've left a a message

Her: in cade you have forgitten, i told you today was the day for Olwetho's karate tournament

Him: shit. I completely forgot

Her: it starts at 2 so we better get going

Him: You guys go, and We'll meet you there

Linda turned around and left, while Siya and i went got back into our bedroom

Him: babe, do you mind if we go

Me: don't be silly. He's your son

Him: you coming with right

Me: do you mind if i take a raincheck? I'm a bit tired

Him: you ok?

Me: baby, I'm fine. Just tired

Him: the last time you said that, you left for PE

Me: that's not happening again

Him: i hope not

Me: siya just go shower, your going to be late

Him: ok. Uber us going to deliver your food

Me: thanks babe

Siya rushed to get ready, and then left for Olwetho's tournament. I wasn't really too tired to go to

The tournament, but i wanted Siya to give Olwetho his undivided attention, and if i was there i know
that he would be faffing over me, instead of his son. And anyway the time alone would help me come up
with a schedule for Siya to spend mire tine with Olwetho. It was tine he started incorporating him in our
lives on a full time basis. He is after all going to be a big brother, and i don't want Siya spending less tine
with Olwetho, because of the new baby. Olwetho is a part if him just as much as this baby, and it was
about time Siya treated him as such.

135

Since Siya left to go and attend Olwetho’s tournament. I decided to call my mzala and see if she wanted
to come over

Her; hello

Me; Hey boo

Her; hey Zala

Me; what you doing?

Her; nothing much, just chilling with Hlokes

Me; wanna come over? Or can I come see the house

Her; come over. I’ll take you on a tour

Me; ok. I’ll see you now

Her; sharp

I quickly steeped in the shower, then changed into my tracksuit and sneakers. I was about to walk out
the room, when I remembered that I had to speak to Siya about security, so I called him

Him; Hello

Me; babe. Its me

Him; hi

Me; sorry to disturb, I just wanted to know if you would have a problem with me going to Boni’s place

Him; I thought you were tired

Me; I was babe

Him; and now miraculously you are fine

Me; baby. Please don’t be like this

Him; I’m just asking

Me; so can I go or

Him; (sigh) fine. But I’ll have one of the guards take you

Me; thanks babe

Him; sharp

I took my handbag and went downstairs. I know Siya was probably annoyed, but I was just going to Boni
mos.

When I got downstairs the car was waiting. I got in and off I went to Boni’s house.

Luckily it was a rather close 15min drive. I was honestly blown away by the house. It was absolutely
beautiful. It was very French style kind of home. I was so happy for them. I knew this would make a
beautiful family

The moment I saw Boni I smiled. She looked so beautiful. You could tell she was happy.
Me; you are glowing

Her; Bull, you’re the one who’s glowing.

Me; chummy, are you pregnant

Her; no ways.

We walked in and Boni gave me tour of the house, and I was in absolute awe. It was so beautiful

Me; my friend. It’s stunning

Her; I’m glad you like it

Me; did you chose everything

Her; yes

Me; you have a knack for this

Her; I guess

Me; honestly. It’s beautiful

Her; thank you

I stayed with Boni for over 3 hours, and then decided it was time I went home. I had just stood up,
when I saw Linda walking in as though she owned the place.

She looked at me and then at Boni

Her; Is Hlokes here

Boni; let’s start with you walking back outside, and knocking on my door and then greeting me, and then
only asking me where my man is

Her; I will do no such thing.

Boni stood up and went towards Linda

Boni; disrespect me one more time

Linda; well what are you going to do about it

Boni; I will slap the shot out of you

Linda; I would love to see you try

I immediately got up and went to Boni, because I knew she was capable of whooping Linda despite Linda
holding the baby

Hlokes must’ve heard the commotion, because he came downstairs rubbing his eyes

Him; what is going on

He looked at us and immediately knew

Him; Linda, I told you to call before coming here

Her; I don’t see why not. It’s not like you are married to the whore

I held onto Boni so she wouldn’t jump Linda. Cause the devilish look in her eyes was beyond crazy

Him; Linda. Stop talking to Boni like that

Linda looked at Hlokes and shook his head

Him; you know I thought you had balls, but clearly you and Siya are no different

She took the baby, and gave him to Hlokes, then walked out

I looked at Boni and Hlokes, and they were both stunned

Me; did she honestly just leave her baby

Boni; of course she did

Hlokes took the baby and gave him to Boni, then went outside to stop Linda I guess.

I looked at Boni and we both burst out laughing

Her; Its not funny you know

Me; I know, but that woman is cray cray

Her; tell me about it

Me; let me take a good look at this baby

I held him in my arms and he was honestly gorgeous. He was a spitting image of Hlokes

Her; he looks just like him doesn’t he

Me; yah

Her; I wish she could just disappear, and leave Owami with us

Me; Owami. That’s a nice name

Her; I guess

Hlokes came back looking defeated. I knew right then that Linda had left

Him; she honestly left

Boni; well. Good riddance

Him; Bonz, how can you say tha

Her; well, we can take care of Owami and she can go to hell.

I knew right then that it was time I left. This conversation was to be had between the two of them

I gave Owami to Boni, and bid them both farewell.

When I arrived home, Siya was in his office. I knocked and walked in

Him; did I say come in?

Me; you didn’t need to

Him; I missed you

Me; when did you get back

Him; about an hour ago

Me; why didn’t you call

Him; I didn’t want to disturb

Me; `How very coy of you

Him; I try

As I was speaking to siya in walked Olwetho in hi PJ’s

Hi; aunty you’re home

Me; yes my boy

Him; daddy bought us some cake. Can I please have some?

Me; have you had supper

Him; yes. I had 2 pizza slices

Me; Ok my love. Ill meet you in the kitchen

Olwetho left, and left me with Siya

Him; so Linda’s decided to just drop him off here

Me; as in on a full time basis

Him; I guess so

Me; well one less problem

Him; are you serious

Me; yes

Him; well that was weird

Me; Siya, you know I love Olwetho. He’s your son, which makes him mine too

Him; we’ll have to look at getting a nanny

Me; we can do that tomorrow. For now, we are going to have cake with Olwetho

Him; baby can I join you in 5

Me; no. Olwetho wants to have cake now. So we have cake now

Him; You are going to spoil him

Me; just come Siya Maan

Siya stood up, and walked with me to the kitchen. I know it was going to be hard for him to get used to
separating his work life and his family life. Right now was the time for family, which meant his empire
would have to just wait

136

(my apologies my friends. Things at work are still crazy. I hope you guys understand. )

We went downstairs to have some cake with Olwetho, Then Siya went to tuck him in, while I had a bath.
Siya came upstairs and I was already in bed.

Him; lets go shower

Me; I just had a bath

Him; haw, baby kanjani

Me; askies babe. I was tired, so I thought would have a bath and get to bed. Plus we’re going to church
tomorrow

Him; mhmm church ?

Me; yes. Church

Him; mhmmm

Me; don’t sulk

Him; well, I kind of had hopes

Me; what kind of hopes

Him; well, I was hoping to make love to my wife

Me; mhmm, well you can still do that

Him; Come shower with me

Me; ha a Siya

Him; Baby maan

Me; no ways

Him; fine mxm

I got up and went to stand in front of him because he looked like he wanted to sulk, and I honestly not in
the mood for that. I stood in front of him and stood on my tiptoes, so I could start kissing him.

At first Siya didn’t respond, but eventually he started responding, and I knew he was over his mood.

We moved from Standing to me being on his lap. I took off my top so he could play with my nipples,
while I kissed him.

I have no idea what made me look at the door, but I saw Olwetho standing there.

I jumped off Siya and covered myself with a throw. Siya looked at me, and I pointed at Olwetho.

He Got up and went to him

Him; Boy. What’s wrong?

Olwetho didn’t answer. Instead he just stared into space. I put on my top, and looked at Siya who was
just puzzled, then out of nowhere Olwetho started shaking, drastically.

Siya held onto him and tried stopping it, but it just got worse, and Siya literally froze. The only thing
going through my mind was to get Olwetho to the hospital, because he looked like he was having fits or
something

I put on my jeans, and took Siya’s car keys

Me; Siya, we need to get him to a hospital

Siya looked at me, then at Olwetho. He was so zoned out, I had no idea what was going on with him.
Most times he is so put together, but this time he was just standing there

I knelt down in front of Siya, and shook him

Me; Siya damn it snap out of it. We need to get him to a hospital

I picked up Olwetho, who felt like he weight a ton, and walked to the car. I didn’t exactly have time to
wait for Siya, because I have no idea what had gotten into him, so instead I just got in the car and drove
to the hospital.

Everything was happening so fast, I had no idea what I was doing.

I arrived at the emergency room, and all I know is they took Olwetho, and told me to wait…

I sat on the bench waiting for ever. I called Boni and asked her to get Hlokes to go check up on Siya. I
don’t get how Siya just froze.

Boni arrived while I was still waiting

Her; hey

Me; hey

Her; what happened

Me; I have no idea. Olwetho just started shaking out of nowhere

Her; Damn

Me; tell me about it

Her; hope you don’t mind, but I left Owami with Sibongile

Me; its fine.

Her; Hlokes and Siya are on their way

Me; cool
We sat on the bench and we had no update from any of the doctors. Instead they kept telling us to wait
till he was out of surgery

Siya arrived and looked like he had died a dozen deaths in the past hours. Not so long ago we were all
smiles and now here we were in a hospital, with his Son fighting for his life

I stood up and went into his arms

Him; how you holding up

Me; im fine. are you ok

Him; I’m fine. I just don’t understand what happened

Me; we haven’t received an update from the Doctors yet

Him; Thank you. I don’t know what went wrong with me

Me; don’t thank me. let’s just pray he’s ok

Him; I don’t get it Rifiloe. Olwetho was fine, and then all of a sudden. Why didn’t I notice anything. I’m
the one who put him to bed

Me; baby, This is not your fault. We don’t even know what’s wrong with him

Him; I’m his father. I should’ve known something wasn’t right

I tried to make Siya see that there was no telling that something was wrong with Olwetho, till he had the
attack, but he was having none of it. Instead he was beating himself up.

We stayed in the hospital for hours with no feedback. It was already morning, when I saw Linda coming
towards us looking furious.

She charged towards me, as though she wanted to kill me, but luckily Boni was one step ahead of her.

Her; you fucking witch. How could you do this to my child

I looked at Linda confused. Was this moron honestly blaming me for this?
Her; I’m talking to you.

I honestly was at a loss for words. Like, was this really happening?

Linda was making such a scene, and I was totally embarrassed

Her; Siya how could you let this happen? How could you let this witch try poison my child?

Him; Linda. Just fucking stop with your bullshit.

Her; you are disgusting Siya. You hear me? you are disgusting. I leave your son with you for one night,
and he lands up in hospital ye.

Him; Linda, I’m warning you

Her; what the hell are you going to do you ass. You are a fucking poor excuse of a father. You are never
there for him. You’ve seen him what. Once in 5 months, and now you want to sit here and pretend to
care, when your stupid wife is the one who wants to kill our son

Siya stood up, and I got up just as quick, so I could stop him, because I knew he was ready to flipping
crush her

Me; Siya. She’s not worth it

Him; get off me Rifiloe.

Me; baby. Look at me

Siya looked away and tried pulling my hands off him, but luckily Hlokes Intervened, while Boni held onto
Linda.

I was honestly so tired of Linda and her drama, and I just wanted her to fucking disappear

Her; I swear Siya. I’m going to kill her. Your fucking wife is going to die for this

Him; that’s if I don’t get to you first you fucking whore

Her; me. A whore? You are the whore. You are the one who’s got two women pregnant at the same
time. Have you told your precious wife that Jessica is pregnant ha? Have you
 I swear heard wrong. Did this bitch just tell me Jessica is pregnant? I looked at Siya and prayed to God
Linda was lying, because this just couldn’t be true. Siya would’ve told me. There is no way that this was
true. I refuse to believe this, but for some reason Siya didn’t say anything. He just looked back at me and
waited for my reaction. Lord help him, this had better be a lie, because if it were true all hell was going
to break lose.

137

(crop top 2. Sorry loves. I''ve got to get back to work)

I looked at Siya waiting for him to tell me she was lying, but nothing. Instead the doctors came out and
came towards us

Him; Good Day. You must be Olwetho Ndhlovu’s parents.

Siya; that’s me and her

He pointed at Linda, and they were led to the doctor’s office. The one side of me wanted to leave, but I
knew that I had to wait for Siya to give me an explanation. The reason I took 2 months away was for me
to work on myself. I promised myself I would try not to overreact, but the girl in me wanted to run for
dear life.

Boni sat down with me while we waited for news

Her; Rifiloe. Don’t listen to her, she’s just trying tear you guys apart

Me; I hope you’re right

Her; Rifiloe, that psycho will do anything to break you up.

Me; and how can she blame me for this

Her; haai, that woman has problems maan. Don’t listen to her

Me; haai

Her; Rifiloe, Siya is going through something that is devastating. You need to stand firm. You are his
wife. He needs you. Forget what she said about Jessica. All that’s important now, is Olwetho
I nodded and just decided to do as she said.

We sat out there for hours. Boni went to get us breakfast and we waited some more.

I know Olwetho wasn’t my child, but I was honestly broken. I just wanted them to tell us that he was ok,
and that we could take him home, but for some reason I knew that things were going to get ugly, before
they got worse, and all because of this bitch called Linda. Like for goodness sakes, can’t I just get a break
nxa. It’s like the universe had something against us stru

Finally at around Midday, Siya and Linda came to join us at the waiting area. Siya sat next to me

Me; how is he

Him; we didn’t get to see him

Me; what do the doctors say

Him; they can’t find the problem. They are running more tests

Me; how can they not know

Him; I have no idea

Me; let’s just hope they find out

Him; we need to talk

Me; Siya, not now. All that’s important now is making sure your Son. Actually our Son is taken care of.
We will talk at a later stage

I know Siya was probably confused, but I wasn’t going to discuss this her. Boni was right. I had to be
firm. I wasn’t going to stress myself over this. Instead I am going to pray that Olwetho get well so I can
kick the shit out of his father

The doctors advised us that they would be keeping Olwetho. They said we should go home for the night,
but Siya didn’t want to leave him, so I sat with him and we waited.

Boni and Hlokes left, because they needed to attend to Owami, while Linda stayed at the hospital.
Him; baby, you should go home and rest

Me; ill be fine

Him; Rifiloe, you haven’t slept.

Me; Siya

Him; baby please. You are carrying my child. I need you to rest

I looked into his eyes, and saw he was just as tired, and in honesty, I needed some sleep.

Me; ok

Him; thank you

Me; let me know if there’s an update

Him; will do

I leaned in and gave Siya a kiss on the cheek. I know deep down I was mad as fuck, but I wasn’t going to
let that bitch know

I drove home and got into bed. I would bath and eat later. Right now all I needed was sleep.

I mustve been asleep for a few hours when I heard my phone ringing. I was so drowsy, I really didn’t
want to answer, but then I had no choice

Me; mmmhellow

Her; makoti

Me; hi Ma

Her; uphi

Me; ngise khaya ma

Her; I’m on my way

Me; how far are you

Her; 5 min

Me; ok
I ended the call and went to take a 2 min shower, then came out and wore a dress and my doek. Then
went downstairs.

Siya’s mother arrived and gave me a hug

Her; how are you holding up

Me; I’m ok ma and you

Her; I don’t know how much more I can take

Me; Its going to be ok Ma. All we can do now is pray

Her; that’s true

Me; sit. Let me make you some tea

Her; please my baby

I asked the guards to take Siya’s mother’s luggage to one of the bedrooms, and made her some tea and
biscuits then went to sit with her

Her; tell me Makoti. Exactly what happened?

I resisted the story of what happened and Siya’s mother just shook her head.

Her; and you say the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with him

Me; yes Ma

Her; no maan, this seems to be something that was planned

Me; how ma

Her; Olwetho has never been a sickly child. Why all of a sudden

Me; I have no idea

Her; this has muthi written all over it

When Siya’s mother said that I was a bit shocked. Like my whole life I’ve never had deal with Muthi. My
mother always said prayer was the way to go, so now I was at cross road.
Me; ma. Muthi

Her; yes. Now take me to the hospital. I need to go and see my grandson

Me; ok

I went upstairs to get my handbag, and we left for the hospital. Siya’s mother didn’t say much to me.
She spent most of the trip to the hospital on the phone with some prophet or Sangoma, I’m not exactly
sure.

When we got to the Hospital, Linda was sitting next to Siya with him comforting her. Siya’s mother
literally pushed her out the way, and hugged her son.

Her; so Linda why are you here vela

Linda; haw Ma, my son is here, where else would I be

Siya came to sit next to me, and just looked on

Her; You should be wherever you were last night

Linda; But Ma

Her; what kind of a woman just dumps their children at their father? It’s a good thing my prophet is on
his way here. I am going to get to the bottom of this.

Linda’s eyes widened, I don’t know why, but for some reason she looked worried, instead of pleased. It’s
like maybe she knew something we didn’t know.

I put my thoughts of Linda aside and just prayed for Olwetho. I didn’t care about prophets or Sangoma’s
all I cared about was the doctors finding out what was wrong, and treating him. He was a child and he
didn’t deserve any of this. The look in his eyes absolutely broke me, and I just prayed that God would
hear my prayers, because I don’t know how Siya would take it, if he lost Olwetho

138

We stayed at the hospital for a few more hours, then we left to go to the house because the prophet
had arrived.
Linda refused to leave Olwetho, so we left her there. But Siya also left one of the guards there to make
sure Linda doesn't try anything.

When we arrived home Sibongile had already made dinner, but nobody ate. I think we were all worried
about Olwetho.

The prophet arrived and we went to the lounge. I wasn't really comfortable being here for this, but i
had no choice.

The prophet told us a lot of things but mainly that there was a dark cloud around us. He mentioned that
we were going to be OK eventually, but for time being things were going to get worse before they got
better.

The prophet told us to bath in holy ash and to pray and fast to get rid of the evil around us, but he
insisted on us all going back to the hospital for him to see Olwetho.

We told him that the doctors didn't want us to see him and he said we would see when we get there.

I convinced Siya to first take a shower before we left, because he hadn't slept or showered since
Olwetho was in Hospital

Once Siya was done we left for the hospital again.

When we got the hospital there was no difference. Olwetho was still unconscious and not responding to
medication, but luckily they allowed us to see him.

We all walked in and saw him for the first time since he collapsed

MaNdhlovu senior couldn't hold her tears. She was honestly heart broken. I saw Siya wipe a tear from
his eyes, while Linda looked distraught.
The prophet didn't say anything. he just prayed, over and over again. He kept asking God to reveal the
truth, and out of nowhere Linda broke down.

Her: it wasn't supposes to be like this. He wasn't supposes to get hurt. Please. You ha e to believe me

I looked at Siya and he looked just as shocked.

The prophet smiled.

Him: I've been waiting for you to confess, but you haven't told them everything.

Linda turned to Siya, who i could tell was about to explode

Her: Siya I'm sorry. It wasn't supposes to be like this. I just wanted you to leave her. It was and always
had been juat the three of us. We were a family Siya. We were fine until she came into the picture

Him: Linda do you even hear yourself ye?

Her: the sangoma assured me that it wouldn't hurt him. It was just supposed to make him act out
around her. So that you could leave her. I swear Siya.

Siya walked towards Linda. I got up to stop him but his mother stopped me.

Him: you fucking whore. How could you. He's our son for Gods sake

Her: Siya I. I just wanted things back to the way they were. I didn't think it would lead to this. Please you
have to believe me.

The next thing i know Siya had pulled his gun and he was pointing it at her.
At that moment shut got real. I had no doubt Siya would pull the trigger.

MaNdhlovu let go of my hand, and i went towards Siya i needed to stop him from making the biggest
mistake of his life

Me: baby. Please. Put the gun down

Him: Rifiloe back off.

Me: please papa maan. You don't need to do this.

The prophet looked at us

Him: listen to your wife. This isn't the way to do things.

Siya didn't move. He kept the gun at her head

ME: Ndhlovu. baby. Please. Just put the gun down

Him: she deserves to die Rifiloe

Me: yes she does. But not at your hands

I looked at MaNdhlovu for support

Her: Siyabonga, don't do this. She's not worth it

Siya reluctantly put the gun down

Him: Do yourself a favor and run. RUN as far away as you possibly can. Rub and make sure i don't find
you, because if i do i will skin you alive Linda
Her: but Siya, my son

Him: you don't have a son. You have nothing.

Her: siya please

Siya slapped Linda so hard. I swear i felt it on her behalf.

Him: if i ever hear from you or see you it will be the day you die. So do yourself a favor and leave. NOW

Linda rushed out and left us all still shoked.

Siya was so mad, he was basically shaking.

He looked at me

Him: don't you ever. And i mean ever try stopping me from dealing with that witch. Are we clear

I know Siya was just lashing out because there was no one else to lash out at

I walked to him and put my arms around him. I knew deep down he was just mad because this situation
was out of his hands

Me: I'm sorry baby.

Siya didn't say anything. He didn't even hug me back but i didn't care. All that mattered was Olwetho.
The prophet gathered us around Olwetho's bed and made a prayer for his recovery. He then told us to
leave and come back in the morning.

He was going to stay the night at the hospital praying and hopefully God would give him answers on
how to reverse everything that Linda had done.

When we get home we had dinner mainly in silence.

After eating i went to run MaNdhlovu a bubble bath, then retired to our bedroom.

Siya walked out as i walked in

Me: where you going ?

Him: Rifiloe, not now

Me: Promise me you wont do anything stupid

Him: move out the way

Me: baby, please promise

Him: I wont do anything stupid

me: is there any way i can convince you to stay home

Him: no

Me: in that case give me a kiss goodnight

Siya looked at me puzzled. he was probably expecting me to go all ape shit on him, but i wasn't going to
do that.

If he needed to go out and vent to get passed this, then he should do that. I on the other hand was going
to get some much needed rest. I needed to also take care of my growing baby. Siya was a big boy and
he would just have to take care of himself.

.
139

Siya left to go to God knows where, while i had myself a nice hot bath. I sat in the tub trying to see if
there was a bump yet, but there was nothing. I was still flat. But then again i was only 14 weeks. I was
really excited to see my little bundle of joy, but at the same time i was a bit worried about Siya. I just
prayed that the prophet would find a solution so that we can all move on.

I got out the path and changed into my PJ's. I was already drowsy, so i went straight to sleep.

I was really enjoying my sleep, when i heard something break. I got up and i heard some more shuffling.

I got up and put on my gown, then walked downstairs.

I found Siya walking up the stairs as though he was a break dancer. He was busy singing some song and
was making a hell of a noise. I just knew then that he was drunk.

Me: shhh Siya maan

Him: there she is ladies. The woman who stole my heart

Me: You're drunk.

Him: and you're beautiful

Me: come let's get you to bed

Him: (giggles)

I rolled my eyes and helped him up the stairs to our bedroom.

Me: get undressed

Him: what are you going to do to me

Me: nothing

him: in that case i would rather go to my man cave and drink some more
Me: Siya come to bed maan. Its 2am

Him: your so bossy

Me: i know

Him: it turns me on

Me: Siya.

Him: yes Nana

Me: get undressed so we can sleep tu. I'm tired as hell

Siya Took off his Shirt, then collapsed on the bed with his shoes on.

Me: Siya maan

Him:mhmm

I knew if he fell asleep he was going to sleep with his shoes on and that was nit an option. So now it was
up to me to undress the rest of him

I got up and started with his shies and socks. Then i moved to his belt.

Siya immediately sat up

Him: i like your way of thinking

Me: I'm just getting you out your jeans buddy. Nothing else.

Him: mxm

Siya lay back down and i shuffled him out his pants.

At least now i could sleep.

I got in bed and it looked like the universe was against me, because Siya started snoring like a helicopter
that was on fire.

I tried shifting him so he could stop, but nix. He was only getting louder. So i decided to sleep in one of
the other bedrooms.

I woke up the following and found Siya next to me.

I don't even remember him coming to this room.

I got out of bed and went to our bedroom so i could take a shower.

When i got out Siya was in the bedroom

Me: morning

Him: i know your mad at me. I'm sorry baby. I just needed time to just absorb everything..please don't
move out our bedroom. You know i hate sleeping without you

Me: Siya will you just shut up and take a shower. You smell like a shabeen

Him: So your not pissed

Me: no. But I'd appreciate it if you refrained from coming home at that hour

him: Ok

Me: now go shower. We need to go

Siya went to shower while i went downstairs.

When i got downstairs MaNdhlovu was already eating

Me: Morning Ma

Her: Morning Makoti

Me: can i make you another cup of tea

Her: No thank you Koti.

Me: Did you sleep well

Her: I should be the one asking you that. I heard Siyabonga coming in in the wee hours of the morning

Me: I'm fine Ma

Her: Ill have a word with him. He cant carry on like this. His behaviour is totally unacceptable

Me: I think he's just having a bit of a tough tine with this whole Olwetho thing

Her: i understand that. But Siyabinga is a man, and he needs to start behaving like one. We all are hurt
with what Linda did. But you don't dee all of us behaving like that

I decided to just let MaNdhlovu deal with her son. As long as i wasn't involved then I'm happy.

Siya came down and joined us for breakfast. His mother gave him a mouth full and a half about what he
did, and u just sat there and stuffed my face.

After breakfast, we all went to the hospital. You could tell that everyone was a bit tense because our we
knew that if Olwetho wasn't awake, then the doctors would suggest switching off the machines

When we arrived at the hospital we went straight to Olwethos room, and thankfully the Lord had heard
our prayers.

Olwetho was awake. He wasn't strong as yet. In fact he was rather weak, but all that mattered was that
there was progress.

His face immediately lightened up when he saw his father. He tried speaking but his voice was a bit
hoarse so we told him to take it easy.

The doctors were all very pleased with his progress and advised that he would be discharged in a few
days

MaNdhlovu and the prophet left to go to the house and strengthen it, while Siya and I stayed with
Olwetho.
At around midday, the doctors asked us to leave so that Olwetho could get some sleep.

We left just as he had fallen asleep. Siya didn't want to go to the house yet, because the prophet was
busy

Me: we can go shopping instead

Him: shopping for?

Me: stuff for Olwetho

Him: ok

We left the hospital and went to the the mall.

the one thing I know about Siya is that he hates shopping, so the fact that i was making him walk all over
was obviously getting to him, but at the same time its nit like he had much of a choice

I bought a some clothes, bedding and other essentials for Olwetho. We were about to leave the store
when i saw a baby boutique

Me: baby. Just one last place

Him: you said that an hour ago

Me: please juju maan

Him: mxm

We waljed into the Boutiqe and i just fell in love. They had the cutest baby clothes ever.

Him: isn't it too early to be buying baby clothes? We don't even know the sex yet

Me:why do you have to burst my bubble mara babe

Him: i was just asking

Me: eveeything is so cute here

Him:Mhmm
I rolled my eyes, and continued looking at all the things the boutique had to offer.

I decided to rather wait before buying anything.

Me: come let's go

Him: i thought you were buying aonething

Me: ill come back at another time

Him: Thank God.

We walked out the boutique and i instantly regretted not staying longer, because the last person i
expected to see was this Jessica bitch. Nxa

I spotted her before she spotted us. I could see she was pregnant because her stomach had just started
showing. I looked at Siya and he was busy on his phone.

For some reason all the anger that i has suppressed this whole time started to rise.

The reality that Siya had made this fucking bitch pregnant blew my mind. What was he thinking. Why did
he lie about using protection, and why the hell was i still here.

I walked to the car with absolute rage. SIYA had put my life in such danger. What if that witch was sick.

Siya came running after me,

Him: and now

Me: can you just get me home

him: what did i do now

ME: you FUCKED that bitch and now she is having your baby
him: Rifiloe

Me: just get me home. Now

Siya started the car and we sat in silence all the way home.

I was just so over all of Siya's drama. How am i supposed to enjoy my pregnancy when his whore is also
pregnant with his child. We literally just got rid of Linda and now i had another baby mama to deal
with. when was all this just going to be enough. Why did i love this man more than myself. Those were
all questions that only i could answer and yet i had no idea what to tell myself

140

I sat in silence most if the way home. Siya on the other hand was listening to music and enjoying himself.
He honestly had no shame. Here i was pissed off because of him and his bull, and he was just chilled, as
though everything were ok. Mxm

While driving Siya got a call and he answered via Bluetooth

Him: bullet

Hlokes: G

Him: what's up

Hlokes: can you come into the office today?

Him: not really whats going on

Hlokes: Fernandez wants to cut a deal

Him: Fuck

Hlokes; my sentiments exactly

Him: ill be there in an hour. Make sure no one sees or talks to him till i get there

Hlokes: shap

Siya ended the call just as we arrived home..

I greeted MaNdhlou and the prophet, then went upstairs. My feet were a bit swollen, so i wanted to put
them up for a while.

Siya walked in and started rubbing my feet. I know i was mad at him, but the need for a footrub was
more needed at this stage

Him: are you ready to hear my side of the story or do you just want to keep cutting me off

Me: mxm

Him: Rifiloe. We promised each other that we would deal with problems in a civilised manner. No out
bursts or swearing

Me: that was before i knew Jessica was pregnant

Him: ok. I get that. But did you ever think that maybe she's not pregnant with my child

Me: but Linda said

Him: i know what she said. But I thought you and i were on the same page.

Me;Si

Him: no baby. You are wrong. How could you just believe her

Me: Siya if you hadn't slept with Jessica to start with we wouldn't be having this conversation

Him: I realise that. But i told you i used protection

Me: so? Condoms break Siya

Him: i would know if it did and I would've made sure i got tested before being with you

Me: Do you see how much drama you bring into our lives Siya. There's not a day that can go by without
us having drama

him: and im sorry about that baby

Me: but I still don't understand why Jessica isn't locked up

Him: she made a deal

Me:.and you approved it

Him: yes

Me: why would you do that

him: Rifiloe she gave Fernandez on a silver platter in exchange for her freedom during her pregnancy

Me: I'm lost

Him: Let me put it like this. We captured Jessica before Fernandez and after hours of Interrogation she
cut a deal which was she would tell us where Fernandez was hiding in exchange that she would have her
pregnancy outside of prison..then once She's given birth she will start her sentence

Me: that still doesn't mean she's not having your baby

Him: I made her take a test and it proved that it wasn't mine. Not that she ever even said it was mine.
Linda just jumped to conclusions.

Me: are you sure about this

Him: yes

Me: mhmm

Him: I'm waiting

Me: for what

Him: an apology

Me: if you hadn't s

Him: I'm going to cut you off right there. We made a promise and you broke it. So i want an apology

Me: askies he

Him: a proper one

Me: baby maan

Him: Dont baby me. You were wrong and you know it

me: sorry nunu

Him: I need to get to the office. Will you be fine on your own for a while

Me: your moms here

Her: she's going to the hospital

me: i think ill go with her

Him: no you wont. You are going to rest. You've probably tired my baby out with your moods

Me: fine. Give her the toys i bought foe Olwetho I'm sure he's bored out of his mind. Oh and don't
forget to give her his snacks, and his spiderman blanket and PJ's
Siya just smiled at me

Me: what

Him: thank you

Me; for what

Him: fie loving my son unconditionally

Me: you mean our son

Him; yes

Me: He's apart of you Siya, and I love you so how can I not love him

Him: can i get you something before i leave

Me: yes. Food

Him: Sibongile has just finished cooking, ill ask her to bring your food up

Me: thanks babe

him: ill see you in a few hours

Me: ok

Siya kissed me on the cheek and stomach then left. You have no idea how relived i was to find our this
baby wasn't his. At least now we could concentrate on building our family. It was now just me, Siya and
our 2 children. I just prayed that this was our light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.

141

( sorry its late)

Siya left for work, while I had dinner, and eventually fell asleep. Me being pregnant and all the drama
around us, was making me tired by the day. Mind you I’m not even 4 months yet and already I feel
heavy.
It’s been about 3 months now and things have been going smoothly. Olwetho was out of hospital and is
adjusting to being with us on a full time basis. Siya wasn’t doing too badly with juggling both Ndhlovu
Corp and being Lieutenant of the force. He travelled a lot between CT and JHB, but he always made it a
point to sleep at home. Which I appreciated.

We were finally just living a normal life with no Drama or baby mama. The last I heard from Linda she
had sent me some random sms about how Siya was going to leave me blah blah and that no matter how
hard I tried I would never be Naledi. I decided to not bother Siya about it. Linda was obviously crazy
and just wanted to annoy me.

I was already 6 months pregnant, and luckily the morning sickness had totally subsided. The only
problem were my swollen feet and the fact that I ate like a dam pig, which made Siya happy , but made
meet feel as fat as ever.

I had started exercising again once I got the all clear from the doctor. I had already gained 10kg’s and
wanted to make sure I didn’t gain any more that I needed

Today was Friday and Siya and I were heading to his mother for the weekend. We had to start planning
the wedding, I had manage to convince her to let us have the wedding after I gave birth because there
was no way I was going to be able to fit into a wedding gown with my big stomach and my hips which
looked like mount Everest.

I packed our stuff for the weekend, all that was missing now was for Siya to arrive, so we could leave.

I came downstairs with our luggage and made sandwiches me and Olwetho.

Siya arrived an hour after he had said we would be leaving.

Him; Baby, Sorry I’m late. It’s been one of those days

Me; don’t worry about it

He gave me a kiss in the cheek

Him; Ill run up and quickly pack

Me; I’ve already packed. The guards put the bag in Jeep already

Him; I need 20 mins

Me; t do what

Him; Olwetho, go to your room and watch some TV. Mommy and daddy will come fetch you when it’s
time to go

Olwetho ran to his room and we walked upstairs to ours.

Me; ok, so what’s up

Siya came from behind and put his arms around me, and started kissing my neck. I knew then what he
wanted

Me; aren’t we going to be late

Him; I just need 5 minutes

Me; mhmmm

Him; are you sure

Him; yes. I’ve missed my wife

I turned around and Siya started kissing me with a hunger that made my stomach knot together like a
spider in its web. Siya and I hadn’t been intimate for about a week now. He was back and forth
between JHB and usually got home way after I had fallen asleep. I wanted him now just as much as he
wanted me.

I didn’t get to even take off my dress. We were both too impatient. We ended up making intense, fast
and passionate love, and eventually falling off the face of the earth with a climax that rocked through or
bodies.

When we both came to our senses we were lying in bed trying to catch our breath.

Him; we should get going

Me; give me sec

Him; God I missed you

Me; it’s only been a week

Him; worst week of my life

Me; (chuckles)

Him; laugh all you want, but this weekend you are all mine

Me; what do you mean?

Him; as in I need to get my fill of you before I go back to work

Me; Siya, shame on you. We are going to your mother’s house. We are most certainly not going to be
doing this this weekend

Him; and why the hell not

Me; what if your mother hears us

Him; who cares. It’s not like she thinks we’re virgins

Me; papa. This is not up for discussion. I refuse to embarrass myself. Just imagine your mother hearing
me moan and groan

Him; (chuckles) we’ll see about that. For now let’s get going

We got up and cleaned ourselves up, then headed for the airport.

When we arrived in Durban, we headed straight to Siya’s childhood home. I initially thought Siya’s
mom would live in a normal house in the city. but boy oh boy was I wrong. She had a huge double story
in the middle Of township. It was very modern and very homely at the same time

Siya’s mother was cooking when we arrived. She had made all of Siya’s favourites. Tripe being at the top
of the list.

To be honest I wasn’t exactly feeling the tripe, but I did my best to eat. Even if it was just a little.

Olwetho on the other hand refused to have any of the food. Instead Siya’s mother made him a hot dog

Her; so Makoti, tell me how you are holding up

Me; I’m ok ma. Just swollen, but other than that I’m good

Her; and has Siya been treating you well,

I looked at Siya and smiled

Me; yes Ma. He’s been taking care of all of us

Her; I’m glad to hear that. so tell me have you decided on what kind of wedding you’re going to have

Me; just a traditional wedding Ma

Her; That’s good. I was worried you would want one of those weddings at a venue

Me; nah. I just would like a small intimate traditional wedding

Her; intimate

Me; yes

Her; makoti. You are marring into a very a very large family. Siyabonga is descendant from the royal
family. Intimate is not our thing

Me; I didn’t know that

Him; I don’t think its important

Her; why not? Your father would’ve been made King, if he hadn’t died. So the fact that your uncle is
king, makes you just as important

I looked at Siya and wondered why I never knew that about him. I knew he was ties I just didn’t know
how close. I wanted to ask more questions, but I could see that Siya was rather uncomfortable, so I just
let it go for peace sake

Me; Ma. I don’t mind a big wedding. If that’s what needs to be done, then so be it

Her; thank you

Siya’s mother was over the moon. She left us at the table and wet to call her sisters and brothers to let
them know that we had set a date.

I looked at Siya and he looked a bit tense

Me; are you ok

Him; we agreed on a small wedding

Me; but Siya what was I supposed to do? You heard your mother

Him; suit yourself

Siya’s mother came back to join us

Her; Your aunts and uncles are coming over tomorrow to discuss the plans for the wedding

Me; Oh

Siya; Ma. I came here to relax, the last thing I need is omalume driving me crazy

Her; Siyabonga, this wedding is going to need everyone on board. Your uncles need to be here so we
know that we are doing the right thing

Him; lord help us

Me; Siya

Her; and make sure you behave. Dumisani is also going to be here

Her; haw Ma, You know how I feel about Dumisani. Why would you have him come here

Her; He’s your brother Siyabonga

I looked at Siya in wonder. It looked like tonight was the night to discover all these things about my
husband that I didn’t know. He gave me warning look, and I decided to shut my mouth

Him; Half brother

Her; fact is your Fathers blood runs through him, just as much as it runs through you

Him; We should get to bed, I’m sure Your tired

Siya looked at me as though he was asking, but deep down I knew he was telling me

Me; Let me help Ma with the dishes first then I’ll come to bed

Him; Phumzile will do it

Me; who’s Phumzile

Him; will you just come for goodness sakes

I looked at Siya’s mother and she winked at me. I took Siya’s hand and off to bed I went.

We both undressed in silence. I wanted to ask Siya about all the things I heard at Dinner, but the look in
his eyes was rather chilling

Him; don’t

Me; I didn’t say anything

Him; I know that look

Me; I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me

Him; can you just get into bed. Its been a long day

Me; ok

I got into bed and cuddled with the moody hunk of a man besides me. I smiled as I thought about how
far we’ve come, and yet there was still so much to discover. Siya was the kind of man who was a closed
book. The only way to know more was too keep turning the page. I just looked forward to spending the
rest of my life discovering all the crazy things about him.

142

Unfortunately for me Siya tossed and turned most of the night. Which annoyed the hell out of me. If he
wasn’t moving, the baby was doing backflips.

Me; Siya will you just keep still for goodness sakes

Him; Well you won’t let me touch you

Me; Siya, It is hot, I am cranky and your baby keeps moving. Don’t even think of touching me

Him; you forgot to add cranky to that list of yours

Me; we might as well get up.

Him; Its 5am

Me; Well, I need to get breakfast going

Him; you need to sleep in

Me; No can do. I don’t want your mother thinking I’m lazy

Him; she has a housekeeper

Me; but still

Him; Fine. Suit yourself

I took a shower, and went to start breakfast. When I got to the kitchen I found Siya’s mom and Phumzile
cooking up a storm

Me; Morning

Her; Morning Makoti

Me; I came to help

Her; you need to get back to bed. We’ll handle everything

Me; Me I’m already up. I might as well help

Her ; Ok

I took an apron and started helping out. It looked to me like we were cooking for an entire village.

By the time I put my feet u it was after midday and Siya’s family was about to arrive

Him; Can I talk to you

Me; you’re going to have to pick me up

Him; you that comfortable?

Me; yes

Him; fine.

Siya picked me p and walked me to our room. I could tell he was anxious, but I didn’t want to say
anything
Him; I’m not exactly comfortable with this

Me; with what

Him; you coming into contact with my family

Me; Siya sit down

Him; I’m good

Siya kept pacing the room and quite frankly he was making dizzy

Me; baby Sit

Him; You don’t get it

Me; what don’t I get

Him; I don’t like Dumisani

Me; Why

Him; it’s a long story

Me; so what would you like me to do

Him; I need you to stay away from him and his wives

Me; wives

Him; yes, he’s got 2

Me; damn

Him; anyway. I don’t want you being friends with them. We will have no part in their lives

Me; ohkay

Him; I’m serious

Me; Siya. I hear you, but babe, I don’t even know the history behind you not liking your brother. Hell I
didn’t even know you had a brother

Him; Its not something I like to talk about

Me; why

Him; mhmm

Me; Siya

Him; we’re done talking about this

Me; Siya

Him; Baby Maan. Please just do as I ask

Me; Fine

Him; Thank you for not arguing with me

Me; hopefully with time you will trust me enough to tell me everything about you that I need to know. I
feel like I’m married to 3 different people. Siya, Ghost and some royal nutjob

Him; (chuckles) with time baby

Me; we’ll see

I decided to let this thing about Siya go. If Siya wanted to discuss his family with me then he would when
he was good and ready. For now I was going to do as told, and just be civil.

When we went back downstairs a lot of Siya’s family had started arriving. There were about 20 people
here already.

I was introduced to aunties, cousins and uncles. Honestly my head was spinning with everyone’s names.
I couldn’t really remember their names, but I just smiled and pretended

The discussions about the wedding were rather boring, I just nodded and agreed to whatever they
wanted. To be honest I didn’t care much about the wedding. Siya and I were already married, and that’s
all that I wanted. So right now all that matters is that the families are happy

As the ladies, were busy talking and taking notes, and agreeing on facts, I saw Siya and coming towards
us with 2 men. I knew right then that it was his brother and the chief

Everyone bowed their head when they saw them. I decided to vacate me seat, and sat on one of the
grass mats on the floor.

To be honest, I had never, ever been in the presence of royalty, so I’m not exactly sure how to behave,
so I was just going to sit my ass down and behave

Siya sat close to me on the couch, and the other gentleman sat on the chair opposite us.

I looked at Siya and he rolled his eyes

Siya; Malume. This is Rifiloe. Rifiloe this is Malume Bhekizizwe.

Him; I see why you don’t come home anymore.

Siya; As I said Malume. . Things have been hectic

Him; so I hear you’ve set a date

Siya; yes

Him; in that case we’ve got a lot to do

Siya; I guess

Him; are you not going to introduce your brother to your wife

Siya; (Sigh ) Bhut Dumisani. This is Rifiloe. Rifiloe this is my brother Dumisani

I looked up and saw this dark skinned chocolate fineness standing in front of me.

He actually looked a lot like Siya, except for his skin colour. He had a clean look going and you could tell
he worked out. I swear if I wasn’t married to Siya, I would probably be wife no 3. This man was
gorgeous

Him; hee Bafo. How did someone like you grab the attention of such a beautiful women.

I smiled a bit, but then immediately looked down when I saw Siya looking at me.

Siya; Dumisani. Behave

Him; I’m just saying. Like you have the driest sense of humour. I have no idea what she sees in you, but
then again you’ve always had a thing for Sotho girls

OKHAY. This was awkward. And quite frankly I wasn’t impressed. I was so used to me being the only one
who could say shit to Siya, that when someone else does it kind of makes me mad

Siya; so what has been settled?

Siya’s mom went to everything we’ve gone through with the Chief and Siya’s brother to get their final
approval. After about 2 more hours of finalising things. We were finally able to have lunch.

Dumisani honestly looked like a nice guy. He was obviously the complete opposite of Siya with regards
to being so serious. Dumisani was the clown of the family
He sat next to Siya, and you could tell Siya wasn’t exactly ecstatic. I could tell that Siya honestly isn’t like
his brother one bit. He hardly replied to anything he said, and he completely dismissed his wives.

I know it wasn’t right for me to get involved in family issues, but this was not on. If I’m going to be a
part of this family, then things would need to change. Siya would need to change his attitude.

How does he honestly expect me to not be close to his brothers wives, when they were the ones who
were allocated to show me how things are done in his family. Its time he opened up some more about
this, and if anything, I was going to get to the bottom this.

143

This meeting took forever. Siya’s uncle was insisting that the chieftaincy pay for the wedding, but Siya
wasn’t having it. He wanted to pay for the wedding himself. I wish I could tell both of them to just shut
up but obviously I couldn’t do that. So I just sat there and listened to them going back and forth...

Luckily Siya’s mother, asked me to help her serve dessert. I got up immediately and appreciated the
blood flow through my legs.

We served dessert, and then I decided to go and take a walk in the garden. I was honestly tired from
going over wedding plans, I just needed some fresh air, and hopefully no one would notice that I slipped
out.

The moment I stepped out on the grass, my baby started moving. I smiled knocking she was probably as
tired as I was.

Siya’s mother’s garden was basolutley breath-taking. She had flowers, herbs and even a vegetable
garden. I don’t know why but in that moment I really missed my mother. All this talk about the
wedding just made me wish that my dad and she were still around. I know she would’ve been very
chuffed to hear about Siya coming from a royal family. Not that it made a difference to me. To me he
was still the crazy man that I fell in love with over a year ago. Who knew after everything that we would
be having a wedding and expecting a baby? It looks look that vision I had of my mother was right. In the
end we concurred.

I sat on one of the benches and soaked up the sun. It felt good to just step away for a bit. Plus there was
a nice fresh breeze out here. I could’ve stayed out here forever
I have no idea where Bhuti Dumisani came from, but when I opened my eyes he was sitting next to him.
I swear I nearly jumped out my chair

Him; I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you

Me; Its fine. I just didn’t hear you

Him; how are you

Me; I’m good

Him; so how long have you known my brother

I looked around to see if I could see Siya, but he was nowhere in sight

Me; for about nearly 2 years.

Him; and you’ve managed to stay

Me; I guess

Him; you must be very special to him. I never thought he would bring anyone home after his last girl. Let
alone get married.

I honestly had no idea what to say. All I wanted was to get back inside, because I just knew that if Siya
found e here he would go Ballistic.

Me; I should get back inside

Him; Wow, did I scare you off that quickly

Me; no not all. I just need to ahhmm go take my meds

Him; I know my brother told you to stay away from me

I was so tempted to talk to him and hear what he had to say. But I decided to rather not. Siya had given
me strict instructions, and there was no way I was going to get on his bad books just because of his
brother

Me; not at all. I just need to make sure I take my pills on time

Him; I see
Me; excuse me.

I stood up and walked away. I could feel Dumisani’s eyes piercing through me, but I didn’t look back.
There was just something about him.

When I got back inside Siya was saying goodbye to the Chief. I wanted to turn around, but then Siya
called me

I went up to him and he held my hand. The look in his eye told me he wasn’t happy. I looked at him
then at the chief

Me; is everything OK

Siya; Yes. Everything is fine. My uncle was just leaving

Me; Oh. Thank you. For everything

Him; It’s a pleasure Makoti. I look forward to the wedding

Siya walked his uncle and some of the other family members out, while I stayed in the house clearing up
with one of Dumisani’s wives.

Her; I don’t we were introduced properly. My name is Tenjiwe

Me; I’m sorry. Things just went by so fast. I’m Rifiloe.

Her; Its very exciting to have another Makoti join the family

Me; its rather nerve wrecking. I dint realise what a big Family Siya comes from

Her; can I give you a piece of advice

Me; sure

Her; rather refer to him as Bab Ndhlovu. The elders are rather strict when it comes to that

Me; oh Thak you

Her; its why I’m here

<e; so how long have you been married

Her; about 5 years. I’m the second wife. Nomalanga is the first
Me; oh ok

Her; so are you comfortable with knowing that your husband comes from a polygamous family?

I really didn’t know how to respond. If I said no she might be offended and if I said yes I would be lying

Me; Its all very new to me

Her; well, you might as well get used to it. I’m sure he’ll want to take a second wife as well

I looked at Tenjiwe and wondered what she was trying to say.

Me; well who knows

I was grateful when I saw Siya walk in. He looked at me and just shook his head. I honestly don’t know
what he expected me to do. I couldn’t just not help out or ignore her.

Her; Bhuti

Him; Tenjiwe

Her; It’s been a while

Him; yah

Her; its good to see you’ve moved on from

Him; (clears throat)

I looked at Siya and at Tenjiwe, and I knew he was trying to stop her from saying much more. I had a
feeling Tenjiwe was talking about Linda, so I was glad that Siya stopped her. There was nothing I hated
more than hearing Lindas name

Him: Babe. Do you have a minute

Me: let me finish off. I'll be up in minute

Him: now Rifiloe

I looked up at Siya and saw that he was not to be argued with

I put down the dishcloth and went upstairs with Siya behind me.

Him: Rifiloe Don ever undermine me like you do in front of tenjiwe again

Me:how did i undermine you

Him: what did i say about speaking with my brother andnhis wives? Why the hell were you in the garden
with him. Why can't you just do as told.

Me: Siya, I went out to get some air. I didnt even notice your brother till he sat down

Him: you don't listen do you? So just listen to ke and listen to me carefully. Stay away from Dumisani an
his wives. Are we clear

Me: crystal

Him: good

Siya left and slammed the door behind him. I honestly don't understand what was going on in his head.
It's not like I went out looking for Dumisani, and i coy exactly ignore Tenjiwe when she spoke to mee. So
what exactly am i supposed to do.

Siya left and went to his uncle's, while I Carried on cleaning up. When we were done Dumisani and his
wives left, and so did the rest of the family.

Something Thenjiwe said didn't sit well with me and i needed o talk to Siya about it. So I Wait till we
were finally in bed. Hopefully Siya wouldn't bite my head off

Me: baby

Him: hmmmm

Me: Can I ask you something?

Him; mhmm

Me; Do you ever plan on taking a second wife

him: why
me; it's just something Thenjiwe said

Him: You see why i told you to stay away from them

me: just answer

Him:Rifiloe. I struggle to keep you happy. How the hell will i keep another worm happy

me: why are you so grumpy

Him: just sleep rifiloe

Me:mxm

I moved closer to my grumpy teddy so he could cuddle me , and we dozed off to sleep. Hopefully he
would wake up in a much better mood

144

( super crop) Sorry guys, I'm so overloaded with work :(

I woke up the following morning with Siya wrapped around me. I wanted to tell him to move but I was
enjoying being cuddled, despite me enjoying myself, I really needed to pee.

I tried getting out of Siya’s arms but he held on tighter

Me; Siya Mhmmm

Him; uyaphi

Me; I need to pee

Him; does it have to be like right now? I’m so comfortable

Me; Siya, my bladder is about to burst, because your baby is pressing on it. Please just move

Him; try holding it for longer

Me; (chuckles)

I knew the only way for me to get Siya to let go was for me to tickle the hell out of him. So I did just that
and he rolled over in laughter and I took my chance to escape
After bathing, I went downstairs to help with making breakfast.

We stayed at his home for a few more hours and left to go back to CT. Siya was rather quite on the way
back home. I wanted to ask him so many questions, but I just decided to let him be. Hopefully he would
open up on his own.

Once we arrived in CT Siya went straight to his office, while I put Olwetho to bed. He had slept all the
way on the flight, and he was still fast asleep, then I went to our room to take a much needed shower.

When I came out the shower, Siya was sitting on the bed with his phone in his hand

Me; done catching up with work already?

Him; there’s much more important things I need to discuss with you

Me; let me get dressed first

Him; there’s no time

Me; Siya, what’s wrong

Him; sit down

I wrapped my towel around myself tighter and sat next to him

Him; I know you were wondering about my mood this weekend, so I thought it’s only fair for me to tell
you the truth

Me; ok

Him; after my dad died. I was supposed to be take over the chieftaincy, but I was too young, so my
uncle took over

Me; ok

Him; so when I turned 21, I was supposed to take over, but I ran to the force instead

Me; Oh

Him; so, my uncle decided I needed a wife

Me; mhmm
Him; so they arranged a bride for me

Me; mhmm

Him; but I met Linda and we started a life together, which obviously ended

Me; alright

Him; yah

We sat in silence for a while. I wanted to ask Siya more, but I wanted him to tell me

Him; now the chief councils have decided I need to take over. My uncle wants to step down

Me; OH

Him; I declined the post

Me; yaah

Him; But, I feel that I’m letting my father down. This was his dream

Me; so what are you going to do

Him; nothing

Me; oh

Him; I think its best that things are as they are now

Me; ok

Him; so you see why I’ve been so off? It’s just all been too much

Me; Its fine

Him; come here

Me; what

Him; gimme a kiss

I leaned I and gave him a little peck on the cheek, and a hug. I knew that even though Siya had told me
what was bothering him. I could still tell that there was more to the story. But I wants going to push. If
he needed to talk, he knew where he would find me.

145
I let Siya be, and got Into bed. Should he decide to discuss the whole chieftency issue he knows where to
find me.

Siya went to his office, while I got myself some much needed rest.

When I woke up the following morning Siya and Olwetho had already left. I looked at the time and it was
after 9am. I got out of bed and went to freshen up. I didn't plan on going anywhere so I stuck to one of
Siyas shirts, then went downstairs to have breakfast.

To be honest I was quite down regarding my relationship with Siya. I missed him to the moon and back,
and by him so meant the Siya I thought I knew. I just couldn't understand why he was being so distant
and secretive. I thought we were at a stage where I knew all I needed to know about him, and yet this
passed weekend just proved to me how wrong i actually am.

Siya and I were a lot of things, but solid wasn't exactly one of them. We still had a long way to go before
we could be labeled as solid.

After breakfast I went back upstairs. I wanted to talk to Siya about my doctors appointment this
afternoon. Hopefully I could get him to join me for lunch after appointment. It had been a while since
we went out just the two of us. I dialled him, and crossed my fingers in hope that he would answer.

After about 5 rings he picked up

Him: Nana

Me;Hey

Him: you sound down, what's up

Me: I miss you

Him: haw baby. I spent the weekend with you nje

Me: yes, but we were surrounded by family. Which is great, but i just miss u

Him: so what do you suggest

Me: I was hoping we could do lunch, after our doctors appointment Him: (silence)
Me: please tell me you didn't forget

Him: eish baby, it's

Me: never mind

Him; Rifiloe, ima. It's just been a bit hectic.

Me: yahh. Ok. Sharp

Him; baby don't be mad at Me

Me: Siya I just

Him: baby, sorry to cut you off. My flight is about to take off

Me; flight? To where

Him; I'll call you when I land

Me: Si

I wanted to ask him where he was but he had already put down. I know I said I would try not to
overreact but right now my blood was boiling. Siya was starting to annoy me. We agreed he would let
me know when he was flying, but here he was going to God knows where and i didn't even know about
it, and yet if I had done the safe, he would've gone off the rails.

Mxm I was about to put my phone down, but then another call, came through. The number was private
and i wasn't sure if I wanted to answer, but in the end gave in

Me; hello

Her: Rifiloe

Me; yes Her: it's Thenjiwe and Nomalanga .

Me; oh hi ladies

Her: how are you

Me: good thank you

Her; did you get home alright

Me: yes thank you

Her: (silence)
Ok, this was awkward. I wasn't exactly allowed to talk to them and here they were calling me.

Me: ahhm. What can I do for you ladies

Her: well, ahhm we were wondering

Me: I'm listening

Her: Dumisani is planning on coming to CT for a business trip. We wanted to know of you mind if we tag
along

I didn't know what to say. I know they didn't say anything about staying here, but i could just sense that
the conversation was heading there

Me: Ahmmm

Her: we'd only be there for two nights, then we would be out your hair. We thought it would be a good
time to get to know you better Me: ahhm, can I get back to you? I just need to speak to Siya

Her: cool

Me: will you send me your number?

Her:cool

Me: Sharp

I put the phone down and flopped on the bed. I already knew that Siya wouldn't want them staying
here, but I couldn't exactly say no. That would make me look bad and the last thing I needed was to be
hated by his family. I tried calling Siya but his phone was obviously off. So instead I called my mother in
law.

If anyone knew how to handle this it would be her

Her: Makoti

Me: hi Ma. How are you

Her: I'm good baby. And you

Me: I'm ok. Just need to talk you about something

Her: I'm all ears

Me: Thenjiwe and Nomalanga just called. Apparently Bhut Dumisani is coming to CT on business, and
they wanted to come with and maybe stay here with us

Her: I see

Me: my problem though is that Siya told me to stay away from them but at the same time I don't want
to be rude

Her: so what do you suggest

Me: I don't know ma. That's why I'm talking to you

Her: Oh my dear. Let me tell you something. You are the link that is going to join this family together.
Siyabonga and Dumisani haven't gotten along for a long time, and you are the only one who will be able
to help them.

Me; but Ma, if i go ahead with this then Siya would be furious

Her; Yes. he will, but in the end he will see its for the best

Me; so you think I should let them stay over

Her; well, they are family after all, and we take care of family.

Me; ohkay

Her; Rifiloe. Once you get married, you don't just marry Siyabonga. You marry hiss family. Its up to you
to put that family together

Me; i hear you

Her; Plus Noma and Thenjiwe will be your sisters. They will help you settle into the family. You need to
form some kind of relationship with them

Me; I guess you're right

Her; Of course I'm right. I'm your mother in law after all

Me; Indeed you are

Her; I'm glad we're getting along

Me; me too ma

Her; I was so wrong about you. I'm sorry

Me; no need to apologize Ma. We have moved forward from all of that

Her; yes we have

Me; Let me leave you Ma. I want to call Thenjiwe back

Her; By Koti

Me; By Ma
I put the phone down and called Thenjiwe back, letting her know it was ok for her and her family to stay
with us for the next two days.

Then i sent Siya a message letting him know what I had done. I knew that this was probably going to be
explosive, but there was honestly nothing I could do

After speaking to Sibongile about setting up rooms for our guests, then I got ready for my doctors
appointment.

After leaving I decided to fetch Olwetho from school. If Siya wouldn't go the appointment with and have
lunch, then I'm pretty sure Olwetho would love to join me.

When i got to Olwetho's school he was so excited to see me. i took his hand and we went to my
appointment.

Olwetho just couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the baby on the monitor. he kept looking at me, and
then at the monitor. He was just so fascinated and it made my heart melt

After my appointment, we headed to lunch and ad milkshakes with burgers, then went home.

when we arrived home Olwetho went to play, while i helped Sibongile with dinner

Dumisani and hi wived arrived just after 6pm. I had tried Siya on his mobile a million times but still there
was no response, so we started dinner without him.

I didn't really eat much. I knew Siya would arrive and he wouldn't be too happy

As expected Siya walked in looking like death on wheels. His shirt was untucked and his jaw clenched. I
knew he would be really mad, i just hadn't realized this much

146
(will post another one when I get home )

Siya looked at me shaking his head. Then walked towards his brother. I have no idea where on earth he
pulled his gun out of, but somehow he had it in his hand and he was pointing it at his brother.

We all immediately stood up shocked

Him; did i not tell you to stay the hell away from my wife

Dumi; (chuckles) not my fault your wife wanted me here

ME; baby.

Him; shut up

Me; dont you dare

Dumi; wow, who knew you would finally find a woman who wasn't scared of you

Him; shut up

Dumi; its a wonder she hasnt run for the hills yet.

Him; say one more word and i pull the trigger

Me; Siya maan. just stop

HIm; what did i say yo you about them?

Me; well if you had bothered to answer you phone

Him; i told you i was busy

Dumi; tell her where you were

HIm; shut up

Dumi; tell her

Me; tell me what

Him; nothing

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe for Gods sake hush

Siya put his gun away and took my hand in his, then pulled me upstairs. I swear if i wasn't pregnant he
would've probably dragged me by my hair

Me; siya let go of my hand

Him; why do you insist on disobeying me

Me; you better let go of my hand before hurting the baby

Siya immediately let go

me; where were you

Him; work

me; where

Him; you know I cant say

Me; how does Dumisani know about your whereabouts and i don't

Him; drop it Rifiloe

Me; No Siya. I wont drop this

Him; I want them out my house tonight

Me; you mean Our house

Him; you know exactly what i mean

Me; well in that case you can forget about that

Siya took a step towards me and I didn't move. Instead I looked at him and let him know that I'm not
intimidated by him. he could huff and puff and even try to blow the house down but i sure as hell
wasn't going to ask his family to leave. If he wanted them gone he would have to tell them himself

Me; give it your best shot

Him; you honestly think you can take me on

Me; yes. I sure as hell do

Him; God I could kill you right now

Me; I love you too

Him; don't

Me; Its the truth

Him; you dont fucking listen

Me; make love to me

Him; rifiloe

Me; now

Him; Mhmm

I saw Siya's eyes turn from angry to lustful in a split second. I know he wanted me, but I had to try
convince him. So I stepped closer to him and put my hands around his crotch.

A deep moan escaped from his throat and his eyes pupils immediately dilated.

Me; you ready

Him; you fucking

me; shhh Just answer the question

Siya closed his eyes and I unzipped his pants, and started sucking. The more i went, the more he
groaned, which in turn made me as wet as a fountain

Him; Rif. stop baby. please I

I stoped and looked into his eyes

Him; so you're trying to prove a point

me; maybe

Him; well Game over. Now Its my turn

Me; Siya

Him; take off your clothes

Me; why don't you take them off for me

Him; take them off now

Me; what are you going to do

Him; I am going to make you pay for disobeying me

Me; well its about damn time. I was starting to think you had lost your touch

Him; (giggles) never

Siya looked into my eyes, and ripped my shirt dress open

Me; Hey No fair. This is my favorite dress

Him; well I'll buy you another one

Me; good. Now make take me

Siya put me n the bed and put his head between my thighs. I gasped for air as i felt him go savage on
me till i let go of every intensity in my boy and collapsed around him

I wanted to tell Siya to stop but he my voice was gone. i couldn't do it. and it was obvious he had no
intention of stopping. Instead he wanted to punish me and he was going to use sex to do it.

Me; Si

Him; Mhmmm

Me; Si

He looked up and smiled

Me; enough

Him; not even close

Me; please baby

Him; dont baby me. you started this

me; i want to feel you inside me

Him; no mam

Me; Please

Him; mhmm

Me; baby

Him; fine

Siya got up and we made love for what felt like an eternity.

We finally stopped and both collapsed in each others arms.

I looked at him and hoped he would be a lot less angry. After the performance, i was probably going to
give birth earlier than intended. Siya certainly didn't hold back, and to be honest i was glad.

147

I looked up at Siya and his eyes were closed. I could tell he wasn't sleeping. He was just trying to catch
his breath after the crazy lovemaking session we just had.

I wasn't sure whether he was still mad or not, so decided to just lay down and hold for the best.

I was just about to lay down when Siya opened his eyes, and i knew then that he was beyond pissed.

I hurled myself up to try get away but Siya had already pinned to the bed, and he was on top of me with
both my wrists in his hands.

I wanted to tell Siya to get off, but i was literally frozen and for the life of me my mouth couldn't form
the words.
I looked up at Siya and his eyes were bloodshot red. He was pissed and lord knows i was starting to
panic

He looked at me and i knew that he was not to be argued with

Him: If you EVER disrespect me in front of my brother again i swear Rifiloe. Shit will hit the fan

I wanted to tell him to let go but i was a bit shaken

Him: do i make myself clear

I nodded and he got angrier

Him: so you've lost your ability to speak now

I didn't respond, and he started to tighten his grip

Me: Siya you're hurting me

Him: I'm waiting for a response

Me: yes Siya. I heard you. Now let go

Instead of letting go Siya tightened his grip some more.

Him: i will not discuss this with you again. If you wont respect me then this marriage will be hell for you.

Don't think even for second that because you know that you're my weakness that I wont make good on
my promise.

Me: Siya, my wrists. Please. Let go. They're aching

Siya looked at me in silence for a few more seconds, then he let go of my wrists but he didn't get off me.
I rubbed my wrists and saw that they were red, and had small spits of blood coming from them

Him: You better make sure that they are gone by the time i get back. Are we clear.

I nodded and he got off me and got dressed.

I sat on the bed naked wondering what had just happened. I was so used to having Siya around, I had
forgotten that he was capable of turning into Ghost at any given time.

Siya took one last disapproving look at me and slammed the door as he walked out.

I let out a huge sigh and lay back down. My wrists were both throbbing and the baby wasn't exactly
gentle withe the was she kept on kicking.

I sat up and looked at her playing. It always felt so weird to feel her move.

I eventually got up and out on a robe. I needed to rinse off my wrists in cold water before going
downstairs.

I rinsed my wrists, then took my phone and made a booking at a hotel for Dumisani and his wives, then I
went down to deliver the news

I saw Thenjiwe already standing at the bottom of the stairs with her bags in tow

Her: I was just about to come up to say goodbye

Me: Thenjiwe, Im so sorry about the way Siyabonga reacted. I honestly don't know what got into him

Her: don't apologize. We should've never asked to come here. I just thought that if Dumi and your
husband were forced to spent time together they would somehow find a way to at least be civil

Me: well I guess we were both wrong

Her: i shoulder known better.

Me: I've booked you guys into a hotel. Ill get one of the drivers to take you

Her: you didn't have to

Me: Its the least i can do after the way Siya behaved

Her: Thank you

Me: Sho

I walked Thenjiwe out and one of the drivers drove them to the hotel, while i went to take a shower.

I showered for a short moment and got out. My wrists were throbbing, and having Hit water on them
only made them worse. So i got dressed, then went to get the first aid kit. I needed one of those freeze
bandages to put around my wrists. Once done, i got into bed and reflected on what had happened, and
my blood started to boil. How could Siya behave the way he did towards me? he had promised to never
hurt me and yet here i was with bandages around my wrists.

I know was overreacting but my wrists were honestly saw, and the only thing that made it better were
the bandages.

I got up and went to one of the spare bedrooms and locked the door. I know once Siya got back he
would be as moody as fuck, and honestly I wasn't in the mood

I got into the bed and dozed off immediately. The events of the day had really tired me out, and I
welcomed sleep with open arms.

I woke up to the sound of a loud bang on the door.

I was a bit out of it and looked around to see where i was, when i noticed i was in the spare bedroom.

A second later and the banging continued. I just knew it was Siya.

Him: Open the fucking door Rifiloe

I rolled my eyes and went to open the door. Siya barged in and looked at me as i got back into bed.

I was honestly only half awake and just wanted to get back into bed

Him: why are u sleeping in here

me: can we just do this in the morning Siya. I'm not in the mood

Him: then come to bed

Me: im warm and comfortable here

Him: I won't repeat myself

Me:Si

I didn't get to even start my sentence. Siya had already yanked me off the bed and carried me to our
room.

I didnt complain. Instead i just put my head in his neck and breathed in his delicious scent

he put me down on the bed and i dozed off again almost immediately. I could tell Siya wanted to talk
and probably fight, because his eyes were still red, but i wasn't going to entertain him. Nothing was
going to come between me and my sleep. Not even my raging angry gangster pshyco husband.

Siya looked at me and shook his head, then changed and got into bed with me.

He made no effort to cuddle me, so i moved closer to him and lay my head on his chest and tangled my
feet with his.

He may be mad, and quite frankly so was i . But right now all that mattered was my need to be in his
arms. Round 2 would have to wait for tomorrow.

148
I woke up the following morning and heard Siya in the shower. I was honestly so mad at him for what
he did. I know he was angry, but how could he be so cruel? So was this going to be my life now. Would I
have to fear my husband? Why could he think that this was ok?

I got out of bed, and went to the closet to fetch a few of my things, then went to shower in one of the
spare bedrooms. I actually decided to move into one of the bedrooms. What Siya did wasn’t Ok. He
promised he wouldn’t hurt me physically again, and yet here I was with bandaged wrists.

After my shower, I changed into my workout gear, and headed for breakfast. II found Olwetho and Siya
still eating so, I joined them. I sat next to Olwetho and dished up for myself

Him; mommy. What happened to your wrists?

I looked at Siya and he looked away

Me; I burned myself boy

Him; sorry mommy

Me; don’t worry about it. Eat up. You’re going to be late for school

Him; I’m done

Me; run upstairs and brush your teeth. I’ll take you to school

Olwetho got up and ran upstairs, leaving us in an awkward silence. I wasn’t going to bother to fight with
Siya about this. He knew he was wrong and if he wasn’t going to say something about it, then neither
would I

Olwetho came down and I got up to help him with his bag

Him; I’m all ready mommy

Me; come. Lets go

Him; Ok
He gave Siya a kiss goodbye, then looked over at me

Me; what

Him; aren’t you going to kiss daddy

Oh Gosh Olwetho honestly had no sense of timing. The last thing I wanted was to be near Siya, but at
the same time I didn’t want Olwetho knowing when Siya and I were fighting. I don’t want to burden him
with our problems

I went to Siya and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he held onto my waist. I looked down and for the
first time since this thing happened my eyes watered. It’s as though Siya and I would never truly find
peace. Everything was going so well for the past few months, and now here we were with more secrets.

I looked away before my tears could fall. I refused to cry in front of Olwetho.

Me; (clears throat) we should get going

Siya didn’t let go, instead he kissed my stomach, and stood up

Him; we need to talk

Me; I’m taking Olwetho to school

Him; the guards can take him

Me; no

Him; (sigh) fine

Siya let go, and I took Olwetho to school. I wanted to walk him in but he refused. He said something
about being old enough to walk by himself, and I just smiled and waved. But then he ran back out and I
looked at him confused

Him; I forgot to kiss my baby sister

Me; well go ahead

He leaned and kissed my stomach, then ran inside, because the school guards were closing the gates.
I waved one last time, then went back to my car. I could see the guards in my review mirror, and I knew
they were following me. I took a deep breathe, and went to the gym. I could’ve worked out at the gym
at the house, but I want in the mood to be locked up in the house. I needed to be out and about.

I worked out for an hour, then decided to go shopping. We had been so busy the last few months, that
we hadn’t even started getting the nursery ready.

I started with the big things first. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep on my feet for too long, so my best
option would be to start with the furniture, then move to toys, and then clothing

I bought all furniture, then gave them the address for it to be delivered. Then left to go home.

My feet were hell of a swollen, and the fact that I had security following me, just made things worse.

When I got home I went straight to the lounge, to put my feet up, and to my surprise Siya was in the
dining room with the chief.

I honestly was not in the mood to be the cordial, nice makoti. I just wanted to put my feet up and relax.
And to make things worse I was in my gym gear.

They both looked at me, and I could tell the chief disapproved on what I was wearing.

I greeted them, then went upstairs to my room. I needed a hot shower and hopefully they would be
gone by the time I came out

When I came out the shower Siya was sitting on the bed waiting for me. I walked passed him and went
to the closet to get dressed. If he wanted to say something then it would have to wait till I was at least
decent

I got dressed in one of my many maxi dresses, and sandals. Siya was standing behind me the whole
time, and honestly I was starting to get annoyed

Me; are you going to just stand there or is there something you want to say

Him; where have you been

Me; ask your security detail

Him; (sigh) we need to talk

Me; you have a guest downstairs

Him; I know. That’s what I need to talk to you about

Me; What is it Siya

Him; come downstairs

Me; what’s going on

Him; come

I walked downstairs, with my heart in my throat. Something about Siya’s calmness seemed off. I just
knew whatever he wanted to talk about was going to be big

I sat opposite Siya and the Chief sat at the head of the table. Sibongile had bought through some drinks,
so I opted for a bottle of water.

Chief: (clears throat)

Siya: Ahmh Rifiloe. I need to tell you something

Me: Si… You’re scaring me

Siya; ahmmm It’s just that

Chief; Get to the point Ndota

Siya; I know this will come as a shock. But It’s beyond my control

Me; what is it

Him; I have decided I need to take a second wife

I looked at Siya, then at the chief. I know I heard Siya but this just didn’t sound right.

Since when would Siya want a second wife? The last time his mother suggested this he told her where to
get off, and now here he was telling me the same bullshit.

149

I stared at Siya blankly. I mean did I honestly hear him correctly. Did he just tell me that he wanted to
take a second wife
Me; sorry. what? I think I didn’t hear you right

Chief; You heard him Makoti. He is taking a second wife

I looked at this idiot Chief sitting on my table and felt like telling him to get lost. I looked at my husband
and he wouldn’t look at me

Me; Si… Ndhlovu. Why?

Chief; because it is our custom

I looked at Siya and expected him to respond, but he didn’t. He was looking away as though he had
nothing to do with this conversation.

Me; can I be excused

I looked at the chief, Then at Siya. None of them responded so I took the decision for myself.

I stood up, and left them at the table. There was no use for me to say anything. They had already made
the decision and so there was nothing further to be said.

I got upstairs and I told myself to breathe. I needed to think about my baby. I wasn’t going to lose this
child, because of Siya.

Siya walked in, as I was leaning over the sink in the bathroom. I felt like I was going to bring up.

Him; Rifiloe. I know this comes as a shock, but I need you to know it’s not a decision that I took lightly.
Its complicated

Me; ok

Siya’s looked at me as though I were crazy

Me; Siya. You can take a second, third or however many wives you want. As long as I’m not involved

Him; what do you mean

Me; I’m tired Siya. Tired of fighting. Tired of crying. I can’t do this anymore. It’s all just too much

Him; Rifiloe. Let me explain

Me; ok

Him; I’m not taking a second wife, because I don’t love you. Or because I want to. I’m just doing it out of
duty

Me; duty?

Him; If I don’t marry her, then Dumisani will. And Rifiloe. I just can’t let that happen

Me; Siya you are not making sense.

Him; Remember I told you about me leaving when I had to take over as chief

Me; yes

Him; My family had already asked for Naledi’s hand in marriage

Me; Naledi

Him; yes

When I first heard about this Naledi. It was from the sms from Linda, and like an idiot, I believed that
Siya had no more secrets.

Me; who is this Naledi girl

Him; She’s the daughter of the chief of Lesotho.

Me; so she’s from royalty

Him; yes

Me; well. I wish you a wonderful marriage

Him; baby. Please try to understand. This isn’t about love. It’s just about doing what’s right. Our family
had made a promise to her family and its only right that we stick to it.

Me; so let Dumisani marry her

Him; I cant let them do that. Dumisani is an ass Rifiloe. He would treat her like dirt

Me; so you will be her knight is shining armor

Him; not exactly. I wouldn’t be with her Rifiloe. You would still be my wife. She would just be the link to
join the two houses together. Think about what that would mean for the throne. For the country? My
uncle would stay as chief and I would be in charge of Lesotho’s entire military base. Which meant we
would have more agents.

Me; Siya I don’t care about all of that. That’s not what I dreamed of. All I’ve ever wanted was you

Him; baby nothing would change. I swear

Me; everything would change Siya. You hardly have enough time for me and Olwetho as it is. How on
earth would you juggle all of this?

Him; I would make it work Rifiloe. All I need is you by my side and this would work

I looked at Siya and saw that he truly believed that this would work. But I just wasn’t willing to do this
anymore. I can’t keep competing with different woman to keep Siya.

Me; Siya. I cannot do this with you. I love you, but the baggage that comes with you is too much.
You’ve had secrets from the beginning, and I have forgiven you in all of them, but now this is just too
much. You can’t expect me to be ok with this

Him; baby, please

Me; no. you have a decision to make. You can either chose me, or you can go and live your life the way
you please without me. I will not make any more sacrifices for you. This is it.

Him; But

Me; what will it be

Siya looked at me conflicted and I just knew that this was it.

Me; well. I guess you’ve made you choice

Him; Rifiloe. Wait

Just as I was about to walk out there was a knock on the door. Siya got up and went to open, and
Sibongile was on the other side

Her; sorry to disturb Sir. Ahhm But The chief has asked me to ask you to both come down

Him; Ok. We’ll be there now

Sibongile left and Siya looked at me

Him; we should go down

Me; no. I wont be summoned in my ow house

Him; Rifiloe. Please. Can we just talk about this once he’s gone?

Me; which is when

Him; I don’t know

I took a deep breath and looked at Siya. How was this happening? How was I losing the only man I truly
love?

I took a step towards Siya and put my hand in his

Me; Siya. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t do this. Don’t destroy everything we have worked so hard to
build. (Sniff) Think of how far we have come. Please, I’ll do anything. I’ll try harder. I’ll be more
respectful. I’ll listen to you. I won’t fight you every chance I get. Just please Siya. Don’t do this to us. To
our family. Don’t break us

Siya wiped away a tear from my eyes. I tried to control my shaking hands but I just couldn’t.

Him; baby. Just try to understand. I’m sure if you just think about it. You will see that its mot much of a
big deal. It’s not like I will be intimate with her. Or actually have a relationship with her. It’s all just for
show.

Me; so you’re choosing her over us

Him; no. I’m

Me; don’t bother. It’s obvious where I stand

I took my hand out of his hand and walked downstairs. There was no use arguing. Siya had made it
crystal clear what he valued most, and as always he was choosing something over me.
I sat at the dining room table with the chief and Siya, and just waited to hear what they wanted to say.

Chief: so have you two come to an understanding?

Siya; We were still discussing it malume.

Chief; I don’t see what is so difficult to understand here. This is your duty, and nothing can change that

Siya; I know. But this is all very new to Rifiloe. I just need more time to make her understand

Chief; we don’t have time. We leave tonight to go finish off talks about the Lobola. I don’t understand
why you insisted on having us come all the way back here. This all could’ve been settled yesterday
already.

Me; so yesterday, when you said you were away on business you were actually with her

Siya; yes. No. It’s not

Me; Its fine Siya. You don’t have to say another word. I will make things easy for you.

I turned and looked at the chief

Me; Siya will marry Naledi.

Chief; good. Now you may excuse us. We need to discuss some other important ant details about the
living arrangement

Me; oh. Don’t worry about that. Naledi can stay here with her Husband. I will stay in my own house

Siya; Never

Chief; that sounds reasonable

Me; I’ll go pack

Siya; Rifiloe wait

I got up and went to fetch my handbag upstairs. I didn’t even bother packing. I needed to get out of
here, before I break. I refuse to let them see me cry.

I took my back, and went to the safe to fetch the keys for my townhouse. Then went back downstairs.

Siya stood up when he saw me approaching

Him; you can’t be done already

Me; Ill send someone to fetch the rest of my stuff

Him; can I just talk to you Rifiloe

Me; no need. We wouldn’t want you to keep the chief waiting.

I looked at Siya one last time, hoping to see something that would give me hope, but there was nothing.
I wanted to see him as the man that I fell in love with 2 years ago. I wanted to see my husband, but the
man standing in front of me was nowhere near what I thought he was. And now it was time for me to
finally let him go.

150

I got in my car, and made a short prayer. I needed to be calm, so I could get home. The last thing I
needed was to hurt my baby. Because of Siya and his drama.

I started the car, and wanted to go straight to the airport, but then Olwetho popped into my mind.

How do I leave him here with Siya? Olwetho was like my very own, and I could just disappear on him. It
wouldn’t be fair, but at the same time, how do I take a child that’s not mine?

I switched off the car and thought about my predicament. If I took Olwetho that would mean I have to
deal with Siya, but either way I was pregnant with his child and I would have to deal with him.

I took a minute to think what I was going to do. I had to put my feelings aside and do what was best for
the children. If I left Olwetho that would mean he would be left with Sibongile 24/7 and I just wasn’t
having it. Olwetho may not be my blood, but he is my son, and I won’t let him go, just because of his
stupid father.

So I swallowed my pride, and called Siya

Him; Baby

Me; I need to talk to you

Him; come inside

Me; I don’t want to talk in front of your uncle

Him; where are you

Me; in the garage

Him; I’m coming

I wiped my eyes, and took a deeper breath. I had to remain calm. I am sick of giving Siya my power.

Siya stepped into the car and looked at me.

Him; I’m glad you haven’t left

Me; I am leaving Siya, I just needed to speak to you about something

Him; what

Me; I want to take Olwetho to JHB with me

Him; no

Me; Siya hear me out

Him; No Rifiloe

Me; Siya just try to put whatever is going on between us aside. This is about Olwetho. We both know it
wouldn’t be right for me to leave him here

Him; Rifiloe. You aren’t going anywhere till I say so. So there is no use for you to think that you’re going
anywhere

Me; Siya

Him; No. you need to listen to me and listen carefully. I know this is not ideal. But you and I will talk
about this and find a way through it. I’m not losing you. Not because of this

Me; Tell me something. And please try to be honest

Him; ok

Me; How long have you been discussing this with your family behind my back

Him; Rifiloe

Me; No Siya. You left our home, and went to Lesotho to go speak with the family of a girl that you plan
on marrying, and you didn’t think it was important for you to tell me
Him; baby

Me; No. Siya I am not interested anymore. You have hurt me over and over again. And right now I
cannot take it anymore. I don’t want to be in this marriage. I cry more that I laugh. We fight every 2
seconds and I am just over it. Siya we have a baby on the way. I want to be happy, so that I can be a
good mother. I won’t be able to be good mother if I am in a relationship with a man who constantly
hurts me

Him; baby

Me; Siya. Please. For the sake of our children. Let me go. Go out and live your dream. Be the head of the
force. Take over Lesotho. Do it all. Just let me and my children be. Please. I am begging you

Him; what’s all of this without you

Me; I’ve never asked you to be this hero guy. All I’ve ever asked is that you love me enough to be honest
with me. You have ruin me Siya. I can never truly be happy again. I can never be with another man,
because I loved you so deeply, and you took my heart and stepped on it every chance you got. Siya I
gave up everything. Siya my parents are dead. Because I was associated with you, and you sit in there
and let that man mistreat me in my own house and you say nothing. You were supposed to protect me
Siya. I nearly died twice for you and still you come home and tell me you want to marry some girl,
because she is from royalty

Him; (silence)

Me; so please (sniff) just let me go. This marriage has run its course Siya. We can never come back from
this. There is just too much hurt

Him; (sigh) so what are you saying

Me; I am saying. I need to get away from this entire situation. I want to give birth and enjoy my baby. I
want Olwetho to be with his sister. I just want to breathe

Him; so you’re not thinking of a divorce

Me; I am. But first I want to have the baby. It’s all too much right now. But yes. Eventually we will be
headed down that road

Him; I won’t let that happen

Me; I’m not discussing this with you. Right now I just want Olwetho and I out of here

Him; is there any way I can convince you to stay

Me; no

Him; in that case I’ll give you the space you require. But under some conditions

Me; conditions?

Him; I need 24 hours to get your house ready regarding security. I won’t have you living in danger

Me; how much security

Him; 4

Me; outside

Him; Yes

Me; fine

Him; and I want access to you and my children

Me; we will arrange a visitation calendar

Him; No. as long as we are married, I don’t want you near any men

Me; Siya I am 7 and a half months pregnant. No man is going to want me. And I don’t want to even think
about dating. But make no mistake. I will see or be with any man I want to be with. Don’t think for a
second that I will let you do as you please regarding my love life.

Him; we’ll see about that

Me; well you have 24 hours. I’m going to book myself and Olwetho into a hotel for tonight

Him; you don’t need to. You have a perfectly good enough home

Me; so ou want me to stay here, while you go to Lesotho and discuss the details for your new wife

Him; don’t make it sound like that

Me; Its facts

Him; Baby. I love you

Me; then let dumisani Marry her

Him; Rifiloe

Me; you’re in love with her

Him; No

Me; I can see it

Him; Rifiloe

Me; I need to go fetch Olwetho from school

Him; I’ve already sent a guard

I looked into Siya’s eyes, and just started crying. There is nothing more painful then knowing that
another woman has replaced you in your husband’s heart

Him; Rifiloe. I love you. I know it doesn’t look like I do. But I really do
Me; (silence)

Him; just let me make this right. I know I can. I just need time

Me; Siya. You are marrying another woman. She will be your wife. Your family will expect a heir, and
what about me? I will be the commoner that everyone feels sorry for. I’m sorry, but I will never be put in
such a situation.

Him; it wouldn’t be like that

Me; so you expect me to be with you sexually, knowing that you were with her the night before

Him; Rifiloe

Me; How would you feel if I were to do the same? If I were to sleep with a man. Have him touch me.
Have him kiss me. Have him do things to me that only you were allowed to do, and then come home to
you have you do the same?

Siya tightened his fists, and clenched his jaw

Me; maybe I should do that. Maybe I should just throw myself at the first man I come in contact with.
Or better yet, I should maybe call Jason. Judging by the way he kissed me, I’m pretty sure he knows
what he’s doing in the bedroom. Plus I’ve never been with a white man before. Apparently they are
much better lovers than black me.

Him; Rifiloe. I am warning you. I know what you are trying to do. And believe me its working.

Me; I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m just thinking about it

Him; I swear to God

Me; what? Will you hit me? Or will you kill every guy I come in contact with?

Him; you are being unfair

Me; (laughing) Me? Unfair? No Siya. You are the one who is unfair. You expect me to say yes to all the
bullshit you bring into my life? Never. I am 26 years old for God’s sake. I am too young to die from stress
because of you. From now on I will live my life the way I see fit

Him; so you will become a whore

Me; If that’s what I want then yes.

Him; Rifiloe

Me; what Siya? You are allowed to do as you please mos. I don’t see why I can’t

Him; because I am your husband

Me; not for long

Him; so you are going to run out of this marriage, like you did with the one with Bullet
Me; yes. Because I know what I am worth. The biggest mistake I ever made was not giving Hlokes
another chance. If only I had, I wouldn’t be sitting here as miserable as ever with a man who has no
regards for my feelings

Him; don’t you dare

Me; it’s the truth. If I had only listened to my mother. I would be living my happily ever after.

Him; I am going to leave now. Before I do something we will both regret.

Siya got out and banged the car door. I honestly didn’t care that he was angry. This man has put me
through enough. I have tried everything I possibly could to make this work, but now I couldn’t do
anymore. Now it was time for me to take care of me and my children. The last thing on my mind would
be another man.

151

I let Siya go, and I made a booking for Olwetho and I into the one&only hotel at the waterfront.

Luckily Olwetho arrived and I we left..

Him; Mommy where are going

Me; we will talk when we get to the hotel. Rather tell me how your day was

Olwetho excitedly told me about his day, and what he did. He was excited he was going on holiday soon.
I let out a sigh of relief, because he didn’t seem to worried about staying at the hotel

When we got to the hotel, I ordered us dinner, and we went to our room.

I bathed Olwetho, gave him his dinner, and then put him to bed.

Him; so mommy. We are going to live in Joburg and Daddy is going to stay here

Me; yes love

Him; why

Me; (sigh)

Him; but Mommy I love you and daddy. I don’t want to be without him

Me; Olwetho. We will be fine. You will make new friends and have your little sister to look forward to

Him; ok
Me; I love you.

Him; I love you too mommy

Me; get some rest. We leave tomorrow

Him; ok

Me; goodnight boy

Him; night mommy

I left Olwetho and went to the other bedroom. I desperately needed to put my feet up. Today had been
an emotional day, and I just needed to sleep

I got into bed, and fell asleep almost immediately. I was so relived to feel my baby move. At least she
wasn’t affected by this whole crazy thing that is my life.

We woke up the following morning with Olwetho jumping up and down on the bed.

Him; mommy, mommy wake up. Daddy is in here

Me; Olwetho ha a man

Him; really mommy. Daddy is here

Me; where

Him; in the lounge

I got up and looked at Olwetho who was smiling.

Me; are you serious?

Him; yes mommy.

Me; Ok. I’ll be there now

Him; ok

He jumped off the bed, and I went to the bathroom to freshen up. Then took a moment to breathe. I
hadn’t even had breakfast yet, and he was already here for round 2. Not to mention the fact that he just
walked into my hotel without permission.
I walked into the lounge and found Siya sitting there as though all was well with the world. I walked
passed him to order breakfast. Then went to sit next to him. If I was going to have to

Me; Morning

Him; Hi

Me; Olwetho. Why don’t you go and watch TV in the room you slept in. I’ll call you when breakfast is
ready

Him; Ok mommy

Olwetho got up and went to the bedroom, while I stayed with Siya

Me; so what are you doing here

Him; I told you I will have access to you and my children

Me; so you came all the way here at 6 in the morning to annoy the hell out of me

Him; well it’s good to see you’re still sassy as ever

Me; Siya what do you want

Him; I want to discuss you not leaving me

Me; well you are out of luck buddy, because I am out the door and I am not looking back

Him; well. You see, that’s why I’m here

Me; I am lost

Him; you are not going to JHB. You and Olwetho are coming home. And we are going to work this out

Me; Siya

Him; this isn’t up for discussion.

The look in Siya’s eyes, and the way he was chilled kind of scared me. He was looking smug as hell, and
he was chewing gum, which is never a good sign

Me; I won’t let you intimidate me

Him; I don’t care. You are coming home now, and that’s final

Me; I wont
Him; in that case you leave me no choice

Siya typed something on his phone, and in came 4 of his guards.

Me; you can’t be serious

Him; do I look like I’m joking

Me; Si

Him; you know what the problem is? I have been way too nice.

Me; (silence)

Him; so what is it? Will you walk, or will I drag you out of here

Me; you wouldn’t

Him; right now is not the time to mess with me. Get my son and let’s go

Me; Siya… baby… Please. Just try

Him; Rifiloe. NOW

The way Siya stood up, made me leap up in fear.

I ran to Olwetho’s room and locked the door. There was no way I was going to let Siya take me back to
that house. If I did. I would never get out of this marriage.

Olwetho looked up at me nervously.

Him; mommy. What’s wrong

Me; nothing baby. Just watch TV while mommy makes a call

He continued watching, while I shakenly tried calling Boni

Siya banged on the door, and I stepped away

Him; Open the fucking Door Rifiloe

ME; Si.. Si Just

Him; If I get in there before you open, I swear I will fucking go mad
Ignored Siya, and waited for Boni to answer

Her; chummy

Me; Boni. I need your help. Siya has lost it. He is going to kill me

Her; Rifiloe, slow down. Where are you

Me; I’m at the one&only hotel at the waterfront

Her; we’re on our way

Me; hurry Boni. Please

I droped the Call and looked at a confused Olwetho. If Siya wanted to get in here, he would. I had no
choice but to leave Olwetho in here, and try to calm Siya down

Me; Olwetho. When I go out, I want you to lock the door. Do not open until mommy tells you to Ok

Him; Ok

Me; Gimme a kiss

Olwetho stood up and gave me a kiss. Then I opened the door and closed it behind me. Thankfully
Olwetho listened and locked it immediately when I stepped out

Me; Siya you need to calm down

Him; Calm down? You are trying to leave me. How the hell do you expect me to calm down

Me; baby. Can you just get the guards to leave. And we can discuss this. Please Siya

Him: Nothing to discuss. You are my wife, and you will stay by my side.

I went back and forth Siya, till i had no more energy left. Siya wasn't budging, and that truly scared me.

Him: Rifiloe you promised me for better or worse. This is the worse, but we will get through it. We
always do
I wanted to answer Siya, but then Hlokes barged in with Boni.

Siya looked at Hlokes then at me and immediately clenched his fist

Him: Bullet get out if here

Hlokes: dude. Whats going on

Him: Nothing that concerns you

Hlokes: Rifiloe wouldn't have called me for nothing

Siya looked at me and i felt shivers down my spine

Him: so you call your ex to come and help you.

Me: Siya what did you expect me to do?

Him: so you were telling the truth about wanting to be with him

Me: I said no such thing

Him: well. Shame because there is nothing he can do. You are staying in CT and thats final

I looked at Hlokes and he looked at Siya as though he were agreeing with him.

Me: Hlokes do something

Hlokes: Fifi, Siya is right. Its best you stay in CT

I looked at Hlokes in shock. He was the only person i thought i could trust, and here he was now, turning
his back on me. How could I ever be able to move on when Siya wanted to control every aspect of my
life.

152

(Crop top written with love)

I tried understanding what was going on, but no one said anything. I looked at Boni, and she looked as
pissed as Siya was. I can't believe Siya would blatantly say that I said I want Hlokes back. This was just
one example of how selfish he was. He had no disregard for Boni's feelings. Nxa

Me: so you're both telling me that i have no choice in any of this

Hlokes: for now. Yes

Me: Siya, can I speak to you alone

Siya: the minute we get home

Me: Siya, please don't make me go back there. Please. I don't want to lose this baby. And if I go back
there, it's guaranteed that I will

Siya: Rifiloe. You are being dramatic. Just stop this charade and let's go home

I tried everything I could to convince Siya to let me go, but he wasn't budging. He was adamant and i
honestly was to tired to convince him otherwise. My head was pounding from not eating, and i was
starting to feel nauseous. The best thing to do would be to go back to the house and hope for the best.

I knocked on Olwetho's door and told him to open the door.

He opened and i took his hand and walked out with the guards.

The ride home was short and painful. I was overwhelmed with the events of the morning, and i was
doing my best not to burst into tears in front of Olwetho

When we go home, I go out the car, and walked Olwetho to his room. I bathed hi me, then we we no
have breakfast.

Hlokes and Siya were in the office, but Boni, had gone home. I hink she was upse about what Siya had
said, and i just hoped thAt she would give me a chance to explain.

Olwetho and I had breakfast, then I left Him to play video games in the lounge while I tried to control
the extreme amount nausea
Pi lay on the bed face up and just breathed. I hadn't felt the baby move since last night and with all the
drama I had in the last 24hrs, that kind of worried me.

I must've dozed off, because I was woken up Siya

Him: we need to talk

Me: can you take me to the doctor first?

Him: why

Me: I'm not feeling well

Him: I'll get bullet to give you a check up

Me: I'd prefer to see my Gyne

Him: Rifiloe. I'd prefer for you not to leave the house

Me: So you're going to keep me locked up here

Him: yes

Me: Cant you ask my Gyne to come here

Him: ill see what I can do

ME : fine

He left me and i decided to go back to sleep. My head was pounding, and my back was just killing me.

I opened my eyes to an unusual discomfort in my abdomen.

I breathed in and out, but it didnt stop. Instead it got worse.

I held onto the the sheets and hoped the wave would pass but it didn't.

I wanted to get up but the pain wouldn't let me. I didn't have a choice, but to call out for Siya

He ran into the room, and looked at me in disbelief

Him: Rifiloe. What's wrong.

Me: I don't know. But this doesn't feel right

Him: oh God

Me; I need to get to a hospital

Him: your doctor is on his way

Me: Siya. This can't wait.

He pulled out his phone and dialled the doctor. I wasn't conserntratingon his conversation, but i could
see that whatever the doctorwas saying was making Siya mad as hell , because he kept clenching his
fists. And that was never a good sign.

Siya put the call down and looked at me worryingly

Me: Siya, don't just look at me. Where is the doctor

Him: we're going to have to get you to a hospital

Me: I fucking said that half an hour ago

Him: can you get up

Me: I don't think so

SiyawAlked towards me and scooped me up as thou I weighed nothing.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was taken directly to the emergency room.

All I remember was being given a sedative and told to relax.

I was so worried about my baby, but all I prayed was for God to protect her. There was no way I would
be able to live if I lost her. She is my light at the end of this tunnel. She is the only positive thing that
happened in my marriage, and i knew that losing her would mean the end of my life.

153
When i woke up i was still in hospital. The first thing I did was check to see that my baby was ok, and
thankfully, she was still in my tummy.

I let out a sigh of relief. At least it looked like God was still in my corner

I saw Siya out of the corner of my eye. He was on the phone with the chief. I could tell they were
speaking about Naledi. And i my heart just broke. Here I was in hospital and all Siya cared about was this
Naledi girl.

I looked away, as Siya turned around, but it was too late. He knew I had been listening to his
conversation. He wrapped up his call and came to sit next to me

Him: how you feeling

Me: better

Him: you gave me quite a scare. I thought I had lost you there for a second

I didn't answer him. I just looked down and played with my fingers.

Him: I'm going to call the doctor and let him know that you're awake. Can in get you anything

Me: nothing. I'm good

Him: ok

He left his phone on the table and went out. I looked at his phone and felt tempted to go through it.
There were so many things that I needed answers for and i knew Siya wouldn't be honest with me.

I picked up his phone and thankfully his password was still the same. I was about to go through his
emails when a call came in.

The number was a foreign number, so I just knew it was Naledi

Me: Hello
Her:(silence )

Me: Hello is anyone there

Her: yes. HI

Me; (silence)

Her; Ahmmm. Is it possible for me to speak to Siyabonga

Me: (silence)

Her: can you hear me

Me; who am I talking to

Her: my name is Naledi

Me: I see

Her: I'm sorry. I'll phone back when he's available

She put the call down, and i wiped away a tear,from my eye.

Since hearing about Naledi, It had all felt like a dream, but hearing her voice jade it a reality.

I looked through Siyas photos and most of them were of Me and Olwetho. But then I found one of a lady
I didn't know of, and I just knew it was her. She was the beautiful voluptuous woman who had captured
Siyas heart.

I put down Siyas phone. And tried going back to sleep, but then Siya walked in with the doctor.

I gave him his phone and he looked at me questionably, but I didn't say anything. I just looked at the
doctor and waited for an explanation from him.

Him: Mrs Ndhlovu. You have been very very bad. What did we say about taking things easy

I looked at My doctor and he looked dead serious

Me: it's been a rough couple of days

Him: I can see that. Well I've got good news and bad news. Which news would you like to hear first?
Me:;the bad

Him: well, the bad news is that you have developed pre-eclampsia

Me: pre what

Him: Pre-eclampsia. It's a condition that is developed by some woman in their last trimester. It's caused
by a lot of different things, but in your case due to stress, which lead to high blood pressure, which then
results in pre-eclampsia . Which isn't good for either you or the baby

Me: is there treatment for it

Him: well the good news is that we caught this early. Your kidneys haven't been affected as yet, and we
were able to do a blood transfusion, to help you out

Me: is my baby ok

Him: she's fine. But if you carry on this way, she won't be.

Me: ilk try be more careful

Him: I'm not leaving that up to you. You are going to stay here for at least a 2 weeks. I need to monitor
you and the baby very closely

Siya looked at the doctor and then at me

Him: 2 weeks?

Doc: yes

Him: I can't have her here for 2 weeks

Doc: well it's either that or you let them die. Which one will it be

Him: is there anyway we could set-up everything at the house.

Doc: we could. But the costs of all, the things we need would be through the roof. I can't transport her
back and forth from the house to the hospital, every time i need to conduct a test

Him: money isn't an issue. When will you be able to get this sorted

Doc: give me a few days

Him: you have 24hrs

The Doctor shook his head, and left us. He obviously knew not to argue with Siya.
Him: what were you doing with my phone

Me: I answered a call from your wife

Him: YOU are my wife

Me: and yet YOU are in love with another woman Not that I blame you. She is quite beautiful

Him: Rifiloe

Me: save it. I saw her picture on your phone.

Him: it's not what you think

Me; doesn't matter. You are going to marry her, and i have no say in it what so ever.

Him: can we not do this now. You heard what the doctor said about stress

Me: oh so now you care

Him: I've always cared

Me: well, you've got a shitty way of showing it

Him: but it doesn't mean that I don't love you

Me: love? I don't think you know the meaning of that

Siya was about to say something, but then his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and then at me

Me: go ahead. You know you want to talk to her

Him can you stop being so Damn childish

Me; how about you stop being such a dick, then maybe. Just maybe I can start being childish

Him; mxm

Me; you should leave

Him: I will. But don't think that you can run away. I have guards outside your door.

ME: I wouldn't expect anything less from someone like you

Him: you better start getting used to the idea, because there is nothing you can do about it. So stop
trying to fight me every chance you get, and look after my baby
Siya left, and i let out a sigh of relief. I was so tired of fighting with him, and i just didn't know how to get
out of this situation. Siya was not backing out and i don't know if I have the strength to fight him

154

Soon after Siya left, Hlokes walked in with a bunch of flowers, a gift basket and 2 get well soon balloons

Him: Hey you

Me: Hey

Him: I bought you a few things to brighten up your room

Me: Thank you

Him: you look very pale

Me: why thank you for pointing out the obvious

Him: even as pale as you are, you are still beautiful

Me: thank you

Hlokes put down all my things and sat next to me.

Him: how are you feeling

Me: I'm fine

Him: Rifiloe you need to start taking better care of yourself. All this stress isn't good for you or for the
baby

Me: I know Hlokes

Him: Don't fight him. I know it's hard, but you fighting him isn't going to help with anything. I know it
doesn't look like it but he really does love you. It's just that a man like him, or should I say men like us,
struggle to differentiate between our real life and our Ops life

Me: well you seem to be doing just fine. Boni is always happy and she never has to deal with the shit I go
through

Him: Rifiloe, you are married to a powerful man. He basically runs this country. He has ties with the
most powerful men in the world. A man like Siya has power in his blood. It's the one thing that drives
him.
Me: so you're telling me I should just let him do as he pleases

Him: no. I'm just saying that he has messed up. Big time, but he doesn't mean to. He has a lot going on
at the moment. His harshness isn't exactly aimed at you

Me: that's hard to believe , since I'm on the receiving end of this

Him: Rifiloel Siya has never been in this place before. He has never had a relationship that lasted like
this. He knew all Linda wanted was money. His work became his everything. The woman in his life were
all just for passing time. He has never loved until he met you, and i know. I know he had a horrible way
of showing you, but you need to understand that he is sacred. He is scared of losing you. He is scared to
not make his Lesotho deal happen. A lot of people. Even the president need this to happen. It will be like
bringing 2 countries together.

Me: so he sent you here o speak on his behalf

Him: no, but i live both of you. And i know that this isn't easy for either of you.

Me: he loves her Hlokes (sniff)

Him; She is new. He doesn't know her flaws. He doesn't wake up next to her. He is infatuated.. not in
love

Me: I don't know Hlokes. This is just too much

Him: I'm not saying you should stay. But just try to be patient. If ore his outbursts. Ignore everything.
Conserntrate on your baby.

Me: how hloke? When I'm going to be made to watch him marry another woman

Him: I wish I could say this was going to be easy but I'd be lying.

Me: I want a divorce Hlokes. I want to live my life without him. I want to just be happy

Him: Rifiloe, Siya isn't going to give you a divorce. It doesn't matter who you talk to. He is known
everywhere. My advice would be to calm down. Ignore him. Give him time to figure this out. Maybe in a
few moths once things have Seattle's and the Lesotho deal has happened. You can reassess how you
feel, then both of you can discuss it. But right now, that isn't going to happen.

Me; I shouldn't have married him, I should've forgiven you. Him: don't say that Rifiloe. I have my own
demons that I fight every day

Me: yes, but we would've made it work. I stead I fell for this monster of a man, and now I am paying for
it everyday

Him: Please. Please don't ever repeat those word again. Rifiloe I am a man, and my first instinct is to act
on those words especially since I still care about you so much

Me: maybe in another life

Him; maybe. But for now we both stick to our partners a d try to make it work

Me: how is Boni

Him: pissed. I hadn't exactly told her about our past

Me: what do you mean

Him: she didn't know that we were married. She didn't know about anything. She just thought we were
friends from back home

Me: why did t you tell her the truth

Him: the same reason Siya didn't tell you about Naledi. I didn't want to lose her because of you

Me: I'm sorry

Him: Its not your fault that fate had other plans for us

Hlokes stayed with me for a few hours. It felt good to speak to someone about everything. I felt bad
though because he should've spent this time fixing things with Boni, instead of being here with me. But
at the same time I didn't have the heart to ask him to leave.

When he finally left, I felt a bit lighter. I still hell bent on leaving Siya, but I knew that I would need to
give him time to calm down. Let him do as he pleases and hopefully make him see that this marriage has
no chance of survival

My Doctor checked on me every hour, and unfortunately my blood pressure was still high. It wasn't as
bad as when they bought me in, but it was still pretty much bad.

I was given another injection to help me sleep. The doctor said the more sleep, the better it is for the
baby, and myself

When I woke up it was already the following day. I was feeling much more relaxed and a lot less
nauseous. I think the talk with Hlokes helped. Right now all that mattered was my bundle of joy, and no
one. Not even Siya was going to ruin my excitement.

I had breakfast and my doctor came to g ice me a check up. He was happy with the way my blood
pressure was dropping. He gave me my meds, and told me he would be setting up at the house, so he
would only see me later that day.

The nurses let me take a shower, and then got back I to bed. The nice thing about being in the hospital
was that every time the doctor did a check up, he would do an ultrasound, and i got to see my baby. She
looked so peaceful, as tho oblivious to the events happening in the real world. I made the doctor print
out every ultrasound they did. Some of them she was sucking her finger. The other she was sleeping,
another she was smiling, and that alone made feel better.

Siya arrived just as they were doing an ultrasound. He smiled and sat next to me. As before, I made the
nurse print out the picture, and put It with the others.

The nurse cleaned me up, the left Siya and I I an awkward space.

Him: How are you feeling

Me: Better

Him: you look better.

Me: Hows Olwetho? I thought you would bring Him

Him: I flew him down to KIN last night

Me: it would've been nice if you had discussed that with me

Him: You can see him when you go down to KZN

I wanted to argue, but then decided against it. Olwetho was probably happy to be see his gogo, and i
didn't want to raise my blood pressure. So instead I took the remote, and put on the TV

Him; so the doctor and his team are busy setting up at home me: that's nice

Him: you should be home by tonight

Me: ok

Him : can I get you anything

Me: a laptop. I need to order a few more things for the baby

Him: your other order arrived yesterday. I put everything together last night

Me: you put it together or did you have the staff do it

Him: I did

Me: mhmm

Him: If been thinking of names

Me: and

Him: Khanyisile Lesedi Ndhlovu

Me:Khanyisilile after hour mother?

Him: yes, and Lesedi was the name you wanted

Me: it's perfect

Him: I'm glad you like it

Me: I do

Him: baby I'm sorry for all of this. Things were never meant to get this bad

Me: Siya, I don't want to talk about this. I just want to take care of my baby. You are not a priority right
now, she is, and that's all I care about. You can go and do what makes you happy. I give you my blessing
to marry Naledi. Please just let me be. I will live in the same house, I will mind my own business. I want
my baby to be healthy. Which means no more stress as. So stop apologizing and live your life.

Siya didn't say anything. He didn't expect me to give in, but little did he know that I wasn't giving in. I
was just starting to play chess, and once I had him where I wanted him, I would pull the rug up from
under him and he wouldn't know what hit him.

155

As Siya had said. I was transferred that very day, back to the house. They had totally transformed the
main bedroom, into a semi hospital room. My doctor would be checking in on me every day, while I had
a live-in nurse by the name of Maria.

Siya was in Lesotho for my first night home, and that kind of hurt, but I refused to let that get to me. My
job was to make sure that I got this blood pressure lower than it is.

A lot of the things that Hlokes had said had really resonated with me. There was no use fighting Siya. It’s
better to just let him do as he pleases, and for me to do me.

The following morning, I woke up and went to take a bath. Siya had left strict instructions that I was not
to get out of bed, but there was no way I was listening to that. I needed a nice bubble bath and I was not
going to let Siya stop me from having that. Especially since he was all the way in flipping Lesotho. Nxa

After my bath, I put on my track pants and a spaghetti top and went to have breakfast.
I was hoping to walk around the garden, but I was told to get back into bed. I wanted to argue, but then
I heard Siya’s voice coming from the kitchen, and I decided against it. The last thing I want or need is to
have to argue with him for wanting fresh air.

He walked into the dining room, looking so happy. I honestly resented Siya, for continuing to disrespect
me the way that he was.

Him; Morning baby

Me; (silence)

Him; Sigh

I put down my glass and went up to my room. Every time I saw Siya, I felt my heart break, especially
since I knew that he had just spent the night with Naledi

I went to my room and got into bed. I knew he was following me, but I refused to acknowledge him.

Him; so you are going to ignore me

Me; Hi Siya

Him; how was your night

Me; fine thanks

Him; I’m glad

Me; (silence)

Him; I know you are probably mad that I had to go to Lesotho, But

Me; Siya, I don’t want to know anything about Lesotho, or Naledi. You didn’t see fit for you to tell me
about this before. So I don’t see the need for you to tell me about it now.

Him; do you always have to be so damn immature? I’m trying to make this right

Me; really? Well if you wanted to make things right, you would’ve told me you were spending the night
with her

Him; I didn’t and haven’t slept with her. And sure as hell don’t plan on doing so. If you could just let me
explain this to you, then maybe, just maybe you would understand

Me; Explain what? That the man I love is in love with someone else? And don’t bother denying it,
because its written all over your face. I see it when she calls you. How you light up. It hurts me to the
core Siya, and you just fail to understand that

Him; tell me what I can do to make this right

Me; nothing. There is nothing in this world that can make this right. Our marriage is destroyed and there
is nothing left that either of us can do to fix it. So why bother

Him; we can at least try Rifiloe. Please

Me; I’m not interested in trying. You made your decision and now we both have to live with it

Him; I’m not losing you Rifiloe. Not now not ever

Me; mhmm

Siya’s phone beeped and I saw him look at me uncomfortably

Him; Shit

Me; what is it

Him; fuck

Me; Siya ?????

Him; I need you to trust and believe I had no idea about this

Me; about what

Him; Oh God

Me; Siy, stop pasing the room. You’re making me dizzy

Him; My uncle has just arrived downstairs

Me; and

Him; and He’s not exactly alone

Me; who is he with

Siya locked our door, and sat on the bed facing me

Him; Rifiloe. Please. I am begging you. I had nothing to do with this. I would never do this to you. Please I
need you to believe in me. I know I’ve been an idiot for the past couple of days, and I realise that. Which
is why I went to Lesotho. Just promise me you won’t overreact to this. Please

Me; Siya you aren’t making sense

Him; Rifiloe. I love you. I know baby. I know I have a shitty way of showing it, but it’s the truth

Me; Siya
Him; My uncle is downstairs, and the guards just told me that he’s not alone. He came with Naledi and
some of her family

Me; Lord help me. Lord help me

Him; Baby

Me; get away from me

Him; Rifiloe. Please. I had nothing to do with this. I swear. I went to Lesotho to cancel this whole thing. I
saw what I was doing to you Rifiloe, and I just couldn’t go through with it.

Me; I can’t keep doing this Siya

Him; I know baby. And I just need you to please. Please remain calm

Me; and it’s about time you fucking man up

Him; baby

Me; no. You have allowed this stupid uncle of yours to do as he pleases in our home. I don’t know who
the head of this household is. Because right now that man has you by the fucking balls, and quite frankly
it’s disgusting to look at

Him; I’m going to fix this

Me; mhmm

Siya got up, and went downstairs, while I stayed in our room. I needed to calm down before going down
there because I had just had enough. How could this man, let his family walk all over us as though we
were nothing.

I had honestly just had enough and now it was time to toughen up. I didn’t care about my marriage
anymore, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to lay down and walk away. If they wanted a fight, I was going
to give them one that they wouldn’t forget.

I got up and made a prayer. I called upon God for protection on my baby. I needed her to be safe above
all.

Once I said amen, I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. Now it was time to go downstairs.

I firstly changed into a dress, and put on a doek. I put on some make up to hide my bags, then put on my
ring before I walked down.
I found Siya and his uncle seated at the dining room table with people I guessed were Naledi’s uncles.

Judging by the tension in the room, I could tell that things weren’t going too well.

I greeted everyone, then walked to the lounge, where Naledi was.

I looked at her and she looked up at me. My first instinct was to fucking jump on her, but I decided to
rather kill her (just joking) I simply greeted her, and went to the kitchen to get myself a bottle of water.

I have no idea when Siya walked in, but when I turned around, Siya was standing behind me

Him; You look good

Me; thank you

Him; I’m sorry about all of this

Me; I don’t see why. This is what you wanted

Him; (sigh)

Me; excuse me

Him; My uncle wants to speak to you

Me; not interested

Him; Rifiloe please

Me; no

Him; baby. Please

Me; fine

I rolled my eyes, and walked into the dining room with my head held up. I wasn’t going to lay the sweet
humble Barbie wife. That shit was over. I am the same girl who has sat at a boardroom table and
negotiated on managing millions and millions of Rands. I refused to be intimidated by a man who thinks
he is everything just because he is a chief.

I sat next to Siya and didn’t bow or anything. I just sat down and looked at his uncle dead in the eye

Me; Malume, you wanted to see me

Him; I hear you convinced Siyabonga to cancel the negotiations with Naledi’s family

Me; Sorry Malume I am confused. I thought you were here to apologize

Him; Apologize

Me; yes. Apologize

Him; and why would I be apologizing to you

Me; well, I figured after the last time you were in MY house, and the way you spoke to me, you would
see how absolutely out of place you were

Him; I do not intent of apologizing for anything. I am Siyabonga’s uncle, and I am helping him do what is
right. Did you honestly think our ancestors would allow him to marry a commoner?

Me; Well. Let me tell you something about us commoners. We are not the type of woman who are door
mats. If you think that for on second you are going to disrespect me in my house again, then you have
another thing coming

Siya held onto my hand as a way of calming me down, but lord knows I was already on 100 and there
was no stopping me now

Me; just by the way, Siyabonga will not be marrying Naledi, without my permission. He can do that once
we are divorced, but for the time being there will be no wedding. And if you think of going forward with
it, I will come down on you like a ton of bricks.

Him; How dare you

Me; no. How dare you. You have no right to do as you please. Especially since in order for Siya and
Naledi to be wed he would need my permission, both legally and traditionally. And somehow you just
conveniently forgot about that

Siya and the chief both looked at me shocked. I knew that they weren’t expecting me to know all of this,
but at least now they knew that I was done with their bullshit. If they wanted me to be a botch, then I
was going to give them bitch on steroids. Gone was the Rifiloe who cried her lungs out. All I wanted
now was a divorce and I plan on taking half of everything Siya owns. I have had to endure enough and
now I was ready for payback.

156

I left Siya and His crazy people and went back to my room.

I had made it clear to Siya that I wanted those people out my house. If they needed to negotiate, they
could do that at his family home in KZN. I would not be disrespected at any of the houses that we OWN.
I got upstairs, changed into my track pants again, and got onto bed. Maria gave me some pills, and I
slept like a baby throughout the morning.

By the time I woke up it was after 2pm, and Siya was in his office screaming his lungs out. I could hear
him all the way from our room and he was obviously pissed.

I smiled a bit, because I knew he was probably really ticked off at me, but hell. I could care less. I go up
and went downstairs to get something to eat. I was in the mood for a nice fruit salad, and quite frankly I
was on top of the world.

After having my fruit salad, I sat on the couch with my laptop and looked for photographer. I wanted to
organise a pregnancy shoot.

Ideally, I would’ve loved to have the photoshoot outside of the house, but knowing Siya he would huff
and puff. So I decided to rather have it in the garden. That way Siya wouldn’t go crazy, and I would get
to have my pics.

I booked the photographer, and the makeup artist, all I needed now was a couple of designer outfits.

I was usually really careful with the way I spent money, but now I was over it. I didn’t really care.

I called one of my designers, and asked them to get a couple of outfits for me. I gave him a few ideas,
then went upstairs to discuss the shoot with Siya. I needed him to give my designer, photographer and
makeup artist a security pass, since I was basically a prisoner in my own house.

I walked into his office, and he didn’t bother even looking up. I could see he was mad, but he was shit
out of luck, since I didn’t care.

Him; How many times do I need to tell you to knock

Me; as many times as you need to

Him; what can I do for you Rifiloe

Me; well, I need security clearance for a couple of people

Him; who

Me; my photographer, makeup artist and my designer

Him; you have a designer

Me; yes. I do

Him; why are these people coming here

Me; I am doing a maternity shoot

Him; am I invited

Me; No

Him; haw, Rifiloe

Me; ha a Siya. I don’t want you there

Him; but what if one day you show your pictures to our child, and she asks you where I was. What
would you tell her?

Me; that he was a whore and I didn’t want him in the shoot

Him; I don’t know whether to slap you or laugh

Me; try slapping me, and I will cut your balls off

Him; I missed your feistiness

Me; so the clearance

Him; Ill give you clearance on one contition

Me; What

Him; I can join you

Me; fine

Him; done

Me; be ready. Tomorrow at 12

Him; that soon

Me; yes

Him; fine

I walked out and went upstairs. And stayed there for the remainder of my day. Siya was a grouch as
usual, and kept checking up on me but all I did was sleep throughout the day.

The following morning was the morning of the photoshoot. Siya was serious about joining me, and well I
just let him be. There was no use arguing with him. Anyway he is Lesedi’s father after all, and I would
just have to live with that.

I took tons of pictures, from elegant ones, to casual ones, and even a couple of half-naked ones naked
ones. Siya wasn’t too pleased about those, but he just let me be.
After the photoshoot, Siya made me go straight to bed, because apparently I had worn myself out with
the ups and down of the day. I didn’t quite need the quite time, but I decided to use it to look for a
divorce attorney. I needed a woman who would represent me perfectly. But who could also be ruthless.

Siya may think that he had won or that I was over everything, but I wasn't rolling over. I wanted out and
nothing was going to stop me.

I set up an appointment with the attorney, then went to take a bath. I needed to wash away the day,
and what better way to that than by a nice bubble bath.

When I came out the bath Siya was on my laptop. I just knew he knew about the attorney.

I walked passed him and went to get dressed in my PJ’s. Then got back into bed, with Siya sitting there

Him; so are you seriously going forward with this

Me; yep

Him; Rifiloe

Me; yes dear

Him; I will not grant a divorce

Me; we’ll see

Him; don’t start something you can’t finish

Me; mhmm

Him; I’m serious Rifiloe. This isn’t going to happen. I just don’t see why you want to go through with this,
when it wasn’t going to happen

Me; ok Siya

Him; There will be no Divorce here. Don’t push me

Me; mhmm

Him; Rifiloe

Me; shhhh maan Siya I’m trying to watch TV

Him; mxm

Siya barged out, and left me smiling. It felt good to be the one to have the upper hand for once.
Once Siya left I was able to get some real rest... up until I felt a painful cramp in my back. It only lasted
for a few minutes, but was painful enough to wake me up.

I drifted back to sleep, but then the pain came back. This time a bit stronger than the last. This was
definitely not something to take lightly. The pain was horrid

I sat up and put the light on. I rang for Maria, and tried Siya on his mobile.

Him; mhmm

Me; Si

Him; Rifiloe.

Me; I …. Oh God… Something isnt right

I heard Siya running up the stairs. Maria, was on the phone with an ambulance.

He walked in and looked at me in shock

Him; baby, whats wrong

Me; I…..

I wanted to tell him about the pain, but for the life of me the words wouldn’t come out.

Siya sat next to me, and i realised that the bed was wet with a liquid that was mixed with blood.

I looked up at Soy and the fear I his eyes reflected my own

Him: we are going to get through this

I nodded and tried to breath throughout the pain.

Siya got up to change, while Maria helped me to clean myself up, and he dressed for the hospital.
The ambulance was taking a while, Siya had me airlifted to the hospital

When we arrived at the hospital, my doctor booked me in for an emergency c-section. Apparently my
blood pressure had gotten worse and the baby's heart beat was decreasing.

Siya was with me every step of the way. From when we arrived to when we they administered the
epidural. He never left my side and despite the things that were happening between us. I really
appreciated his support. He kept on reassuring me, despite rhe fact that our baby would be premature

We went into theatre and the doctors decided to put me under. I made siya promise that he wouls film
her birth , since i wouldnt be able to hear her first cry.

Th last thing i remember was we Siya 's beautiful brown eyes. He had tears in them but was putting up a
front. I closed my eyes and placed everything in God's hands. I just hoped that despite Lesedi being
premature, that she would be healthy, and would fight to be in this world. She was my only link to Siya
and losing her would leave me incomplete forever.

157

(Crop top insert)

Waking up was rather difficult. I felt so numb and my head was heavy. It took me a moment to
understand where i was, and then it all came rushing back. I looked around and Siya wasn't around. My
doctor was here and he was speaking to me, but I was still a bit out of it.

Him: Mrs Ndhlovu. I need you to respond so that i know that you are ok

Me: how is my baby

Him: She's a fighter. Came out screaming for dear life

i smiled at the thought of a pale little Lesedi screaming her lungs out
Me: can i see her?

him: not yet. She is in an incubator for now. She gave us quite a scare with how slow her heart beat had
gotten, but once she came out she had gotten better

Me: thank you

Him: your husband is waiting for you at recovery. Ill let you know the minute you can see your baby

Me: thank you

I was taken back to suit and i found Siya had decorated the room with pink and whit balloons, and tons
of flowers.

He was sitting in one of the chairs with his head in his hands.

He looked up and smiled when he saw me.

Him: There you are

Me: Hey

Him: how are you feeling

Me: cold

him: i can see that. You're shaking like crazy

Me: ill put on another blanket once they're finished putting in my IV

Him: can i get you something to eat

Me: no thank you. I just want to see my baby

Him: they asked us to give them time with her. But i was able to get a few pictures for you

Me: let me see

Siya sat on the bed next to me despite the nurses horrified look. He gave me his phone and I saw a
picture of my beautiful baby girl. She has beautiful black hair, with eyes just like her fathers.
I looked at the pictures and instantly fell in love. Lesedi was my Light at the end if a very dark tunnel, and
the fact that she was OK despite being premature, made my heart smile.

Siya wiped a tear from my eye.

Him: Thank you Rifiloe. Thank you for making me a father. I don't know how a man like me could've ever
been so blessed to have you in my life, but just know that I love you with all my heart.

Me: don't

Him : i know i don't deserve your forgiveness but baby if you could, i promise you i would never hurt
you again

Me: Siya. I just had a baby. The last thing i care about is our marriage. Lesedi is all that i need to worry
about.

him: I understand

Me: Good

i drifted off to sleep while Siya went to check up on Lesedi. My blood pressure was still high, and the
doctor wanted to keep me on bed rest.

I was beyond relieved that Lesedi was ok. At least now i had a purpose in life, and that purpose was to
make sure that my little girl never went through what i had to go through. I had her whole life to look
forward to and that brought joy to my heart. She was the strength that I needed to finally leave Siya. I
was not going to let her watch me in a miserable marriage. I knew now more than ever that it was time
to end my marriage and look forward to a future with Lesedi.

158

When I woke up, Siya was by my side again. I could smell food, and that is when I realised hoe hungry I
was.

I looked at him and he smiled

Him; wayky wayky sleepy head

Me; Hi

Him; I bought you dinner

Me; Dinner?

Him; yah, you’ve been out for about 24 hours

Me; Damn

Him; the doctor gave you something to sleep so that you can get you blood pressure down

Me; Help me sit up

Him; sure

Siya helped me up, and it was rather excruciating. It was obvious the meds had worn out and now it
was up to my body to fight the pain. I winced a bit and Siya looked at me horrified

Him; are you ok. Should I call your doctor?

Me; Siya. I’m fine

Him; You sure

Me; Yes. I just want to eat

Him; ok

Siya handed me the soup, and I indulged. I hadn’t eaten properly for about 48hours so I was starved

After eating, I drank my meds, and revelled in my joy. I was placed in a wheel chair and went down to
see my baby for the very first time.

Looking at my small little baby in a small incubator broke me. She looked so fragile and small. Her little
thumb was in her mouth and she had wires all over her.

A part of me was happy that she was here, but another part resented Siya for putting me in this
position. If he had been the husband I needed maybe, just maybe Lesedi wouldn’t be sitting in an
incubator at 32 weeks.

The nurses let me hold her for a few minutes, and I couldn’t hide my joy. She looked nothing like me,
but at least her weight was quite high for a premature baby.

After seeing Lesedi, I was taken back to my room for rest. I really wanted to bath but they wouldn’t let
me. Instead they insisted that I start walking again
I walked a few steps, then forcefully went shower, I hadn’t showered in 3 days, and I felt disgusting, I
also wanted to get a good look at my scar, since I hadn’t seen it and thankfully it looked much smaller
than I thought it would.

After my shower, I got into bed, and relaxed. Life wasn’t exactly perfect, but Lesedi looked well, and that
is all that mattered to me.

I stayed in the hospital for about 5 weeks. Lesedi now weight about 4 kgs, and was doing rather well for
a premature baby. She was looking more and more like her father and that honestly annoyed me. but
at least she was healthy

We left the hospital and went back to the house. Siya had been with me and Lesedi at the hospital this
whole time. He would go home to shower, but most nights were spent with us.

I wish I could say that that was enough, but I honestly didn’t know how I felt about Siya.

I loved him as the father of my child, but I wasn’t in love with him. The passion we once shared was
gone. His touch no longer made me tense, instead it made me uncomfortable.

Siya tried. But I wasn’t interested. I wanted him to concentrate on being a father, and nothing more.

We arrived home and it didn’t feel like my home. It had a lot of memories, both good and bad, but none
the less it wasn’t my home anymore.

Siya took Naledi to her room, since she was still fast asleep from the ride home, and I went to the main
bedroom to get some sleep.

I wanted to stay in the main bedroom, because it was conjoined to Lesidi’s room. And it would be easier
for me to get to her at night, but I knew that Siya would insist on staying here with me.

Siya walked in just as I was thinking about him.

Him; she’s fast asleep

Me; Thank you

Him; I need to go into the office. Its been a while.

Me; ok

Him; Ill be home in time for dinner

Me; Mhmm

Siya left and I let out a sigh of relief. Being in the same room together was rather awkward. It was
obvious that there was tons of tension between us. But I wasn’t going to say anything. Siya knew that
what we had was gone, and the sooner he came to accept that the better

Lesedi woke up soon after her father left. I was now breastfeeding almost every two hours and honestly
it was exhausting.

My aunt was due to arrive the following day to come and assist me with her, but Siya had also hired a
nanny to help with out.

I was still at the stage of being over protective over her. I wasn’t ready to have a Stanger look after her,
but I honestly had no choice.

As true to his word Siya arrived at exactly 6pm. Just in time for dinner.

He took Lesedi from me and smiled

Him; I missed her. It feels like a decade since I last saw her

Me; mhmm

Him; so what’s for dinner

Me; roast lamb

Him; I’ll put her Khanyi down and then come and join you

Me; ok

He went to put Lesedi down, and I dished up for the both of us.

When he came downstairs he moved his place setting to next to mine

Him; so how was your afternoon

Me; fine

Him; I’m glad

Me; (silence)

Him; so this is how it’s going to be between us

Me; Mhmmm

Him; we need to address this

Me; address what

Him; this tension between us isn’t right Rifi. We need to try making this right. If not for our sake, then
for Khanyi’s sake

Me; I’m not interested

Him; so you prefer for us to be like this

Me; I prefer for us to divorce, so we can both find some happiness.

Him; you know that’s not an option

Me; mhmmm

Him; baby. I know I hurt you.

Me; and yet you and Naledi’s family are still meeting. Which means you are going to marry her

Him; how

Me; I overheard one of your conversations when you thought I was sleeping

Him; Rifiloe. This deal with Lesotho isn’t about me anymore. It’s about promises I mad to my country.
Promises that I have to fulfil

Me; what about the promises you made to me? The vows you mad to protect and honour me? Those
don’t count anymore?

Him; they do... But

Me; but nothing. Siya quite frankly I don’t care. I want out of this marriage. I am no longer angry. I really
don’t mind. You can marry Naledi. All I ask is that you leave me alone

Him; but

Me; no Siya. No buts. I won’t be made to stay in a loveless marriage

Him; loveless

Me; Yes; Loveless

Him; what are you saying

Me; you know exactly what I am saying

Him; I want to hear you say it

Me; Si

Him; SAY IT… SAY IT.. TELL ME YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE
ME; I’m no longer in love with you

The look in Siya’s eyes broke every piece of me. He looked devastated. He got up and went upstairs.
While I finished dinner. I know I had hurt him, but I had no choice. Siya had to get used to us being apart
as soon as possible.

After dinner I went upstairs and found Siya holding Lesedi. She had fallen asleep, and he was in the
rocking chair. So I went to my room and got into bed.

Siya and I would eventually need to discuss the terms of our separation. Despite this being hard. It was
best for us to put our feelings aside and concentrate on co-parenting.

159

(Crop top)

Siya and i both took turns caring for Lesedi at night. He was really hands on and sometimes it made me
want to give him another chance but i just couldn't bring myself to opening my heart to him again.

Its been a week since we came home and thankfully we've settled in quite nicely.

Siya was staying in the spare bedroom and i remained in the main.

We hadn't spoken much since the night I told him I didn't love him anymore.

He spent the night out and only came back the following morning.

A part of me wanted to ask him where he'd been but figured it wasn't my place to question him about
his whereabouts since i hadn't exactly been his wife for the past 2 months

today was Siya's birthday. He was turning 36. I know that we haven't been the best of friends, but i had
decided we should celebrate.
I went out shopping during the day while he was at work.

I wanted to make him his favourite meal, just to celebrate him. He was after all the reason i had a
beautiful princess that i lived beyond measure, so for that alone he was worth celebrating.

I spent most of the afternoon cooking. My aunt had only stayed with us for a weekend, so the i was
rather thankful that Siya had thought about the nanny. Dory was my life saver and lesedi seemed to like
her just as much as i did.

I spent the day slaving away in the kitchen . Siya was usually home by 6pm so i made sure that
everything was done just in time for his arrival.

I placed the cake in the middle of the table, and went to get Lesedi because Siya had just driven in.

Siya walked in just as i had finished dressing Lesedi.

He gave her a kiss, then greeted me.

I Knew Siya enjoyed having a shower before dinner, so i went downstairs and waited for him.

When he came down he wasn't in his usual casual clothes. Infact he was in the compete opposite. He
was in his navy suit that he wore the very first time I saw him.

I must admit, despite it all that man looked dashing in a suit.

Him: You're staring

Me: sorry

Him:I'm going out for the night. Will you tuck Lesedi in

Me: sure

Him: you ok?

me: yes. I ahhm. Never mind

Him: Rifiloe

Me: go out and enjoy your birthday

him: cool. See you tomorrow

Me: oh.. ahmm ok

Siya walked out and didn't even seem to notice the table i had laid out for him.

I took Lesedi and put her to bed, then went to bed myself.

There was no use having dinner. I had totally lost my appetite. I know Siya and i aren't together, but i
had thought he would want to spend his birthday here, with his daughter.

The following morning i woke up and went for a jog. I had finally gotten clearance from the doctor to
start exercising again and i was rather excited. My baby tummy was still a bit there so i had to get my
ass into gear. I had gained 15kgs and now it was about time i got rid if the extra weight.

I joked for exactly 10km and i was done. I couldn't believe how stiff i had gotten.

I walked through the gate just as the newspaper man was dropping over papers for the day.

I took a copy then went inside.

I placed the magazine on the counter then went to make myself a smoothie.

Lesedi was still asleep, so i had ample time to gain back my energy.

I sat on the kitchen counter enjoying my smoothie. I took the news paper to look at random things, and
boom there was a picture of Siya and Naledi celebrating his birthday at the royal house here in CT.
I examined the picture in front of me nit knowing how to react.

A part of me was extremely jealous but the other part was relieved.

Atleast now i was 100% certain that there was no turning back when it came to my relationship with
Siya. It was finally time to file for divorce and move on.

160

Siya walked in just as I was having breakfast. I had no idea when he came home last night, and quite
frankly I didn’t care.

He looked at the cake on the table and then at me. I got up to leave the table but Siya held onto my
hand

Him; wait

Me; Lesedi is about to wake. I need to change her

Him; Rifiloe

Me; what

Him; I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had planned dinner for us

Me; forget about it

Him; baby

Me; hope you enjoyed your night with Naledi last night

Him; It’s not like that

Me; doesn’t matter

Him; can you just

Me; let go

Him; But

We heard Lesedi crying, and Siya instantly let go. I left him there and went to take care of my baby.

I fed and gave her a bath, then decided to go out for the day.
I was tired of staying indoors, and I’m sure Lesedi would enjoy the fresh air. In moments like these, I
really wish I had friend. Since being with Siya I had been so distant from my girls. I hadn’t spoken to
them in over 6 months. And now Boni basically wanted nothing to do with me. She hadn’t said
anything, but it was kind of obvious since she wasn’t answering any of my calls. So my life had basically
boiled down to me and Lesedi.

Once Lesedi was ready, I took her, and headed downstairs. Siya was on the phone and had the
newspaper in his hand

He wrapped up his call when he saw us and placed the newspaper on the table

Him; where you going

Me; the beach

Him; isn’t she too small to go out

Me; she’s fine

He called out for the nanny, and she took Lesedi from me.

Him; we need to talk

Me; not today. I want

Him; No. Now

Me; Siya

Him; NOW RIFILOE.

Siya grabbed my hand and dragged me to the lounge

Him; you are going to sit down and Listen to me

Me; Si

Him; Rifiloe. Shut up. for once in your life, just shut the fuck up
I looked at him and noticed he was getting rather annoyed

Me; Fine

Him; I know that you are hurt. But Rifiloe, I swear, I didn’t know about the party from last night. It was
a surprise. I honestly was just going to dinner with Hlokes, I had no idea about the party.

Me; (silence)

Him; Rifiloe. I miss you. I love you, and despite what it looks like. Naledi and I aren’t together. I don’t
see her that way. The photographer just asked for a picture. I had no idea it would be in the paper. Or
let alone that the media would find out about the Lesotho deal

Me; (silence)

Him; All I want is you

Me; Mhmm

Him; baby. Please. I just need you to understand. This Lesotho deal is bigger than me. It’s not about the
marriage. Or relationship. It’s about more than just us. Please Refiloe. How do I say no to the president
of my country? The same country I vowed to take care of? The same country I vowed risked my life for
over and over again. How do I do that? How do I walk away now when they need me?

Me; (sigh)

Him; say something

Me; Siya …… I love you. With everything in me. I love your smile, your eyes, and your sense of humor.
Everything about you I love. Even when you hurt me. I can’t stop loving you. I want to. I really do, but my
heart just won’t let me. I would go through all of this craziness if I knew that you would chose me. But
we both know that you wouldn’t. You love your job more than anything. Your Vows to the force drive
you. I can’t compete with that. So please. Don’t choose me. you could never make a me happy

Him; I could try

Me; You have tried

Him; (sigh)

Me; don’t feel bad. It just wasn’t meant to be

Him; but I love you Rifiloe

Me; yah. You do. But you also love your job, but you need to choose. You can’t have it all

I looked into Siya’s eyes, and prayed he would choose us.

Him; I’m sorry Rifiloe. I have to go through with this. I have to marry her

I got up because I could feel tears threatening my eyes.

Me; well, I wish you both the best

I left Siya in the lounge, and went to my room. This was the final straw. Siya had made a decision, and
now I had no choice but to live with it.

His love for his job was above me, and that was Ok. Now it was time to really move on.

I spent the day in my room planning my way forward. There was no use crying anymore. I had to get
my life back. Siya was living out his dream, and I was sitting at home miserable.

I contacted a divorce lawyer, then started looking for a house.

I wanted to be back in JHB as soon as possible. The sooner I leave the sooner I could find a job, and get
back into the swing of things.

I booked an appointment to view a few houses, then called the lawyer, to set up a time. The only
problem I faced now was discussing my plans with Siya

I took my laptop, and went to his office. There was no use trying to prolong this.

I knocked on his door, and waited for him to tell me to come in.

Me; do you have a moment

Him; of course

Me; Thanks.

I sat opposite him, and opened my laptop

Me; I’ve been thinking of a way forward.

Him; and

Me; I think its best I move back to JHB

Him; No

Me; Siya

Him; so how will I see my daughter

Me; You can see her whenever you are in JHB

Him; No

Me; I thought we could discuss this like adults

Him; I don’t care. I’m not letting you take my daughter anywhere.

Me; Siya

Him; No Refiloe. You want to go then go. Take your shit and fuck off. But don’t think that even for a
second, that I would let you take my daughter out of CT. she is mine just as much as she is yours

Me; I know that Siya. But there is nothing left for me here. I need to start my life again

Him; you can do that without moving to JHB

Me; Siya, please. I need this from you. Please

Him; No

Me; are we going to fight every time we discuss the terms of our divorce?

Him; Divorce?

Me; Yes Siya. I told you before. I want out

Him; I don’t want to talk about this now

Me; Why not

Him; because

Me; STOP BEING SO FUCKING SELFISH. I have been more than understanding. You have pulled me from
pillar to post Siya. And now that I want to move on, you block me. I cannot do this with you anymore.
Just let me go for God’s sake. Please

Him; How Rifiloe? How do I switch off my feelings for you? Tell me

Me; you go to Naledi. You make her your wife and you start a family with her. Forget about us. Make
the Lesotho deal happen. It’s what you wanted for so long. So go and do it. Just please. Please Leave me
out of this
Him; I love you

Me; I love you too

Him; don’t leave me

Me; I have to. So that I can breathe Siya. So that I can raise Lesedi in peace. This constant fighting isn’t
healthy for her Baby. We can’t bring her up like this

Him; (silence)

I got up the chair and went to sit on his lap.

Him; don’t do this

Me; we need to

Him; but I love you

Me; love isn’t always enough

Him; why

Me; because this is your world. And a girl like me isn’t fit for this.

Him; so you want someone else

Me; No. I want you. The man I thought you were. The man that picked me up from Chaf Pozi. The man
who is here now. Not Ghost. But realistically Ghost is a part of you. He is there weather I love it or not.
And I just can’t deal with Ghost. Ghost had hurt me. Physically. He has ripped my heart out of my chest.
I want You Siya. Not the man who is willing to marry a woman he says he doesn’t love. I need a man
who will put me and our child above his job. And right now you aren’t the man I need right now, and so
you have to let me go

Siya wiped away a tear from my eye, and leaned in to kiss me. I wanted so badly to tell him to stop. But
I couldn’t. This was the last time I would feel his lips on mine. So I kissed him back with everything in me.
If this was our goodbye then I might as well make the best of it

161

I stopped the kiss before it could get any further, because judging by the fireworks going on inside this
was only going to end in one way and quite frankly I couldn’t let that happen. No matter how much I
craved him.

Him; don’t
Me; I have to

Him; God you’re so stubborn

Me; one of us has to be

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Don’t. We have already made the decision. Let’s just stick to it

Him; (Sigh)

Me; I should go pack

Him; I don’t want to let you go

Me; I need you to

Him; I know. Its just. I really thought you and I could make this work. I just needed time. But in the end
we would make it work. I would have Naledi live in KZN and you and I would carry on as though this had
never happened. The Lesotho deal would go through and we would be able to live our lives.

Me; what about Naledi

Him; what about her

Me; so you would ship her to KZN and what? She would live out the rest of her days lonely and longing
for a man who doesn’t love her?

Him; well

Me; that isn’t fair

Him; she knows I don’t love her. She’s only doing this for her country. Lesotho needs this to happen just
as much as we do.

Me; well now you both have something in common. Maybe you guys can find a way to make this work.
You can get to know each other. And who knows, maybe you might fall in love

Him; I doubt it

Me; Why

Him; can I be honest?

Me; yes

Him; I’ve been trying to get to know her for the past couple of months. She is sweet. Don’t get me
wrong. But she isn’t you. She’s yes this yes that. She doesn’t have an opinion in anything. She does as
told and nothing else

Me; well

Him; she’s not you. She doesn’t have any zest. She is a housewife of note and I don’t think I could ever
truly love her
Me; you’ll have to learn to love her

Him; I just want this to be over. I want the seal to go ahead so I can move on

Me; I’m sure it well all come together. Just be patient

Siya’s phone rang popping our little bubble. He looked at the caller ID and rolled his eyes. I smiled and
gave him one last kiss, then left him to answer.

The conversation I just had with Siya left me feeling confused. He made it sound so easy. But thinking
back to how things were really like. There was nothing I could do to mend our relationship. It was
honestly best for both of us to let go and let each other try finding happiness elsewhere

I checked on Lesedi and thankfully she was wasn’t giving her nanny any problems. So I went to my room
and started packing. The sooner we were in JHB the better.

I packed a few things for both Lesedi and myself. I booked us into a hotel for the time being. I hoped to
have us in a new house within 2 month, but for the time being, we would have to deal with a suite

By the time I was done packing and getting things in order, it was approaching dinner time. Lesedi had
been bottle feeding all day and she was starting to get cranky. So I took her from her nanny and went to
have dinner with her father

Siya was dinner and smiled when he saw Lesedi

Him; can I hold her

Me; I was planning on feeding her

Him; bottle

Me; nope. She’s bottle fed the whole day. Think she’s over it. She wants her boobies

Him; I remember a time when I could have those

Me; well. Gone are the days

Him; A man can dream you know

Me; yes. He can, but a man can also know when to give up

Him; you know that’s not my thing

Me; it will have to be

Him; not in a million years

Me; anyway. We need to discuss the divorce

Him; what about it

Me; I want to know when you can meet with my lawyer

Him; why would you need a lawyer

Me; because we are getting divorced

Him; you don’t need a lawyer. You own half of what I own and that’s exactly what you are going to get.
Case closed

Me; but

Him; Rifiloe. Despite what you think. I am not driven by money. And anyway. You are the mother of my
child. I would never let you suffer. So you get half of what I own and the money you had before me

Me; ok. I guess I can’t really argue with you

Him; FINALLY

Me; (chuckles)

Him; you really leaving me

Me; Siya

Him; It just feels so surreal

Me; we’ll adapt. Eventually

Him; I guess

Me; will you do me a favour

Him; anything

Me; promise me no matter what. You’ll always be there for your children

Him; I promise

Me; thank you

Him; Can I ask you to do me a favour

Me; anything

Him; I don’t want you to introduce any men to Lesedi. If you date just keep them away from her

Me; I can do that

Him; thank you

We had our last dinner together as a family. Both our moods had changed to being sombre.

After dinner Siya took Lesedi to bath while I had shower. By the time I was done, I put Lesedi to bed,
then I went to bed.

I tossed and turned for hours. I went to the kitchen to get some milk, and noticed that Siya’s office light
was on. It was after 1am, and I thought he would be in bed by now.

I knocked on his door and the door opened. Siya was sitting in his office drinking a bottle of Hennessey

Me; that ha

Him; yaah you should know. You caused it

Me; I did ha

Him; yep. If only you had loved me enough

Me; Siya. You’re drunk. You should get to bed

Him; I’m not drunk. I’m wallowing in self-pity. There’s a difference

Me; oh I see

Him; you shouldn’t be walking around here with just that on. I’m a man after all

Me; well. I will be off to bed then

Him; can I join you

Me; no

Him; just to cuddle?

Me; I don’t trust you

Him; I pinkie promise

Me; ha a Siya

Him; you don’t trust me or you don’t trust yourself?

Me; I don’t trust either of us

Him; why

Me; Si
Him; why

Me; because I love you. Every inch of my body craves your touch.

Him; so let me make love to you for one last time

Me; no. because if I do then I’ll never let go

Him; so I’ll come cuddle you then

I left Siya and went back to bed. No use discussing something that wasn’t going to happen

I was just falling asleep, when Siya came in. I heard him, and cringed.

He got into bed and wrapped his arms around me.

Him; relax. I’m not going to try anything. I just want to have you in my arms for the last time

For the very last time I fell asleep in my husband’s worm arms. Tomorrow he wouldn’t be mine but for
tonight he was all mine.

162

Waking up in Siya’s arms was bitter sweet, I know that what I was doing was best for me and Lesedi, but
at the same time leaving Siya was going to tear me apart. We had been through so much in the past
couple of years, but now it was coming to an end and there wasn’t much to be done.

I tried getting out of bed but Siya pulled me closer.

Him; Don’t

Me; Si

Him; Shhh. Just sleep

Me; I need to get going. My flight leaves at 10am

Him; mhmmm

Me; move Si

Him; I don’t know if I want to

Me; You have to

Him; why

Me; Cause I’m not yours

Him; you’ll always be mine

Me; (giggles)

Him; I’m serious

Me; Siya don’t say shit like that. We’re divorcing remember

Him; paper don’t mean shit. You and I are soul mates

Me; Siya... I’ve got to go

Him; do you want to go

Me; no. but I have to

Him; I can make you stay you know

Me; yes. I know that, but I’m hoping you won’t

Him; you know I love you right

Me; yes. I do. But you also love your Job. And that’s OK

Him; I’m going to miss you

ME; me too

Him; one last kiss?

Me; no. You got morning breath

Him; (chuckles)

Lesedi started crying and Siya went to fetch her and put her in bed with us. I took her from him and fed
her. Once I was done I gave her to Siya, to change while I bathed

After bathing, we had breakfast together, while the guards went to fetch my bags from my room.

I stood in front of the house for the last time, and let out a sigh. This was it. The end of a chapter and the
beginning of a new one.

I walked back in to fetch Lesedi from Siya.

Me; Its time

Him; (silence)

Me; Siya. I don’t want to miss my flight

Him; It’s your Jet

Me; that’s not the point

Him; Rifiloe

Me; No Siya. You promised

Him; I know, I just don’t know if I can let you go

Me; you have to

Him; mhmm

I took Lesedi and put her in her car seat.

When I turned around I saw Siya standing behind me

Him; I’m going to miss you

Me; Me too

Him; don’t go

Me; Siya don’t

Him; but Rifiloe, This can’t be the end. Not like this

Me; I’m not discussing this again

Siya stood in front of me and didn’t move

Me; Siya move

Him; (silence)

Me; Siya

Him; Fuck Rifiloe. I can’t do this

Me; Siya you promised

Him; well fuck that.

I looked at Siya and knew he wasn’t playing around. His fists were clenched and his veins had gotten
enlarged

Me; baby

Him; What. What Rifiloe

Me; I love you

Him; then why you leaving

Me; because I need to

Him; I won’t let you

Me; Siya please. Lesedi is getting restless

Him; I don’t care. You’re not going anywhere. In fact, get her out her seat

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe. You are my life. How am I supposed to live without you?

Me; (sniff) stop... This is hard as it is. You are making it worse

Him; don’t go

Me; Siya move

Him; Rifiloe

Me; move

Siya took a step back and I got in the car. The driver started reversing, and I burst into tears.

I have no idea why I couldn’t just stay. Why was I being so selfish? Why couldn’t I put my feelings aside
and just be with him. Why couldn’t I love him enough to not care about this stupid deal?

I arrived at the airport and boarded the Jet. There was no use crying. I had made the decision to leave,
and so I had no choice but to keep with my decision.

********* SIYA************
Seeing Rifiloe leave broke every inch of my soul. And yet here I was losing her because of my fucking
father. I don’t know why I keep wanting his approval despite him being dead. I just wish I could let
Dumisani marry Naledi and we could move on, but I just couldn’t let that happen. I owed Naledi and
now it was time I paid up.

I spent the rest of my day tracking Rifiloe with a bottle of my liquor. I had set up 2 guards outside the
hotel, and I had Nails monitoring her call. I know was extreme. But thinking of her with another man
was killing me. So I allowed myself to be drink, and bang walls. Tomorrow I would have to be back at
the force, and I planned on coming back with a bang

******************Rifiloe**********************

Arriving in JHB was hard. Everything was finally real. I had no one. Just me and my baby. Our little family
was gone. I gave Lesedi to her nanny, while I settled us in.

Siya and I have been apart for 4 months now. I was able to buy a house 3 bedroom house in Hyde Park.
Siya signed off on the security features, and we were able to move in.

The first couple of days without him were difficult. Especially with Christmas coming up, but now things
were easier. Each day got lighter and I was able to face the day with a positive outlook.

Lesedi was now 6 months old and was a complete replica of her father. Even her moods were like his.
One minute she would be smiling, then the next she would be pissed. Siya made it a point to spend time
with Lesedi every weekend. He would arrive in JHB on Friday would go back to CT on Sunday.

I would drop off Lesedi on Friday and he would drop her off on Sunday.

The chemistry between us was there, but we had both ignored it. Siya and Naledi’s wedding date had
been set for that very same Christmas.

I had seen a lawyer about the divorce, and all I needed now was for him to sign the documents. But Siya
being Siya he had excuse after excuse for not signing. And hopefully since he was due to arrive today to
see Lesedi.

I hoped I would be able to get him to sign them so that we could both move forward, because I also
needed to move forward. I had applied for jobs and I was finally ready to get my life back in gear. I was
back to being me, and all now needed now was those divorce papers signed.

163
Siya arrived on Friday in the worst mood ever. He walked in and didn’t bother to greet. Instead he just
went to Lesedi’s room

I decided to let Siya be, and made myself a smoothie. If he wanted to be moody he could do so. I
refused to participate or even acknowledge his negative energy. Instead I took my smoothie, and went
to the lounge to watch some TV.

Siya walked in holding Lesedi. He put her feeding chair and gave her some fruit, then came and sat
opposite me.

I didn’t move, or even look at him. Instead I just carried on watching Mr and Mrs Smith as though he
wasn’t even in the room.

Siya stood up and put off the TV. So I took my phone and went onto social media. Again he took my
phone. So I stared at him without saying a word. It was clear he was the one with the problem, so I
didn’t see why I had to say anything when he was the one with the problem.

Him; why the fuck would you send a sheriff to deliver divorce papers to me

Me; but Siya, I had no choice. You kept dodging my lawyer

Him; I haven’t dodged anyone. I’ve been busy

Me; I know. But I needed to get this divorce finalised already. It’s been 4 months Siya. What are you
waiting for?

Him; I haven’t had time to look through them

Me; but your lawyer has

Him; so. I still need to read them

Me; Siya we both know you are just trying to prolong this. I just fail to understand why. You are getting
married in less than a month. You have to sign these

Him; I said I will. Just fucking lay off

Me; don’t use words like that in front of Lesedi

Him; Lay off with the lawyers Rifiloe. I will grant you your divorce. Just stop pushing

Me; when

Him; soon. Just give me a moment to fucking breath. All I hear from you is divorce this divorce that. I
know you want it, and it will be granted. Just lay off

Me; (sigh)
Him; (silence)

I knew Siya was only huffing and puffing because he was hurt. I know he loves me. It’s not even a
question in my mind, but love wasn’t anything if he wasn’t willing to show me.

I got up and went to sit on his lap in my favourite position and put my head in his neck. God he smelt
good.

I could feel Siya getting hard, and it took a lot in me not to rip my clothes off.

Me; behave

Him; how, when you are on top of me?

Me; Siya. You need to let go

Him; How

Me; I don’t know. But you do

Him; I know you want me just as much as I want you

Me; you’re not mine to have Siya

Him; and yet you hold my surname

Me; not for much longer

Him; Rifiloe

Me; tell me why

Him; why what

Me; why you are so adamant to marry her

Him; I don’t want to talk about that. I’d rather kiss you

Me; mxm

Him; Rifiloe, this is not up for discussion

Me; mhmm ok. Back to the divorce

Him; that’s not up for discussion either

Me; and then you wonder why I want a divorce

Him; don’t be smart with me

Me; I’m just saying. This is why I we can’t ever be ok. You can’t be honest

Him; kiss me
Me; no

Him; please

Me; Lesedi is looking at us

Him; and what’s wrong with that. She can see her parents are happy.

Me; I want you

Him; you have me

Me; no. No I don’t

Him; yes you do. You’re the only one I’ve given my surname

Me; but she will have your surname as well

Him; (chuckles) you must think I’m dumb as hell

Me; what do you mean

Him; you think I am going to marry her legally?

Me; well, isn’t that what you do when you get married

Him; not in my case. I am marrying her traditionally. Nothing more and nothing less

ME; yes. But she will still be your WIFE

Him; maybe

Me; ok… I’m over this

I tried getting up but Siya held onto my waist

Me; Let go

Him; no

I looked in his eyes and all I saw was desire. And I knew it also reflected in my eyes

Him; baby

Me; shhh

I leaned in and started kissing him hungrily. It’s been more than 7 months since I had had some loving in
a long time so this was just too good to stop.
Clearly Lesedi didn’t get the memo, cause she started crying when she saw that we weren’t giving her
attention. I pulled away reluctantly and smiled at her and she stopped crying and giggled

Siya rolled his eyes and I burst out laughing. Lesedi had no timing, but at the same time she had perfect
timing.

I got up from Siya, and went to pick her up.

Him; we should go out for dinner

Me; where

Him; I feel like ribs

Me; ok. Let’s go

Him; aren’t you going to change

Me; no. there’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing.

Him; Rifiloe. Those shorts will have men looking at you left right and flipping centre

Me; so. Why would you care? You’re getting married in a month

Him; oh God. Not that again

Me; it’s the truth mos

Him; lets go

Me; I feel like I’m your side chick

Him; (chuckels)

Me; don’t laugh

Him; why would you

Me; cause. Does your wife know you’re here?

Him; yes. My second wife, knows I am with my first wife

Me; mxm

Him; you asked

Me; just get Lesedi’s bag, and let’s go

Siya moved closer, and held onto my waist

Him; you jealous

Me; no

Him; you look jealous

Me; I’m not

Him; well I’d be jealous as fuck if you started dating someone

Me; well. I plan on doing so right after you sign those papers

Him; don’t start with shit

Me; giggles

Him; so am I spending the night

Me; no

Him; why not

Me; cause

Him; we’ll see

Siya went to fetch Lesedi’s bag, and we went for dinner. This was the first time since we separated that
we were really getting along. Lesedi was all over her father. She didn’t want to even come near me.

After dinner, we went for a walk around the mall to tire Lesedi out. Then we drove back to my house.

Siya went up and put Lesedi to bed, while I contemplated on whether to let him stay the night or not.

I missed him really badly but at the same time I didn’t want to seem weak. But then who cares? Siya
and I were technically still married and I could do what I want.

164

Siya cane down and found me in the kitchen with a glass of wine in my hand. he put his arms around me
from behind. I know i wanted Siya. I mean i misses him after all but at the same time sleeping with Siya
would complicate things. How would i feel afterwards? How could we move on when i basically kept
jumping him every time he was here
Him: So do I go or do I stay?

me: i think its beat you go

Him: you sure

Me: no. But its the right thing

Him: but I thought

Me: you thought wrong

Him: Rifiloe

Me:(Sniff)

Him: what is it Rifiloe

Me: i want you back. I want my family together, but you parent willing to make sacrifices.

Him: baby

Me: Siya leave her. Stay here with me and your daughter

Him: baby

Me: I can't do this if you aren't mine.

Him: but I am

Me: no. you aren't

Him: (silence)

Me: just tell me the truth. Please. Just tell me why

Him: Rifiloe

me: then i guess you should go

him: so i don't get the benefit of the doubt

Me: that's what I've given you throughout our marriage

Him: I know. But

Me: tell me

Him: Rifiloe

Me: Please

Him: you don't give up do you?

Me: no

Him: can we at least sit down

Me: ok

We went to the lounge and Siya sat opposite me

Him: A few years ago, before my father passed away. He was getting ready to make me chief, but i
wasn't ready. He wanted me to take a wife first, so i ran off to the force instead.

Me: ok and then

Him: when i was done with my training i went back home, to visit and I found out that My Father and
the chief of Lesotho had decided I would take Naledi as my wife. At that time i was already with Linda
so i refused. I abandoned my family and went back to the force.

Me: and

Him: Then my died and my uncle took over. He then decided that if i wasn't going marry Naledi, they
would give her to Dumisani, which was perfect for me. So Naledi was taken to KZN to visit. It was just
for her to familiarize herself with our culture and for my mom to see her.

Me:oh

Him: until one day I went home unannounced. I found Naledi bruised, starved and Raped repeatedly by
Dumisani

Me: Oh Gosh

Him: I rushed her to the hospital and unfortunately the damage had been done. She had been hurt so
badly that she wouldn't be able to have children.

Me: where was your mother

Him: She was away at the time. Dumisani's first wife was supposed to be there to take care of Naledi.
But she let it happen.
Me: wow

Him: i took Naledi back to her family and begged for forgiveness on behalf of my family. The king
however wasnt having it. He wanted her wed because we had damaged her. So my uncle made a vow
that I would be the one to marry her since she had initially been promised to me.

Me: why didn't you tell me?

Him: because Rifiloe. How do i dissapoint her again?How do I say no, when i was to blame for what
Dumisani did? If only i had done what my father wanted years ago, she wouldn't have been hurt. She
wouldn't be living with the traumer that she lives with

Me: but Siya this wasn't your fault

Him: Rifiloe, Dumisani didn't hurt and rape her because he wanted her. He did it because Naledi had
told him she didn't want him. She has told him that she was in love with me and would never want me.
So he abused her because of his hatred for me.

Me: why isn't he in jail?

Him: The Chiefs both decided it was best foe this to be dealt within the family

Me: I see

Him: Rifiloe. I don't love Naledi. I have never. But i cannot go back on my word. I promised her family i
would take care of her, and its my duty to do so. The military deal is just to seal the pact.

Me: (Sigh)

Him: please tell me you understand where Im coming from.

I looked at Siya and knew he was telling the truth. I wanted to tell him it was ok. That i would support
him. But how do i share my husband with a damsel in distress. What guarantee did i have that he
wouldn't fall for her? But how do i tell him to leave her for me when she had been through so much?

I knew then that i had no choice. I had to divorce Siya so that He could move on with her. maybe in time
he would fall in love with her, and he could give her the love she deserves.

165

I sat in silence trying to figure out what to do. Siya was the love of my life but the way things stood, luck
wasn't exactly in my favour. Everything that has happened just made things so difficult. We were pulling
vastly in differe t directions and there wasn't a way to be together. He was promised to Naledi and i just
didn't see myself being in a polygamous marriage.

Him : Say something

Me: (silence )

Him: Rifiloe

Me: I think you should leave

Him: but

Me: now Siya. Just go

Him: What just happened

Me: You need to go. You can take Lesedi tomorrow

Him; just wait minute now.

Me: Siya. You and i need to let go of one another. We can't keep fighting like this. You chose her over us
and that is the end of it. So now we both just have to move on

Him : Is that what you want

Me: yes. As long as I am not your priority, then I have to move on

Him: baby you are a priority

Me: how Siya? When have I ever been a priority? You have always put other people first. So now I am
tired of being last and i want out.

Him: fine
Me: Fine

Him: fuck this.

Siya got up to leave.

Him: so you really doing this? After everything I just told you. You still want to go ahead with the divorce

Me: yea

Him: I hope you realise that you're making a mistake

Me: Siya. Just go. And make sure you sign those Damn papers

Him: I love you

Me: sigh

Him: cool

Siya walked out and i felt like a part of me had died.

I went to my room and went to bed. Hopefully I would wake up and things would be different

On Saturday morning Siya sent me a text letting me known he was on his way to fetch Lesedi.

I got up to get her ready, then went to make her breakfast.

When Siya arrived he looked tense but i paid no attention to him. I knew the conversation we had
lastnight would make things like this.

Him: is she ready

Me; yes . She's in her cot

Siya handed an envelope over to me.

Me: What is this

Him; the signed papers

I looked up at him and i saw a mask. This wasn't Siya. Instead it was Ghost and i knew I had to tread
lightly

Me; thank you

Siya left me in the kitchen and went to fetch Lesedi. I took out the paper's from the envelope and
indeed he had signed them.

I instantly had a lump in my throat. I don't know why. But last night I thought maybe he would
reconsider. I hoped he would've seen things from my point of view, but clearly I was wrong, because
here I was with papers in my hand.

I tried to not cry. I didn't want to infront of him, but my tears weren't cooperating.

I heard Siya and Lesedi coming down. So I wiped my eyes, and hoped Lesedi couldn't feel the negative
energy surrounding me.

Him: we're off. I'll bring her back tomorrow afternoon

Me:(sniff) cool

Him: Rifiloe. Why are you crying. You said you wanted out. This is what you said you want.

Me: I'm just being silly. You guys should go

Siya put Lesedi in her high chair then came back and pulled me into a hug.

Him; I'm sorry Rifiloe. For everything. I didn't mean for all of this to happen.

Me: (crying)

Him: Just tell me to tear them up and i will.

Me: what's the use? You'd still marry her. Nothing would change

Him: (silence)

I stepped away from Siya and he gave me one last kiss. Then picked up Lesedi and they left.

I locked my doors and went to my room and cried my lungs out. This was it. There was no more Siya and
Fifi. It was over.

I spent the rest o my Saturday in bed. I ate junk and drank wine till I couldn't take anymore. All I wanted
was to fill the void but there was no one to help.

I had no one. No parents, no friends, no one. The only person I had left in the world was now was Lesedi,
and that was it.

I eventually fell asleep in my tears, and went to the only place with no pain, and that was sleep.

Waking up the following morning with a hangover of note. My mouth was dry and i just could seem to
lift up my head.

I tried ignoring my phone, but whoever was calling was persistent as fuck. So I had no choice but to
answer

Me: Hlokes. What the fuck?

Him: I've been ringing your bell like crazy

Me: you're outside

Him: yes, now open up. I'mflipping hungry

Me: mxm

I put down the call, and buzzed him in.

Hlokes cAme in looking like Rambo. I hadn't seen him in a while because of his work, and he had clearly
been living in the gym

Him: well, its nice to see you too

Me: shhh. My head dude

Him: you've been drinking

Me: yes. Now I'm going to freshen up. You better make sure my breakfast is ready by the time I come
down

Him: yes mam

I ran upstairs and took a nice long shower. I brushed my teeth, then got dressed.

By the time I got downstairs breakfast was ready and was smelling magical

Me: smells good

Him: sit down and eat

I sat on the counter and started eating.

Him: So your man tells me he signed the paper's

Me: yep

Him: how do you feel

Me: numb

Him: are you sure this is what you want

Me: no. But for my sake. I had no choice.

Him: I know

Me: so what are you doing here

Him: checking on my friend

Me: thank you

Him: donyou need anything

Me: No thank you. I'm good

Him: just let me know should you need anything

Me: I will

Him; thanks for breakfast. I need to go

Me: Hows Boni ad Owami

Him: they're good. We got engaged last weekend

Me: wow. Congrats

Him: thank you

Me: Boni must be excited

Him: you should phone her and find out

Me: I don't think that's a good idea.

Him: I won't push

Me: thanks

Hlokes left a little while later, leaving me to my boring self.

I decided to e-mail my lawyer to let him know Siya had signed the paper's. He responded almost
immediately asking me to drop them off.

So I got dressed and left for his offices. I was rather surprised that he worked on Saturday's, but none
the less I was glad, because at least the process would get going. The faster we lodged the more we
would be able to move on. There was no use prolonging the inevitable. I was no longer Mrs Ndhlovu
and the sooner I accept that the better.

166

Leaving the attorney office was difficult. Since Siya signed that would mean that we would be divorced
in a matter of days. I wished I could say I was happy, but deep inside I was broken. In a few weeks Siya
would be married to Naledi and that just made my stomach turn. I just hoped that with time I would be
able to get over Siya, because seeing him with her isn’t going to be easy.
I went to a restaurant to have coffee, and job hunted some more. I needed to find a job before I drove
myself crazy. Staying at home 24/7 isn’t exactly my kind of thing. I know I didn’t need the money but I
wasn’t the stay at home all day type.

After my coffee, I did some shopping, then went back to the house. Siya and Lesedi arrived just as I had
finished cleaning the house. He took Lesedi to her room to nap, then back downstairs

Him; Hi

Me; Hi

Him; I’m sorry I bought her back sooner than normal

Me; Its fine

Him; I leave for CT tonight

Me; Have a safe trip

Him; I hear you went to see your lawyer

Me; yes. He should lodge on Monday, and hopefully we will be divorced before you get married

Him; mhmm

Me; is there anything else?

Him; I miss you

Me; you should go

Him; Rifiloe.

Me; no Siya. You should go

Him; not before we discuss plans or the next couple of weeks

Me; Plans?

Him; I want Lesedi and you to be at the wedding

Me; you must be out of your damn mind. I will not have my child anywhere near your family

Him; I beg your pardon

Me; you heard me

Him; Rifiloe. The press will be there. No one knows we are getting divorced. And I want to keep it that
way

Me; you are honestly crazy. I will not be attending anything relating to you and your family
Him; You sure as hell will

Me; God you are so arrogant. We are divorcing and you still think you can dictate what I do. Well. That
shit aint happening. I will not attend this wedding of yours and neither will my daughter

Him; you mean our daughter. And you will be in KZN and on your best behaviour, especially if you want
that divorce finalised

Me; what are you talking about

Him; nothing. Just make sure you are in KZN

Me; I’m not making any promises

Him; I’ll have Ghost pick you up on the Friday

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe. I am not arguing with you on this. If I have to go through with this, then so do you. I have
granted you your divorce. The least you can do is pretend to still be married for one weekend, and then
after that you can go on with your life.

Me; I’m not doing this

Him; Then you leave me no choice

Siya took out his phone and I snatched it from him

Me; siya don’t you dare

Him; and why not

Me; because I am not YOURS anymore. You cannot make me do things I don’t want to do

Him; you honestly seem to forget who you are dealing with

Me; Siya, what do you mean

Him; Nothing. Just make sure that you are at this stupid wedding. Make sure you are the supporting
senior wife, and most importantly make sure you do not give any interviews. None

Me; whatever

Him; and make sure you aren’t seen in public with any male figures

Me; Siya. stop

Him; I’m serious Rifiloe.

Me; How much longer do you plan on torturing me

Him; not much longer. Just do this for me, Please. After this you can go and live your life without
interference from me. we will tell the press that we grew apart and therefore divorced

Me; why do we have to lie? We didn’t grow apart. You ripped us apart by agreeing to marry another
woman

Him; I know that, but the Chieftaincy cannot afford any bad press at the moment. And news of our
divorce right before I get married would cause a shit storm

Me; Fine Siya. But after this we are done

Him; ok

Me; you can go now

Him; Do you hate me that much that you can’t even be in the same room with me

Me; Siya of course not. I

Him; Its fine. I’ll go

He gave me a small kiss on the lips, and I took a step back

Me; don’t

Him; tell me you don’t Love me

Me; you know I don’t

Him; really

Me; Yes

Him; well. I don’t believe you

Me; you might as well try

Him; I’m going to kiss you again

I looked at Siya and he had that playful smile on his face.

Me; don’t you dare

Him; and whats going to stop me

Me; me

Him; really
Me; yes. Really

Siya took one step towards me and I ran laughing towards the pool table, so that I would have
something between us

Me; you got to be fast around here Mr Ndhlovu

Him; let’s make a deal

Me; I’m listening

Him; if you come willingly, I won’t do anything inappropriate. Except for kissing you

Me; (chuckles)

Him; or, I run after you and catch you. And if I happen to catch you then I get to take advantage of those
juicy lips

Me; no deal

Him; In that case I am coming for you

Me; Siya

Siya lunged towards me and I ran, away giggling

Him; you get one more chance to surrender. After that I will show no mercy

Me; Siya (giggles) Stop

Him: kiss me

Me; No

Him; one, two

Me; SIIIIYYYAAA

Him; well. Here I come.

I ran up the stairs and Siya caught up to me, and held me from behind

Him; I told you I’d never truly let go

me; well I think you should

He turned me around and I looked up at his dreamy brown eyes

Him; Can I kiss my wife

Me; I’m not your

Siya interrupted me by putting his lips on mine.

Him; you talk too much

I breathed in this scent and swallowed. I wanted to stop him, but I just didn’t know if I could

Him; I love you Rifiloe, with every inch of me

Me; Si

Siya kissed me hungrily and I kissed him back with no regret. I don’t know what this thing between us
was, but I honestly don’t know how I am supposed to get over him with his tongue down my throat.

I broke the kiss and he smiled

Him; I’ll see you at the wedding

Me; Fine

Him; Thank you

Me; It’s a pleasure

Him; do you have something to eat

Me; ha a Siya. I’m not your wife remember

Him; well. Technically

Me; mxm. Come. I’ll make you a salad

Him; Salad? Haai cha ngiyabonga. I’d rather starve

Me; well I am not cooking for you

Him; lets order

Me; don’t you have to get to CT

Him; Well I own a jet don’t I

Me; I know that

Him; so let me spend time with the mother of my child.

Me; ok

We went downstairs and Siya ordered dinner while I sat on the couch watching TV

After ordering Siya put my legs on his lap and gave me a foot massage

Him; remember the first time I came to your place?

Me; Yahh. It was the night you picked me up from Chaf Pozi

Him; (chuckles) Things were so simple then

Me; yaah

Him; and remember that time you’re mother found me in your house

Me; (chuckles) yahh, that was embarrassing. Especially when you came downstairs with the whole
baby who was at the door

Him; (chuckles) how was I supposed to know that your mother was downstairs.

Me; I think I saw you go pale

Him; I nearly peed in my pants

Me; Giggles

Him; we were so good then.

Me; I (sigh)

Him; I remember that day I met you. You looked like you were from the page of a magazine. You
turned me on the moment you opened you mouth about handling my portfolio. I tried so hard to
remember that I was only there because I need to find bullet, but every time you spoke my heart
jumped a beat. After we concluded the meeting, I went to lunch with some friends, and I look up and
there you are ordering lunch. I looked at you and wondered how your smile was. Or how you looked
when you’re asleep.

Me; that’s kind of creepy

Him; I couldn’t help but imagine, how you would look when I made love to you
Me; Siya

Him; when you told me you were in Chaf Pozi, I was at the office. I had to get to CT because there was
an issue with CUBA. But I couldn’t think of leaving you. Not with all those men with you

Me; that’s just silly

Him; yah. That was the beginning of my downfall. I fucking fell hard

Me; Chuckles

Him; I just wish we could make this work, but here I am again on your couch and we are in the middle of
a divorce. I’m about to marry a woman I have no feelings for whatsoever.

Me; Siya

Him; I’m not saying you should forgive me. I mean what woman in her right mind would forgive what
I’ve done. It just sucks, because I really thought we had done it. We were married and things were going
to be just fine

Me; Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be

Him; I don’t think so. I think I just really screwed up

Me; yes. Pretty much

Him; would you ever consider taking me back

Me; in another world maybe. But right now its best that we are apart. Maybe just be friends

Him; friends with benefits

Me; no benefits. Just friend. Parent’s co-parenting

Him; haai. I don’t know about that

Me; Its either that or nothing

Him; well. Friends it is

Me; shake on it

Him; I’m massaging your feet. That’s the handshake you get

Me; fine

Siya stayed for a couple of more hours. We had dinner and discussed his upcoming wedding. I don’t
know what we were doing, but I was glad we could just Talk without ending up into a fight. Hopefully we
could just keep this up and eventually we could be just two parents taking care of our daughter
together.
167

I looked at Siya and I on the couch and for the first time in forever there was no anger.

I didn’t hate him, in fact I don’t even wish anything bad for him. I just enjoyed being around him talking
about where we come from.

I loved him with everything in me, but I wasn’t interested in being his second, but he was my daughter’s
father and that meant we would have to be in each other’s lives, and us being cordial would just have to
do.

Siya didn’t end up going to CT instead he spent the week in JHB with us. He insisted it was because he
had business to take care of at Ndhlovu Corp. but deep down I knew it was because he was avoiding
going back to that big ass lonely house of his.

My attorney had contacted me during the week to let me know he had lodged the divorce papers. It was
now only a matter of time till we were divorced, and here we were playing house.

Siya was sleeping in the spare bedroom downstairs, while Lesedi and I Stayed upstairs.

I know it was inappropriate to have him here seeing that he will be married soon, But I really enjoyed
being here with him. He respected my space and hardly ever touched me. Instead he was just being a
great father and an even better friend to me and I wasn’t exactly sure that that was a good thing,
because I was starting to wonder if this could’ve been us. Could we have been this happy?

I had been to a couple of interviews and nailed them all. I received 2 offers out of the 5 and I went with
the one that was more flexible time wise, because of Lesedi.

I was due to start in January and Siya and I had decided that Lesedi would go to preschool next year.

I spent most of my Friday with Lesedi, we were in the garden when Siya arrived from work.

Him; Hey... My two favourite woman

Me; Hey

He took Lesedi from me and spun her around. Lesedi loved it when he did that and quite frankly it
scared me because I thought he would drop it.

Siya finally put her down and took her inside to the nanny to get cleaned up, while I stayed in the
garden, soaking up the son.

Siya came outside and sat next to me, and handed me a glass of juice

Him; I was thinking

Me; ok

Him; we should go for dinner

Me; dinner?

Him; yaah. I don’t feel like cooking

Me; you’ve been living here rent free for the past week. The least you can do is cook

Him; (chuckles)

Me; You need to go back Siya. You can’t stop avoiding your life forever

Him; You talk too much

Me; mxm

Him; So Dinner?

Me; when are you leaving

Him; Oh gosh I have no idea. I’m starting to think I should buy a house in JHB again. I saw one down the
road from here

Me; hayi. Siya I don’t want you living in JHB

Him; Rifiloe. The head office to my company is here. Of course I want a house here

Me; Why not live in the house in Sandton

Him; too many memories. I’m selling it

Me; mhmmm

Him; can we go to dinner? I’m starving

Me; I’ll get Lesedi ready

Him; I think she’s asleep. So it looks like it’s just the 2 of us

Me; Siya I don’t think

Him; stop thinking and lets go

I rolled my eyes and went to fetch my purse. I checked and Lesedi was indeed fast asleep.

I gave her a kiss and left with Siya for dinner.

Me; so where are going for dinner?

Him; I was thinking maybe Luce

Me; how very convenient

Him; what

Him; Siya the very same place we had our first date

Him; I like the food

Me; Siya

Him; I’m serious

Me; (sigh)

We sat at the exact same table we sat at last time. We talked and just enjoyed each other’s company. I
received an email from my lawyer just as we had ordered dessert. I went through the email and it
confirmed that our divorce was finalised. I looked at my ring and swallowed past the big lump in my
throat.

Him; Rifiloe. What is it?

ME; our divorce has been finalised

Siya put down his glass and I gave him my phone.

Him; so this is it ha

Me; yahh, I guess so

Him; I can’t believe we went through with this

Me; I need to go to the ladies

Him; Rifiloe

Me; actually, can we go? I’m feeling a bit lightheaded

Him; ok. I’ll get the bill

I took Siya’s keys and went to the car, while he paid for dinner. I needed to cry my eyes out for a
moment and I wanted to do it in private.

I honestly have no idea why I was crying. I was the one who wanted this, so why would I be this heart
broken.

I wiped my tears away, just as Siya approached the car. He came in and looked at me

Him; you’ve been crying

Me; I’m just being silly

Him; Rifiloe

Me; Lets go home

Him; ok

We drove home in silence. The ride seemed longer than just 15 minutes. I had so many things going
through my mind. I was single. I hadn’t fought hard enough for my family. Lesedi wouldn’t grow up
with both me and her father.

This week had led me to believe that we were ok. That we were a family. Even though Siya stayed in the
spare room, and that we hadn’t been intimate in so long. But for the first time in our relationship we
were normal. He left at 8am to go to work, and he was back by 5pm. He would put Lesedi to bed. He
wouldn’t take calls at home. He was gentle. He was everything that I thought that he was in the
beginning. The only problem was that he was doing everything I cried and begged for throughout our
marriage, at the very end of it.

We arrived home and I went straight to my room. I wanted to mourn the end of my marriage, and the
only way I knew how was by crying and letting the pain in my heart go.
Siya walked into my room and looked at me, with just as much pain reflected on him. I didn’t need to
say anything to him. He just took off his shoes and lay in bed cuddling me as I cried my eyes out.

Right now all I wanted was him and yet he wasn’t mine to have anymore. Instead he was going to be
someone else husband. All because I couldn’t stick it out.

168

Waking up in Siya’s arms was confusing and worm as ever. Siya was wrapped up in me and breathing
warmly on my neck. I wanted to tell him to move but I was too comfortable. So I drifted back to sleep
and let myself believe that we were ok. At least in my dreams we were living our happily ever after

When I finally woke up again Siya wasn’t in bed. I looked at the time and it was after 9:00am.

I got up and went downstairs, and found Siya in the kitchen.

Him; morning

Me; morning

Me; where’s Lesedi?

Him; the nanny took her for a walk

Me; ok

Him; How you feeling

Me; I’m going to go shower. I’ll tell you when I’m done

Him; I’ll make breakfast

Me; Thank you

I went upstairs, and tidied up my room, then went to take a shower. God only knows what this day has
planned for me.

I went downstairs and Siya and found Siya on his phone. I could tell he was a bit frustrated so I decided
to ease drop. I don’t know why, but for some reason I was jealous because I knew it was Naledi
Him; Naledi. I said I was going to do this. So let me be for God’s sake

Her; But Siya you haven’t been involved with planning the wedding.

Him; you can handle that mos

Her; I know, But we are due to be wed in a week and you are nowhere to be found.

Him; I’ve got to go

Her; Siya. Wait

Him; what?

Her; can’t we just try. I know you’re only doing this because of what Dumisani did and because the army
deal. But can’t we just try acting like husband and wife. Maybe spend more time together. We are after
all spending the rest of our lives together. The least we can do is try

Him; Naledi. I have told you I am not interested in being with you like that.

Her; what does she have that I don’t

Him; I’m not discussing Rifiloe with you.

Siya hung up on her, and I stood there just gathering myself. Then walked into the kitchen

Me; mhmm that smells good

Him; Omelette

Me; Thank you

Him; how are you feeling

Me; better. Thank you for being there

Him; I don’t want to be anywhere else

I sat at the breakfast counter and enjoyed my breakfast. While Siya starred at me

Me; what

Him; you’re beautiful

Me; mcm

Him; (giggles)
Me; aren’t you eating

Him; I ate earlier

Me; mhmm

Him; marry me

Me; haw Siya

Him; I’m serious

Me; you need to get back to your life. And by next weekend you will be married

Him; Don’t remind me

I got up and went to wash my plate, then sat in the lounge and Siya followed me. I could tell there was
something on his mind.

Me; aren’t you going to work

Him; it’s a Sunday

Me; well that’s never stopped you before

Him; well, I have staff who are capable of handling everything

Me; ok

Him; baby can I ask you something

Me; yes

Him; If I didn’t marry Naledi. Would you take me back

Me; Siya

Him; Just hear me out. If I found a way. Would you take me back

Me; I don’t know.

Him; what are my chances

Me; Si

Him; hypothetically speaking

Me; 40%

Him; 40%? Damn that low

Me; well Siya. If Hypothetically I were to take you back. I would need a lot from you and quite frankly I
don’t think you would be able to give me those

Him; thing like?

Me; why are we even discussing this? You and I are divorced. There’s no turning back

Him; I know. But what I’m asking is weather you would ever consider being with me again

Me; maybe

Him; that’s good enough

Me; Siya. You have that look in your eye

Him; Nothing. I am just weighing my options

Me; Lord help us all

Him; (chuckles) I need a favor from you

Me; what

Him; I need you to basically triple you security

Me; why

Him; because. Just trust me

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe. I know I have given you no reason to trust me. But I beg you. Please. Just give me time to
prove myself

Me; Siya this

Him; should you decide you don’t want me back after this, then fine

Me; after what

Him; just let me prove myself to you

ME; can I think about this

Him; while you think. I need to go

Me; go where

Him; better you don’t know. I’ll keep in contact though

Me; in contact? Siya you are going into Ghost mode, and that can only meant trouble

Him; ill chat to you later

Siya got up to leave and left me even more confused. God only knew what the hell he was up to. I just
prayed that whatever it was wouldn’t make things any worse than they already were.

169

Siya went to his room and came dressed in a suit. I looked at him and all traces of the sweet man that
graced us with his presence for the past couple of days was gone. Ghost had risen from the dead and
looked like he was ready to kill.

I stood up and looked at him with anxiousness

Him; I’ll see you late r

Me; Siya. I have a bad feeling about whatever you are about to do

Him; Rifiloe. I need to sort out this mess.

Me; what mess. Can we just talk about this before you leave?

Him; we’ll talk tonight

Me; ok

Him; I’m going to fix this Rifiloe. I know it might be too late. But I love you and I have to fix this

Me; (sigh)

Him; see you late

Siya turned around to leave but I held onto his arm

Me; wait

Him; what’s wrong

Me; nothing. Just kiss me

Him; mhmm

Me; kiss me

Him; damn
Siya pulled me in and kissed me like he had never kissed me before. I put my arms around his neck and
just gave in to all the desires of my heart. Siya wasn’t perfect. In fact he was crazy as fuck. But none the
less I loved his crazy.

We both pulled away because we needed to catch our breath

Him; I’ve missed you

Me; I’ve missed you more

Him; does this mean

Me; Ohhhh no buddy. This doesn’t mean anything. Just that I like your lips

Him; is that all you like

Me; (giggles) no not exactly

Him; so tell me what else tickles your fancy

Me; sort out whatever is going on in your head, and I might just show you

Him; sounds fun

Me; maybe

Him; I love you

Me; I know you do

Him; one more kiss

I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek and he left.

I thought about how things were so bad and yet despite it, I still loved him with everything in me, but I
wasn’t sure if I would be able to let go and put my heart in his hands. I guess time would just have to
tell.

Lesedi’s nanny came back and went to put her to bed. I had decided to start weening Lesedi. I planned
on being back at work in Jan so it was best for me to stop breast feeding her since she would be starting
preschool as well. Lord only knows how I was going to cope not being with her 24/7.

Since I was in such a good mood, I decided to go to the mall and do some Christmas shopping. We
hadn’t put up a Christmas tree yet, and I knew how exciting that would be for Lesedi. And I hoped Siya
would be home to help put it up.
I spent most of my day at the mall. I did my hair, nails. Bought some Christmas gifts and finally went to a
restaurant to have some lunch.

I ordered a chicken salad, and checked in on Lesedi. Then looked up and Saw Jason standing in front of
me with a huge grin on his face

I wrapped up my call with the nanny, and stood to give Jason a hug

Him; Well, well well.

Me; hi

Him; you look good

Me; thank you. So do you

Him; I didn’t know you were back in town. Oh wait how I could know when you blocked all access to you

Me; Jase

Him; don’t worry about it. I figured you had gone back to your husband

Me; (sigh)

Him; so you’re back together

Me; yes. And we have a daughter

Him; wow. Well there goes all my chances

Me; Jason it’s not like that

Him; don’t worry about it.

Me; join me for lunch

Him; you sure?

Me; yes

Him; then I’d love to

We sat together and caught up on everything we had missed over the past year. It finally felt good to
know that at least I still had one friend in JHB who I could talk to on friendly basis. My only problem
now was dealing with Siya, because he was going to flip, when he finds out I gave Jason my number,
that’s if he didn’t know already.

After lunch with Jason, I headed home and decided to call Siya on my way there

Him; Hi babe

Me; Hey

Him; What up

Me; you busy

Him; yes. But not too busy for you

Me; I was just letting you know I bumped into Jason at the mall, and had lunch with him.

Him; (silence)

Me; oh and I gave him my number

Him ;( clears throat)

Me; ok bye

Him; Rifiloe

Me; yes

Him; Its cool. I don’t like the whole Jason thing. But I won’t stand in the way of your friendship

Me; thank you

Him; ok. Ill see you tonight

Me; ok

Siya cut the call, and I released the breath I was holding. Siya had totally surprised me. I was expecting a
talk and a half from him, but instead he seemed a bit calm. I know deep down he was on fire, but I
appreciated that he didn’t over react or try to block me. Instead he sacrificed his feelings over my
feelings. And that just made me love him more and more every day

170
I spent the rest of my day with my baby girl. I wanted to put up the tree but decided it’s better to wait
for Siya. Hopefully he would be home soon. I was also hoping that he would tell me whatever it was that
he was planning on doing. I wanted him to let me in and I know that that would be difficult for him, but I
didn’t want any more secrets between us.

************* SIYA********************

Speaking to Rifiloe about Jason was one hell of a bitter pill to swallow. But I wasn't going to do what I
usually do. I planned on winning Rifiloe back and the only way I was going to do that was by changing
the way I did things. I wasn't comfortable at all with the whole Jason friendship but Rifiloe had given up
so much for me. The least I could do was give up my insecurities For her, and learn to trust her with
everything in me. All I had to do now was to deal with This issue of the wedding.. I had to call it off
ASAP, but first I had to deal with Dumisani. This shit had gone on for to long. I had to get rid of him
before I could call off the wedding. It's the only way Naledi could be safe and i could keep Rifiloe.

I had no choice but to break the promise I made to Naledi and her family. I would have to find a way to
keep the deal with Lesotho.

Me: Nails. I need a favour

Him: anything boss

Me: I need the security detail at Rifiloes house doubled as in yesterday. Then I need a team at Naledis
house and another at KZN

Him: is everything ok

Me: no. Shit is about to go crazy, amd I need to make sure my family is taken care of

Him: I'll get everything in or order

Me: when you're done I need you track Dumisani. I need to know all of his moves. I want to strike as in
yesterday

Nails looked at me shocked. He knew exactly what this meant. In our world you can kill just about
anyone but we never lay a hand on family. But This time i had no choice Dumisani had caused all this
shit and now i had to take him out once and for all. I had let him get away with a lot out of flea, but now
i now to face the one demon in my life and make sure he doesn't see me coming
Him: Boss are you sure about this

Me: since when do you question a direct order feom your liuetenant

Him: you know I never do. But th i is your brother

Me: don't you think I know that. Now stop with the questions and do as told

Him: yes boss.

Me: keep me in the loop. I need to get home

Him: sho

I left the office with an omber mood. I had nerve thought this day would come. I just wish I could share
this with Rifiloe. But my secret about Dumisani and my reason do kill I him would be one that i Take to
the grave with me.

I decided to go past the florist. I hadn't bought Rifiloe flowers in a while, and quite frankly she deserves
so much more. I just hoped she would give me a few weeks to get things in order

When i got home, Lesedi was busy throwing a tantrum, and you could tel Rifiloe had just about enough
and was on the verge of Giving her a hiding.

Leased saw me first and sobbed her little eyes out. I know I should've rather not gotten involved but her
cute little face was so red I couldn't hold myself.

I took her and she instantly stopped crying and put her arms around my neck, while I Patted her back.
Rifiloe looked up at me displeased. I leaned in and gave aher a kiss then took else up for her bath.

*****************Rifiloe **************

Siya walked the stairs with Lesedi. I swear that little girl had him wrapped around his little finger. He
hated seeing her cry and she knew it.

I cleaned up around the kitchen, and found a beautiful bouquet of roses on the counter. I looked at the
note and it just read " I'm sorry" I smiled and placed the flowers in a vase then put them in the dining
room and set up the table for Dinner and went upstairs to take a shower.
She i came down, Siya had already bathed and put Lesedi to bed, and had already dished up for us.

He stood up and pulked oh my chair for me

Him: can I get a kiss

Me: come get it.

He pulled me closer and put my arms around his neck and gave me a kiss that made me weak at the
knees.

When he broke the kiss he looked at me grinningly

Him: do you like your flowers

Me: yes. love them

Him: I'm glad

me: how was your day

Him: fine thanks

We had dinner and went to decorate the Christmas tree. Siya was teasing me about being too short. I
don't know what made me turn around but i saw Dumisani standing at the entrance of our dining room.

Siya turned around and pulled out his gun. And Dumisani did the same. I stood in beta them not
knowing what to do. I had thought things were Seattled but now it looked like things were going ti get
bad before they got bad.

170

I spent the rest of my day with my baby girl. I wanted to put up the tree but decided it’s better to wait
for Siya. Hopefully he would be home soon. I was also hoping that he would tell me whatever it was that
he was planning on doing. I wanted him to let me in and I know that that would be difficult for him, but I
didn’t want any more secrets between us.
************* SIYA********************

Speaking to Rifiloe about Jason was one hell of a bitter pill to swallow. But I wasn't going to do what I
usually do. I planned on winning Rifiloe back and the only way I was going to do that was by changing
the way I did things. I wasn't comfortable at all with the whole Jason friendship but Rifiloe had given up
so much for me. The least I could do was give up my insecurities For her, and learn to trust her with
everything in me. All I had to do now was to deal with This issue of the wedding.. I had to call it off
ASAP, but first I had to deal with Dumisani. This shit had gone on for to long. I had to get rid of him
before I could call off the wedding. It's the only way Naledi could be safe and i could keep Rifiloe.

I had no choice but to break the promise I made to Naledi and her family. I would have to find a way to
keep the deal with Lesotho.

Me: Nails. I need a favour

Him: anything boss

Me: I need the security detail at Rifiloes house doubled as in yesterday. Then I need a team at Naledis
house and another at KZN

Him: is everything ok

Me: no. Shit is about to go crazy, amd I need to make sure my family is taken care of

Him: I'll get everything in or order

Me: when you're done I need you track Dumisani. I need to know all of his moves. I want to strike as in
yesterday

Nails looked at me shocked. He knew exactly what this meant. In our world you can kill just about
anyone but we never lay a hand on family. But This time i had no choice Dumisani had caused all this
shit and now i had to take him out once and for all. I had let him get away with a lot out of flea, but now
i now to face the one demon in my life and make sure he doesn't see me coming

Him: Boss are you sure about this

Me: since when do you question a direct order feom your liuetenant

Him: you know I never do. But th i is your brother

Me: don't you think I know that. Now stop with the questions and do as told
Him: yes boss.

Me: keep me in the loop. I need to get home

Him: sho

I left the office with an omber mood. I had nerve thought this day would come. I just wish I could share
this with Rifiloe. But my secret about Dumisani and my reason do kill I him would be one that i Take to
the grave with me.

I decided to go past the florist. I hadn't bought Rifiloe flowers in a while, and quite frankly she deserves
so much more. I just hoped she would give me a few weeks to get things in order

When i got home, Lesedi was busy throwing a tantrum, and you could tel Rifiloe had just about enough
and was on the verge of Giving her a hiding.

Leased saw me first and sobbed her little eyes out. I know I should've rather not gotten involved but her
cute little face was so red I couldn't hold myself.

I took her and she instantly stopped crying and put her arms around my neck, while I Patted her back.
Rifiloe looked up at me displeased. I leaned in and gave aher a kiss then took else up for her bath.

*****************Rifiloe **************

Siya walked the stairs with Lesedi. I swear that little girl had him wrapped around his little finger. He
hated seeing her cry and she knew it.

I cleaned up around the kitchen, and found a beautiful bouquet of roses on the counter. I looked at the
note and it just read " I'm sorry" I smiled and placed the flowers in a vase then put them in the dining
room and set up the table for Dinner and went upstairs to take a shower.

She i came down, Siya had already bathed and put Lesedi to bed, and had already dished up for us.

He stood up and pulked oh my chair for me

Him: can I get a kiss

Me: come get it.

He pulled me closer and put my arms around his neck and gave me a kiss that made me weak at the
knees.

When he broke the kiss he looked at me grinningly

Him: do you like your flowers

Me: yes. love them

Him: I'm glad

me: how was your day

Him: fine thanks

We had dinner and went to decorate the Christmas tree. Siya was teasing me about being too short. I
don't know what made me turn around but i saw Dumisani standing at the entrance of our dining room.

Siya turned around and pulled out his gun. And Dumisani did the same. I stood in beta them not
knowing what to do. I had thought things were Seattled but now it looked like things were going ti get
bad before they got bad.

171

I stood in between Siya and Dumisani trying to figure out a million questions going through my mind.
Like how the hell did Dumisani get passed security.

I looked at Siya and the amount of hatred in his eyes was horrid. He had done a 360 and it was obvious
that Siya had taken a back seat and Ghost had taken over

Him: Rifiloe move

My firs instinct was to argue with him, but i decided against it and moved behind him.

Him: Dumisani what are u doing here

Dumi: Well. I heard you were looking for me, so i figured I'd honor your invitation with a personal visit

Him: well that was stupid

Dumi: judging by the look on your face it was obvious you weren't expecting me

Him: on the contrary. You are eight where i want you to be

Dumi: how so

Him: i always knew there was a leak in my security detail, and now I know who it is

Just as Dumisani was about to answer. Nails walked in with Hlokes.

Hlokes: I see we're in time for the show

Nails: Ill grab the popcorn

Siya smiled and I got more confused. How could he smile when things seemed so tense

Dumi moved his gun from Siya to Nails. Then to Hlokes. He looked hell of a confused

Dumi: what the hell Nails. I thought we were cool. We had a deal

Nails: Yah well. Deal over

Hlokes: you honestly thought you could buy loyalty from a man who has been in the force with Ghost for
over 10 years

Siya looked at his brother and he put his gun down.

Him: So Dumisani. It looks like you were played. Big time

Dumi: This isn't the end Siyabonga. I am your brother. You cant kill me and we both know why

HIM: we'll see about that. So why don't you put the gun down and walk out of here, because if i or any
of my men have to take that gun from you. It will only make things worse for you

Dumisani: Do you think I would honestly go down without a fight?

Siya: its in your best interest to no fight this. You can either die with dignity or with a bullet through your
head. Plus i don't think Rifiloe would appreciate your splattered brain all over her couch. Especially since
she did the decor all on her own

Dumi: you really think this is the time for jokes

Him: I'm just saying. So wheat will it be?

Dumisani looked at Siya and at Hlokes but he wasn't backing down. Instead he looked back at Siya and
smiled

Dumi: How about we start off by telling everyone why you want to kill me. Maybe then we could talk
about my surrender

SIYA started fidgeting and I knew he was uncomfortable. Like he wasn't Ghost but someone i didn't
know

Him: I don't have time for this. Hlokes

Hlokes stood up and Dumisani pointed the gun at him

Dumi: tell them baby brother. Tell them how i had you at my mercy. Tell them how i made your life so
miserable. Tell them how the big and mighty Ghost was all thanks to me. If i hadn't done what i did you
wouldn't have been anything.
Siya: shut up before i put a bullet through your head

Dumi: you're going to kill me anyway. I might as well go out with a bang

Siya looked at Dumisani then at me.

Him: Rifiloe. go upstairs.

Me: Siya

Him: please. Just go up. Ill call you down

I got up shakingly and went upstairs. I wasn't comfortable with being upstairs alone without Siya, but I
knew that things were not going to be good. So its better to do as told than to argue

I got upstairs and went straight to Lesedi's room. My little girl was fast asleep and oblivious to the shit
storm downstairs.

I picked her up and went to my room. I just prayed that whatever was happening that Siya wouldn't get
hurt. I sat in bed wondering about what Dumisani had meant. Why did he feel like he had made Siya.
Why was Siya so weird around him.

I stayed in my room for over an hour, and then heart a gun go off. I jumped and grabbed my baby. I
didn't know who had been hurt but i prayed it wasn't Siya

my first instinct was to go down, but i was to scared to leave Lesedi alone.

I started panicking and crying. What if Siya had been shot. What if he was gone and i wouldn't ever see
him again. How would Lesedi grow up without him

I won't know when Siya walked in, but all i know is he had his worm arms around me.

I immediately started crying, trying to gasp that he was indeed ok

Him: shhh baby. We're ok

Me: Siya (sniff)

Him: I'm sorry you had to be here for this. I don't know what Hlokes and Nails were thinking

Me: I don't care. I'm just glad that you are OK

Him: i'm fine. But i need to head into the office

Me: dont leave me

Him: (sigh) baby

Me: please Siya.

Him: ok. But i need to sort out a few things now. That cannot wait for tomorrow

Me: Cant you work from here

him: No. I need to put Bullet and Nails in their place. Those two were fucking incompetent. They led
Dumisani here without consulting me. You could've been hurt

Me: I'm sure they had it covered

Him:,doesn't matter. I gave them orders and they deliberately disobeyed me

Me: that can wait. Right now your wife needs you

Him: My wife?

Me: yes. Your wife

Him: in that case. Give me 10minutes and I'm all yours.

*********siya**********

I went downstairs and found my ream cleaning up.

I looked at Hlokes and just shook my head. I know he wanted to explain but I wasn't interested. He had
taken a decision and ran with it without my consent and that was totally unacceptable. But as promised
I would deal with all of this tomorrow. All i needed to do was get rid of the furniture that had blood,
Dumisani was lucky to still be alive. But by this time tomorrow he would be a gonner and the world
would be a better place.

The team finished up and eventually left.

I had hoped Rifiloe would be asleep since I took longer than 10 minutes, but unfortunately she was wide
awake and I just knew she was going to ask me a million questions, and quite frankly I wasn't sure I was
going to be able to tell her the truth. I had buried the truth for so long and now the thought of it
resurfacing wasn't exactly pleasing.

Me: you still awake

Her: Yes. I couldn't possibly sleep. Too many questions

Me: can they wait till tomorrow

Her: no not exactly

i sat next to Rifiloe, and put my hand in hers.

Me: baby I'm not ready to talk about this. I know its asking alot, but please can we just try moving on.

Her: When will you be ready

Me: I dont know. I just dont want to even think about it

Her: Siya. Whatever it is we can talk about it. We'll make it work. But you have to trust me enough

Me: you'll never look at me the same after you know. Please baby. I'm begging you. Let it go

Her: Sigh

Me: can we just go to bed. Please its been a long night.

Rifiloe looked in my eyes deeply, and i looked away. Her piercing stare made me feel like she could see
the truth, and that scared me. I didn't want her knowing. If she did she would run and probably never
look back. And that was not a risk i was willing to take.

172
I decided to let Siya be, and just let the issue go, because it was obvious this wasn’t the time to argue.

Me; let’s get to bed

Him; thank God

I changed into my PJ’s and got into bed. I expected Siya to sleep in his room, but he changed and came
to sleep with me and Lesedi. I didn’t bother saying. Instead. I just cuddled with my people and put the
worries of today behind me.

******************* Siya ******************************

Waking up next to my two babies, was like a dream come true. I just wondered if I would be able to
keep Rifiloe.

I got up and went to my room to get ready for work. I was hoping to get out the house before Rifiloe.
But unfortunately Rifiloe, was already in the kitchen. The look in her eyes told me she wasn’t taking any
prisoners. She was on a mission, and I just knew it had to do with what happened last night.

Her; morning

Me; Hey babe

Her; I see my lounge has no furniture

Me; sorry about that. Ill have it replaced by the end of the day

Her; so are you going to tell me what happened

Me; Dumisani got out of hand. So I shot him in the knee cap

Her; oh Lord Siya

Me; baby, it’s nothing

Her; how is it nothing

Me; I just needed him to shut up. He wouldn’t listen so I shot him

Her; you’re crazy

Me; I know
Rifiloe chuckled a bit and shook her head at me. I smiled and wondered what she was thinking

Her; you know you’re going to have to tell me what’s happening

Me; baby please

Her; Siya I’m serious

Me; I know. Just let me get through this day.

Her; so we’ll talk tonight

Me; maybe

Rifiloe finished making breakfast, and we ate mainly avoiding what had happened. It wasn’t awkward.
In fact I could tell that she was trying to butter me up, and thankfully it was working. Within minutes I
had forgotten about Dumisani and was laughing at Rifiloe’s attempt to flip pancakes.

I eventually left home when Lesedi woke up. I didn’t want her seeing me, because I knew that would
mean that I wouldn’t get out of here anytime soon, and that wasn’t on my plans for today.

I arrived at the force and called a meeting between me, bullet and Nails. I think it was time I put my foot
down again. It was clear that they had forgotten who was in charge.

ME; would one of you tell me what the hell happened last night? Why on God’s green earth would you
disobey an order

Nails; Boss. It wasn’t like that. We tracked Dumisani, and found that he was already in JHB. So I
contacted him and made a deal in our best interest

Me; and you didn’t think that you should’ve called me

Him; boss. It all happened so quickly. I had the team surround the house, within minutes of him arriving

Me; that’s not the point. The point is you don’t make the rules. I do and it’s best you both start
remembering that before things get out of hand

Bullet; Dude. Can you just try to hear us out? You wanted Dumisani and we handed him to you on a
silver platter

Me; and did you for one second think about Rifiloe, or Lesedi

Bullet; we knew you were home. We knew they would be safe

Me; let’s get one on thing clear. If you both try anything like this again. Then you’re both out of here. I
cannot run an agency with people I cannot trust. Are clear

Them; Sho boss

ME; good. Now where are you keeping Dumisani

Bullet; downstairs

Me ; code?

Nails; 3695485

Me; Lets get this done

I took my gun and made sure I had one bullet in there, then went downstairs to where my brother was
being kept.

I put in the code and walked in to Dumisani reeling in pain. Looking at him I knew that Bullet didn’t
bother patching hi up,

Me; Well that looks rather painful

Him; you are sick

Me; well takes one sicko to know another

Him; mxm

Me; so let me put you out of you misery

Him; (chuckles) like you have the guts to kill me

Me; maybe not the little boy I was back then

Him; well maybe I should take you back. Give you a little reminder of what a bitch you were back then

Me; come closer and try.

Dumisani stumbled up and to be honest my heart dropped. All I have ever wanted was to kill this man.
And here I had the opportunity and instead of pulling the trigger I was standing here shaking like a bitch.

Him; So here we are little bro. Are you ready to end this or do you want me to remind you of old times

Me; lay a hand on me and you’re dead

Him; does your wife know about what we used to do? Or better yet how much you enjoyed it

I swear my heart started racing. This fucker was standing within an inch of me, and here I was going back
to the helpless 8 year old boy. Who had let his brother molest him? Night after night without telling
anyone. At the time I didn’t quite understand what he was doing. He started off by just touching me
when he thought I was asleep. Till one day I woke up and he had his hand in my pants.

I tried moving but he held me still and told me he would kill me if I ever told anyone. I tried my best to
stop him, but after some time I gave up. Dumisani was bigger and older than me. He was the apple of
my father’s eye, and he could do no wrong. So even if I did tell my father. I knew he would’ve never
believed me.

So I let him to it. I let him touch me without ever saying anything. Till one day he wanted me do the
same, and that’s when things got worse. He beat me up when I refused, and I vowed to myself that I was
going to make something of myself. That I was going to go into the force and one day. One day I was
going to make him pay. And now here was my one chance and I had literally frozen.

Him; see I told you. You are my BITCH and nothing. And no one is ever going to change that. So why
don’t you and Naledi go and have a therapy session together, and you get the hell out of my face

I honestly don’t know what made me so mad, but the switch in my head flicked, and I pulled the trigger
with him literally standing right a millilitre from me.

He took a few steps back and looked down at his blooding abdomen.

I managed to take a few steps back and looked at my dying brother and I felt so much worse. This was
supposed to be my day of victory, and yet now I felt more trapped than I did before.

I walked out of the room and went to my office.

Me; bullet. Attend to him

Him; you ok

Me; fine

I went into my office and locked the door, and literally broke down. I had suppressed my feelings and
fears for so long. And now here it was. It was out. This is it. My truth and I knew that I had to tell
Rifiloe. But how? How do I tell her that I am not the man she thinks I am? How do I tell her that Ghost
was just a cover up of my inner emotions? That I used Ghost to cover up the real emotions that
Siyabonga was having. How would she ever forgive me for all the pain I caused her with my dishonesty.

I honestly had no choice in the matter. I needed to tell her so that maybe. Just maybe she could
understand and take me back.

173

I spent most of my day redoing my lounge. I was feeling a bit off though because I had tried getting hold
of Siya to no avail. I know technically he wasn’t exactly mine. But I kind of felt let down. It was
approaching dinner, and he still hadn’t gotten back to me. And to make things worse he hadn’t called
off the wedding. According to blogs and the media. He was due to be married in 3 days. Which has made
me one hell of annoyed.

Siya had said he wants us back. But he hadn’t done anything to show me. Instead he had shot his
brother in my house, and as always I was told to drop the subject. Mxm

I eventually put Lesedi to bed, and went to have dinner by myself. I wanted to call Siya again, but I
wasn’t going to look desperate. Instead I had dinner, and went to tuck myself in my cold and lonely bed.
I might as well get used to it because the way it looked I would be in this bed alone for a while to come.

I must’ve been asleep for at least an hour, when I heard Siya coming up the stairs. I rolled my eyes, and
tried getting back to sleep.

Siya came into my room, and put on my bed side lamp

Him; baby

Me; (silence)

Him; Rifiloe

Me; mhmm

Him; wake up

Me; why

Him; I need to talk to you. Please

I sat up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth first. If we were going to be talking then I had to be
on high alert. I wanted answers and I wanted them now.

When I was done freshening up, I went sit on the bed next to Siya

Him; sorry to wake you

Me; whats going on

Him; you look pissed

Me; well Siya, I have been trying to get hold of you the whole day. The TV channels are abuzz with your
upcoming nuptials. And yet here you are in my bed Siya

Him; babe calm down

Me; calm down? Siya you are keeping me in the dark yet again. You go all amo when I ask you about
what’s going on. All I get is the normal not now.

Him; Rifiloe. Just

Me; no. I need you to tell me where I stand with you Siya. You have put everything and everyone above
me. And I have asked you to let me go a million times, but here you are hurting me again

Him; I cant do this

Me; fine then don’t. Run off to your precious Naledi

Siya got up and went downstairs. I could tell he was frustrated and I don’t actually care. Siya had no right
to be mad, when he just spent the day ignoring me.

I tried getting back to bed. But for some reason my heart just felt heavy. I knew I loved this man so
much, and the thought of him playing with me just hurt me.

I got out of bed and went downstairs to get some water. I saw Siya in his room with a bottle of
Hennessey. My heart literally broke, because I knew that he was hurt.

I walked in and sat in front of him.

Him; don’t

Me; whats going on with you Siya

Him; Rifiloe
I took the glass away from him, and I sat on his lap. Something about Siya wasn’t right and I wanted to
know what it was.

Me; Look at me

Siya looked away instead

Me; Siya. Look at me

He looked up at me and I saw only a shadow of a man that I know me

Me; baby. Please just talk to me. I’m here. Just open up to me

Him; Rif

Me; please

Him; but then you’ll leave

Me; what is it. I need to know Siya. Our whole marriage is based on lies. Just for once. Please. Please tell
me what you are hiding from me.

Him; I ….. Dumi….. He

I saw a teardrop escape from Siya and I had a lump in my throat. This was my man. I love him with
everything in me, and something just broke me when I saw how vulnerable he looked

Me; Siya I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. Just tell me the truth. I swear I will do
everything in my power to understand

I saw something in Siya crack for the first time In our relationship. His tears started streaming and I
knew we were close.

I leaned in and gave him a hug, and he finally opened up. He told me everything about what Dumisani
had to him.
My heart tore in heart for him. All this time he had been so arrogant I thought it was because he didn’t
know what he wanted. But instead it was the only way he knew how to love. He had never truly know
unconditional love, and there was no way I was going to back up.

Siya was my man and the fact that he thought that he wasn’t worthy, only made me want to make this
work so much more. Siya was more than Ghost or that little boy who was molested. He was the man I
fell in love with and his past wasn’t going to taint that. Instead him opening up to me made me fall in
love with him so much deeper.

174

Seeing Siya in such a state made me feel so selfish. All the times that I just thought he was being selfish,
only to find out he was dealing with so much pain and I was totally oblivious to the huge secret that was
making him act the way that he was.

I looked at the man in my arms and I knew that I would fight for him like never before. I would fight for
Siya more than anyone has fought for him.

We stayed in the same position for a while. Siya wasn’t moving. He had calmed down a lot but you
could tell he was still hurting.

Me; baby

Him; mhmm

Me; I love you

Him; how

I let go and sat in front of him. I looked at him in the eyes because I wanted him to know that I was
serious

Me; because I do. I chose to love you then, and I chose to love you know

Him; but Rifiloe. I just told you the truth

Me; So? What did you expect me to do? Did you want me to tell you I don’t want you? Or that I can’t be
with you?

Him; yes. That’s the one thing you should do

Me; Siya you are messed up in all kinds of way. But I love you despite all that shit. You are the man I fell
in love with. You’re the reason I have Lesedi. You are it for me. So despite everything you come with. I
love you and I am not going anywhere

Him; Rif

ME; no. I’m yours. You’re mine. That will never ever change

Him; Promise

Me; promise

I leaned in and kissed my man with every inch of me. I had held off for so long, but now I was finally
ready to open up to him.

Siya pulled away and looked at me with desire written all over him.

Him; Are you sure about this

Me; yes

Him; sure sure ?

Me; yes

Siya kissed me, and we made love till we both couldn’t take it anymore. It had been more than 8
months since we had been intimate and I was grateful that we waited, because now with the truth I felt
like I was making Love to Siya and not a shadow of a man.

Him; that was intense

Me; yahh

Him; thank you

Me; for what?

Him; for being you

Me; shhh. Let’s go to bed. Tomorrow is another day

Siya giggled and we went to bed. We had yet another crazy drama filled day but now it was time for me
get some shut eye. I would probably have to slay another dragon tomorrow.
Waking up the following morning in Siya’s arms was a dream come true. I was on his chest listening his
heartbeat. I know Siya was probably thinking that I was going to let what he told me last night go. But I
knew that If we were going to make this work, he would need counselling. He has bottled up
everything for far too long, and its time he received professional help. But knowing Siya he was going to
be mad as hell for me even suggesting the idea.

I got up, and went to check on Lesedi, and thankfully she was fast asleep. So I took a quick shower, and
went downstairs to make breakfast.

I knew that the only way to discuss counselling would be for me to approach the issue at breakfast.

I went all out and made a full English breakfast. By the time Siya came down with Lesedi, I had just
finished cleaning out the mess I had made

Him; morning

Me; morning

Him; I just changed her. I thought I’s bring her down for breakfast

Me; thanks baby.

I took Lesedi and put her in her feeding chair, and gave her her breakfast. While Siya dished up for
himself.

Me; so baby I’ve been thinking

Him; should I be worried?

Me; no. not really

Him; ok. I’m listening

Me; I was thinking you should maybe speak to someone about what you told me

Him; I spoke to you about it mos

Me; yes. But I was thinking, maybe a professional

Him; as in a shrink

Me; well. Yes

Him; no. I’m good

Me; baby just hear me out

Him; rifiloe. You are all the therapy I need

Me; as flattering as that sounds. I still

Him; baby. This isn’t up for discussion. I am not seeing a shrink. I’m not crazy

Me; I didn’t say you were crazy. I just thought it would help if you spoke to someone who knew how to
deal with your issue. I could go with you if you want. We could have like a couple’s therapy session

Him; I am not doing this with you.

Siya stood up, and gave me and Lesedi a kiss. Then left for work.

I understand that he was probably scared and that he didn’t like the idea of counselling. But he would
need to speak to someone about this Dumi issue. This isn’t something small. His brother molested him.
He needs to talk about it so that he can heal. How are we expected to have a relationship when he can’t
deal with issues?

After breakfast, I decided to take Lesedi to the zoo. We spend so much of our time at home, it was just
boring. So I figured she would enjoy seeing all the animals.

I got us ready, but decided to call Siya to let him know, in case he had to get things in order regarding
security

Him; Babe

Me; hi love

Him; are you ok

Me; yes. Just thinking of taking Lesedi to the Zoo, and I wondered if that was ok

Him; mhmmm give me a sec to get security in place

Me; oh.. Ok

Him; am I invited to this outing of yours

Me; after the way you stormed out this morning. I wanst sure you would want to be

Him; Ill meet you at the zoo in an hour. Security will accompany you

Me; ok

Him; I love you

Me; love you too

I ended the call with a smile. Siya was hopefully going to see my point, and agree with the therapy
sessions. It was only a matter of time.

We spent hours on end with Siya and Lesedi at the zoo. Lesedi was so excited to see all the animals. I
had decided to not say anything about the sessions. I figured when Siya was ready, he would discuss
them with me. But for now we were having family time and that is all that mattered.

We were nearing the end of the zoo, when Siya got a message on his phone. The look on his face told
me that it wasn’t a good one

Him; we should go

Me; is everything Ok

Him; yes. No... Can we just go?

Me; Siya what is it

Him; Naledi

Me; what about her

Him; she tried committing suicide

Me; Oh my Gosh. Is she ok

Him; She’s been rushed to the hospital

Me; do you know what caused her to do this

Him; I called off the wedding

I looked at Siya and he has guilt written all over his face. I must be honest, I also felt bad.

Siya had been spending his time here with me, and now because of that he had cancelled their wedding.
Which led her to try killing herself. All because I couldn’t just put myself in their shoes and agree to let
him marry her. Now anything that happened I would have on my conscious for the rest of my life.

175

(
crop top. will try posting another one tonight)

I packed up Lesedi and we headed to the car. I was trying really hard to try and not feel jealous, because
I could see that Siya was genuinely worried about Naledi. He was phoning the hospital left right and
centre, and that made my stomach tie up I knots.

We arrived home, and Siya went room his room to start packing. I didn’t say anything. I just took Lesedi
upstairs, and gave her bath. I could tell she was dozing off from the exciting day that she had had. So I
wanted to bath her first, and then put her to bed.

After Lesedi was fast asleep, I put her down and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. I could
hear Siya shouting from his room. I knew he was on the phone with Hlokes, so I let him be.

He finished his call and came to the kitchen. Took my bottle of water and gulped it down.

I sat on the counter and stared at him

Him; don’t

Me; what did I do

Him; you’re giving me that look

Me; I don’t know what you are talking about

Him; Sigh

Me; Silence

Him; I don’t know what to do

Me; with what

Him; Naledi

Me; I can’t tell you what to do

Him; fuck

Me; what does your heart tell you

Him; I don’t want to hurt her. But I don’t want to lose you. You are my life Rifiloe. And I won’t lose you
because of her. But at the same time I feel really bad. Like I can honestly know how she feels. Dumisani
did the same thing to me. Actually for her it was 10 times worse. She cannot have children. I just wish I
could give her back her life

Me; mhmm
Him; Rifiloe talk to me. Tell me what to do

Me; I cannot tell you what to do Siya. This is your life you have to make the decision.

As Siya and I were talking his phone rang

Him; yes

Her; Siya

Him; Naledi

Her; I need you

Him; how are you feeling

Her; not to good

Him; I’m sorry I’m not going to make it

Her; please Siya. I just want to talk to you

Him; (sigh)

Her; please. After this. I’ll leave you alone. I promise

Him; fine. Ill fly down

Her; no need. I’m coming to Joburg tomorrow

Him; Have you been discharged already

Her; yes

Him; But I thought

Her; I discharged myself

Him; Why

Her; because I need to see you

Him; fine. Let me know when you get here

Her; cool

Siya ended his call and he looked up at me while I took my bottle of water back

Him; I need you to do me a favour

Me; ok
Him; will you come with me to the meeting with Naledi

Me; I thought she was in hospital

Him; haai. I don’t know anymore. She says she discharged herself

Me; oh ok

Him; so will you come

Me; hell no

Him; why not

Me; why do I have to be there

Him; in case she tries to kill me

Me; Chuckles

Him; Ok all seriousness aside. I would really appreciate it if you were there

Me; oh Siya

Him; please baby

Me; fine

Him; Thank you

Me; lord knows I am not looking forward to this

Him; just keep an open mind

Me; I’ll try

Him; sorry I was so moody. I just got a fright

Me; it’s cool

Him; can I get a kiss

Me; no

Him; what do I have to do to have you forgive me

Me; mhhmm now let’s see

Him; Oh Lord

Me; how about we start off with a foot massage. Then you can make me dinner. And then you can run
me a nice hot bubble bath

Him; damn

Me; you asked

Him; ok, but do I get to join you for the bubble bath

Me; If you’re a good boy, then maybe

Him; ok

Siya started off with dinner, then ran me a bubble bath, and of course we ended up making love in the
bath. Then headed off to bed. Tomorrow was bound to be interesting, and I had to get my emotions in
check. And the only way I knew how was to sleep

176

Waking up knowing Siya and I were meeting with Naledi, wasn't exactly comforting.

I wanted nothing to do with Siya. God only knows why agreed to it in the first place.

I got up and took a shower, then went downstairs to make breakfast.

Siya came down with Lesedi in his arms.

I served them breakfast, and decided to address the big elephant on the room

Me: so today is D day

Him: you make it sound like its the end of the world

Me: well it feels like it

Him: hardly

Me: do i really have to be there

Him: no. But I'd love to have you there

Me: fine

Him: I'm going to shower, then we can go

Me: ok.
Siya went upstairs while i got lesedi cleaned up

By the time Siya came down i was done with Lesedi and ready to leave.

Him: shall we

Me: we shall

Siya dove us to a suit in a hotel some place in kayalami.

He didn't bother checking in, we just took the elevator and rode up to the top floor.

When we arrived Siya opened the door and there stood Naledi in black lace lingerie

Siya looked at her and then at me.

Him: Naledi what the hell

Naledi looked at me and had a smile on her face, but then put a gown on

Her: not my fault you decided to bring her

Him: you are insane

Her: nit quite. Why don't you two take a seat

I observed Naledi and wondered what she had up her sleeve.

I sat next to a agitated Siya and hoped for the best, because in all honesty my blood was boiling.
Naledi offered us something to drink and we both said no thank you. Honestly i was getting mad. This
bitch was over here with lingerie under a silk robe and she thought i would drink anything she had to
offer.

Her: Well since you decided to bring her along. I might as well tell it like it is

Him: get to the point

Her: I want you to reconsider the wedding

Him: not happening

Her: why the hell not

Him: because i said so

Her: its her isnt it

Naledi pointed at me and all i saw was hatred in her eyes

Him: Naledi my wife and my daughter, and my are my life.

i will not lose them because of you

Her:really? how about the premises you made to me

Him: I'm sorry Naledi. But

Her: well you leave me no choice.

Him: whats that supposed to mean

Her: you didn't honestly think that I would let this go. You and your brother ruined my life, and now its
time for me to give you a taste how bitter i am

Him: Naledi

Her: no. You want to go back to your happy little family, and what about me. Your family have yet
humiliated me again.

The whole world knew about our wedding. And now all of a sudden you decide you don't want me
anymore. Well that's not how it works. If i lose, then you lose

Him: will you stop rambling and tell me why we're here

Her: you put the wedding back on or else i will tell the world your biggest secret

Siya tensed up a bit, and my fuse was about to blow

Him: what do you mean

Her: i thought that since we were both victims, you would stick to you promise. Not just for me but for
our country

Me: you are honestly deranged. You were a victim just as much as he was, and now you want to use that
against him

Her: you stay out of this you bitch. If it wasn't for you Siya and i would be married tomorrow

Me: did you just call me a bitch

Her: i sure as hell did

I got up but Siya held me down

Him: baby dont

Me: get me out of here

Him: lets go

We both got up and walked towards the door

Her: This isn't over Siya. You will pay for what you and your brother did to me. I can promise you that

Siya and i left the hotel, both pissed as hell. Naledi had just declared war, and unfortunately for us she
knew the one secret that siya had kept since he was a child.

Siya drove out the parking like a man possessed.

Me: baby slow down

Him: dont

Me: its going to be fine

Him: How? She know Rifiloe.

Me: we'll figure this out. Together

we drove the rest of the way in silence. Instead of going home, Siya drive to his offices.

We walked into the agency and Siya immediately went into Ghost.
He gathered his team and shouted orders left right and centre.

he had Nails tracking Naledi's phone and had PI's doing research

Naledi had just made the biggest mistake of her life. She had made an enemy of Ghost and lord knows
that was never a good thing

177

I stayed with Siya At the office throughout the day. I know he was pissed but unfortunately for his team
that meant that Ghost was in full swing. He was so livid that he went to the shooting range in the
basement of his offices, and went wild.

I took that moment, and went to speak to Hlokes.

Me: do u have a minute

Him: not really. As you can see Ghost isn't taking any prisoners today

Me: i know. But this will only take a minute

him: ok. Come in

I walked into his office, and closed the door

Him: whats up

Me: i need a favour

Him: what

Me: you cant tell Siya though

Him: just tell me

Me: i need a gun

Hlokes laughed his eyes out. Here i was being serious and he was laughing

Me: did i say something funny

him: you must be high. Why on earth would you need a gun

me: hlokes maan

Him; Rifiloe. Guns are no childs play

Me: i know that

Him: so why the sudden need for a gun

Me: i might need to protect myself

him: you have Ghost for that

Me: mxm

Him: do you even know how to handle a gun

Me: i was hoping you would teach me

Him: sorry Fifi. But

Me: Hlokes please.. what Naledi said scared me. The look in her eye told me she hated me. Please

him: sigh

me: please hlokes

Him: you realise Ghost wont like this.

me: i know. But this issue with Naledi is bigger than just a verbal threat. She's out for blood

Him: fine

Me: thank you

Him: Ghost is scheduled for CT tomorrow. He has a meeting with the defence minister. Ill pick u up at 11

me: youre the best

I gave hlokes a hug and walked out his office.

I decided to drive home alone. Siya was still shooting and i was tired. So i decided to give him space and
try preparing something special for dinner.
When i got home. Lesedi was with her nanny in the playroom. I played with her a bit, then went start
with Dinner.

I made some of Siya's favourite food. Then asked the nanny to take Lesedi with her to her living
quarters for the night. I wanted yo ensure that Siya and I had a warm romantic night.

We had been through so so much and i was convinced most of it was due to Siya's selfishness but now
that I know that it was because of his insecurities and His past with Dumisani. I was going to make it my
mission to make whatever this thing between us work.

By the time Siya arrived the house was dim and i had laid out my vanilla scented candles everywhere.

him: whats all this?

me: i thought i would do something special for you

Him: the food smells amazing

Me: I hope you'll enjoy the desert just as much

him: (chuckles) i can guarantee ill enjoy desert how ever its served

me: slow down cowboy. Lets get you fed first

Him: come give daddy a kiss

Me: with pleasure

I leaned in and gave him a kiss that emptied out all the emotions of the day.

When we finally broke it off we were both filled with lust.

Me: we should eat

Him: yaah, but i kind of like this more than food

Me: in that case carry me upstairs

Him: yes mam

Siya scooped me up and we went upstairs.

He lay me on the bed and his hungry lips were on mine in seconds.

I lay underneath him as he kissed me. I could feel his erection rubbing in me through his pants, and that
made me even more hungry for him.

I started unbuttoning his shirt as he undid my robe.

Siya looked at me as the rove opened.

Him: God you're so damn sexy

Me: thank you

Siya went back to kissing me, and this time moved to my neck and then my stomach.

I knew just then what he was going to do and I just couldn't wait.

He moved from my stomach to my inner thighs.

I took a deep breath as i anticipated his lips on my fountain. But instead he moved back up and tried
kissing me on the lips but i turned my face and he landed on my cheek

Him: (chuckles)

Me: I am not laughing

Him: what

Me: you know what

Him: i don't

Me: Siya don't play with me

Him: Tell me what you want

Me:You know exactly what i want

Him: I want to hear you say it

Me: I want you baby. Please

Him: but you already have me

Me: mxm

Him: tell me exactly what you want

Me: I want your lips down there

Him: where? here?

he kissed my neck, and then looked up at me

Me: lower

He moved to my breasts and started sucking. I held onto the sheets and then he stopped

Him: Is that the spot?

Me: no. Lower

He started kissing my tummy and i could feel he was close. But then he stopped

Me: just a little lower

Him: you sure?

Me: yes

His: ask nicely

Me: baby please

Him: as long as I get to do it however i like

me: ok

Him: and for as long as i like

Me: yes. Yes yes. Just do it

Siya giggled a bit, and started working his way back down to the outside of my nussy

He started out with small little kisses, and then slow licks. I let go of the sheets, and held onto his head.

He took this as an indication and started picking up the pace. He kissed, licked and sucked till i couldn't
take it anymore. I tried stopping him but he continued.

Me: Si oh Gosh. Wait. I oh

Siya continued till i exploded all over him

I tried controlling my shaking legs, and i thought that Siya would stop, but he didnt. Instead he got me
going all over again. But this time he started fingering me. Gish Siya knew how to satisfy me.

He tortured me till he could feel that I was over the edge again, but he stopped just in the knick of time.

I swear i nearly slapped him.

Him: I want to feel you come while I'm inside you.

he got up and undid his pants and within a second he was filling me.

SIYA knew i was close. So he ensured that he moved slowly. The deeper he went the closer i got. He
started going deeper and faster when he knew that i had no more will to hold on. We both collapsed
and let the orgasim take over.

When we both caught our breath we lay together and enjoyed the after effects of love making
HIM: if this is the kind of welcome that I'm going to get when i come home, then ill be sure to go to the
office more often

Me: (giggles)

Him: now I'd love some dinner

me: ill get freshened up, then ill make sure you're fed

Him: don't bath. I plan on having more desert

I got up and went to dish up for him while i was still naked.

He followed me to the kitchen and poured our drinks

Him: so whats this i hear of you wanting a gun

I had a glass in my hand and nearly dropped it

Me: baby

him: the answer is no

He gave me a kiss and carried our food upstairs.

I know he said no, but i wasn't going to give up. Naledi had threatened my family and now it was time i
got in the ring and put a stop to her. Naledi's days were numbered. I refused to wait for Siya to go
through protocol first. I wanted her out our way.

178

Siya and I enjoyed the rest of our dinner in bed. The evening went just as i had planned and we both
enjoyed it. I fell asleep in Siya's arms and woke up feeling revived.
Siya was already in the shower, so I went to join him.

Him: I could get used to this

Me: pitty I'm not your wife anymore

Siya stilled a bit, and carried on washing my back

Me: I was just joking

Him: you were telling the truth

Me: Siya I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I am your soul mate.

Him: I know it's just that (sigh) never mind

Me: talk to me

Him: I'm going to be late

Siya stepped out the shower, and i finished off, then went to get dressed.

When I went downstairs Siya and Lesedi were having breakfast .

I took Lesedi and gave her a kiss. Her smile told me she missed me just as much as i had missed her. I
know it was only one night but i had honestly missed her.

Siya looked at us and smiled.

Him: baby

Me: mhmm

Him: I'm going to Cape Town today. I've got a meeting there. Then I need to go to KZN

Me: oh

Him; I should be back on Christmas eve.

Me: mhmm

I don't know why, but my insecurities kicked In at full force.

I was so used to us being in our small little bubble. That the thought of him being outside our bubble
made me uncomfortable. I hadn't spoken to his family since the day I told his uncle to go to hell. And
Now He was going there and they would probably make me out to be this monster

Him: Baby what is it

Me: nothing

Him: don't do that

Me: do what

Him: don't shut me out. I can see you're not ok but I don't know why

Me: Siya I'm fine. I'm just being childish

Him : tell me

Me: it's just that I'm worried that you uncle will make you change your mind. And you'll come back and
tell me you're marrying Naledi, and I'll feel like an idiot again for opening my heat to you.

Siya sighed and held out his hand for me to sit on his lap

Him: Rifiloe, all I'm going to do is finish off what I started. I need to apologize to the family and also let
them know about Dumisanis death

Me: Siya no

Him: Rifiloe. I had no choice. IT was either him or me. And for one I chose me

I looked at Siya shocked. I didn't expect for him to kill Dumisani. I had honestly thought He would just
rough him up a bit
Him: moving on. I also need to try find a way to keep the Lesotho deal. Which is why I'll be starting off in
CT.

Me: what if you can't salvage the deal

Him: then it is what it is. I'm not willing to lose what we have because of this deal. I would've loved to
have both, but you are more important so I chose you

Me: (sigh )

Him; you don't have to worry yourself about anything. In a few days I'll be back and we will live out the
rest of our lives together.

Me: Will you come back with Olwetho?

Him: I don't know. I'll see

Me: please

Him: you miss him

Me: beyond

Him: ok. I'll speak to my mom

Me: it doesn't have to be for long. Just so he can spend Christmas with us

Him: ok

Me: thanks

Him: so have you spoken to my mom

I rolled my eyes and got up from his lap.

Him: Rifiloe

Me: baby, can we not go there. Please

Him: what is going on with you two

Me: nothing

Him: Rifiloe. You know how much she adores you

Me: and yet she couldn't even come and see her granddaughter? Lesedi is 7 months old, and she knows
my aunt more than your mother. She didnt even phone to say I heard about the baby. No one in your
family did

Him: I know baby. It's just that with everything that was going on, and the divorce. I don't think they
knew what to do or say

Me: so that is my fault

Him:no of course not. It's just that my mother was told to stay away from you by the chief. And she had
no choice.

Me: so basically Lesedi is not acknowledged by your family

Him: she will be. I just need to sort things out. Then we'll perform a ceremony for her. To introduce her
to my ancestors

Me: I don't see the use

Him: Baby. Just trust me. I'll make this right. I promise. Let's get past these meetings. Bury Dumisani.
Then we can start sorting out our lives

Me: Ok

Him: so we're ok

Me: yah I guess

Him: so willing be welcome in your house when I get back

Me: as long as you bring my son with you then we'll be good

Him: I love you Rifiloe. More than anything in this world. I am going to give you everything you ever
dreamed of. I just need a little time to iron out the creases

Me; I love you too

I gave Siya a kiss and Lesedi started crying. We both looked at her and she started smiling instead.

Him: I Better give my baby some love.

Me: She's going to miss you

Him: it's only a few days. I'll be back before you know it

Me: ok

Siya played with Lesedi for a bit. And then went to get some stuff from his bedroom.
Him: do me a favour and stay out of trouble while I'm away

Me: (chuckles) I'll try

Him: Baby I'm serious. No guns.

Me: but baby. Please don't make me lie to you

Him: Rifiloe. I don't want you being involved in any of this

Me: but i am involved

Him: yes, but now I'm handling it

Me: all I want is one meeting with her. I won't hurt her. I'll just rough her up a bit emotionally. And
maybe a slap or two. Nothing major

Him: as turned on as I am at the moment. The answer is still no.

Me: you turned on

Him: I'm hard as a rock.

Me: (giggles)

Him: Its all your fault. I love it when you're so heated. But I won't have you roughing anyone up. Or
slapping anyone. You're too beautiful for that

Me: but Si

Him: no. And Rifiloe. Please please don't try anything. You know the guards watch over you. If you plan
anything. I'll know

Me; mxm fine

Him: ok now give me a kiss

I stepped closer and gave him a slow sultry kiss. I know he was only going away for a couple of days, but
i just felt like he would be gone for decades. Siya could sense my anxiety in our kiss, so he pulled me
closer, and whispered in my ear

Him: it's only a few days.

Me: I know

I kissed him and this time it got really heated. But just as I thought I had won him over Hlokes walked in.
Mxm
Hlokes: (clears throat) you two need to get a room

Siya pulled away and kissed my nose

Him: we have the whole house. Why would we confine ourselves to one room

Hlokes took out a bottle of water from the fridge. While Siya gave me one more kiss

Hlokes: dude we need to go. Stop chewing her head off jeez

Me: shut up Hlokes

Him: mxm. I hope you've convinced miss Bonnie here to stay away from guns

Me: yes HLOKES. Clyde here had made it very clear

Siya laughed and went to kiss Lesedi goodbye.

Siya and Hlokes left and i let out a sight. Hopefully Siya would be home soon, and we would start truly
getting things back to normal.

The first day without Siya was rather depressing. Lesedi was Moody as hell. She wouldn't stop crying. I
eventually gave her a teaspoon of panado and hoped she would fall asleep.

When Siya called I had just managed to put her to sleep

Me: papa wa Khanyi

Him: gosh I miss you guys

Me: we miss you too

Him: you sound tired

Me: well someone kept me up last night and now your daughter is as fussy as hell, she's been crying all
day
Him: really

Me: yaah

Him: do you think she's sick

Me: no she's just misses you

Him: keep me updated

Me: Will do

Him: Baby I've got to run.

Me: ok love.

Him: chat later

Me: bye baby

After speaking to Siya I decided to do some research on Naledi. The only thing I promised Siya was that I
wouldn't harm her physically. All I was doing was getting to know who Naledi was. If she planned on
speaking about Siya being abused, then I would have to find something about her that I could use
against her

I looked everywhere but found nothing. Naledi was squeaky clean. there was nothing about her that I
could use. Nothing at all. That alone pissed me off. How was it possible that there was no scandal. Aren't
royals always in the headlines for being bad?

Well not this royal. This chick was the hero of her country. She was praised and adored by everyone. She
had started so many shelters and orphanages in her country. And yet she seemed so miserable and
angry, when I went to see her with Siya. It just made me wonder who she really was?

Since I couldn't find anything on Naledi, I had to find a private investigator.

There was just something about this girl that I didn't understand. No matter how squeaky clean she was.
My gut told me to carry on digging. I knew that eventually I would find something. I wasn't willing to give
up until I did

179
I spoke to the private investigators and told him I needed the info before Christmas eve. I was so
desperate I offered to pay him double since it was the festive season.

I needed to get rid of Naledi before she strikes. Otherwise I would lose Siya and I wasn't Willing to do
that. Especially since he told me the truth about him being abused.

I spent the rest of my day trying to calm down Lesedi. I had noticed she was teething, so I gave her the
gel for her gums, and she eventually calmed down.

That everning I received a call from Ronald. He had feedback for me but insists he couldn't talk over the
phone.

So I gave him my address. I know that Siya would be pissed. But hopefully the information that Ronald
had would calm him down. And help us deal with with Naledi once and for all.

When Ronald arrived I went to the gate an escorted him inside. Thankfully Lesedi was fast asleep.

Me: Can I offer you something to drink

Him: no thank you. Let's start with the info first

Me: ok

We moved to the dining room, and Ronald took out his laptop

Him: it was rather difficult finding anything on the princess. On the top she seems like the people's
people. But underneath all of that lies the truth

Me: the truth about?

Him: The biggest fraudster in the world,

Me: I'm lost

Him: Princess Naledi is a thief. All the sweet orphanages and shelters she runs are all a front. She is
actually selling drugs

Me: no

Him: that's not it. She pockets all the donations from S.A. for the shelters and orphanages. Those kids
live like they are in a pigsti.

Me: but i thought she would have money. She is royalty after all

Him: her mother has cancer. The royal family have spent a fortune medications, and trials. But she is
only getting worse. Which is why They spoke to the chief to get Mr Ndhlovu to marry Naledi. This was
her idea of making back all the money they had lost with the treatment, and to help her with her drug
factory

Me: that is a lot to absorb

Him: it's all sad really. She has so many people fooled

Me: not for long

Him: what are you going to do with the info

Me: I didn't expect for it to be this bad. I guess I'll have to think about it.

Him: ok. Well it's all on the flash

Me: thank you. Let me get your money.

I went upstairs to fetch the money, and then paid Ronald.

He counted it and gave me the flash drive, then left.

I roamed around the room wondering how i was going to tell Siya about this.
I wanted to call him, but decided to wait till the morning. Maybe by then I would have a clear decision
on what I wanted to do.

I woke up the following morning and knew that I had no choice but to tell Siya about what I had
discovered. I would deal with his rage at a later stage .

I dialled him, and thankfully he answered in the 3rd ring

Him: Baby

Me: morning

Him: what's up

Me: I ahhm. I need to tell you something

Him: Rifiloe are you ok? Is it Lesedi?

Me: no baby Maan. Lesedi and i are fine

Him: so what Is it

Me: I need to see you

Him: Baby. I'll be back in tomorrow mos

Me: I know, but it's urgent.

Him: how urgent

Me: just really urgent Siya.

Him: I was about to fly to Durban. I'll change my flight plan. I'll see you in a few hours

Me: thank you

Him: are you sure you're ok

Me: certain.

I ended my call with Siya and went to take a shower. Then I went to check on Lesedi. She was still fast
asleep.
I took a good look at my baby and saw none of men in her. Lesedi is a spitting image of her father. Even
when she sleeps. What makes me laugh is the way she wrinkles her face when she's mad. That is Siya at
his very best.

Lesedi woke up just as I was staring at her. She looked at me and smiled. I picked her and went to give
her a nice bath

Then we went and had breakfast together.

Siya arrived home right after noon. I had made lasagne but unfortunately for him Lesedi was enjoying
her afternoon nap.

Him: Something smells good

Me: I its the lasagne

Him: Baby. please tell me you didn't bring me all this way to eat lasagne

Me: and what if I did?

Him: I'll take you upstairs right this minute and spank the he'll out of you

Me: sounds fun

Him: for me maybe. But not so much for you

Me: I think you tend to forget that I have been shit before. And that I have given birth. Which means my
tolerance for pain is quite high

Him: (chuckels) how could I forget?

Me: ok on a serious note. I didn't bring you here to spank me or to eat Lasagne. I asked you here
because I believe you need to see this

Him: see what

I moved us to the dining room,and opened my laptop.

I left him there while I went to dish up for us. When I came back Siya looked pissed as hell

Him: where did you get this

Me: a friend
Him: who

Me: Baby. Please don't be mad. I just wanted to help

Him: Rifiloe. If I want your help. I'll ask for it. What you did was put yourself in danger

Me: but

Him: you promised

Me: I promised I wouldn't go near guns or slap her. I didn't promise not to dig up shit on her

Him: (sigh) you are so Damn annoying and yet so Damn sexy

Me: so you're not mad

Him: ooh. I'm mad. Like really mad. But I love you for caring

Me: so I'm forgiven

Him: not quite yet. You have to work at forgiveness

Me: and what would you propose I do to gain your forgiveness

Him: How about you hire a PI? Maybe he'll tell you

Me: mxm

Siya smiled at me, and dug into his food. I know he was mad, but i was glad he wasn't shouting. Instead
he was embracing the fact that I am an individual and that I don't take to kindly to being told what to do.

After lunch, Siya went to take a shower, while I checked on a crying Lesedi.

When Siya came back downstairs. Lesedi saw him and immediately stopped crying. She opened he arms
for him to pick her upa and just like that she had Siya putty in her hands.

Me: so what are you going to do about the info

Him: I need to put a plan in place.

Me: what time do you fly to KZN?

Him: tomorrow morning

Me" oh

Him: I'll leave first thing. Then I'll be back by midday

Me: ok
Him: don't pout. I won't miss your birthday. I promise

Me: I just wish this Naledi thing would be over already. It's so Damn draining

Him: I know baby. But with all the info we have against her. It's only a matter of time. All that needs to
happen now is for me to use the info for us to secure the deal goes on as planned

Me: oh

Him: what

Me: nothing.

I left Siya in the lounge and went to the kitchen. I don't know why but for some reason, I was a bit
dissapointed that after all this. Siya would still be in the force. I know he didn't say anything about
quitting. But I thought that maybe. Just maybe he would want to and we could truly move on.

I decided I wast going to force the issue. If Siya and I were going to start our relationship again, then I
wasn't going to force him to make the decision for himself. I was going to do my best to be the
supportive partner. Maybe with time he would decide to leave. Plus the few weeks that he has been
staying with us he had been doing a good job at balancing family and work. So why would I complain
about his job title. As long as we were both happy. That was all I had to worry about.

180

The following morning Siya left for KZN. I had decided to let go of the whole Naledi thing. It was better
to let Siya handle it. I had helped enough with the info. Now it was in his hands to fix it.

I spent most of Christmas eve preparing for Christmas. It's funny how things move so fast. Last year I
was this time I was in Cuba dealing with Siyas infidelity. Who knew a year later we would be divorced
and working on a relationship all over again. Honestly Siya and I were crazy. This thing of ours wasn't
exactly perfect. But at least he was trying to make it work.

As I was thinking about Siya. He called

Me: you read my mind

Him: I miss u too

Me: how was your flight

Him: Fine. I've just come out of a meeting with my family. They're all distraught about Dumisani

Me: well. Good riddance

Him: Baby. I need to ask a favour from you

Me: ok

Him: my mom wants to come back to JOB with me. She says she wants to spend Christmas and your
birthday with us

Me:(silence)

Him: Rifiloe

Me: Baby

Him: did you hear what I said.

Me: ahmm can I cal, you back? Lesedi is up from he mid morning nap

Him : Rif

I cut the call and took in a deep breath in and out. Lesedi was still fast asleep, but i just needed a
moment to think about what Siya was asking me. I had just really hoped we could spend Christmas with
just the 3 of sum but at the same time I felt kind of selfish for wanting To keep him from his mother.
Especially since they had just learned about Dumisani. So I put aside my feelings towards her, and called
Siya back

Him: was it necessary to put the phone down in my ear

Me: Sorry baby. Lesedi was acting up a bit

Him: Rifiloe. I'm not a child

Me: I didn't say you were

Him: so why lie

Me: Siya. Stop.

Him: fine. So do you have an answer for my question

Me: i was kjnd of uoping we could spemd christmas as just the 3 of us.

Him: I know baby. But I feel bad leaving my mother here to spend Christmas alone.

Me: it's fine Siya. You can bring her along

Him: you sure

Me: yaah

Him: thank you baby

Me: it's cool

Him: we should be there by about 5pm

Me: I'll make sure dinner is ready

Him: you're the best

Me: and don't you forget it.

Him: I could never forget it.

Me: good. Now let me go. So I can get the spear bedroom ready

Him: does that mean I get upgraded to the main bedroom?

Me: mhmmm I'll think about it

Him: haw baby. But what will my mom think if she finds my clothes in the spear room

Me: we're divorced Siya

Him: let me end this conversation before it gets heated

Me: what? It's the truth mos

Him: bye Rifiloe. I'll see you later

Siya dropped the call, and i shook my head a bit. I don't know why he was annoyed. I was telling the
truth mos. We are divorced. Despite us shacking up.

I rolled my eyes and went to get a room ready for Siya's mom. Then I moved all his belongings into my
room. God only knew where we were headed, all I know is that I love this crazy man. And i don't want to
even imagine a life without him.

Once I was done getting the room ready, I decided to go to the shop's to get a few things.

I kissed Lesedi, and let the nanny know I was going.

One of the guards insisted on driving me to the mall. I didn't bother protesting. So he drove me, while 2
other guards drove behind us.
When I arrived at the mall, it was rather alive. I had thought most people would be away, but it looked
like I wasn't the only one who had decided to do some last minute shopping.

I started at the toy shop, and bought some stuff for Olwetho and Lesedi. Then I went and bought Siya's
mother a few gifts. Then I went grocery shopping, then lastly went to pick up A few things for Siya.

I was now rather thankful that the guards had come. Because I hadn't anticipated on buying so many
things.

One of the guards went to load the car, while I went into one of the jewellery stores. I needed some
stud earnings for Lesedi, luckily I found the ones I wanted. So I bought them, and just as I was leaving
Naledi walked in

Now I know that there are coincidences in life, but this one wasn't one of them. Naledi had deliberately
waited

For an opportunity. So she waited go me to have just one guard around, instead of all 3

Her: well, well well. If it isn't Mrs Ndhlovu

Me: I would say it's nice to see you but we both know that I would be lying

Her: (chuckles) well let's get to the reason why I'm here

Me: you're stalking me

Her: don't flatter yourself

Me: Naledi. Just move out my way

Her how about you make me

I looked at Naledi and smiled. This chick was honestly one crazy psycho.

Me: I'm not one to fight physically Naledi. Believe me. Especially since my nails look so good, plus I don't
think Siya would approve. He likes his woman A lot less ghetto
Her: joke all you like. This isn't over. I will destroy you and That man of yours if its the last thing I do.

Me: that's if we Don't get to you first

Her: is that a threat

Me: no it's a promise. Keep messing with my family bitch. And i will make you wish you died the day
Dumisani raped you.

Naledi took a step back, and i kinda felt bad for throwing that in her face. It's not like she asked to be
raped. But at the same time I was sick of this bitch trying to destroy what Siya and I had worked so hard
for.

I left Naledi standing there, and walked with the guard towards the parking lot. I was glad that the
guard didn't interfere. It was about time for the gloves to come off. And now they had.

When I arrived home I placed all the gifts under the tree. Then went to get Olwetho's room ready. Once
I was done. I started to get dinner ready. Siya and his mom were due in an hour. So I made something
quick. And as we all know we can never go wrong with chicken curry and rice.

I set the table, then went upstairs to take a bath. I decided to kill 2 birds with one stone, and put Lesedi
in the bath with me. That way we both got clean.

After our bath, I dressed Lesedi, then put he in her cot while I got ready. Despite Siya and I being
divorced. I decided to wear on of my maxi dresses, and sandals. I didn't want to seem disrespectful. Soni
also put on a dork. Just to keep the peace.

Siya arrived just as I was feeding Lesedi. Incident even see Siya. All I felt was Olwetho's arms around me
from behind.

My heart instantly warmed. I didn't realise how much I had actually missed Olwetho up to this point

Him: mommy I missed you so much. Please don't ever leave me again
I turned around and tried my best not to cry. Siya and no had been so caught up in our craziness that
we had hurt the one person who didn't deserve to be hurt.

Me: I'm never going to leav you. I'm so sorry boy. For everything.

Olwetho put his arms around me, and i just breathed him in. When he finally let go. He looked at Lesedi
and smiled.

Him: mommy. Is this Khanyi

Me: yes

Olwetho walked over to Lesedi who was sitting in her Hugh chair, and he smiled

Him: she is so cute

Me: just like you

I left Olwetho and Lesedi, and went to go Greet MaNdhlovu.

I shook her hand instead of hugging her. I wasn't exactly sure how I felt towards her. So the best would
be to be civil, and pray she would be out my house sooner rather than later.

Her: how are you Makoti

Me: I'm ok ma. And you

Her: I'm well.

Siya came over and gave me a kiss.

Him: something smells amazing

Me: I made curry

Him: can't wait. But first where's my baby girl. I've missed her
Me: she's in the dining room with Olwetho

We all walked in and Siya went to take Lesedi. Who was now covered on her food. Half of it on her and
the other on Olwetho

I smiled when I looked at them. So much for giving Lesedi a bath. Now the both needed a bath

Me: I guess I need to go and get u cleaned up madam.

MaNdhlovu: no. Don't worry Koti. I'll do it.

I looked at Siya nervously. I wasn't sure I liked her being alone with my daughter. She hadn't esn
acknowledged her and now she wanted to play the devoted grandmother

Siya: cha Ma. You should rest. I'll get them cleaned up

Me: come ma, let me show you to your room so you can freshen up for dinner.

I let Siya's mother to her room, and showed her where everything stays.

Me: let me leave you Ma. Dinner is already ready. Come down when you're ready

Her: ahm wait Makoti. We need to talk

Me: oh. Ok

I sat on th bed, and she opposite me

Her: Makoti I... I don't even know how to begin. But let me first start by apologizing for what has been
happening for the past couple of moths. I know that the family has been rather hard on you and Siya. I
wish I could've done something. But my hands were tied.

Me: it's fine ma. Let's just forget it

Her; no... Siyabonga told me everything. From how you stood by him despite everything that's
happened. Makoti. I just don't know what to say

Me: you don't have to say anything. I just don't understand why you weren't there for Lesedi. I don't
care about Me. But No one. Not one person contacted me about Lesedi's birth. No one even offered to
come and help. I was alone. My aunt came for an week. But she isn't you. She isn't you

I didn't realise how much this had hurt me until that moment, when I saw tears streaming down my
face.

I wiped my tears, and stood up.

Me: ( sniff) ma. Let's forget this. It's in the past

Her: Makoti I am sorry. All I can do is try make up for it.

She gave me a hug, and i went to my room. I didn't know why I was so emotional about this, but
somehow it really did hurt. How could I trust Siya's mother, after she basically abandoned me when I
needed her the most. And now here she was in my house, and i had to try and pretend that everything
was ok.

181

I wiped my tears and went downstairs to serve dinner.

Siya had cleaned the kids up, so I lay out dinner, and made some food for Lesedi.

We sat down and had dinner together. The silence was quite annoying. Till Siya's mother spoke up

Her: (clears throat ) I think I need to warn you guys

Siya and I both looked up

Her: Your uncle is having a family meeting after the holidays

Siya: about what. I thought we had settled the Naledi issue, I leave for Lesotho after the Holidays

Her: it's not about the Lesotho deal. It's about Dumisani

Him: what about him

Her: Since Dumisani is no more. You. His brother are expected to take over his household

Siya burst out laughing, as though he were at a Trevor Noah show.

Him: I will do no such thing. I know already that he will expect me to marry those two. And that isn't
happening

Her: I know that Siyabonga. But would it be bad to ask you to assist them financially and to check up on
then once in a while

I finished eating, and decided to take the kids upstairs for their nap. Siya and his mother could do what
they want to. I wasn't going to entertain any of this.

This woman had literally just arrived and already she was trying to marry Siya off to those woman. I
know she doesn't know about Dumisanis abuse. But I just felt like she could've at least waited a few days
before dropping a bombshell.

Lesedi and i tucked in Olwetho, then I went and put her to sleep.

I went back downstairs to clear out the table, but found Siya washing the dishes.

I gave him a hug from behind

Him: behave

Me: I'm just giving you a hug. Is that such a bad thing
Him: no. But I need to finish here

Me: I'll be upstairs

Him: am I allowed upstairs or am I stuck in one of the spare bedrooms

Me: how about you come upstairs and find out.

I spanked his bum, and walked upstairs before Siyas wet hands could get hold of me.

When I got upstairs, I changed into my Pyjamas and waited for Siya to come to bed.

By the time Siya wrapped up his day I was drifting off to sleep.

Siya took a shower, and got Into bed. I moved and cuddled next him, and drifted off to sleep. I know he
might want to talk about what his mom said, but i wasn't in the mood.

I had had a very long day, and all I needed was some sleep.

I woke up the following morning and Siya wasn't in bed. I looked at the time and it was only 6 am.

I got up and freshened up, then went to check on Lesedi and found her fast asleep. So I got back into
bed, and tried to get at least another hour of sleep, but as fate would have it Siya walked in with a tray
of breakfast

Him: morning sunshine

Me: morning juju

Him: happy birthday

Me: thank you baby. Merry Christmas

Him: I made you breakfast in bed

Me: thank you

Siya gave me the food, and Lord I indulged. He made bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, onions and
some toast
Me: babe, this is good

Him: I'm glad you're enjoying it

Me: what did I do to deserve this

Him: you deserve so much more

Me: ncooh baby. Thank you

As Siya and I were having breakfast, Lesedi woke up. Siya was about to get up, but Olwetho beat him to
it. He walked in holding Lesedi

They both git on the bed, and dug into my food.

Siya looked at us and smiled

Him: so this is what its like to have a family

Me: fun ha?

Him: yes

Me: let's get these 2 bathed, so I can go start cooking

Him:you don't have to worry about that

Me: why not

Him: i got a catering company to do everything

Me: baby.

Him: I know you wanted to cook, but i wanted to do something special

Me: oh ok

Him: now I'm going to take the kids. You relax.

Siya took Olwetho and Lesedi and left me to indulge in some alone time. Which is just what i needed.

I took a nice bubble bath, then looked atbemails, then went on social media.
I could smell the food from downstairs, and it smellt delicious.

By around 11am I started missing my babies, so I went downstairs, and my word had my house been
transformed.

There were people everywhere, cooking. Setting up and washing dishes.

I looked around and wondered what Siya was up to.

I went outside in search for the culprit and i found a small marque put up.

I found Siya inside the tent, busy giving orders. He spotted me and smiled, the walked over to me

Me: and now

Him: what

Me: what do you mean what. What are you doing

Him: Isnt it obvious. We're celebrating your birthday

Me: Siya

Him: you should go get ready. Your guests should be arriving soon

Me: Siya, can we talk tu. I

Him: give me a sec. Go upstairs. I'll be there soon,

He kissed my cheek, and went back to what he was doing.

I went upstairs and started getting ready. I decided to go with a smart casual look. I wore jeans, hills, a
shimmering top, with a formal jacket on top. I wasn't exactly sure what Siya had planned, so once no got
ready, I called him upstairs. He had some explaining to do

He came upstairs and gave me a smile

Him: you look nice

Me: Siya. What are you doing

Him: we are celebrating your birthday

Me: but

Him:no buts.

Siya changed into something more comfortable, while I just continued

To stare at him in wonder

Him: see anything you like?

Me: not right now

Him: stop pouting. And let's rather go celebrate with your friends

Me: what friends

Him: come.

Siya took my hand and we walked downstairs. To my amazement there were tons of cars parked
outside.

We entered the tent and it was packed. I looked around and saw my friends, Thandeka, Nwabisa, Cleo. I
froze, and didnt know what to do.

Me: Siya

Him: this is your day. We are going to enjoy it

He wiped away a tiny tear that had escaped.

Him: I have been the cause of you're tears for so long. For once, I wanted to be the reason you smile.
We moved in and i went and greeted my girls. I hadn't seen them for so long, and seeing them now, only
made me see how much I had missed them.

I left them and went to greet the rest of our guests.

I was honestly still so shocked. How had Siya pulled this together without me even noticing.

I don know what made me look to the entrance. But when I looked, I saw Hlokes walking in with
Boniswa.

I took a deep breath, and carried on with my conversation with Nails.

I didn't know the kind of mood she was in, and wuite frankly I was still hurt that she could throw Way
our friendship because of what Siya said.

Hlokes came closer and so did Boni. The closer they got. The more anxious I got.

When they finally git to us, they both greeted, and I greeted back.

Her: Fifi can we talk

Me: ahmm ok

We moved outside and she stood next to me

Her: happy birthday

Me: Thank you

Her: I wanted to apologize to you. I know that I messed up. But it came as a surprise to find out that you
and him were once an item. Let alone married

Me: Boni. It's not what you think

Her: I know. Hlokes explained everything.

Me: so we're cool

Her: yep

Me; phew thank you. I've missed you

Her: I've missed you too

I gave Boni a hug and the rest of my girls came to join us and we had a group hug.

I hadn't really realised how much I missed my girls. I was just happy that finally, they were back in my
life.

182

I spent the rest of my birthday/Christmas with the people I love. Siya had pulled out all the stops. From
the lunch, DJ, Drinks, and my favourite red velvet cake. What more could a girl ask for.

Towards the end of the day, Siya asked me to go to the front, he wanted us to both thank our guests for
being there.

Him: hi. Can I have your attention, please.

Everyone stopped chatting and concentrated on him.

Him: I would like that you all for coming today to celebrate My Wife's birthday. I Know today is a day
usually reserved for family, but you all came out and we really, really appreciate it.

Siya looked at me and smiled

Him: I'd also like to thank my wife, for not killing me, in the 3 years that we've been together. This
woman has honestly stood with me in times where I never thought she would.

She has loved me when I didn't deserve it. I've pushed her away 100 times and yet she came back 101
times.

Baby I just want to thank you for ever thing. You truly are the reason I have a purpose in life.
I looked at Siya and tried hot to cry. Siya isn't exactly the most romantic guy in the world. But hearing
him speak made me weak at the knees.

I gave him a hug and he whispered "forever" in my ears, then we broke apart

Him: now that that's out the way. It wouldn't be a birthday without a gift.

Siya took out a velvet box out of his hand and got down on one knee?

Him: Rifiloe Ndhlovu. Mama Ka Khanyi no Olwetho. Would you do me the honours of once again,
making me the happiest man in the world by marrying me all over again.

I smiled down at this crazy, hands on man in front of me, and i knew that no matter what. This was the
man I was meant to be with

Me: of course I'll marry you. Again

I gave Siya my left hand and he slipped on yet another beautiful platinum ring on my finger.

He stood up and this time gave me kiss, that made me blush like never before.

We walked back to our table and the DJ took over. Everybody congratulated me, and kept looking at the
ring. It felt kind of weird saying we were renewing our vows, when in fact we were really getting
married for The second time round.

The rest of the party was amazing. Our last guests left way after midnight. By them my feet were killing
me, and i had over done it a bit with the champagne. But all in all it had been the set birthday ever. I had
my girls back in my life. Siya and I were finally on the right track, and best of all. Olwetho and Lesedi
were now under one roof. We were finally a family. And nothing could take that away from us.

** *** ***** Siya ***********

Seeing Rifiloe smiling and laughing made me so happy. I used to hate the idea of seeing her with
friends, or even family. I always wanted to control who she saw, all because I feared I would lose her. I
feared that one day she would discover my secret and think that I wasn't good enough for her, or that
someone. Maybe one of her friends would see the signs and would expose my secret. And yet here we
are today and there are no more secrets. She knows everything there is to know about me. She knows
how to handle my moods, and when to back down. She honestly is perfect for me, and that. That made
me the luckiest bastard in the world.

Waking up the following morning after sleeping in was amazing. Rifiloe was lying in my arms naked and
had a glow to her that I hadn't seen in a long time.

I didn't want to wake her, so I didn't move. Instead, I drifted back to sleep with my girl lightly snoring in
my arms.

When I finally woke up again, Rifiloe wasn't in bed. I here the shower going, so I knew she was in there. I
got out of bed and went to join her.

Me: morning

Her: morning baby

Me: why diďnt you wake me

Her: you looked so peaceful. I thought I would let you sleep in. You don't get enough rest as it is

Me: well. I agree with you on that one.

Her: turn around and let me wash your back

Me: no mam. I kind of like the view

Her: really

Me: certainly

Her: in that case why don't you come closer, and explore what it is that you like

Me: I'd be happy to.

I stepped closer, complied to the request at hand. It's not like I could resist her anyway.

Just as we were making out. I heard a knock on the door.

Her: who the hell could that be

Me: no clue

The person knocked again, this time shouting for me to come out.

Her: sounds like its Hlokes

Me: yaah, something must be wrong for him to come here.

Her: I'll deal with it while you finish off showering

Me: thank you baby

She gave me a kiss , then stepped out the shower, and warped herself up with a towel.

I quickly finished off showering, and followed suit. I hadn't expected Hlokes here today, so whatever
bought him here was serious

I walked into the room, and changed, then went downstairs to find out what was so urgent that he
couldn't wait for Me to shower

I found Hlokes and Nails in the lounge waiting for me. Judging by the look on their faces it was obvious,
that something was terribly wrong

Me: fellas

Them: boss

Me: what's is it

Hlokes: you haven't seen the news

Me: no

Nails: you're phones are both off

Me: yes. We switched them off last night. What is it. Is it Lesedi?

Hlokes: no. They're all fine. They are still at my place with your mom. I've just had to double up security
Me: will one of you spit out what is happening

Hlokes handed me an IPad, and no read the latest news

Him: Its Naledi. She's committed suicide

Me: shit when?

Him: last night. Somehow a video of you proposing to Rifiloe made it online. She must've seen it, so she
recorded a video telling the world a whole lot of shit. Then taking pills and ending her life

Me: where's the video

Nails: I've saved it on there

Me: fuck

Hlokes: it gets worse

Me: what could be worse

Hlokes: in the video she speaks about how you hurt her, and played with her feelings. How Rifiloe
attacked and harassed her, and how Dumisani raped her, and you covered it.

Me: that is bull shit

Hlokes: we know that. But the president of Lesotho doesn't. This could lead to war a war Ghost.

Me: yaah. Ok. Get the security at your place to get everyone at your place to the airport. Nails. Phone
Charles and have him get the plane ready for Cuba. Make sure the guys in Cuba are ready for them. I
want Them and Rifiloe out the country asap.

Nails: sho Boss

Me: and make sure HQ is ready. I'll meet you there in an hour

I rushed upstairs to Rifiloe. I needed her Out of S.A. as in yesterday. This madness that Naoledi started
would mean Rifiloes life was in danger, especially since Naledi spoke about her in her suicide video.

I got to our room and found Rifiloe, in her closet doing her hair

Me: there you are

Her: what's wrong baby

Me: I need you to look at me

Her: baby, I'm doing my hair. Give me a minute

I gently to the brush in her hand, and swing her around so she can face me.

Her: Siya maan. Let me finish

Me: Rifiloe. I need you to listen to me. This is important.

Rifiloe looked up at me, and in that moment, she knew I wasn't playing

He: what is it

Me: there's no time to explain. I need to get you out of here asap

Her: where is Lesedi

Me: On the way to the airport

Her: what? Why

Me: baby, as I said. I cannot explain. We need to go. NOW

I grabbed Her hand, and took her phone off the bed. Knowing Rifiloe she would want to talk about this,
but right now talking wasn't an option. I needed her out of here, and somewhere safe. That was the
only way I was going to be able to think properly.

We got to the garage, and Bullet had convoy waiting for us. That's when I knew I had trained my team
well.

We got in the car, and my phone immediately rang. I didn't bother answering it, instead, I concentrated
on Rifiloe. I could see she was panicking, and this 30 min drive to the airport was the only time i had to
talk to her.

Me: Baby

Her: mhmm
Me: I'm sorry about all of this. I'm sure you're wondering what happened

Her: it's fine Siya. I trust you. I know you wouldn't be taking me out of S.A. for nothing

For the first time in our relationship, I Felt like a man. She didn't argue, or make a fuss. Instead she
understood, and that gave me the courage to needed to deal With this mess that Naledi created

Me: thank you for trusting me

Her: now tell me what's going on

Me: Naledi committed suicide last night

Her: oh

Me: she did it live on some social media thing. To make it worse she blamed you and I for it

Her: what? Why the hell would she do that

Him; I'm not sure. I haven't seen the video yet. I'll annualize it when I get to the HQ

Her: ok, but i still don't see why we need to go

Me: if this video is as bad as they say, then that means we have the whole of S.A. and Lesotho out for
our blood. I can't have you here. I need to know that you are safe. That's the only way I can deal with
this

Her: so you're not coming

Me: no baby. I need to stay

Her: for how long

Me: no idea

Her: I don't like this Siya

Me: neither do I. But baby this is big. Naledi is a princess. She has connections with people we don't
even know of. According to the world we are the enemies. I've got the president calling over and over
again. The president of Lesotho is on his way. This could lead to a war, and the last thing I want is for
you to be anywhere near here, when that happens

Her: ok.

Me: I love you Rifiloe. This is just another hurdle in our way. But that doesn't change the fact that I love
you

Her: I love you too.

she put her head on my shoulder, and i kissed her forehead. I knew it was going to be a while till I could
do this again. So I held her one last time, before I would have to become ghost. I had honestly enjoyed
being normal for the past couple of moths. But in my kind of world, Ghost doesn't stay hidden for to
long.

183

(crop top)

(I apologize. its my second day back at work and its harder than i thought.)

We arrived at the airport and my stomach dropped. Reality finally kicked in. Siya was going to stay here,
and probably fight like hell, while I lived on a beach house. I couldn’t actually do that.

Me; Siya I cant do this

Him; What

Me; I don’t want to leave you here. What if. What if something happens to you?

Him; Baby

Me; Ha a Siya. Im not going to Cuba. Not without you

Him; Rifiloe. Ill be fine. Ill handle this. For us

Me; (sniff)

Him; Don’t. No crying

Me; I can’t lose you Siya. Not after everything that we’ve been through

Him; you’re not going to lose me.

Me; how do you know?

Him; the situation isn’t as bad as it seems

Me; then why are you shipping us off to Cuba. Siya I know you. If. You’re sending me away it’s because
something could go wrong

Him; (sigh) I need you on this plane Rifiloe. Now

Me; Si
Siya banged the his fist against the car, and my heart broke

Him: you don’t get it do you? I can handle anything and everything, as long as I know that you are safe.
My only fear in those world is losing you. Nothing else can defeat me. But losing you. That would rip me
apart. Which is why I won’t lose you

I looked at Siya and saw that he reflected my greatest fear. I was afraid losing of him, and in turn here he
was telling me, to leave him in the pit of hell.

I saw him wipe away a tear from his eyes. And then saw his eyes turn red

Him; get on the plane

Me; Si

Him; Now. Get on the damn plane, or else I will carry you on myself

Me; You wouldn’t

He moved closer and I took a step back

Him; Rifiloe

Me; baby

Him; Now

I looked up at Siya and I knew there was no use arguing. Siya was on a mission, and I had no choice in
the matter

He took a step towards me and this time I didn’t step back. Instead, I closed the tiny gap between us,
and wrapped my arms around him. At first he didn’t respond, but eventually he put down his walls, and
he held me in his arms.

Him; You really need to get on that plane now babe

Me; I know. Just give me two more minutes. I want a kiss first

Him; (chuckles) you are one stubborn woman

Me; kiss me

I let go of him. And stood on my tiptoes to kiss put my lips on his. It bugged me so badly that just
yesterday, we had celebrated my birthday, and gotten reengaged. And now 24hrs later I was on a plane
to Cuba, leaving my man to fight against God Knows what.

I got on the plane and Siya accompanied me, so he could give Olwetho and Lesedi a kiss.

The jet took off, and thankfully Both Lesedi and Olwetho fell asleep. This was going to be the longest
flight ever. Because all I could think about was that my family on this plane was incomplete.

*********** Siya*******************

Seeing the plane take off with my family on, felt like a weight lifted off my shoulder. Now that Rifiloe
was safe. It was time for me to deal with the issue at hand.

I got back in the car, and drove to HQ. I needed now more than ever to let go of my feelings. This whole
issue was much bigger than just Rifiloe and I. This was now about dealing with whatever attacks coming
towards me.

Arriving at HQ, I found my office hectic as hell. There were agents everywhere.

I walked into the main office, and found nails and Hlokes going through information on Naledi.

I tossed the memory stick Rifiloe gave me to nails, then called my staff to the main room.

Me; Nails. Put up the video. I need to assess it. I want to know who found it. I want to know everything

Him; Sho

Me; Hlokes. I want a post mortem. I want you to make sure it’s her body 100%

Him; ok

Me; ok everybody listen up. This is what you have been trained to do. This is a code red. I want you all
on high alert. If there is a threat against us or our country. I need to know about it

Me; Nails. What time is the meeting between the 2 presidents?

Him; in an hour

Me; where

Him; main hall

Me; get me clearance

Him; But boss

Me; no buts. I need to get to Naledi’s father. There was no way she was running a drug ring without him
knowing. He has to be in on this, and I want a link

Him; ok boss

Me; Hlokes, come with me. We’re going down to main Hall

I went down to the main hall and just as I got there, Nails had gotten us approval.

Unfortunately the meeting had started, but I walked in anyway.

There was no way I wasn’t going to let this meeting go ahead without me being there

Me; I’m sorry to interrupt Mr President. But I believe its best you not listen to anything else that he
needs to say

Him; Its funny you’d say that. We were just talking about this predicament

Naledi’s father stood up and looked at us

Naledi’s Dad; you call this a predicament? My daughter is dead. All because of you and that slut that
you call a wife

Me; Sir. I am going to ask you to refrain from insulting my wife. Especially since we both know there is
more to this than meets the eye

I looked him straight in the eye. I wanted him to know that I know. That this whole thing was much
bigger than Naledi killing herself

Him; I don’t know what you are talking about

Me; Yes you do. Now I am going to give you a choice. You are either going to tell us everything or I will
have to drag it out of you

Him; I beg your pardon

Me; you heard me

I moved closer to him, and I knew then that I had him right where I wanted him.

Me; now that I have attention. This is what you are going to do. You are going to sign over the deal we
initially came to agree to.

Him; you must be out of your mind

Me; if you don’t, I will make sure that I tell the world of what you did. Not only will that mean that your
country will suffer financially. But that will mean that you will lose your so called position as
kind/President. Balls in your court. You have 24 hours to have the signed contract to me. After that I
will not guarantee your safety, or that of your family.

I looked at my very own president and he smiled.

I left them there and knew that I had just bought myself some time. Naledi’s father would be finding
ways to try take me out. While I figured ways to make sure he runs back to his little country and
behaves.

184

(sorry guys)

Arriving in Cuba was bitter sweet. But as always Siya had everything prepared. The guards and the
house staff were ready on our arrival. There was everything we could ever need, from clothes, to
diapers and formula. To even Olwetho’s favourite PS4 games.

I smiled and somehow relaxed a bit. If Siya could get all of this done in a matter of hours, he could
obviously deal with the situation at hand. I just hoped it would happen sooner rather than later. I had
spent a few hours away from him and already I felt incomplete.

I showed MaNdhlovu and Boni to their rooms, then took my children and went to bath. It was now
7:00am in the morning, and we had slept most of the way here, so all we could do was freshen up.

After bathing. I took the kids, to have something to eat. As always there was food already prepared. So I
just dished up for them.

I gave Olwetho his food, then fed Lesedi, who on the other hand was being a handful. She refused to
eat, and just started crying and throwing the biggest tantrum alive.
MaNdhlovu walked down and she looked at me and smiled

Her; need a hand?

Me; Please Ma

She took Lesedi, and I walked back to my room to take yet another shower. I had food all over me. Even
in my hair.

After my shower, I got dressed, and went downstairs, and found Lesedi drinking her bottle, in her
grandmother’s arms.

Me; Thank you Ma

Her; she reminds me a lot of Siyabonga. He used to be just as fussy, when his father wasn’t around

Me; Yaah. She does kind of get fussy when Siya isn’t around

Her; how was your birthday

Me; it was really nice Ma. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spent Christmas together

Her; It was a pleasure. I enjoyed spending Christmas with my Grand babies

Me; Can I get you something to eat?

Her; Please.

Me; Chicken and dumbling?

Her; yes please

I went to the kitchen, and I dished up for her, then went to put Lesedi in her cot, while Olwetho and I go
play on the beach.

He was so excited and it just made me realise how I missed him. I made a vow to myself to never let
him go again. It wasn’t fair that when things got tough we shipped him off somewhere.

Boni later came to join us and we all just played soccer on the beach, while MaNdhlovu took a nap.

After Olwetho was tired, we went back inside, and I went upstairs to try and phone Siya. I didn’t think
he would answer, but I guess it was one of my luck days because he answered.
Him; MaNdhlovu

Me; Hey

Him; how was your flight?

Me; Fine.

Him; I would’ve phoned you earlier, but I thought you would be resting

Me; I wish. Jet lag has kicked in and it isn’t playing

Him; how are my children

Me; their fine. Lesedi is napping with your mother, and Olwetho is watching TV after we spent most of
the afternoon on the beach

Him; Lucky You

Me; come home

Him; Home?

Me; yes. This is still our Home isn’t it?

Him; Yes. It is

Me; so come home

Him; I can’t, still got a few more things to sort out

Me; so when do you think thing will be done

Him; in a few weeks

Me; that long

Him; I hope not. But I also don’t want to make promises that I cannot keep

Me; ok

Him; I should go. I need to do a debriefing with the team

Me; ok

Him; I love you

Me; I love you

Him; Rifiloe. I’m serious. I really do love you.

Me; thank you baby. I love you too

Him; enough to spend the rest of your life doing this?

Me; Yes.
Him; Thank you

Me; ill speak to you later

Him; k

I ended our call and thought about what Siya had said. I do love him. I really do. But this travelling back
and forth. The guns, the uncertainty was tough. Could I really be this wife that he expects?

I sighed and prayed to God that I could be. Because in truth this was tiring, all of this was tiring. I just
wished Siya could be normal, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him that.

We had been here before, and I wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up.

I just prayed that with time he would let go of this super hero thing, and just be the husband and father
that our family deserves.

185

Speaking to Rifiloe put me off my guard a bit. I could sense she wasn't ok. I just wondered what was
bothering her. I just hoped her an my mother would get along. The last thing I need is those two biting
each other heads off.

As much as i would've loved concentrate on on them I had no time. I had to meat with my team to give
them a debrief.

Me: Ok everyone gather around. I need an update

Me: Nails. What do you have for me

Him: you won't believe this boss. This whole ring is connected to Fernandez

Me: no ways
Him: really Boss. It all makes sense. Here

He gave me folder which indeed proved that Naledi, Her Dad were connected to Fernandez.

This could only mean trouble. the last thing I need is to speak to Jessica. Rifiloe would go ballistic.

Me: i need you to do an interrogation on Jessica. I want to know everything

Him: Sho boss

Me: Bullet. Did you see the body

Him: yes. It looked like her

Me: good

He handed me an autopsy report

I went through it and was convinced she was really dead.

I was actually quite glad. At least she beat me to it. Because the way things were looking, i would've had
to kill her myself

Me: Nails. I want you to track Naledi's father. I want to know every move he makes

Him: yes boss

Me: one more thing. I need you to hack into Jessica and Naledi's banking
Him: ok

Me: let me know if you find anything. I need to go somewhere

I left the office and headed downtown to the Presidents offices. I needed to get down to the bottom of
this.

I arrived and luckily the president was available. His secretary led me to him and i closed the door

Him: this was unexpected

Me: Sorry to disturb you sir

Him: How can I help you

Me: I have come to discuss my job

Him: you've done well so far. If we get this deal with Lesotho we will go down in History

Me: I know.

Him: you don't seem to be very excited

Me: I sir... its just that

Him: You will be one of the most respected Ops leader alive

Me: yes. But sir I came here to speak to you about my resignation

The president looked at me as though i had lost my mind

Him: This would be the worst time to resign

Me: i know. But this isn't for me anymore. I want to look after my family.

Him: (Sigh) This is a shock

Me: I'm sorry Sir. But i think its best. Its time I started being the husband and father that is required
Him: that's very honorable of you. But what about you're team

Me: Bullet is more than capable.

Him: i know. But he hasn't been in the force as long as you have

Me: yes. But i know he will be just as good. If not better

Him: Well. I cant leave this to chance. I refuse you're resignation. Name you're price

Me: Sir with all due respect. I am not for sale. I am literally a billionaire.

Him: i know. But Siya. You run this country

Me: now its time i run my family

Him: ok. What about you take a step back and think about this. it will also give me time to think about
what to do

Me: That's only fair.

I left the President and headed back to HQ. I had a feeling I would be pulling an all nighter. I needed to
sort out all this nonsense and get back to my office.

**********Fifi*********

By the time evening came around i was exhausted.

Jet lag had kept me awake and now i was all zoned out.

I needed to get to bed as in yesterday.

I soaked in the bath and then got out and got into bed.

I was looking forward to dozing off, till my phone started ringing. I put it on silence and tried going back
to sleep, but the caller was persistent.

I looked at the caller ID and saw Siya's name.

I know I should've answered but for some reason i didn't want to. So i put it on silence and drifted into a
peaceful sleep. For some reason i even dreamt of my Father. he had 2 seed in his hand and was plating
them. I tried getting his attention but it looked like he couldn't hear me.

I wanted to go closer, but some one knocked on my door.

I ignored it and tried getting back to sleep, but whoever it was continued.

I got up and put on my robe and went to answer the door.

I opened and one of the guards were standing there with a phone in his hand

Him: Sorry to disturb you Mam. But Ghost wants to talk to you.

I rolled my eyes and took the phone out his hand

Me: Siya its 2am

him: why aren't you answering your phone

Me: I'm sleeping

Him: Since when don't you answer when you're sleeping

Me: phone me on my phone

Him: ok

I dropped the call and gave the guard his phone

Me: thank you

Him: Its a pleasure Mam. Can i get you anything else?

Me: no thank you

Him: Goodnight mam

Me: Goodnight

I closed my door and went back to bed. I was rather grateful that Siya's Mom was here with us. She was
sleeping with Lesedi which meant for the first in nearly a year I could sleep throughout the night.

As i was thinking about Lesedi, Siya called

Me: baby

Him: Hey. Are you ok

Me: I'm fine. Just tired

Him: I got worried when you didn't answer. I thought you were mad at me

Me: why would i be mad at you

Him: i don't know. I just thought that maybe..... never mind

Me: can i go to sleep now

Him: i love you

Me: i love you too

Him: Rifiloe. its all going to be ok. Just give me a few days. just promise me you wont leave me

Hearing Siya think that i wanted to leave hurt me. I love him and i hated that he thought that i would
leave just cause the going got tough

Me: Siya i love you. I'm not going anywhere

Him: I wish i could believe you

Me: you need to trust me. Please. I love you. Its not always easy. But i do none the less.

Him: then why are you so distant

Me: (sight)

Him: ill speak to you tomorrow

Me: ok goodnight

Him: Goodnight

Me: you should hang up

Him: i don't want to

Me: neither do i
Him: i should though. I've got tons of work to get through

Me: that Bad ha

Him: nothing i cant handle

Me: ok. So goodnight.

Him: dream about me.

Me: always.

I ended the call and fell asleep again. Siya just knew how to make me at ease. I hated being without
him. But at the same time i could never truly live without him.

So i slept accepting that this was something I was going to have to get used to. Siya loved his job and i
didn't want him thing that i would leave just because i hated his job.

I was Bonnie he was Clyde and nothing would change that. Not even death.

186

The team and I worked through the night. Nails was interrogating Jess, but she was a professional and
wasn't participating.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Jessica since i out her away after she had her baby.

Now here she was telling my team she wanted to talk to me.

I decided to rather not. Nails would have turn things up a bit. I'm sure once she got slapped around a bit
she would be more willing to participate.
I left the office and headed to Rifiloe's house to freshen up.

i needed a nice shower, i wanted to be fresh enough for when Naledi's father called. I hoped he would
just sign the deal and get the hell out of SA so i could go to my family.

I arrived home and it felt as empty as could be. The only people here were the guards.

I made myself breakfast, then went upstairs to shower.

Seeing Rifiloes things only made my need to resign so much grater.

In the past I had always worked my way out of resigning, but this time it was it. I loved my jib. I lived for
it, but now i just couldn't take it. The thought of my family being so far from me, or me having to ship
them off at the first sign of trouble wasn't stable.

I wanted to do this and no one was going to stop me. My family deserved better.

After my shower i looked over some the documents on Naledi's father and boy was he just as involved
as she was.

They carried and manufactured the drugs for Fernandez in the African region. They made a fortune but
a lot of it went to keeping Naledi's mother alive.

All I needed was to meet with him and make sure he signs the deal.

I left home and headed to HQ.

I arrived and Nails was still interrogating Jess.

Hlokes on the other hand was monitoring Naledi's father

Me: how are things

Him: He hasn't moved around much.

Me: ok. Let me know when he moves.

Him: cool.

I decided since everything was in order this side. I would go and look at how Ndhlovu Corp was doing. I
hadnt been there physically in a while. Id just kept up with what was going on.

I had an acting CEO who had been doing well, our figures had gone up 12% since he took over and that
made me like him even more. Especially since I didn't have to baby him. He knew what needed to be
done and he did it.

I walked through Ndhlovu Corp and all seemed well.

Andrea had resigned, but HR was all over it. I told them to have an assistant for me by the time i started.

I went to Charles office, and found him on a conference call. I sat down and listened as he concluded
the conversation with the our NY office.

Once he was done, he ended the call.

Him: sorry for keeping you

me: No worries. How are things going

Him: all is well. We have our financial year end coming up. We should have our final figures then

Me: sounds good. I actually came to inform you that I'm planning on coming back into the corporate
world full time

Him: oh

Me: don't worry. You will still be CEO. I just want to work on expanding. I want Ndhlovu Corp
everywhere. Africa, Asia, the world.
Him: Sounds exciting

Me: It will be. But I have a few things to wrap up first

Him: Ok. Ill make sure you have a PA by the time you arrive

Me: Good.

I left Ndhlovu Corp, and went to HQ.

I arrived at HQ and Nails still hadn't made any leeway with Jessica. So i took the decision to do it myself.

I just hoped Rifiloe wouldn't go All ape shit on me

I walked in the room and Jessica looked nothing like the girl i knew. She was thin, her hair short.

Her: I wondered how long it would take for you to come here yourself

Me: Give me the info I want Jessica, or else things will get really bad

Her; i don't care about all of this. I want to get out of here

Me: after all you did you should be grateful i haven't killed you

Her: We both know the only reason you cant kill me is because of that night we spent together.

Me: don't flatter yourself.

i pulled out one of the tool box in the room.

Me: you either tell me everything or else i take one of these tools and start pulling out your teeth one at
a time
Her: you don't scare me

Me: well let's get to it then

I took of my blazer and rolled up my sleeves

I looked through the tools and picked up hammer

Me: you ready

Her: you wouldn't dare

Me: try me

I walked towards her, and I saw her get fidgety.

I held out the hammer and hit her hand against the table with it.

She yelled out in pain.

Me: you know what would make this nicer? Nails

I went to the toolbox and took out a few nails. One for each finger

Me: I've got 12 nails here. 1 For each finger

Her: Siya.. please

i took her left hand and placed it on the table.

I hammed a pinkie finger, and she screamed. I moved to her ring finger and again she screamed.

We had blood coming out of everwhere

Me: you want to talk now

Her: Gh.... Gh... Ghost. Please. Ok. Ill talk

Me: see. Now I'm going to hammer two more of your fingers. Just for the fun of it. Then I'm going to
call Nails and you are going to tell him everything. Are we clear

I hammered the last two fingers, and reveled in how good it felt to hurt her. Especially since she was the
reason why Rifiloe was kidnapped and nearly raped.

I took my jacket and left her crying in anguish

I went to my office and went to clean myself up.

I told Nails to carry on with Jessica.

All i had to do now was head to Naledi's father. His 24hrs was up. I wanted that deal signed and i wanted
done now.

187

I woke up the following day feeling rather nauseous as hell.

I tried getting out of bed but the drowsiness was just on another level. So I lay back down and hoped
that the moment would pass, but unfortunately it just got worse.
I must’ve dozed off again, because I was woken up by Siya’s mother

Her; Makoti are you ok?

Me; Sorry ma. I must’ve dozed off a bit

Her; are you feeling ok

Me; no not really. I’m rather nauseous

Her; would you like me to call you a doctor

Me; no. don’t worry about me. I’m sure it’s just the Jet Lag

Her; are you sure

Me; no. but if it gets worse, I’ll let you know

Her; I’ll bring you some soup. Then you can go back to bed. The children are fine. They’re on the beach
with Boni

Me; Thank you ma

MaNdhlovu bought me up some soup and I immediately felt nauseous from the smell of it. I put the
soup on the stand, and slept some more

By the time I came around it was after Midday. I looked at my phone and saw I had 5 missed calls from
Siya so I decided to call him back

Him; you’re up

Me; Hey

Him you sound terrible

Me; Just a bit off that’s all.

Him; Yah My mom told me

Him; you need to see a doctor

Me; I’m fine babe.

Him; Baby please. I know you’re stubborn as hell. But will you just come back

Me; if I feel any worse. I promise you I’ll go

Him; Ok. I can’t really argue about this right now. I’m on my way somewhere. So Ill speak to you when
I’m done
Me; Ok

Him; you better go to that damn doctor Rifiloe or else we are going to have problems

I wanted to reply, but Siya had already ended the call. I rolled my eyes and went to the bathroom to
freshen up.

I was still rather nauseous but I want as bad as earlier that morning.

I took my uneaten soup downstairs and saw the kids were still on the beach with Boni and MaNdhlovu.
So I made some dry toast and went to join them.

*************** SIYA************************

I ended my call with Rifiloe and headed straight to Naledi’s father’s hotel. I was done with all the
bullshit. I needed to be in Cuba with Rifiloe. Only God knows what is wrong with her, and her being all
the way across the world wasn’t exactly ideal

I arrived at his hotel and found his security team in place. I walked passed them and one of them tried
stopping me.

Him; I’m sorry sir but there are no visitors allowed

Me; boy you better move your hands before things get bad

Him; I’m sorry sir. I am not allowed to let anyone through

Me; you have picked the worst day to piss me off. Now get your Boss to give me clearance or else I will
have your brain on these walls

Him; Sir

Me; Fine; you leave me no choice

I pulled out my gun and pointed at him. His colleagues pulled out theirs and pointed at me

Me; you have a choice. I blow your brains now, or you get your men to back down

Him; Ok. Ok. I’ll get clearance

He called one of the security guards inside, and as I knew, I got clearance.
I put my gun down and so did the rest of them

I walked into the hotel room and found Naledi’s father in the lounge

Me; President Tau. Sorry to arrive so unannounced

Him; save the bullshit

Me; well in that case where is my signed contract

Him; (chuckles) you think you can scare me.

Me; No I do not plan on scaring you. Now sign the contract or else there will be hell

Him; give me your best shot

Me; are you sure because once shit happens then there is no turning back

Him; this only ends one way. Either I die or you do

Me; ok. In that case I will see you around

Him; you better make sure you are ready boy. Because I’ve been in this game much longer than you, and
believe me when I say I am not Fernandez. You may have been able to arrest him, but me. I am much
worse. Especially since my daughter killed herself because of you and that excuse of a woman that you
call your wife

I left his room and knew that this meant that there would be war. Which is the one thing that I tried to
avoid, but now I had to get the team in gear. If my country was going into war with drug lords and
gangsters we would have to be in top form.

I would have to stop calling Rifiloe for a while, and the fact that she was ill just made me anxious. I just
wished she would go to the doctor and we would know what’s wrong, because lord only knew when this
war would End, and the last thing I needed was having to worry about her health when I had a price on
my head.

188

I arrived at the office and gathered my team for a meeting.

I doubled up security in Cuba, and decided to have some guards and police at the borders. I needed men
on the ground now more than ever.

President Tau was up to something and if i had anything to do with it i wanted to stop him at his game.

Now i needed to phone and speak to Rifiloe. Lord only knew how she was going to take this

Her: Si

Me: Hi baby

Her: Hi

Me: tell me you went to the doctor

Her: no. Not yet.

Me: Is there ever going to be a time where you are going to do as told

Her: im planning on going tomorrow

Me:,good

Her: how has your day been

Me: its been a bit hectic but nothing i cant handle

Her: I worry about you. I cant wait till this thing is over with

Me: yah I know

Her: so when exactly are u planning on coming home?

Me: I'm not sure yet babe. Looks like i might be a while

Her: how long is a while

Me: Rifiloe I'm not sure

Her: So I'm just supposed to be ok with this

Me: Rifiloe. You know this is bigger than me. If i could i would be with you in Cuba. But as you can see its
a bit hectic right now

Her: whatever Siya.

I tried to explain but Rifiloe had put the phone down on me, which just pissed me off.
I don't know what it is, but these past few days she had been acting strange.

I dialled her once again but she didn't answer. I tried her again but still nothing.

Now i was just getting annoyed. I had so much shit to deal with work wise, and all i needed was for my
woman to understand. Instead here she was throwing a tantrum because i wasn't home.

If only she knew how much pressure i had on my shoulders. Not to mention the fact that i would have to
go dark soon, which meant no communication with her or the children.

I walked to Bullets office and asked him to call Boni. I needed to speak to Rifiloe and my only way was
through Boni

Him: why would you want me to call my woman so you can speak to yours

Me: Rifiloe put the phone down on me

Him: I'm also in the dog box

Me: what did you do

Him: I haven't been able to call her since they left for Cuba. So i doubt she will take my call

Me: damn just try her

Him: I've tried her 10 times today. I'm telling you she wont pick up

Me: fuck

Him: lets try one of the guards

Me: yah. Tial tools

He tried tools who immediately answered.

I took the phone from him

Me: tools. I need to talk to Rifiloe. Get her on the line

Him: yes boss

I could here tools walking to Rifiloe's room.

I heard her answer the door, but she refused to take the call.

Instead i just heard the line go dead.

I bashed bullets phone against the wall out of frustration.

Why did Rifiloe have to be so damn stubborn. What did she want me to do. Its not like i wanted to deal
with this but i didn't have a choice.

I left bullets office and went to a conference calk that I had with the president.

I needed to let him know about the upcoming war.

Me: Mr President

Him: lieutenant

Me: I'm afraid Ive got some bad news

Him: what is it

Me: Sir it looks like President Tau isnt backing down. Instead he has basically declared was against us

Him: Dammit

Me: dont worry about it. I have the situation under control

Him: how can i not worry. If this thing goes to war it will cause panic and right now the last thing I need
is my country in panic

Me: Yes. I understand sir. Which is which is why i have our officers everywhere. I've even bought in
some of the police force and some of the army. If anything were to happen. We are prepared

Him: I hope for your sake you're right because i would hate to have to call in troops from other nations

Me: we don't need to. For now we are in control. Plus I have an ace up my sleeve

Him: care to share

Me: not yet sir. But soon enough I'll let you know
Him: you know I trust you Lieutenant. Do not make me regret it

Me: I won't sir

Him: good. Now keep me updated

Me: I will sir. Now there is one more thing I want to discuss with you

Him: im listening

I was just about to continue when Bullet rushed in

Him: Ghost. U need to see this

me: What is it

Him: its your uncle. Hurry

I wrapped up my call with The President and went to our open space

The sight i saw on the television was something I was truly not expecting.

My uncle's hands were tied behind his back and he was blooding heavily.

Me: Is this live

Nails: Yes boss. We have agents on the way there

me: fuck

No less that 2 minutes of watching men beating my uncle to death, i received a call from Rifiloe, which I
had no choice but to ignore

another call came through on private number

Me: Nails. Trace this call

Him: sho

Me: hello

Him: now i thought i would send you a gift. Since you killed my daughter it was time i showed you who
you are dealing with

Me: a gift ha

him; yes. I am going to send your uncle to you in pieces. Ill start with the head and will end with the very
last toe. Hell Ill even send you his dick just for the fun of it

Me: President Tau I am warning you. You do that and things will get ugly. Real ugly

Him: Well ugly is what i like.

He dropped the call and i dreaded what was about to happen

Me: Nails. How far is the team

Him: They are 5min out. They should reach him just in time

Just as Nails said that I saw a masked man on the television come behind my uncle with a double edge
sword.

Me: Fuck. Nails fuck

He lifted it and as promised my uncle's head was sliced off as though it were mere cheese.

I felt my body sweat, and my hands cleanch.

I could here people around me but couldn't make out what they were saying
This was something that i had never prepared for.

My uncles head lay on the floor while the swordsman laughed his head off as though it were nothing.

I started feeling nauseous and wanted to puke.

My uncle wasn't my favourite person, but he was the only link i had left to my father. And now here he
was. His body spasming because of the shock of having his head removed.

Bullet was standing in front of me shouting orders, but i couldn't here him

I went downstairs to the shooting range and just went wild. I needed so badly to let out this feeling in
my heart, and the only way I knew how was by firing as many shots as possibly possible.

I stayed at the shooting range for about an hour. By the time i came out i was ready to fuck people up.

Me: Nails. Did the force get there in time to save the rest of his body

Him: yes boss

Me: did you block this footage? i don't want anybody seeing it. Especially the family

Him: its already done

Me: are there guards in KZN

Him: yes boss

Me: good. Now its tine for us to go dark. I want every agent somewhere. I want to kill this mother
fucker myself
Him: shure

Me: bullet. I want you to release the file on president Tau connecting him and Naledi to Fernandez. I
want every bit of information we have used against them

Him: shap

Me: you have an hour. After this we are going dark. I want us on the first flight to Lesotho.

Bullet: Lesotho?

Me: yes. I am going to make this fucker pay in his very own country. He has just made an enemy of me
and now it was time i showed him what i am capable of. By the time i am done with him there wont be
much for him to save

him: ok

me: one more thing. We will need a helicopter. Not a plane. We are going to have to sneak into lesotho

Bullet: we're going old school.

Me: yep. Its time you all put your training to good use.

Him: How many agents

Me: 100 for now

Him: done.

Me: you have an hour

I left Bullet and went to get changed. I couldn't exactly go on a mission with a suit on.

I changed into cargo pants and a green muscle top, with my Army boots.

After changing i decided to call Rifiloe. I didn't want to stress about the details, but I definitely needed to
let her know that i was going to be unreachable for a while.

Thankfully she answered on the 5th ring

Her: Hi

Me: Hi

Her: I tried calling you

Me: I was in the middle of something

Her: Something more important

Me: yes Rifiloe. This was important

her: mhmm

Me: gosh i cant stand your fucking attitude. What do you want from me? How many times did i try
phoning you but you didn't answer. You want me to fucking beg you and that is something i wont
fucking do.

Her: don't talk to me like that. You started this shit

Me; you know what Rifiloe. I just called to tell you that i wont be reachable. Im going on a mission. so i
was hoping to speak to my wife, but since you are in a fowl mood. I might as well end this stupid
conversation now.

I ended the call and switched off my phone. I loved Rifiloe. I really did but her moods were something i
wasn't going to entertain. Especially with me leaving for lesotho.

I guess i would have to deal with all that once i returned

189

(sorry if there are spelling errors. I was typing like a maniac)

I tried calling Siya over and over again. But his phone was on silence. Gosh he was annoying me today.

Like all of a sudden he had decided to go all macho on me, and I had no idea why. All I said was that I
wanted to him to come home.

It had already been a week without him, and he still had no idea what time he would be home.

I left my room and went to the kitchen to make a snack for myself. I had some chocolate cake and milk.
For some reason I was craving something sweet.

******************* SIYA ***************

After speaking to Rifiloe, The team loaded the cars, and got ready to leave for Lesotho.

Nails was staying behind so he could help navigate us, but other than that it was the whole team. Plus
another 80 ops agents.

I know the journey I had ahead of me, but somehow leaving for a mission with Rifiloe mad at me made
me uncomfortable. I had all the protection I needed but in all honesty no one knew what would
happen.

I would hate myself if something happened to me and I hadn’t made things right, so I put aside my anger
and called her and by some miracle she answered

Her; Hi

Me; Baby. I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have been like that towards you

Her; I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that either

Me; I know you’re frustrated but baby I am doing this for us

Her; I know Siya. It’s just difficult.

Me; I understand Rifiloe. But what do you expect me to do? If I don’t finish this mission then we are
screwed.

Her; (sigh)
Me; Just give me a few weeks. Soon this will be all be over and we will be a family again

Her; Silence

Me; Rifiloe

Her; (sniff)

Me; Oh God please don’t start crying Rifiloe

Her; (sniff) Siya I don’t want you to go. I have a bad feeling about this mission of yours

Me; (sigh) baby. I am going to be fine.

Her; I hope so

Me; did you go to the doctor

Her; No. I’ve got an appointment for tomorrow morning. The doctor is coming here

Me; good. Ill calling you if I get a chance. But promise me you won’t stress if you don’t get hold of me

Her; ok

Me; I’m serious. No stressing. Enjoy the beach and have fun with my babies. I’ll see you soon ok

Her; Ok baby

Me; I love you Rifiloe. With all my heart and I swear to you once this is done we will be able to move on

Her; Ok

Me; Now send me a kiss

Her; I’ve sent you tons

Me; will you pray for me

Her; every day

I wrapped up my conversation with Rifiloe, and we left for Lesotho

****************** FIFI ***********************

After my conversation with Siya I instantly felt better. I went out to the beach and spent the rest of my
day with kids. I still felt a bit nauseous but I told myself I would deal with that once the doctor arrived
the following day. Right now all I had to do was hope and pray that Siya would be home sooner rather
than later.
By the time we left the beach, we went and had dinner on the veranda MaNdhlovu took the kids and
went to have dinner in the kitchen, while Boni and I sat on the Veranda

Her; this is shit

Me; (chuckles)

Her; Like really. Why couldn’t we find normal men? Men who have normal jobs

Me; tell me about it. Here we are having dinner in Cuba all alone.

Her; I know this is what they want, but I’m telling you Rifiloe. I’m having second thoughts about
marrying Hlokes

Me; No

Her; I’m serious

Me; But you guys love each other

Her; we do. But I cannot keep going on like this. My weight is up and down. I don’t sleep at night
because I don’t know if he will come home. I have an annoying baby mama to deal with. It’s all too
much Rifiloe. I cannot take it

Me; I know what you’re going through

Her; I think we need wine

Me; yes. I’ll go get

I went to the cellar and came back with a bottle of red. We drank it all and ended up drunk as hell. I
know they say not to use alcohol as a crutch. But right now it was the one crutch we could depend on.

I woke up the following day with a massive hangover. The first thing I did was throw up the little that I
had in my stomach. I knew it had been a while since I had wine, l but this was crazy.

I cleaned up after myself and took a shower. Something was definitely wrong with me.

I showered then went downstairs to have breakfast, but unfortunately the smell of food just made
things worse. I kissed my babies, and thankfully my doctor arrived

I led the doctor upstairs and he did a few tests.

Him; have you eaten anything you don’t usually eat in the past week
Me; No

Him; when was your last period

The minute the doctor asked. My heart sank. I hadn’t had my period since I had Lesedi. I breastfed her
for 6 months, and when I stopped Siya and I started sleeping with each other

Me; about 3 months ago

Him; well with that said, I think we both know what’s wrong with you

Me; oh God

Him; Here go pee on this

I went to the bathroom and peed on the stich, and as fate would have it I was pregnant.

I gave the doctor the results still not sure on how I was feeling. I definitely wasn’t expecting to be doing
this all over again, and on my own, while Siya is out saving the universe.

190

I sat on the doctors table, legs open while he did a trans vaginal exam.

To my surprise I was already 10 weeks. After my exam he gave me my vitamins and I headed home.

I got in the back of and tried understanding what this meant. Siya and I were still working on being with
each other. And now here I was alone, engaged, divorced and now pregnant with my second child in a
matter of months. Like really, what was I thinking?

This was all so overwhelming, but what made things worse was the fact that Siya was on a mission. And
now I couldn’t even share this with him. And Only God knows when he would be back.

I arrived back home and wasn’t quite sure on what to do. I found Siya’s mother and everyone else
having lunch on the veranda.

I kissed Olwetho and Lesedi, and sat down to join them

MaNdhlovu; Makoti how did you appointment go?

Me; It was fine ma

Boni; so what did the doctor say

Me; ahmm he said I need to just take things easy for a while

MaNdhlovu; take things easy? That was his diagnosis

Me; well. No not really. He said I am 10 weeks pregnant

They both looked at me shocked.

Boni smiled, and MaNdhlovu had tears in her eyes. She stood up and came to give me a hug

Her; Oh Makoti. I am so happy for you. Siyabonga is going to be ecstatic

Me; (sniff) thank you ma

Her; I cannot wait to see my grandchild

I smiled and for the first time since finding out I was pregnant, I became calm.

This wasn’t such a bad thing. Siya would love another child. I just pray that it’s a boy. Then that’s it. Our
family would be complete.

I started letting lose and for the first time since arriving in Cuba. Siya had done so much to make sure I
was safe and happy. The least I could do was try understanding. Besides. Today was the 31st and I had a
lot of good to look forward to in the New Year.

MaNdhlovu went back inside to rest while I sat with my children and just enjoyed their company.

Lesedi had grown so fond of Lesedi. She was crawling backwards, and he was there every step of the
way. You could see the love between them. It was just evident by the way Olwetho held her and
watched over her. I had a feeling he was going to be overly protective over her. I kind of felt sorry for
my little girl. Shame man. She would have Olwetho and Siya guarding her like a hawk. Not to mention
they would probably scare off any boys looking at her direction.

I smiled and watched them playing while Boni and I had enjoyed virgin cocktails to celebrate the little
invader in my womb.

********************* SIYA************************
Our Helicopter arrived on the outskirts of the Lesotho border, and things started to get real. We were
heading into a country that wasn’t ours, but what choice did I have? President Tau was making it clear
that this was one fight that had to be personal. And how much more personal can things get than
beating someone on their very own home ground.

I know for a fact he was on his way back to Lesotho and I wanted to make sure I got rid of him on his
very own soil.

We put on our nigh gear and walked the rest of the way to the border. I Had a few men at the border
gate, while the rest of us were sneaking in.

By the time we were all across, dawn was approaching. We hopped at the back of the truck we had as a
disguise. I had a few men in Lesotho and our base would be at one of the rural farms that wasn’t too far
from President Tau’s home. We used this farm as a cover up, because in fact we had an underground
facility running. The reason we couldn’t just fly here was because I knew that Tau’s team would be
looking out at any irregular movements, and obviously over 100 people landing your country at the
same time was a bit of a giveaway. Especially with Lesotho being so small.

I had 100 other agents arriving today. Hopefully with this many men, I could overthrow Lesotho in a
matter of days. But first I needed at least 3 hours of sleep

I went to the cabins, and got undressed. I had heavy Armor on and all I wanted was to take it off, and
just rest.

After getting undressed, I lay on the single bed, and thought about how crazy I was.

I had a huge king size bed waiting for me at home. And instead here I was at the very beginning of a war,
which I was going to kick off.

Most people wouldn’t understand it. Why would a business Grad, from a royal family go into such a job?
Where you have a 50/50 chance of survival. But I’ve been doing this so long, that the thought of only
being a business man just wouldn’t cut it. I would be so board, but at the same time I loved Rifiloe too
much to carry on putting our lives in danger.

She had stuck by me, even when things were difficult. She always loved me. And God knows I would do
anything to honour that. Which is why I came up with what I thought was an excellent solution.

After this, I would take care of my business and no longer be in the force as a Lieutenant or as an agent.
Instead I would be an advisor/consultant.

The President was right. Hlokes was good, but he hadn’t been in the force for as long as I had, and it
wouldn’t be fair to just throw him in the deep end. Instead I planned on guiding him, and eventually he
wouldn’t need me anymore. We could meet at my offices, and I wouldn’t even need to set foot at HQ.
This way Rifiloe would be happy and I would still have a taste nyana of the job I love. But at least I would
be home by 5 and help Rifiloe with the kids.

Hopefully I could convince her to stay at home and rather look after our home than to have a job. Don’t
get me wrong. It’s not as though I want to keep her confined to our house, but I would want us to have
more time together and if I was working full time, and so was she, that would mean that we would only
see each other after work, and 9/10 we would both be too exhausted to even have time together. But
knowing my wife she would tell me to take a hike.

I must’ve fallen asleep, because when I woke up it at least 4 hours later. It was now to set some of my
plans in place.

I got up, took a quick shower and went to the control room. As always my agents were all ready and
waiting for instruction.

Me; Ok. Everyone gather around

They all gathered, and I continued

Me; Firstly thank you all for being here. I know we are used to playing in our very own background or in
places where we have full control, but this mission is different. This is foreign country, which means we
will have to be extra vigilant. I want all of us to get home to our families. I do not want any mistakes on
this one. Ae we all clear

Them; Yes Sir

Me; Ok. So this is the plan for today. We are going to have to go undercover. We will have to change
into normal clothes. I want us to place bombs, all over Lesotho. Mainly the city centre, the presidents
home, his offices and ministers offices . Its time to gear up because We are going to take over Lesotho.
By the time I am done with President Tau, he wont know what hit him

My agents all looked at me as though I had gone mad.

Me; Hlokes. Do you have the revised paper work?

Him; yes. I have them right here

Me; do they have our Presidents signature

Him; Yes Sir

Me; Good. Now. I need you to get nails on the line. He still has that tracker on tau. I want to know his
every move. I also need to know how far we are with gaining access to the cameras around the country.
I want total control

Hlokes went to the control monitors to contact Nails while I dismissed the team.

By the time night comes I would have bombs, explosives and machine guns all over Lesotho. President
Tau, would be kneeling at my feet before the end of this week, and that was a promise.

There was no way I would let him get away with what he did to my uncle. He had made an enemy of
me, and now it was time for him to face the same fate that the rest of my enemies had faced.

His days on this world were numbered, and nothing would stand in my way of getting my revenge.

191

I sat with the team at the farm and we waited for the agents to place the bombs around Lesotho.

The nice thing about my weapons was that they were remote controlled. I didn’t need to be in the area
to set them off. Instead, once the bombs were placed, my team was back at camp, and all we had to do
was wait.

And as predicted president Tau was in his palace. So I took this as an opportunity to call him. I wanted to
hit the nail on the head.

Him; Tau

Me; Mr President

Him; (chuckles) I was wondering when you would call

Me; yah. I thought I would come say Hi. Find out how the last few hours of your life feel like

Him; Pretty good if you must know

Me; Well. I have a proposition for you. In fact it’s a new deal altogether. I want you to hand over
Lesotho to SA. You are not even in the least bit worthy to be President

Him; says who

Me; Says me

Him; well since you are all the way in SA. I guess I am going to have to decline your offer

Me; you have 2 seconds to make your decision. After that I start setting up your country in flames
Him; you wouldn’t dare

Me; don’t try me

Him; I decline

Me; Ok. Well in that case say goodbye to your country. Because soon all that you will have left is nothing
but flames.

I hung up and decided to give me an hour to try and call me back, but nothing. So I had no other choice
but to make good on my threat. So I released the first set of bombs, that were placed close enough to
his palace for him to hear, and just on cue, I received a call

Me; so I see you have had a change of mind

Him; You fucking ass. How could you do this to my country? You are killing innocent people who had
nothing to do with this

Me; the same way you killed my uncle? Or the same way you and Naledi killed all those people with
drugs

Him; you better back off Ndhlovu. I am telling you this once. Stay away from my people before things
get bad

Me; things have already gotten bad. Now I have emailed you the document I want signed. You have 5
minutes to sign it and return it before I bomb out the rest of your country. I’ll have this motherfucking
place looking like Rwanda by the end of the day.

Him; you fucking ass

Me; tick tock tick tock Mr President

I ended our call and told my men to hold off on releasing more bombs.

I gave President Tau 5 minutes, and he had my docs, signed in 5 so I know that this. Was my day

Now the only reason I made him sign copies, as because I knew that I would have to see him to sign the
originals. But this worked as a sign of good faith. So I all I needed now was for Hlokes to get the car
ready

Me; Bullet. Get the car ready.

Him; Are we going somewhere

Me; yes. I am going to the palace. I want to meet with Tau

Him; is that a good idea?

Me; yes. I want the originals, so we can get the fuck out of here, and I can get back to my family

Him; I hear that. But don’t you think we should slow down a bit

Me; no, I want to strike while it’s hot

Him; ok

Me; get the team to start packing. Once the originals are signed. I want to dislocate the bombs and fly
out of here ASAP

Him; would you like me to get the Heli ready too

Me; please.

Him; cool.

Bullet did as asked, and we left for the palace. He insisted on us wearing bullet proof vests. Which I
thought was stupid. This man knows he’s lost, but for the sake of peace, I gave bullet the peace of mind
he required, and put on the vest.

We left the farm and headed to the palace, and just as expected president Tau was ready and waiting
for us

Me; President Tau. Finally we have come to an agreement

Him; here

Me; thank you.

I looked through the document and it was indeed signed and stamped.

Me; why thank you. It has been a pleasure doing business with you

Him; disable the bombs

Me; I will. But first I need to get back to SA.

Him; I thought we had a deal

Me; we do. But you have to get on the first flight out of Lesotho, and I need to get back to SA. Once
that’s done then I disable the bombs

Him; (sigh)

Me; don’t be blue. Many have tried, and many have failed.

Him; you are arrogant

Me; no not really. I’m just tired of the Bullshit

I walked towards the door, and noticed that something wasn’t right. I looked at Bullet and he knew the
same. What puzzles me is how Bullet pulled out a gun, and shot right at my direction. In that moment
all I knew that this was a set up.

The bullet hit me on my neck and all I remember is falling to the ground wondering why the man I
trusted so much would betray me like he just did.

192

It’s been more than a month, of me not seeing or even speaking to Siya. I was now 14 weeks, and both
Boni and I were starting to get worried.

She tried Hlokes a million times a day, and we still heard nothing. Even nails wasn’t available and that
alone scared the hell out of me.

I had an appointment with my doctor today, so I decided to stop worrying and go look at my baby.
Hopefully seeing the baby would make me a lot less tense.

I arrived at the doctor and as I knew, my baby was growing. He/she was healthy and was overall doing
great. I took my pills from the doctor and left to go back home.

I made sure that I had an album of all my scans while Siya was away. I wanted to make sure he didn’t
feel like he missed out on anything.

When I arrived back home I noticed a few cars outside, and immediately got excited. I hoped that this
would be Siya.

I ran inside and found Siya’s mother and Hlokes sitting in the living room. I greeted them and looked at
Hlokes. For some reason the look in his eyes scared me

Me; Hlokes. Where is Siya

Him; Rifiloe. I was just telling MaNdhlovu

Me; telling her what

Him; Ahm (clears throat) Rifiloe. I’m sorry. But

Me; No

I got out my chair because I felt like it was burning me. This couldn’t be right. Siya was fine. he had to be

Him; Rifiloe. We were at the very end of the mission, but things just went left

Me; NO Hloke. NO.

Him; I’m so sorry

Me; get out my house

Him; Rifiloe

Me; No. get out. How dare you bring that nonsense in my house? Siya is fine. He is coming home. He
will come home. Nothing you say will change

I started shaking uncontrollably, Hlokes held onto me and I melted. My worst nightmare had finally
become a real. Siya was gone.

I screamed so hard, trying to get rid of the pain I was feeling. My whole life had just come crumbling
down on me. I had lost the one person who never gave up on me. And God knows how I wanted this to
work

I don’t remember much of what happened after that. All I know is I woke up in my bed, with my aunt
and mother in law by my side

I looked at my aunt and started crying all over again. Siya was gone, and nothing I could do would bring
him back.

My aunt sat on the bed with me and just let me cry. I wished I could feel the crying help, but it wasn’t.
Instead my heart was heavy. All I wanted was to see my husband. I wanted him home. I wanted him
with my children. I wanted my husband home. I wanted to tell him about the bundle of joy that I was
carrying.

How could this happen now. How could Siya leave me now when I needed him the most? How was I
supposed to bring up our children without a father?

All these thoughts just poured out in my heart. My best friend was gone.
I cried and cried till I had no more tears to cry. I was actually in the midst of the storm, and I didn’t know
how I was going to get through it without Siya.

He always knew what to do or say. And now I had no one.

I looked up at MaNdhlovu and she reflected my pain. She had just lost the one person who she loved
beyond measure. I took her hand and we both cried at the loss that we had to face.

By the time evening came, MaNdhlovu went to get us something to eat.

My aunt looked at me with such pity it broke me

Her; its going to be ok Rifiloe. I know that it doesn’t look like it now, but it will

I just nodded and tried figuring out what could’ve happened, when I remembered that I didn’t even ask
Hlokes

Me; aunty. Where is Lehlohonolo

Her; He is with Boniswa

Me; I need to speak to him

Her; Ill get him

She walked downstairs, while I tried to hold back my tears. Hlokes walked in with her and sat next to
me

Him; How are you holding up

Me; I don’t know

Him; I am sorry rifiloe.

Me; what happened

Him; It’s a long story, but he was shot

Me; by who

Him; one of the guards In Lesotho

Me; where is his body

Him; at a mortuary in South Africa

Me; Hlokes tell me what happened

Him; rest first. We can talk about all of that later

Me; what happened to the person that killed him

Him; I killed him.

Me ;( Sniff) I want my husband back Hlokes. Why is this happening to me? What have I done in my life
that God would want to punish me to such an extent?

Him; its all going to be fine Rifiloe. With time it will get easier

Me; How Hlokes? Siya is gone. I am pregnant with our child. And I will have to bring them up all by
myself. Tell me how that’s ok

Him; I know you’re hurting Rifiloe. So am I. but in time we will have to let go

He gave me a hug and left to go and arrange for all of us to depart for SA.

I had my dinner with MaNdhlovu while my aunt looked after the kids.

The following morning we all flew back to South Africa. I left the airport and went straight to the
Mortuary. I wanted to see Siya. I wanted to make sure that it was him in there, but when we arrived I
was told I couldn’t see him. There was a guard there and he had been given strict instructions by our
government not to let me see him. Apparently Siya’s face was badly scarred and he had given strict
instructions that I was not to see him in that state.

I left and went home feeling defeated. If only I knew that I would return to SA without a husband, I
would’ve insisted that I stay here with him. But now I had no choice but to try and work out a future
alone with Siya and Lord knows that was not something I looked forward to

193

When I arrived home, the guards were helping my mother in law remove some of our furniture from my
room. All that was left was a mattress that I would be sitting on for my mourning period.

Looking at my mother in law broke me. she looked like she had aged a million years since we found out
about Siya.

I took her hand and led her to one of the spare bedrooms, and closed the door
Me; Ma

Her; yes dear

Me; you can’t leave me too. You are my only connection to Siya

Her; makoti what are you talking about

Me; ma. You haven’t taken a moment to even breathe. You haven’t eaten and you are forever on your
feet

Her; I’m fine Koti. Let me go and finish preparing your room before people start arriving.

She tried walking away but I held onto her hand gently

Me; Ma

Her; No

Me; He’s gone Ma. There is nothing we can do about it

Her; let go

Instead of letting go, I put my arms around her and just held her till she finally put her guard down. It
absolutely broke me to see her like this, but I was more worried about her not grieving.

We stayed together for a while, till we broke our hug

Me; I don’t know how we are going to get through this Ma.

Her; we will have to take it one step at a time

Me; I miss him so much Ma. I just wish I could see him. They wont let me

Her; why not

Me; I don’t know. apparently he gave instructions that should he be hurt badly, that we are not to see
him

Her; so how do they expect us to bury him

Me; I don’t know Ma. This is all just so confusing

Her; we will need to speak to Hlokes about this.

Me; He’s downstairs

Her; come

We walked down hand in hand and for once, since finding out about Siya, I felt a bit better. His mother’s
warmth wasn’t everything, but at least it was something.

When we got to Siya’s office, we found Hlokes and Nails there. I let go of MaNdhlovu and went to give
nails a hug

Him; I’m sorry I failed you mam. This should’ve never happened

My eyes started to water, and the lump in my throat became larger.

Me; Its not your fault Nails.

Hlokes; Its no ones fault

Me; That’s true.

I sat at the table with MaNdhlovu and Hlokes and Nails

Hlokes; I’m sure this is stressful for you, but we need to start preparing the details for the funeral

Me; Not till I’ve seen his body

Hlokes; I’m sorry Rifiloe. But that won’t be possible

Me; and why not

Hlokes; Rifiloe. Ma. There are things that happened that were beyond our control. Unfortunately Siya
was hurt rather badly all over his body. It was always his request that should something of that
magnitude happen to him that we ensure that his family do not see him like that

Me; well I still want to see him Hlokes.

Him; I know but it’s in his will. I cannot go against it

Me; so how will we know that we are burying the right body

Him; I will make sure

Me; I just want to see him one last time Hlokes. I want to hold his hand. Just one last time

Him; I know but right now that’s not an option. His will is clear
Me; ok

Him; I know this is difficult. But I have to follow his order. Even if he is not alive

Me; I understand

Him; you will have a few visitors tomorrow. Mainly the president and some ministers

Me; what time

Him; about 9am

Me; ok

Him; Your lawyer and Siya’s Lawyer will be here in about an hour to discuss his last wishes, and to go
over his estate

Me; can’t that wait till the funeral is over

Him; No not really. This is all according to Siya’s wishes

Me; Ok

Him; one last thing

Me; what

Him; Linda wants Olwetho back

Me; over my dead body

Him; I know. But she is on her way from France.

Me; mxm

Him; you will need to toughen up a bit Rifiloe.

Me; you better listen to me Hlokes. And listen carefully. Olwetho is MY son. Linda has no right to him
after nearly killing him. If she sets foot in my house I will kill her. Do not try me. Olwetho is going
nowhere

Hlokes looked at me shocked

Him; ok

Me; good

We wrapped up our meeting, because our lawyers arrived.

I greeted them and led them to the dining room.

I sat next to MaNdhlovu while Hlokes and Nails excused themselves.

My lawyer was just there to make sure everything was ok, but most of the talking was done by Siya’s
lawyer

Him; Mrs Ndhlovu. Let me star by saying I am so sorry about what you are going through

Me; Thank you. But I am no longer Mrs Ndhlovu. It’s Miss Mokoena

Him; about that. (Clears throat) Mr Ndhlovu asked me to ensure you I gave you this before we proceed.

He gave me an envelope, which I opened immediately.

I found our original marriage certificate in there. I was a bit confused, so I looked up at his lawyer

Him; There’s a letter in there explaining everything. But basically you two were never divorced

Me; what? How? I received the divorce decree from my lawyer,

Him; I know. It was fake. Mr Ndhlovu only did that so you could have peace of mind

I looked at my marriage certificate and smiled. I honestly didn’t know why I thought Siya would ever
agree to divorce me in the first place.

I closed the envelope and made a note to read the letter in private.

Him; So since you were both married in COP. He left everything to you. Ndhlovu Corp, His properties,
vehicles, and boats you name it. it’s all yours

Me; I wish this would all bring him back. I’d give it all just to have him home

Him; He did however leave a trust for MaNdhlovu senior and each of his two children

Me; ok

Him; one more thing

Me; what is it

Him; He asked that you let the children live with his mother. He wants you to move on with your life as
soon as possible
Me; he must’ve been out of his mind when he put that in his will. Siya would never and I mean ever
want me to be with another man

Him; I know it sounds bazar but he knew how dangerous his job was, and it was his wish for you to be
happy.

Me; Sigh

Him; it was something he wished for, but you are not compelled

I looked at MaNdhlovu and we both shook our head. Siya was honestly the biggest control freak. He was
dead, and yet he was still telling me how to live my life

We finished our meeting and the lawyers left. I had dinner with the family, and went to spend some
time with my children. Olwetho fell asleep in my arms while we lay on the mattress while I read them a
story.

I took him to his room, and lay Lesedi in her cot. Looking at them broke my heart. They both looked so
much Like Siya. and yet their father thought I would want to ship them off to KZN while I moved on. I
don’t understand why Siya would think I would ever want to be with another man. He was it. he was my
soulmate and the thought of living without him scared me, but not as much as the thought of having
another man in my bed.

I walked back to my room and opened the envelope that his lawyer gave me

I sat on the mattress, and read

My dearest Rifiloe.

You have yet another letter from me.

Let me start by first explaining that I am sorry about lying about the divorce. I know it’s what you
wanted, but the thought of losing you scared me too much. So I had my lawyers daft and give you a fake
decree. I tried staying away but I loved you far too much to truly ever let you go. But lucky for me death
came early. Now you will be able to have the life I so badly wanted to give you.

Now let me tell you about something. I love you. More than anything and the thought of leaving you
breaks me, but I know with my job its always a possibility.

So I leave you with Lesedi and Olwetho. They will bring you the joy I failed to give to you.

Rifiloe do not cry over me. I would be too displeased. You have cried because of me far too many times.
No its time you stop and you move on with your life.
I will look down and will always be there to protect you.

Promise me you will take care of our family and my mother. I worry about her, but I know with you
being around, you will both carry each other and maybe one day we will be united again

I loved you to my very last breath. Never ever doubt that

Love Siya

195

The days after Siya’s funeral were the hardest ever. Both are families started leaving one after the other.
The emptier the house got, the heavier my heart became. I had now experienced a full week without
him and it totally broke my heart.

I cried myself most nights to sleep. Lesedi had become so attached to her grandmother, which left me
with a lot of spear time.

I tried reading books, and doing yoga but none of that shit was helping. Instead I craved his touch now
more than ever. I’d give anything to hear his voice. Hell even if it meant he was shouting at me. I’d take
it.

I thought I would at least see him in my dreams but somehow it looks like he has deserted me even
there. I’ve dreamt of both my parents before, but Siya nothing. I sometimes wake up and feel like he is
in bed, but the minute I open my eyes, I realise he is gone. I guess it’s a blessing that I’m pregnant,
because I know that I would be drinking myself to sleep.

MaNdhlovu has been hinting that maybe we should start giving away Siya’s clothes and some of his
belongings, but I flat out refused.

I may have buried him, but I am not ready to let go. I want his scent. I shower with his shower gel, and
think of the times we argued, and made up in this shower.

I go downstairs and find MaNdhlovu and the Children still fast asleep. I head to the kitchen and start
making breakfast. Today was exactly 2 weeks since I had said goodbye to Siya.

I was starting to have a routine again. Today was Lesedi’s first day at preschool. We didn’t really get to
celebrate her birthday since Siya wasn’t around. But MaNdhovu baked a cake nyana we sang for.
I spent most of her birthday crying in my room. I just felt so lost. I wanted Siya to see our children grow
up. It hurt me to know that Lesedi would never get to see her father again.

I finish making breakfast and go to wake everyone one up. I put Olwetho and Lesedi in the bath, and
bath them together.

Linda and I had finally had a woman to woman discussion about Olwetho, and we came to an agreement
that she would be able to visit him, but that he would stay with me. Especially since I pulled out my
cheque book and made it worth her while.

After bathing the kids and getting them dressed, served breakfast, and then drove them to school.

I started with Olwetho, who was insisting that I walk him only to the gate. He didn’t want us walking him
in. apparently he was too big for that. Oh and no kissing him in front of his friends.

Then I dropped Lesedi off ad day-care. I was rather nervous as it was her first day, but somehow, she
didn’t even cry. Her teacher had colourful ball in her hand which distracted her as I walked away.

I sat in my car and smiled. What the hell was I going to do all day without the kids? I honestly think I
need to find a job, but yet since I’m pregnant, I can’t start working and then be absent for another six
months. Maybe it’s best I wait till after the baby is born

I drove back home listening to the radio. I used Siya’s jeep, and being in it somehow gave me some sort
of comfort. Even if it was just for a moment

I drove in and saw that Hlokes was here. I walked in and we bumped heads because he was heading out

Oh sorry about that, I said as I rubbed my forehead

No worries

You leaving already?

Yes- I just came to make sure all the cameras were in order

Me; ok

I looked at Hlokes and I picked up something wasn’t right

Me; Hlokes. What’s wrong?

Him; nothing

Me; try again

Him; I was just leaving

He tried walking passed me but I noticed that he had something I his hand

Me; what’s that

Him; nothing

Me; it can’t be nothing if it’s in your hand

Him; It’s just some documents I needed from Siya’s study

Me; what documents

He took out his phone from his pocket and answered

Him; I’ve got to run

Me; we’re in the middle of a conversation

Him; bye

Hlokes walked passed me and answers his phone as he leaves. I don’t know what it is about him, but
something wasn’t right. He was just too fidgety for my liking. Mxa

*************** HLOKES***************************

Me bumping into Rifiloe wasn’t the best thing. I mean honestly if she had seen those documents she
would’ve flipped.

I got in my car and drove to the airport, and drove to the safe house. I arrived and found Siya eating his
food

Him; did you get them

Me; yes

Him; phew…. How is she?

Me; She’s thinks she’s buried you Ghost. How do you think she feels?

Him; you know why we had to do this right?

Me; yes. I do. I get it. But Siya she is devastated

Him; I know. I sat in the car as she cried. You think I didn’t want to jump out the car and shout surprise?

I gave him a look and just gave him the documents he needed.

Me; I’m not going back there until this little plan of yours is done. The moment I look at her I feel like
apologising

Him; well its your fault we are in this mess.

Me; fuck not this shit again

Him; it’s the truth. If you and Nails had told me about suspecting the set up, I wouldn’t have gone to see
Tau

Me; but you know we had no choice

Him; I know. nut fuck if you fucking do something like that again, I am going to kill you. And I will make
sure you are dead

Me; ya ya. Now for goodness sakes. Just take your damn painkillers. And stop being that dramatic. That
pulled landed in the softest place in your neck. Nx a

Siya looked up at me and went to take his pills. I smiled at how he was getting so mad. I know he was
frustrated about the situation. But in that moment I had no choice but to make president Tau think that
I had betrayed him.

So I did what I had to do. I shot him, knowing very well he would survive. And once I had Tau in my
hands I made him sign the deal.

So technically I saved the day, and deep down he knows I am right. And Ghost being Ghost would never
admit it, buts since he is now officially resigned, and no one is looking for him, it will be a perfect
opportunity for him and Rifiloe to walk off into the sunset. But first he needs to heal. And hopefully he
won’t tell Rifiloe about what I didn’t because I am 100% sure she would never forgive me for this.

196
I sit on my bed today still wondering how I made it so far. Siya's been gone for 6 months now, and i look
more like a while than ever.

MaNdhlovu has been there every step of the way and Lord knows how grateful I am to have her.

She's been so caring and Patient with my hormones. I just wonder how I would've gotten through all this
if it wasn't for.

I stand up and start packing for KZN. MaNdhlovu insists on us performing the cleansing ceremony now,
before I give birth. I tried reasoning with heel but she wouldn't hear it. She kept telling me how I had to
get bac, to my life. So UN the end I agreed. Not that it makes difference in my life. I mean Siya may be
gone, but I'm still mourning him. And me being cleansed is t going to change that.

I snap out of my daydream as I hear the bell ringing. I put my slippers on and waddle downstairs.

MaNdhlovu and the kid are at the zoo, with the nanny, so I'm alone. Excluding the security. Which I stil,
don't understand. But Hlokes has insisted that they stay. So I just let them be.

I answer the door and I find a deliver man standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers.

I sign for them and put them in a vase. I do t bother reading the card, because I already know that they
are from Jason. He's been semding me floweres since Siya's death.

He say as they are to cheer me up, and surprisingly it works.

I pick up the phone and dial him

Him: I'm guessing you like the flowers I sent you

Me: I do. Thank you

Him: you know it's a pleasure.

Me: I've got run. I need to pack

Him: pack? I thought you weren't allowed to leave the house, except for taking the kids to school

Me: I'm going to KZN. It my cleansing ceremon this weekend

Nim: does that mean that you'll be able to get back to your life after this
Me: yes. But in all honesty, I don't know if I'll ever truly move on

Him: just take it slowly. One day at a time

Me: thank you Jason. For everything. You've been an amazing friend

Him: always

I wrap up my conversation with him, then go back upstairs and start packing. I pack 5 dresses. Showls
and doeks.

Then move to Lesedi and Olwetho's rooms and pack for them too.

Once I'm done. I go back downstairs and cut myself yet another piece of cake with a glass of milk. I don't
know why but this pregnancy has been rather easy. I only had a bit of morning sickness, but once I got
to my second trimester I was feeling like my normal life. Except for the fact that I gave gained a flip load
of weight. Whic I plan on losing as soon as I drop this baby.

I must've fallen asleep on the couch, because I woke up with Lesedi tapping my tummy.

I spooned my eyes and smiled. She kisses my nose and immediately runs to her brother.

I sit up and find MaNdhlovu inspecting my flowers.

Her: from Jason again?

Me: yes ma.

Her: their beautiful

Me: how was the zoo

Her: fine. I have a feeling they will be asleep in no time

Me: thank you for tAking them ma

Her: so tell me about this Jason guy

I give her an inquisitive look

Her: well your cleansing ceremony is coming up. Once that's done you need to start going out more.
Maybe even start dating again

I look at this woman and wonder If there isn't a screw loose?

Me: Ma. I am not even close to be being ready for that. I'm 7 months pregnant

Her: I know that. But once the baby arrives you need to dust yourself off and enjoy your life again. Your
26. Nearly 27. Plus you remember what Siya said in his will. He doesn't want you being lonely. You have
to let go.

I get up and go to the kitchen. Yes. I, hungry, and this conversation just keeps getting more and more
awkward. So what better way, than to eat.

The kids go to bed that night with granny. While I sit in Siya's closet crying my eyes out. I've tried so
hard to move on, but the fact that I won't be seeing him again. I would honestly do anything. Absolutely
anything to be in his arms. Instead I'm on the floor with his shirt in lap.

I go to bed when I have no mere tears. I take a panado, and surrender to the darkness that follows me to
my sleep

We arrive in KZN, and i am sent to Siyas room. His family and my family disagreed about me being
cleansed in KZN. But apparently the Ndhlovu family cleans their daughter in laws at the homestead.

The follow I g morning I am woken up at 4:00am, and taken to a river close by. I am cleansed but naked
with then dressed in New clothes.

We go back to the house and eat. By 11am we are done and the catering team get ready to leave.

I haven't been too emotional today. I think it's becAuse of all the people here.

MaNdhlovu insisted on me not touching a thing. I've been in my room watching tv as though I am in
qwaqwa.

************* Siya***********
I keep looking at the reports from my team and week things aren't doing as great as I thought they
would. I thought by now we would be wrapped up and no would be able go back to my life. But now 6
months later I'm still stuck here in this fucking safe house.

I looke through the reports and get more and more irritated. This fuckin Lesotho deal has taken so much
longer. We are still trying to figure out ways on how to make S.A. and Lesotho one. From currencies, to
land. It's Ll just taking too long.

Hlokes walks in just as I finish, Nd the look on his face tells me that its bad news

Me: and?

Him: parliament was postponed for another week

Me: fuck

Him: Ghost. You might as well chill. This thing will only be done in another six months

Me: shut. This is crazy. Rifiloe is due to give birth any minute now

Him: what do you want to do?

I look at Hlokes and feel more and more angrier. If he had just did what I told him to do we wouldn't be
in this mess.

Me: I need to see Rifiloe.

Him: you can't be serious

Me; if I ha e to wait another 6 months, she is going to kill me hin: you're already dead. So you might as
well wait

I throw the report at Hlokes, and he ducks while smiling

Him; it's only for now. A few months from now you will walk off into the sunset with Rifiloe.
I get up and walk to my office. I know I wanted to leAve the force, I just didnt think thats it would mean
a year of lying to Rifiloe. I tried speaking to the president but he wasn't letting go. He insisted that I
would have to consult on the Lesotho deal until it was settled, but now parliament is taking longer than
expect. But in all fairnessness, its two different parliaments. Meeting and trying to become one.

I sit in my office and look through providers and pictures of my family. I want not hi g more than to just
walk out of here but i know that this not a possibility. So sit and for the first time pray that by the time I
go back Rifiloe still wants me.

197

I finally decide to take Jason up on his offer to have lunch. It’s been a month since I came back from my
cleansing ceremony and Jason has been hounding me for lunch ever since. So today for the first time I
agree.

So I start getting ready, and I receive a message from him telling me he’s picking me up.

I am totally against this, so I decide to call him back

Him; hey you

Me; don’t pick me up. Ill drive

Him; Rifiloe, your 8 months pregnant. I won’t let you drive

Me; Jason. I’m fine

Him; I’m on my way there anyway. So just relax

I roll my eyes and just finish getting ready. I tie my thin braids in a bun, and wear one of my many Maxi
dresses, with sandals.

To my surprise, by the time I get downstairs, Jason is having Coffee with MaNdhlovu

Lord help me.

Me; Hey. I didn’t think you were here yet

Him; I was waiting in my car, but your mother in law here invited me for some coffee

I look at MaNdhlovu and she has a mischievous smile on her face.

Her; Sit Makoti. Join us for Coffee

Me; ma I’m pregnant. I can’t have coffee

Her; then I’ll make you tea

She gets up before I can even stop her. So I have no choice but to sit down next to Jason who is
obviously enjoying this little scene

Me; why didn’t you say no to coffee

Him; the same reason you are sitting here. She doesn’t take no for an answer

Me; mx

Him; you look nice

Me; I look like a whale

Him; a cute whale

Me; Jason

Him; what

Me; my mother in law is in the next room

Him; I was just being honest

I roll my eyes, and for the first time smile at how stupid this whole thing is.

MaNdhlovu walks in with a cup of my camomile tea. Then sits down and stares at us

Her; so Jason. You and Rifiloe have known each other for how long?

Him; a couple of years now

Her; and what are your intentions are with her

God, when I heard those words coming out of my mother in law, I wanted to faint. Jason is just my
friend. I haven’t seen him in over a year. Why on earth would she be asking him about his intentions?
Me ; ma. Jason and I aren’t dating. We’re just friends

Her; mhmmm

She smiles at me and I take this as my cue for us to leave.

Me; Jason, we should get going

I stand up before she can say anything. And thankfully so does Jason. He kisses both her cheeks, and we
walk out feeling as awkward as ever. I honestly have no idea what she was trying to do. I am not close
to even being ready to move on and here she is asking about intentions. Mxm

I slip into the front seat of Jasons car, and wait for him to walk back around

Him; that was something else

Me; I think grief is driving her crazy

Him; I think she just wants you to be happy

Me; im fine

Him; you didn even greet me properly

Me; Jason I hungry, grumpy and pregnant. Don’t mess with me

Him; Yes mam

He drives off smiling, and I immediately smile back.

************** SIYA *****************

I look in disbelief as Rifiloe gets into that bastards car. I immediately stand up and get my keys.

This is not something I will sit and watch. This is my wife, and seeing her pregnant with my child and
smiling with that asshole makes me want to go mad.

I walk out the door, and Hlokes comes rushing to stop me

Me; Bullet. Not today

Him; you can’t do this Ghost. You know you can’t

Me; you must be out of your mind. This is my wife. MY Fucking Wife Bullet. And you expect me to sit
here and do as you say

Him; Ghost. She’s just going for lunch. It’s not like she is going to fall for him. She’s still mourning you

Me; you are one crazy fucker. She is lonely. She thinks she is never going to see me again. And to make
things worse, she is pregnant. That alone is a recipe for disaster

Him; Ghost. So I need to remind you that, just pitching up there isn’t going to make things right. It’s only
going to make things worse. Just hang in there

I look at Bullet and decide to totally ignore him. I refuse. To let this happen over my dead body.

I get in the car, and Hlokes stands behind it, thinking I won’t run him over. He clearly doesn’t know me.

I get out the car, and now I am pissed beyond pissed

Me; Move aside agent

Him; I wont

Me; excuse me.

Him; Ghost

Me; I am your Lieutenant, and I am giving you an order son. Now move, before things get bad

Bullet looks and decided to do as told.

I jump back in the car, and drive off towards my house. Its time I let people know who’s in charge. And
that still happens to be me. I’m done with all the bullshit.

I arrive at the gate and sigh. My poor mother is going to have a have a heart attack
I walk to the kitchen and see her sitting I’m the lounge watching television.

She hasn’t spotted me yet and for some reason my heart starts beating. Fast. Heavy.

I walk to her and the shock in her eyes tell me I should’ve been more sensitive. She stares at me and her
eyes begin to water. I want to say something. I want to tell her how sorry I am that I put them through
this. But words fail me.

She stands up and looks into my eyes. She doesn’t blink. Not once. She moves closer, and brushes my
face with her hand

Her; Siyabonga

Me; Ma

She doesn’t say anything further. Instead, I feel a throbbing slap across my face

Her; why would you do this to us Siyabonga. Ye

Me; Ma I can explain

Her; Explain what. Explain that you have lied to us

Me; Ma’

Her; No. not a word. You have put this family through hell. Then one day nearly a year later you rock up
without even warning. ARE you trying to kill me?

Me; Ma, just

Her; should be ashamed of yourself

She walks past me and heads to her room while I chase after her

Me; Ma what are you doing

Her; I am packing. I won’t be here when you break that woman’s heart, yet again Siyabonga.

Me; Ma

Her; you should’ve seen how broken she was. How hurt she is from all of this. She could’ve lost the
baby. And now here you are as thought nothing has happened. Nxa… By the way I am taking my
grandchildren with me. I won’t let you traumatize them. Never
She takes her bag, and packs stuff of the children. I Get Hlokes on the line and instruct him to have the
jet ready for my mother. I know she is mad at me, but she is right about the children. They can’t be here
when Rifiloe finds out about me.

My mother is out the house within an hour of my arrival. One of the guards are taking her to pick up the
kids from school, while I sit here and open a bottle of whiskey and wait for my wife to come home

I wait, and wait, and wait, and still. No Rifiloe.

I go upstairs, take a shower and come back down, to see a car driving up my drive way.

I see its Jason’s car, so I sit on in the couch and knock another glass of whiskey down my throat. I want
to be calm. I really do, but at the rate I’m feeling I am just about ready to kill this man.

198

Rifiloe walks in laughing, as though she is the happiest woman alive. I’m sitting here in the lounge with
the lights off. I am trying. Really hard. Not to jump at Jason but I am losing a battle with in myself.

They walk in and Rifiloe puts the lights on in the kitchen, and they move to the lounge.

She switches on the light, and immediately freezes. The look in her eyes is unreadable. I don’t know
whether she is pissed or if she is just plainly surprised.

She doesn’t move and neither does Jason. She stares at me while, I stare at Jason.

He doesn’t take his eyes off mine. We are both alpha male both fighting for what we want and God
knows I am not losing this fight.

We stand like this I don’t know for how long, and finally Rifiloe, looks at Jason

Her; Jason you should go

He doesn’t remove his eyes from mine

Him; no

Her; Jason. You need to go. Now.

Still he doesn’t move.

Me; I think you need to listen to your girlfriend Jason. Leave now, before things get out of hand

Him; Rifiloe go to the car

Rifiloe looks back and forth between me and Jason, and for a split second she considers going to the car,
but decides not to.

Her; Jason look at me.

her doesn’t move

her; JASON

He looks at her and wipes a tear from her eye. They have a moment and that just makes me lose it.
Completely.

*************Rifiloe**************

I look at the scene in front of me and I don’t know what to do. Siya is on top of Jason, and I’m trying to
pull him off.

I don’t know how, but for some reason Jason gets him off of him. I keep screaming for Siya to stop but
he has totally lost it.

The guards run in and are able to stop them. It takes 2 of them to apprehend Siya, while Jason catches
his breath.

I head to the bathroom and bring out the first aid kit. Then go back to the lounge.
Siya is still pissed. His eyes have gone totally red. I see so much hatred in them that it scares me.

The Guards are still trying to hold Siya back, while I help Jason. There’s so much blood coming from his
nose.

I give him an Ice pack while i try figure out what we are going to do with his poor face

Siya is now standing there getting more and more pissed. I look at him and I honestly do not know what
to do.

Jason looks at me and shakes his head

Him; Rifiloe you cant tell me you want him back

I look at Jason and I just don’t know what to say

Him; Rifiloe he is a monster. If he can do this to me what do you think he will do to you

Siya; you better shut up boy or ill fucking kill you

Him; Rifiloe, come with me. Ill take care of you. Ill never lay a hand on you. Never

I look at Jason and see how honest he is. This is the guy I should’ve met first. If I had met Jason first, I
wouldn’t be standing here. I’d be somewhere in the world happy. But no. I had to choose this crazy,
possessive beast standing to my left.

I look to one of the guards, and instruct them to drive Jason to the emergency room and then drive him
home.

Siya is sitting on a chair with a glass of whiskey in his hand. Walks past me and gives me a kiss on my
cheek. God this man is frustrating. He just doesn’t understand that Siya will literally kill him

Him; be safe. Call me if you need me

Me; I’m sorry about this. I had no clue about this

Him; its fine. If you need me you know where to find me.

I nod, and he walks out with the guards. Now it’s just me. Me and this man who once again has turned
my wold upside down.

I look at him and wonder what story I am going to be told this time. I prayed so hard and long asking
God to bring him back. Asking Him to tell me it was all a mistake, and now that he is here I don’t know
how to feel.

I head to my room and I sit on the bed and try to calm my emotions. I feel Siya before he even says
anything. I can smell his scent. He doesn’t move. Not an inch. He just stands there while I sit and try sort
through what my emotions are at the moment

I sit and finally let out a cry of a thousand years coming. How could Siya do this to me? Why would he
want to hurt me? I’ve tried everything in my power for the past three years to prove to him that I love
him, and yet here he is alive, when I thought he was dead.

He rushes to my side, and elbow him in the face.

He tumbles back, and looks at me surprised

Him; Rifiloe

Me; No. Siya I am done with this fucking bullshit. This isn’t a marriage. You have lied to me. Over and
over again. But this time you have gone too far.

Him; Baby Please. I understand you’re angry. But I had no choice

Me; Siya. you always have a choice. I am your wife. You have no right to do this to me. You broke our
vows

Him; Rifiloe. This isn’t easy for either of us. I came here and defied my own president’s orders. But I
came back. Because I love you

Me; Lies. You came back because you found out about Jason
I turn around and look at his face and I know that it’s the truth. Siya wouldn’t have come back if it
wasn’t for me having lunch with Jason.

Me; you should go

Him; Rifiloe

Me; now. Go back to wherever the hell you came from

Him; Rifiloe please. Baby just let me explain

Me; Explain what? That you betrayed me. My trust? That I had to go through hell because of your Job?
That once again I am pregnant with your child and you weren’t there? Nothing you say will make up for
the shit that you have put me through Siya.

He walks off to the bathroom and I sit and try calming down. I feel the baby kicking and remember that
this is bigger than me.

Siya walks out and sits next me. He makes sure he doesn’t touch me. We both just sit there and wonder
what we are going to get through this. I can never trust him. I sat here mourning a man that was alive. A
man that had again chosen his job over me. Over our baby. How do I move on from that and get back
where we were before all of this Naledi shit.

199

I’m sitting here breathing. Crying and trying to calm myself down. Siya sits next to me with a look that
I’ve seen too many times. A look of regret.

I get up and go to take a shower. I need something that is going to release this stress. My poor baby
must be wondering what the hell is going on. I stand in the shower still with a heavy heart. I just can’t
seem to wrap my heart around the fact that he was back. I feel a cold breeze coming from the door, and
I know it’s him.

I tense up. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. He comes in and puts his hand around me from the back. I
want to fight him, I want to scream at him, tell him how I hate him for making me go through so much
hell. But I can’t. I can’t bring myself to fight him anymore. I tur around and put look up at him. It’s been
a long time. I was starting to forget how tall he is. I feel my hair get wet but I don’t care. He’s looking in
my eyes, and for the first time tonight I see fear in his eyes.

I take my eyes off his and put my head on his chest. He’s here
I wake up the following morning with Siya wrapped around me like Ivy. I’m a bit uncomfortable,
because I haven’t had to sleep with in my bed with anyone for next to a year, and well, this baby isn’t
making it any easier.

I shift a bit and he moves.

Him; where you going

Me; I need to pee

Him; hold it in

Me; Siya

Him; mhmmmm

I move his hands and head to the bathroom. I decide I might as well freshen up while I’m here.

I brush my teeth, wash my face, and then go back to bed.

I lye facing him and he slowly opens his eyes.

Him; that look tells me you want an explanation

Me; you know me too well

Him; give me a sec.

He gets up ad heads to the bathroom. Then comes back and gets back into bed.

Him; baby. You know some things I can’t tell you. Right

Me; don’t start with me

Him; no. just let me explain

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe. Just shush.

I look at him and his face has changed from being all sweet and mushy, to being hard and angrier.
God. He can be annoying. But I decide, to keep quite

Him; can I continue or are you going to interrupt me every chance you get?

Me ;( silence)

Him; Rifiloe

Me; I’m listening

He rolls his eyes and stats talking. He tells me everything. From

How they for Lesotho, because Naledi’s father had killed his uncle. To how they basically overtook
Lesotho. But when he tells me about Hlokes, I feel my stomach getting weaker

Me; so he shot you

Him; yes. But he had to do it. so it looked like he was rebelling. Otherwise, I and my team would’ve
never made it out alive.

Me; so why pretend to be dead

Him Rifiloe, I needed time to recover. But most importantly if I was “dead” no one would come after
you. I knew you would be safe. At least till I could give orders to my men again

Me; continue

Him; so I went to the safe house. I had an op. And started recovering. But I didn’t realise how long it
would take to bring to countries together. I’ve spent days and night going through legal paper works.
Trying to find solutions. To make things worse parliament is a mess. We need to decide who is being
kept, and who is being let go. We need to decide about laws, police force, everything. It’s crazy

Me; sigh

Him; after all is done Rifiloe. I swear on my life. I’ll be done with force. I’ve already tendered my
resignation. The president wasn’t happy about it, but he accepted it on the condition that I wrap up the
Lesotho deal. Once everything is sorted, I’ll be out

I look at Siya and see that he is serious. But a part of me still wonders if he is really telling me the truth.

Me; so what made you come home last night. When you still had about another 6 months of serving

Him; ( Silence)

ME; answer me
Him; Rifiloe

Me; tell me. I want to hear it

Him; I saw you with him. I just couldn’t let go. I couldn’t see you with him

Me; but you could sit by and let me bury someone that wasn’t you? You could sit by and watch me
break, and you did nothing. You could’ve sent subtle messages. Hell even told Hlokes to tell me. but you
didn’t. You let me mourn you Siya. you made me face my darkest fear, and you didn’t flinch. Not once

Him; baby I didn’t want to risk your safety. It was a crucial time. You were being watched. Any slight
mishap and my enemies would’ve known I was alive. I couldn’t risk that. I had to let you go through this,
so that they would believe I was dead

Me; so what now

Him; I don’t know

Me; what do you mean you don’t know

Him; I don’t know. I didn’t think this through. I just saw you with him and I saw red. I drove here
without a plan.

Me; lord siya

Him; Ill fix this

Me; your first start will be apologising to Jason

Siya looked at me with such anger, I swear I cringed. But I wasn’t backing down on this. He was wrong
and he needs to apologise

Me; im serious. I want you to apologise to Jason

Him; never

Me; Siya. He is my friend. And you attacked him

Him; that’s because he was making moves on you. Yet again

Me; Siya you played dead.

Him; still.

Me; if you don’t apologize to him, then you and I are not going to be ok

He gets out of bed, and storms out the room. I smile and shake my head. Lord help me. what am I going
to do with is man.
I get up and make the bed. Open the windows, and go take a shower. He can sulk as much as h wants
but I am not letting him get away with this. Jason has been so supportive and caring. He didn’t deserve
what happened to him.

After my shower I head downstairs, with just a robe on. I don’t really plan on leaving the house today. I
just want to sit here with my crazy muntu and try find a way to move past this. But I’m still not letting go
of the Jason issue. Siya was wrong. Point blank, and he needs to make it right

I find him in his office. He’s talking to Hlokes, so I go out and let him be. Instead I go to the kitchen and
make breakfast. Somehow the mess from last night’s fight had been cleaned up. And then I remember
that this is Siya we’re talking about.

I make him breakfast and take it to him on a tray. I may be mad at him but I am happy. He is home. He
is alive he is safe and for that alone I should be grateful.

He looks up as I walk in and he smiles.

Him; Bullet I’ll call you back. Handle everything and keep me in the loop

He puts down the phone and stares at me with a big grin on his face

Him; I’ve missed you

Me; I’ve missed you more

I give him his breakfast and he digs in.

Me; Ill be upstairs if you need me

Him; aren’t you eating

Me; I had some fruit and tea. I’ll eat later

Him; you need to eat more. For the baby’s sake

Me; Siya I’ve done this before. Both times without you. I know what I’m doing

Siya’s eyes widen. I don’t know why I’m snapping at him, but I just (sigh)
I walk out and go upstairs. I’m not angry at him. Hell I’m really happy he’s home. But there is a lot of
unsaid things that I’m bottling up, and I am not ready to discuss them. I just hope he is patient enough

I sit in my room, and decide to call Jason. I know I shouldn’t but I just need to make sure he’s ok

Him; hey

Me; hey

Him; ( silence)

Me; I’m sorry

Him; There’s nothing for you to be sorry about

Me; how’s your face

Him; ill live

Me; I’m really sorry Jason. Siya isnt usually like that. I don’t know what he was thinking. But I know he
regrets it

Him; I doubt it. And wasn’t he supposed to be dead

Me; Sigh. It’s a long story Jason. But he’s home and that’s all that matters

Him; I don’t get it Rifiloe. What do you see in that guy? Is it the money?

Me; JASON. No. it’s more than that. I love him

Him; and yet he keeps disappointing you

Me; (Silence)

Him; how do you think this is going to end? Do you think you are going to walk into the sunset with this
man?

Me; I have to trust that I will

Him; well good luck.

Me; Jase

Him; I’ve got to go Rifiloe. Call me when he screws up again

With that Jason ends our call. I close my eyes and battle with myself.

I don’t know when Siya got here. But I can feel he is standing behind me . I don’t bother turning around.
I know he heard me.
After a while he walks in and pulls a chair and sits in front of me

Him; do you called him

Me; yes

Him; why

Me; I wanted to make sure he was ok, after…

Siya isn’t looking at me. He is just looking at his feet

Him; do you love him

I look at him and don’t answer. What kind of question is that? he finally looks up at m and he has tears
in his eyes

Him; Tell me. do you have feelings for him?

Me; no

Him; but the way you smile when he’s around. The way you rushed to his side last night

Me; Siya he was hurt

Him; sigh

Me; Siya I LOVE YOU. No matter what I have loved you from the day I laid eyes on you. I will stand by
you through it all. All I’ve asked from you is Honesty and that is something you haven’t given me from
the beginning. But here I am. I’m still here

Him; promise me you won’t leave me

Me; never

Him; Sigh

Me; I missed you. Really missed you

Him; I missed you more

I feel his hands on me before I can even blink. I’m growling before he even reaches his aim
Him; I’ve missed this too

Me; don’t keep me waiting

He takes off my robe, and I’m lost in him. He touches, kissed, and nibbles on every part of my body. I’m
so wet I can’t even breathe. I lay on my side and I feel him enter me. Its been so long I had completely
forgotten how it felt to be one with him.

I try holding on, but my body lets go. Calling out his name. We’re not perfect. Far from it. But this man is
it for me. He is my everything and I may want to kill him at times, but there is no me without him. We
are one.

200

Waking up next to Siya felt like a dream come true. Except for the fact that I had wet the bed.

I jumped up out and so did he.

He; Rifiloe

Me; Get up

Him; Whats going on

Me; the bed. Its wet

He looked at me with huge eyes smiled.

Me; stop grinning. We need to shower and get to the hospital

Him; Shit

Me; awwwww shit

Him; what is

Me; I think its contractions

Him; (chuckles) I sleep with you for one night and you go into labour
I pick up my pillow and throw it at him. I take off my PJ’s and the shoots and blankets and throw them
in the machine.

Then I walk back upstairs and join him in the shower. The contractions are intense bust still bearable. So
I’m not too worried. Especially since I am giving birth naturally this time.

Siya helps me shower, and I see Mr wonka getting bigger and bigger

Me; Siya like really. An erection while I’m in labour

Him; I can’t resist it. don’t you see how sexy you are

Me; shut up and wash my feet

Him; Can’t we. (Clears throat)

Me; no. not happening

Him; but baby I’m not going to get it for another 6 weeks

Me; Siya. Just move. We need to get going

I see him roll his eyes, and finish washing me off.

When we’re done I grab my hospital bag from Lesedi’s room, and we leave for the hospital

When we get to the hospital my gyne and doula have arrived. I decided we are going to use my doula.
Should my gyne need to step in then he will. But for now it’s just me and the doula.

We sign in and are led to my room. Siya sits in the corner on his phone, while all my tests are being
taken

The baby is a bit premature, but my dyne and doula both still agree that I can go ahead with natural
birth since I’m only three weeks away from my due dat. plus my little man is already about 3.2kg’s so
weight wise we are good.

All my test come back clear and we are in the clear for a natural birth.

I stare at siya who’s been on his phone, and he instantly puts it away

Him; sorry

Me; so have you chosen a name for our son

Him; Son

Me; yes, didn’t I tell you

He rolls his eyes, because he knows I’m being sarcastic

Him; Howe about Mqobi

Me; mhmm

Him; look I let you get away with Lesedi. Her first name is Khanyi but we don’t use it. This child. I get to
chose

Me; fine

Him; Mnqobi Ndhlovu

Me; sounds ok

Him; it was my father’s name

Me; if you like it then I’m good with it

We spend a few hours in active labour. I decide its best for me to have a water birth. This natural thing
is not for me. I feel like my body is being split in two

I get in the water and Siya is standing right next to me.

You can see the intensity in his eyes. He is beyond excited. My doula guides me through it all. She
doesn’t get in. but tells me exactly what to do. I push for a solid 10 minutes, and finally the head is out.
Siya’s eyes widen. I push 2 more times and out comes MnQobi.

I look up at Siya and he is in absolute shock. Mnqobi on the other hand is crying his little lungs out.

I it in the water for a few minutes, just looking at my gift from above.

After a while, my doula gives Siya scissors to cut the umbilical cord. Then she takes Mnqobi and wraps
him in a blanket, and gives him to Siya.

He is immediately smitten. The smile on his face is beyond. I see him wipe away a tear, as I push out the
amniotic sac.

Siya looks in my direction. Then looks away when he sees the sac.

I giggle.

Once we’re done getting cleaned and baby Mnqobi is dressed. I sit in bed and feed him for the first time.

Siya sits next to me and watches us.

Him; thank you Rifiloe. I don’t know what I would be without you

Me; promise me we’re at the end. Please Siya

Him; we are. I’m never leaving your side again. Its you and me forever

I smile at him, because I see that this is his honest truth.

I’m discharged from the hospital a few days later. I arrive home and MaNdhlovu has arrived.

She takes a look at Mnqobi and she immediately calles out her clan names.

I leave her there and go look at my other two children.

Lesedi immediately stands up and I pick her up. Olwetho runs into me giving me a hug

Him; we missed you mommy

Me; I missed you more

Him; Granny told me that daddy is back.

Me; yes. He’s downstairs

He runs down and im left with Lesedi looking at me

Me; its all over baby girl. We’re going to be a real family now

She just looks at me. Probably thinking ive lost my mind.

I go to my room and sit on the bed. Siya and the kids join me some time later.

I look a him and see that something is bothering him

Me; what is it

Him; nothing

Me; Siya

Him; Rifiloe. its nothing

I decide to let it go and trust that he will talk to me when he is ready. For now we are ok.
Siya is here. My children are here. And I am happy

*****************6 Months Later**********************

I’m sitting on the beach with the children and I am amazed at how the year has ended.

Siya and I are finally where we need to be. He’s wrapped up everything he needed to wrap up with the
force. We are finally at a stage we things are calm. There is no fighting. No dogging bullets.

Siya come out the house and sits with me as we watch the sunset from the Durban beach house that he
bought me as a push gift

Him; are you happy

Me; more than happy

Him; Thank you for everything.

Me; I love you

Him; look what I have

He gives me his Ipad, and I look through our traditional wedding pictures. I smile and think how there
was a time where I thought we would never be here. But yet here we are.

I think back to my mother’s dream and I am at peace. I we may have gone through hell. But at the end
we came out better. We came out as a team. And I know that no matter what we may face. We will
always be Siya & Fifi. Together forever

The End

:(