7cups Help Stuff

Giving advice vs.
making
Alternatives to giving advice
suggestions
There’s a difference between giving advice We have all received advice from people
and making suggestions. The biggest before that didn't feel right, so we know
differences are: that it is best to listen to people and help
them find their own right path.
collaboratively and tentatively raise
possibilities and ask what the member 1. Explore their options: “What is one
thinks of them. It's always with the option? What are the positives and
intention of throwing ideas out there and negatives about that option? What is
exploring them, rather than suggesting another option? What are the pros and
the idea is right. cons of that option? What option do
you think makes the most sense for
Some lines you could use are: you”?
"You mentioned you're not sure whether
to ___... are you leaning towards any 2. Make an observation. Point out
option in particular?" ambivalence or the two sides of the
"I'm wondering if you've thought about coin: “On the one hand ___, but on
where you might go from here in terms the other hand ____".
of getting through tonight?"
"Has anything helped you in the past 3. Respond with a question. Ask
when you've been feeling like this... or questions to let them get a bigger
is there anything you can think of that picture of the situation.
you might try?"
"You mentioned that in the past you 4. Ask them what they would tell a
spoke with a counsellor... what was that friend if they were in the same
like for you?" situation. Sometimes, it is hard for us
"I'm wondering if you have much to objectively see our own lives, but
support, anyone to talk to about what very easy to objectively see another
you're going through" person’s life.
"Do you feel like you'd like more support
through all that you're going through?" 5. Ask them how they imagine
"It sounds like you're stuck for ideas... themselves feeling several months
I'm not sure if this would suit you but after choosing Option A. Then how
I'm wondering if you've ever tried they would feel several months after
distraction techniques when you've felt choosing Option B.
like this?"
6. Explain that problems can only be
Giving advice would be “You should try solved once the problem and a goal
xxx” or “Why don’t you try ___?”. are defined. Let them define the
Making a suggestion would be “Would problem and a goal. Go through the
you consider ___?” or “Do you think ___ options that they have, and the pro’s
might help?” or “Have you heard of and con’s of each option.
___?”.
7. "Advice is really easy to give, but it
Advice tells the member what they can sometimes be wrong or even
should be doing, restricting the user's harmful. I don't have a full
autonomy, and placing the "credit" with understanding of your life or world.
autonomy, and placing the "credit" with understanding of your life or world.
the listener, not the user. It makes the Any advice I'd give you would be
member feel pressured to do what limited and potentially wrong. You are
you're saying, and if it works, it also the expert on you. The best thing I
makes takes away their pride of having can do for you is to help you figure out
solved their own problems. With the path that makes the most sense to
suggestions, you merely give them an you."
additional option. They can take it or
leave it. Suggestions empower the 8. "Let's take me and you for example.
member, open their options, and help We talked together for ___ hours. In
give them the strength to find their own those hours, you gave me the
information that you thought was
important for me to know. Maybe you
left out some info, maybe you didn't, I
don't know. The point is, it would be
impossible for me to know about
Big thanks to AdventuRin, ElizaM, GlenM, Steve42, EyeInTheMind, Aurora02, Kane, !rene, LauraS, Chan
Things to remember Helpful links
It’s important to realize that even great Yay links!

suggestions can be unhelpful if they're not
what the user is after.
1. Try to be as non-directive as possible. 7cups - Alternatives to giving advice

Supporting and empowering the member (what to say?)
to make their own decisions/come up 7cups - Alternatives to giving advice
with their own strategies or solutions is
7cups - Advice vs. suggestions
one of the best things you can do in a
chat. Before you say anything, check to 7cups - How to handle requests for
make sure it's not disempowering or advice?
giving the impression that you know
what they should do.
2. Most of the times, a person just feels

like venting, or already knows a lot about
what things might be helpful, or isn't at
the point where they're ready to change
things.
3. Most of the times, rather than trying

to find solutions or fix things, just
offering support and encouragement and
letting a person know they aren't alone is
the most helpful path of action for a
listener to take.
4. There are times when it's clear from

what a guest/member is saying or asking
that they'd appreciate suggestions. If it's
at all unclear, asking something like “Do
you want to hear about some things that
can sometimes help with ___? Or would
you rather just talk?” can be a really
useful way to determine what's going to
be most helpful to a person.
5. We can't tell them how to fix it, but

we can help guide them to what the right
answer for them is. Our goal is to keep
our beliefs and opinions outside of the
chat and to focus on them, what is right
for them, and help them feel better.
6. How can we help users come to a

6. How can we help users come to a
hightened, more evolved awareness
about themselves or their situation on
their own? If we are doing our job
correctly, through showing empathy,
asking appropriate questions and guiding
the dialogue in an insightful direction,
then the user will not need us to give
them advice. They will come to it on
their own. In that way, we are just
guides. When a member comes to a
02, Kane, !rene, LauraS, Chandra_PrettyPrettyPrincess, Olivia, YouDeserveLove, Randi, Bella4

Things you could try
7. Put the pressure back on them. It's fairly
1. Try not to overwhelm a user with rapid-fire questions. users need some help initially to feel safe e
Some users might need a little more time to think about open up, but after the first 10 mins or so, if
their responses. getting any easier, then you could ask som
back on them: "Did you want to talk about h
2. Ask open-ended questions. That way, a user is forced affecting you?" or "What were you hoping t
S to answer a little more than "yes" or "no". our chat today?" They've decided to come
H you, so they need to take some responsibil
O 3. Gently hint to the user that you need more information conversation to happen.
R to be able to help them. You could ask questions along
the lines of "Do you want to tell me more about that?"
T 8. Purposely don't respond for a bit longer
Sometimes we're asking the wrong questio
4. Openly acknowledge the fact that they aren't saying user has a burning desire to bring up some
R much. "I notice that you keep responding in one word no space to do so. This might give them an
E answers. That is okay, but I'm here for you if you want to
S share more". If they are not voluntarily talking more, you 9. Go away for a few minutes. When a mem
P could just give them some space. Sometimes it's enough want to stick around and talk about their str
O to just know that the listener is present. can't seem to open up, no matter what you
N could consider going away for a few minute
5. If someone is taking a lot of time answering a
S saying something along the lines of "Hey, I
question, but still doesn't say much, it might be helpful to __, I'll be back in a few minutes. If you wan
E say something along the lines of "It seems to take you that time to write more about yourself - wha
S some time to formulate a good response. Do you find comfortable sharing".
this a difficult topic to talk about?"
6. Ask the user what they think of the conversation so

far. That way, you move away from your own
perceptions. Some users are just not that talkative, yet
think your questions are valuable.
Things to remember Helpfu
re back on them. It's fairly common that Short a
help initially to feel safe enough to When it's difficult to get a m
r the first 10 mins or so, if things aren't
r, then you could ask something to put it
id you want to talk about how this is
"What were you hoping to get out of
They've decided to come and talk to
d to take some responsibility for the
appen.
t respond for a bit longer than usual.

asking the wrong questions, and the
g desire to bring up something else, but
o. This might give them an opening.
few minutes. When a member does

und and talk about their struggles, but
en up, no matter what you ask, you
oing away for a few minutes, after
g along the lines of "Hey, I need to go do
a few minutes. If you want, you can use
more about yourself - whatever you feel
ng".
Helpful links
Short answers
When it's difficult to get a member talking (mock chat)

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Giving advice vs.

It’s important to realize that even great Yay links!

1. Try to be as non-directive as possible. 7cups - Alternatives to giving advice

2. Most of the times, a person just feels

3. Most of the times, rather than trying

4. There are times when it's clear from

5. We can't tell them how to fix it, but

6. How can we help users come to a

02, Kane, !rene, LauraS, Chandra_PrettyPrettyPrincess, Olivia, YouDeserveLove, Randi, Bella4

6. Ask the user what they think of the conversation so

t respond for a bit longer than usual.

few minutes. When a member does

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