TITLE: Becoming Responsive to the Father’s Love

*This morning’s session is based on Chapter 3 of the manual: “Becoming Responsive to the Father’s
Love”.

*In acknowledged need, we cry out to our heavenly Father. We find that He cares deeply for us – He
is neither passive nor angry at us for our weakness and brokenness. With our needs acknowledged,
next comes standing before God and experiencing His love as needy children.

*And, indeed, we need God for everything. “We need God to love God.” (Mike Bickle, IHOP). His
powerful love towards us makes possible our loving Him.

*To quote a statement made by Pope Francis in his very recent visit here, “. . . to allow God to love
us. . . will mature us in our giving.” We need to receive from God first before we are able to give
freely.

*God yearns for us. He seeks us. He desires to have a relationship with us. The Father is the great
Mover, the great Initiator, and we, both men and women, in a sense, are “feminine” in relation to
God: “God is the Masculine before which all of us are feminine.” (C.S. Lewis) He initiates =
masculine, He made the first move that awakened our very lives, and we respond to His love =
feminine.

*We see here the dynamics between Creator and the created, the Bridegroom and His Bride – one
acts first, prompting the other’s response.

*While all of us, men and women, have that capacity to respond, women embody the good of the
feminine more than men. That is evident in our heightened capacity to take into ourselves outside
stimuli and to make ourselves a home for another.

*The Gospels show us women that exemplify this feminine trait:

1) Mary of Bethany – in her desire to sit at the feet of Jesus and be with Him rather than can get
caught up in things that needed to get done for Him – shows us the feminine heart that wants
to know another by connecting/relating, not merely by learning things about this person.

*It’s sort of similar to connecting through Facebook as opposed to connecting face-to-face – you can
learn all this information about somebody and keep track of all his/her updates, but there’s no real
connection, no real getting-to-know this person.

2) Mary Magdalene, called the Sinful Woman in the Gospels, knew shame and pain from sin –
yet Jesus didn’t back away from showing her love and grace. He freed her from unclean
spirits that she invited in through her sin (7 demons according to Lk. 8:2), and she responded
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 with unswerving and whole-hearted devotion to Him, expressed in extravagant displays of
worship (Lk. 7:36-50).

3) Mary, the mother of Jesus, embodies the true feminine. She beautifully reveals this feminine
trait of responsiveness when, upon hearing from the angel of her upcoming pregnancy,
humbly replied, “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.” (Lk. 1:38)

*We need to follow Mary’s example in responding to the Holy Spirit’s call in order for Jesus, who is
in us, to be fully expressed through us. We are to be more and more like Christ. The Church is the
expression of Christ on earth – we are His Body! And we need to be responsive to God for that to
happen.

*But even in our capacity to receive and to respond we are broken. We see this in how we are with
God and with His love for us : we trust, we doubt, we believe, we question His goodness when
things get hard, we feel His love, we feel empty and numb, we feel Him close, He seems so far away.
..

*We find it difficult to feel secure in Him, to be at rest in His love for us. We have a tendency to be
like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
*We also see this in our relationships/interactions with people: Someone pays us a compliment,
“Ang ganda mo”, and instead of a simple “Thank you” we say, “Hmp, bola. . . Weh? Mangungutang
ka, ano?. . . Ano? Eh kulang nga ako sa tulog eh, chu-chu-chu-chu. . .” We find it hard to believe it
and receive it.

*We find it hard to receive kindness from others, for we feel we have to return the favor – kailangan
tumanaw tayo ng “utang na loob”, kundi walang hiya ka naman, ‘di ka marunong tumanaw ng utang
na loob. We cannot just simply receive it and say “Thank you” and let that be enough.

*Why is that? This difficulty to relate, to connect, to be, to receive and to respond is caused and
influenced by the following factors:

1) Culture – We tend to value rational and intellectual ways of knowing over the more feminine,
responsive ways of knowing. As a result, our thought processes can actually block our
capacity to simply BE in the presence of the Lord.

*Because our culture values the rational and intellectual, we often relate with Him and with others
from the neck up and not heart-to-heart and spirit-to-spirit.

*Furthermore, our culture, including Church culture, values doing over being. Our sense of worth is
inordinately bound up in personal productivity as opposed to the quality of our relationships.

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 2) Now, underneath society’s influence may be a deeper reason for our inability to connect, to
receive and to be responsive. Abuse can contribute to this inability – the trauma from abuse
can cause us to wall off others.

*For example, for me, because of the sexual abuse, I became highly judgmental of others as my
“defense mechanism”. I was very suspicious of others, especially of men, and always judged their
motives in moving towards me as impure, cannot be trusted, lustful.

*Therefore, I detached, I walled off, I became cold and iced over, like the Snow Queen – I couldn’t
receive anything from anyone, I couldn’t respond in any other way except, “NO.”

*Wala pang sinasabi ‘yung tao, “No. No.” Lahat “No.” Even with God.

3) Still, there is an even deeper and more significant block to receiving and being that impacts us
at the core – this involves a breakdown in the early mother-child relationship.

*Again, why is that? What was God’s intention in giving us mothers?

***:
So, what comes to mind or what do you feel when you heard those words. I will give you a minute to
reflect on that word.

• If you are a mother, listen to this message not as a mother, but as a child. It is not designed to
teach good mothering or point out the ways in which we fall short as mothers, but to connect
with our earthly childhood bonds and breaches with our own mothers.

*God’s purpose for giving us mothers. . .

The Love of God is modelled throught the love of a mother.

Isaiah 66:13 says, “As a mother comforts a child so I will comfort you”.

We first come to KNOW and RESPOND to love through our relationship with our mother.

From conception her body is the place where our life begins and comes into being. Her womb is our
first home. A place where we are cared for, we feel safe, we feel comfort, where our whole being is
formed and developed.
The womb is the safest place on earth, because all our infant needs are satisfied and met.- the
warmth..security...comfort...identity.
For ( months our mother’s womb is the place where we receive a SENSE OF BELONGING and
BEING.
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A “sense of being” is a core sense of warmth that is connected to a baby’s ability to peacefully exist,
without a need to earn his acceptability. It is a primary base of trust; this sense of being assures him
that he is not in danger of losing love, even though he is doing nothing to earn that love.
Craig Lockwood, Falling Forward, p. 134

In the first year of life, relationship with mother is the primary experience of the child. Successful
bonding causes trust to be formed between mother & baby. She conveys acceptance & love through
the senses: her eyes, her touch, her breasts, her cooing, talking, smell & singing.
Craig Lockwood, Falling Forward, p. 134

In this healthy connection a child learns: INDEPENDENCE AND TRUST

This kind of TRUST builds a SENSE OF BEING.

*[CUP illustration: whole cup]

This nurture and care of our mother develops in us a sort of cup where we can drink and the supply
will never run dry, and through her love and attention for us, we are being filled.
We call this cup “sense of being”. The sense of being full and having a solid sense of self.

*It’s like we get a sense na, “Somebody loves me.I am important. It’s an awareness that
I am loved, i am a person.
I have an identity.
I have a place in this world ”
“I exist, and I am okay because I am loved just as I am.”

This inner quiet, inner peace cause us to be at REST, hindi ‘yung nag-aaligaga to be accepted by
people. We are at rest, because we know we are loved and taken cared of,
That teaches us to TRUST.

This TRUST gives us the courage to go out, GIVE love, RECEIVE love and RESPOND to Love in
all our relationships w/out fear & shame, even with GOD.

An expert said that ababy’s brain begins to grow at 3 months, that shapes it’s identity by letting his
or her mother control it until he can copy the way she does it. Later in life, this part of the brain will
occupy 35% of his adult brain.
A baby becomes what he receives. Like a vacuum cleaner, that sucks in everything.
As Janel mentioned earlier, Receiving comes before giving.

Even Jesus started out receiving. Even he, cried. Expressing his needs.

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 The first 12 years of life are the time to learn how to receive. These years establishes our value.

1. Absence of Mother/Neglected
RUPTURE IN BONDING AND BEING

Our mother can solidify us a worthy, valuable and significant sons and daughters.

But sometimes, the infants doesn’t receive sufficiently from the mother in the first 2 yrs of its life,
especially during the first 6 months.

(This part, while we are going to address aspects of our upbringing, is not meant to “bash” or label
our mothers as “bad women”
But rather, hopefully it will address some ways we’ve been affected by this experiences in our early
years.) It’s about impact, not blame.

Probably all of us have had some kind of breach in bonding with our mothers.
They too have their own brokenness so Every one of our mothers has been affected by the effects of
living in this broken world.

This block in receiving can render the child undeveloped in its capacity to receive and contain love.

SYMPTOMS OF THE BREACH

1. Absence of Mother/Neglected
o Death of Mother/Separation
o Mother had to work outside the home due to financial difficulties of the family/not

Mother hada different

affectionate
o Expecting to work outside
sex/letting the baby cry the home due to
2.Mother’s
life was not conducive to creating attentive, nurturing care for baby
o Mother had many children
o Mother was experiencing stress & anxiety because father abandoned her
o Mother was depressed & withdrawn
o Post partum Depression
o Teenage Pregnancy

- as not breastfed ( either bec of health reasons or the mother has to work)
- Physical abuse (I remembered being hit by my mother bec of an alleged suitor.
- Verbal abuse: (use of foul language & labelling) pangit daw ako said mom

ILLUSTRATION: CUP with holes/ and CUP with no bottom

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Earlier, I’ve said that our mother offers a safe, caring, nurturing , nourishing and secure place to
receive love.
BuT In these examples , we saw, how mothers were unable to give and offer the goodness that the
Father intended.
It distorted our capacity to receive.
No matter how much love is poured out to upon we are unable to contain it.

We interpret these as: we are UNWANTED, her neglect can mean to us that we are
UNIMPORTANT, her lack of assurance can mean that we are DEFECTIVE, UNLOVEABLE,
UNWORTHY and UNDESIRABLE.

RESPONDING TO THE BREACH

Breaches can come in many forms.
Infants or babies can express and respond to the mother in 3 stages:
PROTEST- trying to get mom’s attention, we CRY ( crying is a request for attention) infants
has no words, except crying.
DESPAIR- if the response has been delayed, child despairs. We cry until we give up. This can
produce DREAD and ANXIETY
DETACHMENT- the child begins to wonder if he still exist, with cries unanswered, we build
emotional wall between ourselves and mother. Desires and feelings are suppress. We wall off
because we don’t want to be disappointed.
(sometimes, mothers mistakes this detachment as “behave” but in reality, the child has detached itself
already to protect from pain of disappointment.

FOR AN INFANT THE LOSS OF MOTHER IS THE LOSS OF HIS WORLD, OF HIS SELF.

(CUP illustration: lid) If we look at these stages, we see how our capacity to connect , receive and
give love to others is not develop
And because we detached from the only source of this love, we are cut off

 INTERPRETING THE EFFECT

***:
*How can we know if there has been a breach in our early relationship with our mothers? Here are a
few questions to consider:
 Do we wonder if we even exist? Do we think we are nothing?
 Do we have a sense of deep rejection? Do we believe we’re unacceptable? Do we think we’re
unworthy of being in relationship with another?
 Do we fear being alone? Do we fear being abandoned by others? Do we panic about being left
behind?
 Do we live with an empty feeling in our life – with no connection to anything greater than
ourselves?
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  Do we experience high anxiety? Do we constantly worry about life? Work? Family?
 Do we ever feel content?
 Do we carry a load of repressed pain? Are we unable to release our pain?
 Do we wander though life with a sense of dread and depression? Have we lost our ability to
express feelings of anger, hostility or negativity?
 Do we feel attracted to same sex?

*Essentially, the primary symptom is that we live with a feeling of emptiness about life. We live with
a feeling of disconnection. We may find it difficult to offer ourselves in relationships because we
don’t know if ‘someone’ is inside of us. We feel like a cake na walang center – hollow ‘yung loob,
puro icing lang.

*For me, for ex., during the first two years of my life, I didn’t get enough bonding with my Mom
because she was a workaholic and because early on – as the Lord showed me – I detached from my
Mom because of judgments I made in my heart about her.

*As a result, I had this deep and overwhelming feeling of dread, emptiness and loneliness and a sense
of being all alone.

*That emptiness fuelled EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY on men – I needed a guy to give me a sense
that I am a person, to validate that I exist and to make me feel that it is safe and worthwhile to live in
this world.

*Such dependency makes for a volatile relationship – there is nothing but insecurity, jealousy,
possessiveness, control and manipulation, and restlessness and a lot of emotional upheavals.

*So, I was detached, and yet also clingy. Indeed, I did not know how to properly bond with others. I
interacted with others in two extreme ways, without a balance.

*Thank God who mothers us – healing comes from the mother heart of God the Father. That
mothering love was what made me feel secure enough to be able to forsake emotional dependency,
and to learn to connect with others in a holy and life-giving way.
*In His heart, the Father also carries the mothering nature. He embodies both masculine and
feminine qaulities. He is a father but also contains the exquisite dimensions of a nurturing, ever-
present mother.

*The Old Testament describes one of His main attributes as ‘rachamin’ – the second most common
word for “mercy”. It comes from the root word, ‘rechem’, or “womb”. ‘Rachamin’ issues out of
God’s depths for His afflicted ones and moves Him to act with persistent and powerful nurture
toward us.

[Isa. 40:12] – “Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,. . .”

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[Isa. 49:15] – “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she
has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!”

[Isa. 66:11-13] – “. . .As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you…”

*Imagery used is between mother and child breastfeeding. When a mother breastfeeds, hormones are
released that intensifies connection between mother and the child. And God the Father is saying that
He has this connection and desire for us.

*As we choose to obey God and trust Him, we can experience His ‘motherlike’ acceptance and
devotion, His embrace and delight in who we are as His children.

VVD’S
TESTIMONY

I felt unwanted and undesired as a child. I am the youngest among 9 siblings and was born at the
height of my parents booming political and business career. I was left to a nunny’s care after
delivery until early years that resulted in my sexual abuse at age 7-9.

I felt neglected and abandoned emotionally and this created a deep vacuum in my heart, I lack
intimacy and it drove me to sexual addiction and fantasizing early in life.

I needed men to tell me who I am. I can be who people wanted me to be in order to receive their love
and acceptance. I’ve mastered to suppress my needs so I won’t be a bother to anyone. I was a perfect
performer! Super P.O.

As an adult I projected a confident one but Inside I was full of anxiety, deep sadness even if am
sorrounded with people, and deadness. I was in and out of hospital due to panic attacks. I dreaded
being left alone. I’m a constant worrier, I fear everything. Heights, close doors, dark etc.

God knew what was happening, and he helped me as I sought healing for all my negative emotions.
He showed me that He was there in all details of my life, the good and the bad. He gazed upon me
and celebreted my birth and felt sad and cried when I experienced abuse.

As I received healing to a greater degree, my relationship with others has enriched as well. I now
have a greater capacity to give and receive love. I feel grounded to a solid foundation and more
secure deep within me. Jesus is my security.
I still feel sad and panic at times, but that’s my signal to come, commune and drink from Him so I
will be filled. I slow down and breathe His life and not death.

Psalm 127:10 “Though my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me”.

*MINISTRY TIME