Why use a

Contract?
As with any relationship, communication is vital. Writing
an agreement is an excellent way to start that
conversation. It helps to bring up difficult topics with each
other, your goals, expectations, wants, needs and limits.
Before you enter into any kind of power exchange, it
would be nice to know what you’re getting into. You don’t
need to sign a contract in order to be in a relationship
with someone but it does help to go through the
important issues.

For beginners, the negotiation process can help you think

about and create the exact relationship you need. A
contract can guide you as you grow and explore your
desires and boundaries together. Signing a Contract is
not about trying to make someone stay with you. It’s
about opening up the lines of communication and talking
about what each of you want and need from one another.
Once you come to an agreement, refer back to it to see
how your relationship develops and whether you’d like
changes made.
 1. Term of Contract
How long will the Contract be in effect for? If you are just starting out, at least two weeks
up to one month is recommended to adjust to the lifestyle changes. Initially, it’s best to
set shorter periods so you may review the contract at the end of term to see if anything
needs changing.

2. Availability of sub to Dominant

When does the arrangement apply? Is it constant and ongoing or will the power
exchange only apply during certain days and hours?

For example:

The submissive shall make herself available to the dominant during the following times:

Wednesdays 7pm to 10pm

Saturday 9am to Sunday 10pm
 3. Communication
How may the sub communicate with the Dominant and others?

Example:

The submissive may discuss the relationship and the rules with the Dominant in person at
any time by requesting permission to do so. The Dominant shall not unreasonably withhold
consent. If at any time the submissive feels the need to stop the dynamic, she may do so by
saying the word “pause”, at which time all power exchange shall cease and the parties will
communicate as equals.

Or, the submissive may communicate her thoughts and feelings to the Dominant using a
written journal or via email at any time.

When in public, the submissive may only start conversations with others if the Dominant is
present and part of the conversation. The submissive must be courteous at all times. He
recognizes that his behavior is a reflection on the Dominant.
 4. Areas of Control
What is the slave willing to give control over? Is the submission sexual/servitude or
both? Is it a total power exchange? What areas are free of control?

Examples:

Master shall have control over all aspects of slave’s life. Slave trusts Master completely; or
The Dominant shall have control over the following aspects of the submissive’s life and shall
have the right to make decisions in regards to such matters provided such decisions are
always in the best interests of the sub and do not breach any part of this Contract:
Genitals
Sexual release
Clothing & dress
Hair style & length
Domestic chores
Diet & exercise
Career

5. Submissive’s Veto Power

Does the submissive have a right to say ‘no’ to commands? If so, when?

Example:

The submissive may refuse a command at any time in the following circumstances: when the
sub is concerned for her/his physical/mental health, when in public, around family/vanilla
friends.
 6. Exclusivity
How exclusive is the arrangement? May others be involved? If yes, how?

Examples:

 Monogamous relationship only

 Open relationship
 Threesomes only
 Dom may/may not have other lovers/subs
 Submissive may/may not have other lovers/Masters/Doms
 Open to polyamory
 Introduction of any new person must be discussed beforehand.

7. Activities & Limits

What are your respective likes, areas of interest and soft and hard limits? What do these
mean to you?

For example:

A soft limit means: an activity that I may consider after more

research/discussion/negotiation.
A hard limit means: an activity that is never permitted.
Dominant’s areas of interest/likes:
Dominant’s soft limits:
Dominant’s hard limits:
sub’s areas of interest/likes:
sub’s soft limits:
sub’s hard limits:
Examples: spanking, restraint, electricity, role play, humiliation, everything is off limits unless
stated here.
 8. Safe Words
What are your safe words and signals? Explain what is to happen once a safe word or
signal is called.

Example: If I use a slow down safe word/signal, please check in with me. If I use a stop
safe word/signal, all activity must stop immediately. A safe signal may be used whenever
the sub is unable to use a safe word (e.g. whilst wearing a mouth gag).

Safe word for slow down: “Yellow”

Safe word for stop: “Red”
Safe signal for slow down: “squishing a squeaky toy”
Safe signal for stop: “Dropping object held in hand”

9. Punishment
How may the Dominant punish the sub for misbehaving?

Example: The Dominant may use any of the allowable forms of punishment below:

Flogging
Corner time
Loss of privileges
Additional chores
Figging
 10.Collar
Will the sub have a collar? What kind? When must the collar be worn?

Collar rules:

The submissive will have a training collar only. At the end of this training, the Dominant may
award the submissive with a permanent collar.

11.Names/titles
How must the parties refer to each other?

Dominant’s name/title in public:

In private:
Sub’s name/title in public:
In private:
Examples: “Sir”, “Mistress”, “Babygirl”, “Alex”, “baby”.

12.Confidentiality
Are the parties required to keep this arrangement confidential at all times? What about
photos, videos of the parties?

Rules of confidentiality example:

The parties must never disclose anything related to this arrangement to others. Images and
videos may only be shared/posted to social media with the express consent of the other
person and only if anonymity is retained.
 13.Alteration
What are the rules about making changes to the arrangement?

Rules of alteration example:

Any change must be agreed to in writing and signed by both parties.

14.Switching
Is switching allowed and if so, what are the rules?

Example:

The Dominant may require a switch of roles during any scene. Outside scenes, the parties
shall retain their designated roles.

15.Termination
Who may terminate? What happens once the arrangement comes to an end?

Example:

Either party may terminate the arrangement at any time. The parties may re-enter the
arrangement if they so desire.
 16. Planning/negotiating scenes
Who is responsible for planning scenes? How will the parties negotiate scenes?

Aspects to consider: safety, location, roles, equipment, areas of the body, pain,
aftercare, how you’d like to feel during a scene?

17.Disclosure
Before you engage in any activity, is there anything the other party should know?

Examples: sexually transmissible diseases, medical conditions, phobias, physical

impairments.

18.Additional Rules
Any other rules, terms or conditions not mentioned above?
Ideas for Rules
In addition to the standard terms, it’s fun to set up your own personalized
rules such as protocols and rituals. It helps keep you in the headspace.

Here are some ideas you may like to create specific rules for:

 Goals – are there any goals you’d like to achieve or need help in
achieving?
 Rituals & protocols – will you have a morning or daily ritual? How do
you wish to interact with one another?
 Collar – will you have a training collar? A day collar?
 Health, diet & exercise – is the sub allowed to snack? Will you
implement and enforce an exercise routine?
 Hair – What are the rules for shaving or hairstyles?
 Journal – is the sub required to keep a journal? Are they free to
express anything without punishment?
 Expansion of the mind – will the sub have any obligations to learn new
skills?
 Domestic servitude & discipline – will the submissive have chores such
as housework, cooking, cleaning?
 Clothing and dress – will the sub be required to be naked? If so, when?
May the Dom select clothing and underwear for the sub?
 Erotic servitude – what services will be provided and when. Is the sub
always to be ready and willing?

Key questions to ask yourselves when writing your own rules: WHY are you
incorporating this rule and WHAT do you wish to achieve with it.

Important note: when creating your rules, remember to separate between

fantasy and reality. Whilst it might seem delightful to spend all day in a cage,
this is just not practical. Make sure your rules are practical and always keep
safety in mind.
A Signing Ceremony
This is also a very personal choice to be made between
the parties involved. You may just want a private
ceremony between yourselves, without any witnesses or
anybody present. An intimate dinner perhaps? Followed
by a spanking? Or you can make it a fancy event and
invite your lifestyle friends to be involved. Maybe you’d
like to pour wax on the sub or hold a flogging scene to
add to the celebration.

Some Contract templates will have a witnessing clause,

which will enable the parties’ signatures to be validated
by witnesses. This doesn’t make the document legally
enforceable. It simply adds moral authority. To further
enhance moral authenticity, some even sign in blood.

If the document is central to a collaring ceremony, it is

usually signed after the slave has been collared. Any way
you choose is perfectly fine as long as you are both happy
with it.
Reviewing and Making
Changes to Your Contract
In the beginning, when starting with a new partner, you
may want to set yourselves short contract periods (about
2 weeks to a maximum of one month). This gives you the
opportunity to take a necessary pause, to review what’s
working for you and to think about what needs changing.

Once the term is up, you may:

 terminate the arrangement and go back to how you

were prior to your power exchange;
 extend the duration on the exact same terms; or
 negotiate changes to rules that aren’t working and
enter into a fresh agreement.

What happens next is to be decided between you both.

This is something you will need to discuss at the time
based on what you both want and need. If a rule isn’t
appropriate anymore, change it and try out a new one.
This is a good way to keep your dynamic fresh and to
ensure you both remain happy and satisfied.