5 Parental Counselling
5 Parental Counselling
5 Parental Counselling
28 Jan - 2
30 Jan - 4
02 Feb - 7
Parental Counselling
UNIT
Structure:
5.1
5.2
Introduction
Meaning and Definition of Parental Counselling
4
5
5.3 Importance of Parental Counselling
5.4 Need of Parental Counselling
5.5 Challenges in Parental Counselling
5.6 Counselling Parents of Normal Children
5.7 Counselling Parents of Negatively Exceptional Children
5.8 Counselling Parents of Positively Exceptional Children
5.9 Skills Required for Parental Counselling
5.10 Case Studies
Summary
Keywords
Self-Assessment Questions
Answers to Check your Progress
Suggested Reading
Parental Counselling 53
53
Notes
Objectives
After going through this unit, you will be able to:
• Explain the meaning of parental counselling.
• State importance of parental counselling.
• Identify people who need parental counselling.
5.1 INTRODUCTION
Parental counselling is the most important activity from the point of view
of welfare of the children. Whatever psychological support, cognitive stimulation
and other facilities are to be provided to children for their proper development
and growth depend on parental understanding and capacity. Parents are the ones
who decide almost every thing about which habits the child will develop and what
perspective he will have about various experiences in human life as well as what
type of values he will acquire. In a way, parents decide whole future of the child.
They are responsible for everything that happens to the child. They are the ones who
are taking care of the child right from the beginning and have lot of involvement
in welfare of the child. If anything from home environment needs any change or
any intervention program is to be introduced, then the parents need to take the
responsibility of the same. Hence, when it comes to children’s future planning and
all sided development, we have to involve the parents and get their cooperation.
Implications of understanding developed in counsellor’s room are to be practiced
by parents without which the whole process of counselling becomes worthless.
Parents generally believe that whatever they do—good, bad, or ugly—is in the
best interests of their children. Of course, they are bound to think this way because
parenting is a job that no one prepared us for. However, it is sometimes in our children's
best interests to seek help from specialists or parenting counselling experts, particularly
when the problem or circumstance at hand is something that cannot be resolved only
via parent’s words. Someone must provide parents with the necessary information to
deal with the issue, or intervene to reduce the stress. In these situations, the persons
who will assist parents are licenced specialists with vast experience in the field of
parent and child therapy. When parents approach a counsellor pertaining to parenting
and counsellor counsels them in this regard it is known as parental counselling.
Now we shall learn parental counselling in more detail.
Parental Counselling 55
Notes for particular behaviours and difficult situations, and they need to keep
trying different methods to get their child to behave responsibly.
2. Counsellor helps parents in dealing with their differently abled child
If the child is mentally or physically challenged, the situation might grow
more difficult for one or both parents, potentially resulting in a breach
between them. At this point, parents require counselling not just on how
to properly care for their child, but also on how to cope with their own
life while caring for their challenging child. When parents first realise
their child is not typical and has physical or mental impairments, they
experience a wide range of emotional and psychological challenges.
The parents' ongoing counselling is critical at this period as they learn
to manage with their own psychological inadequacies, guilt, and stress.
Parents become estranged from one another and fail to communicate
effectively, providing mixed messages to an already troubled child. As a
result, experts stress the importance of a mutually agreeable adjustment
plan as well as consistent parenting, which will make it easier for the
child to adapt positively with the outside world.
3. Counsellor help parents to create pleasant environment and neutral
attitude for their children
Children tend to imitate their parents and the beliefs that are expressed in
the home; as a result, the use of strong language or disparaging remarks
about different ethnic groups or religions must be used with utmost
caution, as children will absorb whatever their parents say. Therapists
encourage parents to raise their children in pleasant environments with a
neutral attitude toward all people of all genders so that the next generation
will be more accepting.
4. Counsellor help parents to face situation when their children leave
home -
Children will grow up and leave home one day. Parents who are overly
protective of their children may need to be counselled to let go and equip
them with adequate independence and fundamental skills throughout
their early years so that they are not left out on a limb when it comes time
to leave the nest. (Importance of parental counselling)
5. Counselling helps parents to be closer to their child
Parents are aware that pre-teen and adolescent years are the most chaotic
times in anyone's life. Child will generally keep parents at arm's length
and in the dark throughout this stage, especially if parents aren't really
that close. Even if parents are close, their child will take the time to let
parents know what is wrong. Parents would want to be there for their
children at all times, both good and bad, if they are good parents. Parents
should pay close attention to what their child is saying. Assure him or
her that no matter what happens, you will always be there for them. For
occasions like this, counsellors will give the appropriate things to say and
when to say them. They are well-versed in what to do in the event of such
Parental Counselling 57
Notes
Check your Progress 2
Find an odd man out of the following pertaining to the problems which
need parental counselling.
● Financial crisis, workplace politics, unsatisfactory sexual relationship
between couples, separation or divorce, struggle to implement daily
routine.
Parental Counselling 59
Notes 5.5 CHALLENGES IN PARENTAL COUNSELLING
Many counsellors are both terrified and frustrated at the thought of
working with parents.
Sometimes counsellors also have some unfavourable attitudes about
parents, which hampered their ability to work effectively with them.
Parents may be made to relive traumatic memories or issues, just as they
would in any counselling session. It's possible that they'll be hesitant to reveal
them at first. Some people may experience panic attacks or sadness.
Others may get dissatisfied or despairing as a result of the counselling
programmes' failure to provide rapid effects. These feelings may lead
individuals to abandon the programme, lose faith in the counsellor, or fail to
take the programme or therapy seriously. (DocDoc, Transforming healthcare,
empowering lives.)
Activity 1
Parental Counselling 61
Notes Habit of children is one important issue that needs parental
cooperation. Most of the habits of children, their expression of emotions,
their language, mannerism and attitudes also depend on parents’ habits and
social exchange. It is well known that children imitate and learn many things
only by imitation. Counsellor should make them aware of this fact and try to
get their cooperation.
In short, counsellor can serve various functions in his relationship with
parents. The counsellor can
1. Give information about offspring’s behaviour-information about
what children do during that age and why they do it. When should
they worry and do something about a situation and when should
they accept it as normal should be discussed with them.
2. Discuss with them purpose, organisation and activities of school
and counselling program.
3. Inform parents about needs, characteristics, abilities, interests and
personality of their own child. Many parents may not have proper
frame of reference within which they can evaluate or judge behaviour
of their own children. A mother who is socially skilful and oriented
towards human relations may not be able to understand behaviour
of her shy and quite daughter.
4. Aid parents to develop understanding, techniques and attitudes
that may improve their relation with their children. For example,
how to motivate children for better performance or how to improve
communication with one’s adolescent offspring are critical issues in
this respect.
5. Mohan is 16 year old and studying in 10th standard. There is
absolutely no communication between Mohan and his father. His
father is strict authoritarian and disciplinarian and wants everything
perfect and best. Generally, there are clashes between them if at all
they talk to each other. Nowadays Mohan has completely stopped
interacting with his father. Whatever his father says, Mohan never
responds.
6. Provide support to parents as they seek to resolve their own
problems and meet their own needs. Parents’ own problems may
have negative impact on parent-child relations. A working mother
may feel guilty and may overcompensate unnecessarily, which may
spoil the child.
7. Aid children and parents together to find solutions to specific
problems. Open and free discussion about every important decision
has to take place between parents and children where each one has
to equally respect the other and consider their opinion seriously.
Without such communication, no decision should be taken.
Parental Counselling 63
Notes seen that at a particular moment, they accept it and at the second,
they deny the reality.
e. Protection and overprotection: It is a common defence against
anxiety. This anxiety is regarding personal guilt or other unacceptable
feelings. They keep on blaming others for what has happened.
There is a general sense of resentment towards the society at large.
Overprotection leads to doing everything for the child without
discriminating whether the child can do it or not. Even normal children
who are overprotected are reluctant to help themselves. They become
lazy and dependent on their parents for everything they want. They
can never gain the confidence to lead a life that is fully functioning.
Mothers should be convinced about importance of making the child
as independent as possible though he is a handicapped child.
f. Guilt, shame and depression: Shame is the feeling that other
people will criticise and say something unpalatable about us. Guilt
is on the other hand feeling of self-reproach or self-condemnation.
Shame is other oriented and guilt is self-oriented. Shame is
expectation of ridicule but guilt is self-blame, personal regret and
decreased personal worth. For example shame is about others may
underestimate me and guilt is about I am underestimating myself.
Shame and guilt both include anxiety. Correlation between guilt
and anxiety is positive and significant.
Guilt, self-blame, anxiety and low self-concept result in depression.
This leads to protection of self-concept by directing hostility
outwards. Society rejects the handicapped child and blames the
parents for their carelessness and neglect. These parents avoid
participating in social function. On the other hand they devote their
life to the handicapped child and try to prove that they are devoted
and dedicated parents. If at all the child is kept in any institute, the
parents feel relived and feel guilty for that. In any way, they feel
stress and depression and guilt, shame and anxiety.
g. Patterns of mutual dependency: The overanxious parent fosters
dependency in the child and in oneself also. As the parents invest a
large part of their available resources – emotional and material- for
the child, because of real or exaggerated needs the child becomes
dependent on the parent for every small thing. Parent encourages
all this to prove his or her adequacy as a parent. It is because of
parental attitudes that the child develops extreme dependency due
to which parents’ entire life becomes focused to the handicapped
child. Parents also don’t want to reduce their responsibility as they
are afraid of the void that may result in their lives. Child feels secure
in parents’ company and parents get neurotic satisfaction because
of all these things. As a consequence, child’s motivation decreases.
Sometimes, consciously or unconsciously, the child uses disability
as a weapon and enhances dependency.
Parental Counselling 65
Notes c. Remember even small achievements of the child and liking, hobbies etc
to be used while interacting with him.
d. Suggest many alternatives or options, as only one may not be suitable or
practically viable for the child and parents.
e. Take into consideration nature of child’s disability, availability in terms of
money and environmental options while planning anything for the child.
f. Complete information about various institutes, facilities and special
provisions about integrated and segregated educational institutes should
be given to them so that they can decide according to their convenience.
g. In integrated education, the counsellor should try to gat cooperation of the
teachers as well as that of other children in the class to create conducive
environment and motivate the disabled child.
Parental Counselling 67
Notes 5.9 SKILLS REQUIRED FOR PARENTAL COUNSELLING
Parental Counselling 69
Notes
Activity 2
Case study -3 : Parent Felt Her Son Was Ruling The Roost
This mother is parenting her son on her own (age 7). She struggled with
boundaries, co-sleeping, and the feeling that his needs were being pushed
aside in favour of hers. She had fought with self-doubt her entire life,
feeling stuck and alienated.
This parent purchased the Ultimate Parenting Success course because
she felt stuck and alone. We spent time together looking at her limiting
attitudes about self-worth and self-doubt, which were interfering with her
parenting.
This mother was concerned about her inability to be present when she was
provoked, as well as her fear of shaming and blaming her child. We looked
at how one parent was very concerned with how she appeared to others,
and how she was often more concerned with how she was viewed than
with her child's actual connection.
This parent was able to set boundaries with others outside her family and focus
on strengthening a meaningful bond with her child over the course of ten
weeks.
Parental Counselling 71
Notes
This parent was fully devoted to doing the work, reading the books, and
making weekly phone calls, and she was willing to admit that some of the
unpleasant things from her past were still there today.
This parent progressed from being worried, agitated, and uneasy to
being present and content over time. She now speaks with her kid more
effectively and has let go of many limiting thoughts that had previously
held her back. In her own words, her nightly routine with her kid is now
"blooming." (Parent case studies - conscious parenting 2021)
Activity 3
Summary
● Parental counselling is a service offered to parents which provides
knowledge, unbiased guidance, emotional support and tools which shall
help parents to identify and understand needs of their family members;
realize the effect of parents on family dynamics with an ultimate objective
to look better to their family.
● Parental Counselling is important as -Counsellor advices various
methods to deal with child behaviour, helps parents in dealing with their
differently abled child, help parents to create pleasant environment and
neutral attitude for their children, help parents to face situation when their
children leave home, counselling helps parents to be closer to their child,
help parents detect serious behavioural issues in children, help parents
correct your own behaviour, help parents when they no longer know what
to do.
● Parental counselling is need of any parent who is - going through marital
problems, suffering with health related issues, is in process of separating
or getting divorced, experiencing abuse or violence, dealing with loss,
abusing alcohol or drugs, struggling with children/teen problems,
whose children are refusing to follow instructions, who are struggling to
implement routines.
● Challenges in parental counselling are counsellors feel both terrified and
frustrated working with parents, have some unfavourable attitudes about
parents, which hampered their ability to work, parents may be made
to relive traumatic memories or issues, parents may get dissatisfied or
despairing as a result of the counselling programmes' failure to provide
rapid effects.
Keywords
● Parental counselling can be defined as an invaluable service that offers
parents unbiased guidance and support; helping parents understand and
identify the needs of every individual in their family and better look after
the well-being of their family unit.
Self-Assessment Questions
1. Explain the meaning of parental counselling in your own words.
2. State the importance of parental counselling.
3. Identify the people who need parental counselling, support your response
with appropriate explanation.
4. Explain any 3 skills required by a professional who is into parental
counselling.
5 Predict what can be possible challenges if you are counselling a parent.
Parental Counselling 73
Notes Multiple Choice Single Response.
1. As humans, we are prone to -
c. Making errors
2. Children tend to imitate their _________ and the beliefs that are expressed
in the home.
d. Parents
Suggested Reading
1. Strategies for Counselling with Children and Their Parents by Geraldine
Leitl Orton
2. Parent Therapy: A Relational Alternative to Working with Children by
Linda Jacobs
3. Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel
4. Play Therapy Techniques Paperback by Charles E. Schaefer
Parental Counselling 75
Notes