Module 6 Leader

MODULE 6
FRIENDSHIP AND RELATIONSHIP SKILL DEVELOPMENT

LEADER
AS THE FATHER HAS SENT ME, SO I AM SENDING YOU

AMBASSADORS
fostering a new generation of spiritual leaders
MODULE 6
FRIENDSHIP AND RELATIONSHIP SKILL DEVELOPMENT
LEADER

AMBASSADORS
fostering a new generation of spiritual leaders
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by
International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
Other versions used are:
NLT— Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale
House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
ESV- Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of
Good News Publishers.
Primary Contributor: Troy Fitzgerald

Layout, design, and graphics by Jonatan Tejel
Photos: istockphoto.com, photodune.net
Editorial work by Erica Jones
AMBASSADORS
Copyright © by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventist® Youth Ministries Department
www.gcyouthministries.org.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—
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enth- day Adventist® Church. For additional information, please visit our website, www.gcyouthministries.org, email [email protected].
org, or write to Youth Ministries Department, General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists® Church, 12501 Old Columbia Pike, Silver Spring, MD
20904, U.S.A.
table
of
contents
Welcome 9
Session Template 12
Session 1 - won one by one 13

Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 15
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 16
Participant Guide ______________________________________________________________________ 19
Session 2 - agents of reconciliation and growing disciples 25

Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 27
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 28
Session 3 - reconciliation and relating to enemies 37

Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 39
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 40
Session 4 - reconciliation and the fellowship of believers 49

Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 51
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 52
Session 5 - communicating the story of reconciliation—the Father’s joy 61

Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 63
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 64
Session 6 - communication: say what you mean 75
Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 77
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 78
Session 7 - communication: mean what you say 87
Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 89
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 90
Session 8 - relationships 99
Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 101
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 102
Session 9 - growing relationships—dating 111
Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 113
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 114
Session 10 - relationships: courtship 125
Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 127
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 128
Session 11 - premarital insights—counsel 137
Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 139
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 140
Session 12 - marriage and parenting 151
Overview ______________________________________________________________________ 153
Teaching Plan ______________________________________________________________________ 154
Acknowledgements
The Ambassador Curriculum owes much to the extraordinary contribution and collaboration of many people, without whom its completion would
have been almost impossible. We wish to thank:
The writers: Gavin Anthony, Tim Lale, and Troy Fitzgerald.
Gilbert Cangy, whose guidance, leadership and support brought this curriculum through the long process from birth to realization. Special thanks
for reading the first draft and providing keen insight and practical guidance that made this resource an inestimably better one than it otherwise
would have been.
Special thanks for overseeing the development of the project goes to: Kathy Beagles and the Department of Discipleship and Religious Education at
the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary at Andrews University.
Charity Garcia, our official Hub, for the extraordinary work she did in developing the curriculum and identifying/collaborating with the writers for
all seven modules, and without whom the completion of this project would have been impossible.
Silvia Sicalo, our savvy administrative assistant, who kept the emails going and made sure that deadlines were met.
Erica Jones, for her copyediting expertise and attention to detail that prevented many early mistakes and helped create a wise and functional
model.
Jonatan Tejel, for his technical expertise and selfless willingness to help, and to Rodrigo Araya, whose technical help enriched the outcome.
Maria Dunchie, for her creative contribution in design and support in other practical ways.
Hiskia Missah, for his encouragement throughout this process.
Task Force
A special thanks to the team of Division Youth Directors who, under the chairmanship of Gilbert Cangy, served as task force to periodically review
and provide constructive counsel through the process:
Benjamin Carballo (Inter America), Busi Khumalo (Southern Africa Indian Ocean), James Black (North America), Jobbie Yabut (Southern Asia
Pacific), Paul Tompkins (Trans European), and Ravindra Shankar (Southern Asia).
AMBASSADORS
Welcome to Ambassadors.
Ambassadors is a new level of youth ministry designed to equip leaders with resources to train a new generation of youths to be the
hands, feet, and voice of Jesus in their local churches and communities.
An ambassador generally represents a country or a cause. A Christian ambassador is a representative of another kind; they represent
the values, principles, culture, and laws of the kingdom of God. They stand for the character and purpose of the King of this kingdom—
Jesus Christ, Himself.
This Youth Department resource is based on seven foundations that are considered as essential to meet the developmental needs of our
young people between the ages of 16-21. They include:
1. A Christ-centered discipleship plan
2. Leadership development
3. A personal, public, and small group based mission lifestyle
4. Character and personality development, including outdoor, high adventure programming
5. Lifestyle and vocational training
6. Nurturing godly relationships
7. Community outreach development through service projects and emergency preparedness training
Each of these seven foundations will be presented in modules, with participants gaining certification for each module completed. While
each module has a specific focus, there are FOUR elements that will be common throughout the curriculum. Leaders MUST ensure that
all these elements are embraced to make the experience meaningful, attractive, and challenging.
• First, the concept of a spiritual companion. At the beginning of each module, each participant will choose a friend who will be
their companion for the duration of the module. They will meet during each session to encourage and support each other in
their role and growth as an Ambassador. Groups of spiritual companions will also come together for specific activities. This
builds the concept of interdependence and accountability into the Ambassador experience.
• Second, an Individual Discipleship Plan (IDP). At the beginning of every module, each participant will make a simple plan of
how they would like to grow spiritually and acquire practical competency in the area of the upcoming module. Their spiritual
companion will be there throughout the module to help and encourage them to accomplish their plan. The IDP helps to
emphasize the continuing nature of discipleship and that learning is a continual part of life. By linking spiritual companions
together for this work, it stresses the need for interdependence on each other as we learn, grow, and work for God. (See
guidelines for creating the IDP on page 11. Participants have their IDP pages in their Guidebook.)
• Third, projects. Each module will have a project that will integrate the core concepts from the module into a service learning
activity focused on helping others. This will be an opportunity for the Ambassador class to work together as a whole. You will
• find INSTRUCTIONS for setting up your project in the back pages of this Leader’s Guide. You might have to plan for multiple
projects, depending on the size of your group.
• The main objective is to incorporate service as a way of life, rather than an occasional activity.
• Aim for projects that would call for regular involvement over a period of time.
• Make contact with your Volunteer Service organizations, the local Council, and other entities that could assist you.
• If your group settles on a particular medium/long term project, there is no need to change the project when the time comes to
engage with a new module. Use your discretion.
• Fourth, social activities. Ensure that you plan for a social activity at least once a month. Make sure that you always provide
opportunities for good and wholesome fun for that age group.
• You do not have to conduct all your sessions in a building. As appropriate, conduct some in nature, in the context of a camp, in
someone’s home, etc.
• In the back pages of your Leader’s Guide you will find a list of websites where you can access ‘Ice Breakers’ or brief fun activities
that you can inject into all your sessions.
Of course, CONDUCT ALL YOUR ACTIVITIES PRAYERFULLY.
RECOMMENDATION
It is highly recommended that you set aside your first meeting as a fun ORIENTATION to share the Ambassadors concept, share the
Participant’s Guides, give an overview of the first module, discuss the FOUR elements and their implementation, discuss the frequency
of meetings, organize calendars, etc.
Participant’s Guide
A participant’s guide for each module has been prepared for each participant.
• The Participant’s Guide is essentially the workbook containing all the sessions of each module that the participant will engage with.
• In the back pages of each module there is a page for creating the IDP. There is also a list of the sessions for that module that
the leader will date and sign upon the participant’s completion.
• Each participant will be required to complete 75 percent attendance and participation to receive the certification or award at the end
of each module. Participants can make-up for missed lessons to achieve the required 75 percent at the discretion of their leader.
Fostering togetherness is at the heart of a model for discipleship, which the General Conference is focusing on; it is known as “Together
Growing Fruitful Disciples.” This model emphasizes understanding, connecting, equipping, and ministering—but doing all of this
“together.” For God did not design us to grow or minister alone, but in community. Paul writes that growing in Christ is achieved as
everyone uses the gifts God has given to them, “until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become
mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13).
Thank you for helping to educate our young people to become Ambassadors of Jesus Christ and His kingdom.
General Conference Youth Ministries Department
Gilbert Cangy Hiskia Missah Jonatan Tejel Subirada

GC Youth Director Associate GC Youth Director Associate GC Youth Director
CREATING YOUR IDP
As a human being with a nature that naturally tends to move away from God, growing to reflect Jesus as an Ambassador will rarely happen
by chance or without much thought. That’s why for each of the Ambassador’s modules, you will be creating your own IDP. The focus of each
IDP will relate to the theme of your current module and last for the duration of that module.
Here is an example of what an IDP will look like. Fill in your own IDP on the form provided.
1. IDP Module Name:
CHRIST-CENTERED DISCIPLESHIP
2. Spiritual Companion: Who is the spiritual companion who will encourage and support you in the next stage of your spiritual journey of
growing as an Ambassador of Jesus? They will remain your spiritual companion throughout the current module.
JOHN WILCOX
3. Personal vision statement: This includes two parts: (a) What do you see in your life today that you would like to change in order to become more
effective as an Ambassador for Jesus? (b) Describe how you would like to see yourself in the future. Before you start writing, take a moment to
pray for God to guide your thoughts.
• CURRENTLY, I DO NOT HAVE A REGULAR OR VERY MEANINGFUL DEVOTIONAL LIFE.
• I WOULD LIKE TO DEVELOP A DEVOTIONAL LIFE THAT CAN EQUIP ME SPIRITUALLY TO BE AN EFFECTIVE AMBASSADOR FOR JESUS.
4. Expected evidence of change: After looking at your personal vision statement, list the evidence you might expect to see that reveals you are
growing in Christ.
• I THINK AN EFFECTIVE AMBASSADOR IS SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS PRAYING FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO REVEAL THE CHARACTER OF JESUS
WHEREVER THEY GO. THAT IS WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE.
5. Next steps: List the practical steps you will take to accomplish your personal discipleship vision. Think about how these steps will also
shape your daily devotions with God.
• SET MY ALARM CLOCK FOR 7AM TO START MY DEVOTIONS
• SPEND 30 MINUTES IN PRAYER AND BIBLE READING
• REPEAT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP
• FIND A BOOK TO READ THAT TEACHES DIFFERENT WAYS TO STUDY THE BIBLE
• PRAY EACH DAY FOR OPPORTUNITIES FOR GOD TO USE ME AS HIS AMBASSADOR
6. Reflection: How did I do? This is completed at the end of the module. It gives you a chance to reflect on what worked well and what you
would like to improve in the future. You can compare your expected evidences of change to what actually happened.
• I REALLY ENJOYED THESE LAST FEW WEEKS. THE MORE I READ AND UNDERSTOOD, THE MORE CONFIDENT I BECAME TO PRAY FOR
OPPORTUNITIES FOR GOD TO USE ME. I THINK I WILL EXPAND THE TIME FOR DEVOTIONS I HAVE IN THE EVENING, AND NOW THAT I HAVE
READ A BOOK ON BIBLE STUDY, I WOULD LIKE TO READ ANOTHER ON INTERCESSORY PRAYER. I HAVE FOUND THAT I REALLY ENJOY
PRAYING FOR OTHERS.
basic template for teaching sessions
This template will be used during most in-house teaching sessions. There will be variations in the format
depending on the focus for the day.
welcome & activity 1. General welcome and opening prayer.

2. A short getting-to-know you activity. As friendships continually deepen, so the ability to encourage and
2+ min support each other spiritually deepens.
did you know? An activity that introduces the theme for the day.
13 minutes
mission briefing A simple Bible study that gives the biblical foundation for the theme done in groups of two or three. It will be
10 minutes helpful for leaders to circulate around the room to listen in on conversations to see that participants are going in
the right direction and to answer questions.
thinking it through A personal reflection time where each participant writes down what they have personally learned from the Bible
study and how this applies to their own life as an Ambassador. To be shared briefly with their spiritual companion
5 minutes who will be a spiritual encourager during the curriculum.
reflecting Jesus & An activity that expands on the main theme for the lesson. This section is called “reflecting Jesus and His kingdom”
His kingdom because an ambassador’s main task is to represent who Jesus is to others, as well as what the kingdom of heaven
stands for.
40 minutes
next steps An ambassador for Jesus will grow spiritually and will witnesses in everyday life beyond the training sessions.
15 minutes Therefore, each participant will develop an individual discipleship plan that will help them grow as an ambassador
for Jesus when they are outside of the learning environment.
At the beginning of each module in the curriculum, participants will develop an individual discipleship plan (IDP)
that will guide their personal spiritual journey during that section. Each IDP will focus on the theme of that section.
“Next Steps” is a time for participants to reflect on how their IDP is working and to pray for each other in what they
aim to do next. This will be done with their spiritual companion. A spiritual companion is a friend who prays for and
encourages their own companion over a set period of time.
summary As a whole group, this is an opportunity to summarize what participants have learned during the session. It is a time
5 minutes for the leader to generally review what has been done and to ask for volunteers to briefly share what they have
learned.
SESSION 1 leader’s guide
won one by one
1: I am an ambassador for another world 13

14 1: I am an ambassador for another world
1: won one by one
session overview
leader notes 1. This lesson introduces a module that challenges the followers of Christ to participate in the reconciling work
of humanity to God. This ultimately begins with God modeling this work then incorporating His followers to
cooperate with Him to restore what is broken.
2. Ambassadors reconcile disconnected people to God and lead them to a living walk with Him.
materials 1. Chalk/marker board or large pieces of paper to display

2. Handouts
3. Paper and Pens
4. Dictionary (if available)
learning outcomes
Outcomes Evidence of learning
Head 1. Understand the source of what causes the rift 1. Discussions, Bible study
Participants will between God and mankind
know...
Hands 1. Connect the brokenness that plagues human- 1. Reflection during the Thinking It Through
Participants will be ity to their relationships section
able to...
Heart 1. The compelling need to draw another person 1. Formation of IDP (identifying the
Participants will be to wholeness in relationship to Christ relationships in their life that are most
able to... troubled)
extra resources 1. http://growingfruitfuldisciples.com/framework

2. http://www.adra.org/site/PageServer
3. http://www.thejusticeprojectkc.org/

1: won one by one
teaching plan
welcome 1. Welcome the participants and begin with prayer.
5 minutes 2. Transition from prayer to introducing the direction of the first lesson in this module on reconciliation and
human relationships.
introduction to 1. In the participant’s guide, under the “Did You Know” section, there are a list of words that start with the
theme prefix “dis.” This prefix tends to show how something is not the way it should be or stands in opposition to
? minutes the idea of the part of the word that follows. For example, the word “disapprove” conveys the opposite of
approval.
2. The activity simply challenges them to consider the words we use to describe the brokenness in our
relationships—to God and each other. By discussing the words they will open up to the various ways in
which God can heal and restore people through His powerful love.
3. In groups of 2-3, ask the participants to: Add more “dis—words” that further shows the broken human
predicament. Then, when the groups have had time to share and add words, collect the words all the
groups have added and put them on a large piece of paper or on a chalk/marker board.
4. Once all the “dis” words are in full view, cross out (with the symbol of a cross) the “dis” portion of the
word and then have the participants read the words that show what “should be.” Ask them to discuss what
it looks like in real life to “cross out” the part of words that break down our relationships—with God and
others.
thinking 1. Ask the participants to reflect on their relationship with God. Even as disciples/believers they are plagued
it through with insecurities and doubts about where they stand with God.
10 minutes 2. As they also consider their human relationships, remind them that: “as we learn about God’s restoring
work for us as individuals we also learn how to bring healing to our relationships with each other” (1 John
4:7, 11).
mission 1. Invite the participants to divide into groups of 3-4 and complete the questions in their Mission Briefing
briefing handout.
20 minutes 2. The Bible story of Adam and Eve (Genesis 3) portrays the dawning of sin’s effect on humanity, beginning
in the heart of Lucifer, and infecting the lives of God’s creation. It is imperative to remind Ambassadors
that the central issue of effective discipleship, personal relationships, and overall impact on the world is
related to the reality of sin and God’s salvation for people. World peace. Ending hate. Fostering healing and
justice. Respect. Acceptance. Goodness. All these attributes that even sinful humanity attempts to address
are fruitless if not understood against the backdrop of the plan of salvation. Here are a few items in the
biblical story with some commentary that might be helpful.
• God comes looking for Adam and Eve; prompted by the reality of their sin—their choice—Adam
and Eve hide. Avoiding, hiding, lying, and even ignoring and excusing the sin is a common response of
humans (3:8).
• Adam and Eve hid because of shame: Shame is the fear of accepting or facing the truth about yourself.
It grows out of the feeling that we have done something or are someone inferior. Note that this is the
opposite of what Lucifer promised. The snake promised enlightenment and an exalted position, but
their disobedience created a separation from God (3:5,8).
• God asks the question, “Where are you?” This question requires an inward look and an outward
response (3:9).
• How does God begin the work of reconciliation? Notice what God curses: The serpent (3:14) and the
ground (3:17). Notice what (or who) God covers: Adam and Eve (3:21). He curses the snake and covers
His children (Galatians 3:26,27).
• The skins came from an animal—an animal that had to die. Someone had to pay and the sacrifice
made in the garden was a promise of the sacrifice to be made at Calvary.
3. Gathering the participants together, summarize this section by reviewing the above points. Complete this
section by inviting them to embrace the reconciliation God provided long ago. This dis-connection with God
is the truth about sin. The truth about reconciliation is that someone has to bridge the gap and make a way.
What did God do? He cursed the snake. He cursed the ground. He covered Adam and Eve.
While the promise of salvation and restoration is given, it is the work of God’s people to believe it, live it, and
expand it beyond.
next steps 1. Invite the participants to meet with their Spiritual Companions and take a few moments to pray together
15 minutes for wisdom and openness to meet the challenge of living out a ministry of reconciliation. Perhaps they
might share what some of the their hopes and uncertainties are at this time.
2. Pray and discuss the development of their IDP for this module. In what ways will this emphasis challenge
their relationships at home, church, and beyond? What skills in communication and connecting do they
need to strengthen and develop?

reflecting Jesus & His 1. Ask the participants to gather in groups of 4-5 to work on the Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom activities.
kingdom In the first question they are challenged to consider Paul’s words on how the death of Christ unifies
30 minutes ALL who would desire to become disciples. The question posed to them is based on the way humans and
believers choose to include insiders and “dis” include outsiders. Be sure to challenge them to be specific
and honest in their descriptions (10 min).
2. In the second activity there is a graphic showing four directions and disciples who connected with Christ
as followers. They all come from drastically different experiences. The women mentioned are outsiders by
gender, but even Mary becomes one of the supporters among other women knows as disciples. However,
the Syro-Phoenician woman is culturally and religiously as despicable to Jews, if not more, than someone
like Mary of Magdela. Paul and Nicodemus are both religious leaders but Paul converts by experience and
Nicodemus seems to think his way into discipleship over time. The participants are challenged to add to
these samples as many as they can think of. The more, the better. The greater the diversity the more
possible it is for disciples to be agents of reconciliation because they do not choose who is eligible—they
seek to include those who are available (15 min)!
3. The third section of Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom actively connects to the growing disciples
framework under “Ministering” (http://growingfruitfuldisciples.com/framework) because one of the key
features of Jesus’ ministry with all of these examples is His willingness to spend time, energy, and trust in
the examples given in the graphic (10 min):
Nicodemus—Jesus willingly meets him at night and offers a lengthy discussion.
Mary—She is included in His band of believers and Jesus receives from her generosity.
Syro-Phoenician Mother—The Lord crosses boundaries for what would be an impossible conversation.
Saul/Paul—God calls upon the enemy of His movement to become a primary voice for the cause.
4. Question #4 challenges the participants to rank and order the priorities of the life of a disciple. Since
everyone’s journey with Christ is unique, the young people are going to have a different emphasis. This
is to be expected. Affirm the focus and urge them to continue to shape the IDP along the lines of their
convictions.
summary 1. In Ephesians 6:10-12 the Bible says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood… The work of a disciple is not
with people, but for people. Challenge the participants to look carefully and reflectively at the relationships
in their life today. The power to change a life is displayed in the history and work of believers throughout the
centuries. We know that Christ will transform the lives of believers throughout the world.

SESSION 1 participant’s guide
won one by one
SESSION 1
won one by one
? did you know...
While there are many words that describe the broken relation-
ships that grow out of human life, which words below capture
the work of sin the most? What words would you add?
dissed
Dis able Dis favor

Dis advantage Dis grace
Dis agree Dis honor
Dis connect Dis qualify
Dis appoint Dis join
Dis approve Dis like
Dis solve Dis obey
Dis band Dis own
Dis regard Dis order
Dis claim Dis integrate
Dis cord Dis count
Dis figure Dis respect

mission briefing
1. Read Genesis chapter 3 and identify what you think are the main ideas in this story.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. What type of temptation does the snake offer Eve?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. As a result of this disobedience, what “dis-words” seem most appropriate to describe the effects of their actions? Why?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4. What does God do: to the snake, to Adam and Eve?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
reflecting Jesus & His kingdom

1. Read 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 and answer the following questions:
• What should be a follower’s/disciple’s attitude toward humanity?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Who are the hardest people you know to love?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Who are the hardest people you don’t know to love?
______________________________________________________________________________________

• How does this message from Paul shape the way you approach people you know and don’t know?
______________________________________________________________________________________
2. The graphic below shows how disciples were brought into fellowship and follower-ship with Christ from diverse walks of life, culture,
religion, and gender. Pencil in names of other “followers” of God from the Old and New Testaments that might share similar experiences
of reconciliation. Also, there are those you might think of who are vastly differently than what is shown below. List those as well and
why you chose them.
Mary Magdalene (Luke 8:1-4)
Saul/Paul Nicodemus
(Acts 7:58-60; 9:1-18) (John 3:1-21;7:45-51; 19:39-42)
Syrophoenician (Mark 7:24-30)
3. In the examples of individuals given above, in what way are they “re-connected” or brought into discipleship with Christ? Refer to the
“dis” statements in the Did You Know portion of the participant’s guide. What can learn about the relationship between being a disciple
of Christ and an Ambassador committed to the work of reconciliation?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4. As Ambassadors committed to engaging others in a life of discipleship, rank the following activities according to the most urgent need
to the least and share the results with other’s in your group.
a. ____Building meaningful relationships with people you disagree with
b. ____Fostering an open mind to people who are different in gender, race, and religion
c. ____Sharing your time, energy, and trust with people in your local community
d. ____Deepening your knowledge and sensibilities to those who are dis-connected to God because of sin
e. ____Becoming a disciplined, passionate follower of Christ in a way that shows in your relationship with members of the opposite sex
f. ____Helping those who are not believers experience the truth that God loves them
g. ____Increasing the awareness of sin and its impact on how humans treat each other

agents of reconciliation and
growing disciples

2: agents of reconciliation and growing disciples
session overview
leader notes 1. Over the next four sessions there will be a focus on the work of reconciliation given to God’s people for the
salvation of the world. The word reconcile is a particularly significant word in that it literally means “to
exchange” or to “bring into a changed relationship.” This conversation will survey various applications such
as relationships with enemies, forgiveness, divisions and hatred, unity in the church, and the challenge to
put it all into practice.
2. This session begins with God’s plan to make His appeal to the world through His people, as stated in 2
Corinthians 5:17-20:
“So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this
way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the
new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of
reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against
them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”
materials 1. Participants Guide

2. Pen and paper
3. Local Newspaper
learning outcomes Outcomes Evidence of learning

1. Understand the role of believers in the 1. Mission Briefing study of 2 Corinthians 5.
Head overarching work of reconciliation/salvation 2.
Participants will... Did you Know activity.
1. Accept the responsibility of being an agent 1. Thinking it Through reflection questions and
Hands of reconciliation.
Participants will be prayer.
able to...
1. Sense the love of God through His 1. Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom study as
Heart conciliatory work in people. well as the activity in the Introduction.
Participants will be
able to...
extra resources Poverty and Justice Bible, American Bible Society

(More than 2,000 references on God’s concern for the poor and injustice are highlighted.)
www.reconciliationnetwork.com
http://www.spu.edu/depts/perkins/

2: agents of reconciliation and growing disciples
teaching plan
welcome 1. Welcome and Opening Prayer (2 min).
10 minutes 2. After reading the notes in the overview, share a few words to introduce the range of the topic of recon-
ciliation.
did you Know? 1. In the Did You Know portion of the participant’s guide there are a few challenging statements about
10 minutes whether Christians should “get involved” to speak to or stop injustice in the world.
Clearly, doing nothing is not a viable response and sometimes the initiatives for justice have mixed motives
that are also evil in the name of good. So, in between this tension is where the Ambassadors of Christ must
choose to live, work, and serve.
2. Invite the participants to respond to the initial question. When it comes to the challenge of misdeeds or
missed deeds, ask for examples of both so that people understand what this conversation is about.
3. Another way to address the problem is with the tension between hate and indifference. Again, which is
worse? To hate something or someone requires a level of emotional commitment that expresses value.
Indifference declares there is no value.
4. Under any circumstance, those who are professed believers in Christ should not be overtly evil or
indifferent, but agents of reconciliation. Ask: Where in your life, church, school, town, country, or world do
you see examples where reconciliation is needed the most?
mission 1. Divide the participants into groups of 4-5 and ask them to begin answering the first question in the
briefing Mission Briefing handout.
10 minutes 2. The first question: What is the bottom line problem? Why is there racial hatred? Why do some starve
when there is plenty in the world to eat? Why are women treated less than human in some parts of the
world? The answer: Sin. According to the Bible “all have sinned” and sin has “separated us from God,”
making us “enemies with God” (Rom. 3:23; Is. 59:1,2; Rom. 5:10). But since the problem is so far beyond a
human solution, there is a tendency to ignore such an enormous challenge. But Christ calls His believers to
participate in the process of reconciling others to Him for at least two reasons:
a. He has chosen to work through people (John 14:12).
b. It is by participating in the work of reconciliation that we experience being restored.
3. Question #2 addresses the biblical meanings of the words for reconciliation. As the participants consider
some of the key passages having to do with God’s work of bringing humanity to Him, ask: When have you

ever had to initiate reconciliation? Or, when has someone sought to reconcile with you? In your groups,
discuss the nature and outcome of that experience.
4. Invite participants to share in their groups which verse speaks personally to them and why.
thinking 1. As you think about your own personal experiences with division and enmity between yourself and others
it through or yourself and God, what approach works well with you? Confrontational? Compassionate? Collaborative?
10 minutes Compromise?
2. What role do you see yourself having in the reconciliation of others to Christ and to each other?
reflecting Jesus 1. Divide the participants into groups of 4-5 to answer the questions in the Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom
& His Kingdom section. The first question surveys a story in the Old Testament about lepers who happen upon good news
40 minutes and decide whether they should share it or keep it to themselves. Another question to ask is: Why do you
think they have suspicions that evil will befall them if they behave selfishly or unethically? (10 min)
2. The next part of this activity surveys the New Testament examples of Ambassadors in action working
towards the reconciliation of others. Note: Disciples are participants in the salvation process. Although
Jesus had not yet gone to Calvary, the promise was sure. (15 min)
3. Allow the participants to share their responses to make a list of those participating in reconciliation (most
obvious and the most overlooked). Invite them to share why the individuals from Scripture were selected.
(10 min)
4. Hand out the local newspapers and give each group a full paper or a portion that has news. Their task is to
quickly survey the headlines and the stories and find the articles that convey the worst news. They are to
re-write a new headline that resonates with what the story would be if God’s people actively sought to
be reconciling people to God. This is not meant to be a guilt prompter but a vision/dreaming of the way it
could be. Invite the groups to share samples of their reconciliation stories.
next steps 1. Ask the participants to meet with their Spiritual Companions and review the progress they are making on
10 minutes the IDP for this module.
2. Give them time to pray for each other and the other participants as they imagine and set goals for being
agents of reconciliation for Christ.
3. You might take time to see if there are any questions, comments, or suggestions about the IDP process.
This particular module has everything from the essence of salvation to what to do on a date with a
member of the opposite sex, so you may want to open the floor to clarify.

summary The work of Christ saving humanity becomes a collaborative process for believers. God has chosen to involve His
5 minutes people in bringing about wholeness, help, health, equity, grace, restoration, joy, security, forgiveness, confes-
sion, commitment, mercy, and more. As Ambassadors, we are representatives of God’ saving work. You are
examples and extenders of His grace to broken situations and divided people.

growing disciples
SESSION 2
growing disciples
? did you know...
Agree or Disagree?
If Christians are content to be passive bystanders to the violent conflict in the world, they
will be regarded by history as guilty of destructive behavior.
A choice to be inactive toward human suffering and injustice is a choice to own some of the
responsibility.
Misdeeds or Missed Deeds, which is worse?
“... And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as
though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.”
2 Corinthians 5:19, 20

mission briefing
1. What is the bottom line problem? Why is there racial hatred? Why do some starve when there is plenty in the world to eat? Why are
women treated less than human in some parts of the world? What is the primary source of the horror of child trafficking?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. The word for reconciliation in the Old Testament had to do with atonement—a legal response to alienation or incompatibility. The New
Testament idea involves an exchange that creates understanding and restores right relationship. (Knowing that the Greeks did not
conceive the idea that gods could have a personal relationship with humans, the idea of reconciliation was foreign). Read the following
verses and discuss how the message of God reconciling us would be received.
Romans 5:10, 11 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 Ephesians 2:14-17 Colossians 1:19, 20
3. Which verse speaks to you personally about God’s plan for reconciling the world to Himself?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4. What do you think God is saying to you in this passage?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
thinking it through
1. As you think about your own personal experiences with division and enmity between yourself and others or yourself and God, what
approach works well with you? Confrontational? Compassionate? Collaborative? Compromise?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

2. What role do you see yourself having in the reconciliation of others to Christ and to each other?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

This session focuses on the responsibility of believers to participate in the reconciliation of others who are separated from God. Read the
following questions and respond to the Bible stories and texts.
1. In 2 Kings 6:24-7:10 there is an ancient story of a handful of people who received good news and were faced with a dilemma. Read the
story and discuss the dilemma they faced.
Answer the following questions about the story in your groups:
• What was their ethical/moral dilemma or problem?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• What were the implications for others if they acted or chose not to act?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• What does this story teach Ambassadors today about their role, responsibility, and sense of right versus wrong in the world today?
______________________________________________________________________________________
2. There are two stories where Jesus deploys Ambassadors for the work of reconciliation. Read the two stories (Matthew 9:35-10:20 &
Luke 10:1-24) and answer the questions below in your group:
• Describe the state of the people in Matthew’s story compared to the one in Luke. Is their gross need? Hostility? What challenges
are both groups sent out to meet?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• How are the needs of people today similar? How are they different?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• What “authority” is given to the disciples? Is that the same authority as you and I have today?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• In Luke, why do you think Jesus tells them to rejoice not in the power they asserted, but in the relationship they had to God in
heaven (names were written in heaven). What is the lesson for Ambassadors in that reminder?
______________________________________________________________________________________

3. Who in Scripture experienced cooperating with God for the reconciliation of others—individuals or whole groups of people? Consider
the two categories.
Most Obvious Most Overlooked

___________________________________________ ___________________________________________
___________________________________________ ___________________________________________
___________________________________________ ___________________________________________
4. With a local newspaper, scan the pages and look for the situations that call for reconciliation. What would the headlines read if Chris-
tian brothers and sisters persisted in making a difference in their communities? Re-write the headlines to see what it might look like
and be ready to share with others.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

reconciliation and relating to
enemies

3: reconciliation and relating to enemies
session overview
leader notes 1. This session examines the work of reconciliation with enemies—people who we are at odds with, people
who have caused us harm, hurt, or disadvantage. It is likely that there are those who may not want or ask
for forgiveness or reconciliation in their lives, nonetheless, healthy Ambassadors for Christ must practice
reconciliation.
2. It is possible that this session will be more challenging for some than others because of the circumstances
of their life and history—be sensitive and thoughtful to those who may have good reasons to resist or
struggle with this session.
3. Everyone needs to consider this truth: What God did to reconcile humanity, humans also need to mirror with
enemies. Selflessness is the chief attribute that brought Christ to the broken, rebellious children of God.
Selflessness is also the quality that will draw others back into a right relationship with us and with God.
materials 1. Lesson Handouts

2. Paper/Pen
3. Several containers of clear tape

Head 1. Understand the relationship between 1. Discussion and Bible study in groups
Participants will... forgiving others and how God forgives us (Mission Briefing).
Hands 1. Practice a lifestyle of grace so that rec- 1. Prayer time/Reflection and the practical
Participants will be onciliation can happen in our relationships applications in Mission Briefing section.
able to... with others.
Heart 1. Experience the freedom from anger, 1. Discussion and study in the Reflecting
Participants will... hatred, and resentment. Jesus/Kingdom section.
extra resources The book and the website are really helpful:
http://www.asweforgivebook.com/
http://divinity.duke.edu/initiatives-centers/center-reconciliation/media/resources-reconciliation
Testimonies about forgiveness and reconciliation:
http://theforgivenessproject.com/about-us/testimonials/
http://www.wwmf.org/blog/answers/ethics/how-do-i-forgive-my-enemies/
3: reconciliation and relating to enemies
teaching plan
5 minutes 2. Introduce the overarching theme of reconciliation and human relationships: We are redeemed and brought
into a right relationship with God because of the grace of Christ. Believers are commissioned to bring this
reconciliation to the world. Christians ought to be doing relationships well. Today, we launch into one of the
most difficult relationships of all—reconciling with enemies.
did you Know? 1. Divide the participants into groups of 2-3 and invite them to read and consider the claims made in the Did
10 minutes You Know section of their participant’s guide. Ask: Have you ever heard of a connection between a forgiv-
ing spirit and physical and emotional health? Are these claims really true? (Invite them to respond.) Read
or summarize the following report:
“In a study conducted by Dr. Frederick Luskin, a Senior Advisor in Health Promotion at Standford Uni-
versity, and Director of The Stanford Forgiveness Projects, he showed that financial advisors who were
given training in interpersonal forgiveness as a healthy response to the normal difficulties of business
produced an average increase in sales between 18-46% over a reference group of advisors who produced
average increases of only 5-14%. He also showed that their (the financial advisors who received training)
level of productivity increased by 24% as well as their ability to experience positive emotional states like
happiness, better focus, better night’s sleep. They also showed a 23% decrease in physical symptoms of
stress.”
“Research has now found the physiological link between negative emotional states such as prolonged
anger, hostility and depression and heart disease. It has also been known for some time that prolonged
stress lowers the immune system leaving you more vulnerable to illness. Holding onto hurts, grudges, an-
noyances, pet peeves or old wounds that get re- opened by life events are a stressful event to your body.”
http://www.forgivenessasanactofpower.com/
2. Ask the participants this discussion question for their groups: Who are some people you know of, person-
ally or in history, who have experienced the freedom of forgiving their enemy? Describe what you know
about this person and their situation. How is this possible?
3. When they have shared some examples of heroes of forgiveness, invite a few to briefly share with the rest
of the gathering.

mission 1. The statement from Jesus about forgiveness is one of the hardest sayings spoken in Scripture. Invite the
briefing participants to look the passage up and read the context. Ask them to answer two questions:
30 minutes a. Does God withhold forgiving us when we don’t forgive others? (There are some who have been hurt
severely, innocently, and without any provocation. Forgiving their enemy may be the most difficult
thing they ever do. Is Jesus really saying that forgiveness is only available when you are capable of
forgiving?)
b. How does the experience of forgiving others enable us as believers to value and appreciate the for-
giveness God extends to us?
Commentary: Note that the context of Jesus’ words is in teaching people to NOT be hypocritical with their
spiritual life. There is teaching about prayer and giving alms. These hypocrites (Pharisees in this context)
were so callous to others in their piety. Jesus was teaching against the senseless piety of religious people
challenging HIS DISCIPLES to go deeper. Yes, forgiving others deepens your own appreciation and experi-
ence with God’s grace to you. When you practice giving grace to someone who does not deserve it, you are
transformed by that experience in ways you would not be if you had not.
2. Another powerful statement Jesus makes about reconciling with our enemies is in Matthew 5:43-48. Invite
the participants to go back to their groups and discuss this particular statement Jesus makes. Question: Is
Jesus saying that forgiving our enemies is what distinguishes His followers from the world? How does this
relate to doctrines and theological teachings?
3. Question 3 is an activity for the individuals to fill out and share amongst themselves.
thinking 1. Invite the participants to take a moment to reflect and respond to the two questions in the Thinking it
it through Through section.
10 minutes 2. Urge the participants to pray as individuals for the people they need to forgive.
reflecting Jesus 1. Divide the participants into groups of 3-4 and answer the first question in the Reflecting Jesus and His
& His Kingdom Kingdom portion (6-8 min).
40 minutes 2. The focus of question #2 is to get participants to refine their definition and understanding of biblical
reconciliation with their enemies. Remind them that this includes people you have perhaps mistreated or
even people who annoy you. After the groups have had ample time to develop their list and write them
down, have them post the piece of paper on a wall so all can quickly see or pass them around for them to
survey quickly (10 min).
3. Urge the groups to try and come up with 3-5 reasons why reconciliation is a pivotal part of the journey
of a disciple. Question #3 is a challenge to look at the text and answer the “why” question before they
practice the “how” question in #4. Below are some potential answers to share as they debrief.
Answer: God is the only One wise enough to judge all our thoughts and motives; let Him be God.
Answer: Because when we hate our enemy we become hateful—the very thing that hurt us in the first
place.
Answer: Goodness to enemies offers more than punishment or blame, but it also has power to teach people
to be different.
Answer: The enemy loses a foothold in your heart.
Answer: You act and live the way sons and daughters of God should live.
4. The six steps are suggestions. There is no real science to the process except that these elements
suggested are components of enduring reconciliation. Have them read and commit to following through all
the steps with one person as part of their IDP plan.
next steps 1. Invite the participants to meet with their Spiritual Companions and integrate some of the lessons learned
10 minutes in their IDP.
2. Invite them to pray specifically for the challenge to initiate healing between themselves and another.
summary Feel free to share any of the following quotes about forgiveness.
5 minutes
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” C.S.
Lewis
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
“When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God’s light shines upon you.” Jon Krakauer
“We don’t forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need it--because we
need it.” Bree Despain
“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Anne Lamott
Reconciliation with our enemies is not for the spiritually elite; in fact, it is one of the primary ways we
distinguish ourselves as children of God. It’s what God and His people do.

enemies
SESSION 3
enemies
? did you know...
What if you discovered that forgiving your enemies could significantly prevent or cure a
disease—would you be interested?
Did you know that those who practice a forgiving lifestyle are likely to be more produc-
tive at work than those who harbor bitterness and resentment against others?
Cross the Bridge
What do you think you will discover on the other side of forgiving one another?
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not
forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Matthew 6:14-15, ESV

mission briefing
Throughout His life and ministry, Jesus made statements and taught truths that are hard to imagine. Consider one of the hardest sayings
Jesus ever spoke.
1. In Matthew 6:14, 15, Jesus makes a seemingly impossible statement about forgiving your enemy in order to be forgiven by God. Read the
passage carefully once through as individuals. Then read the whole context together as a group and answer the following questions:
a. Does God withhold forgiving us when we don’t forgive others? Explain.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
b. How does the experience of forgiving others enable us as believers to value and appreciate the forgiveness God extends to us?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. In Matthew 5:43-48 Jesus makes a similar challenge. Read this passage as a group and again check the context of the passage. What is
Jesus saying to His followers? What is He saying to you today?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Where do you rank on the scale below?
Forgiving my enemies is something I practice

1 2 3 4 5 6
rarely faithfully
Forgiving our enemies is something I witness other believers practice

1 2 3 4 5 6
rarely faithfully
Imagine. If this kind of reconciliation were widely practiced, what might be the effects on how our world perceives this church?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

thinking it through
1. When you think about forgiving the people who have hurt you, misunderstand you, or disrespect you, how do you feel? Is there a
resistance? Reflect on the words of Christ and your own need for forgiveness.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Write down a few symbols that represent people (so as to protect their identity) that you harbor resentment or anger towards. Name
what they did to you or you did to them and begin the reconciliation process by praying earnestly for them. As hard as it may be, it may
be the only pathway to reconciliation.

1. Read Luke 23:13-47 carefully and underline every phrase or sentence that describes how Christ treated His enemies. List as many
examples from this passage that describe the way Christ treats His enemies.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Reconciliation with your enemies involves many attitudes and actions of you as an Ambassador of Christ. It helps to flesh out some of
the details in the form of what reconciliation is and what it is not. Begin writing your ideas about what it is and is not below, then share
the ideas with your group. Create a master list you all can agree on and be ready to present it to the rest of the participants. Below are
two examples:
Reconciliation with your enemies is…

• Taking the first steps to cross the bridge and initiate a new relationship
• Choosing to forgive and treat the other with respect, hope, and good will
• Mirroring the mercy of God for all sinners (including yourself)
• Taking responsibility for being in a broken relationship with another
Reconciliation with your enemies is not…

• A compromise or an agreement to disagree
• Always an admission of fault or responsibility to the act that caused the division
• Losing your dignity or personal control of your life
• An immediate feeling of relief but an ongoing experience to foster
3. The big question in response to this challenge to reconcile with your enemies is “Why?” “Why should I respond this way?” Read Romans
12:19-21 and Matthew 5:43-48 and identify some good reasons:
Answer: God is the only One wise enough to judge all our thoughts and motives; let Him be God.
Answer: Because when we hate our enemy we become hateful—the very thing that hurt us in the first place.
Answer: Goodness to enemies offers more than punishment or blame, but it has power to teach people to be different.
Answer: The enemy loses a foothold in your heart.
Answer: You act and live the way sons and daughters of God should live.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4. Read and discuss the six steps toward reconciliation to move from “why” we reconcile to “how” we reconcile.

reconciliation and the fellowship of
believers

4: reconciliation and the fellowship of believers
session overview
leader notes 1. This lesson targets the unique work of reconciliation among Christian brothers and sisters. One might
assume that reconciliation in the church or among Christians is not necessary, but there is more
conversation in the Bible about this reconciliation between believers than among non-believers.
2. The overall hope for participants is that they adopt the biblical values of grace-filled communication in
their conflict with believers.
materials 1. Piece of paper

2. Pen/Pencils
3. Lesson Handouts
4. 3X5 cards for each group

Head 1. How to recognize healthy and unhealthy 1. Bible study and discussions
Participants will... conflict resolution within and among
believers
Hands 1. Practice the principles and procedures for 1. Reflecting Jesus and Mission Briefing
Participants will be redemptive resolution section
able to...
Heart 1. Compelled to live hopefully in the tension 1. Thinking it Through portion

Participants will... between unity and diversity
extra resources Respectable Sins, Confronting the Sins We Tolerate, by Jerry Bridges.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/1981/summer/81l3076.html
http://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/2002/October/church-discipline-the-redemptive-way.html
http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.1315141/k.480C/God_Disciplines_Those_He_Loves.htm

4: reconciliation and the fellowship of believers
teaching plan
5 minutes 2. Introduce the topic for this session as an extension of the overarching work of making disciples through
our relationships. As relationships go, the nature of how we connect as people is fragile. Given the
brokenness due to sin, we compound the problem when our methods of communication are ineffective or
our efforts to reconcile are not biblical.
did you Know? 1. Invite the participants to take out their handout and consider the symbols on the front, which represent
10 minutes certain ways of thinking about relationships and conflict. Ask them to discuss each symbol in a group or
3-4 and answer the questions listed at the head of the symbols. Debrief each question with the whole
group, asking: 1) Describe what the symbol represents, 2) share what you may know about their view of
reconciliation and conflict, and 3) what is the Christian view and how is it different than the others?
2. Invent your own symbol in your groups that depicts a biblical view of how the church should be a model of
reconciliation among believers. Be willing to share your symbol and why you created it the way you did.
mission Divide the participants into groups of 3-4 and answer the questions given in the Mission Briefing Handout.
briefing 1. 1. The first activity considers the areas of human life that need reconciliation the most. Each view is
15 minutes equally valid in the exercise. It is meant to get participants to discuss the various ways in which reconcilia-
tion needs to occur in the church (5 min).
Where do you see a need for reconciliation the most?
Young/Old Gender Equality Leadership/Laity
Families/Homes Social/Cultural Issues
Racial Hatred Political Parties
2. The second activity involves reading the passages of Scripture given that describe the mindset and the
manner that believers ought to reconcile in a biblical way. Ask the participants to read the passages and
share amongst each other (10 min):
• What verses, phrases, or ideas arrest your attention as you think about the work of reconciliation
with fellow believers?
• Is it surprising that believers in Christ would experience serious conflict? Why or why not?
• What principles, attitudes, or actions emerge from these verses that should be primary guides for
believers to bring healing to their broken relationships?
3. Invite the participants to debrief and share their insights with the rest of the group if time allows.
thinking 1. Give time for the participants to answer the reflection questions in the Thinking It Through Section. There
it through are two questions and a challenge to pray individually about the opportunity for proactive reconciliation.
5 minutes 2. Create a quiet time for them for a few minutes and then invite them to share generically what they hope
God will do in them.
reflecting Jesus 1. The first activity in the Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom section has to do with the chief qualities of
& His Kingdom reconcilers in the church. Each participant may rank these qualities in a different order according to their
40 minutes own personal experience. It is likely that there may be some qualities that resonate with the majority of
those participating. Feel free to debrief by saying: “Courage as the first priority?” or “Who would like to
share what they indicated was most important?” As they share, affirm the importance of each quality.
2. The next activity is an analysis of a passage that often gets misused in relationships within the church.
Below are a few comments and suggestions to share as they break down the passage in Matthew 7 phrase
by phrase.
What does it mean to “judge” something or someone? Note: The word means to discern or test, it does not
squarely mean to never question or examine because other places in the Bible openly command that it is
important to do so.
A question to ask is: Are you confusing judgment with condemnation? Based upon the definition of the
word, we judge or test/discern everything and everyone in some way. If someone is trustworthy, kind, or
someone we should be suspicious about—we judge. We judge whether the pasta is over-cooked or the
vegetables need more salt. The difference is that we are not to ever condemn someone for their behavior;
that is God’s work, not ours.
To better understand what Jesus is asking, read the rest of the passage. When Jesus says, “First…” what
does this imply? That there is a second or next step that follows.
If we are to be agents of reconciliation we are to “first” take the log out of our own eye. In other words,
bath deeply in God’s mercy and grace that He has forgiven you with.
“Then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (v. 5). The meaning is much
clearer: Only those who see their own absolute need for grace are of the right mind to help others see
their need as well. The work to help them become restored to clear vision is something that a “brother”
or “sister” does nonetheless. We are not meant to leave each other at a distance because of sin, but
gracefully walk each other back to wholeness.
3. As the participants read the next set of passages, they will see a process by which they seek to reconcile
believers who are in conflict with them (Galatians 6:1-5 & Matthew 18:15-20). Invite the participants to
read this passage and discuss the procedural approach to restoring the rifts between believers.

4. Case Study Question. (If you have time.) This activity requires careful instruction. Each group is instructed
to create a case study—a brief scenario or dilemma that poses a problem that requires believers to
respond according to the principles discussed in this session, and especially found in Scripture. Each group
writes the dilemma on a 3X5 card with as much detail as needed. Arrange the groups in a large circle
of groups and have the groups pass their card (dilemma/scenario) clockwise. Each group is then meant
to read and discuss the most biblical response to bringing reconciliation to the people of faith. Use the
procedure in Matthew 18 and principles of Matthew 7 in your response.
Warnings: Please don’t use well-known problems or names in the community. These are hypothetical
scenarios. Also, be careful not to get bogged down because you don’t have all the details. Many situations
that require reconciliation are based on very little real information.
next steps 1. Allow time for the participants to meet with their Spiritual Companions and discuss the progress they
10 minutes are making on their IDP. It is likely that setting goals for a module on relationships is a fluid experience.
Encourage them to continue to practice and refine their plans in a prayerful way.
2. Give them time to pray for each other and their work.
summary If we are to heed the call of Christ to be agents of reconciliation in the world, we must first start with the
5 minutes church (Gal. 6:10). The first step is yours. We all have problems and relationships in the church that are not
healthy. The first step is to “remove the plank from your eye” or bath deep in the well of grace before con-
fronting anyone else. To begin the process of reconciliation, one rule must be observed: “I can’t change or fix
others, but by God’s grace I can be changed.”
Next, we must seek reconciliation and forgiveness with the person we have a conflict with, no matter who is to
blame. Even though we may feel wronged, our work is to initiate reconciliation, not institute justice.
Again, if you hesitate to do this because you did not do anything wrong, you are operating from the wrong
framework—you are operating from a blame and punishment model that isolates people in their brokenness.
The model for believers is based upon commitment to understand and restore the relationship to wholeness.
You are not saying: “I am innocent—you are wrong.” You are saying: “Forgive me for allowing this relationship
to become a festering conflict. As a selfish person I want to admit my need for God’s mercy. I am coming to you
to try and restore what is broken. Would you be willing to walk with me before God?”
If you hold back, waiting for an apology, you are on the wrong track. Own the broken relationship without as-
suming responsibility for the behavior that caused it.
If this is possible in the church then we will make God’s grace to the world unmistakable.

believers
SESSION 4
believers
? did you know...
Symbols of the World
Peace Movements—argue for human rights (mostly political)
Yin and Yang—view of the universe that everything is related
Race and Ethnic Equality—works to achieve equality
Humanistic Inherent Goodness View—there is good in all
The Cross—Christ redeems and reconciles people to Him through

sacrifice and love
“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his
brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble”
1 John 2:9-10

mission briefing
1. As you look around at the needs and problems in your world, where do you see a need for reconciliation the most? (Rank in order of
importance, 1-most and 7-least.)
__________ Young/Old
__________ Families/Homes
__________ Racial Hatred
__________ Gender Equality
__________ Social/Cultural Issues
__________ Political Parties
__________ Leadership/Laity
2. Read the Scriptures given below and share from the texts with what mindset and manner believers should practice reconciliation. Ask
the following questions of the texts:
• What verses, phrases, or ideas arrest your attention as you think about the work of reconciliation with fellow believers?
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Is it surprising that believers in Christ would experience serious conflict? Why or why not?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• What principles, attitudes, or actions emerge from these verses that should be primary guides for believers to bring healing to
their broken relationships?
______________________________________________________________________________________
a. 1 John 1:8-9
b. 1 John 2:9,10
c. Proverbs 18:17
d. Matthew 5:23, 24
e. Ephesians 4:14-16
f. 1 Cor. 6:1-5
thinking it through
1. What are some relationships you have among believers that are fractured because of behaviors and attitudes that have been ignored?
Are you at a place where you believe you can initiate reconciliation?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. What might reconciliation look like in your mind at this time?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Take time to pray privately about this relationship and ask God to begin stirring your heart and mind to action.

1. What qualities do you think are most needed in bringing healing to the broken relationships in the church?
_________ Courage _________ Prayerfulness _________ Integrity

_________ Gentle Spirit _________ Selflessness _________ Clarity in Communication
_________ Wisdom _________ Good Listener _________ Positive Attitude
_________ Discretion _________ Long Term Commitment to Growth
Why did you prioritize the qualities this way?

_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

2. A common response to people who are in disagreement is that we should not stand in judgment of each other. It is true that the Bible
says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1-3, NIV).
• Does this mean that Christian believers ought to leave each other alone?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• If we are not able to point out where our relationships go wrong, how can we reconcile when conflict arises?
______________________________________________________________________________________
Read the whole section in Matthew 7:1-5; pay careful attention to every word and phrase Jesus uses. List the phrases below and
discuss how each phrase plays a part in the work of reconciliation.
3. Read the advice given in Galatians 6:1-5 and the counsel of Christ in Matthew 18:15-20 about restoring other believers with ourselves
to Christ. As you read these two passages you will discover a process for reconciling fellow believers. Read this passage and discuss the
procedural approach to restoring the rifts caused by the behaviors and attitudes of believers.
4. Case Study. Write a case study or a scenario that another group could read and discuss on how to apply the principles studied to bring
about reconciliation.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

communicating the story of
reconciliation—the Father’s joy

5: communicating the story of reconciliation—the Father’s joy
session overview
leader notes 1. This module covers a wide range of applications to one concept—the value of relationships. God demon-
strates His relationship to humanity. Humanity seeks to mirror God’s relationship to us through forgiveness
and openness. There are human relationships that need to grow on a biblical foundation.
2. This particular session transitions from the message of reconciliation to how Ambassadors communicate that
message in life and story.
materials 1. Student Handouts

2. Pen and Paper

Head 1. To understand the whole story of 1. Mission Briefing Study
Participants will... reconciliation as a church
Hands 1. Internalize the story of reconciliation in a 1. Mission Briefing study, discussion, and
Participants will be way that stretches our worldview Thinking it Through Activity
able to...
Heart 1. Sense a new love and energy for lost and 1. Mission Briefing Study/Commentary and
Participants will... disconnected people to become part of the Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom
family
extra resources 1. Article on storytelling in the Middle East: http://www.beyondintractability.org/bi-essay/narratives

2. Ambassadors of Christ Choir: Join their Facebook page and hear the stories and follow their ministry across
Central and Eastern Africa: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ambassadors-Of-Christ-Choir-Remera-
SDA-church-Kigali-Rwanda/265054440224386?sk=info#!/pages/Ambassadors-Of-Christ-Choir-Remera-
SDA-church-Kigali-Rwanda/265054440224386
3. http://www.adra.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ntwk_stories
4. http://www.asianaid.org.au/
5. http://www.asweforgivemovie.com/involved/rwanda/

5: communicating the story of reconciliation—the Father’s joy
teaching plan
welcome 1. Welcome and Opening Prayer. (2 min)
5 minutes 2. As you introduce this session remind the participants that the central work of those who follow Jesus is to
be an agent of reconciliation. This session is a challenge to make a choice to a part of telling that story.
did you Know? 1. Divide the participants into groups of 4-5 and share whether they are a firstborn, middle child, or
10 minutes youngest sibling. Invite them to react to the brief descriptions given in the handout. (3-5 min)
2. How many would agree that the birth order descriptions are more true than false? (2 min)
mission 1. The participants can remain in groups of 4-5 for this Bible study. The very familiar story of the lost items
briefing and the prodigal son, when looked at from the perspective of those living in the Middle East, paints a
15 minutes wonderful picture of reconciliation. Invite the participants to answer the questions as a group.
2. The following commentary might fill in some of the blanks and help add to the story:
a. The complaint: “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
In Palestine and anywhere in the Middle East, to welcome people and eat with them involves so much
more than a meal. In that part of the world to eat together is to bind yourself to your guests. If
someone invites you to a meal they are inviting you to be a part of their community. Jesus is accused
of “binding himself to sinners.”
b. How many parables are in this chapter? (15:3,8,11)
Actually, the word parable in verse three is singular, and the following verses indicate that the whole
range of stories (sheep, coin, son, brother) is, in fact, one story.
c. Who do the characters in the story represent?
God Sinners—the lost The Pharisees Heaven Rejoicing

______________ ______________ ______________ ______________
Owner Sheep 99 Sheep Friends (celebration)
Woman Coin 9 coins Friends (celebration)
Father Younger Son Older Son Friends (celebration)

d. What is the message for the sinners?
The sheep and the coin are simply found. They do nothing but accept the truth that they are recon-
ciled. They don’t earn it, struggle for it, find it—in fact they are found by it. In this parable there
seems to be a new definition of repentance—accepting the truth that you have been found.
The message to the Son is simply: God comes for him. This is scandalous behavior for a grown man.
They don’t run. But God runs, and in the embrace of love the son finds that he has been reconciled to
the Father by no work of his own.
e. What is the message for the Pharisees?
This entire parable is told for them. It is a little strange that the prodigal son gets most of the
attention (the younger sibling always does) because this parable is told as a result of the Pharisees’
complaints. The older son is left with an invitation to come join the celebration: lost people are found!
And the parable ends with the elder brother facing the decision to stay outside (a shameful and
rebellious act in that culture) or go in.
f. What does this parable declare about the message of reconciliation?
It is mostly about the role the Pharisees (People of Israel) had been charged with: to share the good
news of God to all people. Jesus comes and does what they should have done—bound themselves to
sinners in order to bring them to God.
2. If this parable were written today, what people group would the younger brother represent? What people
group would the older brother represent?
Younger brother= “The world” or those who don’t know God’s grace.
Older Brother= The church or those who have been commissioned to share this message with the world.
3. What should be the overall attitude toward reconciliation? (Luke 15:6,7,9,10, 22-24)
Celebration. It is no accident that the whole parable wraps around the Father’s joy. It’s not about a sheep,
coin, son, or brother—it’s about a Father and His joy!
thinking 1. Ask the participants to respond to the following questions privately first, then perhaps share with a group
it through or individual.
5 minutes 2. For those who struggle to dream up ways to respond to this parable, here are a few starter ideas:
a. Write gratitude letters to new believers.
b. Get an SDA Yearbook and randomly choose a region of the world to praise God for the people working
in that part of the world.
c. Celebrate baptism days. The whole idea is to create an atmosphere and an attitude of joy around
people who are reconciled to God.

reflecting Jesus & His 1. The first activity in this section involves defining a crucial concept of the Bible entitled, “The Kingdom of
kingdom God.” The work of reconciliation is Kingdom work. Throughout the Gospels Jesus refers to everything He
40 minutes does and will do as being about “the Kingdom” or “The Father.” The participants are challenged in this first
part to try and define or describe the Kingdom of God. Let them take about 4-5 minutes trying to organize
a definition in 20 words or less and then have the groups report.
2. Question #2 involves refining the definition, or expanding it, depending on how the participants responded.
The only place where the “definition” of the Kingdom is hinted at is in the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9, 10).
You might even have them repeat it: “Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…Thy kingdom
come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” This is how the Hebrews wrote poetry: The first phrase
starts an idea; the second phrase amplifies and expands it to its broader meaning.
“Thy Kingdom come, [which means] or [more specifically] your will is done on earth the way it is done in
heaven.”
Make sure all the participants understand that God’s kingdom—the territory of His rule—is in the hearts
and minds of people who live on earth as they do in heaven.
It’s no wonder the work of reconciliation on earth is “celebrated in heaven” (All heaven rejoices when
something listed is found).
3. Question #3 leads the participants to the moment where Jesus announces the nature and presence of His
kingdom in a formal way.
Attributes of the New Kingdom
• Proclaim good news to the poor (compare this with the beatitudes)
• Freedom for prisoners
• Sight for the blind
• Set the oppressed free
• Proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
What Jesus did not read/say from Isaiah 61:
• 61:2 the vengeance of God
• 61:3 those who grieve in Zion (Zion are those who are Jews)
• 61:5 “aliens” will shepherd your flocks and “foreigners” will work your fields
• 61:6 you will feed on the wealth of “nations”
• 61:7 no more “shame” or “disgrace” for “God’s people”
• 61:9 your descendants will be known among “the nations”
• 61:11 glory will spring up “before all nations”

Commentary: This passage from Isaiah 61 was a well known, often read passage about the day of glory
when Israel would return to power. What they failed to understand was that Israel was not meant to be
an ethnic nation, but a faith nation. The power was not a worldly power but the power of God among His
people. When Jesus stopped before getting to “the good part” (the gentiles becoming their slaves and the
Jews getting their deserved glory), the people reacted adversely to Jesus.
How does Jesus reply to their challenge?
• In verses 24-27 Jesus reminds them that gentiles were chosen and blessed above Jews (Naaman
the leper gets healed, the Widow of Zarapheth (Sidon) receives God’s blessing—instead of Jewish
people).
• This message delivered a direct blow to the narrow, nationalistic mindset of the Jews. Jesus struck
hard at the foundations of elitism, exclusivism, racism, and gender inequality. The message of Jesus
and His Kingdom is a call to live on earth as in heaven. That unity, love, equality, justice, grace, good-
ness, selflessness, and reconciliation are the foundation of how children of God live.
* Notice the reaction of the Jews when they heard this message! They tried to throw Jesus over the cliff.
This is theologically thick, but the parables of the lost and found items in Luke 15 and this announcement
in Jesus’ home town church is central to understanding how reconciliation is THE MESSAGE of the Bible.
4. Give the groups time to discuss and share/process what they have read and heard.
5. Question #4 moves to the more practical side of this discussion: What do we do? Invite the participants to
answer personally, share their response with their group members, and then pray as a group for courage
and faithfulness to follow through.
next steps 1. Invite the participants to meet with their Spiritual Companion and discuss how their spiritual life is grow-
15 minutes ing and how it is being challenged.
2. Urge the pairs to pray fervently for opportunities to fulfill the goals written in the IDP.
summary God’s work with humanity is all about reconciling us from our brokenness brought on by sin. This loving work
5 minutes of connecting back to Him is done in and among other people—all people. The work of reconciliation includes
our enemies, our families, our fellow believers, as well as unbelievers who do not know. The effects of sin have
born the fruit of division, hatred, selfish pride, slavery, prejudice, slander, murder, rape, poverty, and so on. The
effects of God’s kingdom bring hope, salvation, joy, meaning, sonship, daughtership, love, forgiveness, compas-
sion, growth, goodness, and so on. So, on we go. Perhaps some of you today have not fully committed to being
an agent of reconciliation—a part of this kingdom. Today is the day!

SESSION 5
? did you know...
Birth Order Specialists Say…

• Older Siblings: Independent. Responsible. Natural leaders. Strive for perfection. Need approval from authority
figures.
• Middle Child: Typically the most rebellious. Compromisers. Love to please people. Excellent at working in groups.
Make friends easily.
• Youngest Sibling: Usually the most artistic of siblings. Likely to be the class clown (they are used to getting at-
tention). Typically, the youngest gets bored easily.
“There was a man who had two sons.”

Luke 15:11

mission briefing
1. Read the parable in Luke 15 and pay careful attention to the following parts of the story as listed below:
a. The complaint: “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
b. This chapter contains how many parables? (15:3, 8, 11)
______________________________________________________________________________________
c. Who do the characters in the story represent?
______________________________________________________________________________________
d. What is the message for the sinners?
______________________________________________________________________________________
e. What is the message for the Pharisees?
______________________________________________________________________________________
f. What does this parable declare about the message of reconciliation?
______________________________________________________________________________________
2. If this parable were written today, what people group would the younger brother represent? What people group would the older brother represent?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. What should be the overall attitude toward reconciliation? (Luke 15:6, 7, 9, 10, 22-24)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
thinking it through
1. Think of the different ways in which the church/believers/Christians could celebrate the joy of reconciliation more than it does currently.
How often do you praise God for those people who are “found” or celebrate those who “come home”?
_________________________________________________________________________________________

2. What are some practical ways that you and other Ambassadors can tangibly practice joining with heaven in celebration? Share your ideas.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

What would make the most significant change in the human experience today?
1. As Ambassadors for Christ and His Kingdom, have you reflected on what “the kingdom” of God really is? Take a few moments in your group
to flesh out a preliminary definition or description based upon what you know already. Strive to write your definition in 20 words or less.
Some questions to prompt your thoughts:
• Is the kingdom a present reality or a future hope?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Is the kingdom of God a physical aspect or is it spiritual?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Why is repentance the first challenge of entering the kingdom?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• In what way is the kingdom like human kingdoms? How might it be different?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Why are most of the parables about the kingdom?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Is the kingdom something a person should be “in” or “out” of as well as “at” or “near”?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Many parables of Jesus start out with, “The Kingdom if God is like…” Why is it described but not really defined?
______________________________________________________________________________________
Kingdom Definition (20 words or less)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

2. Read Matthew 6:9, 10 and apply what Jesus says about the kingdom to your definition.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Based on what you now know of the “kingdom of God,” read Luke 4:14-30 individually and answer the following questions:
• From verses 18 and 19, list and name the attributes of the new kingdom
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Why did the people seem confused? (Read the parts Jesus left out in Isaiah 61).
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
• What does Jesus say in reply to the challenge of the people to His handling of Isaiah 61?
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
4. As Jesus described His mission from Isaiah 61, which part or target ministry resonates with you today?
• Proclaim good news to the poor
• Freedom for prisoners
• Sight for the blind
• Set the oppressed free
• Proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

communication: say what you mean

6: communication: say what you mean
session overview
leader notes 1. Growing relationships effectively is grounded on a few pivotal principles: one is a grace-filled worldview
where other humans have value. Another principle has to do with the way people grow and discover their
place in God’s kingdom. This lesson begins to consider how communication affects the relationships we
have—earthly and heavenly.
2. More specifically, the process of communicating with words has tremendous power for good or evil. This
lesson will focus on the art and skill of saying what you mean.
materials 1. Lesson Handouts

2. Pen/ Blank Paper
3. Scissors
4. Clear Tape
learning outcomes
Outcomes Evidence of learning
Head 1. The power of words, for good or evil 1. Bible study in Mission Briefing
Participants will...
Hands 1. Develop a personal commitment to better 1. Small group discussions and Reflecting
Participants will be communication Jesus and His Kingdom application
able to...
Heart 1. More courage to say what is uncomfortable 1. Introduction and reflective activity
Participants will... and more discernment not to say what
comes so easily
extra resources 1. Here is a huge list of “feeling” words: http://eqi.org/fw.htm

6: communication: say what you mean
teaching plan
welcome 1. Welcome and Opening Prayer.
5 minutes 2. Introduce the topic as a practical experience with the power of words. Speech is one of the most life
changing forms of communication, for good or for evil.
did you Know? 1. Invite the participants to look at the Did You Know graphic on the front of the handout. In addition to
15 minutes the passage from Psalms and the pictures of thoughts moving to speech, there is a list of words and a
corresponding line for a number/percentage value. Have the participants assign a percentage to what
they mean by that particular word, for example, “When I say ‘sometimes’ I usually mean 24 percent of the
time.”
2. After they have assigned percentage values to the words, invite them to get into groups of 4-5 and share
their results. They are to describe the collective range of percentage values for each word. So, if someone
in the group had 15 percent but the highest number in the group was 34 percent, the range would be 15-34
percent (19 percentage points). List the range for each word and share with the rest of the groups.
3. Point: The words we use are powerful. But our words can miscommunicate if we are not careful. This
lesson addresses how the power of speech is a God-given mode of communication and is to be refined and
consecrated to our Creator.
mission 1. In groups of 4-6, gather in a circle and on a white piece of paper draw a figure of a person/stick-man.
briefing It does not have to be precise, but simply a symbol of a person with arms, legs, head, and a body. If you
15 minutes want to draw the pictures and cut him/her out ahead of time in order to save a few minutes, then hand
each group a paper person and some clear tape.
In your group, speak a criticism or a put down to the paper person and, when you do, tear a piece of the
body off and hold on to it, then pass it on to the next person in your group who will do the same, except
they will make up their own criticism.
After everyone has gone around the circle, ask the participants to say something kind or good to the paper
person. When they speak positively to it have them tape the piece they tore off earlier back on. When the
paper person is all back together, say: “How does he/she look?”
Ask: What lessons can you draw from this activity about the power of words, good or evil?
2. Read Ephesians 4:29-32 in your groups and ask: What is God saying to me in these verses? What would it
be like to be in a community of faith that faithfully obeyed this challenge?
thinking 1. Invite the participants to take some time alone to reflect on question #1 in their Thinking It Through
it through activity. It is important to own the words we have spoken.
5 minutes 2. The second question is a challenge to pray as a group for each other and the words you will say, or choose
not to say.
reflecting Jesus & His 1. Divide the participants into groups of 3-4 for this activity. You can read out loud the introduction in the
kingdom Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom section or let them read it aloud in their groups. Urge them to share
40 minutes their insights in their groups and make a list of five to ten insights about the value of speech from this
text. You may invite the groups to share or move on the next question.
2. Ask the participants to answer question #2 individually and then share suggestions as to how to remember
this principle when it is hard to remember.
3. As the participants answer questions 3-5 allow them time to discuss freely what they are reading and
sharing.
4. Question #6 invites the participants to put it into practice. It is important that you organize this activity
in a way where everyone gives a good word and receives a good word as well. One option is to have each
group number off. Each group will collectively make a brief list of words to speak about the individuals of
another group. The words are to be true, positive, and edifying (Ephesians 4:29). If there are four groups
then group #1 will affirm publicly group #2, and group #2 will affirm group #3, and group #3 will affirm
group #4, and group #4 will affirm group 1. The point is to practice saying things that are good.
5. After the groups have completed the activity, invite each person to pray in their groups for the courage to
refrain from speaking when it will be destructive, negative, or hurtful.
next steps 1. With their Spiritual Companions, ask participants to share a few true words of encouragement for each
10 minutes other and pray for discipline to pay careful attention to their words.
2. Discuss how the work on the IDP is progressing.
summary Some of the sternest warnings from Scripture are about the darkness our communication with others can
5 minutes become.
1. Warning #1: Perhaps the most dangerous thing you can ever do with your mouth is to deny the existence
of the one who made you (Psa. 14:1; 53:1).
2. Warning #2: To distort the truth and to lie with your mouth is a road to darkness (Psa. 59:12; Prov. 6:19;
12:22).
3. Warning #3: Filthy, subversive, rude talk is becoming so commonplace, but Ambassadors of Christ ought

to guard well their words be proactive with thanksgiving instead of suggestive talk (Ephesians 5:4-14;
Colossians 3:8).
4. Warning #4: Speech that is abusive is warned against strongly. Oh how God must weep when His
children chose not to strike with hands but do more damage with words than any slap could ever deliver.
Sometimes it comes as a dig or a sarcastic remark, but no less damaging (Psa. 22:7, 8; Matthew 27:39; Luke
23:35 describe an abusive style of verbal assault on Christ while He died).
For Ambassadors of Christ: Our communication with each other and the world must be beyond reproach.
Consider what Peter said:
• “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that
you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it”
(1 Peter 3:9-11).
Close with prayer:
Father, may their words carry grace and goodness to others. Amen.

SESSION 6
? did you know... say what you mean
When you say... What do you mean… %

a. Sometimes _________________________________________ %
b. Often _________________________________________ %
c. Always _________________________________________ %
d. Never _________________________________________ %
e. Usually _________________________________________ %
f. Occasionally _________________________________________ %
g. Rarely _________________________________________ %
h. Consistently _________________________________________ %
i. Regularly _________________________________________ %
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O
Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer”
Psalm 19:14

mission briefing
1. Paper Person Activity. What are some observations you gained from doing the exercise with the paper person. What can you say about
the power of words?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Read Ephesians 4:29 in your groups and ask: What is God saying to me in these verses? What would it be like to be in a community of
faith that faithfully obeyed this challenge?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
thinking it through
1. Reflect on your conversations recently. It is likely that you can remember conversations where you have said something that was
destructive and not helpful. Conversely, you may recall things you have said that were good, right, and true. Also, think of occasions
where you said nothing, but should have said something. Which are easier to remember?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Without sharing details about what you said—good or evil, or what you failed to say—pray with your group for wisdom to use the power
of speech and words well.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

God created speech. In fact, it was the Creator’s words that gave life and substance to matter. Genesis 1 declares, “And God said…” no less
than ten times in that one chapter. The Psalmist wrote, “He spoke and it was done; he commanded it, and it stood fast” (Psalms 33:9). The
whole world was framed up by “word of God” (Hebrews 11:3). There is no question—the gift of speech is intentional and valuable.
As Ambassadors of Christ our words carry power, for good or evil. Even the words we don’t speak but should have are precious opportunities
for good. Learning to measure and be careful with the gift of speech will bear good fruit in your relationships with others, and especially
with God. Consider the light and dark side of speech.
1. Read James 3:1-12 and make a list of five to ten points or illustrations you think are important about the power of speech.
2. Read James 1:19,20. Why do you think the first step mentioned in this passage is to be “slow to speak”? Think of times when you have
spoken quickly and regretted it. What can you do to develop the habit of thinking before speaking? (Share with your group.)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. How does 1 Peter 3:9-11 speak to popular culture and media today? How many movies, commercials, videos, talk shows, political ads,
and news reports completely violate the advice from Scripture? Is there a danger of being drawn into a pattern of speech if we mind-
lessly immerse ourselves into this culture?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4. If we struggle to know what to say to others, consider the value of sharing Scripture, Bible promises, and hope and encouragement for
the future. Read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 and imagine how hearing these words would resonate with the hearts and lives of people you
know.
5. Consider a few more insights about the positive power of good speech.
• Psalm 40:10 • Proverbs 12:22
• Psalm 78:1-8 • Isaiah 50:4
6. Put it into practice.

communication: mean what you say

7: communication: mean what you say
session overview
leader notes 1. Growing relationships effectively also grows into backing up the words you say with unmistakable action.
In the previous lesson we discovered that what we say is crucial. However, adding to that principle the idea
that talk is empty without action is needed for today’s Ambassadors.
2. This lesson is a challenge to mean what you say.
materials 1. Lesson handouts

2. Pen/Paper

Head 1. Explore what actions contribute to 1. Examine the biblical stories of effective
Participants will... effective communication communication
Hands 1. Communicate through specific deeds, 1. IDP and the Mission Briefing section
Participants will be actions, or body expressions
able to...
Heart 1. Feel a unified message coming from 1. Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom Section.
Participants will... their life to others in effective Activities and Application
communication

7: communication: mean what you say
teaching plan
2 minutes 2. Introduce the session with a review of the power of information through speech—the non-verbal or the
action side of communication.
did you Know? 1. Divide the participants into groups of 3-4. In the lesson handout there is a graphic representing the way
10 minutes information is communicated by percentages. Ask the groups: In what settings or scenarios have you
experienced this description of communication being especially true?
2. If time allows, practice this principle with the following statement: “_______________ (name), it
seems as though you are late.” Have them try saying it differently, using different body language and
expression to communicate the simple phrase as differently as they possible can.
3. Direct the participants to the pictures of the hands presented in the handout. Invite each participant to
write a few words around the message the hand conveys. Then have them share their perceptions with the
rest of their group.
4. Ask: How accurate were your perceptions?
5. Summarize and transition: As Ambassadors we are called to communicate the content of a message
effectively. Effective communication involves the right words, but as much, if not more, the right actions
and expressions. This is true in our basic communication every day and in our communication as a church.
mission 1. In groups of 3-4, direct the participants to answer the questions in the Mission Briefing section of the
briefing participant’s guide.
15 minutes 2. It is always good to get the participants to share how the Scripture spoke to them in a special way. It
values their ability to search, analyze, and sense that God is speaking to them.
3. Reminder: This lesson applies to our relationship to the world corporately or as a local church, as well as to
our communication with others in our practical, everyday life.
thinking 1. Have the participants read and reflect on the questions in the Thinking It Through portion of this week’s
it through lesson (5 min).
5 minutes 2. After a few moments, invite them to share where they feel they want to be more deliberate about how
they communicate non-verbally or in their actions towards others.

reflecting Jesus & His 1. In Groups of 4-5, invite the participants to begin the activities in the Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom
kingdom handout. Start with the open discussion about their experience with communication with and without
40 minutes words.
2. In the parable of the man who gave instructions to two different sons (Matthew 21: 28-32), discuss
the positives and negatives of both responses to the Father’s command. Clearly, this parable is a direct
challenge to the Pharisees (the son that said he would go but did not) and the Jews who said they would
obey, but failed to reconcile the world to God. Instead, they created rules and traditions that made getting
to know God more difficult rather than accessible. The temple is a good example: The temple services were
meant to create a dwelling between God and people. It was meant to tell the story of God’s redemption
to ALL who come before Him trusting in the blood of the Lamb. The temple became a place for mindless
religion and exclusivism. Again, the actions and deeds spoke volumes to the surrounding culture of Jews in
the days Christ came.
3. In Matthew 21:28-32 the story is told of a father who commands his sons to work in the vineyard. One
says, “yes” but does not go to work. The other son says “no” but changes his mind and goes to work.
What is the lesson? Why do you think this story is told? What is the context of the story? Note: The word
repentance (metanoeo) means “to change your mind.”
4. In the parable of the wise and foolish builders (Matthew 7:24-27) there is another challenge to be “doers”
rather than just “hearers.” Again, this parable rails against the idea of “just hearing” and values the
hearing and doing. There is a challenge to listen (next session) and respond to complete a wise way of
living.
5. Question 4 is a personal question that does not need to be answered in groups but still needs to be
answered.
6. The last part is simply some advice for how our communication in other cultures or settings could be
improved.
next steps 1. Ask the participants to get together with their Spiritual Companions to discuss their progress on their IDP.
10 minutes 2. Invite them to pray together to be more effective communicators in word and deed.
summary There is a dual lesson about communication: 1) action and what communicates beyond our speech, and 2)
5 minutes Ambassadors, the church, and the Seventh-day Adventist church are sending a message to the world beyond
our speech; what message is being sent? Who we are and what we do speaks as much as anything we will ever
say.

SESSION 7
? did you know...
Researchers report about communication:

• 7% of meaning is in the actual words that are spoken.
• 38% of meaning is in the way that the words are said.
• 55% of meaning is in facial expression.
A E F I K M
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions”
1 John 3: 18

mission briefing
1. What do these verses say about relationships or value of actions or expression in Christian relationships/mission?
a. 1 John 3:7-10, 16-18
______________________________________________________________________________________
b. 1 Peter 1:13
______________________________________________________________________________________
c. James 2:14-20
______________________________________________________________________________________
d. James 3:13-18
______________________________________________________________________________________
e. 2 Corinthians 3:2
______________________________________________________________________________________
f. Colossians 4:5
______________________________________________________________________________________
2. Which passages above speak to you about your relationships with others?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Again, how do these verses affect our normal, everyday communication interaction with others? How do these messages of wisdom
affect our communication with the world we are called to reach?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

thinking it through
1. As you reflect on your own strengths and weaknesses as a communicator, write what you think is your chief strength in communication,
as well as your weakness.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. What are some things you can do be more aware of your non-verbal communiation to the world and to those around you?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

The focus of this portion is on how Christ emphasizes actions and going beyond simply speaking with words. This is true in our communica-
tion as well as in our mission to reconcile humanity back to God. Our words and speech matter, so we are careful about what comes out of
our mouth. Also, we are dutiful to express that same message with our actions. Below are some powerful parables used by communicators
(Christian and even non-Christians) to teach and support the challenge to do what we speak.
1. Answer and discuss individually or in groups.
• When in your life have actions resonated nicely with your words/speech?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Perhaps you can think of a time or two when your actions were not in line with your words, which conveyed a different message.
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Are there times you can recall when good actions were able to communicate effectively without words?
______________________________________________________________________________________

2. In Matthew 21:28-32 you can read the parable of the father who commanded two sons to work in the vineyard. Discuss the parable and
the positive and negatives of both son’s responses. Ultimately, which son did the Father’s will?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. In Matthew 7:24-27 read the parable of the wise and foolish builders. What distinguishes success from failure?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4. There is a saying in the world of communication: “Promise less, deliver more.” What are some promises you need to deliver on?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Tips for communication in Multi-Cultural or unfamiliar settings:
Often, as Christians we find ourselves in unfamiliar settings where the culture, values, and traditions we are accustomed to are not
practiced. Especially in such settings where words, language, and speech are already problematic modes of communication, your actions,
expressions, and manners can say more than words will ever communicate. Below are only a few prompts: expand and add to the list with
your group!
a. When going into a new community, the word to shape your attitude is “incarnational.” It means “to make yourself a part of their
world.” Immerse yourself with them. Not in their depravity or sin, but with them as they live and struggle. Walk with them. Listen to
them. Be concerned about them. Incarnational immersion is to understand, value, and celebrate the attributes of their culture that are
honorable.
b. Learn to communicate in their language. Even if you can’t be successful at it, trying will demonstrate that you value who they are.
c. Listen to them and observe them extensively to see and hear their stories. Every culture, group, or community has a story—what is it?
d. Where morals and ethics are not involved, be flexible and teachable. If women wear long dresses, so should you. If men never talk to
women publicly unless related or married, you should follow that example.
e. If you don’t know what to do, ask a leader, elder, or someone in authority who knows well your questions. Of course, be respectful by
saying, ““I don’t want to be offensive or disrespectful, but could you explain…” or “help me understand…”
f. Learn all you can about their history, culture, good moments, and sad moments. You might ask, “ Tell me more about…” or “Share with
me some of your favorite stories…”
g. Elevate what is good, beautiful, and true about them instead of the things that inconvenience or annoy you. You might notice the way
they involve their children or take care of their neighbors or share hospitality. Perhaps you could say, “I noticed that people are often…”
Be positive and specific about what you see, hear, and feel in their world.
h. Listen. Listen. Listen. Someone who listens demonstrates the other person has value.

relationships

8: relationships
session overview
leader notes 1. Communication is at the heart of growing relationships. Everyone is related in one way or another. Devel-
oping friendships and growing enduring relationships is perhaps the most meaningful task that humanity
achieves. This lesson considers the nature of friendship, developing as a mentor, and choosing relationships
that will cause you to grow in Christ.
2. Above all, this lesson will challenge Ambassadors to develop the skills to deepen, treasure, and multiply
their influence in the world through collaboration and genuine love.

2. Pen/Paper
3. Large paper/poster board/chalkboard if available

Head 1. Explore how relationships fit into the plan 1. Bible study and group discussions
Participants will... of God for humanity
Hands 1. Describe and affirm the relationships they 1. Activities that demonstrate where
Participants will be have and seek to develop the friendships they need to grow: Mission Briefing and
able to... they desire Reflecting Jesus & Kingdom
Heart 1. A deeper joy in who they are as a child of 1. Prayer and reflection
Participants will... God and how they fit into God’s family
extra resources 1. Check out some of the ideas in the Growing Disciples framework under equipping—building Christ-like
relationships: http://growingfruitfuldisciples.com/framework
2. http://www.smallgroups.com/articles/2011/relationalevangelism.html
3. From Debate to Dialogue, by Deborah Flick
4. http://www.experiencinghope.org/reconciliation/

8: relationships
teaching plan
4 minutes 2. It can be said that people are the most precious value in the universe. If God would empty heaven because
of His love for humanity then it stands to reason that relationships are critical to the plan of salvation.
This session will build on the previous conversations about communication but focus on listening, learning
about others, and fostering friendships that are godly and productive.
did you Know? 1. One of the most basic communication skills in a relationship is the ability to listen. Which fact in the Did
10 minutes You Know section caught your attention the most? Why?
2. Ask two participants if they would be willing to read Proverbs 18:13 and Isaiah 50:4 out loud. After reading
the passage, ask the participants, without looking at their Bible, to recite each verse. If they cannot recite
the verse then ask them to volunteer the key words or phrases. Chances are that many will not have
absorbed what they heard. Now try reading the passage again, but this time prompt them to listen, saying:
“Now, listen to each word and phrase because I will ask how much you will remember.” See how much
more they understand and retain.
3. The challenge to deepen our relationships with others and with God by sharpening our listening skills is
crucial. Under the facts is a challenge to listen better, more, and listen first. Ask the participants: Which
of the three do you need the most practice with?
mission 1. Having focused on the topic of communication over the last three sessions it is time to transition from how
briefing we communicate to who we communicate with. Humans are hard-wired for relationships. In fact, man and
15 minutes woman are made in the image of God—together they comprise a human that has some of the attributes
of God. Independently they form incomplete representations. In the Garden of Eden, God said, “It is not
good for man to be alone…” The fallout with Cain and Abel is indicative of how we are meant to function
well in relation to each other, and when we don’t, it is dysfunctional. Throughout history, relationships are
at the very core of the plan of salvation. It is difficult to think about anything without thinking about it
relationally.
2. Divide the participants into groups of 3-4 to answer the questions in the Mission Briefing handout.
3. The first activity is something the groups can discuss for 1-2 minutes.
4. The bulk of time should be spent on reading, marking, and evaluating the “one another” verses given in

the Mission Briefing handout. In groups they are to make their own response and then explain why they
answered the way they did.
thinking 1. Give participants about five minutes to read, reflect, and respond to the two questions given (5 min).
it through 2. Ask the participants to share in their group of 3-4 their responses and comment on what they learned
10 minutes from each other (5 min).
reflecting Jesus & His Divide the participants into groups of 3-4.
kingdom 1. The first activity in the Reflecting Jesus & His Kingdom section is a simple pictorial description of the
40 minutes relationships that each participant currently has. It is a way to “see” opportunities for growth and
for gratitude. Give them about five minutes to make their stick figure representations and draw the
appropriate connections. Then invite them to share what their observations are of their relationships.
What do they value about their current relationships? What do they wish was better? (7 min).
2. As the participants survey and discuss the three snapshots of relationships in the life and ministry of
Jesus, consider a few comments or notes to share if necessary:
• Mark 2:1-5: The paralytic was carried by “four.” Four friends chose to do whatever was necessary
to bring their friend to Christ. Verse five indicates that when Jesus saw “their faith” He extended
forgiveness, then healing. It was the faith of “four friends” that moved Christ.
• John 1:43-51: The one to one work of Philip and Nathanael is an interesting dialogue of mutual friends
who are earnestly trying to follow the true Messiah. Their conversation is not an example of coercion
but an example of “come and see” collaboration.
• Acts 4:31-37: The dynamics of the New Testament church are often heralded as a model, but the
church was filled with racial division and suspicion (Acts 6) and serious problems organizationally
and theologically (Acts 15), but this snapshot shows the unity even though they did not all “like each
other” or always agree.
3. Roam around and listen to the conversations about the Seven Attributes of Christian Friendship. Invite
them to add characteristics to the seven examples if they have suggestions.
next steps 1. As the participants meet with their Spiritual Companions, allow time for them to share their progress on
10 minutes their IDP.
2. Urge them to pray for the relationships they currently have that need God’s guidance and grace the most.

summary How do we know God? He reveals Himself to us in a variety of ways. We pay attention to what He says, what He
5 minutes does, and what we think about Him. We listen. The same is true for how we learn to relate to one another—we
pay attention and participate in each other’s lives. This session is an earnest challenge to refine and renew our
commitments to each other as a way of honoring our commitment to God.
Throughout Scripture we find people who are not perfect in relationships, but pursue a righteous desire for
deeper growth.
David fostered relationships with Jonathan, Abiathar, Nahash, and Hushai.
Elijah and Elisha forged an enduring connection in ministry together.
Ruth and Naomi formed a timeless relationship that has become a model of loyalty, beauty, and providence. Paul
had numerous relationships with fellow believers as listed in Romans 16, not the least of which with Timothy.
Pay attention to the ties you have. Pay the cost of strengthening them with your time and energy.

relationships
SESSION 8
relationships
? did you know...
Facts About Communication
1. Seventy to eighty percent of our time awake is engaged in some kind of communication. Of that, we spend…
• 9% writing • 30% speaking
• 16% reading • 45% listening
2. Most of our formal communication training is in writing, reading, and speaking, while very little training is given to
developing the skill of listening.
3. You can think faster than anyone can speak. Most speak at the rate of about 125 words per minute. Yet our brains
are fast enough to understand 400 words per minute if it were possible to communicate language that fast.
4. When you listen to a public speaker you use only 25 percent of your mental capacity.
We can listen better

We should listen more
We need to listen first
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak
and slow to become angry”
James 1:19

mission briefing
1. What human relationships have the most impact on your:
Faith _____________________________________________________
Family _____________________________________________________
Education _____________________________________________________
Occupation _____________________________________________________
Social Life _____________________________________________________
Eternal Life _____________________________________________________
2. The following passages show the height, depth, and breadth of how believers ought to relate to one another. Listen carefully to the
verbs in the verses. You will notice that the action words challenge the Christian community to relate well to each other. Underline or
circle the verb that describes the relational action we all must engage in and then…
• Write an “H” next to the verse that is comparatively hard to do.
• Write an “N” by the verse that is something you feel you need to do more.
• Write a “C” next to the verses would bring the most change to your lifestyle.
• Write an “R” next to the passage that seems to offer the richest reward.
God-centered relationships are committed to…
1. Love one another - John 13:34 & John 15:12,17
2. Forgive one another - Ephesians 4:32 & Colossians 3:13.
3. Be servants to one another - Galatians 5:13
4. Show hospitality to one another - 1 Peter 4:7-10
5. Pray for one another - James 5:16
6. Build up (edify) one another - Romans 14:19, 1 Thessalonians 5:11
7. Greet one another - Romans 16:16, 1 Peter 5:14
8. Forbear one another - Ephesians. 4:1-2 & Colossians 3:13-14
9. Do not judge one another - Romans 14:13
10. Do not speak evil of one another - James 4:11
11. Do not murmur against one another - James 5:9
12. Do not bite and devour one another - Galatians 5:15

13. Do not provoke and envy one another - Galatians 5:26
14. Have the same care for one another - 1 Corinthians 12:25-26
15. Receive one another - Romans 15:7
16. Teach one another - Colossians 3:16
17. Admonish (counsel) one another - Romans 15:14 & Colossians 3:16
18. Submit to one another - Ephesians 5:21-22
19. Confess your sins to one another - James 5:16
20. Do not lie to one another - Colossians 3:9
21. Be kind to one another - Ephesians 4:32
22. Comfort one another - 1 Thessalonians 4:18, 5:11
thinking it through
1. What “one another” verse do you sense God calling you to practice today?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Reflect and share with your group what you think might happen to a community of faith if they were to actively and faithfully obey the
“one another” challenges.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Opening Activity
1. On a page of paper, put a stick person in the middle of the page and write “me” under the drawing. Quickly draw as many stick people in
your sphere of influence (people you come in contact with on a regular basis, i.e. classmates, co-workers, acquaintances in town, church
members, young people who look up to you). For this exercise there are three levels of relationships described by a:
• dotted line (acquaintances)
• thin line (know well)
• thick line (deep, enduring friendship)
2. Read three different snapshots of relationships that occur in the life and ministry of Jesus. Describe the nature, action, and effects of
the relationships found in:
• Mark 2:1-5
______________________________________________________________________________________
• John 1:43-51
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Acts 4:31-37
______________________________________________________________________________________
3. Review individually the Seven Attributes of Biblical Friendship and then discuss in your group: a) Which do you think is most relevant to
you today, and b) which would make the work of reconciliation more effective today.
1. Christian Friends are selfless and sacrificial: “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John
15:13)
2. Christian Friends’ Love is Unconditional: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)
3. Christian Friends are reliable: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
(Proverbs 18:24)
4. Christian Friends listen and advise well: “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”
(Proverbs 19:20)
5. Christian Friends are committed to growth: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted” and “As iron sharpens iron, so one man
sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:6,17)
6. Christian Friends maintain healthy boundaries: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy...” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
7. Christian Friends Believe in you: They believe the best about you even in your weakest moments. “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to
sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen
your brothers.”(Luke 22: 31,32)

growing relationships—dating

9: growing relationships—dating
session overview
leader notes 1. The next few sessions will develop the Christian perspective of relationships with the opposite sex.
Because young people in ancient history were married at a much younger age than today there is not a
large body of direct instruction from the Bible on dating. Nevertheless, there is much in the way of biblical
principles that could be applied as well as wisdom from various Christian sources.
materials 1. Pen/Paper
2. Lesson Handouts

Head 1. Learn principles for healthy relationships 1. Discussions in Mission Briefing and Opening
Participants will... with members of the opposite sex activities
Hands 1. Establish personal goals for relationships 1. Personal Reflection time and Reflecting
Participants will be and setting personal boundaries Jesus and His Kingdom activities.
able to... Interviews
Heart 1. Value an openness to allow God to shape 1. Commitments in the Reflecting Jesus
Participants will... their friendships with integrity and section
wholeness
extra resources 1. A Call To Stand Apart, Ellen White. Selected passages for Young Adults
2. Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John
Townsend.
3. I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris. A book against conventional western dating and accepts the view
of courting.

9: growing relationships—dating
teaching plan
5 minutes 2. This session will feature discussions on dating practices and principles as well as biblical values that will
remind Ambassadors that there is no separation, difference, or distinction between their social and their
spiritual life. It is possible that dating is such a culturally nuanced experience that this session should
feature as much of a conversation about communication, expectations, and boundaries than the details of
how, who, when, and if of dating.
did you Know? 1. The Dating Questionnaire is designed to get young adults talking about the nature of their relationships at
10 minutes this season in life. Many might be married, and so dating is seen in another light. Many are in the process
of courtship, and so these conversations will affect them differently than those who are not. Be sensitive
and nimble to the people gathered for this discussion. Most of the questions are really value based ques-
tions; seek to get them to discuss their perceptions at this time.
2. Divide the group into groups of 4-6, or, if the entire gathering numbers under 12-15, keep them together
for this part. It is important that they be able to share their responses. Invite the participants to answer
privately the Questionnaire on Dating and be ready to share ideas.
3. Go through each question briefly and discuss their ideas about people and dating. Feel free to affirm and
encourage their responses—it is important that they feel confident in learning about relationships.
4. Read or summarize in your own words the following “History of Dating.”
Background/History on Dating
The idea of dating has emerged more in modern culture and was not really a function of society in ancient
times. In the “old days” men and women entered into courtship if there was an interest. Adulthood arrived so
much earlier in life, whereas today many young adults are marrying later.
Dating became a social phenomenon in the last 50-100 years depending on where in the world you live. And still
much of the world believes in arranged relationships and dating is not even a relevant consideration.
Nevertheless, a man and a woman are designed by the Creator to be drawn to each other to experience intimacy
and companionship in a committed, eternal relationship. So, how do you get there?
In some parts of the world this occurs through conversations with families and is already negotiated by the
time young people are in their mid-teen years. In other parts of the world young people are constrained to go
to school, get a job, and become independent and then consider finding a mate after their life is in order (dating
is perceived by many to be what you do in the meantime to prepare for marriage).

On one end of the spectrum there are Christians who must become ready to relate as husband and wife at a
young age, and on the other end of the spectrum are Christians who are older and learn to relate in less struc-
tured environments. Both are Christian.
Of course, there are advantages and disadvantages to both approaches. We are not going to evaluate the cultural
norms of families in this session but it is essential to challenge young adults to deepen their sense of identity in
Christ as a candidate for relationships with the opposite sex.
mission Divide the participants into groups of 2-3 for this activity. Invite them to choose two verses each to read and
briefing report the central message in the passage. Then share among each other what they each read (this will increase
10 minutes the efficiency of the time). The Bible study is really about the believer’s identity with God.
• 2 Corinthians 5:16, 17: New creation. For a purpose.
• 1 John 3:1-3: As children of God, we become like our Heavenly Father.
• Deuteronomy 7:6: God has chosen to operate this way.
• 1 Peter 2:9: The big difference between this holy priesthood that is set apart is that they belong to
God and know it. The world doesn’t yet.
• 1 Peter 1:16: This verse may challenge people the same way that it does when they read, “Be perfect,
even as I am perfect.” Humans are made in the image of God. They are meant to reveal God’s character
to the world.
• Leviticus 20:26: In choosing Israel God did not value them more than the nations, but simply knew that
one group would have to take the mission of sharing. Who could do that? At that time—Israel.
• Romans 12:2: There are patterns, habits, and norms for the world and for believers. Just because it
“seems normal” doesn’t mean embrace it. Allow God’s plan to orient all our endeavors.
Note:
The passages of Scripture offered all have one common theme—identity. Who you are in relation to God
shapes and frames every other relationship you have. Your relationship with God clarifies your relationship with
your parents (Honor them). Your relationship to God clarifies relationships with the church (Galatians 6:10 and
all the “one another” verses studied previously). Your relationship with God launches you into the world to be
salt, light, a sweet smell, a cup of cool water, and more. If you are in harmony with God, bathed in His grace,
empowered by His Spirit, any relationship you have will be right because of where you start—with who you are
as a child of God.
Invite the participants to discuss questions 2 & 3 in their Mission Briefing handout and conclude with a sum-
mary and paraphrase of the following:
“So dating is not really the central question or answer today. It is not whether or not to “date” or “how to

date” or “when and how long should young adults date.” The real issue is: Who you are when/if you date and
who you are becoming in your relationships to others. “
thinking 1. Invite the participants to reflect and respond to the questions in the Thinking it Through portion of their
it through handout (5 min).
10 minutes 2. If they are comfortable, or if it seems helpful, invite them to share their thoughts and reflections (5 min).
reflecting Jesus & His Divide the participants into groups of 4-6.
kingdom 1. The first question has to do with the difference between an integrated life or a compartmentalized life.
40 minutes Below is a brief summary with examples:
Think of the basic difference in how people integrate their life and compartmentalize their life.
Compartmentalize
• Spiritual life, beliefs, and walk with God all occur in structured activities (church, prayer, fellowship).
• Vocational or educational life is on its own, separate from your walk with God.
• Social life, friendships, and relationships are not directly connected or affected by faith.
Integrate
• Commitment and relationship to God is primary—the first, best, and most of your heart, soul, and
life. (Deuteronomy 6:5)
• Work or School grow out of your identity in Christ and a desire to be responsible, productive, and
helpful to the world you live in.
• Relationships, social life, and your interest in the opposite sex are driven by your understanding of
how God made you to grow into a marriage one day.
2. The next section requires the participants to read Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 and discuss the relationship to
dating and the information given on the difference between the compartmentalized life and the integrated
Christian life. There is ample information given for them to discuss, agree or disagree, and even add to.
3. Question 3 involves responding to the advice from the prophets and apostles of Christ. In Ellen White’s
counsel she gives such a warm affirmation of her identity and a direct, honest warning, as a prophet
should.
Note: The full letter and book, A Call To Stand Apart, is online:
http://whiteestate.org/godsmessenger/resources/A%20Call%20to%20Stand%20Apart.pdf
4. Invite the participants to write three principles/commitments about how they will proceed in
relationships.

next steps 1. As the Spiritual Companions meet together, invite them to discuss the highlights of the IDP thus far.
10 minutes 2. Encourage them to pray for each other and the relationships they have now and will have in the future.
summary Overall, the idea of dating may be in front or behind you. The whole notion of dating may be irrelevant to some
5 minutes cultures, but the principles and character qualities that make us Christian also make great opportunities for
rich, eternal relationships. First and foremost, who you are in Christ determines your role and relationship to
everything else. When that part is settled, you will see the promise Christ gave unfold in your life: “Seek first
the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

SESSION 9
? did you know...
Dating Questionnaire
1. A date should be… (List three 1-2 word descriptors)
• _____________________________________________________________________________________
• _____________________________________________________________________________________
• _____________________________________________________________________________________
2. After how many dates do you think there should be a discussion about the status of the relationship?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Rank the following character qualities in order of what helps make a date a rewarding experience for both.
_____ Communication _____ Selflessness
_____ Respect _____ Creativity
_____ Integrity _____ Simplicity
4. Do you think dating should be more of a group activity than an exclusively private occasion? Why or why not?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
5. What do you think are some important ground rules for dating?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I
press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me”
Philippians 3:12

mission briefing
1. Read the following passages and discuss what each passage declares about who you are in relationship to God.
• 2 Corinthians 5:16, 17
• 1 John 3:1-3
• Deuteronomy 7:6
• 1 Peter 2:9
• 1 Peter 1:16
• Leviticus 20:26
• Romans 12:2
2. How does your relationship to God define your relationships to others?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. What role do you see dating playing in the development of your identity with Christ?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
thinking it through
1. First, reflect on who you are in Christ today. What has God done for you and brought you through?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Next, where do you want to be? What ultimate goals do you have as a believer about relationships and marriage? In light of these two
questions, how do you think you should proceed in fellowship with the opposite sex?
_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

1. What does it mean to live an integrated Christian life versus living a compartmentalized life?
Compartmentalized Life Integrated Christian Life

____________________________ ____________________________
____________________________ ____________________________
____________________________ ____________________________
2. As a group or individually, read Ecclesiastes 3:1-15. Connect the message of Scripture to the follow comments.
Every season of relational growth has its own rules and boundaries. For example, there are activities, conversations, and behaviors
that are appropriate for marriage but are not healthy for dating or courtship. The most obvious example would be sexual activity; it
belongs healthfully in marriage but it is ultimately destructive in any other context. Even sexual activity does not begin physically, but
much like the seasons of relationships below, moves on a continuum. Sex starts in the mind, in unspoken expressions and the nature of
conversations that continue to build. Our relationships follow a similar progression.
[DATING]
[COURTSHIP]
[PREMARITAL]
[MARRIAGE]

The arrows represent the area where the boundaries experience stress. They are normal, not evil, but not to be ignored.
As you progress in a season (all seasons progress because relationships are never static) you begin to press and stress the boundaries
of where you are and where you are heading. Because of this, Christians must be grounded by biblically enduring principles of individual
character.
3. Review the following advice from faithful apostles and prophets of God and determine what might apply to your practice of dating or
how you relate to the opposite sex.
a. To the young adult Timothy, Paul declares:
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2
Timothy 2:22).
b. Paul declares to those in the secular—even corrupt—city of Corinth a message of consecration (1 Corinthians 6:15-20).
c. To those going into a 70-year season of Babylonian captivity, God says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29: 11).
d. To a young lady in Australia named Nellie, Ellen White instructed:
Dear Nellie:
I am thankful to God that you love the truth and that you love Jesus… Let the Word of God be your guidebook that in everything you
may be molded in conduct and character according to its requirements. You are the Lord’s property; He created you and He redeemed
you… You have a sacred responsibility, one that requires you to keep your soul pure by consecrating yourself to be wholly the Lord’s.
Your friends who are totally opposed to spiritual things are not under the leadership of Christ but under the black banner of the prince
of darkness. To associate with those who neither respect nor love God—unless you associate with them for the purpose of winning
them to Jesus—will be a detriment to your spirituality. If you cannot change their attitudes, their influence will corrupt and taint your
own faith. It’s good to be kind to these persons, but not good for you to continually try to be with them and do the things they do; for if
you choose the atmosphere that surrounds them, you will forfeit the companionship of Jesus.”
(A Call To Stand Apart, Ellen G. White. Review and Herald, 2002. P. 74-75.)
4. What three principles will you use in shaping your interaction with the opposite sex?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

relationships: courtship

10: relationships: courtship
session overview
leader notes 1. Relationships are the backbone of the human experience. This session will take a step closer to marriage,
the ultimate goal in relationships between men and women.
2. During this session, attempt to get the participants to engage in discussions about the questions, chal-
lenges, and counsel for moving towards a purposeful and enduring relationship. The previous principle
of Christian identity and boundaries in dating still apply to courtship; in fact, they become more of a
non-negotiable expectation. The closer you get to marriage on the continuum the more your character and
identity become critical.
materials 1. Lesson Handout

2. Paper/Pens or Pencils

Head 1. Learn how to recognize the sacred 1. Bible study in Mission Briefing
Participants will... opportunity to explore God’s will for
couples to grow together
Hands 1. Flesh out a tangible description of 1. Reflecting Jesus & His Kingdom Exercises.
Participants will be where their character strengths lie in Introduction activity
able to... relationships as well as their weaknesses
Heart 1. Feel a deeper sense of joy and trust in 1. God’s will is… study in the Mission Briefing
Participants will... God’s plan for their future
extra resources 1. A Call to Stand Apart, by Ellen White

2. Leave Dating Behind: A Road Map to Marriage, by Christina Rogers
3. 101 Questions To Ask Before You Get Engaged, by Townsend and Townsend

10: relationships: courtship
teaching plan
10 minutes 2. Review any insights from the last session that you think are important to remember. One theme that
recurs is moving young adults from focusing their attention on the “other” person in the relationship
to first being about what God is doing in “me.” Whether you choose to date or how you date, even the
question of “who” you date, is secondary to who you are in Christ.
3. This session is about the movement from exploring friendships to moving closer to serious conversations
and commitments to someone you believe you might marry. If you are entering into exclusive
commitments with people without the view of marriage in mind you will undoubtedly experience heartache
and miss the mark. The natural progression of a relationship is a movement toward greater intimacy and
commitment, and intimacy without rules or commitments without contracts eventually will dissolve. Our
challenge will be to consider the best practices of courtship.
did you Know? 1. Divide into groups of 4-5. In the “Did You Know” portion of the handout there are three statements. Invite
10 minutes the participants to evaluate the three statements and then choose the one that they resonate with the
most. Have each explain their response.
2. Below the statements is a Venn diagram (used to compare and contrast—where the middle space is for
characteristics that are held by both sides). The purpose is to show the difference between dating and
courtship because many confuse them, and relationships get damaged as a result. Urge the groups to
collectively come up with at least 1-2 goals for each and then 2-3 boundaries/rules for each and write
them on a full size piece of paper. Display or report on all of the diagrams.
3. Read the passage from Philippians out loud and invite the groups to briefly discuss the idea Paul shares
about goals and how we transition from one season to the next in our relationships. (The purpose of
Paul’s message is about his relationship with Christ and his apostolic goals. Applied in a new context of
relationships with each other there is definitely some wisdom.)
mission 1. Divide into groups of 4-5 to answer the questions in the Mission Briefing Handout.
briefing How do you know if someone is “the one” or “the right person” to pursue courtship with? Is there only
10 minutes “one”? First we should go to Scripture for insight and then we will address that question more fully. Read
the following and discuss how each passage offers a skill for entering more fully into a relationship. Urge
them to come up with “one word” answers.

Below are the verses and a few suggested one word answers to use when debriefing:
Honesty
Philippians 1:9 (“pure and blameless” evokes transparency and genuineness. No games, deception, or
manipulation).
Effort
2 Peter 1:5-7 (“make every effort” indicates that the qualities for growth come not as a result of love,
but love comes as a result of practice).
Discernment
Luke 6:43-45 (an analogy Jesus tells about observing and judging the truth about someone).
Grace
2 Peter 1:8-9 (Everyone who enters into a relationship needs grace, and to know that source of growth
and success begins with an acceptance of what Christ has done for us).
Guidance
Philippians 4:8 (This list of markers functions as a guide for thoughts and actions).
2. Asking the question, “Are you the right one for me?” also includes asking “am I the one for them?” Even
still, the whole thought is backwards. Instead of asking “are you the one for me” or “am I the one for you?”
believers ought to ask:
• Is the One in me?
• Is the One in them?
“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than
the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).
thinking 1. Give participants about five minutes to read, reflect, and respond to the two questions given (5 min).
it through 2. Ask the participants to share in their group of 3-4 their thoughts on how hard it is to have biblically
10 minutes Christian relationships in this era (5 min).
reflecting Jesus & His Quiz on Courtship

kingdom 1. Defining courtship is complicated, but words are given to stir the conversation. Potential is by far the word
40 minutes in that every relationship has potential-for good or evil. Also, possibilities is problematic because it is
obvious, of course many things are possible. Choosing what is best, right, good, or true is another matter.
Compatibility is not a bad option but it is not what defines enduring relationships. You may have heard the
saying, “Birds of a feather flock together”—which maintains that the more compatible you are the more
likely the success. It is also true that “opposites attract”—but just because they attract doesn’t mean they
grow together. Feasibility. This works little better because it seeks to choose what might work well.

2. Question 2 addresses the conversation of God’s will and choosing someone to eventually marry. The
discussion should be interesting, but the answers given are positioned at the extremes. The key is that God
expects you to choose well and He has a will, but instead of it being about who you marry it is about how
you relate to Him. Again, those who walk with God rarely stress out over this question because they have
submitted themselves to Him first.
3. This value oriented question is designed to get them to explore how well we know each other and whether
time or quality produces better relationships. The answer is “both.” Time allows for better quality;
although some can get to know each other in scenarios that are more intensive, those who take their time
tend to endure.
4. Question #4. Invite the participants to answer individually first and then share with their group. Feel
free to open up the conversation for all the participants. Ask: What do you think are the most troubling
statements?
Note: most of the statements tend to make excuses for at-risk behavior. There is also the expectation
or assumption that marriage or a commitment will change the person. Warning: If they are not trying,
working, and surrendering to the work of change in their life now, it is dangerous to assume marriage will
change that attitude.
5. Question #5. The statements take a more positive, proactive approach to relationships. Invite them to
consider the questions individually, then with the group.
6. Finally, affirm each group for their responses. Next, invite them to add four statements that would be
warnings and four statements that would be positive to the statements already given. If there is time,
have them share a sample statement from both lists.
next steps 1. As the Spiritual Companions meet, invite them to share how they are progressing on the IDP. Take time to
10 minutes share what has been helpful about the series on relationships thus far and what you hope to learn.
2. Take time to pray for the relationships you are involved in.
summary Courtship is that serious stage between a man and a woman where they are seeing each other exclusively
5 minutes and considering the feasibility of marriage. Again, the most crucial work to be done is NOT to change or alter
another person, but the work God will do in you as you surrender to Him. Continue to recognize that every
relationship has rules and that those rules define the nature and success of our relationships. Know that in the
coming session we will consider the decision work of an engagement. What are the tasks for those who engage
to be married?


SESSION 10
? did you know...
•
•
If you have no goal or objective then you will probably achieve it.
If you have no expectations or ambitions about relationships then you will rarely be
disappointed or grateful.
• If you have no standards for success or failure then you will never gain or lose anything.
Dating Courtship
Goals & Boundaries (Dating) Goals & Boundaries (Courtship)

____________________________ ____________________________
____________________________ ____________________________
____________________________ ____________________________
____________________________ ____________________________
“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting
what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God
has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”
Philippians 3:13, 14

mission briefing
This study will explore the tools needed to negotiate the growth and intimacy of our relationships.
1. Read the following and discuss how each passage offers a skill for entering more fully into a relationship. Try to offer a “one word”
answer (tool) for each passage.
• Philippians 1:9 ________________________________________
• 2 Peter 1:5-7 ________________________________________
• Luke 6:43-45 ________________________________________
• 2 Peter 1:8-9 ________________________________________
• Philippians 4:8 ________________________________________
2. How do you know if someone is “the one” or “the right person” to pursue courtship with? Is there only “one”?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
thinking it through
1. When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, is my relationship to Christ the foundation of every thought and decision I make?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. What commitments do you want to resolve today about your relationships?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

1. Definition of Courtship: Courtship is a committed friendship that considers the ________________ of marriage.
a. Potential
b. Possibility
c. Compatibility
d. Feasibility
Which word corresponds best with the theme of this session? Why?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Do you believe God has a person who is the perfect match for you? If so:
_________________________________________________________________________________________
What does it mean to match perfectly? Does it mean that there is no effort, no compromise, no struggle, no sacrifice, or growing faith-
fully through adversity?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
If not:
What role does God play in our personal lives? Does it matter who we marry? Does God simply want us to choose well and make good
decisions?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Either/Or: Choose one and explain your position:
The longer you know someone before marriage, the greater the likelihood of marital satisfaction.
Or
The better you know someone before marriage, the greater the likelihood of marital satisfaction.
4. During a courtship that is moving toward a formal engagement or betrothal, which attitudes should cause the most concern or warning?
a. “He/she may not have the spiritual convictions or commitment I have, but if they did God would do great things with them.”
b. “He/she does not seem to have the ambition to finish what they start, but maybe they just need to find the right opportunity.”
c. “The person I am with seems to have emotional outbursts often, but he/she will get control of that anger as soon as things start
to fall into place for them.”
d. “My partner tends to eye members of the opposite sex in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable, but that will go away when we
are married; he/she will only have eyes for me once we are committed.”
e.“My partner doesn’t communicate or share easily with me on a deeper emotional level, but once we are married it will draw them
out and help them be more expressive.”
f. “My partner constantly avoids social or fellowship settings and wants to spend time only with me. I appreciate it, but it feels like I
have to choose. Perhaps when we are married, that will change.”
5. 5. Which statement do you feel conveys the most encouraging attitude toward marriage?
a. “I’m not always sure what he/she is thinking and feeling, but when I inquire we tend to understand each other.”
b. “I will love her/him the right way if I focus on loving Christ first.”
c. “Protecting the physical boundaries we have set in not a constant struggle.”
d. “I feel free to state my opinion without fear or worry, even if I know my partner may disagree.”
e. “Not only do I love him/her, I admire them for their courage and integrity.”
f. “We have experienced sadness and disappointment, but with God there is no challenge we can’t overcome.”
6. Add your own hypothetical statements, four positive and four negative that would cause warning, to the lists given in questions 4 & 5.
Try to come up with samples that are not represented already.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

premarital insights—counsel

11: premarital insights—counsel
session overview
leader notes 1. This session of the premarital season of a relationship assumes the couple is already engaged and has
thoughtfully, prayerfully, and experientially practiced the personally grounding in Christ that makes people
good marriage material.
2. Please note that a Bible study session/group lesson is not sufficient premarital preparation. The purpose
of this conversation is to expose participants to the conversations and experiences they will find beneficial
as they prepare for marriage.

2. Pen/paper

Head 1. The nature of marriage is not the end goal 1. Bible study and discussion on the essential
Participants will of relationships but the enrollment in a nature of marriage
understand that... new learning relationship that glorifies God
Hands 1. Make the decided shift in their approach to 1. Initial introduction activities and
Participants will be marriage from finding the right person to Reflecting Jesus & His Kingdom discussion
able to... becoming a selfless, mature, child of God and sharing
Heart 1. The hope and praise to God for the 1. Reflection and prayer during the Thinking
Participants will opportunities to develop eternal It Through section
value... relationships
extra resources 1. Brief Online Temperament Test. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

2. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Les and Leslie Parrott
3. A Call to Stand Apart, Ellen White
4. Five Love Languages, Gary Smalley

11: premarital insights—counsel
teaching plan
2 minutes 2. Reconnect the participants to the continuum or the seasons of relationships: dating, courtship,
engagement, and marriage.
did you Know? 1. In groups of 2-3, read the Did You Know introduction in the lesson handout. The opening graphic displays
10 minutes several statistics, facts, and quotes that pertain to this session. Invite the groups to read the statements
and discuss the following questions in groups.
2. If couples tend to spend more time and energy planning the wedding than the marriage, what do you think
is the solution to changing that dynamic?
3. The statistic of young adult’s perceptions on being in love is not surprising. However, what does it mean
that young adults can’t agree on the essential ingredients of love? When you say, “I love you,” it is possible
that two people express different meanings? Do you know how you and your partner define and experience
“love”?
mission Divide the participants into groups of 4-5 and answer the questions in the Mission Briefing Section.
briefing 1. The voting activity (agree or disagree) picks up the question from the introduction,” Is love all you need?”
10 minutes The data suggests that being in love is what everyone “knows” or believes to be what equips a couple for
marriage.
Thoughts to Share:
• First of all, when we say “I love you” and mean many different things, how can love be “all you need”?
There is so much more, but it helps to discover what the other person means when they say it or do it.
• What are some of the words you would use to describe the essential qualities of love? List five of
them now privately and let’s see how we do. (Have them answer and see.)
2. The next question dives into Scripture looking for ideas about how two people can prepare well for
marriage. The passages given are conceptual, but consider how they might help. After they discuss it
amongst themselves, say:
If it is true that…
Marriage is the reason “a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they
shall become one flesh”(Genesis 2:24), then the question is not, “How do I find a soul mate?” but “How do I
BECOME a soul mate?” A soul mate is not someone you find but someone you become over time.

A good spouse is equal to finding true “goodness” (Proverbs 18:22), then the question is not, “How am I
finding a good spouse?” but “How am I doing at becoming a good person?” You cannot control what others
do and become, only what you can do and become.
According to Proverbs 30:18-19, the dynamics between men and women are amazing—even a mystery—
then the question is: “How will I treat this season with respect and wonder?”
3. For this question, perhaps you might share the following:
The phrase” bound together” carries the idea of two unequal animals, such as an ox and a donkey, being
harnessed together to perform a task. The ox pulls against the donkey and the donkey works against the
ox, resulting in constant friction and an ultimate stalemate.
Warning: Do not compromise or rationalize in this area. Everything we have studied up to this point leads
to the union of two people starting with a deep, abiding relationship to God. It is too easy to say, “We both
believe in God so that should be a good start…” Absolutely not. That is like saying, “He said he loved me,
that should be enough.” It isn’t.
Your unique faith as a Seventh-day Adventist Christian living at the end of earth’s history is a unique
opportunity to bond with those who are committed to the cause of Christ and His church. And create
homes that are united in faith, doctrine, practice, and the future.
thinking 1. Give participants about five minutes to read, reflect, and respond to the two questions given.
it through 2. Ask the participants to share their responses in their group of 3-4. Comment on what they learned from
10 minutes each other.
reflecting Jesus & His 1. The first activity in this section has to do with surveying God’s explicit will. If people are diligent to do
kingdom what God has already said to do, rarely do they ever wonder, “Which person should I marry?” or “What
40 minutes should I do?” After the participants look up the passages and respond, debrief to help them with language,
words, or ideas that they might have overlooked.
a. God’s will is that you: (Receive Salvation) All of these passages declare unmistakably that God wants
to lose no one. So you can be charming, skilled, beautiful—but if you are lost, your marriage is
forfeit.
b. God’s will is that you: (Grow) God wants us to change, transform, be sanctified in harmony with God’s
plan, law, and love for people.
c. God’s will is that you are: (Filled with His Spirit) Those who walk with God are not lost or wondering
which direction to go.
d. God’s will is that you: (Work with others with a servant’s heart) Selflessness being the chief asset, no
home can go wrong when partners serve each other selflessly.
e. God’s will is that you: (Quiet the critics of faith with acts of goodness) People who extend grace, hope,
and resources to those in need challenge all the lies and deceptions about God’s plan and His Word.
f. God’s will is that you: (Live with gratitude and enjoy an abundant, content life) People who are
unflappable and resilient scream to the world and to their partners that there is an eternal goal worth
giving everything for.
2. How are two people devoted to the explicit will of God better prepared for marriage than two people who
were simply “in love”? The above principles make it clear that they are in God, and greater is the One who
is in you than he that is in the world.
3. What are the core questions young people should ask as they are engaged for marriage? “The seven key
questions” (Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts, Les Parrott).
a. Have you looked honestly at the myths of marriage? Happily married couples have: Healthy expecta-
tions of marriage.
b. Do you know what love means to you and to your partner? Happily married couples have: A realistic
concept of love.
c. Have you chosen to be happy no matter what comes your way? Happily married couples have: A posi-
tive attitude and outlook toward life.
d. Can you say what you mean and mean what you say? Happily married couples have: The ability to com-
municate their feelings in healthy, honest ways.
e. Do you really understand the differences and similarities between men and women? Happily married
couples have: An understanding and acceptance of gender differences.
f. How do you practice negotiating through conflict and reconciliation? Happily married couples have:
The ability to make decisions and settle differences/arguments.
g. Are you becoming a soul mate? Happily married couples have: A united spiritual foundation, practice,
and goal.
4. Which of the above questions seems to be the most relevant or important to you today? Why?
5. This question is something couples can answer as well as good friends.
a. What do you admire about your partner/friend? What do you believe will be true about them whether
you marry or not? In sixty years when they don’t look anything like they do today, what will be true
about them? (List three attributes.)
b. If you had to tell five stories that define who you are today, what five stories would you tell? Why?

next steps 1. Challenge the Spiritual Companions to meet and pray with each other. Share how this module has been
10 minutes helpful as well as what questions or themes still need further exploration.
2. Perhaps, if there is a moment or two, discuss how being married and getting married are ways in which
God chooses to reconcile the world to Himself.
sumary As couples look toward preparing a wedding, they ought to look at preparing for the marriage. The best prepa-
5 minutes ration is to be united with Christ first and allow the Savior to shape their thoughts and plans. Remember above
all, a soul mate is not someone you find but someone you become over time. The work of becoming soul mates is
a rich, purposeful walk in the same direction.


SESSION 11
? did you know...
• Eighty-six percent of couples tend to plan more for the wedding than formal preparation
for the marriage.
• Question: What makes a good marriage? Ninety percent of young adults declared, “being
in love.”
• ”When over 1,000 university students were asked to list the essential ingredients of
love, no single item was mentioned by at least one half of those responding.”
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that
you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the
fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.”
Philippians 1:9-11

mission briefing
1. Agree or Disagree: For marriage to succeed, love is all you need!
Explain your response.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. The following are a few passages that shape the mind of marriage. Read the passages carefully and explore what it says about how we
should prepare. It will not necessarily be explicit, but think “if this is true, then how should two people prepare?”
• “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis
2:24).
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.”
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Proverbs 30:18, 19: “There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the
sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.”
______________________________________________________________________________________
3. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14, 15 and discuss what it means to be “yoked” and what it means to be a “believer.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________
thinking it through
1. What do you know you need to change about your walk with God and others in order to be oriented to being a soul mate one day?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. What are some things you can do with fellow Ambassadors to make preparing for marriage a fully consecrated endeavor?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
1. So many young adults long for God to “show them” who they should connect with to develop an enduring marriage. If God has not
opened the Red Sea to your future partner’s house, or He has not dropped plagues on every other option except the one you should
marry, perhaps He has already spoken. In fact, below are specific things God has declared to be “His will for you.” Again, as you prepare
for marriage, “be in God’s will” by doing the following:
a. God’s Will is that you __________________________________________________________________
a. (Ephesians 1:11, 12; Matthew 18:12-14; 2 Peter 3:8, 9; Galatians 1:3-5; 1Timothy 2:1
b. God’s Will is that you __________________________________________________________________
(Colossians 4:12, 13; Colossians 1:9-12; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6)
c. God’s will is that you are __________________________________________________________________
(Ephesians 5:17-21; Acts 1:7-9; Galatians 5)
d. God’s will is that you __________________________________________________________________
(Ephesians 6:5-8; Philippians 2)
e. God’s will is that you __________________________________________________________________
(1 Peter 2:15, 16)
f. God’s will is that you __________________________________________________________________
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
2. How are two people devoted to the explicit will of God better prepared for marriage than two people who were simply “in love”?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Below are seven key questions to ask when you are engaged first with God and then someone else. Read each question and discuss how
this question is crucial in preparing for marriage. What Bible verses can you think of that support the thrust of these questions?
a. Have you looked honestly at the myths of marriage?
______________________________________________________________________________________
b. Do you know what love means to you and to your partner?
______________________________________________________________________________________
c. Have you chosen to be happy no matter what comes your way?
______________________________________________________________________________________

d. Can you say what you mean and mean what you say?
______________________________________________________________________________________
e. Do you really understand the differences and similarities between men and women?
______________________________________________________________________________________
f. How do you practice negotiating through conflict and reconciliation?
______________________________________________________________________________________
g. Are you becoming a soul mate?
______________________________________________________________________________________
4. Which of the above questions seems to be the most relevant or important to you today? Why?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Further Questions For Couples to Explore:
5. Every couple headed for marriage ought to reflect and share the following questions:
a. What do you admire about your partner? What do you believe will be true about them whether you marry or not? In sixty years
when they don’t look anything like they do today, what will be true about them? (List three attributes.)
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
b. If you had to tell five stories that define who you are today, what five stories would you tell? Why?
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________

marriage and parenting

12: marriage and parenting
session overview
leader notes 1. During the season of marriage couples experience stages of growth that grossly overshadow the seasons
of dating, courtship, and engagement. The task for this session is to elevate the glory of what God chose
to do with man and woman becoming husband and wife. Also, it is appropriate to discuss how those stages
shape the broader task of raising children and serving the cause of reconciling sinners to a loving God.
2. Moreover, this session involves activities that deepen one’s knowledge of God and are repeated throughout
the rest of eternity.

2. Pens/pencils
3. 3 X 5 cards
4. Stationary or paper, envelopes, a candle, and matches to melt wax

Head 1. The institution of marriage extends beyond 1. Introduction activity and discussion
Participants will... their love and commitment to each other to
a larger, worldwide fraternity
Hands 1. Explore the biblical implications of 1. Mission Briefing study and discussion &
Participants will be marriage as well as the practical glory of Reflecting Jesus and His Kingdom study
able to... relationships and discussion
Heart 1. Feel a sense of duty and commitment to 1. A covenant or commitment to be what God
Participants will... honor the sacredness of God’s plan for has called us to be
marriage
extra resources 1. Great books by Les and Leslie Parrott:

• Becoming Soul Mates
• The Love List
• The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring
• 51 Creative Ideas for Marriage Mentors
2. Adventist Home, Ellen G. White
3. Patriarch and Prophets, Ellen White, Chapter 2
4. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman & Silver Nann
12: marriage and parenting
teaching plan
5 minutes 2. The overarching theme of this module is grounded in reconciliation, relationships, and communication. As
this series concludes with the culmination of marriage and parenting, it bears repeating that healthy rela-
tionships are formed by healthy people. Some think that marriage has a way of fixing character problems
and tendencies—even emotional hurts. But the truth is that marriage exacerbates individual brokenness
rather than covers it up.
did you Know? 1. Read the three statistics and research shared and individually write 1-2 comments or questions about
10 minutes each, then share in your groups your responses.
2. Of the three insights shared, what do you think would be the most important truth to share with the world
about marriage? Why?
mission 1. Divide the participants into groups of 3-4 and ask them to begin answering the questions in the Mission
briefing Briefing handout. Invite them to devote two minutes to each question.
10 minutes [For added resources on the institution of marriage in the Garden of Eden, read Patriarchs and Prophets
and notice several insights into God’s plan for the family in creation, pp. 46-47.]
2. In the question that contains the quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, there is a statement: “It is not your love
that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”
Discuss this with the participants from the standpoint of: 1) Is love enough to sustain a marriage? 2) When
people define, display, and communicate love differently, how can “love alone”—especially human love—
ultimately sustain a marriage? 3) How is it that the divorce rate among arranged marriages are lower than
in western, self-selected partnerships?
(Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “A Wedding Sermon from Prison,” http://preachingtoday.com/32781)
3. If you were to describe marriage through a symbol of a plant, type of weather, or a particular animal,
which would you choose and why? (This activity gets young adults to think conceptually about the institu-
tion of marriage using a metaphor, which creatively and effectively expresses certain aspects of meaning.)
thinking 1. Give participants about five minutes to read, reflect, and respond to the two questions about marriage
it through from God’s point of view.
10 minutes 2. Ask the participants to share in their group of 3-4 their responses and comment on what they learned
from each other about the difference between cost and value in our relationships.

reflecting Jesus & His 1. Divide the participants into groups of 4-6 and invite them to answer the questions in Reflecting Jesus &
kingdom His Kingdom. Begin with the first question where the young adults are challenged to look up and read the
40 minutes passages on parenting. They are to identify the three passages that resonate with them and seem to be
most relevant for the world today.
2. Question #2 encourages the groups to study the Shema (Deuteronomy 6). It was the summary for educat-
ing children in the ways of God. It is loaded with practical advice as well as a conceptual challenge to love
fully and completely. Invite the participants to explain what they think it means to “impress them upon
your children.” Another powerful phrase in this passage is, “Let these words be upon your hearts.” How do
these two phrases relate to parenting from your point of view?
3. The sample vows are for participants to explore the nature of promises, both the content and the sound
and sacredness of a vow. Every home is based on the promises those who make up the home keep. Urge the
participants to share which vow seems to convey their view of a Christian home the most.
4. The final activity is a challenge to write vows now to give to their future spouse. Give them paper and an
envelope to seal with melted wax. Say: If it is your desire to prepare yourself for an enduring marriage
relationship, write out your vows and seal them up for the future. Your commitments can start with,
“Beloved, I promise to…” Use the envelope provided and save it until the day you commit to uniting your
life to someone else.
next steps 1. As you debrief with your Spiritual Companion, share what you are grateful for in the relationships you
10 minutes cherish.
2. Pray specifically for the relationships that will flourish in the future.
sumary As you make your promises to God and to someone else, use this moment to consecrate your life to God. As God
5 minutes has reconciled you, enter into relationships that seek to bring others into the knowledge and grace of God.


SESSION 12
? did you know...
• Did you know people who stay married live four years longer than people who don’t?
• Divorce and Mediation Project reports: “80% of divorced men and women said their marriage
broke up because they gradually grew apart and lost a sense of closeness, or because they did not
feel loved and appreciated. Only 20-27% of couples said an extramarital affair was even partially
to blame.”
• “In 2003, for every 1,000 people there were 7.5 marriages and 3.8 divorces filed.” If this is true,
does it mean that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce?
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall
become one flesh. And the man and the wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
Genesis 2:24, 25

mission briefing
1. Read the narratives that describe marriage in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1:27, 28; Genesis 2:21-25). What are some observations you
see about the nature of this relationship God instituted? Respond to the following questions and comments in Genesis. What are some
questions that remain that are not explicitly answered by the text?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
• Mankind is the combination of male and female. What are the implications for understanding the biblical family?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• What do you think it means to be made “in the image of God”? In what ways are we like God, and in what ways are we not at all like
God?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• Part of God’s original plan was to “be fruitful and multiply.” Obviously, this suggests that sexual intimacy was a part of the plan.
How has this become the target of the enemy attack on humanity and the home?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• How is the description of how Eve was taken from Adam a segue into a prophecy about marriage? God seems to set up the way men
and women would leave their parents and become one flesh in marriage. Knowing that this happened prior to sin and part of God’s
projected plan, what should be our attitude toward marriage?
______________________________________________________________________________________
• What is the connection between being naked and not ashamed, but after sin being naked and feeling ashamed?
______________________________________________________________________________________
2. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote about the relationship between love and marriage in a sermon while he was in prison:
“Marriage is more than your love for each other. It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which He wills
to perpetuate the human race till the end of time. In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link
in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. As high as God is
above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of marriage above the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is
not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”
What is your response to the observation: “It’s not love that sustains the marriage but the marriage sustains your love”?
______________________________________________________________________________________

thinking it through
1. What do I believe is the purpose of marriage from God’s point of view? How would marriage deepen my walk with God and broaden my
understanding of His love?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Perhaps you have heard the statement, “Don’t let the cost distract you from its ultimate value.” How is this true about marriage? The
Christian life? Children? Be ready to share your responses with your fellow participants.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

1. As you read the following passages of Scripture, identify the three key verses that you feel are particularly relevant to raising children
today.
• Ephesians 6:4 • 1 Thessalonians 2:7 • Deuteronomy 4:9, 10
• Colossians 3:21 • Psalms 144:12 • 1 Corinthians 3:10-15
• Proverbs 29:15 • Proverbs 22:6 • Luke 11:11-13
2. In Deuteronomy 6:4-9 there is an overarching message to the Israelites who were born in the desert. What words and phrases speak
personally to you about how to raise children?
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________

3. Read and discuss the key words and phrases in the most classic wedding vows:
a. “I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer,
for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
b. “I, (name), take you, (name), to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from
this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness
and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your
goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”
c. “I, (name), take you, (name), to be my beloved (wife/husband), to have and to hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your
side in sorrow and in joy, in the good times, and in the bad, and to love and cherish you always. I promise you this from my heart,
for all the days of my life.”
4. What are the major promises being made? If a marriage consists of blessings and challenges, identify how the vows reflect the promise
to be faithful in both.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
5. The final activity is a commitment letter where the participants read and reflect on the sample wedding vows given. Consider all that
has been studied and discussed about relationships, both to God and people. Begin this day a journey of consecration to God’s plan for
your marriage and family.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
On the piece of paper available, write vows—simple promises that you make to God privately in prayer—and to the one you will give it
to when you are married.
It should begin with:
Beloved, I promise…
Whether you are currently in a relationship or not, the promise you make is much like a marriage vow. You are solemnly declaring a
promise that you, and you alone, can keep. God has promised to strengthen you and guide you through His word and a community of
faith.

icebreakers
The following icebreakers can be found at: http://fervr.net/youth-group/top-13-youth-group-mixers-icebreakers
Fongo Bingo Each person is given a piece of paper and a pen. Everybody is given about 5 minutes to go around the room
(from the famous and collect the names of 6 people in the room they don’t know well. They must find out 3 things about each
person on their sheet (i.e. name, school, family, pets, worst haircut, etc.). When everybody has 6 people
James Fong!) on their sheet they take their seats again and we play Bingo! The leader up the front will have a list of
everybody in the room and their names (if you don’t have a roll, you will need to collect everyone’s names
as they enter). To play bingo the leader up front will read names off the sheet in a random order. People
tick off the names on their sheet as they are read aloud. Whoever is the first to tick off all 6 of the names
on their sheet and yell “Bingo!” wins the game. That person will receive a prize and should be asked to
introduce all 6 people on their sheet and say what they found out about them.
People Pictionary Split the group into 2 teams, A and B. Everyone has to write down some things about themselves and what
they like on a card that can be used as clues in a game of Pictionary (i.e. For Mike - a motorbike, drums etc.).
The leader of the game then calls up the first delegated drawer from each team and shows them a card from
a person on the opposite team, they go back and try to draw the clues on a piece of paper so their team can
guess who it is. When the team has guessed, another drawer runs up to the game leader to grab another
card from the opposite team and so on until the team to guess all their cards first is the winner. It will be
important for the cards to have a name on them so the drawer will know if their team’s guess is the right
answer.
Memory Match Card (This game really only works with a small group, otherwise it takes forever…)
Game Each person is given 2 cards that they write their name and something unique or interesting about
themselves. All the cards from the group are mixed up and put face down on a table. Each person in the
group then takes turns trying to find a set of matching cards by selecting 2 cards and turning them up the
right way. If a matching set is found, that set is taken off the table and that player gets another turn. If a
matching set isn’t found, those cards are returned face down to the same position and the turn moves on to
the next player.
Variation: Each person is given 2 cards to write 3 unique things about themselves (the same 3 things on
each card). Their name is not to be written on the card. All of the cards from the group are mixed up and put
on a table face down. Each person in the group then takes turns at trying to find a set of matching cards by
selecting 2 cards and turning them up the right way. When a set of matching cards is found the player who
found them must guess who the set belongs to before taking the set off the table and having another turn.
If they guess incorrectly the cards are turned back over and the turn moves on to the next player.

The following icebreakers can be found at: http://voices.yahoo.com/five-fun-icebreaker-games-tweens-7962238.html
Remember My Name I love to use this fun icebreaker to help kids learn and remember everyone’s names. Adults leading the youth
activity or hosting the party will also benefit from participating in this one with the tweens and teens. I’ve
found this game to be a great memory jogger to help me keep everyone name straight too.
Have the group form a circle. Choose someone to start the game by introducing herself, choosing a nickname
that begins with the same letter as her first name, and telling the group why she selected that nickname.
Move around the circle by the next person first repeating the nicknames of those before him, and then
adding his own at the end. Continue until everyone in the group has a turn. If they make a mistake or forget
one along the way, have them repeat them all again.
Here’s an example: Her name is Crazy Carla, he’s Funny Frank, she’s Mellow Melanie, and my name is Jazzy Jo
(because I love music and used to play the clarinet in a jazz band).
The Chair Game The Chair Game is a hilarious, more grown up version of musical chairs. It gets tweens and teens moving,
talking, and laughing together. It also is helpful for working off some of the rowdiness before sitting them
down for calmer activities or discussions.
Set up the chairs (use one less chair than the number of players) to form a large circle and have all the
preteens and teens sit in a chair, except for one person. The one teen without a chair stands in the center of
the circle. He or she then makes one statement, such as “Anyone who did their homework today.” Everyone
who did their homework that day must get up and find a new seat, not directly beside where they already
are. The person in the middle must try to sit in a seat before someone else does. The person left standing
without a seat must then stand in the middle and call the next statement.

community service project planning
module 6: RELATIONSHIP
introduction The goal is to identify a needy cause and devise a medium/long-term plan to meet that need in the
community. The emphasis is on the project being local and the participation being sustained over a period of
time.
1. Introduce the idea of an Ambassadors’ community service project. Describe it as an integral part of the
Ambassadors’ experience that begins now.
2. It would be advisable to do some prior research before approaching your group with the following tasks
or you can choose to begin the process with the participants.
a. Identify a needy cause in the community that would benefit from the Ambassador’s help. You might
come prepared with a list of services offered in your community that need volunteer help or start
brainstorming with the group. At some stage, this will require some research and consultation
with volunteer services and the city/village council. Examples might include:
• Health services
• Mentoring
• Community clean-up
• Vulnerable citizen help (e.g. children of prison inmates)
• Vulnerable families support
• Food services
• Seminars and classes
• Community events
• Fundraising
b. Explore as many options as possible and do a realistic evaluation of each one on the basis of your
resources, time, and personnel.
3. Choosing the Project
a. Vote/decide on a short list of three or four for closer evaluation.
b. It would be advisable to do a site visit of the short list.
c. Have a feed-back session after the visit.
d. Prayerfully, choose the final project.
4. Get ready to participate in the community service project.
a. Present the idea that serving others with a loving heart and without any conditions requires some
self-assessment and re-consecration to God.

b. Take some minutes to lead the participants in the following in the participant guide:
• Write down your reaction to the idea that you will give away your time and effort for free.
• Write down how you really feel about it, not what you think you should feel.
• If you find any objections in your mind to giving time and effort to others, write those down too.
• Apply the Golden Rule to the plans the group has made.
• Write down your reaction to giving to others what you’d like to receive if you were in their
“shoes” (their situation).
• Write a commitment statement that expresses what you pledge to do for God through serving
the chosen group in the community.
5. Plan a field trip to the final project site.
a. Sign up participants so that all have a commitment to a time and place for the visit.
b. Make the visit a combination of learning the details of the organization’s work and some time that
the participants spend doing a sample of the work.
c. At the visit itself, ask participants to think about their experience and prepare to debrief at the
next session when you will ask them to share their reactions to the community service visit.
6. Assuming that the response is positive and the group seems ready to proceed, ask participants to assist
you in planning the following:
a. Decide on overall goal
b. Define tasks involved
c. Determine time commitment and schedule
d. Assign volunteer positions and duties (a mix of leaders and participants)
e. Seek permissions if needed
f. Work on budget if applicable
g. Obtain insurance if applicable
h. Plan for equipment and supplies if applicable
i. Plan for regular evaluation of goals
7. Arrange the bi-weekly or monthly project schedule and duration.
a. Get a clear list from the organization’s representative that states expectations and requirements.
b. In situations that require background clearance, arrange for background checks.
c. Take time to coordinate participants and sign them up for particular times and dates of service.
d. Create and show a record in which you will log the main activities of the group.
e. Record the plans and share aspects of it and the progress at each session.

mid-way through the 1. It’s time for a formal review of the initial community service efforts.
module 2. You can prepare a formal review form or simply record in the log the responses given by participants.
3. Take a careful look at how the activity is developing. Is the group truly meeting the needs identified at
the beginning of the module? Does the activity seem to fit the group? What is God telling you about
what has happened so far?
4. Take the participants through some minutes of free-flowing discussion of their experience.
5. Steer them toward the goals of serving the community without condition and for no reason but to give.
at the end of the 1. Celebrate what has been accomplished thus far.
module 2. Decide if the group will continue with the same project or choose a new one for the next module.
3. The designers of the Ambassador program would encourage continuity as much as possible.

AMBASSADORS

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MODULE 6

FRIENDSHIP AND RELATIONSHIP SKILL DEVELOPMENT

AS THE FATHER HAS SENT ME, SO I AM SENDING YOU

AS THE FATHER HAS SENT ME, SO I AM SENDING YOU

Primary Contributor: Troy Fitzgerald

Session 1 - won one by one 13

Session 2 - agents of reconciliation and growing disciples 25

Session 3 - reconciliation and relating to enemies 37

Session 4 - reconciliation and the fellowship of believers 49

Session 5 - communicating the story of reconciliation—the Father’s joy 61

Gilbert Cangy Hiskia Missah Jonatan Tejel Subirada

welcome & activity 1. General welcome and opening prayer.

1: I am an ambassador for another world 13

materials 1. Chalk/marker board or large pieces of paper to display

extra resources 1. http://growingfruitfuldisciples.com/framework

1: I am an ambassador for another world 15

1: I am an ambassador for another world 17

18 1: I am an ambassador for another world

? did you know...

Dis able Dis favor

1: I am an ambassador for another world 21

reflecting Jesus & His kingdom

22 1: I am an ambassador for another world

Mary Magdalene (Luke 8:1-4)

Syrophoenician (Mark 7:24-30)

1: I am an ambassador for another world 23

1: I am an ambassador for another world 25

materials 1. Participants Guide

learning outcomes Outcomes Evidence of learning

extra resources Poverty and Justice Bible, American Bible Society

1: I am an ambassador for another world 27

28 1: I am an ambassador for another world

1: I am an ambassador for another world 29

30 1: I am an ambassador for another world

1: I am an ambassador for another world 33

34 1: I am an ambassador for another world

reflecting Jesus & His kingdom

1: I am an ambassador for another world 35

Most Obvious Most Overlooked

36 1: I am an ambassador for another world

1: I am an ambassador for another world 37

materials 1. Lesson Handouts

learning outcomes Outcomes Evidence of learning

40 1: I am an ambassador for another world

42 1: I am an ambassador for another world

Cross the Bridge

1: I am an ambassador for another world 45

Forgiving my enemies is something I practice

Forgiving our enemies is something I witness other believers practice

46 1: I am an ambassador for another world

reflecting Jesus & His kingdom

Reconciliation with your enemies is…

Reconciliation with your enemies is not…

48 1: I am an ambassador for another world

1: I am an ambassador for another world 49

materials 1. Piece of paper

learning outcomes Outcomes Evidence of learning

Heart 1. Compelled to live hopefully in the tension 1. Thinking it Through portion

1: I am an ambassador for another world 51

_____ Courage _ Prayerfulness _____ Integrity