Book HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

Author Boitumelo Phaladi

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 HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

PROLOGUE

Mama is screaming in the other room. It's alwayslike

this. Daddy waits for us to go to sleep so he could do
something to mama.
I don't know what it is that he is doing to her but her
scream is piercing deep in my heart.
It cuts my heart in to pieces.. I'm trying to sleep asalways but
I'm failing to.
Mama is stil screaming, shouting and crying forhelp
in the other room..
I search under my pil ow, the okapi is stil there, I
stole it from Bab'Mkhize's drawer in the office. I have
always kept it under my pil ow.
I sit up and switch on the light. Both Zama and
Nomusa are sleeping peaceful y. I sigh.. I wish Iwas
them, I wish I was this young and didn't understand
anything.

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 Zama is 10 years and Nomusa is 13 years.

I take the okapi in my hand and just look at it. My heart

beats fast with every scream in my mother'sbedroom...

Something forces me to stand up with the knife inmy

hand and drags me to my mother's bedroom.
I open the door.
He's there, he's beating mom so hard. Mom is crying
and begging for help. He's kicking her in thestomach.
I stand there al traumatized. I can't..
Final y he turns to look at me
"Liyana go back to your room! !" He's pointing at methen
at the door.
I can't, I want to force my legs to go back to the bedroom
but I just can't. Not when I've already seenmy mother. Not
when my mother is laying on the

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 floor in a pool of blood.
I'm silent, star ing. I don't know what to do.
He quickly comes straight to me, I wanna run back.He's
a monster. This one is not my father! I knowmy father. I
know him.
He pushes me out of the bedroom and quickly turnsback
to mama
"Do you see what you make me do? Now my
daughter had to witness this?"
He says in his angry tone to mother.
Before I could even stop my self, I run behind him..Soon
I have the knife stabbed on his upper neck.
He tries to turn to beat me but that gives me an
opportunity to stab him again on the side...
He groans so loud like a wild animal. Mama tries toshout, but
she's just to powerless, she's helpless.
He beat her so hard, she can't even try to stand uportalk.
I know she wont survive this. I have to run to cal

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 mam'Betty so she would come and help me getmama
inside baba's carand drive her to the hospital. She
has to survive this.
I have been taking driving lessons foralmost three
months now. I'm not perfect in driving but I know I can
drive to the hospital safely.
I panick when baba's groans and moans turn in
silence...I can't think... I want to but I can't..
I'm looking at mama.
I don't know what to do.
I want to stand up and run but I sit there on the floorwith
mama's head on my legs and cry my lungs out.

Nomusa walks In, she just stands at the doorand watches

me. I can see how traumatized she is by althis..
I force myself to stand and walk towards her, I stilcan't
stop the cries
"Nana, go back to sleep.." I sound so much like my father
now. But I have to force her to go back to bed,

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 she cannot witness al this
She looks at me before running out to the kitchen,then
quickly opening the kitchen doorand ran out.
"Nomusa! !" I'm shouting. I want to stop her butshes
already gone..

....
"Liyana Zulu, you are under ar est forthe murder of
Mthimkhulu Zulu. You have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say wil be used against you in the court
of law ............................. " I'm scared. They handcuff
me.
I turned to look at my baby sisters. They are
official y alone. Mother is in hospital fighting for herlife.
Father is in mortuary because of me.
Nomusa is holding Zama's hand.
Mam'Betty is also standing there
"You'l be fine nana.." she keeps on saying throughher
tears.

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 This is it. I'm supposed to be starting my semester
examinations in days to come. But...
This is it.. This is the end of my life. The end of me.This
end of everything...

Wel , this is how I got inside here. How things

turned out that day, I'l always regret them...

Two years ago I went to bury my mother becauseshe had

committed suicide. The eyes I go from people. Most of
them pitied me.

And here, tomor ow I'm leaving this place.

I'm excited and I'm nervous, this is my home now.
I've grown to love this place. Ive grown to love thebitter
sweet moments that comes with being in here...
..

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 I've been laying on this bed forthe past two hours,al
I've been doing is thinking.
I'm nervous, what if they tel me I cannot go out
anymore or what if someone tries to fight me and Iend
up messing my chances of going out?

I sigh.. I need to smoke and get al this thoughts outof my

mind...
But I just can't...
Images of that night appear in my mind. I close myeyes
and let out a loud sigh.
Maybe I shouldn't have kept that okapi. Maybe bothmy
parents would stil be alive, maybe I would be a
marketing director like I'd always wanted.
But Iife happened...
I kil ed my father, I've been in here for 15 years. My
sisters were practical y alone. Mother was depressed to
a point she decided to take her own life and And..
Sigh

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 To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

ONE

I look at the note one last time. It's been years, I'mnervous. I
don't know how it is going to be.
See, this is my home now. But I'm leaving, I've beenin
here for 15 years now and final y I'm leaving myhome.
Zama and Nomusa must be grown up now, no- I know
they are. I always think about them. I always think how
life would have turned if I hadn't kil ed myfather.
And I always think of how I would have lived my
dreams soon aftergraduating.

My dream was to have my own money and take

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 mama out of that house! Because I know the onlything
that made her stay was that she wanted to have a home
for us.
For her kids.

I sigh, women- it's sad that you'd stay sad forso long.
Stay in an unhappy home home.Closed in silence so long
and not know the sound of your ownvoice just forthe sake
of doing it for your own kids

"Real y?"
Dragon ask me. I turn to look at her
"Yeah.."
She steps down her bed and come to sit with me onmine.
We've grown too close in the past fiften years.
She helped me survive this place. She's been in here
from almost twenty years now and hopeful ygoing out
soon

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 "You don't seem too excited though"she says
placing her hand in mine
"I am.."
I sigh
"I'm not" I continueShe
looks at me
"I don't know what's going to happen. Mama left thehouse
to al of us when she died. Zama and Nomusa have been
leaving there alone forthe past fifteen years. I don't know
how they wil feel seeing me.."
"Wanna smoke?"
I nod my head
she lit the cigarette puff before giving it to me.."I
hardly slept last night" I say after inhaling
"I understand. You must be nervous. Go out thereand live
your life"
I nod

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 "But promise me one thing?" I look at her
"That you wont forget about me.."
I chuckle and take her hand in mine before kissing it.

She's always been soft with me but has this dark side with
people. I don't blame her though, it's howit's supposed to
be forone to survive this place..
"I stil have more beer in here, do you want us todrink
before you leave?" I shake my head no..

I couldn't even drink the bread beer last night. I wasjust

too nervous.
I don't know who's fetching me today but I'm hopingit's
one of my sisters.

I need to talk to one of them before I ar ive at home, just

to let them know I'm not back to be their burden on
anything.

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 If there's anything this place has taught me in the past 15
years, is independence. I've learned to livealone and
survive alone and on what I don't have.

I hand the note to Dragon. She looks at it then at me

"Keep this, mother had written too many bible
scriptures for me to read and survive on. I knowthey
wil help you get through.." she looks at meonce again
and chuckles
"I don't need scriptures from an unknown book to
survive..."
"Dipu-"
"Its Dragon. Don't use that name in here!" She sayscutting me
off. I cannot afford to piss her off..

I stand up and decide to take a walk. It's only a fewhours

to go. I have heard on the radio that it's close to 8am.
Visitors wil only be al owed at 10am..

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 I can't wait but I'm nervous..
...

There is a sign, Suncity prison as we drive out of the

prison, I'm leaving. I'm never coming back here...

I can tel by just looking at Nomusa that she's nervous as

wel . She's done wel for herself if this isher car, it's smal
but comfortable. She's beautiful..

There's much I wanna say, maybe start by tel ing her

how sor y I am that she had to witness al that15 years
ago while she was that young. I know I have
traumatized her. It wasn't my intention to butal I needed
was to save my mother..
"I have to drive past Zama's workplace to fetch her.." it's
the first thing she says since I got in here..
"Okay.." it's also the only thing I manage to say.

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 I won't lie, it's awkward in here. I want so bad to ar
ive at home..
We park outside these huge building, it's big. I want to
ask so bad what is it that Zama does but I decide against
it. The building is fancy...
We sit there in silence, she keeps on checking herphone
until it eventual y rings
"I'm outside.." she answer then keeps quiet
"Ahh Zama, you should have told me, now I drove al the
way..."
"Its fine" then she hangs up before starting the
ignition.
I decide not to ask again
"She has back to back meetings and can't go homewith
us,I guess it wil just be the two of us.." she's talking to
me
"What does she do?"I ask
"She's a journalist, she just started weeks ago afterher
internship"

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 Oh
"Then you?" I ask again, hoping that I'm not
crossing my boundaries
"I'm a nurse, I thought you knew that"No
I don't but I keep quiet...

A lot has changed, my home has changed. It nolonger the

four roomed RDP house I left years ago.. It's big, too big
and beautiful, but I can not feelthe warm welcome I did
years ago. There are pictures on the wal . There is a
picture of mother.
Then another one of dad, mom, Nomusa, Zama andI..
"Let me show you your bedroom.." she says behindme.
We shared a bedroom years ago. I guess thingshave
changed.
The bedroom is just too simple, there is a bed, wal
wardrobe and a ful body length mir oronly
"I didn't know how to decorate it, I didn't know what

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 color Is it that you liked orjust anything.."
Its beautiful in my eyes
"Its beautiful" I'm not used to this..
"Let me leave you to settle, we'l go shop fora few
clothes tomor ow, I'l go make you something to eat." I
nod before she walks out..
I sit on the bed, its comfortable.
I dont know when was the last time I've heard such
comfort..

I sit alone in the bedroom, the house has changedbut

the memories are stil there..
They are haunting me so bad.
I rub my hands together, I've always done that... no Ineed
to smoke.. I have no cigarette.
Sigh

"Welcome back home Nana.." I imagine my

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 mother's voice saying that to me..
I smile at the thought. I know she would have welcomed
me with warm arms. .she's been with methrough anything
and everything. She made sure to visit me every Thursday
and this one time, when I waited for her to visit me as
always, only the policeofficers came to me to let me
know she had died..

That kil ed me, part of me died. I didn't fight anymore to

get out of that hel , I didn't look forwardto freedom
anymore. I had no one to come back to, Iknew Zama and
Nobuhle already hated me. The only person that
understood why I had done this had left..

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

TWO

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 The loud whistles!
The Ululations!
Women are singing!
Someone's daughter is crying in pain. I'm there also
singing. We're welcoming her in our prison cel , thatwas
before I was moved to high prison, where I shared my cel
only with Dragon..

She's crying... So loud, so piercing. None cares, this is

how everyone is inside here. No one cares about the
other, but we're just here to survive, al of us.
Every man on his own..
"Ndikhumbula ekasi lami...Zaba yaba yaba yaba
yaba
Oh umamami.. Utatami uzondixolela..Oh oh
Ndikhumbula unmtanami, andazi udla ntoni na.." we're
singing, so loud in joy. None sees anything wrong with
what we're doing. We're celebrating lifeinside here, we're
welcoming her inside.
There is no future in here but you just have to live

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 inside here because you decided to take your own
freedom away from your very own self.
She's stil crying the same way mama cried thatnight
and on the other side is groaning, the verysame way
baba groaned that night. The groans gives me
pleasure..

"Liyana! " Someone wants to attack me, I quickly situp

and catch them by the throat.
She can't attack me.
She's trying hard to fight
"Liyana it's me.. " she's breathing hard.I
realise I had been dreaming. Shit!
I was strangling Nomusa..
I sigh
"I'm sor y, I thought you were here to attack me.." Isay
honestly
She coughs

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 "I'm sor y for waking you up, I wanted to tel you
dinner is ready.."
I can't believe I passed out while on this bed.
"I'l go wash my face and join you.." she walks out
aftersaying that lm I honestly could see the fear inher
eyes. I'm scaring my own sister.

This is how it has always been one had to alwayslook

over their shoulders. Prison life is hard, its either you
fight to survive or you stay stil to die. Igot used to
fighting. I sit up straight, it's late.
Probably 9pm. I think its 9pm.
I walk to what I assume it's the bathroom and ohyes
it's the bathroom..
..
Zama is back from work, there are kids talking and
laughing in the kitchen, they are so happy.

Zama hasn't changed a bit, she's just grown, she'sbeautiful.

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 "Hi.." I say in nervousness
"Hel o.." she responds. Its awkward..
"Children come!" Zama shouts to the two kids in the
kitchen, they come running to her and sit on the high
chairs. They are so jol y
"Meet your aunt, Liyana.." she says to them.
They look at me in silence.. the younger one smiles,she's
probably 5 years or younger.
And the older one looks 12years..
"Liyana this are my kids, Nompumelelo, she's 10 and this
here is her younger sister Khanyi" she saysto me, it's no
doubt that the kids are nervous if I might say, they can't
even say hi to me
"They are cute"
That's the only thing I manage to say.."Its
home work time.."
The older one sulks before standing up andfol
owing her younger sister.

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 Zama is too quiet for my liking, not that I expected any
warm welcome from her. But the coldness fromher.
I sigh silently.
Maybe I should start the conversation
"How have you been?" I decide to ask her. I don't
know if it's a good start but I atleast I would havetried
she looks at me, Nomusa is quiet too, she's busy
getting the plates ready fordinner.

I wish she would just stop and sit down so we cantalk,

its awkward with Zama, I doubt she even remembers
what occur ed 15 years ago...
"Fine.." it's the only thing she manages to say
I force a light laugh, I'm trying but it's pointless. I've
never tried, it's my first time. I don't know how I should
go about it..
She's looking at me, the hate and the judging is too
visible in her eyes.. I'm trying so hard not to take it

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 to heart. Maybe I do understand where she is
coming from. She was very young when I left.

"I thought you'd want to spend your parole years

somewhere faraway from us. It's funny how you
decided to kil our father then push our mother to
depression and stil have the nerve to come and stay
with us-" -Zama
"Zama! !" Nomusa inter upts her.
"Why the hel would you say that to Liyana?" Shecontinues.
I'm quiet.
I shouldn't have tried
"Its fine, she had to say her heart" I say.
It's not fine. No it's not fine at al . I kil ed their father to
protect my mother!
To help my sisters and I not grow in a broken home. Mom
couldn't leave him, I didn't mean to kil him butI wanted to
make him stop

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 "No, she didn't have to say that! I'm sor y ..""Its
fine, I'l go lay down.."
I stand up.
I'm not hungry. I got used to eating two times a day.So
hunger wont be any problem to me.
I've survived al this years...

I walk back to "my" bedroom and lay on the bed, Ineed so

bad to smoke. It always helped me destress.
My chest is literal y painful. I'm finding it hard to breath
but I try hard not to scream orshout. My hands are
shaking. Maybe prison was my home. If Iknew, i would
have committed another murder andget another
sentence. Atleast in there no one judged me, we could not
judge each other. We werein there fordifferent reasons
but with same heart's,Dark..
We were away from this, from our realities. Prisonwas
home..

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 Moments later, Nomusa walks in with a plate in herhands and
sits on the bed with me.
I'm quiet, she is too. I have nothing to say to her"I
understand why you kil ed him.."
She says.
I say nothing
"I would have done the same thing too if it was me. I
remember some of the things that occur ed. When mama
cried helplessly and sometimes you would sit with me al
night hush me to sleep while you could not sleep.."
I'm stil quiet, I don't know how I feel at the moment.I've
never shown any emotion to anything since I'vebeen in
there. The only time i did was when they told me mama
was no more..
"Zama is just angry because of the note mama left before she
died. She felt as though mama loved youenough to forget
about us and just do it for you."
She sighs

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 "I've brought you food.."
"Thank you.." I say
"I'm off tomor ow, we'l go shop forthings you wil
need" she says again.
I nod
"But we'l have to wait for my parole officer to comethen
we'l go later.." I say
She nods. Again,
I'm quiet..
She brushes my hands.
Dragon used to do that alot when she felt I wasdown,
which I total y didn't understand.
"I love you Liyana okay?" She says squeezing myarms
a bit..
I smile a little..

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

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 THREE

"It kil ed me that I had to wake up daily, wonder what

my daughter is eating? How my daughter issurviving?
Knowing very wel that I had a plate fulof meal
everyday in my house.
I should have left. I know I should. Now her freedomhas
been taken away from her, I blame my self, shetook the
step I had failed to take.
Nomusa, take care of your little sister for me. Youboth
know how much I love you..."

I stop reading.
I don't wanna read anymore. Nomusa shouldn't have
gave me this note to read, if it's supposed tomake me
feel any betterthen its not helping the situation.

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 I don't know how I feel about it, part of me is happyshe
knew I was in because of her selfishness and part of me
is sad that she had to commit suicide because she couldn't
handle al the pain.

No- infact I'm not sad at al . I'm not, actual y I'm angry,
I'm angry at the fact that she chose the easyway out.
Life is hard out there, I've seen the most dangerousside of
life and I've heard to bare it al , she could have done the
same thing..
"See why Zama is angry about al this?"
She says, I think she raised I'm not reading
anymore..
"Yeah.." it's al I manage to say..
"We found the note on her bedside table the night she
had kil ed herself.." I want to ask how she did itbut I
decide against it.
Maybe it's betterthis way, when I just know that she
committed suicide

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 "She had been going through a lot. She had changed and
people around here thought she had lost her mind
because al she did was to roam around the streets and
talk al alone.. I just didn't know that it was that deep, I
just thought it was juststreet.." she says.. we're sitting on
my bed..
"She used to Visit me every Thursday.." I say, I don'tknow
what more to say to her
She stands from my bed.
"Get ready.. Your parole officer is outside."Oh
it's time to sign..
I get up from the bed and fol ow her to the sittingroom
too.

The parole officer is indeed sitting comfortably onthe

chair busy going through some documents...
Seeing her, just takes me back to prison. The brown
uniform just makes me uneasy..
We go through everything. She shows me where Ihave to
do and I sign on the dotted lines, she does

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 too..

This is my life now..

...

I'm a bit uneasy as we walk in the mal , I cant evenremember

what it felt like walking in a mal ...
I can't stop looking at people walking past us, theclothes they
are wearing...

I'm dressed in Zama's J eans and just a plain topand al

stars. They fit me perfectly, we have the same body
size..
"I think we should start here for underwears.."shesays
I turn to look at her, I want to go against it but Idecide
to keep quiet.

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 I haven't worn panties in like years, I got used to it..
"This is Zama's favourite shop.." she says as we are busy
checking on the clothes.
I honestly hate her fashion sense. Everything she
chooses for me is just not my style. I think I could do
only with J ean's and just plain T-shirts..
I ignore the topic about Zama. I haven't spoken toher. I
think it's betterthat way.

I just hate being reminded that I kil ed my own father.

I would do it again and again and again.
"What do you think about this?" What the fuck is this?A
dress?
I shake my head no
"Haou Liyana.."
"I'm not going to wear that!" She laughs

...

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 "Nomusa! !" Someone shouts Nomusa's name as we exit
the the mal . We have lots and lots of plastics with us. I
honestly think we went overboard.This is not enough but
it's too much..
But I'm happy she got me a cel phone, atleast I wilbe able
to cal Dragon. A box of cigarettes too.

She turns.. I can see her reaction, it changes as she sees a

man walking towards us, she looks scared... Ter ified..
The man walks towards us,looks at me then at her "Why
did you block my numbers?" The attitude?
"Here are my car keys, you can go to the car, I'l beright
there in a moment.." she says trying to hand the car keys
over to me. She's shaking, literal y
"Are you sure you're going to be fine?" I ask, she
nods.
Something is not right. He looks at me, the looks he's
giving me is supposed to creep me but it's not..

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 I hesitantly walk to the car, I don't know how this key is
used but I've seen her click something to unlock, I do the
same and place al the plastic bagsinside..

I can see, she's trying to fight him, their talk is getting

almost physical. I want to stay here and justkeep away
from trouble but my heart doesnt let metoo..
I get out of the carand go back to them
"Thato leave me alone!" She says to him
"Is everything okay here?" I ask, as polite as I can
Nomusa is silent, the guy looks at her
"Is it?" He asks herShe
nods.
I know it's not
"Let's go home Nomusa.." I say to her

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 "She is stil busy, you can go.." he says to meMen
frustrated the hel out of me!
"Was I talking to you?"
I'm surely but surely losing it. I don't want to.Nomusa
has this look of fear in her eyes..
"Liyana just go.."
She's on the verge of crying. This is attracting toomany
eyes on us and I do not care.
"Asambe!" I say to her, this time making sure to
sound as harsh as I can.
Lord, I don't wanna get in any..
"Tel your friend to leave Nomusa. Before I do
something we wil al regret.." the guy says again.
I want to laugh and clap my hands once but insteadI grad
Nomusa and decide to walk with her to the car..
"Who is he?" I ask as I drag her to her car.
She's stil shaking. Maybe I shouldn't have askednow

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 "Its my ex, the father of my kids.." she says afterlong
silence...
"Is he abusing you in anyway"I
didn't need to ask...

As I'm about to open the door, the guy closes it. He fol
owd us. I'm losing it honestly. I'm not looking forany
trouble but it seems at though trouble is lookingfor me.
I try to push him but he pushes me against the carand
soon has me by my throat..
Nomusa is in between us trying hard to make himstop..
...

"I swear, that man was here to ask fordirections! !"

Mama is pleading with him.. He's not stopping at al , he
kicks her so hard on the stomach.
He doesnt seem to listen.

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 Zama is fast asleep, Nomusa cannot sleep, I'm busy
brushing her back with her head on my thighs trying to
make her fal asleep.
Today, he didn't even close the doorto their bedroom.
He's drunk. He's beating her right there.
Its painful.
Mama has to endure this al her life..
I was only 23, I couldn't even study. It was hard.
Baba was a good man, the problem started when hewould
come back home drunk. He would accuse mama of al
things bad..

And today, history repeats it self...

There is a guy in between us, he managed to stopNomusa's

baby daddy. I'm coughing hard..
The guy has him by his clothes..
Nomusa is frustrated.. She's even crying..

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 It breaks my heart..
The guy final y let's go of the baby daddy.
Baby daddy points a finger at Nomusa Before
uttering
"I'm not done with you.."then walks away.I'm
stil coughing the guy looks at me "Are you
okay?"
I nod
"I... I'm sor y you had to go through that.."
She's stil crying..
"Is this your car?" He ask "No,
its my sister's" I answer
"Get in and go home, you wil be fine. Don't wor y he
won't do anything to you again.."
He says in a sure tone..
I don't think Nomusa wil be able to drive. I don'tthink I
stil remember how to drive. I cant..

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 "Wil you be able to drive?" I ask NomusaShe
nods but I'm not at al satisfied
"You know what, just get your important things, I'l drop
you off where you stay and we'l send someone to come
fetch the car, how's that?" He asks
"No, we'l be fine.." I don't trust men at al . I dontthink
I ever wil
"I won't do anything if that's what you think"
"I said, we wil be fine. Get inside Nomusa, I'l drive!"I
open the doorand get inside.

To be continued

Another insert wil fol owat 9pm. This wasyesterday's

insert.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

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 FOUR

I have been smoking. I missed smoking.

In times like this, I missed Dragon so much. She would
brush my back while I'm smoking becauseshe would be
trying to calm me down aftera fightwith other inmates.

I miss her so bad. Life with her was always better.She

always managed to make sure I forget the reality. She was
my reality..

I make a mental note to go see her on Thursday.

The house is quiet as I finish smoking and go back

inside.
Nomusa has been sleeping since we got back to themal , I
think she's going to work tomor ow.

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 The kids are not around too, I don't know if I shouldgo
wake her up and ask her if she knows where they are
since it's getting late..

I want to cook but I know It'l just be hel . The last

time I had cooked something was about 15 yearsago.
I'm not sure I can stil cook...

The dooropens just as I'm stil planing on what Ican

do..
The kids run inside with their bag packs, stil Inschool
uniform and Zama fol ows.
I sigh silently. I'm not ready for her
"Hi auntie! " Nompumelelo says, I smile
"Hi nana." She opened her bag and takes out a
packet of snacks
"I got this for you..." I smile
"Thank you.."
"Go change, it's late." Zama says to her in a the

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 most harsh tone. I decide to keep quiet about it..
Khanyi fol ows her sister to their bedroom.
Their mother is stil sleeping. I should go check upon her.
I'm a bit wor ied about her.

"You didn't cook?" And princes Zama decides to askas I

walk to Nomusa's bedroom.
I turn back to her"I
was about to.."
"So late? We usual y cook at 3pm here, that's how it
should be. You should know that by now.." this child..
"I'm sor y, but I'l keep that in mind.."

She ignores me..

I stand at Nomusa's bedroom door, she's busy onher cel

phone. I'm glad she is okay.

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 I clear my throat and she turns to look at me
,putting her phone away and sitting up straight.
"I just came to check on you.." she smiles, its faint.
"I'm sor y you had to go through that.." she
apologizes forthe hundredth time now
I walk over to her bed
"You've been apologising.."
"That's because I feel bad about it.." she says
"What's real y going on between your baby daddyand
you?"
"Its complicated.." I hate this
"How?"
"I have to go make something to eat for us, I'm sureyou
didn't cook"
I hate it when someone dismisses such serious topic.
It was always like this with mom

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 "I can't leave Nana, where wil we go? What are we
going to eat? Atleast finish school. Work for me, foryour
sisters so we can leave this toxic place and never come
back. For now I'l hold on so we can have proof over our
heads and food to eat.."
she always said that yo dismiss me.
I hate it. I hate this

"You should get a restraining order against him before

it's too late Nomusa.." she keeps quiet whileputting her
slippers on and walking away.

This frustrates me alot..

...
I walk to the kitchen, I want to help her.
Zama is busy on her laptop on the kitchen table.
Nomusa is peeling the vegetables.
I have to do something

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 "Do you need any help?" I ask her
She looks at me before nodding
"Yes, you can peel the potatoes for me..."
I go to the sink and wash my hands before lookingfora
knife to help her
"Theo attacked me at the mal today.." Nomusasays,
she's tel ing Zama
Zama lifts her head from the laptop bringing al theattention
to her sister
"What?" She asks
"Yeah.."
"Why don't you go back to the police station to report
him again?" She asks. A very good question
Nomusa sighs
"I don't understand why you would want to protectthis
guy so much when he has put you through so much hel
.." Zama continues
"I doubt he'l try to attack me again, he knows
Liyana is back from prison.."

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 I doubt. I honestly doubt. He's going to attack herover
and over again! !
"You mean because he knows the kil ers is back
right?" That...
"Zama please.."

"I don't understand why you want me to treat Liyana

as if she's the best sister when you knowvery wel that
she's a murderer! " I'm stil quiet, Idon't wanna say
anything. As much as it piercesthrough my heart, I
force my mouth shut.

"Zama I have had the longest day, not you again!"

Nomusa says

"You know what, I'm moving out. I cannot stay in thesame

house with the very same person that kil ed my own
father! !" She breathes hard. I don't understand the type
of anger she has towards me!
I have been punished, why should she punish me

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 like this?

"I don't know what it feels like to be loved by my own

father, she robbed me that chance! ! She tookthat
chance away from me! "

There's rage in her eyes when she says al this.

I'm laughing sarcastical y before I could stop myself.

I can't help it.
I stand up to go stand right in her face

"You're acting like some spoiltbrat right now.." I'm trying

so hard to act calm but I swear, I wanna stabher in the
heart.

"You feel like this life revolves around you and you
fucken have no idea what I went through to protect you
from the very same person you're claiming I

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 robbed you the chance of being loved by! ! Sis, you
wouldn't be this woman you are today if I hadn't
kil ed him. And you know what if I had the chance tokil
him again and again and again, I would just so you
wouldn't grow up in a dysfunctional home like I did,
broken! ! "

I take my pack of cigarettes and matches and justopen

the doorand walk out.
I real y need some get some air.
She can go to hel foral I care, I'm tired of trying to make
things right with her. I sent owe her anything.

I don't know where I'm going to. Everything aroundhere

has changed so much. The place doesnt havethat kasi
feel anymore, the house's are big, there is a tar road.
Pavements, street lights.

I can see Mam'Bettys house. I heard she passed on years ago.

She has been sick fora while and I heard

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 her granddaughter is leaving with her husband in
there..

I'm busy admiring the house's when a big black carpasses me

then stops and reserves to me...

The driver rol s down the window. I know this guy"And

we meet again.." he says..
I keep quiet..
He switches off the ignition before getting out of thecar..
And comes to my side..
He's tal , very tal .
I dont know why I notice that..
"Nkosinathi Ndlovu.." he says bringing his hand for a
handshake but I don't meet his instead I just lookat it
"Liyana Khumalo..."

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 "You stay around?" He ask
"Yes and I have to go real y.." I say walking away...I
hate men.
"Liyana.."
I turn to look at him "You're
beautiful.." he says
Only Dragon used to tel me that..
I walk away. I don't need any man to tel me I'm
beautiful.

To be continued.

Forgive me, it's a little bit short and not edited...

HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FIVE

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 "You sound like someone in love.. " she always has
something betterto say.
I laugh.
I don't know when was the last time I spoke to
someone so close to my heart.
"I'm just happy I can speak to you.." i say
"You've kept your promise.."
I did, I promised her I would cal her as soon as I geta
cel phone.
I promised her I would always keep in touch.. I've
known her numbers by heart.
She's had this phone forthe past years and I shouldsay it's
what kept us going.

She managed to sneak in deals just so we could run

business inside there.
We've survived with that phone

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 "How's everything going?" She asks...I
sigh..
"Its going pretty wel .." I say. I'm not sure though"But
you don't sound like that.."
See, Dragon always knows when things aren't welon my
side.
She's like the mother I've never had in my life..

"I'm just trying to get used to the place, it's not aneasy
task to do though.. "
"I get what you mean. But how are they treatingyou?"
Again another sigh.
Nomusa is treating me so wel , he children too butZama...
She's just another story.
"Nomusa is just okay, she took me shopping just two days
ago and yeah I should say things are okaybetween us.."I
say
"And Zama?" She speaks of them as though she
knows them..

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 Wel , she does. Not in person but I always told herabout
them..
She's always been a great listener. I have too."Ahh, I
don't know.." I say.
"J ust give it some time, i think she's stil trying to accept
you and everything that's happened.."I wish Icould say I
understand but I dont..
"And you, How's everything?" She chuckles
"Wel , stil pushing life and surviving you know.."she's
always been happy this one.
"Love?" I laugh
"Its stil a bit early forthat and besides what's that?"She
laughs
Sboshwa! !
I can hear the warder shouting..
I chuckle, this was the best moments of my life..."Eish
lescefe! I have to go.." she whispers.
I laugh and hang up..

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 It's pretty much late Nomusa is working nightshiftand
Zama has gone out with the kids.
I know forsure that she's avoiding me.

I'm trying to sleep but I can't sleep, there's an imageof a

man which keeps on appearing. I'm trying so hard not to
think about it..
...

I'm woken up by third sense.

You know when you feel as though there's
something orsomeone watching you...
I sit up straight, there's no one. The lights are stil on,I
never switch off my bedroom lights..
I wear my slippers and go check if Zama and thekids
are back but there's no one, its 3:30am..

I get wor ied. They should be back. Oh I finished my

airtime, I have to send cal messages to Nomusa

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 and I do, my phone rings in just a moment
"Liyana, is everything okay?" It's the first thing she
asks..
"Yes.. I mean no..Yes.." what do I say?
"Zama and the kids are not back yet, I'm wor ied.." I
final y say
"Oh, I'm real y sor y, I forgot to let you know thatthey
were sleeping over at her friends place.."
Why the fuck didn't you tel me?
I keep quiet instead. I don't want her to feel asthough
I'm making this about me.
"Its fine.."
"Its not, I should have told you. I'm real y sor y.."shesays
again
"No it's okay, I'l just to back to sleep.." I say

I know I won't be able to sleep again. Maybe I'm just

paranoid. I've always been like this prison, feeling as
though there's someone watching me.

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 It has always been like that, leaving in fearand knowing
someone might just come and attack youwhen you're fast
asleep.
One was forced to sleep with one eye open.

Its 7am when I wake up. I dozed off on the couch.

I have to be at the Home before 9am. I hate that I'mforced
to start working at the home, taking care of the orphans,
playing with them and al .
I let out a heavy sigh as I walk to the bathroom andtake a
quick bath.

Nomusa is in the house by the time I'm done

bathing and ready to leave the house..
"Liyana.." she says as she's making her coffee"I
didn't know you're back" I say to her
"I am, and i made sure to come back as soon as I
knocked off so I can drive you to the home"
It's just a fewstreets away. I know forsure that I

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 can walk there
"You didn't have to, I'l walk.." I say
"What? I cannot let you just go there on your own onyour
first day"
I smile.
I'l always appreciate her efforts
"So what do I tel your warder when they come
here?"
Oh, they know they'l find me at the home and actual y
if they do find me here, I'l get in trouble cause they
have assigned me to do some "charitywork" at the
home, which I already hate..
"Anyway, I got you a gift to apologize for not tel ingyou
that Zama and the kids were spending the nightout.."
"What is it?" I ask as she hands a smal paperbag tome..
"Open.." I open, it's a box. I don't know what's inside.Oh
it's a perfume.. I don't know when was the last time I
owned one oreven smel ed nice

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 I thank her...
..

I already hate this place by just being here.

Most of the children here are above 15 and just afewof
them are younger..

Nomusa left immediately afterdropping me off..

I'm in the kitchen busy mopping the floor whensome
lady walks in...
"Hi.." she's shy.
"Hel o" I continue doing my work
"I'm Dineo" I honestly don't want to engage in any
conversation but I guess I don't need to be rude onmy
first day
"Liyana." I say
"Are you knew here?" She ask as though we'reschool
kids

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 "Yeah, I'm forced to."
She chuckles
"I know how you feel, I've been there too but I
eventual y grew some love forthis place. I knowyou
wil too"
I turn to look at her.
She's beautiful. She has this natural look which just
reminds me of Dragon. She has a beautiful smile aswel ..
"You're an ex convict?" She nods
"But it wasn't anything big. Was just ar ested forsel
ing dagga.." I can't help but laugh.
She looks at me
"So they're making you do this charity thing just forbeing
prisoned fora year or less?"
She rol s her eyes before moving to the stove.
She checks the por idge in the pot "But it
was years ago. Long time ago"

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 I nod
"What did you do?" She asks
"Let's just say I did something big"i say, I'm no
longer comfortable with this conversation.
"I'l go clean the other rooms" I say before walkingaway

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

Six

Dineo..
I've scored a new friend.
We've been working together as the home forthreedays
now and I should say she is a good person.

Nomusa is in the bedroom sleeping, she came back

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 just a few moments ago and Zama is at work.
I feel like she hasn't been giving herself enough time to
rest just because she's avoiding being in thehouse with
me...
The kids too left an hour ago to school.

I decide to make Nomusa something to eat before

leaving to work, I know it's going to be ter ible but
atleast I would have tried..

...
The walk to the home seems too long today, it'svery
hot for 8am..
I'm stil walking while listening to music through theheadsets
on my phone when a black carstops.
I rol my eyes. When wil this guy leave me alone?
He rol s the window down
"Get in, I can give you a ride.." he says through the
window

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 What a disrespectful bastard!
I'm tired though, its pretty much hot but I don't givein.
I'd rather walk then sit in a car with some stranger..
"Liyana.." oh I forgot I told him my name.
What the fuck! !
"No, I'm fine.."
"No you're not, it's fine, I'l drop you off at the home"he
says.
How did he know I'm going there?
I hesitate a bit before going inside the car.

There is a beeping sound as he drives away. I don'tknow what

it is
"Seatbelt" he says
"Huh?" I'm lost
"Fasten your seatbelt" oh that..I
do as I'm told.

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 I'm uncomfortable in the car. He seems to notice,we've
been quiet
"You seem uncomfortable" he says
"You're a stranger, I have to be" I say to himHe
chuckles..
"How are you Liyana?" His voice is deep. Why do I
notice them random things from him? Things I
shouldn't even bother my self about?
Last time I checked I hated men with al my heart and
suddenly, I notice even the smal things from this
stranger.

No, its final, I'm a hoe! It doesn't need any

discussion.

When did I change to this girl? See, this is why Ihate

life outside.

"I'm okay.." I final y say.

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 He doesn't seem to give in to my answer.
He is driving so slow, i can't wait to get out of herealready.

"How are things at the shelter?" He asks again.

Okay, last time I checked, I only told him my name,not

everything about my life. Wait... Is he stalking me
"I didn't tel you I was working at the home.."I say
"I dropped my sister in law there yesterday and Isaw
you cleaning.." sister in law?
I scan his fingers, there's no ring.
Why the fuck did I even do that?
"Oh.." it's the only thing I manage to utterHe
parks outside the home
"Can I fetch you later so we can do dinner?" He asks"No" I
utter without even thinking about it

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 He looks at me, he's serious.
I need to get out of here as soon as I can.
"And thank you forthe lift.."

"7:30 sharp, I'l fetch you at your place.." he says

before unlocking the door.
Does this motherfucker know that I'm capable ofkil
ing a human being?
Maybe if I do tel him, then he'l stay the hel away
from me

"Nkosinathi..." I cal out his name

He smiles before his dark gaze fixes on me. I hatethis
already

"I'm not working here because I want to. I was forced to. I
have been in prison forthe past 15 yearsand I just came
out last week. You wanna know whyI was in? Because I
kil ed a man!" I say, I'm

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 supposed to sound calm and col ected but no, myvoice
is just something else!

"Yah, 7:30 sharp!"

He says again .
I get off the carand just walk inside the home.

MaKhumalo is already in cleaning.

"Ma.." she runs this home
She smiles when she sees me. This woman has thiswarn
heart.
"You're early today.."
Because some bastard decided to give me lift!
I don't say
"Yah, how are you?" I ask
"I'm okay, how are you?"
"I'm good"

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 I'l have to put the pots on the stove, I don't even know
how to cook but I have to busy my self aroundhere..

"Is Dineo here yet?" I ask

"No, she said she would be coming in very late
today..." I'm suddenly wor ied about her, I don't
know why but I am
"Can you please go check if the kids are stil fine on the
other side, the nurse wil be coming in today.." I nod

"And don't wor y about the pots, I'l handle

everything in the kitchen today" again I nod.

I walk away to the hal , the kids are there. Most ofthem
have gone to school.
I sit and just watch the younger ones play.

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 This takes me back to when mama was stil alive. Ihad to
take care of Zama and Nomusa while mamawas sleeping
in the bedroom nursing the wounds she would have
endured from daddy's beatings.

I don't understand my emotions, I'm suddenly sadabout al

this.
A hand on my shoulder startle me. I turn to find
Dineo
I smile

"I thought you'd be coming in late.." I say to her

before she sits down and joins me
"I was until my sister came through.." she says Idon't
understand but I don't want to ask

"I had no one to look after my daughter, there is a

strike at her school so she had no where else to go

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 but my sister came to fetch her, she's spending theweekend
with them.." she says
Oh she told me she has a 5years old daughter.

"I'm sor y to hear that.." I say

"Its fine, atleast my sister came through" Yeah.
"So any plans forthe weekend? Its friday today."She
asks
Some bastard wants me to go out with him."No,
none" I say

"I have the house al to my self this weekend. You can

come spend the weekend with me." I'm temptedto say yes,
I real y need some time out of that housebut I just cant. I
dont even know when those stupidwarders wil be
coming.
"I'm stil on Parole you know?"

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 "Argh! " She rol s her eyes. I laugh
"But its fine, I'l just buy a bottle of whiskey and just drink
my self to sleep. I honestly needed some time alone.
Atleast I would cry alone" I laugh at that.
She's going through a break up. Her baby daddy just
moved out of their home just days ago.
Argh. Such life problems.

See why I don't like men?

"You'l be fine though. Or you can come and spend the
day with my sisters and I at our place. I'm sure they
won't mind.." i say
"That sounds like a good idea.." she says
....

Its 5pm when I knock off, I'm real y tired. I need tobath
and just sleep
I pass by at a nearest Indian shop and buy a
ciggerate before walking home.

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 ..

There's a smal silver carparked just outside our home

as I get inside. I don't know it, I've never seenit. Zama
drives a white carand Nomusa's car is here parked too.
I walk in and there's screaming in the house as I getin.
Nomusa is in her work uniform and looks ready toleave
but has a knife in her hands pointing at.. Oh baby
daddy.

"Dare try something to me, I swear Theo I'l stabyou!

!" She says in fear.
"What's going on here?" I ask both of them as I walkin.
Baby daddy turns to me before actual y laughing.
"Talk to this sister of yours to stop this madness! "
He says to me
"Theo get out! !" Nomusa says

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 "You know you wont win this! ! I'm going to take mykids
away from you! I want to make sure you suffer!You
cannot just decide to cut me out of my children's lives
just because I slapped you just once! " He says
"Get out! " She shoutsI
look at him
"Get out.." I say as calm as I can
He takes his car keys and phone on the table andwalks
out.
Nomusa is breathing hard, she's trying not to crybut it
just seems too hard for her not to.
I go to her and she just lets it al out as soon as Ihug
her
"Why can't he just leave me alone?"she says in sobs
"Is it not enough that he raped me, physical y and
emotional y abused me and because he has money,he
made sure the law is on his side? Is it notenough huh?"
She's sobbing so hard it breaks my

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 heart!

To be continued

There'l be another insert during the dayHER

PAIN, HIS TREASURE

SEVEN

"What's real y going on Nomusa?" I ask afterawhile..

She's calm now. I don't like asking but I feel like Ihave
to.
"Theo just wants to make my life a living hel .." I don't
think she fit to go to work right now. She has been crying.
It's been close to an hour now since wehave been sitting
on this couch.
I've never seen her this messed up

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 "How?" I ask
She shrugs

"Should I make you tea?" I ask maybe it'l help her.

I stand up to go back to the kitchen
"I'l cal Matron and tel her I can't go in today.."
that's better
I walk away and fil the kettle with water whiletaking
out two cups of tea.
She fol ows me to the kitchen aftera few moments.

"I spoke to Matron, she understands.."

"That's better.." I pass the cup of tea to her. Shethanks
me aftertaking it
"He was a good man, I don't know what changed.."she
says aftera moments of silence..
The kids are hardly around here.
She did say that they mostly spend their time at

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 their grandmother's place. Theo's mother.

I stil dont understand what he meant when he saidhe'l

take the kids when he already has them.
They kids practical y stay with the paternal
grandmother.
I understand why, being a nurse is demanding. Zama
too is hardly home because how demandingher job also
is..

"Everything changed when his business got successful.

He changed to this man I don't recognize. He started
cheating and when i confronted him he would beat me.
Sometimes i would refuse to sleep with him because i
would want us to test but he would forceful y sleep with
me..." we're back to square one, she's about to cry.
I'm just sitting here listen to her vent.

I hate this, I hate the fact that my very own sister

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 has to go through what our mother went through
"Why don't you get a restraining order against him?"
I ask

"You think I haven't tried? Our justice system is just shit.

Now he comes hwew every chance he gets to threaten me.
I don't know what more he wants fromme because I'm
over him now.." she says and sniffs

"I think we should go back to the police station to

report him, I'l be with you.."
She shakes her head "You
don't understand.."
What's there to understand?

"Musa I don't need to understand. We're reporting him

again cause I know that if we dont, I'l go backto prison.
I wil not let him just do as he pleases with you and just
sit there and do nothing!" I say.

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 I mean it.
Yes, I miss prison but I don't wanna go back there.
Being in there is the worst thing that's ever happened to
me. I've got al the punishment. I've had it hard, the
bittersweet memories as wel but Ijust don't wanna go
back there.
I've missed this freedom

"He wil only pay the officers to make the case disappear
and just make my life a living hel !" I don'twanna get al
worked up but this is tiring, why do I have to go back to
square one?
I sigh and take my cup of me and walk away
"I need to bath and just sleep, I'm tired.." I say as Iwalk
away.

...
My hair is just a mess. I decide that I'l be cuttingmy
short when I have money.

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 I'm sitting in the bedroom trying to familiarize my self
with al the social media platforms when there'sa light
knock on my bedroom door.
I'm in pjs.
"Come in.." I say.

If there's anything i enjoy more than anything elsesince

i got out is the privacy..
I'm shocked to see Zama walk in
"Hi.. There's someone at door, looking for you.." shesays
"For me?" I'm shocked. Who would come look forme
at this time of the day? It's almost 7:30pm

She nods
I stand up and fol ow her.
I almost rol my eyes to find Nkosinathi sitting
comfortably in the kitchen with Nomusa. There is abottle
and a glass of water for him on the kitchen

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 table.
They are laughing at some stupid joke I don't even
wanna know about.

I clear my throat. Zama walks to the kitchen counterand

keeps herself busy.
"Nkosinathi.." he looks at me. I must admit. He hasthis
intimidating personality.
"You're in pajamas? I thought we had a date?"hesays
standing up
No I don't have a date with you..

"I know I'm the reason why she forgot I'm real ysor
y." Nomusa says
I look at her. Is she for real right now?
"But it's stil early, you can stil go and change.."No!

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 "You know what, let me walk Nkosinathi out. I'l beback in
a few.." I say.
I want to sound as polite as i can but i just cant.

"It was pleasure meeting you ladies.." he says toboth

Nomusa and Zama.
They say their goodbyes.

We walk out in silence. It's a bit cold outside. I should

have worn a gown for real to keep me warm.

We walk to his car, its parked just outside the gate.He is

driving another one, different in colour. It's also big.
He has his hands in his pockets. He notices that I'mcold
"We can chil in the car.." he says
"Okay.."

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 what TF! I should be going back inside.I
did say, I'm a hoe!
He opened the passenger doorfor me and I get
inside and he goes on his side and gets in as wel
"Should I turn on the heater?" I didn't know cars hadheaters.

I don't wanna embar ass my self though.I just

nod and he does that.
We sit in long silence. Its heavy. I should be sleeping
right now oreating. I haven't had anythingto eat

"I think we should drive to the nearest drive thru and

atleast get something to eat. I'm hungry.." he speaks as if
reading my mind
"Yah, I'm hungry nam.." I say before I could stop myself.

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 Liyana Khumalo when did you become this person?"Why
did you kil the man?" He ask
His focus is on the road. I think he's asking aboutwhat
I told him earlier on.

The most shocking part about al this is I feel free

around him. He doesnt scare me. I don't hate him as
much as I say I hate men.
I sigh silently

"I couldn't bare seeing him abuse my mother

anymore.." I say
He is quiet, i don't know what he is thinking but I
know forsure that he is.
I want him to ask or maybe say something but he isjust
quiet, his silence is heavy on me
"I was young by then though, 23 years.." I continue.
Hoping he would say something. Why do i suddenly
hope?

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 "Who was he?" He asks
"My father..."
"How long have you been in?" He ask again
"15 years" I don't know why I'm comfortable
answering to him.
I dont usual y talk to people about this. I alwaysdismiss
such topics.
"So Nkosinathi who are you?" I want to change the
topic
"I'm Nkosinathi Ndlovu, I thought I had already toldyou
that.."
You did but I wanna know more about this strangerthat
doesnt wanna stay away from me.

He parks at McDonald's and orders food forboth ofus.

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 Soon we're driving out. I'm hungry, I'm already
eating the chips.
"Where do you stay?" I ask
"In Midrand.." he says without thinkingBut
man you're always in Tembisa..
"I have friends around here.. incase why're thinkingwhy
I'm always here. " he says
"You check on your friends even in the morning?"
He chuckles
"No, I had some business to do today Liyana.." It
sounds powerful.

Moments later we're parked just outside my gate.

We're eating. Its cost. I don't like this but I'm
enjoying it.
"How old are you?" He ask just randomly.
Why?
"I'm turning 37 in two days time.."

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 Yes, two days time.
I'l be celebrating my birthday forthe first time in
years. I'm excited about it
"Two days time?" He ask I nod.
"So we are celebrating?" I laugh
"Yes, I mean I haven't celebrated my birthday since15
years ago.." I say.
We're back to being serious.
"I love how strong you are.." he says, he's serious. His
voice sounds deeper. It's.. No maybe I shouldn'teven think
about it
It's getting late, I should go back inside the housebut I stil
want to be in here..
Sigh..

To be continued

It's a little bit too short. Let me make it up to you by

Sehranmagzine.com
 posting tomor ow.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

EIGHT

I've been trying to avoid this knock on my bedroom

doorbut its quiet clear Nomusa wont go away. I open
my eyes and throw t the pil owon the closedbedroom
door! !
I damn hate this.

This is probably the first time I'd slept peaceful in

years. I've been tired, my body needed this muchrest.
I drag my feet to the doorand unlock it then go back to
Nestle back under the covers.

She chuckles

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 "Last night must have been to busy hey! " She says.I
almost rol my eyes.
I came back inside the house very late. Everyonewas
already asleep.
People wont believe me if I tel them nothing
happened. We just spoke about anything and
everything

He's free to be around. I won't lie, I enjoy his

company more than I enjoy anyone's company.
Dragon wil have to forgive me about this.No,
bendikhulumile ukuthi ndiyisfebe.
Why do I suddenly feel so comfortable around aman?
I thought I hated everything that had to do with men!

"What time is it?" I ask

"Very late.. Zama is off, I am too so we were

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 thinking, how about we have some girl's day out today. J
ust go shopping, do our hair and nails andjust
everything. My treat.." I honestly don't think it'sa good
idea

"Nah, you guys can go.." she sighs sitting on the bed
too

"I'm trying to bring back the sister bond between thetwo of

you but you guys ain't making things any easier on my
side.." I want to argue but I dont know what to say

"J ust this once Liyana, I promise if it doesn't workout

then I won't try again.."
Argh, this one is putting me in a difficult situation

"Okay.." I say. I knw she wouldn't have given up.She

stands from my bed, I do do too, to make the

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 bed.
I'm hoping she would walk out but she's not, insteadshe
folds her arms and lean against the bedroom wal . Oh
she's making her self comfortable in my bedroom.

I turn to look at her

"I thought we were done.." i say

She smiles. This smile it's just too naughty and

wicked for my liking
"I don't mean to pry but.."
"I feel like you're about to.." I say cutting her.
She chuckles and throws her hands up in a form ofsur
ender
"Okay okay, I'm curious..." she says

"Theres something about him." Silence..

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 I'm waiting for her to say more
"I don't know... He's a definition of a man.."

Eh?

"How he smiles. His seriousness, his muscles. Howthat J

ersey fit those muscles so perfect last night.."
She closes her eyes and cover her mouth

"Did you see his smile? The beard? Hair air mtakama.
Where did you get him?"
I'm now folding my arms looking at her I actual y wanna
laugh at her reaction. Its just to hilarious. I'venever seen her
like this

"Who are you talking about?" I ask laughing

"Nathi.. " I final y laugh out so loud
"I swear if he wasn't here for my very own sis, I

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 would have made a move on him.." she says "He's a
whole snack.. No a whole meat platter."

I'm stil laughing. It's been a while since I've hadsuch

good laugh.
"Can I finish what I'm doing..." I say
She walks out laughing
"We're not done.." she says.
This one should have been a journalist.

My phone rings just as I'm done making the bed and

about to go to brush my teeth then go kitchenand join
the sisters from breakfast.
The only people that cal s me on this phone is
Dragon, Nomusa and Dineo but I don't recognizethis
number.

I hesitate taking the cal but it rings again..

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 "Sure.." I say
"That sounds too ghetto.." I
chuckle. Nathi..
"Hi.."
"And that's even more streetwise."
I laugh
"Wenzani? Let me treat you forbreakfast.."

"Ahh, Nomusa already has made breakfast and wants us

to get ready forsome girls day out.." I say
"Okay, how about you give me a cal when you getback
and we'l see what we can do afterthat ?"
Sigh
"I don't have airtime" I can imagine him cocking an
eyebrow as he always does.
That's one thing I've noticed he enjoys doing. "I
hope I didn't get you in any trouble with your

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 sisters last night.." he says
"No. everyone was already asleep." I say
"That's better. The last thing I need is get you in anykind
of trouble."
I smile
"Okay, I'l cal you back later" he says
I hung up, I don't know what's the good way to say
goodbye.
My phone beeps, there is a message.It's
an Ewal et. R5000.
I don't even know what an Ewal et service is.
Its fol owed by a text from him
"Buy airtime. Use your number"J
ust like that...

Zama is alone in the kitchen when I walk in. Part of me

wants me to greet her but part me just feels likeignoring
her.

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 I don't want any drama. It's very much early forthat..I
walk straight to the fridge and get the juice "Morning.. " I
final y say.
Silence.
Sigh, you see?
I walk to the kitchen table and just sit down. The
breakfast is ready.

Nomusa walks in, I think she's was in the bathroom

orsomething.
She's stil al smiles when she sits down.
"What time are you fetching the kids today?" Zamaasks
Nomusa.
"I'm not, I'l fetch them tomor ow. I just wannaspend
the day with my sisters."
There's silence..
"So we're getting a weave for you Liyana. That shorthair
looks so dul .."

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 Gosh!
"No Nomusa, I'm fine..."
"You're not. You have to charm Mr. Nathi.."
I rol my eyes
"Speaking of Nathi, you're so quick neh?" Zama
decides to say. .
Unbelievable..
"What do you mean?" Nomusa asks.The
laughter is now gone..
"I mean just that.."
Silence, only the sounds of plates
"I mean, it's barely two weeks since she got out.She's
already sleeping with someone.." she chuckles
lightly. .
Nomusa is now looking at her in disbelief
"Or is he one of the thugs that comes in prison to bring
you drugs to run the business inside forthem.I mean he
doesn't look like some guy who is in legit

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 business"
I can't stop my self.
I don't know how I got here but I soon I'm on my feetand slap
her so hard that my hand pains.

She screams. Nomusa is on her feet too.

I run to Zama's side. I have her by her clothes andslapping
her with both my hands.
Nomusa quickly comes to my side and pushes meaway
from her.
There are screams. I don't fucken know how thingsquickly got
out of hands.
I'm angry..

I final y let go of her and just walk out.

I start panicking as soon as I'm outside with a

ciggerate in my hands.

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 What if she opens a case against me?I
can't go back to prison.
I panick.
Oh my God... What
have I done?

I decide to take a walk to calm my nerves down.I

don't even know where I'm walking to..
But I remember Dineo once showed me that she'sliving
somewhere around this street.
I don't have my phone with me to cal her but I
decide to ask the kids playing in the street.
I don't think they know her but one kid
Says

"Ukhuluma ngo mama ka Thando.."

Yes, that's her! I tel the kids. She always thanksabout
Thando. Her beautiful daughter.

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 Then they show me point at some house.
It's real y beautiful. The house looks so much like abond
house.
There's a carat the gate.
I know this car, I've seen this car.
Oh, I know remember that it looks so much like thecar
Nkosinathi once gave me a lift in..

I can see Dineo sitting on the green grass with so

woman and two kids busy playing.
She notices me as I open the gate.
She stands and comes to give me a hug
"Nana.." she says

I smile. She's real y happy to see me

"I left my phone at home, I could have cal ed.."I
say

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 "Its fine. Come join us, we're drinking wine here..."
We walk to the woman
"Oh meet my sister, Tshepiso. And Tshepi, this ismy
friend. The one I've been tel ing you about.
Liyana."
She smiles.
"Nice to final y meet you Liyana.."
Likewise.

She is real y beautiful. Everything about her justspel

s money. From her perfume to how she is dressed.
Her hair is just too neat and beautiful, shiny. The
bracelets too spel s money.. I'm lost in her beautywhen
Dineo brings me back to reality

"I'l go get another glass of wine.."I

nod.

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 She walks away

To be continued

I couldn't post the saturday insert as promised. Iwon't

lie, I had a busy weekend.
I hope you enjoyed your weekend
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

NINE

Dineo and Tshidi are so free. I can tel the wine hasgot to
them already.
They're dancing. I've never been much of a drinkerso the
I had just a glass of wine and watched the ladies drink.

Dineo gets up from the grass to go get another

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 bottle of wine in the house, 4th one.
I'm actual y shocked at how this ladies are actual yconsuming
this alcohol..
"You're not much of a drinker, are you?" Tshidi asks.I
don't want to lie, she's so beautiful
I chuckle
"I've never had the chance to have some so.. Yeah" Isay
"But now it's the chance."I
chuckle.
I guess she's trying to convince me to drink. I'm not.I don't
feel like drinking.
I've been here for more than 3 hours now. I should
probably be going back home but I just don't wannago
back to the mess I left.
Sigh

This is honestly not the life I thought I was signing

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 up for. Being in prison was way betterthan being atmy
mother's house.

But I ty to block the negative thoughts

"And I stil have to drive.." she says in laughter.
I don't think she'l manage
"In your state?" I can't keep my self from saying
"I know, I know.m You sound so much like my
husband right now.." she says.
Oh she's drunk
"But I'm mar ied to a mil ionaire babes, I know he wil
make things happen. I can cal him and just likethat I'l
have a whole bunch of drivers to take us home.."
Gosh, she's drunk.

Dineo walks back with another glass of wine. Thesister

stands up and joins her, they dance to the song playing
in the house.

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 I real y need to leave..
"Ladies, I real y should go home." I say
"You're such a party pooper! " Dineo
"I real y have to.." "Let's
take you home.."No! I
don't wanna die.
"No no no... I'l be fine, just continue partying ladies.I
promise I'l cal as soon as I get home.."

I'm final y out of the yard. It's not real y that farfromhome.

I cant stop thinking about the situation I have left athome

as I walk towards home.

How did life get here? You know, I had always been
excited about getting out of prison and just fixing thing
with my sisters.

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 I thought I would be out to fix my wrongs.
I don't wanna lie, I don't want to go back inside but Ifeel
as though life inside was much betterthan being home
right now...

Nomusa takes me in her arms as soon as I walk inthe

house.. She has the wor ied face on her.
"I'm sor y.." I know I should apologize"I
was real y wor ied about you.."
"I'm sor y."
"Nathi cal ed too, hes out there driving looking foryou.
He is real y wor ied."
"I should have taken my cel phone. I'm sor y" I don'tknow
what more to say
I walk to sit on the couch"Where
is she?" I ask
"She went out. I don't know where she is, I couldn'teven
fol ow her because I had to sit here and wait for you to
come back so I would make sure you're

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 fine.." she says
"I'm real y sor y" I say
It awkward. I know I have put her in difficult
situation.
I feel as though right now she feels she has to choose
between us and it's the last thing I need
She closes her eyes and leans her head on thecouch.
She seems too strained.
"I just lost it when she included Nathi in al this." Isay
also leaning my head against the couch.
"I know, I would have too. She acted so childish
about it" she is stil not looking at me
"I don't want to come between the two of you"
"You went to prison just so you could save us Liyana. I
would have done the same thing if I was inyour shoes.
She's a grown woman now, she has to accept that and
move on orjust leave us in peace.."
No..
"No.."

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 "Zama should just stop this madness or move out. She is
working. We just need peace in here.." she says with a
sigh.
"The last thing I need is to get between the two ofyou.." I
mean it
"I know and the last thing I needed was to choose
between the two of you and right now if I have to choose
between my sisters, I'm going to choose theone who
stayed half of her life in prison just so shecould save
me.." I don't know what to say,I have mixed emotions.

A phone rings on the kitchen counter, oh its mineI

stand up to go take it.. Its Nathi.
"Nathi.."
"Liyana, ukuphi?"
"I'm home, I'm alright.."
"Okay, I'm on my way" he says before hanging up

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 "Its Nathi, he says he's on his way.." I tel NomusaShe also
stands from the couch
"Its fine.. I'l go fetch the kids too. I honestly thoughtwe'd
be having some girl's day kinda thing but rightnow I just
need my children close to me.." she saystaking her car
keys.

I'm sad. Maybe I shouldn't have let my anger getahead

of me. I feel as though I've disappointed Nomusa.
"You wil be fine right?" She askI
nod.
She walks out.

I don't know what to do to pass time. I decide toclean

the mess we left on the table while havingbreakfast.
The food seems untouched. I pack the food in
containers and put them inside the fridge before

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 washing the dishes.

My phone beeps in my pocket. It's a text from Nathi"I'm

outside.."
"Come in, I'm alone" I reply.

There is a knock aftera few moments.

And he envelops me in his arms and hug me as soon as I
open the door. I can't help but inhale hisscent. I'm
getting too familiar with it. Its manly. It'snice.
And he final y let's go. I suddenly feel empty.

"I have been wor ied about you" I can tel

"I went to see a friend. I just needed to get out of thehouse"
"What happened Liyana?" We're stil facing eachother
on the door.

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 I turn to walk back to the kitchen counter, I can feelhis
footsteps fol owing me.
Then I turn back to face him. He is leaning againstthe
kitchen table

"I just lost it when she remind me of prison life.."

No, I lost it when she said stupid things about you.But I
can't tel him that.
I don't want him to hate her as I already do.He
is silent, he's watching me.
I suddenly feel so nervous .

"I think you should have just walked away insteadof

attacking her.." this man doesnt understand.
Attacking someone is what we lived by in prison.We
believed in attacking someone.

"Yeah I know.." I say.

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 I don't
He takes my hands in his and brings me to him.I'm so
close, very close.

"Don't ever do that again.?"

I don't understand
"I was real y wor ied about you. I couldn't even think
straight when your sister told me she didn't know where
you were and you were not in the right state to go out"
I do now.

Did she real y have to exaggerate though?

I drop my gaze and he stare down at me.. I hatesuch
serious moments
"You real y should consider taking anger
management classes.." I laugh.
"I did while in prison but I guess they're not

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 helping.."

"I can organize one for you." There is an intense

burning behind his eyes, it steals mynext breath..
"I'm fine. I'l be fine"
"No you're not, the last thing I need Liyana is younot
being able to control your anger even to ourkids."

Kids, you say.

His eyes looks into mine. I real y need to get ussomething to
drink..
"Can I get you something to drink.." I say, I soundlike
a child right now, its not even funny.

"No... I wanna kiss you" it comes out in a form of

whisper.
He looks into my eyes before lowering his gaze to my lips.
They're suddenly dry. I don't know what to

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 do next.
He leans in and brushes his lips sweetly againstmine.
"I think I'm fal ing for you.." he whispers against me.
My heart beats fast against my ribs. I don't speak.He
takes in my lips fora deep kiss. I dont know ifI'm doing it
right but I just fol owthe lead. His lipsare soft. I enjoy
them.

He circles his arm around me bringing me closer tohim.

In this masculine arms, I feel safe. It's my haven.
The air seems supercharged. Anticipation. Heat.
Desire so potent its almost painful..

His phone rings in his pocket. He groans in my lips

before cutting the kiss and using his free hand to get it
from his pocket while his other hand is stil circled
around me.

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 "Yebo" he says as he places the phone on his ear.
His eyes are on mine as he speaks on the phone, they keep
fol owing mine. I feel so caged in his eyes.
"Where are you?" He sighs and listens
"Your ir esponsible tendencies are real y getting outof
hand. They're tiring now"

"I'm held up somewhere right now but I'l cal Mbusoso

come get you guys"

There's silence.
"Okay, I love you too.." my body tenses at the
statement.
He loves her, I know forsure it's a her.
He hangs up the phone with his eyes stil on mine.

"I'm sor y you had to hear that.."

"I need water.." I'm trying to shift away from him.

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 But he stil has my body caged in his arms andfinal y
let's go. I walk to the fridge
"Is there any woman in your life?" I know to know
before I could get my hopes high.
I'm in too deep already.
He is silent fora while
I know what that means
"Then Nathi what are you doing with me?" I ask
"No, you know what. I don't even need to know what
you're doing with me. It's enough that I'm already in too
deep but there is someone else."
"Liyana.."
"Leave.." I'm serious
"I like you, I real y do. Yes she's there, she's been
there for years."
"I said leave! " He sighs and takes his keys and
walks out.

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 I'm so angry right now. I was fal ing forthe guys.No!
! Al men are the same!
They are dogs!

He's gone. I have my phone on my ear. J feel likescreaming

"Al men are dogs! !" I tel her
She whistles.
"You already had a dick up inside your vagina?" She
teases
I'm being serious here!
"He couldn't even respect me enough to talk to hiswoman
faraway from me"
"Wooah, I think you need to calm down and tel me
what's real y going on"
I sigh
"That's better. Nowtel me what did the man do?"
I tel her everything. I feel as though I needed this. I

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 honestly feel like I have forgot she is the only
person I can speak to about everything and
anything
"I honestly think he answered the phone in your
presence so you would know he is not hiding
anything"
"The guy should have just told me from a get gothat I
was a side chick"
She laughs
"15 years neh?"
"Dragon I'm being serious here"
"Men like him are rare to find. He's transparent thatone"
I squeeze my eyes shut
"Look, come see me on Thursday. I feel like we havea lot
to talk about.."
I sigh"I
wil "
"And stop taking out your anger on your little sister.

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 Rather buy a chicken and stab it al you want thattake
your anger out on your little sister ngoba
uzoboshwa"

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

TEN

Its Monday, I honestly don't feel like going to the

shelter but I have no choice...
I haven't seen Zama since on Saturday and I thinkit's a
good thing. Atleast she hasn't gone to the police station
as yet but I stil cant enjoy my freedom. It feels as
though the police would comein anytime and just take
me back to that hel hole.

Nomusa has long gone to work when I leave to the

shelter...

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 The streets are too busy, people are going to worksome
are rushing to schools. It's a busy day fora monday
morning. It's a bit cold that I had to wear acardigan. But
I'm enjoying the weather.

One thing I enjoy about this long walks to the shelter is

having some me time, getting to smoke freely and just
enjoying the peacefulness that comes with my smoking
session. Life seems betterwith every drag of nicotine in
my lungs.

"Now this is my therapist!" Dragon used to say

when she smoked like a chimney.
I laugh at the thought.
She taught me how to smoke and I should say it'sthe
only good thing that she's taught me...
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating
...

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 "Liyana.." someone shouts my name as I'm about towalk
in the shelter... Its Dineo. I smile at her. I just get a
memory of how happy she is when she's drunk. I real y
never thought she was that talkative.

"Good morning.." she says as she's breathing hard.

She has been running
"I've been shouting your name.."
"I'm sor y, I guess I was too lost in smoking that i
didn't hear you.."i say

"How are you?" .we walk inside

"I'm good and I know I don't need to ask you howyour
weekend was"
She chuckles
"One has to live just once in a while"
"You're right. I was wor ied about your sister though.She
was too drunk to drive"

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 "Her husband did fetch her."
I sigh in relief
"That's betteractual y."
"And wena, you don't seem like your usual self
today, what's wrong?"
Argh,
"No, I'm just tired."
I'm just sad that I've spend al my day yesterday
thinking of Nkosinathi and his kisses.
I'm sad that I've been forcing my self to forget abouthim
but seems as though I'l need my whole life to do so..

I dont know maybe it's because I've never known cared

for. Yes, Dragon had always been there but this is
different.
I've known him fora short space of time but what Iknow
forsure is he makes me feel wanted. Makesme feel like
I'm the most important person in his

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 world. His attention.
"Liyana.." I look at her, I've been lost in deep
thoughts. J ust like I have been since Saturday.
This is real y messing me up
"You know you can talk to me about everything
hey?"
Sigh
"A friend sent me R5000 on Saturday, can you comewith
me so I can withdraw it and we'l pamper ourselves?" I
don't want to talk about me
"Do I know the friend?" She gives me a devilish
smile. I laugh
"Dont do that.."
"So let's actual y wait for you to sign then we'l speak to
MaKhumalo about leaving early today, plus I stil have
the house to my self, my daughter isstil at my sisters
place.."
"We can also get another bottle of alcohol and finishthe
party at your place" I say

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 "Sounds like a real y good plan."

Makhumalo has agreed that wr knock off. The

officers did come and I managed to sign.

I thought we would be walking to the mal since it'sa few

km away but Dineo thinks it's a good idea if we get a
taxi.
I honestly feel like it's a total waste of money butthen
she says she wil pay so I'm fine with it.

We manage to withdraw the money and I'm thinkingthe

first shop we need
"There is the salon." She points at the salon takingmy
hand and dragging me there
"I don't need hair salon.."
Too late, we're already and she's speaking to thereceptionist.
She tel s her I'm here to do my nails and my hair.

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 I real y dont want this but soon were offered
glasses of wine.
I want to say no but I already promised her that we
would be drinking. She chooses acrylic for me, palepink.
I don't know how they wil look on my hands but I'm
suddenly excited..

In hours time, we're done with my nails and hair, I

decided on cutting my hair short and dye with
blonde...

We shopped fora fewclothes. Before going to the

liquor store fora bottle of whiskey and wine.
I don't like the taste of wine so I think the whiskeywil
be good for me..

...

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 Dineo is in the kitchen making food while I cal
Nomusa to let her know I would be coming homelate
"Sisi.." that's how she answers. .Its
sweet.
"Nana. Uright?" I ask
"Yes, I am okay especial y since I can get a hint ofhappiness
in your voice right now.."
I chuckle
"You haven't been okay since saturday, I was real ywor
ied.."
"I know, I'm sor y"
"You've been apologising."
"Uhm.. I think I'l be coming home very late today.."
She laughs
"You're spending the night with Nathi. I understand..
Please condomise"

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 Ewwwww
"Good bye.." she laughs before hanging up.

Dineo walks in with a plate on hand.

The house is real y beautiful.
It isn't a home. But it's a home. There are picturesal
around.
The furniture is stylish, modern.
Everything inside this house looks expensive.

"You've got a beauty home.."

I say as she sets the plate between us
"Yeah, al thanks to Tshidi..."
Nice
"She made sure to leave me in a decent home whenshe
left to stay in her house"
"Where are your parents if I may ask?"

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 We're busy digging in
"I don't know my dad but mom left when Tshidi andI were
stil young.."
"I'm sor y.."
"Don't be, I'm just glad she left. We are betteroffwithout
her."
I'm suddenly sad "And
you?" She ask
"My mother committed suicide a few years ago..""Im
sor y to hear that.."
"Yeah, she left a note. She's was depressed and noone
noticed. And I kil ed my father"
"And that's the reason why you were in prison?"
I nod
"I had the knife with me, I always kept it under my pil
owjust. He was a good man when he was soberbut a
very bad one when he was drunk. We always had to nurse
my mother because of him. It was tiring."

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 She's quiet
"One time I just sat in my bedroom and listened to my
mother cry. It was Painful Dineo. Nomusa couldn't sleep,
she wanted so bad to go to my mother's bedroom and ask
dad to sleep. Zama too, was just sleeping. I wished I be
that young and not understand anything and when mama
screamed hard, I just could not stop my self and I tried to
stophim but he kept on blaming mama.."
She takes the plate from the couch and sets it asidebefore
coming to sit closer to me and wraps her arms around
my shoulder

"You had to do it to protect your mother.."

I chuckle lightly
"I don't regret kil ing him. My mother suffered
enough in his hands."
"I wish the world had more women like you""Kil
ers?"
We both laugh .

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 "But on a serious note you were brave enough to step
up for your mother" she sounds so much likeDragon
right now
"I know.."
"You know what, enough with sob stories its time to
drink! "
"Oh yes"

We both stand and to go the kitchen. I pour my self

whiskey while she settles for wine.

Its strong on my tongue, it's good though. I know forsure

after now I'l be a huge fan of whiskey.

We're having fun, I'm enjoying every moment of this.It's

late, it's dark outside, I don't care.
It's been a while since I'd been this happy and free.

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 My phone rings just as I'm watching her dance. Shehas
the hips al in right places, she's shaking themso wel .
It's that pig! I don't want to talk to him
She takes the remote and lowers the volume on thehome
theater
"Are you ignoring someone?" She asks
"Why did you stop dancing?"
She laughs and sits on the couch
"Because I thought I heard your phone ringing"
"Argh, it's no one important.."
She eyes me
"What?" I ask
"Nothing.."
"Hair air, you're going to tel me why you're giving me
that wicked look?"
She laughs
"Okay okay, I think those cal s are from someone

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 important..' she says..
Sigh
"He was, not anymore.."
"I didn't know there was someone."
"It wasn't a relationship. If that's what you wanna
know"
"What happened?" How do I even begin explaining"He is
seeing someone."
"I'm sor y"
I'm beginning to hate this word
"I'm over him already.."
"Are you?"
"Dineo don't do that.."
She sits close to me. Too close for my liking. Our faces
are close. Her gaze seems to penetrate my skin,
touching every part of me

"Dineo.." I whisper

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 "I want this.." I pul her to me. I put my self on theline
and dig my fingers in her hair as I kiss her.
Her hand slid onto the back of my head and anglemy
head up so she could kiss me hard.

This is wrong, so wrong but we both cant seem tostop

instead things get heated. Both our tops are somewhere
on the floor.
She's ful y naked in an instant. I can't stop my self. Ihave my
whole hands running up on her body.

I know this, I've been doing this in prison but this one just
feels too wrong. I misert my fingers insideher wet heat.
There are moans inside the house.
Both our moans. Her breathing is as ragged as mine.
I drag my fingertips up and down her slit, partingthe
folds. Going in and out of her....

To be continued.

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 Not edited
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

ELEVEN

#Not edited. I just forced my self to type. I'm stil inhospital

A pleasant, warm weight press against my chest. Isnuggle into

it, finding the comfort in the weighted blanket. I certainly feel
rested.
My mouth is too dry though.. I know its hangover.This
is why I hate drinking.
I open my eyes and squint against the the early morning
sunlight fil ing the room.. Dineo is sleepingpeaceful y on
my side.

The events of yesterday come back to me as I blink

awake. I groan and turn my face in the pil ow. I wish

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 I could bring my self to regret it. Hard as I tried, I
couldn't stop, a circumstance that proved contagious
when both of us lost our composure..

The sun is out. Fuck! I know forsure that we're late

"Dineo.."
I shake her, her eyes open
"We're late.."
She groans before turning her back to me
"Dineo! "

She sits up straight and throws the pil owon thefloor

in frustration.
"What??! " I laugh
"Girl! I didn't say you should drink that much last
night.."

She laughs

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 I stand up to go take a quick bath.. "Are
you joining me?" I ask, I'm naked.
I can see the intensity of her black eyes studyingmy
body..

"Go bath, I'l make the bed then join you.." I knowshe
wants to sleep more. I wont let her
"No come on.."

She groans...
I pul the blanket covers away from her and run to the
sitting with them. She's up behind me and and pushes me
against the couch then comes on top ofme.. I'm ful y
bound beneath her on the kiss. I canfeel her breast on
mine.
Things go from laughter to seriousness. I don't fucken
know what to cal this but here am I.. Sigh..

"I've never done this in my life.." she says

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 "Nami futhi.." I say
"But I'm enjoying it more than everything else I'vedone
in my life.."

"Should we label it?" I'm asking.

She keeps quiet fora while. Her eyes are not onmine
anymore, I'm trying hard to fol owthem
"Dineo?"

"I'm not sure Liyana.."

She final y gets up from me, we both sit."I'm
straight.." she says

I'm confused. I'm thinking

"Then what happened between us?"
"I don't know, I enjoyed last night. I'm enjoying this
moment too but I honestly don't know if I'l do things
right in this type of relationship"

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 I'm lost

"I like you. I do but I feel like we'l complicate thingsif

we do this.." okay let me go take shower and go home..

I stand up, she stands too and faces me.

She has this thick body and I'm average, I'm justsize
34.

We're the same height though.

What the hel was I even thinking last night?I'm
starting to bring my self to regret it.
Liyana, you're a damn fucken hoe!

She grabs my arm. I turn to look at her

"We're late already.." I'm suddenly embar assed.Why
did I even think of doing this

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 "I want to do this.." she says
Wena, uconfused.
"Dineo-"

My phone saves me by ringing in the bedroo.I

leave her standing there.
Its Nomusa. Shit! I know what she wants
Part of me wants to ignore the cal but I don't wantto keep
her wor ied

"Hi.." I say afterclearing my throat.

She laughs
"He smashed you..." she continues laughing
"Ufunani Nomusa?"
"I thought you said you'd be coming home late, not
spending al night with him."
Sigh

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 "I real y do like that nigga, I mean he already took
your panties off?" She laughed.
She finds this funny
"I'm late for work, I'l see you when I knock off"She
laughs.
..

Atleast I have my new clothes with me.

I take a quick shower, I'm trying hard to finish
before she could come in the bathroom.
Things are already awkward between us, I can'thandle
anymore awkwardness.
..

I'm late, I don't have a proper explanation to give to

Makhumalo.
I left Dineo at home, she wasn't even ready to leave

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 as I left her home...

Makhumalo walks straight to me as soon as I enterthe

kitchen
"You seem to have had a very great day yesterday.."
What are you talking about?
"You look beautiful.." oh she's talking about the
hairstyle.
"Thank you and I'm sor y that I'm late.."
She nods.
I place my bag on the counter.

I need to find something to do..

Oh Today is Tuesday, it won't be a long day. The
nurses are coming to check on the kids
"It usual y takes about 6 months to final y make people
who come to work here forced by the police

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 do their work..''Silence.
"And you're the first one to come and work here
without being dragged by the police."
I turn. Oh she's talking to me.
"Keep it up Liyana.."
I have no choice do I?
"I just don't wanna go back to prison."
I say to her
"And i don't think there's any reason for you to goback
there"
I smile
"Tel me, did you study anything while in Prison"
No one has ever asked me that
"Yes, business management.."
The face lights up
"Are you for real?"

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 I laugh
"Yes, I am for real"
"Why business management though?"
"I've always been passionate about it. Atleast completing
my business degree was what I owedmy self aftergoing to
prison.."
She's interested in engaging further in thisconversation
"So if you were given the opportunity to open yourown
business would you do that?"
I laugh"Yes"

...

My day goes by real y quick. I'm super tired.

Dineo didn't even bother to show up at the sheltertoday.

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 J ust as I walk put of the Shelter, I spot a black car
waiting. Its Nathi's,hes outside leaning against it with one
of his hand in his pocket while his busy ontyping
something on the phone with the other. This is the first
time I see him in sportswear. Every inch of him is
sculpted, every muscle defined. I get a clear view of just
how hulking and strong he is
My heart races...

He final y raises his face to look at me.. I swal owhard

"I've been waiting for you.." he says as I approachthe
gate
"Nathi what do you want?"I ask
"Get inside the car, we have to talk" hes not asking.Its
demanding..

Since when does a man demand to me?

"Get in." He says again, now opening the passengerdoorfor
me.

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 The hoe in me decides to get inside.
He goes on the other side and start the caras soonas he
gets in.

We're both quiet. We're driving home.

"You look beautiful.." it's the first thing he says. I'mquiet
"That hair color suits you. And the nails too.."He
noticed the nails?
"Nathi what do you want?"
"You never gave me the chance to explain""I
did but you didn't bother to explain"
Silence
"She's my wife.."
I chuckle in disbelief
"You mean, you are mar ied?"
"I'm 39 years Liyana, you can't expect me to besingle
at that age"

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 "Then you want to make me a home wrecker?""Do
you want to be a home wrecker?"
"Nathi I'm being serious here!"
He is silent.
He parks just outside my home.
"Thank you fordriving me home.."
Again he is silent.
I feel like a mad woman as I try to open the lockeddoor.
He final y unlocks it and I walk out of the car.I get
inside the yard. He doesnt drive away.
There is a carparked outside, right next to Nomusa'scar.
It's a two door Audi.. I think it's one ofher friends from the
hospital.

It's getting dark and the lights are stil off in thehouse.
The door is locked from inside. I don't have any key

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 with me,we share the same key which we usual yleave
just under the vas outside.

I knock with no luck and I take my phone and dialher, I

can hear her phone ringing from inside the house
And final y she answers
"Liyana.."
"Why is the door locked? Do you have a visitor in
there?"
"Are you at the door?" She sounds so down.
Something is up
"Yes, come and open.."
"I'm coming.."

She opens aftera few moments.

She looks as though she has been crying.

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 She's stil in her work uniform. She locks the doorbehind me.
"What's going on?"
"I just don't want Zama to come in.."She
takes the key with her.
I fol ow her to the sitting room.Ohh.
Her baby daddy is there with a gun pointing at us "Bring
the key" he says stil pointing the gun at her"Theo don't
do this.." she pleads
"Bring that key to me! !" He shouts.I
want to grab her
He shakes his head pointing the gun at me
"I would have told her to tel you to leave but her towatch
you die then I kil her and then my self.." he says
"Man..."I want to talk
"Shut up!" He warns me.

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 I keep quiet, I'm scared
"Or what do I do? Do I shoot her, give the gun to youand
leave your fingerprints on them so you could goback to
prison for kil ing your sister? Plus I know you enjoy kil
ing your family.."
"Theo i love you.."Nomusa says
"Voetsak! ! You love me yamasimba? You want to take
my children away from me! My own mother doesnt al
ow me in my own home because of you! "
I need to start figuring a way out of this one.

He chokes his gun

"If I cannot have my children, you won't have them
nawe...." he is calm.
I'm silent
"Now I need you to do a fewthings for me beforeyou
die."
I'm quiet..
"You Liyana are going to get a pen and paperand

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 write the reason why you kil ed your own sister.."I
laugh in disbelief
I'm not going to do that
"Hamba.."I turn to walk away. Maybe this is the
chance to get something
"Aah ahh, not so fast.."I
look at him
He laughs
"You think I'd let you leave to your bedroom alone?Musa
stay.."
He walks behind me..
I walk slowly, a man is pointing a gun at me.
I'm scared but at the same time want to kil him.
I don't even know where I'l get a pen and a paper.

I hear a scream as I walk away...

Fuck! ! Nomusa is on his back, she has her teeth onhis
back. He is groaning so hard at the same time

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 trying to his her with his elbow. She fal s down. I'mquick
to run back to him and get on top of his.
We are fighting forthe gun..
He uses his man power but I refuse to be beaten.
Nomusa is somewhere moaning in pain and we are
fighting and soon a gunshot rings out.
She screams. Pain searthrough my right hip, but I just
keep going until the gun fal s somewhere closeto the wal
.

Nomusa runs to pick it and points it at Theo who isstil

fighting me. He stops, she's shaking..
He laughs looking at her
"I know you dont know how to use that.." he says
laughing
"Shoot him! ! " I scream..
She's on the verge of crying with a gun pointing at her
baby daddy. "You won't shoot me! " His wicked smile
makes me sick

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 "Shoot him Nomusa! ! "
Without even thinking she shoots her baby daddyon the
stomach.. Another gunshot and again! ! Hegrowled..
Until she drops the gun and always drops on her feet
the let it al out...
He's stil groaning..
I walk to her and kneel in front of her
"Give me the gun.."
She shakes her head in sob "I
almost kil ed him..."
He can't live.
I get my hands on his neck to finish him. She's there
crying hard. He fights me until he can't nomore.
Then I know he is know more.

Im going back to Prison. Nomusa is too innocent

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 for it

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

TWELVE

I'm trying so hard to stop the bleeding on my thighbut

the pain is getting worse.

Nomusa is on the floor crying, the body is here. I'm

scared.
I cannot go back to prison and she cant go to prisonas
wel .
I've been there, I know she's too fragile forthe place.I
would never even wish forenemy to be in that place..
That place can make you know what life and death

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 are, al too wel .

"Musa you need to stop crying.." I don't know whatmore

to say..
"We... we should cal the police." she hiccups.

"No! " It's not a damn good idea

Zama wil be here anytime soon... I'm wor ied, I don't
want her to find us in this situation. My bul etwound is
the least of my wor ies right now..
She's shaking and crying.. My
hands are ful of blood.
"Musa look at me.." I'm forcing her to look at meright
now. We have to do something about this

"Musa you can't go to jail, I don't want to go back tojail

either.." I don't fucken know what to say. I'm trying so
hard to ignore the pain but it's just too unbearable.

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 I'm losing blood as wel .I
wince in pain.
"I kil ed him.." she keeps on saying while crying.

I don't know how to comfort her but the truth is justthat

we both kil ed him.
She stil has the gun in her arms...
"We have to make a plan.. I cannot go back to jail.."it's
the only thing I keep on saying.
I cant.

I wish Dragon was here, I know forsure she would

come to my rescue..
I need my phone, maybe if I do tel her, she'l knowwhat
to do.

Nomusa is just useless. .we need to do something.J ail, is

where I'm not going back. I cannot go back

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 there.
She turns to look at me

"There is no other plan. We have to cal the police and an

ambulance. You're losing blood.." fora nurse,she sounds
so damn stupid
"No! I'm not going back to jail because of youNomusa..."

"I'l take the responsibility..." she says throughhiccups

"Like hel I'd let you take responsibility! Nomusayou
cannot go to jail! That place is not for you."
"What do I now ke?"
"Pul your self together.."
There's silence

"We need to stop this bleeding then.."

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 She stands up and rushes to her bedroom andcomes
back with a cloth.
This is the Nomusa I need!

"Put this on the wound, apply too much pressure onit.

Zama wil be here soon.."
"Cal her and tel her to spend a night at her
boyfriends place. You have a visitor.. "
I have the cloth with me, I'm trying so hard to apply
pressure on the bul et wound to stop the bleeding. I can't
help but groan so loud in pain.
She panics. I don't want her to focus on me but thecal .

Zama doesnt have to know about this, she already hates

me for kil ing her father. I know she wil blameme forthis
and make sure I go back to prison

She walks away and comes back aftera while

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 "She doesn't buy the story but she agreed..""Good."
"What do we do.."
"You need to stop crying because i can't think now.."

My phone rings in my pocket..

I force my self to take it out. Its Nkosinathi. I cannottake
his cal s right now.
I don't need him right now.. He
cal s forthe second time..
"Your phone is annoying me! " She says.. She's
going back and forth.
This one wil make me dizzy

"Hi.." hopeful y I don't sound like someone in pain.

I resist the urge to react to the pain although its
stronger and more intense than its ever been.
"Unjani?"

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 Fuck! !
"I.. I'm okay.."
"Liyana what's wrong?"
I can't help but groan. This pain..
"Liyana talk to me.."
"Nathi I have to go.."I
hang up
She looks at me.

"Maybe this is just a sign that we have to go to the

police!"
"If I hear you talk about the police one more time, I
swear you'l be next! " I snap.
"Yes, it's in your blood! " She says
I'm angry at her
"You know what! Fuck you! Fuck you Nomusa. If you
had reported him in the first place we wouldn'tbe here!
You just took me back! !"

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 I'm angry. I'm ignoring the pain

She started back down and starts crying...

I check the time. It's a few minutes past 7. I can't cal
Dragon, now is not the time. I'l only get her in
trouble.

We sit in the dark, in silence the only sound in the

house is Nomusa's sobs, they are getting to me.
There is a cold body next to us. We don't know whatmore
to do. I'm in pain, but I can manage to handle it.

I hear the gate open. She stands up and panics "I

think its Zama, what are we going to tel her?"
"We keep quiet and ignore her knocks, she doesn'thave
to know we are in here.. "
"I cant.." she says
"Nomusa put your phone in silence!"

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 There is a knock.. "Liyana.."
its Nathi's voice!Damn! !
My phone rings as I'm about to switch it off... Itsloud,
he'l know I'm inside
"I'm going to open for him.." she saysThis
one annoys the hel out of me

"Sit your stupid ass down! !" I can't even move myleg,
its painful
"No.. I'm going.."
She stands up to go open the door.
I can hear both their voices in the kitchen but cannot
tel what they are saying and soon I hear footsteps
coming to the sitting room. It's stil darkbut light
enough for Nathi to see everything.

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 I start panicking
"Liyana.." I hear his voice nearingI
keep quiet.
One of them switches the light on..
His eyes immediately come to me, I'm sitting in apool
of blood
Then his eyes goes to the cold body next to me.
I expect him to say something in panic. Instead helooks
at Musa
"Go lock the door." He instructs..
She rushes to the kitchen
"Nathi you don't have to be here.."
"You need me.."

He says coming to kneel before me. He removesthe

cloth on my thigh. It's bad.
Musa comes back
"Do you have whiskey?" He asks

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 "I...Yes.."

"I need it, and a pair of scissors, hair clipper and

your perfume.."he says to her, I'm starting to get
drowsy. I don't know what's going on with me
She walks away
He dials something on his phone and places his
phone on his earaftera few minutes
"I need your favour... Yes, I have sent you the location. I
need a fewguys to come here, there's asmal job we need
to get rid of.... Sharp..." he hangsup....

..
"This is going to be a bit of painful but I need you tobare
with me okay?" I nod. I'm drowsy. I don't know what is it
that I'm agreeing to.

Nomusa is there holding my hand.

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 He pours the whiskey on the bul et wound.I cry
so loud in pain.. I can't... I can't..
No...
Something comes inside my skin..
I can feel so much pain...I'm crying so bad in pain..It's
just too much.
...

I wake up to the darkness.. I try to scan the room..There

is someone sleeping next to me..
Wait, what happened to me or Nomusa's baby
daddy?
Have I been dreaming?
I try to stand up and walk to the wal and switch onthe
light..
Nomusa is sleeping peaceful y on my bed. We arein my
bedroom.
I'm in pain, but it's nothing compared to what I felt

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 earlier.
I limp to the sitting room to check the body.. it's not there
but Nathi is sitting on the couch, with his eyesclosed...

I clear my throat.
He sits up straight and turns to look at me
"Hi.."
"How are you feeling?" I shrug
"Come here.."

I walk to sit on the couch next to me, he opens hisarms

for me to get in them.. I sit comfortably in hisarms. It
looks like I've just woken him from sleep.
He smel s so good. He places tender kiss againstmy
forehead
"Did I wake you up?" I ask
"No, i wasn't sleeping. How are you?"

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 "Im okay. What happened?"

"You passed out while crying in pain.." I know

"Nomusa's baby daddy?"
"I took care of it, don't wor y.."
"His car?"
"Don't wor y, everything is sorted."
Silence

"Why are you up, do you feel any pain?" He ask "No...I'm
just trying to remember what happened.."
He keeps quiet and leans his head back on the
headrest and closes his eyes.
"Nathi am I going back to jail?" I can't stop my selffrom
asking
"No. You're not."
Silence again

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 "Why did you guys kil him?" He asks, his voice is low.
He is not looking at me. My head is leaned onhis
shoulder.
"He held Nomusa hostage.." I say
He is silent, I think he wants me to continue

"One of us had to die. He wanted kil Nomusa andpin it

on me." I say
He is stil silent
"I know what you're thinking. First it was my dadnow
him.."

"One has to do anything and everything to survive right?"

He says with calm assurance that unsettlesme
I'm quiet.
He turns to look at me
"I thought jail taught you that.." I look at him

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 "It did.."
"Everything is taken care of, you need to forget thathe
even existed..."his tone holds a note of strain.
"I'm wor ied about Nomusa"
"She'l live."
"I.."

"If there's anything that makes me fal hard for youright

now is how strong you are.."
I'm quiet, this catches me by surprise, what do I say?
I pul his hand towards me and press my lips against it,
softly communicating everything I dontknow how to put
in words. I'm not sure how to putinto words. I'm not
sure how to Express what I amfeeling, but al I know is
I'm thankful foreverythinghe's done for me.

To be continued

Sehranmagzine.com
 HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

THIRTEEN

"You don't look too good.." I look at her and smile.

She's the only thing that keeps me sane right now...I
would have long given up if it wasn't for her.
"I'm just learning to get used to this place..'' it's thetruth.
This place is hel .
How can one be sane staring at the same wal seach
and everyday?
She tries to hold my hand, the warder shakes hishead
making her stop..
I can see the tears forming in her eyes.. I want sobad
to comfort her but I cant.
I can afford to do that only with words.
"Liyana I'm sor y.." she apologises forthe

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 hundredth time.
I want to assure her that I have long forgiven her.

I forgave her the moment I stepped in this jail cel . I

forgave her the moment I knew she would be a free
woman.

I long forgave her when I got my welcome beating inside

here. When they sang and wanted to kil me, Ihad given up
hope and forgave her.

I did this for her. She's my mother. I'l die for her"Nomusa is
stil traumatized..'
"She has to, she witnessed everything that went onthat
night."
"I don't know what more to do Liyana. She's not eating,
she cannot sleep. I feel like I have kil ed bothmy children.
Zama cannot even understand what is going on. She
keeps on asking where her father is.."

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 I'm heartbroken by this...
..
A hand on my shoulder startle me..
Its Nomusa, she sits on the chair next to mine.
I thought she had gone to work and I thought I wasalone
in the house..
"You finished the whole box of ciggerates?"
I honestly feel like she took me back. I feel pathetic,I feel
like a kil er.

I've felt this way just 15 years ago and now I'vegone
back to square one..

J ust when I was stil recovering from kil ing myfather

then I have to deal with this?
"Why aren't you at work?" I ask
"I couldn't focus. I keep on seeing him whenever Itry to
work.." she says

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 "Oh.."
"I'm wor ied about you, what did the cor ectional
officer say to you about that wound?"
"I lied. He suggested I go to the hospital but I toldhim I'd
be fine.."
She nods
"I'l write a note orsomething to support that you'vebeen
to the clinic.." she says.
It's the only thing she can offer.A
note!
"For now we'l have to change your bandage..""I
did that earlier on.." I say
Silence.
"Its been two days now, has his mother cal ed or
anything?"I ask
"No. I just wish it stays like that.."I'm
silent.
"I can't even go see my kids, that's how scared I

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 am..'
"You wil be fine.."
"I feel like we need to see someone, a
professional.."
"And tel them we kil ed your baby daddy?" I ask
"No.. I mean...I.."
"You what Nomusa? J ust pul yourself together andtry to
move on, talking to a stranger about this wontbeing him
back. You need to get that through your thick skul !"

Her phone rings... she looks at it before she starts

panicking
"What's wrong?"
"Its Theo's mother... I can't take this.." she wants tocry.
"Your kids are at her house, you obviously have totake
it.."
"No.." she shakes her head. She wants to cry so bad.

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 "You have to take that cal ! " I forgot she can be a
chicken at times.

I swear to God, This one wil be the reason I go backto

jail...
I snatch the phone from her and click on the answer
button
"Hel o?" I answer
"Hi... Who's this?"

"Its Liyana, Nomusa's sister..'

"Oh, thank God... Sisi unjani?" The person doesn't
sound okay at al
"I'm okay.."
"Its Theo's aunt.."oh?
"I'm not sure if I should speak to you about this butI'm
hoping you'l pass the message to Nomusa.."

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 My heart starts beating fast.. Act normal Liyana. I take a
steadying breath making sure I don't react inatleast.
"We received a cal from Theo's friend..."There's
silence..
"Its been two days and Theo hadn't been showing up at
work oranswering his phone cal s and he hadto go to his
place to check if he was fine.."

She starts sobbing

"He was found dead in his apartment. They shot
him..."
I don't know what to say..
She's crying hysterical y... She can't even continue."I.. I'l
tel Nomusa, we'l be there in a few minutes.."

I hung up..

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 I look at Nomusa. I need to fucken know how theypul
ed this?
Now I'm scared of everything that might come back to us.
What about the securities guarding that place?
They'l know it doesn't make sense

"They think it was house robbery..." I say to her

"Nkosinathi just wanted his address and took care of
everything else, I didn't know he was going to make it look
like a house robbery.."she's now crying.

"How the fuck did he pul that? What about thesecurity

guarding that place?"
She is silent, she's busy eating her damn nails.
"Nomusa?"

"I don't know okay! ! " She snaps

"He had some gangster looking men in tracksuitscome
here and take the body and the gun. They

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 drove his car his apartment and took him there. That's
the only thing I know. Next thing there werepeople in
forensic uniform cleaning the house andeverything that
has anything to do with Theo's death.."she continues

I stand up and pace around.

I honestly feel like there is more to Nkosinathi thatmeet in
the eye.
I don't know who he is.
It's been two days since this happened. It haunts me. Nathi
seems to be moving on just perfectly finefrom this..
He is supportive though..

There is a knock
"Are you expecting someone?" She ask.I
shake my head no.

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 She goes to the doorto open... Its Makhumalo and
Dineo.

I haven't seen Dineo since our... Sigh. Yeah, sincethat.

Makhumalo has a basket with fruits in her hands.

I don't need this. Not now.

I lied to them and told them I fel in the house, Ihope

they bought the story.
Makhumalo comes to sit next to me
"Are you getting any better?" Its accompanied by a
warm smile..
"Yeah I am.."
Dineo cannot meet my eyes. Its betterthat way. I'mhappy
about it...

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 I'm going through some fuckef up shit to be
entertaining this one. My life is a mess right now.
"I'm getting better.."
"You better. We miss you at the shelter..."I
smile..
"I need to go change.." Nomusa says.
I nod
"Can I get you anything to drink?" I ask looking at
Dineo
"No we bought cold drink on our way here.."
Makhumalo is driving..
I nod
"How are you?" Dineo ask. Its awkward..
"I'm fine.." I want to dismiss her
...

They spend a few moments before they say their

goodbyes. Makhumalo did say I should come back

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 to the shelter once I feel like I'm ful y healedI
appreciate her real y..

..
I don't have any dress orskirt to wear to Theo's
home. I've never even worn one but I'm forced towear
Nomusa's skirt...

She's been quiet al the way to her baby daddys home.

I don't want to say anything, I just want togive her the
space to cry.

There are people already going in and out. Nomusa's kids

run to us as soon as they see us. I'msad because I'm the
reason they'l never see their father again.

I feel like I understand what I've put them through.I've put

my self through the same thing 15 years

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 ago.

I see Zama's carpark just at the gate and hercoming

out of the carand straight to us.
She hugs her sister
"I got a cal from a friend. I hope you're okay.. "shesays
to her
I wanna rol my eyes. She nods
"You haven't been okay since two days ago, I think
you've been feeling this mtaka ma.."
J esus! !
"I'l go help Theo's aunt in the house.." I say beforeleaving
them.

I limp to the back of the house.

I don't feel right being in this place at al . I want to
leave so bad but I know I have to stay just for my
sister's sake. She needs me here. It's the only thingI can
provide right now. The support.

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 I want to cal Nkosinathi and ask him how he pul edthis
but I know this is not the right place to do that...
But I decide to cal him anyway.

He answers almost immediately

"Liyana.." his voice is hoarse "We
are at Theo's house.." "Who's Theo
again?"
"My sister's baby daddy.."
"And?"
"We were cal ed earlier on to come, he was founddead
in his apartment. They say it was house robbery.."
"I know and the security company wil have to answer
how that happened and the surveil ance system isn't
showing anything suspicious.." he says
"What did you do?" I need to know

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 "I did what was supposed to be done to save youand
your sister from going to jail.."
I sigh.
"How are you holding up?" He is trying to changethe
subject
"I'm fine.."
"You don't sound fine to me.." "I'm
just in pain, I'l be fine." I say
"I'l bring more painkil ers, and do get ready say 7pm.There is
something I need to show you.."
"Okay.."

To be continued

I do take sponsorship forbonus insert.

HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FOURTEEN

Sehranmagzine.com
 We are back from Theo's home.
Nomusa hasn't been taking his death wel since wecame back
from his home. I don't blame her...

She has been in her bedroom since we got back. I need to

sleep so bad, but Nkosinathi wants us to goout, which I'm
not in the mood but right now I feel like I don't have it in
me to say no..

What if he tel s the whole world what Nomusa and Idid?

I decide on wearing loose pants and a plain T-shirtand a

jacket forpockets so I can take my box of ciggerate and
cel phone with me. I want him to seethat I am in no mood
to go out.

I find Zama in the kitchen. She is busy on her

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 laptop..
"She is not taking Theo's death very wel .."she says.I think
she is on her phone.
She clears her throat. I raise my eyes to her.
Oh, she's talking to me
"Sor y?" I ask
"Nomusa.. She's not taking Theo's death very wel .."she
says again
"Its expected." I say
Silence
"You've been there for her, I appreciate you forthat.."
"She's my young sister.." I say.
I don't wanna have this conversation. I'm tired andnot in
the mood to have a fight with her. I know the
conversation wil lead to a fight
"You didn't real y tel me what happened to your leg""Why
should I tel you?" I ask

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 She is silent
"I hope you don't blame me for reacting the way I did
weeks ago. Thing is I'm stil angry that I lost myfather at a
young age because of you"
"There we go again" I rol my eyes
"Okay...okay.. I don't mean it in a bad way..'
My phone beeps
"I'l use Nomusa's key to unlock the door when Icome
back"
I don't even wait for her to ask orsay anything.I just
leave.

Nathi is waiting outside. He opens the doorfor me to get

inside the caraftera brief hug. He smel s sogood.
...

My phone rings just as I get in the car. I look at it.

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 My heart starts beating fast when I see Dineo'sname
on the screen.
I swal ow hard but I know I'l have to take this...

He is not looking at me as I amswer the phone

"Hi.." I say..
"Okae?" I don't know if it's a greeting or what..
"I'm okay..' I decide to answer like that.
Nathi's focus is stil on the road. I know I'm actingso
awkward right now..
"I feel like you have been avoiding me.." she says
"Why should I avoid you?" It gets his attention, he brings
his eyes to me before taking the back on theroad
"I dont know.."
I'm quiet, I real y should end this cal
"I don't wanna lie, I miss you.." she says
I miss her too. I miss our friendship. I miss... No I

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 shouldn't even dare think about it
"Look, I can't speak right now. I'l cal you back.." I
don't wait for her to say anything.
I hang up.
There's silence. Its too heavy for me.
I feel like he wants me to explain but I decide to alsokeep
quiet.

"I didn't know there is someone else.." he final y says

closing the silence between us. He is stil notlooking at
me.
"You are also mar ied to someone else.."
"That's not what I asked.."
"Are you jealous?" I ask
He keeps quiet
"There is no one and infact, I didn't know you and Iare
in a relationship.." I say
"We haven't labeled it as yet but I know you and I

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 wil in one very soon"
I swal ow
"You're hostile, so you know that?" He chuckles
"No. But I know I can be one when you get on my bad
side.." if he can scare me, then he can scare anyone
else.

He parks outside some building. It looks abundant. Idon't

trust this place at al . It looks somehow scary..
"What do you do fora living Nathi?" I ask, suddenly
interested.
I feel like Nathi is a gangster hiding in suits.
I've met them, I can spot one from a distance. J ail taught me
that but Nathi is too private. I cannot tel ..

"When I'm sad, I always come here.." he says.

I unbuckle the seatbelt
"What's this building?" I can't stop my self

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 "Its my therapy home.."
I laugh
"Come, let's go inside.."
"I'm scared.." I whisper "I
know. Come"
I open the doorand walk out.It's
dark and late..
We walk inside the building. He unlocks the room
inside the building and switches on the light as soon as
we we get in.

You can tel the building hasnt been used in like ages.
It's big and one can tel it was an expensivebuilding
before it got burned down orsomething.

There's only a chair and a table inside. I feel like al

shady things happen inside this room. It's cold and if I
could say it reeks of blood(if such makes sense).
Fearflutter in my chest, my heartbeat picks up the

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 speed.

"What goes on in here Nathi?" I ask. I sound like a

little girl scared

This room reminds me so much of 15 years ago. The cold

room where I faced the detective alone. Where he
questioned me and promised me I would be going to jail
forthe longest time. Where the detective threatened me.
Where he made sure I hadsigned up with being in hel .
Where he made sure I was going to regret ever taking
someone's life like itmeant nothing...
Sigh...

He seats on the table...

"A friend showed me this place a few years ago.."I'm
silent..
"He said it's a good therapy for men like me and Ifeel
it wil be for you.." I'm silent.

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 I'm scared being in here only"I
used to come here alot.." "Do
you kil people in here?" "Yes.."
I'm quiet
He laughs
"You watch too many movies.." he saysSigh
"But I should say I used to come here. Sit on thischair
al day just to think."

He stands up and walks to the wal and leansagainst it

with his hands inside the pockets

"You know when I met my wife, she was on drugs.She

Was involved with the wrong crowd.. She wasdepressed
to a point where nothing could save her.."
I don't even know why he is tel ing me this

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 "Her mother had just left them and she had to take care
of her young sister and they had no father or anyone
else to look afterthem.."

Silence

"I met her this one night when some guys were raping her
on the side of the street at night becauseshe had to go out
and get money to get her young sister school J ersey
because she couldn't go to school anymore because of the
cold. And getting money meant going out at night to steal
or involvingher self with the wrong crowd"
I think I know where this is going

"You remind me so much of how strong she is.." hesays

"I fel for her, and fal ing for her meant car ying al her
burdens. Taking al her troubles to me. It meanttaking
peoples lives just to save her." He is no

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 longer facing me. I get a hint of anger mixed with
sadness in his voice.

He is calm, but I feel like his mood is precarious.

Violence is lurking just under his skin.

I stand up to limp to stand up behind him. He is verytal .

He turns to look at me
"How do you feel right now?"
It's now about me. I hate talking about my self.
I want to turn and go back to my chair but I feel likelimping
back there is going to be a lot of work
"I'm okay.."
He is looking at me, his dark gaze is not doing meany
good. I feel like he can search through my soulby just
looking at me which I hate with al my heart.
"You've kil ed a man" it's a statement"He
had to die"

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 "Why?" He ask
"I couldn't let my sister go through the same thingmy
mother went through.." I can feel this anger forming
inside me
He is silent

Now I have al the strength to go back to the chair.

Luckily I have my box of ciggerate in my pocket anda
lighter, I take it out and lit the ciggerate.
The smoking doesn't help, I'm sad... No I'm angry,infact I
don't know..
"Why do I keep on going through this?" I can feel my
heart closing in on me.
I don't know what's going on with me,but the truth isI hate
this feeling.
I don't want this "Because
you're strong."
"Does being strong mean kil ing?"
"Maybe"

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 "I'm scared I wil go back to jail again. I feel like
kil ing is in my blood now Nathi.." shy am I openingup
to this guy?
I feel the tears burning the corners of my eyes.
It's been almost 15 years since I've shred tears.Why
today.
I silent sob fol ows.
He is stil leaning against the wal watching me.

I cry for my mother, forthe years I've missed out while

in jail. Forthe lives I've taken... My emotions are just
volatile. I shudder, my teeth chatter as coldpain settles
into my bones.

Aftera few moments he walks to me. A sob heavesfrom

my chest when he lifts me in his arms and cuddles me
close. My hands fists in his shirt and I turn my face
against him as I weep..

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 "I'm real y sor y.." he keeps on saying to in low, calming
tone. That helps being me back to my senses more than
anything. I blink up to him afterafew moments of crying..
I study his taught features.He seem real y distressed and
he presses a soft kiss on my forehead.
"I wanted you to let it al out but not like this.."hesays
"You made me cry.." I say "You
are a cry baby.." I chuckle
I can also feel his manhood stiffen against my bel y.I'm
embar assed right now...

(I can't keep my eyes open anymore. I'm sor y)

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FIFTEEN

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 Al I did was to save my mother...
Al he did was to save the woman he loved...Both
our scars ran too deep

Her pain, his treasure...

Its Friday, we're getting ready to go to Theo's homeforthe

funeral.
Nomusa has been there since Wednesday. I honestly
don't know how my sister is right now. Ifeel so bad for
not being there with her to protecther... I know forsure
that she is not coping...

Nathi promised to fetch me and drive me there, I

honestly don't want to go with Zama. The only option was
to go with her, I know I couldn't afford togo to the taxi
rank while limping...

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 Which is why I opt forasking Nathi to drive me
there.

"Since you promised to come see me.." she says asI

answer my cel phone.
I need to finish packing and I know this one wil want
to spent a whole hour with me on the
cel phone.

"Alot has happened in the past fewdays.." I say andstop

packing then sit on my bed to talk to her
"What went on.. you sound so down right now.."
"Nomusa's baby daddy has passed on.."
"The guy that had been abusing her?" I remember Ionce
told her on the cel phone days ago.
I've always known Dragon to be a good listener
"Yeah.."

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 "Isn't that worth celebrating?"

"It would be if I didn't have a hand in his death.."

"You mean...?"
I sigh
"One of us had to live.."
"Are you aware that you are stil holding on to theanger?"
"I know.."
"Then what wil do with that? Liyana you cannot keep
on kil ing people as if it's something good.."
"I know.."
"Wenzani manje? When are you coming to see me?"
"I'm getting ready to go to his home. I'l come afterthe
funeral."
"Do that, I won't cal you to remind you.." she hangup..
...

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 Zama knocks on my bedroom dooras I finish
zipping my hand bag...
I turn to look at her when she walks in.
"Nathi is here already..." she says "Okay,
tel him I'm coming.."
She nods
"And I'm leaving already, I have to pass by the office.I'm
covering Theos death.."
Oh why am I not even surprised
"Do you think it's a good idea for you to do this? I
mean Theo's family is mourning his death and youwil be
there with al your cameras questioning the
poorfamily?"

"Its not my choice to make.."

I'm quiet
"And its my line of work.."

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 Sigh
"Please in everything you write on that blog of your,
make sure you don't include my sister.." I say.
I'm begging her
She is quiet
"I'l see you at the funeral.."
She walks to the door, I expect her to walk out butshe
stops and turns back to me

"As much as I don't want to include my emotions inthis

story but it just takes me back. I feel for Nomusa's kids, I
ask my self how do they feel now that someone robbed
them their father.."
I'm quiet.
She walks out after uttering that nonsense.

...
"Can I make you something to eat?" I ask him

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 He nods.
He seems a bit distracted.

Zama cooked earlier on so I'l just warm the food.

I wait forthe food to warm, I'm trying so hard to
avoid his mood today but I just cant
"Are you okay?"I
ask..
He raises his eyes to look at me
"Yeah, just a bit distracted.."
"Wanna talk about it?" I ask
"Nah, it's just business. I'l be fine.. "His
phone rings..
He stands up to go answer it.

And comes back aftera while. I have dishes up for

him...

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 I expect him to eat but he is not
"Theo's death is al over the media.." he says
I'm not a fan of media so I know nothing about it"Its
expected.."
"I did this knowing it's going to affect me at the endbut
right now it's getting out of hand. My tenants wants to
know if they wil be safe with everything that went down
in their complex with the security company around.."
I look at him. I'm shocked
"That's your building?" I'm beyond shockedHe
nods
I go sit with him
"Then why did you do this?"
"I had no other plan, but I wil fix this.."
I'm silent.
I don't know what to say to him.
I'm close to him, I feel so bad forgetting him in this.

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 I feel like he doesnt deserve this at al .
I know he was trying to help me but doing this to
himself?
I stand up and go behind him. I hug him from
behind..
He turns to look at me
"I'l fix this, you don't have to wor y about me."
He stares down at me, considering. I barely could
breath, if I do I'l inhale his purely masculine, purely
intimidating scent.

He blows out a sigh

"Can I kiss you.." it comes out as a whisper, I knowwe
are safe. Zama has left, it's just the two of us.
I'm not sure if I want to do this. But i know i want to
I take his lips in mine, kiss him so hard that it stealsboth
our breaths away.
I can feel the inferno building. Every stroke of his
tongue dominates my own

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 His lips caresses me hard.

I'm a slut..
I think as he picks me and takes me to the couch,..
My hands go to his shirt, tearing at the buttons in my
haste to feel his hard chest, I want to touch him.Explore
every inch of this body.
He growls against my mouth kissing me harder as he
shrugs out of his shirt and helps me remove the rest of his
clothes. Soon I'm also naked. He weights settles over me.
His hard cock presses against my wet womanhood.

I'm not sure if this is the right decision. I'm questioning

my decision but al I know is I want todo this.

The last time I've been with a man was with my

virgin breaker before going to prison.

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 He is the second men I'l ever sleep with.
Right now my mind goes to Dineo... I think of her.
I know doing this wil mean labeling what I have with
Nathi. Which I don't want to be a home wrecker.

He presses his forehead to mine, so we exchangeragged

breaths.
"Liyana.." he groans my name and lines up with myslick
opening.
I'm wet, I'm ready for him, my core is throbbing with
need.
I need him so bad. It hurts.
"Do you feel what you do to me?" He ask.I
moan
His swol en cockhead presses at my entrance, parting
my pussy lips as he ease inside me. I whimper at the
burning stretch of him pushing in,but he doesnt stop at
the sound of my discomfort.His hands are just al over
my body.

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 Once he is ful y seated inside me, he pauses. My core
contracts, struggling between pushing him outand letting
him in. His jaw is clenched.
I wrap my legs around him digging my nails into his
sculpted as pul ing him deep inside of me
The whimpers turns to moans as he goes in and outof me.
He is pumping his hips fasterand harder as he clings to
control his threat ..

...

I suddenly feel so sad that he is leaving me here,but he

promises to fetch me tomor owafterthe burial.
We kiss, it's long and passionate.

Nomusa is in the bedroom alone.

I feel so sad for my sister. She is wearing a blanketand
sitting on the bed. ..

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 "Nana.." I say to her as I join her on the bedShe
looks at me and smiles
"You're blowing.." no something is up with this one
"Nomusa have you been drinking?"
"Shhh... You don't have to agree it out loud." She
laughs
"Nomusa! "
I pul the blanket away from her she has whiskeywith
her.
I try to snatch it away from her but she fights me
"Nomusa you shouldn't be drinking!"
"What more can I do? I have kil ed him, I can't focus!I
need something to keep me going..." she says.

Thank God we are alone in the bedroom.I sit

down with her. She is now crying.
The dooropens, Zama walks in.

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 Damn, I dont need this one in here, not now.
I have to speak to this one. I have this fearthat sheis too
drunk and might end up shouting that we
kil ed her baby daddy just like she did now
"What's going on in here?" Zama ask "Zama I
need to talk to this one, in private..'
"No...I kil ed him.." Nomusa keeps on saying while
crying..
"You kil ed who?"
"She is drunk can't see that?''
"No I'm not! ! I can't cope Zama! ! I kil ed him. He
wanted to kil me and make it look as if it was
Liyana! !"

Dear Lord...

To be continued

Sehranmagzine.com
 Okay it's enough. I have received the airtime thatwil
last us a whole year. Lol kidding.
Thank you very much, I honestly do appreciate youguys.

Let me give you a bonus insert later on, just to showmy

appreciation
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

SIXTEEN

(Bonus insert. I appreciate you.)

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God;

believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if
that were not so, would I have told you that I am going
there to prepare a place for you?And if I go and prepare
a place for you, I wil come back and take you to be with
me that you also may

Sehranmagzine.com
 be where I am.”J
ohn 14:1-3

"Shhh
Ba tlohela ba robaleBa
phahlol e diphate
ho fihlel a mahlo a bonaa
mela dithoko
Ha ba bokwe ke ditoro

Shhh
Kwenya modumoRe
hloka kgefutsoho
omisa meogo ho
hema kgotso ho ana
bophelo

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 Wena, MmaLefu le Moradi yao:
yena, Ngwetsi ya malapaA
ko botheng Kopanyang
dintshi
Isa masapo ho beng – nakwanaRe
ke re phele sebakana

Robala la Kgotos Tau ya Bataung."

The young girl's poetry seem to be harmony to the low

humming around me.. The hymns can push oneinto crying
so deep. People sing with so much sadness, so much pain
and grieve its just too hard to hold it in.

It's sad. There are cries al around . I'm trying so hard

to keep it al together for Nomusa.
I sympathies with them. It's sad.

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 It's sad that I had a hand in this. I feel like I've caused al
this people the pain. It breaks my heart..

"See now that I, even I, am He, and there is no God

besides Me. I kil , and I make alive; I wound, and I heal;
neither is there any that can deliver out of Myhand." I
remember my mother's bible scripture
I have always lived by it when I would think backthat
I had kil ed my dad.
It was meant to be, she always said this to me.
"God knew he would die like this.." mama kept on
saying to calm me down.
...

This day just takes me back to when my mother died. I

remember how lost in thoughts I was. I couldnot even
shed tears.
I hated her fortaking her life but I I didn't blame her.

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 I felt sad forboth my sisters, and today I feel sad forboth
my sister's children. But somehow I feel like I've given
them the opportunity to grow up as bettermen. Not to
grow up and live by their father's footsteps..

The pastorsays a prayer and everyone stands to goback

to their cars.
I think I saw Dineo and her sister somewhere
around...

Dineo did cal me in the morning to let me know sheis

coming to the funeral and wanted the directions for
Theo's home. I real y do appreciate her forthe support
she's given me..

"Liyana.." oh, I did see her..I

smile

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 "How are you?"
"I'm okay, thank you forcoming.." I say as I give hera
brief hug
"You can come with us, it's only Tshidi and I in the
car.." oh thank God.

I hated being inside the family car with Theo's

family.
We walk to her sister's car, she's driving a MercedesBenz
today, it's smal but beautiful.
I get inside, at the backseat while she joins hersister in
the front.

Did I tel you how beautiful this woman is, I neverget

tired of her beauty...
"How are you?" Tshidi askI
smile at her
"I'm okay.."

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 "I heard you fel and almost broke you leg but youseem
alot bettertoday, I hope you did go to a doctor.."

"I did, I'm feeling a lot bettertoday.."

The drive from the cemetery back to Theo's home isshort,

it's just a fewstreets away.
Soon we are parked just outside the house andwash
our hands.

I honestly expect Tshidi to say no to the food but she

surprises me when she offers to help me dish...

Zama is somewhere around. We haven't spokesince

last night.
She's not taking this wel , I'm hoping her sister hasn't
been drinking again. I have distanced my selffrom both of
them , last thing I need is to cause

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 drama like we did last night.

I swear to God, I'l end beating the shit out ofNomusa.

My bag is already packed, I'm waiting for Nathi to ar

ive anytime from now. He cal ed in the morning to let
me know he would come in three hours.

I just wanna leave this place and go deal with

Nomusa and Zama at home..

We dish up for Dineo, Tshidi and I and just decide tosit in

the tent...
"I need two bottles of wine as soon as I leave thisplace.."
Tshidi says.

I feel like she's a heavy drinker, but I dont blame her,it's

what most rich wives do...

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 "Why don't you come with us and spend the rest ofthe
day with us drinking wine?" Dineo asks
We're stil a bit awkward, but I'm glad her sisterdoesnt
notice that
"Nah, I have to make sure Nomusa is okay.." I say
"I can imagine how she is right now. I honestly don'tknow
what I'l do to my self if my husband dies.." I'm suddenly
sad, I hope her husband is a good man

"That one won't die anytime soon.." Dineo says witha but
of laughter.
I love the bond between this sisters.

"Oh, I'm mar ied to a beast nana! " They both laugh..I
feel so much left out right now..

I see Zama walk to me...

"Can I talk to you?" She says to me..

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 "We'l speak at home Zama.." I want to dismiss her"Its
important.."
Sigh
"I'l be right back.."
I stand up and fol ow her to the gate..

"I need to know if it's true.." This child! !

"Zama this is not the right place to talk about this.."
I say to her
"Were you there when she kil ed him?"
"Zama! I said this is not the right place to talk aboutthis!
!" I'm losing my temper.
This child is so self centered.

"I'm covering his story.." then there is silenceThis

is unbelievable
"And you want to write about your sister? You want

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 to write that she kil ed him?"
"Did she?" She ask
"You wouldn't dare.."
Silence again

"If there is anything you need to do is to supportyour

sister! She just lost the father of her kids.." Isay to her
"I'm just trying to do my work here Liyana!" She is
shouting
"Dare raise your voice at me again I swear I'l -" I saypointing
my finger at her.

Nomusa comes and stands between us..She

looks so much drained..
"Guys not here.." she says in a low tone..
"Talk to this child because I won't tolerate her
attitude.." I say

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 Nomusa turns to look at her
"Zama I was just drunk.. I don't know what real y
happened.." Nomusa says
I know that this child won't buy this story, that's onething
forsure I know
"Then what happened? I know he was abusing youand
al , I just need to know what happened to him."

"Nomusa I'm leaving.." I say to her

"Its fine, I think I'l come home later during the week,there
is a ceremony they need to perform before the kids and i
leave.."
"Wil you be okay?" I ask
She nods, she looks real y tired
"Please make sure not to drink alcohol.." she
chuckles lightly
"I wont.."I
nod

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 "I'l go take my bags. Asambe wena Zama!"
She stands stil
"Manje! "
She fol ows me to the house.
I just need her away from Nomusa. I know she wil just
utter everything that happened.

We both take our bags and I wait for her to get in her
carand leave before I go back to Dineo and Tshidi,
it's fine I'l cal Nathi and tel him I got a liftfrom a
friend..

The girl and I leave as soon as I let them know thatI'm

ready to go..
Dineo is now driving and Tshidi is busy on her
phone smiling...

My phone rings, its Nathi.

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 I sigh while looking at Dineo. I honestly don't knowwhy
I feel uncomfortable talking to Dineo around Nathi, the
same way I also feel uncomfortable talking to Nathi
around Dineo..

But I decide to take it anyway..

"Liyana.."he says my name in his deep voice myheart
melts.
He says my name so different. I find it sexy.No
no Liyana dont..
"Nathi.." the girls are quiet and I know they are
listening to my conversation.
The energy on the phone is wierd but somehowsteals
al the control al the control with just his breathing.

Lord.
"Ukuphi, I'm at the gate?" His voice just does thingsI
cannot explain to my body.

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 Liyana when did you become a slut?I
honestly blame freedom.
But his voice just makes me forget al my problems"What? I
just left the place. A friend offe
red to give me a lift.." I say.
"I was about to cal you and let you know, I'm sor y."
I continue
"I'm sad because I have plans for us.." he says"You
want to make me cry again?"
He laughs. Its sweet. It's a rare thing to hear himlaugh
"No I don't want to make you cry, is the friend
dropping you off at home? I can drive there andfetch
you?"
"Yeah they are.."
"I though it's a friend"
"Its friends"

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 "Mmmh I hope it's female friends"
I laugh
"Are you jealous?"
"Do I need to be?"
"You'l find me at home.." "Okay,
wear a dress and heels""I don't
own that"
He laughs
"I know, I was just teasing you...I'l see you in afew.."
I hung up, I can feel Dineo's eyes on me on the
rearview mir or.

I feel like a slut right now.. I feel so bad.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

Sehranmagzine.com
 SEVENTEEN

The girls drop me of at home...

Tshidi is fighting though, she wants me to spend the day
with them so bad. She keeps on talking about driving to
some soa and going fora massage.
I wish I could join them, but I just wanna spend therest
of the day with Nathi.

Sigh.

I sound like umuntu o fakelwe ilove portion. Lord...

The house is just too quiet. I had expected to find Zama

already at home and oh I think back that shementioned
something about going to the office, I real y want to talk
to her...

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 There are a fewciders in the fridge, they are Nomusa's. I
just need something cold. I open andjust gulp it down. I
need to get out of this dress aswel .

There is a knock aftera few moments of settling onthe

couch. I groan. I know forsure that its Nathi.

I stand to go open for him. Its him, he has a takeaway

bag with him.
He looks so damn good, in sharply tailored suit...
"Hi..." he says. He leans down, his lips skim acrossmy
cheek before tickling the shel of my ear.
I'm too lost in his manly scent.I
love how he is with me..
"The dress looks so damn good on you.." he noticedI'm in
a dress.
I was forced to wear it. But I just how how he

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 notices even the smal things on me...

I blush
"Thank you.." I can't believe how breathy my voice isright
now.
"I hope you're hungry, I brought you food, I'm sor y Itook
long, I thought I should pass by the shops and get you
food..." I laugh
"Thank you but I have already had something to
eat.."
I tel him
"Okay, then are you ready to leave?"
"I hope we're not going to that scary place again..."he
chuckles
"No.."
I walk to the kitchen with him fol owing me and lethim
place the paperbag on the kitchen counter.
I think I'm fine, but I'm in a black dress and a blackblazer.

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 I've never worn this type of clothing, it's too
uncomfortable for me.
"I think you'l need to change the dress.." he says tome, It
feels as though he wants to take me to that shady place
again
"No, I'm not going to take you there again.." he saysas if
he's read my mind.
"Oh thank God.."He
laugh.
I need to wear my J ean's right now. There's nothingthat
would make me so much happy than getting out of this
dress...

...
I've never been to a place like this. It looks so muchfancy.
There are fancy cars parked outside.

"What's going on here?" I ask him as we park.

"Its a pub and gril , meeting a fewof my friends to

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 celebrate a friend's wife's birthday.."He
says.
"Come.." i want to ask if he wasn't supposed to takehis
wife oranything.

Honestly I'm not free with this. I'm getting scared, ifwe're
meeting his friends then they surely do know he is mar
ied and wil probably treat me like some home wrecker.

I know you know, I am. I just don't need to be judgedright

now.
"Are you okay?''
"I'm okay.." I'm lying, I'm not.

We walk inside him holding my hand. Its cosy. I'm

enjoying the moment.
Atleast I get to forget my problems while with him..

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 It's not crowded inside, I had expected to find people
dancing, some fighting and just everythingthat happens
8inside places like this but to my surprise, there are
men in suits.
Some look like bouncers. Some guy comes to us.He is
in suits too, he looks real y real y good. I cansee a
tattoes appearing on his neck..
"Nathi.." he says. He is intimidating
"Luu.." they shouldef bump. They both are giants.."And
I see you have a guest with you.."
Nathi chuckles
"Oh, this is Liyana.. Liyana meet Luthando. He is theowner of
this place.." oh I though so..

I honestly feel as though I'm too dressed too casualforthe

event happening here.
A woman comes to us. Her face lits up when shesees
Nathi.

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 She's also beautiful. Reminds me so much of Tshidi"Nathi! "
She says hugging him.
"Tumi." He has her in his arms.Okay,
don't overthink it.
She has a wedding ring on her finger. I'm praying so hard that
it mustn't be the wife.
She is wearing a dress. It looks fancy..

"Are you going to introduce me?" She ask, I knowshe

is talking about me.
"Oh, this is Liyana. Liyana this is Boitumelo,
Luthando's wife.."
I don't expect a handshake oranything from her. I can tel
by how she looks at me that she doesnt likeme
"I thought you'd be bringing Mathidiso.." she says
"Boitumelo, I think you should go check if our
guests are stil okay.." Luthando says.

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 Matshidiso...

She walks away

"Can I get you something to drink?" Luthando askme
I don't know what to drink, I feel like if I say whiskeyI'l
embar ass my self.
I shake my head no.
"A glass of wine wil be fine" Nathi saves the day.

I'm trying so much to engage my self with people around

here. I feel like Nathi is not giving his friendstoo much
attention like he should be. He keeps on asking me if I'm
okay.

I have learnt that its Boitumelo's birthday. I feel aping

of jealousy when she talks so much of her success and
how lavish her life is. I wish things

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 would have turned out like hers. If
only I hadn't kil ed my mother..
I'm suddenly sad but I honestly don't wanna ruin themood for
Nathi..
"You seem lost in thoughts. What are you thinking?"He
ask as he pins me with his eyes.
I nod.
"I think I've heard enough wine now.." it's tue. I thinkI'm
on my 10th glass.
"Do you want us to leave?" I nod...
It's getting late.
"But only if you want us to leave.." he says.
"I'l go say my goodbyes to Luthando and his wife.."He
says and walks to them..
...
"I enjoyed my day.." I tel him.
We're parked just outside my home. It's alreadydark
but I can see Zama's carparked outside.

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 I know she is in. I'm tipsy, I know I'l go straight tomy
bed and sleep. I'l speak to her in the morning.
"I did too and thank you foragreeing to come withme. I
know I wouldn't have spent even an hour alone
there.." I smile

I'm honestly tempted to ask why he didn't take hiswife but I

want to decide against it.
"Why didn't you take your wife with you?" Oh my
mouth decides to betray me.
Liyana! I wanna beat my mouth right now.

"She's never been with me to any parties or business

functions. She feels they're tok boring forher"
His eyes are closed and he says that.

I feel like she's a drama queen. I enjoyed being there.

I've never been to any party like that ever

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 before

"Nathi.."
"Mmh.."
"I don't feel right with what's going on between usreal
y.."
He opened his eyes to look at me
"I mean, you're mar ied and right now I feel like yourside
chick. I feel like this wil only hurt me in the end.."
''I know." It's simple, its clear "But
I wil make sure it doesnt.."
He sounds like a mar ied man right now
"I'm surely fal ing for you Liyana.."
"Then what Nkosinathi? What if she cal s you right now
and tel s you to come home? Are you going to leave just
like that? Are you planning on making meyour
mistress?" Why the fuck did I even ask that..

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 He sighs
"Come here.."his tone is softer
I slide closer. He looks into my eyes before loweringhis
gaze to my mouth. He leans in and brushes hislips sweetly
against mine..
"I wil never hurt you, that's one thing I know for
sure.." he whispers against me.
My heart beats fast against my ribs.I
cant say anything..

He takes my hand, directs it to his erection, thickand

hard.
"I should leave before we do something we're not
supposed to do here" his voice is rough with lust.
I whimper..
He leans in to try to capture my lips but I turn andhe
kisses the side of my neck and frowns
"You can't kiss me and make everything alright." Mybody
is already sur endering despite my protest..

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 We're lost in the intimacy when a carstops on our
side...
It's a black sedan...

Gunshots ring out. The people are shooting at ourcar

"Shit! !" I hear him say before he pushes my head
down. I hit my head hard against the dashboard.
I'm getting dizzy. Gunshots keeps on firing.I
think he is also shooting out..

Next thing I hear a cardriving fast past us. I knowit's the

shooters and I hear him groan..

My head is painful, I'm dizzy. I feel like I'l pass out"Liyana! !"
He says, his voice...

To be continued

Sehranmagzine.com
 I'm sure you've noticed how bad I am with editing.
Please forgive me.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

EIGHTEEN

The beeping machine sounds wake me up.

I scan the room. I'm alone in a room that looks like a
hospital ward. I panic remembering what had
happened...

I sit up straight but there is a drip on my hand.

There's no one. I haven't been shot, so what thefuck is
going on here???

The dooropens and some guy walks in..

"You're final y awake?'' He ask

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 "Where am I? Where is Nathi?" I need to know where he
is. The last thing I remember was gunshots firing and a
cardriving away..

I want Nathi now! !

"How are you feeling?"
"Don't ask me stupid questions. Where is Nathi?"The
dooropens. Someone walks in.
I want to laugh in disbelief

"What's going on? What are you doing here?"

I ask her. I'm shocked that I'm in a hospital ward,and
she's here with me. Zama of al people?

Her:"You are awake." It's a statement.I'm

tired of this already
I need to know where Nathi is. I'm scared something
happened to him.. I'm thirsty, but it's the

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 least of my wor ies.

"Where is Nathi?" I ask her hoping that she wil answer

me because if anyone between them doesn't, then I'm
removing this drip on my hand andgoing to look for him

"He is fine, he got shot but he is fine" she decides tosay

"What's real y going on Liyana, who were those people
that where shooting at you?" She asks. Theguy is also
stil standing here with her
"How am I supposed to know? I was in the damncar
with Nathi.."
"I feel like you've brought your troubles of out jail toour
home with you.."
I laugh in disbelief
"Can I see Nathi?" I ask the guy
"He wil come see you. I have to make sure if you're

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 okay.." he says.
Everything doesnt make sense right now
"Okay, Zama how did I get here? Where is Nathi?"I ask
her even though I know she wil utter nonsense

"We came with Nathi and some guy. I had cal ed the
police after I heard the gunshots. And Nathi was losing
blood so I don't know who cal ed the guy so Iwent out of
the house when I sawthe guy parking behind Nathi's
carand scooped you up because you had passed out.
Nathi was shot and couldn't doanything.." This is
confusing
Sigh
She is stil not talking to me..

Nathi walks in.. I swear to God He had only a vest and

his formal pants. I can see he is in pain. My dark evening
angel. I want to jump on him and justkiss him al over his
face.. I didn't realise I had beenthis wor ied about him
until now.

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 "How are you feeling?" He asks, strained. It feels as
though it's only us in the room. Everyone else doesnt
exist..
"I'm Okay, what about you? Have you been shot?"myvoice
is strangely faint I ask too many questions al at once.

Everything happened real y quick.

"I'm okay, I was wor ied about you.. " he says to me
"Thank you foreverything man.." then says to theguy
"But you have to go to the hospital to make sure thewound
is not to bad Ndlovu." The guy says to Nathi.
I thought we are in hospital. What's going on here?
"I'l be fine. I've always survived.." he says. I look atZama, she
has this questioning look on her face.

The guy takes my hand and slowly removes the drip.I'm stil
in my clothes, so I don't need to change.

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 I stand up and we al walk out. I realise when we walk
out of that it's a smal surgery. Zama is quiet. Iknow she
has a lot to say. It's the early hours of themorning. I can
tel she hardly slept. Its cold... I'm stil in the clothes I
had worn forthe party...

Zama's car is parked outside, there is a car I don't

recognize parked next to hers
"So are you driving with me or with him?"she asksI
think its Nathi's, its not the one we were shot in...

"With Nathi." I don't even need to think to answerher

"Fine, but I suggest you guys go to the police station to
make a statement because I had alreadycal ed the
police.." she says
Nathi is quiet, I can see hes getting annoyedI
ignore her
"I've cal ed Nomusa to let her know what went on. I

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 think she's home.."
"You real y did have to do that?" I ask
She goes to her car..

Nathi opens the doorfor me to get in before hegoes

to his and we drive out. Sedan.

We're not driving home, it's a different direction..

"What real y went on?" It's the first thing I ask whenwe
drive out..
I don't even want to ask where we are going. I just need
to go where I know I would be safe because one thing
forsure i know is that those people wanted to kil us. It
wasn't robbery oranything. Theywanted us dead.

J ust thinking of it makes me question if being agood

girl in prison was a good idea.
Life in prison was betterthan al this things I'm

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 going through right now.
He is silent, he looks as though he is deep in
thoughts.
His phone rings. He looks at it and let's out a silentsigh
"Mandlovu.." my heart........ Dear lord
"Yes..I'm okay, it wasn't anything major. Yeah, I'm going
to Pretoria house, I just need to rest, I haven'tslept at al ...
Okay, I'l send someone to come and take you guys there,
just text me when you're ready... I love you nam." A block
of ice forms in my stomach
I'm not saying anything anymore.. I feel like I'l hurtmy
self.
He is silent, I already know we are driving so the so cal
ed "pretoria house"

"I'l take you home after you've rested." He says

"Oh.." the sound leaves my chest along with al the air
from my lungs as though someone has punched

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 me..

The drive is long and silent.

In an hour we are parked outside some house. Ithink
it's the "Pretoria house"
I open the doorand fol ow him inside the house.

It's a home.. I can tel someone lives here. I'm tiredof

asking and hurting my self so I'l just keep quiet..
I go sit on the sofa and he goes to the other roomand
comes back with a bottle of water and glass and hands
it to me..
He pul s the coffee table and sits on it facing me,my
legs are in between his...

I can't read his expression but I feel like I wont likewhat

he is about to tel me.
"I'm sor y that had to happen while you were with
me.." he says

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 "What real y happened Nkosinathi? Who were thosepeople?'
He sigh and keeps quiet fora moment..

"Saving my wife meant creating enemies for my

self..."
Wow! ! J ust wow! ! So I almost died for his wife's
sins?
"Nathi..."
"This is my life Liyana. I chose this life and I'm scared
now that they know about you then it putsyour life in
danger.." scared it's an understatementof how I feel right
now
"But I know I wil fight. I'l fight with everything ihave
to protect you."
Is that supposed to make me less scared..
He takes my hand in his
"I don't mean to scare you, I shouldn't have. But Ijust
wanted you to know."

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 "Do you know those people?"
Hs nods
"And I've already dealt with them"
"How?"
"I've just made sure they never do what they did..""Nathi
did you send people to kil them?"
Silence
"Nathi are you a gangster?"
"No.."he stands up and goes to the windowHe
doesn't wanna look at me anymore.. "What are
you?"
Silence.

This conversation is just a waste of time."I

need to bath, where is the bathroom?"
"Upstairs, first dooron your left. There is my towelin
there, its blue you can use it.."

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 I stand up and walk away..

I'm naked in the shower, under the spray of water .. Idon't

know what do to..
Everything doesnt make sense.
I don't fucken know how I got in this so soon. First itwas
sleeping with Dineo.. Then Nathi.. Then me
fal ing in love with him.. Then having to live with thefact
that he is someone's husband and loves his wife..
I don't know..
How did I get here?
And Kil ing Theo.. Then.. everything..

Dear Lord...

I feel his naked body get in the shower joining me. I feel
his warm body close to me. The first instinct is to wiggle
back to him, but I stop my self. He kisses

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 the side of my neck gently. I'm not sure if what hes about
to do won't affect his wound because i know it wil on
mine..
He runs his hands al over my body before turningme..
He stares down at me, his black gaze penetratingdeep in
my soul
There is a bandage on the side of his stomach. Palescars
crisscross his torso and abs. The scars are just too
intimidating.

How many times must he have fought and won tobearso

many Marks of violence on his skin?
"I don't want to be in this anymore..." I say before Ican
even stop my self
"You don't want to be in what?"
"In this.. What ever this is.. I don't want to be in it
anymore.."
He keeps quiet

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 "This wasn't supposed to happen in the first place. Ihave
been with women half of my life. I've dated women when
I was in Prison and have slept with one just a fewdays
ago and I think I love her.."

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
NINETEEN

Sipping my tea at the kitchen table in the. I look outat the

kitchen window..
I can see the cars passing. People enjoying theirlives.
Happy.
How I so wish I could be.. It's hard, I don't want to lie.I'm
heart broken..
Life in prison was betterthan this.. I wish I could goback..
My heart was at ease there...

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 "You stil haven't told me how things went at the police
station.." I check the time, its 7am. I have toleave at 7:30
but I feel like I'l be leaving early thansitting here and
wishing I could slap her face...

"Zama I'm not in the mood.."

She sits on the chair and drinks her tea "Theo's
story wil be published today. I haven't
wrote anything about Nomusa.." she says. I'm quiet
"Liyana."
Arghhhh! !
"Yini Zama? If you want to ask me if she kil ed himgo
ask her! " I'm tired of this real y.
It's fine now. I can go back to prison. I feel like life was
better inside. She can go to Nomusa, Nomusa can
confess, I don't give a fuck anymore. Right nowI feel like
getting a life sentence wil be much betterthan getting my
heart broken out here.
"Right... I'm sor y.." I keep quiet

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 "I got scared when I heard those gunshots.." i real ywish
she can get the message that I'm not in the mood to talk
I'm silent

I stand up and take my bag

"I can drop you off at the shelter.."
"No, I'l be fine.."
I just need some time alone.. To think

Nathi didn't say anything yesterday. Our

conversation just ended with an "oh" from him, Idon't
know what that meant...

I don't feel like being at home today, which why I have

decided to go to the shelter, maybe I'l forgetmy
problems...
..

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 I find Dineo already at the shelter.. She is swiping the
kitchen. Part of me already regrets coming in today...

She smiles as she sees me "Look

who's here today.." I smile
"You look very much betterso I won't even ask howyou
are."
"I'm okay, real y.."
"You can sit. I'm done there.."
I sit on the chair
"How is your sister holding up?"
"Shes fine, she's stil at her baby daddy's home but Ithink she is
fine.." I say
Awkward silence fil s the room.
"We haven't spoken about what happened betweenus.."
she decides to bring this up.

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 I thought we have and I thought she made it clearthat
she is not into girls..

I've just gotten my heart broken, I don't want to dealwith

anymore of the relationships shit..
I'm done
"It shouldn't have happened. I think we should justforget
it did before we could complicate things or make things
more awkward between us.." I say..

She takes the chair and sits down with me andtakes

my hands in hers
"The truth is I haven't forgotten about what
happened between us. I can't.."

Then ufuna ngenzeni?

"Dineo.."
"I have feelings for you Liyana. As much as I am
trying hard to fight it. I can't.. I can't fight it."

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 Makhumalo saves the day by walking in..I
quickly remove my hands from hers.
Makhumalo smiles
"I heard you were in today.."
I nod. I hope she won't overthink what she just sawright
now..
"I hope you're feeling better. You cannot come hereand let
the kids make you worse.." I chuckle
I know how playful the kids in here are. So I know
she's right
"I'm feeling much better real y.." I say to her
"I heard about your sister's boyfriend. Condolencesto you
guys.." that too...
I nod
"Dineo, I need you to come help me unpack the boxes in
the hal . Liyana don't overwork yourself.."Inod..
...

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 The day goes by real y quick. I'm happy to go home.I'm
real y tired..

Dineo comes to me as I'm getting ready to leave.I've

been ignoring her al day and I'm real y tiredright
now..
"Dineo I real y have to leave.." I say before she couldsay
anything else..
She sighs
"Please Liyana stop ignoring me. I just need two
minutes of your time."
"Dineo you made it clear that you don't want to bewith
me! What more do you want from me?" I'm losing my
temper right now.

I'm going through alot.

"I know.. I'm real y sor y.."sigh
"You know what, I'l see you tomor ow.." I take mybag
and walk to the door

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 "The truth is I don't want to get hurt again.." it getsmy
attention. I stop but not turn back to her
"I'm scared of fal ing in love again Liyana. I've beenin
love with my baby daddy. He made me hate
fal ing in love. Liyana, being in love with me has
destroyed me. But I feel like I'm ready now.. I wantyou.
I want to fal in love with you.." I turn, shes onthe verge
of crying. I don't know what to do orsayto her
"Don't cry.." I say..
She chuckles through the tears that are now fal ing
"You're bad..." we both laugh
"I like you Dineo. In you I have found a friend and I
don't want to lose you."
"Then don't.." I sigh walking back to her

"Lets not rush things then. Lets not label what we have. We
are fine as friends and yes we can have fun here and
there and see where it takes us.." I say
What the fuck am I saying?

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 He walks closer and hugs me..
"Oh I can't breath.."
"Have dinner with me at my home? We can cook
together. I miss spending time with you.." she says
I know saying yes wil be a bad idea but I know notgoing
home wil do me good right now
"Okay.."
"So are we going to my house?"I
nod..
...

I can never get enough of the beauty of this home. Iswear

Tshidi has a great taste..
I'm peeling the vegetables while she is on the stove.We
are having wine, it's ter ible..

She's bettercompany.

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 Her phone rings. It's her sister.. she says shes on her way
to bring Dineo's daughter and she's comingwith her
husband..
"I think they wil join us for Dinner.. They usual y do
when they bring Pretty.."
Oh..
"Its okay. I like your sister, shes a whole mood.." she
laughs
"She is. I know shes probably drunk.." I can't helpbut
laugh..
I know she is.
"Her husband is a bit intimidating though. I hope itwont
scare you.."
Girl I've been with more intimidating people in
Prison. What more intimidating can one be?
I chuckle
"He is a good person though.." "I
hope he is.."
She's looking at me. Her eyes flutter with warmth

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 and something else- something I can't name...
"Thank you foragreeing to have dinner with me.."she
says..

She comes to me, leans in and kisses al my thoughts

away. I won't lie. It feels good. She smel sgood, its sweet.
And I can't get enough of her.
Her tongue is stroking aggressively against mine.I'm
suddenly hungry for her. Our mutual desperation is
unstoppable as we devour each other's mouths...
I can hear the kids laughter and screams outside.I
know Tshidi is here...
She moves away from me with a chuckle.
I'm stil breathing hard when the dooropens and thekids
run in and Tshidi too walks in with plastics in her hands
"Ohhhh Look who's here! !" She says in excitement

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 She's real y a happy soul this one..
I blush. The kids run to Dineo and hug her.
Tshidi places the plastics on the table..
"Oh I'm so tired. Liyana. How are you?! " Shes
natural y loud
"I'm okay.."And...

And.
A man walks in with plastics too. Too many plastics.First
thing my eyes go on is his body.. How the T- shirt hugs his
muscles body..
The tattoos..I
cant..
"Ngiyabonga Mntungwa.."Tshidi says to him as he
places the plastics on the table.
His eyes to mine..I
swal ow hard.

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 Is he Tshidi's husband?

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY

"Her husband is a bit intimidating though.." I thinkbacl

to Dineo's words. I should have known

"Liyana, how are you?" He asks.

It's intimidating..
I don't wanna lie, I feel like the earth could open upand
swal ow me.
"You guys know each other?" It's Tshidi.I
want to say I don't but he beats me to it.
"Yes. We do.." he says, his eyes never leaving mine..
I already want to leave, I don't think sitting on the same
table with him and Dineo wil be a good idea.

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 I damn slept with both of them.I
already regret coming here.

Yes, and I'm hurt, do I even need to say it? That theman I
love is mar ied to Tshidi.
This is messed up.
It's so damn messed up..

Dineo is busy unpacking the bags. I'm standinghere

like a lost chicken.

He checks his wrist watch.

"As much as I would like to join you ladies, I have ameeting to
attend to in a few minutes ..'' he says.
I'm excited that he is leaving.

"Ahh love, I thought you wil be joining us..." Tshidisulks.

I hate her forthis..

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 His arm goes around her waist. I feel a ping of
jealousy in my heart..

No Liyana don't.. I honestly don't understand my self

right now. I should hate him with everything inside me
afterdiscovering that he is mar ied to someone that treats
me like a person real y since Igot out of J ail...
But..
"It's fine. But you'l fetch me right?" He nods thenlooks
at me
"It was great seeing you..'' he says to me

Despite my indifference to him. My as covers in

goosebumps like a cold breeze had just blown through.
My pulse quickens further my tongue quickly quickens
further and my tongue suddenlyfeels too big for my
mouth. I drop my gaze..
"It's fine.."
Final y, I decide to leave them and join Dineo and

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 help her pack the grocery.

The dooropens and closes, I know he has walkedout.

Sigh..
I'm no longer comfortable..

Dinner is served, there is more wine but I don't

wanna be here anymore.

I feel like going to the police station and asking them to

send me to another shelter wil be a good idea. I feel like
cutting al ties with this people is thebest one.
''Liyana are you okay?" My mind has been elsewhere
since this people joined us.. I nod, I hopeDineo Wil take
this
"You have been quiet.."I
know

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 "I just have this headache and I know Zama must be wor
ied about me plus it's pretty much late." Forthefirst time I
lie about Zama..

I know she won't believe me, everyone knows ZamaandI

don't get along
She probably doesn't even care if I'm home ordeadright
now..
"I can cal someone to come take youhome..''Tshidi..

It's late but not that late, I'l walk. It's fine
"No, I'l walk don't wor y." I hope it didn't come outrude.
"No, you can spend the night with me.."Dineo says, I
think. The some already got to her
I keep quiet
"And Tshidi...I .." she clears her throat. I don't thinkI'l
like what wil come out of her mind right now

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 "Liyana and I are.. we're seeing each other."
WTF?????
"Seeing each other? J wang?" Tshidi asks Dineo. Iknow
she know what she means. The shock is already written
al over her face.
"Like..Dating...." Dineo says taking my hand in hers
"Heh banna! " It comes out of Tshidi's mouth.
"It's shocking I know, I'm stil shocked too. But justhappened
Tshidi...' Dineo continues

I'm quuiet, I don't know what to say.

Lomtanaa uya phapha.

The glass of wine is on the table. I want to gulp thewine

down so bad.
"When did this happen?" Tshidi asks in shock. She'strying
by al means not to say her shock but she's failing dismal
y.

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 "A few weeks ago" her young sister answers.

Lord...

Tshidi clears her throat.

"I... I don't know real y. I'm shocked.. I thought you
were straight Dineo"
"I thought I was too.."
It's as if I'm not here..
"Do you guys love each other?" Thsidi asks
"Yes.."Dineo answers.
I'm not going to answer that because the truth isjust
that I love Tshidi's husband.
I'm quiet.
Everyone goes silent too..
I real y need to leave. I so wish my cel phone couldring
right now and save me because I'm not answering this..

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 But I do take my cel phone and check the time. It's afew
minutes before 9pm. I real y should leave..
"I real y should leave..' I say
"Okay, let me clear the table so I can walk you out.."
Dineo
"Okay I'l help you do that"I say to her "No, I
think she wil manage"Tshidi says..

Dineo clears the tables and takes the dishes to the sink.
I'm left sitting on the table with Tshidi. K don'tknow, but
everything suddenly feels awkward between the both of
us.
I feel bad.
And I also get a feeling that she knows about herhusband and
I ..
"How do you know my husband Liyana?" She asks,not
looking at me but her glass of wine.
There is a lump on my throat. I can't swal ow it "He
usual y comes to the Shelter to donate a few

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 things. That's how I know him.." I'm lyingShe
goes quiet.
It's scary.
Dineo walks back to us and I quickly stand up..

"I'm sor y the announcement had to come out just like

that.. I was too excited and wanted to share my
excitement with Tshidi.." Dineo says once we are
outside.
I let out a heavy sigh.. I need her to know I don't likewhat
she did but I don't know how to say it without hurting her.
I thought we had agreed on being friends and just having
fun, nothing else
"It's fine.."
It's not
"You should go back inside,you can't leave Tshidialone.."
She nods.
...

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 "Where have you been?''
"And who the fuck are you to ask me that?" I'm
annoyed. I'm not in the mood for her...

She goes to her room. I sit on the couch in the sitting

room. I take off my shoes and just relax onthe couch.

I need to see Dragon and just talk to her, I knowshe'l

help quiet my broken heart..

Damn, it has been only a month since I have comeout of

prison but alot has happened already..

Zama comes back and sits on the couch with me

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" I ask her because I
don't need anyone to argue with right now.

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 I'm tired, Ive had the longest day
She hands me a business card
"That's Noxy's card. She is a therapist. I already spoke to
her and she is waiting for you to cal her.."
I want to laugh in disbelief''i
don't need a therapist..""You
do."

Sigh.

"You kil ed a man Liyana. You've been in jail for

years fortaking him away from us and I think youneed
to talk about it.."
"Yey wena dhoti! ! If there's anyone that need this
nonsense it's you. You cannot keep on remindingme
that I kil ed your father! ! I did you ifavour by even
doing so! !" I've lost my patience already

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 "He was a father he didn't deserve to die like that.."she
wants to cry
"I don't have time forthis..."
I stand up to walk to my bedroom
"And I know that you and Nomusa had a hand in
Theo's death..." She says

I turn back to her

"And if we did?" I ask. I'm tired of this child already.She
wants to make my life living hel .
"Then you'l go back to jail and Nomusa wil go withyou
because you are murders! !"
I laugh in disbelief.
"Why is it such a big deal to you?"
"You cannot keep on kil ing people as if they are
animals Liyana.."
I walk back to her

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 ''i feel like you wil be next. Everyday you keep on giving
me more reasons to want to stab you in yourheart and
watch you die slow painful death..."
Silence..
"Phuma Kimi Zama! I'm tired of beating you.."I
say before going to my bedroom.

I haven't spoken to Nomusa today I text her to wishher a

goodnight and ask if she's stil doing fine. I know I said
I'm angry. But the truth is I miss her, I miss laughing.

She doesn't respond so I know she's probably

asleep right now.
My phone is empty.. I decide to final y delete Nathi'snumbers.
It hurts but I have to let go for real..

I honestly want to cut al ties with him and his

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 family.

To be continued

Hopeful y it's not that short because the notepadI'm

using right now ................ yeses
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY ONE

This place feels so...

Sigh..
I thought being in here was much betterthan
freedom but now that I'm here visiting Dragon, I
realise that I don't miss this place at al ..

This place has bad memories. I've seen life in here.I've

hated, grown to love and again hated being hereagain..

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 I've built memories in here. Memories that I'd hateto
remember. Ter ible memories.

I'm watching the inmates in orange overal s. They seem

free, happy. I know they're not. I've pretended and came
in here looking this way when I used to
come in here and see mama. I pretended to be happy so
she would leave a happy woman. I wantedher to sleep
peaceful y but the truth is life in here ain't a bed ful of
roses.

I stand up and decide to leave, coming here wasn'tgreat

idea.
What was I thinking?

"Nana.." it's her. It's her voice.

I want to run to her and jump on her and hug her butI
know it isn't al owed.
Seeing her brings smile to my face..

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 I sit back down.
She comes and J oins me
"You final y came.." it's excitement. She can't
contain it. I'm also happy.
No- I'm super excited"I
did.."
"I've been waiting for you.." she says"I
know.. I'm sor y"
"Are you pregnant?"
I can't help but laugh
"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"
"You're glowing.."
I'm stil laughing. Dragon has always been like this."No.." I
say in laughter
"What's eating you?" She has always been straightforward.
I knew she would want me to talk about everythingand
anything as soon as I walked in

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 "Ahhhh. I want to hear about everything that's been
happening in here since I left.." I say. I don't want to
sadden her with my son stories

"Ahhhh siya phusha nje.." she says. I know she'sdone.

She won't say anything
"I have been sleeping with someone and her brotherin
law.."
It comes out just like that..

I tel her everything. I'm expecting her to judge mebut

she is quiet. I know if I was stil inside she would slap
the sjit out of me.
I know she would tel me how stupid I am for everything
I've done since I walked out of this placebut she's quiet

Her silence is loud, it is heavy. O want her to atleast

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 say something .

"This Nathi guy doesn't sound good for you.."atleastshe

says something
I'm quiet
"Cut al ties with both of them.." I've been planningto do
that..
"And as for Zama, I think it's time you beat the shit out
of her..What happened to the Liyana that spendyears in
here with me? The Liyana you just told meabout sounds
too weak for my liking.." she says again
"Freedom changed me.."
"It made you stupid" she says.
"Liyana you cannot come back here because of a stupid
thing and protecting your sister. It was eitheryou orthe
guy and you chose to live both your sisters need to
understand that.."
Sigh

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 "I wish it was that easy.." I say
"Nothing in life is easy. Kanti what the fuck did I
teach you in here?'
Silence

"Liyana you promised me when you walked out ofhere

that you that you were never coming back here."
"I know"
"You've spent almost al your life in here without adick
and now it's not easy?"
"I.."
"Don't. Cut al ties with both of them and put your sister
in ICU, I feel like she wants to spend weeks inthere to
start respecting you!" She says
I'm quiet

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 "You almost died because of him. He loves his wifeto a
point he created enemies to protect her then what about
you? Are you going to die because it's not easy cutting ties
with him?"
"No."
"Then do that"

Sigh
"Anyway I'm running this place now.."
Change of topic. Thank God..

We spend a few more minutes before it's time forme to

leave.
I already miss her.

...

I find Nomusa at home when I get there.

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 I don't wanna lie, she looks drained. She's tired..
"Aren't you supposed to be at the shelter?" She asks.She is
real y tired..
"I was meeting a friend.."
"Do you want tea?"
"No. I'm tired, I just want to lie down.." I say

"Liyana.." she cal s me as I'm about to go to my

bedroom
"I was drunk.." she says "Where
are the kids?" I ask her"At their
father's home.." "Oh.."
"Liyana I'm real y sor y.."
It pisses me off! !
"Sor y? Sor y that you made me kil him and now
confessed about it. Yini do you want me to go backto
jail??"

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 "No! !Liyana I'm not used to this okay?"
"Used to what? Kil ing? So I kil forfun?''
She keeps quiet
"Like I said, I'm tired!"

..
There is a knock on my bedroom door. I know it's
Nomusa.
I'm tired of this family drama.
I so wish I had anywhere else to go. I don't want tobe in
this house amore..
She final y welcomes herself in my room..
I have my back on her but her perfume tel s me it's
Nomusa
"There is someone here for you.."
She says
I know it's Dineo or Nathi

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 I don't want to see them
"I'm sleeping.." I don't Know her. So i think it's
someone important.
That gets my attentionI
look at her
"She says she wants to see you .."

Who is it?
I decide to get up and go check

My heart almost stops..

"I'l be in my room if you need me .."Nomusa says.

She's standing in front of me in her expensive clothes.

She's beautiful. I'l never get enough of herbeauty
"Are you the slut that's sleeping with my husband?"J ust
straight to the point..

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 She's rude. I hate rude people. I know if she continues
like this, I'l lose it and her husband wil come fetch her
here in a body bag.

To be continued

(Very short insert)

HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY TWO

I stand there and just watch her. I don't know what to say
to her but I know that God knows how much Iam feeling
insulted right now..
"Sor y?" It's the only thing I manage to utter.

I don't know if it's the shock or what. I thought shedidn't

know..
No- I didn't think

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 She walks in and sits comfortably on the chair "Do you
know how many girls I've done this with?"

Silence
"Plenty...They came and left. They thought they would
take my place and replace me but the truth isjust that that
man loves me. He has never loved anywoman like he
loves me and no woman wil ever take my place in his
life..."

I'm quiet..
Liyana swal owthe lump on your throat and say
something...
"Tshidi what exactly do you want?" I ask

She laughs
"Do you know what's funny? Is that I let you in my

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 life. I've been nothing but kind to you yet I havebeen
laughing with a snake"
"I didn't know he was mar ied to you"
"But you knew he was mar ied?"
Silence
"He told them he was mar ied. I know forsure hetold
he is mar ied.."

"Tshidi what do you want?" I ask again "For

you to stay away from my husband.."
"Does he know you're here?" I just can't stop my selffrom
asking..

"You can tel him it's fine.."she says. I've never seenher
this serious. The drunk and always happy Tshidiis not
here..

"How many girls have you done this with?" I ask

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 "Plenty.." she answers
"Doesn't that makes you question yourself as hiswife"
Liyana! !
"You don't know me. Do not try me Liyana.." it's
scary. But I'm not shaken
She stands up and prepares her self to leave
"Liyana I wil kil you if you don't stay away from him.I'm
giving you this chance to leave my husband and focus my
sister.."

She takes her bag and walks to the doorbut stops

"What you did to your father and your sister's boyfriend
is nothing compared to what I'l do to youif you don't take
my threats seriously.."

And soon I hear the doorshut..

My sister's boyfriend? I swal ow hard.

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 I close my eyes and let out a loud sigh..I'm
tired of this drama already..

..
I can't sleep. I'm turning and tossing. I can't stopthinking of
Tshidi and her threats...
I check the time, it's almost midnight. I want to go wake
Nomusa up and talk to her maybe I would feelbetterbut
my phone rings.
It's Nathi.

I want to thank God forsending him to cal me because

I wanted so bad to tel him his wife knowsabout us and
the wife is the very same woman thathas been very kind
to me.
"I'm outside.." he says when I answer the cal .
There's no even a hel o oranything

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 "Oh.."I say
"Yes. Phuma.." it's a request...

Forthe first time, he is not waiting outside the car.. I

feel... no.. I feel nothing. Infact I have to tel this guy to
stay the hel away from me.

I open the doorand get inside. I'm in my pyjamasand

gown. It's warm inside the car. I needed this warmth
but I can't stay fora while in here

I close the doorand sit inside the car with him in

silence.
I can tel he is basked in discomfort, practical ythrives
on it.
His eyes are on me,have been since I got in here.

Things have never been this awkward between us.

Sehranmagzine.com
 But I know that no matter how awkward things
could be between us, he never takes my eyes off me.

Sometimes I feel like he is addicted to my eyes.Does

that even make sense?

"I know she was here..." It's the first thing he says"Did
you send her?" I ask him
"No..."it comes out quickly. Like he didn't even needto
think about it

"Nkosinathi I knew you were mar ied but I didn't

know you were mar ied to her.."
"What difference would it jaceade if you knew it washer?"

I keep quiet.
He has this look on his face. It's hard to look at him

Sehranmagzine.com
 when he wears this expression. He has such a handsome
face. He is ageing. But one can tel thatthe more he is
aging, the sexier he is becoming

"Liyana I'm with you because I love you.."

"We're no longer together Nathi. We have neverbeen
together actual y.."
I say

He is silent. I decide to join him in silence too

"When you said you are inlove with another woman.Were
you talking about my sister in law?"
"No.." I answer
He sighs
"Your wife promised to kil me if I don't stay awayfrom
you. Please Nathi go tel her we're done."
"No" it comes out just like that.
What the fuck does he mean when he says no

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 "Liyana I won't break up with you because
Matshidiso said so."

This one doesn't understand

"She know about my sister's boyfriend. She knows Ikil ed
him!"
"She always thinks she knows everything. Matshidiso
won't do anything to you Liyana, sheknows I'l kil her
if she does"

Why does kil ing sound like a normal thing in thismar

iage?

"Nathi I've had enough drama since I let you in mylife.

I'm tired now"
I say.

Why doesn't he want to make things easy for me tobreak

up with him?

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 "Nathi just stop making things hard forboth of us.."
"Tel me you don't love me, then it's fine I'l let yoube"
I keep quiet.
I want to but I'l be lying. I want him leave me alone. But
leave knowing he is the only man I've ever loved on my
life..
"J ust leave Matshidiso to me. I promise she won't hurt
you.."
Spoken like a true mar ied man..

"I have to go back inside..." I say to him

"Right, let me walk you inside..''
Bad BAD idea...
He gets out of the carand walks with me to the
kitchen door...
He stands behind me in silence as I unlock the door.

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 I can feel him breathing. I'm
drowning in his scent.
I know he wants to talk. Damn I also want to talk butI
know I won't be able to resist him if he tries anything.
Thats how weak my body gets to be around him..
"How many women did she threaten forthem toleave
you?"
He is silent behind

"She said I'm not the first so I know there have beenmore
before me.

"Yes.." he answers
"Why are you doing this to her Nathi?'' I ask
"Liyana we are not going to talk about mymar
iage.." he says
"Nathi I don't want to be the reason your wife goes

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 to bed in tears every night. I'l never be happy withyou.
Which is why I want this to end before it couldeven-" he
turns me to look at him...

"Liyana.."
"No.. J ust leave.." I say to him. Final y I havegathered
the strength to tel him.
"And please stay away from me.." I continue.
"I don't think breaking up with me and being with
Dineo is a good idea.." he says just out of the blue.
I don't wanna talk about Dineo"J
ust go home to your wife."
"Liyana you're only going to hurt her. I know you
don't love her''

I chuckle "Nathi
just go"
"Break things off with her." He says

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 "And if I don't?"
He stares at me fora long time, his eyes unblinking.The
answer he gives is a direct contradiction to the length of
his pause
"You wil .." he says
"Get inside, it's late.." I open the doorand walk in.He
is stil standing there when I close it.

I feel the urge to cry. I want so bad to cry but

nothing comes out
I try to take my mind back to the hor ible past, maybe it
wil gather the emotions and just help mecry but nothing
comes out.

I can't sleep anymore. Forthe first time ever since Igot

out of prison I think of using my degree.

I need money, I cannot depend on Nomusa for

everything, forever.

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 I'l have to ask her in the morning to help me draft aCV.
I'm hoping I'l get something, even if it's not linked to my
qualifications it's betterthan nothing.
I'm a beggar I cannot choose and I have no choice, i have
this criminal record which I know it's not going to make
things easy for me..

...
Someone slightly shakes me. I open my eyes, it's
Nomusa. I dozed off on the couch..
"Are you not going to the Shelter?" She asks me as Isit up
straight..

"What time is it?" I have a fleece blanket coveringmy

legs. It has been on the couch so I used it to cover
myself to sleep
"8am.." it's already late.

And to tel the truth, I don't want to go thereanymore.

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 I hate the place. I hate seeing Dineo. I don't want togo
there
"Ahh it's already late, I'l cal Makhumalo and tel herI'l
go tomor ow.."

She joins me on the couch

"You hardly go to the shelter now. And I'm scared itwil
get you in trouble with your parole officers..."
She says

I sigh
"I don't want to go there anymore.." it's the truth.
"Why?"
I'm silent
"Nomusa I kil ed my father, I have been punished. I
served my time on jail why should I stil be punished
wasn't being in jail for 15 years not enough ?"
I'm getting al worked up

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 "It... It was.." she says in a low voice "I
can't... I can't do this anymore.."
Tears leak from the corners of my eyes
"I hate the shelter. I hate being there more than
anything.." a sob fol ows.
I start crying like a lost little girl. She gets closer andholds me
in her arms.
I'm going through a lot. I cannot handle everythingright
now

To be continued
I'l type again during the day.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY THREE

I won't lie, I thought this wouldn't be tiring but it is.

I opted for hand delivery. People are not making
things any easy for me

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 The managers are even swearing at me forthis. I'mtired
already.

I have last two CVs in my bag. I'm dropping them atthe

nearest shops
"Are you winning?" I wish I could say yes but no.."I'm
stil trying..' it's the truth
"Don't give up Liyana I'm sure you'l get something.I've
given your CV to the hospital's HR. I'm hoping you'l get
something.."
I nod
How can I thank Nomusa forbeing there for me?
"Hopeful y.."
"You sound like someone who has already lost hope.."
she sounds so much like Dragon right now
"I'm just tired Musa. I've been going al around thistown
since in the morning.."
"That's how it should be Liyana.."

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 I honestly didn't know it's going to be like this. I'm tired
already. I want to give up but just the fact that Idon't want
to rely on Nomusa foreverything gives me motivation to
stil go on...
..

It's 3pm. I'm tired. Al I need is to lay down..Nomusa Is

stil at work..
Zama..Sigh I rol my eyes. She's at work too...

I decide to shower before going to bed.

It's been three days since I went to work. Makhumalo cal

ed yesterday to ask if I was okay. Isaid no, the bul et
wound is giving me problems .
The truth is just that I don't want to go back to the
shelter. Life is a lot better without Nathi and Dineo..

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 Zama is in the house when I come out of the bathroom.
She's sitting on the kitchen table with abottle of whisky
in hand

She looks drunk, I've never seen her like this

"Zama.."
She raises her eyes to look at me and laughs
"Aren't you supposed to be at the shelter?"

"Wena aren't you supposed to be at work?" I askShe

continues laughing
I go to her and snatch the bottle of away from her.She's
drunk real y.
"I can't go to work, I've resigned..'" she says in a
bombed tome
"Liyana bring back my drink."
She continues

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 "Zama you're drunk just go to sleep!"
She laughs again
"Who are you to tel me what to do"I
don't wanna argue with this child

I give back her drink.

"I heard Nathi's wife was here looking for you.' shesays
I'm quiet

"Nathi doesn't love her, he is just with her becausehe

pities her" she says again
"How do you know al that" I also
She gulps on the whisky

"Liyana you took my man. You took everything fromme.

My father, my fiance and my happiness. I've had to deal
with Matshidiso. I knew and stil know

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 that Nkosinathi isn't in love with her.."
She's drunk. But a drunk mind tel s the truth right?

"Zama go to sleep" I don't want to react infront ofher

but my heart is beating real y fast.
"Liyana I hate you but just the fact that you chose tolove
the only man that made me happy makes me to want to
destroy you and take you back to jail!"
"Zama I said go to sleep!"
She stands up
"But it's it's your blood. You always want to get away
from every one's happiness!"
...

I'm pacing al around my bedroom. I don't know what

to do. I'm hoping this is not true. I'm hoping this is not
the reason why she hates me so much.
I can't cal Nathi to ask him, I've deleted hisnumbers.

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 Now I gather the courage to go to Dineo and ask herfor
her brother in law's contact details.
But I decide to cal Nomusa. I don't even know whybut I
decide to cal her.

She answers on the first ring..

"Sisi.." she answers
"I'm home" "How
did it go?"
"Fine. Zama is home. And she is drunk"
"What? I thought she's at work, what's going on?"''you
Tel me?" I say
"I don't Know Liyana..."
"She said something about Nathi being her
boyfriend.."
Silence
"Nomusa?"

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 "Liyana can we talk later, I'm at work"

I sense that it is true.

God, what have I done?

"Liyana I real y have to go " she hangs up.

Lord...
I'm praying that this is not true

I should take a walk ..

The street is too empty. I know it's because the kidsare at

school.
I'm smoking when the back of my neck is tingled. A
gloved hand claps over my mouth, muffling my shocked
gasp. A sharp sting my neck as a needle sink in.

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 The world turns sur eal as whatever they put in mybody
cocoons me in soft dark clouds, and I float into
nothingness...

...

"Lee..." Someone whispers in my ear...I'm

feeling cold, I'm wet, I'm shaking.. It's a
make..
I try to open my eyes
I'm in a room I don't recognise, lady time I wastaking
a walk and clearing my mind.

"What's going on here?'

I'm in pain. My ribs are painful. I know I've been
beaten.

The men are in balaclavas..

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 "The boss said we should take her as soon as shewakes
up.." of them says.
I'm stil stil drowsy. I feel one of them talking mypants
off.

I have to fight but I can't..

I cannot let them rape me.. I J ust can't ..

Extremely short and not edited

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY THREE
****Continuation****

17minutes 7seconds and it's stil counting...

...

Sehranmagzine.com
 Ever bared so much pain that you don't care what itdoes to
you anymore?
You bare the pain to a point where you force yourself
to get in this dark world and just not feelthe pain?

You don't care anymore but you're counting every

second that passes by and know it won't end soon.

I've learnt the trick back in prison. I've learnt to count

seconds when things weren't okay. Yes, I'vegone
through hel . I've suffered, I've struggled. I'veseen the
dark side of life, the tormenting side..

Prison is not a place I'd even wish my enemy to bein. You

endure every pain. The physical, the emotional, the
sexual pain..

Sigh

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 Yes, sexual pain..
17 minutes 52 seconds. He stops. Another one comes
and forces himself on me, it's the 4th onenow.
The first one took exactly 7 minutes.
Another one fol owed, he took 4minutes 52secondThe
third one took 5minues 8 seconds

And this one has been at it for 52seconds now.

The toxic fearthat had engulfed me has freezed theraw
scream that has been locked on my throat..

I'm not crying, I just can't.. 22minutes. He final y finishes. I'm

laying on the cold floor. I don't have theenergy to move
anymore...
I hear the dooropening and laughter...It's
a man, he is laughing

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 His laughter is so demonic...

I feel like the lost little girl I was 17 years ago. Howter
ified I was.. This is me now.
I didn't think I would be ter ified in my life ever again.I'm
scared.

He comes and kicks me hard on my stomachA

plea for mercy locks in my throat.
I can't speak, could barely breath. My mind begins to
shut down. The adrenaline created by fearcloudsmy
brain

The world sharpens around me with cruel clarity.

"Lee" he says in his demonic voice
I'm groaning in pain..
He laughs. He enjoys my pain. My cries and groansmakes him
happy..

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 "Mighty Ndlovu should see this.." he says again.I
swear to God, his voice wil haunt me forever
"He is known forsaving women right? He should
come and rescue you! " He continues

There's silence, the only sound that's in the room isme

groaning and belts buckling up.

"I want you to take a video of her and send it to him.I

want him to see her. I want to know if he'l come and
rescue her..."
He says
"Yes boss." Another voice answered

I don't believe in the Bible, in fact I don't believe inGod

but they said he is there. Where is he when things are
this bad?

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 But the woman inside of me wants to laugh at me and ask
where has this God been when I was forcedto kil my
father to protect my mother?
When I had to kil Theo to protect my sister?
He failed to protect them, I had to do his Fucken job! To
protect this people because he has failed to!
Then what the fuck am I expecting? For him to final y
show up now because I know I'm in pain and
now I suddenly expect him to be the "God" everyonesays he is
to come rescue me?

One of them kneels infront of me. I can't see his face. I

know that mine is bruised, I've been beatento a pulp.

He runs his hand on my face

"We'l see how much he loves you.." it's the demonicvoice
guy. I can't see him but I already know that I should fear
him more than this four guys that forced themselves on
me.

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 "You've messed with the wrong person. And I'm
scared you'l be left here to suffer the consequences
alone while Ndlovu is out there loving his wife even
more.."

He laughs
"NC NC NC poor Lee, you just got out of jail and right
now you'l have to make a choice incase he doesn't come
to rescue you. J ail ordeath... J ail ordeath.. J ail
ordeath.." he says and gets up..

I hear snaps, I know they are taking pictures and

videos of me.
I'm naked, my pants and underwear are laying
carelessly on the floor. My T-shirt is torn. I have
bruises al over my body.

To be continued

Sehranmagzine.com
 Dumelang.

Thank you very much forthe birthday wishes. Thank

very much forthe gifts, I appreciate you verymuch.
I've typed only contuation and I'l type our usualinsert
tomor ow.

Lol and I noticed al the er ors on insert 22, yeses. I

have to edit it.

Good night.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY FOUR

#Not forthe faint

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 "Haiy ubomi.... Zabayabayabaya oh impilo
zabayabayabaya
Ngizo buys mama wam... zabayabayabaya oh
impilo zabayabayabaya oh ungakhali..
Oh ongandithathi... Zabayabayabaya oh impilo
zabayabayabaya ndisa ncamela ukuphila.."
The prisoners sang too loud.

This was the first day I'd walked inside my prison wal .
How scared I was when the prisoners sang tooloud.
When Dragon dragged me and slapped so hard thatI fel .
I remember crying so much and cal ing for my
mother.

I remember shouting mercy. I was the youngest butthey

said I was old enough to kil and to be hurt.
They wanted to see if I was brave enough to handlethe
pain I've inflicted to someone else before he

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 died.
When she stabbed me countless times and cryingso loud
as the knife pierced Deep inside me. Whenmy screams
chocked off on sobs as ter ortook over.

They kept on singing, I understood days later that they

sang to celebrate having a new mate inside. And i
understood later that they sang to distract theWarders.

You'd swear when they sang that they were happyand

enjoyed life inside, but the truth is just that noone sang
in happiness. Their beautiful voices hidso much
fearand pain they bared inside. The singing hid so
much and I swear if I talk about it, Iwould bring too
many tears to too many souls.

I'm here now..

I'm the lost little girl I was.

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 The difference now is there is no singing. I keep on
imagining the singing inside my head with every pain
that shoots me.
I realise now how much their singing made the paina lot
better. I need it. It would take me in a differentworld,
where I would not feel anything.

They sang on purpose, they knew the dril . Atleast they

didn't only hurt one but helped one handle thepain

Right now it's only me and my loud groans.

My stomach rumbles, pain shoots through my body.I
wince from pain, but I don't scream. The stinging in my
eyes is not from tears, I refuse to shed them.

I won't lie, right now I feel as though I know what life

and death are, al too wel . I know my mother's dead.
She never hears me when I scream for her , I always cry
out for her when things are this difficult.

Sehranmagzine.com
 Its been close to 7 hours since I've been locked inhere,
left on the floor naked and alone now.
It's much betterthan being locked with those four men
and knowing that they might force themselveson me
again.

I'm not trying to live anymore, I've suffered enough.I

don't want comfort. I don't want to hope anymore.
They're both useless and make trying and fighting seem
reasonable when they are not.

Maybe death is an exaggeration afteral there is nothing

left for me now. I can't keep living like this.This is not life.
One cannot go through so much.

Another spike of pain shoots through me at the same time

as I hear the keys jingle on the other sideof the steel door.
I resist the urge to react to the pain although its stronger
and more intense than

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 it's ever been.

There are footsteps. He comes and stand before me before

he leans close to me. He touches me, I know he is
checking my pulse
''She's stil alive.." he says.It's
the devil guy.
"Yes, I've sent the video to Ndlovu"
I know he is on the phone"Yes
I've made sure."
Silence
"Again?" There's doubt in his voice
"Yes Boss!" Right there I know he is working for
someone.
I'm scared.. Mama, can you see me?
"I'l do just that boss, I'l keep you updated",There's
silence.

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 I hear his zip lowering, hear the dreaded sound ofhis
fist pumping his shaft.

I want to stand up and run but I have no power, thepain

in my body too wont al ow me.
I'm scared, this takes me back to a few hours ago.

I have to start counting again. Lord, I can't..

Haven't I been more than enough now?

I try to beat my fists against him as I thrash and scream
but it's useless. He is now ontop of me. Hehas forced
himself inside of me again.
I'm dry, the pain is unbearable. He keeps on thrusting.
He is enjoying this. He is moaning. I stopfighting, I go
back to what I know wil be my usualthing, counting
every second that passes by.
I cant breath, I gasp forair. Nothing fil s my lungs. He is
on top of me, his breath hot on my neck as he

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 is enjoying himself.

I cant do this anymore. I'm tired..

...

I can't sleep. It's been 12 hours now. It's very darkin the
room. I'm alone.. the dooropens and there are torches.

It sounds as though they have been running. It's funny

how I'm stil aware of everything when I canfeel my soul
slowly but surely leaving my body.
"Get up! ! !" One of the guys says. Its them again.
There's no room for negotiation. I'm trying to but Icant,
my body Is just too weak
"Phakama sfebe! ! ! Ndlovu is on his way! !"
Tears immediately leave my eyes at that.
Is he coming to rescue me? Or is he the boss?

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 Because I know I'm in this because of him.
"Get the fuck up! !" He yel s and leans down to haulme
up. I'm trying but stil failing..

He kicks me hard on the stomach.

The last thing I see are the torches

The last thing I hear is the pain in my stomach.
The last thing I feel is NOTHING. So long I've waitedfor
it. And its final y here...

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY FIVE

#Nomusa

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 We've been to the police station, they said we should
wait for 48 hours to pass before we couldreport her
missing..

What's wrong with our J ustice system? One has to die

before they could stand up and start looking forher.
Ordo something?

I'm pacing in the kitchen, part of me wants me to believe

she left because she wanted to clear her head but she
would have been back. It's been morethan 12 hours now.
And I know she got kidnapped because Nkosinathi came
to inform us.

I blame Zama forthis...

My phone rings, it's Nathi. He promised that he would
bring her back alive but.. I'm scared. I won'tlie I'm very
much scared..
"Did you find her?" I ask
"Not yet.." he sounds so down

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 This takes me back.

When I spend sleepless nights going out looking forZama.

When she was raped by so many guys because she was
forced to stay away from Nkosinathi..

My young sister was damaged, getting her back tolife

was a procedure. I didn't think she would final yfind her
self again.

I can't go through the same thing again. I cannotgive

up on my sister
I cannot go through what I've went through:
watching my sister depressed and not knowingwhat I
can do.

I've been praying. I always do. I feel as though wehave

been cursed as a family.

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 Lord, are you punishing us because of the man wekil
ed?
It was bound to happen.

"Nkosinathi is it your people?"

He keeps quiet and sigh
"I've kept quiet about you. I wanted so bad to believe that
you've changed. I wanted to believe thatyou'd protect
Liyana!" Tears form.
No...

I should have known and protected Liyana. Al I

wanted was for her to be happy
"When wil you give up this life?" I ask
''I'l bring her safe.."
I hang up and sit on the couch..

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 A loud sob comes out. I should have told her.

But I couldn't. It was already too late. I watched him,I saw

how he looks at her. I knew he loved her.

I'd seen him with Zama how he hated Zama. The

threats he made.
Unfortunately his wife didn't know how much hehated
Zama and how deep Zama's obsession on her husband
was.

Zama comes to sit next to me and tries to comfortme.

Anger builts in..

It's her fault!

I stand up

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 "It's your fault! ! "
She's quiet
"Why did you tel her al the nonsense you told her?She
wouldn't have gone out! She would stil be in here.
Happy! !"
She stands up too

"She shouldn't have dated my ex! "

She says in anger
"Fuck you Zama, fuck your ex! He never loved you.
Your relationship was never about love! !"
"She broke the sister code! " She's angry
"I'l slap you if you continue tel ing me that bul shit.She
was never your sister!"
"Yes she was never my sister! My sister would havenever
kil ed my parents. She would have never come out of jail
and fel in love with my man! !"

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 "The poor man was with you because you had lostyour
mind. I should have let his guys kil you. You threatened
to ruin his image! ! You were sick! !"
She fuming so bad.
So am I.. I don't give a fuck on her right now. Infactshe
should just go to hel with her anger because the only
person that matters is Liyana

Right now I'm forcing my self so bad not to react

"Zama when are you going to wake up and realise that
Nkosinathi was never your man? It was your obsession
and it even got you in trouble! You nearlydied. Did he
come and rescue you?" I'm trying to sound calm
"I don't blame you. You are protecting Liyana because we
both know she helped you cover Theo'sdeath. Because
you kil ed him! " She says

In an instant, I'm already up and have her head

against the couch armrest.

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 She's shouting for help, I don't care. It's fine. I thinkI'm
final y ready to go to jail for murder because since day
one when our mother died she has beennothing but a
disrespectful spoilt brat!

I have been nothing but patient with this child.

.
.

#Nkosinathi

Shit! !

"They're driving out!" He says

I can see them. I have people guarding around. I know
they won't make it out but I know we'l have tofight to get
Liyana back.

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 I'm stressed. I don't fucken know what to do now. Iknow
they've hurt her. They're doing this to get to me. They did..

It's a shoot out. We have been shooting and final ywe're

in.
It's dark.
I've been here before.

It angers me that Liyana has to go through the same

thing. I know she wil hate me. I know she wil blame me..
"I'l cover the other side"
"I'l go in.." I say
"I'm coming with you" Luthando says.
..

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 "Liyana!" She is laying lifeless of the floor. There aregunshots
outside. They are stil here.

There is a pulse, it's faint though.

"She's stil breathing.." I say as I stand up Luthando
pushes me back denying me to go out"Tengetile.." I
say
I'm calm
"Take her to the hospital. The last thing we need is you
going out there shooting and coming back witha bul et
wound"
She's half naked.
There are bruises al over her body. I have nothingto
cover her with.
"Pick your woman up and leave! L handle
everything else! "

No no no...

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 "I'l cal Menzi and tel him you're on your way..." He
says.

I have my gun in my hand. I push it to my head. J usttake a

look at how Liyana is..
Tengetile takes it "Now
is not the time.."

.
.
#Dineo

I stand here shocked. I know she is lying to me. Iknow

Matshidiso. I I know she would do anything and
everything to stand in my happiness.

"You're saying al this because you don't like the

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 fact that I'm in a relationship with her." I say to her

Tshidi chuckles
"When have I ever chose who you could be in a
relationship with?"she ask
I'm silent

She sits on the chair and gulps the wine in one go

"Do you think I would just pack my bag and decideto
come here?"
"Liyana wouldn't do this to me Matshidiso. Liyanaloves
me"

"Cal her and ask her if I'm lying.."

I can't. It's been two days since I we have been trying to

get hold of her with not Luck. Makhumaloeven
suggested we go to her home but there was

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 no one.

I'm wor ied about her, this is so unlike her

"Liyana has been sleeping with my husband. I did go to

her and confront her, i wanted to keep this asecret but I
cannot let you stay with someone whopretends to be
happy being with you while-"

I stand up
"I don't want to hear it." I say
She sighs.

She's drunk, as always but this time around she is amess.

There is silence between us

"I don't understand what is it that Nkosinathi sees

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 from those girls.." she's getting emotional.

Right now, I'm caught in between believing her andjust

walking away.
"I have been nothing but the most faithful wife to him.
What else does he want. Am I not enough forhim?"
She wants to break down.

I honestly thought she's happy.

Truth is, we never talk about her mar iage. I feel like she
shares the happy times of her mar iage with me than the
tears behind the closed doors.

I watch her break down and cry so bad. It's sad, it'spainful.
I've never seen like this.
I final y sit close to her and hug her.

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 She cries in my arms, it breaks my heart.

I honestly thought her mar iage had always been perfect

but as she cries today, she utters everythingthat has been
happening behind the closed doors ofher house

The tears, the hatred between Nkosinathi and her.Anger. And

just everything...
It breaks my heart. She has been hiding alot ofthings.

To be continued
HER PAIN,HIS TREASURE
TWENTY SIX

#Nomusa

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 She's losing her breath...
Part of me starts regretting my decision. I final y letgo of
her and she starts coughing so bad. She's in tears, she's
crying so bad.

Lord, when did things get to this point.

I walk to the kitchen take out a jug of juice in the
fridge and gulp the juice straight from the jug...

Mom, dad things are bad...

There is a knock on the door. I don't even ask who isit but
go straight to open the door.

It's a guy, I've seen him somewhere I just don't

remember where
"Sawubona" he greets.
I'm not in the mood. I just look at him

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 "Nkosinathi asked me to come fetch you.." he says
"Why? Did he find my sister?"
He nods.

I don't even need to think orask questions. I run tothe

sitting room to get my things. Zama is stil crying on the
couch. I don't care, she'l be fine.

....
I don't know the place we're driving to. But I notice
moments later I notice that we're driving to the hospital
I'm working at.
I panic...

"Did they hurt Liyana?" I ask him.

He is silent

We park. I quickly get out of the carand run inside. I

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 know this place inside and out. He quickly runs tograb
me. I fight him so hard.
I hate this...

..
Nkosinathi is busy pacing up and down as I walk in the
waiting area. I want to hold myself so bad but Ican't.

I run to him. Soon, I get to him and push him

"It's al your fault! " I can't help. I'm shouting and
crying.

I expect him to take his gun out and shoot me buthe

doesn't. Al he does is try to hold my hands.

Zama has gone through the same thing. It was

because of him and now it's Liyana. I'm angry.

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 .
.

#Matshidiso

I've moved back in at home

I won't lie it's not easy. I keep on missing my
husband.

It's 2:30am. I keep trying to cal him. It takes me

straight to voicemail...

Sigh.

I need to get a glass of wine...

I get in the kitchen. Dineo is in the kifchen. She's

sitting al alone

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 "Nana.." I say
She turns to look at me
"Why aren't you sleeping." She also ask me
"I've been trying to but couldn't so I decided to comesit
here."
"Can I join you?" I ask
"Sure."
I sit. There's no even a bottle of alcohol on the table.I need
that.

I want to ask what's wrong but I'm scared to"So

what are you plans?"
I'm quiet. I know she's asking about my mar iage

I keep quiet .
Silence passes
"Tshidi.."

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 I sigh
"I love my husband" I say .

It the truth. I live for him. I love Mtungwa with al my

heart and o would do anything and everythingto save
my mar iage.
J ust like I'd done so since we got mar ied..

"The same husband that you've been forcing yourself

to?'
Silence
"Tshidi I thought your mar iage was a walk in the park
but aftereverything I heard, I think you shoulddivorce
him.." she says

She doesn't understand, she never wil

"Dineo I can't do that.." I say
"Then leave me alone .."

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 Silence..

I've never gotten in a fight with my sister. I

understand her emotions but I love Nkosinathi.

I've flight tooth and nail for my mar iage, I can't giveup
now

She is silent. I'm quiet..

"Go back to him then.."

I want to, but he has been quiet.

I love my sister with al my heart, but I feel asthough
she won't understand.

I go to the cupboard and take a bottle of wine

"You're addicted Tshidi. And I understand it's not
because you want to.. He doesn't love you you've

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 been holding on with hope that he might get back inlove
with you and it got to-"

I stand up
"Dineo I'm going to sleep.."
She stands up too
"You're drowning too deep in alcohol it's notbecause
you want to. Ke stress Matshidiso!"
"I said I'm going to bed."
Sigh
"I'm sor y.."

Silence .
"I love Liyana with al my heart Dineo. I'm stil trying to
get over the fact that she lied to me knowing verywel that
I loved her with al my heart.."
I cover her hand with mine
"I'm sor y.." I say

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 "It's fine.. I just want you to be happy .."she says"She
makes me happy.." I whisper.
...

#Nomusa

"We did a rape kit and have col ected al the forensicevidence.
She was sexual y assaulted." I'm quiet.

I haven't seen her since I got here but I know thingsare

very bad.

It's been more than 3 hours and they have been

talking about tests and al . I'm wor ied..
"So we'l hand over the foresnsic evidence to thepolice
just so-"
"No. We're not involving Police in this..' Nkosinathi
says.

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 I honestly can't believe this guy right now. Those
people deserve to be ar ested. No infact they deserve
to rot in jail!

"Ndlovu we have no. Things are bad in there." Thedoctorsays

to him
"Nkosinathi those people deserve to rot in jail!"I sayto
him

"And you think they wil ?" He chuckles bitterly.

I know this chuckle. I know he is mad"I'l
deal with this my self.." he says
"The same way you dealt with it when it happenedto
Zama?" I ask

He rubs his hand on his forehead.

"Another thing. Ndlovu, She's bleeding so bad. We

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 had to take her fora scan also as the blood resultscame
back showing that she's pregnant..."
I stand up..
"So this means she miscar ied" o ask, so low, al the
power in me is long gone.
I'm a nurse, I know this has affected her.

I know there might be a possibility that she mightnever

conceive again. I've dealt with such cases.Rape cases
are hel .

I feel for my sister right now. I cry out loud. I cry for her.
I cry forthe pain she's going through.I
cry forthe pregnancy we just lost.

Nkosinathi walks out. He leaves.

I know things are about to be messy.

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 One thing I know right now is, I hate him. I know it'sal
his fault.

My sister doesn't deserve al this pain

Lord...

#Zama

"Be strong. Focus Zama.." I keep on saying this tomy

self as I try by al means to hit my face hard against
the wal .

"It's not working.." I say to my self again when I

don't see any difference on the mir or.

I need this blue eye. I need it way more than I need

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 anything in my life.

And final y I hit my face hard against the wal

"Ouch! " It comes out so loud that I sit down and
start crying. It painful. I feel hot blood rush downmy
face..

I feel dizzy.
I need to find my car keys.

Im not sure if I'l be make it to the hospital feeling so dizzy. ...

...
The drive there seems pretty long. I need to get there
Asap. I know o get help they'l help me open assault GBH
case against Nomusa . I need this. She has to go jail, that
way I'l know how to deal with Liyana alone..

Sehranmagzine.com
 To be continued

Dumelang.

I did fetch my phone today and things wil go backto

normal. Wil be posting Monday to Friday.
Thank you forthe patience

Good night.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

TWENTY SEVEN

#Liyana

"I'm going to insert this inside you. You'l feel a littlepinch

here and there but it won't be painful at al .." the
doctorsays.

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 It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just angry why deathdidn't even
take me.

See, I don't think I care anymore, I don't think there'sanything

that would keep me going right now.

The doctorsaid something about Dilation and

Curettage. I don't know what it is but he tried
explaining that it's some womb cleaning after
miscar iage.
I'm not angry, I'm not hurt. It's not like I would havebeen
a better mother anyway.

I feel the pinch inside of me..

I flinch. I've been quiet, my body is painful. Anotherspike
of pain shoots through me as I feel somethingpinch
deeperand deeper inside my stomach.
I'm trying hard not to feel pain anymore, but the fear

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 those men instil ed inside of me is unbreakable. Maybe
that's why I hate my self so much. I'm weakand useless.

Am I supposed to cry now? Forthe unborn baby I

didn't even know was there? Oram I supposed to
rejoice the fact that it's gone and it won't suffer theway I
did?
But it wouldn't have made any difference anyway
because right now the only thing that kept on crossing
my mind is death.

I feel a little drowsy. The voices echo and comeback.

I feel pain.

"NOMUSA.

I cannot do this anymore. I can not live anymore. Ineed

a favour from you though. Please do learn from my
mistakes. I hope you've learnt something

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 from the life I've lived, it has been hel and I'vefinal y
decided to let go.
I'm going to join your dad because I know heaven isnot
where I am going.
Please do go see Dragon, tel her how I much Ioveand
appreciate her. She's been nothing but a mother to me.

One time, we were sitting alone in a prison cel . She

shared a lot with me. How much she had been a bad
mother to her step son before she got ar ested.Yeah, her
husband died and left her with a son oldenough to
replace her dad.
*Chuckle*
She told me how much she has hoped for me to getmar
ied to her son as soon as I got out of prison.
She said a lot of good things about him. SometimesI
would sit and think of the son. I would even have an
image of him in my mind. Talk to her about him, ask her
about him provide a shoulder to lean on because I know
how broken she would get when

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 she talks of him. Sometimes she wonders if he's stil
alive. Be there ............."

I can't help but keep on thinking of the suicidal note I'l

write when I get out of the this place because the truth is
just that I'm tired.
I can't anymore.

Tears blur my vision.

...
.
.
#Zama

My head hurts so badly. I try to push my self upright, but I

can't.
I have a painful drip on my arm.

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 Where am I ?

I try to remember where I was. My car, last time I was

inside my carand I think I passed out right at the
hospital gate while trying to talk to the security.

I feel the tears threatening to escape my eyes..

A nurse walks to me
"Hi. How are you feeling"I
shake my head no.
I don't know how I'm feeling. It's painful my head ispainful
I shrug
She checks my drip.
"You're badly injured.."she says
"It's my sister.." I say
"Sor y?"

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 "My sister beat me.."It
gets her attention "To
this point?"I nod.
Tears final y come out, a sob fol ows
"I don't... I don't feel safe around her anymore.." Isay
in between hiccups.
"You mean a whole woman did this to you?"
"It's...It's..It's been going on for years.." "Wait.."
She walks to the other nurse
"Cal detective Buthelezi. I have a patient here
whom would like to open GBH case." She says
Then walks back to me

She holds my arm

"The detective wil be here soon okay?"I
nod

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 "I'l be here with you. Tel her everything that's been
happening. It wil help strengthen the case against her
okay?"
I nod

Maybe I should also include the fact that she kil edher
boyfriend.
..
.
.

#Nkosinathi

I walk inside the hal .

Tengetile is already here with the guys.

And the kidnappers are tied on the chairs.

I get so much angry. I don't think Liyana wil ever

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 forgive me on this one.
It angers me that a child was involved, the child weboth
hadn't found out about. It would have made me so much
knowing Liyana is car ying my child..

"Man, I think you should calm down when dealingwith

this.." Tengetile says.

They are already battered. But it's not enough, theyal

have to die
"Did they mention who they are working for?"
He shakes his head no
"Then I think we should do more than this. I have toknow
who the boss is. I wil kil him my self!"
I say.

I drag the chair to face al of them. I sit oppositethem.

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 I have my gun in my hand.
One mistake, I'm shooting one of them.
I can even bare seeing Liyana right now, everythingI'l do
here today is because of her.
"Who are you working for?"Silence.
I choke my gun.
"We've been using a taser, we were getting there. Idon't
think shooting them now wil help." Tengetile says
behind me.

I'm glad he's here, I would have long lost mypatience.

I just need the name. Fuck!

"Deal with him" Tengetile says again.

Mandla punches the guy on the as stomach. He
groans in pain.

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 It's not enough
"Again.." I say.
Another punch fol ows.
He is stil coughing and groaning. There's nothingthat
comes out of him.
I want him to say something.
I point my gun as another one of them and pul thetrigger.

ONE DOWN.

One of them cries in pain

"I can tel you who we're working for! " He says in
panic.
I need this.
Damn we're getting there

I drag my chair to him, sit and face him...

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 I'm looking at him, I'm expecting him to say
something
"I swear, we didn't want to do this but she promisedto pay
us good money.." He says
"She?" Both Tengetile and I ask on unison.

"She said something about Lee messing with her.."he

says.
They even have a cat name for her"I
want the name.."
Silence

"Mandla." I say before Mandla punches him.He

coughs.
"It's Mrs Ndlovu.." he says.

Wait..
"My wife?" I ask

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 "I don't know ..."
"Mandl-"
"Wait... I'm not sure if she's your wife. But I have her
details in my phone. You can get me my phone so we can
cal her and prove it.." he says
"Where are the phones?"I ask Tengetile
"Mandla go get them.." He says
We wait fora while before he comes back with them."It's
the black one.."

I take it
"Password?"
"42242" I dial.
I dial my love's numbers, they're there in black andwhite.
I choke the gun, place it on his forehead

I dial the numbers and press yes.

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 "Act funny, I'm kil ing you.."I say to himIt
rings once before she answers
"Mjekejeke where the hel are you? You have to getout of
the province before my husband could find you .."
Hehe.. Eish
My dear wife says in panic.
Without even thinking about it. I pul the trigger right
straight into his forehead.
I don't need anything else.

I'm quiet shocked how the fuck my own wife couldbe this
heartless to a point she would do this to another
woman.
I hang up
"Take care of the rest. I'm going to my wife.." I sayto
Tengetile..
I walk out to my car.

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 He fol ows me out.
"Bafo that's your wife" he says to me
"Why would she do this to her?" I'm angry. I'm even
shaking.
What am I going to do ?
"Don't do what you'l regret later..""I
won't."
I get inside my car.

To be continued

Don't forget to leave a like on the original sharedpost

below foranother insert.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
TWENTY EIGHT

Sehranmagzine.com
 'At times everything you've been through ; wasgetting
you prepared for What's coming next'
-Unknown

#Dineo

There is a loud bang on the door. I keep on trying toavoid it.

I can't sleep, its 5am now. Matshidiso too slept verylate.

I won't lie I'm very much hurt. Liyana has hurt meto a
point I dont think I'l ever get back again.

See, with baby daddy, it was hard getting over him. I felt
as though Liyana was there to mend the broken heart. I
thought she would be different.

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 Gosh..
I cannot avoid the loud knock anymore. I stand upand
get my gown then go to the door.

I laugh in disbelief
"Mtungwa?''
"Where is your sister?" The anger in is eyes. Lord. But
I'm also angry. This man has broken my sister
''What do you want? To tel her in the face that youlove
my girlfriend?''
"I won't talk to you about my mar iage. Cal
Matshidiso"
As much as he is intimidating, I won't let him get tome
''No."
He takes his car keys out from the pocket. Fiddles
through the and final y finds the butler key
''You won't get in." I say as he unlocks the butler

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 door.

He ignores me and gets inside and goes straight to

Matshidiso's bedroom.
I'm scared, but I know he would never hurt any of us.It's
not in him to hurt woman.
He might be everything but he is not a woman
beater.
I fol ow him to the bedroom
"Nkosinathi get out! " I keep on shouting.

The bedroom is empty, Matshidiso is not here. Herbags

are not here either.
"Dineo where is Matshidiso?" He asks, now turningto
me.
Fearflutters in my chest. This is not my brother in law.
The man in front of me is scares the shit out ofme.

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 He shakes his head before taking his phone andgoes
through it.
Then walks outI
fol ow him
"Nkosinathi what's going on?'' Now I decide to askhim
He turns to me again.
His eyes...
"Nothing, I was just looking for my wife but over
found her.."
"I want to come with you." He
ignores me and goes out.

I rush to my bedroom to get my phone.

I dial her numbers. It rings straight to voice mail.
I dial again, and again until she answers "Dineo I
don't want to talk." She sounds drunk
"Matshidiso where are you? Nathi was here. He is

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 angry.." I say in panic
"I went back to my house. And I know he knows I'm
here.."
"Tshidi I'm scared.. " I real y am, I've never seen himlike
that before
"What's going on?" I ask
"Should anything happen to me, don't get him
ar ested, it's going to be useless.." she says to me.She's calm.
She sounds drunk

You know what, I'm taxifying to her house

"And if youre thinking of coming to my house. Don'tyou're
going to make things worse.." she says in a calm tone
again. I hate her calmness. I hate it ...
"Tshidi what's going on?" She hangs up..
.
.

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 #Dragon.

"I'm not okay.." he keeps on saying..

"Khuluma nami nana.."
He is silent..
He is stil the lost little child I left before I gotar
ested.
"Nana.."
"Mama angikho right.." he says again. I want to stand up
and hug him but he keeps on disappearing.. I want to
touch him. I want to tel himeverything wil be fine but I
keep on remembering how much he hates me.

I broke this child. I know he wont forgive me

"Nana.." he keeps on disappearing.
"Nana! !"
...

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 "Vukani ziboshwa! !" I sit up straight. I have been
dreaming...

.
.
#Matshidiso

He walk in. I'm sitting on our marital bed. I keep on

trying to convince my self that he would never harmme.
He has never done that..
He leans against the wal .

His eyes are blood red.. He is angry. The last timehe's

been like this was when I forced him to go see his...
Sigh..
"So it was you?" He ask. His hands are in his
pockets

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 "You keep on hurting me.. " I say
"Because Matshidiso I don't love you." He keeps onhurting
me
"Nkosinathi what do you want me to do?"
"Matshidiso I saved you when those men kept on
prostituting you! I thought umfazi when Kodwa udoti
kuphela!"
"Your words wil never make me hurt you..'' hewalks
to me.
I want to stand up and run to the bathroom.He
leans to me right close to my face.
"I wont kil you. I'l never kil you. But I'l make sureyou
suffer way more than you made those two girlssuffer.
You kil ed me child wena. Ukhohlakele wena.."
He stands up and walks to the door

"I know way more than you think I know. I can takeyou
down with me.." he stops.

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 He chuckles . Its devil.
"Do you wanna know what happened to al those that
threatened me? They are six feet underground."
He turns again and walks away.

I wanna act strong right now but I cant.vi throw thewine

glass hard against the while wal . I cant keep my self
together. I cry so hard...

.
.
#Nomusa.

"Liyana.." she keeps quiet.

I've always known her to be the strongest woman ever but
this woman on this hospital bed right now..It's not my
sister. The took the strong Liyana..

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 Zama was once like this.. Mom where are you whenI need
you the most?
"I know how you feel" I say to her. Honestly
I don't know what to say to her

There is silence I
sit on the chair
"I honestly didn't tel you about Zama and Nathi because
there was nothing going on between them.Zama had it al
in her head. .."
SilenceI
sigh..
"You're the strongest woman I know Liyana.." shekeeps
quiet.

My phone rings. It's a number I don't recognize"Hel

o?"

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 "Hi. You're speaking to Detective Buthelezi..."
Final y. Nkosinathi decided to deal with this theright
way
"Can you come to the police station. But I'm at the
hospital now with your sister. Can you come atleast in
an hour. Its about your sister?"
" which sister?"
"You have my numbers, or you can look for
detective Buthelezi when you get there. Pleasemake
sure you do come because if you don't I'lcome
handcuff you "
She hangs up.
What the hel is going on..

To be continued.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

TWENTY NINE

Sehranmagzine.com
 #Matshidiso

"Matshidiso I saved you when those men kept on

prostituting you! I thought umfazi when Kodwa udoti
kuphela!"
"Your words wil never make me hurt you..''

It can't leave my mind

"I wont kil you. I'l never kil you. But I'l make sureyou
suffer way more than you made those two girlssuffer.
You kil ed me child wena. Ukhohlakele wena.."

I'm trying hard not to think of his words

"Do you wanna know what happened to al those

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 that threatened me? They are six feet underground."
..
It's almost 12pm. I'm stil in my gown. I realise nowthat
I'm hopeless.. I'm undeniably in love with this man. He
hates me. He cant stand me..

This man has long been threatning to leave. I've been

there, begging and atleast sometimes my tears would
make him feel my pain. The pain of losing him. I knew
Zama wasn't the type he would fal in love with. But I'd
seen how he would look at her at times. How Zama
would look at him. I wantedto teach her a lesson. I wanted
to teach Liyana too.

I can't take his words out of my mind. In my bedroom ful

y body length mir or, I'm looking at myself.
I wish I could see the young woman whom Nkosinathi
once loved and respected. The one he

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 would never hurt with words.

Sinking on the cold floor, I cover my eyes and cryout

loud, final y giving my voice to my pain. My body
shakes off with sobs. I wish Mtungwa wouldjust walk in
and hold me...

I feel hands coming around me. The perfume. Its

Dineo... I cry in her arms...

..
Moments later we're sitting on my bed, I havecalmed
down..
She hands a cup to me
"I've made tea..'' I want alcohol. But I don't say"What
happened where is Nathi?" She ask
"Nothing. I think he went to see his girlfriend.." I say.. I'm
not facing her. I feel the tears threaten to escape as I
mention the girlfriend thing

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 "Liyana?" She ask
I'm Silent
"What's going on Matshidiso? Mtungwa loves youwhat
changed?"

Silence
I'm facing the wal
"Tshidi?"
I stand up and go stand at the sliding door. It's hot
outside... I should be in Cape Town enjoying the beach
there, the breeze.
"I've hurt your girlfriend.." I'm stil not facing her
"What are you talking about?" She ask behind me

I keep quiet.
I've made sure those men did what I went through to her.
I've made sure Nkosinathi hates her when hesees her

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 ''I'm here, I keep on trying to love you but I just cant.
Everytime I look at you I see al those men touching you.
Fucking you. I can't. You're not the type of woman I want
too fal in love with. Yes I mar ied you but I can't" I keep
on thinking back to Nkosinathi's words.
I wanted her to go through the same the same thing.

I wanted Nkosinathi to hate her foral those menthat

touched her. I wanted him to see those meneverytime
he looked at her.
"Matshidiso?" She cal s again
"I think I'l be moving back home permanently. Butthat's
if he doesnt kil me.." I say
"What did you do to my girlfriend?"she ask me
"Nothing.." I don't want my sister to hate me..
.
.
.

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 #Nomusa

"What?" I'm shocked Zama would do this to me.

"I.. I didn't do this to her.." I'm watching her. She iscrying.
I didn't do this to her.
Yes, I might have laid my hand on her but God canattest
to the fact that I didn't do this to her.
"Zama can you foronce tel the truth? I didn't dothis
to you! " I say.

I can't believe her right now

"And this has been going on fora while" the detective
says, it's not a question but she's tel ing me.
What the hel has got in to this child. She told the police
officers al this? I can't go to jail. I have to behere for
Liyana.
"I think its time for you to leave now" the nurse says

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 "You're coming with me" the detective says
"Am I getting ar ested?" I ask as panic takes overme
"Do you want me to handcuff you?" I shake my headno
"I need to cal my lawyer. I don't even have any. Ican't
even afford one...

Right now I'm thinking of my kids. I cant go to jail.My

kids are stil young. Liyana on the other side.. She
needs me now more than ever..

I turn to look at Zama

"Zama what have I done to you? Why are you doing
this?" I ask.
She keeps quiet..

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 .

#Liyana

17 minutes 7 seconds.
I'm stil counting. He is grabbing me, choking me, forcing
himself inside of me. The dirty talks behind.The evil
laughs from those guys..
Lord..
This is the most degrading moment of my life.These
men watching my nakedness.
I keep on crying...

"Liyana.." I quickly sit up straight.

I remove the drip out of my hand. I scream so much.I cry
so much. I don't know where I am. Fear flutters in my
chest. I'm squirming,thrashing, cryingand want to stand
up and run

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 "Liyana..." he tries to hold me.
I beat my fists against his hard chest
"Its me.. Liyana its Nathi! " He keeps on saying.A
strangled cry rips its ways up my throat ..

"I think we should sedate her!" I keep hearing voicesas I

cry out loud.
"Don't go this to me.." my voice is soft and strangely
high, like a child. Past and present mingle,toxic
fearclouding my brain.
"Don't do this.." I start hyperventilating my chest
convulsing as hysteria overwhelms me..
Too many hands cover my body. Soon I feel
something slid in my arm..

Slowly I fal into darkness..

.
.

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 .
#Dineo

"Come, let me make you something to eat..." I say toher.

She has been quiet. I hate Nkosinathi with everything
that's inside of me. The emotional painmy sister is going
through right now...
"Nah, I'm okay." She is drunk.
She has been drinking. I have cooked. I wanted tomake
her something to eat.
I've always enjoyed being in this expensive kitchen...

I sit on the chair and face her

"I think we should hire someone to come pack al your
things. We wont manage just the two of us.." Isay to her.
She chuckles

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 "I can't believe I'm leaving this luxury behind.." shesays
afterdrinking the last shot of gin
"I think your happiness should come first. Luxurywil
fol ow.." I say to her
She shakes her head
"I'm happy. I've always been happy."
I look at her

"Can you believe that your girlfriend was pregnantwith

his baby?" She says
WTF?
I can't even hide the shock.
"He had the nerve to tel me right in the face that Ikil ed
his baby" she laughs
Wait...
"Al I wanted was for her to go through the same shit I
went through. I wanted him to hate her the same way
he hates me. I wanted him to smel al those men
everytime he tried to touch her. But I

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 just didn't know there was a baby involved.."

What the hel ?

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TTREASURE
THIRTY
(A bit shortt)
A week later

#Zama

I have been discharged. It's the best thing ever.

Having the house al to my self is the Best thing that's
ever happened to me

I think I need to write about sisters that abuse theirsiblings.

Write how about how it affects us...

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 There is a knock as I'm stil thinking about it..
I groan as I stand up to open the door. My heart
almost stops at the sight of him..

He has his hands inside his pockets and leaning

against the pil ar...

I swal owat the sight of him... I'l never get overthis

man..
"Where is your sister?"
I'm sweating with nervousness
"She's in prison" I say. I'm trying with my al to actas
calm as possible but its just too hard..
"Why?" He askI'm
quiet.
"I thought upholile. Kanti usa shiwe yiqcondo?" He
ask..

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 He is hurting me...
I'l ignore his statement
"Nathi ufunani?"I ask
"Go and drop those charges. Nomusa doesnt
deserve this from you." He says.
He doesn't understand, does he?
I needed Nomusa on my side and she chose Liyana.A
stranger over me.
"I'm not doing that." I want to stand my ground
"You wil and you're going to do that as soon as I walk
out of that gate. Nomusa has been throughshit already
and she doesnt need your madnessright now"
I'm silent
"Nathi why my sister of al people?" I ask
I dont know what came in my mind and made meask
this stupid question but I need to know.

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 He chuckles. Its devious "Why
not your sister?" He ask
"Because she is my sister Nathi. My damn sister!"
He chuckles again before turning to walk away.. Buthe
stops before he could walk away
"You have til the end of today to go drop thosecharges..." he
says with his back on mine
"Or?" I ask with a little bit of attitude
"I won't mind throwing you in a looney bin. Again. But
this time around I'l make you they throw you inthere
forever." His eyes sparkled with fury
He turns to watch me now
"You don't wanna try me Zama. I've let you off years
ago because I thought you were just a childgoing
through teenage adolescence stage."
I'm quiet
"Usale kahle nkosazana" and he walks away

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 I'm left standing there and just watching him. As much as
I feel I don't fear what he night do to me, Iknow he wont
hesitate taking me back to looney bin. I cant go back
there. I've been there, they treatyou as a bad perwon.

The medication makes you worse. Sometimes I would

wake up in the middle of the night and just lose it. I
remember trying to tel Nomusa that the medication there
made it worse but she didn't trustme. I got worse with
each day passing by...

Sigh.
I can't go back there...
.
.

#Dineo

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 "Dineo.." I stil cant look at her.
I can't believe I al owed her to move back home
aftereverything..
I stil cant believe that my sister would be this
heartless...
"Dineo please talk to me.." I turn to look at her
"Did it ever occur to you how the poorgirl is feeling
right now?" I ask her.
It's the first thing I say to her since force days ago..

She sits on the chair.

"No.."
"Matshidiso how heartless can you be? Making four
men rape her like that? Making them beat herso much?
Make them take pictures of Liyana's nakedness? How
heartless are you?"

Shes quiet

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 "How do you sleep at night?" I ask

She stands up.

"I need to lay down a bit.. " she says
"I'm not surprised" I say..
She stops
"You've never been mar ied, so you have no right
judging me" she says
I chuckle.
"Even if I was mar ied Matshidiso I would never dowhat
you did to another woman. Your sisters girlfriend to add
to that!" I say
Shes pushing my buttons
"I'm shocked you stil cal her your girlfriend." She
says
I keep quiet
"I love Nkosinathi with al my heart and I can neverwatch
another woman have him."

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 "I now understand why he wants to leave you. Its
because haona pelo Matshidiso! " I say.

"You said you were going to lay down" I say to her..

I hope she leaves me alone. I'm in no mood to arguewith her.
"Nkosinathi said he loves her.."she says. She's onthe
verge of breaking. I don't need this in my life right
now
I let out a light sigh...

.
.
#Liyana

"Can we go fora walk?" I keep quiet. I don't waNt togo

fora walk. I don't want anything. I just want everyone to
leave mee alone.

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 "Liyana.." she says
"Can you leave mee alone?" There is silence.Nathi
walks in..
"I'l take over from here. " he says, I think to thenurse.
I hear the dooropening and then closing. There is
silence. I know I'm with only him in the room. I tryto
eye forsomething I would stab him with incase he tries
to harm me. I see nothing.

I have nothing... What if he tries to force himself onme?

What wil I use to defend my self with? I feel the tears
forming in my eyes..
"I don't know my mother..." I hear him say...
Silence
"I've never seen her. I don't even know what she looks
like but I should say I was raised by a perfectfather.."
He sighs

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 "He was a single father. But he couldn't stay singleforever
right?'
I'm quiet
"He had to mar y someone. He had to find someoneto
share his life with. His dreams with. Someone who would
be there when he built his empire.."

" He found someone he would love. The woman if his

dreams. The woman who was two years older than me.
A woman who didn't even care what the world brought
to her.."

There is long silence. He chuckles

"I shouldn't be tel ing you al this. I mean you have
enough problems already.."
He keeps quiet.
He tries to bring his hands to mine but I flinch
making him not to bring them anymore

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 He sighs
"I've been told to never act strong even when thereis no
need to be. I've been told to always have a room to be
weak. Liyana I-"
"Nkosinathi gett out.." I say silently
"Li-"
"No leave. Leave before I do something I regret..""Babe.."
"Leavee! ! ! Nkosinathi leaavee! ! ! !" I'm shouting.
Forthe first time in years I shout and tears fol ows.
I bite my lower lip to suppress the sob that
threatens to escape my lip

Kanti when am I going to die?

To be continued

Good night

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 HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
THIRTY ONE

"Depression does not start from that one painful event

that has happened in your life. It is a built up.It goes in
stages, it starts from the bottom until youreach a
breaking point"
...

It hits me that I almost became someone's mother.How

does one deal with the emptiness?

"I'm Nombuso.." she says to me "How do

you feel today?" I don't knowEmpty?
Shattered? Broken
Do I tel her that?
Instead I keep quiet
"It's okay to cry' I know. Dragon always said that to

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 me I don't want to hear anymore of that .
She keeps quiet. Forthe firstims in days I'm
enjoying silence...
"Your doctortold me your healing process is goingjust
great.."
I keep quiet
The dooropens..
Nomusa walks in. I feel the tears threatening to
escape.
I haven't seen her in days. I've been counting. Everysecond
that passes by with me not seeing her, I counted it
I thought she didn't want to see Mr anymore..
She comes and holds my hand. I don't remove it.The
warmth..
"I'm sor y I didn't come.." I want to say it's okay but I
know if I try to open my mouth to talk, the first thing that
wil come out is a sob. I don't want her to see the broken
me. I've always been the strongest in hereyes.

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 "I'l leave you girls." Nombuso says as she standsup
"Liyana wil have our next session same timetomor
owokay?" I keep quiet
"Don't leave.." Nomusa says..
She sits back down
"Liyana Zama got me ar ested. I was ar ested.."
Nomusa says..
She grabs another chair and sits down "Liyana
has been through hel .." Nomusa says
"Tel me about it.." Nombuso answers. She has padin her
hands
"I feel as though Liyana doesn't talk about everything.
I've watched how much she's kept things inside of her. I
feel she doesn't want to openup to us." Nomusa says
Moments pass with them talking.
Nombuso final y takes her things and leave...

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 We sit in silence. I want to talk but I'm scared assoon
as my mouth open, I'l start crying..

"I'm going on a hearing next week. I have been suspended

from work because of Zama.." she saysaftera while
"I'm risking my job by being here but if being here with
you means losing my job then so be it becauseI cannot
leave you by yourself."

"I almost became someone's mother Nomusa.." I say.

There is happiness inside if me when I don't feel my
voice breaking..
She tries to hold my hand again but I move it. I don'twant
pity.
"I know Liyana.."
"God is punishing me foral the wrongs I've done.." Isay
"Don't say that Liyana.." she says

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 What does she want to me say
"In al my life, I never thought of pregnancy. I never
thought I would have someone cal me mom and forreal
God made sure that I never got that.."
I chuckle.
"My heart desires are turning into reality. " I say
This time I can feel my voice almost breaking. I canfeel
something inside of me feel the pain.
"When am I getting discharged? I'm tired of thisplace
already.." I say
"I think tomor ow.. But I need you to promise meone
thing Liyana.."
I keep quiet
"That you wil fight this with me.. that you wil fight hard.
I'm not saying you should be strong about thisbut I'm
saying I'l be here to give you a room to be weak. A room
to cry off everything til we both wil be fine.."
She says

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 "They kept on talking about their female boss,"
Silence
"Which women would do this to another woman
Nomusa. Which women would al owother men to
molest another woman?" The tears
of pain final y broke free
She keeps quiet
"For the first time in my years I felt wrung out, weak,smal
and helpless!" I start to cry once again..

"She's stil alive..."

"Yes I've sent the video to Ndlovu"
The voices I've been trying to forget, phantom voices
whispered accriss my mind. Ter orand Shame mingled in
a sickening mixture, making my stomach clench and my
head spin. I couldn't think; Icouldn't think about the
voices. Al thoughts blanketout, overtaken by pure icy
panic. The cold sank into

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 my bones, and I shuddered violently.. Warmth enfolded
me, slowly, the ice ebbed away.. I becameaware of
Nomusa's voice
"Liyana... It's okay.. it's fine.." she smoothed herarms
around my body.

mess. I don't think I'l ever back from this....

.
.
.
#Matshidiso

I have decided to meet up with a friend from high

school, Dipuo.
I just need to get my mind off things. Maybe goingout
with someone who doesn't know my problems

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 She smiles when she spots me. I have ordered a bottle of
wine and cheese platter, it wil do for now.
I'l cover the expenses since I invited her
"Mar iage looks so damn good on you.." she laughs.
She looks so beautiful. Money has done her prettywel .
I can see the huge stone on her finger. It's doing herpretty
smal finger wel . The nails too..

Sigh, I miss this life.

I miss receiving the cal s from Nathi asking whatI'm
drinking oreating..

No Tshidi don't do this to yourself.. I try to tel myself..

"Look at how beautiful you are.." I chuckle

"Don't play with me like that. Look at you Dipuo.''

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 She laughs
"God blessed me with the most perfect husband girl.I have
every reason to be.. How are you?"
I feel as though she is bragging.
It would have been a different story, just weeks ago.."I'm
okay, how are you?"
"Couldn't have been better. I asked Luthando to send
Nathi an invite to our house warming. You guys didn't
show up. I have been wor ied that youdumped me.."
I chuckle at that ..
My heart breaks though. He didn't even tel meabout it.
The waiter ar ives to take both our orders

There is a lot I want to say but I feel as though she'l judge

me. I mean she once was a side chick before and final y
got mar ied to Luthando.

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 Something inside me moves at the thought. Thereis a
possibility that hr might mar y her
"Tshidi are you sure everything is fine?" She asksme
as our orders ar ive...
"Yes.."
Sigh
"No"
Fuck I don't know
"Nathi wants to divorce me." I say
"Oh my God Tshidi. Why? What happened?"I
keep quiet..
"I know you wil judge me.." I say
"If you cheated on him I wil .." she says"He
cheated on me" I say
"And wants to divorce you?" "I
kidnapped his side chick..".
There is silence..

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 She's quiet and looking at me
"I made men rape her. I didn't know she was
pregnant and she lost the baby. "
"Tshidi..." There's hint of shock in her tone
"I had to do it Dipuo. He said so many hurtful wordsto
me. He said when he looks at me, he sees al themen that
raped me and the same thing had to happen to her.." she's
quiet
"Al I ever wanted was for him to love me the sameway I
love him.."
"Have you tried talking to him?'
She asks
"Kae Dipuo? J wang? He chased Md away from our
home. He made sure to close down every connection
between us"
It hurts.
She's quiet. She's thinking
"Why don't you fake pregnancy?" She ask.I'm
quiet

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 "Pay a doctor if you have to. Tel him you're pregnant.
Nathi always wanted a boy child. He always told Luu,
you can fake that. Trap him withthat.."
"Then what happens next?"
"We wil cross that bridge when we get there. Fornow
we have to trap him with pregnancy. I'l makeLuu
believe that you are pregnant and I know he'l go
congratulate him.." it is a good plan. .
What would I have done without Dipuo?

To be continued
.....
I have been home since last Saturday. I had decidedto
take a whole week break

Al ow me to thank you forcoming through for me inmy

time of need. I appreciate you and may God continue
blessing you abundantly.

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 HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE
THIRTY TWO

When does one heal aftereverything that's

happened?

I have been discharged, it has been a month now.

The physical wounds are healing but I don't think the
emotional pain wil fade. Nomusa's hearing ledto a
written warning. I feel bad for her, she only wanted to be
a sister to Zama.
Speaking of Zama, she moved out just days after I got
discharged, I always knew she had she hate buried deep
inside of her but then you'l understandwhy I'm not
surprised she did what she did.
Nothing Zama does suprises me anymore. Not afterthat
first unbelieving shock, her trying to stab me;
unreasonably and total y destroying the me I was.
The me I would have become.

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 Sigh.
There is a knock as I try to get some sleep. I've beenliving
of some sleeping pil s and I should say they're the only
thing that helps me sleep betterat night.

It's during the day. Nomusa is at work. I'm expecting no

one, which is the thing that scares meto open the door.

A knock again, this time I'm standing behind the

doorcontemplating whether to open or not but Ifinal
y do. It's a man in black clothes, my heart starts
beating at him.
"Sawubona..''I'm standing there just looking at himI
know him. He is working for Nkosinathi..
I haven't seen Nkosinathi since I came back from the
hospital. I heard Nomusa saying he is out of thecountry
forsome business.

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 It's a good thing actual y that he is not here. I don'twant
to see him.
"I have been sent to bring this.." he says handing me a
brown doggy bag. It must be lunch, this is al Nomusa's
fault, I told her I was fine and would prepare
something to eat when I want to..
"Thank you.." the question is why would she send
someone who's working for Nathi to bring me
something to eat?
"I know I'm not al owed to speak to you but how areyou?" He
asks
What kind of a question is that?
"Is there anything else?" He keeps quiet
"Tel Nomusa to stop asking you to bring me food" Isay to
him
I'm about to push the doorclosed when he slightly
pushes it. Hor or washes over me and turn to slaphim.
The old Liyana would have him by his throat right now
but this one... this one is beyond damaged to even try to
fight a man...

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 He doesn't fight back, instead he keeps quiet andlooks at
me.

I look at his eyes, The intensity in them almost makes me

scoot back. He parts his lips to tel me something, but no
words come out. Time passes, the only thing I can hear is
my heartbeat as he stares at me. His eyes won't break
free from mineand I'm too scared to look away.
"I'm sor y" he says flatly, but then turns away as ifthe
sentiments were genuine..

Forsome reasons, J ust hearing those words iswhat

breaks me. The tears fal and I wipe them.
I somehow expect him to ask me why am I cryingbut he
doesn't.
I struggle to calm my self but somehow I do andfinal y
close the door.

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 I'm a broken woman, I don't think I'l ever come
back from this...

#Matshidiso

"You can not sit here al day. Pity yourself over the things
you've caused to yourself. Had you acceptedthat
Nkosinathi is a cheating bustard and left beforeyou broke
apart. This wouldn't have happened."

She's never been mar ied, I don't expect her tounderstand.

What hurts the most right now is he blocked everycard I
have with me, he went as farblocking me from our joint
account.
I have nothing in my savings, I've never even savedfor
rainy days.

I'm quiet..

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 "You need to come help me at the shelter to keepbusy.
You can't just stay here and do nothing al day"
I'm used to doing nothing al day. Al I ever did wasgo on
vacations every chance I got orchange my nails and
hairstyles like my underwear
"I'l come.." I say silently
She sighs and goes back to the kitchen then comesback
aftera while. She has made tea for herself
"I'm pregnant.." I say to her.. I've been fighting to tel her
this for weeks now but I final y do. Maybe she'l help me
get through to Nathi.
She keeps quiet.. She heard me, I just cant read herreaction..
"When did you find out?"
"Few days ago. You have been distant that you couldn't
even see that I wasn't feeling wel . Dipuo took me to her
doctorsince I couldn't afford one.." isay, I hope she buys
my story
"Okay" just plain okay. I expected more than just

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 okay from her.
"Dineo when wil you stop treating me like I'm some
stranger? I miss my sister" I sat before I could even stop
my self
"When you apologize to the poorgirl! Oh but how wil
your sor y help the poor woman because you've
destroyed her?"
I keep quiet
"Yes she dated your husband but couldn't you punish
your husband instead of the poorgirl. Shewasn't
committed to anyone for heaven sake!"
Its her feeling talking now, I understand
"J ust go and apologize to the poor woman" I wontbut I
keep quiet.
She gets up and leaves the room.
As she walks away, I can feel something inside me
breaking. Not my heart, something deeper. I've never
been at odds with my sister like this.

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 I hear her talking to someone outside. I recognize the
voice. Itts Nathi. I want to stand up and run to the
bedroom, I cant let him see me like this but I'm already
late, he's inside the house..
Hes walking towards me. I'm in my gown, its bloody
fucken 3pm but I'm in my gown. I didn't see the need to
bath and look beautiful. In broke. The only thing I have
been left with is a car, which I think he might take.
We got mar ied out of community of property, I'm not
going to get anything out of this mar iage, evenif we
were not l, he would stil make sure I walk out of this mar
iage with my bags ful of my clothes only. Nothing more

I stand there and watch him. I watch the man that

withdrew from me, leaving me bereft of his charm.
"I hear you're pregnant." It's a statement .
"Dineo couldn't wait to run to you and tel you that?"I say
with an eyerol

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 "I heard it from Tengetile and his wife." He says
quietly
"Nathi what do you want?"
He's quiet
"How farare you?" He asks
"A few weeks"
"What's a few weeks?''
Sigh
"I dont know okay!"
"Okay, get ready. We're going to a doctor"
I laugh in disbelief
"You have been gone fora whole month. You blocked
me from everything you own and now youcome back
and command me to do what only youwants?" I'm
getting angry
"I'm not here to beg you Matshidiso. You told those
people that you're pregnant. I had to travel down toSouth
Africa because you told them you are pregnant. So I'm
here. I'm not here to make love to

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 you but I'm here to confirm your pregnancy."
My throat feels tight. But I refuse to cry in front ofhim
"I'm giving you 5 minutes to get ready, I'l wait in thecar"
he walks out...

To be continued
HER PAIN HIS TREASURE
THIRTY THREE

#Matshidiso

The urine test has been conducted. At first it was just a

thing I wanted to keep Nathi with but as the results came
back, I realised that it was something Ihad to live with
forthe rest of my life. Dipuo spoke itinto my life. Reality
happened..

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 We sat there waiting forthe results. I knew the truth,he
was about to find out the truth as wel ...
...
The doctorcame back with the results, Nathi has been
silence since we left the doctors office. His silence
scares me. I'm scared...

He parks just outside my home. He says nothing, he

unlocks the doorfor me to get out instead I ignore my
fears and remain seated...

The physical and emotional space is there, it's too

much.
"Where to from here?" I ask
"I don't know. I need to digest this.." he says after
minutes of silence..
He is alot calm. Something wants to tel mr he has
forgiven me.

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 "I need money to push through"
He chuckles
"And you're tel ing me that because?"I
keep quiet and heave a sigh "Nathi..."
"Matshidiso you're not getting my money again..."he
says
"Even when I knew I couldn't love you, I stil made an
effort to make sure you're the happiest wife alive.
You took my efforts and threw them right in my face,you
took my money, my hard earned money
wabona kuncono ukuthi uhlukumeze umuntu engi
mthandayo ngayo!" Anger is evident in his tone
"Nathi I did that because I was angry" sigh
"You kept on saying painful things to me, al you ever did
was to hurt me with your words.. I wanted you to see her
the same way you did with me.." I say,hoping that I didn't
touch his anger buttons
" Liyana wil never be anything like you. I'l never see her
as a cheap whore like you are. She's more than

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 the woman you would ever be." It's cold. He just wants
to me hurt me, I try to convince the tears notto fal .
"Can I go now?" I ask brokenly

"We'l meet at my doctors office on the 2nd." Hesays.

I open the doorand walk out.
He drives off immediately as I step away.

I swal owover the emotion thick on my throat

I sit on my bed and let al the tears run down the sides
of my face.
When I found out I was pregnant for real two weeks ago
my whole life fel apart. I wanted it to be a lie. I cannot
mother someone else, not in this state.
With every breath I try to let go of Nathi's words. Isink
into calm, comforted smel of the house and

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 fast for its quietness that's letting me be. Then I letsleep take
its hold.

I wake several hours later to the sound of dishes

clanging in the kitchen. I rise and try to tame my bed
head in the mir orthat rests atop my dresser.
My eyes are puffy, but the uncontrol able urge to cryuntil
I have nothing left is over. The sun has set.
Time has past and for now, Nathi's words have lost
enough of their potency

"You're awake. Dinner wil be ready in a few" shesays

as soon as I walk in the kitchen.
She's in a lighter mood now..
"I'm thinking of going to see Liyana tomor ow, you
wanna tag along?"
I sigh, I knew it wouldn't last forever
''No" just that
"I dont think sitting al day in the house orcrying

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 yourself to sleep with help you in any way..."
"I just need money. I wanna go away fora while"

She stops and turns to me

"Is there any other thing you get to think of except
getting away orgetting drunk?" She asks
I'm not in the mood to fight her. Maybe I should speak to
Dipuo to atleast lend me a fewthousands

"I'm going back to sleep.." I say "Yes.

That's al you ever do now."
"What exactly do you want me to do Dineo because
apologising to your girlfriend is one thing I'l never do.
The bitch had to feel the pain I felt. She had to know the
pain that came with loving Nathi and not being loved by
him back because al he could see when he looks at her is
those pictures he got orthe dirty things those men did to
her..." I say without even thinking

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 She walks to me. She spits on my face.
"Onale Pelo empe and I understand why Nathi never
loved you! ! !" She walks away. The hatred in her voice
as she said that broke everything inside of me
I stand there, I don't even have the energy to wipethe
saliva on my face...

#Liyana

I thought being in here was the worst thing that's ever

happened to me, but I realise now that it wasthe best thing
ever.
Prison saved me from alot of things, it protected me.

Forthe first time in weeks I want to talk. I want to

share my emotions with someone..
She walks in with a warder..

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 She looks at me, she's pleased to see me but in her eyes,
there's something.. pity.

I want to stand up and hug her but I know it's not

al owed in here. This woman right here ie my happy
place, I dont know if that makes any sense but she's my
heart.

"Liyana.." she says before she sits

I force myself to smile.. I haven't done that in such along time
"You don't look too wel . What's wrong? Yini baya ku
hlupha lapha handle?"
Yes..
The difference is evident but I just didn't think shewould
notice that this quick.

"Sawubona ma.." I say and she final y sits.

"Liyana what has been happening to you?"

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 Sigh...
I think I regret coming here..
"Alot has been happening.." I say aftera moment ofsilence.
She's looking at me, her eyes keeps fol owing mine.How
wil I even begin to tel her everything when she cant
move her eyes from mine?
Don't cry Liyana.. You just came here to offload thepain
but not to cry. I'm trying as hard not to cry.

It hurts and my stomach churns with a sickness of who I

am. Who I've become. I don't want to be like this. I don't
want to be this person.
"Khuluma nami nana.." its Dragon. Its the woman I've
been in a prison cel with for years. Its the samewoman
that stabbed me when I first walked in here and again
nursed my wounds . It's the woman that became my
mother in here.. my protector.
I see her.
I bite my lower lip to suppress the cry that wants to

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 escape my lip.
"I miss this place..." it comes out. Not that I missbeing
in here, I miss the protection.
"I was kidnapped.." I say. Breath Liyana
"I thought life outside was okay. I craved freedom but not
what I've been going through. I feel like it's only now, I
get punished foral the bad things..." I say, I stifle a sob.
But they are getting harder to holdback.

I came here to talk, I remind my self.

She wants to bring her hands to mine but the warder is
quick to shake his head. She holds back. Ican tel it's the
toughest thing to do.
She wants to comfort me
I wipe the tears with the back of my hand.
"They were four of them. They kept on taking turnson
me." I'm calm now
"They were beating me, kicking me and only found

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 out at the hospital that I was pregnant and lost thebaby" I say
"Oh mtanami.. "
"I'm okay now."
"Do you know those bustards?" She asks?
I shake my head no
"They kept on talking about their boss. Who's a woman.
They kept tel ing me I should learn to stayaway from
people's husbands.. " I say.
Shes quiet, she wants me to continue
"They said something about sending the video toNdlovu"
"They were taking videos of you?" She asks
"Yes, the vulnerable me.." I say before wiping thetears
and letting out a smal chuckle
"I had a dream about you. I saw you holding a baby, but
the baby was already dead. There was blood everywhere.
I knew that something wasn't okay withyou nana but I
fought hard to believe that you would

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 be fine and fight whatever that's coming your way. Ididn't
think it was this deep.." she says. I'm quiet
"The husband they kept on talking about, was it
Nathi? The one you told me about?"
I nod
"First it was the shooting and now the rape? I needto
deal with this boyfriend of yours! You went out there to
build yourself not for him and his goons tobreak you
apart this much." I'm quiet
"I need his surname" "He
is dangerous." I say
"I don't care, if it means kil ing him so you can be able
to live without pain out there then I'l gladly do
it Liyana."

Silence
"I didn't raise you in here forsome dick to bring
nothing but trouble in your life."
"I'm going to be fine" I say

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 "No. I hate seeing you cry Liyana.." she confesses,forthe first
time she tel s me..
I want to hold her hand and promise her that I'm
going to be fine..

"And in future never come in here to tel me youmiss

being in here." I keep quiet

"Ukhohliwe Liyana? You forgot how brutal this placecan

be? You forgot al the pain you suffered in here?Ithi
ngikukhumbuze ke mtanami. This is the same place people
cry each and every night because theywant to go out of.
The very same hel that's much easier to get inside but
very hard to leave. People die every night in here, prayer
doesn't work. You get stabbed or kil ed forsomething you
don't even know. You turn to be someone else's boyfriend
not because you're wil ing to but you're scared to die.
This is the same place where you slept with a toothbrush
under your pil owevery night to protectyour self. Never
come in here to tel me you miss

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 this place. Cry al you want, I'l be here to offera
shoulder but I wont let you push your self to come back
here. Mina angisayi ndawo, this is my hel butI'm wil ing
to protect you at al costs. I'm going to find that Nathi
and the men that did this to you andbrutal death wil be
nothing compared to how theywil die. If it means
serving another life sentence inhere then so be it."

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

THIRTY FOUR

"You have been in a lighter mood since yesterday.."

Nomusa says behind me. I smile at the insistence of her
voice.

I don't know, but I feel as though ever since I wentto

see Dragon, so much weight has been lifted off

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 my shoulders.
Not that I don't sit and think of what has happenedto me
and sometimes even end up in tears. I stil do... but I feel
lighter
"What's wrong with deciding to cook for your young
sister?" I ask turning the stove off.

I don't know how to cook, I have been fol owing

instructions from YouTube, hopeful y the food is
eatable.
"I hope the food is great" she says as if she'd read my
mind.
"I think." I say before turning to her.
She sits on the chair, she's not going to work today,it's
her say off.

"How about we go do a little shopping after lunch?" She

ask
I don't think it's a great idea. I'm a emotional wreck,

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 I don't wanna fal apart in public.

"I don't think I can go, I don't know what time my

parole officer wil be coming here"
I know, I'm not ready forthe public.

She's eyeing me. I don't want that. I don't knowwhy I

suddenly hate eye contact.
"How are you feeling?" I hate this question.

I'm quiet. She is stil looking at me, expecting me to say

something. I consider lying. I could tel her I'm okay, that
she shouldn't wor y about me, the sort ofthings people
say when they want to just go through their misery alone.
But what's the point? Mysister has to know things I go
through and forthe first time I want to open up.

"Dragon wants to kil Nathi." I say

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 "You went to see her?"I
nod.
"Oh, now I get why the mood has been lifted"
We both chuckle

"She thinks he is a curse in my life." I say before I letout a

soft chuckle
"And you'd let her kil him?" She ask
"She'd never win." I say
"You want him to die?"
I shrug
"Have you seen him since..." she clears her throat

"Since afterthe rape, after leaving the hospital?"

She final y says

"I don't wanna see him" I say before I could stop myself. I
don't want to see him.

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 "Al we had has been destroyed. Whatever we had islost
pain and misery. I hurt Dineo as wel . I should have just
been with her because being with Nathi has brought
nothing but pain in my life."

"Do you love Dineo?" She askI

shake my head no. I don't.

"I thought I did, but I realise now that I didn't. I loved

Nathi. I loved him but since I know nothing about love I
couldn't admit it my self."I say
"And what do you think about his wife?"I
keep quiet.

I honestly dont know what to think of Matshidiso. I fel

for her man, I didn't know he was mar ied to her.
Alot of confusing thoughts consume my mind

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 ..
The men that kept on raping me and tel ing me Ndovu
loves his wife more than anything.. Lord Idon't need
to go back there.

Then Nathi tel ing me is not in love with her.

..

Sigh...
"My mistake was to fal for her husband" I say
"Don't you think she was behind this?"
"I know she was, I'm just scared if I find out it real ywas
her, I'l kil her."
"You don't have to do anything that wil get you back in
prison.." she reminds me of Dragon. I let outa soft
chuckle

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 "Have you spoken to Zama?" I ask
"No, I don't want to. I'm betteroff without her" shesays in
a dismissive tone.

She's always been fond of Zama, she practical y raised

her and now I understand her anger. Zamadoes what
Zama wants to do. Always has and I suppose always
wil .
...

#Dineo

Makhumalo wants us to go see Liyana. As hesitantas I

am, I have no choice. I have to there and pretend to be
the caring friend

The truth is as much as I hate my sister for what she did

to her, I also hate Liyana forbreaking my heart. I hate
her forfal ing for my sister's husband.

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 I have packed the fruit basket and took it to Makhumalo's
carand now waiting for Makhumaloto tel us we're
leaving.

Makhumalo walks in
"Are you ready to leave?" I nod before fol owing herto
her car. She hands her car keys over to me, so I could
drive.

I don't know but I suddenly feel the nervousness aswe

drive in her street.
I think Makhumalo notices that..
"She wil be fine.." I think she is trying to reassureme.
"Yeah, she's a strong woman" I say. I don't want totalk
about Liyana. I have alot going on in my life right now,
like nursing my very own pregnant sisterwhom Nathi
doesn't even want to see.

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 I'm glad we park outside before this conversationcould
go even further. Her sister's car is parked just outside,
I know she is around.

I al ow Makhumalo to knock, the sister opens the

doorand seems surprised seeing us
"Come in." She says.
Seems like they've been having lunch. Liyana isbusy
clearing up the table.

Alot if things crowd my mind as I stare at her. Before

everything happened, I'd forgotten that oldfeeling of
aboundanment, but it instantly comes back flooding as I
see her. I don't think another woman would give me the
direction Liyana gave me, meaning for life.
I take a deep breath, wil ing the urge to cry away.
There has been too many tears, too much water..

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 She has lost so much weight. Makhumalo hugs her.I don't
want to.
"How have you been?" She smiles.
"Getting there" That's the Liyana I know. I almost
smile at her trying to be kind hearted.
"Hi.." I say while looking at her
"Sure." She says
Its awkward
"Let me quickly prepare something for you to eat"the
sister says
"No, we've had something before we drove here"Makhumalo
says
They are engaging in conversations. I'm just sittingthere al
quiet.
Liyana is getting better with time. There is laughterin the
room. I feel so left out..
"I see you're getting better." I decide to say, I want tosay
something. Maybe apologies forthe damage my sister did
to her, even though looking at her right

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 now I think she deserved it. This woman broke my
heart.

Then there is silence

"My sister was just angry because you took her
husband away from her.." I say
"What?" Liyana's sister ask
"Yeah, I hate her for what she did to you. But I hate
Nkosinathi even more. The least he could have done
was to apologize to my sister foral of this, instead he is
so angry and the sad part about it is my sister is left
with a broken heart and a pregnancy which Nathi
doesn't want anything to do with. He took everything
away from her, he is divorcing her but isn't taking
everything away fromher enough punishment?"
I let out a loud sigh
"I hope you'l one day find it in your heart to forgive
her" I continue

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 I don't know why I suddenly had to say al that, but
Liyana stands up and walks away.

Sigh.
I didn't mean to upset her.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

THIRTY FIVE

(NOT EDITED)

If there is one thing I wanted in life, is to let go ofthe

past and just move on from the pain.... but Icant..
Alot has happen.. I have to revenge forthe pain.

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 I'm sitting on my bed with Nomusa's phone in hand.I don't
know if I'l face what I'm about to do. I have this fearthat
he wil see the weak me. I don't want that...

But I cant keep my self away from dialing his

numbers... It rings twice before he answers.
"Nomusa?" My heart stops fora moment.
My word, my speech, my whole body goes into a
frenzy of emotions..
"Hel o?" He says again

I hang up. I shouldn't have done that. I could feelmy

hands sweating and shaking.
I try to take several deep, clenching breaths to calmmy
animal emotions

Nomusa walks in and sits on my bed. She iswor

ied.

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 "Liyana.." I turn to her and give her a faint smile..
"Have you cal ed him?" She ask
She is supportive. She understands why I want to do this.
She understands my pain. She understandseverything.
"I couldn't talk. I hang up as soon as I heard hisvoice"
"Do you think cal ing him was a good idea?"
I shrug
"Liyana don't do this to yourself"
"What am I supposed to do? I want to look him inthe
eye Nomusa" she sighs
"Dineo had a motive. I know she said al that to hurtyou"
"How?"
"The way you are now. Seeing him wil only disturbyour
healing process Liyana. You were coming good. " she
says
"I found you in the kitchen this morning, making

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 breakfast and singing. That made me happy. I hadmissed
my sister so much. The same sister who would stand up
for me on Zama. The same sister whom people fear. And
the strong one."
She says
I'm quiet and playing with my fingers.
I don't know what to say. I'm an emotional wreck.
Those men destroyed me and going to the Liyana she
misses wil take a lot of time.
I don't even think I'l ever go back there
...

#Dragon

"Asambe sboshwa! ! "

Sigh
I stand up and walk to the door. I wonder what is itnow.

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 I've been trying to play my books right. I've been trying to
connect to the outside world to revenge forLiyana.
My baby girl doesn't deserve the tragedy she'sgoing
through.

"Do I need to search you?"

I rol my eyes
"Do I need to teach you how to do your job?''
"Uyaphapha Dragon! Move! " The warder says tome.
I chuckle.
Ngizombulala lona! I cant wait forthe day I slit histhroat.

I have a visitor. I notice that as we walk to the

visitors hal ..

I'm pleased to see her. I smile at her. I dont believein

God, but al I know is my God is coming through

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 for me this week.
"You're my second visitor this week" I say to her
before I could seat.
She looks up at me and smile.

She doesn't look too good. She's not my happy daughter.

She's not wearing any weave or have hernails done. I've
never seen her this natural.
"Nana.." I say to her
She stands up and wants to walk away and I quicklygrab
her with both my chained hands
"Nana? Yini?" I'm starting to feel as though everyonecomes
here fortheir problems. Not that I'm complaining though.
I've never had the opportunity to be a parent. Butthis
two girl, gave me the opportunity to mother them.
"Coming here was a mistake" she saysI
raise an eyebrow

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 "Coming to see me was a mistake?'' I ask
''No! Coming to see you wasn't but..'' she sighs andsits
back down
"Am I a bad person?" It's her first question. I don'tunderstand
where this is coming from
"No. You are not a bad person baby"
She is not. Shes been trying by al means to reconnect me
to my son. She's never in her life evertreated me as the
woman who went to jail because of mistreating her step
son. She's never seen me as an inmate. Infact, al she did
was to treat me likeher mother.

Tears form in her eyes. I can already tel that what she
came here for I'd much deeper, I've never seen her like
this.
Right now I wish this people could remove this
handcuffs and al ow me to be a mother foronce.
My heart breaks for her
"I'm pregnant.." Isn't that worth celebrating? He has

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 always wanted a baby boy. I want to stand up and
ululate.
"Oh my God. God final y came through.."
She chuckles through her tears and shakes herhead.
"He wants to divorce me.." okay this is taking a turnI
didn't want to see.
"What?" I'm beyond shocked
"Why would Nkosinathi want to divorce you? Youguys
love each other"
She keeps quiet
"Matshidiso did you cheat on my son?" I cant
control the anger that's building inside of me.
I have a knife in my shoe, I won't hesitate taking itout
and jumping over this table and stabbing the shit out of
her if she did. My child has been brokenenough, I wil do
anything and everything and protect him even when I'm
in here, I owe him that.
"No no no! I didn't cheat on him mama.." she says
quickly

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 "Then what?"She
is silent.
"Matshidiso khuluma. Bua!" I won't let their divorce
happen. Matshidiso has done nothing but to keep my son
together.
She wipes her tears
"Waitsi ma. I have done nothing but been a donewife
to him.."
She keeps quiet
"Al he kept on doing was to remind me of my past.He
would keep on saying hurtful things to me. He said I'l
always be a prostitute in his eyes. That hewould
never love me. That whenever he tried to touch me he
sawal those men that kept on violating me.", she
hiccups.
I'm quiet.
"I couldn't anymore mama. He went out to cheat onme
aftereverything. I tried to make him see that I love him
instead he kept on hurting me.."
I ignore the warders. They can go to hel foral I

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 care. I hold her hand as an assurance that I'm herefor
her. I'l cal Nathi. I wil make sure he comes to see me

She keeps quiet

"Ma I didn't want to hurt anyone. The last thing I
wanted was to make another woman go through what I
went through, but I wanted Nathi to look at her the
same way he looked at me.." she says
I'm not confused. I already can hear where this isgoing
but... I'm trying by al means to block whatever I think
she is talking about.
Lord, I can feel my breathing closing in on me...
"You har assed another woman?" I ask
"It wasn't my intention to hurt her"
"You har assed Liyana?" I ask
She quickly raises her teary eyes back to me."You
know her?"
If I have to choose between the woman that kept

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 my son together and choosing the child that treatedme like
her very own mother regardless of the pain Ibrought to
her when she got in here, then this one can go to hel .

I have no shoelaces. I've done this. I can kneel and

pretend as though I'm fixing my shoes while reaching
forthe knife.
I do, the warders don't notice a thing.

Before I could even stop my self, I jump on the tableto

her. I have to aim at the neck before the warders can get
to me.

Indeed, the first stab gets to her. The chaos starts. She's
screaming. The second one and the third one.

The last thing I remember is the warders beatingthe

shit out of me...

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 To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

THIRTY SIX

(SPONSORED INSERT)

#Forgive me. The weekend got hectic real y.

.......
I can feel people talking as I'm trying hard to sleep.I
know the voice... I've heard this voice...
Lord...
What have I done.

There's a knock on my bedroom door. I know who it

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 is.
She welcomes herself in
"Liyana.." I'm pretending to be asleep, I ignore her.
She comes and sits on my bed and slightly shakes me..
"Yini, Nomusa?" "You
have a visitor"
I keep quiet, I dont even need to ask who thatvisitor
is..
I sit up straight and turn to look at her
"You cal ed him " there wasn't any need to remindme.
I already hate my self forthat- No I dont. Sigh. Idont
know.
"Tel him I'm not feeling wel ." She shakes her headno
whole removing the blanket
"You need to do this Liyana." She says
"What if I cry in front of him? I dont want him to see

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 me crying.."
She brings her hands to mine
"Its fine. Its okay. He doesn't need to see the stronger
you to understand that you're okay orthecrying you to
note that you're not." She says
"Nomusa you don't understand" I say
"I don't need to understand. Go see him, atleast findthe
closure you need.."
Why?
I let out a loud sigh.

I stand up and grab my gown.

"Remember to open your heart." She says as weboth
walk to the kitchen.

He is there, he has a glass of water in hand. I have to be

a big girl, I have to face him and talk to him. Ithas been
a while since I last saw him.

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 I remember how I broke down when I saw him..

"I'l be in my bedroom." Nomusa says before pattingmy

hand gently.
She walked away, her shoes echoing on the paversuntil
she was in her bedroom.

"Sawubona"
"Yebo, unjani Liyana?"
"I'm okay." I don't need to ask about him. I don'tneed
to know.

There is silence.

I'm rigid from his presence, aware of the man in front of

me. He is staring, I keep on playing with mysuddenly
shaking hands. I'm not sure if I'm scared or nervous,
orboth...

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 "I was happy when I found out it was you that cal
ed.." he final y says after moments of heavysilence.

My pulse is so strong in my neck. My mouth is dry,and I

don't know what to say. I I honest don't know how I feel
about this man one minute to the next.

"Liyana..." I shake my head. I don't know what got but I

find my self shaking my head. It was bad ideacal ing him.
I shouldn't have.
"I shouldn't have cal ed you." I final y say
"I'm happy you did" he says. He is always ready tosay
something.
"You know that it was your wife right?" I askHe
nods.
I didn't expect this from him. I glare at him, unableto
hold back any longer
"She punished me instead of you Nathi. I didn't

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 cheat on her but instead she came for me!" I say
His lips tighten, but his eyes bore into mine with so much
intensity I'm not ready for.
I'm mad, but I'm hurt more. I'm ready fora fight, butal I
real y want is...

What do I want? An apology? Orto be told that he'dlet

me revenge my self to his wife?
He heaves a heavy sigh before brininghis hand tohis
face and brushing it in frustration.

"I'm angry Liyana. I'm angry at Matshidiso fordoingthe

shit she did on you but I'm more angry at my self for
never divorcing her before she could destroy you guys"
he says.

That's the line mar ied man always wise to make

women feel better, but it doesn't.
This is the reason why I hate men, their lies! It

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 makes me sick.

I turn and walk to the sit on the couch, he fol owsme

and grabs the coffee table and sits on it facingme.

"Liyana I'm sor y you had to go through al the trauma

because of me." He says, he thinks his sor ywil wipe
away al the shame, the disgrace, the depression his wife
brought to me.
He thinks his sor y wil bring back the lost Liyana.

"Nathi, you have no idea what your wife has put me

through. You know being raped by different men, them
beating and kicking me as if I'm some animal!" I can feel
the tears forming.

I didn't want him to see the vulnerable me but Ican't

keep it together.

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 He tried to touch me, I shake my head but that doesnt
stop him from bringing his hands to mine.
My heart wants to explode at his touch

"Liyana I don't see you any differently, you're stil the

same strong Liyana I fel for. What she did to you wont
make me see you any less of a woman, infact if there's
anything you need to know is she made me love you
even more..." he says
Everything inside me is rioting. My thoughts scattered
with unspoken emotions. I brush hishand away
brusquely.
"Go back to your wife Nathi. I don't want any
trouble." I say

"I'm divorcing her"

"And that's supposed to make me happy?"
He heaves a sigh
"I should have left her a long time ago Liyana." Hesays

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 "I don't care."

Silence

"I heard she is pregnant..." I never thought sayingthis

would break me so much.
"It shouldn't have happened."
"Yet it did." I chuckle
"Why am I even saying this. You guys are mar ied."

His hands travel to his face again.

"Its sad I'm left to deal with my miscar iage while you
and your wife wil be parents." Forthe first timesince
afterthe incident, I feel the pain of my miscar iage.

It hits me that I almost become someone's motherand

now I have to deal with the fact that I would

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 never have a baby of my own.
"I'm here Liyana. I'm not going anywhere, I'l be herewith
you forever..." he says
His words make the emotions wel up even harder"I'm
going to punish her in the worst way." He says

He doesnt know I'm coming for her, even if it takesme

back to Prison, it's fine life in prison was a whole lot
betterthan al this pain.
Through my watery vision, I see him also gettingemotional

"I know she did this because she wanted me to seeyou

differently. Liyana that woman doesnt understand what
I feel for you. I love you so much Liyana and she doesn't
know that the pain she caused to you is my treasure." He
says.

I dont know why but a sob heaves from my chest

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 and he stands and sits next to me and cuddles me close.
My hands fists in his shirt and I turned my face against
his as I weep and shook. He holds me in his arms while I
cry, al the fearand pain lingeredinside of me spil ing out
to soak his T-shirt with mytears.

To be continued.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

THIRTY SEVEN

She has been taken in solitary confinement. Herbody

hurts more than anything else.

She knows she's going to spend the rest of her life in

prison, not that she wanted that but with everything that
disturbs her daughter, she wouldn'tlet it go. She would
rather die in prison than let another person cause pain
to her daughter.

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 "I don't want you to do anything that would land you
back in this hel ! " She remembers her words toLiyana,
her princess. The only child that made her believe she
stil had it in her to be a good mother.

She's ready to die in here. She's ready foreverything

that comes in her way.

She's angry that her son is the reason behind althis.

But she's more angry for never asking Liyana aboutthe
Nkosinathi she always spoke about.

"I've hurt my son Liyana. I've been nothing but a bad

mother to him and nana I just need a smal favor from
you. To look after him when you get outside..."she
remembers her words to Liyana again.

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 Is it a coincidence? Did it happen because Liyanahad
the same strong heart as her son's? She doesn't know.

But being in Solitary wil always be her worst nightmare,

she's always in here, it doesn't bother her anymore but
just the fact that when she gets out of there, she's going
to court foranother sentencing which might be life
sentence makes hersick. But she doesn't feel anything
anymore, even fear.. What? Did I just say fear?

She can't move. This room, in particular, is one she used

to be ter ified of. The dark wal s that are deep and cold,
and nothing but a cold blanket to cover her when she's
feeling cold. Her wounds are painful but its nothing
compared to her heart. Nathiis her son, she loves Liyana.

She's no longer afraid of this room but how is one expected to

be sane, watching the same wal s each

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 and every second?
She is strong, she doesn't need to remind her self,this is
just a phase....
She's just wor ied about her sanity.

.
.
#Dineo

I'm unsettled, I have this bad feeling. I have receiveda cal

from people who claimed that are the police and got my
numbers from Tshidi's phone. They had to cal me because
my numbers were saved as dearest sister.

They are on their way, I don't know what is it that they

want because they asked me to come to the police station
but I refused and they instead askedto come to my home
and I gave them ..

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 There is a knock, I honestly don't know what to
expect.
I'm scared, what has she done now?
And indeed its the police as I oppen the door.

"Good evening.." the greet. Its the three of them butone

of them is not in their uniform.
"Hi... Come in." I say.
I don't need to offerthem anything to drink. Thelining
of my mouth has already dried..
"I'm Dinero. Tshidi's sister" i don't know why I'm
introducing my self but maybe its because they would
want to know me.
"Mem, a woman was stabbed to death by one of the
inmates at suncity. We have been sent to come here and
ask you to identify the body."
What body.
My sister wasn't an inmate.

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 I've seen the story on the news about two minutesago
but how does that concern me

Matshidiso is not an inmate, what's going on "Stabbed

to death? My sister isn't an inmate."
"The woman stabbed wasn't an inmate.. " one ofthem
says in attitude...
"Matshidiso was visiting her husband's mother?" Iask. Its
like I already know everything.
I'm suddenly scared, I'm feeling cold. I'm wearing my
gown but I feel as though I need something towarm my
self.
My hands are shaky.
I don't know what to do.
"I need to cal my brother in law and ask him to come
with me.." I say. I'm hoping he wil answer hisphone..
I don't know where to even start looking for my

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 phone. Right now, I'm holding in hope that Matshidiso
would walk in and tel this people towalk away.

I don't know where she spent al her day, we haven'tbeen

in talking terms since days ago, I suddenly feel bad. I feel
like a bad sister, I al owed her maritalproblems come
between us.

I have to make things right with her, life is short.

"Mem?" I'm shaking, dialing Nkosinathi's numbers...

It rings til voice-mail. I dial again

"Dinero.." he says
"Nathi there are people here, they want me to comewith
them to the police station to identify the body whom they
think is Tshidi"
"What? Where is Matshidiso?"what kind of a dumb

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 question is that?

"I... I don't know."

"Which Police station is it?" He ask
"Bare Sun City.." I say
"I'l meet you there.." he says before he hangs up
.
.

#Liyana

"He said something about identifying a body.." I sayto

Nomusa.
I'm wor ied about jim.
"Do you think its associated to what I sawon the
news?" I didn't watch the news.
I've been in here with Nkosknathi since two hoursago

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 "What happened?"
I ask
"Apparently a woman was stabbed in Sun city when
visiting what people think might be her mother.."
"What?"It rarely happened.
I've been in there but none has ever happened.We
knew the punishment that came afterthat.
Being in solitary is no child's play. No one wants tofind
themselves in there...
..

Hours have passed, I can't sleep. Nothing is not getting

back to me to tel me what real y happened.
I'm getting wor ied

"I need you to bor ow me your phone so I can cal and

find out how everything went." I say to Nomusa.I'm
suddenly the most caring girlfriend.

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 She was asleep, she sits up straight
"What time is it?"
"Few minutes after midnight." I sayShe
hands me her phone
"I'm wor ied about him Nomusa. He hasn't cal ed.."I say
to her.

His phone rings once before he answers

"Hel o.." his voice is just plain, I don't can't tel fromhis
voice if he's fine or not
"Nathi" "Sthandwa
sam" "Whats going
on?"
"Matshidiso was stabbed to death by my mother.."he says,
its blank.
I don't know anything about his mother
"We're stil at the Government mortuary, we have tomove her
to a private one.." he says

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 I don't know how I feel. But why would his motherstab
her?
"Your mother is in prison?"
"She has been in there for more than 20 years now.Look,
I'l come straight there when I'm done with
everything.."
He hangs up, there are so many unanswered
questions.
There is a lot I need to know.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

THIRTY EIGHT

#Dineo

Anger, numbness and most of al disbelief its al

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 thats crowing me.

No...
No...
No...

I've been crying. Why would she do this to me. I wasgoing to

ask forforgiveness forjudging her.
Nothing tries to touch me but I stand up and pushhim.

"This is al your fault! !" Its his damn fault. His

mother did this. The police try to hold me back .

"Ntlogeleng! ! His mother kil ed her. She kil ed

her! ! " I keep on saying. Another sobs fol ow.

I sit down, lord why would you do this to be, she's

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 the only person I was left. The only family I had.

Matshidiso is dead. Murdered. Everything wound me

around me, again and again. I gulped deep breaths.
Slowly, in and out. Desperately trying to sooth my
shattered nerves. Only a few hours ago,her heart was
beating. She left home and now.

"How could a woman stab another woman so painful

y? She respected her more than anything,treated her
like her own mother even when she forsake you! She
stepped up and became the mother your mother
failed to be! ! How can she have a propensity
forsuch evil?"

I can't stop talking and crying. She's gone...

...

#Liyana

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 Its 2:30am.
I stil can't seem to sleep, Nathi has not yetreturned to
me.
Alot doesn't make sense, he never said anything about
his mother, damn I thought she had passedon years
ago.
He hardly spoke of his family.

Yes, Matshidiso deserved this, infact. I have no pityin me

for her. But I pity his mother. The woman whospent more
than 20 years in Prison and wil be facing a possibility of
Life sentence.

I know life in prison, I've been there, done that, Iknow

how scary it can be.
Fresh fearcrept into my bones at the thought of his
mother who might be in solitary at this moment, incold
and alone.

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 The fearseeped into the depths of my mind, reaching the
distant corners, the areas I'd protected.The areas that
always guarded hope.

Nomusa's phone rings just under my pil ow. I checkit, its

him
"Nathi.." I answer
"I'm outside."

"Come in.." I don't know why but I know that its because
I have the fearof seating with him in a carat 2:40am.
What if history repeats it self?

"Liyana I can't come in there.."

"Yes you can Nathi.." he heaves a sigh.
"Vula ke.."
I stand up, I don't need to get my gown.
I go unlock the doorand wait for him to come.

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 He indeed comes, he has changed to tracksuits. His hands
are inside his pockets.
I can smel the fresh masculine shower gel from
him...
He closes the doorand locks it behind him thenfol
ows me to my bedroom.

He sits comfortably on my bed, I don't feel too goodabout this

but I guess it is what it is. I'm here...
"What went on?" Is the first question I askHe
removes his shoes.
Okay..

"She was stabbed" his voice is devoid of emotion"You

told me that.."
"Come sit down.." something darker stir ed in his
black eyes.

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 I sit and keep quiet, I'm waiting for him to tel me what
real y went on, why he never shared anythingabout his
mother.

"I'm tired, I've had a long day.." he says, his tone holds a
holds a note of strain , he lays on the bed,his hand
balancing his the back of head
"But I'm okay now since I'm here with you."
He is trying but its not working"Hair
air Nathi" he laughs.
"Yini, am I not supposed to be happy that I'm here?With
the woman I love?"
This is honestly not the time, I join him on the bed.

He turns to face me
"I'm happy I'm final y with you.." he says

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 "Nathi we need to talk ngo Matshidiso." I say.

He heaves a sigh
"My mother never wants to see herself out of
trouble. I'm tired of her" he says
I want him to open up to me.

"That woman is a problem herself, I'm stil questioning

my self even today that what is it that my father saw in
her." He sighs and covers his facewith his hand

"Was it Matshidiso?" I ask, he nods the removes hishand

Then there's a hint of pain in his eyes, an il ogicalyearning to
erase it rise up within me.

He leans in and want to capture my lips with his, Iturn my

face away

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 "We are not doing that Nathi." I say
He frowns lightly
"I just miss your lips, I won't do anything you don't
want."

"This is the time for us to talk not kissing"

But my body is already sur endering, despite my
protest.
"Ikiss nje.." he says shifting me closer to him andkissing me
The kiss gets heated, he comes on top of me.

I don't like this but...

Deliciously deep, our tongues dance and duel. He kicks
my leg out a few inches and tugs at my pajama pants. He
dips his hand beneath the band, dragging his fingertips
down the front if my panties,lower and lower until he finds
his mark my thighs.
Then adds enough pressure making me cry out.

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 He brushes his lips along my jawand whispers
against my ear
"I miss you.." I don't know what to say, I barely stiflea
groan as he ventures lower. He slides my pantiesto the
side so I could feel his fingers on my Clit and strokes me
slowly, making me shiver everything he grazes my clit.

"Uyangipha?" Its a question, his tone is low, laced with

lust and barely harnessed restraint. His lips areteasing
the shel of my ear, I can't focus. "Liyana?
"Yes.."I trail off on a low moan when he tracesaround
my clit in a circular pattern.
Suddenly the world spun as his strong hands
maneuvered my body.

He reached for his zipper and freed himself fromhis

slacks. I could feel his hardness.
Soon both our clothes were laying carelessly

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 somewhere on the floor.

He groans long sound of pained release and he opened

for me. I felt as though he'd emotional y dropped so
many bar iers between us. Letting mesee into his
tormented soul

Forthe first time, I wanted him. Al of him. Good andbad,

ugly and beautiful. His swol en head pressed atmy
opening, parting my pussy lips as he eased inside me. I
whimpered at the burning stretch of him pushing in, but
he didn't stop at the sound of my discomfort. My
whimpered turned into moans. I wrapped my legs around
his hips and dug my heelsinto his sculpted ass. He began
to move, pumping his hips fasterand harder as he clung
to his control by a threat.

This is how it was meant to be between us: our bond so

strong that it was nearly too much to bear.He hit my g-
spot, over and over again, making my

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 pleasure build up inside me. My entire body tensed,my
toes curling and my legs shaking around him. Ilet go, my
orgasm claimed me with a shocking force, he didn't stop.
My scream mingled with his wild roar. He drove deep
one last time, holding himself inside me as he emptied his
cum into me.
..

"I've never seen my mother.." he says

"The woman that stabbed Matshidiso is my
stepmother.." he says as we are cuddled in bed

I'm confused
"My father was the only parent I'd known and shared half
of my life with. He was the most perfect father one could
have, taught me life and everything.We had this strong
bond until he eventual y decided to get mar ied."

There is a moment of silence

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 "He mar ied a fierce woman, thats the only thing I
liked about her but just hated that she was young
enough to be my father's child.." he says

"How old was she?" I ask

"She was just a few years older than me.." that's notthe
answer I'm expecting but I decide to keep quiet

"Dad passed on a few years after mar ying her. Lifechanged,

she changed to the worst person ever.
She shown her dark side..." he says
"And?"

"She made me do things, she became the devil

herself and I was happy when she final y got
ar ested because that woman had done nothing butto
destroy me..." he doesn't go into detail..

"I'm stil angry at her Liyana. I'l never forgive that

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 woman foral the pain she brought to my life, she
promised my father she would mother me, instead she
took me for her boyfriend. People hated me thinking I
helped her kil my father because after myfather's
passing, I had to do al the bad things for her.." he says

"What's those bad things Nathi?"

Silence
"Did you kil for her?" Again, silence
"Why is she in prison?"
"Her sins final y caught up with her.." just that.

Everything dark stir ed in the depths of his eyes:

Anger and pain
Something about what his mother has done in thepast,
triggered him, and forthe first time i feel he needs me
to sooth him..
"You have to forgive her.." I say.

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 "I can't.."

"Because you don't want to." I say

"Why did she stab your wife?"
He shruggs and chuckles bitterly before standingup
and walking to get my gown and wear it.

"You know what shocks me, is they got along verywel .

Matshidiso always forced me to go see her.
She wanted so bad for us to talk and put the past
behind us."
I stand up too, I need to get a towel and wrap it around
my body, its almost 5 am. I don't think we'l be sleeping.
"This doesn't make sense.." I tel him
"It doesn't.Dragon loved Matshidiso more than
anything.." he says

"D... Dragon? Who is Dragon?"

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 Nkosiyam! ! This doesn't make sense.

I say a silent prayer that he's not talking about thesame

Dragon.
My mother...

"I wanted to make him a better man, I wanted to turnhim

like his father. I destroyed that child Liyana, I destroyed
him beyond repair and I regret it each and everyday. I
hate my self forthat and right now you'l have to forgive
me if I'm being extra but I'm here, I want to better my
mothering skil s so when I go out there, he would know
that I can be the mother his father left to mother him.."
Dragon's words play in my mind
"Are you Dragon's stepson?" I ask him before Icould
even stop my self
"Do you know her?"

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 I'm getting dizzy, I need to sit down..
I try to hold on to the bed and he rushes to balanceme
"Babe upright?"
Tears blur my eyesI
shake my head no
"She promised she would find the person who did this to
me but I didn't want her to do it like this.." I'mnot making
any sense i know..
"Liyana?"
I'm not okay. I have stopped smoking but I feel Ineed
a smoke right now.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

THIRTY NINE

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 I was scared. I was in pain, in a lot of pain, the onlything
that made sense was death.
Another shot of pain shot through me at the same time as
I watched her, the woman who had stabbedme walk to my
bed and sit with me..

I didn't know what to do, I was scared. I knew shewould stab

me yet again.
I couldn't move, I needed a doctor, I knew I would die if
the doctordidn't attend to me , but I'd seen that they work
with the warders, If I had tried to askone of the warders
to help me, they would kil me.

It's funny right? That I had thought the only thingthat

made sense would be death, yet on the otherside, I
feared dying. I wished it weren't true, but even as I
had accepted death as my fate, I was ter ified.
"Skeif.." she said.

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 I looked at her, I wanted to tel her I don't smoke butI was
scared of what would come next.

Everyone in this cel praised this woman, thry treated

her as God, they worshipped the groundshe walked
on.

If she were to ask you to jump, al you had to do,was

ask "how high?"

I could feel the bags under my eyes, the desperate need

forsleep. But I couldn't. Not when I was insidethis help
whole, not knowing what they might do tome

"I... I.. I don't... Smoke.." I stuttered forcing my dry

throat to swal ow, the pain stil present.
She raised an eyebrow
"Everyone smokes in here.." she said

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 Me:"But.."
Her:"Voetsak man! ! Take this and smoke! " With my
shaky hand, I took the BB and puffed and cough for the
first time.
Everyone laughed, except for her
"Nihlekani?" She asked
Then there's was silence
Her:"Don't you have anything to do? Yini Nikhathele
ukuphila?"

Silence again
"Voetsak! Culani! "
And just like that the singing started again.. I knewI
would be stabbed again, people were sining so loudly..

"Ubukeka umcani, how old are you?" She asked

"2..21" I couldn't hide how ter ified I was. I was

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 shaking. I silently praid for mercy.
Lord, you knew I was doing it for my mother.
"How long wil you be serving?" She asked
"Fif... Fifteen years.." I was shaky. The fearshe'dinstil
ed in me was unbreakable
"Umcane kanje? What did you do?" She asked
"I kil ed..." I was shocked at how I spoke so proudly
about it
She laughed, a devil laugh.

"Why?" She asked

"He was abusing my mother.."
"Who?" She asked again
"My dad.." she whistled
"You kil ed your father?" Silence

"People in here cal me Dragon. I'm Dragon, I'm likea

Dragon, the Dragon you see in movies. I bite..."

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 she said..
She took out her knife
"You are in my house, this is my house. Wonke umuntu
uzwa ngam lana, including that one.." shesaid pointing
at the warder
"I like you already, which is why I'l be putting you
right under my wing"

I was quiet
"You wanna get along with me you'l listen to me
and fol ow my rules. Kune nombolo la ekhaya, I'dhate
to see you associate your smal ass with it.
You want protection, I'l be here for you. You won'tbe
anyone's girlfriend. Kodwa you are going to church and
study. Uyangizwa?" I nod
"Yey man voetsak! Ringa!"
"Yebo ma.." I said ..

...

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 I nar ate the story as if its something thatshappened
last night.

Nathi is sitting here, he's just listening to me.

I'm in tears
"She's the reason why I came out of the prison withno
scars al over my body.." I say

He hasn't said anything. I want him to say something,

atleast assure me that aftereverythingI've said, he would
find it in his heart to forgive her.

He's quiet, he is sitting on my bed with his hands

covering his face. I didn't want this. Damn I didn'twant
such coincidence to happen in my life.
Its close to 6am, the sun is coming out, I know
Nomusa wil be waking up soon..

"Nathi.." he raises his eyes to look at me

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 "Dragon is not a bad person." I say, and I mean it. Iknow
she's not.
That woman practical y raised me to this age.

"You don't know her." He says

"I have been with that woman 15 years of my life. Islept,
woke up, bath with her in the same cel . She protected me.
She kept me sane and right now if Ihave to choose
between anyone in my life then everyone can leave me
and I'l always choose her over everything." I say
"Liyana that woman is the devil herself, you wannaknow why
people gave her the name Dragon? Its because she's the
Dragon herself, she's capable ofdoing everything bad!" He
says

"Then she has changed!" I say. I'm trying to protecther

She chuckles bitterly while shaking his head. I'venever
seen him like this.

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 "That woman would lock me in a room fordays, with
nothing to eat. When my father died, it was mydeath
sentence to be left in the hands of that woman. Everyday I
created a mark on the cement floor, laying there not
eating, unmoving, unchangingother than the pain,
because I would be in punishment of not giving her the
sex she'd wanted.I would create marks in a dark room.
There were dozens of lines just like that. I started them to
countdays, but they turned in to something else. Each
was the same as the last because I was hoping for
something to change. Something inside of me or inside of
that dark room to break up the monotony.
But I final y stopped caring. She would become easier
on me when I was pathetic and I became even worse
pathetic knowing she was the reason behind it, she was
the motivating factorbehind mypain! Then you have the
nerve to tel me she has changed?" He says

"That fucken happened forover 20 years ago Nathi!

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 Can't you forgive?" I'm losing

"Wil you in life fucken forgive those men that kept on

taking turns on you?" He is losing it. Fuck him, hehas no
idea what those men did to me.

"Nathi, you can't compare the two!" "Kuyafana

Liyana, its the same thing! Oram I
expected to forgive because I'm a man and it was my
mother that did al that shit?" The fire in his eyes.

He stands up, he looks for his clothes and starts

dressing up
"Uyahamba manje? Nathi sisakhuluma! "
"Liyana I need to think" he says

I keep quiet, maybe I shouldn't stop him from leaving,

maybe its the best choice forthe both of usright now.

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 I let him get dressed, I expect him to leave as soonas he
is done getting dressed.
I stand up to go open the doorfor him, he grabs myarm.
Making me look at him

Its hard,
"I hate her with passion, you love her wholeheartedly
because she has protected you. Then where to from here?
What do I do Liyana?" Ikeep quiet.
He stares down at me, kisses my foreheadHe
walks out
The tears that spil ed from my eyes wel ed up froma
place deep inside as emotion flooded free.

"Sawubona.." I hear him exchange greeting with

Nomusa in the kitchen before saying good bye toher
then the kitchen dooropening and closing.

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 I need to wipe this tears, Nomusa cannot see me
crying. I have to act strong..
I take my gown and wear it, I had been in a towel
since afterour sex.

Right now I needed a shower more than anything.

Forthe first time in years, I knew I would be in a

situation where I have to choose between two people and
lord forgive me, I would never chose theson over her
mother. Yes, I love him, I admit I love Nkosinathi but
Dragon comes before him...

Nomusa is in the kitchen making breakfast, there is

concern on her face as she sees me walking in..

"Whats going on?" She ask me

"Matshidiso was stabbed to death." I tel her

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 "Matshidiso? His wife? Dineo's sister?" I nod
"Oh my God Liyana. I sawthat he wasn't okay, I
understand the pain he is going through right now.."
I'm quiet
"As much as I hate that family, no one deservesdying
so painful y..'' she says
"Dragon stabbed her." I say
"Who's Dragon? Dragon you mean UMah?"
I nod
"No...I don't understand Liyana. I'm confused rightnow.
What the hel is going on?
"Dragon is Nkosinathi's mother. I know she did it for me
because I know she found out Matshidiso was behind
everything. Her son hates her, I love her.I don't know if
this is a coincidence or it happened because this is a smal
world.." my voice is breaking
"Dragon wil be spending a very long time in jail because
of me Musa.. Why.... Why would Dragon get.. get her self
in so much trouble?" I said brokenly. A strangled cry
ripped it way up my thraot.

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 I didn't want her to see me like this but I couldn't help it. I
struggle to calm my self down. She comesto my side and
hold me.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY

Two families are arguing KwaNdlovu. Matshidiso was

the Ndlovu wife. The Ndlovu' s took and introduced her to
their ancestors and right now theRamabolu's want their
daughter to be buried at herhome.

They were divorcing. Nathi mistreated their daughter, al

this was caused by Dineo who went onto tel her uncles
that her sister was back at home with nothing, Nathi
chased her out of their home with nothing but just her
luggage with her clothes

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 and toiletry only.

They blamed Nathi for his cheating. Not only didthey

want their daughter to be buried at the Ramabolu
homestead, they also wanted Nathi topay a fine of the
shame he has caused to their daughter.

"His mother kil ed her" one of Ramabolu uncles kepton

saying
"She is not his mother!" Ndlovu uncle also kept on
arguing
"She raised him! She was mar ied to his father!That
makes her his mother" Ramabolu

This was real y frustrating Nkosinathi. Not that he cared,

he just wanted this to be over and done with.He wanted
to move on, this was holding him back.

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 "Sifuna inkomo zakwa Ndlovu ke. Angisho you want
your daughter back? Then bring back al ourcows!"
Ndlovu says.

They spoke of her as though they spoke of

someone who was stil alive.
"Its fine, malume. They can take her.." Nathi final ydecides to
say
The uncles won't let it easy, no infact thats one thing
they wil never do. This young people think this is just a
game where you decide to introduce another person to
your ancestors and just like thattel them you don't want
her anymore.
"Ca Mshana. Thats not how it works." On of the
argues.

Nathi stands up and walks out. He is tired, both

emotional y and physical y. It has been the longesttwo
days ever since Matshidiso passed on and if there's
anything he wants more than everything, is

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 for her to be buried so everyone could move on in
peace.

He is wil ing to bury her, he wil be giving her a dignified

funeral, she deserve it. His mother kil edher, she was his
wife.
He once loved her. Yes, she once made him happybut
that was before he realised what she was capable of.

Dineo walks to her as he stands outside, right nowhe is

not in the mood, he doesn't need her tel ing him how
much his mother kil ed her
"I hope you're hope" she says.
He sighs
"Kahle kahle ufunani kimi Dineo?"
"I want you to let me bury my sister in peace, weboth
know you never loved her" he keeps quiet.
"Your mother kil ed her, just-"

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 "Yey aume kamcane wena. Matshidiso was mywife,
she wil be buried here. "
"I wil never forgive you forthis" she starts sulking
Nathi doesn't give a damn.

She walks away. He starts asking himself what

exactly is Dineo doing here because this was
supposed to be the elders meeting.

He sees one of his uncles walking out of the house.He

doesn't need to hear what he has to say. He hashad the
longest day of his life today, al he needs is to drive back
Gauteng and just move on from this but he can't, he wil
be spending about a month in this home.

The home he hates, he suddenly hates tradition, had he

built himself a house here in Kwa-Mashu then he wouldn't
be burying his wife in this homestead.
Not that it didn't have memories, it did.

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 The good and the bad, he spent years of happinesswith
his father in this very same home... but that was until his
father introduced a witch to them, hisstep mother. Things
changed.
Two years after his father, his mother got ar ested,it
was the happiest moment if his life. He new he had to
leave this home, go start life elsewhere, the first thought
that came to his mind was to sel this home, but he knew
he would be disrespecting his father's memory. He
locked this home and left, henever looked back and now
he's here. He has to bury Matshidiso here.

Some of his aunts were here already, the first cow

would be slaughtered already. The funeral
ar angements were to begin."Its
done." His uncles says
"Whats done?" He asks. Nathi hates them. He is just
patient with them because he needs them right now.

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 Where were they when the poor young boy cried
mercy in the hands of his step mother?
"We are burying her lana." He says
Nathi nods.
"What went on real y Mshana? Couldn't you comeand let
your uncles know thing were bad in your house?'' His
uncle ask
"My house you say?"
"Yebo"
"You wanted me to tel the whole world what went on
behind the closed doors of my house?" He asks,its tense.
"You.."
"The fist cow wil be ar iving today, I think her family
members wil be ar iving today, we are burying her on
Saturday." Nathi says dismissively..
.
.
#Liyana

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 Nomusa is packing an overnight bag in jer bedroom. I
don't real y know if she's going to workoranything.
I feel like she's sad today, she hasn't said anything to me
since in the morning and right now I feel I have to be
the big sister and knock on her bedroomdoorand sit with
her then ask, what's real y going on.

I do so, she tel s me to come in.I sit

on her bed.
"Unjani?" I ask her.
"I'm okay." She says
"You are sad" I say to her
She heaves a sigh before closing her bag andsitting
down.

"Its Theo's cleansing ceremony tomor ow." Oh that.

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 I had to total y forgotten about that person. I now get it
why my sister's mood is like this today, she has tried her
outmost to move of from ki... No, I mean his death and
now she has to go back to hishome

"I'm scared of the looks and everything I'l get fromthat

family as soon as I ar ive there, I dumped everyone
aftertheir son's burial, I dumped even mykids there. Its
been months since I had seen my kids, I was angry at
their father that I even my punished my own children
fortheir father's sins.."she says.

She's sad, I hate seeing her like this. She had to, Iunderstand
why she had to dump them.
"They wil understand you had some healing process to
do, its not easy losing someone you once loved Musa.
Theo was the father of your kids."I say

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 "They won't say the same thing." She says.
I stand up and go sit close to her
"I'l go pack an overnight bag also, il come withyou."
She laugh lightly
"Are you going to fight my battles?"
"If thats what I have to do, then its fine, I'l bring myknife
with." We both laugh
"And when are we going to Kwa-Mashu?" She ask"To
do what?" I ask
"Come on, don't tel me you are not going tosupport
the man you love."
"I'm not burying Matshidiso. I'm not going" I say
dismissively
"Why? Is it because you also believe in the myth that
you shouldn't bury someone you once shareda dick
with?"
I want to laugh but its al not funny.

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 "No, its because I don't want to bury her"
"Why Liyana?"
"Nomusa I'm angry! I cannot go watch people cryover
someone that's made me suffer! "
"Yes! ! The very same way you shouldn't keep on
mentioning how good uMah is to Nathi! She was good
to you bad to him. Myeke! ! He wil forgive when he
wants to the same way you wil forgive when you want
to! " Shes shouting, she had neverraised her voice on
me before.
"Nomusa do not raise your voice at me! !" I warnher
.
"You're not being fair Liyana. You are not being fairon
Nathi. Not infact you're being immature right now"
"Uyangithuka manje. " I say
"Nathi is going through the most now, he has to deal
with the death of Matshidiso and his mother.Then now
he has to stress over you because you think you know
whats good for him? Hate me

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 Liyana but we both know the truth. Nathi loves you,you
are taking an advantage of that. You want to bethe good
daughter to uMah by making Nathi compromise for
you.."
I stand up.
"I'l go pack, I don't wanna argue with you"
I walk out.

To be continued

Forgive me forthe er ors, its not edited. I just

decided to type before doing my chores.

Good morning
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY ONE

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 "I just need to see her,please can I see her.." I say to
Thuli, the warder. I knew it wasn't going to be easyseeing
her especial y since she's in solitary. But I knew I would
see her, the cor uption in our country would help me see
her.
They can break the rules with just a fewthousands.

"Liyana you know the rules in here. I cannot breakthem

for you."she says sigh.

I just need to see her, I want to talk to her, that's it. Can't
she see I'm desperate? But I know this people,they enjoy
taking you around the bush before they could give you
what you're here for. I'l play along.

"Thuli ngiyakucenga.." I say to her

She sighs

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 How many rules have they broke in here forpeople?I
know I won't be the first one and I certainly won't be the
last. I just need to talk, it won't even take anhour.
I sigh.
I have about 4k in my bank account, I can transferit to
her
"Okay, how about R2000 forcold drink?"
"Don't temp me Liyana.."
"Can't you see that I'm desperate?"
"Okay okay, its fine, we'l meet in Town so you cangive
me the cash. For now, I'l check if there isn't any nurse
coming in, you'l go there as a nurse, I'l be at the
doorguarding you guys. 10 minutes is althat you have."
She says, I nod

..

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 She is resting her head against the wal with hereyes
closed.
She doesn't look too wel , this is not the Dragon I know,
the Dragon i know doesnt let pain get to herthis hard..
She's writhing in pain.

I clear my throat, she raises her eyes to me then

smiles

"How did you get in?"

"I'm a nurse, can't you see?" She chuckles
I take out a ciggerate from my shoe and hand it toher
and a lighter.
"You have no idea how much I needed this. My
therapy.." I chuckle.
I go sit on her single bed. Its not comfortable at al .
"I'l be going out of here tomor owand hopeful y I'l get
the treatment I need."
"And court?"

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 "I don't know yet, but I heard they have appointed
another useless state lawyer for me, but I'm going to
plead guilty." She says. There is pain in her voice
"How many years do you think we'l be facing?"
"20plus with no possibility of parole.."
"I'm sor y" I say "Its
okay" she puffs

The darkness in this room is unsettling.

Sigh, but what did I expect, I mean this is a devil'sroom,

the punishment room
"How are you?" I ask
"Ahh ngimnandi. You know you can never take aqueen
down." Eish, this one and acting strong.
"They are burying her on Saturday.." I tel her
"Okay" its just that.
I can't read her emotions, she's always been blank.

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 I get it now where Nathi got this. From his
stepmother.
I'm stil hung over the fact that this woman, the woman I
value with everything in me is the motherof the man I'm
sleeping with.

Sigh, when did things get here?

"Nothing makes me happy like knowing you are

involved with my Nkosinathi." She says
"I'm just angry he didn't man up enough to protect you
from the shit Matshidiso put you through.." shecontinues

"I didn't know you are his mother." I say

"Smal world right?" She chuckles
"I..." I sigh
"I don't think I can continue with him afterthis Ma."

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 "Why?" She asks
"Matshidiso is out of the way now. Not that I didn't like
her as my daughter in law, I did, she had been there for
Nkosinathi since I was inside here, she mothered him but
I hate her for what she did to you.Don't punish him
because of Matshidiso's actions."
She says

"J ust a few months ago you wanted me to stay away

from him because he brought nothing but trouble to
me"
"Yes. I stil do, but I feel you guys need each other more
than anything now. Liyana the possibilities ofme getting
out of this place now are very slim. I gotangry when
Matshidiso spoke of you, i got angry when she mentioned
the things she had done to you." She says

I keep quiet
"Nathi wil never forgive me foreverything I have

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 done to him, I don't expect him to but the only thingI'm
asking from you is for you not to expect him to.J ust keep
him safe and sane for him Liyana, its theonly thing I'm
asking from you.." Thuli opens the steel door

"Time up." She says.

I don't want to leave as yet.
I hold Dragon's hand
"I'l come back next week"
"He needs you both emotional y and physical y rightnow
Liyana. Please, support him." She says
I stand up.

I'm trying by al means to block the tears from escaping

my eyes but its hard. I'm such a cry baby..
She smiles as I walk out.
This is hel . The difference is, this one is cold, verycold
and dark. I hate seeing Dragon like this, she

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 doesn't deserve this.

...

I sit in Nomusa's carand close my eyes. This is too much

for me to handle. This was definitely the first time in my
life where I hated seeing Dragon like that.She wasn't the
same strong Dragon. She was someone who seemed to
have lost hope in life. For that matter, I hated Nathi even
more. This is his fault! Hadn't he went out with me, then
this
wouldn't have happened.

Lord, I know you are there, I know you are watchingmy

struggles, my pains.. why do you keep on hurting the
people I love?

I could see my eyes on the rear view mir or. The

shadows under my eyes are the bags with whichcar y
the weight of everything I have done and

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 everything that has been done to me. I decide todrive
aftera moments of sitting in the carand forcing my
self not to cry..

I'm driving home, I'm driving to Theo's home. Nomusa

left earlier on and said I would meet herthere...

There were fewpeople in the yard, some were busy.Some

were just gossiping.
I'm shocked to find Zama's carparked outside.What
is she doing here?

Oh, Nomusa kids run to hug me as soon as theysee

me walk in. I'm excited to see them
"You guys have grown so quick, look at you!" I sayto
them.

They take me to their mother's room, Theo's

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 bedroom. She's sitting in the bedroom alone"Sawubona?" She
looks at me
"Yebo.." I sigh before sitting on the bed with her
"I'm sor y about earlier on." She's the first one toapologize.
I had a lot of thinking to do real y, she said a lot of things
that makes sense, I'm not being fair on Nathi.I should just
give him some time, he wil forgive his mother when he
wants to
"You said a lot of things that made sense.." I say
"J ust put yourself in his shoes Liyana, would you
forgive someone that made your childhood life
hard?"
I shake my head no.
"Exactly, but its okay if you understand me.." "Why
are you sitting in here alone?" I ask her "I'm just
tired of the cold shoulder I have been
getting since I got here, so I decided to hide in here til
you come. Even Theo's mother hasn't said

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 anything to me since I got here.." she saysSigh
"Its okay, just let them be, I'm here now. Do you
want me to get you anything?"
She shakes her head no
"I saw Zama's caroutside, when did she get here?" Iask
"Turns out she's the favourite of this family, she has been
coming here every week to visit my kids."She says.
Oh, speak of the devil, she walks in.
She's wearing a tight dress, a jacket and aHeadwrap.
She has a tray with tea and scones in her head.
"Oh Liyana, i didn't know you were around, I didn'tbring
an extra cup." She says.
There is a hint of attitude in her tone.
I'm tired, I've had a long day already, I won'tentertain
this child.

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 She places the tray on the chair.

"I see you've succeeded in Kil ing another human

being.." she says to me
"Don't mind her" Nomusa says
"Now tel me, are you going to mar y her husband
since you decided to move her out of your way?"
"Zama, Phuma." Nomusa says
"Yes, you are going to defend her. As always. Nomusa
does it ever occur to you that I miss you?That I miss my
sister before Liyana got out of prison?"

"Weeh Zama, this is not the time nor the place for what
you want to start" Nomusa says. She's losingit.
"Liyana, because this time around you grew tired of
getting the blood in your hands, you decided to sent
Nathi's mother to do the dirty job for you?" She ask

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 "Zama I'm not in the mood.."
"Oku ngapheli kuyahlola Liyana, everything bad youdo
wil come back to haunt you.."
I stand up and walk to her, Nomusa is quick to
stand too and come between us
"Zama, auphume Kimi! !"
"Or what Liyana, are you goings to kil me like youdid
with my father and Theo?" There is noise. I'm sure
everyone heard her.
I'm tired of this child. Life has been going just greatwithout
her.
Nomusa's weight is nothing. I push her to the sidegoing to
Zama and soon I have her but her top.
I hit her against the wal
"I'm tired of your behavior wena! !" I say hitting her
against the wal .
I swear to God, if there's one thing I need in my liferight
now is to kil this child and if it takes me back to prison
then so be it.

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 Nomusa is grabbing me. There are noises comingin.
People are stopping us.

Zama is just the she devil, I'm questioning my selfwhy

hadn't I kil ed her when I had the time.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY TWO

Lord, I promise you. If you are out there watching me

then help me overcome this shit because I can't
anymore..

Nomusa walks to me and hands a cup of tea to me"I

swear to God, I wil kil that child.." I say to her.
She sits down with me

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 "She's not worth it.." she says
"I'm tired of her Nomusa. I thought she had burnedin hel
kanti why the fuck did she come back from that hel
hole?'' She laughs.
I'm serious, I'm angry.
Yes, I kil ed her father. I don't regret it, but I cannotbe
reminded of that each and every time I see her.
I've paid for my sins, I'm trying by al means to fixmy
mistakes but do I have to be reminded day in, day out?

"Don't let her get to you.. You already have a lot inyour
plate, and she shouldn't be one of your problems." She
says
Sigh
"I think you should drive back home, I'l be fine and
besides I'l be coming back first thing tomor ow morning."
Shes says. I think its a good idea as wel ...but I real y hate
the fact that I have to leave her oneto deal with this
people.

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 I'm just glad its over, the cleansing ceremony has been
done and now she can come back home. Theonly thing
that wil keep her linked to this family wilbe the kids
only, nothing else.
"Cal me once they start al their shit" shs laughs
"Zama has gone back to her hel hole, so I don't think
there'l be anyone to do anything to me" shesays
I nod
"J ust be safe Liyana and please, cal Nathi to checkhow
he is doing.. "

Nathi. Deep sigh, I don't even know where I'l start.

She accompanies me to her carand helps me loadmy
bag and the kids bags, she'l be coming back
home with the kids.

She waves me goodbye as I drive out. I hope,

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 there'l be no police on the way because I haven't even
thought of getting my self a drivers licence. That has
been the least of my problems. I have been going
through some rough shit to even focuson important
things.

I'm glad people managed to stop me from kil ing

Zama, because honestly I cannot go to jail right
now...

I think of Nathi as I'm driving to McDonald's to get something

to eat, I couldn't even eat back at Theo'shome.
I find my self reaching fora cel phone and dialinghis
numbers.

It rings til it goes straight to voice-mail.. I dial again,it

rings again
"Hel o?" Its a female's voice.
I feel something moving from my tummy up my

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 throat.
Isn't he supposed to be doing the funeralar
angements for Matshidiso?
"Yebo?" The woman repeats againI've
been silent.
I don't know what to say. What if its his girlfriend? I
cannot afford to get in trouble with any woman in my life
right now.
It's the last thing I need, I've been through this. I'velearned the
hard way.
I hang up.

I don't know what to do, I find my self parked on the side

of the road and closing my eyes. I have lost myappetite.

I feel like a lost soul right now, one moment I don'tcare

about Nathi, the next I act like a jealous girlfriend. I wipe
the tears and starts the ignition

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 and drive home.

There is a carparked outside as I drive in, its

Zama's car.
Sigh, Lord, I feel like this is some test.

I dial Nomusa's numbers before I could go inside, Ihave

to let her know before I do something I know al of us
won't like
"Liyana.." she answers "Zama
is home" I tel her
"What? What is she doing there?" She asks
"I don't know, I'm stil inside you car" I hear her
heave a sigh
"Okay, let me cal a cab and come there" she says .
"No, I wil be fine, I promise I won't do anything I'lregret" I
promise her
She hangs up.

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 I try to calm my self and act matured as I walkinside
the house.
She is sitting on a couch, enjoying some series, with a
bottle of wine and some snacks on the side.
"What are you doing here?" Its the first question.
She turns to look at me, then back at the TV and
lower the volume
"What do you mean, what am I doing here? Lasttime I
checked this was my home, my father's house" she
says.
Sigh
"Zama you moved out, you cannot come here asyou
please!" I tel her
"Wel , I have decided to move back Liyana." Shesays.

Lord, where did we go wrong with this child because

honestly I need al the strength in the world

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 to deal with her attitude.
I'm growing tired of Zama, I don't know what to do.This
child is on the verge of sending me back to prison.

Mama, I'm halfway to finishing my parole, don't let this

child test me to a point of sending me back toprison.

I heave a sigh as I turn to go to the kitchen, I need to

prepare something to eat
"I'm shocked you haven't gone to Kwa Mashu to
support the love of your life. Or yini you can't go
because udliwa unyembeza?" She asks
I turn back to her
"I can take al the disrespect from you but if there'sone
thing that's going to make me whip your ass isyou tel ing
me about my lovelife, which has total ynothing to do
with you! "
She places the glass back on the table then stands

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 up and walks to me.

She comes face to face with me

''It total y has everything to do with me Liyana! You took
uNathi away from me" she says, I can she the tears
forming in her eyes, her voice breaks
I burst in laughter
"Took him away from you Kanjani Zama, can you
foronce fil me in on what happened between youand
him? And stop singing the 'you took him from me' song!
Yini has he once ever told you he loves you? Or nawe
did he drive from where ever he is toyou everttime you
cal ed crying? Oh or has he evertold you he'd leave
uMatshidiso for you? Tel
me! ! ! What-"
She covers her ears with both her hands and starts
screaming
"Stop! ! ! Stop! ! !" She screams
I stop, I stand there and just watch herShe
starts pacing around while in tears.

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 "He said he cared for me and treated me as his own
young sister, I was just a confused teenager" she says
with tears.
"Liyana he gave me the wrong impressions. I loved that
men, he knew exactly that. I told him I was matured
enough, I was 23 Liyana. I knew how to have sex,
sometimes I broke some rules to make money because
Nomusa didn't care. I sometimes had to make money for
my tuition fee. When he offered to pay it in ful so I could
stop living the life Iwas living because 'I was young' as he
said, I thought he didn't do it because he saw me as his
young sister orthe helpless girl he almost hit with a
carbut I thought he did it because he felt the same way I
did with him. Liyana I'm grown now, I had been waiting
forthat man. You came and took him away from me! !"
She starts sobbing.
I don't know what to do, part of me feels for her andwants
to go to her and hug her but part of me knows that this is
Zama, the same child that wantsto see me rot in jail.

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 The doorbursts open, Nomusa walks in. I had expected
her to come with the kids but she is alone.
She goes straight to Zama's bedroom and comes back
with her luggage and throws it out the door and comes
and grabs Zama with her clothes
"Phuma Zama! Phuma la ekhaya. Hamba! ! Go back
to the hel hole you have been in! " She says dragging
her out.
Zama is not fighting, she's just sobbing.
I feel for her
"I don't ever want to see you anywhere near this house
or my kids or I swear Zama, I wil make sureyou join
Theo! !"

To be continued

Don't be left behind. Get yourself a copy of sacredsins

pdf
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

Sehranmagzine.com
 FORTY THREE

#Not edited

They are final y laying Matshidiso to rest.

It is a sad moment. Two families don't get along butthey
have to hold hands forthe sake of their daughter. They
want too lay her to rest in a happy place.

There is a church band. There are cries, its a painfuldeath.

Her friends and family drove from different places to
Durban. Ĺ
Nkosinathi is just standing there, forthe first time inhis
life, he feels the emptiness..

Yes, he didn't love her but he cared for her. He spend

10 years mar ied to her, she wont He won't

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 see her anymore. He wil miss her laughter, howloud
she was when she was tipsy on wine.
The strong fairy woman she was, that woman whowas
protective over him..
He can feel the tears burning. He doesn't want tocry,
he is trying to keep everything to himself.

"I love you..I love you with al of me Nathi" he

remembers her words
"Matshido you don't love me, you love being withme.
You love the lifestyle I'm giving to you.."
Tears burned her eyes. He started feeling bad about it.
He hated that he had to make her cry, buthe couldn't
hide it.
"Mtungwa why do you enjoy hurting me thismuch?"
Matshidiso asked
He kept quiet
"That girl is a child, it hurts me that you want tochoose
her over me right now.." Tshidi says

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 "I wil never choose that child over anyone. I was just
helping her. I don't know which part don't youget when
I tel you that I see her as my young sister.." he said
"You don't" Nathi stands up
"I have a meeting to attend" Tshidi quickly standsup
and rush to get his car keys
"You are going too her! "
Nathi closed his eyes in frustration
"Matshidiso i have companies to run, and the onlything
you're thinking of right now is me going to Zama?"
He can't believe her
"Nathi if you walk out of that door, I swear to God,she
wil suffer the consequences! !" She's dead serious...

..
A hand on his shoulder brings him back to reality.

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 They've said a prayer people are dispersing.
He walks away, Luthando walks to him and joinshim
"Bafo.." they shoulder bump. He has been here
since a fewdays ago.
"Bafo" Nathi says
"Unjani?"
"Haiy kuthwa indoda ayikhali bafo. But it hurts. It
hurts that she died with my child." He says. He know it
sounds as he only cares about his child than the
mother. As bitter as it may sound, that istrue. He
wanted nothing to do with Matshidiso anymore.

She went too far when she hurt the woman he loved,
speaking of Her, she cal ed last night.
It hurt Nathi that she isn't here, al he needs is the
emotional support from her but it feels as though they
are drifting apart. Liyana has to understand where he is
coming from. He can't just forgive and

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 forget just like that, its not easy.
He has been trying forthe past 20 years but it hasn't
been easy. Infact, evetytime he thinks of hisMother, there
is this darkness that always cloudshis mind.
"Liyana has booked in some hotel not farfrom here,but
she did say she wouldn't come to the funeral.."
Nathi says
"But atleast she's here, thats something" Luthandosaid
"She's distant though." Nathi says.
They are now leaning against Luthando's car.

The catering people are busy serving the guests.

Dineo has been crying. She's some where on thehouse
with some of her aunts.

Its funny how her uncles and aunts came runningwhen

Dineo requested forthem to bring a fight to

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 the Ndlovu household. Where were they al along?The
two sisters have been alone with no support from their
family but just because today they havebeen asked to
come and milk money from the Ndlovu's they came
running.

"I love Liyana bafo. I love her with al my heart but Ifeel
as though there's that one thing thats lacking. Ineed a
woman, a woman who wil be here with me.
A woman who wil offeran earso I can talk, one
who'l help me open up to her"
"She has been in prison half of her life Bafo. She isstil
trying to get used to the normal life. I know theprison life,
its not easy to live but once you learn tolive it and get
used to it, there is no coming back from it." Luthando says
"She asked to come here and help with a fewthings
afterthe funeral.." he chuckles
"I know she came here because Nomusa forced herto.
That woman is something else" they both chuckle

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 "Reminds me of Boitumelo.." Luthando says.

Seems as though both this men get along becauseof the

same pain they've been through. But Luthando is a happy
man now, he is mar ied to thewoman he loves.
"So don't blame her Bafo, and forthe fact that she al
owed her self to fal in love with a man after spending
so many years in prison, shows that she'strying to adjust
to the normal life. Give it some time,she wil get there.."
Luthando continues

Silence
"Have you thought of going to support your motherin
court?" Luthando asks
"No."
"I think you should Bafo"
"I wil , i won't be going there to give her support but
Liyana. She's fond of her"

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 "Its true that we live in a smal world." Luthandosays
"I've forgiven Christina for leaving my wife to the hands
of a monster. I've forgiven her foral the shit Boitumelo
has been through and Boitumelo forgaveher too. She
didn't forget, but she forgave her. She opened her heart
for her mother and today we are grateful she died a
happy woman, bafo fix things with your mother before its
too late.." Luthando says to him

..

#Liyana

Cor uption wil always be cor uption in our country,just

a few hundred rands helped me dodge my parole
officer.

I'm here, as much as I don’t feel good about it but

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 I'm here.
Matshidiso's funeral was live on u Tube, I booked ina
nearby hotel. Forthe first time in my life I was in a
plane...
My phone rings, the boredom here is on another
level.
"Nana.." its Nomusa "Ngizokshaya
wena.." she laughs
"How are you? How is everything going that side?"
"I have been locked in the hotel room, il go see
Nathi later.."
"I'm glad you managed to go, it wil make a
difference.." she sigh
"I've watched her funeral service as wel . It wassad."
Yes, I hated but I stil have a heart in me.
"Eish.."
"I didn't get to see Nathi though, I feel like the videoman
didn't want us to see him."

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 She laughs
"You wil see him nje?"I laugh"I
wil .. ''
"I wanted to check up on you, let me get back to
work.."
"Didn't Zama come back to give you problems?" Iask
She heaves a sigh
"That one. No, she didn't but anything is possible with her.
Right now, I'm just waiting forthe police tocome and ar
est me because if there is one thing forsure I know is she
wouldn't mind going to the police station to tel them i
beat her" I know forsurethat there is something wrong
with that child.

It's starting to disturb me, no sane people would do

everything that Zama does, she has even went as far,
moving out of home.
I feel as though its no longer the hatred she has towards
me but its something deep, something we

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 aren't paying attention to.
"Do you think she is sane?" I ask
"Kahle nje. She is just a blacksheep. And we'l also
treat her as one."
Sigh
"Don't stress over her, we have enough problemson
our plate right now. Let me get back to work."She
says and hangs up.

Sigh.

To be continued

Typed this yesterday, was lazy to finish it up. Its abit short
I know.
This is my appreciation to you.

The PDF sale is stil on, for R50. It's almost

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 complete.
Capitec Bank
1506168319 Ms T Phaladi
You can send proof of payment on my whatsapp
numbers 0769162973
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY FOUR

"I'm outside.." a text comes through on my phone.Its

Nkosinathi, I thought he would come inside.
I'm suddenly nervous, I have changed into a
comfortable dress and slippers..

He is inside his car, he doesn't walk out of it like heis

used to. He seems tired, this might have been thelongest
day he's ever had in his life. I mean he justburied his
wife. As much as I hated her, I feel sad

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 for him. I feel he doesn't deserve the pain he isgoing
through. Its in his eyes..

"Sawubona.." its the first thing he says before hestarts

the car.

There is no happy moment today, I didn't expect itnow

though. There is a lot going on. I cannot just expect this
man to welcome him with a passionatekiss like he
always does.
But I'm happy he is here, al I yearned for was to seehim.

"Hi.." then silence.

Then drives away. Forthe first time ever since I metthis
guy, I feel scared to say anything. The silence isheavy
though, but I can't say anything. He scares me.
"Have you had anything to eat?" He asks, closingthe
heavy silence.

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 We are listening to maskandi music, as much as I don't
love it. I'm glad its making things less heavy forboth of
us
"Yes, I ordered back at the bnb'' I say
"Usuthi?" He asks. I find it funny but I don't want to
laugh
"Yebo."
"And you didn't leave some for me?"
"Haibo Nkosinathi, you didn't even come inside nje?"
"Angisho you should have brought the food for me."
Sigh
"I need us to go fora walk then.." he says, his voiceis
strained.
Silence
"We'l park the carat the mal ." He says.He
is off today..
..
He soon parks. I don't wait for him to say anything,

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 I open the doorand walk out. He does the same.The
walk is silent at first.

No man, I don't like this from him. I want him to talkto

me, to open up to me. I know I'm very bad at this
girlfriending thing but I can try. I'm wil ing to lend anear,
he always does. I need to soothe him oreven hold him
and tel him everything wil be fine.
"I just wanted to go out and get some fresh air.." hesays
to me.

I turn to look at him, his hand is inside his pocket.He is

wearing a formal pant and a vest.
"Why?" I ask
"Things have been heavy and tense between the two
families." I study his taut features, he seems truly
distressed.
"Why? Because they blame you for her death?" I ask"Yes,
its al Dineo's fault" ah that one.

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 I total y had forgotten that she is stil alive.
I suddenly feel uneasy while talking about her.

"But its fine, I'm just glad we buried her and there's a few
more other things left to do then we could move on." He
says
"But how are you?"
"Ngi right. It was bound to happen. I would have kil ed
her anyway, I just spared her life because ofthe child
she was car ying.." he says.
Its dry. There is no emotion.

It hits me that this man lost two kids in a space ofthree

months. He has to be like this, it is expected.
"Ucabangani?" I didn't realise I was too lost in
thoughts
"Ukuthi how do you feel? You lost two kids Nathi.."he
chuckles
"You do have a busy brain.." he says

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 "Aren't you hungry?" This man.
Al I need us for him to purge some of the pain fromhis
soul. Its eating him, I can tel .
"No."

We are back at his car, we both lean against it. Ireal y

shouldn't have stopped smoking, this moment right
now needs a ciggerate
"I need a smoke." My mouth decides to betray me.

He turns to look at me
"I thought you stopped smoking."he says, he is dead
serious.
I don't even know why I actual y thought of
smoking.
"I never told you that I stopped smoking."
"I haven't seen you smoke in a while and besideyou
should stop smoking. It's not good for yoou"

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 Oh dad.

The power this man holds over me sometimes

scares me,
"I went to see Dragon." I say to him out of the blue.I'm
hoping it doesn't upset him.
He keeps quiet
"She is stil shocked how smal the world we live inis." I
won't stop, I'm not trying to manipulate him into anything
but I won't stop.

"Is funny how she kept on saying she wants me to get

mar ied to his son when I leave the prison and I'd
always laugh about it."I say
"I'm just glad she didn't mistreat you" he says

"She has always been good to me Nathi."

"And she wasn't to me.." I turn to him,I want to face him,
with my whole body close to him.

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 I want to apologize.

"I love Dragon, I'l always do. Don't me wrong Nathi,that

woman played a big role in my life. And on theother
side, I want to be here with you, I don't want to choose
between the two of you. Al I'm asking is for you not to
make me choose" I say. I know i don'tmake sense but I'm
hoping he is getting what I'm trying to say.

"I won't make you chose Liyana, the same way I want
you not to force me to forgive her oranything.I have cut
that woman out of my life, completely and the last thing
I need is her back in my life." Hesays.
It hurts that he had to say that.

He presses tender kiss against my forehead.

"I hate it when we fight. Liyana I'm here, I'l go with
you to support her but I'm not doing it for her, I'm

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 offering support to you.. "he rumbles, his arms
tightening around me to pul me closer to his
warmth.
I always feel so tiny in his embrace.

"I'm sor y." I say

"Its okay, you had to share what you feel with me."
He says
"I'm not forcing you to forgive her, I won't force youto
forgive her. She was a mother to me and a monster to
you. I honestly shouldn't have expectedyou to forgive her
based on the treatment she gave me while in prison.." I
say to him
"Its okay sthandwa sam" he says.This
man makes me happy.

"So. I'm going back to J ohannesburg tomor ow?" He

raises an eyebrow
"Haibo. I thought you were spending a month nami

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 lana" I can't help it but laugh.
"No Nathi. I'm going to court on Monday" I say tohim
"We can fly to J oburg on Monday morning and come
back together.." he just enjoys tempting me.

To be continued

Good morning, I received messages from people

wanting to know how the check up went, thank youvery
much. It went pretty wel , I came back the same day.

Things have just been bad forthe past three days,the

looting and al . Police are al over the place.
Searching our houses and everything so i couldn'tpost.

We are on 22 buyers. The pdf sale is stil on R50.

Sehranmagzine.com
 Capitec Bank 1506168319
Ms T Phaladi
You can whatsapp the proof of payment so I can save
your numbers for when I start distributing it.

HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY FIVE.

A cal comes through on Nathi's phone as we are stil

parked. He looks at it, its one of his uncles he says.
One can already tel how much this man here hates his
family, but I understand. I understand him betterthan
anyone else.
My young sister were left alone to care for themselves
while our aunts and uncles didn't dareto care.

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 Al they know is being here when things are goodand
money is involved, nothing else.

"Answer your phone.." I say to him.

He looks real y annoyed. He has to answer this phone.
The last thing I need is his family members,doing as they
please at his home because he was no where to be
found.

"Can't a person get some fresh air kancane nje?" "It

might be important Nkosinathi.." I don't usual y
cal him by his ful name. Yes, I hate that they cal edto
disturb our peace, his peace but he has to answer
"I'l cal them back."
Sigh.
This man, sounds like a 24years old right now.

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 "Take me back to the BNB" he looks at me
"Siyalwa Manje?"
It looks like this man has forgotten the reason why we are
here. He just buried his wife today, he is herewith me. He
needs to go back to his family. For me, it feels like its stil
a bit early for him to be going outwith me like this.

Uh uh, don't give me that look. I'm here to offera shoulder.

Not to be busy travel ibg around KZN withhim...
"We are not. There might be a reason why your
uncles keeps on cal ing you like this Nathi. You
cannot ignore them like that.." he heaves a sigh.

It rings again
"Yebo." He answers them listenes.
"Who?" Silence
"Okay, I'm on my way.." he says then hangs up

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 "We are going to my home.." he says opening the
doorfor me.
I don't want to go to his home. I can't go there.
But he is in a hur y, he lets me get inside and goes to
his side.

I can tel something big has happened back at hishome.

The thing about this one is he would never open up to
me no matter how much I try.
"Nathi you have to take me to the-"
"Liyana aume kancane! I'l take you back afterthemess
that's at my home." He says.
I've never seen him like this, I'm even scared to tel him
not to shout at me, no one has ever done that.
"But I-"
"Yey Liyana! !"
''Nkosinathi don't shout at me!" I tel him.
"I'm not can you just keep quiet, I'm trying here tokeep
calm but you are making it hard for me." He

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 says
"Its because you are not tel ing me what the fuck isgoing
on! Mina I have to keep quiet and drive with you to
your home when you just buried your wife? Your wife's
family could be there for heaven's sake! " I shout back
at him
"Whats going on Nkosinathi?" He keeps quiet and
continues driving. He is scaring the shit out of me.He is
driving like a maniac. I hate this from him. I hate that he
always needs my submission, my
qil ing to sur ender but he doesn't return that. Thedevotion I
often give.

Fighting him would get me no where. He isn't rational

at the moment. He is angry. I can see it inthe wildness
of his eyes.

Dear Lord, I'm not ready to die, there was a time when
I wanted to. Life was hard, I had nothing butnow I have
everything. A loving sister and a lovingboyfriend. I
don't want to die. Not now.

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 "Nathi don't kil us.." I'm pleading with him now.
I decide to keep quiet. Right now I want to cal
Nomusa...
He parks inside the yard, its very big. There is a bighouse and
tents to show there was a funeral.
People are stil around. Matshidiso's car is parked outside
as wel , I'm wondering who decided to drivethe carto
her funeral..
He opens the carbion and takes out a...
Woah, a gun?
"Nathi what's going on?" My fear rises.He
gets out of the car.

I'm confused as to whether I should sit in here andhope

everything wil be fine, its nothing big or maybe fol ow
him.

There is noise, I can hear it from the car. As muchas I

know its dump I find my self opening the door

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 and walking out of the carand fol owing him to the
house..

Shit...
I shouldn't have, Dineo is here.
Nathi is pointing a gun to some other woman. My heart
almost drops, she is beautiful, she looks likeshe is in her
Mid- sixties.
"Ufunani lana?! !" He is shouting, he is pointing thegun
at this woman.
She is just seated, people are begging for her.
"Mtungwa.." I hear one of the aunts says "Voetsak!
! What does she want here?"
"Mtungwa can we talk as adults.." the womanpleads.
"What adults? You come back after years and you want
to speak as adults?" He turns and Looks at hisuncle
"Why the fuck did you let her in here? Didn't you say

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 she left and didn't want anything to do with us
anymore? You fucked left me at 3 years and nowyou
want to come back and claim, you had to behere for
me because I lost my wife?"
Oh I get it now.
I want to cover my mouth in shock.
"Mtungwa, don't shout at your mother.."
"Yey! ! My mother is in prison wena! What mother?"
Silence
"Phuma sisi!" He shouts "Mtungwa.."
he chokes the gun.There's screams.
I quickly rush to him..
"Nathi don't do what you wil regret later.." I say tohim.
"Liyana go back in the car.." he says to me.
"No, you are coming with me.." I say..
He listens to me because he lowers his gun

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 "I don't want to find you here, mangibuya." He says.
And I turn and walk out. Dineo is standing outside,our
eyes meet.
"Li-"
"Fokof wena!" Nathi to her. I fol ow him.

Lord

To be continued

Its a bit short.

HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY SIX

He drives in silence. I need him to calm down

before I could say anything to him. He parks outside.I sit
stil . If he is not coming with me inside then I'm

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 not going anywhere.

I wil not let him go back to his home in this state.

I'd rather spend hours with him seated like this thango
inside and let him go like this knowing very wel he might
do what he might regret later on.

I stil need him

"Nathi.." he keeps quiet.
The silence is now heavy between us. I want him totalk to
me.
"Babe you don't get angry to a point you take yourgun
and point it at people.." I say to him.

I make sure to sound as calm as possible. We havea gun

in here. I know he would never want to hurtme, but I'm
saying doing this forsafety. Or maybe he would, I have
never seen him on such black mood. It's al new to me.
The only person I had to

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 ever calm down when they were angry was Dragon, no
one else. I don't know what to do
"If you are angry, rather go out and calm yourself
down then come back calm" I say. I hope I make
sense.

"I have asked a lot of times where my mother was Liyana,

al those that claimed to be my family looked me in the
eyes and told me she wanted nothing to do with us. I
believed that and today theyhad to go dig the hole she
was in and bring her in my life?"

Silence
"I cried mercy in the hands of another woman Liyana, I
wanted my mother. If she didn't leave me than Dragon
wouldn't have messed my life like that.Maybe my own
mother would have protected me but she failed. I don't
need her anymore" he says
I understand him

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 "It hurts Liyana. It hurts so bad.." he says bringinghis
hands to his face. I've never seen him like this.

"I understand baby. You have every right to beangry

but not like this.."

He sighs, a long sigh of painful release. I want to touch

him or maybe hold him. He hasn't raised hiseyes back
to me. His face is stil covered with his arms.
"I know its a lot for you to handle right now. Burying
Matshidiso, dealing with me and Dragon this your mot-"

"She is not my mother!" he growls.

I keep quiet
"She left Liyana, and now that I'm so fucken grownup
she wants to come back just like that?" Silence

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 Heavy silence fal s between us
"Dragon was a bad mother to me, but atleast, once was a
good. I've seen the good side of her. She raised me. She is
my mother. The woman that cameto my home is not. I
don't know her and I want it to stay that way.." silence.

"What do I do in times like this Liyana?" Its painful.I'm

sad for him. I feel his pain
He balances his face on the statring wheel and
groans silently.
I know he is crying. I've never seen a man cry. Partof me
want to let him cry and part of me what me tohold him
"Its going to be fine.." I say to him
I honestly don't know how to comfort him.

"When?... I.. I have two women in my life right now,

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 they are both begging forforgiveness. Who do I forgive?
Why..why.." he stutters. He is crying so bad
I bring my hand to his back moving very close to him,
the cardoesn't make things any easier for mebut I
eventual y get closer to him

I want to al ow him to give me his tears wil ingly. I'm

hoping shedding them could help him ease some of the
pain he kept locked inside.

...
Zama

She's back at Theo's house. This family treats her like

one of their own. They never closed doors for her when
she came begging fora place to stay.

She hates Liyana with al her guts and as always

Nomusa is showing her true colors of how much

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 she hates her.

Few years ago, when Liyana was stil in prison, Nomusa

used to treat her badly. It sometimes felt as though she
blamed Zama forthe responsibilitiesleft to her by her
parents. Its the reason why she hates Liyana, hadn't she
kil ed her father then boththeir parents would stil be
alive and maybe they would be living a happy life.
"Ma, do you need me to prepare you anything beforeI
leave?" She is going to work
Theo's mother shakes her head no.
The poor woman is stil in pain, she has lost heronly
son and now Nomusa has taken her grandchildren
away from her. Its making thingseven worse
"J ust come and sit down with me so we can talk.."this
woman has a heart of Gold. She has found a mother in
her.

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 She walks back to the sofa and sits down with her
"I think its time you go and talk to your sisters nana"
Theo's mother says
This is what Zama doesn't want to talk about. Shehates it.
"Ma.."
"Fix things with your sisters Zama, how long wil you
be here with me? Angry at your sisters?" Thewoman
asks her
She keeps quiet
"They are not bad. Nomusa has been with my son
foralmost 10 years. She held on to him even through
thick and thin. I know she has a good heart.I don't know
much about your older sister as wel but I've seen her.
I've seen how good she is with Nomusa."
"You don't know them ma" Zama says The
woman keeps quiet and listens to her
"Liyana is Satan herself. She is evil and its sad shehas
passed that to Nomusa. They are murderers!"

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 She says
"Thats a big word Zama.." Theo's mother has always
been calm. She doesn't like shouting. Shehas this
sweet voice.
"Because they are. We do not need to sugar coat
anything ma. They kil ed Theo you know it.." Theo's
mother closes her eyes in frustration.

She can feel it that her high blood pressure is aboutto go

high. She doesn't need this anymore. She is stil trying to
live with the fact that her son died a painful death and
doesn't need to be reminded. Shedoesn't know who or
what kil ed her son. She has left it al in God's hands. His
wil has been done andwil always be done.

"I know they did. I can not go back home.." Zama says.
Theo's mother's eyes are stil closed, she canfeel her wal s
closing up on her.
She's had enough stress and the last thing she'd

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 hate right now is Nomusa hating her even more for
keeping Zama here.

"Zama you have to go." She says.

Zama doesn't believe her ears. Is this woman chasing
her away? The very same woman she'dbeen here with
since the passing of her son andnursed her?
Is this how she thanks her
"Ngihambe?" She asks. Its silent. She has no whereto go,
she cannot go back to those two monsters
"Yebo Zama. I'm not chasing you away but I want you to
fix things with both of them then come backhere and live
with me in peace. The last thing I needis something
happening to you and I would not know what I would do.
Hamba so your sisters can open their hearts and let you
live in happiness." Shesays.
This woman must be kidding.

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 She stands up and takes her laptop bag and walks to the
kitchen. She feels lost. She cannot go home. This is her
home. She starts crying. She wants to goto work but
there's something that makes that darkplace in her heart
opens up..
...
Plates shutter, cups. Broken glasses. The lost little girl is
here, she has taken over. She is not okay. Shesees blood
on the floor.
She hears her mother tel them
"Liyana wil always have a special place in my heart.She
came through. She fought and most of al she, sacrificed
everything for me.." its her mother's voice.
More plates break

"I wish Liyana was here. She would help but I'm leftto
deal with you Zama. I'm left to mother you and I have
kids. I tried making you a betterperson but you have
failed me. I can't.." Its Nomusa's voice
She's looking fora knife she wants to stab herself,

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 nothing makes sense to her, it never did

"I'm sor y I gave you the wrong impression, al I

wanted was to be a big brother to you never did I think
that offering a helping hand would make it seem as
though I want to pursue a relationship oranything with
you. I see you as my young sister.'' Nathi's words.

"You won't break my mar iage, I wil make sure you

regret the day you decided to open those legs for my
husband. I wil make sure you hate every man that comes
your way" Matshidiso's words.

"You feel like this life revolves around you and you
fucken have no idea what I went through to protectyou
from the very same person you're claiming I robbed you
the chance of being loved by! ! Sis, youwouldn't be this
woman you are today if I hadn't
kil ed him. And you know what if I had the chance tokil
him again and again and again, I would just so

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 you wouldn't grow up in a dysfunctional home like Idid,
broken! ! "

Then Theo's mother. And more and more.. the voices are
loud in her head. She screams. She sitson the hard flood
covering her ears and screams.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY SEVEN

Theo's mother has never been this shocked in her whole

entire life. She new something was wrong with this child
but she never knew it could this deep.
The neighbour's came, they managed to hold herand
tie her. An ambulance was also cal ed.

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 The mother mother didn't know what to do, Zama
scared her very much. Her kitchen is a mess rightnow.

Her driver drove her to the hospital fol owing the

ambulance.
She tries to cal Nomusa but it keeps o. Ringing
unanswered and she final y cal s back aftera few
moments
"Ma.." She says
"Musa.." she doesn't sound okay.

Their relationship hasn't been the same since Theo died.

Nomusa has changed to someone she doesn'trecognize at
al , but she sometimes understands her. The poorchild
has been there even when Theo had a gambling problem.
When he changed to someone they al didn't know and
became violent tothe poorchild. She has been there,
Theo's mother forced her into being there. She made sure
to

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 emotional y blackmail her to stay with him. And
sometimes she understands that she couldn't wait
forsomething to happen to Theo so she could cut al ties
with her family.
"Zama had an episode.." Theo's mother tel s her.

Nomusa knows her sister very wel , she knows howful of

drama she is and she doesn't want anything to do with her
anymore.
"What episode?" She asks.
"She broke everything in my kitchen" she says.
"Oh.." Nomusa says.
Theo's mother feels as though she is not taking herany
serious
"Nomusa I'm saying Zama had an episode, she broke
everything breakable in my kitchen. She wasscreaming
and covering her ears and al you say is"oh"
"Haibo! Nayi imihlola yam. You took her in your house
mos? You knew how she is and you stil went

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 on to bring her in your house and now you cal and tel
me this? Ufuna ndithini? Should I leave my kidsand
come running to your house because your so cal ed
Zama had an episode?" She asks. Nomusa has lost al the
respect she had forthis woman.

She doesn't need her anymore. Inkinga abatwana. They

have to have a relationship with their paternal
grandmother. Ukuya ngaye she would cut al ties with this
woman.

Her son is gone, he is not here to force her to take her

kids to his mother's house and deny her access to them.
She is fine now. Had this woman been a mother, she
would have asked her son to al owtheirmother to see
them.

Theo's mother laughs bitterly

"I understand why this child hates you this much.You
failed to mother her" Theo's mother says.

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 "Can I spend time with my children in peace?" Sheasks.
Theo's mother hangs up. She is fumming. Nomusaa she
devil. Who does this to their own blood?

..

#Liyana

He has been sleeping on my BNB bed. I'm wor iedabout

him and at the same time happy that he
final y opened up to me. It makes me happy that he
showed me his vulnerable said. This deep emotions.

Its getting late, I know he should go home but I

ordered him food.
My phone rang as I sat in silence. I don't want towake
him up..

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 Its Shanel 's phone that's cal ing me, the prison
warder.
"Shanel ?"
"Nana.. Its me.." oh my God..
My day final y brightens up at her voice..
"Ma.." I say
"Unajni? I asked Shanel to bor ow me her phone tocal
you." She says.
Its expected with this warders, I'm pretty sure shepaid
a lot of money forthis
"I should be asking you that question." I say
"I'm getting there. J ust happy that I'm out of solitary" she
says. I'm also happy she's out of thatdark place.
"I'm in Durban.." I say to her
"You went to bury Matshidiso?" She asks
"No.. I'm here for Nathi. I didn't go to the funeral butI did
go to his home.." I say to her

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 "Thank you Liyana.." she says to me "But
something happened.." I say to her"What
happened?"
"Some woman came."
"What woman?'' How do I tel her
"His biological" I tel her
Shs chuckles. I hate this chuckle
"She final y decided to come back from the hole shewas
in? Uthi where the fuck was she al along?" She's getting
angry.
I have no answers for her questions at al . I don'tknow
what to say
"She left, why come back now?" What do I say
"I hope Nkosinathi pul ed a trigger pul ed a trigger on
her forehead" This woman is a female version ofNathi.
I want to laugh because I now get it where this manlearned al
this

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 "Ma-"
"No, Liyana. Who leaves a three year old son? Thencome
back after years and pretend to be a good mother? Yes, I
failed taking the step but I want no bitch to take an
advantage of my son's vulnerabilityright now. She new he
is not doing good right now and she came back to take an
advantage of that.."

Sigh
"Where the fuck where those snakes he cal s his uncles? I
know they were there holding the woman'shand and
forcing him to talk to her" its like she was there. She says
it as though she was there
"He broke down" I say
"He had to, they enjoy har asing my son!" She says,she
is fuming
"Ma, what's real y going on?"
"My time is up, I'l cal you again. Please don't let him
go through his pain alone.." she says before she
hangs.

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 I heave a sigh and close my eyes.
She's handed me difficult duties. Don't get me wrong, I
love Nathi with al my heart and I have never shared this
kind of intimacy with anyone, andit feels so good to be
connected. It makes me ache for more. But being there
foranother human being has never been in me. This is al
new to me..

"Dragon left you in thoughts?"J

esus! !
"Nkosinathi you wil give me a heart attack." He chuckles
and comes and sits with me on the couch.I didn't hear him
wake from the bed.
I suddenly feel embar assed cause I think he heardI was
gossiping about him, worse part with the woman he hates
"How did you sleep?" He shrugged. He lifts my feetto his
thighs and starts massaging them.
"Peaceful. I've never had such peaceful sleep indays"
he says. It makes me happy.

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 "Should I make you food?" She shakes his head.
"You shouldn't have told your mother everything that
went down back at home you know?" He says. Isuddenly
can't look at him. I'm ashamed. I couldn't keep it to my
self.
"I'm sor y." I have to apologize
"And I'm sor y forearlier on" he says.
"No, you don't have to apologize for letting me seeinside
your tormented soul Nathi. Infact if there is one thing is
that I'm happy you dropped so many bar iers between us
and let me see into your soul" Isays.
"You enjoyed seeing me cry?" He jokes, we both
laugh.
"But on a serious note sthandwa sam, Thank you
forbeing here" he says
"Its my duty right?" I sayHe
nods
"I love you uyezwa?" He says .

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 "I love you nami ." I say
Forthe first time In my life, I trust a man to take care of
me. He is mine and I would never let him go.

To be continued.

Good morning.

We need 21 more people to purchase Sacred sinspdf

then we are good to go.

The PDF is R50

Whatsapp number: 0769162973, its also linked tothe
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Capitec Bank 1506168319

Ms T Phaladi

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 I'l be available to share it on email to those whohave
no whatsapp.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FORTY EIGHT

It has been two days since they have been feeding her pil
s and injection. She feels as though they aremaking her
insane.

She doesn't love people around here, she doesn'tfeel

like one of them, she hates this place. She hates that
people here treat her as if she's also mad..
"Lets go outside.." one of the ladies in her ward says.This is
not a normal hospital. Everything here is not normal, even the
nurses.
Sigh..

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 "No." She says.
She hates that this woman wants to pretend as if she is
her friend. She doesn't need friend, she justwants to
leave this place.
She overhead one of the nurses gossiping that there wil
be a therapist coming in today. She can'twait, maybe if
she promises the therapist money then she would help
her get out of this place.
"Why?"
"Yey! Auphume Kim! !'' She screams. She doesn't feel at
al good. It's the pil that they gave her, its nottreating her
right.

Last night she sat on the bed, cried til she stood up and
decided to break everything breakable close to her.
She feels as though they've thrown her in here tomake
her worse. The pil s are making her
hal ucinate.

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 Yes, she knows. She's been at that point where she'd
cry alone because she wanted this to stop,thinking of
the past and just cry and scream andwant to cut
herself. She's tried praying about it.
She's tried drinking it away. She's tried asking the
ancestors to help her. She's tried everything but coming
here has never been a part of everything she jas tried.
She wrote stories about this places, done her research
and knows very wel that they are bad. Nowshe is the
victim. They are forcing her to take the medication.
Sometimes if she fights, they makeit seem as though she is
mad for real. They make itseem like she's having an
episode.
...

A therapist comes to sew her. She's been seating on this

bed doing nothing. She cannot be forced toso what she
doesn't want to do.
She's been sitting hear, trying to talk to her but she has
been silent. She doesn't want to respond to any

Sehranmagzine.com
 of her questions, she looks scary.
She scares her, forthe first time since she gotinside
here. She is scared of someone, this therapist.
But one question gets to her and makes her want totalk to
her
"Are those cuts on your hands?" The therapist ask
Zama
She looks at them, she remembers them very wel .
When the only thing that made sense to her came toan
end- that was when Nathi gave her the wrong impression
She nods
"Why did you cut yourself?" She asked again."To
end me"
"Why did you want to end you?"
"Nothing made sense in my life anymore.""Tel
me more"

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 "Nomusa hated me. She hated me forthe
responsibilities my parents left to her."
"What makes you say that?""I
just said it." Zama says
"Tel me about your childhood"
"It was okay. Nomusa was there until her baby daddy
started changing on her. She took al her frustrations out
on me. She was a good parent untilshe had to mother her
two kids. I was a rebel ious child back then but I stil
respected her, but it was until she stopped paying my
fees and said she wanted to focus on her children." Zama
says.
The therapist is quiet, listening attentively. The lasttime
she sat down with someone and spoke so freely was with
Nathi. Years ago.
Nomusa has never sat down with her, losten to hercries.
Oreven pat her back when she cried hysterical y in her
bedroom because she wanted everything else to stop.
"Can you help me get out of this place?" She asks

Sehranmagzine.com
 "Yes, that what I'm trying to do"
"No, I mean by helping me escape. I'l pay you good
money. I have money in my bank account. They are
making me sick in here. I'm being honest with you, I'm
okay. They are just making me seem like I'm nota normal
person.." the therapist keeps quiet and looks at her
"Are you going to help me?"
"Yes, but not escaping."
She's losing it. She stands up and rushes to get herby her
throat.
"I want to get out of here! ! !" She is screaming.
The poortherapist is also screaming for help. The
securities are quick to get to her at and hold her back.
She is fighting. The nurses quickly rush to herand inject
something on her arm to make her drowsy. It made her
light and tingly. She closed hereyes, fel in their arms and
it was the end of her..
.

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 #Liyana.

Its al over on the news. I've never been this emotional in

my life. How can journalists do this tous. We've didn't
have it easy. Walking out of the court too.

I'm happy Nkosinathi came through and protected me,

Dineo made sure to also fly to J oburg for Dragon's trial
and cause a riot outside the court, sheneeded justice her
sister.

They were happy when she the judge sentenced her25

years with no possibility of parole.
It broke my heart. I have been silent since we've been in
the car. I'm just glad Nkosinathi hasn't saidanything as
wel . I don't need him sulking right now, I have problems
of my own.

I hate Dineo, with al my heart and she can go rot in

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 hel foral I care, I know she is the reason behind al the
journalists that were at the court.

Nomusa's car is parked outside, I know she is home.I just

came to say hi before we could fly back to Durban.
"Are you coming in with me?" He shakes his headno.
Sigh.
"Its fine." I want to open the doorbut its locked"I'm
as sad as you are" he says to me
"I know." I say to him
"Then don't punish me"
"I'm not" he heaves a sigh and bring his hand on
mine
"Dragon wil be fine in there. Shes been fine for 20years
now and she is going to be fine even now"
"I just don't want her to grow old in that place and maybe die
in that place. This is al because of me. I

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 should have dealt with Matshidiso than lettingDragon
take the fal for me" I say
"It was meant to happen" he says. I keep quiet
"If there is anything I love about Dragon is she canbe a
mother at times, she protects if there is any need for her
to and she became a mother about this" he says.
I get a hint of hope in his voice, hope that he might
forgive his mother soon.
"Lets get inside. You have to say hi to Nomusa""Only
on one condition?"
"Hair air, I don't want your conditions" we both
laugh.
He unlocks the doorand we both walk out.

Nomusa is pacing in the kitchen, its quiet in the

house.
I thought the children would be around
"Where are the kids?" I ask her afterexchanging

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 greetings
"At school" oh. That
"Yini?" I ask her
"Zama has been admitted in a looney bin" she says.
What? Kanti whats going on with that child?
"Nomusa this is deeperthan we thought " I say toher.
She gives Nathi a look. He shrugs
"Nathi, you have to come through on this one"
Nomusa says to him "Come
through what?" I ask
"I can't Nomusa. Let your sister take the healing
journey without confusing her" I'm so lost

To be continued

Zama's journey starts on the pdf. This is just a

continuation.

Sehranmagzine.com
 The PDF is R50
Whatsapp number: 0769162973, its also linked tothe
capitec number. (You can send the proof of payment on
my whatsapp)

Capitec Bank 1506168319

Ms T Phaladi

I'l be available to share it on email to those whohave

no whatsapp.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE.

FORTY NINE

SEASONS FINALE

Its been a month since we buried his wife. As muchas I

expected him to be emotional y drained, he has

Sehranmagzine.com
 been the perfect boyfriend ever.
We came back from Durban two weeks ago, it
wasn't a happy stay but he made sure to nevermake
it feel as though we were there to grieve.

He fetched me today to take me out for lunch. Itshis

birthday, I should be doing something specialfor him
instead its the other way round. And I honestly feel
bad about it.
"I have been thinking.." he says. Its scares the shitout of
me when he starts saying that.
''Thinking of?" I give him a look. He chuckles. He can tel
I'm suddenly nervous. Thats one thing that I love about
this man, it is the fact that he sees whatno body else could
see in me. He sees the world inside of me. He always see
straight into my soul.

"You are always thinking the worst out of me" hesays

with a chuckle..
"You always has this way of scaring me.." its the

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 truth but I can't help but laugh. I'm always expectingsomething
from this guy, that he might just talk of something too serious
ordeep.

Its chil ed today. Its a perfect weather forthe picniche

has planned forboth of us. He is not good in keeping
secrets, he always says it as it is. That I should get ready
and he has booked into some place fora picnic.

I love this man, he is everything I never thought I

would want in a person.
"That we should visit Dragon." He says.
There is a moment of silence between us.

I'm beyond shocked, I don't know where that comesfrom

and I don't need to ask. I'm just shocked and at the same
time happy.

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 "Why?" I didn't want to ask, but I can't help my self.
"She is important to you, you are to me. I just wantyou to
be happy and if you being happy means mending things
with my mother then I'm wil ing todo it" He says to me.
I am happy real y.
I hold his hand
"But is your heart invested in this? I don't-"
"It is. Dragon knows I would never stand the groundshe
walks on and forthe first time I want to visit her." He
says cutting me off

"Thank you fordoing this" I mean itHe

kisses the back of my hand
"I've seen how she looked at you back at the court.The
motherly love she has for you. I know her, I've spent half
of my life with her before dad died andshe was a good
mother. She is capable of being one." He says to me

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 "She love you Nathi, that's one thing I know forsure"
"Yeah. She is my mother." He says
I don't want to ask about his biological mother. I don't
want to push his buttons. We are taking it onestep at a
time. This is the start of the journey i want us to take. I'l
walk with him every step of the way.
I chuckle
"Are we going to my home afterthe lunch?" I'm
testing the waters. He laughs

"You are thinking of sex?" I can't help but laugh. Wehaven't

been intimate since Matshidiso passed on.
"I'm not. I want to give the birthday boy his birthdaygift"
he laughs.
"The gift you can give me is by al owing me to buyyou a
house and moving in with me" he says.
I'm laughing but I can tel he is serious about this.What?

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 This man wants to buy me a house?
I keep quiet
"Your silence is loud" he says
"Nathi.."
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you and ifthat
means waking up next to you every morning then so be
it." He says
"I want a triple story"
"I can get that forthe woman I love with al my
heart" I laugh
"And the woman is me right?'' He laughs.
"The woman is you"

I love this man, the very same man that lets me show him
my scars, and in return live as though hehas none.
My hand has been in his, he presses it against hisgrowing
election

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 "I'm hungry.." he says. I know what he means. Wetried,
we are hungry now. I dont know how long should it
take forthe both of us to respect his wifebut the feel of
his desire for me through his slacksmakes power pulse
through my veins. This is for me.
"I miss you.." he says again, his voice droppingdeeper
with desire.

...

#Zama

"How do you feel today?" She's never felt so better,

atleast today she's never had an episode, maybe its
because she's been trying to live by the fact that she has
no family at al .

Nomusa has never come to see her, it hurts her everyday but
she's learned to live with the fact that

Sehranmagzine.com
 she never loved her at al . She just had to be the
caring sister because of blood.
"I'm okay, I haven't had an episode today." She says.She
sounds like a little girl. She has given up on getting out of
this place. Maybe its what she needs. Maybe this place
wil help her. Atleast that's the only thing she's holding on
to, hope that she might get out of this hel a betterperson.

The therapist is quiet, she's writing something onher

notepad.
"Today marks it 7 years since I met Nathi.." shesays.

She wil never forget that day. When she thought she'd
met the man of her dreams. The Zulu man she had been
reading about on South African novels. How much she
wanted to scream that she'dmet her very own Qhawe. It
was like a dream cometrue for her.

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 "How do you feel about it?"
"Liyana took him away from me, I don't have to feelanything
about the day we should have been celebrating as our
anniversary."
"How do you feel about Liyana?" They've never spoken
of her, she doesn't want to speak about her.
"I hate her" she says dismissively
"Why?" The therapist asks her.
Zama heaves a sigh.
"She kil ed my father, made my mother sick and die.Took
Nathi away from me." She says
Sigh.
"Nomusa took her side, I have no one on my side.."
Silence
"Do you think I'm crazy?" She asks the therapist
"No, I don't think you are.." Zama stands up. She is
holding in hope that she doesn't lose it.

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 "I am. If I can't forget about a man that told me hedoesn't
love me 7 years ago then I'm mad." Shes pacing around
the room
"His wife, made 3 men rape me. She made sure toleave
a mark in my life, both emotional y and physical y..
But why can't I hate him the same wayhe hates me?" she
goes back to sit down
"How do I move on from this?" She asks.She
wants to cry. It hurts so bad.
Its not about her sisters but the man she wanted tolove
with al her heart or rather the man she lovedand never
loved her back.
"The painful part about it, is his wife did the same thing
to Liyana, he was there for her. I know Nathi, Iknow
even when he is hungry forblood. He was afterthe same
thing happened to Liyana but it wasn't the same with me"
she says once more.
She knows she sounds like some mad woman, butthe
least Nathi could have done was show that he cared for
her.

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 "Have you ever tried to tel any of this people howyou
felt?" The therapist asks her
"They don't care about me, I don't see any need to" Its a
difficult one. She stil has the longest way to go.

To be continued
....

..
Only 9 people left before I can release the pdf.The
PDF is R50
Whatsapp number: 0769162973, its also linked tothe
capitec number. (You can send the proof of payment on
my whatsapp)

Capitec Bank 1506168319

Ms T Phaladi

Sehranmagzine.com
 I'l be available to share it on email to those whohave
no whatsapp
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FIFTY

SEASON FINALE

In her dream there is a baby crying for help. She is

trying to reach out to the baby but she can't. The baby
keeps on crying. She doesn't know what to doanymore.
"Take her!" There is a voice. She can't see theperson
behind it
"I can't.. " Nomusa cries
"Mthathe! !" The voice shouts in anger.
Its her mother's voice
"Mama..." Nomusa screams again.

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 "Nomusa save her! !" She doesn't care about savingthe
little baby al she wants now is to see her mother.
"Mama.."
"See? This is the reason why she cried help and you
couldn't help her because you never cared about saving
her. You never loved her! !" Another voice behind her.
Its her father's voice.
It scares her. ..
..
She quickly sits up straight. She doesn't usual ydream
of her parents. She could tel with their voices that
they were mad at her.

She holds in hope that this is not about Zama..

..
Its morning, the kids are busy shouting in the
kitchen. Liyana has made them breakfast.
She goes to join them, everyone is happy in here

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 except for her. Her daughter is exciting about her
aunt's new house, she is pleading with her to be a
double storey because she wants to stand in the balcony
and watch people go up and down. Liyanais laughing
about it.

"Are you okay?" She asks, seeing that her sister is

emotional y not with them.
She's lost in thoughts
"Nomusa?"
"Huuh?''
"Are you okay?" She nods.
Liyana looks at the kids
"Are you done? Take your plates to the sink and go watch TV,
I'l join you in a minute" she says to them.
They stand up with their plates
"Yini?" She asks
"Nothing, I've just had this scary dream" she says.
Liyana keeps quiet and listens to her

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 "Our parents wanted me to save a little child and I
couldn't reach out to her. I couldn't even see our parents
but I heard only their voices and I stoppedtrying to reach
out to the girl and that's when dad told me I never cared
about the little girl." She says.

"Do you think its about Zama?" Liyana asks

Nomusa shrugs. She just hopes its not but a big part
of her knows its about her.

Thing is, when their parents died and Liyana went to

prison, she was left to mother Zama. She never made it
easy for her. Hate grew as years went by.
She despised her young sister forthe direspect shegot
from her.
"Nomusa maybe they just want you to support her."
Liyana says to her
"I don't want to. I don't want to support Zama. I have
been nothing but patient with that child and she kept on
throwing my patience in my face!" She

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 says
"Don't you thinkyou also need to see a professional?"
Liyana asks. This is deeperthan shethought it is.
At first she thought it was about her and Zama. She
thought Nomusa was just being a big sister and taking the
side that she sawas right. Not the hatredshe has towards
her young sister. Her blood.
"No. Zama should just fix herself in there and comeback a
sane person maybe that's when she'l get thesupport from me"
Sigh
"Liyana. I spent my money on that child. Paying her
school fees and al she kept on doing was associating
herself with bad crowd that made her do bad things. She
resorted to smoking crystal drugs. I spent the money that
was meant for my children to her so she could get help.
She would lose it at times. I spent more money on her so
she could get anti depressants and speak to someone but I
forever went back to square one. I'm tired now.

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 She is a big girl. She can get help for herself or kil her
self, I don't care! !" Nomusa says. When she is angry,
she cries. She is in tears as she says this.
If her parents wil punish her, then its fine. Let thembe.
If they have been watching her suffering because ofthat
child, then they would understand where the hatred
comes from.

Liyana goes to pour her a glass of water so she could

calm down. She needs to reason with Nomusa. As
much as she knows Zama hates her,they can't just
leave her to deal with whatever demon she is fighting
al alone
"Maybe we should attend her therapy sessions withher
and you could tel her therapist everything you've just
told me" Liyana says
"I don't want to" sigh.
She's not anywhere close to making her understand
..

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 #Dragon

She's thankful they did not move her to another

prison. She is stil in Suncity. Her home.
She has a visitor. She doesn't know who the visitor is and
she is shocked why the visitor in the Champ
administrator's office?

She is handcuffed. She stands at the door. Forthefirst

time her heart beats fast. Its not normal. Theoffice chair
is facing against here and final y turnsto her.

Her heart almost stop.

"Nkosinathi..." she says. It comes out as a stutter.He looks
at her, its evident the hatred is stil there.
"Liyana wants us to come and see you, I thought I
should come alone first." Dragon's tongue is tied.

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 She doesn't know what to say. Al she knows is she is
happy. Al she wanted was to see her son visitingher.
She is stil standing. They're left alone in here.
The cor uption is just on another level. She knowshe
paid a lot of money to be in here or maybe he knows
the champ but it al doesn't matter.
He also stands up. Slips a hand in his pocket.
"I wanted to come and thank you fortaking care ofmy
woman in here." He says
"Its what every mother would do to an innocentbaby
that's moved in hel " she says
"Oh.."
"I don't mean it like that" she says to him"I
know."
Silence. There is no love lost between them. Shecan tel
"Ma, I want to wife her"
Al doesn't matter. Her heart is dancing in joy right

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 now. She wants to scream to the world that hecal ed
her ma.
She is more than happy.
"She is a good woman and forthe first time I've met a
woman that loves me with al my flaws. A woman that
manages to fix the broken me." He says
"I know baby." Dragon says
"I just need your go ahead. I'm here to ask forthe
permission before I could speak to her oranyone else
about it" he says.
Forthe first time, she feels the tears blur ing her
eyes.

To be continued.

We just need 9 people to reach the target. And hopeful

y by Monday I'l start sending out the PDFto everyone.
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

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 FIFTY ONE

SEASON FINALE

Nathi thinks it would be wise if I go see Dragon onmy

own and he'l visit some other time.
I don't think it is. I think he is avoiding going to see her.
"I thought we agreed on going together." I say tohim
"We did,"
"But?" He stands up and goes to my wardrobe. This man
is too comfortable in my bedroom.
"Wear this." He says taking out a dress. It has been in my
wardrobe since forever, it stil has a price tag, thats how
much I hate dresses
"I won't wear that" I say, lotioning my body.

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 "Yes you wil "
"Don't avoid my topic, you are not dropping me offat
Sun City then leaving me. We are going to get inside
together. See Dragon together" I tel him.
"If only you'l be wearing that dress" I can't help butlaugh.

He walks over to me.

"So? We have an agreement?" He asks. Teasing me.He
runs his hand between my thighs. His fingers find my glit
and he strokes it softly. I supress a moan
"I have to get dressed. Don't do that" I warn himwhen
he tries to reach for me again.
"J ust a quickie.." I turn against him to look for my
panties.
He stands behind me.
"Ungacisha?" He aks furthering his touch up my
spine. And kisses the side of my neck

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 I turn to him
"Look at what you have done to me and uyangcisha?"
He says reaching for his zipper andfrees himself from
his slacks.
I laugh. His huge, long and thick manhood standsfree.
He strokes his shaft while not daring to remove hisintense
gaze at me.
"You did it to yourself nje?"
"Okay. Help me ke.."His voice is dropping deeper and
rougher. He pushes me to the bed with a growl.I'm
sprawled on my back as he covers my body with the
perfect weight of his. His thigh rests between my legs,
and his lips journey up and downthe column of my neck.
"Nathi.." its breathy. I'm enjoying this. I suddenly forget
about Nomusa who is in the other bedroom.But I know
she is probably stil asleep. He flickers his tongue over
my col arbone. My breath rushes our of me.

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 "You are wet for me." He whispers, delving his tongue
into my mouth to dance with mine. I'm drinking in
every drop of pleasure he is giving me.
...

Dragon comes in chained. I smile as she walks in. I'm

holding in hope that Nkosinathi tries to be here.Al I need
is just to see them together.
She sits down. I don't feel any awkward vibes
between them.
"Nana.." she says.I
want to hug her.
"Ma.." I look at Nathi. He is just quiet, just staring athis
mother
One can tel he is not comfortable being here, butI'm
just happy he is. I wont force him to say anything to
his mother.
"How are you?"
"Ahh. Ngiya phusha phusha nje" Dragon says to me

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 before she takes her eyes on Nathi
"Mtungwa" she says
"Ma.." he says.
I.. I'm shocked. He cal ed her ma.. Its something
right? Its the start.
"Unjani?" She asks "I'm
good" thats just it.
"Liyana is glowing. Happiness makes her glow.
Thank you fortaking care of her" she says.
"Haou ma, I'm stil here" she laughs
Nathi holds my hand
"She makes me happy ma." He says playing withmy
fingers.
"I am a happy man because if this woman. The woman
that loves me purely and with al my flaws"he turns his
face to mine.
"I want to wife you." I chuckle.
But wait, what?

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 Wife me, as in like he is asking for my hand inmar
iage?
"Wife me? As in like mar y me?" I ask.
He nods.
Is this how Zulu men propose to their woman? What
happened to kneeling down with a diamond ring and
everyone taking pictures and videos if the moment?
Okay, let's leave that.
My mind is caught up on the fact that this manwants
to mar y me.
Sigh.
I don't think its a good idea. Yes, I love Nathi but I
don't want to mar y him. Atleast not now.
"Nathi..."
"I.." I look at Dragon. She can't remove her eyes offof
me.
I want to say no, but how do I say it without makingthe
both of them hate me?

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 .
.
#Nomusa

She has been driving around. She doesn't even know

where she is going. She finds her self parkedoutside the
mental hospital that Zama is in. She is not sure why she
is here.
Zama's ungrateful ass doesn't deserve her beinghere.

She braces herself and walks ro the reception toask

where she could find her..

She is sitting with another girl, arguing about somebook

they are reading.. They are oblivious to her presence.
She clears her throat and they notice her.
Zama stands up

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 "Nomusa?" She is rather shocked.
She never thought, her of al people would set herfoot
here.
"Yebo. Unjani?" She asks her
"I'm okay.. Let's go sit there.." the walk to thebenches.

She is stil not sure why she is here.

But there is something about Zama that makes her not
regret coming here even though she has no idea why she
came here.
"You look very much better." She says to her
"I feel better. I'm getting used to this place and
growing to love it" she says
"Is it helping you though?" Nomusa asks
"It is, slowly but surely. Some days it gets too hardbut
some days I feel it is helping." She says honestly.
There is awkward silence

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 "Where is Liyana?" Zama asks Nomusa.
"She is around."
"I would have loved it if both of you came here
together to see me" she says.
It leaves Nomusa in shock
The last time she checked. Zama wanted Nothingto do
with Liyana.
"Why?"
"Because I want to apologize to the both of you" shesays
Okay, she now believes it when she says it is helping.
She sees progress. Maybe starting the healing and
forgiving journey with her is not badidea at al .
"I feel like I wronged the both of you in the worst
possible ways. I was young when Liyana kil ed Dad,most
of it I don't remember when real y happened but yes I do
see some of the things that happened when the dark
world visits me. Liyana had get reasons to, maybe she
did what mom failed to do

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 and thought she could do it for her to save her."She
says.
"You would have done the same thing if you were inher
shoes" Nomusa says to her
"Maybe" she says

To be continued

Good morning. My apologies for not posting andthe

delaying sharing the PDF to you.

I'm going to start sharing the PDF to you today.If you

don't get yours by 11am today, please do textme again.
And I'l share it with EMAILS today as wel .

Thank you very much forthe support you've given me on

this pdf. Lol, writing a pdf story is a whole lot

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 of work.

The group (Diaries by Boitumelo Phaladi) is openfor

PDF discussions.
Again, thank you very much.HER
PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FIFTY TWO

SEASON FINALE

"Liyana whats going on?" Its Dragon.

She asks me. Nkosinathi walked out as soon as Itold
him I can't mar y him.
I didn't mean for it to come out bad, but it did. My
hands are shaky. Tears threaten to escape..
"Liyana?" She says again, she's disappointed in me,there
is no hiding it

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 "I.. I don't know." I say
"I thought you said you love him."
I do, I'm scared. This man just lost the woman he spent
most of his life with. Isnt it too early? What if he
compares me to her? Orcompare the things I do,to hers?
I'm not ready..
"I do." I say
"Then whats wrong?"
"I'm scared Ma"
"Of what?" She says.
She doesn't wait to think before she can questionme. Its
like she has the questions ready for me.
"Of losing him."
"How?"
Sigh
"I feel like its too early. I feel like we are rushing things.
What if he wants to me mar y me just so hecould quickly
forget about Matshidiso?"I ask.

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 "I would never mislead you Liyana. And you mar
ying him wil make me the happiest womanalive." She
says. And heaves a sigh.
"He is not rushing anything. If there is anything i know it is
that this man loves you with everything he has. He loves
you and I've seen it. I'm not sayingthis because he is my
son but I know" she says.
I'm quiet.
"Liyana, I've been in here with you. I know you and I
know you are capable of loving him back the same way
he does"
But I love him, I love that man with al of me."I
love him" I say
"Then mar y him. Atleast i want to die knowing I leftmy
son happy" she says.
I give her a lookShe
chuckles
"I would never commit suicide if thats what you think but
al I'm saying is. You've been in here, youknow the life in
here. The enemies that watch you

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 even when you are asleep. I've fought to live, to protect
my self in here so I could go out but now I'mgiving to give
that up, I know I won't get out of this place unless in a
body bag. Atleast I'm going to leave Nathi with a woman
he loves and a woman I trust wil take care of him and
protect him. Please give him a chance, mar y him" she
says.

I sigh..

...
Atleast he didn't leave. He is sitting inside his carand
starts the ignition as soon as i get inside the car.
I'm sad. He doesn't say anything, he just drives insilence.
Music plays through the speakers, drowning out the
silence and replacing the conversation we arenot
having.

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 He doesn't try to make smal talk.

"Are we going to your house?" I ask, earlier on he said

he needed a fewthings there. He has been spending
most of his nights at my place recently.
"No, I think I should just drop you off and go home."
Sigh.
I don't know how I'm going to go on about this. "Nathi I
hate it when you are like this" I say to gim
"When I'm like what Liyana? I thought mar ying each
other is what we both wanted" he says to me
"It stil is. Nkosinathi I'm scared. I've spent half of my life
alone and now there is you. Mar iage is a bigstep. It
means I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you and
don't get me wrong, not that I don't want that, I do but I
think we shouldn't rush things.
You just lost your wife" I say, i know most of everything
I said doesn't make any sense but I justwant to say
everything.
"Liyana aren't you ready to mar y me?" He asks. Its

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 cold, very much cold. And I fear him when he is likethis.
"I am.." I say
"What makes you think I am not?" He asks, I keep
quiet.
"Haven't I shown you how much I love you and that you
mean everything to me?" He asks again, he stil hasnt
looked at me.
He never did, since I walked inside this car. He
never did
I hate this side of him"You
have."
"I honestly don't understand Liyana. I would neverget
your reasons for not wanting to me mar y me.
They are not clear to me""I
want to mar y you"
He keeps quiet.
"Nathi?" He ignores me and continues driving.
Lord, how do I fix this?

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 "Nathi, I mean it. I love you but I just feel its a bittoo
early." He keeps quiet again. .I don't fucken know how
I'm going to fix this real y.
He is indeed driving to my home. I can't say anything,
I'm scared to say anything. Its situationslike this that
makes me think mar ying him wil total y be a bad idea.
How wil I mar y a man that
changes his mood to dark one and it makes me fearhim so
much?

He parks just outside my gate, press the unlock

button.
I want to sit with him but I decide to give him sometime
to calm down, we wil talk about this. I get outof the
carand he drives away immediately when I walk out,
leaving my heart broken..

Nomusa is in the house, the kids are not around.They

are supposed to be here but she is alone drinking
beer.

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 "Where are the kids?'' Its my first question to her.
She looks just out of this place, like someone whois
drowning in sor ow
"I took them to Theo's mother" she says blankly.
I thought she didn't want anything to do with her.
But I decide to keep quiet about it
"Khanyi cried about missing her grandmother and I
drove them there"
Thats one thing, she can't use the kids to fight where
battle with Theo's mother.
"Then what's wrong?" I ask her
"I went to see Zama today." She says. She is staringinto
space. That's a good thing, isn't it?
I keep quiet
"I don't know where I was driving to but I found myself
parked at the mental hospital." She says
"How is she?" I ask
"She is okay. She wants both of us to come go seeher.
She said she wants to apologize" she says to

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 me
I sigh.
"Coming from Zama, its too good to be true"shesays
"Can you foronce just give the child a benefit of doubt.
Maybe her intentions are good" I say to her.
"And wena? Aren't you supposed to be Happy thatyou
final y made mother and son reunite"
Sigh. Its something I don't want to talk about.
"I think aftertoday, it might be the end of us.." I say with
a sigh.
I don't know real y.
.

To be continued
HER PAIN, HIS TREASURE

FINAL INSERT

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 I can't go a day without thinking of him or hoping I'dsee
him walk in here.
I miss him, al day everyday but I feel I should justlet him
be. I've tried cal ing him, sending him messages and even
asking to meet up with him, with no success.
Its been a week now.

Nomusa walks in, she is ready. I'm not sure if going to

Zama is a good idea but I have agreed to give it a
chance.
"Uready?" She asks.I
nod.
I've been waiting for her to finish up
"Yes.."
"Okay, I'm almost done, I just need a fewthings totake
to her" she says.
She is so much happy about Visiting her sister.

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 My phone rings. I sigh. Its one of the prison
numbers, I know its Dragon. I don't real y know
what I'm going to say to her.
I let it ring to voice-mail and she cal s again
"If i didn't know better, I would say you are ignoringme"
its the first thing she says when I answer the cel phone.
I heave a sigh "Sawubona
ma.." I say
"Unjani? You don't sound good yini, are you sick?"
She asks
"No."
"Yini?" She asks "Its
nothing." I say
"I know its something but its fine, I won't force you to tel
me. Have you spoken to Mtungwa?" She asks
"He hasn't been taking my cal s"
"Have you went to his house?"

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 "No. He wil come around when he wants to."
"What is it with you and pushing away people the love
you Liyana? What is hard about taking your sisters car,
driving to Nathi's house and asking tospeak to him and
tel him why you say you're notready for mar iage?"
Sigh.
I'm not ready forthis lecture right now. I'm tired. I'm
going to have the longest day ever and I don't think
talking about this now wil help me in any way
"Or don't you miss him?" She asks"I
do"
"Then? Haiy ungangi dina sometimes Liyana. I can'thold
your hand and lead you even when you are outside"
Sigh
"Its fine, I'l go to him" I say.
"Because I'm forcing you to?" Haiy, Dragon naye
"No, because I want to" I say to her

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 "Thank you." She hangs up. I skr and cover my facewith
both my hands.
Lord, life was a lot better in prison. I can't deal withthis
fal ing in love and the problems that comes with it. I. Fed
up already.
"Is everything okay?" Its Nomusa.I
raise my eyes to her.
"Yeah.."
She is ready.

Driving to the hospital is heavy on me. I don't knowwhat

to expect. Forthe first time in a while, I'm nervous.
This feeling take me back to about a year ago, whenI just
got released from Prison.
Leaving Suncity behind and not knowing what to
expect at home.
The fear I had, of facing everyone and maybe
receiving hatred from people that witnessed me

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 kil ing my father. I feared for my life. I feared foreverything.

..
She is sitting outside. The garden is beautiful. Shehas a
fewof people in hospital gowns as wel .
She stands up as soon as she sees us and comesto us
"Liyana.." she says with a smile
I'm not used to this, I don't know how to react to it.
"Hi" I say. She hugs Nomusa then comes to me. Its
awkward, I'm not used to this side of her at al .
We walk to the empty benches. Being in such aplace
just reminds me of prison.

They hours they would give us to do the garden andjust

walk just inside the prison wal s.
Nothing made me excited when the time ar ived,going
outside to breath the fresh air. It made a

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 difference and for me it felt like heaven. It would always
be a smal time of being in heaven, of seeingthe sun even
thought it depressed most of us that we couldn't see it rise
orset. But it was something.
We would always give anything just to breath thefresh
air, thats how it has always been in prison.
"I'm happy you came.." she says"I
couldn't say no" I say.
Then there is awkward silence.
"I want to apologize." Thsts how she starts. I'm notsure if
she is saying that to me orto Nomusa ortothe both of us.
Because she not looking at any of us. She keeps on
playing with her fingers.
"Liyana, you did what you had to do. I'm not saying that
I'm not angry but you did what you had to do."She says
I'm quiet.
"I have been angry at you, I never got the chance tobond
with my father Liyana-"
She says

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 "Have you ever sat down and asked your self whatwere
my reasons Zama? Or you judt go angry because I kil ed
your father?" I ask her, cutting heroff
She keeps quiet
"I kil ed him Zama because I had to save your mother.
She failed. I was fed up! Every night I sat inmy bedroom
while you and Nomusa slept
peaceful y. Every night I listened to my mother cry
pleading and begging for him to stop beating and kicking
her like she's some animal. I was fed up Zama! Every
night I slept wirg a knife under my
pil owbecause he pushed me to a point where I
wished to stab him, for him to feel the pain he
always inflicted on my mother!" I say.
Tears are threatening to escape. Nomusa holds myhand
"I did know" Zama says silently.
I keep quiet, if I continue talking. I know I'l end up
crying
"It got worse when you fel in love with a man I love

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 with al my heart" sigh.
"Nathi was there when Nomusa couldn't be a sisterto me.
Nathi gave me wrong impressions, he later told me he
couldn't love me, he was incapable of loving even though
he was mar ied but just seeing him love you made me
hate you even more"
"Nathi is mine Zama. He loves me, I love him. And I
think you need to learn to live with that because he is in
my life forever now" I say to her
"Liyana.." Nomusa says
"Its okay" Zama
"I just needed to apologize to the both of you beinga ter
ible sister" she says with a bit of laughter
"Ter ible is such a smal word Zama" Nomisa says.We al
chuckle.
Maybe I should just stop being hard on this childand
give her a chance.
I honestly love this side of her.

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 ...
He is home. His favourite car is parked on the
driveway and I sigh as I park outside.

This is Matshidiso's house, I don't know how I feelabout

being here but I have to.
I drove straight here afterdropping Nomusa off athome.

He opens the dooraftera few knocks on his door. He

looks real y good in just shorts, vest and slippers.
"Hi." He says. My pulse is suddenly so strong in myneck.
And its real y late, I can't turn and walk away fromthis. I
have to face it, to grow a backbone.
"Sawubona" I say
He opens the space for me to walk in, I walk inside.He
has been cooking.
"You final y came" he says behind me.

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 What the fuck? Haven't I been cal ing this nigga?
"I did. I miss you." I don't know where I got the
courage but I say it then turn to face him.
"Liyana, I'm old. Very old to date forgames." Hesays
to me
"I know."
"Then?"
"I gave it a thought Nathi. With al this days that I have
been trying to cal you. I noticed I can't live thislife without
you. I love you. I love and I don't see anyreason for me to
push back and doubt getting
mar ied to you" I tel him honestly.
"First thing I did was to go to Dragon, not as my mother
but yours. The woman that knows you morethan I do. I
went there to ask her to al ow me to wifeyou, when she
said yes I knew I'm not making the wrong decision
because I love you Liyana" he says
"I love you nami and I want you to wife me." The
soul-deep truth leaves my mouth.
"I'm not forcing you to mar y me. I want you to

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 mar y me because you love and you are ready forsuch
commitment" he says
"I am ready" I tel him
He walks to me. He runs his thumb on the side ofmy
neck
"So uthi when should I send the uncles?" He
whispers
"Any day" I tel him.
Nomusa already knows, we just have speak to afewof
those family members to come.
He picks me up. He is as beautiful as ever.
"And you'l become... Konje bathini ama 2k? Mrs me." He
says. I can't help but burst in laughter. Hrgives me a
languorous smile.
"I love you Liyana. I love you with al my heart" he
says, his voice is suddenly rough with emotion
There is a lot I need to say. I need to tel him howmuch
I love him. I love this man way more than I love my
self. I can't say it, I need to show him.

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 My lips goes to his. The kiss is slow, passionate. Ihate
the clothes that keep our skin from touching
everywhere. He nips at my lips. I need him, I needhim
now...

The end.

Thank you very much for riding with me on this

journey
And thank you forpurchasing the PDF, we already
have 22buyers forseason 2. Thank you.
Appreciate you very much

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