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 PROTECTED BY THE
COMPANION: A REGENCY
ROMANCE
LADIES ON THEIR OWN: GOVERNESSES AND
COMPANIONS (BOOK 5)

ROSE PEARSON
 CONTENTS

Protected by the Companion

Protected by the Companion

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
My Dear Reader

A Sneak Peek of More than a Companion

Prologue
Chapter 1

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 PROTECTED BY THE COMPANION

Ladies on their Own: Governesses and Companions

(Book 5

By

Rose Pearson
© Copyright 2022 by Rose Pearson - All rights reserved.

In no way is it legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of this document

by either electronic means or in printed format. Recording of this publication is
strictly prohibited and any storage of this document is not allowed unless with
written permission from the publisher. All rights reserved.

Respective author owns all copyrights not held by the publisher.

PROTECTED BY THE
COMPANION
 PROLOGUE

“M y Lord, you have an urgent letter.”

Grimacing, Giles, Earl of Bargrave, rubbed at his
eyes with the back of his hand. “It is far too early to
be interrupted with such things.”
His valet opened his mouth, began to stammer, and then closed
it again. “My Lord… I…
“What time is it anyway?” As the drapes to his bedchamber were
thrown back, Giles suddenly realized that it was not as early as he
had first believed. The sun, it seemed, was very high in the sky, for
it shone brightly through the window and made him wince. Little
wonder the valet was stammering, given that he did not wish to
disagree with Giles, whilst at the same time being fully aware that it
was not as early as Giles had stated. Clearing his throat, Giles
reluctantly pushed himself up into a sitting position. Holding one
hand out to the valet, he snapped his fingers impatiently. “An urgent
letter, you say?”
Scurrying over towards him at once, the valet held out a small
piece of paper sealed with red wax.
“Yes, my Lord. The messenger arrived only fifteen minutes ago
and is insisting that he must return to his mistress at once, with your
reply. The butler asked that I bring this to you immediately.”
Giles arched an eyebrow as he turned his attention to the letter.
A lady? Why has a lady written to me so urgently?
 It was soon to be the Season and Giles had every intention of
making his way to London. Whilst he had enjoyed a few dalliances
the previous year, he was not a gentleman inclined to breaking the
heart of any society lady. Neither would he ever touch a newly out
young woman, or in any way risk the reputation of an unmarried
young lady. The ladies he considered to be fine company were those
widowed or those who sought company in the place of their
philandering husbands. In such cases, Giles was only too happy to
provide the comfort and security they needed. However, that would
only ever be for a short time, and certainly would not continue
beyond the Season. Was a particular lady eager to know if he would
be returning to London soon, he wondered? So eager that she would
write to him in advance of the Season even beginning?
“Have someone bring me coffee. Once I have dealt with this, I
will call for you to assist me with my attire.” Waving one hand at the
valet, he dismissed him quickly. “And whatever the messenger may
consider urgent, inform him that he is to have something to eat and
a short respite before he will be permitted to return. I shall answer
the letter, of course, but it will take a little time and I shall not act
with any overwhelming urgency, unless it is completely merited.”
Which I am not convinced it will be.
Being entirely disinclined to read such a letter in the company of
his valet, Giles waited until the door to his bedchamber was closed
before he permitted himself to even unfold it. If it was what he
expected it to be, then the only urgency would be for him to have
his response sent to the lady before the return of her husband,
wherever he may be – and that would not take him long.
“Mayhap it is from Lady Brownlee.”
Smiling to himself, he recalled the lady he had been particularly
delighted with. I should be glad indeed to have a letter from her.
The moment his eyes fell upon the letter however, Giles found
himself deeply frustrated. It was not from a particular lady as he had
hoped. Instead, it was from none other than his sister. A sister
whom he had not heard from in some time. A sister who had
married a most distinguished gentleman, but who now lived very far
away indeed on the west coast of Scotland. Giles did not begrudge
her that choice, for the gentleman was to be admired amongst
society. He was only disappointed that he had seen so very little of
his only sibling, over the many years since her marriage, and during
these last five years they had only ever spoken through letters.

‘ M y dear brother ,’ the letter began, ‘It is with great distress that I
write to you. My dear husband has become unwell. The physician
has been many times and whilst we are now convinced that he is
over the worst, it will be many months before he can recover
enough to make the journey from Scotland. As you are aware from
my previous letter, our one and only daughter was to come to
London this summer. She is greatly distressed at the thought of
being unable to be there for the London Season, given that she has
had new gowns purchased and the usual preparations made. She is,
of course, greatly distressed over her father’s illness, but now that
he is recovering, there is a hope that she may still be able to attend.’
Giles let out a huff of breath. Somehow, he seemed to sense
what was coming… and already he knew his answer.
‘You are our only hope, brother. I assume that you are to make
your way to London for the Season as you do every year. Might you
be willing to have your niece reside with you? Might you be willing to
sponsor her into society? She will, of course, have a companion to
chaperone her, so that you are not entirely pulled away from your
own invitations and the like. You have no requirement to consent,
but I beg of you – as her uncle and as my brother – to, at the very
least, consider it. At least write to me that you are thinking of what
you will do, rather than immediately refusing. I am all too aware of
how much the London Season means to you but pray, consider
putting yourself into a little more difficulty for your niece’s sake.’
“And now I am to be made to feel guilty!”
After setting down the letter, Giles ran one hand through his fair
hair, sending it in all directions. Guilt began to nudge at his soul but
with an effort, Giles ignored it. He had a great deal to look forward
to in the upcoming London Season! If he were to take on his niece,
then such pleasures would be diminished.
“It is as my sister says - I have no requirement to agree.” Taking
a deep breath, he set his shoulders and gazed out across the room
towards the window. “No. I need not agree. I will not take on my
niece, companion or otherwise.”
Setting back the covers, Giles threw out his legs and rose from
his bed, ringing for the valet. Once the man arrived, Giles was
dressed quickly and then settled at the small escritoire near the
window to write to his sister. The note would be short and to the
point, making it clear that he could not take his niece on.
Although I must make certain to include words of concern for my
dear sister’s husband. A slight frown pulled at Giles' brow. I am a
little anxious to hear that he has been so unwell. I should not want
my sister to become a widow, nor my niece and nephew to become
fatherless.
He scowled to himself as he drew out a sheet of paper. All he
wished for at present was to write his letter and then send the
messenger back to his sister. Any delay might mean a change of
mind, and Giles was determined not to give in. And yet, with every
moment that passed, he found himself struggling to stand boldly
behind his decision.
Thoughts of his broken-hearted niece entered his mind. A vision
of his sister – upset and crying when she had already endured so
much - soon followed. Rubbing one hand down his face, Giles shook
his head to himself.
“It would mean the most dull Season for me.” A slight shudder
shook his frame. “I should have to give up so much – much of which
I have been waiting for some time.”
He would not be able to entertain as much as he might have
liked. There would be responsibilities set upon his shoulders.
Responsibilities which he did not want, for the London Season was
an opportunity to forget all such obligations.
And yet, by the time Giles lifted the pen to write, his heart was
so burdened with guilt that he could not stand by his original
decision. His sister’s plea had done as it intended.
Giles would be his niece’s sponsor into society.
 CHAPTER ONE

“A nd what is your uncle like?”

Miss Emma Lawder watched her charge carefully,
seeing the way that Lady Juliet clutched both her hands
together and looked out of the window.
“In truth, I do not know. I am not well acquainted with him.”
“That is because you live in Scotland and he lives in England, I
assume?"
“Yes, that is so. He has not often come to Scotland, and mother
and father are less than inclined to travel such a long distance. We
live so very far away and are very contented with the company that
we do have.”
Emma smiled softly, reached across, and pressed her hand to
Lady Juliet's.
“My dear girl, you need not worry about London. I am aware that
you are very happy with the circumstances at home, but you must
find a situation of your own. How can you do so if you remain so far
from society?” Lady Juliet shrugged one delicate shoulder and
turned her head away. Sighing inwardly, Emma sat back, resting her
head against the squabs. It did not seem to matter what she did or
said, Lady Juliet remained upset at being forced to come from
Scotland to London. “You have not made a promise to anyone at
home, I hope?”
One lifted eyebrow was sent in Lady Juliet's direction, but the girl
quickly shook her head, although a rosy glow came into her cheeks
almost at once. Closing her eyes, Emma bit back a sharp response.
It would do no good to berate her charge. She had not known the
girl long, and such things were secret unless Lady Juliet wished to
divulge them. No doubt an affectionate farmer's son or stable hand
had made his attentions known and the girl had simply lapped them
up.
“You must be careful in London. We cannot have every
gentleman falling in love with you and you declaring yourself to
them also. That would cause a great scandal.”
“I have no intention of making every gentleman in London fall in
love with me. In fact, I will remain quite silent, very dull, and so
staid that they will stay far from me.”
Lady Juliet kept her head turned towards the window, but Emma
did not miss the slight lift of her chin as she spoke. Clearly the girl
was rebelling against her forced departure to London, but Emma
was quite certain that, within a sennight, Lady Juliet would be
desperate to remain. All thought of home would be forgotten, and
she would lose herself in the delights of London society.
Life as a chaperone was very different from life as Emma had
experienced it thus far. Even now, she could still feel a lingering
sense of shock over her father's sudden determination that she
ought to leave his house to take up employment. At the very least,
she had been able to choose her situation and had chosen Lady
Juliet’s house in Scotland, simply so that she might put as much
distance between herself and her father as possible. Baron Wakefield
had always been a disinterested father. Once her elder brother was
wed and settled, her father had set his mind to finding a way to
remove her from his house, seeing her as nothing more than a
burden which must be removed from his shoulders as soon as
possible.
Emma, who had never felt any sort of love or affection from her
father, had not been surprised at such eagerness, although she had
been deeply dismayed to learn that he wished her to become
nothing more than a paid chaperone. She had believed that there
might be an arrangement in her future; that her husband might be
chosen for her, but never once had she thought that her father
would push her into such a low situation. The last two months of
residing at Lord and Lady Hyndford’s estate had given her the
opportunity to become used to such a position, although the strains
of doing so still lingered over her heart. At times it was difficult to
conceal her pain, knowing that she would never have a husband or a
family to call her own; that she would never have the opportunity to
be mistress of her own house - but concentrating all her efforts on
Lady Juliet had helped that somewhat – and Emma was determined
to continue to be devoted to the lady, as they entered the London
Season.
“We must make sure that you behave well for your uncle. It is as
your mother has said: he has given up a great deal to be your
sponsor into society. I am not sure whether he even wished to come
to London this Season!” Having never met the Earl of Bargrave,
Emma had very little idea as to the sort of gentleman he might be.
Lady Hyndford had spoken very highly of her brother, but Emma was
always inclined to make her own judgments on a person’s character.
However, I must think well of him for taking on his niece, at the very
least! A flutter of butterflies began to wave their wings in the pit of
her stomach. As the carriage finally pulled to a stop. “I assume that
we have arrived.” Leaning forward to look out of the carriage
window, Emma cleared her throat, put on the best smile that she
could, and looked toward her charge. “You recall what your mother
said to you, my dear?” Lady Juliet nodded, and Emma noticed how
the rosy flush had begun to fade from her charge’s cheeks. “You will
greet your uncle properly,” she reminded her, gently. “You will give
him greetings from your mother and your father, and inform him of
the letter that you have with you, from your mother. Make sure that
we are nothing but thankfulness. Lord Bargrave deserves nothing
less.”
Her charge licked her lips, nodded, and then turned to face the
carriage door. It had been a long drive and Emma herself was a little
stiff, although she would not be able to truly stretch her limbs until
she was in the comfort of her room. As Lady Juliet's companion, she
could not expect the very best of rooms, but she was hopeful that it
would be a lovely and restful place for her to reside. Lady Hyndford
had been more than kind in that regard and, silently, Emma prayed
that Lord Bargrave was of a similar ilk.
“I confess myself a little anxious.” Whispering still, Lady Juliet
turned a pale face towards Emma as, immediately, Emma put a
comforting hand on her charge’s shoulder. “I hope he will not be a
hard-hearted sort.”
“I am sure you need not worry.”
Emma went to say more, but drew back her hand when the
carriage door opened. She heard, rather than saw, Lady Juliet take a
deep breath before she accepted the hand of the waiting footman
and climbed down from the carriage. There came no exclamation of
excitement nor delight, however, nor were there words of greeting
from either Lady Juliet or her uncle. As Emma climbed down from
the carriage, her hand grasping the footman's tightly, her eyes
widened in astonishment.
The street was quite empty. There was no Lord Bargrave to
speak of.
“This way, if you please.”
A footman stretched his hand towards the stone steps,
encouraging Lady Juliet and Emma to make their way towards them.
One glance toward Juliet's face told Emma that she was in distress,
for the girl had gone sheet white and her pale lips were trembling.
Evidently, she had been more concerned about meeting her uncle
than she had wanted to admit.
Why does he not come out to greet her?
“Might I ask if Lord Bargrave is at home?”
As she stepped into the townhouse, where an imposing-looking
butler awaited them, Emma tried to speak easily and even with a
small smile on her lips, but the man’s expression remained stoic.
Then after a moment, the butler shook his head.
“No, my Lady. I am afraid that Lord Bargrave has gone out for
the afternoon and will not return until much later this evening.”
Emma blinked in surprise as a thin slice of anger began to build
in her stomach.
“I see.”
 She did not reach out for Lady Juliet but was afraid of what her
charge’s reaction would be to such news.
“Everything has been prepared for your arrival, however. The
maid will show you to your rooms. If you wish to take tea there, you
may do so, otherwise, I shall have it ready in the drawing-room.”
Keeping her smile fixed in place, Emma turned to Lady Juliet.
“What would be your preference, my dear? Should you wish to
rest for a while in your room?”
Lady Juliet said nothing, turning slightly so that she might face
the butler a little more.
“You say that my uncle is gone from the house?”
“Yes, my Lady.”
“And when is he expected to return?”
The butler hesitated.
“I... I could not say, my Lady. I believe that he has an evening
function to attend also.”
“I see.” It was with great astonishment that Emma saw the
sparkle in Lady Juliet's eyes. She had worried that her charge would
be deeply upset over her uncle’s absence, but it seemed that the girl
was more than delighted. “We shall take tea in the drawing-room.
And thereafter, might we explore the house and gardens a little?
With my uncle absent I can see no reason for us not to do so.”
Emma blinked, but then nodded.
“Yes, I can see no reason to refuse such a request. This is to be
your home for the next few months, after all.” She glanced at the
butler, seeing a line form between his brows. “We shall, of course,
make certain to stay away from any private areas and will not enter
your uncle’s study nor his bedchamber.”
“Yes, of course we shall not.” Her smile growing steadily, Lady
Juliet gestured to the staircase. “And is this the way to our
bedchambers?”
“The maid is waiting to show you, my Lady, and the footmen will
bring up your trunks shortly.”
At that very moment, a small figure hurried towards them, as
though she had been waiting for the right moment to reveal herself.
Following Lady Juliet, Emma made her way up the staircase, led by
the maid. Looking all around her, she took in the townhouse – both
its furnishings and its décor. To her mind, it was quite grand indeed
– although that assessment might very well come from the fact that
her father was only a Baron and she, therefore, had not lived in
quite as much comfort as this. A wry smile tugged her mouth and
Emma shook her head to herself.
“And this is your room, my Lady.”
The maid stepped to one side and pushed open the door as Lady
Juliet walked in. The audible gasp echoed back towards Emma, who
smiled softly to herself. At least in this, Lady Juliet is happy.
“Oh, it is quite lovely. I shall be very happy here, I am sure.”
Lady Juliet's voice floated back towards her in the air. “Miss Lawder?
Where are you?”
“I am here.” Walking into the bedchamber, Emma smiled at her
charge. “It is good to see you looking a little more cheerful.”
“That is because I am in a beautiful house in a beautiful room.
My uncle certainly does live in comfort!”
Emma laughed.
“I should expect so, given that he is an Earl.”
“Might I show you to your room?”
The maid darted a glance towards Emma, then dropped her
head.
“But of course. You have duties you must get to. I quite
understand.”
“I shall come with you. I would very much like to see your
room… if you do not mind, that is?”
Shaking her head, Emma held out one hand towards Lady Juliet.
“I do not mind in the least.”
For whatever reason, the maid hesitated. Her eyes went first to
Lady Juliet, then to Emma, then down to the floor.
“My room?”
The maid coughed, nodded, and then turned from the room.
Emma followed her without hesitation, once more, taking in the
decoration and the furnishings. The house appeared to be warm and
comfortable, and Emma was certain that Lady Juliet would be happy
residing here.
 “Wherever are we going? It seems as though we are at the very
back of the house!”
Lady Juliet's exclamation made Emma realize that they had been
walking through the townhouse in all manner of directions.
Outwardly, it had not appeared to be overly large, but now that she
was inside, there seemed to be so many little rooms that she was
quite lost.
“I shall never be able to find you again!” Emma laughed, ignoring
the slight curl of worry in her stomach. “Wherever has Lord Bargrave
put me?”
The maid glanced over her shoulder, her lip caught between her
teeth. Eventually, she came to a stop. This particular hallway was
dim and dark, and the room which Emma stepped into was much
the same. There was only one small window and the light it tried to
let in was blocked by a large tree branch covered in leaves. It was
rather cold, given that very little sunshine could come in, and so very
small that it seemed as though the tiny bed could barely fit inside it.
“This is ridiculous! You cannot stay here.” Lady Juliet grabbed the
maid’s arm, pulling the girl back a little. “This cannot be right. Are
you attempting to show my companion that she is not welcome
here? Bring her to the right bedchamber at once.”
The maid’s eyes widened and then she dropped her head, so that
her chin practically rested on her chest.
“Desist, my dear.” It was clear to Emma that the maid was only
following orders. “This must be where Lord Bargrave has decided to
place me. You need not blame the servants, who are no doubt
simply doing as they have been told to.”
The maid said nothing, and her head remained low.
“This is ridiculous! You are my companion and a lady in your own
right. Why should my uncle put you in such a bedchamber as this? It
is small, dank, and dark! There must be many other rooms in this
townhouse. I cannot understand his reasons for doing so.”
“Nor can I, but we must abide by them.” Emma lifted her chin
even as her heart began to sink lower. “I am sure I shall be perfectly
content.”
 This room is oppressive, but I must not allow Lady Juliet to see
how it affects me. I do not wish to make a poor impression on Lord
Bargrave.
“I shall absolutely not permit it!” Lady Juliet tossed her head
sharply. “I am not a young lady inclined towards silence when there
has been clear inconsideration. I will speak to my uncle at once. Do
not unpack any of your things.”
Emma laid a calming hand on Lady Juliet’s arm.
“You forget that your uncle is absent this evening. I do not think
that we will meet him until the morrow.”
Lady Juliet’s blue eyes narrowed.
“Then I shall have another room prepared at once.”
A jolt of fear tugged at Emma’s heart.
“No, Lady Juliet, you cannot.”
“I certainly can, and I shall. I am his niece and I expect both
myself and my companion to be treated fairly. To have you reside in
here is tantamount to giving you the place of a servant! I am aware
that you are my companion, and you are also meant to give me both
advice and guidance, but you are a lady born, and in this, I am quite
determined, and I will not be swayed.” Before Emma could protest or
say anything further, Lady Juliet had gestured to the maid, snapping
out instructions one after the other. “Send the housekeeper to my
rooms. Tell the footman to remove my companion’s luggage from
this room. And have tea sent to my rooms also. At once, girl, at
once!”
Emma held herself back, resisting the urge to counteract
everything that Lady Juliet had said. If she were honest, she did not
wish to reside here. Everything Lady Juliet had said about the room
was true, and it certainly did not fit her standing as a companion.
She would not need the best room, and nor would she expect such a
room, but to be given something that perhaps a governess, or less,
might be offered was more than a little upsetting. After all, she
would be amongst society, would dine with Lord Bargrave and Lady
Juliet and would attend every society function that Lady Juliet
wished. Why then was she being treated with such disregard?
 “Come, Miss Lawder.” Lady Juliet’s voice rang out along the
corridor and Emma rubbed one hand over her eyes, uncertain as to
what she ought to do. “Do hurry, Miss Lawder. We shall have you
settled in your new room within the hour.”
Biting her lip, Emma took in a deep breath and then followed her
charge. Perhaps this was for the best. The thought of spending
months residing in such a dark and dank bedchamber was a
distressing one, and as Emma closed the door, she felt a tug of relief
nudge at her heart. She could not understand Lord Bargrave’s
reasons for setting her in such a room, but perhaps Lady Juliet was
right to be so insistent. The gentleman clearly needed to be
reminded of Emma’s standing and this would be one way to do such
a thing.
I have been so determined to make the very best of impressions
upon Lord Bargrave, but now I fear that we will make a very poor
one indeed… although my first thought of his character is a very
negative one indeed! Her lips twisted as she continued to follow
Lady Juliet back through the house, towards the lady’s bedchamber.
I have no joy in the thought of meeting him. I can only pray that he
will treat Lady Juliet with more consideration than he has me.
 CHAPTER TWO

G iles scowled, threaded his fingers into his hair, and dropped
his elbows onto the large, polished desk in front of him.
Having forced himself to rise about an hour earlier, he had
not yet broken his fast but had chosen instead to come to
the study to look through his correspondence. In the depths of his
heart, he knew that this was something which he was doing simply
to avoid meeting his niece and her companion, but as yet, it
appeared to be working. There was a great deal of correspondence,
and should he decide to respond to everybody who had written to
him, then he could be in his study for a good part of the day.
And then all that is required is to sit to dinner before we take our
leave for the evening.
Having behaved entirely selfishly the previous evening, Giles now
found himself with a painful headache and a severe weight of guilt
resting upon his heart. Yes, he knew that he ought to have remained
at home to greet his niece and her companion, but he had been
quite unwilling to give up the dinner invitation which Lady Waterston
had offered him. It had been an intimate dinner and he had enjoyed
her company, although he would have much preferred if the other
two gentlemen and ladies had been absent.
Lord Waterston was not yet back from the continent, and Lady
Waterston had declared on more than one occasion just how much
she was missing fine company. The spark in her eye and the
knowing smile had left him with no question about what it was that
she wanted from him, but as yet, he was not willing to give it. From
what he knew of the lady, Giles was concerned that any affection
shared between them would not be kept solely between themselves
- and he had also heard that the lady was somewhat clinging. It had
been an enjoyable evening, but certainly not one that he wanted to
continue any further.
A tap at the door alerted him to the butler’s presence and with a
heavy sigh, he lifted his attention from his correspondence.
“Yes?”
Much to his astonishment, it was not the butler who stepped into
the room. Rather, there appeared a young lady, with blonde hair
pulled back into a delicate chignon and piercing blue eyes which
fixed themselves straight to his.
“Uncle.” Following a quick curtsey, she walked directly into the
room, leaving the door to close behind her. “I thought it best to
come and greet you directly, as I am aware that you are very busy
this morning. Your butler told me that we could not expect to see
you before dinner, but I was not willing to wait that long.”
She did not smile, and for whatever reason, Giles found himself a
little concerned about her presence. For the first time, he realized
that his niece would be corresponding with her mother and father,
and would report his behavior to them directly. If he failed in his
duties, having already offered to take his niece on, then there might
well be hard words from his sister - and surely she had suffered
injury enough already, with the ill health of her husband.
“Good morning, Juliet.” Rising from his chair, Giles went around
the desk to greet his niece. “I am sorry that I was unable to be
present yesterday. I had a pressing engagement which could not be
missed.”
Juliet's blue eyes flickered.
“There must have been a great importance to this dinner and the
ball thereafter, Uncle, since it took precedence over my arrival.” A
slightly cool smile pulled at her lips. “You can imagine my
disappointment.” Giles harrumphed quietly, having never expected to
hear such a thing from his niece. Even though he had never met his
niece, Giles had always believed her to be a quiet sort of girl and
had not thought that he would hear such determined words from
her. “We had a comfortable evening and night, however.” Juliet lifted
her chin, never once shifting her gaze from his face. “I should inform
you that I have moved my companion from the bedchamber you had
designated for her to one that is much more suitable.”
Giles blinked.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I have removed her from the bedchamber which was set aside
for her and placed her in a room closer to my own. You are aware,
Uncle, that she is a companion and not a governess? Not a lady’s
maid?” Astonishment tied a knot in his tongue. “The bedchamber
was most unsuitable. She is the daughter of a Baron and should be
treated as such, do you not think?”
“I do not believe that I have been considering her in any other
way.”
A cold hand tightened around his neck at the cool smile which
spread across his niece’s face.
“Then why, might I ask, did you place her in such a dingy
bedchamber, when there are plenty of perfectly suitable
bedchambers available in your house?” Lady Juliet’s hands went to
her hips, and one eyebrow arched questioningly. Rather than have
an answer ready for her, Giles found himself quite astonished. He
was not angry nor upset, but rather utterly amazed that this slip of a
girl thought she could speak to him in such a manner. Worse, that
she could step into his house and undermine his authority in such a
way! “I believe that Mama has made it perfectly clear to you just
how much Miss Lawder means to us.” Before he could even begin to
form an answer, Lady Juliet was speaking again, perhaps seeing a
flicker of anger in his eyes. “Her father thinks very little of her. She is
considered nothing more than a burden to him, even though, by
rights, she ought to be a lady in amongst society as I am. She
arrived with us very soon after father became ill. Mother thought
that I might gain relief and companionship during what was a
terribly difficult time, but Miss Lawder has brought both Mother, and
myself, a great deal of comfort.” Lady Juliet shook her head and
sighed, finally dropping her gaze from his. “Did you know that her
father, Baron Wakefield, has made certain that any money she
makes is sent directly to him? I do not think that Miss Lawder has a
penny of her own and, of course, she can do nothing about it, for it
is her father’s prerogative to do as he sees fit. For someone who has
been treated so cruelly by her own flesh and blood, I think that we
must do that we can, to show her as much generosity as possible.
As I have just stated, she has become very dear to both myself and
my mother in such a short while.”
Giles drew in a deep breath, his emotions all of a confusion.
“You are certainly rather forthright, Lady Juliet.”
And most able to make me feel very guilty indeed over my choice
of bedchamber for the lady which, in itself, is a very small thing
indeed.
A hint of a smile danced around Lady Juliet’s lips.
“I believe that I am much like my mother, Uncle.”
Despite his frustration, a laugh escaped from the corner of his
mouth.
“In that I believe you are quite right, Lady Juliet. My sister was
always stubborn and determined, and it appears that you may also
have that trait. I do not know how your father survives with both of
you in his house!”
Lady Juliet’s smile lingered.
“I believe that my father would prefer me to be forthright and
blunt, rather than shy and retiring.”
I cannot imagine why.
“You have made your point quite clearly. I confess that I did not
think of Miss Lawder’s social standing when I gave her that
bedchamber.”
Seeing his niece’s eyebrows lift, he spread his hands and
shrugged, thinking that would be enough of an explanation.
“You sought to keep her from society rather than encourage her
to join with it. And that even before you were introduced to her.”
Guilt reared its ugly head in Giles’ heart, but he ignored it with an
effort. Shrugging, he turned away from his niece and picked up his
brandy glass, which was unfortunately empty.
 “You forget, Lady Juliet, that I have no knowledge of
companions. I have no experience with such creatures either. I was
only doing as I thought best.”
A small yet triumphant smile caught the edge of Lady Juliet’s
mouth.
“I quite understand, Uncle. I am glad that you are willing to
accept the change in circumstances.”
It is not as though I have any opportunity to refuse it.
“Indeed.” Forcing a smile, Giles gestured to the door. “As you
yourself have said, I am very busy this morning. I fear I shall not
see you again until we dine this evening.”
Much to his frustration, however, Lady Juliet did not move.
“And is there any entertainment for us this evening? Or are you
again to go into society without us?”
This is going to be more difficult than I had anticipated.
“I have nothing planned for this evening as I was certain you
would both require some time to rest and recover after your long
journey to London.”
“How very considerate.” Lady Juliet’s smile was a little fierce.
“Then tomorrow, I assume? I am very much looking forward to
entering society. You do recall that I am to be presented tomorrow
afternoon?”
His mind spinning frantically, Giles gave her a swift nod.
“Yes, tomorrow afternoon, of course. Thereafter, there are many
things I have planned for you and for your companion.”
This was of course a complete mistruth, for Giles had no
invitations secured, nor had he made any plans of his own.
“I am delighted to hear it.” With a smile, Lady Juliet finally turned
towards the door, leaving Giles to breathe out a sigh of relief. “I shall
inform Miss Lawder at once. You have not met her as yet, have
you?”
Giles shook his head.
“No, that pleasure is still to come, and shall happen this evening.”
Lady Juliet smiled and left him without another word. Giles
dropped his head forward, letting out a sigh of frustration as he did
so.
 Now I must find some sort of entertainment for my niece and her
companion for tomorrow night.
For whatever reason, it had not occurred to him that his niece
would require company and entertainment upon her arrival to
London, although he had, at the very least, remembered that she
was to be presented. He had spoken of her presence in London to
no-one, perhaps out of a mistaken hope that the situation might
never take place. In the back of his mind had been the prayer that
Lady Juliet’s father would recover in time for them all come to
London.
“It appears that I have been a little foolish.”
Straightening, Giles turned back to his desk, continuing to mutter
to himself. Picking up his quill, he found that no inspiration came to
him as he prepared to continue with his correspondence. His
thoughts were centered solely on his niece. The last thing he had
expected was to see her so fiery and filled with determination. And
yet, that stubborn trait was a part of his family, and now that he
thought of it, had he not seen it in his own sister many years ago?
Her companion will have much to do to improve her. Lady Juliet
must be shown how to behave and speak appropriately in society.
Dropping his quill, Giles went in search of his empty brandy glass.
The Season stretched out in front of him, no longer filled with joys
and delights, but rather with struggle and strain. He was not to have
the enjoyment he had relished for so many years. Instead, there
was responsibility and burden and Giles wished with every fiber of
his being that he had never agreed to sponsor his niece into society
in the first place.

“G ood evening , U ncle .”

Choosing to remain unsmiling, Giles rose from his chair.
“Good evening. It is good of you to finally join me for dinner.”
With a lifted eyebrow, he gestured to the empty chair at the other
end of the table. “It has been at least five minutes since the dinner
gong sounded.”
“Thank you for your patience.” Juliet’s smile was sweet but there
was no brightness in her eyes. “I confess that I was a little tardy due
to a slight tear in my gown. Miss Lawder was quick to fix it, however,
so we are only a few minutes late.” Giles nodded, his smile tight, as
tension began to flood the space between them. They had only been
in each other’s company for a very short while, and yet it seemed
that this unsettling feeling only grew with every meeting. Perhaps I
have upset her by being so inconsiderate – in her eyes – towards
her companion! “You have not yet been introduced to Miss Lawder.”
“No, indeed I have not.”
Finally pulling his attention away from Lady Juliet, Giles looked to
the young lady standing behind his niece.
“Uncle, this is Miss Emma Lawder. Miss Lawder, this is my uncle,
the Earl of Bargrave.” Lady Juliet smiled. “I should also have
informed you that Miss Lawder is the daughter of Baron Wakefield.”
A slightly knowing smile crept into her eyes as she studied him,
sending another stab of guilt into Giles’ heat.
“Good evening, Miss Lawder.” As the lady stepped into the
candlelight a little more, Giles blinked in surprise. This was not the
picture he had formed in his mind of his niece’s companion. He had
thought that she would have been a good deal older, and perhaps
even a slightly wrinkled creature with much of life behind her. He
had assumed that her father had sent her to be a companion due to
her age – but this willowy young lady could only be, at most, a few
years older than Lady Juliet! Clearing his throat, Giles dropped into a
bow. “I am very glad to meet you.”
“Good evening, Lord Bargrave.” The brown-haired young lady
smiled softly and dropped into an elegant curtsey. “I know that Lady
Juliet is glad indeed to be in London at long last. I will, of course, do
all that I can to support her as she traverses society with your
guidance and patronage. I thank you also for your generosity in
permitting me to reside here for the Season, in what is such a lovely
house.”
Giles did not miss the way Juliet’s eyes lit up at this remark.
 Was that particular comment meant to be a comment on the
bedchamber I first gave her?
Shrugging inwardly, he returned to his chair, thinking that it
would be best to leave the conversation where it was at present.
“Come now, the food will be getting cold if we do not sit to eat
together.”
Waiting for the ladies to take their seats, he snapped his fingers
before sitting down himself and, within seconds, the foot was
served.
“It is very exciting that Lady Juliet will be presented tomorrow.”
Giles cleared his throat.
“Yes, indeed, most exciting.”
Another glance towards the companion told him that she and
Lady Juliet were sharing a secret smile. Had they already planned
what they were to converse about? Was there to be an attempt to
pile guilt upon his shoulders?
“What is it that you have planned for Lady Juliet tomorrow
evening, might I ask?”
Miss Lawder sent a warm smile in Giles’ direction, but it only
caused his brows to lower all the more.
This is my niece’s doing. She does not believe that I have made
any plans for her whatsoever.
“You need not concern yourself with my intentions for Lady
Juliet, Miss Lawder. I am more than capable.” The smile on Miss
Lawder’s face quickly dropped, and Giles looked away, clearing his
throat for what was the second time. “I shall inform you tomorrow,
Lady Juliet, about what we are to attend and when we are leaving. I
will make sure to give you enough time to prepare.”
Lady Juliet’s eyes narrowed slightly as she looked straight at him,
her fork clasped in one hand.
“Miss Lawder was only asking, Uncle. And as my companion, it is
her role to be present at most events which I attend, to chaperone
me when you are not immediately available. Is there any need for
such secrecy?”
“I am not being secretive in the slightest. I simply do not need to
be questioned as to whether or not I am able to care for my niece.”
 Miss Lawder blinked rapidly and for a moment, and Giles thought
that she would drop her head and press a napkin to her eyes. It was
not his intention to upset her, of course, but rather that he wanted
to make it quite plain that he was able to take care of his niece and
her requirements without any additional support from a companion.
Then Miss Lawder lifted her head.
“You mistake my intentions, Lord Bargrave. I am not questioning
you, nor am I in anyway suggesting that you are inadequate. Quite
frankly, my Lord, I am a little surprised at such a reaction.”
Her eyes were clear as they met his for a long moment, leaving
Giles without an answer.
I have reacted badly to the lady, simply because of my niece. His
conscience pricked him, and he opened his mouth to apologize, only
for Lady Juliet to begin a conversation with her companion which
excluded him entirely. Grimacing, Giles picked up his fork and began
to eat. His relationship with his niece was going to be more difficult
to navigate than he had expected, and now he had the companion
to deal with also.
I have two feisty, forthright young ladies residing under my roof.
His scowl grew as he jabbed his fork into the meat on his plate.
This, I fear, will be one of the least enjoyable Seasons that I have
ever known… and it is all my own fault.
 CHAPTER THREE

“Y ou did very well, my dear.”

“Thank you.”
Lady Juliet seemed to glow with an effervescent
spirit as she joined Emma at the bottom of the stairs.
“I am sure that your uncle was very pleased with you.”
Lady Juliet snorted and rolled her eyes in a most unladylike
fashion.
“Unfortunately, my uncle was busy talking to another lady rather
than paying attention to me as I was presented to the Queen.”
“Oh.” Emma’s consideration of Lord Bargrave dropped still further
as she looked towards the top of the stairs, seeing him in deep
conversation with a lady she did not know. “I am sure that he has
something wonderful planned for you this evening. He does not
understand the significance of this moment, that is all.”
Lady Juliet laughed and shook her head.
“You are to think the best of him, I see. I, however, will not be so
easily taken in. I think that my uncle is quite a selfish fellow, unused
to having to give anything of himself to anyone.”
“That may be so, but I am sure he will do the very best for you.”
Looping her arm through Emma's, Lady Juliet let out a long sigh.
“You say such things even though he spoke to you most unfairly
last evening. That is very gracious of you.” Emma licked her lips but
did not respond. Lord Bargrave’s reaction to what had been a simple
question had been entirely unexpected and had unsettled her a
great deal. She had seen in his response a slight fear that he would
fail his niece and, while she had been surprised and upset by his
reaction, Emma had chosen not to hold it against him. “I do not
know my uncle particularly well as yet, but I am certain that this
season will reveal the true depths of his character.”
“I am quite certain that he cares about you. Whatever this
evening is to bring, it will be most enjoyable, I am sure.”
Smiling warmly, Emma cast a glance back over her shoulder, her
eyes swiftly catching Lord Bargrave’s. He was descending the stairs,
coming after them with long strides as a slight frown pulled at his
brow.
If he would only smile, then I am quite sure that he would be
much more handsome.
The thought charged around her mind, making Emma smile to
herself as she turned her attention back to her charge.
It was not that she considered Lord Bargrave to be unhandsome,
but rather that his seemingly permanent dark frown did nothing to
lift his expression. She had not even seen him smile as yet!
“Miss Lawder, Lady Juliet.” Lord Bargrave’s deep voice caught
their attention and Emma turned her head to look in his direction.
“Wait a moment if you will.”
“But of course, Uncle.” Lady Juliet stepped to one side, turning
slightly so that she could wait for her uncle to join them. “I do hope
that we did not pull you away from your conversation with…?”
Lord Bargrave’s frown etched itself all the more deeply across his
forehead.
“Lady Peterson – and no, you did not. I was merely confirming
the details with her for this evening’s gathering.”
Emma looked up in surprise, although it was Lady Juliet who
spoke first.
“This evening’s gathering?”
“Lord and Lady Peterson are giving a Ball this evening, in light of
their daughter’s presentation to the Queen. We are all cordially
invited.”
Casting a glance towards Lady Juliet, Emma silently begged her
to express gratitude towards her uncle for such a thing.
 “I see.” Lady Juliet’s tone was a little cool. “We are to attend the
ball thrown in another young lady’s honor? We go as her guests?”
“Yes.” Lord Bargrave did not seem to find any difficulty in such a
situation, for the line in his forehead lessoned somewhat. “Miss
Matterson will be the main focus of the evening, of course, but that
does not mean that other young ladies such as yourself cannot make
their come out also. Lady Peterson was most eager for you to attend
- I believe that she hopes that you and her daughter may become
good friends.”
Seeing the way that Lady Juliet’s frown deepened, and how she
opened her mouth to send a sharp retort to her uncle, Emma shook
her head swiftly, managing to catch her charge’s eye. Lady Juliet’s
lips bunched to one side, and she looked away, but much to Emma's
relief, remained silent.
“That sounds like an excellent endeavor, my Lord.” Sending a
quick smile in Lord Bargrave’s direction, Emma stepped forward and
slipped her hand through Lady Juliet's arm. “Come Lady Juliet, we
should return to the carriage. There is much to prepare for this
evening.” Her charge stepped forward at once, although her head
was low and her eyes a little dull. Emma knew precisely why Lady
Juliet was so very upset, but chose not to say anything about it. It
was not the wisest consideration to take a young woman to another
young lady’s ball, but Lord Bargrave was clearly doing what he
thought was best. “Have you decided what gown you will wear?”
Keeping her voice light, Emma walked Lady Juliet back towards the
entrance. “You have many beautiful gowns, but I am certain that
you told me of one in particular which was to be used for your first
venture into society.” A small sniff came from Lady Juliet in lieu of an
answer. “You will have an excellent evening, I am sure,” Emma
continued dropping her voice just a little so that Lord Bargrave
would not overhear. “Pray do not concern yourself so, Lady Juliet. It
will all go marvelously well, I am certain.”
Arriving at the carriage, Emma waited for Lady Juliet to climb
inside before following suit. Before she could do so, however, a
heavy hand settled on her shoulder, forcing her attention towards
Lord Bargrave.
 “I have upset my niece, I think.” Lord Bargrave was not looking
at her, and Emma too dropped her gaze, uncertain as to how to
answer him. “Is what I have organized not sufficient?”
The barking manner in which he spoke to her did not encourage
Emma to tell him the truth.
“It is sufficient, my Lord.” Speaking somewhat stiffly, Emma
looked towards the carriage. “We will need to return to the house at
once, Lord Bargrave. Lady Juliet requires time to prepare for this
evening.”
Lord Bargrave coughed and shook his head.
“Why do I have the impression that you are not being entirely
honest with me?”
“If you will excuse me.”
Choosing not to answer him, Emma stepped away and walked
directly to the carriage, climbing the steps so that she might sit next
to Lady Juliet. Lord Bargrave was the most confusing gentleman. He
had not made clear preparations for his niece and then seemed a
little upset when she did not react with as much gladness as he’d
expected.
Perhaps I was wrong not to answer him, but I cannot tell him
anything other than the truth and that, I fear, may cause trouble we
don’t need!
“My uncle is not going to join us, it seems.”
Lady Juliet’s expression was a little pinched.
“No?” Glancing out of the carriage window she saw Lord
Bargrave wave the carriage into motion, then turned and strode
directly away from them. “Perhaps that is for the best.” Settling back
in her seat, Emma tried to smile as warmly as she could towards her
charge. “A ball this evening. How wonderful!”
Lady Juliet shook her head, her eyes suddenly glistening with
unshed tears.
“We are to attend a ball which is being given for another young
lady, who is also just making her come out. It is as we both
believed: my uncle has given very little consideration to my situation
here. It is not as though such a ball is unwelcome, but rather that all
of the attention will be on Miss Matterson. Every gentleman will be
looking at her, seeking her attention. There will be very little left for
the rest of us.”
Reaching across, Emma grasped Lady Juliet's hand.
“You will gain much attention, I am sure. You may be quite
correct in your consideration of your uncle, but we must make the
best of it. Allow yourself to be a little excited about the prospect of
your first ball, my dear. It will be a very grand event indeed, and not
one easily forgotten!”
A tiny smile lifted the edge of Lady Juliet’s mouth, and the sheen
of tears in her eyes began to fade.
“Thank you, Miss Lawder. You are most encouraging.”
“I am glad you find me so. I am aware that you have a great
many hopes and expectations for your first Season and, whilst not
all of them will be fulfilled, I will do all that I can to encourage you
and support you throughout everything that happens during these
next few weeks.” She smiled, tilting her head as she released Lady
Juliet’s hand. “So, we must now turn our thoughts to your gown and
what you are to have adorning your hair. We have some time before
we must depart for the ball - and I have every intention of making
certain that you are the most beautiful young lady in all of London
this evening.”
This brought a warm smile to Lady Juliet’s face.
“Thank you, Miss Lawder… or may I now call you Emma? We
have been so very formal these last few months, but now I feel as
though we are becoming great friends and such formality seems
quite out of place.”
“Of course.” Her heart lifting, Emma looked out of the carriage
window, seeing London pass by. “I am quite sure that this evening
will be everything you hoped for, Juliet. Everything and maybe even
more.”

“I s my niece downstairs yet ?”

 Emma turned just as Lord Bargrave walked into the drawing-
room. Dropping into an awkward curtsey, she took a moment to
answer, gathering herself.
“She will be down momentarily, my Lord.”
The gentleman harrumphed, and Emma did not know where to
look, finding the tension between them suddenly growing into a
great and ominous presence.
I do not know him particularly well as yet. I cannot make any
judgments about his character. That would not be fair.
“I believe that you think me a little unfeeling.”
Emma's eyes shot to his.
“Unfeeling, my Lord?”
“You think that I have done poorly as regards my niece.”
Rather than choosing to answer in the affirmative or the
negative, Emma simply spread her hands.
“Why does it matter, my Lord, what my opinion is? I am only a
companion - you are her uncle. You will do as you see fit and as you
believe is best.”
This answer did not seem to find favor with him, for Lord
Bargrave’s frown grew and the familiar line drew itself between his
eyebrows once more. Emma did not shrink from him, however. She
allowed her gaze to rest on his features, taking in his heavy
eyebrows, the way his fair hair flopped over his forehead and the
intensity of his eyes as he studied her. In the candlelight, she could
not quite make out the color of them, but if there was a family trait,
then she expected them to be blue, just as Lady Juliet’s were. All in
all, Emma would certainly consider Lord Bargrave to be a handsome
gentleman, albeit with that continual heavy frown lingering across
his forehead.
“You are scrutinizing me heavily, Miss Lawder.”
The heat of embarrassment rose in her chest. She had not
realized that her study of him had been so obvious, nor that he had
been watching her.
“I do not mean to do so, my Lord. Forgive me.” She did not lower
her gaze entirely, however, wanting to give a reason for her
consideration of him so that he would not think her a strange
creature. “It is only that I sought out family similarities between your
features and those of Lady Juliet.”
“And did you find any?”
Much to Emma's astonishment, the corner of Lord Bargrave’s lips
quirked upwards and the heat of embarrassment in her belly
suddenly changed to a strange fluttering. This was the first time that
she had ever seen even a hint of joviality on his face. It changed his
features entirely, for his eyes suddenly sparkled and his brows
suddenly lifted from their usual heavy position.
“I... I believe that I have, yes, although I find myself wondering
whether or not your eyes are of a similar color to Lady Juliet's.”
Why am I saying such things? I need not give any further
explanation.
“My eyes are blue, in fact.” Lord Bargrave smiled suddenly, and
Emma’s breath caught in her chest. “They have a hint of green here
and there – a gift from my father, I believe, but on the whole, they
remain mostly blue.” His smile began to fade, and his eyebrows
lowered to their usual position. “You say that my niece also has blue
eyes? I confess that I have not noticed.”
Emma nodded.
“Yes, she does.”
Again, her eyes were drawn towards Lord Bargrave, and she
found herself unable to pull her gaze away. She had not seen this
side of him before. She had not even seen him smile before, but that
tiny crook of his mouth changed his expression so drastically that
she could barely keep her astonishment hidden.
“I do not know my niece.” Lord Bargrave put both hands behind
his back but did not allow his gaze to linger on her. “I will admit to
you, Miss Lawder, that I am a little surprised at her… fierceness. I
ought not to be, of course, for, as a child, my sister displayed the
very same strength.”
“Might I ask what your expectation was of your niece?”
Lord Bargrave shrugged.
“I expected a quiet, genteel young lady who would do as she
was asked and would not, for example, move her companion from
one bedchamber to another without so much as a by-your-leave!”
 A slight flush caught Emma's cheeks and she once more dropped
her gaze. There was nothing for her to say in response to such a
remark for, as yet, she could not be sure of whether or not Lord
Bargrave saw any mistake in his decision to place her where he had
– and it was certainly not her place to state such a thing directly!
“You will have to make sure that she traverses society with great
care, Miss Lawder.”
Her head lifted.
“Yes, my Lord, of course.”
“She cannot be allowed to speak with such forthrightness in
company. Her sole purpose is to find a suitable match, is it not? And
no gentleman of the ton will wish for her company if they find her to
be as outspoken as I do.”
Turning away from her, he marched towards the window as
though such a statement ought to be accepted without question, as
though he thought she would simply agree with him.
Emma's heart twisted and every good consideration of Lord
Bargrave which had filled her mind these last few moments
shattered completely.
“You would have your niece pretend to be someone she is not?”
Lord Bargrave’s head spun back towards her.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You are asking me to encourage your niece to pretend that she
is not as she truly is. You think it best that she hide her true
character, that she play herself false, so that the gentlemen of the
ton might think well of her.”
“I see no difficulty in that.”
Emma shook her head, her hands going to her hips.
“Then pray tell me Lord Bargrave, what would happen should
Lady Juliet marry? Her husband will not know the true Lady Juliet,
he will be making his vows to a woman he does not truly know. And
Lady Juliet will not be able to hide such traits forever - although I do
confess that I do not think she would be willing to hide them at all!
Such a marriage would be a great burden for both husband and
wife. It would lead to only difficulty, strife, and pain.”
Lord Bargrave’s lip curled, and his eyes narrowed slightly.
 “And you speak from experience, do you?”
Emma lifted her chin, refusing to allow the slight to injure her.
“I speak from the very same position as you, Lord Bargrave. I will
not encourage Lady Juliet to behave in such a way. It is my belief
that she must remain true to herself and not shrink back simply so
that the gentlemen of the ton might think well of her.”
Lord Bargrave’s eyes narrowed still further.
“Then I fear you doom her to a life of spinsterhood.”
“And I am quite of the opposite opinion.” Aware that her voice
was rising, Emma dropped her hands and took a steadying breath.
“It is my belief that there will be many gentlemen in society who will
see Lady Juliet’s character and think it beautiful.”
The gentleman let out a huff of breath, closed his eyes, and
shook his head.
“It is just as well that I am her sponsor into society, and you are
only her companion. This is the path I shall be leading my niece. It
would make things a great deal easier if you would simply align your
approach with mine.”
“I shall not.” Emma lifted her chin, unafraid. “I am her
companion and her friend. I shall always do what I believe is best
for her.”
“And you shall find, Uncle, that I am not so easily biddable.”
Turning, Emma saw Lady Juliet walking into the drawing-room. From
the sparks flashing in her eyes, it appeared that she had been
listening to the conversation for the last few minutes. “My mother
has always encouraged me to stay true to myself. My father has
wished me to be a strong young woman who is not afraid to express
opinions. I should do them both a dishonor if I behaved in any other
way.”
Lord Bargrave scowled.
“Things are very different here in London, Lady Juliet.”
“That may be so, but you will find me less than willing to do as
you have suggested.” Coming to stand next to Emma, Lady Juliet
looped one arm through hers. “Now, are we to go to the ball? The
last thing I want is for us to be tardy to what is my very first social
occasion!”
 Lord Bargrave’s expression was so dark that, for a moment,
Emma believed he was about to turn around and cancel their
engagement completely. He turned away, his shoulders hunched and
his back stiff and straight. Swallowing hard, Emma glanced towards
Lady Juliet, who appeared quite calm, looking towards her uncle and
waiting in expectant silence.
“Make your way to the carriage.” Lord Bargrave’s voice was gruff,
and he flung out a hand towards them without turning around. “I
shall join you in a few minutes.”
Emma did not need to be given another opportunity. Releasing
Lady Juliet’s arm she hurried to the door, with Lady Juliet walking
swiftly behind her.
“I thank you for your courage.” Lady Juliet whispered into
Emma's ear as they made their way to the front of the house. “I am
very grateful to you for your responses to my uncle. You are right. I
am entirely unwilling to pretend. If any gentleman is to consider me,
then they must know my true character. I could not be deceitful.”
“And I should never encourage you to be.”
Stepping back so that Lady Juliet could climb into the carriage,
Emma cast a quick glance up towards the drawing room window.
Was it just her imagination, or was Lord Bargrave still standing by
the window?
I do not know what he thinks of me now, but I must be honest
with both myself and with him.
Her heart dropped to the ground as she considered the next few
months living under his roof, fearing that it would not be a pleasant
atmosphere. But then she recalled the way that his lips had quirked,
and his expression had changed so dramatically. Was there any
chance that she might see that side of him again? Or would he
remain as he always had been thus far – frowning upon every single
thing that either she or Lady Juliet did, and making it quite clear that
he considered their presence in his house a burden.
As much as she might hope for the former, Emma was convinced
it would be the latter… and that would make her stay in London very
trying indeed.
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 For what is it to thee whether that man be such or no? Whether
this man do or speak this or that?

Thou shalt not need to answer for others, but shalt give account
of thyself.

Behold I know every one, and see all things that are under the
sun, and understand how it is with every one; what he thinks, what
he desires, and at what he aims.

All things therefore are to be committed unto me; but do thou

keep thyself in peace, and let him that acts, act as he will.

Whatsoever he shall have done or said shall fall upon himself, for
he cannot deceive me.

2. Be not careful for the shadow of a great name, or for the

friendship of many; nor for the affection of particular men.

For these things distract and greatly darken the heart.

I would willingly utter my words, and reveal my secrets unto thee,

if thou didst diligently observe my coming, and open the door of thy
heart unto me.

Be careful and watch in prayer, and humble thyself in all things.

 C H A P T E R XX.
Wherein firm peace of heart and true profiting consisteth.

ON, I have said, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give

S
Christ. unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.

All desire peace, but all care not for those things that appertain
unto peace.

My peace is with the humble and meek of heart; thy peace doth
consist in much patience.

If thou wilt hear me, and follow my voice, thou mayest enjoy
much peace.

Christian. What then shall I do, Lord?

*Christ. In every thing attend unto thyself, what thou dost, and
what thou sayest; and direct thy whole intention unto this, that thou
mayest please me alone, and desire to seek nothing besides me.

Of the sayings and doings of others, judge not rashly, neither do

thou entangle thyself with things not committed unto thee: and doing
thus, thou shalt be little or seldom troubled.

Yet do not esteem highly of thyself, or account thyself to be

especially beloved, if thou be in great devotion and sweetness; for
the profiting and perfection of a man consists not in these things.

2. Christ. Wherein then Lord?

 Christian. In offering thyself with thy whole heart unto the will of
God, not seeking thine own, neither in great nor little, neither in time
nor in eternity.

So that thou keepest one and the same even countenance with
thanksgiving, both in prosperity and adversity, weighing all in an
equal balance.

If, when inward comfort is withdrawn from thee, thou preparest

thy heart to suffer greater things; and dost not justify thyself, as tho’
thou oughtest not to suffer these so great afflictions, but justifiest me
in whatsoever I appoint, ♦ and praisest my holy name; then thou
walkest in the true and right way of peace.

♦ duplicate word “and” removed

And if thou attainest to the full contempt of thyself, then shalt thou
enjoy abundance of peace.

C H A P T E R XXI.
Of the excellent liberty which humble prayer sooner gaineth
than reading.

ORD, it is the work of a perfect man, never to slacken his

L
Christian. mind from the attentive thought of heavenly things, and
to pass without care among many cares; not like a dull
sluggard; but by a free mind, adhering to no creature with inordinate
affection.
 2. I beseech thee, my most gracious God, preserve me from the
cares of this life, lest I be entangled thereby; and from the many
necessities of the body, lest I should be caught by pleasure; and
from whatsoever is an obstacle to the soul, lest broken with troubles
I should be overthrown.

3. O my God, who art ineffable sweetness, embitter unto me all

carnal comfort, which draws me away from the love of eternal things,
by the hope of present delight.

Let me not be overcome, O Lord, let me not be overcome by

flesh and blood. Let not the world, and the short glory thereof
deceive me. Let not the devil and his subtilty supplant me.

*Give me strength to resist, patience to suffer, and constancy, to

persevere.

Give me, instead of the comforts of the world, the unction of thy
Spirit; and for carnal love pour into my soul the love of thy name.

Herein, I beseech thee, let thy hand govern me, and teach me,
that I may fall into no extreme.

C H A P T E R XXII.
That self-love most hindereth our attainment of the supreme
love.

SON,thyself.
Christ.
thou oughtest to give all for all, and to retain nothing of

Know, that the love of thyself doth hurt thee more than any thing
in the world.
 According to the love and affection thou bearest to it, every thing
cleaves unto thee more or less.

If thy love be pure, thou shalt not be in bondage to any thing.

Covet not that which thou mayst not have. Be not willing to have
that which may deprive thee of inward liberty.

It is strange that thou committest not thyself wholly unto me, from
the bottom of thy heart, with all things that thou canst desire or have.

2. Why dost thou consume thyself with vain grief? Why art thou
tired with needless cares?

Stand to my will, and thou shalt suffer no detriment.

*If thou seekest this or that, and wouldest be here or there, to

enjoy thy own will and pleasure; thou shalt never be at quiet, nor free
from care:

*For in every thing somewhat will be wanting, and in every place

there will be some that will cross thee.

3. It availeth thee therefore not to multiply outward things, but to

despise them, and utterly root them out of thy heart.

Unless thou standest stedfast in me, thou mayst change, but not
better thyself.

For when occasion of change happens, and is embraced, thou

shalt find not only those things which thou soughtest to fly, but a
great deal more.

4. Christian. Strengthen me, O God, by the grace of thy Holy

Spirit.

Give me to be strengthened in my inward man, and to empty my

heart of all uncomfortable care.
 *Not to be drawn away with the desire of any thing, either mean
or precious; but to look upon all things as passing away, and myself
as passing away together with them.

5. Grant me, O Lord, heavenly wisdom, that I may learn above all
things to seek and find thee, above all things to relish thee, and to
love thee.

And to think of all other things as they are, according to the

disposal of thy wisdom.

C H A P T E R XXIII.
How we ought to call upon God, and bless him in
tribulation.

LESSED, O Lord, be thy name for ever, who art pleased

B
Christian. that this temptation and tribulation should come upon
me.

I cannot fly it; but must needs fly to thee, that thou mayst help
me, and turn it to my good.

Lord, I am now afflicted. I am much troubled with this present

suffering.

And now, dear Father, what shall I say? I am in a strait, save me

from this hour.

Yet therefore came I unto this hour, that thou mayst be glorified,
when I shall have been brought very low, and then delivered by thee.

Let it please thee, Lord, to deliver me; for, what can I do, and
whither shall I go without thee?
 Grant me patience, Lord, at this time also.

Help me, my God, and then I will not fear, how grievously soever
I be afflicted.

2. And now, in these my troubles, what shall I say? Lord, thy will
be done, I have deserved to be afflicted.

Surely I ought to bear it; and O that I could bear it with patience,
until the tempest be passed over!

But thy hand is able to take even this temptation from me, and to
assuage the violence thereof, that I utterly sink not under it, as often
heretofore thou hast done unto me, O my God, my merciful God.

And the more hard it is to me, the more easy is this change to the
right hand of the Most High.

C H A P T E R XXIV.
Of craving the divine aid, and confidence of recovering
grace.

ON, I am the Lord, that giveth strength in the day of

S
Christ. tribulation.

Come unto me when it is not well with thee.

This is that which most of all hindereth heavenly consolation, that

thou art slow in turning thyself unto prayer.

For before thou dost earnestly pray unto me, thou seekest many
comforts, and triest to refresh thyself with outward things.
 And hence it comes to pass that all doth little profit thee, until
thou considerest, that I am he that delivers those that trust in me;
that out of me is neither powerful help, nor profitable counsel, nor
lasting remedy.

But now having recovered breath after the tempest, gather

strength again in the light of my mercies, for I am at hand to repair
all, not only entirely, but also abundantly.

2. Is there any thing hard to me? Or am I like unto him that

promiseth and performeth not?

Where is thy faith? Be firm and constant.

Take courage and be patient; comfort will come to thee in due

time.

Wait, wait for me, I will come and heal thee.

Let not thy heart be troubled, neither let it fear.

Believe in me, and put thy trust in my mercy.

When thou thinkest thyself farthest off from me, often I am

nearest unto thee.

When thou judgest, almost all is lost, then often is the greatest
opportunity of improvement.

That which I have given I can take away; and restore it again
when I please.

*3. When I give it, it is mine; when I withdraw it, I take not any
thing that is thine; for mine is every good and perfect gift.

If I send any cross, repine not, nor let thy heart fail: I can quickly
succour thee, and turn all thy heaviness into joy.
 Nevertheless I am righteous, and greatly to be praised, when I
deal thus with thee.

As my Father hath loved me, I also love you, said I unto my

beloved disciples; whom I sent not to temporal joys, but to great
conflicts: not to honours, but to contempts; not to idleness, but to
labours; not to rest, but to bring forth much fruit with patience.

My son, remember these words.

C H A P T E R XXV.
Of the contempt of all creatures, in order to find out the
Creator.

* ORD, I stand in need of greater grace, to attain that

L
Christian. state wherein no man or creature may be a
hindrance to me.

For as long as any thing detains me, I cannot freely take my flight
unto thee.

What is more quiet than a single eye? And what more free than
he that desireth nothing upon earth?

And unless a man be free from the affections of all creatures, he

cannot freely attend unto divine things.

Long shall he be little, and lie groveling below, that esteemeth

any thing great, but the one infinite and eternal good.

For whatsoever is not God, is nothing, and ought to be accounted

as nothing.
 Christ. Son, thou canst not possess perfect liberty, unless thou
wholly renounce thyself.

All who are lovers of themselves are in bondage, full of desires,

curious wanderers, seeking self-indulgence, and not the things of
Jesus Christ, but often devising and framing that which shall not
stand.

For all that is not of God shall perish.

*Keep this short and perfect saying, Forsake all, and thou shalt
find all; leave desire, and thou shalt find rest.

Consider this well, and when thou hast fulfilled it, thou shalt
understand all things.

2. Christian. Lord, that is not one day’s work; yea, in this short
word is contained all perfection.

Christ. Son, thou must not go back, nor straitways be dejected,

when thou hearest of the ways of the perfect; but rather be stirred up
to higher things, and at least desire and sigh after them.

I would thou wert come to this, that thou wert no longer a lover of
thyself, but didst stand merely at my beck.

Then thou wouldst please me, and all thy life would pass away in
joy and peace.

Thou hast yet many things to forsake; which, unless thou wholly
resignest up unto me, thou shalt not attain that which thou desirest.

I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayst
be rich: that is, heavenly wisdom, which treadeth under foot all
earthly things.

Cast away earthly wisdom, and all study to please others or

thyself.
 He that is wise, and well instructed in spirit, standeth fast, not
heeding any thing, but that the whole intention of his mind may tend
to the right end.

For thus he may continue one, and the selfsame, and unshaken
in the midst of so many various events, directing continually the
single eye of his intention unto me.

3. And the purer the eye of the intention is, the more steadily doth
he pass through various storms.

But in many things the eye of a pure intention waxeth dim, for it
quickly looketh upon any delightsome object that occurs.

And it is rare to find one that is wholly free from all blemish of
self-seeking.

So the Jews of old came to Bethany to Martha and Mary, not for
Jesus alone, but to see Lazarus also.

The eye of thy intention therefore is to be purged, that it may be

single and right, directed unto me beyond the manifold earthly
objects that come between.

C H A P T E R XXVI.
That God is sweet above all things, and in all things, to him
that loveth.

Y God and my all. What would I have more, and what

M
Christian. greater happiness can I desire?

O sweet and pleasing word! But to him that loveth the word; not
the world, nor those things that are in the world.
 My God and my all! Enough is said to him that understandeth;
and to him that loveth it is pleasant to repeat it often.

For when thou art present, all things please; but when thou art
absent, all things disgust.

Thou givest quiet of heart, and much peace, and pleasant joy.

Thou makest us think well of all things, and praise thee in all
things: neither can any thing please long without thee.

*But that any thing may be pleasant, thy grace must be present,
and it must be seasoned with the sweetness of thy wisdom.

2. What is not tasteful unto him who tasteth thee?

And him who delighteth not in thee, what can delight?

*3. O thou everlasting light, surpassing all created lights, dart the
beams of thy brightness from above, piercing the most inward parts
of my heart.

Purify, rejoice, enlighten, and enliven my spirit, with all the

powers thereof, that I may cleave unto thee with abundance of joy
and triumph.

*O when will that blessed hour come, when I shall be filled with
thy presence, and thou be unto me all in all!

As long as this is not granted me, I shall not have full joy.

Alas! the kingdom of my soul is not yet in peace.

4. But thou that rulest the raging of the sea, and stillest the waves
thereof when they arise, arise and help me:

Scatter the people that delight in war, destroy them in thy might.
 Display thy greatness, and let thy right hand be glorified; for there
is no other hope nor refuge for me, but in thee, my Lord God.

C H A P T E R XXVII.
Of a pure and entire resignation of ourselves, for the
obtaining freedom of heart.

ON, forsake thyself, and thou shalt find me.

S
Christ.
Stand without chusing any thing and without seeking
to have any thing as thy own.

Resign thyself, without resuming thy claim.

Christian. Lord, how often shall I resign myself? And wherein

shall I forsake myself?

*Christ. Always and every hour, as well in little things as in great;

I except nothing, but require that thou be naked and void of all
things.

Otherwise how canst thou be mine, and I thine, unless both

within and without thou art free from all self-will?

2. Some resign themselves, but with some exception; for they put
not their whole trust in God, and therefore they study how to provide
for themselves.

*Some also at first offer all; but afterwards being assaulted with
temptation, return again to that which they had left, and therefore
they go not forward in virtue.
 These shall not attain to the true liberty of purity of heart, nor to
the favour of my sweetest familiarity, unless they first make an entire
resignation, and a daily oblation of themselves unto me.

3. I have often said unto thee, and now again I say the same;
forsake thyself, resign thyself, and thou shalt enjoy much inward
peace.

* Give all for all; seek nothing, require back nothing, abide purely
and with a firm confidence in me, and then thou shalt enjoy me.

*Thou shalt be free in heart, and darkness shall not have any
power over thee.

*Let this be thy prayer, let this be thy desire; that being stript of all
selfishness, thou mayst follow naked the naked Jesus, and dying to
thyself, mayst live eternally with me.

C H A P T E R XXVIII.
Of the good government of ourselves in outward things, and
of recourse to God in danger.

ON, thou oughtest with all diligence to endeavour, that in

S
Christ. every place and action of business, thou be inwardly free,
and master of thyself, and that things be under thee, and
not thou under them.

That thou mayst be lord of thy actions, not a servant or a hireling,

but rather a freeman, and a true Hebrew, enjoying the liberty of the
sons of God:
 Who stand above the things that are present, and view the things
which are eternal:

*Who look on transitory things with the left eye, and with the right
behold the things of heaven:

Whom temporal things cannot draw to cleave unto them; but they
rather draw temporal things to serve them, in such a way as they are
appointed by the Creator of all, who hath left nothing in his creatures
without due order.

2. If thou remainest stedfast in all events, and dost not weigh by

the outward appearance, the things which thou seest and hearest;
but presently in every affair dost enter with Moses into the
tabernacle, to ask counsel of the Lord, thou shalt hear the divine
oracle, and return instructed, concerning many things both present
and to come.

Always fly to the closet of thy heart, earnestly craving the Divine
favour.

For the scripture testifieth, that therefore were Joshua and the
children of Israel deceived by the Gibeonites, because they asked
not counsel at the mouth of the Lord.

Always commit thy cause to me, I will dispose well of it in due

time.

Wait for my ordering of it, and thou shalt find it well for thy good.

Christian. Lord, I most willingly commit all unto thee, for my care
can avail little.

*O that I cleaved not too much to future events, but offered

myself with all readiness of mind to thy good pleasure!
 3. Christ. Son, a man often earnestly labours for what he
desireth; and when he hath gotten it, he beginneth to be of another
mind.

For men’s affections do not long continue fixed on one thing.

It is therefore no small thing for a man to forsake himself, even in

the smallest things.

4. The true profiting of a man consisteth in the denying of himself.

But the old enemy ceaseth at no time from tempting, but day and
night layeth grievous snares, if haply he may cast the unwary into
them.

Therefore watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation.

C H A P T E R XXIX.
That man hath no good of himself, nor any thing whereof he
can glory.

ORD, what is man, that thou art mindful of him; or the son
L
Christian. of man that thou visitest him?

What hath man deserved, that thou shouldst give him thy grace?

Lord, what cause have I to complain, if thou forsakest me; or if

thou dost not that which I desire?

Surely, Lord, I am nothing, I can do nothing, I have nothing that is

good of myself, but in all things I am defective, and do ever tend to
nothing.
 And unless thou help and inwardly instruct me, I become
altogether cold and dissipated.

2. But thou, O Lord, art always the same, and endurest for ever;
always good, just, and holy, doing all things well, justly and holily,
and disposing all things with wisdom.

But I, that am more ready to go backward than forward, do not

ever continue in one estate; for seven times are passed over me:

Yet it is soon better with me, when it so pleaseth thee, and when
thou vouchsafest to stretch forth thy helping hand.

For thou alone canst help me without the aid of man, and so
strengthen me, that my countenance shall be no more changed, but
my heart shall be turned to thee alone, and there shall rest.

3. Thanks be unto thee, from whence all proceedeth, as often as

it goeth well with me:

But I am mere vanity in thy sight, an inconstant and weak man.

Wherefore then can I glory? Or for what do I desire to be

esteemed?

For nothing? But this is most vain?

The true glory and holy rejoicing is for a man to glory in thee, and
not in himself:

To rejoice in thy name and not in his own virtue; nor to delight in
any creature but in thee.

Praised be thy name, not mine: magnified be thy work, not mine.

Let thy holy name be blessed; but to me let no part of men’s

praise be given.

Thou art my glory, thou art the joy of my heart.

 In thee will I glory and rejoice all the day; but as for myself I will
not glory, but in my infirmities.

4. Let the Jews seek honour one of another; I will desire that
which is from God only.

For all human glory, all temporal honour, all worldly highness is
vanity and folly.

O my truth, my mercy, my God, most blessed Trinity; to thee

alone be praise, honour, power, and glory for evermore.

C H A P T E R XXX.
That our peace is not to be placed in men.

* ON, if thou placest thy peace in any one, because he

S
Christ. thinketh like thee, and liveth with thee, thou shalt be
unstable and entangled,

But if thou hast recourse unto the ever-living and eternal truth, a
friend going from thee or dying shall not grieve thee.

*The love of thy friend ought to be grounded in me; and for me he

is to be beloved, whosoever he be who is dear to thee in this life.

No friendship can avail, or continue without me; neither is that

love true and pure, which is not knit by me.

Thou oughtest to be so dead to such affections toward men, that

thou shouldst wish to be without all friendship purely human.

2. But he that attributeth any good unto himself, hindereth God’s

grace from coming unto him.
 For the grace of the Holy Ghost ever seeketh an humble heart.

When thou casteth thine eyes on creatures, the sight of thy

Creator is taken from thee.

Learn to overcome thyself in all things for the love of thy Creator;
and then thou shalt be able to attain to divine knowledge.

How little soever the thing be, if it be loved and regarded

inordinately, it defileth the soul, and hindereth the enjoyment of the
supreme good.

C H A P T E R XXXI.
Against vain knowledge.

ON, let not the fair speeches and subtle sayings of men
S
Christ. move thee: for the kingdom of God consisteth not in word
but in power.

Labour to mortify thy sins; for that will profit thee more than the
knowledge of many difficult questions.

2. When thou hast read and knowest many things, thou must
ever return to one principle.

*I am he that teacheth man knowledge, and giveth unto babes a

more clear understanding than can be taught by man.

He to whom I speak, shall quickly be wise, and he shall profit

much in the spirit.

Woe be to them that enquire many curious things of men; and

little mind the way how to serve me.
 *The time will come, when the Master of Masters shall appear,
Christ the Lord of angels, to hear the lesson of all, that is, to examine
the conscience of every one.

And then he will search Jerusalem with a candle, and the hidden
things of darkness shall be laid open, and the arguing of men’s
tongues shall be silent.

*3. I am he that teacheth without the noise of words, without the

confusion of opinions.

I am he that teacheth to despise earthly things, to disdain things

present, to seek the everlasting, to relish things eternal, to fly
honours, to suffer injuries, to place all hope in me, to desire nothing
out of me, and above all things ardently to love me.

I am the teacher of truth, the searcher of the heart, the discerner

of the thoughts, the promoter of good actions, distributing to every
one as I judge meet.

C H A P T E R XXXII.
Of putting our trust in God when we are evil spoken of.

ON, stand firm, and put thy trust in me: for what are words
S
Christ. but words? They fly through the air, but hurt not a stone.

If thou be guilty, see that thou be willing to amend: if thou be

innocent, suffer this willingly for God.

It is but a small matter to suffer a few words, if thou hast not yet
the courage to endure hard stripes.