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OceanofPDF.com
TIMOTHY JANOVSKY is a queer multidisciplinary storyteller based in
Washington, DC. When he’s not daydreaming about young Hugh
Grant, he’s telling jokes, playing characters and writing books. He’s
the author of several romantic comedies, including Never Been
Kissed, You’re a Mean One, Matthew Prince and New Adult.

www.TimothyJanovsky.com

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The (Fake) Dating Game

Timothy Janovsky

www.millsandboon.co.uk

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ISBN: 978-0-008-93829-1

THE (FAKE) DATING GAME

© 2024 by Timothy Janovsky

Published in Great Britain 2024

by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London
Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF

All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in

part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with
Harlequin Enterprises ULC.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and

incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life
individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business
establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is
entirely coincidental.

By payment of the required fees, you are granted the non-exclusive,

non-transferable right and licence to download and install this e-
book on your personal computer, tablet computer, smart phone or
other electronic reading device only (each a “Licensed Device”) and
to access, display and read the text of this e-book on-screen on your
Licensed Device. Except to the extent any of these acts shall be
permitted pursuant to any mandatory provision of applicable law but
no further, no part of this e-book or its text or images may be
reproduced, transmitted, distributed, translated, converted or
adapted for use on another file format, communicated to the public,
downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or
introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any
form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now
known or hereinafter invented, without the express written
permission of publisher.
® and ™ are trademarks owned and used by the trademark owner
and/or its licensee. Trademarks marked with ® are registered with
the United Kingdom Patent Office and/or the Office for
Harmonisation in the Internal Market and in other countries.

www.millsandboon.co.uk

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 Note to Readers

This ebook contains the following accessibility features which, if

supported by your device, can be accessed via your
ereader/accessibility settings:

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 Author Note

This story contains the (off-page) death of a parent

and frequent discussions of grief and healing.
I hope I have handled these topics with care and grace.
As such, I hope you, dear reader, will give yourself the same
when choosing whether this romance is for you.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief,

please visit my website, timothyjanovsky.com,
for a list of support resources.

Much love,

Timothy Janovsky

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 Contents

Cover
About the Author

Title Page

Copyright

Note to Readers

Author Note
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
 Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Epilogue
About the Publisher

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 One

Amber bulbs dangle on white strings above our heads, making

everyone in the restaurant look like a cartoon character with a bright
idea. I, however, feel like an absolute fool for coming here tonight.
It’s crowded, loud, and overpriced. Three things Buckley hates.
Buckley, my long-term boyfriend and college sweetheart, sits
across from me looking pensive in a brand-new shirt, a crisp oak
color, that’s too snug around the collar. I bought it for him this
afternoon as a surprise from the athleisure boutique I work at.
I always forget Buckley’s neck size. Shoe size: ten and a half. Pant
size: 30x32. Dick size...a gentleman never tells. But, somehow, I
always screw up his neck size. It’s wider than the rest of his parts.
(No, I’m not talking about that part, which has plenty of girth,
thank you very much.)
(I, Holden James, never said I was a gentleman.)
When he got home from work at the accounting firm, I had this
fresh outfit laid out on the bed for him, flashed him a pair of train
tickets, and told him we were having dinner in Manhattan tonight.
If Buckley had it his way, we’d never leave our town. It has a
Whole Foods! We’re within driving distance of two IKEAs! Both of
which we can only shop at because he brings home the bacon, and
by bacon, I do mean the organic smoked turkey bacon I attempt to
fry on Sunday mornings while he sleeps. Unimaginably, I always set
off the smoke detectors, and he wakes up to open all the windows,
reasonably grumpy.
But tonight, he didn’t protest the trek into the city because I told
him it was my treat.
Though, this treat turned out to be more of a trick.
Gwendolyn, my boss and the woman who owns the boutique I
work at, recommended this place. “It’s divine,” she’d said, while
watching me fold ugly pairs of patterned leggings for the fashionably
indiscriminate who frequent Fab Fitness Flair. (Try saying that five
times fast.)
The Yelp listing made this restaurant seem like a lavish, dimly lit
dining establishment with olive accent colors and old-world charms.
A good place for important conversations like the one I’m hoping to
have with Buckley tonight.
“Your boyfriend will love it,” Gwendolyn had reassured me when I
clocked out this afternoon.
Now here we are and, judging by the disgruntled look on Buckley’s
face, he is not loving it. He’s the embodiment of the anti-McDonald’s
slogan right now.
Not that I blame him.
Our light wood table is smashed up against our neighbor’s—a
short, bald agent talking career trajectory with a young blonde. She’s
probably a singer judging by her wacky outfit, a neon bucket hat
and Edward Scissorhands–esque nails. How she picks up her
wineglass is above and beyond me. I watch in abject horror, hoping
she doesn’t spill the dry red all over her white crop top.
I’m fixating on the excess of stimuli around me because I’m more
nervous than I’ve ever been before. A big question hovers just
behind my lips. I’m holding it back until the right moment. During
dessert, probably. Right after Buckley’s first bite of cake. I’m trying
to sweeten him up so he’s sure to say yes when I pop the question.
The plates we’ve been served so far were small. Each tasting has
been just that—a bite of bliss that escaped my palate before it even
settled. The pear salad was exquisite with a refreshing pink dressing
—pomegranate, maybe?—that I was afraid to ask the fussy waiter
about since he was already annoyed with us for our (my) stinginess.
We’ve ordered the cheapest drinks and the least expensive plates
because the boutique doesn’t pay me that well, and my side hustle
of teaching Cardio Dance Fit classes isn’t much better. This outing
tonight is being bankrolled by a Capital One credit card limit I have
no idea how I got approved for.
“Thank you for coming here tonight,” I say to Buckley, sounding
small. My heart is skittish. Here’s the only man I’ve ever loved sitting
across from me, the man I live with, and despite the small distance
of white tablecloth between us, it feels like I’m shouting at him from
the other side of the world given the noise around us and the chasm
of emotions I’m afraid to fall into. “I know it took a lot for you to get
off from work early since you’re still the new guy and, yeah, it
means a lot to me.”
“Sure, Holden,” he says, and my chest contracts.
He never calls me Holden. Since forever, he’s called me H.
One night, when he was really drunk, not long after we first met,
he went on a rant at an ABC—anything but clothes—party about
how Holden has no immediate nicknames. “Hole?” he goofed. “We
can’t call you hole!” The room lit up with laughter from every corner,
and even though it was at my expense, I didn’t care. His attention
had that spectacular effect on me. “I’ll call you H. Short, simple,
eighth letter of the alphabet. H is like a house, dependable and
sturdy, right? Like, two I’s connected together.”
Then, when we started dating, he told me H was more like a
home, still dependable, still sturdy, but he and I were the two I’s and
the line connecting them was our love.
It was over-the-top, but I rolled with it, enjoying that I could be
someone worthy of romantic words, no matter how cheesy. For
once, I didn’t feel reduced to the-guy-whose-mom-died at the end of
high school.
“I bet you’re wondering why I chose to trek all the way out here
tonight.” I muster up a prizewinning smile, shucking the bad
memories I almost let infiltrate our night. I’ve got to sell this.
The waiter, a handsome guy with piercing hazel eyes, comes by
with our entrées, interrupting my flow. There are approximately four
truffle raviolis on a large pewter plate topped with green leaves and
a measly amount of sauce. I already know I’m going to be starving
when we leave. As if my stomach weren’t already in nauseated
knots.
“Thank you,” Buckley says almost too congenially to the waiter. His
eyes drift down the waiter’s ass as he walks away. I normally
wouldn’t mind Buckley checking out another man. Looking is fine.
Touching, within the express bounds of our open relationship, is fine,
too. But to do it so brazenly in front of me when I’m obviously trying
to talk to him about something significant is more than grating.
“I didn’t really give tonight a lot of thought,” Buckley says when he
finally tears his eyes away and picks up his utensils.
“Well, it’s actually because...” I sip my watered-down cocktail to
steel my nerves. “There’s something I wanted to ask you. Something
important.”
It might be the swaying lights, but I think I spot a bead of sweat
trickling down the side of Buckley’s face.
“Uhhhh, okaaaaaaay.” Buckley’s eyes dance away from me.
“Are you all right?” I ask, handing him my napkin because he is
already sopping. He blots at his suddenly shiny nose.
“Did it get hot in here?” he asks, fanning himself with his hand.
The agent from the neighboring table leans over: “I’ve been
asking myself the same thing.” But the agent looks like he’s a
smarmy ball of sweat all the time, so I don’t consider his opinion
relevant.
“Do you think it’s something you ate?” I try to flag down the
waiter so we can see a list of ingredients. Buckley doesn’t have any
known food allergies, but of course, tonight of all nights, he might as
well go into anaphylaxis. I bring the bad luck with me wherever I go
it seems.
“No.” He glugs back his water. “No, I’m fine.” The water dribbles
down his chin and onto his lap. My worry mounts.
I haven’t seen him this nervous since the day he asked me out.
We were at an amusement park, we’d just stepped off a roller
coaster, and the exhilaration of the ride mixed with the worry about
my answer caused him to faint. In the nurse’s station, mostly filled
with children who ate too much cotton candy and retched on the
Tilt-A-Whirl, he grabbed my hand like a patient on their death bed
and asked, “Will you go out with me?”
He was so pale and clammy, yet still so sweetly beautiful. I sighed
and said, “Of course. You didn’t need to do all this to guilt me into it.
I would’ve said yes no matter what.”
Once again, over-the-top, but we laughed for a good five minutes.
It felt good—better than crying—so I decided it was right.
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
 Goodwill. We make no objections against any. Whatever they
have done before they came, if they knock, the gate is opened to
them. Him that cometh, we in no wise cast out.

But come with me, and I will teach thee concerning the road.
Dost thou see this narrow way? That is the way thou must go. It
was cast up by the patriarchs, prophets, Christ and his apostles.

Christian. But are there no ways that turn out of this?

Goodwill. Yes, many; but they are crooked and wide. The right
way only is strait and narrow. Go on therein, till thou comest to the
house of the interpreter, and he will shew thee excellent things.

So Christian went on till he came to the house; where he

knocked, and asked for the master of the house. To whom, when he
came, he spoke thus.

Sir, I am a man that am come from the city of Destruction, and

am going to mount Zion. And I was informed by him at the gate,
that if I called here, you would shew me excellent things.

Then said the Interpreter, “Come in, and I will shew thee that
which will be profitable to thee.” So he took him by the hand, and
led him into a large parlour that was full of dust. After a while he
called for a man to sweep; which he had no sooner begun to do,
than the dust so abundantly flew about, that Christian was almost
choaked. Then the Interpreter said to a damsel, “Bring hither water,
and sprinkle the room.” After which it was easily swept and
cleansed.
 This parlour, said the Interpreter to Christian, is the heart of a
natural man. The dust is his original sin, and inward corruptions, of
every kind. He that first began to sweep is the law; she that
sprinkled it, is the gospel. Now whereas thou sawest, that by his
sweeping, the dust was only raised, and the room not cleansed at
all; this is to shew thee, that the law, instead of cleansing the heart
from sin, doth revive and increase it in the soul. For, by the law is
only the knowledge of sin; but not deliverance from it.

Again, Thou sawest the damsel sprinkle the room; after which it
was cleansed with pleasure: this is to shew thee, that when the
gospel comes into the heart, sin is easily subdued; and the soul
made clean thro’ faith, and fit for the king of glory to inhabit.

He then led me into a place, where was a fire burning against a

wall, and one continually casting water upon it, yet could he not
quench it, but the flame rose higher than before.

This fire, said he, is the work of grace that is wrought in a

believing heart. He that casts water upon it is the devil. Yet can he
not quench it, for the reason thou shalt now see. So he carried him
to the other side of the wall, where was a man with a vessel of oil in
his hand, out of which he continually cast into the fire, Then said
Christian, What means this?

The Interpreter answered, This is Christ, who continually, with

the oil of his grace, maintains the work already begun in the heart,
so that the devil cannot quench it. And he stands behind the wall, to
shew it is hard for the tempted to see how this work is maintained in
his soul.
 He then took him by the hand, and led him into a pleasant place,
where was a stately palace: on the top of which were certain
persons walking, who were cloathed all in gold. At the door below
stood a great company of men, desirous to go in, but yet afraid. For
in the door-way stood many armed men, to keep it, and drive all
back. At last a man of a stout countenance came up, drew his
sword, put a helmet on his head, and rushed into the midst of the
armed men, who fell upon him with all their force. But after
receiving and giving many wounds, he cut his way through them all,
and went in. Then was heard a pleasant voice from within saying,

Come in, soldier of Christ, come in:

Eternal glory thou shalt win!

I verily think, said Christian, I know the meaning of this; now

then let me go hence.

Stay, said the Interpreter, till I have shewed thee a little more.
Then he took him by the hand again, and led him into a dark room,
where sat a man in an iron cage; his eyes were fixed on the ground,
his hands folded together, and he sighed as if he would break his
heart.

Then said Christian, “What art thou?” He replied, I am a man of

despair: I am so fast in prison that I cannot get forth.

Christian. But how camest thou there?

Man. I left off to watch and pray; I sinned against light and love;
I grieved the Spirit, ♦and he is gone from me; I tempted the devil,
and he is come into me; I defied God, and he hath forsaken me.

♦ duplicate word “and” removed

 Christian. But have you no hope? The Son of the Blessed is of
tender mercy.

Man. But I have crucified him to myself afresh, I have counted

his blood an unholy thing, I have done despite to the spirit of grace:
and there remaineth no more sacrifice for sin; but a certain fearful
looking for of fiery indignation, which shall devour me as an
adversary.

Christian. But can’st thou not repent?

Man. No, never; for I have quenched the Spirit. O eternity,

eternity! Who can tell the length of eternity?

Christian. Well, God help me to watch and pray.—Sir, is it not

time for me to go on my way?
 Interpreter. I will shew thee one thing more, and thou shalt go.
So he led him into a chamber where was one rising out of bed, who
shook and trembled exceedingly: then said Christian,“Why dost thou
tremble thus?” This night, said he, as I was in my sleep, I dreamed,
and behold the heavens were exceeding black: also it thundered and
lightened on every side. So I looked up and saw the skies divide:
and I heard a great sound of a trumpet: and I saw one descend,
sitting on a cloud, attended with the thousands of heaven; they
were all arrayed with flaming fire: also the heavens were in a
burning flame. I then heard a voice out of the fire saying, “Arise ye
dead and come to judgment;” and behold the rocks rent, the graves
were opened, and the dead that were therein came forth: some of
those looked up, and were exceeding glad, and some sought to hide
themselves under the mountains. Then I saw him who sat upon the
cloud open a book, and bid the world draw near; yet was there a
distance, by reason of a fierce flame which issued out, and came
before him. I heard it also proclaimed to them that attended on him
who sat upon the cloud, “Gather together the tares and chaff, and
cast them into the lake that burneth with brimstone;” and the
bottomless pit opened her mouth, and there came forth smoak and
coals of fire. It was also proclaimed, “Gather the wheat into my
garner;” and I saw many caught up in the clouds, but I was left. I
then called to the mountains to fall upon me, and the rocks to cover
me, but in vain: for the man that sat upon the cloud still kept his eye
upon me. Then came all my sins to my remembrance, and fear was
on every side; so I awoke.

Then said the Interpreter to Christian, “Keep these things in thy

mind, that they may be as a goad in thy side wherever thou goest;
and the comforter be always with thee, and guide thee in the way
that leads to the city.”
 Now I saw in my dream, that the highway up which I was to go,
was fenced on every side with a wall, called salvation. Up this way
he ran, till he came at a place where stood a cross, and somewhat
below, a sepulchre. Just as Christian came to the cross, his burthen
loosed, fell off, and rolled down, till it came to the mouth of the
sepulchre, where it fell in; and I saw it no more.

Then was Christian glad, and said with a merry heart, The life
that I now ♦live, I live by faith in the Son of God; who loved me, and
gave himself for me.

♦ “life” replaced with “live”

Then he stood awhile to look and wonder, even till the tears ran
down his cheeks; and as he stood, three shining ones came and
saluted him with, Peace be unto thee. Then the first said unto him,
thy sins are forgiven thee; the second striped him of his rags, and
cloathed him with change of raiment; and the third set a mark on his
forehead, and gave him a roll, with a seal upon it, which he bid him
look on as he ran, and give it at the gate of the city.

I beheld then that he went on rejoicing, till he came to the foot

of the hill difficulty. At the bottom of this was a spring, of which he
drank, and was refreshed, and then he began to go up the hill.
Sometimes he ran; then walked; then climbed on his hands and
knees, because of the steepness of the place. Now, about the
midway to the top of the hill, was a pleasant arbour, planted by the
Lord of the hill, for the relief of weary travellers. Here therefore he
sat down to rest, and pulled his roll out of his bosom, to read
therein, and comfort himself. He also began to survey his new
raiment, till he fell into a slumber, and thence into a fast sleep, which
held him till it was almost night: and, in his sleep, his roll fell out of
his hand. Then came one to him and said, Go to the Ant, thou
sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. On this he started up, and
went apace till he came to the top of the hill.
 He now felt in his bosom for his roll, that he might read therein,
and be comforted: but he found it not. Then was he much
perplexed, and knew not what to do. At last he bethought himself,
that he had slept in the arbour on the side of the hill; and falling
down, he asked God forgiveness for his folly, and then went back to
look for his roll. But all the way he went, who can tell the sorrow of
his heart? Sometimes he sighed, sometimes he wept; mean while,
looking carefully on each side, if in any wise he might find it. He
went thus till he came in sight of the arbour, where he had sat and
slept. But that sight renewed his grief, till he broke out, “O wretched
man that I am! That I should sleep in the midst of difficulty! That I
should use that rest for ease to my flesh, which was intended only
for the relief of the spirits of weary pilgrims! How far might I have
been on my way by this! And now also the day is far spent.” By this
time he was come to the arbour again; where, looking under the
seat he espied his roll; with trembling and haste he caught it up. But
who can tell how joyful he was? For this roll was the assurance of his
life and acceptance at the desired haven. He laid it up in his bosom,
gave God thanks, and with tears of joy betook himself again to his
journey. He got up the hill just as the sun went down; when, lifting
up his eyes, he beheld a stately palace before him, which stood by
the high-way side.

So he made haste and went forward, that if possible he might

get lodging there. But before he had gone far, he entered into a
narrow passage, about a furlong from the porter’s lodge: when,
looking carefully before him as he went, he espied two lions in the
way. Then he was afraid, and thought to go back; but the porter
perceiving him to make a halt, cried out, “Is thy strength so small?
Fear them not. They are chained; and are placed there for the trial
of thy faith, keep in the midst of the path, and no hurt shall come
unto thee.”

Then I saw that he went on, though trembling, till he came to

the gate, and asked, if he might lodge there?
 Porter. I will call one of the house. So he rung a bell, and there
came out a damsel, named Discretion; who, after asking him several
questions, said, “I will call out one or two more of the family;” so
she ran to the door, and called Piety, and Charity; who, after a little
more discourse with him, brought him in; and many meeting him at
the entrance, said, “Come in thou blessed of the Lord; this house
was built to entertain travellers to Zion.”

They sat talking together till supper was ready. And at the table
also, all their talk was about the Lord of the hill, what he had done;
how great a warrior he was; and how he had fought with and slain
him that had the power of death; though not without great danger
to himself, and the loss of much blood.

Thus they discoursed till late at night; and then Christian was laid
in a large upper chamber, the name of which was Peace. In the
morning they shewed him the records of the greatest antiquity: in
which was the pedigree of the Lord of the hill, the son of the Ancient
of days. Here also were fully shewn the acts he had done, and the
worthy deeds of many of his servants, who had subdued kingdoms,
wrought righteousness, stopt the mouths of lions, quenched the
violence of fire; escaped the edge of the sword, waxed valiant in
fight, and turned to flight the armies of the aliens.

The next day they took him into the armory, where they shewed
him all manner of furniture, provided for pilgrims; swords, shields,
helmets, breast-plates, and shoes that would never wear out. And
there was here enough of these to arm as many men as there are
stars in heaven for multitude.
 They then armed him from head to foot, lest he should meet
with assaults by the way. And when he set out, Piety, Charity, and
Discretion accompanied him to the foot of the hill. Then said
Christian, “As it was difficult coming up this hill, so I see it is
dangerous going down.” “It is so,” said Charity, “for it is a hard thing
for a man to go down into the valley of humiliation, and catch no slip
by the way.” When they were come to the bottom, they gave him a
loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, and a cluster of raisins; and then he
went on his way.

He had gone but a little way in the valley, before he espied a foul
fiend coming to meet him; his name was Apollyon. Then did he cast
in his mind, whether to go back, or stand his ground. But he
considered he had no armour for his back, and therefore resolved to
stand. So he went on, and Apollyon met with him. Now the monster
was hideous to behold. He was cloathed with scales; he had wings
like a dragon; out of his belly came fire and smoak, and his mouth
was as the mouth of a lion. He beheld Christian with a disdainful
look, and began to question him thus:

Apollyon. Whence comest thou? And whether dost thou go?

Christian. I came from the city of Destruction and am going to

mount Zion.

Apollyon. Thou art one of my subjects. All that country is mine. I

am the prince and god of it. How is it that thou art fled from thy
king.

Christian. I was your subject; but your service was hard, and I
could endure it no longer.

Apollyon. Since thou complainest of my service, go back with me;

and whatever our country affords, I will give thee.

Christian. But I have hired myself to another, even the King of

Kings. How then can I go back?
 Apollyon. It is common for those that have professed themselves
his servants, after a while to return to me. Do thou so, and all shall
be well.

Christian. I have sworn allegiance to him; and how can I go from

this, without being a traitor.

Apollyon. Thou didst the same to me; and yet I will pass by all, if
thou wilt now return.

Christian. I tell thee, once for all, I like his service, his wages, his
government, his servants, his company, and country, better than
thine; and him only will I serve.

Apollyon. Yet consider in cool blood, what thou art like to meet
with in the way that thou goest. How many of his servants came to
ill ends? How many have been put to shameful deaths? And yet, as
good a master as he is, he cometh not to deliver them out of my
hands.

Christian. His delaying to deliver them, is on purpose to try their

love. And as for their ill end, as thou callest it, that is their glory. For
present deliverance they ask it not; being content to wait for their
reward, till their Prince shall come.

Apollyon. But what reward shalt thou have, who hast already
been unfaithful in thy service to him.

Christian. Wherein?

Apollyon. Thou didst faint at setting out, in the slough of

Despond. Thou didst attempt wrong ways to be rid of thy burthen.
Thou didst sinfully sleep, and lose thy choice things. Thou wast well
nigh frighted back by the lions. And when thou talkest of thy
journey, and of what thou hast seen and heard, there is pride in all
thou sayest.
 Christian. All this is true, and much more. But the King I serve is
a merciful King; yea, I know, he is merciful to my unrighteousness,
and my sins he remembreth no more.

Then Apollyon broke out into a rage, and said, “I am an enemy

to thy King. I hate his person, his people, his laws. I am come out
on purpose to withstand thee.”

Christian. Beware what thou dost. I am in the King’s highway, the

way of holiness.

Then did Apollyon stride quite over the way, and said, “I am void
of fear in this matter. Prepare thyself to die. For no farther shalt thou
go. Here will I spill thy soul.”

With that he threw a flaming dart at his breast: but Christian

caught it with his shield, and drew his sword while Apollyon
continued throwing darts as thick as hail. This made Christian give a
little back; but he soon took courage again: yet the combat lasted
for above half a day, he at length began to grow faint and weary.

Apollyon seeing this, came up close to Christian, and wrestling

with him, gave him a dreadful fall; and withal Christian’s sword flew
out of his hand. Then said Apollyon, “I am sure of thee now.” But as
he was fetching his last blow, Christian nimbly stretched out his
hand for his sword, and caught it, saying, Rejoice not against me, O
mine enemy; when I fall, I shall arise; and with that he gave him a
dreadful thrust, which made him draw back. Christian perceiving
this, made at him again, saying, Nay, in all these things we are more
than conquerors through him that loveth us. But Apollyon, spread
forth his dragon’s wings, and fled away, that Christian saw him no
more.
 Then there came to him a hand with some of the leaves of the
tree of life, which he applied to his wounds, and they were
immediately healed. After this he addressed himself to his journey,
but with his sword drawn in his hand. Now at the end of this valley
was another called, The valley of the Shadow of Death. The prophet
Jeremiah describes it thus, A wilderness, a land of deserts and of
pits, a land of drought, a land that no man (but a Christian ¹)
passeth through, and where no man dwelt.

¹ N. B. I cannot learn, either from scripture or experience,

that every Christian passes through this.

On the right-hand of this valley was a deep ditch, that is it into

which the blind have led the blind, in all ages, and have both there
miserably perished together. On the left, there was a dangerous
quagmire, into which whoever falls, (as David did once) finds no
bottom for his foot to stand on.

The path also was exceeding narrow. So that when Christian

sought to shun the ditch, he was ready to drop into the mire; and
when he sought to shun the mire, to fall into the ditch. Likewise the
night was so dark, that often when he lift up his foot, he knew not
where he should set it next.
 About the midst of the valley was the mouth of hell; and it stood
hard by the way side. Now, thought Christian, What shall I do? For
ever and anon the smoak and flame would come out, with such
abundance of sparks and hideous noises, that he found no weapon
availed but prayer. So he cried aloud, with all his might, O Lord I
beseech thee deliver my soul. He walked on a great while in the
midst of the flames. Also he heard doleful voices, and rushing to and
fro; so that sometimes he thought he should be trodden down like
mire in the streets. Thus he went on for several miles, till he heard a
company of fiends coming forward to meet him. At this he knew not
what to do; but at length resolved to go on. They seemed to come
nearer and nearer; but when they were just come up, he cried out,
with a most vehement voice, I will walk in the strength of the Lord
God. So they gave back, and came no further.

I took notice, that Christian was now so amazed, he did not know
his own voice: for just as he was over-against the mouth of the pit,
one of the wicked ones stepped up softly, and whispered many
grievous blasphemies to him, which he verily thought had proceeded
from his own mind.

When he had travelled thus for some time, he heard the voice of
one before him, saying, Though I walk through the valley of the
Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me.

Then he was glad, hoping to have company by and by; so he

hasted on, and in awhile the day broke. Then said Christian, He hath
turned the Shadow of Death, into the morning.
 He now looked back, not out of a desire to return, but to see the
dangers he had gone through. He feared them more before; but he
saw them now more clearly, because of the light of the day. And
about this time the sun arose, which was another mercy. For as
dangerous as the first part of the valley was, the second was more
dangerous still. The way from the place where he now stood, even
to the end, being so full of snares, traps, and nets; and also of pits,
deep holes, and shelvings down, that, had it now been dark, he
must have perished. Then said he, His candle shineth on my head,
and, by his light, I go through darkness.

In this light he walked to the end of the valley, and came to a

small ascent; from whence looking forward, he saw Faithful a little
way before him; to whom Christian cried, “Stay, stay, till I come up.”
But Faithful answered, “No; I cannot stay for none; I am upon my
life; the avenger of blood is behind me.”

At this Christian was somewhat moved, and putting forth all his
strength, he soon got up with Faithful, and outwent him. So the last
was first. Then did Christian smile, because he had got the start of
his brother: but not taking heed to his feet, he suddenly stumbled
and fell; nor could he rise again, till Faithful came to help him.

Then I saw in my dream, they went lovingly on together,

discoursing of many things.

Christian. How long after me did you stay in the city of

Destruction?

Faith. Till I could stay no longer; it being in every one’s mouth,

that the city would shortly be destroyed with fire from heaven.

Christian. But why then did no more of them come with you?

Faith. I do not think they firmly believed it, else they could not
have staid there.
 Christian. Did you hear no talk of neighbour Pliable?

♦Faith. O yes: he is now despised of all. He is seven times worse

than if he had never set out.

♦ “Christian” replaced with “Faith”

Christian. But why should they despise him, since they despise
the way which he forsook?

Faith. They say, “O hang him: he is a turncoat; he was not true

to his profession.” God has stirred up his enemies to hiss at him, and
make him a proverb, because he has forsaken the way.

Christian. Did you escape the slough of Despond?

Faith. Yes, but I met with one, whose name was Wanton, that
had like to have done me a mischief.

Christian. How did you avoid it?

Faith. I remembered an old writing, which said, Her steps take

hold of hell. So I shut my eyes. Then she railed on me, and I went
my way.

Christian. Did you meet with no other assault?

Faith. Yes: at the foot of the hill Difficulty, I met with a very aged
man, who asked, “If I would be content to live with him?” I asked
him his name; he said it was Adam the First. I asked what wages he
would give? He told me, I should be his heir. Then I asked, how long
time he would have me live with him? And he told me, “As long as
he lived himself.”

Christian. And what conclusion did you come to?

 Faith. At first I was inclined to go with him; but looking on his
forehead, I saw there written, Put off the old man with his deeds.

Christian. And how then?

Faith. Then it came strongly into my mind, that however he

flattered me now, when he got me home to his house, he would sell
me for a slave. So I bade him say no more, for I would not come
near the door of his house. Then he reviled me and said, “He would
send such a one after me, as would make my way bitter to my soul.”
So I turned away from him; but just as I turned, I felt him take hold
of my flesh, and give me such a deadly twitch, that I thought he had
pulled part of me after him. This made me cry, O wretched man! So
I went on up the hill.

When I was but half-way up, I looked behind me and saw one
coming after me, swift as the wind. So soon as he overtook me,
down he knocked me, and laid me for dead. When I was come a
little to myself I asked him, Why he used me so? He said, for
inclining to Adam the First. And with that he struck me another blow
on the breast, and beat me down backward. When I came to myself
again, I cried for mercy. But he said, “I know not to shew mercy;”
and knocked me down again. He had doubtless made an end of me;
but that one came by, and bade him “forbear.”

Christian. Who was he that bid him forbear?

Faith. I did not know him at first; but as he went by, I saw the
holes in his hands and in his side.

Christian. The man that overtook you was Moses. He spareth

none that transgress his law. But did you not see the house on the
top of the hill?

Faith. Yes; but it was about noon. So I past by.

Christian. Did you meet no one in the valley of Humiliation?

 Faith. Yes, I met with one Shame: but I think he bears the wrong
name; for I could not get quit of him. He would never have done.

Christian. Why, what did he say to you?

Faith. He said, it was a low mean thing to mind religion; and that
a tender conscience was an unmanly thing: that few of the mighty,
or rich, or wise, regarded it; nor any of them, till they became fools;
till they were persuaded to venture the loss of all, for no body knows
what. He objected also, the base and low estate of most of those
who minded religion; likewise their ignorance and want of learning,
yea, of natural understanding. He said, It was a shame to sit
whining under a sermon, and to come sighing and groaning home:
that it was a shame to ask my neighbour forgiveness; to make
restitution, if I had taken from any; and, above all, to renounce all
the men of credit and reputation, and to consort only with the poor
and base.

Christian. And what did you say?

Faith. I knew not what to say at first, till it came into my mind,
That which is highly esteemed of men, is had in abomination with
God. Then I saw what God says is best, is so, though all the men in
the world are against it. Therefore they who are fools for Christ’s
sake, are the wisest of men; and the poor man that loveth him, is
richer than he who hath thousands of gold and silver. I then said
with a loud voice, Shame, depart! Thou art an enemy to my
salvation. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ; neither of his
ways, nor of his servants. I will confess them all before men. So
shall he confess me before my Father which is in heaven.

Christian. Did you meet no body else in the valley?

Faith. No; for I had sunshine all the rest of the way, and also
through the valley of the Shadow of Death.
 As they went on, Faithful looking on one side, saw one walking at
a distance. He was a tall man, and more comely at a distance than
at hand. Faithful accosted him in this manner:

Faith. Friend, whither away? Are you travelling toward mount

Zion?

Man. To the very same.

Faith. I hope then we shall have your good company.

Man. With all my heart.

Faith. Come then, let us pass the time in discoursing of things

profitable.

Man. It is very acceptable to me to talk of good things. I am glad

I have met those that incline to so good a work. For, to speak the
truth, there are but few that care thus to spend their time, but
rather to speak of unprofitable things. And this hath been a trouble
to me. For what is so pleasant as to talk of the things of God? Who
would not delight to talk of miracles, wonders, and signs, which are
so sweetly penned in the holy scripture?

Faith. But, to be profited by the things we talk of should be our

chief design.

Man. Without doubt. And what so profitable as to talk of these

things? Of the vanity of earthly things, and the excellency of things
above? Or more particularly, of the insufficiency of our own, and the
need of Christ’s righteousness? Of the necessity of the new birth,
repentance, faith, and prayer, and all the graces of the holy Spirit?

Faith. I am glad to hear this from you.

 Man. Alas, for want of this it is that so few understand the nature
of faith, and the necessity of an inward change, in order to eternal
life: but ignorantly live in the works of the law, by which no flesh can
be justified. But indeed a man can receive nothing except it be given
him from above. All is of grace, not of works.

Faith. Well then, what shall we discourse of now?

Man. What you will. I will talk of things heavenly or earthly,

things moral or evangelical; things past or to come; provided that all
be done to edifying.

Now did Faithful begin to wonder, and stepping to Christian, said

softly, What a brave companion have we got? At this Christian
smiled, and said, “This man’s tongue will beguile twenty of them
that know him not.”

Faith. Do you know him then?

Christian. Yes, better than he knows himself. His name is

Talkative; he comes from our town; his religion lies in his tongue,
but has no place in his heart.

Faith. Then I am greatly deceived in him.

Christian. So you are. He is one of them that say and do not. He

talks of faith, of prayer, and of the new birth. But he only talks of
them. He is the stain and reproach of religion. It can scarce have a
good word where he lives, thro’ him. “A saint abroad, (say his
neighbours) and a devil at home.” His life has caused many to
stumble and fall, and probably will cause many more.

Faith. Well, I see saying and doing are two things.

Christian. Indeed they are, but poor Talkative is not aware of

this: he thinks hearing and saying will make a good Christian, and so
deceives his own soul.
 Faith. I am not so fond of his company now. But how shall we
get rid of him?

Christian. Why, begin a serious discourse on the power of

religion: and when he has approved of it, (for that he will) ask him
plainly, whether it be set up in his heart, in his house, and in his
conversation?

Then Faithful stepped forward again, and said, Come, what

cheer? How is it now?

Talk. I thank you, I thought we should have had a great deal of

talk by this time.

Faith. Well then, let us begin; and since you leave me to chuse
the question, let it be this? How does the saving grace of God
discover itself, when it is in the heart of man?

Talk. I perceive then our talk is to be about the power of things.

Well, ’tis a very good question. I answer thus; first, where the grace
of God is in the heart, it causes a great outcry against sin. Secondly,
—

Faith. Nay, hold. Let us consider one at once. I think you should
rather say, it causeth the soul to abhor sin.

Talk. Why, what difference is there between crying out against,

and abhorring sin?

Faith. O, a great deal. I have heard many cry out against sin,
who could abide it well enough in the heart, house, and
conversation. Some cry out against sin, as a mother cries out against
the child in her lap: when she calls it slut and naughty girl; and then
falls to kissing and hugging it.

Talk. You lie at the catch, I perceive.

 Faith. No, not I. I am only for setting matters right. But what is
the second thing, which discovers a work of grace in the heart?

Talk. Great knowledge of gospel mysteries.

Faith. This sign should have been first: but, first or last, it is good
for nothing. For there may be great knowledge, of the mysteries of
the gospel, and yet no work of grace in the heart: yea, though a
man have all knowledge, he may yet be nothing; and consequently
no child of God. When Christ said, Do ye know all these things? And
the disciples answered, yes: he said, Happy are ye if ye do them. He
doth not lay the blessing in knowing, but in doing them. Therefore
this sign also is not true.

Talk. You lie at the catch again. This is not for edification.

Faith. Well, if you please, mention any other sign how this work
of grace is discovered.

Talk. Not I; for I see we shall not agree.

Faith. Will you give me leave to do it?

Talk. You may use your pleasure.

Faith. A work of grace in the soul is discovered to him that has it

thus: first, He is convinced of sin, especially of the entire corruption
of his nature, and of unbelief; for which he is condemned already,
and hath the wrath of God abiding on him. Secondly, He receiveth
redemption in Christ’s blood, the ♦forgiveness of sins. Thirdly, Being
justified by faith, he hath that peace of God which passeth all
understanding. Fourthly, He rejoiceth in hope of the glory of God; he
rejoiceth that he hath now received the atonement, the Spirit of God
bearing witness with his spirit, that he is a child of God. Fifthly, The
love of God is shed abroad in his heart, by the Holy Ghost which is
given unto him. And, lastly, Hereby he knoweth he is of God,
because he keepeth his commandments and sinneth not.
 ♦ “foregiveness” replaced with “forgiveness”

It is discovered to others. 1. By his open confession of this faith,

and peace, and joy, and love, and power over sin. 2. By a life
answerable thereto; by universal obedience, by holiness in all
manner of conversation.

Would you object any thing to this? If not, give me leave to

propose a second question.

Talk. Nay, propose what you will.

Faith. Do you experience these things in your own heart? And

doth your life answer thereto? Pray, say no more than your
conscience can justify you in, and what you know God will say Amen
to. For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the
Lord commendeth.

Talk. This kind of discourse I did not expect, nor am I disposed to

answer such questions. I am not bound to take you for my
catechizer; and I do not understand why you ask them.

Faith. I ask them, because (to tell you the truth) I have heard
that your religion lies in talk; that your life gives the lie to your
profession; that you are a spot among Christians; and, by your
unholy conversation, bring a reproach on that worthy name whereby
we are called.

Talk. Since you judge so rashly, and are so ready to take up evil
reports, you are not company for me; so farewel.

Then came up Christian, and said, I told you how it would be.
You did well to speak plainly. I wish all men would deal with such
men as you have done, and then either they would themselves come
to be truly religious, or the company of those that are so would be
too hot for them.
 While he was yet speaking, they saw Evangelist coming after
them, who soon overtook them, and said, “Peace be unto you. How
hath it fared with you, my friends, since the time of our last
parting?”

Then Christian and Faithful told him of all things that had
happened to them on the way.

Evangelist. I am glad that in all things ye are more than

conquerors. I have sowed, and ye have reaped; and the day is
coming, when both he that sowed, and they that reaped, shall
rejoice together; that is, if ye endure to the end. For in due time ye
shall reap, if ye faint not.

“My sons, you have heard in the words of the truth of the gospel,
that ye must, thro’ much tribulation, enter into the kingdom of
heaven. Therefore you cannot expect to go long on your pilgrimage,
without meeting that whereto ye are called. You have found
something of the truth of these testimonies already, and more will
soon follow. For you will come to a town by and by, where you will
be hard beset with enemies. But be ye faithful unto death, saith the
Lord, and I will give you a crown of life.”

Then I saw in my dream, that almost as soon he had left them,

they came in sight of a town called Vanity, where a great fair is kept
all the year long, called Vanity-fair.

At this fair are sold houses, lands, trade, places, honours,

preferments, titles, countries, kingdoms; delights of all sorts, wives,
husbands, children, masters, servants, silver, gold, precious stones,
blood, lives, bodies and souls of men.

Moreover, here are at all times to be seen jugglings, cheats,

games, plays, fools, knaves, and those of every kind. Here are to be
seen too, and that for nothing, extortion, rapine, revenge, thefts,
murders, adulterers, false swearers, and that of a blood-red colour.
 Now the way to mount Zion lies just thro’ the place where this
fair is kept; and he that would not go thro’ this fair, must needs go
out of the world. Hither therefore Christian and Faithful came: but
no sooner did they appear, than all the people in the fair were
moved, and the town itself was in an uproar; and that for several
reasons: for, 1. Their raiment was quite different from that of any
that traded in the fair. 2. So was their speech; for they spoke the
language of Canaan, which few there understood: so that from one
end of the fair to the other, the men of the fair and they seemed
barbarians to each other: and, 3. They set light by all that was sold
there; they cared not so much as to look upon it; and if any called to
them, they looked up and cried, Turn away my eyes from beholding
vanity.
 To one who mocking, asked them, “What will you buy?” They
answered, “We buy the truth.” At that the uproar increased; some
taunting, some railing, and some calling upon others to smite them.
Now was word brought to the great one of the fair, who sent some
of his trusty friends, to enquire what these men were. So they were
brought before him and asked, Whence they came? Whither they
went, and what they did there in such an unusual garb? The men
answered, “That they were strangers and pilgrims in the world; that
they were going to their own country; and that they had given no
occasion to the men of the town thus to abuse and stop them in
their journey.” But the examiners said, “Either they were stark mad,
or that they came on purpose to put all things into confusion.”
Therefore they took them, and besmeared them with dirt, and then
put them into the cage, to be a spectacle to all. But the men being
patient, and not rendering railing for railing, but contrarywise
blessing, some less prejudiced men began to check the baser sort,
for their continual abuses to them. These flew at them again, telling
them they were as bad as the men in the cage, and ought to be put
with them. The others replied. “That, for ought they could see, the
men meant no body any harm; and that there were many in the fair
who deserved to be punished more than those they thus abused.”
After many words, they fell to blows among themselves. Then were
these two examined again, and charged with being the authors of all
this mischief. So they beat them, and led them in chains up and
down the fair, for a terror to others, least they should again speak in
their behalf. But Christian and Faithful behaved yet more wisely, and
received all the contempt that was put upon them with such
meekness, that it won to their side several of the men in the fair.
This put the others into a still greater rage, so that they concluded
upon their death. Mean while they remanded them to the cage, and
made their feet fast in the stocks.
 When a convenient time was come, they were brought forth, and
arraigned. The judge’s name was Lord Hategood. The substance of
their indictment was this “That they were enemies to, and disturbers
of their trade; that they had made commotions and divisions in the
town, and won over some to their own pestilent opinions.”

The first witness against Faithful was Envy, who spoke to this
effect. “My Lord, this man is one of the vilest men in our country. He
neither regards prince nor people, law nor customs; but is
continually turning the world upside down. And I myself heard him
affirm, that the customs of our town and Christianity could not be
reconciled.”

They then called Superstition, who spake thus: “My Lord, I have
not much knowledge of this man, neither do I desire it; but this I
know, ♦ that he is a pestilent fellow, and of very dangerous
principles. I heard him say, that our religion was naught, and such
as it was impossible to please God by. And your lordship very well
knows, what must follow from thence: that we worship in vain, and
are still in our sins.”

♦ duplicate word “that” removed

Then was Pickthank called, and deposed as follows:

“My Lord, I have heard this fellow rail on our noble prince
Beelzebub; yea and speak contemptuously of his most honourable
friends: nay, he hath not been afraid to rail on you, my Lord, in the
same terms, with which he has bespattered most of the nobility and
gentry of our town.”

The judge then said, thou traitor, hast thou heard what these
honest gentlemen have witnessed against thee?

Faith. May I speak a few words?

 Judge. Sirrah, thou deservest to be slain immediately upon the
place; but that all men may see our gentleness to thee, we will hear
what thou hast to say.

Faith. I say, that all the customs of this place are flatly opposite
to the word of God: that your worship, being void both of faith and
love, is an abomination to the Lord; and that your prince with all his
attendants, are only fit for that hell which is prepared of old for him
and his angels.

Judge. Gentlemen of the jury, you have heard this man’s own
confession. What think ye?

Jury. We are all agreed. He is guilty of death.

Immediately after, sentence was past, they brought him out, to

do with him according to their law. And, after they had scourged
him, and buffeted him, they tied him to a stake, and then burnt him
to ashes.

Now I saw that there stood behind the multitude a chariot and
horses waiting for Faithful, who (so soon as the earthly tabernacle
was dissolved) was straightway carried therein thro’ the clouds. But
Christian was remanded to prison, and shortly after discharged; he
that hath the hearts of all men in his hand, over-ruling the malice of
his enemies.

But he went not forth alone; for one, whose name was Hopeful,
(having been won by their meekness and patience in suffering)
resolved to accompany him wherever he went. He also told
Christian, that there were many more of the men in the fair, that
would take their time and follow after.
 So they went on without stopping or looking behind them, till
they came to a pleasant plain, called Ease; but it was narrow, so
that they were quickly over it. On the farther side was a little hill,
called Lucre, and in that hill a silver mine, which many who went
that way, had formerly turned aside to see: but the ground breaking
in with them, they miserably perished. A little way off, over against
it, stood one, who called to Christian and his fellow, “Ho! turn aside
hither, and I will shew you a thing.”

Christian. For what thing should we turn out of our way?

Man. Here is a mine of silver. Come and see.

Hopeful. Let us go and see it.

Christian. Not I. I have heard of this place before, and how many
have been slain here; that treasure is a snare to them that seek it,
and hindreth them in their pilgrimage.

Man. Will you not come over and see?

Christian. Demas, I know thee, who thou art. Thou art an enemy
to the right ways of the Lord. Thou hast been already condemned
for turning aside from his way. And wouldest thou bring us into the
same condemnation? Rather shall thy money perish with thee. So
they went their way.

Now I saw that on the other side of the plain, stood an old
monument, at the sight of which they were surprised; for it seemed
as if it had been a woman transformed into a pillar. For some time
they could not tell what to make of it, till they espied a writing upon
the head, which was, Remember Lot’s wife. Ah, my brother, said
Christian, this is a seasonable sight. Had we gone over to view the
hill Lucre, we had, for ought I know, been made like this woman a
spectacle to all generations.
 Hopeful. How justly might I have been as she is! She only looked
back; and I desired to go and see. I am ashamed such a thought
should be in my heart.

Christian. Let us take notice of what we see here, for our help in
time to come. This woman escaped one judgment; for she fell not in
the destruction of Sodom; yet she was destroyed by another. She
was turned, as we see, into a pillar of salt.

I saw then that they went on their way to a pleasant river, which
David calleth, The river of God, but John, the river of the water of
life. Now their way lay on the bank of the river. Here they walked
with great delight; they drank also of the water of the river, which
was enlivening to their weary spirits. And on the banks on either
side, were green trees for all manner of fruit; and the leaves were
for the healing of the nations. On each side of the river was also a
meadow, curiously beautified with flowers; and it was green all the
year long. In this they lay down and slept; for here they might lie
down safely: but being not yet at their journey’s end, after a short
time they departed.

They had not journied far, before the river and the way divided
from each other. At this they were not a little sorry; yet they durst
not go out of the way. The path now grew more and more rough,
and their feet were tender with travelling. So the souls of the
pilgrims were much discouraged, by reason of the way. Now a little
before them there was a meadow on the left hand, and a stile to go
over into it. Then said Christian, if this meadow lies along by our
way-side let us go into it. He went to see, and a path lay along by
the way, on the other side of the fence. “’Tis as I wished, said
Christian; here is a smooth path; come let us go over.”

Hopeful. But how if it should lead us out of the way?

 Christian. Nay, look, does it not go along by the road-side? So
Hopeful went after him over the stile. When they were gone over,
they found the path very easy for their feet; and withal, they saw
one walking before them. They called and asked him, Whither that
way led? He said, to mount Zion. Look there, said Christian. Did I
not tell you so? So they followed, and he went before them; but the
night coming on, they soon lost sight of him.

He that went before (Vain-confidence by name) not seeing the

way, (for it was very dark) fell into a deep pit, which was dug there
on purpose, and was dashed to pieces with his fall.

Now they heard him fall, and called to know what was the
matter; but there was none to answer, except with groans. Then
said Hopeful, Where are we now? But Christian was silent, fearing
he had led him out of the way. And now it began to thunder and
lighten, and rain; and the waters in the meadow rose amain.

Then Hopeful groaned in himself, and said, O that I had kept on

my way!

Christian. Who would have thought that this path should have led
us out of the way?

Hopeful. I was afraid at first, and should have spoke plainer, but
that you are older than I.

Christian. I am sorry I brought you out of the way. But we must

not stand still. Let us go back.

Hopeful. Let me go before.

Christian. No. I led you out of the way. If there be any danger, let
me be first therein.