Focus on Fathers

Parenting Program
Throughout history, fathers have shown their love for their children by providing for and
protecting the family. Today, however, more men are also taking on an active parenting role and
it’s making a tremendous difference in their children’s lives. Studies show that children who feel
close to their dads are generally healthier and happier, regardless of how much money they
have or the neighborhood in which they live. They tend to:

• Be more confident, but at the same time more tolerant and understanding of others
• Demonstrate better self-control
• Take increased responsibility for their actions
• Demonstrate improved thinking and problem-solving skills
• Get better grades in school
• Be more willing to take on new challenges
• Be more likely to participate in a number of extracurricular activities
• Have more friends
• Be less likely to suffer from asthma, headaches, anxiety and depression
• Have lower suicide rates
• Make more responsible choices as adolescents (fewer teenage pregnancies)
• Be less likely to drink, smoke or use illegal drugs
• Be more productive and successful in their careers
• Build stronger, healthier relationships throughout life
• Be more likely to become caring, involved parents themselves

How Fathers Influence Their Children as They Grow

Fathers play a unique role in guiding their children’s emotional, social and intellectual
development.

• As babies, children need predictability and security. They also need plenty of love and
attention from both mom and dad because each parent nurtures differently. Although not
always the case, fathers often provide more active, physical play. Many also delight their
little ones with sudden, sharp bursts of sound, which stimulates the brain in unique ways
and promotes intellectual development.

• Spending time together from birth also creates a strong bond between father and child.
Studies show that school-age children with an early secure attachment to their fathers are
better at seeing a situation from another person’s point of view. This shows that a dad’s
early involvement has a great impact on a child’s social and emotional development.

• As children grow, rough-and-tumble play helps them explore their own strengths. It
encourages children to come up with creative new solutions to the challenges at hand and
teaches them about dealing with failure and success. It’s an important way for children to
grow socially and emotionally, while improving on their critical thinking skills.

• A father’s influence on his children’s development is not limited to play. It also comes
through daily interaction and direct teaching, and maybe most importantly, the modeling of
desirable behaviors, attitudes and skills. What children see and learn at home can affect
their attitudes, hopes and dreams for the rest of their lives.

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The Benefits of Working as a Team
Most parents feel that the most important thing in raising children is to love, protect and nurture
them — something both mothers and fathers can do equally well. However, mothers and fathers
often bring unique strengths to their relationships with their children. They also tend to have
somewhat different parenting styles. Whether these differences are due to cultural stereotypes,
social pressures or inborn temperament remains much debated. The important thing to
remember is that mothers and fathers have unique qualities that complement each other; they
are not interchangeable and are each important and necessary in raising healthy, well-adjusted
children. As an added benefit, children with two loving parents who work together as a team
often receive additional support from both mom’s and dad’s extended network of family and
friends.

Ten Ways to Be a Great Dad

You are committed to caring for, supporting and guiding your children every step of the way, but
where do you start?

1. Examine your relationship with your own father

Your relationship with your own parents (especially your father) can affect your ability to
parent effectively. Is there anything you may need to work through? Making peace with your
past can go a long way towards allowing you to be the dad you want to be.

2. Build a strong relationship with your partner

Both partners bring their own ideas from childhood about what mothers and fathers should
do. Most couples have some differences in their expectations, and many of us also hold
conflicting beliefs within ourselves. Be respectful and supportive of each other as parents.
Remember that you share a common goal: to help your children grow up healthy and happy.

3. Get to know and understand your children

From an early age, take the time to talk to your children. Find out how they spend their day
and get to know their friends. Ask them about their hopes and dreams, and tell them about
yours. Learn what is special about each one of your children, and help them nurture their
unique talents.

4. Be actively involved in your children’s life

Children want their dad’s love – and to them, love is time and attention. Play and have fun
with your children and take an active role in caring for them daily. Take turns with your
partner feeding, changing and putting your children to bed at night. Take them to the doctor
or dentist, or a trip to the grocery store. Attend or maybe even help coach their little league
games. As your children grow, let them help you with your projects whenever possible. Also
take them to work with you sometime, so they can see how you help the family even when
you are away.

5. Spend time together as a family

Family time is a great way to show children that they are loved and cherished, and it doesn’t
have to be complicated or expensive. Sharing a meal or reading a book together are
wonderful ways to get to know each other better while building strong, lasting family bonds.

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6. Be a great teacher
As a parent, you are your children’s first and most important teacher. Encourage and
challenge your children to challenge themselves. Share your knowledge and skills. Teach
them what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility and responsibility.

7. Set realistic expectations

Children look for and need their father’s love and respect. Learn about how children grow
and develop to help you set age-appropriate, attainable goals for them. Let them know that
you trust them to succeed. Celebrate their achievements with them, but also be there to
support and encourage them when they struggle.

8. Use positive forms of discipline

Children need guidance and firm limits, not punishment. Tell your children what not to do,
but tell them what you want them to do, too, because they may not know what you expect.
Give your children plenty of opportunities to “be good” by establishing simple, comfortable
routines and setting clear, age-appropriate limits. Teach your children about right and
wrong, and let them learn from their mistakes through natural and logical consequences
whenever possible. Most importantly, be a good role model because children tend to learn
more from what we do than what we say.

9. Show your gentle, caring side

Hug your children often and let them know you love them. If you find it hard to say, “I love
you”, show your love in different ways: Take your children fishing, help them with a puzzle or
cheer them on in little league. Also, talk about your feelings with your children so they learn
that it’s OK for men to talk about feelings.

10. Be kind to yourself

With all the responsibilities of work and home, don’t neglect yourself. Make time for a
favorite hobby and stay in touch with your friends. Also, be sure to set aside some time to be
alone with your partner from time to time. When you are happy and fulfilled as an individual,
your entire family benefits.

How Am I Doing?
As we’ve seen, children who are fortunate enough to have two loving, involved parents benefit
greatly. What does it really mean to be an involved dad? How do we know that we are doing
“enough”?

Most experts agree that, as with many other things in life, quality is more important than
quantity. What we do with our children in the time we have is far more important than the
amount of time we spend with them. To build strong, loving bonds with our children they
suggest we:

• Make time for our children every day, not just when it’s convenient or when they have done
something wrong
• Ask them about their day, every day
• Listen to their concerns, no matter how small they may seem to us
• Let our children know that we love them, even if they have done something wrong
• Give our children our full attention when we are together
• Make it easy and comfortable for the children to talk to us

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• Support them through success and failure
• Look for and encourage what is special and unique about each one of our children
• Try to identify activities we can enjoy together
• Focus on having fun rather than teaching new skills when we are together
• Share our own interests and hobbies with both our sons and daughters
• Let our children help us with our own projects whenever it is safe and appropriate
• Continue to be a source of wisdom and moral support to our children as they grow, and
maybe even after they are grown and have families of their own

Contacts in More Challenging Times

As men, many of us have been raised to take charge and know how to solve just about any
problem. But parenting can present us with some new and unexpected challenges. It’s normal
to get frustrated and even feel somewhat overwhelmed at times. Talking to a good friend, family
member or another experienced father may help.

If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consider talking to your family physician, or call the
Beaumont Parenting Program at (248) 898-3230. Just like mothers, we fathers can suffer from
Postpartum Depression, a real medical illness that can be successfully treated.

If you need immediate support, anytime day or night, please don’t hesitate to call the Michigan
Parent Help Line at (800) 942-4357.

Resources

Beaumont Hospitals
If you have any questions about your baby’s development, please don’t hesitate to call your
child’s health care provider or contact the Beaumont Parenting Program at (248) 898-3230
(Royal Oak) or (248) 964-5822 (Troy).

Beaumont Hospitals also offer a variety of classes, such as:

• As Your Baby Grows Series

• Discipline During the Toddler Years
• CPR For Family And Friends
• Infant Massage
• Signing with Baby
• The Happiest Baby on the Block

For a complete listing of classes and more information, please call (800) 633-7377 or visit
www.beaumonthospitals.com.

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Good Reading
Bleidner, L. (2006). Mack Daddy: Mastering Fatherhood without Losing Your Style, Your Cool,
or Your Mind. New York: Citadel.

Goldman, M. (2000). The Joy of Fatherhood: The First Twelve Months (2nd ed). New York:
Three Rivers.

Greenberg, G. (2004). Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads. New York: Simon &
Schuster.

Jana, L. A., & Shu, J. (2005). Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality. Elk
Grove Village: American Academy of Pediatrics.

Sears, R. (2006). Father's First Steps: 25 Things Every New Dad Should Know. Cambridge:
Harvard.

Walsh, D. A. (2007). No: Why kids — of All Ages — Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say
It. New York: Free Press.

Web Sites
American Academy of Pediatrics, www.healthychildren.org
Parenting Corner
Provides answers to a variety of parenting and
child health questions, including
immunizations, sleep and development

Baby Center, Dad’s Page www.babycenter.com/advice-for-new-dads

Articles and expert answers that are written
specifically for fathers

Beaumont Hospitals – Health Library www.beaumonthospitals.com/health-library

Includes a vast library of health-related
articles, as well as information on local classes
and support groups

Dad Labs www.dadlabs.com

Funny and sometimes irreverent coverage of
issues affecting fathers of children of all ages
though videos and forum discussions

Fatherville www.fatherville.com
Written by dads for dads, site includes special
situations like new dads, stay-at-home dads,
special needs, fathers of teens and divorced
dads

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Geek Dad www.wired.com/geekdad
Discussion of activities and items of interests
for dads who are into science, engineering
and related topics and want to share those
areas with their children

Man of the House manofthehouse.com

“A guide for the jack of all trades trying to be
better — at work and at home, as a father and
as a husband.”

National Center for Fathering www.fathers.com

(800) 593-DADS
Offers free resources for dads in nearly every
fathering situation. In addition, a radio
program, podcast and weekly e-newsletter are
available

National Fatherhood Initiative www.fatherhood.org

Provides a wealth of resources covering topics
like new fatherhood, technology, military,
work-family balance and more

WebMD Health and Parenting Center children.webmd.com

Popular medical Web site also offers a wide
range of information on health and parenting

Zero to Three www.zerotothree.org

Offers information on a variety of topics,
including behavior and development,
malnutrition, care and education, and public
policy