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 THE

RULES
OF

PEOPLE
 At Pearson, we have a simple mission: to help people
make more of their lives through learning.

We combine innovative learning technology with trusted

content and educational expertise to provide engaging
and effective learning experiences that serve people
wherever and whenever they are learning.

From classroom to boardroom, our curriculum materials,

digital learning tools and testing programmes help to
educate millions of people worldwide ‑ more than any
other private enterprise.

Every day our work helps learning flourish, and wherever

learning flourishes, so do people.

To learn more, please visit us at www.pearson.com/uk

 THE

RULES
OF

PEOPLE

A personal code for

getting the best
from everyone

RICHARD
TEMPLAR
PEARSON EDUCATION LIMITED
KAO Two
KAO Park
Harlow CM17 9NA
United Kingdom
Tel: +44 (0)1279 623623
Web: www.pearson.com/uk

First edition published 2017 (print and electronic)

Second edition published 2022 (print and electronic)
© Richard Templar 2017, 2022 (print and electronic)
The right of Richard Templar to be identified as author of this work has
been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents
Act 1988.
The print publication is protected by copyright. Prior to any prohibited
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The ePublication is protected by copyright and must not be copied,
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unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of
the author’s and the publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable
in law accordingly.
All trademarks used herein are the property of their respective owners. The
use of any trademark in this text does not vest in the author or publisher any
trademark ownership rights in such trademarks, nor does the use of such
trademarks imply any affiliation with or endorsement of this book by such
owners.
Pearson Education is not responsible for the content of third-party internet
sites.
ISBN: 978-1-292-44114-6 (print)
978-1-292-44112-2 (PDF)
978-1-292-44113-9 (ePub)
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for the print edition is available from the British Library
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
A catalog record for the print edition is available from the Library of
Congress
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
26 25 24 23 22
Cover design by Nick Redeyoff
Print edition typeset in 11/13pt ITC Berkeley Oldstyle Pro by Straive
Printed in the UK by Bell and Bain Ltd, Glasgow
NOTE THAT ANY PAGE CROSS REFERENCES REFER TO THE
PRINT EDITION
Contents

Acknowledgements
Introduction
How to use the Rules

Understanding people
1 Understanding helps
2 No one has to be like you
3 People hear what they want to hear
4 People believe what they want to believe
5 Your attitude influences their response
6 Remember your first impression
7 People are tribal
8 Everyone wants to feel valued
9 They only tease you if they like you
10 ... but banter isn’t teasing
11 Everyone else is insecure too
12 Spots don’t change
13 Behaviour isn’t character
14 Other people’s relationships are a mystery
15 Big words are there to impress you
 16 Confrontation can be scary
17 People feel nervous because they care
18 Angry people are sad people
19 Crying isn’t always sad
20 Some people just don’t think
21 Square pegs don’t fit in round holes
22 Wild and wacky isn’t always fun
23 It’s hard being 13
24 They’ll shout if you do
25 Responsibility creates independence
26 Teenagers hate you because they love you
27 Talking is what matters
28 Listening is what matters
29 No one likes saying sorry
30 The world is full of rebels
31 Some weirdos are great people

Helping people
32 Put your oxygen mask on first
33 Get in the swamp
34 It’s OK just to feel
35 Listen, don’t solve
36 Know your limitations
37 It’s not a competition
38 Never give advice
 39 Accept their decision
40 Give them control
41 Get them to think for themselves
42 Learn to be psychic
43 Listen to what they don’t say
44 People who can’t find an answer may not want one
45 Don’t tell people to move on
46 Loneliness is a state of mind
47 Give them privacy
48 All interactions are positive or negative
49 Not everyone wants help

Getting them on your side

50 Loyalty runs both ways
51 Remember the details
52 Flattery should never be empty
53 Praise effectively
54 Keep your praise in proportion
55 People want to be liked
56 Earn their respect
57 Have a sense of humour
58 Don’t be scared to admit your mistakes
59 Be tolerant
60 Make individual relationships
61 Turn the best side to the front
 62 People generally agree with themselves
63 Credit people with your own ideas
64 Don’t tell them they’re wrong (even if they are)
65 Get them to collaborate
66 Be human
67 Share
68 Say thank you properly
69 Get under their skin
70 Criticise constructively
71 Agree without agreeing
72 Let them win
73 Make it three-dimensional
74 Give and take
75 Know what you both want
76 Get all their cards on the table
77 Give them a get-out
78 Never be scared
79 Don’t get caught on the hop

Difficult people
80 There’s only one person you can change
81 It’s scary being controlled
82 If they feel small, they’ll big themselves up
83 Shouty people want to be heard
84 Negative people can’t half be useful
 85 Control freaks know they’re right
86 Blackmailers want to control you
87 Insecurity can cause mistrust
88 Prejudice comes from ignorance
89 Martyrs crave recognition
90 Sensitive people can’t toughen up
91 People will listen if it’s in their interest
92 Passive-aggressive people fear conflict
93 Patronising can be accidental
94 You can’t beat a true narcissist
95 Moaners don’t want to change
96 Competitive complainers don’t just need a whinge
97 Secrets are full of power
98 Some people just can’t lose
99 Manipulation is more than just persuasion
100 Busy people are less trouble

The Rules of Socialising

Had enough yet . . . ?
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