Chapter 6

Writing Process
Phase 3: Revise,
Proofread,
Evaluate

Business Communication:
Process and Product, 6e
Mary Ellen Guffey
Copyright © 2008
 The Business Writing Process:
Phase 3
Revising Tips Proofreading

Proofreading
Evaluating Marks

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 2

Product, 6e
Revise for Clarity, Conciseness,
and Readability
 Keep it simple.
 Keep it conversational.
 Remove opening fillers.
 Eliminate redundancies.
 Reduce compound
prepositions.
 Purge empty words.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 3

Product, 6e
Revise for Clarity, Conciseness,
and Readability
 Kick the noun habit.
 Dump trite “business” phrases.
 Develop parallelism (balanced
construction).
 Apply graphic highlighting.
 Measure readability.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 4

Product, 6e
Keep it Simple
Avoid indirect, pompous language.
Foggy: It would not be inadvisable for
you to affix your signature at this
point in time.

Clear: You may sign now.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 5

Product, 6e
Keep it Conversational
Use natural, familiar language.
Formal: Our accounting department takes
pleasure in informing you that we
have credited your account for
the aforementioned sum of $100.

Conversational: We’re happy to credit your

account for $100.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 6

Product, 6e
Remove Opening Fillers
Avoid wordiness.

Wordy: There are four menu items

we must promote.
Concise: We must promote four new
menu items.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 7

Product, 6e
Eliminate Redundancies
Say it only once!

collect together personal opinion

contributing factor perfectly clear
past history unexpected surprise
basic fundamentals few in number

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 8

Product, 6e
Reduce Compound Prepositions
Say it more concisely.
at such time, at which time when
at this point in time now
due to the fact that, inasmuch as because
at a later date later
despite the fact that although

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 9

Product, 6e
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for the field of athletic shoes, the degree
of profits sagged.
This is to inform you that we have a toll-
free service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 10

Product, 6e
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for the field of athletic shoes, the degree
of profits sagged.
This is to inform you that we have a toll-
free service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 11

Product, 6e
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.

This is to inform you that we have a toll-

free service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 12

Product, 6e
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.

This is to inform you that we have a toll-

free service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 13

Product, 6e
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.

We have a toll-free service line.

Not all members who are registered will

attend the conference.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 14

Product, 6e
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.

We have a toll-free service line.

Not all members who are registered will

attend the conference.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 15

Product, 6e
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.

We have a toll-free service line.

Not all registered members will attend the

conference.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 16

Product, 6e
Kick the Noun Habit
Use simple, dynamic verbs.
conduct an investigation of investigate
give consideration to consider
make a decision about decide
perform an analysis of analyze
take action act

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 17

Product, 6e
Dump Trite “Business” Phrases
Eliminate stale, puffed-up expressions.
as per your suggestion as you suggested
pursuant to your request as you requested
enclosed please find enclosed is
please feel free to call please call
thank you in advance thank you

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 18

Product, 6e
Dump Trite “Business” Phrases
Eliminate stale, puffed-up expressions.
Trite: Pursuant to your request, enclosed
please find a job application.

Improved: As requested, we
have enclosed a job
application.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 19

Product, 6e
Develop Parallel Expression
Express similar ideas in balanced,
matching constructions.

Not parallel: We can collect information, store

it, and it can also be updated.

Parallel: We can collect, store, and update

information.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 20

Product, 6e
Develop Parallel Expression
Express similar ideas in balanced,
matching constructions.

Not parallel: She is conscientious, a hard worker,

and pays attention to detail.

Parallel: She is conscientious, hard-working,

and detail-oriented.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 21

Product, 6e
Apply Graphic Highlighting
 Letters, such as (a) and (b) within the text.
 Numerals, such as 1, 2, and 3, listed vertically.
 Headings and bullets.
 Font type and size
 CAPITAL LETTERS
 Underscores
 Boldface
 Italics
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 22
Product, 6e
Use Numbered Lists for High
“Skim Value”
Follow these steps to archive a document:
1. Select the document.
1.
2. Select a folder.
2.
3. Provide a file name.
3.
4. Click “Save.”
4.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 23

Product, 6e
Use Bulleted Lists for High
“Skim Value”
Consumers expect the following
information at product Web sites:
 Price
 Quality
 Performance
 Availability

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 24

Product, 6e
Add Headings for Visual Impact
and Readability
We need to discuss a number of topics at our
next meeting:
Budget. Come prepared to discuss our
expense requests.
Schedule. Who will be taking vacations or
leaves?
Hiring. Soon we must begin the hiring
process to replace Matt.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 25
Product, 6e
A Word of Caution
Don’t overdo graphic highlighting!
Too much emphasis leads to busy-looking
documents, clutter, and confusion.

To be safe, use no more than three

highlighting elements on a
single page.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 26
Product, 6e
Consider Measuring Readability
Robert Gunning’s
Fog Index
Flesch-Kincaid
Index

Measure word and

sentence length to
determine readability
in MS Word.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 27

Product, 6e
Proofreading: What to Watch
for
Spelling

Grammar
Format

Proofreading

Names and Punctuation

Numbers

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 28

Product, 6e
How to Proofread Routine
Documents
 For computer messages, print a rough copy
to read.
 Look for typos, misspellings, and easily
confused words.
 Watch for
inconsistencies and
ambiguous expressions.
 Check for factual errors.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 29

Product, 6e
How to Proofread Complex
Documents
 Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
 Set it aside and take a breather.
 Allow adequate time for careful proofing.
 Expect errors. Congratulate, not criticize,
yourself each time you find a mistake!
 Read the message at least twice—for
meaning and for grammar/mechanics.
 Reduce your reading speed. Focus on
individual words.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 30

Product, 6e
Evaluating
Did you encourage How successful
feedback so that will this
you will know communication
it is a success? be?

Does the message

say what you
want it to say?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 31

Product, 6e
Basic Proofreading Marks
Delete

Capitalize

Lowercase (don’t capitalize)

Transpose

Close up
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 32
Product, 6e
Basic Proofreading Marks
Insert

Insert space

Insert punctuation

Insert period

Start paragraph
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 33
Product, 6e
Unmarked Copy
This
This isis to
to inform
inform you
you that
that beginning
beginning
september
september 11 the the doors
doors leading
leading toto the
the
Westside
Westside of of the
the building
building will
will have
have alarms.
alarms.
Because
Because of of the
the fact
fact that
that these
these exits
exits also
also
function
function as as fire
fire exits
exits they
they can
can not
not actually
actually
be
be locked
locked consequently
consequently we we are
are instaling
instaling
alrams.
alrams. Please
Please utilize
utilize the
the east
east side
side exists
exists to
to
avoid
avoid setting
setting offoff the
the ear
ear piercing
piercing alarms.
alarms.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 34

Product, 6e
Marked Copy
This
This isis to
to inform
inform youyou that
that beginning
beginning
september
september 11 the the doors
doors leading
leading to to the
the
Westside
Westside of of the
the building
building willwill have
have alarms.
alarms.
Because doors
Because of of the
the fact
fact that
that these
these exits
exits also
also
function
function as as fire
fire exits
exits they
they can
can not
not actually
actually
l
be
be locked
locked consequently
consequently we we are
are instaling
instaling
alrams. use
alrams. Please utilize
Please utilize the
the east
east side
side exists
exists
to
to avoid
avoid setting
setting off
off the
the ear
ear piercing
piercing
alarms.
alarms.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 35
Product, 6e
Revised Copy
Beginning
Beginning September
September 11 the the doors
doors leading
leading
to
to the
the west
west side
side of
of the
the building
building will
will have
have
alarms.
alarms. Because
Because these
these doors
doors also
also function
function
as
as fire
fire exits,
exits, they
they cannot
cannot be be locked;
locked;
consequently,
consequently, we we are
are installing
installing alarms.
alarms.
Please
Please useuse the
the east
east side
side exits
exits to
to avoid
avoid
setting
setting off
off the
the ear-piercing
ear-piercing alarms.
alarms.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 36

Product, 6e
 End

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Ch. 6, Slide 37

Product, 6e