American Horror Story: Hotel. Sounds like every vacation, right? Scratchy sheets, bed bugs, charging you for WiFi...the list can go on. But this year, Ryan Murphy has a few surprises up his sleeve, and is really putting the "hell" in "hotel." (Give us an extra "l" for the sake of making a point, OK?) Stick around as we recap the whole season, and maybe reconsider that online booking. (Some themes are NSFS — not safe for school. And some are just straight-up not safe.)
You know what time it is, ladies and gents, it’s another recap of American Horror Story: Hotel. This episode, titled ‘Mommy,' was less about the goriness and more about the storyness. Meaning, they didn’t show several throats get slashed open, but they did take some strides and move the plot forward, starting with the Countess's new model-turned-bae, Tristan, chatting it up with James March (Evan Peters).
Tristan is basically acting like a thirsty fan, singing March’s praises like, “OMG, murdering people is a blast and I totally Googled you and you’re so my favorite killer of all time!”
Funny note: March was a serial killer way back in the day, therefor he isn’t aware what Google is, so when Tristan tells him he Googled him he replies, “That sounds obscene!” (And he kind of has a point.)
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But this episode is titled "Mommy" for a reason, and that becomes very apparent very quickly. We have a couple mother related storylines placed front and center.
One is Alex Lowe, who still can’t even deal with looking at Detective John’s face, because she blames him for their missing son, Holden. She speaks on this at a family therapy sesh. At one point during this group discussion, John asks their daughter, Scarlett, to retell the story of when she ran into Holden at the hotel. Of course, John could just say “Hey, I saw Holden at the hotel too, so if we both saw him then he’s probably there,” because logic.
Later on, Alex straight up serves John with divorce papers because she thinks their daughter is telling these fibs and tall tales as a result of the current, unclear situations between mommy and daddy. Then, they inexplicable almost hook up, but John kills the vibe by suggesting aloud that they make another baby, which turns Alex all the way off. I mean, nobody goes from wanting a divorce finalized to wanting to make a baby within seconds, no matter how good a kisser you are.
So, Alex scurries off but as she’s walking in the hallway, she sees…YOU GUESSED IT, HER SON, HOLDEN. Holden usually runs when spotted, but not this time. He lets her walk right up to him and even says, “Hi, mommy.” If ya ask me, it’s pretty cold that this kid saw his pops and his sister in previous episodes and brushed ‘em off like they’re paparazzi, but loves his mom enough to stick around.
The other mom-heavy storyline is Donovan and Iris. Donovan is rude...scratch that...hateful towards Iris. She tries to reach out like a loving mother, but he’s acting like a bratty, a-hole teenage son. He disrespects her because she kicked their scumbag dad out the house years ago, wah, wah, wahhhhh. I felt bad for Donovan when the Countess dumped him in the last episode but after watching him absolutely crap on his mom, the sympathy evaporated real quick-like. At the end of the episode, Iris actually tries to kill herself (as Donovan told her to) but when Donovan comes to his senses, he tries to save her by dropping some of his magical vampire blood in her mouth.
In between, plenty of noteworthy things happened, including the following:
A. We’re introduced to Ramona (Angela Bassett). She’s a badass who used to be the Countess’ love interest, but they had a falling out that led to the Countess killing her competition for Ramona’s heart. Now, Ramona is back to kill someone the Countess loves which seems kinda petty when you’re a vampire who has so, so, so many years of life left. Just be undead and let live, you know?
B. There was a lot of making out. A lot of people reaching first base, and maybe even rounding towards second, but nobody hit any home runs. Tristan and the Countess both kissed Will Drake while seducing him for different reasons. (Yes, Will Drake is gay, no, Will Drake is not capable of resisting Lady Gaga’s universal sex appeal.) Also, Detective John makes out with Sally, but I’m not even sure if that happened or if it was a hallucination, because she suddenly disappears and John is standing there by himself.
C. The Countess is broke AF because she lost all of her money (blame Bernie Madoff). Her goal is to seduce Will Drake, marry Will Drake, kill Will Drake and inherit Will’s will. Bold move.
So, lots of plot twists and turns, with twists inside the twists! Will Ramona wreck the Countess’ life? Will Donovan’s blood save Iris? Will Detective John Lowe refuse to believe his wife when she tells him she saw Holden in the hotel hallways even though he’s already seen Holden in the hotel hallways? Find out, on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z recap of American Horror Story: Hotel. Oh, and...
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