I’m a former judge – the action that costs divorce clients their houses and custody every time – how to avoid it
A FORMER judge who spent more than 20 years dealing with acrimonious divorces has revealed that posting on social media has cost previous clients their houses and even custody of their children.
Anthony Bompiani, 44, presided over countless separation cases during two decades as a lawyer in Pennsylvania before he spent a further five years as a criminal court judge.
The father-of-three, who retired from the post in December, also went through the trauma of divorce personally when he split up with his ex-wife and mother of his three boys in 2018.
The 42-year-old said despite him enjoying an amicable relationship with his ex-wife and their split being “relatively” easy, it gave him another perspective on separation.
Bompiani - who now splits his time between co-parenting his boys in Pennsylvania and living with his fiance Candy Valentino in Arizona - explained that in “at least” 75 percent of cases going to court is a “total waste of money”.
But should the case end up in a courtroom, he “always” advises his clients to avoid posting anything on social media because lawyers can and often do bring up their content in hearings.
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He said: “People sometimes ask me ‘can I post on social media during a divorce if it’s nothing negative against the other side, pictures of the kids, experiences, work, etc?’
“You can but here’s why you shouldn’t post anything at all because that stuff can sometimes be used against you depending on what the issues are in your case.
“Let’s say there’s a money issue whether it be a division of assets and liabilities, or alimony or child support, and you’re posting pictures from vacations or trips or braggadocios photos about your success for business purposes.
“Those things can be twisted and used against you. Or maybe you’re posing pictures of your children on a date when you were late for a custody exchange or refusing the other side to have custody.
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“These attorneys are going to be digging through all of your posts and using and twisting everything they can to gain an advantage for their client so be careful and be smart about it.
“I’ve been in the family law business for over 20 years and during that time I’ve never seen one person win a divorce or child custody case by posting on social media.
“But I’ve seen many lose because of what they post on social media. The bottom line is if you don’t have to post, don’t do it.”
PHOTO EVIDENCE
Bompiani revealed that he represented someone who was posting photos of them and their children on vacations.
"It was repetitive and they were seeking alimony," he explained.
"The photos were used as evidence to show there wasn’t a financial need for alimony. They ended getting about half of what they could have been entitled to."
He also represented a parent who was posting pictures of them having fun and moving on from the relationship.
"The problem was all the photos were at parties," he added.
"It was obvious they and others had been drinking and potentially doing drugs. It caused doubt and their petition for more custody was denied."
A WASTE OF MONEY
Despite his stark warning, Bompiani still advises anyone who can afford it to employ an attorney when they get divorced.
This is to arrange the paperwork rather than go to court and providing there aren’t arguments over assets, it shouldn’t cost more than $3,000, he said.
“I have worked with people and they have spent at least $100,000 (on legal fees) and it’s still not done,” he explained.
“These people aren’t multi-millionaires and they won’t get repaid financially.
“At the same time, they are missing that time with their kids and spending hard-earned cash needlessly.
“Think of it like this: If you keep fighting and litigating what position are you going to be into care for your kids?
“It’s stuff that people don’t think about because you are so emotional at the moment.
“Everyone always says - ‘my kids are my life’ - which is true.
“But we are the most important things in their lives so we have got to make sure we are taken care of emotionally, financially, and physically.
“They rely on us and it’s hard to realize that when you are going through pain and agony plus you feel that you are getting judged by your community, friends, and society.
“You are a ball of stress and anxiety and that’s not the best position to be in which is why it’s vital to try and sort these things out amicably.
“You hear these horror stories where people get taken in court and it lasts five or even 10 years.
“They have a hard time realizing what they can lose in that time because they are so angry and they think at the start that it will be over quickly.
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“But if you are a poker player you are committed - here you are five, 10 years down the line and you have spent most of what you want to be divided on legal fees.
“I used to tell my clients this all the time. Attorneys don’t have anything to lose but you on the other hand have everything on the line."