There are flirty texts that demand attention in a cringey way. And then there are the flirty texts that demand attention in a, well, Looney Tunes–wolf-whistle sort of way.
How do you get into the latter category? Think “scandalous and risky,” says Lindsey Metselaar, dating expert and host of We Met At Acme podcast. “The kind of text you need to throw your phone after sending. And someone’s jaw slightly drops after receiving. Something out of the ordinary or just taking someone by surprise. An example might be: ‘What would you do if I kissed you next time I saw you?’”
For many of us, crafting a text like this is easier said than done. Metselaar acknowledges, “The risk factor is terrifying! Also, it’s hard to be smooth over text. It’s definitely an art.”
And yet, you may find yourself wanting to send a terrifying attention-grabbing text of your own. As the author of Just Send the Text: An Expert’s Guide to Letting Go of the Stress and Anxiety of Modern Dating, my only advice to you is send something that feels … you. It has to feel authentic. In other words, if typing it is making you want to crawl out of your skin, maybe skip it. Because on the off chance it doesn’t work out, you want to at least be able to feel like the text was something you stand by. Metselaar shares a similar sentiment. “Confidence is key! You can’t take it back,” says Metselaar. “You have to stand by it. Don’t double text if you don’t get a response after.”
Need some help getting the creative juices flowing? Browse the below ideas from Metselaar and the Cut for flirty texts that will demand attention.
When you’re trying to move out of the friend zone …
Metselaar warns this can sometimes be a tricky, too tricky, transition, but, if you still feel the urge to shoot your shot, she offers the following texts:
1. “What are your thoughts on hanging out … in another way?”
2. “I know this sounds crazy but should we grab a drink sometime?”
3. “You know I have a crush on you, right?”
4. “Should we just get married?”
5. “Don’t lie, I know you have a crush on me.”
More options from the Cut:
6. “I think we can both agree it’s time to add some benefits to this ‘friends’ situation.”
7. “Would it be TMI if I told you I had a dream about you last night?”
8. “Hypothetically speaking, how would you feel about us going on a date?”
9. “Hear me out: We go on one date and if it’s weird we pretend like it never happened.”
10. “I was thinking we should make one of those pacts where we agree to get married if we’re still single at [insert age here], but … what if we just got ahead of it and went on a date now?”
When you’re trying to spice up a long-term relationship…
From Metselaar:
11. “I’m not wearing any underwear”
12. You can send a sexy photo
13. “Remember that night where _____”
14. Role-play texts! “Hey did we meet at the bar last night?”
15. “I was thinking about trying this ____ insert new sex position or something else exciting here”
More options from the Cut:
16. “I can’t stop thinking about last night.”
17. “How do you feel about recreating the night we ___?”
18. “Tonight let’s pretend I’m ___ and you’re ___”
19. “How do you want to find me when you get home tonight?”
20. “I had a dream we ___ & I think we need to make it reality.”
When you haven’t met IRL yet …
From Metselaar:
21. “So, how are you gonna greet me when we meet in person?”
22. Ask questions about them! Not too many. But you can be like, “what are you listening to when you’re on the subway?”
23. “What are you wearing to work today?”
24. “I’m trying to picture if you’re a vest guy or a puffer guy”
25. “How are you hoping our date ends?”
More options from the Cut:
26. “Walk me through your go-to first date outfit.”
27. “Honestly, I’m excited to meet IRL.”
28. “I have to say, you’re a great texter. Let’s see how this banter translates IRL …”
29. “If this chemistry translates in person, I think we might have to get married on the spot.”
30. “What’s your go-to show right now?”
When you’re in the “talking” phase …
From Metselaar:
31. “I was just thinking about what you said last night.”
32. “Last night was fun.”
33. “Should we go on a trip?”
34. “I feel like you’d look really sexy on the slopes.”
35. “You looked hot last night.”
More options from the Cut:
36. “I’m still laughing about ___”
37. “[link referencing something you talked about last time you hung out]”
38. “OK, I’ll admit it…last night didn’t TOTALLY suck 😏”
39. “[link to a song you both like] – listening on repeat today”
40. “I can’t stop thinking about ___. Next time we’re together you have to tell me more.”
When you’re trying to get another date on the books …
From Metselaar …
41. “So, are you going to lock me down before my schedule books up for the week?”
42. “Just FYI, I book up pretty quickly so if you’re going to ask me out again you have 24 hours.”
43. “Here is a date voucher! It has to be used to confirm a date or it expires in 1 hour.”
44. “So, when is our next date?”
45. “Did you see that ___ just opened? Should we try it?”
More options from the Cut:
46. “You free next [insert night you’re free]?”
47. “[insert link to concert you’d both like here] – should we go?”
48. “I’ve got exactly one night free next week. Fingers crossed you’ve got that night open too?”
49. “What’s your availability looking like next week? Not that I’m trying to hang out again or anything …”
50. “Not to toot my own horn, but I’m even better on a second date.”
Remember! These are just ideas to get your wheels spinning a bit. Feel free to take them as your inspiration to craft a text that feels entirely your own.
Our Expert:
Lindsey Metselaar, a dating expert and host of the We Met at Acme podcast.