Though his character on beloved sitcom Parks and Recreation, Jean-Ralphio Saperstein, was known for his schemes and dubious business ventures, Ben Schwartz is a little bit more interested in reality. He just wrapped up a tour with Silicon Valley’s Thomas Middleditch, where the pair brought longform improv to theaters around the country, inspired by the real stories of people in the audience.
“We make up a whole show, with plots and characters. We really, really love it,” he said. “What we do is we ask a real question. Sometimes we’ll ask, ‘What’s bothering you’ or ‘What are you dreading?’ And we have a real conversation with the person. One person we asked, ‘What’s a unique thing that happened to you recently?’ and he said, ‘Well, I was on a hot air balloon, and someone jumped out!’ But the best ones come from real things, like ‘I’m having a baby and I’m a little nervous about the responsibility.’ And we talk to them about it, and the real stuff gets to the character stuff we like making up!”
That said, he does share a little bit of Jean-Ralphio’s fondness for absurd luxury. Schwartz is teaming up with Dos Equis to bring two slammin’ products to market: the towel jacket and the fanny fridge. (They really do exist, and you can buy them.) But in case you don’t want to stop there, Vanity Fair checked in with the comedian to hear about four more of his chosen essentials—both real and imaginary—for a perfect summer.
“Have you ever heard about a jacket made out of a towel before? What if I told you that the entire jacket was made out of a towel? What if I told you it was a lot of money to buy? Dos Equis and Bask came together, and they only made 2,000 of them, which makes it limited edition.”
What’s the ideal day in a towel jacket?
“I wake up, I’m in a pool, It’s not mine—I don’t own a pool—so I’ll probably jump in someone else’s pool. They see that I’m in their pool, and they’re like, ‘What are you doing here?’ I quickly jump out, I get a towel jacket on, and I’m off to the races. They’re chasing me out of the room. I am running, I am running, and for the rest of the day, it’s a big Pee-wee Herman chase scene. Starts in Austin, then we’ve got a green screen, you see me walk past the Statue of Liberty. After that you see the pyramids.”
“It fits six different beverages. But imagine yourself, if you have to walk around with them, they’ll get shaken up, so be careful when you open them. But they do have something called Don’t Move Technology. You just sit there, and don’t move. And if you don’t move, then it’s fine.
“It’s an umbrella hat that goes on your chin. It goes right on your chin. So anytime you sweat, it goes in this little bowl-like thing right underneath there. You click it off, and then you can pour it right out. But once you click it off, you can’t put it back on. You have to buy another one. It’s like those disposable toothbrushes.”
“It’s sunglasses that have every single type of tint that you want. The sunglasses go out about three feet, so you have to get these little crutches to hold them up. It’s almost like holding two selfie sticks, and you walk around, with these very, very long lenses, and you can change to whichever one you want. It’s beautiful.”
“It’s called an iPad. Try it out. Give yourself a rain cover on it. All the books you want, but they’re dry. But don’t drop it.”
“Go out to any street. Go to the middle of the street—I don’t care if there’s traffic there—put both your hands up in the air and say, ‘I want friends!’ as loud as you can, and really see what happens. I bet you’ll get some hits. Some people really are into it and will want to be friends with you. This is a real one: if you’re kind to people and show kindness to people, oftentimes, you’ll find the people who want to be kind back and be friends.”
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