He climbs on the dishwasher and barrels through stacks of folded laundry, takes off laughing with Crew’s crayons and checks back to see if I’ll follow.He climbs on the dishwasher and barrels through stacks of folded laundry, takes off laughing with Crew’s crayons and checks back to see if I’ll follow. He squawks while I make his dinner and sits at my ankles hoping for scraps. He fiddles with the baby gate and empties every drawer he can find. But then, he sleeps.
You know, not allowing conditions or circumstances to dictate my response but instead taking the time to pause and then choose how I want to respond to the conditions and circumstances.I’ve been thinking a lot about being proactive vs. reactive. You know, not allowing conditions or circumstances to dictate my response but instead taking the time to pause and then choose how I want to respond to the conditions and circumstances. So I’m here, sitting in that pause, considering how we might make it through the next little while.
...I have watched him marvel at what we have created together, making something beautiful out of the love we have shared for nearly 9 years. He would say he doesn’t feel prepared for what’s next but I know he was made for this...Now, looking back over the past nine months, I have watched him marvel at what we have created together, making something beautiful out of the love we have shared for nearly 9 years. He would say he doesn’t feel prepared for what’s next but I know he was made for this day that is soon approaching. He is our person, our rock and safe place. He will forever be home to both his girls and I will forever thank Jesus for the strong and loving man he has blessed us with. I can’t wait to see him hold our baby girl and step into fatherhood.
She screams to put them on, take them off, matches and mismatches. It’s cute, and insane...toddlers are hilarious, and exhausting.Today we also made almond milk, and hung some stuff on the walls, and ate chicken soup for lunch, and watched the rainbows dance on the wall. It’s the days of ordinary this and thats and whatevers that add up in the end. So often as a stay at home parent, it can feel like nothing ever comes from the day-in and day-out. You really start to question the value of it all...but it really does add up in the end.
When I got back in town and tried to wear it, she would say "mama mama mama" over and over again until I took it off and gave it to her. She would wrap it around herself and snuggle it soo tight.Fast forward to now and this "blanket" has been hers ever since my first trip away. She won't sleep without mama blankey and carries it around everywhere. It's started getting frays and tiny holes, and hardly resembles a robe anymore. I snapped this photo of her the other morning and I look forward to the day I can share this story with her. Mommy loves you.
And we delight in each other and despair just as much. We bend with the weight of it all. Everything so new all over again. We lift back the canopy so strangers can coo and see just how new our newest love is as we walk the streets in a daze.3 weeks with baby brother. Mum and Dad are surviving by sleeping in shifts. Mum cries in the shower and sends messages like, "I don’t know if I can do this." And Dad says in the quiet of the night, "It’s going to be okay babe." And we delight in each other and despair just as much. We bend with the weight of it all. Everything so new all over again. We lift back the canopy so strangers can coo and see just how new our newest love is as we walk the streets in a daze. And we smile and the dark that encircles our eyes creases at the corner with love. And we ask it to last forever. And for time to move quicker too. Forever in between. Just trying to surrender to it all.
While I was on the floor shucking wet socks and boots off two ticklish feet for the second time today and our kitchen was full of the sound of little boys cracking each other up, I just felt so grateful to get be in this very simple, sweet spot taking it all in.While I was on the floor shucking wet socks and boots off two ticklish feet for the second time today and our kitchen was full of the sound of little boys cracking each other up, I just felt so grateful to get be in this very simple, sweet spot taking it all in. The whole truth of our lives is complex, so we have to pause and savor moments like this.
I forgot about the hormone crash after a miscarriage...I forgot that one second you’ll feel completely normal and the next you can’t even get off the couch.This past week has been hard. It’s been so full of ups and downs. I’ve have moments of no patience. I’ve had moments where I felt like an awful mother, wife, and friend. I’ve also had moments where I’ve felt grateful. Grateful to had been pregnant for 8 weeks, grateful for my living babies, grateful that it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy and that I had no complications with my D&C.
Her new favorite thing is spinning around and around until she gets dizzy and falls...and, in turn, causing me to have a heart attack every time she goes down...Her new favorite thing is spinning around and around until she gets dizzy and falls...and, in turn, causing me to have a heart attack every time she goes down, especially near the walls or brick fireplace..or any piece of furniture really. Is there some sort of bubble suit I can buy and just put her in?
Been at this stay-at-home-mom gig long enough to know that I set the tone for how our days go. My attitude, my actions, my patience level, cause a trickle down effect.Really wanted to be annoyed when stripping and washing the window seat cushions got added to my list early this morning, but instead I helped them make this area into a racetrack, and that one small choice really made this Monday less Monday-ish.
Today felt like a lot. It was an "everyone needs everything from me all at once, and because of that no one really got anything from me" sort of day.But today my hands were full. But after some deep breaths, some amazing words of affirmation from a sweet friend, and a super quick shower...I changed the narrative. MY HANDS ARE FULL! Three healthy, lively, unique and kind little girls. What a blessing. So we stuck to our advent activity today and made hand-dipped candles like we do every year and it was so good for my soul.
I’ve been saving his holiday artwork every year cause I just can’t seem to part with them...from that handprint Santa who has long since lost his eyes, to the paint splatter wreath...Just small reminders of days past, full of paint-filled messes and chubby baby hands.I’ve been saving his holiday artwork every year cause I just can’t seem to part with them. They are all my favorites, from that handprint Santa who has long since lost his eyes, to the paint splatter wreath, even that adorable extra gluey Christmas tree. Just small reminders of days past, full of paint-filled messes and chubby baby hands. Memories we’ve made together that I never want to forget.
At some point I can’t exactly recall, my baby stopped needing to be rocked to sleep. He stopped asking to be carried on my hip. It all just happened less and less until it no longer existed. But now he spontaneously tells me that I’m beautiful EVERY day. He closes his eyes and holds my face when he kisses me. He makes me coffee mid-afternoon.But now he spontaneously tells me that I’m beautiful EVERY day. He closes his eyes and holds my face when he kisses me. He makes me coffee mid-afternoon. He tells me stories and makes me special trinkets out of legos. Sigh...I couldn’t possibly choose which stage I prefer; I’m just so grateful for each moment. Here’s to (almost) five, little love.
My heart still races when I listen to my one-year-ago self, like it did when I was writing it. Tears still fall when I hear my pain and vulnerability, like they did when I shared it. It’s funny how far I’ve come since then - the acceptance and the pushing on and the good in it all - and yet how quickly such feelings can resurface.Our days are packed and busy, running from one therapy to the next, and Crew handles it all so well. He genuinely loves the people in his life who are helping him grow and thrive, and I don’t know what we would do without them. He is chatty and happy and finding his place in this world. I am proud of him. It’s hard, yes. Can I tell you that it’s hard? But he continues to be a light on an extraordinary path we never knew would be ours.
HABIT & HOME © All rights reserved · Theme by Blog Milk · Blogger
