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Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures

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I've listed this article for peer review because I intend to nominate it for FAC. My first FA, Smash Hit, was recently promoted so I'm positive that this article could be improved too. The article was promoted to GA in early October and since then I've worked a bit, mainly improving the references. I'll thus only need recommendations on improving the prose before nominating it for FAC. Thanks, Vacant0 (talk • contribs) 15:28, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from BP

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I just thought that I need review from my FAC, so I should weigh in here to review this one =).

  • "The game consists of three chapters, each with six stages,[6][7] which are accessible from the game's hub, Barnett College, which serves as Indiana Jones's recurring teaching location in the film series." The sentence os getting long, can you paraphrase it?
    • I've split the sentences up. -V
  • I had to google what is "stylus", maybe you can explain in a way that non-familiar readers will know?
    • Done. -V
  • "Ricks said that the developers debated whether to include the German Iron Cross but eventually just kept the Reichsadler (eagle)." Unsource?
    • That sentence and the following two are backed up by Ref 36 (Robinson, 2008), as seen in the article. -V
  • Who is "Storc"?
    • A LucasArts producer. This was for some reason removed at one point (likely by me), but I don't remember when and why. I probably tried rewriting those paragraphs and forgot to add it back. -V
  • What makes X-Play reliable? 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 22:47, 16 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Nub098765

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Hey, I was the one who promoted Smash Hit to GA! Nice job getting it through FAC. I see you are asking for prose suggestions, which I enjoy giving, so here you go. Generally, this article has clean prose, but some parts could be tightened or streamlined IMO. For example:

  • The lead is quite well-written and comprehensive. Just a few outstanding things:
    • "As the players go through the stages, they collect Studs, the currency of Lego games, avoid traps, assemble Lego constructions, and engage in combat." — Rather than separating "the currency of Lego games" simply by commas, because this is a comma-separated list on its own, I would recommend parenthesizing it (or something of the same effect). Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • Minor nitpick: "...new inclusions that did not appear in previous..." — Instead of "that did not appear", I'd go with the more concise "not seen". Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The design of puzzles was altered to fit the Indiana Jones franchise, but any mentions of Nazism were removed entirely, with Traveller's Tales attempting to make Lego Indiana Jones more family-friendly and Lego replacing the figures with similar ones in Indiana Jones Lego sets." — This sentence is functional, but I have a suggestion: Traveller's Tales' attempt to make Lego Indiana Jones more family-friendly is not directly tangible while Lego's replacement of figures is. Because the first part of the sentence—the part about removing mentions of Nazism—is also implicitly tangible, I'd suggest either switching these around for flow or reformulating the sentence entirely. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...and a game demo, Flash Player web game, and a computer-animated short film were published during the development." — At the beginning of a list, the article of the first item defines the rest of them, so the second "a" here is superfluous. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • The gameplay section is generally okay. Few minor things:
    • "The player has a limitless number of lives and respawns upon death." — Would it not be okay to just say "Players respawn indefinitely upon death."? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Additionally, the player can collect Extras, a bonus that boosts their Studs total, by collecting parcels and mailing them to Barnett College, and unlock the three bonus levels by collecting treasure in each stage." — Again, I feel like parenthesizing the additional info could improve readability. I was reading this and assuming that "a bonus..." was separate from "Extras". Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...the Wii version of the whip is controlled with motions." — What are "motions", exactly? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The game features a variety of characters, including shovel-carrying, wrench-using, high-jumping, and crawlable ones, the Thuggees, who can communicate with ancient statues, and those who can decode hieroglyphs, such as Henry Jones Sr. The abilities to carry a shovel, use a wrench, or decode hieroglyphs can be obtained by any figure who acquires the required item." — These sentences are very dense. I'm not sure how you could reword them, as I'm not sure I fully understand what they are saying, but they could benefit from some breathing room or clarification. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The player can also obtain weapons and rewards by excavating in certain areas or killing foes; the weapons picked up from enemies have limited ammunition." — Shouldn't there be a "however" or such here? Is the fact that weapons picked up from enemies having limited ammo not a caveat of the first sentence? Also, this sentence feels like a run-on sentence split by a semicolon. Maybe just split it into two sentences? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Development section is also good. Just a few ideas:
    • "Scholars noted that the game is an adaptation of the Lego toy set characters." — Is that not... implied? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...because the Indiana Jones franchise also featured action components and that the end result 'felt like LEGO Star Wars set in 1945'." — Could be clearer from a slight rewording: "...because the Indiana Jones franchise also featured action components, resulting in what Ricks described as 'LEGO Star Wars set in 1945'." Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...introducing new features that were not present in the previous Lego Star Wars games." — "that were not present in the" seems wordy; perhaps just "absent in"? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Ricks said that the developers debated whether to include the German Iron Cross but eventually just kept the Reichsadler (eagle)." — "just kept" seems a bit informal. This sentence also seems a bit abrupt. I assume it's saying that the Reichsadler had already been their pick, but they debated whether or not to include the Iron Cross with it, yes? But where did the Reichsadler come from? Why is it important? How does it contrast with the Iron Cross? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "While Traveller's Tales was working on introducing ranged weapons to Lego Indiana Jones, they were unsure if the ammunition should be limited; in the game's official release, the team limited the player's ammo, which differed from how the ammo worked in prior Lego video games." — This is a very lengthy sentence that I think would benefit from simply being split. Also perhaps you could reformulate the sentence to avoid overuse of the word "ammo"/"ammunition"? Say, While working on ranged weapons, the team debated whether ammunition should be limited. In the official release, they opted to limit ammo, differing from the system used in previous Lego games. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "LucasArts instead stated that up to four characters would be visible on the screen, but only two could be controlled by players at a time." — Seems wordy. A more concise version could be: "LucasArts clarified that while up to four characters could appear on screen, only two at a time could be player-controlled." Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Marketing and release section is very, very good. Just a few wordings:
    • "...as an unlockable playable character when..." — Doesn't "unlockable" imply "playable"? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Despite Activision's announcement that the demo would not be available on PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, it was eventually made accessible on the Xbox Live Marketplace on 27 June." — This doesn't seem like a "despite" statement to me. It implies that what follows has already been said before. I would use "Although Activision announced..." and cut "eventually". Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The Xbox 360 version is backward compatible with Xbox One and the Xbox Series X and Series S." — What does "backward compatible" mean? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Lego Indiana Jones was made further available on PlayStation Vita, the successor of PSP, in 2014 as part of a package of Lego video games." — This reads as though it had already been available on the Vita, and this simply furthered that availability. I assume this is basically saying "availability was widened when it was released on the Vita" so I would place "in 2014" before the Vita statement to clarify that. If that is what it means, of course. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reception, though the longest section, is one of the best-written (which isn't saying a lot, since they're all amazingly written), so I applaud you for that. Here are a couple things:
    • "Writing for GamesRadar, David Houghton saw the first chapter unfavourably due to dull pacing, while the other two more positively." — Is this missing a verb in the subordinate clause? Like a "he viewed" between "two" and "more"? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...Stevens and Talbot also noted that the characters animations show a lot of charm." — Do the characters possess the animations? If so, this is missing an apostrophe I believe. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...the addition of Star Wars characters was, however, commended by him." — Passive voice doesn't quite read well here IMO. Perhaps making it active could improve it: "...he did, however, commend the addition of Star Wars characters." Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...he noted that the music is dynamic, that it changes based on the 'intensity of a scene'." — I don't think "that it" is grammatical here. I suggest removing it and changing "changes" to its present tense. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "McShea also said that PSP's small screen size made the gameplay more harder and foiling, while he also criticised its controls." — "while" implies a contrast, something that is effectively opposite to the thing said before it. Also, "also" is used twice here, so I recommend removing one of them. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...and that same actions can be performed more easily with buttons instead." — Shouldn't there be a "these" or a "those" between "that" and "same"? Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Shortly after its release, Lego Indiana Jones became the best-selling game in the United Kingdom according to Chart-Track during the second week of June 2008, surpassing Grand Theft Auto IV." — "according to Chart-Track" seems misplaced; it would be better at the end of the sentence. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • General comment: per WP:SAID, "noted" and similar words should only be used when the succeeding comment is one of fact, which this section (and maybe the development section) seems to violate. Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

And that’s about all the feedback I have. You’ve done an excellent job crafting a strong article (no surprises there), and I hope my suggestions help refine it further, even if they are a bit nitpicky. Best of luck with the FAC. Thanksya, Nub098765 (talk) 07:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. I appreciate the comments. I think that I've addressed all of your suggestions. Vacant0 (talk • contribs) 20:09, 23 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
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