Talk:Elizabeth Dilling/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 03:27, 29 June 2016 (UTC)
Lead
[edit]Paragraph 1
[edit]- Insert a comma after "In 1934".
Early life and family
[edit]Paragraph 1
[edit]- Insert a comma after "In 1912".
Paragraph 2
[edit]- Omit "extensively" in the first sentence; it seems unnecessary.
- Insert a comma after "In 1923".
Paragraph 3
[edit]- Replace "when she noted a" with "where she noted a".
- Insert a comma after "in 1939".
Anti-communism
[edit]Paragraph 1
[edit]- Replace "she encountered, on her" with "she encountered upon her".
- Replace "on her doctor's advice" with "following her doctor's advice".
- Maybe break up the last sentence; it's a little lengthy. Or at some semi-colons rather than the excessive commas.
Paragraph 2
[edit]- Insert a comma after "In 1932".
- Replace "organisation" with "organization".
- Reword the first sentence somehow; it's a little disorganized.
Paragraph 4
[edit]- Replace "The book had been" with "The book has been".
- Replace "and sold more than" with "and has sold more than".
- I rearranged it slightly.zzz (talk) 11:28, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
Paragraph 7
[edit]- Insert a comma after "In 1938".
Isolationism
[edit]Paragraph 2
[edit]- "It was the base of the isolationist America First Committee found in September 1940, which by 1941 had 850,000 members, and influential far-right activists Father Charles E. Coughlin, Reverend Gerald L. K. Smith and Lyrl Clark Van Hyning." could be reworded. It's just cluttered and hard to read.
Paragraph 3
[edit]- "7 March" ? Turn it around to March 7.
Paragraph 4
[edit]- Replace "in December 1941" with "on December 1941".
- Removed date. zzz (talk) 11:30, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
Paragraph 5
[edit]- Insert commas before and after "convened in 1941 to investigate fascist propaganda".
- Weird date: "21 July 1942" - turn it around.
- Another weird date: "4 January 1944".
- And another: "3 January 1944".
- And again: "29 November 1944".
- There's a lot of turned around dates; please fix them.
- Insert a comma following "in 1954".
End of GA Review:
[edit]On hold for seven days to allow for the aforementioned changes to be made. Please @PING me here with any questions, comments, or concerns. Thanks so much and good luck! Cheers, Carbrera (talk) 05:12, 30 June 2016 (UTC).
- Thanks very much for the comments. I think I fixed everything. zzz (talk) 11:43, 30 June 2016 (UTC)