Talk:Surrounded (Björk album)/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 14:26, 16 May 2016 (UTC)
Hello! Here's my review of your article, which is quite nice:
Lead
[edit]box set by Icelandic musician -> box set recorded by Icelandic recording artist
- This would alter the meaning of the sentence, as if Björk had recorded the entire box set specifically for its release.
- Björk, released on -> Björk. It was released...
- It is a collection -> Surrounded remains a collection
- Hmm, "remains" is not equivalent to "is". Surrounded remains a collection would mean "it continues/stays a collection", which doesn't make any sense.
- one side contains the -> one side features the
- If you insist, I'll change this, but I deliberately didn't use "features" as it is used later in the paragraph, in "additional features".
- longplayers; the other -> longplayers, while the other one
- While it did -> While the box set did
- record chart -> record charts
Most applauded its -> Most of them were positive towards its...
Content and release
[edit]of seven Björk studio albums -> of seven of Björk's studio albums- Add the year of release to every album listed with "()"
- on the latter -> on the latter one
- 'Latter' is grammatically correct already.
- describes -> described
- work as a -> work on the album as a
- adding it provides -> with him as well confessing that it provides
- A tip: with [verb]ing should be avoided, and "as well" is redundant. I find 'confessing' to be a rather personal verb so it would be inappropriate to use here.
- of each album -> of each album's singles
- says -> praised by commending that it
This is a quite long and redundant structure. 'Commending' is just reinforcing the idea that it was praised, so it can be removed.
Critical reception
[edit]Change all to past tense- writing in -> writing for
- "writing in" is accepted, see the FA xx (album).
- it "revitalizes some of the most ambitious pop music of the last 13 years." -> it as naming it "some of the most ambitious pop music of the last 13 years."
- This would be poor prose, as well as misinterpretating what Pytlik wrote in his review. He doesn't call Surrounded itself that, he's referring to what it contains.
- stating, "The work and its evolution speaks for itself. (...) Too bad the hardware doesn't." -> stating that "the work and its evolution speaks for itself. [...] Too bad the hardware doesn't."
that is redundant.
- Outcome:
On hold for 7 days. Good luck! Cartoon network freak (talk) 14:26, 16 May 2016 (UTC)
- Cartoon network freak, I have corrected the points you raised, except for those I commented on; I also added some stuff I had let slip the first time around, so please have another look. Thank you for the review. Prism | (talk) 18:13, 18 May 2016 (UTC)
- @Prism: Congratulations, your GAN has just passed! By the way, are you also a GA reviewer? When yes, I would appreciate if you would find time to review my GAN of I Am the Club Rocker. Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:42, 18 May 2016 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.