Roommates Quotes

“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.”
― Demetri Martin

“You're sure your new roommate won't be like the last one who wore tinfoil socks and had a tendency to occasionally urinate in the refrigerator. You're sure you'll pass Math 106 this time around. You're determined to actually join some clubs this year and not just sit around in your dorm eating spray cheese from a can and watching youtube videos about cats.”
― Patrick Rothfuss

“Simon blinked himself awake, confused, for a moment, why he was in a dungeon that smelled of dung rather than his Brooklyn bedroom - then, once he got his bearings, confused all over again about why he was being awoken in the middle of the night by a wide-eyed Scotsman.

"Is there a fire?" Simon asked. "There better be a fire. Or a demon attack. And I'm not talking about some puny lower-lever demon, mind you. You want to wake me up in the middle of a dream about rock superstardom, it better be a Greater Demon.”
― Cassandra Clare, The Evil We Love

“How my heart missed beating like this. For him. Only for him.”
― Ella Maise, The Hardest Fall

“The thing is, it's really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs - if yours are really good ones and theirs aren't. You think if they're intelligent and all, the other person, and have a good sense of humor, that they don't give a damn whose suitcases are better, but they do.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

“On and off the field, you're my hardest fall, Zoe. No one ever compared. No one ever will.”
― Ella Maise, The Hardest Fall

“Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.”
― Oliver Gaspirtz, A Treasury of Pet Humor

“Even people who are entirely strange and indifferent to one another will exchange confidences if they live together for a while, and a certain intimacy is bound to develop.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Elective Affinities

“...I object to rows because my nerves are shaken, and I get up at all sorts of ungodly hours, and I am extremely lazy. I have another set of vices when I'm well, but those are the principal ones at present.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet

“My maid never sweeps under the bed
so I asked her to do so today.
Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.”
― Sanhita Baruah

“A good roommate may be the single most important thing to have when one is away at school.”
― Barbara Dana, A Voice of Her Own: Becoming Emily Dickinson

“I took a bite of a Bloody Ploughman. Even the flesh was red.
'Bloody,' Carral said.
'Nice colour,' I answered.
'It looks sinful. I bet that was the apple Eve ate, you know, in the Bible, the forbidden fruit.'
'Might be. But I've eaten some too now. Does that mean you have to kick me out of your house?'
I held the half-eaten apple out to her. She burst out laughing and pointed out at the factory: 'Does this look like paradise or what?”
― Jenny Hval, Perlebryggeriet

“He tilted my head up with his index finger. Tingles spread on my skin. "Pain, obstacles, betrayal and all shitty things that happen in life shape everyone, just as much as good things do. Don't regret anything if in the end you can say you're an amazing woman.”
― Stephanie Witter, 2B or Not 2B?

“Twice I'd come home as they were finishing, and, honestly, I cannot think of a lonelier sound on a Saturday night than one's roommate having a giant orgasm and then making an embarrassed sssh sound, realizing that maybe through her pleasure she'd heard the front door open and close.”
― Aimee Bender, The Color Master: Stories

“His room was a sickly dual-tone of crimson and charcoal, like an Untitled Rothko, the colours bleeding into each other horribly and then rather serenely. The overall effect was overwhelmingly unapologetic but it grew on you like a wart on your nose you didn't realise it was a part of your identity until one day it simply was. His room was his identity. Fiercely bold, avant-garde but never monotonous. He was red, he was black, he was bored, and he was fire. At least to me he seemed like fire. A tornado of fire that burned all in its wake leaving only the wretched brightness of annihilation. His room was where he charmed and disarmed us. We were his playthings. Nobody plays with fire and leaves unscarred. The fire soon seeps into chard and soot. The colours of his soul, his aura, and probably his heart if he didn't stop smoking.”
― Moonshine Noire

“When two men live together they usually maintain a kind of shabby neatness out of incipient rage at each other. Two men alone are constantly on the verge of fighting, and they know it.”
― John Steinbeck, East of Eden

“I simply can't have roommates. I like my own space.”
― Ottessa Moshfegh, Eileen

“We have to ice your vagina."

The redness from my furious pain shot straight to a new form of redness from embarrassment as I stood up. "You're not icing my vagina, Ian Parker!"

"I'm just saying it's the best way to get the pain down, and you don't want swollen, um, you know ... lips ..." Now it was his turn to blush a little. Who knew that the playboy of the century could get shy from talking about my inflamed vagina?

"Well, if anyone's icing me down below, it's going to be me."

"No, I can definitely do it. That's what roommates are for, anyway," he joked.

I laughed in agony. "Roommates are for icing each other's private parts?"

"I mean, only the best roommates. Think of it as a roommates-with-benefits situation."

"And the benefit is holding an ice pack to my lower region?"

"Yep. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it.”
― Brittainy C. Cherry, The Wreckage of Us

“Honestly, Evie," I huffed, flopping back to the centre of my bed and glaring at the ceiling. "Why don't you whine some more instead of actually doing anything?"
"Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," Arianna volunteered, leaning on the frame of my open door.
"Yeah, so's seeing things no one else can, but people seem to like that about me."
"Good point. Odds are, you've been crazy for years now. I'm probably nothing more than a figment of your imagination."
"If that were true, I'd imagine you as less of a slob."
She sighed. "Isn't it sad that you hate yourself so much you can't even dream up a pleasant roommate?"
"Not as sad as the fact that you admit how bad you suck as one."
Flashing a wicked grin, she narrowed her eyes. “ I'd use the term 'suck' sparingly around me.  Don't want to go planting ideas in my pretty,  dead head."
I threw a pillow at her.”
― Kiersten White, Supernaturally

“He hadn’t said a word to me until we had been roommates for eight months. And even then it had only been, “You’re wearing my socks.”
― Melody J. Bremen, Room 42

“Subletting may create a different problem for the tenant who sublets. Under some [rent control] ordinances, a tenant who sublets for a fixed term (e.g., a 3-month vacation) may not be able to evict the subtenant at the end of the subletting. This situation would arise if only persons with a specified record interest in the property have a right to evict for owner occupancy. The tenant (the seblessor) would not be able to evict the subtenant to reoccupy the premises, because the seblessor is defined as a "landlord" in the ordinance but not as an "owner." (If there is no other cause to evict, the owner-landlord could not evict the subtenant unless he or she planned to occupy the unit.)
Counsel representing a subtenant should review the local ordinance to ascertain whether it defines a tenant as the "landlord" of the subtenant or if the definition of "tenant" includes any "subtenant." If so, the subtenant would have all the rights of a tenant under the ordinance. At least one ordinance specifically addresses this problem by providing that any landlord (not just an owner) may evict to recover possession for his or her own occupancy "as a principal residence" if the landlord previously occupied the unit and reserved the right to recover possession under the rental agreement. See Berkeley Mun[icipal] C[ode] §§13.76.040, 13.76.130. See also SF Rent Bd Rules & Regs §6.15C(1), discussed in §17.5. (In San Francisco, a well-informed tenant who is subletting will expressly reserve continued exclusive "possession" of some limited space so that the tenant can immediately enter on returning to the premises. Then, if necessary, and with proper compliance with the regulations, the tenant can evict the subtenant without cause.)
It is unclear whether the Berkeley ordinance prohibits a landlord from evicting an unapproved subtenant and recovering possession, especially in light of the Costa-Hawkins Act (see §§17.1A–17.1G). If the landlord may not, then apparently the tenant who sublets may not object to further subletting by the subtenant. Such further subletting might, however, bar the tenant's right to recover possession. Berkeley Mun C §13.76.130 specifies that the right to recover occupancy must be in "an existing rental agreement with the current tenants." (Emphasis added.)
A tenant who takes in a roommate by subletting must be distinguished from one who takes in a roommate with the landlord's consent, i.e., a cotenant. The roommate becomes a tenant of the landlord rather than a subtenant of the original tenant. In this situation, the original tenant has no right to evict the roommate. Only the landlord may evict and must have just cause [as defined by the ordinance] to do so if the roommate is found to be a tenant under the local eviction control ordinance.”
― Myron Moskovitz, California Eviction Defense Manual

“Wie viele Mitbewohner_innen passen auf eine Todesanzeige, wie sehen Stammbäume von kinderlosen Queers aus.”
― Lilly Axster, Dorn

“And then Elena's dog ate her bacon. She had heated up a slice of bacon on a paper towel, put it on the table, and turned to open the fridge. The dog swallowed the bacon and the paper towel. She stared at the dog, its expression smug, and all the frustrations of her life boiled up in her head. A dog eating her bacon, a dog eating her bacon while she was jobless.”
― Chimanda Ngozi Adichie

“Roommates are like a box of cheap fireworks, you never know what they will do next.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Search a rental home of your choice
based on your requirements”
― Homizone

“As his calloused, boyish hands trace the words in my calc textbook, I catch myself becoming jealous of the pages once again. Those sin and cosine curves ain’t got nothin’ on mine, damn it.”
― Anita Knight, Crush Course

“A girl in middle school once told me that a penis feels just like a tampon, only bigger. I’m not sure if it’s something her mom told her to shut her up, or if it’s somehow true. But as I’m staring at this man’s beautiful, bare naked form in front of me, I can tell you that I highly doubt it’s going to feel like a tampon when he’s inside me.”
― Anita Knight, Crush Course

“From the moment you walked through my front door, I was half in love with you.”
― Katherine McIntyre, Strength Check

“Imperfect Silence by Stewart Stafford

The new roommates were,
The noisiest people alive,
Sandwich-making became,
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Is that dishwashing?
Or a battle reenactment?
Vibrations from videogames,
Shook the hollow home.

Then the 7 a.m. rite again,
Pianos dropped as you slept,
And their jumbo jet snoring,
Blew you out of the bed.

© Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”
― Stewart Stafford

“How long does it take to make scholar?"
"Varies" said Wendell. "But only one in ten make it."

"One in ten?"

"Well yeah, but you'll make it. I can tell you're smart. Most of my roommates have been smart. In fact all of my roommates have gotten through." Wendell smiled like he didn't mind this, and there was an orange puff of hurt that said he minded it very much.

"All your roommates? How long have you been here?" Said Jinx.

"Four years”
― Sage Blackwood, Jinx's Magic