Undiscovered Gyrl Quotes

“Only on the Internet can a person be lonely and popular at the same time.”
― Allison Burnett, Undiscovered Gyrl

“Once I entered the house late at night and overheard Mark and my mom having sex by the fireplace. She was moaning like she was flying on a magic carpet. I almost puked into the kitchen sink. I would give anything for her to dump him. Jade’s mom says it will never happen because women over 45 have a better chance of getting blown up by a terrorist than finding a man. Haha! If I ever get that desperate, I will buy a giant vibrator and never leave the house.”
― Allison Burnett, Undiscovered Gyrl

“[Great literature] lifts you out of the here and now and brings you closer to the angels.”
― Allison Burnett, Undiscovered Gyrl

“If you're right and my life sucks, I'll just have to marry an ugly, old billionaire. The first time he sees me naked, which will be on our honeymoon, he'll have a heart attack and die. I'll inherit his entire fortune. You can be my chauffeur.”
― Allison Burnett, Undiscovered Gyrl

“Most blogs are just some boring chick telling you everything you never wanted to know about her stupid life. Every single day she tells you more boring details until you just want to write to her and say, ‘Yo, bitch, when something actually happens, let me know!”
― Allison Burnett, Undiscovered Gyrl

“That’s the problem with dating somebody you’re not truly in love with. Every few weeks the pressure builds and you turn into a monster. You’re not sure who you hate more for the lie you are living, him or yourself.”
― Allison Burnett, Undiscovered Gyrl