Because nobody ever suspects the butterfly…

jimintomystery:

Game of Thrones with lightsabers.

So butterfly tells me about this clip, and she’s all like “I realized that all the lightsaber sounds get annoying after a while” and I’m like “I seriously can’t imagine too many lightsaber sounds” and then I had to watch this clip.  (Just so we’re clear, I didn’t want to watch Neddington Stannis fight Hymie Stannister, it was the butterfly, I tell you!  The butterfly!)

So yeah, I’m watching and it’s actually a pretty awesome swordfight and I attribute about 74% of that to the lightsaber effects.  And I tell butterfly: “I’m about halfway in and I’m not sick of the lightsaber sounds at all.  I can’t imagine that’s going to change in the next 45 seconds.”  And then all of a sudden this assbag stabs Theon Baratheon or whatever his name is in the back of the knee with a spear!  I don’t know who this guy is or what his problem is, but I guess he was rooting for Alanis Bannister to win so I assume he’s a Stannis Stannister stan.  I’m just going to call him Donathan Tywyrion, because that’s a stupid name.

So anyway Jimothy Sandorster just stares at Don like “What the hell was that?” and Don’s like “Oops, I didn’t meant to,” so he kills Ron and everybody just quietly leaves like they want to split before the cops show up.

So I say to butterfly “What the hell was that?” and she’s like “Yeah I know” and I’m like “So what were they even fighting about?”  And she’s all “Well actually there’s an excellent essay on Tumblr about how King’s Island was in dispute over a treaty—”  And she does this all the time so I’m like “I meant why were they dueling if Javier’s goons were going to cheat, and why cheat if they weren’t trying to kill Nedford?” 

So butterfly dumbs it down for me and explains that Jesus Stanislaus had just always wanted to fight Fredward and in this scene he got an excuse but then Ron screwed it up.  Naturally I ask “Then why did his henchman buddy even interfere?”  And she’s like “Well, he didn’t understand that his boss wanted a fair fight, and when he saw an opportunity to interfere he took it.”  I ain’t buying that. 

So I say “Look, I just watched this clip.  Ron was standing there behind Teddard the whole time and he could have interfered as soon as the fight started, if he wanted to.  This guy is a henchman, his whole job is to shut up and do what the bad guy tells him to do, when he’s told.  The only way this clip works is if he spent 45 seconds obediently knowing his role and watching the fight, and then suddenly he just becomes stupid for no reason, and stabs Izzard because he wants his boss to kill him.”

So now I’ve got her, ha ha!  Because usually she lords it over me that I’ve never watched the show or read the books or bought the action figures or studied the official video game hint book.  So how could I possibly know that all the stuff she keeps telling me about makes no frigging sense?  But she can’t do that this time!

So that just leaves her one out, which is to totally turn on the show.  “Yeah, this scene made more sense in the books,” she says, “but when they adapted it for the show they wanted more sword fighting and titties so they just changed it, but it’s important that Howard Stark gets stabbed in the knee so they tacked it on even though it made no sense.” 

Aha, so it’s the show’s fault that people just randomly wander around doing stupid random shit.  What a dumb, bad TV show, this show that she has to watch every week and tell me about even though she already knows what happens because she read the novelization, and everybody she likes dies or gets syphilis.  I guess this means I won’t have to hear about all the stupid crap in Season 3!  (SPOILER: Tywin Tyrell convinces Joygrey Greyjoy that holding your sword backwards brings good luck, and he stabs himself to death, and I will have to hear all about it.)

In conclusion, this is why I don’t watch Game of Thrones.  Even lightsabers could not make it good.

Oh lol. My boyfriend, everybody!