Not Poems, Just Words: On Loving, Living and Longing
By Ramon Loyola
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About this ebook
A finalist in the 2014 Indie Excellence Awards, this is a collection of prose poems on love, loss, longing and yearning, and on dealing with the vagaries of life. It is a small journey from the deepest emotions of love and loss to the sometimes overwhelming realisation of the beauty of life.
Ramon Loyola
Ramon Loyola is a writer, legal author and lawyer. His poems have been published in 'the tablet' and 'STU magazine', and have appeared online at emanilapoetry.com and narratorPRIDE.com.Ramon holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Industrial Pharmacy from the University of the Philippines, a Master of Law and Legal Practice (now Juris Doctor) and a Master of Arts in Creative Writing both from the University of Technology, Sydney (UTS). When he is not painstakingly working on his novel, he can be found wandering the back streets of Newtown, where he lives in inner west Sydney, looking for quiet places in the middle of the night. He blogs at http://www.ramonloyola.org and holds his breath for as long as he can while writing.
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Not Poems, Just Words - Ramon Loyola
Dedicated to my mother, Virginia Esguerra-Loyola,
for showing me the way.
To my niece, Maria Christine Loyola,
for showing me the words.
Contents
dedication
intro
coming
if and when
the jury swoons
restraint
mileage
steps
linger
taking leave
going
disunion
falling
departure
keepsake
light
gone
empty
remnants
what he left
full house
map of my heart
my heart is a rejection junkie
companion
learning
passages on a clear day
slap
mending
scar
shattered sleep
reaching
dodging bricks
frozen envy
alms
sufferance
on nirvana way
rising
dreaming
mislaid pardons
the solace of flowers
dream of gods
moonlight
yearning
streaming
pause the wind
sunset thoughts
always love
poet
not poems
On these words
(By way of an introduction)
It’s hard to imagine life without words, at least that’s how I see it. Yet, one of the most difficult things I deal with every day is expressing myself vocally. I am not articulate, to say the least. Often, the sound of my own voice and the way my tongue seems to get stuck inside my mouth get in the way of enunciating words and phrases clearly and properly. As a result, people tend to not understand it when I say ‘fluctuate’ or ‘prurient’ or ‘cessation’ or ‘croissant’ or ‘assessment’ or ‘ochre’ or ‘preponderance’ or ‘zeitgeist’—pretty much everything—and I just get a confused look in return.
It could be because of my teeth or my lack of tuition in proper elocution. It could also be because of the extreme shyness or the low self-esteem that has come back to plague me today, after being unrestrained by it since my late 20s. Whatever the reason may be, I find myself here, a grown man, old enough to be a youngish grandfather, still fumbling for words, rambling on incoherently. It is a minefield of embarrassment, a gold nugget chamber of humiliation. Still, I plod on and can only hope to transgress that difficulty by putting words onto paper instead.
This collection is a result of more than two decades’ struggle to be heard, if not aurally then internally, to be read and listened to by another person who can look me