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    Mindfulness & Compassion: Embracing life with loving-kindness
    Mindfulness & Compassion: Embracing life with loving-kindness
    Mindfulness & Compassion: Embracing life with loving-kindness
    Ebook154 pages2 hours

    Mindfulness & Compassion: Embracing life with loving-kindness

    By Happy Buddha

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    About this ebook

    Compassion is a quality we all possess, and one that we can nurture in daily life. Through reflections and practical teachings Mindfulness & Compassion reveals compassion as the key to true wellbeing for ourselves and each other.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherIvy Press
    Release dateOct 12, 2015
    ISBN9781782403388
    Mindfulness & Compassion: Embracing life with loving-kindness
    Author

    Happy Buddha

    The Happy Buddha has led workshops and retreats on happiness and compassion. He is co-founder of Mindfulness CIC, a company offering mindfulness and compassion meditation and training.

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      Book preview

      Mindfulness & Compassion - Happy Buddha

      INTRODUCTION

      The essence of mindfulness is always compassion and compassion is about relating. We are always in relationship to something, somebody. Right now you are in relationship to these words, to the chair you are sitting on. At other times you are in relationship to your own thoughts and feelings; often these can be painful. In other moments, you are in relationship to other people – family, friends, work colleagues and even strangers. It is the quality of our relationships that determines the quality of our lives.

      COMPASSIONATE LIVING

      There is a saying in the mindfulness tradition – how we relate to one thing is how we relate to everything. When we are compassionate towards ourselves, with sympathy for our own shortcomings and pain, we cannot be anything else to other people. Compassion is naturally ‘other-regarding’.

      COMPASSION HAS NOT ONLY A SOFT, tender side but also strength and power. True compassion takes everything into account, including ourselves. It is not about running around helping others, and running around helping others does not necessarily come from compassion – often the motivation is people-pleasing and wanting to be liked, or feeling a sense of responsibility. It is not about always being there to get people out of trouble, but knowing that sometimes the best thing is to let them find their own way – often this is how we grow. A good mother, for example, allows her baby to get off its knees and learn to walk. This process involves the baby falling, which can be painful for the mother to see – but a wise mother knows that the falling is a part of growing and will help the baby eventually to walk.

      It is necessary to understand that although we talk about practising and developing compassion, that is not how it really works. To say ‘I am more compassionate than you’ shows you have completely missed the point. Why? Because compassion is not a personal possession. Compassion arises when the self or the me is no longer concerned with how it appears to the world. So a true compassionate act is not done for glory. It is done – and that is it. It is done to alleviate the pain and suffering of either ourselves or others, including animals.

      Opening to the Sun of Compassion

      Compassion is like the sun. We do not need to create the sun; we simply wait until the clouds part and the sun will shine. The self is like the clouds – all our practice, whether we know it or not, is about thinning the clouds of self-interest so that the sun of compassion can shine on all.

      However, learning to relate to our own and other people’s pain in each moment is where it all begins. One of the key messages of this book is to learn to turn toward your own pain, your own shortcomings, without criticism and conflict; you will then start the process of thinning out the clouds of your own self-interest and opening to the sun of compassion and happiness.

      It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others.

      ANON

      EXERCISE

      COMPASSION MEDITATION

      Preparing to Meditate

      • Read through each meditation a few times before you begin.

      • Take up your meditation posture: find a comfortable upright chair and sit relaxed and alert, feeling your contact with the floor and with the chair.

      • If you wish, set a meditation timer. There are plenty available online and using one allows you just to relax into the meditation without thinking about the time.

      Compassion meditation, also known as ‘loving-kindness’, stems from the Buddhist tradition and is becoming increasingly popular; a lot of research has been carried out into the benefits of regular practice. This meditation takes us through five stages of practice: compassion for self; compassion for a good friend or someone we like; compassion for a neutral person with whom we have a little contact but are not intimately connected; compassion for a person whom we find difficult; compassion for all beings.

      Take up your meditation posture. Feel your breath for a few minutes. When you feel ready, take your attention to your heart area (middle of the chest) and notice how it feels there. Be honest. Whether you find sadness, happiness, a heavy kind of feeling or virtually nothing, acknowledge it and gently stay with it. Bring your self to mind as you sit and just rest with that sense of yourself for a few moments. You are now ready to move into the five stages of the loving-kindness practice. Do each stage for three to four minutes, then come back to your breath for a minute or two.

      1. While staying in your heart area, drop in the phrase, ‘May I be happy, may I be well.’ Notice any responses you have to these words. If you find yourself drifting, then gently and kindly bring yourself back to the present and go back to your heart area. Remember, this is a loving-kindness meditation, and we develop compassion by how we are toward ourselves, so notice if you are critical of yourself, and if you are, let the thoughts go and gently come back to your heart area. After a minute or two, drop in the phrase again and rest in the heart. Nothing needs to happen here; we are not looking for a big explosive cosmic love feeling. It is more like planting seeds of loving-kindness that will grow over time. After three to four minutes, come back to the breath.

      2. When it feels right, bring to mind a good friend and wish them well in the same way – ‘May you be happy, may you be well.’ Again, gently stay in the heart area and be honest about what is there. There may be feelings of warmth, or you may feel pretty neutral or even have feelings of ill will toward your friend. Be absolutely honest about how you feel toward them; honesty also includes not being sure. Sometimes we see that our feelings toward our good friend are mixed, or we realize that we are a little resentful of something they said. All this is absolutely fine and is part of the practice. If you do find warmth and good feelings toward them, then enjoy them and allow them to grow. Do not force any feelings out of awareness and do not try to bring feelings into it. What is happening should be happening because it is happening. After a minute or two, drop in the words again. After three to four minutes, allow your friend to stand to one side in your imagination and come back to the breath.

      3. Bring to mind a neutral person. This is maybe the post person, or a local shopkeeper. It is someone who you see about but don’t have a relationship with. Start in the same way as previous stages, then drop in the phrase once again, and be honest, it is the key. No matter how you feel toward them, it is OK. You may feel very little but that is fine. It may be worth reflecting that this person wants to be happy, just like you. They have fears, they have wishes for a good life, as you do. They have people they love and people they find difficult in their life. After three to four minutes, allow this person to stand to one side and come back to the breath.

      4. When you feel ready, bring to mind a difficult person – maybe a long-time difficult person, or somebody you are having difficulty with at present. Repeat the practice of the previous stages, then when the time is up, allow the difficult person to stand aside and come back to the breath.

      5. In the final stage, bring together in your mind all four people from the previous stages. Wish all four people well. Don’t worry about getting it right. You don’t need vivid pictures in your mind or to feel each person’s presence, it is the intention that matters. Then include in your awareness all living beings, in an ever-increasing circle. You may casually bring to mind all neighbours in your street or village. Then move out to wish happiness to all people in your country. Again, it doesn’t matter how you do this; you are certainly not trying to visualize everyone, which would give you quite a headache. It’s more about having a sense of people. Then, in your own way, bring other nations to mind. We all just want to be happy. Remember, you don’t need to feel something special here; honesty and staying with how you feel is what is important. You can also bring to mind all animals, as they wish to be free from suffering too, it seems. After a few minutes of this, you can end and spend a few minutes with yourself.

      Coming back to the breath allows us to give ourselves space to see what is happening in the bigger picture. For example, we may find that we have been tense while practising. This allows us to see how we may be trying to achieve something or trying to make something happen in the practice.

      So be compassionate toward yourself here. It’s ironic that often we approach the ‘kindness’ practice with very little kindness, often judging ourselves for falling short of how we think we should be practising.

      CHAPTER ONE

      MINDFULNESS

      Imagine a large

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