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    From Bard to Verse: An Anthology Humorous Poetry
    From Bard to Verse: An Anthology Humorous Poetry
    From Bard to Verse: An Anthology Humorous Poetry
    Ebook82 pages37 minutes

    From Bard to Verse: An Anthology Humorous Poetry

    By Steven Pearlman

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    About this ebook

    This is an anthology of humorous poetry that has been 40 years in the making. I’m not going as far back as my silly limerick about a gorilla which I wrote when I was nine or ten but I do remember the pleasure I got in composing it and in making other children laugh with it. I suppose my ‘serious’ attempts at humorous poetry began at Bradford University where I was the unofficial resident poet at a fortnightly folk club in the cellar of the Catholic chaplaincy. I felt obliged to inflict my warped observations and tortuous puns on whoever remained in the room.
    I love the way a whole poem can grow from just one observation, one comment, one pun. I find that developing that idea and playing around with words, even parts of words, to be a deeply satisfying process. I use humorous poetry as a way of expressing my opinions, feelings or personality in a brief, easily accessible and hopefully entertaining way. Enjoy/endure.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLulu Publishing Services
    Release dateOct 6, 2014
    ISBN9781483419558
    From Bard to Verse: An Anthology Humorous Poetry

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      Book preview

      From Bard to Verse - Steven Pearlman

      ‘allwise’)

      An Alphabet of Unpleasantness

      A is for apples with creatures inside.

      B is boyfriends, or girlfriends, who lied.

      C is for chewing gum stuck on your shoe.

      D is for desperate but where’s the loo?

      E is for eggs you drop on the floor.

      F is for football and you can’t score.

      G is for guests who aren’t any fun.

      H is for holiday without the sun.

      I is for indigestion pain.

      J is for jackpot? Lost again!

      K is for keys that simply aren’t there.

      L is for lice that crawl in your hair.

      M is for meals you can’t afford.

      N is for nails scraping a board.

      O is for onions on someone’s breath.

      P is for partner who nags you to death.

      Q is for quarrels with brothers and sisters.

      R is for running so much, you get blisters.

      S is for smell of unwashed feet.

      T is for treading on poo in the street.

      U is for ugly facial blotching.

      V is for videos you were caught watching!

      W for waiting, too long, on your own.

      X is for X-ray – you’ve broken a bone!

      Y is for yogurt that feels like slime.

      Z for zero out of ten for this rhyme!

      The Animal Shrink

      I am a veterinary psychiatrist;

      That’s animal shrink to you.

      Bring me your pet,

      If it’s feeling upset,

      And I’ll see what I can do.

      If your budgie refuses to budge,

      If your rooster simply won’t roost,

      Or your dog will not walk,

      Or your parrot won’t talk,

      Then I’ll try to give them a boost.

      If your horse has a very long face,

      If your crocodile’s too snappy,

      Or your little pup

      Is really fed up,

      I’ll try to make them feel happy.

      If your buffalo’s feeling baffled,

      If your deer has no idea,

      Or if your kangaroos

      Are a little confused,

      I’ll try to make everything clear.

      If your insects are going insane,

      If your jellyfish simply won’t gel,

      Or if your iguanas

      Are completely bananas,

      I’ll help them ‘cos I’m mad as well!

      A Brief History of the World

      Scientists say the world began

      Five billion years ago.

      It might have been a Tuesday,

      But I don’t really know.

      At first the Earth was really hot,

      But then began to cool,

      And from within a bubbling swamp,

      Appeared a special molecule.

      This was the earliest form of life -

      A simple, single cell.

      It wasn’t terribly advanced,

      And couldn’t read or write too well.

      More life-forms developed,

      Like basic fish and plants.

      Creatures crawled out of the water,

      Looking shy without any pants!

      Then creepy-crawlies emerged,

      The irritating things,

      And just to make it worse,

      Some developed wings!

      Then along came the dinosaur;

      He was so big and daft,

      That if something tickled his tail,

      It was a minute before he laughed!

      Then the birds evolved,

      To dominate the skies,

      And sometimes drop their business

      Into other creatures’ eyes!

      Then along came the mammals:

      The shrew, the rabbit, the pig,

      (The dinosaurs had long died out,

      ‘Cos they were far too big!)

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