Chronically Fabulous: Finding Wholeness and Hope Living with Chronic Illness

Chronically Fabulous

Chronically Fabulous

Finding Wholeness and Hope Living with Chronic Illness

Marisa Zeppieri

Minneapolis

CHRONICALLY FABULOUS

Finding Wholeness and Hope Living with Chronic Illness

Copyright © 2021 Marisa Zeppieri. Printed by Broadleaf Books, an imprint of 1517 Media. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Email [email protected] or write to Permissions, Broadleaf Books, PO Box 1209, Minneapolis, MN 55440-1209.

Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (CEV) are from the Contemporary English Version Copyright © 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by Permission.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Cover image: Frank Puglissi Restagno

Cover design: James Kegley

Interior photography: Marisa Zeppieri; iStock

Print ISBN: 978-1-5064-6411-4

eBook ISBN: 978-1-5064-6412-1

While the author and 1517 Media have confirmed that all references to website addresses (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing, URLs may have expired or changed since the manuscript was prepared.

Dad,

May we see each other in eternity, to spend the time we missed here on earth.

Contents

1. Wrong Place, Wrong Time

2. A Heaping Serving of Love

3. Seeing Potential—Even in the Fight of Your Life

4. A Lesson in Silence

5. Timelines and Triggers

6. Seasons of Recalibration

7. Our Uniquely Designed Purpose

8. Use Your Voice—Even If It Shakes

9. A Fortress Made of True Friends

10. Flares, Frankfurters, and Other Catastrophes

11. The Heat of the Fire

12. My Kitchen, My Situation Room

13. Speak All of Your Truth

14. What It Means to Be Made Whole

Notes

One

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

There are two kinds of pain in this world: pain that hurts, and pain that alters.

—Denzel Washington

When I was twenty-two years old, taking an afternoon stroll in North Miami’s Aventura Mall, a raven-haired elderly lady veered past a small crowd and made her way over to me. Everything about her radiated free spirit: a colorful headscarf, a flowing dress with multiple layers of lace, and long, vibrant, jeweled necklaces that danced around her upper body as she moved. I was startled when she stopped directly in front of me and looked me in the eyes. Gently taking my hands, she said, God will use these hands to change people’s lives. She made the visionary statement with complete certainty.

Today when I think about that moment, I realize I never answered her. In my surprise at her unbidden declaration, I could only stare into her deep caramel-colored eyes and nod my head up and down in appeasing agreement. Though it seemed like a random event at first, I couldn’t stop thinking about this woman and what she said as I drove back home that day.

At the time, I was already several years into a college program to earn my registered nursing degree. I had a life plan. This plan was on a schedule and offered me stability, financial freedom, and a meaningful outlet for one of my greatest passions—helping people.

Nursing checked all the boxes. Sure, I would use my hands to hang IVs, deliver medication, and offer someone comfort by holding theirs during a challenging moment or eternal transition, but my gut told me this stranger’s message held a deeper meaning—that my hands would be used to provide guidance and comfort in a way that didn’t involve nursing.

The moment of meeting her was striking, though after years passed, I forgot the message and the messenger. Coming out of a season of complete brokenness, the life plan I had so meticulously created ended in a set of unforgettable moments. And instead of becoming a nurse and working in the medical field to save the lives of others, it took an extraordinary team of nurses and medical personnel to save my own life.

Now that one sentence spoken to me by a complete stranger took on an entirely different meaning for my life.

What began as a day of errands and work on a breathtaking April Sunday in 2001 ended in my fight for survival. Two events lined up at the exact moment on that day: a drunk driver (also under the influence of drugs) in a pickup truck and me, a pedestrian, barely weighing in at one hundred pounds, crossing a street. And for reasons I believe are far greater than we humans can understand, my body and the frame of that Ford Ranger traveling around forty-five miles per hour collided just after 7 p.m. in downtown Fort Lauderdale.

One drunk driver on drugs.

One truck.

One moment.

That is all it took to forever alter the course of my life. To crush my body. And to rip me away from the dreams and goals that fueled my waking hours—and the independence I sought.

The event broke me in every way you can possibly imagine. During my yearlong recovery, and for some time after, I dealt with the impact of that single moment, physically overcoming broken ribs, internal bleeding, a fractured pelvis, a multilacerated liver, and a head injury. The cumulative impact required months of rehab for me to begin walking again. Emotionally, the struggle continued well beyond the many grueling daily hours of rehab as feelings of frustration, bitterness, anger, and depression took hold. I daily battled PTSD, and spiritually, I was on a desperate search for answers.

Why did this happen?

Why did I survive?

How did I survive?

And how will I move forward?

As I watched so much of my hard work and many of my dreams come to an unexpected and abrupt end, I questioned whether there could be something bigger than myself at work.

Many of us experience seasons of brokenness in our lives. Yours may not have been triggered by three thousand pounds of steel barreling toward you, but the impact was likely just as crushing, just as traumatic. Life will hit us with different seasons that knock us to the ground, leaving us battered, bruised, and feeling empty.

No one is exempt.

We battle with illness and loneliness, divorce, death of our loved ones, our identity, infertility, financial ruin, accidents, and chronic illness, as well as other challenges that are societal, environmental. Life’s trials often leave us with mascara-stained cheeks and swollen lips, our faces buried in our bedroom pillows. In that brokenness, we often feel completely helpless. And it can be hard to recognize in the midst of this brokenness that what we do in these moments, when the world seems dark and we feel completely alone, will shape our beliefs and ultimately our legacy.

Unlike other difficult times, this season of brokenness was one of the most difficult I ever faced, and it brought me to the end of myself. And it may sound odd, but it’s also something for which I am eternally grateful. Coming to the end of myself forced me to purge self-sufficiency and recognize that something much greater than myself was at work in my life. It turned my young mind from being obsessed with life planning and a career and directed it toward a higher purpose.

That fateful April day, I found myself suddenly trapped. Anger and bitterness began to take root; crippling, PTSD-fueled anxiety attacks spawned out of nowhere. Losing my independence and having to solely rely on others because of the physical injuries I endured put me over the edge.

And that also became the start of my struggle with severe autoimmune issues.

While many have different ways they consider and depend on a higher power, for me, the situation led me to turn to my faith tradition. In Psalms, there’s a reference to God’s response to those who have a broken spirit (Psalm 51:17). This isn’t a reference to our being shamed or degraded or beaten down—but as I read it and relate it to my life, it refers to a sense of God witnessing that moment of my life where my own spirit reached the end of itself. In that moment and in my desperation to be free, I discovered God—a God who wouldn’t leave me in a broken state. A God who does great work from broken places, slowly restoring and rebuilding us.

It’s in this moment where our independence and self-reliance have been released that the rebuilding process can begin.

I was desperate to be nourished and rebuilt. My body was physically unrecognizable, but a deep kind of joy and excitement began to manifest as each new day now brought unrecognized challenges. Years later, I understood that this season in my life—from the moment of impact to rehab to the longer challenge of immune issues—was an opportunity to grow and discover God working in me.

A new hunger began to emerge. I discovered an insatiable emotional, spiritual, and physical hunger. And I devoured the learning process, discovering knowledge in a variety of areas—food, nutrition, medicine, the Bible, and learning around God-given gifts and a life of purpose.

Through the mentoring of my gastronomically gifted Italian grandmother, I learned how to nourish my broken body with the help of food and herbs. She also helped me discover that my broken heart, my ended dreams, and my crushed spirit were a starting place to learn faith.

Fabulous Finds

Name Your Role Models and Supporters

Take a few moments and jot down the names of those who have served as role models, supporters, and cheerleaders during your most challenging seasons. Write a note to or take a few minutes to call these special people and thank them for their encouragement and love.

As I started writing this book, I began to see that so much of the wisdom of food, of nutrition, of faith was shared with me by my grandmother and my mother—two women who had a monumental impact on my life and my recovery.

All of us, I’d wager, while our life stories are different, have key figures who served as role models, wisdom givers, and comforters. Sometimes it takes some deeper reflection to surface those names. But holding fast to your memories of these special people, even as you read this book, may help you rediscover and awaken some life-shifting advice or experience you may have tucked away that now can help guide you through your current challenges.

My hope is that by sharing my stories and the insights I have gained about rebuilding a life, releasing psychological brokenness, living in hope, and discovering nutrition and the healing ways of food, I can encourage you to persevere through your own difficult seasons, your loss or silence or mourning. You may experience the outside world as cold, barren, and winter-like. But my hope is that through this book, you will remember that even if loss or a chronic condition makes you feel broken, spring is just around the corner.

Your season is going to change.

And spring is a time of planting, rebuilding, and regrowth. Spring, as I reflect on it, is the season of the seed, the season of something so powerful and small—small enough that if we saw it on the sidewalk or on a table, we would ignore it or brush it off. But the thing about a seed is that it has to be immersed into sudden darkness, it has to break open first so that it can grow. So that like a seedling with a unique identity and design, it allows that which is greater than you—perhaps the thing you call the ground of all being, God—to work in you when you are buried deep in total darkness, preparing you to push your way through hardened, brumal ground in order to allow the light of God to nourish you and provide the sustenance you need to live out your wonderful purpose.

There’s a profound connection I have discovered on this journey through brokenness and restoration. And a link between faith and food—how they both hold the incredible power to heal, nourish, and rebuild our lives.

Whatever challenge has brought you to this book, I hope you’ll discover that even what is chronic or broken and waiting to emerge can be fabulous, whole, life-giving—and lifesaving. Especially you.

Carrot, Ginger, and Turmeric Soup with Orange

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 30–35 minutes

Method: Stovetop, blender, or immersion blender

Yield: 4–6 servings

Sometimes we are overwhelmed and can’t eat anything. Sometimes all we want is something nourishing. To me, there is nothing better than a warm, creamy soup on a chilly fall or winter evening. Made with fresh ginger and turmeric, this recipe packs a lot of anti-inflammatory power behind it while also nourishing your body with a variety of nutrients. Plus, the cayenne and black pepper (I add extra) give this soup a deep, peppery undertone. If you don’t have butternut squash on hand, you can use extra carrots. And there are many ways to add a final touch depending on your tastes, such as topping it off with plain Greek yogurt, parsley, or even spicy chopped jalapeños. Enjoy!

Ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 cups carrots, chopped

2 cups butternut squash, chopped

1 yellow onion, chopped

1 fennel bulb, greens removed, chopped

4 cloves garlic, pressed or minced

2–3-inch nub of fresh ginger, grated

1 tablespoon turmeric

¼ teaspoon Himalayan or sea salt

¼–½ teaspoon black pepper (depending on your preference)

Dash or two of cayenne pepper

3 cups vegetable broth

½ cup milk or milk alternative

Zest of 1 medium orange

Optional Toppings

Fresh parsley

Plain Greek yogurt

Minced jalapeños

Cracked black pepper

Extra salt

Cumin

Avocado

In a large saucepan or Dutch oven, heat oil on medium to high heat. Add carrots, butternut squash, onion, and fennel. Sauté until the vegetables start to soften, about 5 minutes. Add garlic, ginger, turmeric, salt, pepper, and cayenne to the saucepan and cook for another 3 minutes or so. Next, add vegetable broth, milk or milk alternative, and orange zest. Bring all of this to a boil, then cover and simmer the mixture for about 20 minutes.

Turn off heat and let the soup sit for about five minutes. Next, add the soup to a blender in batches, blending each batch for a few seconds until creamy. An easier method for this step is using an immersion blender directly in the saucepan. Once the entire soup has been blended, add additional salt and pepper to your taste preference. Serve immediately. You can top this soup off with Greek yogurt, parsley, or even avocado!

Two

A Heaping Serving of Love

You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.

—Desmond Tutu

Saturdays were reserved for baking in my grandmother’s kitchen. Everyone waited in anticipation all week long, praying biscotti, pignoli cookies, and chocolate-filled rugelach would be on the menu. In true Italian custom, we found my grandmother in the kitchen each morning by 6:30 a.m. formulating the day’s culinary endeavors.

Like most Italian families and many cultures, cuisine—its preparation and delivery into as many mouths as humanly possible—has always been an integral part of our family’s life. But for my grandmother, the kitchen was her sanctuary. And unless a family member was specifically invited in, it was common knowledge in my family that you stayed out of her