Playing Horseshoes With Aliens

CHAPTER 1

Finn sat in front of his small screen listening for the numbers he needed to get a bingo. It was an easy way to gamble. It resembled an electronic tablet with images of bingo cards on it. The device did everything for you but yell ‘bingo.’ As he sipped his favorite soda, he was eyeing the woman to the right of him. He had seen her before. Maybe she was married. He strained to see—casually of course—if there was a ring on her finger. One that resembled a wedding band. It was his sixtieth birthday. He was celebrating the day in the bingo hall—alone. He turned to the captivating woman.

Have you had any luck lately? he asked.

Slowly she turned her attention away from her screen. Her gaze at him was something inquisitive. What she wanted was bingo not a guy looking for a good time. Then again, she was tired of her friends telling her to be a bit more open to giving a man a chance. Any man.

Sure, I’m rolling in dough. What about you? she asked, while trying not to be standoffish.

Finn wasn’t sure if this woman was worth his time. He was tired of older gals and their disinterest. Maybe, he should pursue a younger female. He looked about the place again. He wasn’t sure why this day he was so interested in the opposite sex. Most of the time he wouldn’t give these women a second look. Could it be because he hadn’t been with a lady in a long time? It was starting to wear on him. Being alone on his birthday might be part of it, he thought.

The last dough I rolled was for biscuits, he told her with a broad smile.

She gave him a grin then returned her attention to her screen.

Trying to get the attention of the other sex was difficult. Especially at his age. He had been married for a long time. What was it with women, he pondered? Gave her what she wanted. Still, she wasn’t happy. Thirty-five years of bliss and one daughter later it concluded. They at one time played bingo together. Now he plays alone.

You’ve got bingo, the attractive stranger told him.

Huh? he asked, still in an ex-daze.

You’ve got...

Bingo! yelled Finn.

FINN SAT ACROSS FROM the mysterious woman he met at the bingo parlor. The one who alerted him to bingo. Finn felt it would be a good reason to offer her lunch—at a buffet—on his winnings. The two of them sat in a booth. He tried not to stare at her. She was a petite blond. He liked the way her bright blue eyes beamed when something caught her interest.

I love the way you dress for bingo, he told her. He smiled at her with some awkwardness. What a stupid comment he thought.

This is my unlucky outfit, she told him, reaching for the salt.

He scanned her attire with the attitude of a house inspector. He had to make sure that everything was in the proper place. All her primping had worked.

Why are you looking at me like that? she asked.

I was wondering if that’s all you plan to eat, he commented.

Without peeking at her cuisine, she told him: It’s a sample get away plate. She stabbed one of the meatballs resting on her plate as though it was going to roll back to the buffet. If you acted like a jerk, I’d be able to finish fast then phase out.

Good plan. I’m Finn, he told her with coconut crème pie on his chin. It moved with his every word like a goatee. What’s your name?

Jackie, she said with a smile before consuming another small meatball. Not telling him about the pie made her grin at him as she chewed.

Do you always come on senior Tuesday for bingo? he asked.

Only when I feel like a senior. Usually, I hit the parlors with my friend Daphne, she told him leaning back into the booth. She continued to grin at him. He had to be married, she thought, or a widower. What about you, stud? Are you feeling like a senior today?

It’s my birthday, he beamed, hoping she would make a bit of a fuss. He was so absorbed about what to say next that the food debris hanging on his chin wasn’t registering. Instead, he was anxious to impress her with his communication skills. He wondered if she noticed that he didn’t have a beer gut.

She leaned a bit close to him over the table. In a satirical sultry voice, she said: Happy birthday. With alluring eyes, she grinned playfully at him. I’ll get some more to eat, birthday boy. I’ll bring you back a slice of cake to go with the pie hanging from your chin.

Jackie left the table slowly. Her eyes fixed on the buffet. Maybe it was the fresh beef the chef just laid out. In any case, Finn watched her small frame move along the line like a honeybee across flowers. She collected small samples then returned.

Wow. Are you trying to put the buffet out of business? he asked.

Jackie looked at him inquisitively. Is there a problem?

People come here as a challenge to their waistline. They want to gorge themselves without guilt due to all the other gorgers at the trough.

I see, she replied with a sly glance. Should I snort and push my face into my plate?

They stared at one another for a moment then both started to laugh.

Snorting will only be tolerated after the meal, mused Finn.

The couple sat quietly and ate for a while. The kind of silence experienced by every couple on a first date. But this wasn’t a date. They both seemed to want it to be a date.

Let’s get out of here, he urged her with a grin. His eyes searched hers for a positive answer.

After a swallowed meatball and a moment’s pause, Jackie wiped her lovely mouth, sat back, and smiled at him. Her face showed curious anticipation. She asked him: Where to, stud?

CHAPTER 2

Jackie nearly tripped into the microphone as she stepped onto the small stage. It was an eight by ten-foot wooden stage raised a few inches. It was surrounded by little tables with coffee drinking patrons. Finn had brought her to the ‘Coffee and Tunes’ café. It was located on the edge of town. All the patrons were dressed in very relaxed attire. It was open mic. Everyone was being served out of key tunes with their food. Soon Finn was standing next to her.

This stage isn’t too people friendly. Okay birthday boy, now what? Jackie asked Finn as she scanned the small crowd sipping their favorite bean.

We belt out a tune and if the crowd likes us, management gives us a free cup of coffee, he replied with a smile.

It’s like we’re singing for our dinner.

I hope you can sing, he told her.

Jackie turned to Finn as though he had called her a bad name.

I never said I could, confessed Jackie, slightly annoyed.

Perfect, he told her, looking out at the crowd of about forty people.

It was at that moment the music started. Finn started to sing. Jackie stumbled a bit into the song after a few bars. Both were awful. The composer’s ears had to be bleeding somewhere. The crowd chuckled and laughed. One guy laughed so hard he choked on his tuna on rye. Some shouted jabs loudly at the two seniors who could not keep a beat or sing in key. After it was over, Finn gazed at a smiling Jackie as the crowd laughed and applauded. They then took a seat at one of the tables near where they had just butchered a song.

Wasn’t that great? declared Finn. His eyes were filled with the joy a little kid gets after his first water slide or kiss from a girl without the shin kick.

Now you know the reason I never joined the church choir, admitted Jackie. She glanced about the place, not sure what to make of it. It was a clean place, but it had a strange character to it. Wacky pictures of UFOs and space creatures covered part of a wall. Not the usual place Jackie would consider for dining. Not for screeching out tunes with a man she just met.

That last note I hit made my prostate go to sleep, Finn explained as he adjusted his butt on the chair.

And I thought you would be hard pressed for conversation. She laughed.

Finn felt the need to grab her and place her on his lap. He loved her wit. He wanted to cuddle with her. Maybe, he could request it as a gift—a birthday cuddle.

This is a cute place, she told him. The chairs are comfortable.

All the chairs in the place are made of wood without metal screws, he explained. The owner said wood doesn’t conduct or collect alien signals.

The owner should worry about the crazy farm collecting him, Jackie informed Finn with a goofy face.

Not too long after everyone’s ears had recovered, a wiry man six feet tall dropped his skinny posterior onto one of the chairs at Finn’s table. The guy resembled a retired hippie. The silver hair on his head was in a ponytail. His big wide brown eyes were delighted to see Finn. A tattoo of a grey alien along his right arm did nothing to enhance his senior skin tone.

Finn! shouted the man. His hand extended across the table allowing Jackie a close gander at the tattoo. He could see Jackie’s reaction. Did you ever see such a good likeness? he inquired enthusiastically of her. It is the exact creature that tried to abduct me.

A speechless Jackie’s eyes widened a bit at the stranger’s comment. She stared at the arm illustrating a hideous creature. It was not the idea of a creature so much. It was the awful lack of talent that the person who put ink in the skin. Hideous, like so many other tattoos she had the misfortune of encountering.

Who is this lovely person? asked the guy as he scoped her out like he was scanning the sky for UFOs.

Jackie, this is Dale, the owner of this wonderful establishment, declared Finn.

I am pleased that my friend Finn would finally show up in this place with a woman, confessed Dale. And such a lovely one at that. He took her hand and kissed it.

Jackie had to blush a bit. She could not remember the last time a man had kissed her hand. Even though it was by a guy in line for a straitjacket.

Pleased to meet you, she told him, gently pulling her hand back. Do you consult extraterrestrials for décor tips?

Dale had to lean close to hear her because a female on stage was screeching out a loud tune for a free coffee. When he heard Jackie’s comment, he broke out laughing.

Finn, I like her! Dale exclaimed loudly. You must bring her along when we go to Lizard Run again.

Jackie turned to Finn with a look of surprise. She had heard of the mysterious town of Lizard Run. It was the local hub for crazed UFO hunters. She gazed at him as though he were on his way to a sci-fi conference. Could she have just spent time with a UFO nut, she thought? Or worse, someone who couldn’t pay the tab.

One of the waitresses signaled Dale that she needed him. He nodded at her then stood. He smiled at the couple whose table he invaded. Guys, business calls. Finn, I’ll talk to you later. He gazed at Jackie, smiled, then kissed her hand again and left.

The newly found couple stared at one another for a period.

Are you one of those UFO buffs? Jackie asked as she lifted a pastry shaped like a UFO to her mouth.

Not really, he replied while reaching for his coffee. I used to—a long time ago—be into the whole ‘What’s out there?’ thing. Now I just come here for coffee, pastries and fun company.

Jackie sat sipping her coffee and gazing at Finn while he chuckled at the people on stage. She couldn’t help but wonder if this guy was worth seeing again. It was surprising to her that she would be here with a total stranger—let alone a UFO chaser. Yet, she always had somewhat of an adventurous spirit.

Finn turned to see her staring at him.

What? he asked with a laugh.

With her mouth still full of free coffee, she wiped her lips and was about to answer when she noticed Dale outside in the parking lot. She could see him clearly due to their table situated next to a window. He was talking with three serious looking guys. They wore crew cuts, dark glasses and made few facial expressions. Their attire was dark but casual.

Are those guys some more of your friends? she asked Finn with apprehension in her tone.

Finn was now watching the threesome. They were strangers to Dale as well as Finn. Watching them made Finn feel uneasy. Dale appeared uncomfortable talking with them. The men were in their thirties. Their sunglasses covered most of their faces. No suits for these guys, just black pants, dark colored shirts, and black shoes.

It can’t be, Finn told her with some nervousness.

What? An unhappy customer. Someone didn’t like one of the tunes? Jackie inquired while continuing to eat and stare out at the window. The grin on her face subsided when Dale began to get loud with one of the guys. Dale was now pointing his finger at them. The men remained motionless—like mannequins.

I don’t know who those men are, Finn replied while gawking at the event with raspberry filling on his chin. They could be some jerks looking to not pay a tab.

After some contemplation and another pastry, Jackie had to ask: Who do you think those guys might be? By the way, there’s stuff on your chin.

Dale has a habit of telling people what he thinks with few filters, Finn replied while wiping his face. He can be annoying at times.

Now everyone in the place was watching through the windows at the exchange between Dale and the darkly dressed stiffs in the parking lot. The louder Dale became the stiffer the men became. It was like he was trying to communicate with statutes. When they no longer responded, Dale turned and walked back to his establishment. As he stormed past Finn and Jackie on his way to the back of the café, he stopped. He turned to Finn and said: Shadow goons. They told me to stay out of Lizard Run. Then he left the couple wondering about his comments and went to the kitchen.

Your friend is a bit riled, Jackie noted before sipping more coffee. By the way, this is the best coffee I’ve ever tasted. It helps get past the goofy tunes coming from the stage.

Suddenly, a small guy with a big black cowboy hat stepped to the mike. He wore a sandal on one foot and a cowboy boot on the other. His dysfunctional footwear was visible below his blue coveralls cut just below the knees. The hat fell in front of his face hiding much of it except his mouth. His white beard looked phony as it hung to where his belly button