Ghostin' You: You & Me Series, #2

Chapter One

Raina

Good morning, sis! A loud voice booms through my ears, and I crack one eye open. 

Anthony?

The bright light drives a knife through my skull, and I groan as I pull the covers over my head. Too early. 

Nope, it’s not. 

I feel a whoosh of air as the covers are pulled off me, the cold invading where the warmth once was. What the hell, Ant? I try to pull the covers back, but it’s no use. He’s quick.

No more sleeping all day and moping around. I’m here now, and it’s time for what I like to call the Anthony special. Heal and deal.

What? I roll my eyes and collapse back against the pillows. I pull one over my head, letting the darkness soothe me. 

As much as I want to see my brother, Christmas being the last time, now is not it. Rolling onto my side, I tuck my legs into my chest, thankful I slept with pants on. 

Anthony isn’t one to burst into my room without asking. He may be an annoying eye-rolling ass sometimes, but he’s respectful. Something’s up, meaning Mom got to him.

Shit, here comes the lecture of all brotherly lectures.

I know. I’m cynical as of late, but who could blame me, really? My heart is in a thousand pieces.

Most days, I don’t leave my room.

When were you going to tell me, Rai? 

His question hits me like a ton of bricks. I hear his hurt and pull my legs in closer before I peek from beneath my dark haven.

Anthony stands next to the bed with his arms crossed as he looks down at me. I don’t meet his gaze. I can’t. Guilt rolls through me in waves, and I want to disappear again. A part of me wants to bite his head off and tell him to fuck off.

But why? I can’t lash out because I’m hurting. Had I ever called him, he would’ve been there for me. You didn’t need to worry. You had finals and your new job . . . I trail off, realizing the excuses sounded lame. 

I’m more embarrassed than anything else. Maybe I shouldn’t be. It’s only Anthony, after all. But it’s there anyway. 

You know none of that shit matters when it comes to family. So get up and put some clothes on. I’ll meet you downstairs. We need to talk. 

Tossing the pillow aside, I watch him walk out of the room, shutting the door behind him. 

What’s he up to?

Thirty minutes later, I’m showered and dressed, opting for a light tank top and shorts with my hair thrown up in a messy bun.

At least I’m out of my pjs, seeing as it’s way more effort than I usually put in.

Anthony’s in the kitchen, making us each a mug of coffee. He turns when he hears my bare feet slapping against the tile floor as I enter. Hey, sis. Glad to see you showered.

I roll my eyes as he hands me the steaming mug. Thanks. And I shower every day, in case you didn’t know. Okay, well, maybe not every day, but who’s counting?

Ant rolls his eyes back at me before sipping his coffee. It’s good to see you, Rai. I would’ve told you I was flying in, but then the wake-up call wouldn’t have been as effective. He shrugs and grins.

I could’ve done without the wake-up call, thanks. 

Nah, it’s more fun this way.

Did it have to be so damn early? People like to sleep in, you know.

You’ll live. And go to bed earlier. It’s better for you.

I cross my arms and study him. He’s acting more like an older brother than his usual goofy self. Okay, spill the beans. What did Mom say about me?

Anthony finishes his coffee and puts his mug in the sink. That some asshole broke your heart. 

No, I wouldn’t say it like that. I swallow down the lump in my throat as Levi’s face pops into my head, clear as day. Every day, I see his handsome face, and every day, it smashes the pieces of my heart even more. 

What would you say then, Rai? Is there any other way to put it? He stands across from me with the kitchen island separating the small distance between us. 

"I left him. I broke both our hearts."

What? You can’t break your own heart.

My coffee grows cold as I stare at the mug, debating how to answer. How do I explain it?

I can’t even fucking explain it to myself. 

Taking a deep breath, I come up with somewhat of an answer. Of course you can, Ant. He didn’t make the choice to leave. I did. And with that decision, we both got hurt.

Anthony doesn’t say anything, but his body posture loosens as his anger subsides. He grips the back of the chair and leans forward. I’m sorry, Rai. I don’t want to be the bad guy, but it pisses me off that he hurt you. I want to kick his ass.

I blink because the protective side of Anthony doesn’t usually make much of an appearance. Apparently, today’s a different story. It won’t help anything. You know that.

Mom said you don’t get out of bed much, either.

I shrug. What can I say? It’s true. 

Are you writing?

I freeze, not wanting to admit the truth. I might as well because it’s not like I’ll hide it well. No.

Anthony sighs but doesn’t say anything. He slumps over the chair, his shoulders falling. 

It’s too hard.

He lifts his head, his sad expression mirroring my own. I know. Fuck, I want to kick his ass even more.

Again, it won’t help. I toss him a look, hoping he gets the message. Kicking Levi’s ass is out of the question.

Anthony smirks. Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry you got hurt, but I’m proud of you for doing the right thing. Alcohol, partying—that all goes hand in hand in the rock star world. You know how it is. He’s not the only guy to get caught up in all of it.

I nod. He’s right. Living in that world is hard as hell, especially if you’re trying to stay sober and are constantly surrounded by temptation. But some people can handle it. They can drink and not let it affect other areas of their life. 

That’s who I thought Levi was.

Boy, was I wrong.

But do I still love him?

With every fucking fiber of my being.

If he got his shit together, I would put my broken heart back together again. No matter how badly the pieces would fit, my heart would still always beat for him. 

Yet here we are, nearing the beginning of August with only three weeks left before school begins and not one word from him.

Dead silence.

What can I say, though? 

I walked out on him. I broke our hearts. And I haven’t reached out to him either, not wanting to send mixed signals. 

A fresh wave of pain washes over me and the urge to run back to bed is strong.

Rai, you alright?

Anthony’s voice startles me from my thoughts, and that’s when I realize my cheeks are wet. I reach up and touch the hot tears, surprised to find them there. When did I start crying?

Wiping them away, I nod and look away. Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.

Anthony studies me but doesn’t push. Okay, sis, it’s time. Phase one of heal and deal is now activated. Ready?

I grimace, afraid to know his plan. Phase one of heal and deal? What in the actual fuck? And since when do you know what a broken heart feels like?

Anthony laughs. I may break more, but it’s happened. My shit works, trust me. Your broken heart will heal in no time.

But…

What if…?

What if I don’t want it to heal?

What if I want the pieces to stay shredded until Levi puts them back together again?

But what if he never does?

Will my heart somehow heal and learn to beat for someone else?

The thought makes me sick.

You’re holding on to hope, Rai. Hoping and wishing aren’t enough to heal a broken heart.

First up is unlimited junk food and bad eighties movies. Ready? Ant wraps his arms around my shoulder and leads me out of the kitchen.

Anthony needed to sign the lease on his new apartment, so he flew back to LA last night after spending a few days with me. 

He planned to be here all summer, but unfortunately, heading into his senior year of college means lots of internships and hard work. I’m grateful for the few days we spent together and his determination to make me feel better.

His so-called heal and deal plan got me laughing and enjoying his company, but no healing of my heart ever took place.

It’s still as broken as ever. 

Not hearing from Levi drives me crazy. All day, all night, he’s always on my mind. 

What’s he doing?

Who’s he with?

Is he still drinking? 

Is he okay? Has he gotten worse?

Worry after worry runs through my head, leaving me exhausted yet restless. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since I walked out on Levi. Most of my nights are spent tossing and turning before I finally pass out around four or five a.m. Hence, the sleeping in.

My summers were often filled with days at the beach and volunteering as a camp counselor. But this summer? 

I’ve barely left my room.

How can I continue acting like I’m okay when inside I’m dying?

How can I put on a happy face when I don’t feel any happiness at all?

Walking out on Levi was the worst night of my life. I can picture every detail, every moment so clearly.

His words echo in my head, each one a sword that shreds the pieces more. 

No, Raina. No, I need you. Please.

He was begging on his knees, but I still turned away. I still closed the door on our love.

Staring at the ceiling of my childhood bedroom, I feel tears leak out the sides of my eyes as memories flood me.

You need help and to focus on your career. Not me. It kills me to say those words, hurts so fucking bad I can’t breathe, but I have to. I have to.

He won’t understand. Not now anyway. And when he’s sober, I pray he finds me.

I pray our love brings us back together. It has to.

Get better and come find me. Our love will lead us back to each other. I choke out the words as Levi falls to his knees at my feet, the sound of his own cries filling the room.

As I bury my face into my pillow, a half sob, half scream erupts from deep within me. The pain is so raw, so fresh as the day I walked away. 

I pray our love brings us back together. It has to.

It has to.

Right?

What if he’s still drinking? What if he’s worse now? 

Or what if he’s better? Why wouldn’t he have told me? Does he still love me? 

Maybe he won’t want me anymore. Maybe he’s moved on. 

No. NO. He couldn’t have…wouldn’t have…

I want to throw up.

But if we do make it back to each other, can I even trust him to stay sober?

It’s all too much. 

Sobs wrack my body as everything falls heavy on my shoulders, pushing me down, drowning me in misery, and cutting off my ability to breathe.

All those shredded pieces?

They fucking crush me. 

I cry until nothing’s left.

No tears, no energy.

Only heartbreak and loss.

I close my eyes and hope for some peace.

Something buzzes against my side. I ignore it, but it doesn’t stop. Cracking one eye open, I find my phone half underneath my side, the screen lit up with a call from Mable.

I squint my eyes, glancing around