The Making of Mace Stutzman

The Making of Mace Stutzman

Jeff Lombardo

ISBN 978-1-63784-060-3 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63784-061-0 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Jeff Lombardo

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Hawes & Jenkins Publishing

16427 N Scottsdale Road Suite 410

Scottsdale, AZ 85254

www.hawesjenkins.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

About the Author

For Bill Viera, whose intelligence became part of the soul of Mace Stutzman. For my brother Chris Lombardo who has always been there for me in the most loving, strong, and pragmatic ways.

Chapter 1

His mother was the real killer. She was the ruthless assassin of dreams, the destroyer of hope, the murderess of joy, the saboteur of laughter. No one could be around her and not be deflated by her relentless pedantic preaching about how the New Testament should be interpreted. In her personal sermons, there was no love to be found anywhere within the biblical text. She twisted everything to suit her abject pursuit of coldness. Sadly, she was not responsible for her horrendous emotional and intellectual structure.

Once, she was an innocent little girl. She had a loving mother and father and no siblings. She had no religion then. Neither did her parents. The family did not go to church. In fact, her mother and father were extremely quiet individuals who kept to themselves so much so that the few people they did know, thought of them as somewhat of a mystery. The reality was, however, that they were not at all mysterious. They were merely extremely quiet souls. One could say that they were so, not only with their neighbors and acquaintances but with each other.

One night, her father tiptoed into the little girl's bedroom and sat on his daughter's bed. He pulled back the covers and began gently rubbing the girl as if she were a lover and not a helpless child. She did not wake from her usual deep sleep, even when her father barely penetrated her tiny body. She felt everything that was happening to her, but it was all as if it was a dream and not an unpleasant one. Her father tried to be gentle with the unconscious virgin. He did not wish to hurt her physically, though he had no clue as to the unfathomable devastation of his actions of this night would begin to cause.

When he finished, he lingered for several minutes, reverting to the gentle rubbing of his daughter before he kissed her flush on her pretty lips before slinking soundlessly back to his marital bed. Never waking during her father's daring exploit, the entire incident had been indelibly imprinted upon the deepest parts of her. The physical feeling had hit her brain, and her brain transferred it to memory. Even though she did not yet consciously understand what had happened to her, the events slipped immediately into her subconscious mind where the first seeds of devastation were sowed.

His mother was the real killer, but she had mitigating circumstances. Add twelve years and over two thousand more nocturnal visits by her father into his daughter's bedroom, and one could easily understand how her spirit became irreversibly crooked.

But perhaps I am wrong. Maybe the innocent little girl's father was the real killer. After all, for over a decade, he had gotten away with a crime that many believe is worse than taking someone's life. But can we truly place the blame on a selfish, ignorant simpleton who preceded the actual killer by two generations? Perhaps I am wrong to place so much responsibility upon the killer's mother. I am simply surmising, as I try to recreate for you how the story unfolds. Unfortunately, this is the tale of how life can truly develop. It is unbalanced, lopsided, and unmerciful, especially where mercy is needed the most. Could his mother be held accountable? Could her father? No one knows how far back you can trace the origin of a murderous heart. I want to stay focused on the mother who started life as does every other little girl, formative, helpless. As time slowly passed and her father's nightly visits continued, the little girl began to wake up and see, not only feel what was happening. Only six and not even enrolled in school yet, she began to analyze what her father was doing. First, he was coming into her room.

Second, he was being affectionate when he rubbed her. Third, it hurt her when he put that big part of his body inside her. Fourth, his kisses were different from the ones he gave her in front of Mommy, but they were not unpleasant. In fact, when she was a little girl, her father's kisses were always gentle.

Fifth, when he was finished, her father would always tell her, Remember, these nighttimes we spend together are yours and my secret, okay, sweetheart?

She would answer, Okay, Daddy, and mean it.

But unknown to her for many years by agreeing to keep the secret, she in effect gave up her voice in these situations.

But she was always thinking, always analyzing, as best she could. As the years went by and she took a school bus seventeen miles from the farm to her small public school, she never heard anyone talk about father-daughter relationships. Not only was she voiceless about her sexual abuse, but she also did not know she was being abused. There was no TV on the farm, no radio, no newspaper delivery, and no telephone. Whatever the great outside world was, it was an infinity away from this relatively isolated child.

She grew to believe her father's visits were normal, and if he was absent for more than a couple of nights, she missed him. She almost yearned for him, and the attention she had come to believe was special.

In her life, there were no toys ever. There were just chores, school, homework, and learning to cook, sew, knit, and crochet, which she learned from her mother. Of course, there were her father's regular late-night visits. Her mother was weak-willed and often ill, hosting a variety of ailments from chronic fatigue syndrome before it was a recognized illness, to leukemia, which finally claimed her life when her daughter was only fifteen. It was no wonder she would sleep through the night. Her husband would spend extended periods with his daughter. Elise's mother was always exhausted from each of the typical workdays on the farm. There were few women who needed extended sleep more than she did. Though a frail and barely educated woman, she bore her physical sorrows elegantly, only speaking about them to her husband on rare occasions. Her death left her husband alone with his daughter.

It was another year after her mother died before the daughter first heard about the sinfulness of father-daughter relationships. An extremely quiet and shy teenager, she had very few even casual friendships. She did have one friend, a girl not unlike herself. She, too, was quiet and shy and had been abused by her father for many years. The real killer in the story was attracted to her friend's quiet and shyness. She had no way of knowing about the abuse she was experiencing, but not long after beginning her third year of high school in the tiny school of eighty-three, about 250 feet from the three-room grade school she had attended, the girls began to talk about the Bible. The conversation was predicated by a friend who lived eleven miles from their school in the exact opposite direction from where the future murderess of joy lived. She attended a church thirteen miles farther away from her home in that same exact opposite direction. The girls who got to school by bus did not have the ability to see each other after school, except when the school buses were made aware of the approximate ending time of an event. The result was that the girls talked only at school and almost exclusively to one another.

One day, the little friend started talking. Do you read the Bible?

Her much taller friend answered, No. My father and I don't even own one. Why?

I've been talking with a couple of women at the church lately about something that's really beginning to bother me.

What is it?

Can you keep a huge secret, please?

I've never kept a secret before, but I think I can.

I really need you to swear not to tell anyone because if anyone, but you knew this, I'll be mortified.

I promise I'll keep the secret. Besides, I hardly ever talk to anybody but you anyway.

Okay, I'll tell you.

Little Edna was in a tangled bundle of knotted nerves but was excited to share with her friend. My father's been abusing me for a long time, and it's really beginning to hurt me.

How does he abuse you? Does he hit you?

He does that too, but what's really bothering me is that he's abusing me sexually.

What do you mean sexually?

He comes into my room night after night and has intercourse with me.

Elise plummeted into a deeper state of shock.

How did you find out it was wrong?

Don't you know that it's wrong?

Edna's taller friend shuddered when asked the question.

I've never thought about it, she answered. And she was telling the truth. She had always thought about her father's and her interactions as normal life, certainly not as a sin of which she knew nothing.

A couple of nice old ladies at the church were talking one day while I was sitting in their midst, and the subject just came up. I don't remember where from. Then suddenly, one of the old ladies says that she was sexually abused by her father on their farm from the time she was twelve till she ran away from home when she was sixteen. Then she talked about how her father's behavior almost ruined her whole life and destroyed her first marriage before she ran away with saved grocery money to Chicago. She got help there from the priest, who also had a degree in psychology. Together, they talked about all the ways her father had hurt her both psychologically and physically.

Little Edna's only true friend listened intently while attempting to do her best to hide the fact that she was absolutely stunned.

One night, recently while I was asleep, my father came into my bedroom and crawled into my bed like he often does, and when he began to touch me, I let out a bloodcurdling scream that shook the house and woke up my brother, sister, and my mom. My father jumped out of the bed and ran out of the room. I wonder what he said to my mom. He hasn't been back to my room since then.

Little Edna's beautiful friend remained silent, though her mind was working like an express train, trying to sort things out.

What do you think about all that I just told you?

Not only was the tall beauty taken aback by the question, but she was also frightened about saying something terribly wrong and embarrassing herself in front of her friend. Her swiftly moving mind decided to put the question back on Edna. That would be the safest path to take right now, coaxing Edna to open up and talk more about herself.

I would think right now that the most important question is, what do you think about everything you told me?

Edna jumped at the opportunity to continue talking about something that was shredding her soul apart.

I'm angry more than any other feeling. I'm hurt too, but the anger and disgust are far outweighing any hurts. I want to run away right now. I want to hurt my father like he has hurt me. But nothing I could ever do to him could cause as much destruction to him as it has to me. I know where he hides his money, and I'm thinking about stealing it and running away to Chicago soon. But can you imagine how afraid I am?

Edna had no clue how deeply she was planting the seeds of her friend's future character. Yes, but what do you think you'll really do?

Steal my father's money and run away to Chicago at the end of the school year.

The buds of an early Illinois spring were decorating trees everywhere around the schoolyard and as far as the eye could see. It was too early in the season to see tall green stalks filled with fresh unshucked corn. But the fields were moist with the ultrarich soil in anticipation of the crops it would birth.

Edna's friend's only safety was in complete silence, but Edna was still bubbling over.

I knew that what I said is a lot to take in, but I've wanted to talk with you about it for a couple of weeks.

Edna's friend wanted only to be a receptacle of information not a purveyor of it. She chose her words carefully, worrying that she would expose herself if she made a single mistake.

I totally support whatever you choose to do. Your plan sounds very bold and brave.

In an instant, Edna leaped toward her friend and hugged her affectionately around her neck as she joyfully spoke her next words.

You're my first and only friend that I've told about this. If you had not understood and accepted me, it would have broken my heart.

As Edna spoke, her friend stiffened like an old wooden ironing board, not knowing how to respond, believing that this was the first time she had ever been touched by anyone other than her mother and father. Her arms, which could have responded lovingly by returning the hug, remained motionless at her side, pinned there by the abject, unknowing of how to return genuine affection.

Edna hardly noticed, still effervescent that her friend had not scolded her for her plan. Thank you for not hating me, Edna said.

Why would I hate you?

Because I hate my father, and I hate myself. If anyone else knew about this, they would hate me too.

That's not true. The ladies in school don't hate you. She was making certain that she spoke each word carefully.

They're different, Edna blurted. The old churchwomen, they are a different breed. They'll never say anything to anyone about my business.

The two young ladies continued talking till the school bell rang. About fourscore children quickly ceased their schoolyard playing and talking, and returned to their individual classrooms for their afternoon education. Edna and her friend were the last to enter the school building.

Each young woman was imbued with different thoughts that second half of the school day. Edna was pondering her plan to run away. She was pondering whether in her family there was someone she could trust with keeping her runaway story a secret while she was able to live with them. She was wondering where she would work and whether she would be able to finish her senior year of high school while she was working and living more than a hundred miles from home.

Edna's friend was still in shock, unable to understand any of the afternoon lessons. She was contemplating for the first time the concept of sin and that her father was responsible for it. She was remembering her recent years interacting with her father, as she had passed from childhood to young womanhood. He had been kind to her, always away from the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, he had been everything a male could be with a female. He was gentle, tender, and affectionate at times. And on countless occasions, he had been passionate, paying attention to every female part of her, which would bring her intense pleasure.

Long ago, she had learned to enjoy her father's nocturnal visits. Now she had been told by a trusted friend those visits were not only sins but sins of a heinous nature. What was she to think now? What was she to do? But think she did. She wondered whether she was a bad girl because she looked forward to her father's visits. She enjoyed sex and having orgasm even though she had experienced them but had never heard the word orgasm.

Her teacher was speaking countless words, but she heard none of them. Her youthful mind was contemplating her next move. In a couple of hours, she would be home. What would she say to her father, who was the father she loved, as well as the man she loved? She needed more proof from Edna that father-daughter intimate relationships were wrong. She decided that she needed to see in the Bible the exact passage that would prove her father and she were longtime sinners. Even though she knew little about the Bible and certainly did not believe in it, it was the only thing she could rely on to support Edna's frightening claims.

Chapter 2

Five days later, Elise owned her first Bible. She had asked Edna Wickersham to try to get her one as soon as possible. Edna, who only had one Bible, asked her lady friends if they had an extra one. She asked them when she first saw them walking up the church steps before the Sunday services began. By the time the congregation was leaving the building after the service, Matilde, the old lady who was abused by her father over fifty years ago, handed Edna a small Bible almost immediately after Edna walked outside through the front door.

Thank you, Matty, Edna said, as she looked at the title, Holy Bible.

You're welcome, sweety, Matilda said softly. I have several more at home if you need them.

The next day, Edna gave a very curious and appreciative Elise the Holy Bible.

Thank you, Edna, Elise said matter-of-factly. I promise to read every single word.

Her previous weekend with her father had been the same as every other weekend for a long time. They worked together on the farm, then slept together at night. Elise's father was a minimalist, so was her mother. Their family home was modestly furnished. There was not even a radio. To relax, the father would read Louie Lamour novels. He would dream, Walter Mitty style, of being a cowboy who became a sheriff. He fantasized himself as a good guy who protected women, children, and entire towns from ruthless bandits and killers. He was a hero in his daydreams and had no idea how terribly wrong he was doing to his daughter. A diminutive man, several inches shorter than Elise, he was a beautiful lover. Therein lay the quandary Elise faced as she began to read the Bible.

The first night Elise possessed her new Bible, she began to read. Ahead of her were thousands of words and ideas she would have to interpret alone. She had no minister to interpret passages for her, to guide her. In fact, she barely knew anything about God. He had always been an unspoken subject around Elise and her father's home. She knew him through the Pledge of Allegiance and through occasional references to Him in textbooks. Elise went to public schools. Her teachers followed the strict rule of keeping God out of the classroom as much as possible. Elise had no idea at all about the width and breadth of God or the Bible when she began reading it. While her mentally stunted father was fantasizing about being a sheriff in Dodge City, one night after dinner, Elise opened the Bible to Genesis.

What am I getting into? she thought as she opened the book, which she hoped would bring some answers. Before she read the first word, she thought, Why am I even reading this? I don't believe in this stuff. It's not my religion. I don't have any religion. My father never hurt me. He's always been kind to me. Just because Edna says my relationship with my father is wrong doesn't make it so.

Her curiosity was propelling her, as if a tornado were behind it, to read. She began with Genesis. She read about God's creations. She thought there was a whole bunch of let there be. When she came to the words, Where God created man in his image, she immediately thought of God as a handsome man of about forty-five and Adam and Eve as beautiful young adults of about twenty years old. At first, she thought she was reading a simple story that would continue that way. It was sort of a love story, and it was rather pleasant reading, all the way to Genesis 3, the temptation and fall of man. Suddenly, the story turned ugly.

A talking snake told Eve if she ate some fruit from this special tree, she would be like God. So she did. A moment later, she gave some fruit to Adam. Suddenly, they both felt naked, and the next time God came to visit and found out what happened, he got angry with the snake and Adam and Eve. He told the snake to crawl on its belly forever and eat dust. He told Eve that she would suffer during childbirth and that her husband would be her boss. And he cursed the ground for Adam and told him that when he farmed the land, thorns and thistles would come up. Then he kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden and put angels with flaming swords at the east end of Eden to make sure they couldn't get back in.

Here is where Elise had her first of many problems with the Bible. She closed her new book for several minutes and lay on her bed, thinking why couldn't God have forgiven them, given them a second chance. They were obviously sorry and ashamed. This was their first mistake. God suddenly seemed cruel, especially since he created all these beautiful things. Eve thought that if a talking snake said the same things to her, a brand-new person, that she would be like God if she ate some fruit, why wouldn't she? She liked God, admired him, maybe even loved him. Of course, she would want to be like God. And God suddenly seemed hypersensitive to her and prone to extreme anger, even in an easily understandable and forgivable situation. After all, he was God, the top dog, who had just proven he could make anything.

As Elise kept reading, things became worse. She read about Cain and Abel next and about jealousy and the first murder. Again, God's reaction was strange. He said that if anyone killed Cain, vengeance would be taken on them sevenfold. Where would all these people come from who might want to kill Cain? So far in the story, it was just Adam and Eve. Cain and Abel who was now dead. If anyone would want to kill Cain, it would have to be a much younger brother or sister or Eve or Adam. Then a moment after she read where Cain moved to, the Bible said that Cain knew his wife. Where did she come from?

Elise's logic told her that his wife had to be his sister.

She continued to read. Next was the genealogy of Adam. She could not understand 930 years, 840 years, 962 years, 365 years. It did not make sense. And Methuselah lived 969 years. Elise was beginning to become angry. Even though she had lived an extremely isolated home life she had at least gone to school. She had taken science several times. Here intelligent brain asked her, How did these uneducated people know even what a year was? Were they Cro-Magnon people? Were they Neanderthal people? Elise was trapped between her ability to accept what she was reading as fact and the logical questions she was suddenly having to ask after nearly every sentence.

She had developed a headache. She decided to get up, go to the bathroom, get a couple of Anacin, and go into the kitchen and take them with a glass of ice-cold water. On her way to the kitchen, she noticed her father snoozing in his favorite chair with his current Louis Lamour open on his lap. She hoped he would sleep a couple of hours so she could continue reading the Bible uninterruptedly. She took the Anacin and went back to reading. Tonight, her other homework, though minimal, would have to wait.

By the time her father came stumbling into her room three hours later, Elise had read about the great flood. She again became bewildered that God wanted to destroy every person in the world because they were sinful, except for one family. She had read about Lot's two daughters, how they slept with their father, each having a son by him to preserve the father's lineage. Their sons became great leaders of tribes.

What she had been specifically looking for, that it was a sin for fathers and daughters to sleep together, was more difficult to find. What she did read in Genesis were several instances of incest. There were stories of a man sleeping with his father's concubine, a man unwittingly sleeping with his daughters-in-law. There was Jacob sleeping with two sisters, Leah and Rachel. The story she found particularly interesting was when Abraham admitted to Abimelech that his wife was his sister—the daughter of his father but not of his mother, a half sister.

As her father crawled into bed with her, all Elise could think about were the facts that she had finished reading in Genesis. Nowhere had it said it was a sin for his father to sleep with his daughter. There had been brief discussions about incest that made her feel uneasy, but as her father affectionately put his arm around her chest, she readied herself for what might happen next. Thankfully, her father was tired and made no further moves toward her. She was fatigued too. Pondering Genesis had drained her. After the creation of the earth and Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, etc., she did not like the story. She did not like God. She would read the rest of the Bible because she felt like a detective looking for a clue that might be buried in tens of thousands of words.

Tonight, Elise lay silently beneath her father's unmoving arm. She was deeper in thought than she had ever been. She was nearly seventeen years old, and she was wondering who she was. What was she to her father? Who did she want to become? She had never read anything like Genesis. Even though she had nearly hated what she read, she had no clue how much this book would impact the rest of her life.

Chapter 3

By the time Elise was finished reading the Bible about two months later, the early corn was growing on her farm and countless others like hers. School was out, and Edna had already run away to stay with a sympathetic aunt. Edna had met her only once, many years before, but they had developed a good rapport. Before Edna left Central Illinois for Chicago, she and Elise had talked about the Bible and their fathers at least fifty more times. By the thirty-fifth conversation between them, Elise was almost begging Edna to point her to a specific verse that confirmed that father-daughter sexual relations were a sin. But Edna could not do so.

Could you ask the old ladies to help you? Elise asked Edna one late spring day.

I will, Edna answered. But when she came back, she did not return with the answer Elise wanted to hear.

None of us could find a specific passage, Edna said.

That makes two of us, Elise answered.

When Edna left for Chicago with $953 of her father's money, she left $250 under the floor by the window. Elise had no one to bounce her questions and criticisms off. She was on her own again to figure things out for herself, to arrive through her own pondering, at her own conclusions. As she began to feel completely alone in her interpretations of myriad Bible passages, she felt a couple of facts for certain. She did not like God. The New Testament had not changed her negative opinions from the Old Testament. In her mind, there was no real love in the Bible at all. Her opinions had been severely tainted by Edna's revelations that what she and her father were doing was terribly wrong.

Elise thought throughout the summer that little Edna ran away, that most fathers slept with their daughters, that type of nocturnal goings-on was happening in all the farmhouses that seemed to spring up from the Illinois soil like corn. She wondered how something that felt so right could be so wrong. All that summer of agonizing thinking, she pondered the concept of sin. She did not like the concept of sin even though the mention and effect of it were almost everywhere in the Bible, the book to which she had become addicted.

Being alone with all these chapters, contributed much to Elise's polluted interpretations. There was simply no one to guide her through her summer of tumultuous change. Therefore, she read through the Bible as if it were a forest that was always dark, incessantly dangerous. She morphed into a young woman who believed that almost everything people did was a sin. She evolved to believe that God was evil and sinful because he had created humanity in His image, then destroyed them in bunches. It was logical to Elise that if he had truly created man in his image, then he must be intrinsically sinful. She never let go of the fact that God could not forgive Adam and Eve for eating some fruit that a conniving snake had seduced them to eat. The snake was the only bad thing in the garden of Eden. They were not used to anything bad. They had no experience. Why couldn't God forgive them? Why did humanity have to fall so hard and so fast downhill almost from the beginning of their existence? If God had approached Adam and Eve's mistake with compassion, then the history of the world would be totally different.

She grew to hate sin. She grew to believe that man's basic behavior was sinful, especially sleeping with her father. Still, she loved him. When she was not thinking of what she was reading in the Bible, she was thinking of him. Boys at school meant nothing to her. Her father was her man.

Elise thought about her homelife all summer long. Hers was such a simple existence. It was quiet. Her father, though he always maintained his tenderness toward her, he had also retained a shyness toward her. And she toward him. Spoken words were rare in their home. Each of them did what they had to do to accomplish their myriad daily chores. Her father was an extremely quiet man. At this point in her adolescence, she was still a quiet teenager. There was no cruelty in the house, but there was no laughter either.

Then came the nighttimes and both tenderness and the overwhelming passion to which Elise had become accustomed. Sometimes during that long friendless, except for her father, summer, she began not to be able to reconcile the sin of her father with her attraction for him. The battle for peace when thinking about her father raged silently within her week after week, day after eternally long summer day. Because she could never resolve her knowledge of her silent sin with her need to be with her father, that summer in one key part of her psyche, Elise became irrevocably insane.

Chapter 4

Senior year was next for Elise. Many of her fellow classmates were buzzing about applying to colleges. But she had never considered it. College was a subject that Elise and her father had never discussed. When she thought about it, she knew she could never go. Her father was poor. The farm was small. There was no saved money for higher education. There was no hidden stash under attic floorboards. In fact, Elise had never seen where her father hid his money. She assumed it was in his bedroom, which he had maintained the exact way it was the day his wife died. He threw away nothing that belonged to her. He was sentimental. He missed her.

Elise was not sad about not going to college. She did not have a car. Her father had an old Ford pickup truck that was not far from being a piece of junk. But her father, with his adequate knowledge of automotive mechanics, kept it running and functional. But even if it had been prudent to have received permission to use the truck, it would never have made it day after day to even the nearest college.

Life continued with almost the same normalcy to which she had become accustomed. With little Edna gone, Elise did not have a single friend. At seventeen, she was a hardworking five-foot-eleven-inch tall farm girl with the face of American beauty. Her hair was light brown. It had never been cut. Her legs were long and lean and perfectly shaped. Her feet were long and narrow, very pretty. Her breasts were the perfect size for her height and weight. They were firm and youthful and unusually equal in size and form. Her shoulders were strong and muscular, the result of having used a variety of farm implements for several years. But she had no sophistication and was lacking in social skills. Even her speech was a little hickish. Although her school was rather small, there were a couple of cool kid cliques to which both boys and girls belonged. She did not. The result was that she had no one to talk to. She was a simple farm girl. She was easy for at least the girls to ignore. Besides, most of them were envious of her good looks. The girls also knew that the boys would never stop trying to woo her. But to her, boys were like rain falling on a windshield. She simply splashed them away with her wipers. Elise learned to live more and more within her own head in that chamber that was already incurably insane.

On February 18 of her senior year, a huge winter snowstorm hit the entire state of Illinois, bringing with it eight inches of heavy wet snow. At 2:13 a.m., on February 19, an enormous piece of snow-swollen roof crashed downward to the barn below. Long enduring planks that had protected the contents of the building for decades had splintered into myriad chips upon the implements below. The sound of the disaster rivaled the terror of a vicious thunderclap that exploded right above Elise and her father's head.

Elise and her father were jolted from their sleep. As Elise sat straight-up in bed, her father was already pulling on his coveralls over his thermal underwear. Elise followed, quickly dressing in something warm in case they had to go outside. Had the crash occurred inside the house? Had a huge tree branch snapped and smashed into the house, sounding like a bomb? That had happened before. The curious tandem checked each room of the upstairs first, peering out every window to see whether a huge piece of a once-vibrant tree had hit the outside of their home. They looked at the siding, then down to the ground to see any sign of damage or a broken tree. They saw nothing.

When they quickly found that the roof to their precious home had not been damaged, they ran downstairs and began checking everywhere to see if there was any damage. Again, Elise looked out every window to see if she had missed any fractures of trees while looking out the upstairs windows. She saw no problem. That was a good sign. Her father scurried around each room downstairs. He found nothing out of the ordinary. That meant they had to go outside into the cold.

Ironically, they both finished their surveying of the house at the same instant. Without speaking a word, they headed for the front door, reaching it simultaneously. Elise allowed her much smaller father to pass through the front door first, showing him the respect she always had for him. Her father sprinted to the left, surveying the house as quickly as he could. Elise went to the right, looking at the house the same way her father was doing. Again, they met almost directly in the middle of the old house. The good news was they had found no damage.

The bad news was that damage must have occurred somewhere else. An enormous sound of thunder meant there had been significant damage to another structure. After checking the chicken coop and a couple of small sheds that held shovels, rakes buckets, scythes, lawn mowers, and a few other nonmotorized, handheld work tools, they looked worried at each other and sprinted toward the barn. The barn, thirty years old, was about two hundred fifty feet from the northwest corner of the house.

It only took a few seconds of swift running through deep moist snow before Elise and her father stopped abruptly upon seeing the devastation. The hole in the roof measured eighty feet, and now water and snow were pouring atop the aged wooden planks that littered the earthen floor. The planks had also smashed against the motorized farm implements that were vital to the successful operation of the farm.

Jesus, the little father said. He rarely used words like that, not being a believer, but he had heard other people use this expletive when they were extremely frustrated. Elise was as shocked at her father's use of Jesus as she was at the destruction she saw with the barn. She had never heard her father use that word before, and she had never seen so much damage done by nature to any building or property.

Her father's shoulders slumped before her eyes as if a ton of wet snow had fallen upon them and pushed them toward the ground. His face showed consternation, thinking this cleanup and repair job will be more than Elise and he will be able to handle by themselves. Elise had an identical look on her young and beautiful face.

What are we going to do, Daddy?

First thing in the morning, I'll drive over to Watson's farm and ask them if they know anyone reasonable who can help us. I have insurance on the barn and the vehicles inside, but this looks like a monster job, and I'm not sure if my insurance will cover everything. I know you and I can't do all the work by ourselves. We need to get work started right away, and it's the middle of winter. We are going to have to clear the remaining snow off the roof, then check the rest of the wood to see how hard it is.

The strength that Elise's father had was being expressed now as he talked about one of the two elements of life that were his most beloved. One was the farm. The other was Elise.

Daddy, can we go back inside the house? I'm freezing.

I want to check out the inside of the barn first. Will you come with me?

No, Daddy. I think it will be foolish to go in there now. We won't be able to see much, and there is litter all over the place. We could get really hurt in there, especially if more of the roof caves in.

She was adamant, taking charge of her father for the first time in her life. Then she softened her tone when she spoke again. She was skillfully and tactfully logical to get what she wanted.

Don't you agree that we'll be able to see things and assess the damage better in the light of day after a good night's sleep?

Her father had heard both statements and tones from her and found them curious. Prior to this moment, most of the time, he would dictate something for her to do and Elise would silently comply. But in the icy cold and wet snow, something was different about his daughter. Maybe it was a sign of growing up. He looked at her standing a full seven inches taller and outweighing him by twenty-six pounds. He wasn't thinking she could kick his ass if she wanted to do so. He looked at her as a goddess, not a make believe character from a Greek tale but a real-life goddess. She was statuesque and beautiful in every way. In this unplanned moment in the freezing barnyard, he noticed not only her strength but her elegance for the first time.

How can I deny you, Elise? You are right, of course. Let's go back inside.

Elise took a couple of slippery steps and