Save me

Chapter 1

Monotony, that's what my days had become, I looked at myself in the elevator doors without being able to recognize myself, who was that person that the mirror was giving me back? I'm almost sure it wasn't me, not the one I remember, not the one I want to get back, as my days have gotten harder with the passing of time.

I wanted someone to be able to notice how I felt, but all I was getting was pitying looks, it's been like this ever since I ended our relationship, was I the only one he loved? Because it was so easy for him to tell me to leave him alone, and every time I called him, he just raised his horn to tell me to get over it.

At first, I thought I could get him back. Then I realized that was just what I wanted because he didn't want that anymore.

I remember, a few months ago, I quoted him in a coffee shop; maybe it was my insistence that made him give in, that he gave me an opportunity to talk to him.

I used to be the least punctual, not because I liked it, but because it was something I couldn't help anymore, and I was always rushing to our dates. However, on this occasion that I decided to arrive early, I realized the reason why he no longer wanted to have another chance with me. He had someone else, someone who didn't bother him if he opened the door for him to get out of the car when he scolded me many times for doing it.

That became the worst day of my life, it was the one that I had to accept that I had to say goodbye. But it was so difficult, that's how my days lost hope that we would be together again, but, what did I expect? That he would jump into my arms as soon as he saw me? Yes, I expected that, however, that image told me it was something that would never happen.

I hear someone yelling at me to please stop the elevator, I do.

I see a young man with black hair running into it with several bags in hand and a backpack that looks heavy.

I try not to pay attention to him, not while I keep sinking into my misery, wondering about what I did wrong for him to leave me, what was missing with me? Because, as much as I asked him; he didn't answer me, and I keep waiting for him to come back to me, even realizing that he won't, why do I want to lie to myself?, several months have passed, I should assume that nothing will ever be the same. But, why can't I?

I feel a pair of arms around me that take me out of my thoughts, and now I see the young man from before close to my body, he smiles at me revealing his beautiful white teeth and, his features seem to become those of a small child who has just mischief, and that red nose he has put on makes his action look like one.

I try to pull away, but he only holds me tighter.

Hugs heal everything he says still smiling and you're in luck, today I'm giving hugs.

He shows me a poster that says he gives hugs and, for a moment I want to smile sincerely; not the fake smile I've learned to put on my lips to not worry the people around me, to not give pity, although when I return to my apartment, things go back to the way they were before. I'm not happy; all I want is this pain to go away, what should I do to make it?

I'm Theo he says, letting me go I live on the next floor and... I give hugs every day.

That last one makes me smile as I step out of the elevator because I don't think I've ever met such a strange guy before, someone who wouldn't have minded if I beat him up for hugging me without my permission.

What can I say, I think today has not been another day of my monotonous life, he has made me smile and left me with a pleasant feeling; as if that was what I needed: for someone to notice that I'm not okay, but without looking at me with pity.

He did that in a way that I can't explain.

Although the feeling didn’t last forever, not when I entered my apartment and the memories are present again, because I see our photographs that I have refused to take down, still hoping that he will come back, even knowing that he won’t, and I return to my depressed state in which my thoughts slowly consume me, telling myself that I was not enough, that I am not, that is why I was abandoned by the person I loved the most.

Theo, yes, that's the name of the one who was my neighbor for a month, my neighbor who give hugs every day in the elevator, and well, apparently not everyone could be nice to the guy when he gave hugs.

For example, Mrs. Oh, from the third floor, hit him with her umbrella, and Theo came out of the elevator complaining, telling her that he only gave hugs to make people feel better, that he wasn't a pervert, as I imagine the woman called him.

He seems funny and... I've gotten three hugs from him this month, besides lots of smiles when we don't see each other in the elevator. Although the day Mrs. Oh hit him, I could have gotten one more hug, if a two-year-old girl who also seems to be new in the building, hadn't gotten in the way taking my hug and lots of kisses on her cheek.

My days are always the same: I go to work, I complete my eight hours there, and then I return home by bus. That's a routine I picked up after I sold my car as a way to forget about him, though I can't say it worked for me, and it's uncomfortable to ride in that transport.

But I thought it would distract me from my thoughts that won't go away, that turn more and more against me, that have made me think crazy things, and that I try to push them out of my mind. However, they don’t go away easily, and the psychologist has said that it is I who does not let myself move forward, however, I don’t know where to go, I feel lost.

The bus pulls up to one of the stops, and it seems that since Theo moved into the building, it will be the one I'll see quite often in my days.

He comes up wearing his clown nose and a poster that says he gives hugs, that he charges for kisses and, I can't help but smile at that, does he work somewhere with that poster? I mean, his clothes aren't very flashy, nor does his face have a lot of makeup, only on his cheeks there are some red circles and freckles painted on them.

I see him exchanging words with the driver, who tells him that it is not allowed to ask for money inside the bus, but Theo shows him his ticket and promises that he will not disturb the passengers, that he is only using the transport to go back home, until he makes a pinky promise to the driver who looks at him like he's gone crazy.

Theo stands next to me, since there are no more seats and, he seems to recognize me, because a smile quickly spreads across his lips and he doesn't look away, making me feel a little uncomfortable, what does he pretend with that?

Are you going home, Aldair? He mutters arranging his backpack on his shoulder.

I nod, hoping that it will be enough answer and he will move further back since there is space, although there are several passengers standing, but this day I feel more tired than others, so I don't want to be the kind man that everyone expects me to be, and giving up my seat I don't see it as an option.

Would you mind?

Theo doesn't expect an answer from me as he places his backpack on my lap, as well as his poster, arranging a bit of his black hair to move it off from his forehead, but it comes back into place, making him pant and lose his balance, luckily for him, he is holding one of the seat tubes, and if not, he could have gone to keep the driver company.

Be careful, little clown alive on board, and he wants to live, but he's standing and he could die! he yells at the driver.

Several people turn their heads to see him, and I cringe in my seat, hoping they don't relate me with him, even though I have his backpack and poster over me. Although I was able to return it to him, I didn’t, because the backpack is heavy for him to carry it on his shoulders if he is standing.

At the next stop several people get off, but it seems that the double get in, however, Theo who doesn't move from my side, doesn't look as comfortable as before, making me wonder about what is bothering him, and it seems that from the first day we met, he knows how to read me, because he leans a little towards me, half whispering and speaking loudly, he says:

My love, the sir behind me, has been groping me since a block ago.

Several people turn to look at him again and, the man who was behind him, moves uncomfortably as I watch him. It doesn't seem to be a lie from Theo, actually, he looks mad with that man's action, and maybe it's the first time I've seen him this way.

I don't know if Theo has been pretending that I get up from my seat since he get in and gave me his things, but I do, I give him my seat and I'm the one who holds on to the tube to not fall, seeing how he pretends to sit before looking at a woman a few steps from us and, giving her the seat.

Theo has his backpack and poster back over his shoulder, looking really uncomfortable with everything he's carrying. Maybe in a long time, it’s the first time that I really want to help someone, so I take his poster so that he can hold better onto the tube and not fall.

We don't spend a lot of time standing when we have to get off near the building we live in. Theo walks silently beside me, still wearing his nose that I don't understand why he hasn't taken off because it attracts the attention of people walking nearby, but he seems comfortable with it.

Aldair. His voice is cheerful, it always is.

Uh... I make a sound so he understands that I hear him.

I invite you to have dinner tonight at my house.

I stop my steps as if he's gone crazy for making that sudden invitation, but he doesn't seem to see it as a bad thing, because his mischievous boy's smile is still present, even if I start walking again without giving him an answer.

I don't think it’s right I say in a firm voice so that he understands that I don't want to accept.

Why?

Because...

My words stop when I see a person standing in front of me. Someone I know well; who seems to have gotten more handsome with the passing of the months. For a moment my heart beats very fast as if it were giving its last beats before dying.

Aldair... I see him smile in front of me, yes, he has become more beautiful.

Ma... Malu I murmur.

He smiles at me and, for a moment, I think everything is back to the way it was before, but something inside me tells me it's not like that, and when I see the same white car in which I saw him arrive at the coffee shop, it's a confirmation for me that he hasn’t come back, not forever as I would like.

I wanted to give you this he tells me with a small smile.

I take the envelope he gives me and immediately open it, reading what it is about.

It's an invitation to his wedding. He's getting married, and I haven't even over him. I feel like the day he left, everything is collapsing around me. He has been able to move on without me, while I have stayed on the same page.

I also wanted to invite you to the rehearsal dinner his voice pulls me out of my own world I was calling you, but your secretary said you were busy, or you weren't in the office.

Most likely it’s that I was available, however, when I saw him with another man in the coffee shop, I asked my secretary not to pass me any call from him, I wanted to get over him. I think it's the only thing I've done right so far.

But Malu has come and ruined it once again, reminding me again that he won't come back and that I'm