What do you think?
Rate this book
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center
Why do we place romantic partnership on a pedestal? What do we lose when we expect one person to meet all our needs? And what can we learn about commitment, love, and family from people who put deep friendship at the center of their lives?
In The Other Significant Others, NPR's Rhaina Cohen invites us into the lives of people who have defied convention by choosing a friend as a life partner. Their riveting stories unsettle widespread assumptions about relationships, including the idea that sex is a defining feature of partnership and that people who raise kids together should be in a romantic relationship. Platonic partners from different walks of life—spanning age and religion, gender and sexuality and more—reveal the freedom and challenges of embracing a relationship model that society doesn't recognize. And they show that orienting your world around friends isn't just the stuff of daydreams and episodes of The Golden Girls, but possible in real life.
Based on years of original reporting and drawing on striking social science research, Cohen argues that we make romantic relationships more fragile by expecting too much of them, while we undermine friendships by expecting too little of them. She traces how, throughout history, our society hasn’t always fixated on marriage as the greatest source of meaning, or even love. At a time when many Americans are spending large stretches of their lives single, widowed or divorced, or feeling the effects of the "loneliness epidemic," Cohen makes the case that one model of a flourishing adulthood—lifelong romantic partnership—isn't enough. A rousing and incisive book, The Other Significant Others challenges us to ask what we want from our relationships—not just what we’re supposed to want—and transforms how we define a fulfilling life.
In The Other Significant Others, NPR's Rhaina Cohen invites us into the lives of people who have defied convention by choosing a friend as a life partner. Their riveting stories unsettle widespread assumptions about relationships, including the idea that sex is a defining feature of partnership and that people who raise kids together should be in a romantic relationship. Platonic partners from different walks of life—spanning age and religion, gender and sexuality and more—reveal the freedom and challenges of embracing a relationship model that society doesn't recognize. And they show that orienting your world around friends isn't just the stuff of daydreams and episodes of The Golden Girls, but possible in real life.
Based on years of original reporting and drawing on striking social science research, Cohen argues that we make romantic relationships more fragile by expecting too much of them, while we undermine friendships by expecting too little of them. She traces how, throughout history, our society hasn’t always fixated on marriage as the greatest source of meaning, or even love. At a time when many Americans are spending large stretches of their lives single, widowed or divorced, or feeling the effects of the "loneliness epidemic," Cohen makes the case that one model of a flourishing adulthood—lifelong romantic partnership—isn't enough. A rousing and incisive book, The Other Significant Others challenges us to ask what we want from our relationships—not just what we’re supposed to want—and transforms how we define a fulfilling life.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published February 13, 2024
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 556 reviews
September 9, 2023
Yes, yes, YES! This book was exactly what I was hoping it would be! A book about all kinds of relationships that can make a person whole! I am a happily married woman, with a bunch of kids, a home, (what feels like a million, but is really 5) pets, car payments, and a bunch of bills....but I am surrounded by so many others, some in similar relationships, some in situationships, some in committed relationships with a partner, some who are single...and all of us are such wonderful friends. The bottom line is that there are so many ways to be fulfilled and so many ways to have significant others, being a half of a married whole isn't the only way to feel this way through life.
This book weaves it all together with research, stories, and a way that leaves you seeing that your way isn't the only way to be happy, their way isn't the only way to be happy, and there are so many different ways to have support in friendships.
This book weaves it all together with research, stories, and a way that leaves you seeing that your way isn't the only way to be happy, their way isn't the only way to be happy, and there are so many different ways to have support in friendships.
December 26, 2023
3.0 Stars
I absolutely believe in the importance of non romantic friendships and the importance of investing in these relationships. Given all that, I expected to absolutely love this book.
Unfortunately I did not. I instead found this one quite dry. The research and case studies just felt very obvious and not particularly interesting.
Again, I love the intent behind this book, but the execution left me wanting more.
Disclaimer I received a copy of this book from the publisher.
I absolutely believe in the importance of non romantic friendships and the importance of investing in these relationships. Given all that, I expected to absolutely love this book.
Unfortunately I did not. I instead found this one quite dry. The research and case studies just felt very obvious and not particularly interesting.
Again, I love the intent behind this book, but the execution left me wanting more.
Disclaimer I received a copy of this book from the publisher.
Read
October 31, 2023Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the digital review ARC!
The Other Significant Others was recommended for me on NetGalley and I’m not quite sure why, because I’ve never read an ARC remotely close to something like this before. But gosh am I glad I clicked that Read Now button.
The Other Significant Others is an exploration of long-term platonic relationships in their various forms. The book weaves historical information and social scientific data about friendship, its place in society and importance to human well-being, through the stories of eight different contemporary friendships. With no roadmap to follow (and no contemporary language to describe them) these friendship stories absolutely fascinated me, not just because the people involved were bucking societal norms but because they were living life with such intentionality.
The friendships that are discussed are not your run of the mill besties. These people have a level of commitment to each other that puts them in the life partner category. I really appreciated the diversity of relationships shown in this book. We see queer-straight pairings, straight-straight pairings, same gender and opposite gender pairings, age gaps, people brought together by a desire to platonically co-parent, and people brought together by the challenges of being older and single. Sometimes these individuals also had romantic partners, sometimes they did not. Sometimes it was just two people, sometimes it was more. The author resists the urge (or skates it, depending on your view) to label these relationships as queer, instead letting the people involved define themselves. Same goes for the parts of the book that discuss platonic partnerships throughout history; the author does not use modern language and concept to define historical relationships.
There were many themes in The Other Significant Others that struck a chord for me. Too many to talk about in depth in a review. Of note was the concept that strong friendships can make for healthier romantic partnerships, by scrapping the idea that your romantic partner should be your everything. I also really enjoyed seeing the variety of ways physical affection was incorporated into these relationships and the ways in which attitudes about physical affection in platonic relationships and the importance of the nuclear family are distinctly a modern, Western cultural ideal that is rooted in patriarchy and anti-immigrant sentiments. The book also talks about “emotional gold digging” and the emotional labor that women often bear because men are socialized to only expect deep emotional connection in romantic partnerships and not friendships.
The earlier parts of the book really focus on exploring the multitude of ways that platonic partnerships add richness and happiness to life. The latter part has this as well, but really focuses on the legal and societal hurdles that platonic partnerships face. There is a chapter on grief that that shows a platonic relationship where one person is diagnosed with (and ultimately dies from) cancer, so please tread lightly if that is a trigger for you.
The book is very America/Canada centric. It is also long. As much as I enjoyed reading it, I do feel it could have been edited down without losing the salient points and stories. The last 30% of the book is acknowledgments, end notes, and a bibliography, so keep that in mind if you balk at the amount of time your e-reader tells you it will take to read this book.
The Other Significant Others was recommended for me on NetGalley and I’m not quite sure why, because I’ve never read an ARC remotely close to something like this before. But gosh am I glad I clicked that Read Now button.
The Other Significant Others is an exploration of long-term platonic relationships in their various forms. The book weaves historical information and social scientific data about friendship, its place in society and importance to human well-being, through the stories of eight different contemporary friendships. With no roadmap to follow (and no contemporary language to describe them) these friendship stories absolutely fascinated me, not just because the people involved were bucking societal norms but because they were living life with such intentionality.
The friendships that are discussed are not your run of the mill besties. These people have a level of commitment to each other that puts them in the life partner category. I really appreciated the diversity of relationships shown in this book. We see queer-straight pairings, straight-straight pairings, same gender and opposite gender pairings, age gaps, people brought together by a desire to platonically co-parent, and people brought together by the challenges of being older and single. Sometimes these individuals also had romantic partners, sometimes they did not. Sometimes it was just two people, sometimes it was more. The author resists the urge (or skates it, depending on your view) to label these relationships as queer, instead letting the people involved define themselves. Same goes for the parts of the book that discuss platonic partnerships throughout history; the author does not use modern language and concept to define historical relationships.
There were many themes in The Other Significant Others that struck a chord for me. Too many to talk about in depth in a review. Of note was the concept that strong friendships can make for healthier romantic partnerships, by scrapping the idea that your romantic partner should be your everything. I also really enjoyed seeing the variety of ways physical affection was incorporated into these relationships and the ways in which attitudes about physical affection in platonic relationships and the importance of the nuclear family are distinctly a modern, Western cultural ideal that is rooted in patriarchy and anti-immigrant sentiments. The book also talks about “emotional gold digging” and the emotional labor that women often bear because men are socialized to only expect deep emotional connection in romantic partnerships and not friendships.
The earlier parts of the book really focus on exploring the multitude of ways that platonic partnerships add richness and happiness to life. The latter part has this as well, but really focuses on the legal and societal hurdles that platonic partnerships face. There is a chapter on grief that that shows a platonic relationship where one person is diagnosed with (and ultimately dies from) cancer, so please tread lightly if that is a trigger for you.
The book is very America/Canada centric. It is also long. As much as I enjoyed reading it, I do feel it could have been edited down without losing the salient points and stories. The last 30% of the book is acknowledgments, end notes, and a bibliography, so keep that in mind if you balk at the amount of time your e-reader tells you it will take to read this book.
September 5, 2023
Read. This. Book.
Wow. Manages a rare combination of beautiful storytelling while being inspiring at a personal level and thought provokingly insightful at a societal level.
Cohen’s writing blends well told stories about compelling and interesting people with accessible and evidence based research and personal experience.
Even before I finished it I was talking to my own friends and family about what I was learning and being caused to reflect on. I don’t think I’ll ever look at friendship or our relationship institutions and culture the same way again.
Couldn’t recommend this more as a personal read, but would also really suit book groups or study groups.
Wow. Manages a rare combination of beautiful storytelling while being inspiring at a personal level and thought provokingly insightful at a societal level.
Cohen’s writing blends well told stories about compelling and interesting people with accessible and evidence based research and personal experience.
Even before I finished it I was talking to my own friends and family about what I was learning and being caused to reflect on. I don’t think I’ll ever look at friendship or our relationship institutions and culture the same way again.
Couldn’t recommend this more as a personal read, but would also really suit book groups or study groups.
Shelved as 'did-not-finish'
February 21, 2024Thank you to the author Raina Cohen, publishers St. Martin's Press, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of THE OTHER SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. All views are mine.
Opening Quote: Language like my other half suggests that you only graduate to being a full human once you have a romantic partner. Loc. 618.
Three (or more) things I loved:
1. I love that this book looks at the invisible pitfalls of the popularity of the romantic relationship. Who could find fault with someone marrying their best friend? Well...[The] spouse - is - my - best - friend phenomenon feels like hoarding ; spouses, who are already in a place of honor, get to claim the top title in another relationship category. This privileging of romantic relationships can make them feel compulsory. Loc.611.
Three (or less) things I didn't love:
This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.
1. I can tell Cohen's sources and resources are excellent. Unfortunately, she didn't arrange or present the information in an intriguing way or even in a way that communicates the urgency of her main point. Significant overlap between her points (chapters) creates repetition and makes the read feel dry.
2. I'm so surprised to say this, given my interest in the book's subject, but I am not the right audience for this book. The author seems to be writing for readers who need convincing that friendship can be a primary intimate relationship. She advocates over and over for the main idea-- that nonromantic relationships can be fulfilling primary partnerships in people's lives. Being already firmly in the author's camp, I kept waiting for the book to broaden its approach to the subject. Unfortunately, I DNFed at 33%.
Rating: DNF @ 33%
Recommend? Yes, for readers who want to learn more about the author's argument!
Finished: Feb 8 '24
Format: Digital arc, Kindle, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
🏘 social theories
👤 psychological theories
👨👩👧👦 family stories, family dynamics
👭🏽 friendship
😚 nonromantic intimacy
Opening Quote: Language like my other half suggests that you only graduate to being a full human once you have a romantic partner. Loc. 618.
Three (or more) things I loved:
1. I love that this book looks at the invisible pitfalls of the popularity of the romantic relationship. Who could find fault with someone marrying their best friend? Well...[The] spouse - is - my - best - friend phenomenon feels like hoarding ; spouses, who are already in a place of honor, get to claim the top title in another relationship category. This privileging of romantic relationships can make them feel compulsory. Loc.611.
Three (or less) things I didn't love:
This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.
1. I can tell Cohen's sources and resources are excellent. Unfortunately, she didn't arrange or present the information in an intriguing way or even in a way that communicates the urgency of her main point. Significant overlap between her points (chapters) creates repetition and makes the read feel dry.
2. I'm so surprised to say this, given my interest in the book's subject, but I am not the right audience for this book. The author seems to be writing for readers who need convincing that friendship can be a primary intimate relationship. She advocates over and over for the main idea-- that nonromantic relationships can be fulfilling primary partnerships in people's lives. Being already firmly in the author's camp, I kept waiting for the book to broaden its approach to the subject. Unfortunately, I DNFed at 33%.
Rating: DNF @ 33%
Recommend? Yes, for readers who want to learn more about the author's argument!
Finished: Feb 8 '24
Format: Digital arc, Kindle, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
🏘 social theories
👤 psychological theories
👨👩👧👦 family stories, family dynamics
👭🏽 friendship
😚 nonromantic intimacy
December 10, 2023
Rhaina Cohen's "The Other Significant Others" shares well-researched stories about how close friends forged and sustained their relationships -- and it absolutely opened my heart and mind. As I read this book, I realized just how deeply messages about the hierarchy of relationships (partner/spouse/nuclear family first, then friendships) have seeped into my own life. For me, this is the best kind of writing: generous and transformative.
Cohen's discussion of how friendships between men and between women have changed from antiquity and the early modern period to the Victorian era and the present day is one of the most interesting sections of the book; I have often wondered why closeness between friends could encompass writing sentimental poetry and walking together with arms entwined in the late 19th century but not 100 years later. It is liberating to learn that there is a long history of devotion, care, and love between friends and that there have always been different ways of creating relationships in the world.
I cannot wait to share and discuss this book with my closest friends when it is published and I am thankful to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the opportunity to read and review it.
Cohen's discussion of how friendships between men and between women have changed from antiquity and the early modern period to the Victorian era and the present day is one of the most interesting sections of the book; I have often wondered why closeness between friends could encompass writing sentimental poetry and walking together with arms entwined in the late 19th century but not 100 years later. It is liberating to learn that there is a long history of devotion, care, and love between friends and that there have always been different ways of creating relationships in the world.
I cannot wait to share and discuss this book with my closest friends when it is published and I am thankful to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the opportunity to read and review it.
March 23, 2024
An exploration not just about friendship but platonic life partners. The author uses a variety of terms for these important friendships, people who might choose to live or parent together, serve as a caregiver for one another, and so on. While these relationships can be as important as that of a spouse, there’s a lack of recognition with the government and our laws, which can lead to unnecessary difficulty.
I found this to be incredibly interesting and a timely read for this season of my life. Friendships mean everything to me as a single woman but I don’t have anyone I’d consider to be a platonic life partner. However, I do have friends with whom I celebrate holidays and we call each other “framily”.
There were a few issues. It would have been helpful to discuss how to find a relationship like this, perhaps using queerplatonic relationships as a model, or what people can do if they don’t have someone to fulfill this role. The author doesn’t address codependency, which made me question the health of some of the relationships profiled, including her own with her friend M. Indeed, I found the M sections to be self-indulgent, especially when we learn Related: the grief chapter mentions friend breakups but curiously didn’t provide an example of how to navigate this; the focus was on deaths of friends and the devolution of a friendship from platonic life partner to best friend. Those things are important but she should have framed the chapter much differently as a result. Race is not identified for white participants, only POC.
Despite these issues, it was really thought-provoking and insightful. Recommended for anyone who enjoys reading about friendship and community and the ways we can create our own found families.
Content notes: death of friends (suicide, cancer), death of parents (cancer, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s), death of adult child (heart attack), end of life issues, heart failure, controlling boyfriend, PTSD, divorce, biphobia, homophobia, acephobia, gay man who went to conversion therapy (believes in celibacy for LGBTQ Christians), misogyny, toxic masculinity, COVID-19, AIDS epidemic, child with brain injury, child with low red blood cell count, child with genetic condition, infertility, pregnancy (including via sperm donor), emergency C-section, brief NICU stay (umbilical cord was knotted), adoption and declaration of parentage, guardianship, military deployment, compulsory sexuality and coupledom, Romani slur (quote from interviewee), alcohol, ableist language, mention of past self-harm
I found this to be incredibly interesting and a timely read for this season of my life. Friendships mean everything to me as a single woman but I don’t have anyone I’d consider to be a platonic life partner. However, I do have friends with whom I celebrate holidays and we call each other “framily”.
There were a few issues. It would have been helpful to discuss how to find a relationship like this, perhaps using queerplatonic relationships as a model, or what people can do if they don’t have someone to fulfill this role. The author doesn’t address codependency, which made me question the health of some of the relationships profiled, including her own with her friend M. Indeed, I found the M sections to be self-indulgent, especially when we learn Related: the grief chapter mentions friend breakups but curiously didn’t provide an example of how to navigate this; the focus was on deaths of friends and the devolution of a friendship from platonic life partner to best friend. Those things are important but she should have framed the chapter much differently as a result. Race is not identified for white participants, only POC.
Despite these issues, it was really thought-provoking and insightful. Recommended for anyone who enjoys reading about friendship and community and the ways we can create our own found families.
Content notes: death of friends (suicide, cancer), death of parents (cancer, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s), death of adult child (heart attack), end of life issues, heart failure, controlling boyfriend, PTSD, divorce, biphobia, homophobia, acephobia, gay man who went to conversion therapy (believes in celibacy for LGBTQ Christians), misogyny, toxic masculinity, COVID-19, AIDS epidemic, child with brain injury, child with low red blood cell count, child with genetic condition, infertility, pregnancy (including via sperm donor), emergency C-section, brief NICU stay (umbilical cord was knotted), adoption and declaration of parentage, guardianship, military deployment, compulsory sexuality and coupledom, Romani slur (quote from interviewee), alcohol, ableist language, mention of past self-harm
July 24, 2024
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center
by Rhaina Cohen discussed in depth something I've been thinking about for a while and I was thrilled to find her book exploring this idea.
Humanity has been forming families in many different ways throughout time - according to the needs of their era, location, number and requirements of resource management within the values of their cultures. In my own life there have been many more models (successful!) than two birth parents and resulting children. Depending on lives and deaths, there have been aunts and/or uncles raising whatever extended family children were orphaned, abandoned or kicked-out. There have been grandparents, second cousins and long losts of all sorts needing and accepting parental roles throughout history. Brothers and sisters have been life-long partners, and best friends have also forged life-long partnerships. This isn't new. But it is time that our western culture carve out a legal space for individuals outside the man-woman-bio kid model assumed (and so required in order to be covered) by most of our legal systems.
Kudos to the author for beginning the conversation, getting it out there for people to think about in a different way - whatever raises humans up in love, safety, respecting the rights, liberties and equal standings of ALL others is what is needed. It's a start we've needed for a long time.
*A sincere thank you to Rhaina Cohen, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and independently review.*
Humanity has been forming families in many different ways throughout time - according to the needs of their era, location, number and requirements of resource management within the values of their cultures. In my own life there have been many more models (successful!) than two birth parents and resulting children. Depending on lives and deaths, there have been aunts and/or uncles raising whatever extended family children were orphaned, abandoned or kicked-out. There have been grandparents, second cousins and long losts of all sorts needing and accepting parental roles throughout history. Brothers and sisters have been life-long partners, and best friends have also forged life-long partnerships. This isn't new. But it is time that our western culture carve out a legal space for individuals outside the man-woman-bio kid model assumed (and so required in order to be covered) by most of our legal systems.
Kudos to the author for beginning the conversation, getting it out there for people to think about in a different way - whatever raises humans up in love, safety, respecting the rights, liberties and equal standings of ALL others is what is needed. It's a start we've needed for a long time.
*A sincere thank you to Rhaina Cohen, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and independently review.*
October 8, 2023
This was a great read. A very interesting conversation about the people in our lives that become our chosen family; and how a lot of dated mindsets/traditions/expectations and even laws need to change to make space for those we deem most important to our lives. The trajectory of a relationship isn’t one size fits all and this book gives all the different nuances of different relationship combinations space to be. Thought-provoking personal accounts and research. Also felt really relatable.
ARC won in Goodreads Giveaways; thank you St. Martin's Press for this opportunity! Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
ARC won in Goodreads Giveaways; thank you St. Martin's Press for this opportunity! Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
September 23, 2023
This is well researched and written in a beautiful way. It explores relationships we have with others besides the one you might think of at first. I loved it! Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars!
October 11, 2023
I have a couple girlfriends that I consider to be sisters. Their kids are my nieces and nephews. They are an extension of me. That’s what made this book so interesting. I felt like I was reading about different parts of my life, finally able to “define” my feelings and views about these people. It was very refreshing to read the author’s views on the subject. This book was well written, and I loved the book enough that I plan to give a copy to my girlfriends.
October 17, 2023
The Other Significant Others is a vulnerable, meticulously researched, and compassionate reimagining of the relationships that sit at the center of our lives. By spotlighting people who choose to prioritize platonic partnerships, Cohen demonstrates that we, as a society, are in desperate need for a redefinition of partnership — both legally and culturally. Her writing is clear, kind and full of personality, all while maintaining a journalistic rigor in reporting. I found myself feeling connected both to Cohen and to the platonic partners she describes in the book. This is a must-read for 2024.
November 23, 2023
I absolutely adored this book - I thought it did a great job gently challenging many of the norms (cultural and legal) that elevate marriage as the only path to intimacy and companionship through assorted vignettes
May 3, 2024
I honestly feel like the book’s title is click bait. It ISN’T about centering your life on friendship in a way that most people ever can/will. It should have been called “The Other Significant Others: How Friends Can Be Soul Mates—Except in the Eye of the Law”
January 4, 2024
a really interesting look at the ways that relationships outside of romantic & sexual ones impact our lives, and the ways that society chooses not to prioritize them. i found myself reflecting a lot about my close friendships, and how often they're just as meaningful as my relationship with my partner but in different ways. as a queer person, the chapter on queer relationships & found family really resonated. highly highly recommend this one.
July 8, 2024
Super helpful and humane examination of relationships and the forces behind the social hierarchies we apply to them. Right on time for me in terms of thinking about how I'd like to grow old in community and companionship.
July 30, 2024
Platonic relationships are just as valuable as romantic relationships!
August 30, 2023
Title: A Thoughtful Review of "The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center" by Rhaina Cohen
Introduction:
"The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center" by Rhaina Cohen challenges societal norms by examining the significance of deep friendships in our lives. In a world where romantic relationships often take center stage, Cohen delves into the lives of individuals who have embraced unconventional yet profoundly meaningful friendships as the cornerstone of their existence. This comprehensive review explores the essence of the book, shedding light on its exploration of platonic partnerships, societal assumptions, and the transformative power of meaningful connections.
Redefining Relationship Importance:
Cohen boldly questions why society places romantic relationships above friendships and challenges the assumption that romantic partners should meet all of our emotional needs. By examining the lives of those who have chosen to prioritize friendships, she dismantles societal norms and encourages readers to consider the various dimensions of commitment, love, and family. This perspective serves as an eye-opening exploration of the multifaceted nature of relationships.
Diverse Stories of Connection:
Through intimate portraits of platonic partners, Cohen reveals the diverse and heartwarming stories of those who have chosen unconventional paths. From co-parenting to being each other's caregivers, these stories encompass a range of experiences that showcase the depth and complexity of these profound connections. Cohen emphasizes that friendship-based partnerships are not limited to a specific demographic but are accessible to individuals from all walks of life.
Challenging Assumptions:
Cohen's exploration challenges preconceived notions about partnership. By showcasing relationships where sex isn't a defining feature and raising children doesn't necessitate a romantic connection, she prompts readers to reconsider the assumptions that underlie our understanding of meaningful relationships. This challenge to societal norms encourages readers to question and redefine their own relationship priorities.
Historical and Social Context:
Drawing from extensive research, Cohen traces the historical shifts in societal perspectives on relationships. She highlights that throughout history, the emphasis on marriage as the primary source of meaning and love has varied. This historical context invites readers to reconsider the prevalent norms and expectations that shape our views on relationships today.
Embracing Profound Connections:
At a time when loneliness is a prevalent concern and diverse forms of connection are needed, Cohen's book encourages readers to recognize the numerous ways that meaningful relationships can anchor their lives. By questioning expectations and recognizing the value of deep friendships, Cohen invites readers to reflect on their desires and redefine what constitutes a fulfilling life.
Conclusion:
"The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center" challenges readers to reevaluate their understanding of relationships, love, and commitment. Rhaina Cohen's work amplifies the stories of those who have embraced deep friendships as life partners, inviting us to expand our perspectives on connection and fulfillment. Through a thought-provoking blend of personal narratives, historical insights, and social science research, Cohen inspires readers to question societal norms and embrace the transformative power of authentic, platonic connections. This book serves as a timely reminder that meaningful relationships take various forms, each offering the potential to enrich our lives in profound ways.
Introduction:
"The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center" by Rhaina Cohen challenges societal norms by examining the significance of deep friendships in our lives. In a world where romantic relationships often take center stage, Cohen delves into the lives of individuals who have embraced unconventional yet profoundly meaningful friendships as the cornerstone of their existence. This comprehensive review explores the essence of the book, shedding light on its exploration of platonic partnerships, societal assumptions, and the transformative power of meaningful connections.
Redefining Relationship Importance:
Cohen boldly questions why society places romantic relationships above friendships and challenges the assumption that romantic partners should meet all of our emotional needs. By examining the lives of those who have chosen to prioritize friendships, she dismantles societal norms and encourages readers to consider the various dimensions of commitment, love, and family. This perspective serves as an eye-opening exploration of the multifaceted nature of relationships.
Diverse Stories of Connection:
Through intimate portraits of platonic partners, Cohen reveals the diverse and heartwarming stories of those who have chosen unconventional paths. From co-parenting to being each other's caregivers, these stories encompass a range of experiences that showcase the depth and complexity of these profound connections. Cohen emphasizes that friendship-based partnerships are not limited to a specific demographic but are accessible to individuals from all walks of life.
Challenging Assumptions:
Cohen's exploration challenges preconceived notions about partnership. By showcasing relationships where sex isn't a defining feature and raising children doesn't necessitate a romantic connection, she prompts readers to reconsider the assumptions that underlie our understanding of meaningful relationships. This challenge to societal norms encourages readers to question and redefine their own relationship priorities.
Historical and Social Context:
Drawing from extensive research, Cohen traces the historical shifts in societal perspectives on relationships. She highlights that throughout history, the emphasis on marriage as the primary source of meaning and love has varied. This historical context invites readers to reconsider the prevalent norms and expectations that shape our views on relationships today.
Embracing Profound Connections:
At a time when loneliness is a prevalent concern and diverse forms of connection are needed, Cohen's book encourages readers to recognize the numerous ways that meaningful relationships can anchor their lives. By questioning expectations and recognizing the value of deep friendships, Cohen invites readers to reflect on their desires and redefine what constitutes a fulfilling life.
Conclusion:
"The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center" challenges readers to reevaluate their understanding of relationships, love, and commitment. Rhaina Cohen's work amplifies the stories of those who have embraced deep friendships as life partners, inviting us to expand our perspectives on connection and fulfillment. Through a thought-provoking blend of personal narratives, historical insights, and social science research, Cohen inspires readers to question societal norms and embrace the transformative power of authentic, platonic connections. This book serves as a timely reminder that meaningful relationships take various forms, each offering the potential to enrich our lives in profound ways.
February 29, 2024
I read this because as someone who was raised without any siblings in my home, and a very small family, I always wanted friendship to be more centered in society at large. I centered my friendships but frequently found that they centered their extended families above friendship. I couldn't continue to prioritize people who didn't prioritize me back. I still have a lot of close friendships, most of which get closer to my ideal than friendships in general. I also know friendships like the ones described in this book, frequently among older women who have stopped pursuing romantic relationships. It was unique and refreshing to read about people who had both romantic relationships as well as the big-sized friendships I desire.
February 24, 2024
Okay so on the one hand this was great - really thoughtful about what adulthood and relationships do, can, and should look like in the 21st century, and broadly I loved the point she was making.
That being said, the book itself is very North American centric, and I felt at times over-relied on case studies over studies or analysis.
That being said, the book itself is very North American centric, and I felt at times over-relied on case studies over studies or analysis.
April 22, 2024
The core tenet of this book is one worth propagating and a sentiment I can only agree with. Unfortunately, it fails to convey it properly. It seeks to blend the academic and the anecdotal, but doesn't really accomplish either. The insights are neither insightful nor new. The stories of the people should be touching, but end up feeling clinical and cold. A missed opportunity.
July 29, 2024
This has been the year of “The Other Significant Others”— after listening to Ezra Klein’s interview of Rhaina Cohen in the winter anddd making all of my closest friends do the same, we spent a lot of time reflecting on the deep relationships in our lives, the importance of community, and what it might look like to let these two things lead us rather than seeking to make our relationships fit the “defaults” we are taught. These conversations alone have brought me closer to my friends. We’ve asked questions of each other that, in the past, I would have reserved for romantic partners— what would it look like to co-parent together? Make future plans around each other? Live in the same neighborhood in ten years? How would we juggle our family commitments?
This book is NOT a refute of romantic love or partnership. It is a creative investigation of meaningful friendships that break norms of closeness and how to develop relationships that reach their full potential (which for sure will not mean living together for the majority of people). Although she doesn’t use this term, what Cohen describes sounds to me a lot like queering a relationship. It’s about stepping outside assumed bounds of a connection and then discovering something new and authentic to your unique relationship together.
This book feels especially important right now when so many people are experiencing intense loneliness and isolation, and when a lot of people my age have divorced parents or are questioning the nuclear family structure. Maybe we’ve boxed ourselves in? Maybe it’s time to think about other ways of organizing our homes/relationships/families?
So thought-provoking and wholehearted. If you read this, please let me know <3
This book is NOT a refute of romantic love or partnership. It is a creative investigation of meaningful friendships that break norms of closeness and how to develop relationships that reach their full potential (which for sure will not mean living together for the majority of people). Although she doesn’t use this term, what Cohen describes sounds to me a lot like queering a relationship. It’s about stepping outside assumed bounds of a connection and then discovering something new and authentic to your unique relationship together.
This book feels especially important right now when so many people are experiencing intense loneliness and isolation, and when a lot of people my age have divorced parents or are questioning the nuclear family structure. Maybe we’ve boxed ourselves in? Maybe it’s time to think about other ways of organizing our homes/relationships/families?
So thought-provoking and wholehearted. If you read this, please let me know <3
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 1, 2024
My favorite part about this book was learning how various friends have successfully built platonic life partnerships with each other. It expanded my perception of what a life with meaningful relationships can look like. I have a deep respect for anyone who challenges the notion that romantic/sexual relationships should be the highest priority relationships in people’s lives.
Two years ago, I read Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex, which helped me understand myself better, but also contributed to a growing fear of what my future would look like, especially after my breakup. The Other Significant Others gives me hope that I will be okay and that at the end of the day, what I really want is companionship, which can come in many forms.
Two years ago, I read Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex, which helped me understand myself better, but also contributed to a growing fear of what my future would look like, especially after my breakup. The Other Significant Others gives me hope that I will be okay and that at the end of the day, what I really want is companionship, which can come in many forms.
April 12, 2024
I didn’t enjoy reading this book quite as much as I had anticipated, perhaps because I expected there to be more analytical insights with respect to how non-romantic relationship virtues compare and contrast in direct juxtaposition to the beloved ‘romantic relationships’. But perhaps this speaks more to the dearth of research and literature in this space rather than a fault of the author’s. To this end, the anecdotal stories of all the relationships discussed in this book provide a great catalyst for people to rethink the sorts of value they want out of their friendships and romantic relationships, along with what sort of value they want to provide those they have formed said relationships with.
October 1, 2024
really loved this + was impressed with how many different situations and ideas it covered. i prefer more philosophy > examples and this had a tonnnnn of examples! they were all great but it was too many i think. anyway, friendship forever.
August 23, 2024
Really enjoyed this (other than the vaguely abrasive sensation of reading literally everything I’ve been saying for the last 5 years in a bestselling book)
September 3, 2024
(Audiobook) Finally a punchy book on emotions and attachments outside of the compulsory romantic coupledom. It is a compilation of real life relationships that can be described using words from non-romantic life partnership, polyamory, platonic romantic relationships, romantic friends…or simply, friendships that we don’t have words for and yet somehow more meaningful than anyone else in the world. In narrating these stories, the author brings up questions like how to recognize/breakout the social scaffolds (mostly, heterosexual monogamous institutions) in our relationships, the lack of legal protections and validations of other relationships (e.g. can your most trusted same-sex non-romantic friend be your child’s legal guardian?), the mental aspects of dealing with emotions related to such relationships (for example, our society teaches us how to deal with breakups with romantic sexual partners, but nobody prepares us to face the grief over losing a non-romantic life partner to cancer.)
Besides rationally thinking about certain issues, I simply enjoyed reading about others who feel similarly about the subtlety, nuances, and the somewhat fundamental anarchist nature of human relationships.
Besides rationally thinking about certain issues, I simply enjoyed reading about others who feel similarly about the subtlety, nuances, and the somewhat fundamental anarchist nature of human relationships.
April 27, 2024
A good reminder that even when single, you never have to go through life alone.
February 6, 2024
Heartily recommend!!! Cohen expertly weaves research, personal reflections, and case studies. Very digestible!
There’s something here for everyone!
There’s something here for everyone!
January 6, 2024
This book was a beautiful read. It challenged the societal norm for friendships and life partners. Why are only marriages/common-law partnerships recognize and given privileges/benefits in the law? Why are our Significant Other seen as the only person to fulfill our every need? Why are deep, intimate friendships viewed as “less than”? What can we gain by recognizing the beauty and significance of The Other Significant Others? Why are life partners defined by sexual intimacy or lack-thereof?
For my own self, coming from a religious background that frowns on deep opposite-sex friendships, and upholds the marriage contract/relationship as the end-all and be-all, as sacred beyond any friendships, and to be protected at all costs, it was so good for my mind to be pushed to think beyond those rigid roles and re-imagine life as more. More people. More significant others. More deep intimate friendships. And what those can look like.
Many thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
For my own self, coming from a religious background that frowns on deep opposite-sex friendships, and upholds the marriage contract/relationship as the end-all and be-all, as sacred beyond any friendships, and to be protected at all costs, it was so good for my mind to be pushed to think beyond those rigid roles and re-imagine life as more. More people. More significant others. More deep intimate friendships. And what those can look like.
Many thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 556 reviews