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271 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 14, 2023
“Tor answers after a few rings, but he doesn’t say hello. The other end of the call is garbled mumbling and rustling for a few seconds.
“Dude, you need to break up with her,” Tor says.
“I don’t want to do that. I love her, man,” Cillian answers him. I put my phone on speaker and set it on the coffee table in front of me, allowing my sister to hear the conversation as well.
“You say that, but that hasn’t stopped you from hanging out with Trina. Is she coming over again tonight?”
“I don’t know, probably.”
“How have you not fucked her yet?”
“Dude, it’s been so hard. After you crashed last night, we stayed up to finish the movie. She dropped her head in my lap, rubbing her face along my dick. It was all I could do to not pop it out and shove it in her mouth.”
My stomach rolls as they laugh.
“She’d have loved that, the way she’s always throwing herself at you. Have you kissed her?”
“Twice, but I stopped it and told her it was a mistake. Because it—”
Willa grabs my phone and ends the call.
“Fuck him, Isla! Seriously, fuck him.”
“Did you only kiss her? I mean, while we were still together, before that night on the video call.” It’s something I’ve always wanted and been terrified to know.
“Yes. The first time she gave me a kiss goodbye. It surprised me, but I stopped her immediately, reminding her that I had you. In hindsight, I should have made a bigger deal about that, been clearer. I promised you I would set boundaries with her and then failed at my first chance. The second time was… more. Knowing what I know now, I can see she took advantage of the situation. Torsten had a handful of people over, which wasn’t abnormal for him. We played some video games, watched movies, and sometimes drank more than we should. I’d gotten sleepy but hadn’t gone off to bed yet, Trina snuggled up and waited until I was almost lights out. That time, it took me longer to stop because my head was foggy with sleep, and I half dreamed it was you. I opened my eyes to her and told “her I couldn’t do that. But again, it didn’t stop me from hanging around with her.”
“What do you mean by knowing what you know now?”
“How am I supposed to admit that I wasn’t smart enough to avoid a trap like Trina? Or strong enough?
“At the time, I didn’t see her actions as intentional. I didn’t think she was purposefully trying to get between us. On my side, it was a friendship developing naturally and that, eventually, took step after step too far. Then you showed me what you’d been sent. I sat with that information and realized so much of my friendship with her wasn’t what it seemed.”
“You say friendship, but it was more than that, Cillian,” Isla interrupts.
“Yes,” I agree. “But also no. We were never a couple. Sometimes there were… uh, sexual benefits. I never loved her, I never wanted more from her. She knew that, because I never wavered on it. Sex with her was convenient, as much as that makes me an asshole, I made the parameters clear. What I didn’t know was that she must have felt threatened by how much I still loved you, and because of that she was doing awful things. Like what she sent you, even taking those pictures of me is a huge violation of the trust I had with her. She also “snuck around and read the letters I wrote you.”
“What?” Isla bolts upright, that temper that I used to love so much lighting up inside her. There have been sparks of it here and there, especially when she hit me with that right hook. But largely, it’s only been a simmer compared to how easily it boiled as a teenager. “She read my letters?”
“Yes. It’s how she knew when to send you the bullshit she did. I never shared anything about you with her.” The smile forms on my face without my control, as she jumps up in outrage.”
“Turns out it only takes a few hours for me to succumb to the pressure of telling Cillian what lies ahead of us. Or, potentially, anyway. I’ve made no final decisions, it’s something I would like to do with him. Despite the late hour on the opposite coastline, I take a chance that he’s left his ringer on in the hopes I’d call. Opting for video, because I think this is a face-to-face conversation, I hit his contact.
He answers, but it takes a second for the video to pull up. The camera bounces around a few times before focusing on Cillian’s profile on the bed.
“I’ve missed this,” he slurs.
I nod, because we haven’t been video calling as much lately. “But we need to talk, Cill. Something has happened.”
“She’s never going to talk to me again,” he mumbles. “This feels so good.”
What?
Is he talking about Trina? Does this mean he broke off their friendship finally?
“Cillian, can you focus? This is important.”
“It is. It’s the most important time in my life and she’s not even here for it,” he says, and I know now he means me. I’m not there for him the way I’ve always been. He’s also never asked me to be, not once did he ask me to move with him to Boston.
I would have gone.
“Cillian, can you look at me?” He hasn’t looked at the phone once, still only giving me his profile while he’s focused on something else in the room. Someone? Oh god.
“No. If I look at her, she’ll look sad, and I’ll feel sorry.”
“You’re not sorry, you’ve wanted this as much as I have,” another voice purrs in the background and I tremble. With hurt, with anger. He didn’t even wait a fucking day.
“Are you kidding me? It’s been hours and you already have her in your bed?” His phone shifts, panning down his naked body to where Trina is perched between his legs, one hand on the phone, the other on his dick. “I’m fucking pregnant, you assholes.”
There’s a gasp from the other side of the call and then it ends. Someone hung up on me. Dread washes over me with my tears.
Every goal, every dream I’ve had slips away. Pregnant, no boyfriend, and a completely uncertain future.
I cry myself to sleep, gripping my phone, hoping that he’ll call back and ask for an explanation of what I just told him.
Morning comes; his call doesn’t.
So, I block him again and start building my new life, shaky brick by shaky brick.”
"I hated you for moving on. I hated you for leaving me behind."Holy angst, this was so good!