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Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide to an Asperger Life
Cynthia Kim explores all the quirkyness of living with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) in this accessible, witty and honest guide looking from an insider perspective at some of the most challenging and intractable aspects of being autistic. Her own life presents many rich examples. From being labelled nerdy and shy as an undiagnosed child to redefining herself when diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome as an adult, she describes how her perspective shifted to understanding a previously confusing world and combines this with the results of extensive research to explore the 'why' of ASD traits. She explains how they impact on everything from self-care to holding down a job and offers typically practical and creative strategies to help manage them, including a section on the vestibular, sensory and social benefits of martial arts for people with autism.
Well known in the autism community and beyond for her popular blog, Musings of an Aspie, Cynthia Kim's book is rich with personal anecdotes and useful advice. This intelligent insider guide will help adults with ASDs and their partners, family members, friends, and colleagues, but it also provides a fresh and witty window onto a different worldview.
Well known in the autism community and beyond for her popular blog, Musings of an Aspie, Cynthia Kim's book is rich with personal anecdotes and useful advice. This intelligent insider guide will help adults with ASDs and their partners, family members, friends, and colleagues, but it also provides a fresh and witty window onto a different worldview.
239 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
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November 8, 2023
I am bringing forth some awesome books I read a while back so that keen readers who may not if heard of these can look out for them. This is one of those great books.
I was so excited to read this. Just like the author I was also diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (now just diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder) at a late age. I very much related to this book, but not only that, I have studied and got qualifications in Autism and Autism Support and think I’ve read every single book available that is out there. This is a fantastic book that is a must have for anyone thinking they have Aspergers, knowing they have Aspergers, loving someone with Aspergers or just wanting to understand Aspergers, especially if you are a female.
The official blurb:
Cynthia Kim explores all the quirkyness of living with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) in this accessible, witty and honest guide looking from an insider perspective at some of the most challenging and intractable aspects of being autistic.
Her own life presents many rich examples. From being labelled nerdy and shy as an undiagnosed child to redefining herself when diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome as an adult, she describes how her perspective shifted to understanding a previously confusing world and combines this with extensive research to explore the 'why' of ASD traits.
She explains how they impact on everything from self-care to holding down a job and offers typically practical and creative strategies to help manage them, including a section on the vestibular, sensory and social benefits of martial arts for people with autism.
Rich with personal anecdotes and useful advice, this intelligent insider guide will be helpful to adults with ASDs and their partners and family members, friends, colleagues and professionals working with people with autism, as well as anyone exploring whether they may be on the spectrum.
My Review:
Cynthia Kim has written one of the best books I have ever read on how life is with Aspergers, not only is it intelligent writing but it's extremely readable and presented in a way that is easy to understand and digest. Some memoir style books of this type seem more like the writer is lost in their own world and there is no sense of connection to the words, the book or the message. This is different, it's really good.
One of the "go-to" books for women with Aspergers is Rudy Simone's popular book Aspergirls which is also an excellent book, part memoir, part educational. I think Cynthia's book should be right up there at the top of the pile also.
As a woman with Aspergers and a book reviewer I am always interested to read about other people with Aspergers personal experiences, especially other women. I related so much to Cynthia's life and journey, there is so much to learn from this book as she talks about all the things that those with Aspergers live with on a daily basis including but not limited to:
Executive functioning issues, sensory issues, meltdowns and shutdowns, marriage and relationships, parenting issues, social anxiety and friendships, special and obsessive interests, schooling, learning, and most importantly and what I just LOVED was her list of STRENGTHS that those with Aspergers have.
This is a very positive book overall and I can't recommend it enough if you need to educate yourself on AS or if you are a fellow Aspergian like Cynthia.
The writing is fluid and the book is broken into topics, I liked the way personal anecdotes and experiences were woven in with facts, and I have to say Cynthia has done her research, everything presented in here is solid and sound information.
Cynthia shares everything from her feelings around diagnosis to seeing how her new "labels" sat with her, which ones she accepted and which ones she didn't. With clear examples of HOW Aspergers plays out in different situation, the neurotypical (non-autistic) reader can gain precious insight into what is going on for someone with Aspergers in everyday sitations that may be second nature to them.
Diagnostic rates of Autism are on the rise world wide, with massive amounts of diagnostics happening in later life (middle age) of women who flew under the radar as children and adolescents as initially Aspergers was only thought to be present in boys/males. Literally because early studies were only done on boys, not girls. This book could not be more timely.
I related and nodded my head and understood so much of this book, I think it's a wonderful read. I am certainly going to be promoting this book in the many Facebook groups I run for adults with Aspergers and those who parent children with Aspergers too.
As Cynthia shares her life, her thoughts, her experiences (good and bad), she makes sure the book is well balanced with facts and information, the blend is perfect. Absolutely perfect.
Five stars. I highly recommend this book!
I received a copy of this book thanks to the amazing publisher, Jessica Kingsley Publishing in exchange for an honest review.
Thanks so much for reading my review! If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request. 🐱I love to read other reviews and talk about books we are reading.
If you are an Author and you’d like me to consider reading and reviewing your book please just message me.
You can also find me on Twitter @bookishcats (I follow back) and on Amazon U.K. where I am a Top 500 Reviewer as Booklover Catlady.
I was so excited to read this. Just like the author I was also diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (now just diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder) at a late age. I very much related to this book, but not only that, I have studied and got qualifications in Autism and Autism Support and think I’ve read every single book available that is out there. This is a fantastic book that is a must have for anyone thinking they have Aspergers, knowing they have Aspergers, loving someone with Aspergers or just wanting to understand Aspergers, especially if you are a female.
The official blurb:
Cynthia Kim explores all the quirkyness of living with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) in this accessible, witty and honest guide looking from an insider perspective at some of the most challenging and intractable aspects of being autistic.
Her own life presents many rich examples. From being labelled nerdy and shy as an undiagnosed child to redefining herself when diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome as an adult, she describes how her perspective shifted to understanding a previously confusing world and combines this with extensive research to explore the 'why' of ASD traits.
She explains how they impact on everything from self-care to holding down a job and offers typically practical and creative strategies to help manage them, including a section on the vestibular, sensory and social benefits of martial arts for people with autism.
Rich with personal anecdotes and useful advice, this intelligent insider guide will be helpful to adults with ASDs and their partners and family members, friends, colleagues and professionals working with people with autism, as well as anyone exploring whether they may be on the spectrum.
My Review:
Cynthia Kim has written one of the best books I have ever read on how life is with Aspergers, not only is it intelligent writing but it's extremely readable and presented in a way that is easy to understand and digest. Some memoir style books of this type seem more like the writer is lost in their own world and there is no sense of connection to the words, the book or the message. This is different, it's really good.
One of the "go-to" books for women with Aspergers is Rudy Simone's popular book Aspergirls which is also an excellent book, part memoir, part educational. I think Cynthia's book should be right up there at the top of the pile also.
As a woman with Aspergers and a book reviewer I am always interested to read about other people with Aspergers personal experiences, especially other women. I related so much to Cynthia's life and journey, there is so much to learn from this book as she talks about all the things that those with Aspergers live with on a daily basis including but not limited to:
Executive functioning issues, sensory issues, meltdowns and shutdowns, marriage and relationships, parenting issues, social anxiety and friendships, special and obsessive interests, schooling, learning, and most importantly and what I just LOVED was her list of STRENGTHS that those with Aspergers have.
This is a very positive book overall and I can't recommend it enough if you need to educate yourself on AS or if you are a fellow Aspergian like Cynthia.
The writing is fluid and the book is broken into topics, I liked the way personal anecdotes and experiences were woven in with facts, and I have to say Cynthia has done her research, everything presented in here is solid and sound information.
Cynthia shares everything from her feelings around diagnosis to seeing how her new "labels" sat with her, which ones she accepted and which ones she didn't. With clear examples of HOW Aspergers plays out in different situation, the neurotypical (non-autistic) reader can gain precious insight into what is going on for someone with Aspergers in everyday sitations that may be second nature to them.
Diagnostic rates of Autism are on the rise world wide, with massive amounts of diagnostics happening in later life (middle age) of women who flew under the radar as children and adolescents as initially Aspergers was only thought to be present in boys/males. Literally because early studies were only done on boys, not girls. This book could not be more timely.
I related and nodded my head and understood so much of this book, I think it's a wonderful read. I am certainly going to be promoting this book in the many Facebook groups I run for adults with Aspergers and those who parent children with Aspergers too.
As Cynthia shares her life, her thoughts, her experiences (good and bad), she makes sure the book is well balanced with facts and information, the blend is perfect. Absolutely perfect.
Five stars. I highly recommend this book!
I received a copy of this book thanks to the amazing publisher, Jessica Kingsley Publishing in exchange for an honest review.
Thanks so much for reading my review! If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request. 🐱I love to read other reviews and talk about books we are reading.
If you are an Author and you’d like me to consider reading and reviewing your book please just message me.
You can also find me on Twitter @bookishcats (I follow back) and on Amazon U.K. where I am a Top 500 Reviewer as Booklover Catlady.
October 11, 2016
Cynthia Kim was fortunate to find someone who "got her" to have a child and find a successful, fulfilling career so she didn't "fail at adulthood" like she keeps stressing out about in her book.
As a newly diagnosed Aspie, my whole life has been spent struggling to understand why I can't achieve those same worthwhile goals. She offers no answers, only page after page of how she learned to communicate with her husband, successfully raise her child all while trying not to go insane.
By chapter 11, I was getting tired of being inside her head. Sorry, Cynthia, but not all Aspie's think exactly the same way you do.
As a newly diagnosed Aspie, my whole life has been spent struggling to understand why I can't achieve those same worthwhile goals. She offers no answers, only page after page of how she learned to communicate with her husband, successfully raise her child all while trying not to go insane.
By chapter 11, I was getting tired of being inside her head. Sorry, Cynthia, but not all Aspie's think exactly the same way you do.
December 22, 2017
Excellent book about the life-changing discovery that you're autistic in your 40s. (Oh, how I could relate to THAT.) Based on Cynthia Kim's blog, Musings of an Aspie, this book is packed full of everything Kim's learned since her diagnosis, backed by research and supported by stories from Kim's life.
December 28, 2018
Not a bad book, but I can't say I really enjoyed reading it.
The title seemed a bit misleading to me and made me expect a different type of book.
I was also hoping to read more about the struggles in everyday life (I was diagnosed last year, at age 47). But for Cynthia there didn't seem to be any struggles (at least, not in the book). She's happily married, raised her daughter, and has a successful business. And if there were any small problems along the way, well, she has done her research, figured them out, and poof ... all gone.
I couldn't sympathize with the author, and the book also didn't give me any new / useful / interesting ideas. To me, it seemed a bit easy and impersonal.
The title seemed a bit misleading to me and made me expect a different type of book.
I was also hoping to read more about the struggles in everyday life (I was diagnosed last year, at age 47). But for Cynthia there didn't seem to be any struggles (at least, not in the book). She's happily married, raised her daughter, and has a successful business. And if there were any small problems along the way, well, she has done her research, figured them out, and poof ... all gone.
I couldn't sympathize with the author, and the book also didn't give me any new / useful / interesting ideas. To me, it seemed a bit easy and impersonal.
January 8, 2023
Since people seem to absolutely adore this book: unpopular opinion incoming!
It's not that I dislike it. Because I don't. Honestly, out of the three books I've recently read (this one, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome, and Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Expanded Edition) I prefer this when it comes to explanations, views, experiences, and tips. Because, out of those three books, they are most like my own. However, the writing style made it a chore to get through. And that's why I can't give it more than 3 stars (it would have been 4 otherwise).
Other things that I like is that it also discusses some things that are more modern (like Tumblr), something I didn't find in the other books. There were also things that I found out about myself I didn't necessarily label as ASD behaviour or at least being rooted in my ASD (example: when I used to ride horses I loved, absolutely loved, to go fast... something the author also describes as liking).
Like the others, she also generalises at times. But I feel like that's inevitable when you write about a topic like this. However, she does also talk about how her experience with Aspergers is uniquely her own. So, it's not all generalising, which is nice.
Honestly, this is not a perfect guide. If you are on the spectrum you might recognise yourself in some parts (or maybe in none of them) and don't feel the connection with others. That's why it's such a heterogenous disorder. So, I'm not going to tell you that this is the book you absolutely should read. In my opinion it is best to read multiple books so that you can see how unique every experience is. But this book definitely belongs in the "should read" pile. Just like the others (the only ones I wouldn't recommend, especially if you want to understand ASD, are those written by "experts" who aren't on the spectrum themselves).
It's not that I dislike it. Because I don't. Honestly, out of the three books I've recently read (this one, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome, and Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Expanded Edition) I prefer this when it comes to explanations, views, experiences, and tips. Because, out of those three books, they are most like my own. However, the writing style made it a chore to get through. And that's why I can't give it more than 3 stars (it would have been 4 otherwise).
Other things that I like is that it also discusses some things that are more modern (like Tumblr), something I didn't find in the other books. There were also things that I found out about myself I didn't necessarily label as ASD behaviour or at least being rooted in my ASD (example: when I used to ride horses I loved, absolutely loved, to go fast... something the author also describes as liking).
Like the others, she also generalises at times. But I feel like that's inevitable when you write about a topic like this. However, she does also talk about how her experience with Aspergers is uniquely her own. So, it's not all generalising, which is nice.
Honestly, this is not a perfect guide. If you are on the spectrum you might recognise yourself in some parts (or maybe in none of them) and don't feel the connection with others. That's why it's such a heterogenous disorder. So, I'm not going to tell you that this is the book you absolutely should read. In my opinion it is best to read multiple books so that you can see how unique every experience is. But this book definitely belongs in the "should read" pile. Just like the others (the only ones I wouldn't recommend, especially if you want to understand ASD, are those written by "experts" who aren't on the spectrum themselves).
September 5, 2022
Albeit I am not too fond of the use of the term "asperger" due to it's nazi-connection, I did love this book a lot. It's more of a biography styled book than a book about autism in general. It tells you the story of one autistic person, and she tells it well. Anyone reading this - especially NTs - should keep firmly in mind though that this is the story of ONE autistic person, not the story of us all. We are very different, just as NTs also all differ from each other.
I liked to get "a peek" into the life of another person who found they out they were autistic only when they were already far into their adulthood. Some stuff was very familiar, in some things I am the opposite to her, and then I learned some new things and points of views I had not considered before.
An easy and intriguing read, the flow is good and it's just the right amount of personal mixed in with very good advice.
I liked to get "a peek" into the life of another person who found they out they were autistic only when they were already far into their adulthood. Some stuff was very familiar, in some things I am the opposite to her, and then I learned some new things and points of views I had not considered before.
An easy and intriguing read, the flow is good and it's just the right amount of personal mixed in with very good advice.
September 11, 2024
as someone who was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome about two months ago, this was one of my readings to explore myself. in many parts of the book i felt seen, defined and represented. in some parts i went beyond that by a sense of being caught/exposed. i mean, it was very instructive and disturbing, but it also helped me to think about a way to embrace myself. aspergers/autism for me is like taking the picture i know, the picture i have drawn, and putting it in a new frame, i don't learn anything new about myself, but i learn a lot.
January 17, 2016
Insightful, Honest & Intense! An Incredible Read! I Loved It!
July 15, 2019
Adults expect other adults to know how to sit in a chair. p102
I not only only wasn't perfect, I wasn't even "normal". p183
I am not sure if CK intended her book to be especially funny, or if I was being insensitive when I gasped with laughter at reading her insiders account of someone (herself) who was already an accomplished human being, compensating quite nicely thank you, when diagnosed with Aspergers, the perky form of autism.
Or maybe my inadvertent laughter was more the shock of recognition that flashed when I realized that she was often describing something that I have experienced, like being constantly chastised for being fidgety and unable to sit quietly in a chair for more than 5 minutes. Like being overwhelmed by particular stimuli, or rendered inarticulate when emotionally overcome; or prone to solitude, withdrawn; sometimes forgetting to brush my hair before going out, awkward, oblivious to common social cues: in fact that is probably one of the main reasons I gravitated towards this book: I am rather nerdy shy and socially inappropriate. And the cover? Could be a self portrait of me before I learned to modulate, simmer down.
Instead of running for a diagnoses, I recognize what a fine exists between mental health and mental illness. I choose to stay on this side of the boundary. CK claims to have benefited from her diagnoses, finding that it has enabled her to make sense of her life. Her strong sense of being, supported by loving family and friends, her determination and her clarity have allowed her to come to terms with the labels that come with any diagnoses. I am glad she didn't stop there but instead has given us this brave and much needed guide to a murky area.
the rules are supposed to serve me, not the other way around. p88
I not only only wasn't perfect, I wasn't even "normal". p183
I am not sure if CK intended her book to be especially funny, or if I was being insensitive when I gasped with laughter at reading her insiders account of someone (herself) who was already an accomplished human being, compensating quite nicely thank you, when diagnosed with Aspergers, the perky form of autism.
Or maybe my inadvertent laughter was more the shock of recognition that flashed when I realized that she was often describing something that I have experienced, like being constantly chastised for being fidgety and unable to sit quietly in a chair for more than 5 minutes. Like being overwhelmed by particular stimuli, or rendered inarticulate when emotionally overcome; or prone to solitude, withdrawn; sometimes forgetting to brush my hair before going out, awkward, oblivious to common social cues: in fact that is probably one of the main reasons I gravitated towards this book: I am rather nerdy shy and socially inappropriate. And the cover? Could be a self portrait of me before I learned to modulate, simmer down.
Instead of running for a diagnoses, I recognize what a fine exists between mental health and mental illness. I choose to stay on this side of the boundary. CK claims to have benefited from her diagnoses, finding that it has enabled her to make sense of her life. Her strong sense of being, supported by loving family and friends, her determination and her clarity have allowed her to come to terms with the labels that come with any diagnoses. I am glad she didn't stop there but instead has given us this brave and much needed guide to a murky area.
the rules are supposed to serve me, not the other way around. p88
March 5, 2016
"There are few traits that are universal, which makes it hard to write a definitive book about life on the spectrum", Cynthia Kim. It also makes it confusing to tell people about. But books like "Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide to an Asperger Life" make it a lot easier, both to understand ourselves as Aspies and help others understand us. As I was reading, I probably highlighted something on every page. I kept telling my cat, "That is so me." I took so. many. notes.
"Nerdy" covers almost all my traits and quirks. From triggers to sensory overloads (those scented products the world loves - those are torture to me), from insomnia to routines. Executive Function - oh my word! There's a name for my decision-making and problem-solving issues! Catastrophizing to perfectionism (both debilitating). Stims and flat face and routines. Alone versus lonely. And yes, eating the same foods every day.
The topics are weighty, but Cynthia makes them inviting, even humorous (i.e. "my face keeps wandering off on its own"). And she also imparts good advice and coping suggestions. Highly recommended!
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for the pleasure of reading and reviewing this book!
"Nerdy" covers almost all my traits and quirks. From triggers to sensory overloads (those scented products the world loves - those are torture to me), from insomnia to routines. Executive Function - oh my word! There's a name for my decision-making and problem-solving issues! Catastrophizing to perfectionism (both debilitating). Stims and flat face and routines. Alone versus lonely. And yes, eating the same foods every day.
The topics are weighty, but Cynthia makes them inviting, even humorous (i.e. "my face keeps wandering off on its own"). And she also imparts good advice and coping suggestions. Highly recommended!
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for the pleasure of reading and reviewing this book!
October 25, 2020
I clearly can relate to most matters described by the author and it was a good feeling, like talking to a friend who can actually understand you.
August 16, 2016
A truly enjoyable read. Kim walks you through what Asperger looks from the inside. It's very helpful for anyone who wants to understand what a person with Asperger feels, or thinks. She clears a few misunderstandings about Asperger and explains how each term related to this condition looks like.
I was looking for the point a view of a woman, because Asperger look very different in boys or men compared to women.
She explains theory of mind, empathy, all from the eyes of an insider.
I loved it.
I was looking for the point a view of a woman, because Asperger look very different in boys or men compared to women.
She explains theory of mind, empathy, all from the eyes of an insider.
I loved it.
September 15, 2023
This was a DNF. Despite it’s very “millenial/genZ” sounding title …. it reads like it was written by a genx/boomer. I was quickly turned off by the author and by the fact that she was happily married, self-employed and found ND life quite easy…🙂… Most ND people, like myself, struggle with careers and relationships so I did not find the author relatable. It should tell you all you need to know that the book hasn’t been reissued to correct the subtitle to “Autism” yet.
February 28, 2015
Just read a couple of chapters of this so far and I'm really impressed.
As a late diagnosed Aspie myself I find Cynthia's insights really interesting, especially on social communication - keep thinking Yeah that's me!
There's not much around on late diagnosed people, let alone adults on the spectrum so this is a great addition.
Susan
As a late diagnosed Aspie myself I find Cynthia's insights really interesting, especially on social communication - keep thinking Yeah that's me!
There's not much around on late diagnosed people, let alone adults on the spectrum so this is a great addition.
Susan
October 19, 2023
it was good, I had to read it for therapy but like I am also simultaneously glad I did cause it was very articulate and confusing. also i appreciate the nuanced humour despite it being non fiction
Update - it's still good
Update - it's still good
August 17, 2016
This book is brilliant! It teached me a lot about myself and how to deal with things. I admire the author a lot for the way she deals with everything. I hope I can reach as far as she has.
February 10, 2022
More accurate personal rating: 7/10.
More accurate impersonal rating: 8/10.
I am giving two separate ratings because this book functions both as a memoir and a self-help non-fiction book for people on the spectrum and those around them. There were things I couldn't relate to and/or felt were lacking on a personal level (more on that in the review proper); but at the same time I think the book serves as a good overview of ASD-specific experiences (of the Aspergers/twice-exceptional sub-type specifically), and offers helpful tools to understand the specific characteristics and challenges of the condition/neurotype (whichever word your prefer, I don't really care).
Review:
First, a disclaimer: I chose to read this book because I have recently been diagnosed with ASD myself, and wanted to read a memoir/non-fiction book about living on the spectrum, from the point of view of a woman diagnosed late in life specifically. I hoped to find a life story I could relate to, in as large a part as possible, with some useful advice thrown in.
This is, largely, what I got with this book. The author shares her personal experience going through life with undiagnosed ASD, talks about the major characteristics of ASD - and how they relate to her as an individual -, and offers advice on how to manage some of the difficulties (and disability) they may incur. The author makes it very clear people with ASD are, first and foremost, people, i.e. unique individuals with unique personalities, and as such ASD traits and specificities will not manifest the same way, or to the same degree, for different people on the spectrum.
Things I liked:
- The paragraph on intellectual giftedness and being "twice-exceptional": I was happily surprised to learn the author is twice-exceptional, like myself, as that meant I could relate to what she had to say about this topic, which has become a huge source of debate and controversy in French-speaking countries. It's a topic I feel very strongly about, as it leads many people - who might otherwise need a proper ADHD and/or ASD assessment - astray, and into the hands of pseudo-scientific charlatans out to make a quick buck out of their suffering/developmental disabilities.
- Her comments about the specific vulnerability of ASD girls and women to sexual predation and relational abuse.
- The fact I could relate, so much, to so many of the things she experienced and/or talked about, quite simply. Relating to other people, even fictional people in literature, is something I often struggle with (guess that all makes sense now 😅); and here I got to read about snippets of another person's life which made me smile, or want to cry, because I understood them completely, for once.
- Some of the author's advice about stimming, meltdowns, sensory processing and executive function (or dysfunction, as the case may be).
Thinks I liked less/disagreed with/was disappointed in:
- I think it's easy to minimise the toll solitude takes on even a solitary person when you yourself aren't really alone. The author has been married to the love her life for twenty years and has had children. She's not really, truly alone then is she? I'm a loner by nature too, anintrovert, but even I have basic social needs and couldn't imagine my life without my loved ones. They are few, and all the more precious for it, and I need them. Even as a loner, I have suffered from a crushing feeling of loneliness (and alienation) many times in my life, so I think it's easy to take this for granted when you're lucky enough not to suffer from it.
- I'm not sure I agree with the author's take on social anxiety disorder (her take being that social anxiety can't be disordered for neurodivergent people because we have perfectly rational reasons to perceive others as threatening). I'm not sure I completely disagree with it either though... I don't know, I'm going to have to think long and hard about this one; right now, I think social anxiety can be a natural feeling for people on the spectrum, yes, and that it can also, still, devolve into a disorder in need of remediation.
- I'm still not entirely convinced by the social model of disability. Or rather, that it's the only acceptable lens through which one should approach this topic. I think it lacks nuance, just like only seeing it through the lens of the medical model lacks nuance. 🤷♀️
- I didn't have much use for the chapter on "romantic" relationships, given I doubt my partner is neurotypical, and given that I don't have any issues with intimacy related to ASD. Still, it'll be useful for those who do have neurotypical partners, and have a hard time in the bedroom because of their sensory profiles.
- I didn't have any use for the chapter on parenting, which I skipped, but there again it will be useful for those who do have children and are on the spectrum.
- It's very clear to me the author hasn't suffered from severe, chronic mental illness in addition to her ASD like I have, and this made it very hard for me to relate to some aspects of her personal lived experience. There was next to no information given about psychiatric co-morbidities, and the unique ways in which they interact with a neurodivergent profile; or the impact of trauma on an autistic person. Of course, she had no obligation to write about this, and it wasn't part of her experience, but it's something which I could've benefitted from, I suppose.
So that's why I gave it a lower personal rating. Beyond that however, I'd still recommend this book to people on the spectrum, and their loved ones.
More accurate impersonal rating: 8/10.
I am giving two separate ratings because this book functions both as a memoir and a self-help non-fiction book for people on the spectrum and those around them. There were things I couldn't relate to and/or felt were lacking on a personal level (more on that in the review proper); but at the same time I think the book serves as a good overview of ASD-specific experiences (of the Aspergers/twice-exceptional sub-type specifically), and offers helpful tools to understand the specific characteristics and challenges of the condition/neurotype (whichever word your prefer, I don't really care).
Review:
First, a disclaimer: I chose to read this book because I have recently been diagnosed with ASD myself, and wanted to read a memoir/non-fiction book about living on the spectrum, from the point of view of a woman diagnosed late in life specifically. I hoped to find a life story I could relate to, in as large a part as possible, with some useful advice thrown in.
This is, largely, what I got with this book. The author shares her personal experience going through life with undiagnosed ASD, talks about the major characteristics of ASD - and how they relate to her as an individual -, and offers advice on how to manage some of the difficulties (and disability) they may incur. The author makes it very clear people with ASD are, first and foremost, people, i.e. unique individuals with unique personalities, and as such ASD traits and specificities will not manifest the same way, or to the same degree, for different people on the spectrum.
Things I liked:
- The paragraph on intellectual giftedness and being "twice-exceptional": I was happily surprised to learn the author is twice-exceptional, like myself, as that meant I could relate to what she had to say about this topic, which has become a huge source of debate and controversy in French-speaking countries. It's a topic I feel very strongly about, as it leads many people - who might otherwise need a proper ADHD and/or ASD assessment - astray, and into the hands of pseudo-scientific charlatans out to make a quick buck out of their suffering/developmental disabilities.
- Her comments about the specific vulnerability of ASD girls and women to sexual predation and relational abuse.
- The fact I could relate, so much, to so many of the things she experienced and/or talked about, quite simply. Relating to other people, even fictional people in literature, is something I often struggle with (guess that all makes sense now 😅); and here I got to read about snippets of another person's life which made me smile, or want to cry, because I understood them completely, for once.
- Some of the author's advice about stimming, meltdowns, sensory processing and executive function (or dysfunction, as the case may be).
Thinks I liked less/disagreed with/was disappointed in:
- I think it's easy to minimise the toll solitude takes on even a solitary person when you yourself aren't really alone. The author has been married to the love her life for twenty years and has had children. She's not really, truly alone then is she? I'm a loner by nature too, anintrovert, but even I have basic social needs and couldn't imagine my life without my loved ones. They are few, and all the more precious for it, and I need them. Even as a loner, I have suffered from a crushing feeling of loneliness (and alienation) many times in my life, so I think it's easy to take this for granted when you're lucky enough not to suffer from it.
- I'm not sure I agree with the author's take on social anxiety disorder (her take being that social anxiety can't be disordered for neurodivergent people because we have perfectly rational reasons to perceive others as threatening). I'm not sure I completely disagree with it either though... I don't know, I'm going to have to think long and hard about this one; right now, I think social anxiety can be a natural feeling for people on the spectrum, yes, and that it can also, still, devolve into a disorder in need of remediation.
- I'm still not entirely convinced by the social model of disability. Or rather, that it's the only acceptable lens through which one should approach this topic. I think it lacks nuance, just like only seeing it through the lens of the medical model lacks nuance. 🤷♀️
- I didn't have much use for the chapter on "romantic" relationships, given I doubt my partner is neurotypical, and given that I don't have any issues with intimacy related to ASD. Still, it'll be useful for those who do have neurotypical partners, and have a hard time in the bedroom because of their sensory profiles.
- I didn't have any use for the chapter on parenting, which I skipped, but there again it will be useful for those who do have children and are on the spectrum.
- It's very clear to me the author hasn't suffered from severe, chronic mental illness in addition to her ASD like I have, and this made it very hard for me to relate to some aspects of her personal lived experience. There was next to no information given about psychiatric co-morbidities, and the unique ways in which they interact with a neurodivergent profile; or the impact of trauma on an autistic person. Of course, she had no obligation to write about this, and it wasn't part of her experience, but it's something which I could've benefitted from, I suppose.
So that's why I gave it a lower personal rating. Beyond that however, I'd still recommend this book to people on the spectrum, and their loved ones.
May 22, 2022
So I read this on a whim during my lunch period and enjoyed it immensely. For the past few months I've been researching about autism since while I'm not diagnosed (and don't feel comfortable doing self-diagnosing) I highly suspect I have it. The idea at first was admittedly laughable because like many other people I had a very biased opinion of what autism actually was. In books, TV shows, and movies it's often portrayed in two categories: either someone with an obsession over trains, a strict routine and rules about what foods they eat, and a short-temper or a cold, unfeeling, genius. They were always male too.
Absolutely none of that matched me so the idea never crossed my mind. I was watching a psychology channel and randomly stumbled upon an autism in girls video. I got pretty interested and ended up falling into a rabbit hole and researching it deeply. Though autism is a spectrum (and everyone is different) I found that I fit a lot of the symptoms/criteria that the lists, articles, and videos. I resonated with the social cues and socializing aspects especially. The entire reason I got into this research. I always thought that my hyperfixations were just obsessions that I got to over attached to and that I was just intensely socially clueless. Learning about autism opened doors for me and I'm so glad I learned about it. However I wondered why exactly I wasn't diagnosed beforehand. If I really were autistic shouldn't I have known before? But it turns out girls are diagnosed very late or aren't diagnosed at all because of how different symptoms manifest in boys compared to girls. (Girls are more likely to have a stronger interest in socializing and fitting in which leads to "masking".)
And wow I haven't even mentioned the book itself. I really did enjoy this book. I saw a lot of myself in it and it was very interesting learning more. I got lost at times when the author went into the psychology stuff but even then it was kind of interesting. HOWEVER! I don't feel comfortable being self-diagnosed so I'm not saying this is confirmed. I hope to learn more about it and one day getting myself diagnosed. Meanwhile knowing and educating myself about autism makes me feel better, I relate with a lot of this and I'm so grateful for this book.
Absolutely none of that matched me so the idea never crossed my mind. I was watching a psychology channel and randomly stumbled upon an autism in girls video. I got pretty interested and ended up falling into a rabbit hole and researching it deeply. Though autism is a spectrum (and everyone is different) I found that I fit a lot of the symptoms/criteria that the lists, articles, and videos. I resonated with the social cues and socializing aspects especially. The entire reason I got into this research. I always thought that my hyperfixations were just obsessions that I got to over attached to and that I was just intensely socially clueless. Learning about autism opened doors for me and I'm so glad I learned about it. However I wondered why exactly I wasn't diagnosed beforehand. If I really were autistic shouldn't I have known before? But it turns out girls are diagnosed very late or aren't diagnosed at all because of how different symptoms manifest in boys compared to girls. (Girls are more likely to have a stronger interest in socializing and fitting in which leads to "masking".)
And wow I haven't even mentioned the book itself. I really did enjoy this book. I saw a lot of myself in it and it was very interesting learning more. I got lost at times when the author went into the psychology stuff but even then it was kind of interesting. HOWEVER! I don't feel comfortable being self-diagnosed so I'm not saying this is confirmed. I hope to learn more about it and one day getting myself diagnosed. Meanwhile knowing and educating myself about autism makes me feel better, I relate with a lot of this and I'm so grateful for this book.
January 14, 2022
This rating may be based more on the fact that I've over-indulged in books in a similar vein and hence have exhausted my capacity to entertain them, rather than the quality of this books' writing and content.
I think of the saying "if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person" and whether it should also apply to books on autism, "if you've read one book on autism, you've read one book on autism" and hence should I be reading deeper into each book to find its uniqueness..?!
But, like I've reached limits on my past special interests of jigsaws or cross stitch, I think I've reached my limit on reading this type of book, which I guess can be characterised as the genre "female writers diagnosed autistic later in life write about their life through the lens of their diagnosis, with a slight dose of text book vibes"
My one critique/query I would put to the author is the consistent use of "Aspie" given it's been removed from use and the unpleasant history of the person who named that diagnosis.
If this was the first book under the aforementioned genre I read, it would likely be 4.5 stars.
I think of the saying "if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person" and whether it should also apply to books on autism, "if you've read one book on autism, you've read one book on autism" and hence should I be reading deeper into each book to find its uniqueness..?!
But, like I've reached limits on my past special interests of jigsaws or cross stitch, I think I've reached my limit on reading this type of book, which I guess can be characterised as the genre "female writers diagnosed autistic later in life write about their life through the lens of their diagnosis, with a slight dose of text book vibes"
My one critique/query I would put to the author is the consistent use of "Aspie" given it's been removed from use and the unpleasant history of the person who named that diagnosis.
If this was the first book under the aforementioned genre I read, it would likely be 4.5 stars.
October 23, 2014
As a parent of a child with Asperger's I look for stories about adults with the diagnosis. This gives a wonderful first hand account of living with Asperger's (childhood and adulthood). The struggles the author has are some I can see my own child having, or already had. I am so glad I read this book and this will be one that when my child gets older I will have him read.
I was given this book in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley.
I was given this book in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley.
August 9, 2021
Ok so like a week or so ago I was diagnosed as being autistic at age 31. Even though I was the one who wanted to be assessed a large part of me thought maybe I was imagining things or exagerating. When I was diagnosed I was given a list of resources to look into, one of them was this book and it is the most seen and valid I have ever felt. Almost every page I found myself nodding like "YES! Exactly!". All in all a brilliant resource.
March 1, 2015
My favorite read in 2014 by an author on the autism spectrum. I would recommend this book to all adults with ASD with no hesitation, and to their parents and clinicians with whom they work. Exceptionally well-written, practical, perfect blend of personal experience and general observations. This book is award-deserving. Congratulations Cynthia!
December 1, 2014
90% of this book is exactly reflective of my life experience. Creepy, but reassuring to see it written in black and white. Also, if you don't already follow her blog Musings of An Aspie, it's just like this, but in blog posts.
Read
February 13, 2016Loved it, possibly because I see so much of myself in the situations and feelings she described. I think you get a really good look at what it's like to be an adult on the spectrum, especially if you're not of the "savant" variety.
October 12, 2018
Must read! This book honors its title. It is surprisingly accurate. Kim's voice is clear, sincere and knowledgeable. Sometimes funny and at all times truthfull. Definitevely a user guide to whoever is doubting if They are within the spectrum or not.
April 19, 2018
I want to die.
April 29, 2020
Why I started reading it: I’m looking for ways to understand myself better. Read about being introverted, being a highly sensitive person and then started to think what if ‘higly sensitive’ = ‘non neurotypical’. So looked for some books about women on the spectrum. This was the highest rated one among them.
What I liked about it: It is very well structured. Author takes one topic, shares her personal experience, explains what she read about it and what helped her to manage thing better and the moves on to the next. She covers quite a wide range of topics – autism at various stages in life, relationships, executive functioning (managing your everyday tasks), sensory seeking and sensitivities etc.
What I disliked: I suppose I was hoping for a more broad overview of the ‘symptoms’ that women on the spectrum experience. And this was a very personal account. One single version of it. But it is not to be blamed on the author. I think I just chose a wrong book to start digging into the topic.
What I liked about it: It is very well structured. Author takes one topic, shares her personal experience, explains what she read about it and what helped her to manage thing better and the moves on to the next. She covers quite a wide range of topics – autism at various stages in life, relationships, executive functioning (managing your everyday tasks), sensory seeking and sensitivities etc.
What I disliked: I suppose I was hoping for a more broad overview of the ‘symptoms’ that women on the spectrum experience. And this was a very personal account. One single version of it. But it is not to be blamed on the author. I think I just chose a wrong book to start digging into the topic.
Read
September 29, 2022this was eye opening. loved it.
August 2, 2021
I couldn’t read this book fast enough. I’ve spent my life on the outside studying people to try to stand out less. I’ve felt alien, alone, and misunderstood. This was such a positive resource. I’ve never found my internal struggle reflected so clearly. Do recommend for everyone, irrespective of ability to relate directly.
February 18, 2016
Kind of a primer for aspies. I would have liked more stories rather than such thin vignettes of the author's behavior. It wasn't exactly Temple Grandin, whom I consider the best writer on autism. I was curious about some of her behaviors, because I have depression, OCD, and social anxiety, and rather than lash out, I withdraw. I get mad once a year, and then take someone's head off. Otherwise I am considered charming, "shy, sensitive, and retiring," according to one personality test.
There are similar parallels to aspies with what I have, except I can read faces exceptionally well, and have great empathy for the woman in our department whose dog died and threw her into a depression, and the woman whom I had met once whose ex-husband killed her new guy and tried to kill her, but she hid in the bathtub. I feel terrible for these people! However, I also would rather be by myself and find social events exhausting and alone time recharging. My wife is the same way, but she doesn't have the constellation of disorders that I have. It's great when you are married to someone who totally gets you.
There are similar parallels to aspies with what I have, except I can read faces exceptionally well, and have great empathy for the woman in our department whose dog died and threw her into a depression, and the woman whom I had met once whose ex-husband killed her new guy and tried to kill her, but she hid in the bathtub. I feel terrible for these people! However, I also would rather be by myself and find social events exhausting and alone time recharging. My wife is the same way, but she doesn't have the constellation of disorders that I have. It's great when you are married to someone who totally gets you.
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